#short answers because there isn't really for the first anon at least

[letsmyy]

i have a request!!! you should write a daughter of apollo x leo valdez fic but based on espresso by sabrina carpenter (idk i feel like that song gives children of apollo vibes!) it'd be leo obsessed with the apollo girl (like him being absolutely obsessed with her, having the biggest crush on her possible, he constantly thinks about her, him being an absolute loser bf) and finally getting the courage to ask her out on a date or something like that.

“she’s like a shot of espresso…”

leo valdez x duaghter of apollo!reader

warnings: use of yn! english isn’t my first language so it might be some errors!!

thank you so much for your request, it made me so happy!! idk if what i wrote it’s exactly what you want but i hope you like it 🤕 this is my first timing writing a real fic and I think it really shows lol, but i promise I’ll try to improve in the next one, I’m so sorry if it’s that bad, and this is really short too? omg im really bad at this lol, but anyways, ly anon tell me your opinions (honestly) abt this later, kisses to uuu!! 🫶💗 (btw anon, please request other things I feel like I didn’t did you justice with this one)

words: 850

“is it that sweet? I guess so…..”

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ - ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Leo was sure he was going crazy.

He always had a pretty big amount of silly crushes on girls, but with you? It was getting way too serious. Of course, you're beautiful, incredibly kind, and too generous for your own good, and you treated him well, but that isn't enough reason to make him lose sleep; at least that's what he thought.

And he was extremely wrong. Being in your presence was the equivalent of being bathed in the sunlight, and gods, he felt like a prisoner who hadn't seen the sun in years.

He's completely obsessed with you; he just needs the courage to verbalize that, but being honest, Leo felt like a coward at the moment.

While being lost in his thoughts (the thoughts being the pretty daughter of Apollo that never leaves his mind), the boy finally falls asleep.

Leo doesn't mind waking up if that means spending the day with the people he loves, so after getting ready for the day, he searches for you.

And he found you, talking with a much younger camper, helping him. You're smiling like it's the best day of your life, and Leo could swear that you're almost glowing.

The boy makes its way to you the same moment you finish talking to the kid, now having your full attention on Hephaestus' son.

"Leo! Good morning!" Your voice to him had the same effect as listening to his favorite music, it made him happy in ways he couldn't explain, even if his life depended on it. 

"Yn! Good morning!" He mimics you, not in a bad way, just a teasing one. You roll your eyes in fake annoyance.

"Sooo, did you sleep well, Valdez?" You ask, seeming really interested in the answer, but he knows that you're like that for everything, being extremely kind.

"Not really, would be better if I dreamed about you," you laugh amusingly.

"You say that every day, y'know?"

"I know, I say because it's true. " You can't help but blush a little. You're used to Leo flirting with you, but it never gets past that, so you just learned to joke back.

"Hilarious, Valdez... fortunately, I slept very well today, and I'm more excited than normal! I think it's because it's so sunny today, that's awesome, was thinking about going to the lake later. I can't waste such a pretty day like this one painting inside my cabin..."

"Unfortunately, I'll be in the bunker today, I have lots of things to do."

"What? No! You're coming with me, you can't waste this wonderful day either!" You grab his hands, walking toward the lake.

Leo could swear he would pass out at that moment. He couldn't even think about denying your offer, he would prefer dying to doing that.

After a few seconds, you guys get to the lake.

"Look how pretty it is! You have to go swimming with me, it’s a need.”

"Look, sunshine, water and fire don't get along so well, so I might skip that one" he says, apologetic. You frown, thinking.

"We don't need to go swimming, we can just talk, i really don't care." You smile lovingly at him.

"I don't want to ruin your day! There are many people that can go with you, you'll find someone better to do that." He's so oblivious that it's getting concerning.

"I want to spend time with you, Valdez. I don't mind if it's swimming or just talking, I want to, you know..be with you."

"Oh." He's acting like a loser, he can't think straight anymore and is blushing like crazy, but who cares?

"Oh?" You tease him, smiling.

"Yeah, we can. Just talk, I'm happy with that. " His smile was so genuine that made your heart melt.

That's when you realize you're still holding his hand, and you don't want to change that. You can feel he notices too.

Something just snapped in his head, now it’s the time, now or never, right?

"Yn? Can I tell you something?" He says it in a quiet tone, and you just nod.

"When I'm around you, it's like constantly drinking a shot of espresso, it's like being bathed in sunlight, you're incredibly energetic and enthusiastic, and i just can't get enough of you, you're my sunrise and daylight....all I'm saying is, gods, I very much love you more than just friends" You're surprised, really surprised, so surprised that you can't even speak for a moment, which just makes Leo even more nervous.

"Please say something...like, anything, a no it's better than silence because it’s less-“ Before he yaps again, you interrupt him:

"I like you too." The boy almost squeals of pure excitement.

"Seriously? Oh gods, oh gods. What?" He's so happy, it's so sincere, so soft, it's amazing, you can feel your heart beating so fast, and you don't even care; seeing him like this because of you is the best feeling you ever felt.

Then you see that one look, meant just for you, it's like time has frozen, and you're both thinking the same thing. Then, like all the stars aligned, you kissed him

#leo valdez #leo valdez x reader #leo valdez x y/n #leo valdez x you #leo valdez fic #pjo #percy jackson #percy jackson fic #heroes of olympus #daughter of apollo #apollo #son of apollo #child of apollo #espresso #leo valdez fanfic #leo valdez headcanons #leo valdez imagines

[strawberrymilk-sunshine]

What would be the aftermath after the siblings death? Like the funeral or parents reactions 🤔 -angst anon

Warning(s): very short, mentions of death, platonic yandere-ish

---------------------------------------------------

"I don't trust it one bit." Riddle said, sipping his tea. "Floyd hasn't bothered me once today. I think he may be planning something."

"Yeah, he was acting weird during basketball club..." Ace added. "Normally, even when he isn't feeling it, he'll at least pretend to participate, but today, he just sorta sat in the corner doing whatever it was he was doing."

"How odd..." Riddle said.

"Oh, you two talking about the Leeches?" Trey asked. He had been trying to teach Riddle and Ace how to get along (and how to bake) "Well, I was talking with Jade earlier, and... you know their little sibling, (Y/N)? Apparently (Y/N) hanged themselves right in their dorm room last night. I feel bad for those two... I can't even begin to imagine how I'd feel if that happened to me..."

"...yeah, we're getting permission from the Headmage to use the mirror. We're also trying to convince him to let us bring (Y/N) home, he says he reeeeeeeeally doesn't want this getting out to the public... yeah, I'll check on him... yeah, see you soon, mom."

Floyd hung up the phone. Ever since they received the news, his parents have been calling nonstop.

"Hey, Jaaaaaaaade, you're not answering your phone, so mom and dad are asking me to make sure you're doin' ok." Floyd said to his brother. "I know you're not, but y'know... thought I'd still ask."

"Just tell them I feel fine." Jade insisted.

"...you realize this's ignited a huge firestorm back home, yeah?"

"I didn't mean to kill them, Floyd." Jade said, head in his hands. "I didn't want any of this to happen."

"You didn't want any of this to happen? That's bullshit and you know it! If you really didn't want this to happen, you'd've never played that stupid 'joke' on 'em in the first place, Jade!" Floyd threw the phone to his brother. "Now call mom, she's really fuckin' worried about you, 'cause you played the role of (Y/N)'s protective older brother their whole life! She thinks you're devastated by this whole thing! But I know you're not... because I saw you hang them. If you really felt bad about killing them, you wouldn't've tried to fake your innocence."

Jade sighed and dialed the number into his phone. His mother picked up almost immediately.

They had a lengthy conversation about you.

...

It was the first time he heard his mother cry over the death of one of her children. His mother was such an emotionally strong woman... come to think about it, this may have been the first time he's heard her cry ever.

"Apparently, (Y/N) tried to call me that night... I haven't had the heart to listen to the voicemail they left me."

...voicemail?

No. No no no no no NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO-!

There's only ONE reason you would've called your parents that night; to let them know what was about to happen to you. That he was going to kill you.

"Jade...? You're very quiet. Is everything alright...?"

"Yes. Everything's fine, mother. I'm just... still processing all of this." Jade said.

Jade threw the phone on the ground the moment the call was over.

He NEEDS to find his mother's phone and delete that voicemail when he gets home.

"Jade, what was that sound?" Floyd asked, entering the room. "WHAT THE FUCK?! THAT WAS MY PHONE!!"

"We have bigger problems than that right now, Floyd!"

"I'm guessing it's just you that has bigger problems right now. Fun reminder: I'm not the one who killed our younger sibling."

"I need to get home and get rid of it."

"...get rid of what? You've killed (Y/N), you've made it seem like suicide, NOBODY thinks it was you! There's no more evidence to get rid of!"

"Apparently, (Y/N) called mother some time before I killed them! And I assume that they told her I was going to kill them!" Jade explained, looking stressed. "Luckily, she says she hasn't had the heart to listen to it, so I'm still in the clear for now. When we get home, I NEED you to distract mother and father so I can delete that voicemail."

...

"Wow. You really don't care, huh?" Floyd had some kind of hurt-looking smile on his face. "Not a hint of guilt."

"WILL YOU HELP ME OR NOT?!"

"Fine! Jeez, you're so annoying sometimes!"

The next day, the twins went home.

Both for different reasons.

Floyd went home to discuss your funeral preparations with his parents...

And Jade went home to destroy the last piece of evidence that tied him to your death.

When Jade found his mother's phone, he listened to the message you left.

You sounded so... scared.

He's always found it kind of funny, hearing the fear in your voice, but now...

Now he couldn't help but feel ever so slightly...

Bad.

After he listened to it, he had his finger over the 'delete' button. Why is he hesitating...? He shouldn't be... there's no reason to be...

He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and pressed the button. And then, the message was gone. The evidence was gone. You were gone.

Forever.

And instead of feeling like a weight was taken off his shoulders... strangely enough...

It only felt like more weight was added.

#jade leech #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland #twst #yandere #platonic yandere #yandere twst #yandere twisted wonderland #yandere twisted wonderland x reader #yandere twst x reader #yandere jade leech #yandere jade x reader #yandere jade leech x reader #yandere jade

[oksana-moods]

Queen of Promise - Part 10

Summary: The hell you were put through seems endless. 

A/N: To those who are still around: you are lovely. Please, make yourselves known, it’ll give some confidence and will certainly help with this detachment I’ve been feeling with writing. 

You’ll gona ask, what about part 11. I know. Well, I don’t know when we’ll see it, I’ll try to work on something the next few days, but as I said to that anon, I’m going through some work stuff and it’s draining a lot. Let’s hope for the best. 

Warning: Angst, blood, gore, torture?, mentions of death.

Previous Parts here

"Hopeless and taken"

There was something funny about the dark. How your eyes adjust to the environment to the point that first, you are able to discern things, later you can properly see things in the dark. And then, then you start to imagine it. 

But maybe the imagination part is not related to the darkness that enveloped you in that cold stoned dungeon at all. Maybe your hallucination was due something else entirely. 

Perhaps, how you could barely feel your toes because the weather started to show or how you hadn’t properly eaten ever since they left you in this hellhole had something to do with these things you supposed you’re imagining.

Or that rat really ate something that lingered around a piece of bone long forgotten in the corner and you swore there were no other leftovers except your own flesh, it probably would be the next thing that animal was going to eat. See, it was hard to tell one thing from another in the dark. 

Also, in the dark, it was really easy to lose track of time. There were no windows, and usually dungeons are held underground, there wouldn’t be any windows, that’s why you didn’t know whether it was day or night. 

Furthermore, it’s pretty hard to grasp how much time has passed while you’re out of consciousness. You don’t say you sleep, because this way, you’d be outstretching this word and its meaning. No. It was understandable even, you know you pass out after your body gives up due to exhaustion, hunger or because you’re beaten until you can’t stand anymore.

There was a lot to say about the dark, and you didn’t like it at all, but the dark is doable. The silence though, was something else. 

It was deafening. It was maddening. 

The silence remained imperturbable. 

Except for the occasional sound of rats and mice fighting for some dirt somewhere your eyes often couldn’t reach, the sound of your chains clicking when you moved or the eventual whimper you failed to conceal in the depths of your despair. 

There was no other sound.

After a while, your heart began to process the situation you were in. Alone, thrown into a cell, all the respect due to someone like you had been neglected. Not that you expected to be treated like a princess of your status should, but at least, you supposed you should be treated fairly, at least. 

However, reality was far worse than the things you believed were fair. 

You had experienced war, fights, battles, treason attempting, riot and several other crises throughout your short life as a ruler aspirer, by the gods, you even endured to be held as prisoner before. 

Yet, nothing compared to the taste Wanda’s betrayal left in your mouth.

Maybe you were being silly, sulking into your misery instead of putting up a fight or trying to find a way out of this nightmare. Perhaps you should be doing these things, trying to turn the tide of events to your favor, however, there isn't a single bone capable of keeping going. You were paralyzed. 

Frozen in time and place, your head still insisted on wrapping itself around the last events, filled with thousands of questions that you knew you probably wouldn’t get any answer to. Have you been naive for falling in love, or have you been just reckless? 

When did Wanda decide that you were the weakest point in this whole story? Was this play obvious to everybody that you would fall for a lie incarnated in a perfect body with a beautiful face? 

Maria did warn you, though. Maybe it was obvious to everybody else except to you. 

Certainly, if you had your head in the right place, you would find this embarrassing. However, right then and there, you realized it was just sad, because to you Wanda was everything, and all she’s done was use you for her personal purposes. You were just a prey that failed running off the huntress.

Time seemed to drag itself at a snail's pace, but then again, you didn’t even know how much time had passed. For all you knew, it could be a month already. Even if you were able to count a hundred of days, you supposed your mind wouldn’t stop its assault with the thoughts of Wanda. 

It was all too impressive the way your heart still yearned for the woman, even though your feelings were shattered on the floor, broken beyond repair. Too bad something so good took this unexpected turn and the bitter taste was just another reminder of how unbelievable this was. 

How unfortunate your heart happened to be in the middle of everything.

All those beautiful moments you had shared were nothing but a ploy, a set up built on lies. And you wondered how long it would take for you to swallow down your throat the shards of your ego that threatened to choke you or to pick up the shreds of your heart poured in the wind.

The salty, ironed copper taste was the first thing your mind was aware of as it drifted back into consciousness. Usually the cold, hard ground felt like a twisted, sick embrace to your beaten body, except, you awoke on your feet, body hanging from the ceiling by the chains. 

The dim light reaching your eyes creeped from the creak between door and floor betrayed the torches burning in the corridors. It could only mean one thing. It was late and someone would be walking through these halls. Other than this, the heavy door made with iron never allowed you a simple glance of anything else. 

Besides, maybe, by the small opening in the middle that was usually closed except when the guards opened it to come and check up on you. It always made you feel like an animal in a zoo, and you supposed you were the main attraction in this godforsaken place. It was almost disrespectful the number of times they came to see if you were in the same place. 

As if you could go anywhere else.

The chains hanging from the ceiling were their first guarantee that you couldn’t move more than a foot unless they loosened it enough for you to lay down on the floor. This mercy was granted only for a few hours. 

