#should have named him skunk cabbage

[ourimpavidheroine]

Examples of the nickname thing?

I'm assuming you're referring to the post about pet names in fanfiction?

I do have a few characters who are almost always referred to by the shortened version of their names - Zhi, LoLo, Bu, Su, etc. Not to mention Baatar Jr being referred to as Junior in canon.

But those aren't really pet names/love names, those are nicknames, like everyone calling my cousin Jimmy as a kid and then Jim as an adult when his name is James. Not a pet name. To me, a pet name and/or love name is exactly that, something that only very close friends or family call you out of affection, not everyone in your life.

In my headcanon Wu calls everyone darling - it's just his thing. That being said, he also sometimes refers to his children as precious or the like, and his kids and spouses can be called my love or dearest. Canonically speaking he had pet names for Mako, most of which referred to Mako's physique (ahem). Thankfully in my fic he has gone past referring to Mako as his big tough guy. Although he also has some bedroom names for Mako as well. But those are private. He has little private names as well - his granddaughter Star is Starshine, etc. Wu is big on pet/love names, and while that is a headcanon of mine I also think his canon pet names for Mako support it. He also sometimes calls Lin names like Harridan out of affection and she once called him Spindleshanks but made him cry, so she doesn't do that any more.

Su calls many people sweetie, including the Avatar (canon).

Baatar Sr canonically calls Su dear.

Baatar Jr/Opal/Wing also refer to their children as sweetie. (headcanon).

Wei has affectionately rude love names for 3 of his nieces - Skunk Cabbage, Weed Killer, Dirt Clod.

Bolin calls Opal Easy-Breezy (headcanon).

Bolin gets it shortened to Bo (canon), but Mako sometimes calls him Bro (canon), which is a pet name/love name, for sure.

LoLo has certain pet names for people - Butterfly was his pet name for Naoki and it stuck, her family all call her that, even into adulthood - Old Girl is his love name for Lin (anyone else who dared would die squashed by a rock) and His Nibs is what he calls Wu when Wu isn't around. He calls both Wu and Mako my boy and Qi my dear, and that's because he thinks of the three of them as his own (especially Qi).

Meili is called Fishy by her siblings and cousins. That's it, though. Not by the adults. And it's pretty much a childhood thing. I mean. Can you imagine calling adult Meili Fishy. I mean. Really. (Unless you are Sayuri, of course, but Sayuri enjoys being provocative.)

Button was the pet name Sozui gave Sayuri as a baby and it sticks. Family only, though. Nobody calls her that outside the family.

Nuo calls friends and family she likes dear - or, if she REALLY likes you, dearest. It should be Jai's first clue that Nuo's already sizing him up as a potential son-in-law when she refers to him as dearest the first time she meets him. (And in fact, Poppy does tell him it means her mother likes him, but he doesn't know Nuo and so does not get the importance of this.) (She also refers to Zu as dear when she first meets him because she takes one look at Sayuri's face staring at Zu and she's already like, oh lovely, wedding, hmmmm, nobility of course, I suppose Wu will want something traditional and naturally I will advise him, as I recall the boy's mother is a real pain in the ass but of course the paternal side will be a different story, yes, yes, I had better clean him up before Wu sees him and has a fit of the vapors, would you look at that spat coming halfway down his leg and what on earth has he done to his hair?)

Wing calls Nuo honey. I cannot imagine anyone else but Wu calling her any kind of pet/love name. And even Wu would be on probation about it.

I haven't gotten that far in the narrative, but Poppy and Jai will absolutely call each other the rudest names in the world out of affection. Because that's their relationship.

Huan calls Ikki Little Bird which was his name for her when she was just a girl. Nobody else calls her that. Baatar Jr tried it out once or twice but it didn't work for him.

Bumi II calls Ikki Typhoon.

Zip calls Sayuri Little Bit, which is a pet name from the neighborhood he and Qi are from. I haven't written much about the two of them, but Zip loves her, very much. He absolutely thinks of her as a niece and is devoted to her. (And later, when he's old, he will move into Zong's house so Sayuri can take care of him. In fact, Radiant and Star will know him very well and call him Uncle Zip. And Star's daughter, Zetian, will consider him one of her greatest influences.)

Lin would rather be caught dead then call people by anything that actually proved she felt affection for them. She uses nicknames, sure - LoLo is LoLo (except when he ticks her off, then he's either Lozan or Old Man) and she calls Su Su and Zhi Zhi, etc. But pet/love names? She tried it with Wu and made him cry so no fucking way. And this tells us something about Lin and how she wants people to perceive her, does it not?

The Hou-Tings refer to Su and Baatar as Granny and Grampy like their blood grandchildren do, and that is certainly a pet/love name for them. The Hou-Ting brood refer to Wu as Gumpa and Mako as Gumpy and Qi as Gumma, and those names came from little Linyi, the eldest of the grandchildren.

And a note on names given out of respect:

Many of the adults in my fic are referred to as Auntie and Uncle. If it is Auntie (name) and Uncle (name) then it means family. If, however, it is (name) Auntie and (name) Uncle, then it is a term of respect for an elder. For example, Baatar Jr refers to the older women in Baidu Village as Jinpa Auntie and Pasang Auntie, which is him being respectful. (Huan would do the same, but he rarely refers to people by any names at all.) But Baatar's kids will call Bora Auntie Bora, which means she's considered family. One of my university roommates (and very good friend) was first generation Chinese-American and I called her parents (name) Auntie and (name) Uncle (or just Auntie and Uncle) rather than just their first names or Mr. and Mrs. Chan because she informed me of the custom. I've kept that in my fic, although it is used in the ATLA universe as well (see: Auntie Wu the fortune teller). Zu also refers to Lin and LoLo as Grandmother and Grandfather out of respect, for sure. I don't think he could imagine calling them anything else, and he would refer to Su and Baatar as the same.

#long post #my fanfiction #asks

[manychocolatefactories]

Milk Chocolate: Some time (not that) alone with Marvin Prune

“Come on!” cried Mr. Wonka. “Get a move on, please! We’ll never get round today if you dawdle like this!”

Soon he turned right off the main corridor into another slightly narrower passage.

Then he turned left.

Then left again.

Then right.

Then left.

Then right.

Then right.

Then left.

The place was like a gigantic rabbit warren, with passages leading this way and that in every direction.

“Hi!”

A skinny boy was walking up to Charlie. He had jet black hair and a nose ring.

“Hi! I recognize you! You’re Marvin Prune, right?”

“Of course you know my name, everyone does! You seem to be the only decent person here to talk to.” explained Marvin while looking around with such a strong disgust on his face that Charlie worried that he might throw up.

“Thanks! I guess…”

“You shouldn’t thank me, it’s all natural. You are so thin! Nearly as much as me, if not even more! What��s your secret?” asked Marvin while touching Charlie’s bony arm, with admiration in his eyes.

“My secret?” repeated Charlie, a bit surprised.

“Yes. What diet are you following?” eagerly asked the thin boy.

“Well… hum.. I eat… Bread and margarine for breakfast. Boiled potatoes and cabbage for lunch. Cabbage soup for supper.”

“It seems like a healthy diet, even though it would probably be a bit too heavy for me. I have a delicate stomach.”

“But these last days, my family and I only had slices of bread for breakfast. And half a boiled potato for lunch.”

“Now that’s something I could do! I’ll try that when I get back home. No wonder you’re so healthy!”

Marvin was apparently in love with the idea of a whole family starving together to death. He was picturing it, gazing into space, and it gave him such pleasure that he ended up drooling a bit.

“But I would still love to have more chocolate to eat. I only get to eat one chocolate bar a year.” Added Charlie.

“Me too, but I agree with you: that’s too much for one person. I hope my doctors will allow me to cut to a half-bar a year.”

Of course, Marvin wasn’t really listening to Charlie, in fact he wasn’t even looking at him while talking. He was rather massaging his chest to feel his ribs, a little ritual that helped him calm down the anxiety caused by his proximity with so many unhealthy fatties. He could feel the miasmas of their smelling, sweaty, oily bodies trying to clog his pores.

“And you, what’s your secret for not being cold?” asked Charlie.

This question snapped Marvin out of his internal contemplation.

“Excuse me?”

“Well… you don’t have much clothes on, and yet you’re not shivering.”

Indeed, Marvin was only wearing a black crop top and an equally black short. Outside he had been wearing a skunk fur coat, but even then, despite the snow fall and the harsh wind, he had been keeping it wide open.

“Oh, that’s for the world to admire my healthiness!” explained Marvin. “When you have a body such as mine, it’s cruel and selfish to not let everyone have a share of it. I try to wear as little clothes as possible in order to let people know that beauty is indeed of this world, and perfectly reachable if you put a bit of will into it.”

As he was speaking, Marvin kept posing and spinning around so Charlie could have a full view of his tiny waist, his stick-like legs and his gaunt belly.

“De plus, seeing me is an incredibly valuable lesson to other people. Especially those like this lard ball over there.”

Marvin was pointing his finger at Augustus, who was snacking on biscuits and cookies. The big boy kept taking them out of his pockets, like some magician pulling scarves out of his sleeves.

“Well at least he eats a ton of chocolate,” grudgingly acknowledged Charlie. “He eats chocolate, he drinks chocolate, he smells like chocolate and I bet he tastes like chocolate. I think it’s better to be fat and have a tummy full of chocolate rather than being thin and suffering from hunger.”

Marvin seemed deeply insulted by this answer.

“Look at that human garbage!” screamed the brat loudly enough for everyone to hear. “His ugly clothes are about to burst! He can barely walk! I can’t believe you would want to look like this monstrous pig! Who wants to end up like this bloated boil of fat?”

Augustus heard nothing of what Marvin said, because he was too busy munching and swallowing, but that certainly wasn’t the case of Mrs. Pottle. She came rushing towards the young model like some angry boar.

“How dare you insult my son, you little scarecrow? It’s not because you’re jealous of my son’s healthiness that you can spit your bile on the name of Pottle!”

“Healthiness? Who are you kidding, old cow? Your son is not healthy, he’s a human shredder!” Marvin violently jabbed his finger in Augustus’ belly.

“Ouch” said Augustus before finding a half-eaten waffle in one of his pockets.

“Everyone! Look at Augustus Pottle and tell me if you ever saw a more disgusting, repulsive and abominable animal in all of your life!”

“That is enough, you vulgar and loud-mouthed brat!” shouted Mrs. Pottle while waving her umbrella over Marvin’s head. “You will repent for those words. I will break you like the twig that you are!”

“Now, now, Mrs. Pottle,” intervened Mrs. Prune, wrapping her slender arms around her son’s bony shoulders. “Don’t threaten my son just because he was giving yours an important living lesson!”

