#shitty headcanons

[faceless-dude]

This is canon, don't try to change my mind 😛

#scribbly scribbles #opm #one punch man #shitty headcanons #flashy flash #speed o sound sonic #saitama #genos #caped baldy #demon cyborg

[wherethecolorswontgo]

❥ Gareth Headcannons

> First writing on here :) Gareth being kinda creepy? Just a little..

Definitely had a crush on you for at least a few months before asking you out

I feel like he’d kinda admire you from afar because he’s too scared to interact with you much

Whenever he does finally start talking to you more its awkward, he doesn’t really know how to approach you so he has to think of ideas to make him seem more..appealing to you

He’s not weird i swear! But he does watch you around school…he just wants to get to know your routine :)

Before you two even have a conversation Gareth already knows the things you like most..just by coincidence…

Since he already knows what you like, when you do start up a conversation with him it’s fairly pleasant. Somehow he likes a lot of the same things you do! What a pleasant surprise

He’s so happy when your conversations go from short awkward exchanges to full blown discussions!!!!

He starts to notice just how well spying on you is helping him learn more about you and thus connect with you! It fuels him to continue his ways

Jeff definitely starts to notice his best friend acting…weird.

Jeff notices this girl just always happens to be where Gareth is? And Gareth just always happens to be staring at her??

After a while you start to notice too. Its so strange how you two always happen to bump into each other. Or how he just happens to know everything about you without you even telling him

One particular time Gareth offered to walk you home after school. So sweet <3

After Gareth dropped you off at your door with a smile you made your way inside.

Wait…

“I forgot to tell him where I live..”

꧁꧂

I am so fucking sorry this is horrible, my deepest apologies 💀

#gareth stranger things #gareth emerson #gareth emerson x reader #gareth stranger things x reader #stranger things #stranger things x reader #hellfire club #eddie munson #gwydion lashlee walton #shitty headcanons #😭 #i’m so sorry for how bad this is omg #gwydion lashlee-walton #gwydion #gareth x reader

[syraxxxx]

He would definitely piss the bed sometimes

#beastie boys #shitty headcanons #ad rock #ad whammy #shitpost

[vxxlkyrie]

Could you possibly pls do some Jane the Killer hcs?? If not her, then maybe Nina?

I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to get to this request! I’ve been on and off sick for a while (I’m still sick actually).

----

Masterlist

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Jane The Killer HCs

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- 100% had an emo phase before she met Jeff let’s be fr

- THE BIGGEST LESBIAN ISTFG

- Dresses in pink tutus with Sally when they have “tea time”

- Has an entire collection of just different brands of black lipstick

- Practically all the young creepy pastas call her mom or something of the sorts

- She doesn’t know how to feel about it ^

- Has a separate closet just for leather jackets (the lady needs her jackets idk what to tell you 🤷)

- Draws on the thinnest fucking eyebrows omg

- HUGE coffee drinker

- Whispers “i hate men” whenever Jeff enters the room

- Defo blasts AC/DC when she drives

- Had a shit ton of Evanescence posters in her room at one point

- Her first celebrity crush was Avril Levigne

- Nina says her room is depressing (it’s monotoned 🫠)

- Has a bouquet of roses she kept from Sally

- She’s terrified of it dying cause she knows Sally will cry ^

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Nina The Killer HCs

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- Tried to do dye her hair rainbow one time and it ended in tears

- Plays that little flower petal plucking thing (the “he loves me” “he loves me not” thing idk what it’s called)

- Owns way to many Kandi

- Colour coordinates them with her outfits ^

- Same with hair ties and hair clips

- Was OBSESSED with those princess dress up games when she was little

- Would watch the Little Mermaid constantly growing up

- Drowns herself in vanilla perfume

- Gives herself new highlight colours every week (Ramona Flowers frl)

- Her sink is now permanently pink (her hands too ngl)

- Has a really creepy collection of My Little Pony dolls she stole (it’s all pinky and Twilight)

- She never even watched MLP, she just likes their colours ^

- Has those tooth gem things, a heart on her left canine and a star on her right

- When she had braces (she did idc what you say) she begged the dentist to put all the elastic colours on at once