They made sure you wouldn’t mistake your staying as an unwanted vacation in the Northern Castle. And this was definitely not your winter cabin to enjoy the glamor of the current season. You were a prisoner after all, not a guest.

And then, perhaps worse than everything else, there was the smell.

The room ricked to death, rot, and body fluids. The smell was awful. Sick. It made your stomach churn, and your vomit was a new addition to the horrid smell impregnating the walls, your clothes, skin and nose. Hell, even your brain was probably infected with this stank.

It hadn’t been long, you mused, but your clothes were wasted already, torn to shreds. Your hair clang to your head and face due sweat and blood, and you knew dirt was just another layer of your skin by now.

However, no matter how fucking dreadful your situation was, no matter how fucking awful you were feeling. Nothing would ever compare to the feeling of Wanda’s betrayal.

Right on your first day, Vision had come to your cell to gloat and brag about your stupidity and naivety of falling on their plan like a deer hunted by a huntress. Every word stung deep and deeper on your entire being, but you wouldn’t let it show.

That’s why you decided to headbutt him, which earned you the pleasant view of his face contorted in pain and embarrassment. But as the blood slid from his nose, blood slid from you too.

With an incredible amount of stamina, strength and hatred Lord James Barnes, pleasantly, whipped your back until your legs gave in and you couldn’t keep up by yourself anymore. Blood splattered on the floor, over the walls and even his face.

The wicked smirk present on Vision’s face turned into a satisfied grin once your low grunts of pain became higher, though never really screaming, he contented himself with your humiliation after you couldn’t stand on your own anymore.

Obviously, you were ashamed of showing any sort of weakness before your enemy, this was one of the first lessons you were taught when younger. The shame burned just as the wounds on your back burned with an angry fire as if your skin was boiling from inside out.

Still, it didn’t burn or hurt as much as the thought of Wanda.

The memories of your moments with Wanda Maximoff assaulted your brain mercilessly, without invitation, without stop. Nothing could erase the feel of her touch or her lips. No matter how hard you tried, though brief, your time with the Princess of Sokovia was beyond intense.

You’d experienced love for the first time. It was fast and strong like wildfire; it was only obvious that the devastation in its wake would be just the same.

You didn’t even need to be dropped in a cell to rot into oblivion to be punished because your broken heart was punishment enough. No matter how many physical assaults the Sokovians could think of it would still be nothing after what Wanda did.

Your internal whimper came to a halt when you heard the dungeons floor clicking with the sound of shoes. You weren’t aware if you were the only one in these chambers, but you knew better. This would be Vision, coming for another nice chatter.

He must be bored.

“Lioness, good to see you awake.” The man hissed as he entered the cell you were in. One would expect to be treated like someone of your status would, but this was a piece of Hell on earth. Sokovia didn’t regard the nobles as the other realms did.

Therefore, you didn’t reply. You stood there eying him with disdain, gritting your jaw and silently pleading to the gods to give you strength to not break his nose again. You could endure the pain, but you weren’t mad. Yet.

“Hm, not feeling so talkative today, are you?” Sir Rumlow snarled a few feet from you and in a span of milliseconds, your body moved so fast that one would think that you acted on instinct.

In a blink of an eye, your hands gripped the chains holding your wrists and with an unexpected force, you lifted your body and dropped your legs around Rumlow’s neck. You pressed your thighs hard against his head and the feeble lights coming from the torches allowed you to see his face turning purple due lack of air.

Lord Barnes stopped you from killing the man after he punched your ribs with the hilt of his sword. The searing pain ripped the air out of your lunges and your legs automatically left the knight’s neck and sought to support your body.

You were granted, though, with his embarrassed eyes, coughing lightly due the pressure your legs had put on his throat. You smiled lightly, taking this as little victory to your personal score of vengeance.

The good feeling was short lived, for Vision took one step closer to you, though a little more preoccupied about your fighting skills even chained to the ceiling like you were, and his smirk was on. 

You’re yet to see this man without that smirk and you knew, somehow, that he posed like that because he thinks he’s won the war.

Maybe he did.

“I wouldn’t be so smug If I were you.” His eyes darted around the place as if to indicate that there was nothing to be amused about. “You’re still in this hellhole and I can see your face stained with tears.”

His expression morphed into a mockery of a dramatical sad face, lips now facing downwards and only then you were aware that you had cried. And you hated to show another sign of weakness to the man that was exceedingly fast becoming your archenemy.

Yet, you knew so little about him.

“Why are you so sad?” He asked rhetorically and pretended to search his head for possible reasons why you weren’t feeling so super lately. The nerve of this man. 

“Is it because mommy isn’t here to clean her baby?” He mocked, then continued. “Is it because you weren’t as smart as you thought you were? Or…” His eyes went wide as if realization clicked in his head right then and there.

“Awn you truly thought she loved you, Lioness?” He laughed. He had the gall to laugh off your feelings, but you let him. “Know that in a couple of moons, I’ll have Wanda’s hand and you’ll be nothing in my memory or hers. Barely a nuisance long forgotten.” He made a movement of dismissing with his hands, but your tongue was sharper than his words.

Shrugging your shoulders, the best you could chained to the ceiling, you replied. “If you don’t mind where her hand was.” You were hurting but you would not give this man the satisfaction of seeing you broken. He’d see strength, nothing else.

However, you couldn’t deny that his words had an effect on you, you couldn’t deny that you were hurting and the idea of Wanda marrying this idiot hurt beyond explanation. Somehow, your stupid heart still hoped that this was a trick, or anything else but truth.

Jealousy simmered through your veins and stomach. Jealousy, confusion and betrayal. Was this her plan all along or did you do something that changed her heart?   

The days you shared that house with the Princess of Sokovia were magical, past perfection. There was no word to describe the woman who owned your heart nor the moments of complicity, love and tender you had experienced. Too bad it was just a lie.

It was all but a lie.

And Vision made his job to remind you of that. She had lied to you, deceived you into a ruse just so they could lock you up and request a ransom deal. It was slimier than thousands of snakes. And you fell for that.

The wedding, though, was only a confirmation that you were stupid and fell for a woman that played you around like a ragdoll and didn’t even have the guts to come down to this piece of hell and look you in the face.

What for, though? To mock you? To laugh at your poor state? Maybe it was a mercy not having her present to rub it on your face.

But what you could and wanted to do was to bring the man standing tall in front of you down, lower than where you were now. And the good thing about rock bottom was just this, there was nothing holding you back. 

“Tell me, Vision, do you taste me whenever she kisses you?” Your grin was clearly smug, you bare your teeth more like fangs ready to pierce a piece of flesh of those who dared to think that only because you were locked imagined you were tamed. Far from it.

He punches you, hard, but the anger boiling in his eyes was your prize. “Could you be more vulgar? You speak like a whore.”

Suddenly, you realized that physical pain was a solace from your internal misery. Maybe if you pushed his buttons hard enough, he’d kill you then you wouldn’t have to live with all this pain you were forced to deal with inside your heart.

A renewed salty, ironed copper taste danced on your mouth and his only answer was a blooded grin to his rhetorical question. You spat the blood on his shoes and asked another question. “Does she call my name whenever you fuck? Or does she call you babe afraid of making a mistake?”

Another set of punches and screams of anger and you could only laugh. Oh poor man, maybe Wanda didn’t love him either and she could very well be a woman playing with both hearts. If yes, he deserved it. Maybe a twisted god would say that you deserved it too.

“Stop.” A new voice was heard above the noise of fist hitting flesh and irritated mutters from Vision.

You had heard a lot about him. Official stories, reports, songs sung by bards, memories from Wanda and a lot else, but this was the first time you properly saw him.

Pietro Maximoff was a handsome man, and the stories did him justice when it comes to regal stance and beauty. He walked as if he had everything figured out just like a King should.

The knights Barnes and Rumlow bowed instantly, dropping to their knees but Vision limited himself to turn and look at the man as if he were annoyed by the interruption. He probably was annoyed. He probably wanted to kill you.

“Lord Vision, I believe I already informed you about my concerns involving our hostage.” The exacerbated formal tone caught your attention. Pietro was a king, yes. But this was a prison, he didn’t have to act all regal in a place that stank more than any sewer.

“You have, my king, I was only having a conversation with her.” He side-eyed you as if to engrave your distasteful state into his brain for later, as if this meant he had won. 

“I see.” Pietro looks at you and you expect mockery, some snarky comment but nothing comes. “Leave, please.” He demands. “All of you.” The men were ready to protest but his somber expression left no room for any argument.

He didn’t know whether you were dangerous or not. Just as you had only heard about him, he had only heard about you and to step inside your cell without an escort or visible blade told you he was brave. Or he was a reckless fool. 

“The tales credited you a few inches higher, I’m afraid.” Pietro finally says something directed at you after a while sizing you up and down.

You spat another amount of blood, that hit the floor, for his shoes were keeping a wise distance from you. “Maybe you’re confused with my sword’s size, Your Highness.”

He looks at you for a moment, then chuckles. “Ahh ever the brave cub that keeps roaring even on a leash.” Despite the grin on his face, his words dripped with sarcasm.

“Did you come here to kill me already or will you keep mocking me until I die of boredom?” Your impatience was visible. It’s been too long and no one told you what was going to happen. Except for Vision telling you he’d marry the princess.

Certainly, you wouldn’t be held in this place forever. You were too much of a precious prize for that.

Again, Pietro chuckled and clicked his tongue as if disagreeing with your idea. “You know how these things work; I can’t kill you. You’re too valuable.” He patronized and you wished he was closer so you could headbutt him as well. You didn’t mind if your temper could get you killed, you were past the point of caring for what’s stored for your future.

Then, your head stopped thinking about your broken heart for a second and understood what they planned. A ransom deal that would grant them everything that they wanted. They’d redraw borders and Taharr would lose a lot.

In a futile attempt to discourage him, you lied. “She’ll never negotiate with you because of me.” It was plain and obvious to every person that ever heard about Queen Calanthe that she’d trade her soul to protect her children.

Again, Pietro tsks because he knew his enemy’s greatest weakness. “You know that’s not true. And if something were to happen to you, I’m sure Queen Calanthe would gather every capable person to fight, every sword, march north and stop for nothing until she has my head in a spike after breaking brick by brick down.” He explained, rather amused at the idea he painted with his mind eye. Though you knew she’d do exactly what he had said and more.

“I bet she’s already restless knowing you’re my hostage.” He crossed his arms and looked at you again. “But I gave her my word that you’ll be back alive, unscathed, the moment we draw new borders.”

Unscathed.

Sokovians probably needed an update of the meaning of this word. Despite calling you hostage, you were a prisoner, and it was only obvious you were paying for your crimes and sins. One of them, the worst of them, was your little romance with Wanda.

You closed your eyes at his words. Your fears proved to be true, you’d be the demise of entire families, not to mention how much your kingdom would lose because of you, because you couldn’t keep your pants on. People would suffer and that would be your fault, so much so for trying to stop the war.

“What did you ask?” You questioned through gritted teeth. “The highlands above Ororo’s Fortress?” In your head, it was only reasonable, because that would represent a great deal of farms and the heart of the golden mines.

Your train of thought was interrupted by his voice, though. “Everything above Red Widow Valley.” He smirked triumphantly as your eyes widened.

“That’s outrageous! She’ll never agree with that.” They were asking for more than a half of Taharr’s territory. The farms, the people, everyone who depended and relied on Taharr to not starve would suffer. Guilt weighted on your shoulders like heavy iron.

“She already has.” He stated simply, with a smug grin hanging in his mouth.

“You’re probably thinking so high of yourself, aren’t you?” You looked at him with eyes cold as ice and continued. “You play war as if your people were nothing, you play with a mother’s love…” A scornful look morphed your semblance. “But it’s pitiful that you had to use your own sister to get you what you failed to.”

At the mention of Wanda, his chill demeanor turned into a flame of anger. “You do not get to talk about my sister.” He yelled and you spat the blood on your mouth on the floor once again, this time, you realized he was much closer than before. “You played enough with her and had fun. Now go back to the whores waiting for you in Taharr.”

He dared to speak with you as if you were the one playing her heart when, in fact, she was taking piece by piece of you these past months.

All the hate in you flared. 

You wanted to hurt Pietro the same way you were hurting. All you wanted to do was to enumerate the despicable things you did in that bedroom with her. How you fucked her, how you had your way with her, and she still begged for you to fuck her harder.

You wanted to bring Wanda’s name lower than a whore’s, for, at least, with a whore you only get what you’re paying for. There was an urge in your heart compelling you to disclose your intimacy until his cheeks burned the same way your heart did from all the stabbing Wanda gave you.

But, in the end, you didn’t even have in you the strength to fight anymore let alone to pose as someone else other than a broken woman with a broken heart.

For once, there wasn’t in you that fire that was always present, that fire that compelled you to fight and stop only if Death claimed your body as hers. For once, the wild lioness couldn’t roar anymore.

“I loved your sister, Pietro.” Devoid of any humor or sarcasm, you spoke the truth of your heart. Why? There was nothing else left. “Even though she lured me to fuck with me and get your goddamn deal. We both know she was the one using me, instead of the other way around.”

Something shone behind Pietro’s eyes, but you couldn’t pinpoint what it was. They were so alike and at the same time they were so different that your brain short-circuited. When he spoke, there wasn’t mockery or sarcasm either. Which surprised you.

“Did you really fall in love, Young Lioness?”

He was close and you could finally headbutt him, but you were so devoid of fight or self-respect that you relented. Every single one of your mother’s rules went out of the window. That tale of not showing your enemy what’s in your heart? Or not showing your weakness? There was no point in hiding anymore.

You were defeated.

“How could I have not?”

—

The travel to the south was murderously slow.

As your retinue passed the villages that still belonged to Taharr but in a few weeks would belong to Sokovia, your heart broke over and over. You could swear that people looked at you with disapproving eyes at your actions even though they couldn’t really see you inside the wagon. Or know what you have done. Yet.

You hated wagons and asked to ride a horse, but they considered that you could run and disappear somewhere once in Taharr’s lands. They were probably right.

You hadn’t thought about escaping, but that idea would, most certainly, occur any time after you were surrounded by your kingdom’s vegetation, forests or villages. You knew basically everything about your territory, and this would obviously be an advantage.

Hence the wagon. And your boredom.

If the constant visits of Vision were a pain in the ass, not having visits at all were far worse if that makes any sense. You hated the man for gloating or mocking you but at least you could hate him and not suffer alone as you did when you were all by yourself.

Your wounds were treated before you could march south and the food was no longer distasteful, it was only bad. Which was a huge improvement, considering you still stayed in your cell with that smell, no longer chained to the ceiling. 

Your routine of self-loathing was only disturbed by the guards serving you food, for not even King Pietro or one of the knights came to your cell again. Natasha Romanoff never showed up at your cell, doesn’t even need to mention that you never caught sight of Wanda, not even a glimpse of that auburn hair.

When you finally reached Triskelion, it felt like every single person was on the streets to see the Sokovian legion arriving at the Castle, something unheard of since the early days of the Golden Accords.