Mrs. Pottle’s eyes widened in horror.

“He was insulting my family!”

“You’ll have to admit that sometimes one has to be insulted in order to progress. Would I have become such a queen of beauty if my parents had cuddled me all day long? Certainly not. They kept reminding me, day and night, how ugly and plain I was until I finally showed my maturity by having my first plastic surgery! That’s what parenting is all about.”

“How dare you? It’s no wonder your son is such an impudent, rotten and annoying little vermin! You should be ashamed of yourself for starving him like that! Look at him, he’s nothing but skin and bones! He’s already one foot in the grave!”

“At least, my son will fit in his grave. I can’t say the same about yours.”

Marvin laughed – or rather, neighed at this last retort before reporting his attention towards Augustus. The overweight boy was still gulping down handfuls of crackers and scones. Unable to stand this dreadful sight any longer, Marvin tried to snatch one of the biscuits out of Augustus’ hand. Bad idea…

“Mom, Dad!” screamed Marvin. “He bit me! The damned pig bit my hand! Le sale porc m’a mordu!”

The two mothers were now turning around each other like wild beasts in a cage, Mrs. Pottle holding firmly her umbrella and Mrs. Prune sharpening her long, pointy and well-manicured nails. It would have probably turned into a fight to the death if Mr. Wonka had not intervened.

“Please, ladies, act like adults!” said Mr. Wonka while stepping between the two mothers, agitating his cane under their nose. “If we keep bickering each other in this corridor, we will never go anywhere, and we have an enormous tour to do! You can’t even imagine how much there is to see in my factory! So, please, put all of your troubles in your pocket and with a handkerchief over them! Now, go on! Quick, we have already lost enough time!”

#milk chocolate #charlie and the chocolate factory #retelling #my texts #marvin prune #augustus gloop #augustus pottle #the tour #bratty kids

[somaybeimbiased]

SHINee 5 | Ghost Hunters AU

I redid this early post and I think I improved it, others also requests a couple things about this AU, so I just redid it bc the other one was messy

With increasing reports of things going ‘bump’ in the night, a team of 5 guys formed, and they travel around South Korea. They film their findings and post them on youtube. They have 20 million subscribers, even if they do talk in Korean. (Subtitles my guys) Viewers think they are all v cute and hilarious but also this is the most realistic ‘ghost’ show out there.

Onew- Research Analyst

He was never one to believe in ghosts.

He didn’t even think it was a possibility.

After his mom died and Taemin started blabbering about how mom was still around and that nonsense, it made him hate the prospect of ghosts.

But when his best friend in high school asked him to help out, he couldn’t say no.

His filming was trash, but it got the job done.

It was all fun and games until ghosts actually started moving stuff

The breaking point in his skepticism came when a door slammed shut behind him and locked him in Jonghyun’s cellar.

Might’ve cried a lil

After that, he went ham researching the paranormal.

His and Taemin’s dad is a  cop so he will sometimes ‘borrow’ his dad’s database computer to see if there is any sketchy happening in the history of wherever they are heading.

He was kind of against Key putting the first video on youtube, but it got popular so he forgave it.

Never gets used to the prospect that he has fans who like him the most out of their group. Like he has fangirls

After becoming a hit and getting 10k subscribers with only crappy iPhone videos, so after a while, they decided that they need more people on their team.

Put an ad on craigslist

The only ones who answered were his brother and Minho

Very much against Taemin and his boyfriend? Best friend?  Joining the team.

Thought that Taemin would turn it into a joke

But then he watched his little brother get possessed and he freaked tf out.

Got used to it after a while.

Their youtube channel continued through high school graduation and only got more popular.

They would film on the weekends.

He is really into it after a while and he basically becomes a human dictionary for ghosts

Like, ask him any question  and he will spit out the answer

Minho will only let him touch and cameras and other $$$$ equipment

“You’re the least likely to get scared or get possessed so-”

Except he runs into stuff all the time so?

Like if you think he is clumsy during the day, you should see him try to get around with a night vision camera.

Sometimes he will just trip or fall and Key s c r e a m s

“ARE YOU OKAY DID A GHOST GET YOU?!?!”

Jinki just kinda laughs it off, bc Key is so jumpy.

But overall he likes being a ghost hunter

Like it’s fun, plus he gets to spend a ton of time with his best pals

Jonghyun- The Leader

Every great story starts with a stupid decision.

Jonghyun’s was letting Key convince him to make and use an Ouija board during a sleepover when they were 13.

He 100% thought it was fake until the planchette started moving by itself even though Key and he were on the other side of the room.

And then him and key just like took the board and put it in the garbage.

But the damage had already been done.

His house was haunted.

Ever since then, he and Key had been trying to prove it to someone that they’d messed up Jonghyun’s house.

They invited Jinki over to try to get evidence on camera

So they made Jinki film using Key’s crappy iPhone and a cereal box voice recorder Key had saved boxtops for.

But then they caught some weird voices and the cellar door shutting on Jinki and they were spooked

Key put the evidence on a youtube channel and people went crazy for it.

They loved the video.

He wanted to make more, so him Key and Jinki tried just them for a year or so before deciding they needed to expand their group.

The ad on craigslist seemed to work bc they got a cameraman and a medium.

How cool are they?!

Once they started getting more and more popular, people would email him about coming to their house, business, etc.

Their youtube views were high too.

He 100% carries around a lil suitcase full of traditional ghost hunting stuff, like an ouija board salt, sage, etc.

Screams in falsetto

Gets scared easily, but is nowhere near as bad as Key

Sometimes Key’s screams startle him more than the spooky ghosts.

He also always gets scratches on his legs?

Like?

He can’t wear shorts anymore.

“No, I don’t own a cat.”

Lowkey thinks Taemin might be lying, but only because Jinki said he thinks it might be a coping mechanism.

But then Taemin sprouted off how a demon was following Jjong and has been attached to him since he was 13 and Jjong hadn’t really told anyone besides Kibum and Jinki what happened when he was younger so like

“Wow, okay, accepted.”

Key- The Comic Relief / Face of the group

This guy is scared of ghosts

Doesn’t know why he thought hunting them was a good choice.

Only in it for the potential views at first when they made Jinki film them in Jjong house.

1000% believes in ghosts though.

Made a youtube account for them.

GhostHunters5_25

He s c r e a m e d when they went viral

“SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE SEEN MY FACE”

Basically became an instant meme.

Pictures of him screaming and crying a lil are all over the internet.

Any fame is good fame.

100% let it go to his head.

Like, fame didn’t change him, he just got cocky with the ghosts.

It got worse when they really blew up after Taem and Mango joined the team.

Made everyone wear makeup for filming.

M: “I’m behind the camera why do I need makeup?”

T: “Also we are in the dark, I don’t-”

“SHHhshhhHSHhHh”

He was crazy for the views and stuff.

A skeptic of Taemin, like legit at the beginning he said they should kick Taem out.

“I can bring my dogs instead. They are just as cute as Taemin and dogs can sense things”

Got possessed once

It was for like 10 seconds

But he didn’t take it suuuper seriously until that happened.

He wanted to quit at first like he walked out of the house they were investigating.

Taemin tried to talk to him about it like

“Bum, I know you’re stressed but like, It happens to me all the time, and I’m fine.”

“No, you’re a freak! That’s why they go to you! If you were normal you would know how I feel!”

Taemin just left, and he ignored Key for 2 weeks straight.

Jjong and Jinki convinced Key to talk to him, bc if they didn’t patch stuff up, they’d lose their cameraman, their medium, and two of their best friends.

Everything was okay after he apologized.

From then on he would bring a doll with him to all investigations

The doll was an old cabbage patch kid

He named her Susan

“The ghost can possess the doll instead of me now”

The doll never actually gets possessed.

But sometimes 2min hide his dolls so he thinks it might’ve worked.

Also the fun cop™

Makes them go to the library before every new place to do research about it led by himself and Jinki.

Takes it suuuper seriously.

“Jonghyun, stop putting paperclips in Taemin’s hair”

“Where did Minho go?”

“Taemin, wake up you’re drooling all over the phonebook from 1987!”

“Minho when did you go get Panda Express?!”

Done with their bullshit

Minho- The Man behind the Camera

Didn’t actually know the others before this.

Like vaguely knew Jinki bc he is Taemin’s brother brother

But he really only knows Taemin, his bestboyfriend

They don’t like labels

One night Taemin showed him a crappy youtube video for three dorks hunting for ghosts.

“Isn’t that your brother filming? I didn’t know anyone could be so bad at filming! Who let that happen?

The film major was not impressed.

Left an angry comment on their video about how they need to get a proper cameraman.

A couple weeks later he was scrolling through craigslist while ignoring his homework and he found an interesting ad.

In search of extra crew to help investigate paranormal

“YO Tae, wanna become ghost hunters?”

Like he was aware Taem had that power, and those three morons needed a good camera guy tbh

Were the only ones serious about answering the ad

Him and Taem got the jobs because they were the only ones to actually answer the ad.

He told them that he was there just to handle equipment and be a cameraman

Quickly given a crash course on the good angles of Kim Kibum

Purposely zooms in on Key when he screams.

He is hella good with the camera work, and he is able to use extra footage sometimes for his film classes.

But he never really gets used to  what happens

Especially when he watches his best friend get possessed the first couple times

Did not cry

One time there was a loud crash in an old house they were investigating and they sent him and Taemin to check it out.

Surprise.

It was a skunk.

So now he always checks the site before setting up.

He also now keeps a few jars of tomato juice in his trunk for emergencies.

Taemin- Mr. Medium

He lowkey resented his brother for starting a paranormal investigation team after teasing Taemin a large portion of their children over Taemin making things up.

He and Jinki were never as close as they were before their mom’s death.

Jinki claimed Taemin was making stuff up, but Taemin let it slide because his mom told him that he was the only one who could see.

Like those rumors that younger kids can see past the physical world but as they get told that ghosts aren’t real and whatnot they lose the ability.

Those are true, but Taemin’s mom being a ghost made it so that he never stopped believing

When they asked Taemin what he could contribute to the team he just deadpanned

“I see dead people”

Jonghyun and Key asked him if he needed therapy.

He almost cussed them all out for being close-minded when they were the ones hunting the ghosts

He is a self-acclaimed Clairvoyant and a Clairsentient

He found out at a young age that he wasn’t normal

His and Jinki’s Mother died in an accident when he was 7

When his father got home to tell him the news

“Don’t joke! She’s right behind you!”

Therapy sucks.

It’s a touchy subject for him to this day.

He has fun with this though, he is able to feel and see the ghosts when they don’t hide themselves

This makes him a valuable asset to the team

Glad that the others allowed his bestboyfriend to be the cameraman too, bc Mango hadn’t shut up about Jinki’s shaking filming.