- Has a really old Beanie Baby on her bed that she refuses to get rid of (the fluff is gone and it’s ripping)

- It’s Eva btw (the pink elephant thing) ^

----

#creepypasta #creepypasta fanfic #creepypasta fandom #my headcanons #headcanon #jane everlasting #jane the killer #nina the killer #creepypasta nina the killer #creepypasta jane the killer #shitty headcanons #probably ooc #fanfiction #ao3 writer #fanfic #requests open #taking requests #ao3 fanfic

[haumeazzz]

Uhhhh i'm a big fan of the Tweek and Kenny cousin hc so here's some extra headcanons for them (including Kevin M and Karen)

They hide the fact they're cousins because they aren't fans of being cousins

Tweek and Kevin have a small cousin rivalry for some stupid reason

All the McCormick cousins picked up a job a Tweek Bros at one point

Tweek got mad at Karen once because she participated in drawing creek yaoi (it literally wasn't even like THAT) they were both crying at the end

(Add on to the coffee shop jobs) Mr. and Mrs. Tweak convinced/made the McCormick children get a job at Tweek Bros once they were the legal working age (felt like bolding that for some reason)

Tweek is older than Kenny by a few months but gives him absolute shit for it

They aren't too close in all honesty

#south park #karen mccormick #kenny mccormick #kevin mccormick sp #tweek tweak #shitty headcanons

[anon-l-76]

OOC// was bored one night and came up with a horrible idea: Shitty headcanon Sundays

It's where I shotgun the world's weirdest and trippiest drugs (that's a joke FBI) and using the logic that every universe is connected, give the world the absolute worst headcanons that I don't believe in

First one under the cut

Sans isn't Mii gunner, sans is sans

PS. These won't happen every Sunday

#undertale yellow #undertale #sans #sans undertale #raven beak #samus aran #metroid #samus #shitty headcanons

[ninootny]

the fact gary makes 2999 versions of his machines before getting something that works well aka the 3000??? DOES THAT MEAN HE MADE 3000 SLICE OF CHEESE TO MAKE HIS CHEESE 3000???

also I wonder if 3000 isn't just a lucky number at this point and he would just like rename a machine "3000" even if it was like the 3001th test just to get the 3000 swag (or just he made less tests than 3000 and it works so he names the invention [insert name]3000, if he really did 3000 slice of cheese i-)

anyway gn it's 5am kiss kiss on the blue nerdy penguin bald head mwah mwah

#club penguin #gary club penguin #shitty headcanons #late post

[leffee]

Ok, time to return to what I assume most people came here to see, headcanons :DD. This time it's for Horrordust, because after many Error ships, this one is my next most-liked. Lessgo.

they were the first couple in Nightmare's castle, or, alternatively, the first two who would eventually become a poly with everyone else,

they were unofficial best friends before becoming a couple. Opening up to each other, giving gifts, being physically affectionate more and more as time went on. Why unofficial? Because they never really called each other a friend because of insecurity and trust issues,

you bet Horror carries Dust everywhere, whether that be on his shoulders, on his back, or the former's favourite, luggage style. Dust's not impressed,

Horror big tol boi! Dust the opposite!

they both aren't big talkers, especially Dust, and so their favourite pass-time activity is simply being in the same room, be it watching a movie, cuddling, or doing two completely separate things without actually talking,

if they're not sleeping in the same bed during some nights, Dust sleeps with a scarf Horror gave him as a gift, under his pillow,

Dust's not really interested in cooking himself, but tell him that Horror made something and he will sprint to see it and taste it no matter what,

their favored type of affection is forehead kisses,

yes, Horror is a heater of the group, yes, Dust takes advantage of that,

out of the two Horror is the one who purrs and Dust adores it,

Horror's melt spot is around and inside his head wound, but of course one has to be very careful while touching the area, not to mention he has to 100% trust them with that. It took a while, but Dust managed to gain that trust and now can touch the spot without a warning. Everyone's impressed,

if they had ecto-bodies or whatever you want to call them, Dust would adore Horror's tummy. Silently most of the time, but still love it. It's big, it's warm, comfortable and adorable. While cuddling he would hide under Horror's shirt a lot to feel it directly.