Only the noble dignitaries and their protection unit were allowed inside the castle walls, as for the rest of the Sokovians prepared their camp somewhere on the left side of the main wall, outside the Keeper itself, where your people would keep an eye on their movements day and night.

You expected loath and hatred in your mother’s eyes, but you were surprised when you saw relief. You had been reckless like never before and you were sure you’d be punished for it, yet it never came. Somehow, it made you feel worse. You didn’t deserve compassion.

“Oh darling, I’m so glad you’re back home.” Her kind words warmed your heart, that so desperately needed some love and rest.

Loki’s face was pale, and you knew he hadn’t been sleeping or eating properly. Just like when you were taken by the Kree and Witch Harkness, Loki probably thought you’d die, and he’d lose his sister. It pained you that you caused him more distress.

Maria and Carol greeted you with the same intensity as they chastised you and that brought a sense of normalcy that put your heart at ease.

The following days you were treated by the castle doctors, and you took your time to heal and rest. Your bed never felt so welcoming, but you couldn’t take from your head the memory of Wanda’s. How soft and how warm her duvets were whenever she laid by your side.

It was obvious that your feelings for her would take a long, long time to fade off. If ever.

As the negotiations advanced, you could sense the restlessness building up on the room full of nobles. Taharrians and Sokovians.

While the latter wanted to move on fast and redraw the borders, Taharrians insisted that they needed to wait for King Tony’s approval of the new border and, especially, King T’Challa’s arrival, for he had requested to be present for the negotiations.

It was only reasonable. Taharr had a peaceful agreement with both Kingdom’s about borders but when it comes to the Embaku’s Forest on the east between Wakanda and Taharr, things were even more complicated than that.

Wakandans believed this forest was sacred and their spirits wandered about the trees to connect again so they could guide their people into prosperity. Your mother and your past relatives always respected their beliefs and never invaded or hunted anywhere near the forest.

King T’Challa, however, wanted to make sure the Sokovians would understand and respect this as well. But if you had learnt anything at all, it is that Sokovians loved a good scheme, were power-hungry and untrustworthy.

Especially untrustworthy.

Your back ached and your bones screamed with every turn and strike you managed with your sword, just as it did with every blow parried by your shield. You looked around bewildered; only moments ago there was a group of nobles discussing new terms and agreements which, somehow, erupted into a fight.

And, with the increasing numbers of Sokovians flooding the halls and chambers of Triskelion, you knew this was an invasion. Someone opened the gates and now a crimson and silver legion inundated your home.

Anger filled you whole and your chest wanted to burst. How many times would you be betrayed by a Sokovian?

You saw Maria running like a wild mare trying to get the Taharrian troops into the castle, for there were only a few units serving as patrol and escort. With Lord Barton lost, deceased or prisoner, information yet unknown, his legion was still adjusting to the new commander so they would take time to arrive.

Lord Wilson fought by your side, and this was probably an order from your mother. You wouldn’t complain this time though, your body was still trying to recover from dehydration, starvation, and from the physical and emotional slaughter.

You tried and failed to get a glimpse of your mother’s whereabouts, because the sea of red was overwhelming. The castle was cramped, so much so that it felt like the air filling your lunges wasn’t enough.

A sword came dangerously close to your head, but you blocked it in the nick of the time. This wouldn’t be a great time to get headless, you mused. With extreme difficulty, and great effort, you pushed back the Sokovians out of the Castle.

They were strong, organized and knew exactly what to do. This was odd. There was a traitor among Taharrians, and you couldn’t, for the life in you, think who would be capable of such absurdity.

From the castle walls it was possible to see Sokovians outside the Main Wall reinforced with two units that belonged to Hydrarr trying to organize a siege, it was definitely odd. If Hydrarr was responsible for stealing and burning Sokovian’s farms, how were they friends now?

Something didn’t add up.

The attempt of railing and controlling the castle backfired and with the arrival of Wakanda’s retinue, Sokovians and Hydrarrians got caught between your troops and the Wakandans. The whole fight lasted almost a day, but you finally stopped the enemies and forced their retreat to the north.

It was certainly a coup.

There were far too many soldiers on your escort in the first place and, even if they were afraid of insurgents as they had said, there were far too many units for a simple border draw. The group of nobles representing Sokovia was made of low-ranking nobles, no one really important to lose in a fight and, except for Sir Rumlow, you didn’t know who they really were.

Sokovians and Hydrarrians tried to overthrow your mother in the most violent and less honorable way possible. The gods should be thanked that the Wakandans arrived in time.

You searched the castle after your mother, but she was nowhere to be seen and even people who saw her fighting said they lost track of her. There was this nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach that something was wrong, very much so.

There were people, friend or foe, being carried to the medical bays to be attended to. As were the bodies. After you left the great hall and reached the main corridor, your heart sank when you saw Lady Carol kneeled beside the lifeless body of Knight Belova.

Knight Yelena Belova was one of the fiercest warriors in the whole continent. First, she served as spy, then requested to serve as knight and soon was graced with the honor of being one the Queen’s protector. The most noble and valuable warrior. And now she was laying on the ground in a poodle of blood surrounded by enemies’ bodies.

She fell fighting like a giant, you thought. However, you hated yourself for not paying the proper respect to her service and sacrifice because all you could think of was your mother.

A trail of blood not far from Belova guided you to another room, a few steps away from where you were now. As soon as your eyes landed on the figure in red and white clothes laying on the floor, you felt as though your heart’s going to explode right then and there.

You ran towards your mother, but it felt like your feet were moving through the water.

The second you reached her, you sank to your knees and only then you saw Loki sobbing by her side. He had her head over his lap and held her hand tight. You grabbed the other and it was cold, sickening cold.

“Mother.” You cried but there was no answer. You hoped she’d crack a smile or maybe simply look at you, but she didn’t move, she didn’t open her eyes. “Mother!” You called, urgently, this time. As if some energy could wake her up.

“Sister.” Loki called. His tone was already mourning, grieving, as if to tell you the truth. A truth that you couldn’t take or accept.  

“No.” You replied, shaking your head as if throwing a tantrum right then would make any difference, as if it could change fate. As if it could change the fact that your mother was gone and you weren’t there for her, even if to hold her and see the light fading from her eyes.

Your body shook terribly as though your soul was about to slip through your pores. She died a hero’s death, fighting. As she always said she wanted, but you couldn’t believe it, and in a selfish thought, you realized she was gone without teaching you everything you needed.

She was gone when you needed her the most. After all, you would always need her. She was your hero, your beacon. 

“Sister,” He tried again. “She’s gone.” His voice had an edge of something, as if he was trying to convince himself. You took him in and saw his robes stained with blood but no visible weapon, though it didn’t look like he was hurt.

“What happened?” You averted your gaze from your mother and met his. There was so much going on behind his eyes that kept your attention until they finally focused. He was lost and so were you.

It was all your fault. If you hadn’t decided to sneak into Wolfgang City, you wouldn’t have gotten caught and this absurd ploy orchestrated by the Sokovians or Hydrarrians wouldn’t have existed. If this deal had never happened, your mother would still be alive.

Hot tears slipped down your face freely, you were responsible for her death in the same way whoever wielded the sword that took her life was. Grief already soaked your bones as all you could think was everything you did wrong.

“I- I- tried, but-.” Loki tried to speak, but his voice trembled just like his body. He was in shock.

“You saw who did this?” Your voice brought his eyes back to you, he was confused and hurting, yet there was something about his expression that brought that uneasiness back to your stomach.

“Ru- Rumlow. I- I- think.” He stuttered more so sobbed the answer as he used his sleeve to clean the blood, sweat and tears staining his face. Then, you took him in and his clothes properly.

“Loki…” Your brother wasn’t a warrior per se, but with an invasion like the one they had just witnessed it was only reasonable that he’d be sporting a chest blade or shield at least. But there was nothing visible around him. Not even a blade or his famous scepter. “Where's your armor?”

Your tone startled him. His eyes darted around like a cornered animal. “Where were you this whole time?” You asked because you couldn’t remember his whereabouts ever since the breakfast that he, uncharacteristically, skipped.

“I- hm. I was-.” Stutter is not a trait that you’d ever associate with him. His demeanor shifted from shocked to someone realizing they’re on thin ice.

Your patience waned off instantly.

“Spill it out.” You hissed and it was absurd that you were about to argue with your brother over your mother’s dead body, but his behavior was too strange for you to ignore. Or you were just too paranoid by this point.

“I- Please, sister, you have to believe me. None of this was meant to happen.” His voice waved, he was about to cry again and the lump forming on your throat made it impossible for you to breathe properly. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

You blinked. His words resonated in your ear as your brain tried to process every single word and what they really meant. You started to shake your head as they sank in, already dismissing the possibility of what was being presented before you. “Are you telling me you’re involved in this?”

“No.” He bellowed, as if your accusation was outrageous. “Oh gods, this is so messed up.” His eyes shot to the ceiling for a second then, they focused on yours again. “I was supposed to facilitate their entry, but they weren’t supposed to touch you. Or mother.” Loki’s eyes were hollow, haunted by his own actions.

You knew that. You could see it. His guilt was consuming him already, but you too were being consumed.

“You betrayed us, Loki! Your mother! Your sister! Your kingdom! And for what?” You grabbed him by the front of his robes and shook him violently, as if the action could knock some sense into his head.

“All I wanted was what is mine by right! I am a King with no kingdom.” He yelled, slapping your hands away from him. “They betrayed me.”

His slap hurt just as the weight of his words did. Though deeply hurting, anger was the only feeling accessible in that moment. “King of what, Loki?” Anger was the only feeling that you could rely on to not fall apart entirely, so you held onto it and let it course through you like the blood you had in your veins.

“In Jotunheim I’d be a King!” He puffed his chest as if it was plain obvious and anger boiled in him due your lack of understanding. And how could you? Loki thought. You were born and raised to be a queen, his unfaithful fate was barely a nuisance to you.

“In Jotunheim you’d be dead!” It was your turn to shout and bring him out of his head, bring him back to reality.

“Can’t you see that this is my birthright?” He asked, almost in a plea and you shook your head vehemently, as if he was being a stupid child.

“And you thought that overthrowing your mother, the woman that raised you as her own child, was the right way of achieving it?” Your head tilted to the side with your sarcastic question, and he opened his mouth to speak, but you weren’t done yet.

“As far as I know, Jotunheim is deep in a civil war again after the eighth in line killed the sixth. The third is crippled in a bed waiting for death’s mercy and all the others died, except for you, the seventh in line. And that’s because of her.”

Every word leaving your mouth felt like a double edge knife. Cutting him just as deep as it was cutting you. Tears streamed down his face as the bigger picture downed in his brain.

“I- I- sister, I beg you. You have to understand, I never wanted this to happen.” He was torn, his decisions would be the grave his grief would bury him in. “Please, forgive me.” He pleaded, suffering in advance.

Now his fate lies in your hands.

“No Loki.” You opened your mouth to continue, but you were devastated and devoid of words or strength to keep talking.

His eyes shot up and searched yours for something, anything. But there was just emptiness.

“No. There must be a way! You are my sister…” His eyes darted around, then focused on yours as he tried again. “Please, tell me what I should do. Anything and I’ll fix it-.”

You stared back at him as he searched his intelligent brain for a way to be forgiven. May your mother forgive you someday, but you couldn’t deal with it anymore.

“Run, Loki.” Your voice broke the silence, and he frowned at your answer or their meaning. “Run and don’t you dare to ever come back.” Your voice did not waver once, unlike how you really felt inside your heart.

“But I- you don’t-.” He stuttered once more, pale with the horrors he had just seen and with the horrors he would face as soon as he left the castle. Loki knows he’d be wanted and hunted down like a mad dog if he decided to stay in Taharr and knew that he’d be dead the second he stepped in Jotunheim territory.

Hells, without the queen’s protection, wherever he decided to go would be too dangerous for him. He was doomed.

Your disgust was evident when you interrupted him. “You don’t understand what your greed did to me. I lost my mother and my brother at the same time.” Sadness emerged in your eyes for the briefest of moments before you finished your sentence. “Leave immediately, you don’t belong to this kingdom anymore.”

Turning your back on him, you laid on the floor right by your mother's side and stood there. The cold of the marble floor impregnating your skin as her blood soaked your clothes, your soul and heart.

Despite the words spoken towards Loki, you knew you were just as guilty as he or Sir Rumlow was. Your greed brought your mother’s demise just as your brother’s did.

Your greed of thinking that you could end the war. The greed of thinking, wishing even, that you were allowed to love. Greed of believing that Wanda fell for you the way you did for her, when, in turn, you should’ve known better.

As you wept and mourned your dear mother, you remembered the last conversation you had had with her. If you only knew it’d be your last.

The what ifs would drive you mad before the sun rose in the horizon, for sure.

“I’m sorry mother. I failed.” Your voice was low, a far cry from your usually confident self.

“You did.” She stated as she offered you the cup of tea. “That makes you human.”

You smiled at her. Maybe she got too scared of losing her daughter, for she was being too subtle and forgiving in a way that was mostly out of character for her.

“You see, love, life is not an easy game to play.” She patted you on your face lightly, as she always did when she needed you to look intently at her and show you tenderness at the same time. “As a ruler, as a future queen, the path is even more tortuous.”

“Do you mean tortuous as complex or devious?” You took a sip from the liquid as lavender invaded your nostrils. Chamomile and lavender, she knew you hadn’t been sleeping. Of course she did.

“Both.” She smiled softly.

“Are you going to punish me?” You blatantly asked, almost ignoring what she had said. But you absorbed her words and their meaning. Life would be – was – difficult and deceitful at the same time.

You watched as Calanthe had the gall to laugh at your question, but then she shook her head lightly. “I believe you’re already doing it for yourself, love.” She patted your knee as she took a seat by your side.

The trees on the fields ahead were long naked, devoid of their leaves or fruits due winter, yet they were still beautiful, somehow.

“I was a fool and now our people will pay the price.” Your words were harsh, but not directed at her. It was all directed at you.

“They probably will, but you must not forget about the others under your command. If you keep looking at what you lost, you may lose even more by neglecting what you still have.” Her wisdom reached your ears and heart, but you retorted.

“How can we rebuild from this low?” Your voice resembled a child facing a puzzle or a challenge they cannot solve on their own and she smiled kindly at you, she probably saw it the same way.

“Well, love, I’ve learnt a long, long time ago to let myself get cut to always return whole with spring.” She spoke, not looking at you this time, but to the trees ahead on the fields.

“What?” You requested clarification and she gave it to you.

“You see how the trees always lose their leaves and get pruned over the winter? This is natural and the trim is a must so their branches can grow stronger. When spring arrives, the beauty returns to the trees, and they’ll grow whole again, with leaves, flowers, fruits…” The queen explained, all the while with a tender smile on her face, as though she’s explaining the meaning of life to an infant.

And, in fact, she was.

“You’re facing your winter, love, you’re getting pruned, and I know it hurts. But you’ll come back whole, you just must be patient and wait for the spring.” Her hand rested on yours and gave it a light squeeze. “Your kingdom will spring too, you just need to work through its winter.”