He instantly became a hit on the youtube channel

He got fangirls from this too.

It’s great to have anyone other than Minho alone believing him.

A lot of comments are about how the hot medium is their favorite and how genuine he is.

Like ‘oh hello, how did all these flowers end up at our house Minho?’

Also, if we talk about Key being a huge meme, we can’t forget about him.

He has a hilarious expression at least 50% of the time.

Gets possessed all the time though

OT4 asked him why he was the one to get targeted all the time

“What can I say, I must just be irresistible”

“They like me because I sympathize with them and my emotions are easily manipulated to suit them”

Also bc he is lowkey into Wiccan charms and it’s only to protect the others from harmful spirits.

Got really hurt when Key got possessed bc he was the one that stopped the spirit from being inside Key for too long, and then after the fact Key hurt him.

He also jokes around a lot outside of the site and when around OT4

Pulls lil pranks on them

But once they arrive, he is all business.

Randomly stares off into the distance all the time bc he sees a ghost

Lowkey afraid of ghosts, but only because he has gotten really hurt in the past from them

Prays all the time to try to protect himself more

/AN// I hope you guys enjoyed! I am wrapping up the semester next week so I’m hoping to start writing more! Thank you <3

See More of My Work on my Masterlist

#shinee #shinee au #ghost hunter au #ghost #ghost hunting #shinee 5 #5hinee #onew #jonghyun #key #shinee key #mino #taemin #2min #lee jinki #kim jonghyun #kim kibum #choi minki #lee taemin #shinee as #hsinee scenarios #shinee aesthetic #shinee mb #possessed

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Dead Man’s Blood- Part 4

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2,099

Warnings: Typical Supernatural violence, angst, language, minor character death, blood, you know the usual

Author’s Note: I don’t know how I felt about this one. Feedback would be greatly appreciated for this one. My emotions were mixed with this one.

I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Please, if you want to be tagged for this series, let me know and I’ll add you! If you want to be tagged for my other fics, I’ll add you! I want to hear what you guys think about this. If you want something requested, send it in!

Feedback is always appreciated

Tags at the bottom

Series Rewrite Masterlist

“Dean, what if this doesn’t work?” You bit your lip in worry.

“It will, just be confident.” Dean got out of the car after pulling to the side of the road and opened his trunk. He groaned, playing his character.

“I told you to stop when I heard that noise. But you didn’t listen to me and now we’re stranded.” You said your line, getting out as well.

“Car trouble?” You spun around and looked at a woman who smirked slightly. This was a vampire and you learned her name was Kate. You were hoping it would be her that helped.

“Yeah.” You replied. All you needed to do was stall her.

“Let me give you a lift. I'll take you back to my place.” Her smirk got wider.

“Nah I'll pass. I usually draw the line at necrophilia.” Dean said, looking at her.

“Ooo, good one.” She then backhanded Dean, grabbing his jaw forcefully, making him look at her. You were about to rush to him but another vampire came out and held you back.

“I don't usually get this friendly until the second date.” Dean said, his face squished by the woman’s hand.

“You know, we could have some fun. I always like to make new friends.” She grinned, pulling Dean closer to her.

“Leave him alone, you bitch.” You growled out. That wasn’t part of the “script” but you didn’t care.

“Is this your girlfriend? Watch and learn, sweetheart. I’ll show him how a real woman does it.” She pressed her lips to his and you grunted out in displeasure and looked away from them. You knew she was just doing that to patronize you but you hated seeing it.

“Oh, sorry. I don't usually stay with a chick that long. Definitely not eternity.” Dean said as Kate pulled away. Suddenly, an arrow pierced the vampire holding you and you were thankful it didn’t pierce you. You got out of his grasp and watched an arrow go straight through the woman’s chest. She huffed as she let go of Dean, turning to see Sam and John coming out of the woods with crossbows.

“It barely even stings.” She snarled.

“Give it time sweetheart. That arrow's soaked in dead man's blood. It's like poison to you, isn't it?” Her face fell at the mention of the red liquid and soon, she was passed out in Dean’s arms. Dean didn’t need to be told twice about where to put her. John turned to the other vampire and smirked as he brought his machete down and cut his head clean off. Now you only had to deal with one vampire.

John wanted you and the brothers to take Kate to a clearing in the woods with a fire going. You didn’t know why he wanted that but you weren’t going to question it. John and Dean were by the Impala, doing whatever they were doing and you and Sam were by the fire, guarding the area while Kate was strung to the trunk of a nearby tree.

“This seems a bit excessive. Your dad has a weird way of doing things.” You said to Sam.

“Yeah, tell me about it.”

“Toss this on the fire. Saffron, skunk's cabbage and trillium. It'll block our scent and hers, until we're ready.” John instructed Dean, walking to the fire. Dean shrugged and took a whiff of the thing but reared back in disgust.

“Stuff stinks!”

“Duh, Dean. He just said skunk’s cabbage and I don’t think that is a good thing.” You watched him.

“Dust your clothes with the ashes, and you stand a chance of not being detected.” John instructed.

“You sure they'll come after her?” Sam asked, doing what he was told.

“Yeah, vampires mate for life and she means more to the leader than the gun. But the blood sickness is going to wear off soon, so you don't have a lot of time. But after this, I want you out of the area as fast as you can.”

“John, you can’t possible think you’ll take out all of them by yourself. That’s suicide.” You said.

“I'll have her and the Colt.” John said like it made up for the fact there will be a lot of vampires involved.

“Okay, but what about after? We're going to meet up, right? Use the gun together. Right?” Sam asked his father. John refused to answer and refused to look at his children.

“You’re going to leave. You want to go after this demon by yourself.” You scoffed.

“I don't get you. You can't treat us like this.” Sam said, getting angry again.

“Like what?”

“Like children.”

“You are my children. I am trying to keep you safe.” John said like it was the only reason he was keeping you out of this fight.

“Dad, all due respect but, uh, that's a bunch of crap.” Dean said, standing up to his father. You and the other men looked at Dean in shock.

“Excuse me?” John said, looking at Dean.

“You know what, Sammy, Y/N, and I have been hunting. Hell, you sent us on a few hunting trips yourself. You can't be that worried about keeping us safe.”

“It’s not the same thing, Dean.”

“Then what is it? Why do you want us out of the big fight?”

“John, we are trying to understand you. You can’t keep things from us and not expect us to get angry.” You said, your words meaning a few things.

“This demon? It's a bad son of a bitch. I can't make the same moves if I'm worried about keeping you alive.”

“You mean reckless.” Dean corrected John.

“Look... I don't expect to make it out of this fight in one piece. Your mother's death... it almost killed me. I can't watch my children die too. I won't.”

“What happens if you die? Dad, what happens if you die, and we could have done something about it? You know I been thinking. I think maybe Sammy's right about this one. We should do this together.” Dean said, taking a side.

“We’re stronger as a family, John and you know it.” You said.

“We're running out of time. You do your job and you get out of the area. That's an order.” John said with a hard voice.

“Fuck you.” You growled out and stomped away from him. You hated that he was acting like this. You felt a presence behind you and turned, seeing both young Winchesters there.

“Y/N, you know how he can get.” Sam said softly. He and Dean were hurt but they expected this from John.

“No, you know that’s he’s been hiding my dad from me? My dad is Bobby fucking Singer. MY dad has been right under my nose the entire fucking time and I’m just now finding this out? How dare he keep this man from my life? No, John is an asshole and he treats us like we can’t handle anything.” You got tears fast.

“Bobby is your father?” Sam asked.

“Yeah he is and I never got to know him as much as I would like to have. It’s all John’s fault.” You started crying and Dean pulled you into his chest, rubbing your back soothingly.

“We’ll figure this out, okay sweetheart? We will but we have a case to do and people to save.” Dean kissed your head. He was right. You nodded and pulled away from him, wiping your eyes. You had a case to solve and vampire to kill.

“Then what are we waiting for?” You looked at the brothers before walking off to the car.

It was John’s brilliant idea to do this alone while you, Sam, and Dean go to the nest to play the hero card. Getting into the place was easy. You just hoped that most of the vampires were gone.  John stole the leader’s mate. They have got to be pretty pissed about it.

You didn’t go through the front door because one, that would be stupid and two, there was a vampire on post there. Dean decided to handle this one. The vampire was drinking and he must have been so hammered because he never heard Dean coming. He was dead within the next 5 minutes.

You and Sam quickly made your way to the back where the cage of innocent people were. Dean and Sam got the lock opened in record time, freeing the people. But there were still other vampires and when that cage opened, they pounced.

You and Dean held them off, fighting until your limbs were sore. Sam, on the other hand, guided the people to safety. Because most of the vampires were in search for Kate, you killed the rest within the hour. Now it was time to go save John.

When you got to him, you didn’t expect him to lose control of the situation. A couple of vampires lingered around Kate who was looking much better and the leader, who was named Luther, backhanded John. John may be a pain in the ass but he was family and you always stuck around for family.

Sam and Dean got their arrows ready and you decided to help John. You didn’t think they saw him but you did. Sam and Dean started shooting vampires in the chest and you crept behind the leader, ready to attack.

Apparently, he was more alert than the others because before you knew it, you were spun around with a hand on your throat. Your back was to the vampire’s front and he held you tightly. Sam and Dean were now trying to fight but when Dean made eye contact with you, he stopped mid-air, trying to slice a vampire’s head off. They actually got a few dead.

“Don't! I'll break her neck. Put the blade down.” The vampire sneered.

“Dean, don’t do it.” Dean needed to kill the vampires but you were his girlfriend and he didn’t want you dead. Dean took too long deciding and Luther tightened his grip on your throat, cutting your air supply off. You tried to gasp for air and claw at Luther’s hands but nothing seemed to be working. Dean immediately dropped the machete down when he saw you struggle.

“You people. Why can't you leave us alone? We have as much right to live as you do.” Luther growled. You were getting weaker and weaker but you wouldn’t stop fighting.

“I don’t think so.” You couldn’t see what was happening but soon, air was able to enter into your lungs. You fell to the ground, gasping and coughing. When you looked up, John was behind Luther with the Colt in hand. Luther had a bullet sized hole in between his eyes and you knew he was dead. You were just glad that the bullet didn’t hit you.

Dean rushed to you and pulled you behind him and Sam. You breathed deeply, your lungs burning a bit. A sigil appeared where the bullet hit Luther and he wobbled slightly before falling to his knees.

“Luther!!” Kate cried out in horror. A brief flash of light reflected his skeleton before he fell to the ground, dead. Kate wanted to be there for Luther but another vampire pulled her away and to the car they used. Now that their leader was dead, they didn’t know what to do. So, they ran and got the hell out of there.

