#should i put a trigger warning for ugly crying

[gutsby]

Benign

Pairing: Mob!Bucky x Reader

Summary: Marrying a former Soviet sleeper agent was your first mistake. Letting curiosity get the better of you and saying his trigger words before sex was your second.

Warnings: 18+. DUBCON - Bucky is partly brainwashed; R is reluctant at first. Reliving past trauma (i.e., grief, prior HYDRA captivity). Rough, unprotected p-in-v.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Marrying into the mob meant one of two things: turning a blind eye to your husband’s crimes or taking them up as your own. Most of the women who had gone before you chose the former, leading lives of willful ignorance while their spouses cut deals, shed blood, stole guns, and submitted only to the laws of secrecy and discretion.

You, unlike those wives, hadn’t had the luxury of choice.

Your life, unlike theirs, had been sold to a man you didn’t know, by a father you couldn’t stand, and now your dad was dead, and this man—your husband—was to blame.

The least Bucky could do was fuck you hard to say sorry.

But no, ever since the Winter Soldier had reared its ugly head that dreadful night in Madripoor two weeks prior, your husband hadn’t laid one finger on your body that was not soft, sweet, and sickeningly apologetic to you. He seemed almost scared to initiate sex, and when he did, couldn’t help but act like a touch might break you.

After all, one almost had. Those hands he’d hear you beg and plead to put on you now were the very same ones he’d used to kill dozens, if not hundreds, including blood of your own blood. To the world, Bucky’s reputation commanded fear. To his wife, now, he felt duly obliged to prove he was more—that you were safe with him, not from him. He’d carted you off to every GP, hematologist, nutritionist, and grief specialist lauded among Brooklyn’s elite to make that happen. Fast. Frankly, these days, the thought of fucking was the furthest thing from his mind.

Unbeknownst to Bucky, somewhere along the spectrum of grief, you’d already come to settle comfortably at the ‘Need-to-be-fucked-until-I-can-no-longer-think-or-feel’ phase, and every bone in your body was crying out for respite in the form of ruthless, mind-numbing sex. It didn’t make sense. You hardly knew what to do with it. You should have lashed out, shut down, cried rivers and lakes of tears for that integral part of family that had been lost, but for whatever reason, you had to go numb.

You wanted to do something really, really fucking dumb.

Remorseful as he was, Bucky and his explanations for who or what the Winter Soldier was had been sparse. He’d told you that he had once been held in captivity by HYDRA, had his brain re-wired some way to make him a merciless Soviet sleeper agent, and that the night in Madripoor was the first in ages he had been ‘activated.’ How did activation happen? Of course, he wouldn’t tell.

But Steve would.

Steve had told you everything you wanted to know about your soldat, describing in painstaking detail how he worked, trained, operated, and could be called to action. You were almost certain Rogers had said it all as a way to assure you that it wasn’t Bucky who’d killed your father—it was someone inside him. You were more than positive Steve had never intended for you to use his intel like this.

You hadn’t believed him. Couldn’t believe him. How the fuck could someone sever all ties to their conscious mind and just transform anew into a killer? You got to be hell-bent on knowing for certain whether it’d been Bucky or him, it, whatever the hell the Winter Solider was, and on knowing it now. If your husband was faking it all and simply using this persona to justify the killing, that would be it. Trust gone, marriage over. If he wasn’t, well…you hadn’t gotten that far into your own line of thinking.

“Tell me what you want, doll,” Bucky said, pulling you back to the present.

He shifted gently against you, cotton trousers raising the friction a little as he slotted between your legs. He was still dressed head-to-toe from his meeting that morning.

“I want you to fuck me. Make me cum. Please.”

You were bare, save for one small scrap of linen and lace that somehow passed as a nightie. Your gaze was soft.

Bucky didn’t want to say no, but he also felt too guilty to say yes. The way you were watching him now, eyes so helpless and pleading, body writhing for contact, he knew you didn’t want his touch so much as needed it. Desperately. Couldn’t bear to be burdened with grief so you brushed it aside, to the furthest recesses of your mind until all that was left was desire. Starvation, really.

He could satiate you for now, but that hunger might not ever leave. The corners of his lips twitched into a frown.

“Gentle?” he mumbled.

“Rough,” you countered.

“Baby—”

“I really don’t need another fucking lecture on death, Bucky. I know I’m not myself right now, but I can still make these decisions, okay? Don’t talk to me like I can’t.”

Anger flashed in your eyes for a second, then indignation, then nothing. Without much energy left, you pushed him away. Flopped back on the bed and, seeming to sink into yourself, heaved a low, feeble sigh.

“I know. Hey,” Bucky leaned over to press a touch to your tummy, and it made you want to hurl, “I’m sorry.”

You turned onto your side.

“You still don’t remember what happened?”

The question came suddenly, almost from somewhere outside your body, it seemed. For the hundredth time.

“No,” Bucky answered, for what felt like the thousandth.

“This Winter Soldier—”

“He isn’t me.”

“You didn’t know?”

“Couldn’t know. Wasn’t…programmed for it.”

Bucky was watching you now, eyes as contrite as they’d ever been while you rehashed this subject to the brink of tears. He never could stay composed when he saw you cry.

“Baby…” he started, arms reaching out for you.

Eyes still filling with tears, you shook your head and swatted him off. You sat up, and your brows pinched together in a look he couldn’t read. Contemplating.

At last, you made up your mind.

You would try something new—and really, really stupid:

“Zhelaniye.”

“What?”

Bucky’s own expression contorted with uncertainty.

“—semnadtsat, rzhaviy, rasvet—”

He heard that. He immediately wished he hadn’t.

“Wait—”

You were curious. You had no idea what you were doing.

“Baby, baby, stop—”

“—pech, devyat—”

You were speaking so fast, surely it wouldn’t work like that. Either way, he had to stop you. He seized your arms, giving a sharp, deliberate shake, pupils blown to the size of saucers in his eyes. There wasn’t much time.

“Don’t—”

“—adin—”

No time at all.

“—dothisdon’tfuckingdothishoneyplease.”

Losing himself already. Feeling it stir inside his mind.

“—dobroserdechniy—”

‘Kind-hearted.’ ‘Benign’. You truly had no clue what these words were liable to do, much less what they meant.

Having enunciated this last part, you swallowed. Took the tip of your tongue and rolled it left-to-right across the backs of your teeth, waiting for your speech to take effect like some magical performance before your eyes.

It hadn’t, it seemed. You blinked. He blinked. You sat in a protracted silence for what seemed like seventeen years, and presently, your stomach began to churn. Nothing happened—you’d been right about this fuckery all along.

Then you remembered one last word of the sequence.

Faintly, you said:

“Soldat.”

The man above you straightened. Sitting. Stiff. Still perched by your legs at a comfortable distance but regarding you now with a pointed stare. Expectancy made manifest in a simple, sharp glare from his eyes to yours.

“...Bucky?”

The look on his face grew even harder. For a time, he persisted in that strange and silent grimace, and just when you started to suspect he was faking this whole demeanor of deadened stoicism, you heard a voice. Clawing out of his throat but sounding nothing like him:

“Who the hell is Bucky?”

The words drove a fear to the greatest depths of your bones, and you hardly knew why. You stared back at the handsome, barren man still watching you with severity, and you couldn’t seem to find your husband anywhere.

“James?” You weren’t sure why you tried his name again. You just didn’t know what else to say.

The scowl seeped into his mouth, and he frowned.

“James,” he repeated, like the word was foreign to him.

You found yourself shuffling back on the bed just then—to what, you didn’t know. You just felt a gnawing need to put some space between you and this person, this glowering face, however you could. When he grabbed your ankle, you let out a startled sound, and when he followed you up on the bed, you did more than just whimper; you lifted your leg to knee him directly in the stomach. He caught it.

Then he stared again, expression bloodless and wan.

“You’re scaring me, Bucky.” Your voice trembled as you tried to free your leg from his fist—grip unusually strong.

The man paused another moment, if only to soak in your words and let his gaze trail over your face. Your exertions did not register. And, for the very first time, you felt as though you were something more like a plaything in your husband’s eyes—not a full-fledged human being but a system to be gamed. The feeling was so unsettling that you had to turn away.

Or try to, anyway.

Craning your neck just far enough to spy your phone on the nightstand, your first thought was Steve; he would know what to do. But before you could even think to twist and lift your body in that direction, you felt a hand yank you to the bed, flat on your back. You looked up at Bucky and found yourself caged between two arms. He lowered himself to his elbows, shifted his weight to one side, and seemed not to notice your movements at all when you tried to slide away. The man just splayed his hand across your stomach and pressed it firmly. Stay.

You weren’t one to shy away from a challenge—or keep hope alive against the odds. You put your hand over his.

“James—”

“Zhena.”

The abruptness of Bucky’s word stole the rest of yours. You cocked a brow and followed his gaze to your hand.

To the gaps between your fingers, then the touch that fanned across them to settle on one digit in particular.

Bucky thumbed at the diamond and smiled. He smiled.

“Zhena,” he repeated.

You blinked.

“I— you...gave me that, Bucky. You did.”

He hummed in acknowledgment.

Bucky stared at the ring for what could’ve been five seconds or several years, and then he did something unexpected. He shifted his touch to the bodice of your dress—again, if you could even call it that—and he began to tug at the satin bow situated between your breasts.

Of course, this nightie being designed for honeymoons and supremely easy access, it didn’t take much effort at all for the folds of your dress to come apart. Your breasts spilled out of the fabric without so much as a hint of protest, your torso was quick to become fully exposed, and suddenly, shortly, your hands were fumbling at your chest in an effort to regain some smidgen of modesty. Your husband just shook his head, following your hands.

“Moya zhena,” he said, a touch more emphasis and fervor to the first of the two words.

Now it was you who was shaking your head. Trying to pry his touch away as you slid up the bed. When he followed, you saw the icy expression had been supplanted by intrigue and, though you still felt ill at ease, you couldn’t deny you were curious to know what he was thinking. Who was thinking it? Soft, plush lips swiftly replaced his hands, and before you even knew what he was doing, Bucky, or someone, was latching onto your left breast. Using teeth to graze the hardened nub and send a ripple of thick, guilty pleasure coursing through you.

You whimpered. Bucky groaned.

Your fingers slotted through his hair with every intention of pushing him away, but when you tried, he just flicked his tongue and made another delicious sound against you.

You pushed with even more force, and he groaned again.

Not Bucky, not Bucky, not him, you have to—

“Stop!” you cried.

A set of soft, warm baby blues darted up to meet you.

Some flicker of recognition seemed to cross them, too.

“Honey?”

You almost lurched toward the sound. It was Bucky.

Suddenly, your hands were making fists in the collar of his crisp white button-up, and you were trying to yank him up. You murmured his name in disbelief, relief, and gathered him up in your arms to pull him in for a kiss.

The lips that met you were soft for a moment—just one.

Then the teeth reappeared. Harsh, jarring, biting. You jerked back at the sensation, and when you found his face again, it seemed your husband was lost to you all over. The eyes were attentive still—nowhere near as cold and aloof as they had been before—but they did not radiate the same warmth and admiration that Bucky’s always did. You almost couldn’t believe what you were seeing. He was gone, just like that, and there was nothing you could do to stop it from happening.

A broad palm cupped your cheek to bring you in for another kiss, and you weren’t sure if you should indulge. It didn’t seem you had much choice anyway, because the lips that were seeking yours were hungry. Starved. Searing into your mouth with a force you couldn’t refuse.

But something inside you wanted to find Bucky again.

Somewhere inside this stranger was lying dormant a trace of your husband; you’d seen it yourself, if only for a second. It made you curious. Where had he gone? What did he do when forced to retreat into this strange, preprogrammed being, and how could you get him back?

“Bucky,” you mumbled, more of a plea than a moan.

You were kissed harder than you had been in a long time. You didn’t have to think, or do, or breathe one puff of air that this man didn’t account for. His tongue wedged a gaping space in your wet, welcoming mouth for him to fill, and somehow, you didn’t feel the urge to protest. A familiarity in the way he kissed almost put you at ease, and when his body lifted slightly, yours lifted with it.

Before long, Bucky was sitting. Kneeling between your legs with an eye to your soft, shaking torso. You’d barely even come to notice just how hard you were breathing until you felt a palm on your stomach again. There was an oddly calming insinuation in that one simple touch.