Horrordust my beloved <333

#horrordust #horror sans #dust sans #undertale #utmv #undertale au #undertale headcanons #shitty headcanons

[fuckman360kickflip]

Season 3 of AMC’s IWTV:

The entirety of “Queen of the Damned” plays out pretty much as written but the vampire bar in San Francisco is now named “Draculaura.”

#iwtv #iwtv tv #interview with the vampire #queen of the damned #iwtv amc #dracula’s daughter #shitty headcanons

[morning-softness]

It’s been too long since I came out with a random TMA headcanon:

So (in opposition to the tea snob Martin headcanons) I’ve seen the headcanon that Martin secretly leaves his teabag in the cup when he makes tea, so it steeps indefinitely while drinks it.

And as much as the idea pleases me, I’d like to counter with: Martin isn’t a tea snob, but he makes tea by just pouring the hot water over the teabag. If he steeps it at all, it’s maybe 15 seconds. Then he saves the teabag so he can use it again, because:

It’s more economical.

It’s healthier (less likely to get headaches from drinking it).

It improves the flavour (less bitter).

“Everyone knows you can boil quality tea leaves three times! Throwing it out after one use is just a waste!” (quote from my flatmate)

Which also means he can use one teabag and make tea for everyone in the archives (and while he usually takes the slightly-weaker forth cup for himself, sometimes he gives it to whoever ticked him off the most recently).

#tma #the magnus archives #martin blackwood #tea #shitty headcanons #tma headcanons

[faceless-dude]

#scribbly scribbles #shitty headcanons #opm #one punch man #genos #saitama #speed o sound sonic #demon cyborg

[ranaraeuchle]

Who is the Wizard’s child?

Could be Shane.

#stardew valley #stardew wizard #stardew shane #sdv #shitty headcanons

[thebibliosphere]

I feel like I've complained about Tim's email situation in Gotham Knights before (edit: I have), but the truth of it is just so funny.

He's signed up for so many podcasts, video game streamers, and random news alerts; it's just a constant barrage of data going straight into his constantly whirring brain. Hell, he even floats the idea of the Batfamily having their own podcast as a way to correct misinformation about them (which Jason shoots down instantly), and it's made me realize something.

Timothy Drake would be a YouTuber.

In this universe specifically, Timothy Jackson Drake, the heir to Drake Industries and the foster son of the late Bruce Wayne would be a YouTuber.

Think about it. It'd be the perfect cover. Who would ever suspect that some 16-year-old nepo baby with a YouTube channel could ever be Red Robin? You'd have to be mad. I mean, look at him.

Red Robin just dropped out of literal thin air and garotted someone four times his size, and you expect anyone to believe that's the same kid who does 24-hour Minecraft charity streams and occasionally drops 6-hour video essays (his last one was on Lex Luthor's illegal bit mining operation on the moon)?

That kid?

You think that kid is Red Robin?

Ch'yah, okay, sure. And the Joker is funny 🤡.

#gotham knights game #I'm now incorporating this into all my Tim headcanons across the multiverse #twice a week as part of maintaining his Normal Teenager Identity #he streams random shit on YouTube/Twitch #he's got the full gamer set up in the background #LED lights around the ceiling and walls #rainbow keyboard/headset #mini fridge filled with Monster Energy Drinks #(other streamers have 'take a shot' prompts in chat. his audience has 'drink water before you die') #whenever he hosts a charity stream Bruce makes an appearance in chat via the official Wayne Enterprises account #and promises to match whatever they raise #and then hangs about for a bit to cheer Tim on #he's the epitome of 'are ya winning son?' meme #meanwhile off screen #Tim's keeping an eye on a seperate monitor #and helping Babs run remote ops #if his stream suddenly dies (which is does fairly often) he blames it on the Manor having shitty wifi #and that tracks #it's an old house #it's probably FILLED with lead and dead signal spots #in reality Tim killed the stream because Red Robin is needed #and no one will ever know

[moongreenlight]

Have you ever seen that corny ass skit where it’s the girl talking to her husband asking him to fix things and he says “I’m not a plumber” “I’m not a carpenter” bla bla bla and then one day he comes home and the girl’s like “oh yeah I had the neighbor come over to fix the things you wouldn’t” and the neighbor says she can either bake him a cake or sleep with him as payment so the husband asks “so what kind of cake did you bake him?” And the girl says “I’m not a baker?”