Damn, you hated vampires.

The case was over and so you were packing. Well, Dean and Sam were packing. You were sitting on the bed, thinking about how messed up your life was. You remembered picking Sam up from college like it was yesterday and not almost a year ago. Damn, time passes by fast.

John entered the motel room and you stood up. You and his kids were ready for what he was about to say.

“You ignored a direct order back there.” John said but he didn’t seem upset.

“Yeah but we saved your ass.” Dean said. Dean visibly swallowed because he wasn’t used to talking to his father like this.

“You’re right.” John agreed.

“I am?”

“He is?” You and Sam said together.

“It scares the hell out of me. You three are all I've got. But I guess we are stronger as a family. So... we go after this damn thing. Together.” John looked at you in the eyes and you could see the sincerity behind them. You wanted things between you and him to be good but you were hurt. You were wounded but time heals all wounds.

Masterlist // Buy me a Coffee?

Series Rewrite tags:

@helllonearth @amyisabellal @deanwnchstr @caseykitten6 @roxalya19 @quixoticcat @supernaturalblogging @notmoose45 @crowleysminion @mina22 @tahbehonest @spn-applepie-imagines

Forever tags:

@gothic-neuromancer @maddieburcham1 @ginamsmith @mogaruke @whit85-blog @inlovewithbja @spn67-sister @kdfrqqg @jarpadandjensenaremyheroes @roxyspearing @supercalifragilistic26 @mishamigose @cobrakai1967 @essie1876 @innernightwerewolf

Dean tags:

@akshi8278 @mega-mrs-dean-winchester @winchesterandpie @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester

Other tags:

@jensen-jarpad @notnaturalanahi @deathtonormalcy56 @27bmm

#dean x reader #deanxreader #dean winchester x reader #dean #dean winchester #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester angst #dean winchester fluff #dean winchester preference #dean x reader insert #dean x you #dean x y/n #dean x reader inserts #series rewrite #series rewrite masterlist #dean winchester series rewrite #dead man's blood #season 1 episode 20 #s1e20 #s1e20 spoilers #spoilers #spn #spn spoilers #supernatural #supernatural spoilers #sam #sammy #Sam Winchester #john #john winchester

[rookiewithachance]

@theyugiohtrashcan tagged me in a thing and because I’m literally so bad at remembering to do these I’m sitting myself down to do it rIGHT NOW so I won’t forget Name: Kelli

Nicknames: I’m one of those people that I literally give negative shits about what you call me. Like as long as I know you’re talking to me when you say whatever you wanna call me, I’ll answer to it. I’ve been called Kell, Kim, Kam, Ann (my middle name), Mac (the beginning of my last name), or even cabbage. One friend I have now literally calls me cabbage, because when we met I told him he could call me anything. Thus, cabbage.

Star sign: Gemini

Sexual orientation: Homoromantic demisexual. Sex is a meh for me, but I’ll want it for the person its with and not the sex itself. It’s an emotional experience for me, and not a physical one. Maybe TMI, but y’know. Whatevs

Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw! I get Hufflepuff almost as much as I do Ravenclaw, but I feel confident that if I went to Hogwarts I’d be sorted into Ravenclaw and i feel so jipped that i will never get to actually be a ravenclaw at hogwarts like i cry myself to sleep sometimes knowing that will never happen it makes me sAD

Favorite color: idk man colors are just cool. I’ve been really into like, teal lately? But generally my favorite colors tend to be like, grey and purple. Especially together.

Favorite animal: No. I will not choose. I’ll instead say I’ve always wanted a retro mop and a skunk as pets, but I probably won’t ever get a skunk because of the whole like, removing their stink glands negatively affects them and stuff. ;-;

Favorite fictional characters: HNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG YOU CANT ASK ME TO CHOOSE THAT. man idk. I agree with Kat that Yuuri Katsuki from Yuri On Ice is def on my list, with others including BUT NOT LIMITED TO Hunk from Voltron: Legendary Defenders, Deadpool, literally everyone from Night in the Woods, Sans and Undyne from Undertale, and CHRISTIAN “SPAGHETTI DADDY” LEE who’s one of Kat’s characters and is a complete meme but also my son i had to bring him into this

Number of blankets you sleep with: if he thicc, just one

Favorite band/artist: ONCE AGAIN YOU MAKE ME CHOOSE. I listen to more songs than artists, but the ones that I consistently love and I’m always excited to see new stuff from are Set it Off, All Time Low, Marianas Trench, Green Day, Fall Out Boy, Panic at the Disco, and then some youtube musicians as well like Nathan Sharp, Thomas Sanders (he does some music ok and he’s majestic), Mandopony (his NITW EP is LIT), and so on and so forth. I could honestly keep talking about music until I’m blue in the goddamn face, so I’ll shut up about it now but if anyone ever wants to talk music with someone hmu im always down

Dream job: Philosophy college professor yes pls. It’s super competitive but I’m working really hard towards it

When was your blog created?: kadhdkagdhale i dont knowwwwww. Honestly I have no idea. EDIT: I LOOKED IT UP AND MY FIRST POST WAS MAY 31 2014

Follower count: 429 yo

Reason for making your blog: @theyugiohtrashcan had a tumblr and was like “yo i know about music” and i came in and was like “yo i know more about mu----- lmao honestly tho she just said that I should make one so I did. I didn’t put much thought into it at the time

as for people I’m tagging: @mediocre-at-bestt, @sorry--imfangirling, @sonofdysonsphere, @highgreenbunny, @schwagztheelf, @consistant-screaming-to-the-void, @fanofallthingsadorkable, @kaiju-genital-thunderstorm, and @neonblue4657! A mix of old mutuals and new peeps, to hopefully get the blood flowin~~ because that’s not a weird turn of phrase to use here. I tried to get as many of you as possible, but I don’t feel confident that I didn’t miss some peeps. thats ok tho just because i didnt tag u doesnt mean we still arent friends i still tumblr stalk you

as always no pressure my friends. if u dont wanna then dont, no big. AND if anyone i didnt tag is looking for an excuse to do one of these, consider me your official taggin’ buddy. Say I tagged you in your post so I can see it!!!!

#personal #about me #mediocre-at-bestt #sorry--imfangirling #sonofdysonsphere #highgreenbunny #schwagztheelf #consistant-screaming-to-the-void #fanofallthingsadorkable #kaiju-genital-thunderstorm #neonblue4657 #im still full of all that weird energy from yesterday #so sorry if is eem a little more spastic than normal lol #ive thought about it and im pretty sure this is a side effect of the steroids the doctor game me???? #im still taking them for when i had bronchitis and strep but the sickness is mostly gone #which might be why i have all this weird energy #but i also dont wanna not take them and then get sick again #so im gonna finish them and just try to use this energy constructively #thus why i put so much time into this!!!! #it gave me something to do with a good half hour of my time which was niceeee #anyways im rambling lmao byeeeeee #tag #tag meme #tag game

[ecotone99]

[MF] Savior

NOTE: This is my first time (probably?) doing something like this, and by this I mean creatively writing a short story and submitting it for other people to see. Feedback appreciated, whether it be on formatting, development, etc. or just whether you loved it or hated it. Thanks for reading!

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The city of Jainhurst screeched to a halt. The once bustling epicenter of commerce was now coated in a sheet of silence and ice. Snow had piled up high in the streets, but no one had bothered to shovel. A better word would be dared to shovel as only a fool would show his face in a time like this.

Meridia was pacing in her room. Between tending to her babe and to the fire, she was losing her mind. Meridia had spent the previous night tending to her husband’s atrocious injury, and she did not get a wink of sleep. The cloaks that wrapped her did not help; no matter what, she couldn’t seem to disperse this unearthly chill that engulfed her body. It wasn’t a chill though; to describe what she was feeling in a word like that would be a sin. She was enveloped in a fear very few people her age had ever experienced; the inevitable, the inexorable, the one thing that all men and beasts have in common: death. She rocked her babe, though she knew he wouldn’t be quiet. She wanted to throw him into the fire, his screams were so loud, but she could not. How could a mother think such a thing? she thought to herself. Her trembling fingers squeezed the babe’s cheek, while she brought her sweaty, moist lips to his forehead. She tried to sing for her son, but her voice would not hold. Meridia gave up trying to soothe her child and laid him in his crib.

The screams persisted, but Meridia did not go back to the crib. She slowly walked to her husband’s huge leather chair in front of the fire, draped in woolen blankets and quilts. The quilts she had knitted herself, the blankets a gift. A yellow piece of paper laid on the seat of the chair. The paper had been freshly printed, merely hours before, but her sweaty fingers had stained it from holding it for too long. The paper read: “MANIAC ON THE LOOSE. LOCAL MAN JASON DABBENHEART MAIMED BY MASKED INDIVIDUAL ON THE SEVENTEENTH OF JANUARY. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME FOR ANY REASON UNLESS IT IS OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE”. Meridia knelt in front of the fire and closed her eyes. She prayed for her husband.

It had been a difficult decision to make. His wife was certainly skilled in treating injuries and illnesses, but this required a master at his craft. Dr. Pulius’ home lay at the other end of town, the only home with a torch burning outside. Jason trekked knee deep through the snow, his wife’s fear burning in his heart. He had to be strong for her. He had to be strong for his son. Jason drew the crow-black cloak tighter around himself for both fear of the cold and fear of being seen. He struggled to push all other thoughts aside; he had to keep moving. Jason felt with his right hand the cloth over the nub where his left had been, where it should be. A hot anger pulsed through him, while he thought: Why me? Why me?. But he pushed these thoughts aside as well. All he needed to do was focus on moving forward; moving, moving, just a little further.

Jason paused to catch his breath. He knew he’d be weak on his journey, but he didn’t expect it to hit him this hard and so early. His legs were trembling from fatigue and chill, yet he pushed on. Suddenly, his legs gave out and he fell face first in the snow. Exhausted and defeated, Jason dragged himself up. He knew he could not make it to Dr. Pulius without rest, but he could not rest in this frozen blackness. His wife’s words echoed in his mind: No matter what, no matter what: do not go to anyone but Mr. Pulius. His wife didn’t understand. Jason trudged up to the door of a house nearby. He thought, Do not worry my love, I trust this man. A sign hung outside the door, an anvil painted half red and half black: the new smith. Jason, being a smith himself, had briefly chatted with the man when he settled in. His name was Samuel.

Jason pounded on the door, yelling, “Please help me! I am on my way to Dr. Pulius and I have fallen weak and need shelter.”