And again, he smiled. Brighter than before.

“Nashe?” He sounded eager as he said it.

You peered up at him and raised an eyebrow in question. Perhaps you should’ve felt more exposed; after all, you were sitting half-naked with your husband’s assassin alter ego stroking your stomach and beaming over you, eyeing you expectantly, and you didn’t know what to say. Apart from the short set of words Steve had taught you, you were totally clueless to Russian, and you weren’t quite sure you were in a place to ask Bucky to translate.

When it seemed words might never come, the gleaming teeth above you were shrouded in a tighter, close-lipped smile, and Bucky nodded. Appearing to understand. Instead of forcing a response from you, he just let his hand migrate down your belly, fingers tracing the skin, then settle comfortably—momentarily—at the crest of your pubic bone. Then he pressed the heel of his palm into the place residing right below it, and without really meaning to, you moaned. A quiet maelstrom of pleasure circled low in your abdomen, threatening to draw noises from your throat you weren’t planning to make with every gentle gyration of Bucky’s lower hand.

You had to purse your lips to contain the sounds.

Again, he nodded.

“It’s okay,” he said, so quiet he almost couldn’t be heard.

He let the friction continue for a while like that: just palming you, watching you react to the simplest of motions against your swollen, aching clit and try not to writhe. At length, you squirmed a little bit. Bucky seemed to want to wait for something to happen, and when you bucked your hips, a look in his eye said that was enough.

He lowered himself between your legs. Shoulders bumping your thighs as he spread them apart, chest rising and falling in measured breaths, and lips smiling all the while. You sucked in a breath when his face came to rest just a few inches shy of your bare, aching warmth.

“Bucky?”

The man looked up at you and blinked.

“Yeah, honey?”

One thumb traced over the seam of your cunt, and your back nearly arched off the bed. There he was, again, gaze safe and secure to yours and hands moving in tandem as they always would. His tongue calmly followed suit. When you fisted his hair, he blinked once more and then directed his attention back to your wet, warm, velvety folds with a pointed look and a purpose.

The sound that escaped you next could hardly be classed as anything less than a scream, but the soft and unperturbed demeanor of the man between your legs showed he hadn’t noticed at all. He just sucked diligently—damn near dutifully—on your clit with a vigor you’d never felt, and when you yanked at his hair, he hummed.

It was like his lips had been trained for perfect suction; that was how well and thoroughly he descended upon your swollen little bud. An airtight kiss and a quick flick of his tongue, paired with his hot and heavy breaths fanning over your cunt, sent your senses into overdrive. Your toes curled inward, your throat let loose a gasp, and without fully realizing it, your walls were clamping down, pulsing and leaking out desire for more of this touch.

Then, without warning, Bucky brought a hand to the throbbing and slick cunt that was presently clenching around nothing, and he fed it two fingers. So forceful and deep he nearly buried his knuckles right along with them. Then he started scissoring those two fingers, sharply.

“Open, milaya,” he said. Again, it wasn’t entirely Bucky.

But you felt a faint remembrance there. You didn’t want him to stop. Maybe you were led astray by the gentle laps of his tongue or the prodding of his fingertips, or perhaps there was something stubbornly familiar about the way he was touching you now. You couldn’t tell.

All you knew was that both of your hands were holding tight to his head and begging him, wordlessly, for more.

Your moans rang all the way through the bedroom in your new, far-too-big penthouse apartment in Brooklyn, down the hall, reverberating through every inch of the space until all that could be heard were your sounds and his and the delectable little noises of your bodies working together. Bucky hadn’t even stirred to pleasure himself.

You wanted that part to change.

With your hip pinned to the mattress and Bucky’s tongue laving over your clit in ruthlessly quick movements, you probably would’ve liked to cum all over his mouth and fingers, but you wanted to see him pleased even more.

Just when he’d worked a third finger inside you and was driving you close to your peak, you pushed him away.

Bucky parted from your folds with a glistening chin and two furrowed eyebrows, clearly frustrated to have been torn from his mission before you reached completion, but you wouldn’t let that look linger for long. You used your leverage in his hair—however slight, comparatively, that grip might have been—to pull him up on the bed.

Bucky surprised you with just how swiftly he moved.

His steel-blue gaze was on yours in a second, equally penetrating and soft.

“What’s the matter?” he asked.

“Nothing—”

“My baby okay?”

He surprised you again; this time by how quick his demeanor was to shift the second he sensed something was wrong. Just like Bucky. It had to be him in there.

You nodded, still out of breath from the wonders he’d been working with his tongue. You squeezed his arm and tried to coax him toward you, to help him lower his body some, and when he seemed uncertain, you offered a smile. It’s okay to touch, you won’t break anything.

Bucky eyed you skeptically, but it was clear he was more wary of himself than of you. He glanced over your body, briefly to his, then slowly, apprehensively, sank down.

“Just fine,” you mumbled, hooking your legs around his back the second his chest was close enough to yours.

You felt an uptick in his heartbeat when your heels dug a little more firmly into the waistband of his pants. While your hands started working their way toward the front of that fabric, wedging clumsily between your bodies, his gaze flitted to yours, and his brows drew even tighter together. He didn’t try to stop you, but he certainly seemed confused as to why you wanted to include him so soon. Why you cared to show concern for him at all.

You noticed that then, and in just about every moment preceding, the man was taken aback by kindness.

Whether it was pulling him closer to you, tugging his pants down with a tender touch, running your fingers across the bulge in his boxers, or simply nodding your head and letting him know it was okay to touch you back, Bucky seemed unaccustomed to any care in this area.

When your fingers made it around his cock and started stroking him, gently, he just might’ve come apart.

His chest shuddered with the inhale of a short, strained breath, and his eyelids fluttered, as if meaning to close.

Bucky’s jaw clenched, and he started to shake his head.

“No, let me—”

“Let me,” you finished for him, wrist flicking back and forth quietly. You paused just to rub a quick touch between your folds, collect some arousal, then return to touching him when he met your eyes again and allowed you to continue. You skimmed his sensitive underside with your palm and let the warmth of him bleed into your fingertips as you worked him up to a comfortable pace.

Bucky rutted into your touch, probably harder than he meant to. Then he planted a hand beside your head and anchored his weight above you so that he was close enough to reach your lips—but he didn’t kiss you.

His expression hardened again, and he forcibly removed himself from the pulse of your fingers. He frowned.

“You want me to fuck you, no? Make you cum?”

He sounded irritated again.

Briefly, you recalled your words from earlier and nodded. It was true, you’d said it to him like that, and you’d meant it. You just couldn’t make sense of what he wanted now.

It seemed Bucky couldn’t wait to indulge you any longer. He fisted his cock in one hand, angled the head just outside of your cunt, and burst in with one thrust.

“Then let me,” he muttered, plunging down to the hilt.

The first go was rough, and the second was no kinder. Bucky’s face screwed up with indifference again, like he wanted to get something out of his brain and just do.

Like there was a task at hand that needed to be finished.

You couldn’t deny it felt fine at first. Fucking edifying after all those horrific thoughts had been eating away at your mind and rousing your own hunger for numbness. The drive of Bucky’s thick girth in and out, in and out repeatedly was no doubt capable of rendering you dumb. But being slammed into and taken so roughly was only good for you when you knew he was feeling good too.

This Bucky was back to being entirely flinty and lifeless—practically devoid of all emotion as he railed into you.

The back of your head was forced into the pillow with the weight of each thrust and Bucky’s thumb pushing into your chin—‘Better, milaya? Is this better for you?’—and frankly, you wanted to push him back and ask the same.

But you couldn’t. The pace he’d set was suffocating, and the stretch of his cock inside you was unusually tough.

Instead, you sank your nails into his arm and mumbled:

“Bucky.”

The man’s thrusts were both stabbing and rhythmic, sending a welt of pleasure blossoming up in your chest. You tried again:

“Bucky.”

He blinked.

And slowed.

“Bucky,” he mumbled back.

Seemingly mindless and mechanical, he snaked a hand behind your head to lift your face and tilt it toward the sight below: his cock splitting you open before him, parting your insides with an easy, welcome glide through the slick of your folds. You watched as your arousal enveloped him fully. Not a single inch of his rock-hard, throbbing shaft was spared; even his balls were soaked. They felt even heavier slapping your ass with each thrust.

“You remember?” you asked, hating how small you sounded.

The man’s nostrils flared, but he gave a curt nod. Expression taut and vigilant, as though anticipating something going wrong at any second. Still, he nodded.

“Years,” he answered.

“Years?”

Since he’d done this? Felt good? Become this way?

No, Bucky was activated in Madripoor just weeks ago. He didn’t look like he was ready to indulge in any ‘feel-good’ pleasure, and you weren’t sure when he’d last been with anyone else before you. Years could mean anything.

You chanced a few soft fingertips up to his cheeks, cupping either side of his clean-shaven face in an effort to anchor you both to one place. The pit of your stomach was reeling with warmth, and friction, and fullness. It took everything in you just to pull him in for a quick, grounding kiss before the feeling gave way to even more.

Bucky’s teeth nicked your bottom lip. He flinched back.

You ignored the sting and repeated his name, murmuring it carefully up to the seal of his mouth as if requesting entry with that word alone.

It seemed to work. Bucky kissed you back with a gentle, albeit guarded, sort of tenderness that made him soften. His thrusts weren’t as rough and punishing as they were before. The dull, throbbing ache between your legs transformed into something sweeter, and your body no longer had to brace itself against strokes that, to you, were nearly bruising and, to Bucky, were just necessary.

For once, your husband let out a soft grunt of pleasure.

“They never let us,” Bucky said as his teeth grit together, “It’s been years.”

“Since what?”

The face above you tempered more—this time with a trace of sadness behind it. He continued to rut into you, but now his thrusts were sloppy, and it seemed as though he were battling against his own pleasure with every motion. He lowered one hand between your legs and began to thumb at your clit, gaze torn from yours.

“Close now?” he muttered.

Ignoring the question you’d asked.

“Years since what?” you pressed anyway. The tiny ripples preceding bliss had already begun to stir inside you, maddeningly, with every flick of his thumb, but your curiosity to know the whole truth was stronger still.

Bucky’s hips were moving at a feverish pace now; his free hand made a fist in the sheets beside your head, and his chest heaved with a series of short, ragged breaths that were no doubt meant to mask his moans as well. Notwithstanding the burn you felt between your legs—he really was much rougher and stronger now, you saw—you cupped his cheek again to tilt his face toward yours.

What you saw made your stomach drop.

Your heart clenched like a fist within the confines of your ribcage, and there it was—that terrible ache you felt each time you saw something awful materialize before you.

Bucky’s eyes were wet with tears. He wouldn’t blink.

He tilted his head into your touch, as if for support, but really, the weight of it signaled to you that he just wanted to feel you. Be assured that you were there. His big, broad arms seemed suddenly unable to hold his weight, and then he sank into your frame with a grunt and another stuttered breath. Like he was ready to collapse.

“Don’t leave again,” he said quietly.

The pain in your chest elevated, in bloom.

“Bucky I didn’t— wasn’t—” you started to say.

The friction between your bodies was almost too much to bear. You couldn’t be sure if you were talking to your husband, soldat, or some strange, inconceivable mixture of the two, but you could tell that this one was desperate.

Pleading.

“I can’t lose you again.”

The head of his cock grazed your most sensitive spot inside, and a whine seeped out through your teeth. Bucky’s whole body was blanketing yours, torso flush with your front and hips working an erratic cadence as he got a glimpse of release himself. He groaned out in pleasure and begged you to stay. You promised that you would. Your legs were still wound around his sides, but both of your bodies were slick with a sheen of sweat; it was hard to hang on. Bucky’s hair was wild and pushed back from his face, but his eyes were clear when they finally met yours, and you heard him mumble again, ‘Please stay.’

You didn’t know what else to say but okay, baby, I will.

You swore you would stay, and in between oaths, your mouth was consumed by a barrage of kisses—Bucky got to feast with a full set of teeth again, primal as ever—and then your climax hit. Euphoria washed over you whole with a force you weren’t expecting to feel, and you couldn’t help but cry out and whine as waves of pleasure coursed straight from the innermost depths of your core.