Very much Neighbor!Price x stay-at-home-mom!reader coded :)

Mdni. Nsfw below cut.

Neighbor!Price who’s found a quiet little cul-de-sac to settle in when he’s got some time off. It’s a little neighborhood, mostly older people who’re thrilled to have a man like him around to help bring out bins and offer to mow their lawns or rake their leaves or shovel their drives when he’s around.

But somehow he’s found the only other younger family in the area living directly next to him. Parents are a few years his junior, and they’ve got two young kids. He assumes the boy, the older one, is early elementary age- sees you herding him into the car in the morning with a pack lunch and a backpack that’s nearly the same size as he is to and from the house in the morning and afternoon. And the girl, the younger, must be in pre-k, because she’s only out for half the day and doesn’t get the same pack lunch her brother gets.

He’s gotten to know you pretty well. When he’s around, the two of you will chat while you’re tending your garden and he’s working in his garage carrying out some odd project or another. He thinks you’re sweet. Likes the way you wear overalls with a little top when you’re planting flowers in the beds out front. How when you bend over or stand at the right angle he can imagine you’re not wearing a top at all.

He hates your husband. He’s crass and rude and never waves hello to any of the neighbors- odd for such a friendly little community. Leaves for work early and comes home late and leaves you to fend for yourself all day. Doesn’t know how to interact with you or your kids. And Price is almost certain he doesn’t fuck you the way you deserve to be fucked because his bedroom window looks over your living room and he’s caught you on the couch with your hand down your pants more times than could have been coincidence.

He’s known to be the neighborhood handyman. Got a little workshop set up in his garage and a general knowledge about nearly everything, so it’s not uncommon that he gets a knock on the door a few times a week. Usually it’s some of the older neighbors popping over to see if he can fix their TVs or help their grandkids connect to the Wi-Fi, but it’s a pleasant surprise when you turn up on his porch mid-morning.

You’re scrunching the ends of your soaking wet hair in a towel. Apologizing as soon as you hear him turn the deadbolt. Feverishly going on about how you must have blown a circuit in the bathroom trying to dry your hair and you’d usually be able to manage but your husband shoved a bookshelf in front of the breaker and you can’t get through to it.

He’s sweet about it. Always is, but especially for you. Follows you over to your place and promises you no less than ten times that it’s really no trouble. He’s happy to help. It’s a quick fix, but he drags it out as long as he can. Insists on following you up and down the stairs from the basement to the top floor twice to make sure everything’s working properly.

He notices that the bathroom door sticks and that the fire alarm in the hallway is chirping from a low battery. You apologize for the toys in the living room and the clean laundry pile on the couch and the state of your house. Say that your husband is racking up a hefty to-do list with a small laugh that’s just a bit too forced.

He’s thrilled to tell you that he’s got some free time later in the week and says he’ll come over if only to help out your husband. Makes some backhanded remark about how your husband is clearly a busy lad. You refuse- of course- sweet thing that you are, but he turns up the next day after you’ve taken your kids to school anyway.

He tails you up the drive so there’s no way you can shut him out. Shushes you when you try to apologize for one reason or another and takes off to fix not only the sticky bathroom door and the fire alarm batteries, but also the dripping kitchen faucet and the garbage disposal that’s been broken for months.

You try to stay clear of whatever room he’s working in, chirping short responses to whatever nonsense question he asked in an attempt to lure you over. It was only when he was about to head out and he saw you leaning on the dryer to keep it shut that he saw his golden opportunity.

You were clearly trying to hide it, but even with a small load of clothes in, it sounded like you’d thrown a pair of boots into a tin garbage pail and shook it hard as you could. You tried to shoo him off, but he wasn’t having any of it.

There’s enough skirting around the subject to give you chance to turn down his advances, but when he realizes you’re not outright telling him to go fuck himself, he’s essentially taking it as a challenge to see if he can’t push you to that point.