A minute went by, and Jason heard movements inside the house. Then another minute went by, and all was still. Who can blame him? thought Jason. Who would open their door on a night like this?. Jason started back to his home, so far away now, when the door suddenly swung open.

A tall, lean figure stood in the doorway. With his blonde curly hair and his surprisingly clean body, Jason thought him an angel. The firelight from Samuel’s hearth bled out onto Jason as he trudged towards the young man. Samuel rushed over to the weak figure, saying, “Sir, come in immediately!”.

Samuel practically carried Jason back into his home. Jason immediately went to the fire to warm himself. Samuel turned around and shut the door.

“You’re an angel lad. Thank you a hundred.”

“No need to thank me. Please, make yourself warm and comfortable. Can I get you something to drink?”

“Do you have any ale?”

“Only the finest,” Samuel smiled.

Jason returned the smile as Samuel poured. Jason drank greedily, the liquor soothing his pains. He noticed Samuel did not drink, but he said nothing of it. Jason settled down and looked around the room. It was surprisingly bare, with a bookshelf with several books, a bed here, a pot there. But no tools.

Jason asked, “Where are your tools, lad?”

Samuel looked puzzled for a second, but then responded, “Oh, for the forge? I keep them outside.”

“In the winter? They’ll be ruined that way!”

“Ah, you’re right. I didn’t think a bit of snow would do any harm.”

“Aye, you’d be surprised what the cold can do.”

Samuel smirked a little at that. Jason looked closer at Samuel; his hands were smooth as a baby’s bottom.

“Wow, you have the hands of a prince! How in the hell do you keep them so smooth from the forge?”

“My lovely wife massages them at night and I apply a special ointment my father sends me from the East. The smiths out there are unmatched, my father among them.”

“So why did you move here if the smithing is so much better out there?”

“My father forced me to: he said I should learn from experience first, then learn from the best.”“Wise man.”

“Anyways, can I get you something to eat? You must be starving.”

“That would put it lightly. I could eat a whole horse and then some.”

Samuel chuckled, and went over to the pot on the fire. Jason had not noticed the smell when he had first come in, but he smelled it now. It smelled like a dead animal, a scent so disgusting he was surprised he wasn’t cooking a skunk.

“What is that stench? My babe can cook better than that!”

The host chuckled and ladled a few times into a big copper bowl.

“I promise it tastes better than it smells.”

Jason chuckled, and said:

“I hope so.”

Jason took a spoonful and was pleasantly delighted.

“You were right. This is not bad at all.”

Jason took several more spoonfuls, and was starting to feel at home.

“My wife would die to know this recipe! What’s in it?”

“Secret. But if you look closer, you should be able to tell why it’s so good.”

Jason looked puzzled, but he looked nonetheless. He saw carrots, potatoes, some cabbage… then he froze. Jason slowly raised his head back up to look at Samuel. Samuel flashed a wicked grin

A thumb looked back at Jason from the soup. He never did make it to Dr. Pulius.

submitted by /u/Laymayo [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2ZMCugB

#Blogger #Story

[jf3co]

I honestly forget what year it was - we would play around in tunnels, drainage tunnels, that were being laid down as part of new housing developments where once stood farms somewhere outside the city.  It was gen-two "white flight" for the older cities, typically behind the original trend, and we got to graduate from the city to the suburbs; we were used to the city. The suburbs were foreign to us. 

We saw the movie Aliens. We had plastic guns. And duct tape. And candles. And we'd tape the guns together to create modified weaponry. We taped candles to the walls of the tunnels. The rest you can figure out for yourself - crawling through tunnels underneath construction sites. But, it stands to mention, these were 'clean' tunnels - they were brand new; just manufactured and nothing to worry about. No chance for the old to creep in. No chance for history and the unknown. We know where they came from and why they were there. Just a group of young children entertaining themselves; being boys. 

Speaking of generations - we lived in the 1st generation suburbs, the Levittown subdivisions. These were slightly older and established. They had, at least, some history; however unflattering. 

The farms and woods were a different story. They had wonderful history. Like the kind of history that dated back to the beginning of America. And no small shit either - literally The Beginning of the United States of America started right here. So occasionally we'd come across some old shit in our exploring. 

We were trolling through the woods with our BB guns when I shot a squirrel… I had no idea my aim would be that good… it was very far away - on a tree.  But I shot him, gut shot.  And when I found the thing it was on its' back and doing a half sit-up wheezing at me like "why did you shoot me, asshole?" with each little gut-shot squirrel breath it took: "why did you shoot me, asshole?"  I had to make a big to-do about 'putting it out of its' misery'. I never shot anything after that again ever - intentionally, that is, as I know someone who would disagree that has the scars to prove it. But I do fuck up some fish fishing; weird right? My evolutionary empathy only goes back so far. 

It was during one of these woodsy explorations that we came across what we affectionately refer to now as "The Tunnel"… thee… as in 'the tunnel to end all tunnels’. Somewhere deep in the woods where little light permeated we stumbled across it while ankle deep in mushy skunk cabbage. Sunlight filtered through only slightly like some accusatory fingers of angels to remind an insect why they became an insect. Cool despite the obvious haze of humidity. And deathly silent. The tunnel gurgled a parched trickle of water down a single green mossy strip; hardly the deluge this tunnel was designed for. This tunnel could comfortably carry a child on a water slide ride. Apparently for drainage. It's design of brick. Cement worn away from age and capricious deep-woods construction. 

Billy was the first to approach. He crouched down low to the mouth of the tunnel: "Hello!" - "HelllllooOOOooo" - "Hey guys, check out this echo!" Billy turned towards us excitedly then back again: "ECHO, Echo, echo…" - "Doo Bee Doo Bee Doo" 

Then BAM! It hit him. It being this giant green, scaly flash of teeth, bug eyes and prehensile arms. It reared out from the entrance.  And the thing drags Billy straight into the tunnel! We never saw Billy again. But that was okay to us - Billy was a dick. 

There has never been a time that I have run for so long and so hard in my entire life. And I guarantee you there never will be again. It will kill me next time. I'm old. My heart will explode. 

As for Billy, well that was a whole another story. It was foreign for us to conceive that someone would grieve for him, being such the dickwad he was. And we even laughed at the thought of his parent's sitting at home blubbering about him missing and presumed dead. But, sure enough, everyone did care. We made the news. Big time. Cops. Investigations. Lie detectors. Spiritual mediums. Psychics. And the shells of Billy's parents that seemed to subsist only on PBR and Kools anymore. It all eventually passed after a few months. We surely didn't want to go to the tunnel again. Dogs could not find it. Nor trackers. To everyone Billy was dead; probably raped to death by a hobo then pickled in his own juices in a 55-gallon drum behind a rail shed. End of story.

  But that wasn't the interesting thing - the whole random comically weird green monster in an old abandoned drain pipe followed by the media sensation surrounding the senseless loss of a young boy and one town's failure to yet again prevent much less remedy or find closure to such an event - no, the interesting thing is that we spent some time afterwards building a robot; yes.

  Our robot was not one that worked on logic, per se, but that operated on an advanced oscillating wave core feedback loop. The core establishes a waveform, a pattern, feedback from the sensory inputs - any change to the input establishes a new pattern which in turn produces a different output. No memory. No hard drive. All it was, a little burning flame going around a bumpy track. And our robot had many tracks; we covered the delta, theta, alpha, beta and gamma frequencies - innumerable waveforms to accommodate what we thought would be all feedback from the sensors - with one mission: find Billy. And that flame went near light speed. One would guess we did feel a little bad after all - albeit our sense-of-urgency and approach being a bit underdeveloped - but I promise you that guess would be wrong. 

We gave our robot a few "search and rescue" trial runs where one of us would hide in a confined environment and we'd send the robot in after us… our special robot designed with one heart-filled mission in mind found us every time. Then day came to send the robot into the tunnel… albeit way too late - to be honest our childhood fascination was more with seeing a mangled, mutilated, decayed body than to actually rescue that rotten dickhead, Billy.

  We slowly made our way through the woods to the place of the cool, misty ferns. We silently hoped that with the right intent and desired lack of scrutiny and oversight, we’d happen upon the tunnel once more. And it did. So, somewhere slightly outside our guesstimated reach of the scaly, green monster (should it return… but hey, what was the lifespan on these things anyway? I mean, living outside is a tough life) we began to unpack the robot’s components from a duffel bag. We assembled each module in silence, finishing by firing up each oscillating core until they achieved status quo for the environment surrounding. Then we pointed our robot at the mouth of the tunnel and turned it loose. The robot almost seemed to hesitate, as if it was in possession of that human frailty of self-preservation - but it was only a momentary difficulty finding purchase on slimy, old bricks. It disappeared into the darkness. 

After an eternity, we heard the slow, labored scraping of robot getting closer as it echoed through the tunnel towards the entrance.  The robot emerged no worse for wear and deliberately uprighted itself. No corpse.  No nothing.  But it was changed. A dumb robot now spouting some milky, new-aged bullshit: "How are you today?  I am a rocking robot.  Do you understand?"  Then it shut down until prodded again, at which point it would respond in the same measured, metallic pentameter: "How would you like to… plumb my deep limitlessness… holding my soul's hand?"  Another prod: "Robots typically… perform their programmed functions... I just want a hug." 

We looked at each other quizzically. A switch must’ve got flipped somewhere. This time I poked it with a log: "There's not much to do... when you are a robot who... only speaks haiku!" 

A switch indeed flipped. We let out guttural cries of rage. "Haikus have to be about nature, motherfucker!" I shouted as I raised a log over my head and threw it like one would a battle-ax. The log cartwheeled in a slow-motion action-packed 3D arc and scored a big hit square between the robots ocular sensor array. Sparks. A few sizzled snaps. A tinny despairing emission redolent with betrayal as it fell to its’ robot knees. 

Then we destroyed the damn thing. With extreme prejudice, mind you. So much so that one would question with our pronounced level of intensity and extreme duration, did we actually program it to feel pain? Otherwise it was just for our own wasted edification. 

Anyway, years later I met a girl named Chelsea during a game of Whiz Boing while new at college. And I wanted so much to fingerbang her. I don't know why I just told you that. Maybe I am too high. Maybe I just wanted to use “fingerbang” in a sentence. I think it's because I am thinking about Billy again. I've lived. I've lied. I've hurt people. Intentionally and unintentionally. And I've done so under the presumption that they should never ever find out. And on nights like these, when I am feeling introspective - I wonder about the choices denied Billy. Maybe we never thought he was a dick. Its just that we never asked to be thrust into that situation. Beyond our experience. To have him eaten by a monster. 