Bucky’s hips collided with yours in two more stuttered thrusts, and when he bottomed out at the last, you felt a heavy spurt of warmth. A groan coiling out of his chest. Muscles growing lax and two sturdy arms coming to bracket your head as your husband’s whole body weight went folding into yours. You kissed some more, in between frenzied intakes of breaths and steadying moments where you were simply trying to ground your body and get your heart to slow down to a normal rate.

You held each other in silence for a while. Bucky’s head fell next to yours on the pillow when the last of his spend had been emptied, but otherwise, he didn’t stir. At some point, his hands slid behind your back, and the second he hugged you to him, you felt secure in that embrace.

You were probably as far as you’d ever been from understanding who the fuck your husband was, but all it seemed you were capable of feeling for now was pity.

Pity for the years he’d lost to captivity; pity for what was little more than mere existence under HYDRA’s thumb; pity for all the things you still didn’t know about his past.

You held Bucky tighter, and, flooded with this strange, grating emotion and an overwhelming sense of powerlessness, you wished you could protect him, too.

“James?” you mumbled into his hair.

Bucky didn’t respond.

You squeezed his shoulder. Still nothing.

Against your better judgment, you tried to shift yourself underneath his body. You figured you wouldn’t make it far at all, but at least he would be aware that you were trying to get up. Maybe even start to move with you.

He didn’t.

It took everything in you just to wedge an elbow back, struggle to prop yourself up against his weight, and when you were about to let out a huff of an exasperated laugh and tell him, Bucky, you’re crushing me, honey, could you please ease up a little, your request was answered before the words could even leave your mouth.

At the sound of two new muffled voices carrying up from the living room and what appeared to be noises from shuffling feet, Bucky rose straight from the bed, off you.

Your gaze trailed his to the door, and you reached for him.

“Baby, it’s just—”

Bucky was back on his feet. Yanking his boxers and pants up his legs and buckling his belt in no time at all.

The movers. It’s just the movers bringing in furniture—

You moved your hand closer to your husband in the hopes of stalling his movements for half a second, but then a set of ruthless blue eyes had you pinned, quick:

“Stay.”

Your outstretched arm was taken up in a much stronger, stiffer one, and you were suddenly pulled over to Bucky.

But you knew from the eyes it wasn’t him at all.

And you weren’t so much being tugged toward him as you were being hauled to the floor. Thrown on your knees beside the bed, next to Bucky. He was about to leave.

Without thinking, you reached for one of the legs of his trousers and sank your nails into the fabric to hold him in place, to tell him again that there was nothing to see out there but the people you knew, no threat outside at all. But Bucky was deaf to your pleas, it seemed. He shrugged you off easily and made a move for his gun, expression blank, stolid, calm, hardened. Decided.

You tried to rise to your feet but were stopped.

“STAY,” Bucky boomed again, this time an order that he didn’t even deign to complete with a look your way.

If he had—if he even possessed the ability to consider anything but the immediate task at hand—he would’ve seen his own hand knock you to the floor to keep you from standing. Might’ve caught a glimpse of the instant your head struck the edge of the nightstand before you hit the ground. Could’ve even made out the first traces of blood that came trickling out from above your temple. Would’ve seen you cower back, viscerally, out of fear.

But holding the side of your head and watching him leave, grim realization twisted at the pit of your stomach, and you knew the man wouldn’t have stopped if he had.

If your soldat’s objective was to protect you from any harm lurking outside that door, real or illusory, nothing you were capable of doing now could stop that. At expense to yourself, at expense to him, at expense to whatever lives stood between the Winter Soldier and that unwavering, hardwired goal, he still would not ever stop.

Thinking of new, innocent lives in the balance, now, you scrambled for your phone the next second to call Steve.

You tried him once. Twice. A third time crawling on your knees, then standing, then staggering over to the door and pulling the phone from your ear just to send a string of texts to your friend while the thing continued to ring.

SOS

Need help

Pick up please

Bucky’s stuck and he’s

About to hurt people here

A crash sounded outside. You hurried to the door. Your hand closed around the knob and tried to turn it. The handle turned freely, but something behind it was refusing to let you leave the room. You pressed again.

“Bucky!”

Your cry was useless in the face of the barricade outside.

You pushed your shoulder and, behind it, the whole force of your weight against it anyway, trying to get out.

The line went dead. You tried again.

Now with your phone to one ear and the bedroom door taking the brunt of your hits from the other, bleeding side of your body, you scarcely heard much of anything else. The ring started. Stopped. Began again when you pressed a shaky finger to Steve’s contact name, and continued in a cycle for some time while you tried to force whatever was on the other side of the door away.

The second a voice broke through the haze of your frantic, half-crazed state of consciousness, you cried:

“STEVE!”

“Mrs. Barnes?”

You were shocked to hear a woman on the other end. Your pulse was still racing, shoulder aching from the impact of each desperate push you’d been forcing against the door, and then you stopped. Another loud something sounded down the hallway, further away, but you were too startled and unnerved to take any note of it.

You started to ask, ‘Where’s Steve?’ when the voice continued:

“This is Mrs. Barnes?”

“Yes,” you answered woodenly.

You held the phone as close to your ear as you could, but still, the woman’s words were coming in and out in bursts. You must’ve mistakenly accepted the call when trying to reach Steve—you couldn’t think right now; could barely retract the phone far enough to see a strange number displayed on the screen. You swallowed.

“—from Lenox Hill Hospital at Northwell Health—”

The high-rise medical center on the Upper East Side you’d visited that week. Bucky had wanted you tested for nutritional deficiencies and anemia, of all fucking things.

“—if you had a moment or two to chat and maybe—”

No, you needed Steve, not this outpatient courtesy call.

You would’ve liked to hang up. Should’ve hung up. In fact, your fingers were practically itching to hit the button the whole time the nurse was speaking to you, but something in you just couldn’t be persuaded to do it. It took several more seconds before your senses began to creep back, and by then, when you were about to drop the call, you heard a phrase that stopped you on a dime.

“—but the doctor advises prenatal vitamins—”

“What?” you snapped, far more harshly than you meant.

The nurse paused a beat, whether from incredulity at how rude you’d just sounded or to consider something. When she resumed, she sounded a little more guarded.

“Yes…Dr. Watkins did reach out to you about your bloodwork from your last visit, didn’t she? I thought—”

“No,” you said, rushed and painfully brusque, again. You tried to rein in your tone some before continuing, “She didn’t—didn’t reach out about anything. What vitamins?”

Another pause.

“Prenatals.”

You hated that she gave you another second to chew on that word before taking a breath and pressing on.

“I’m terribly, terribly sorry to be the one to spring that on you, Mrs. Barnes—I thought you knew…um—” The nurse was sheepish now, almost embarrassed to be speaking, “—you’re about…three weeks along in your pregnancy.”

Three weeks along.

Advised prenatal vitamins.

For the child growing inside of you.

A rivulet of blood trickled into your left eye.

Your whole body was apt to convulse, but it didn’t.

You hung up.

—

Taglist: (please lmk if I missed anyone! I can only tag 50 at a time so will continue in a separate post) @vicmc624 @she-could-never @mcira @kentokaze @identity2212 @unaxv, @buchi91, @ordelixx @stinkerbelle007 @opibarnes @wilsons-striped-ties @desigirlxx @pono-pura-vida @geminiflanagansblog @buggy14 @sky-full-0f-fl0wers @buckysdoll1520 @armystay89 @minimarvelingmarvel @kunakizen @ghostiebby06 @blackhawkfanatic @dameron-grantspector @sushiseoks @deansapplepie @mrsjoequinn @gyokujyn @lunaroserites @first-edition @kaybaby2494, @jaggedsi @excusememrbarnes @daisychainsoflove @mostlymarvelgirl @diannana @shawnberry @yujyujj @urmomsalex @mrs-bucky-barnes-73 @athenabarnes @christinabae @sluttylittlewaistenthusiast @wintrsoldrluvr @bethbunnyy @i-heart-smut @aagn360 @dahliawolfe @fantasyfootballchampion @lilyevanstan1325 @kandis-mom @thealyrs

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #marvel #mcu #mob bucky barnes #marvel smut #marvel x reader #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #mob!bucky #mob!bucky barnes #mob bucky #mafia!bucky #mafia bucky barnes #winter soldier #winter soldier smut

[hanjisick]

yandere skz reaction… falling asleep on them

warning. this is not how i portray the members of stray kids or how you should either. this is purely for entertainment purposes.

trigger for mentions of murder and yandere themes

wc. 1.3k

bang chan.

it was the first time that chan needed to kill for you.

you had burst into your best friends house with hot tears streaming down your face, begging for his comfort.

“what happened baby?” he let you ugly sob into his chest.

“he cheated on me, chan! he cheated on me!” chan held you tighter as you screamed into him, rocking you back and forth.

chan quietly reassured you, letting you cry out all the tears that you had inside. he hushed you, whispering gentle phrases about how it would all be okay, that he loved you, that you meant everything to him.

eventually you had fallen asleep in his lap, and even with tear stained cheeks and a puffy face, he couldn’t help but admire your beauty.

but as he stared at you, your pained sobs played in his head, drowning out everything but one thought.

he couldn’t let the man who did this to you continue to live.

lee minho.

how could anyone sleep next to such a cruel monster as himself?

for days after he had decided to keep you for himself, you refused to sleep in pure fear. that he would end your life as well when you least expected it. that you would dream of all the horrors that he made you witness.

you would let him spoon you at night while wide awake, letting him drift into sleep while you kept on guard, hoping that he didn’t notice. but he did.

regardless, it wouldn’t effect him. he would still sleep against you, cuddled up to his favorite person.

so why did his chest erupt with butterflies one night, when you finally fell asleep against him?

he placed kisses onto your nape of your neck, obsessed with the way that you snored lightly against him.

someday, you would learn that he would never lay his hands on you. you would learn that every person he had killed was for your own sake.

seo changbin.

you hadn’t quite fallen asleep against him, but in his distorted mind you had.

in actuality, you had fallen asleep in his bed while he was out getting groceries.

when he got home, he called out your name, setting down the bags in a panic once he was met with silence.

“y/n?” he called again, running to the bedroom.

a sigh of relief escaped his lips, now knowing that you hadn’t tried to run away again.

from there, he carefully slid off his shoes and laid beside you, tugging you onto his chest.

he closed his eyes, pretending that you had willingly fallen asleep on him. that there weren’t frozen groceries to be put away immediately. that none of that mattered.

“let’s take a nap together, yeah?” he whispered to himself, wrapping his arms around you tighter.

hwang hyunjin.

your first few days while housebound were cruel. he had you locked in a plain room with no lights or windows, just an old, broken mattress in the middle of the room. no blanket, no pillows.

and for as long as you would scream at him, that’s what you were stuck with.

needless to say, you were exhausted. it was hard to get any sleep at all, so you would stay up all night, staring at the empty walls.

hyunjin opened the door to the dark room in the morning, only to find a shell of his doll, “oh baby,” he would gather you into his arms, knowing that you were too tired to fight back, “didn’t sleep well last night?”

you only nodded, barely caring about the cruel chuckle that fell from his lips.

given different circumstances, you would’ve shoved him off of you by now and screamed at him to leave you alone, but you didn’t. instead, you closed your eyes. his lap was far more comfortable than the mattress.

“how about you sleep in my bed tonight?” hyunjin offered as you drifted off, barely earning a nod from you.

han jisung.

as he had practically attached himself to your hip, it would be hard to not fall asleep on him very quickly.

but when he heard your light snores for the first time as you laid on his chest, he was beyond thrilled.

a large grin spread across his crazed face, fidgeting with his fingers to contain his excitement.

should he get his camera and record you? this was a special memory that he needed to document— but he didn’t want to risk waking you.

instead, he resorted to staring at you, trying to capture the picture in his mind, every last detail of your sleeping face that he had seen so many times from afar and up close. the only different was that you were on him, your hand splayed across his chest.

his eyes wouldn’t leave you until you had woken up, even if it was hours later. he had barely let himself blink, needing to etch the moment into his mind.

“did you sleep well, baby?”

lee felix.

every time felix would try to force you to sleep next to him, you’d put up a fight, thrashing around in his bed and screaming until he simply gave up and let you sleep on the couch in his living room.

three months in, and tonight was different.

felix heard his bedroom door creak open, squinting his eyes to see your figure in the hallway, looking like a deer in headlights.

“what’s the matter, darling?” he spoke in a groggy tone, throwing off the covers and hoisting himself up by his elbows.