Hoists you up on the still clanging machine and pushes between your legs on the weak pretense of needing you there to keep the door shut while he works. The machine shook the straps of your top down off your shoulders and made him acutely aware of the fact that you hadn’t had the time to put on a bra yet. It made his pants near painfully tight on the crotch.

He’d try and make idle chat. Your kids and plans for the day, but it’s entirely too hard for him to focus on anything other than the way your thighs are pressing together as the dry cycle started to bang the machine around more. He makes a light comment about how he’s not sure how you get anything done around the house with the dryer in this state. Your laugh is breathy.

And when he leans over you to reach to the back of the machine, he can feel the way your soft panting breaths fan his neck. Confirms his suspicions.

“Alright?”

You’re chewing the inside of your lip while you nod. Clearly starved for stimulation if all it takes is a dry cycle to get you off. Poor thing.

It’s stuffy in the laundry room. Adds to the appeal. Makes your shorts ride up and stick to your legs. Your thighs are dewy and glide together when you shift under his gaze.

“You sure, doll?”

The two of you are almost nose-to-nose. You’re leaned back, caged in by his big arms that look even bigger in his almost obscenely tight shirt. He’s smiling. Letting his eyes wander to your collarbones. The way your throat bobbed when you swallowed.

Before you could choke out your answer, the dryer stopped. Chimed the alert and slowly stilled. You took a shaky breath and nodded once more, looking like you couldn’t decide whether to be disappointed or relieved. He backed off, stretched out his hand to help you down.

You lead him to the kitchen. Ask if you can get him anything. Tea or food. He declines. You say something about stopping to get cash when you’re out picking up your daughter in a couple hours. He declines again.

“John, really, I appreciate your help. You have to let me get you back.”

You’re filling the kettle with water anyway, leaned just slightly over the sink. He knows it’s impolite to stare, but he’s never had very good manners when it came to things like that.

“Bake me a cake or somethin’, then. Sleep with me. Won’t take your money, though.”

You whirl around and end up sloshing some water down your front. Doesn’t seem to phase you. Your eyebrows are damn near at your hairline.

“I don’t know if that’s appropriate, considering…”

He snorts a soft laugh. It’s kind- not at all suggestive. Like he’s playing off a clever joke.

“What? Baking me a cake?”

You purse your lips and set the kettle on the stove.

“Never been a very good baker.”

He about hurdles the kitchen island like he’s running track.

“That right?”

You make a thoughtful sound before clicking on the burner. He can see you biting back a smile. You finally turn to face him. Leaned back on your hands with your head cocked slightly to the side.

“I just don’t know that it would be appropriate given our- my- situation.”

It’s his turn to hum and nod. Take a few steps forward, slow and slinky like a predator stalking toward its prey.

“Sure.”

You chew your bottom lip. Try to find some resolve in fussing with your wedding ring. It’s horrible. Small. He can’t help but think about how he’d be able to get you a much better one. He takes a few more steps forward.

“It’s complicated, John.”

Your voice is mousy now.

“I know.”

A few more steps forward and he’s back nose-to-nose with you. Pinning you against the counter.

“I just-“

“Then tell me to go home.”

The button of his jeans grazes your groin and sends sparks up your spine. You recoil slightly, but he’s got his massive hands on your wrists to keep you in place.

“My husb-“

“Don’t. S’not what I said. Tell me to go home. Tell me to go home, and I’ll leave. S’easy as that.”

The coarse hair of his beard brushes along your jaw. Visible goosebumps rise all the way up your neck and down your arms.

“John, he-“

A throaty growl from him.

“He’s not getting a lick of you.”

And then somehow he’s got you on your back on the couch. Shoved off the pile of laundry and pushed you down. His eyes are near pitch black and hungry. Ravenous. He tears off your shorts. Doesn’t wait for you to hoist your hips, just yanks so hard that you’re a little worried you’ll get thrown off the couch with them.

He is wretched. Planting wet kisses from the inside of your knee all the way up to your sex frustratingly slow. Big hands splayed over your hips to keep you from bucking up into his mouth. He’s got this maddeningly smug smile on his face like he’s waiting for the perfect moment to say I told you so. Like he knew this was going to happen from the start, you were just too stupid to see.