It's times like these I want to return to the scene of the robot destruction and conjure each molecule of our destroyed robot, lift them to the air and repair and restore every part and connection, molecule by molecule. If only to have it function. For one moment. Then I could ask why? Why do I carry the universe in my atoms? Why do I carry the ocean in my blood? Why is there an evolutionary necessity to stop functioning because there is no sun to produce photosynthesis at night still in my brain even though we don't run on chlorophyll? 

Time for bed now. Time to drift away. But I can’t. I wake up and think back to a girl named Chelsea, my last love. And a girl named Danielle, my first love. Chelsea I wanted to fingerbang in the beer soaked basement of some frat house. Danielle I meet on the beach as a child, when I was a little blonde toe head with a sprained ankle that hobbled around. We dug tunnels under the sand. And when our hands met, we held them there, under the sand. It was cold, wet, primordial, like the original spark of life. Closer to fingerbanging then fingerbanging itself.

#The Drain Pipe #writing #stuff #short stories #author #metafiction

[adambstingus]

My Friend And I Used To Play ‘Army’ In The Woods, But This Incident Changed Our Friendship Forever

I have never told anyone about this but its time to get something off my chest. I need to push the darkness of the one horrifying day of my childhood off of my chest like a bench press or the weight of it is going to eventually slip down and choke me to death.

So here we go.

My favorite thing to do when I was 11-years-old was playing Army at my friend Tobys house. I would count down the hours, minutes, and seconds until Saturday afternoon almost every week until I would hop in my moms Suburban and traverse the windy roads of the foothills of the North Cascades that led up to where Tobys family lived on a small rustic raspberry farm at the end of a gravel road.

I loved playing Army at Tobys house most of all because his familys multiple-acre property was loaded with forts, treehouses, little creeks, and sheds that made it seem like it was some kind of backlot set from an old war movie. On top of that, Tobys dad was a Vietnam vet who had authentic military gear that helped us truly feel like we were battling some kind of foreign threat that had made its way to the moist, mossy forests of Western Washington.

The afternoon started just like every other one where my mom dropped me off to play Army and stay the night at Tobys house we loaded our packs with hard-ass military essentials like Fruit Roll Ups, Gushers, nuclear green Gatorade, and Nerf guns spray-painted black and we stomped out into the woods. Once into the near-darkness of the Washington evergreens, Toby and I would head straight to a place that seemed almost too good to be true for an 11-year-old rural boy an underground fort.

The envy of every boy at Browning Elementary School, Tobys dad built the underground fort based on one he had encountered in the jungles of Vietnam. Tobys dad said he couldnt stay in the thing for more than a few minutes or he would get flashbacks and that was good news for Toby and all of his friends as it allowed for him to stash the Playboys we had all accumulated to be stored there in relative safety.

About 25 yards from the end of Tobys yard and the start of the woods was the rotten stump Tobys dad had hollowed out to turn into the entrance to the fort. You climbed up into the thing, lifted up a heavy wooden door (to keep out coyotes and other animals) and climbed down a ladder into the darkness hole of the fort where a lantern to illuminate the dirt walls of the thing waited.

Just like any other day, Toby and I started in the fort, mapping out our plan of attack on a custom map of the woods around the house that Tobys dad made for us. This day, we planned to attack a tiny little island that rested where two creeks on the property met, but we were going to have to take a special route there due to a very real enemy that hovered in the woods between the island and the fort Colt Gaskin.

A skinny seventh grader with a jet black bowl cut and a mean streak, Colt was Tobys neighbor through the forest and a menacing figure who rode his dirt bike through the woods that served as our imaginary battlefield. People liked to exaggerate about getting beaten up after school every day when really they just got a little bit made fun of (beatings in real life send you to the hospital), but Colt would literally hit us in the face if he saw us and he had gotten Toby really good last week when we got in the way of his dirt bike.

Our plan was to avoid Colts scope of range by taking a path that was just off of Tobys backyard to the island and it worked. We were able to execute our attack on the island without any interference except for a tough counterstrike from our imaginary opponents.

However, our success made us overconfident, as we took our normal path back from the island that cut through Colts hunting grounds.

It was a horrible mistake. The whining rumble of Colts dirt bike coming up from behind us made me freeze in our muddy tracks.

Within seconds, I felt Colts hand slap against the back of my head and knock my camo hat off. I watched him skid in front of us, whip his dirt bike around and rev the obnoxious engine in our faces.

Oh fuck, Toby and I cussed at the same time and Colt skidded to a frantic stop just in front of us with the obnoxious engine of the bike still blaring.

Ah, little fags playing G.I. Joe in the woods, Colt snickered just after shutting off his engine and jumping off his dirt bike.

Toby didnt wait another second, he took off in the direction of the island and I bolted as well, went in the direction of the underground fort.

Im not sure why I decided not to run in the same direction as Toby, but it turned out to be a good selfish choice. I heard Colts dirt bike roar off in the direction Toby had bolted.

I figured Toby would meet back up with me after he escaped whatever ended up happening with Colt at the underground fort anyway and dove down into the darkness of the secure facility with my lungs heaving. I scrambled hard onto the hard dirt floor and took a few moments to collect my breath before I started crawling towards the middle of the fort where we left the lantern.

I started pawing on the ground where it should have been, but couldnt find it. I at first didnt think anything of it, we must have just put it somewhere else before we left, but that sense of normalcy evaporated when I heard a slimy cough come from a somewhere in the pitch black fort.

I froze again. I thought about calling out the name Toby with a question mark at the end of it, but there was no point, I had seen Toby run off in the other direction and the tone of the cough was far too deep to be produced by an 11-year-old.

Maybe, it was Tobys dad? My brain thought for a second before it thought of my next move, the lighter in my pocket. I flashed the thing on and saw the worst sight my eyes had witnessed in my young life

Sitting in one of the corners of the fort was a completely naked middle-aged man covered from head to toe in body hair. My vision was limited in the faint second of a crack of light the lighter gave out, but the guy looked a lot like the wax cavemen I had seen at museums on field trips before and he shot a look at me just before the light gave out and I tore up to the lid of the fort.

I scrambled out into the dying light of the afternoon forest assuming the naked hairy man in the fort was snapping at feet like a shark. I tumbled my way off of the stump that served as the entrance to the fort and took off deeper into the woods at a full sprint without a look back.

The woods were eerily silent as I dashed through the soggy-leafed floor in the heart of dusk that had turned the dimmer switch to nearly dark under the canopy of thick trees. The near darkness combined with the wet air of the Fall Western Washington forest created a bit of a misty fog that crept through the trees and filled my lungs with moisture as I sucked air in my sprint.

My lungs and legs could finally take no more and I slowed to a wobbly stop as a few fat drops of rain fell down from the tall trees and onto the top of my head. I keeled over, gasping for air and put my hands on the knees of my camo pants.

For a second, the adrenaline leaked out of my brain and I started to realize that I ran in the complete wrong direction. I had sprinted deeper into the dark woods, far, far away from the safety of Tobys parents house, closer to Colts familys house and probably actually even past it where I actually had no idea where I was…and the sun was setting.

I took a long look at my surroundings from every direction and in no way recognized any of the endless forest around me. It was just a murky collection of trees, bushes and the call of mysterious birds coming from the trees that were soaking up the last little bits of light of the day.

My first instinct was to cry. I was 11-years-old and I was alone, lost in a darkening forest with the temperature plummeting rapidly. My only comfort was knowing that Tobys parents knew we were playing in the woods and were supposed to be in by nightfall, but I also had no idea how far away from their property I was and if they would be distracted by trying to track down Toby after his own incident with Colt.

I figured my best option was to try and start walking back in the direction from where I had come, but I wasnt sure which direction that was. An 11-year-old with a brain coursing with adrenaline and fear, I lost track of my path and just kind of turned around and started heading that way.

Five minutes into my journey, I got the feeling that I was going the wrong way. I had seen no signs of life or anything that I recognized, so I started heading in another direction while wiping tears from my eyes.

It quickly seemed like it was a good choice once I started hearing the light trickle of a creek coming from off in the distance. I knew that there was a small creek, Crawdad Creek, that ran the very edge of Tobys parents property. I followed the sounds of running water through some tall grass and skunk cabbage until a flash of orange neon caught my eye.

Sticking out of the tall grass just off the shore of the creek was a small tent that jutted out of the grass like the peak of a mountain stick up out of a grassy valley. I crept up to the nylon structure without anxiety, I believed that the little mobile domicile might be housing someone who could help me, but I was wrong.

I could see that the entrance of the tent was open when I walked in and saw no human presence waiting for me there, just a few scattered items on top of a crumpled sleeping bag. Noticing that one of the items was a flashlight, I figured it would be good for me to do a little scavenging as I anticipated nightfall.

At a closer vantage, the items on the sleeping bag were the flashlight, a thawed-out box of Bagel Bites, a long hunting knife with a ringed handle and a stack of Polaroid pictures. After confirming that the flashlight worked, I turned my beam of light to the Polaroids and immediately wished I hadnt.

What I saw were those rare images so vile they immediately make you feel sick to your stomach. The first three Polaroids I scanned for the faintest of moments were of Toby naked, frozen forever in lurid poses that reminded me of the portraits in the Playboys back in the fort and the last two were of Colt in similar positions in the very tent I was standing in.

I felt stinging vomit bubble up to the back of my throat before I threw the pictures back down and shuffled out of the tent with the flashlight stuck to my hand in a tight grip of dark fear. Once outside of the cover of the tent I saw reason to quickly shut the flashlight right back off when I heard a familiar cough cut through the now completely dark forest and caught a glimpse of the naked, pale meat of the man I had seen in the fort.

I dove into the tall grass behind the tent and started to crawl on my belly towards the creek where I eventually settled underneath the safe cover of a rotting dead log lying on its side. Once, comfortable, I peeked up into the night to see the hairy man, wearing a pair of tighty whitey briefs with a bearded face covered with blood, duck down into the tent in the light of the lantern he must have swiped from our fort.

I lay frozen for a handful of minutes until the clumsy sound of snoring came beaming from the tent and I loosened up, ready to make my escape by the banks of the creek. I slowly got myself to my feet and started sneaking down to the creek in the direction I believed led back to Tobys house.

I planned to follow the water all the way back to their property, but encountered a problem when the creek turned into a small pond that I did not recognize.

It apparently was not the Crawdad Creek that I had been following and now I was at some completely unfamiliar murky pond. Somehow though, the chilling discovery that I had been going the wrong way for an hour now was not the most disturbing thing I saw. That sight was Tobys custom painted black Nerf gun, floating in the middle of the pond.

That sight was enough to send me scrambling back into the thick of the dark woods with my little beam of flashlight leading the way, but that was not the right choice and I knew it as soon as I felt the ground fall out from under me. I became weightless and screamed until my little body came to a hard thud.