“i had a nightmare,” you whispered, “can i sleep with you?”

felix had never woken up so fast.

“of course you can, c’mere,” he scooted over, letting you into the warm blankets.

“i’ll keep you safe,” you felt the vibration of his voice through his chest against your head, “i’ll never let anything hurt you.”

a large grin spread across his face as he felt your breathing get heavier. he would savor this moment forever.

kim seungmin.

seungmin showed up at your door with flowers, as he did every time that he greeted you. but when you only gave him a light smile at the bouquet, inviting him into your home, his heart dropped. these were your favorite kind. why didn’t you love them?

was he wrong about your favorite? no, he couldn’t be. he was never wrong about anything when it came to you. he knew everything about you, more than he knew himself. “is everything alright, my love?”

“i’m just tired. i didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”

the relief that he felt was quickly replaced by worry, “do you want to sleep? i can come over later?”

“no, i want to still do the movie night, i’ll get through it.”

despite what you said, all that it took for you to fall asleep was seungmin’s hands in your hair and a blanket draped over the two of you.

seungmin noticed immediately when you fell asleep against his shoulder— he could care less about the movie, his focus was on your reactions the entire time.

he was quick to shut the tv off, laying his head back against the couch as he let you sleep on him.

yang jeongin.

when you fell asleep on him for the first time, he was beyond lost.

he didn’t know exactly what to do. one moment, you had your phone against his abdomen, scrolling in his lap. the next, your phone had slipped out of your hand and to his side, with a line of drool falling from your lips.

“honey?” he whispered as if his mind was playing tricks on him, or maybe you were.

but when you didn’t answer, he allowed himself to get lost staring at the features that he fell so in love with.

his long fingers couldn’t help but find themselves in your hair, and he barely allowed himself to brush through it, terrified to wake you.

jeongin was gentle with you, careful to not ruin the moment.

eventually his hands had stopped, his own eyes closing and drifting off into sleep.

how could he not? the person that he was most comfortable with, who he would do anything for, even kill, was sleeping peacefully against him.

#skz #stray kids #yandere stray kids #skz yandere #han jisung #bang chan #yandere skz #stray kids fanfiction #stray kids imagines #skz fanfiction #skz x reader #seo changbin #skz jisung #skz fanfic #skz scenarios #stray kids fanfic #skz masterlist #skz imagines #skz jeongin #stray kids reactions #stray kids scenarios #stray kids blurbs

[talaok]

Hey babe, I love your writing and I wanted to request something.

I was wondering if you could right something where the reader is famous (could be a singer,actress,model, etc.) And her agent body shames her and puts her on a strict diet, that is essentially eating next to nothing, and pedro finds out the reader hasn't eaten and helps her overcome her eating disorder?

I understand that this is a kinda difficult subject for some people and if you don't want to write about it I totally get it.

Thank you for the lovely request babe💗

Warnings: PLEASE don't read this if any of these trigger you | negative talk about reader's body, body-image issues, toxic work environment (just your agent really), eating disorder, and angst bc I didn't want to romanticize this shit, and trust me when people start to question you because they care, you don't get all lovey-dovey, you get angry.

He never said you were too fat, he just implied it.

At first, it was just hints, "You sure you should be eating that?" or "One slice is enough"

hints on hints until finally, last week, he said it clearly 

"You're gaining weight" he stated "and you see... I wouldn't want someone to hire you based on a weight you've written on your resume and then find out it's not accurate anymore" he had smiled with that devious grin of his "I wouldn't want your employer to be disappointed, that's all"

and that's when he had told you about the diet.

about how "this industry is made of sacrifices, and food, especially for women, it's always the first one"

And all you had done was sit there, trying not to cry as you pinched any skin your fingers could reach.

You were angry at first, you rushed out of the building slamming any door that came in your way, but soon enough, something changed.

You caught a glimpse of your reflection in your car's rearview mirror, and that's when you saw it- how he was right.

you had gained weight.

Your cheeks were fuller, and your jawline wasn't what it used to be.

that's when you looked down at your body, your ugly thighs and ugly belly tearing through your clothes.

And then... then you cried.

Because he was right, because without realizing it, you were turning into a monster.

And you didn't want to be a monster, you wanted to be an actress.

That's when you decided you were gonna do anything in your power to change that.

He had told you to eat less. And you were gonna do exactly that.

A week had passed, a week made of "Oh no thanks, I've already eaten" or "I have a stomachache".

You were weighing yourself twice a day, once in the morning and once before going to bed, and you were already starting to see results.

You did feel dizzy and tired all day, but at least the numbers on the scale looked prettier...even if you didn't.

Pretending at work was easy, nobody really cared if you ate or not, what was hard, was pretending with your boyfriend.

He had already given you a weird look when, for the second time in a row, you had an excuse as to why you couldn't eat dinner, and you were afraid of what his reaction was gonna be today when you told him about the “big lunch” you had.

“Hey” you forced a smile, as you opened the door.

Normal things had gotten harder to do lately, even just smiling.

“Hey baby!” Pedro shouted from the kitchen.

Shit.

Not off to a good start.

He was already walking towards you as you entered the room, and without hesitation left a quick peck on your lips before murmuring “I missed you”

“I missed you too” You rolled your eyes playfully at the cheesiness.

He gave you a soft chuckle before clapping his hands together “I hope you’ve brought your appetite because I’ve gone all out today” he announced, walking to the stove "Since we haven't eaten together in a while I've decided to make all your favorites” he smiled, stirring something in a pot “here we have that pasta with the vegetable sauce you love” he said “here” he pointed to a pan “ we have a very special frittata” he grinned, “and in the oven… oh well there’s a surprise in the oven" 

all the happiness drained from his face the moment he turned to you.

Your smile was long forgotten.

“You don’t like it?” He asked, suddenly quiet.

“N-no I do it’s just…” you swallowed harshly "I'm-I'm really not that hungry" you avoided his glare as you turned to open the fridge, but even just the tiny movement made your head spin, and you stumbled backward.

"shit, are you ok?" He came to hold you by your waist, turning you towards him.

"yeah I'm fine I just got a little light-headed"

Shit. You realized your mistake the moment it left your mouth.

"Did you eat anything today?"

Fuckshitfuck

"yeah, don't worry it's just..." you tried changing the subject but he could see the way you wouldn't look at him, he could see the glint in your eyes.

He could read you better than anyone, even yourself, and it was honestly silly to think you could fool him for more than a week.

"y/n" he stopped you "tell me the truth"

You huffed, feigning annoyance as your eyes watered "I am telling you the truth Pedro, what do you want?"

"You've eaten today?"

"Yeah"

"What?"

You raised your eyebrows, baffled "Who are you, my mom?"

"If you've eaten today tell me what you ate"

"I don't have to tell you shit, this is ridiculous" you snapped, forcing his hands off of you.

"Baby I didn't mean to offend you, I just... I'm worried for you"

You chuckled drily "Why, 'cause I just got a little dizzy and I don't want to tell you what I had for lunch like I'm five years old?!"

"well yes," he said, desperately looking for your eyes to look back at his "That and because I haven't seen you eat a thing since you had that meeting with your agent," he said "And that guy is an asshole, and I know how this industry works, so I couldn't help but think that..."

"that what?"

"that he had told you something stupid like that you need to lose weight"

And at that you got quiet. Actually not just you, it felt as if the whole world went quiet for a moment.

"You think I just do anything he tells me?"

"no" he immediately responded "but I know how much you care about your job, and I know how persuasive these people can be" he explained.

"this is bullshit" you sighed, walking over to the couch as the tears in your eyes threatened to fall

"so it isn't true?" he asked "He hasn't said anything like that?" he continued, making you stop in your tracks " You're eating normally and I'm just worrying over nothing?"

"Yes!" you tried to yell, but your voice cracked.

He walked to you as you roughly wiped a tear from your cheek.

"Sweetheart, please" he begged "please tell me the truth, I wanna help you"

"there's nothing to help me with, you're just paranoid" 

"then why are you crying?"

"I just..." a sob climbed up your throat "Just leave me alone" You turned away but he grabbed your wrist

"no," he said firmly "I won't leave you alone, baby, no matter what you say to me I won't leave you alone until you tell me the truth" he promised "Until you let me help you" he continued "I love you y/n, and I don't give up easily"

You turned around, your red eyes pointed to his chest.

"Please look at me" he stroked your cheek "Please let me help you, baby"

And once you obliged, once you finally saw him, and all the worry and fear filling his eyes, you couldn't do anything but hug him, hiding your face in his chest as you stopped fighting the tears, but let them flow and soak his shirt instead.

"I'm sorry" was all you could sob

"no, hey, hey, you don't have anything to be sorry about" he promised

"It's just- he... he..." you tried explaining but you didn't even know how.

"I know" he murmured, caressing your hair"I know" he repeated "And I know you probably won't believe me, but please know that whatever he said wasn't true, because, baby, you're the most beautiful person I've ever met, inside and out, and I'm the luckiest man on earth to be with you"

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x actress!reader #pedro pascal x fem reader #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal fluff #pedro pascal x female reader #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller #the last of us #tlou #the mandalorian #javier peña #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal smut #fluff #daddy pascal #pedro pascal blurb #pedro pascal imagine #pedrohub #Pedro Pascal #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #pedrito #pedro pascal one shot #eating disorder

[fastlikealambo]

non fanfic related post but

i don’t know why anything jennette mccurdy writes about HER OWN MOTHER THAT NONE OF YALL KNEW is up for debate. just because you have a great relationship with your mother doesn’t give you the right to question how someone was treated by theirs.

trigger warning: discussion of black moms, parental trauma and mental health ahead.

My mother wanted children but was a product of generational curses and never got over her failed music career. She raised me in shame based parenting meaning that she didn’t teach me to care for my hair or my body but then would get upset and call me disgusting, and cry over her failure as a mother instead of teaching me to correct the problem.  My dad did his best but there are some things he couldn’t teach me that my mother should have.

While my sister became the exact opposite of that to combat the shame, I fell into a pit, I was bullied in school and then went home to bullied by my mother. She would deliberately buy me clothes that were too big for me not because I could eventually grow into them but because this was her image of me.  

When she hugged me, she would squeeze parts the parts of my body she didn’t like and when I hit puberty and developed large breasts, I was no longer a child in her eyes, I was a woman that needed to be controlled.

“You make yourself ugly.” She would say.

While my sister found her escape after college, I moved back home I had no money or plan which is no one’s fault but mine.  At every opportunity for me to rise, she was there to slam me back to earth. When I wrote my first book and had a few family members buy it, she called me selfish because I wouldn’t give the money to my dad for helping me edit it despite the fact that my dad had turned it down and told me multiple times that I deserved the money because I had done the work. 

When my first major significant other died, she left me on the couch crying.

When I was unemployed, she controlled everything that was bought in our household and once I got a job, I bought the things I wanted, the clothes I wanted.  She constantly asked for where I got my clothes from and if they came in her size. If she had been anyone else this could have been seen as  somewhat sweet and cute but it was another form of control.

A year ago, she had a stroke that left her non verbal for almost a month. My dad fell into a depression, my sister was in a different state, so it was left to me to visit her, me to advocate for her care, me to do complicated paperwork so we wouldn’t lose our house.  

She has remained in a rehab facility since her stroke and has told our relatives that we refuse to let her come home and that we put her there to get rid of her. But I still go see her, make sure she has what she needs, brought her a big cake on her birthday.

Because my relationship with my mother is complicated, even my own sister who experienced the same shame doesn’t believe our mother’s behavior growing up was that bad.

To anyone outside of our house, my mother is a sweet and giving woman, the one with the best pasta salad at the church picnic, the first to remember your birthday.

  I know those who read this will balk and say, “ you should cut her out of your life!”

The answer to that is the answer to the jennette mccurdy discourse:

Until it is your mother right in front of you, you will not understand. Your lack of understanding however does not forfeit your capacity for compassion nor respect and that is what jennette mccurdy deserves most of all. 

#jennette mccurdy #im glad my mom died #black mothers #tw abuse #tw paren #tw mental health

[moonlightsmasquerade]

Here's the writing! Although I have left Trigger Warnings before the actual writing , please don't force yourself to read it all if you can't stomach some of the stuff. Jane (my wife) proofread this btw , and I mention her nearly every ask I send because every day is wife day What marathoning books can do , am I right?