As her words sank in, your spirit felt renewed with a sense of duty and obligation to your people. You’d fight for their safety, and you’d work on deals to grant the families the decision to choose which realm they’d live in.   

Nodding slightly, you replied. “I will.”

“I expect nothing different.” The warmth provided by her hand and words were so welcomed that had you closing your eyes. You missed home, especially, you missed your mother. “And to answer your question, I could never punish you for following your heart.”

You opened your eyes to see her dark orbs boring into yours with the same tenderness that she used to look at you after falling from your horse when you were still learning how to ride. They were intense, they were protective, they were everything you could focus on.

Out of everything you could or should say, your chest spoke first. “Will it hurt like this forever, mother?” Right then and there, you were only a child scared of their first time hurt and she softened her features even more.

“Oh love,” She hugged you and you reveled on the warmth provided by her embrace and love. “I’m afraid I don’t have the answer for this, as my short experience with your father, I still miss him.” You took a deep breath. Your father isn’t often mentioned, it was like an open wound how he died so soon after your birth.

“I feel so stupid for being lured into that trap.” Your voice was muffled by her chest as she caressed your head, fingertips playing with the baby hairs growing on your hairline.

“You shouldn’t feel stupid for having feelings.” She kissed your forehead lightly, then resumed her ministrations. It was soothing, healing. “If anything it shows me you have a heart.”

“I hate her for what she did to me, and I hate that I can’t hate her.” You felt her chest moving, she chuckled at your words and their ambiguity. You drew back to look at her in the eyes and spoke again. “I mean it, I- I hate her and love her at the same damn time.”

You sighed and relented, for you had finally come out with your true feelings. You didn’t count that desperate and pitiful confession to Pietro. “Because only love can hurt like this, right?” You asked and again, you looked like a youngling about to enter a maze. Insecure and scared.

She nodded, trying to bite back the emotion striking her chest, as a mother she hated everything you had been through. As a mother, she hated the marks – visible or not – the Sokovian princess had caused you. As a mother, your suffering was physically painful for her to testify.

As a queen, though, she knew this was a lesson you had to learn. As a queen, she knew this would only make you tougher, no matter how daunting everything looked now. As a queen, she knew this was a path for you to understand – fully – how one single action has its burdens.

“You should make Loki next in line, for I’m not fit to be a queen.” Your blunt words brought her out of her head, and she blinked several moments before speaking.

“Where’s this coming from?” Her head turned fast to look at you, to look you in the eye and maybe pierce the answer herself.

Completely uncomfortable, you shrugged your shoulders avoiding eye contact at any cost. However, you gave her the answer she had requested. “Look at the mess I’ve made, look at the mess I am.”

With the corner of your eye, you saw her frown for a moment, then spoke. “I see a strong woman and nothing less. As for the mess, Pietro can have the gold, love, but he’ll eventually learn that he can’t eat metal in winter.”

Her hand softly touched yours, the comfort of the gesture couldn’t be measured in words, in fact, you thought your chest could burst with unshed tears, as if you were just a child weeping after their hurt knee. Though you couldn’t. You weren’t just a child anymore.

“As for the mess, you made a mistake. Do you think I’m perfect?” She completed after your silence, staring at your intertwined hands. You didn’t have to look up to see a small smile creeping to her lips.

“I do.” You replied sincerely and finally looked at her.

Almost out of character, the queen laughed. A wholehearted laugh erupted from her chest. “Thank you, but no, I did a lot and still do nowadays. When we make a choice, it can be good or bad. You just must live long enough to see which one is and have courage enough to fight to make it right, to make another choice hoping it’s for the best.”

Her index finger touched your nose softly, just like she used to when you were younger when she wanted to make a point. To point at you. “And you, love, you’re the bravest person I have ever met.”

“My courage just gets me in trouble, mother.” It was your turn to frown and look at her as if to double check if she weren’t mocking you. You had a lot of courage, indeed. You never backed down from a fight, never settled for the easy thing to do but the right one. Yeah, and there was always a huge problem hunting after your tail.

“You were brave enough to love your enemy, this tells me much.” Her words caught you out of guard, but a fond smile told she wasn’t mocking, or mad, it was as if she appreciated your stupid decisions. “That’s no easy feature and that’s why I know you’ll protect and be kind to our people. Your kingdom.”

“It’s your kingdom, my queen.” Your brows were furrowed again, not quite liking her tone or the direction this conversation was taking.  

“One day it will be yours, love.” A satisfied smirk punctuating her sentence.

A hand violently shaking your shoulder brought your head back to present and the pain coursing through your chest was now back on full force. Your eyes snapped open and found the source of the hand being Lady Maria Rambeau.

“Oh by the gods you’re alive.” The woman spoke at your movement, fussing all over to find a wound. “You’re so pale and there’s so much blood…” Her voice trailed off at the end, cementing your heart with the painful truth.

“Maria, she- she’s gone.” You sobbed and her eyes softened tons at your broken voice and expression.

“I know.” She spoke gently while trying to make you get up from where you were laying. “And now I need you to rise from the ground, my Queen.”

The weight of her words hit you like a spear piercing your heart. The weight of your destiny fell on your shoulders like a blanket made of ice-cold metal.

“How?” You asked dumbly. You were not sure whether she meant the literal ground, the cold stone ground your body was half laying, half seating on or the pit of madness and chaos you and your whole kingdom got into.

You were not sure of how you could do either.

You were lost.

Suddenly, you were transported to a memory of when you were just a kid chasing after a foal that got lost into the woods near the royal stables. Like a brave little silly, you entered the tree line, but it didn’t take long for you to get lost. Every tree looked exactly like the other and soon you didn’t know what was left and right.

Much like then, you felt that lost. There was no right or left nor up and down. Just a rock bottom of misery staring back at you.

The person who had found you cornered into the trunk of a tree crying like a silly lost girl back then, wasn’t here anymore to guide you. Your mother was gone, and this was a reality you couldn’t escape.

“Why do we fall?” Maria’s voice brought your attention back to her. A kind smile matching her kind eyes towards you, her protégé.

“What?” You asked, again, dumbly. Not really understanding what she wanted from you or for an answer.

“Why do we fall?” She asked again as if it would make any sense. After realizing you were too shocked to properly answer, she clarified. “So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.”

Her voice resonated throughout the room, but in your ears you could all but hear your mother’s voice and wisdom. This was the exact same sentence she had spoken so many years ago, after tenderly picking you from the ground.

Your mind was a whirlwind; This time it was your time to pick yourself up, you’d have to climb this hole by yourself.

Your brother betrayed you, your mother was dead and now you were the supreme ruler of Taharr. The people – your people – would look after you for guidance, for protection, to be their light in the darkest times, such as the ones you are facing now.

Getting up from the literal ground, you were back on your feet and though your knees were a little bit wobble, you kept your stance. Only now seeing Lady Carol and Lord Samuel also arrived in the room, eyes down with respect towards the body of your mother.

“Sam, help me take her to her room. Carol, gather the morticians to prepare her.” Your voice shook a little with grief and pain. Maybe being strong and trying to be a queen wouldn’t be an easy feat. Not that you thought it would.

After another intake of air, you turned to Maria and this time your voice was firmer. “Maria, you and I are climbing the north tower so I can light up the Goblet of Fire.” Some sort of reassurance took over your body as you decided to proceed with the costumes and traditions of when a king or queen dies in Taharr.

The next in line would be the one to light the fire that could be seen miles and miles away from Triskelion. The next in line would be the one to deliver the somber news to their people.

“We have an announcement to make.” You finished grimily.

taglist:@californianwhiterabbit @cowxpoke

Final

#queens of promise #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff #angst #wanda x fem #wanda x oc #wanda x fem!reader #wanda x you #wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff x fem! reader #wanda maximov #princess reader #princess wanda #medieval au

[ryuichirou]

Replies

More replies! Related to our posts from yesterday + a couple of JadeSil ones from a while ago.

Anonymous asked:

I guess Sebek will be annoyed on waking up in the morning with Silver only to realized animals are around.

lol yeah, imagine falling asleep with Silver and waking up to that one scene from Bambi where all the animals greet the new prince. Things Sebek has to get used to….

hipsterteller asked:

Welp at least they didn’t find a skeleton

You mean… under the birdies?! Spooky..!

Anonymous asked:

Poor Jamil can't catch a break even at clubs.. (he secretly loves it, don't tell anyone lol he's shy)

- basketball poly asker

(this is related to a reply from yesterday)

Yeeeah, it’s probably better for Jamil when he gets pestered by these boys: this way he gets to have some action but also don’t proactively seek it out lol But of course the thought itself would never occur to Jamil! It’s all his subconscious mind.

Anonymous asked:

Hehe...imagine Azul seeing Jamil and Ace together. Another jealously alert. Even better, Jamil, Ace, and Floyd together.

Azul would get jealous with anyone who gets close to Jamil probably lol So with Ace it would be the same scenario as it is with Ruggie: he’s confused about Jamil’s choice and tries to win him over.

And with Floyd, well, Azul would just have to shut up and be patient and hope that Floyd gets bored of Jamil… because if he tells Floyd to stop, Floyd is just going to cling to Jamil even more :(

Anonymous asked:

Hi! I’m that JadeSil shipper from that one ask, is it okay if you can give some hcs on how would Silver’s first time would go if it was with Jade?

+

Anonymous asked:

I have Jade/Sil brainrot after seeing some other people talk about it…(and totally not because I am dirty minded)

What if one day Silver was eating Mushroom Risotto but it had a “special” mushroom (courtesy of Jade)  which had an aphrodisiac-like effect. Silver eventually asks Jade for help on why he feels so weird…and you can imagine how the rest goes

Sorry it took me so long to reply, Anon! Or are you two different Anons..? In any case, I’m sorry for taking so much time and for not giving a satisfying answer: since these two aren’t a ship we’re very invested in, even though we like it in theory, I won’t come up with any headcanons, but I’ll share my thoughts…. Because when I started to think about their first time, the setup I came up with was pretty much the same as what was mentioned in this second ask lol

Since the main theme/motif of their relationship that I always think about is mushrooms, I think the whole thing will start with Jade’s fascination with Silver’s appetite for mushrooms and his appreciation of them. And for a very long time, he would simply feed him without adding anything suspicious to it, but then he’ll notice just how good Silver is at describing the differences between different kinds of mushrooms Jade uses for the risotto. So of course he’s going to be tempted to feed him a “special mushroom”…

Poor Silver would be so conflicted. He never expected to get poisoned, and Jade seems deeply concerned as well… but is he really?  And would Jade really make such a mistake?

So yeah, long story short, Silver’s instinct would probably be to try to get back to his room and hide there until he gets better, but the poison is too strong, and with all his actions and words being just a big blur, he’ll end up having sex with Jade.

Jade is going to be surprised y Silver though, because while he knows that a lot of what’s going on is due to aphrodisiac (that was the whole idea), some of the things just seemed way too “natural”: Silver’s body is clearly used to having intense and lengthy sex, his movements are very intentional and he even has some noticeable preferences. Silver wouldn’t say a word during their first time (he just couldn’t articulate – he was too aroused), but his body language spoke volumes. Jade would probably be quite intrigued by him…

(whoops I guess I wrote it in a way that it isn't Silver's first time, I just noticed that...sorry!!)

#replies #jadesil

[biteofcherry]

The latest part of Grain of Truth was so 😋 yummy!

Thank u for that wonder part!

I have questions if u don't mind 💓don't answer if u don't like or feel pressure!!!!

1. When did he fall in love with her? The second he saw her or did it grow?

2. Did he know that he was going to bite her with out having a conversation?

3. Is steve excited that she can feel him?

4. When was the last relationship he had or has he never really committed until the reader?

5. How much does he like that reader is unknowledgeable on Alpha omega relationships and he gets to teach her?

6. Would steve ever let reader dominate him?

Don't answer if u don't want to!

Love ya❤️

Hey there Anon! I don't mind these questions at all, thank you for being so interested in the story to reach out with them 🥰 I really love interacting with you guys ❤ so don't ever hesitate to send me asks.

Under the cut, because it turned long

1..Steve didn't fall in love right away, but he allowed himself that to happen rather quickly, because he accepted she's his true mate. In his mind, if he meets his true mate it means they're in a sense perfect for him, so he has nothing to worry about opening up to her. There was definitely fascination first, especially with how Omega reacted and fought. Then he learned more and more about her, spent time with her and the love just bloomed. To be honest, the actual sense of love came when he was away? Because then Omega fully willingly interacted with him, she sent him messages and pictures every day. To him it felt like she started caring and showing more of her true self to him.

2. The thing with Steve in the alpha/omega dynamic is that he's aware of the nuances and details, and often forgets (ignores) that she isn't. To him it was natural and normal, because they're true mates and that's what should happen at some point. Omega had her own prejudiced view on the bite and Steve didn't consider it at all. The fact he's also a very dominating and possessive alpha also played the part. Steve knew he was going to bite her sooner or later. Omega's heat meant it was going to happen sooner, because as filthy it all is, it's also very intimate and Steve wanted to share that intimacy fully - aka expose his feelings with this bite. Because that's what a bonding bite is to him - the highest form of showing feelings and vulnerability.

3. He's very excited she can feel him, partially because he loves and trusts her, but also because he hopes it makes her more open to mating and makes her like it (which is manipulative of him, but that's how Steve is when he wants to get it his way)

4. I've answered a similar ask before. Steve had a few short-term relationships and one longer, which was simply his “first love” back in high school. His later relationships were much shorter, mostly focused on sex, but some also on good company. He was never deeply committed, because Steve was always waiting for his true mate. But he was honest with his partners about his view on those relations. And he was always respectful of his partners and cared for them as much as he could.

5. Steve doesn't like it at all 😂 It frustrates him to no end. Sure, giving his manipulative tendencies he could use it to his advantage to "shape" her the way he wants, but he's not interested in that. Omega having little knowledge of the truths is one of the reasons their beginning was so rocky and fucked up. It's also why she freaks out at the bite, which nearly causes Steve a migraine. He wants her to learn the truths from reliable sources, like the actual classes (which she revealed to have skipped in the past) or at least talking with Amita about details they never talked about in their friendship, because Amita never thought her friend's knowledge has gigantic holes in it.

6. Also answered this in the past - Steve would let her be on top or initiate things, but the alpha streak wouldn't allow for his omega to be fully in control. So even if she's the one climbing him and pushing him down (yeah, he definitely had to allow for that, she's no match for his strength), Steve's hands are guiding her moves. He may be sneaky about, she may not even notice, but it's Steve who holds the reins.

There will be, in the future, a little glimpse of Omega going possessive and a tad dominating, but Steve easily flips it around (for mutual benefits) 😏

#anonymous #reply #grain of truth #alpha steve rogers x omega reader #alpha steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x female reader

[biconickyoshi]

hey there!

this might be like a weird ask, but i've seen you post a lot about the legend of korra, so.

do you think it's worth watching the show? i've been avoiding it for a while now simply because i'm afraid it's gonna disappoint. i know it is a separate narrative with entirely new characters, but from the few scenes i've seen it just looks sooooo different from the gaang's story that i'm just afraid they've butchered the original universe. plus, my favorite character from atla is aang, and i do not know if any character from korra will have that same kind of charm.

on the other hand, i know it attracts a lot of fans. what do you think?:)

(btw, amazzzzzzing job on both your zukaang fanfic and the artwork for it !!)