The wind thoroughly pounded out of me, it took a second to catch my breath and figure out what happened. I now laid on the dirt floor of some kind of trap – broken pieces of wood of the fake forest floor that had pulled me in all around me.

I cried and my chest heaved in exhaustion and terror. The hole I was in looked to be about ten-feet high on each side. There was no way I was going to climb out of the thing and I let out an audible scream when I looked to my side and saw Tobys beloved army pack that he had gotten from his dad wrapped up around one of the thick branches of the trap.

A light rain began to trickle down from the canopy of trees and drop into my already wet eyes. My little body couldnt take much more the cold, the walking for hours, the horror, the hopelessness of the situation I had enough. I sat down in the mud, with my butt stuck into the cold wet ground, tucked my knees up to my face and cried into my army pants.

I sat there sulking and crying for what must have been 30 to 40 minutes before I cracked open my eyes to realize I had a ray of hope Tobys pack. I remembered that Toby always had his army pack loaded up with tactical gear, including a thick rope.

I tore at Tobys pack and found Tobys trusty rope. I started to unspool my salvation when the distant murmuring of voices froze me in my escape. Vaguely familiar adult voices, I heard them come closer muffled by the sound of the rain falling all around me. I perked up my ears to try and decipher the words that sounded like when the adults talked on Charlie Brown and slowly started to recognize who was talking it was Tobys parents.

They must have been looking for me.

Help! Help! Help! I cried out into the night as I saw the beams of their flashlights cut in and out of the air above my hole. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.

They probably couldnt hear me over the rain. I went back to my work as fast as I could, throwing the rope over the edge of one of the sides of the hole hoping it would catch on something. It took a few tries, but it eventually did and I used the last reserves of energy and hope I had to pull myself up the dirt walls of the hole while trying to yell as loud as I possibly could.

Lying on my belly in the mud, I finally laid my eyes on signs of life. Off in the near distance, in an opening in the foliage was a roaring fire with the silhouettes of a few adults standing around it. I screamed at the top of my lungs as I staggered towards the people, but my wasted lungs, the rain and the rock music blasting from the camp were all drowning me out.

I was just about to the edge of the camp area when I held up for a second something wasnt right. As I got closer, the sounds had turned from what seemed like normal conversations to weird, unnerving howls and screams. I could see what was clearly Tobys parents, but there was one more person who stopped me in my tracks a few yards outside of the camp the hairy man from the fort, he stood fully-clothed now with his thick beard sticking out of the hood of a sweater, staring at the fire with a beer in his hand.

It took a second, but I eventually realized that it wasnt actually the fire that he was staring at. He was staring at a gagged and bound Toby who was squirming just off to the side of the roaring fire as his parents stumbled around drunk next to him laughing. But his gaze didnt remain on Toby, it shifted over to me, standing slack-jawed in the woods.

I sprinted away as soon as our eyes locked. I started tearing through the wet foliage of the forest with the rain beating upon me and my little feet pounding the ground imagining the hot beams of the scary adults flashlights upon my back. I ran and ran and ran until I could run no more again.

Finally out of breath, I stopped in a grassy patch of land and realized that I was actually in a large backyard of muddy grass that cut into the thick trees. Just off to my side was a rusted trailer home with its lighted windows calling to me. The family from could have been waiting for me inside there, but I didnt care, it was better than what I assumed was trailing me through the woods.

I staggered up the soggy wooden steps of the trailer with legs that wobbled with fatigue and fell onto the metal door with a pound. With my last reserves of power, I threw my hands against the heavy door until it swung open and I fell at the feet of a shirtless middle-aged man eating a can of pork and beans with a fork. The man licked his lips and looked down at me quizzically, like a dog looks at a bug running across the driveway.

After a few moments of looking up at the man and his raggedy beard, I realized that I recognized him a little bit and not in a good way, he was Colts dad. I had seen him before at parent/teacher conferences, walking through the halls in dirty cowboy boots and chewing tobacco and had watched him drop off Colt for school in a colossal Jeep with no top.

I usually would have been horrified to stumble upon Colts dad, especially knowing it probably meant Colt was just feet away smoking cigarettes or playing video games, but it was instead a salvation this time. I didnt even care about Colt. I just stayed at his dads feet and asked if he could drive me home.

I was actually glad that Colts dad came off as a bit of an outlaw because he didnt ask a single question about what had happened to me, just drove through the night to my parents house 15 minutes away and dropped me off just as the sun had finished rising. He gave me a wink when he dropped me off bathed in a coat of frigid morning air that had been enveloping me during the entire ride in his open Jeep.

I told my parents Toby woke up at the crack of dawn with his dad to go fishing and I didnt want to go so I just had them drop me off. They didnt even ask a single follow-up question, just fed me breakfast before I slunk off to play video games and tried to wash the horror from the coils of my brain.

Im not sure exactly why I never told anyone what happened. I think maybe it was as a kid you feel like all adults are infallible and that no one will believe you. I also feel like subconsciously maybe I knew doing so would end up making the rest of my life be a giant controversy of black clouds. So I just stayed silent. When I saw Toby at school on Monday, I never said a single thing about what happened and we stayed school friends, but never saw each other outside of school ever again. Even school friends didnt last long either as Toby started getting homeschooled the next year and then moved away. I have tried to find him on Facebook over the years (usually when I get drunk), but have never been able to find anything about him, which to me is always a huge red flag.

Well until yesterday when I noticed two little red notification bubbles on my Facebook. They were a friend request from a heavily-tattooed Toby Gunderson and a message from him which read

The message has been sitting there unanswered in my inbox for weeks. I dont know, do you think I should get back to him?

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/06/14/my-friend-and-i-used-to-play-army-in-the-woods-but-this-incident-changed-our-friendship-forever/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/161829267332

[samanthasroberts]

My Friend And I Used To Play ‘Army’ In The Woods, But This Incident Changed Our Friendship Forever

I have never told anyone about this but its time to get something off my chest. I need to push the darkness of the one horrifying day of my childhood off of my chest like a bench press or the weight of it is going to eventually slip down and choke me to death.

So here we go.

My favorite thing to do when I was 11-years-old was playing Army at my friend Tobys house. I would count down the hours, minutes, and seconds until Saturday afternoon almost every week until I would hop in my moms Suburban and traverse the windy roads of the foothills of the North Cascades that led up to where Tobys family lived on a small rustic raspberry farm at the end of a gravel road.

I loved playing Army at Tobys house most of all because his familys multiple-acre property was loaded with forts, treehouses, little creeks, and sheds that made it seem like it was some kind of backlot set from an old war movie. On top of that, Tobys dad was a Vietnam vet who had authentic military gear that helped us truly feel like we were battling some kind of foreign threat that had made its way to the moist, mossy forests of Western Washington.

The afternoon started just like every other one where my mom dropped me off to play Army and stay the night at Tobys house we loaded our packs with hard-ass military essentials like Fruit Roll Ups, Gushers, nuclear green Gatorade, and Nerf guns spray-painted black and we stomped out into the woods. Once into the near-darkness of the Washington evergreens, Toby and I would head straight to a place that seemed almost too good to be true for an 11-year-old rural boy an underground fort.

The envy of every boy at Browning Elementary School, Tobys dad built the underground fort based on one he had encountered in the jungles of Vietnam. Tobys dad said he couldnt stay in the thing for more than a few minutes or he would get flashbacks and that was good news for Toby and all of his friends as it allowed for him to stash the Playboys we had all accumulated to be stored there in relative safety.

About 25 yards from the end of Tobys yard and the start of the woods was the rotten stump Tobys dad had hollowed out to turn into the entrance to the fort. You climbed up into the thing, lifted up a heavy wooden door (to keep out coyotes and other animals) and climbed down a ladder into the darkness hole of the fort where a lantern to illuminate the dirt walls of the thing waited.

Just like any other day, Toby and I started in the fort, mapping out our plan of attack on a custom map of the woods around the house that Tobys dad made for us. This day, we planned to attack a tiny little island that rested where two creeks on the property met, but we were going to have to take a special route there due to a very real enemy that hovered in the woods between the island and the fort Colt Gaskin.

A skinny seventh grader with a jet black bowl cut and a mean streak, Colt was Tobys neighbor through the forest and a menacing figure who rode his dirt bike through the woods that served as our imaginary battlefield. People liked to exaggerate about getting beaten up after school every day when really they just got a little bit made fun of (beatings in real life send you to the hospital), but Colt would literally hit us in the face if he saw us and he had gotten Toby really good last week when we got in the way of his dirt bike.

Our plan was to avoid Colts scope of range by taking a path that was just off of Tobys backyard to the island and it worked. We were able to execute our attack on the island without any interference except for a tough counterstrike from our imaginary opponents.

However, our success made us overconfident, as we took our normal path back from the island that cut through Colts hunting grounds.

It was a horrible mistake. The whining rumble of Colts dirt bike coming up from behind us made me freeze in our muddy tracks.

Within seconds, I felt Colts hand slap against the back of my head and knock my camo hat off. I watched him skid in front of us, whip his dirt bike around and rev the obnoxious engine in our faces.

Oh fuck, Toby and I cussed at the same time and Colt skidded to a frantic stop just in front of us with the obnoxious engine of the bike still blaring.

Ah, little fags playing G.I. Joe in the woods, Colt snickered just after shutting off his engine and jumping off his dirt bike.

Toby didnt wait another second, he took off in the direction of the island and I bolted as well, went in the direction of the underground fort.

Im not sure why I decided not to run in the same direction as Toby, but it turned out to be a good selfish choice. I heard Colts dirt bike roar off in the direction Toby had bolted.

I figured Toby would meet back up with me after he escaped whatever ended up happening with Colt at the underground fort anyway and dove down into the darkness of the secure facility with my lungs heaving. I scrambled hard onto the hard dirt floor and took a few moments to collect my breath before I started crawling towards the middle of the fort where we left the lantern.

I started pawing on the ground where it should have been, but couldnt find it. I at first didnt think anything of it, we must have just put it somewhere else before we left, but that sense of normalcy evaporated when I heard a slimy cough come from a somewhere in the pitch black fort.

I froze again. I thought about calling out the name Toby with a question mark at the end of it, but there was no point, I had seen Toby run off in the other direction and the tone of the cough was far too deep to be produced by an 11-year-old.

Maybe, it was Tobys dad? My brain thought for a second before it thought of my next move, the lighter in my pocket. I flashed the thing on and saw the worst sight my eyes had witnessed in my young life

Sitting in one of the corners of the fort was a completely naked middle-aged man covered from head to toe in body hair. My vision was limited in the faint second of a crack of light the lighter gave out, but the guy looked a lot like the wax cavemen I had seen at museums on field trips before and he shot a look at me just before the light gave out and I tore up to the lid of the fort.