TW : Childhood abuse and neglect , themes of body dysmorphia and other mental health issues in children , implied self-harm (not directly observed) , attempted use of a gun against a child (unsuccessful) , murder (by Six)

July 2004

Children are usually the first ones to be afraid of the figure of a "boogeyman" , whether it is a demon hiding under their bed ready to pull their foot , or a giant beast inside their closet that appears only to them as they try to sleep . But to children who every day feared displeasing the ones who were supposed to care for them , the boogeyman likely did not exist inside their imagination anymore .

But just because they no longer believed in his existance , didn't mean he didn't exist .

The special boy , Adam , wasn't one of these children , having been brave enough to run away months ago , but the shadow man stayed to watch , how no matter the situation humans continued to be greedy , adapting only to suit their own wants .

Ever since their liberation from the church twelve years before , many young ones had been left orphaned , their parents either having been killed by monsters , or transformed and murdered by the police who hunted them down . And from what the shadow man could comprehend, money was involved when children were put in the care of new parents. Dozens of children were placed in orphanages ; dozens of foster homes became available the following year .

He followed some of the little ones around their temporary homes , and soon he understood why they did not have the time to be afraid of him .

The adults did not have the heart to care about them , and in some houses , for things like running or staring for too long , the poor children were cruelly beaten , and often times they needed to learn to treat their own wounds , since their "parents" could not be bothered to waste their money on medical attention for them , even if they started bleeding . Other times the caretakers forgot or ignored the fact that they were caretakers , and the small children under their roof looked so dirty and thin , they could have passed for living all alone .

But by far the worst kind of false parent were the ones who used words rather than fists . The ones that said to the young souls they were supposed to love how they were useless, disgusting, unwanted, mistakes. The ones who had no right or place to speak as if they were the children's true family, but did so anyway, for no one was there to stop them, and lying was as easy as breathing when the other adults came in to check on the children.

Their cruel words as sharp as swords, destroying any traces of innocence and happiness they could find, and the shadow man watched as the poor young victims stared at themselves in the mirror at night, crying, insulting themselves, or purely silent, running their hands through their own body as if trying to find the flaws that made them undesirable offspring.

There had been a few times where curiousity had been too much to handle, and he had asked them as they locked themselves in their rooms, in a voice that seemingly had no body attached, why the mirror was so important to them. "I'm flawed" , "I'm ugly" , "I'm not enough as I am" had been the kinds of answers he had received in return. To keep track of how they looked so their presence alone wouldn't make someone else hurt them again ; or because their new parents were disappointed or disgusted of how they looked, demanding that they turn into their own vision of what the perfect child looks like ; were often the motives behind such obsessions. Obsessions that no normal child should have or be forced into.

Obsessions and insecurities that their caretakers projected onto them, turning them fearful, sad and tired. Whether afraid of every little movement or possibility of enraging someone else, or drowned in their own misery and hopelessness to the point waking up was exhausting and everything was dull, or simply having had their will to keep pushing forward in life slowly drained out of them by the selfish adults that were supposed to help them.

The last ones were the ones who hid the most, often the bathroom, where they would go in with healed scars and come out with bloodied new ones. Sometimes the shadow heard screaming, most often crying, and other times just liquid falling in the sink, though it wasn't water, or the more extreme ones too, where all that was heard was a falling blade before the child came out of hiding with a blood stained face or arms.

Sometimes the little ones talked to him, needing to let out their thoughts to someone. Their conversations, or more accurately monologues as the shadow never answered, weren't merry words of joy like those of normal children, rather thoughts of escape but knowing the dangers, of feeling trapped and being powerless to do anything, how they wanted to give up but just didn't have the courage, how they wanted their real mother and father back.

How dare the light treat its own offspring like this? The same light that gave itself so many children to fulfill its own wishes, only to then treat them like they were worth nothing. If they were in the darkness they would be worth every breath, because the darkness was not afforded such plentiful numbers of vessels like the light was, after all, if it was, then all of this pain that foolish humans inflicted upon their youth wouldn't exist, because then humans wouldn't be such fools to begin with.

How dare the light ruin its own children and flaunt the idea of the darkness helping them right in front of its face, knowing that would never be possible? How dare the light deform the little souls full of hope into empty shells of who they could have been simply because it could? In the darkness no child was ever treated like this, for the few they were they were as valuable as the adults.

The shadow man didn't share any of the information he had been collecting to any of the others, not even to the false angel, but he was sure that at least half of all the others would share in his opinion that the selfish light did not deserve such promissing souls, since it only ever mistreated them.

The day before had merely reinforced how the shadow was right.

A boy as young as the number the shadow man used as a name, so young he did not know how to read, though it seemed his current temporary father wasn't at all interested where his education went. The little boy liked to talk to the shadow man, one of the only living beings in his life besides the house cat that didn't try to hurt him. He'd narrate his imaginated stories, his way of escaping reality, while the man simply listened, sometimes nodding along, though he wasn't fully sure if the child was able to see him.

Stories of knights and magical forests and great battles, always with a happy ending, unlike his days which always ended in having to avoid being noticed by the alcohol dependant man he lived with, in fear of having a bottle smashed in his head.

That day had been when the lady who visited once or twice a month finally realized what kind of person she had left the poor boy under the care of, if it could be called care at all. That evening the man had grabbed his hidden pistol and killed her with two bullets, and then went upstairs intending to do the same to the boy.

The child had been so scared he was turning blue, pleading with the man in the shadows to help him, to either escape or stop the adult. When the man had finally managed to break down the locked door, weapon already in hand, he hadn't waited a second to shoot a bullet into the boy's head. A child so young as him wouldn't have the reaction time to properly dodge, but the monster by his side did, and had moved the boy closer to himself at such a speed that the bullet didn't even come close to the child's skin.

The "father" had been confused, but assuming his "son" had moved to the side on his own, he aimed the gun yet again at the boy's head, only to be stopped by a punch to the face so strong it sent him to the ground. Then suddenly the gun wasn't in his hand anymore, rather in the hand of a monster right in front of him, freakishly tall and with an expression of disgust in its face.

Aimed at the man's neck the bullet was shot, and the gun was quickly thrown to the other end of the room, not necessary anymore. Of course the little boy had been scared after witnessing such a thing, and although the shadow's silver tongue was mostly used for unright reasons, this time it had been used to comfort a trembling child. A brand new experience, but one that the shadow didn't mind.

With the little boy cradled in his arms, having already calmed down, the monster took him away, somewhere where no one would likely ever see him again afterwards. Of course the "angel" had demanded an explanation, and of course the shadow had given him one. It hadn't been the full truth but it hadn't been a lie either, simply not mentioning all the other children the shadow man had watched, keeping it a secret for himself, making it seem like finding the boy had been nothing but a coincidence.

He didn't know what the child had become after the "angel" had decided to let him live, but it hardly mattered, because as a monster he wouldn't suffer the same cruelty he had before, at least not from those who claimed they cared, because their claims would be the truth.

The shadow wasn't going to help a child again like this unless comanded, for it wasn't his business to correct humans' stupidity only for them to learn nothing. But maybe what he had observed and learned could become valuable in the future. If Murray didn't give in to the promise of having his beloved mother back, then at least they would have a motive that he couldn't deny : how cruel humanity was to others and could have been to him. Even if it was somewhat forcing his arm, what Adam wanted didn't matter when it came to false angel.

What mattered was what he was , what they were , not what he wanted.

OOOOOOOOHOHOHOHHOHOHO Yeah this is cool, I think you did a really good job getting his vibe and how he acts

#he hated humans and i can see him turning to a twisted form of kindness (maybe he has some humanity in him after all!) #after all he's giving them a better chance #he thinks this is the best! why let a child live an unhappy life when they too can join him in terrorizing humans #this is why he doesnt understand adam one bit #also thanks for the trigger warnings! i appreciate it #i dont usually mind reading heavy subjects i just like to be prepared for them #tmc mim au

[th3-ineffablehusbands]

Trigger Warning!

sélf hàrm, ûnãlívîñg, bløød

I just needed to post these somewhere, not sure where so I decided here where no one knows me

A collection of poems during Sélf Hàrm

Oh so Divine

I'm crying out for help

begging

pleading that someone

something out there can get me out of this enclosure

please

get me out

I want to be free

the only other way out

is from the inside

please someone notice and drag me out

even just reach through the bars

let me grab your hand

give me hope

give me anything

__________

sometimes I forget that the cage is there

it's invisible to me too

I start going forward

navigating

and then

bam

it makes itself known

I reach my hand out anyways

it burns

fuck it burns

but anything

please anything but the cold

__________

red

isnt that pretty

it's the most pure, deep red you'll see

it's thick and it forms beads on a line

like a rosary

except this time I'm praying not to survive

but red turns old

it hardens within a few minutes

it turns maroon

and soon enough, brown

but it's there

my arm is burning

turning into ashes

hints of white shows itself

anything but the cold

__________

red

it looks ugly sometimes

it feels ugly

it stings

beads morph into a thick line

of red

not nearly enough to get out of this enclosure

how much more will I have to endure

to get out

__________

this is my way of crying for help

yet nobody notices

nobody sees

I don't allow them to

no one can

I don't want them to

but they should

cant they see my tears?

cant they see my rage?

fuck it stings

I can feel it deteriorating

but its delightful

it's turning more brown now

time to draw

__________

it's concentrated

quite

cant let anyone see after all

at least it's less likely

__________

hair

it's supposed to be for hair

for new

for change

yet I'm defiling it

I put red in it's hands

gave it to it on a silver plate

I wonder how that feels

__________

why

why does it sting as such

hasn't it been a few

why do you keep hurting me

well

I did make you do that

it's my fault

__________

I can feel everything

I want more

youre just so beautiful

arent you, red?

__________

perhaps I'll keep it this way

it's quite beautiful this way

but its also very conspicuous

maybe that's a good thing

___________

words on a white screen

both the pen and the sword kills

it will look just as dead

it will feel just as terrible

__________

how much red will it take to get out of here

I'm curious

let's find out shall we

_________

a brush of fabric

I open my mouth in a silent scream

was it pleasure or pain

I don't know

__________

make it worse

draw more

isnt it beautiful

each trace of the blade has its own story

my mind says

the heart says die

__________

all of this

just one night

impressive

why don't you impress me more

since this is so beautiful to you

the artwork

priceless

the artist is left forgotten

just another statistic

__________

each bead

dried up

frozen like a photograph

nice piece of art you got there

thanks

it cost me everything

__________

1

2

3

4

cross it out

makes a 5

how many 5s does it take

to run out of ink

__________

enough

it makes me live another day perhaps

how many days

will it take

to get out of here

to escape

to be set free

or to carve myself out from the inside

explode

a dying star

arent those beautiful

wouldnt you like to become one of those

__________

autumn

fall

red

yellow

leaves

they die

arent they so beautiful

wouldnt you like to become one of those

as you disappear from existence

everybody marvels at you

takes pictures

oh so beautiful, the dying entity

__________

is that enough attention for you

you don't quite get to see it

but at least you'd be out of the cage

__________

it's small

it smells divine

quite fruity, childlike

it's anything but

__________

it's there

making itself known

oh the ecstasy

__________

a mere twist

writhe

you grimace

good luck hiding, my dear

__________

but leaves

they come back don't they

they get replaced so easily

aw

time to plant a new one for spring

and it will be just as beautiful as it was when it was dying

__________

just a whiff

just a breeze

its awful but oh so divine

__________

do I have the strength

something

somewhat

somehow

until tomorrow

rest

__________

shatter the cage into pieces

destroy it

crush it into dust and blow it into the wind

fly

be free, darling

#depressing shit #tw depressing thoughts #tw depressing stuff #poetry #poem #self h@rm #tw s3lf harm #tw #trigger words

[slasher-male-wife]

Hello hello! I hope you are doing well! I was wondering, could you maybe write a comfort fic where the readee has gone through a traumatic event (like the death of someone) and instead of selling them drugs, Eddie comforts them?

I'm always down for comfort fics. I chose to write about trauma I'm healing from as a way to kind of cope I guess. I know this will be dark but sometimes I need to write about darker subject matter. I'm sorry if you can't read this because it is triggering to you, if you want me to write a new one with something else I totally understand. Reader is gn.