Hi anon! :) This isn't a weird ask at all, I'd be happy to help!

So the short answer is: yes, I think it's worth watching! I know exactly how you feel - Aang is also my favorite AtLA character, so I was also very apprehensive when LoK was first announced way back in like 2011. But my apprehension didn't stop me from looking forward to and eventually enjoying it, mainly because AtLA was/still is my strongest and longest running hyperfixation to date, and I (especially at that time) was willing to consume any scrap of media related to it lol. We were very starved for content in the olden days :')

I'll go ahead and give you a spoiler-free breakdown of the four LoK seasons - this might help you decide:

Book 1: Air is definitely is quite a bit different from AtLA (which was done on purpose by the creators to differentiate it so it wouldn't just feel like the exact same show). Book 1 is still my least favorite of the LoK seasons for this reason (as well as for questionable writing decisions), but there are still some great moments. You may notice that Book 1 ends very "neatly" - this is because LoK was originally supposed to be a miniseries before Nickelodeon picked it up for 3 more seasons (which I think was a large part of why the writing suffers a lot in the first half of the show as a whole).

Book 2: Spirits also starts out pretty rough (with more questionable writing decisions), but it picks up about halfway through. Some people say this is their least favorite season, but I've always enjoyed it overall a ton more than Book 1. While some of the additions to the lore of the Avatar and the Spirit World are polarizing amongst the fandom (and there are some things I wish they'd done differently), I still ate that shit up when it first aired lol.

Book 3: Change is where, in my and many others' opinions, the show suddenly rises to the same level of quality as AtLA. There's a lot of traveling, we get to see some familiar faces and several classic AtLA locations from Book 2: Earth, the villains are the best villains in any Avatar media, and the plot and emotional core of the season are just so, so good. I can't say any more because I don't want to spoil even a little bit of it. I personally think LoK is worth watching just for this season alone.

Book 4: Balance is not as good as Book 3, but I enjoyed it a lot more than Book 1 and Book 2. It does a really good job of exploring trauma/PTSD and the relevance of the role of the Avatar in a modernizing world, and is a decent followup to Book 3. What happens at the end of Book 4 is also SO culturally impactful (not sure if you know why, but I won't say anything specific), especially for queer AtLA fans such as myself.

While LoK definitely isn't perfect, I still accept it as canon for the world of Avatar, and it's still a show I've rewatched several times (though I tend to skip a lot of Book 1 and the first half of Book 2 when I do lmao). If you decide to watch it, go in with an open mind knowing that it is not going to be exactly like AtLA. Even in the not-as-good seasons, there's still some gems to behold. And what's also nice about LoK is that each season is about 12ish episodes, so you'll get to the really good stuff (Book 3) pretty quickly if you binge lol.

Feel free to send me another ask if you have any more specific questions about LoK! :)

#asks #lok #legend of korra #avatar the last airbender #atla #tlok #the legend of korra

[addictedtostorytelling]

Hi! Would you be able to talk a bit about how you see Sara's relationship with Abby Fisher?

hi, anon!

so i will warn you up front: i am a great hater of the later seasons of csi and don't really have anything nice to say about them. that so, this answer is pretty critical of the writing of episode 15x12 "dead woods" and its depiction of sara and abby's relationship.

to give a "desalinized" short version of what i say below here: i actually like the impulse behind the whole "sara has a relationship with a foster kid" storyline; i just don't think the writers executed the idea well. logistically, the whole thing has more than a few holes. also, the vibes are off. ultimately, i have a difficult time emotionally investing because the implied depth just isn't there.

for a much saltier (and longer) explanation, click the "keep reading."

__

so here's the thing: one of the many skills which the writers of the later seasons of the show lacked was the ability to imply depth in their narratives.

while most of the time, this deficiency manifested in the form of them failing to provide any kind of contextual details about the characters' lives outside of work—would it have killed them to have sara occasionally mention visiting grissom or to every once in a while show her on the phone with him past s11?—it also sometimes did so in the form of them attempting to shoehorn in biographical information for the established characters that either contradicted or at least didn't mesh well with previously related canonical facts (e.g., when they accidentally changed sara's birthday, only to later change it back again).

and, to me, the whole abby fisher storyline falls into that latter category.

don't get me wrong: on paper, i think having sara connect with a foster child and mentor her is a really wonderful idea. executed properly, it could have been a source for some truly interesting character development for her—which, god knows, in the later seasons, she was severely lacking!—and may have even been something healing for her.

it's just—

to my mind, the way the storyline was written is so unbelievable and ultimately incongruent from sara's previously established character history that i can't really buy into it, either intellectually or emotionally.

problem #1 is the supposed timeline of it all.

within the episode, we learn that sara works the fisher case and first meets abby on 08.20.04, as is shown by the dates on the evidence photos taken at the original scene. however, that date falls right during the same interval when sara is supposedly on vacation between s4 and s5 (see episodes 04x23 "bloodlines" and 05x01 "viva las vegas").

and i know, i know! really, that discrepancy is such a small thing that only a truly nitpicky fan like myself might even notice!

i should probably just let it go.

but the thing is, it's not just an issue of sara not technically being in vegas or around to work the case at that time but also one of her not being in the right mental/emotional state to be able open up to a traumatized child then, either.

more on that point below.

furthermore, it's also not the only "fudge" of its kind.

in fact, it's actually indicative of a more general inattention to detail on the parts of the writers.

anthony zuiker took the lead writing credit for this episode, and, honestly, he's somewhat notorious for not knowing his own show's canon. he prides himself on being a big picture "ideas" guy, not a minutiae/details guy, and sometimes, the fact that he isn't the latter thing is really, really obvious. i mean, this is the same man who had to crowdsource major story arc recaps from fans on twitter to remind him of what had been going on on his own show before he wrote the series finale, for chrissake! and even then, he still got a bunch of the "fine print" stuff, like grissom not knowing who russell is, wrong.

this error being just one among many makes me less willing to ignore and/or gloss over it.

beyond the issue of sara's initial meeting with abby not fitting the timeline of the earlier seasons, equally as improbable is the notion that sara maintains regular contact with abby after they first meet.

for one thing, in the early seasons of the show when sara supposedly first meets abby, sara is a notorious workaholic who maxes out on overtime every month. if she's working 70+ hours a week on a graveyard schedule, when is she making time to have visits with this kid—and especially considering that said visits likely have to be scheduled long in advanced and supervised (because there are very strict rules in place regarding how noncustodial adults interact with kids in the foster care system), meaning she can't just swing by for a quick hello after a double shift?

considering that catherine can barely find the time to see her own biological daughter, of whom she has sole custody after early s3, when is sara fitting in hours and hours with abby, to whom she has incredibly restricted access, as per the rules and logistics of the foster care system?

also, for another thing, how does this relationship fit in with all of the canonical events of s5-15?

for example, when sara is recovering from her injuries following her abduction by the miniature killer in s8, what does she tell eight-year-old abby? does she see her during that time or do they go several months without any contact, until sara is healed up enough not to have to explain anything to her? if they don't see each other, what kind of excuses does sara make? if they do see each other, how does sara explain the situation? does she admit she nearly died at the hands of a murderer, knowing how triggering that information might be for abby to hear? or does she lie? or tell some sanitized version of the truth ("i had a bad accident, but i'm okay now")?

and what about the grissom of it all? do he and abby ever meet? if so, when? do they ever spend quality time together and/or develop any kind of relationship, especially after grissom and sara get married? if so, how does sara break the news to a fourteen-year-old abby of the divorce? does abby get any kind of closure for grissom not being a part of her life anymore?

for yet another thing, how does this idea (of sara being a regular presence in abby's life for ten years) fit with sara's nomadic lifestyle in the later seasons of the show, plus abby's general status as a foster child?

not only does sara spend significant amounts of time away from vegas between 2004 and 2014 (especially during s8, s9, s10, and s11), which would make it difficult for her to keep in touch with abby just on her side of things, but based on some of abby and her foster mother's dialogue in episode 15x12 "dead woods," it also seems that abby has only come into her placement with the higgins family fairly recently, perhaps within just the past few years or so, which means that prior to living with them, she likely moves around a lot.

the idea that sara could even keep track of this girl over the years—especially given the privacy laws surrounding foster kids—isn't particularly realistic.

one of the main things former foster kids (and especially those who are in "traditional foster care" as opposed to "kinship care") complain about is the inconsistency of the lifestyle and the fact that people are there one day and gone the next.

while the child protective services agency (cps) does their best to prevent foster kids from having to move placements, over a third of foster kids experience changes to their living arrangements at least three times per year (and some experience even more).

and, again, while cps generally tries to keep kids from having to move schools/districts when their placements change, if they can avoid it, they often don't have a choice; if the kid has been living in and attending school in henderson and the only available placement for them is in reno, then there's not much to be done but to uproot their whole life and ship them 450 miles across the state to their new home.

furthermore, to protect the privacy and safety of foster children, neither cps nor foster families are allowed to give out personal information about foster children—including their placement addresses—to anyone who doesn't have direct "need-to-know" involvement in their case (which would mostly just be custodial caretakers, school officials, and medical professionals).

all of the above so, it would likely be very, very difficult for sara to maintain a relationship with abby, especially over the course of a decade.

that girl has likely been in multiple placements in multiple locations (some of them not in clark county) since sara has known her, and since sara doesn't—even as law enforcement—fall into any of those "need to know" categories of persons who legally receive updates about abby's whereabouts when she gets reassigned, she probably wouldn't be able to follow her movements.

however, even if sara were somehow to (improbably) maintain contact with abby between 2004 and 2007, once sara skipped town and went "off the grid" circa episode 08x07 "goodbye & good luck" and/or later episode 09x02 "the happy place," the second abby moved placements, she likely wouldn't be able to find her again (and especially considering that, at the time, abby would be just eight or nine years-old and wouldn't have a cell phone or email account she could use to reach out to sara on her end of things).

the whole scenario lacks veracity, even with what sara herself has previously said about her own experiences in foster care.

for example, in episode 07x16 "monster in the box," sara remarks to grissom on how hard it is to keep up with foster kids due to spotty record-keeping.

—and that's the main problem, really.

beyond the whole "how would this relationship even work?" of the thing, there is also the issue of characterization—a question of "would sara even behave in this manner?", the answer to which i think, ultimately, is no.

i could forgive all of the logistical errors and the farfetchedness of the situation if the story itself didn't feel so antithetical to sara's character history and jar with everything we know about her development.

see, episode 15x12 "dead woods" suggests that sara sees abby very regularly and plays a prominent mentoring role in her life, enough to know who her boyfriend is—and have beef with him!—and to understand her complicated feelings about her foster family. they supposedly go to concerts together and hang out with some frequency. theirs is an emotionally open and socially intimate connection.

the implication is that sara is almost like a mother to abby—someone abby is even closer to and more highly esteems than her current foster (and soon to be adoptive) mom, joanna higgins; the first person she thinks to call for when she's in trouble.

but that implication doesn't fit with sara's character arc.

see, it's not that i doubt that the sara of 2014 could be open enough to bond with a traumatized foster kid over their shared life experiences and serve as a touchstone for her.

it's that i doubt the sara of 2004 would.

the sara of 2004—and especially the summer of 2004, six months prior to the events of episode 05x13 "nesting dolls"—wouldn't respond to seeing a little girl whose trauma so closely mirrors her own by reaching out to her, forming a deep connection based in mutual disclosure, and involving herself as a surrogate mother-figure in her life.

i'm not saying sara doesn't have the capacity to be nurturing—i mean, i am the person writing a huge geek!baby au series, the latest installment of which is all about sara discovering just how strong her maternal instincts actually are—or that she wouldn't feel for the kid or want to help her.

rather, i'm saying she just wouldn't be able to bring herself to get that close.

think of the analog situation: brenda collins in episode 01x07 "blood drops."

sara has such a difficult time even being around that kid and looking her in the eyes to start off with, all because she knows, on a deeply personal level, what it feels like to be her.

it's not that she's not empathetic toward brenda and her situation.

to the contrary: she can feel her pain all too keenly! she cares all too much!

that's why it's so painful for her to even acknowledge brenda's existence.

her feelings are still too raw for her to really force herself to interface.

though in that case, she does eventually end up dropping her guard and stepping up to advocate for brenda as needed, she only ultimately does so because grissom compels her to act as brenda's chaperone.

had he not given her that assignment and she instead been left to her own devices, she wouldn't ever have gotten close to the girl.

not of her own volition.

she only starts to show that external level of care because she's made to.

and what's noteworthy is that even when she does show it, she still conceals the reason why she is doing so—from grissom, from the rest of the team, and even from brenda herself.

though she behaves very compassionately toward brenda, she never makes their interactions personal. she never lets on that she understands what brenda is going through. she never transgresses the boundaries of what would be considered the expected behavior for any safe and caring adult looking after a traumatized child under the circumstances.

while we as fans can retroactively read her backstory into her actions throughout that episode, she as a character still plays her cards so close to her chest that no one else within the universe of the show can even think about reading them.

indeed, no one but grissom even really notices she's holding them.

and that's because she isn't ready to go "all in" in that way yet.

she isn't to a place where she is ready to face her own trauma, much less confess to it, much less process it—which is what would be required of her were she to allow herself to get any closer to brenda than she actually does.

—which brings us back to abby.

the sara of 2004 hasn't yet reached a place where she is ready to reckon with her childhood trauma yet.

though she wants to—desperately—and will eventually get to the point where she is willing to at least talk about it with grissom (see episode 05x13 "nesting dolls"), honestly, it will still be years before she is finally able to lay her "ghosts" fully to rest (see her letter in episode 08x07 "goodbye & good luck").

and that being the case—

well, i just can't imagine her being as emotionally available to abby as episode 15x12 "dead woods" suggests is the case.

not early on.

not when she would have initially been forming that bond.

that flashback scene from the hospital room where she ends up hugging five-year-old abby?

i can believe that moment could happen.

all but taken by surprise as she is, sara could and would be unguarded enough to open her arms to that little girl and offer her some comfort; she wouldn't reject someone that vulnerable, no matter how scared she was herself. she would recognize all she needed to be right then was a steady shoulder to weep on and a soft voice to reassure. she could hold abby for that moment and validate her cries for her mother.

but beyond that initial instance of connection?

i just can't see 2004 sara continuing to have contact with abby after the case had concluded.

watching that girl be absorbed into the foster care system while grieving the loss of her parents and grappling with the nature of her father's (alleged) crimes would just hit too close to home for sara—and especially at a time when she is herself really struggling with her own trauma.

lest we forget, during the summer between s4 and s5, sara is attending mandatory peap sessions, spending significant time away from the lab on much-needed vacation, and struggling to get her life/career back on track in the wake of her s4 depression and problematic alcoholic usage.

she's not exactly doing hot™ herself.

she doesn't really have much water in her emotional well to draw from in order to share with somebody else.

moreover, she still, to date, has never told anyone about her childhood. she doesn't even yet have the words to talk about it (see her speech to the mirror in episode 05x01 "viva las vegas").

so for as much as her heart undoubtedly goes out to abby, i just can't see her incorporating abby into her life to the degree that episode 15x12 "dead woods" suggests that she does.

it's a "please secure your mask before assisting others" kind of situation with her, you know?

she's still dealing with her own issues and isn't in a state to help someone else at that point—and especially not an incredibly vulnerable child.

and, honestly, i think she'd recognize as much.

she'd know she couldn't be what abby probably would need her to be at that time—and that being so, i can't really see her purposefully inserting herself into abby's world.

she'd figure abby would be better left to "the professionals."

i think the story we're told in episode 15x12 "dead woods" forgets just how jagged the sara of 2004's edges are; it acts as if she has the same emotional capacity back then as she does in 2014, and the fact is, she just doesn't.

had sara met abby in s10 or s11 when she a) was mentally healthy and emotionally stable; b) had gotten some closure on her childhood trauma; and c) had lots of free time on her hands given her whole "long-distance marriage" situation with grissom, then i could see her being able to open up to abby and thrive in a mentorship role with her in the way canon implies she does.

but that's not the story episode 15x12 "dead woods" tells.

it insists that a much younger, much more mixed-up, much less self-actualized sara somehow manages to step into the role of surrogate mother for a physically and psychologically-wounded child whose trauma closely mirrors her own and is able to say and do all the right things, to the point where that child comes to trust her implicitly.

and to me? that's a hard story to believe.

it requires an almost insurmountable suspension of my critical thinking and understanding of sara's character arc.