I scrambled out into the dying light of the afternoon forest assuming the naked hairy man in the fort was snapping at feet like a shark. I tumbled my way off of the stump that served as the entrance to the fort and took off deeper into the woods at a full sprint without a look back.

The woods were eerily silent as I dashed through the soggy-leafed floor in the heart of dusk that had turned the dimmer switch to nearly dark under the canopy of thick trees. The near darkness combined with the wet air of the Fall Western Washington forest created a bit of a misty fog that crept through the trees and filled my lungs with moisture as I sucked air in my sprint.

My lungs and legs could finally take no more and I slowed to a wobbly stop as a few fat drops of rain fell down from the tall trees and onto the top of my head. I keeled over, gasping for air and put my hands on the knees of my camo pants.

For a second, the adrenaline leaked out of my brain and I started to realize that I ran in the complete wrong direction. I had sprinted deeper into the dark woods, far, far away from the safety of Tobys parents house, closer to Colts familys house and probably actually even past it where I actually had no idea where I was…and the sun was setting.

I took a long look at my surroundings from every direction and in no way recognized any of the endless forest around me. It was just a murky collection of trees, bushes and the call of mysterious birds coming from the trees that were soaking up the last little bits of light of the day.

My first instinct was to cry. I was 11-years-old and I was alone, lost in a darkening forest with the temperature plummeting rapidly. My only comfort was knowing that Tobys parents knew we were playing in the woods and were supposed to be in by nightfall, but I also had no idea how far away from their property I was and if they would be distracted by trying to track down Toby after his own incident with Colt.

I figured my best option was to try and start walking back in the direction from where I had come, but I wasnt sure which direction that was. An 11-year-old with a brain coursing with adrenaline and fear, I lost track of my path and just kind of turned around and started heading that way.

Five minutes into my journey, I got the feeling that I was going the wrong way. I had seen no signs of life or anything that I recognized, so I started heading in another direction while wiping tears from my eyes.

It quickly seemed like it was a good choice once I started hearing the light trickle of a creek coming from off in the distance. I knew that there was a small creek, Crawdad Creek, that ran the very edge of Tobys parents property. I followed the sounds of running water through some tall grass and skunk cabbage until a flash of orange neon caught my eye.

Sticking out of the tall grass just off the shore of the creek was a small tent that jutted out of the grass like the peak of a mountain stick up out of a grassy valley. I crept up to the nylon structure without anxiety, I believed that the little mobile domicile might be housing someone who could help me, but I was wrong.

I could see that the entrance of the tent was open when I walked in and saw no human presence waiting for me there, just a few scattered items on top of a crumpled sleeping bag. Noticing that one of the items was a flashlight, I figured it would be good for me to do a little scavenging as I anticipated nightfall.

At a closer vantage, the items on the sleeping bag were the flashlight, a thawed-out box of Bagel Bites, a long hunting knife with a ringed handle and a stack of Polaroid pictures. After confirming that the flashlight worked, I turned my beam of light to the Polaroids and immediately wished I hadnt.

What I saw were those rare images so vile they immediately make you feel sick to your stomach. The first three Polaroids I scanned for the faintest of moments were of Toby naked, frozen forever in lurid poses that reminded me of the portraits in the Playboys back in the fort and the last two were of Colt in similar positions in the very tent I was standing in.

I felt stinging vomit bubble up to the back of my throat before I threw the pictures back down and shuffled out of the tent with the flashlight stuck to my hand in a tight grip of dark fear. Once outside of the cover of the tent I saw reason to quickly shut the flashlight right back off when I heard a familiar cough cut through the now completely dark forest and caught a glimpse of the naked, pale meat of the man I had seen in the fort.

I dove into the tall grass behind the tent and started to crawl on my belly towards the creek where I eventually settled underneath the safe cover of a rotting dead log lying on its side. Once, comfortable, I peeked up into the night to see the hairy man, wearing a pair of tighty whitey briefs with a bearded face covered with blood, duck down into the tent in the light of the lantern he must have swiped from our fort.

I lay frozen for a handful of minutes until the clumsy sound of snoring came beaming from the tent and I loosened up, ready to make my escape by the banks of the creek. I slowly got myself to my feet and started sneaking down to the creek in the direction I believed led back to Tobys house.

I planned to follow the water all the way back to their property, but encountered a problem when the creek turned into a small pond that I did not recognize.

It apparently was not the Crawdad Creek that I had been following and now I was at some completely unfamiliar murky pond. Somehow though, the chilling discovery that I had been going the wrong way for an hour now was not the most disturbing thing I saw. That sight was Tobys custom painted black Nerf gun, floating in the middle of the pond.

That sight was enough to send me scrambling back into the thick of the dark woods with my little beam of flashlight leading the way, but that was not the right choice and I knew it as soon as I felt the ground fall out from under me. I became weightless and screamed until my little body came to a hard thud.

The wind thoroughly pounded out of me, it took a second to catch my breath and figure out what happened. I now laid on the dirt floor of some kind of trap – broken pieces of wood of the fake forest floor that had pulled me in all around me.

I cried and my chest heaved in exhaustion and terror. The hole I was in looked to be about ten-feet high on each side. There was no way I was going to climb out of the thing and I let out an audible scream when I looked to my side and saw Tobys beloved army pack that he had gotten from his dad wrapped up around one of the thick branches of the trap.

A light rain began to trickle down from the canopy of trees and drop into my already wet eyes. My little body couldnt take much more the cold, the walking for hours, the horror, the hopelessness of the situation I had enough. I sat down in the mud, with my butt stuck into the cold wet ground, tucked my knees up to my face and cried into my army pants.

I sat there sulking and crying for what must have been 30 to 40 minutes before I cracked open my eyes to realize I had a ray of hope Tobys pack. I remembered that Toby always had his army pack loaded up with tactical gear, including a thick rope.

I tore at Tobys pack and found Tobys trusty rope. I started to unspool my salvation when the distant murmuring of voices froze me in my escape. Vaguely familiar adult voices, I heard them come closer muffled by the sound of the rain falling all around me. I perked up my ears to try and decipher the words that sounded like when the adults talked on Charlie Brown and slowly started to recognize who was talking it was Tobys parents.

They must have been looking for me.

Help! Help! Help! I cried out into the night as I saw the beams of their flashlights cut in and out of the air above my hole. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.

They probably couldnt hear me over the rain. I went back to my work as fast as I could, throwing the rope over the edge of one of the sides of the hole hoping it would catch on something. It took a few tries, but it eventually did and I used the last reserves of energy and hope I had to pull myself up the dirt walls of the hole while trying to yell as loud as I possibly could.

Lying on my belly in the mud, I finally laid my eyes on signs of life. Off in the near distance, in an opening in the foliage was a roaring fire with the silhouettes of a few adults standing around it. I screamed at the top of my lungs as I staggered towards the people, but my wasted lungs, the rain and the rock music blasting from the camp were all drowning me out.

I was just about to the edge of the camp area when I held up for a second something wasnt right. As I got closer, the sounds had turned from what seemed like normal conversations to weird, unnerving howls and screams. I could see what was clearly Tobys parents, but there was one more person who stopped me in my tracks a few yards outside of the camp the hairy man from the fort, he stood fully-clothed now with his thick beard sticking out of the hood of a sweater, staring at the fire with a beer in his hand.

It took a second, but I eventually realized that it wasnt actually the fire that he was staring at. He was staring at a gagged and bound Toby who was squirming just off to the side of the roaring fire as his parents stumbled around drunk next to him laughing. But his gaze didnt remain on Toby, it shifted over to me, standing slack-jawed in the woods.

I sprinted away as soon as our eyes locked. I started tearing through the wet foliage of the forest with the rain beating upon me and my little feet pounding the ground imagining the hot beams of the scary adults flashlights upon my back. I ran and ran and ran until I could run no more again.

Finally out of breath, I stopped in a grassy patch of land and realized that I was actually in a large backyard of muddy grass that cut into the thick trees. Just off to my side was a rusted trailer home with its lighted windows calling to me. The family from could have been waiting for me inside there, but I didnt care, it was better than what I assumed was trailing me through the woods.

I staggered up the soggy wooden steps of the trailer with legs that wobbled with fatigue and fell onto the metal door with a pound. With my last reserves of power, I threw my hands against the heavy door until it swung open and I fell at the feet of a shirtless middle-aged man eating a can of pork and beans with a fork. The man licked his lips and looked down at me quizzically, like a dog looks at a bug running across the driveway.

After a few moments of looking up at the man and his raggedy beard, I realized that I recognized him a little bit and not in a good way, he was Colts dad. I had seen him before at parent/teacher conferences, walking through the halls in dirty cowboy boots and chewing tobacco and had watched him drop off Colt for school in a colossal Jeep with no top.

I usually would have been horrified to stumble upon Colts dad, especially knowing it probably meant Colt was just feet away smoking cigarettes or playing video games, but it was instead a salvation this time. I didnt even care about Colt. I just stayed at his dads feet and asked if he could drive me home.

I was actually glad that Colts dad came off as a bit of an outlaw because he didnt ask a single question about what had happened to me, just drove through the night to my parents house 15 minutes away and dropped me off just as the sun had finished rising. He gave me a wink when he dropped me off bathed in a coat of frigid morning air that had been enveloping me during the entire ride in his open Jeep.

I told my parents Toby woke up at the crack of dawn with his dad to go fishing and I didnt want to go so I just had them drop me off. They didnt even ask a single follow-up question, just fed me breakfast before I slunk off to play video games and tried to wash the horror from the coils of my brain.

Im not sure exactly why I never told anyone what happened. I think maybe it was as a kid you feel like all adults are infallible and that no one will believe you. I also feel like subconsciously maybe I knew doing so would end up making the rest of my life be a giant controversy of black clouds. So I just stayed silent. When I saw Toby at school on Monday, I never said a single thing about what happened and we stayed school friends, but never saw each other outside of school ever again. Even school friends didnt last long either as Toby started getting homeschooled the next year and then moved away. I have tried to find him on Facebook over the years (usually when I get drunk), but have never been able to find anything about him, which to me is always a huge red flag.

Well until yesterday when I noticed two little red notification bubbles on my Facebook. They were a friend request from a heavily-tattooed Toby Gunderson and a message from him which read

The message has been sitting there unanswered in my inbox for weeks. I dont know, do you think I should get back to him?

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/06/14/my-friend-and-i-used-to-play-army-in-the-woods-but-this-incident-changed-our-friendship-forever/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/06/14/my-friend-and-i-used-to-play-army-in-the-woods-but-this-incident-changed-our-friendship-forever/