Warnings: Talk of emotionally and verbally abusive relationships, strong language, mentions of drugs

You knock on the door to Eddies trailer. You look around at the other trailers that surround his in the cold of the night. He opens the door with a smile. "Hey Y/N come on in. I've got the stuff ready when you're ready." You nod. Today has been misrible. The sound of crashing plates and yelling at your job has triggered memories of your ex. The sounds of his yelling and him smashing plates in the kitchen. You push those thoughts away and walk inside. You take off your coat and put it on the couch under where you sit. "So what are you thinking. Bowl, joint, whatever?" He asks. You just stare at the coffee table in front of you with a blank face. All you can hear in your mind is his yelling and your begs for him to stop. His threats of giving up on life and never doing anything again if you break up with him or deny him sex.

Eddie sees this look on your face. He's never been the best with emotions. "Is everything ok?" He asks walking over to the couch. Those words set off tears. Your mouth grows into a deep frown and you quickly wipe away the fallen tears. "Hey don't cry. You don't have to do this if you don't want to.” He sits next to you and puts a hand on your shoulder. 

“It’s not that Eddie, it’s just um.. I’m having thoughts about this person who never treated me the best. He was very abusive.” 

“Oh I’m sorry Y/N. Do you want to talk about it? Or if you don’t and you just need to cry it out I understand. I’m sorry they did that to you. You’re a really nice person, no one deserves to be abused, especially you.” Tears start to fall again as the memories keep flashing in your mind. Every word pains your heart. 

“I just... He always... I feel so bad for leaving him because he always said that there was no point in doing anything anymore if I left and I finally got away and I just keep thinking about it and it eats away at me.” Eddie puts his arm around your shoulder and you rest your head on his shoulder. “He never really loved me. But I loved him so much. But he never could love me could he?” With this you really start to cry. You cry hard and ugly. Eddie pulls you into him and you cry into his shirt. 

“He sounds very manipulative. I’m so sorry Y/N. I wish I knew what to say but I don’t really know what to say. But I think you should hold off on the drugs right now. You’re not in the right place for it ok? Just let it all out, I’m not gonna judge you.” He rubs your back as he holds you there while you cry. You cry for a good 15 minutes and Eddie stay’s silent for you. Just holding you in his arms and rubbing your back. When you pull away your eyes are puffy and red. “Would you like to stay over tonight? I understand if you don’t want to be alone.” You nod. 

“If it’s not gonna be a problem.” 

“Oh not at all don’t worry. Let me put this shit away and I’ll get you some water ok?” You nod. 

“Thank you Eddie.” 

“Anytime Y/N. I hate seeing people I care about in pain.” 

#eddie munson #eddie x reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #stranger things

[chaoslifeforme]

I hunger for even more Coco Last.

How did they react when Baxter went NC at the end of step 3?

You are literally my favourite person. <3 Small trigger warning far a reference of disordered eating in paragraph 4 (not including this little blurb, I put an asterisk before and after it), you can just skip that one if you want.

So Coco knew Baxter wasn't up for staying dating and they accepted that. Like full on just let him go wishing him the best. They have way too much pride to ask someone for something not freely offered. (If anything he should have bagged them to keep in contact). They didn't so much as ask to be friends or send him a single message. They are a big fan of the ephemeral, the temporary, un repeatable, beautiful experiences. To them Baxter was ephemeral, a show that would go on forever changed, but never to return. It was wonderful and painful.

This doesn't mean they weren't in love with him, but they're of the mind that it was their decision that hurt them. They are the ones to blame for their pain because they agreed to temporary knowing full well they'd love him forever actually. There were lots of tearful performances of "Wildest Dreams" by Taylor Swift, "I knew you were trouble" (also Taylor Swift), and even "Enchanted" (They're a Swiftie) on the hill behind their house. They had outfits (plural) mimicking every look from those songs music videos. They would sing, dance, and cry (like the artsy crying where tears run down their cheeks but their makeup stays perfect and their face serene) while playing guitar for the instrumentals. Eventually after all their family and friends beg them to add another song in the rotation, they add "Teardrops on my guitar" (still Taylor) to the performance rotation.

Of course, they didn't let any of this slow their career. They live and breathe for performance, they were always doing at least one show/movie. They also posted several original songs on YouTube (that they gave the rights for to Lee after their acting career became lucrative). Their original song videos also had them singing dancing, playing the guitar, and changing outfits at least three times. They were always working and performing, they even went on tour at one point.

*Unfortunately, this was unsustainable. They frequently forgot to eat and became dangerously underweight. To the point that shopping in the kids section still meant baggy clothes. It was not being big enough to fit their favourite designer's new dress (that was made specifically for their second Oscar appearance based on measurements from their first apperance) that made Coco begin the arduous process of working to eat regularly again. It made them feel really ugly, and even looking at food was too much for them at points. They were really lucky that Cove was living with them, because while their family supported them mentally, Cove was there physically. (Jude and Scott, were the best at maintaining regular contact considering their experience with long distance dating). He learned to cook to help them. And when looking at food made them cry and puke (this frequently happened after they gained the courage to start baking again, they don't know when they stopped), Cove was happy to make the food disappear (after helping them recover a bit and being sent away). When Baxter finds out about all this after they start dating again, he totally tries to blame himself and Coco shuts that down with a vengeance. Reasons their schedule out so well Baxter is both impressed and afraid for them. He asks what he can do to help and Coco jokes it's good he got better at cooking.. Jokes on them, the food is so good they gain 15 pounds within three months of dating him.*

By the time they meet Baxter again at 25 for Jude and Scott's wedding. They are two years recovered from all of that (It definitely had nothing to do with Baxter and everything to do with their insatiable hunger to be a star). They are happy, but they still love Baxter. They think the wedding could not be in better hands. Once Coco finds out Baxter still cares them (at Xake, the bakery), they decide not to let him go. (Their impatience also wins out and they confess after the wedding clean up). Also, they totally quote one of the songs they wrote about Baxter in their confession (before they ask him out using his words minus the temporary stuff).

Baxter was also their first crush, first (and only) kiss, first (and only) ex, so they love to flex how they are dating their first crush. And sometimes joke about how their ex regretted breaking up so badly he agreed to date them again because they are the best (Baxter can't disagree). Coco also had a reputation in Hollywood for being a prude because of all the rumors about them rejecting people (the rumors are true) except they are free with their affections for Baxter so everyone's like ???. And also jealous, Coco loves making people jealous with their handsome boyfriend, consequently there are many videos released with the two dancing.

#thank you for the ask #thank you for reading #Coco Last #coco last #baxter alexander ward #baxter ward #our life beginnings & always #cove holden #i hope everyone has a nice day

[sumire-bride]

LIQUID SMOOTH

𖧷ɤ———ɤ𖧷

TRIGGER WARNING- INCEST, MASSIVE SEXUAL ABUSE TW, MENTAL ABUSE, NEGLECT, PULLING OUT HAIR and if there's anything else please let me know so I can add em. I care about you guys so do not read if you this will make you uncomfy :)

CHARACTERS- Ena, Xaing, Kyuufu, Chousoka, Oroshi, Chen, Sumire, Shuu, Reiji, Ayato, Kanato, Laito, Subaru.

AUTHOR NOTE- Hooooh boy, my little diva made this a rollercoaster to write, I love writing for this man sm istg, AND YES I DID PUT THE TITLE A MITSKI SONG I couldn't get creative for that part of this. But enjoy :)) (Also I quote a few mitski lyrics in here, REALLY RECOMMEND YOU LISTEN TO LUSH ALBUM BY MITSKI WILL MAKE READING THIS SM MUCH BETTER PLZZ) again little surprise at the bottom.

𖧷ɤ———ɤ𖧷

The third son, when Ena was first born Kyuufu could have sworn he had finally made a girl but no, Ena was simply a divine looking child. If it weren't for him saying it "needed to be a girl" Kyuufu might have just used Ena for the plan. The plan, the plan that not only will change those six bastards lives but effected ours as well. If it weren't her then it wouldn't be such a pain to just open his eyes in the morning.

Ena a gift from god, just as his name suggests. He was an angel no a unseen creature no one has heard of. The smell of him burned the room of these.. Evil horrible demons noses. Even if he was standing behind a silky curtain.

“Ena.. Fix yourself.” Xaing cleaned the smeared eyeliner from under his eyes. Those green eyes that not only haunted Xaing but Ena himself. “Today is a important night.. There’s no time for imperfections and crying right now..” Xaing put her makeup back into her pocket. Fixing the wrinkles on his red hanfu. “Ena.."

"Don't let those people ruin you."

𖧷ɤ———ɤ𖧷

Ena and his brothers sat outside near the garden. It was against the rules to anywhere further then that. They were once close when they were younger, in fact it was hard to separate the three of them.

"Ena..! Come look at this..!" Chousoka yelled to Ena who was collecting the flowers.

"..What..? I'm doing something right now if you couldn't tell". Ena did as he was told walking towards Chousoka who was holding his hands in a little ball.

"BAA..!!" Chousoka opened his hands, a bug flying out of them right onto Ena's nose bridge. Ena screamed and shouted to get it off. He suddenly felt someone gently take it off with their finger letting it fly away.

"Chousoka..!! Don't do that you moron...!!" Ena shouted insults, he turned to look at who took the bug off of him. Oroshi, a kind quiet boy.

"Chousoka.. Don't put the poor bugs in danger for little schemes like this.. Are you okay Ena..?" His voice soft, Oroshi had a massive soft spot for Ena. Although soon he would find out that's only because he was the younger one here.

"Stupid Chousoka.. Teasing me this.. How dare he Oroshi..! Hmph.. It seems I am only able to rely on you.." He put his face onto Oroshi's chest. "At this point we should run away together and forget about stupid Chousoka" He said in a snarky tone.

"Stupid..?! What are you on about..?! You're the one who's dumb here. Ugly ugly Ena" He shouted back.

"Ugly..?! Ugly...?! Mother says I am a beautiful gift from god, that's why mother and father gave me this name."

"Ena." The boys bodies froze. Even just by his voice it startled them. They turned around to see their father, Kyuufu Kanashi. The other two would fall to his word but Ena on the other hand.. Not so much. "You three are too far and far too close to the gates. Come back at once." Oroshi and Chousoka ran to him immediately, standing next to his side. Ena however, stood still. "Ena, come to me"

"No." Ena told him sternly, with Kyuufu no definitely wasn't a word you wanted to say to him. He was shot back by shock that his son would say this to him.

"What.. Did you say to me..?" Ena got a shiver down his spine, he still however stood tall and proud.

"No---" Before he finished, Kyuufu hit Ena with his emerald staff. It stinged and was hard enough to knock the kid off of his feet. "Ah.. Ahh..." He made little noises putting his hand to his face.

"Do not disobey me.. Boy.." He turned around walking back, "Chousoka, Oroshi.. Inside" Chousoka and Oroshi stayed still for a moment, giving Ena concerning looks. Tempted to go and help him but very soon thinking back on it. Following behind Kyuufu leaving Ena to sit there in utter shock.

"They didn't.. Hey... Come back you two.. Help me..." He spoke, he couldn't yell due to the fear of Kyuufu. "Uh..." He sat shocked at his brothers immediate response to their father. He didn't like it. Ena wiped his cheek glaring at the house.

I suppose you could say that's when he became hateful of his brothers.

𖧷ɤ———ɤ𖧷

"Ena darling come to me, come.." Xaing softly said to a young Ena who barely learned words or how to walk. She held her arms out with a faint smile on her lips. A quiet maid held onto him making sure he didn't fall.

"Ahh.." The maid letting go still keeping arms around him. One step, two step, three step towards Xaing then he finally fell into her lap, Xaing very happily scooped him up into her arms playing with his hair.

"Yes yes Ena dear very good..! Very very good." She smiled heading closer to his face kissing it. "My lovely little Ena.. Fufu.."

—ɤ𖧷

Xaing was Ena's main role model, he found her so beautiful and Magnificat I mean who wouldn't admire such a goddess? In Ena's eyes she couldn't do anything wrong, no matter how much she yelled and screamed at him to go away, no matter how many times she would get horribly drunk off of wine and got all sad and scared and begin to panic mistaking him for 14yr old self, trying to kill him. She would always stay a goddess.