—especially considering how many needs abby likely has at the time when sara is first getting to know her.

traumatized children require a special brand of tlc.

one of the most important parts of having a relationship with them (as an adult) is to offer them as much stability as possible—meaning if you say you're going to see them, you have to show up; you can't miss the appointment, even if you end up getting pulled onto a double or triple shift; even if you're maybe having a shit mental health day yourself. failure to follow through can result in an erosion of their trust in you and cause setbacks for them in their recovery.

you also have to be very patient and help them regulate what are sometimes some very big emotions. traumatized kids will frequently throw tantrums or act out. they'll oftentimes be whiny or clingy. they'll enact age-inappropriate behaviors. and as the adult in the relationship, you have to meet them where they are, soothe them, and redirect those behaviors once they're calm enough. to do so, you must yourself manage your own emotions. you have to have awareness of the situation and be able to offer them what they need, whether it be cuddles or verbal reassurance or cognitive tools to help them process what they're feeling.

while of course if you as a caretaker or otherwise invested adult can apologize if you make mistakes and do your best to make amends, the point is that you need to be consistent and selfless and place the needs of the child first. and if you're struggling a lot yourself, then you need to make a judgment call about whether your presence will ultimately hurt the child; if so, you need to remove yourself from the situation and get your shit together before you resume interacting with them.

it takes a lot of energy and insight to navigate those kinds of relationships.

again, i'm not saying sara isn't empathetic or that she is incapable of being there for someone who's been traumatized—her ability to step up for members of her team (like nick and greg) after they go through various hardships proves she is more than equal to the task of offering support as needed—but i am saying that i'm not sure the sara of 2004 would choose to voluntarily place herself into that role; not when she has herself been that kid and knows what the stakes are.

realizing how she tends to react in situations where she's triggered, and realizing that just being around abby triggers her, i think she'd opt to stay away (probably more on a subconscious level than a conscious one).

she wouldn't want to screw up.

she wouldn't want to hurt abby because she was "too in her own feelings."

—which i suppose brings me to my last major objection to the whole sara and abby dynamic, which is just how the dynamic itself is written.

like i said: i'm not at all opposed to the idea of sara acting quasi-maternal; i think she probably does have that capacity in her, however deeply sublimated it may be.

i just feel like—once again—the execution in this case is flawed.

the sara of episode 15x12 "dead woods" seems almost strident in her "mama bear" role with abby. apparently, she has lectured abby about her ne'er-do-well boyfriend on more than one occasion. she even serves as a kind of liaison between abby and joanna, confident she has a better read on abby's feelings than joanna does. which, albeit, is a view with which joanna herself seems to concur. she doesn't hesitate to chase abby's shithead boyfriend down the hall at pd and all but assault him or to take abby out on a saturday night, seemingly without asking anyone's permission. though of course concerned about abby's feelings, she's noticeably forward in all of their interactions. she doesn't hesitate to offer advice or even to try to lay down ground rules.

—which, on a superficial level, could be a valid interpretation of how sara tends to love.

i mean, sara has always been a "heart on her sleeve," "in with both feet" kind of gal, just in general. she does tend to love fiercely and be protective of "her people."

right?

right?

i mean, kind of.

in a "broad strokes" sort of way.

but when you take a slightly more nuanced view of her and how she expresses love, her behavior toward abby actually feels somewhat off. it's too aggressive, in a lot of ways. too "in your face."

just like so much of her characterization of the later seasons, it comes across as inexact, like a flattened-out version of her actual personality, with all of the details and complexities of her sanded off.

yes, sara loves deeply and is very emotional by nature. yes, she has a strong sense of what's right and doesn't back down from doing what she thinks is needed. but she also gives the people she loves space and doesn't typically impose on them.

see, for example, the scene in episode 07x06 "burn out," where she both protects greg and redirects grissom's misplaced anger off of him and is very subtle in how she does so, showing great tenderness toward both parties.

she also tends to "know her role."

see, for example, in episode 10x01 "family affair": when she points out that catherine is lacking a "right-hand man," she doesn't attempt to install herself in that position, realizing it's not hers to fill not only for logistical reasons (i.e., because she is only in town temporarily) but also because she and catherine don't have that kind of dynamic with each other; instead, she just gently encourages catherine to seek out someone she trusts and is ultimately very glad to see her eventually select nick.

i have no doubt that sara loves abby and cares very much for her well-being, but i've also got to believe that even for as much as she loves and cares about her, she would always remain highly aware that she was not actually her mother, either foster or adoptive.

and to me, that awareness would cause her to act differently than what we see in canon—less vehement and imposing; less "in the driver's seat" and more "in the passenger's."

there'd be if not some reticence on her part—though maybe that, too—at least some deference.

sara would realize: the people who should be setting rules for abby and finalizing major life decisions with her are her foster (soon to be adoptive) parents, who play a role in her daily life that sara herself doesn't.

and, yes, sara has known abby for ten years while they've only known her for a few years at most, but that's why it would be all the more imperative for sara to make that demarcation very clear for everyone involved, particularly as the higgins family intends to adopt abby and will be her full-time guardians for the next several years.

based on her own experiences in foster care, i think sara would likely understand the importance of setting boundaries and making it clear to abby that though she is her friend and is happy to offer both a listening ear and advice, she is not her parent.

this delineation would have been especially crucial for sara to draw when abby was younger, so as not to inadvertently get her hopes up that sara was going to foster or adopt her.

again, while she could still be (and likely would still be) very nurturing to abby, i just don't see her having that much of an authority role in abby's life.

it just feels like too much of an overstep with a kid she probably only sees a couple of times a month at most* and who, given that she is a foster child, probably needs clearly-drawn relationship boundaries with the adults in her life in order to feel secure.

* even ignoring all of the real life logistics that would make it impossible for them to remain in such close contact.

the last thing sara would ever want to do would be to confuse abby or give her unrealistic expectations or to impose on/complicate/undermine her relationship with her foster family.

so, to me, if it were actually written with sara's core characterization in mind, then sara's relationship with abby would be one with a lot more gentle questioning in it as opposed to brash pronouncements. it'd be less "i told you you have to dump that guy!" and more "what exactly do you see in him? i'm genuinely interested to know." there'd be a pinch more "well, why don't you ask joanna?" and maybe some self-conscious awkwardness at the realization that, yes, in some situations she does know abby better because she's known her longer (but that still doesn't make her "mom").

above everything, sara would be very conscientious about not screwing up™.

she'd remember just how vulnerable being in foster care makes a kid. she'd understand abby was traumatized and likely has attachment issues galore. "sometimes i look for validation in inappropriate places," anyone? she would have doubts about her own capabilities to be as selfless and emotionally available as she would need to be for abby's sake, and, even though she would ultimately find both the strength and the wisdom to step up, she would always remain just a little bit cautious of herself.

she'd consider there are reasons why, even for all the love she has for abby and all she wants to be a part of her life, she never does foster or adopt her herself; that there are certain things she can't give or be, whether it's the time or just the "totality" of that kind of parent-child relationship.

even after ten years, she'd be careful not to cross the wires between "friend/mentor" and "parent."

so.

all of the above said, for as much as i want to like sara's relationship with abby in episode 15x12 "dead woods," to me, it just ultimately doesn't hit.

it feels like something poorly contrived and even more poorly executed.

like so much of the characterization of the later seasons, it falls about two inches to the left of who and what sara actually is and how she would really behave.

in a better world where the later seasons' writers actually knew what they were doing, i would have loved to have seen this storyline done differently.

instead of trying to retroactively insert a relationship with a foster kid into the already established show canon, why not show it develop in real time, starting in s15?

rather than saying, "sara has had this kid in her life all along. you just never knew about it before now!", let the audience watch her meet the kid and slowly get to know her.

let us observe that initial awkwardness. let us see sara's struggle with how much she ought to say regarding her own situation and how much she should keep submerged. let us be present for the moments when sara summons her courage to step up and be vulnerable in ways she didn't realize she was capable of. earn the emotional connection between them. allow the love to grow up organically.

and, yeah, i know, doing things that way would make it impossible to play out the "ten years later, abby's dad gets posthumously exonerated!" storyline of episode 15x12 "dead woods."

but, honestly? that plot was not very well done anyhow, so i don't think it'd be a great loss to sacrifice it in favor of giving sara some actual long-lasting character development.

make sara's interaction with the foster kid into a full-on arc. it could be really good—much more so than what we actually get in canon, which, frankly, just falls flat on multiple levels.

the writers tried to imply depth that just wasn't there and didn't succeed.

anyway.

enough salt out of me; we've got a whole mine here by now.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

#answered #anon #asks: csi #** #my meta #meta: csi #meta: sara #csiverse #later seasons #15x12 #let's talk shop

[akookminsupporter]

Looking at JK talking like he has no solo coming soon and that he doesn't have much to post on insta, seems like he might be enlisting soon. I wont be surprised if his news drops next.

With all due respect Anon, don't you think you are exaggerating? Your message is short but I will answer it in parts:

JK talking like he has no solo coming soon

Jimin is the next member of the group to release his solo album, apart from Jungkook there are 2 other members who presumably will also do it, haven't you considered that he might be the last one to release his album before he enlists and therefore he is in no hurry?

2. he doesn't have much to post on insta.

Anyone who has paid attention to Jungkook's social media behaviour over the past few years knows that he doesn't really care about social media. He has long since stopped posting as often on social media as he used to. Instagram was new to everyone, at least publicly, and many of them, including Jungkook, had fun with the app in the beginning but Jungkook got bored. Maybe. He stopped posting as often as he did in the beginning, then changed his feed and then stopped posting, it's not that complicated. And honestly not surprising at all.

For a long time, the fandom joked that he had deleted the Weverse App from his phone and that he didn't delete the account because he couldn't. And honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if that actually happened, he installed it again because it merged with Vlive ahahah.

Now how you came to the conclusion that that means he will be the next to enlist, I don't know. Jungkook has been working since he was 14-15 years old. For the first time in his life, he has plenty of time to do nothing. To rest, to enjoy the fruits of his hard work. Maybe he is in no hurry at all. Maybe he won't release any albums. Maybe his album is ready, after all, he has been working on his mixtape for a long time. We don't know. Maybe Jungkook just isn't interested in Instagram anymore. Or maybe he will enlist soon but I don't think anything you mentioned is an indication of that.

BTS was successful for many years without individual Instagram accounts, him deleting it doesn't mean anything more than what he said and until he says otherwise, that's the only reason.

I promise you it's not always necessary to theorize about what bts members do or don't do. Sometimes listening and accepting what they say is the answer.

#anon #ask #JK #JJK #JKJ #bts #bts military service #bts in social media

[sapphyreopal5]

Do you think Danneel Abuses Jensen?

Hello Anon, thank you for the ask. Before I proceed with answering your question I am going to make this clear. On my blog I have more or less criticized their clear lack of genuine chemistry, admittedly talked about Danneel's looks in a critical way as I don't believe her hair color is flattering on her, her sometimes frankly poor public behavior, and notated Jensen's clear contempt of her in multiple posts. You're free to check my pinned posts for my criticisms of Danneel and even Jensen as a couple or as some would say "Jenneel". When it comes to abuse however do understand that it's not as clear cut on the outside as people believe it is. I'm going to structure the post with some posts and "evidence" that suggests Danneel is abusive and then others that suggest that Jensen could be at times too. Question is, if there happens to be abuse happening behind closed doors, who is the real victim and who is the real perpetrator?

* Some past posts here on Tumblr suggest that Danneel is indeed abusive. It's been said that Danneel was known for using SPN staff to babysit their children while she visited Jensen on the set. Rumors have it that Danneel was banned from the set at one point for years due to her poor behavior.

This post an Anon sent to another Tumblr user from a said medium who reads photos stated "Also, in my opinion, Elta Danneel Graul belongs in jail."

This post talks about Jensen having a bruise on his nose back in 2019. One version of the story according to one commenter says that he claimed to have dropped something on it while at FBBC and another while swimming with the kids. Make of that what you will but I do know when people are being inconsistent with where the got an injury from, they are hiding the truth.

If you believe Danneel is using certain SPN ships to get more attention to herself, you may like this post and conclude that she may be using Jenmisheel and heller fans to gain attention and therefore also money for herself. It also talks about her poor behavior towards her fans some.

There are other posts that more or less speculate on how Danneel is likely manipulating Jensen and lying about things. For example, this one talks about how Danneel likely lied about trying to set Jensen and Sophie Bush up initially because I'm not sure what their reasoning is ha ha, just because? I think the studios can try to push actors together and such but unless someone's holding a gun to their heads you can't make people date. Also, the whole falling in love on the set of Ten Inch Hero is an interesting story (that seemingly is starting to unravel), as it seems to be around when they started to date. This post another user found of a news clipping of Danneel suggesting she lied about growing up Catholic instead of Baptist. Because a history of being a liar means someone is a manipulative narcissist, right?

I know of at least one post where Danneel has criticized him for things relating to his diet and therefore also body shaming him with this Tumblr post serving as a receipt of an Instagram post where this seems to be the case.

There are of course multiple posts talking about Danneel being a cheater and how both of them were dating other people when they first met on the set of Ten Inch Hero (TIH for short), like this one. It's been said that she talked about on one of the Drama Queens Podcasts she admitted to kissing someone on the elevator... while dating Jensen. "Is it really cheating...", I believe it was this podcast. Is cheating abuse? No but it certainly isn't a nice thing to do.

Lots of critics pointed out how Danneel was not there to support her husband after the shooting on the set of Rust. He admitted during the interrogation that he can't really talk to Danneel about it because "it freaks her out". She has no problems flying to places like Rome but can't fly out to another state after a shooting happened on the set of a movie Jensen was a part of? Hmmm...