Your underwear is embarrassingly wet from your little go on the dryer. Your pussy puffy and sensitive underneath. You whine when he kisses over the damp spot. Laves his tongue over your folds without pulling them to the side. He makes some comment about the state of you that borders on snarky, but you choose to ignore it.

When he finally does rid you of your panties, there’s a moment of clarity where you realize what you’re doing. You push up on your elbows and try to roll out from under him, but he gives your clit a mean slap that forces you back onto the couch and ends your protest. Sends you to that liminal, clouded headspace where all you can focus on is how desperately you need to come.

It’s clear he’s savoring the moment. Running the point of his tongue through your folds. Teasing at your hole. Artfully swirling around your clit, but never close enough to give you the friction you’re so desperately craving. Planting hot, wet kisses on your inner thighs. Leaves a few love bites in his wake like he’s boasting; so certain your husband wouldn’t get close enough to notice that he had no problem decorating you as he pleased.

You’re a mess. Being taken apart stitch by stitch. Panting and whining and begging for more. Your orgasm is coiling tight under your belly without him having to do much. Any other time you’d have felt a little pathetic, but you were too preoccupied to care now.

He finally brings his hands up and you think he’s about to stuff you full, but he only lets his fingers drag slowly along your sensitive sex. Collects some of your arousal and pulls it up toward your naval. Watches the goosebumps form under his touch.

He rucks your shirt up with his free hand and immediately wraps his lips around your pebbled nipples. Tongues at them. Lets his teeth graze teasingly over them. And whatever one he’s not got currently in his mouth, he’s working his fingers over. Pinching and flicking until you’re teary eyed and squirming under him.

And then finally, fucking finally, he ducks back down and fixes his mouth on your clit. Sucks gently on the swollen bud for just a moment and then companies his mouth with two fingers bullying their way inside you.

The stretch is almost uncomfortable in its suddenness, but you quickly get used to it. The pleasure is blinding. Forces you to throw your head back against the cushion and screw your eyes tightly shut. A string of high, needy moans float through your gaped lips.

He’s sweet, Jesus, is he. Hums and groans with his mouth still on your bundle of nerves. Pulls away just enough to tell you how pretty your pussy is taking him before going back to work on your sensitive clit. You want to scream. You think you may actually come entirely undone on this couch if he doesn’t stop.

And then your orgasm coils so tightly within you that it explodes outward. Tears through you and leaves every square inch of your skin sizzling. He doesn’t let up. Pins you down by the stomach with his forearm and continues down his warpath. The sounds his fingers make when they sink into you are so pornographic that it makes your face hot.

You eventually find it in you to warble out something that sounded like please, too much. And he pulled off, still with that smug grin pulling his lips now surrounded by glistening slick caught in the hair of his beard.

He gives you one last kiss. Lewd and wet and so searing hot you’re worried it will actually blister the sensitive flesh of your cunt. He’ll sit back on his haunches and fuss with the button and zipper of his jeans before saying something horrible and cheeky like

“C’mon, doll. Thought you were set on payin’ me back.”

#he sees a family with a present but shitty father and says ‘it’s free real estate’ I hate him #moongreenlight #moongreenlightwrites #cod mw2 #call of duty #cod x reader #141 headcanons #captain price smut #captain john price smut #captain john price x reader #captain john price #captain price #price cod #john price #cod price #141 x reader #x reader

[bergoozter]

what we’re not gonna do is point fingers at shane, ryan, or steven. they make decisions together for the betterment of the company they built with each other.

#stop making shitty headcanons demonizing steven 🫶 #watcher #watcher tv #shane madej #ryan bergara #steven lim

[prettyupsetnerd]

#dungeons and daddies #dndads #scary marlowe #taylor swift not that one #lincoln li wilson #normal oak #dndads spoilers #epilogue headcanons #linc started to like cats after he got over (at least a bit) his previous jealousy towards his dads #but mainly bc he grew attached to Scary's cat after they started to live together yes she is a cat lady to me #normal still isolates himself when he's feeling shitty tho this time it went on for several years #despite the others not giving up on trying to contact him #they wanna give him space but they're also worried so that's why they try to be nonchalant about it during the reunion #which i also already have a sketch of but college's been taking up most of my time sorry #not described #ignore the inconsistencies please and ty