"How... How dare you...?! Don't you torture me enough..?! Just leave me be..!!!" She became his main reason for such hatred for Kyuufu. How dare he hurt such a wonderful women. How could he? How was he able to and she just sits there. Ena wondered that to himself as he sat knees to his chest his tiny hands holding onto them. Every yell Xaing gave Kyuufu him yelling back the loud bangs made Ena jump every time.

"No... No no no...!!! Don't touch me..! Unhand me at once..! Have I not done enough?! I gave you children why do you need more..?! Let go.. Haah... Let go of me..!! UWAAHHH....!!!!!"

Even when she screams and cries. To Ena she will never be less beautiful.

"Sniff.. Sniff... Oh.. Oh Chun..." Ena was going for a quick walk. However he'd heard his mother whimpering in a corner. He'd stopped quickly in his tracks looking at his mother. Confused and not really sympathetic.

"Mother..? Why.. What are you doing..? Oh mother your clothes are messy..! Father will be mad if he..---"

"Don't speak about that vile man..!! He.. He shouldn't get so mad at me when he's the one who did this... Kuh..." Her words cut short by sobs, just hearing about him made her shiver in fear. She sat there with Ena half naked holding onto herself her face in her knees.

"But.. Why did father do this...?" Ena questioned. He kneeled down about to reach for his mother, before he could really think she pulled him close to her roughly.

"Ena.. Whatever you do.. Don't trust that man... Don't trust him.. He's horrible look what he did to your beautiful mother... He's ruined me.. He.. He took me away from everything.. Please.. Don't be like him or your cruel brothers.. You can't...! Okay you can't..!!" He fell into her chest wide eyed, his body stiff softening soon hugging her back including the half on closed she used to cover herself. "Promise me.. Sniff.. Don't fall for his trap.. Don't let him ruin you the way he did to me... Promise me.. Ena promise me.."

"Yes mother.. I promise.. I promise I will hate those people with every fiber in my being.." He tightened his grip onto her.

"I'll do anything for you mother.. Anything..."

𖧷ɤ———ɤ𖧷

There was many times Ena walked in on horrible situations, however if he had to pick 13 different memories of his mother walking into the bedroom in which she gave birth was the worst ones. Because as every child came the worse she became. The more distant she got. And more hateful.

"Gr.. Gaaah...." Xaing groaned.

"You're doing very good Mrs. Kanashi..! Just a few more pushing okay..?" The doctor did his best to encourage Xaing. Yes yes just a few more pushing birth hopefully a girl pray it's a girl.

Ena and his now 5 younger brothers with Chousoka and Oroshi. They stood quiet listening to the groans and occasional shouts from their mother.

The screams got louder and louder, this isn't the first time nor will it be the last where she'll scream. He's gotten used to that fact. Though he hates it, louder they got the sooner he knew it will end. Even if it's not his 'parents' yelling at each other. He still flinches at the sudden yelling.

Just as he thought. Louder meant it ends, besides the fact you could hear the loud noise of crying and the heavy breathing of Xaing. Not only that but TWO cries of help in the room.

"No it couldn't be.. Twin's..? Are they both girls..?" Chousoka questioned. I hoped so, if he had two then he wouldn't need the rest of them and he could throw them away and leave them alone.

Kyuufu walked out. We all looked at his face to see what gender it was, the same as every try. He looked angry, stressed, and confused. They knew what that face meant. A boy, no two boys.

"Boys.. I see, a shame but you can simply do it again father I believe in you" Chousoka spoke more, trying to lighten his fathers mood. But per usual as their last name suggests he stayed upset. We are still no longer free from his grasp. Kyuufu walked past them walking into the distance.

Ena as well pushed past everyone, pushing the door slightly open. Only to see his mother softly and painfully breathing.

"What.. What do you want, get out of here." Xaing quietly shouted at Ena.

The more she had the worst she got.

𖧷ɤ———ɤ𖧷

((GETS TRIGGERING FOR SEXUAL ASSULT HERE))

-

Father stormed out of the room in which mother had given birth to yet another boy, this one was weak looking definitely won't make it far in our household.

We still were not free. Chousoka yelled at me to get the poor man some tea to calm down. I hated this house there were too many hallways, too many locked doors, too many everything. Yet for some reason it managed to be so empty and so suffocating all at the same time.

The more I grow the more intoxicating I got for others, however the prettier I got the more the water rises to my face, reaching my torso at the moment. I open the door my nose meeting that burning old gross smell of man. An old man.

"Your tea." I harshly put it onto his desk. Not making eye contact with him, although my eyes are just as intense as his for some reason they give me more intensity more then anyone else. I don't think I've made eye contact with my father in such a long time and I'm glad about it.

"I've told you to knock multiple times Ena, you don't ever listen to me.." He spoke irritated. Out of everyone I'm more caplet of doing that and that makes me feel more proud then you think. He finally had some form of feeling for me.

I looked at him huffing and glaring before turning around to leave the room.

"You look.. Just like your mother when she was your age." He spoke, the sound of his voice makes me feel heavy. I stop, turning around looking at him with a questioning look. "You grew up very nicely"

He wasn't wrong. I grew me more beautiful then most, perfect even. Like a god amongst others, I was better then everyone else. I grew up with very smooth skin, like liquid. I can make anyone become puddy in my hands, it's not hard. I grew up with smooth and soft hair, it's long and it's longer and longer. I realize how much I try to imitate mother but just like the beauty in China myths and history Daji took form of a beautiful women but in reality was just a fox. My eyes however.. Ugly and horrifying. Beauty was my everything and because if I wasn't beautiful then I wouldn't know how to live.

"What does that mean..? You admiring such a perfect person like myself isn't surprising but when it's you.. It's disgusting." I continued to glare at him before touching the door handle. Before I knew my father was standing.. Right in front of me. "Uh.."

"Yes yes.. You look exactly like your mother. A little too much if anything. With both me and her looks I know now how daughter will be beautiful. " His voice was disgusting, his breath was warm and horrid. He got closer to me I stepped back more. This was like a fox and a rabbit, expect.. I was the rabbit. I didn't notice I was completely to the fall and my father was to his knees holding onto my hand. "Yes very very beautiful." He kissed my hand. I wanted puke his lips were so cold. I was taught from a young age beauty meant everything.

What good is beauty if no one desires it? My beauty would be wasted if it wasn't used and that's no good. I am completely unafraid of my situation this is normal right? This is someone who is simply using my beauty for good reasons. He kissed my wrist this time. The higher he got the more closer he got the more the water rised to my face. Now I am drowning in whatever this is.

Young beauty is the best to rip out of a young person. I have no were else to go, why should I fight it? I'm about to be ruined by age so it's best to get it over and done with. I'm ripe and my skin is ready to be ripped apart in the most painful way possible.

Little did I know that this was put me in never ending circle of loop.

𖧷ɤ———ɤ𖧷

I found myself running back to him each time. He kept me in this.. Weird state of mind. For many months it started to get more and more constant where I felt if I wasn't near him I would pass away. He makes me feel this type of sickness I want to learn more about.

I wanted to learn more about this person who I call father. I was young and stupid I promise you I didn't know what I doing really. Or did I? I'm not really sure, but I still go back to him all the time. I knew I should cry about it but I can't help but adore this feeling of 'power'. However I still continue to have this burning passion of rage for him.

All my brothers knew except for one. Kai didn't know about it. Chen could careless including Sing and Ame. Everyone doesn't care. I don't care.

I was honestly just a little happy he finally showed me some form of feeling. Even if it was just this. However.. It was finally born.

"A girl..?! A girl you say..?! That's.. That is amazing..! My what a miracle this is..!" Father shouted it finally happened. The plan could finally be fulfilled none of us would have to die. However none the less.. He would die to from the mans hands. Chosuoka brought out the thing

It was.. Disgusting, gross, smelly, and.. Beautiful? But looking at this child only made me want to kill it. This here is.. The reason everything happened. The reason mother refuses to look at me. that thing is the reason. Upon seeing it my whole world went red and I felt dizzy.

I saw mother from the crack of the room mother looked finished. She looked done with it all. That is the reason.

It managed to ruin our lives with out even being born.

𖧷ɤ———ɤ𖧷

-

Ena, his brothers, and Xaing were brought to fairly smaller house. Still big and it had a traditional Japanese vibe to it, it was placed on a hill and it was indeed a very nice home. They were still given maids, servants and such. Those servants were the ones that were fired from the other job.

All 14 of them were no use anymore. Although before leaving Kyuufu had pulled all of the brothers aside, well.. almost Everyone. The 12 stood there in his office. While Chousoka and Oroshi stood next to him behind the desk

“Finally.. After all of my constant tries my beautiful daughter is born.. My beautiful beautiful daughter” Beautiful. The very same words that repeated that Kyuufu used to describe Ena. How come he was using those words for it. He thought he was the beautiful one here. Why is he using those words for it? When the word beautiful belongs to him and him only.

“You called us all here.. Get to the point instead gettin’ all gushy about that kid” Kai said, if Ena had to get along with any of his brothers it would be him. “Get to the point.”

“Ah.. Right..” Kyuufu was silent for a minute. “I’ve had this discussion with Oroshi and Chousoka already after the birth of Sumire but.. I have a very special task.. For all of you.. It's quite a important task." Kyuufu told them, before speaking again he stood up using his staff.

"I am sure all of you are aware of him. Half of his plan, you were all born to his will although you now utterly useless to me. At least in that sense" Useless, yes very useless group of failed attempts. However Randoms' scarps can be reusable in some ways.

"Well.. Sumire is a very important figure in all of this." Just as Ena figured, his conclusion proved right his suffering was due to her having to be born. This strike a bigger anger into him. Please stop talking...

"You all have a choice, you choose between protecting and keeping her safe in the sanity of me and her home. Or you choose to be disobedient." Kyuufu had his eyes closed, he knew how much they frightened them. On purpose he opened them bringing a cold air into the room. "Although I do expect all you to keep her at a proper mind. Do I make myself clear?"

"Haha.. What a funny joke.. You can't serious father" Ena spoke, he laughed in denial. Protect it? Make sure she will stay 'pure'? What type of joke is that?

-

"Let me repeat it, keep her safe, make her know she isn't going to leave until I say so.. Keep her pure and ready for the plan. As you all.." Don't say it, please don't say it. Don't make me hate it more then I already do. Let me learn to love that thing.

"You all exist for her, you wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her so the least you can do is that. For his sake we must stay cautious and prepared." He said it. Was I only a product of it? Was what he told me many times a lie? I thought I was the pretty one.

Guess not. Now I sit here, alone and cold. No one to make me feel something, just something. It didn't matter if it was painful feelings, feelings that stab me through my chest feelings that are screaming scratching.

"Ena..!! Just what are you doing sitting there looking stupid..! Help me at once..!" Mother yelled, looked back to see she wasn't even looking at me simply yelling. At least.. She isn't trying to kill me.

My world went blurry, my mothers screaming got louder and louder for me. The louder she got the more ringing to my ears it brought me. My body shook my hands clenched.

"Ena..!!!!" She pulled onto my hair.

"Silence you stupid wench..!!"

Our relationship was never the same.

𖧷ɤ———ɤ𖧷

Before mother, I met that.. Thing when it was 1, it was small and really pale. Like a ghost, welcome to that part of the family. Oroshi, Chousoka, and the twins gushed over it. It's now 2yrs old.

'oh she's such a angle sent from the very heavens above.' 'my whole life is right in front of me' 'My sworn duty is to protect this girl'. More and more, it disgusts me. Just the smell of it was fire to my nose.

"Ena.. Do you not desire to come see Sum--" The rest of it's name rang my ears. For some reason, I can't bring myself to look at it with happiness, or the feeling of safety from it. Although maybe that's a good thing. He seemed undyingly happy. Kyuufu that is.

"Hmph.. Just the sight of that thing is revolting.. My eyes feel like they are about to evaporate just from the mere sight it.. I'm leaving being in this house brings back unwanted memories." I turn back walking out of the door. He followed behind me reaching me like a wolf I didn't notice, and the circle was back in place.

A few months had passed, and mother I had seen was getting along a little too well with the thing. This monster this demon ruined her life no our lives yet she still.. It's weird. I walked passed her one day playing with it's hair, she was braiding it. My mother used to braid my hair, all the time. The more I saw her with it the more I get angry. Father called me into his office.

I feel sick. The mere sight and smell of him hurts me physically. I hate this stupid circle I've put myself in. He uses me over and over and over again, I've lost track of time. After everything was done I was all completely undone. I heard the sound of high heels walking near the room. There was a light from the side of my eye and two black figures, I didn't notice at all until a few seconds they had opened the door.