* On the other hand, I do not believe Jensen is at all innocent either. I don't see many posts about Jensen being abusive but have seen and heard multiple clips where he is not painted in the best light as far as being a husband goes. Other things suggest he just may have a bad temper behind closed doors and can be destructive of property.

During the 2018 Montreal convention, Jensen admitted to having kicked in a door at a hotel he was staying at late at night, as the door key was not opening the door and the hotel manager was unable to unlock it as well. "Dean just came out" is one thing he said while telling this story. I also for the life of me cannot find this website for some reason that was from 14ish years ago but I recall reading on a forum site earlier this year that Jensen and Danneel had a fight one night that resulted in him throwing a phone and it breaking.

I've heard of things from other Tumblr users, such as how Danneel will tell him things like how Jensen puts dishes by the sink and not dishwasher (can't find the video of where he said this), Jensen didn't clean the house at all when Danneel was sick with COVID, barely ever if at all changed diapers, etc.

Jensen seems to hold a lot of contempt for Danneel, multiple posts of which with videos, photos, etc. are on my index page pinned to my blog under "Couples Goals LOL!". However, this article is noteworthy of a mention here, as he jokes about Danneel being his sugar baby when he is gone filming. Other rumors have it that Jensen sometimes yells at his kids when feeling impatient or doesn't want to hear them talk. Make of it what you will but Jensen has been portrayed as being a very lazy and selfish husband and father on multiple occasions. Not a nice way to talk about your wife either bro...

In this clip here, Jensen clearly ignored Danneel's attempt for her to affectionately wrap his arm around his at the premiere for The Backup Plan. Also, at one con in recent months he mentioned how Danneel talked about him using his face to get seated at a restaurant and he admitted he told her to "shut her mouth". Very nice...... and I mean that with the utmost sarcasm. On Supernatural Day back on 6/23/2018, Jensen looks clearly annoyed at Danneel who wanted to leave but he had promised to sign something for a fan. The annoyance he has for her here instead of simply saying "hold on, I promised her I'd sign this for her, I'll be right back". At least he's more friendly with fans but has no issues embarrassing his wife in public.

During the Charlotte main J2 panel, Jensen talked about how he essentially didn't text the driver back after he walked away from the track when the car he was in had engine failure. He asked Danneel very early in the morning about her and the kids coming with and she declined. At the very least, it was extremely rude behavior on his part. Point is, this is one of multiple examples where Jensen too has some very poor public behavior.

I answered this ask a couple days ago regarding if I believe any moves have been made for Jensen and Danneel to divorce. I talked about how Danneel was at some point removed from FBBC paperwork. It turns out the site I forgot the name of is opencorporates.com, which does indeed show that Danneel and Gino's dad and someone else was removed in 2021 from FBBC as owners and such. A while back, someone else showed me screenshots where Danneel has been removed from most of Jensen's LLCs except for Chaos Machines Productions including one talent agency. The question here is, does this mean a divorce is in the works? Or... does it mean removing assets from Danneel's name outside of real estate which can mean bad things for her in terms of sources of income should they divorce. It could also mean making her more dependent on him financially, as she is no longer a named owner or member of LLCs he/they opened together. I personally cannot see how Danneel could possibly be controlling Jensen in terms of finances or even in forcing Jensen to stay married particularly if many of the assets in fact belong to Jensen ultimately not Danneel.

Now, here I am going to briefly touch on some signs of someone experiencing domestic abuse. I only pointed to some of many posts on here but wanted to provide some highlights to keep this answer as close to a reasonable length to read as possible ha ha [source].

1. A person changes their typical behavior

2. A person develops new mental health symptoms

3. One person makes all the decisions

4. A person is isolated from friends and family

5. One partner controls all the money

6. There are frequent put-downs and criticisms

7. One partner pressures the other

8. There’s violence or threats of violence

9. One partner is love bombing

Of course, there are other sources out there about domestic violence, such as this website below. I am going to let people form their own opinions as to who the victim here is and who the perpetrator here is or if they simply bring out the worst of each other and would be better people separated...

#anti danneel #anon answered #jensen critical #anti jensen #domestic violence #anti jenneel #anti elta

[sarahowritesostucky]

Hi! don't know if you answer asks like this but just curious as a fic writer do you feel different fandoms have cliques where some writers only comment or promote writers they're friends with and not all? and in relation to this, do you think stats are the most important thing to a writers success in a fandom? I know this might seem random but just admire your writing and wanted to hear your thoughts

Interesting ask. Okay well, first off, I squee whenever somebody says they ADMIRE my writing *fans self with nearest flat object, in a flattered, flustered, and ego-inflated emotional state*

second off, I'm fairly new to Tumblr, so I am not the most knowledgeable about this

that said, I think that people on Tumblr do a pretty pitiful job overall of promoting content with reblogs, and comments are even rarer!

I have a core group of people whom I've noticed will always reblog my fics, and I absolutely have friendship-y feelings for them even though they're internet strangers, lol. (I love you guys! 💗)

I think that if you're creating quality content and you aren't an asshat, people will eventually catch on and wind up flocking to you. It's the quality of the content you're putting out there that matters most.

But also be smart and try to post regularly, try to write things you know people love (certain tropes, pairings, kinks, etc). Post at peak times of day, make sure your queue is full and set to post at least several times per day. Stuff like that.

If your OTP/fandom is less popular, commit to writing some micro fics about more popular pairings/fandoms/tropes, just to draw more readers in--They will then be more likely to give your niche stuff a try!

As your followers # grows, you'll get more promotion, just because of sheer numbers. So yes, I think having more followers is important if you want to see more engagement with your content overall. (but again, that follows smart posting and quality content)

However, it only takes a handful of awesome supporters to make for a great fandom experience on Tumblr!

As to cliques, I have experienced some pretty hateful bullying and exclusion on the platform, related to an incident where I was abrasive and made a point about free speech, censorship, being willing to discuss vs cancel, and people who are reactive instead of rational (antis).

long story short, my old account was sent death threats, constant harassing, and vile anons, before being vindictively deleted by a rogue staff member (yes, I've gotten confirmation that this is abuse from other Tumblr representatives)

Antis and trolls definitely flock together in cliques, so exclusion can happen there. Cliques can be helpful in that they weed out the nasties fast.

For example: on my new account, I have noticed that perhaps 20 or so accounts have me blocked--most of them are smalltime/not so great bloggers, but about five of them are very popular Chris Evans or Sebastian Stan authors whose content I would probably otherwise be reading and commenting/re-blogging.

I don't think I interacted with most of them directly on my old account, but they are in the cliques that the antis were in, so they hopped on the block-Sarah train based off of whatever their mutuals said.

I don't read other people's fics on Tumblr so much as I do on Ao3, and I'm more about posting my own stuff on Tumblr, so the blocking isn't really an issue with me (mostly they're the ones losing out on the content promotion I would be doing for them, lol).

I think if people are going to be nasty, negative, reactive-not-rational, not willing to discuss, and just generally mean spirited, do you really want them promoting you anyway? Probably not.

As to the people who are not that way, I'd say: PEOPLE NOTICE WHEN YOU REBLOG AND COMMENT on their stuff.

so the more YOU promote other content creators whose stuff you like, the more they will feel affinity for you and promote your stuff!!

I suggest following TONs of people who are in your fandom--many of them will notice and follow you back. That's the best way to get started if you want to grow your account. But also like I said: put out quality content--honey draws bees; and promote other people's content to create good relationships with mutuals.

#tumblr culture #tumblr stuff #writers on tumblr #tumblr community #artists on tumblr #tumblr #fic writing #creative writing #authors of tumblr #fanfic #writer #author #fanfiction #marvel #mcu #bucky barnes #steve rogers #stucky #sebastian stan #chris evans #writing fanfic #writing for fun #followers #online friends #my asks #trolls ate my blog #tumblr trolls #antis are stupid

[theobjectofyourire]

I do agree with anon that aemond seems to have a bad relationship with sex which is because 13 is too young to have your first sexual experience (Aegon’s fault) and his mother and father relationship (Because if your idea about intimacy and relationships is Viserys and Alicent + your older brother creepy ass of course your perception of the whole thing would be fucked up) and I do like to believe that his first and last experience was at the brothel when he was 13.

Here comes Daemon’s role , he’ll notice how aemond is repulsed by intimacy and sex and he will just go “Okay time to fix this boy.” so he starts to slowly change that and make aemond actually enjoy physical touch and all slowly till aemond consents to having sex with him on his 18th birthday and daemon just makes love to him all night because he deserves to be handled with care this beautiful boy deserves softness and touches that are meant to comfort rather than hurt (I’m too soft for them being soft and fluffy helppp)

Okay now I’m gonna go scream into my pillow because I really need someone to write this and I’m too lazy to actually write (somehow I want my thoughts to write itself and yet I still call myself a writer)

OKAY I'M FINALLY GETTING AROUND TO ANSWERING ALL THESE MARVELLOUS DAEMOND THOUGHTS LETS GOOOOO

firstly anon you aren't alone I think you just described every writer ever. like I wanna take the idea from my mind and plop it down and voila it's perfect. could you imagine? we'd be unstoppable

secondly, the way I am so so soft for touch-starved Aemond. seriously, it's one of my favourite things in the entire world, and the idea of Daemon being gentle with him and giving him all the affection he's sought for so many years is just 😭

you're spot on with Aemond having a really complicated, negative experience with sex and really, extending past that, intimacy in all forms. he didn't see any love in his parent's marriage, though he did see his mother's unyielding devotion to her husband and king. and more than that, neither he nor his siblings received much care from Viserys. even when Aemond lost his eye (not only lost, but had it taken from one of Rhaenyra's sons and I could go on a whole psychoanalysis of this but I'll save that for another post), Viserys showed little concern. he was more upset by the slanders than the violence. could you imagine losing an eye and having no one but your mother defend you? not even your own father? what that must have done to his self worth is nothing short of heartbreaking

then, on top of that, he has an older brother whose behavior is utterly despicable, who puts him in a situation he has no desire to be in and he's forced to experience something before he's ready. you end up with someone who's probably severely repressed because it's the only safety he knows, who views sex as something deeply disquieting at the very least, and who struggles with intimacy in its most base form not only due to his experiences, but also due to people's reactions to his scar.

I feel like when he's grown, he has no idea how stunning he is. how the scar adds to his beauty, how the sapphire is positively mesmerizing. he's used to people viewing him as monstrous, as a freak. he's used to people flinching away from him. he wouldn't know what to do with a soft touch. he wouldn't know what to do when Daemon removes his eye patch and peppers kisses along his scar, telling him how beautiful he is in low murmurs.

Aemond is so touch-starved that the slightest brush of Daemon's fingers is like a kiss from the gods. so exquisite it's almost painful. his body is rigid and unyielding, untrusting of this kindness. it isn't until he presses his lips to the sapphire that Aemond starts to quiver. his body succumbs, the years of repression melting like flesh from bone under the heat of his dragon. his dragon. because in this moment, it's clear as the summer skies. Daemon is his, and he is Daemon's.

a tear falls to his cheek. Daemon wipes it away with his thumb, perhaps before kissing the spot where it fell. his hands are on his waist, sliding to the small of his back as he slowly moves closer, pressing his forehead against his nephew's. he feels so fragile. but Daemon's treating him with such care. such love.

every touch is a gift. every kiss, a mercy, the likes of which he was not granted in his childhood. they trace each other's scars as they explore each other's bodies. this night, they are not warriors. they are artists. poets. immortalizing each other in the softest ways, known and unknown until hurt is forgotten and love encompasses all.

okay I need to add fluffy daemond to my list of fics to write at some point. this hit me in the feels I'm so soft for them😭annnnd now I can't stop thinking about how Daemon would affectionately call him 'taoba' in the sweetest murmurs okay I have to stop before I start sobbing pls keep sending your thoughts tho I love this

#help this is so soft #touch starved aemond is breaking me #soft daemon gets me every time #daemond #daemon x aemond #hotd #hotd headcanon #aemond headcanons #so fluffy #I cannot

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia. I'm already missing UtB lol but I hope you're enjoying your break or at least getting a little bit of rest.

I have a few questions if you don't mind or if they're not too spoilery. 1. Do you think Ef will have another heat before the end of Utb?

2. Will the penetrative sex be in Ef's pov or Gary's pov?

3. What made Augus want to help omegas / be kind towards them and pursue a career as an alpha companion? Will we learn more about his backstory in Underline the Silver?

4. Will Gwyn be making any more appearances before the end of UtB?

Thank you ❤

Hi anon!

I am neither enjoying my break or getting any rest at all, but there's also no way I'd be able to keep up with this job while dealing with multiple illnesses + baby puppy so the break from posting was necessary to keep my head above the water sometimes. :D

Let's get to the questions, although unfortunately I don't know the answers to all of these as I don't plan most of my fics.

1. Do you think Ef will have another heat before the end of Utb?

No I don't. The reason for that is a lot of what's coming happens in a short timeline, and heats only really happen about 3-6 times per year for healthy omegas, and Efnisien's on ardolphogen. One might be hinted at in the final chapter, but I actually don't love writing sex scenes during heat/s in the first place, so I will prefer all of them to happen outside of Efnisien's heat/s.

Which is why I don't see another one happening before the end of Underline the Black!

2. Will the penetrative sex be in Ef's pov or Gary's pov?

I don't know! Realistically it will be more than one chapter long, and chances are high that I will favour - at least sometimes - Efnisien's perspective because I'm more interested in his experience of it given how emotional and crunchy it is for him, rather than Gary's perspective. But I'm also sure I will turn to Gary's perspective when Efnisien's too incoherent to narrate a chapter, lol.

3. What made Augus want to help omegas / be kind towards them and pursue a career as an alpha companion? Will we learn more about his backstory in Underline the Silver?

I don't know! And probably! I don't think about Augus much in this story / at the moment, because it's just too sad for me.

4. Will Gwyn be making any more appearances before the end of UtB?

I don't know. It's possible, it will depend on how those things flow together. I'm fairly certain he might make a re-appearance via text message at the very least, but I don't know what role he has to play just yet. Given he has so little respect for Crielle, he could turn up, but he has his own motives and his life has improved since Efnisien isn't in it, so I'm not sure what would make him come back into the story either. I lean towards - we're more likely to see him than not see him, but I don't want to say either way so I don't disappoint the folks who think it will happen based off what I say here!

#asks and answers #underline the black #but yeah i don't see efnisien having any more heats before the end of the story #it would likely still be traumatic #and i think it will be a few years before his body even understands how to have heats #and what to do with them

[wtficedance]

Thanks for answering my ask- I was the one who asked about Ben Agosto. So basically if he's "supporting the narrative" he's fudging stuff like whether Lilah actually deserves her scores in favor of spinning what the ISU's peddling. Isn't that kind of bullshit then? He's looking for ways to justify what they're doing, even if it's really thin - like Charlene's back flexiblity vs. Lilah's skating - and doesn't account for what's actually happening? Thanks for explaining that - I can smell the spin in what he's saying and now I see why - he's not good as say Mark Hanretty at walking the line

Q #215:

Combining with another similar ask as well for conciseness:

“Don't you find it ironic that he can't say the truth because it'll "undermine viewer confidence in the sport"? Like you're literally saying that there's a lack of integrity in it. Viewers should not have confidence that it's a fair sport, basically lol”

Hi anons,

The short answer is yes it is ironic and of all of the things I truly do love about ice dance (the really cool artistic inspiration, the creativity, imagining new ways to incorporate movement, etc.) the integrity and fairness of the sport has never been notable. All sports which involve a judged component (even in the forms of an umpire/ref/linesmen etc.) will have controversies about officials inserting themselves into the game and affecting results, but sports which are purely judged will have significantly more of it.

This is especially true for ice dance since there’s less obvious mistakes that someone who’s never seen the sport before (falls!, clear stumbles, losing grip on your partner) can pick out and understand that it’s playing a role in the score. It’s why twizzles went from being a very insignificant part of the sport to its more talked about element, because while something like ONLY pirouetting isn’t obvious, being slow, not covering ice, falling out of rotation, lack of sync, are very noticeable no matter your experience watching ice dance. Meanwhile, step sequences are a huge part of ice dance scoring but apart from obvious mistakes like stumbles and falls, it can be hard for a first time viewer to understand why they're scored the way they are.

So yes, commentators have to choose whether they're going to fully buy into the narrative (more of a Ted strategy, and also one taken more by commentators who don't have ice dance background but are former singles skaters) or whether they're going to go more with the half-picture but mostly true lines. Because--at least on English-speaking channels--unless its homer/"we were robbed!" comments, people generally tone down the "this result is bullshit and actually the team who placed first shouldn't have even podiumed" stuff. ESPECIALLY, when its at a relatively low stakes event like a GP vs. the Olympics or Worlds where that at least generates interest/potential viewership.

But generally, post-SLC, you see a large reluctance of commentators to really play into the controversy. My general hypothesis is that it is because 2 things: 1) an increased awareness that it will be weaponized to say that FS isn't "a rEaL sPorT" and 2) because of the number of old timers who attribute it to IJS/the system. Elaborating on 2), a lot of the immediate reaction after Adelina won in Sochi by FS commentators was that she won correctly within IJS, and that under 6.0 Yuna would've won. Kurt Browning in particular comes to mind. Which... Adelina did not win because of IJS. She had a level 4 step sequence despite tripping, virtually tied Yuna in PCS, beat Carolina Kostner in SS, and got away with quite a few UR calls. All of those things SHOULD have been punished if IJS had been correctly applied. There's a tendency for people who dislike IJS to blame the system itself. A lot of it in ice dance comes back to not just IJS but also "well if we still had the compulsory dance" but I'm going to be quite honest and say a lot of the time teams who were in fact NOT the strongest skaters won the CD. AND while I fully concur that too much of the score in ice dance is now choreographic elements and step sequences have been devalued, a team like F/G should still not be in the top 8 if they were scored correctly in the current system.

All of this to say. Yes, F/G's results this season are rather absurd, they are not reflective of the skating on the ice, they've been way too high in the context of their ability and the timing of the quad, some commentators have been significantly more effective at addressing the absurdity of the scoring, and that their rise isn't particularly unique because ice dance has always been particularly susceptible to narratives and egregious politicking. And particularly this year, there's some interesting dynamics about pushing European teams and Russia as the traditional ice dance power being absent. Which I don't think will benefit F/G in the future if a particular team comes back.

But, in the end while I do wish the scoring was more fair, it is a reality I have come to accept because I don't watch competitions to see who wins but to enjoy some truly creative and special programs.

P.S. agreed on Mark :)

#ice dance #wtficedance #figure skating #ask me anything #curious cat #opinion

[gabetheunknown]

Hello, Gabe.

I've been reading your Geraskier fics on AO3 and enjoying them a lot. Especially Dandelion Kisses.

Now, I'm on the third installment of Improper use of Witcher signs, and in one of the notes, you state that you're asexual and I'm curious. It's definitely not meant to be judgmental or mean. I'm just genuinely interested.

An asexual who writes smut. I've seen other asexuals do the same thing, and I'm just puzzled. Is it a wish to expand your horizons in writing, stretching your abilities? Or is being asexual not being completely disinterested in sex, just not with others?

Does smut "Do anything" for you when you read or write it.

Again, I'm just curious, since I would probably label myself as overly sexual.... I write and read because it turns me on. I guess I'm just trying to understand a bit more about asexuality. I realize you cannot speak for everyone.

I hope this question isn't too much. If so, I apologize and you can just ignore it....

Hello there Anon! Aah 💕 I'm so glad you're enjoying my fanfictions!

Ooh, some good questions! I hope I can answer them and that my answers make sense lmao. Also I can never keep things short, sorry in advance.

These questions are not too much for me and I'm actually very open 💕 to anyone reading this TW talking about sexuality/asexuality under the cut. Also this might not apply to someone else, purely talking about my experiences.

I have been writing smut ever since I first found out what fanfiction is. Which was when I was about 15 or 16 years old, the perfect age to figure out what it all means, the whole romantic or sexual world.

After a lot of 'fucking around and finding out' it was only years later that I realized I am on the asexual spectrum. In my environment (and honestly, I feel like this is the case in a lot of environments) talking about sexual feelings wasn't really normal. Still I wanted to talk about it, so I was actually being viewed as someone who was obsessed with sex. But I wasn't. I never had sex, and if I did (because of the want to 'be perceived as normal') it didn't really do anything for me.

When I say years later, I mean I am currently 28 and with my first partner who I can discuss these things with in a healthy way. And I am actually more intimate with him than I have ever been with anyone else. Intimicy and sex are also two different things for me. Like the touch of skin, just cuddling and being close to each other or leaving kisses on bare shoulders, without actually doing the do. *chefs kiss *

The funny thing is, writing smut doesn't do very much for me, so I can turn something off in my mind and just... write whatever the fuck I want? xd

Reading smut does do something for me. Always has. And the more I learn about myself, the more I think it's because I am not involved. My body, my being, my brain is not involved, I'm merely fantasizing about fictional characters doing the dirty and that's so different for me. The moment I include myself, I want to roll myself up in a blanket for at least 3 hours, but I do get excited if I can focus on a fictional character's feelings. Or my partner for instance.

I am the biggest sucker for romance though. I'm the sappiest motherfucker you'll ever meet. And I also start kicking my feet when I think about my fictional characters having a romantic moment and I absolutely love writing/reading/watching those.

My relationship with writing smut still manages to surprise even me, and that's why I sometimes add the 'anyways I'm asexual' tag because I can casually write a nasty threesome between three men while having a conversation with my boyfriend about what's for dinner. And I think that's so funny.

I usually just say I'm on the asexual spectrum, because sometimes I think I'm demisexual, sometimes I think I'm aegosexual (it's worth it looking this one up, it made me feel very seen)

Hopefully I answered your questions 💕💕 I hope you have a good day!

#anon #answered #asexuality #asexual #aegosexual #demisexual #fanfiction #tw sexuality #gabe yells

[distort-opia]

you and your anons discussing intellectual questions and here i am asking: is Bruce a dog or a cat person? ( lets ignore the very obvious joke that can be made here 😭) i really wanna know. and is there a panel of him petting a kitten.

A very valid question, and I’m glad to get an ask regarding Bruce! By his choice of romantic partners you might think he'd favor cats, but he's quite famously a dog person. He's had Ace, a German Shepard, for many decades, who's also the Bat-Hound. (I used to love his adventures with Krypto as a kid.) And, he's also got Titus, a Great Dane, though Titus is technically Damian's. Bruce has shown a lot of affection for Titus too, though.

The Wayne household does also have a cat called Alfred (...and a cow, and whatever Goliath is, and a turkey). But all of these pets are Damian's, who's quite famous for his love of animals. And in the end, it was Alfred who took care of these animals the most; Bruce hasn't interacted a lot with the cat, at least not on the page.

...That's the short, rational version of this answer. I somehow ended up going into Ace and Titus' backstories, plus I went on a tangent about Golden Age Bruce and cats. So I'm putting the rest under the cut [sigh].

In current continuity, Ace has quite the interesting origin; he was an attack dog, first found and named by Joker (as shown in Batman: Urban Legends #15):

But, as shown in Batman (2016) Annual 1, Ace was the only attack dog to survive one of the fights Joker arranged, and was left behind by Joker for dead:

It's actually Alfred who wants to keep Ace, and tries to train him. Bruce says that Joker broke the dog, and that it cannot be saved. But he clearly warms up to Ace, and becomes quite attached, after Ace proves himself to be loyal and valuable:

Later on in, in Batman (2016) #40, he even says he misses Ace while looking very sad about it:

Sorry for the unwarranted paranthesis, I really like Ace's current origin :)) But to hammer it in, Bruce is also the one to gift a dog to Damian, his son -- as shown in Batman and Robin (2011) #2 and #3:

Damian also takes a while to warm up to the dog (much like his father with Ace), eventually calling him Titus.

After Alfred's death, the animals become quite the bittersweet companions, since he'd been the one to take care of them the most. in Detective Comics (2016) #1018, Bruce finds comfort in having them around, but he's still grieving:

And in Detective Comics (2016) #1033, he takes all the pets and moves them to his new place, even Bat-Cow. It's all extra sad, because Damian (the original owner of most) left, not wanting to be Robin anymore.

I guess my point with this is... Bruce chooses dogs as companions, most of the time. He's shown petting them and playing with them, but I can't recall any instance of that with Alfred the Cat. In current continuity, he associates the dogs with Alfred especially, which gives them extra emotional meaning. After all, Alfred was the one to insist he give Ace a chance, and once Bruce stopped being closed off, he ended up very attached to him -- and with a love for dogs in general, I suppose.

...This all isn't to say Bruce doesn't like cats at all. He's dating Catwoman, and I just have to show you these panels of Bruce saving one of Selina's cats from gunfire, in Batman: Year One #3:

The faces this poor cat makes are hilarious. Sure, he saved her, but at what cost.

Also, I guess Golden Age Bruce wasn't terribly fond of cats, and it's really funny. Catwoman sicks tigers and all sorts of felines on him, and one time she leaves him tied up with cats crawling over him -- as shown in Detective Comics (1937) #203:

Love that he keeps catnip in his utility belt, and that he ends up using the cats to escape. Holy adaptability, Batman!

Also, while going on this unhinged search for interactions between Bruce Wayne and cats, I have found... the funniest thing on the planet. Apparently Superman tried to get Batman executed for witchcraft in World's Finest Comics (1941) #186.

Yeah. They travel back in time and then Bruce makes out with some hot babes which gets Clark jealous and he decides to frame Bruce as a 'servant of Satan'. And he does so... by using his power of super-ventriloquism and "throwing his voice" within a black cat:

So. Another reason for Bruce to not like cats, I guess, if they got used to frame him for witchcraft??

(I've been laughing for 5 minutes straight, oh my god. Fully recommend reading this.)

So. I don't know this turned into an insane hunt for interactions between Bruce Wayne and dogs & cats, but I hope this was entertaining, anon! No panels of Bruce petting kittens, but hey, he saves one from being shot. Though obviously, if anyone has any other additions, please feel free to tack them on.

#um. this answer really got away from me #asks #batman #batman meta #bruce wayne #bruce wayne meta #alfred pennyworth #damian wayne #selina kyle #clark kent #joker #ace the bathound #Cloud thanks for the help with that one panel!! #my meta

[itsclydebitches]

I'm ngl I feel kinda afraid to mention any positive aspects abt the show bc it feels abit nowadays like you just, can't enjoy it anymore. Like no matter what RWBY does you won't be happy and any positive aspects mentioned you'd find a way to turn into something bad or Not Good Enough and idk I love most of your essays but that kinda throws me off. I just wish you were able to watch it a bit less... Against It. Hating it is fine, I hate it, it's a horribly written horribly paced mess with awful characters, awful humour and the worst voice acting in the industry, but I can unapologetically appreciate when a good scene happens and it feels like you can't, or at least can't without adding 50 asterisks and conditionals and ways it could be better. IDK it makes me a bit sad sometimes, since you dedicate so much time to this.

I feel you, anon, though we've known this was coming for years. Unlike a collection of short stories or other, separated media, the longer RWBY makes mistakes the more future content is going to suffer. Four years past where I personally think the show started having serious issues, yeah, there's more to criticize than praise (imo, obviously) and I'm not inclined to pretend otherwise. You say yourself, "I hate it, it's a horribly written, horribly paced mess with awful characters, awful humor, and the worst voice acting in the industry" so honestly I'm a little confused as to where you think these good scenes are that I'm missing. If the plot, tone, characters, humor, and acting all suck, what are we left with? And if you "hate" the show, why would you expect others to find more to praise?

Personally, I feel like I do appreciate the good scenes when we see them, but yeah, they're going to come with those 50 asterisks because, as said, everything is interconnected. If the show does a good job depicting Ruby's grief over Penny, I'm still going to question why we didn't get that when she first died. If the show nails an awesome "I'm still just small" line from Little, that unfortunately makes all the terrible humor surrounding it that much more apparent. My recaps strive to unpack all the aspects that I see, which means that after years of missteps the good stuff is coming with a huge load of baggage. For me, it would be a serious misrepresentation of the text to go, "Wow, Weiss hitting herself in the head with a rock sure was funny! Good on RWBY for writing such a comedic scene" and just ignore the context of that interrupting Ruby's grief because I don't want my recaps to be too mean. These recaps aren't going to RT. They're not written with the intention coaxing a writer towards improvement without breaking their spirit. There's absolutely no reason why I should pull punches - say less than everything I'm thinking - especially in a fandom that already works so hard to paint RWBY as better than I personally think it is.

I'm not going to insult you by assuming your intentions, but frankly I really dislike this whole 'It's so sad you can't enjoy the show anymore, you've dedicated so much to this, what's the point if you're not praising it?' perspective. I've heard it a lot over the years and 99% of the time it's sanctimonious nonsense. Again, I'm not accusing you of that, anon, just acknowledging that a lot of people have tried to "help" me over the years not because they care, but because they don't want anyone criticizing RWBY and have realized that outright attacks haven't worked. But the reality is that you don't know me, or what I get out of RWBY, or what's an enjoyable way for me to spend my time. It's totally fine - and understandable - if you're upset that my recaps have grown more and more critical over the years, but the answer to that discomfort is to stop reading them. There's no constructive criticism to offer here, just an implied request for me to lie and say that I think the show is better written than it actually is... which isn't going to happen. You shouldn't be "afraid" to mention a positive take - the fandom is 99% positive takes - and if you don't like the idea of sending in an ask and me potentially disagreeing, there are thousands of other RWBY content creators who will give you an enthusiastic response. Yeah, it sucks that you can't read recaps overflowing with praise and it sucks that I can't write them, but that's due to RWBY making those major mistakes and allowing them to snowball for half a decade. As said, you claim to "hate" the show and provided a long list of its broad and far-reaching problems, anon. You should thus understand that the problem here is in RWBY being really badly written, not me acknowledging that it's really badly written.

#rwde #rwby #mymetas