She looked.. Unimpressed with me. Disappointed, disgusted in me, I could only give her forgiving eyes and scrunched together eye brows. I thought she'd maybe just maybe cut the circle in half but she.. Just walked away with a huff.

I watched them walk away without knowing why.. Why..? Mother..

-

They got sent back to were they stayed, the rest of the boys left for bed and Ena was going to but before he could leave Xaing spoke.

"I know what you were doing you filthily animal." She said sternly.

"Wh-what..?" He stuttered on his words. He turned around and looked at his mother his eyes wide. "I.. Mother it is not what you think.. I don't.. I don't want to I just.."

"How long.. How long has this been going on.." She questioned, she clutched her fists not staring at him. Per usual. "How long.."

"Guh.. Uhm.. It's.. Ah..." He couldn't get the proper words out. Talking about it made his skin crawl and his organs do backflips. "A.. Few years, after.. Keiji and Shoji were born the same day.. While you were resting he.. He.. He hurt mother, you were right I was foolish, I feel for the monsters trap. I can't get out of it.. Please.. Mother.." He felt he was about to cry, cry tears of anger and relief finally someone wanted to help him. "It never stops.. I just want it to stop please forgive me mother.."

"You probably wanted it didn't you.." Ena paused for a moment, he looked up his shoulders fell "Always trying to copy me ever since you were a child. It was only obvious you would pull stunt like this. You truly are disgusting Ena. I can't even call you my child." Her words were harsh, brutal and a lie. Finally after many years of no eye contact. She looked at him with a look she had given everyone else but him and Chen, I horrifying glare. "You asked for it didn't you.. It is was you.. Showing yourself around like that, you have no shame.." She walked away. Disappearing in this very very.. Very dark house.

"..." He couldn't muster up words. I just stood there with his head low. That would be the last night Ena cried, but the first night he was began to be more aware of his anger.

One day he was going to kill these sons of a bitches.

𖧷ɤ———ɤ𖧷

-

It got older and older and I grew more hateful. It was more nicer looking then me, everyone liked it yet no one bated a eye to me. Did I waste my beauty? I think I did. On a waste of space a man I called father. However I think it's because it's younger and I got older. They don't like you when your old and gross. It came to me one day at the age of 6. It looked.. Happy to see me.

"..Ena-nii... You look.. So.. Pretty.." It's tiny voice rang my ears, I couldn't make out half of what it said.

"Get away from me you rat.." I told it, it was just like a rat.

"Uwahh... Ena-nii has graced me with a compliment... I feel so blessed to be given such names..."

"Your such an idiot.. Has that man taught you nothing..? Goodness I should teach you a thing or two, get it together you dumbass, your useless to this world, a complete waste of space." I insulted once more. This felt so good. I've never felt more empowered. This meant I could tear apart her petals and father could deem her as 'impure' and I can ruin his plan. It's nice knowing that.

"..Fufu... Oh Ena-nii... You are so amazing.. I am deserving of such an amazing big brother... Fufu.." Amazing?

"Your filthy.. God.. Stop being so damn weird...!! Someone get this rat out of my sight..!" It didn't leave, instead looked at me with admiring eyes. It only made me grow Angier.

I picked up a vase and I threw it at me, she fell backwards and I began to shout at her more. "Filthy useless thing..! Who do you think you are..?! Crawl to my feet and ask for forgiveness..!!" It held onto it's head. It began to crawl towards me clinging to my legs.

"Forgive me Ena-nii... I did not mean to.. Cause you any harm... Forgive me... Forgive me... Forgive me..." She did.. Exactly as I wanted her to do. Her voice became weak as was her head was bleeding, I kicked it off of me she made a yelping noise, she looked as though she was about to cry. That made me so unreasonably joyful. Here I was smaller then everyone else and now finally I can make someone smaller. THIS is what power feels like.

"I hate you.. Don't look at me with those cursed eyes you filthy animal..!!" I smashed a cup to the floor, it flinched. Screaming more 'forgive me's'.

This child was a useless waste of space.

𖧷ɤ———ɤ𖧷

The more time went on the more I got a hold of myself and the circle was more triangle shaped. On one or more occasions he'd call me into his office and the triangle would take it's proper shape again. I began making him upset on purpose, I avoid mother a lot.

I am now 18, meaning the ceremony must begin it's become my turn to be broken, to become a full fledged Kanashi. At least that's what he says. This wouldn't be my first time attending one as my siblings all have had one at 10 and then one at 18. Now it's my turn.

-

"My ceremony should be the very best looking, magnificent and all. No mistakes anywhere you understand..?! Someone as great as me deserves the most outstanding ceremony..!" Ena spoke proudly. His hand was on his fathers desk, Kyuufu's eyes closed in semi annoyance.

"Yes yes..." He sighed.

"It's the least you could do for me.."

"Ena.. You do know what this ceremony means right..? You know what will happen right..?" Kyuufu said "all of those clans including ours are there.. 'the moon ceremony', you understand don't you..? This isn't fun and games Ena.."

"I'm way more aware of that than any of you think I am. I'm ready for it, they can try all they want but I won't be tainted by the mouths of those creatures.” Ena told him, he had planned to not let himself become exactly what they wanted, he won’t cry, he look like he’s in pain. He won’t let them get what they want out of him.

“Remember something, we can not have any screw ups.. Don’t let your rebellious attitude get in the way of this.. If something goes wrong you’ll be the one making up for it understand..?”

"I get it.. Now leave me be, you smell like shit father." Ena looked his father, who was too close for comfort it would be a understatement to say Ena wasn't uncomfortable. Kyuufu leaned closer to him and.

"Guh.. You bit me.." Kyuufu's mouth began to bleed, Ena stepped back running out to find a bathroom.

-

"Cough.. Cough... Gaaahhh..." I found a bathroom, I fell to my knee's and gagged, coughed. I stuck my fingers into my mouth to puke I held onto my throat and squeezed, anything to get that toxic out of my mouth, off my lips. One single touch from that god awful man I despise with my being is enough to kill me. Like a world wide disease yet it only affects me. Wipes me out in seconds.

I felt this wet drips of something fall from my eyes, dripping into the toilet they fall from the upper part of my nose, my snake like green eyes had gotten blurry and suddenly my ears started to ring once more. I moved shakingly to put my hands onto my ears to silence the overbearing sounds. "A-.. Gnn..." My eyes shut tightly. These drips of water fell to me sounded like loud splashes. They were heavy and painful. During these bad times it was hard for him to realize he was being watched by a certain brother behind the door.

I have realized even more that I can't let myself be what they want me to be. I refuse to do what he wants me to. No matter what I won't.

𖧷ɤ———ɤ𖧷

-

"Ena.. Are you almost ready..?" Ena, a very beautiful boy, putting on the rest of his makeup, he'd scared off the people whom were supposed to help him by yelling at them. 'you did this wrong' 'that's the wrong colour' he'd just decided to do it on his own. Xaing was watching, she herself dressed in a red hanfu.

Xaing got closer to him, pulling his face towards her looking down at him. "You learned from me.. However this shade doesn't suit you well, go for a darker red. This one." A blood colour of lip gloss. Xaing painted his lips with it. "See, look.. How better is that..?" Ena looked at himself in the mirror, he was covered in the colour red. The red colour matching his pitch black hair and ghost skin.

However he looked just as lifeless as his mother did. This was not a happy day. Xaing began to braid his hair a red ribbon intertwining with the locks of it.

"Now.. Are you ready..?"

"..." He paused. "Yes.."

𖧷ɤ———ɤ𖧷

There should be no reason I should get dragged into this. The plan that we were all born into even if us boys were the failed parts of it, I don't understand why Chousoka is getting all worked up over nothing.

-

Chousoka, Oroshi, and Ena all sat in silence in the car driving to see Sumire.

"I can not believe father.. Sending her away to.. live with vampires.. Vampires..!? Is it not in our blood to hate them..?!" Chousoka exclaimed.

"Chousoka.. You knew this would happen one day.. This is fathers business now, we no longer have to be apart of the plan." Oroshi responded. He was the most calmer out of the rest of them.

"Not the point here, do you three not understand..? She's gone.. I can't.. I can't just let her go like that, In can't let her slip past through just like that.. it's too soon... I will save her."

"You truly are a piece of work.. It's so sad how you actually think your gonna get away with this.. You do know who's sons those boys are from right..?" Ena sounded annoyed. "Karl-Heinze is no joke.. You are being a idiot per usual. Just deal with the fact that we are no longer useful."

"Who on earth are you calling a idiot..?!" Chousoka shouted. "You be silent at once, if father heard how you were talking right now he'd--"

"We're here.."

There stood a massive dark mansion, they felt a shiver up their spins from the cold and bad aura they'd gotten from the place. When the car door opened the smell of vampires was strong. Too strong, however the smell of a women was just as strong. Reconizing it immediately, Sumire.

"She is here.." Oroshi said, walking out of the car the other two following behind. The car driving away, there they were standing alone in front of this house.

"Hmph.. Fairly small. I've seen bigger.. For vampires I'd expect more then this" Ena mumbled. "Ugh.. And this smell... The smell of vampires makes me dizzy." There were pros and cons to have the nose of a Kanashi.

"Lets go.." They'd began walking to the entrance, the door had opened before they could. A female maid had opened it, looking generally pleased to these good looking men but none the less she wasn't going to let these good looking shady men into the home.

"Eh.. Please leave..." She said nervously.

"Now there isn't such a need, please let us in. No need to be cautious" Chousoka flashed her a smile, she felt herself swept off her feet. She was about to decline once more before the sound of a man came.

"Excuse me.. But who might you three be..?" They'd recognized the smell after a few seconds, hearing the voice of the person was much more helpful, it was him. Reiji Sakamaki.

"Ahh.. I thought we'd never meet again.. Reiji." Chousoka and Reiji left on.. Rather better terms then the rest of his brothers did with the other ones. However it was only better terms, not saying it was good.

"You.. Not only one but three of the Kanashi's, oh how I feel so honoured to have the three eldest's of Kyuufu Kanashi in my presence.." Reiji said sarcastically, Reiji truly pissed Ena off, he got reminded of Chousoka from him too much.

"Hmm.. How I enjoy your sarcasm Reiji. Tell your maid to let us in, if you'd be so kind." He gave him a passive aggressive smile, the maid moved out of the way.

"Ah yes.. Come to my house uninvited and me not let you inside, just were are my manners..?" Sarcasm. Ena had to laugh, it was nice seeing Chousoka with someone who could give him a run for his money.

"Yes well you do no how I enjoy doing what I please without permission."

"Haah.." Reiji pushed up his glasses. "Just.. Tell me what you three are doing here, I doubt you'd come here without any business here"

"You know why I'm here, where is she..?" Chosuoka had gotten a serious face. Meeting Reiji's glare at the mention of 'she'.

"Hoh..? So that's why huh..? You've in search of Sumire I see..? Haha.. Hahaha... I have to laugh that truly is such a funny reason to come here.." He laughed, Ena couldn't help but glare at that. "You do know.. That my father would kill you if you tried to get in the way of our affairs. That women belongs to us now, we can take it from here. She's become our loyal servant. You might as well walk out the door."

"I'm not leaving until I get her out of this hell hole. Your father means nothing to me, I could kill him if I pleased." Chousoka responded. Sounding more irritated then before.

"Hm.. You are laughable Chousoka Kanashi."

"Ugh... The smell of you in disgusting... My nose stings..." Ena put a hand on his mouth.

"I could say the same to you, the over sweet smell is too much." Reiji spat back.

"Ufu..~ Is that who I think it..? Three as well..? My what a surprise..!"

"Laito.." Oroshi noticed, "it's not just you either is it..?"

"Nope~"

"Tch.. You three..? The hell ya doin' in our home...?!" Ayato Sakamaki.

"Ne.. Teddy.. This sweet smell is so strong... Yet what's displayed out in front of me isn't appetizing." Kanato Sakamki. The triplets gathered together, following each other like little ducks.

"Haah... My sleep ruined for these freaks..? Annoying.. Very very annoying." Shuu Sakamaki.

"..." Subaru Sakamaki, standing at the top of the stairs, saying nothing but scowling look at the three. Light shining from him. He seemed as though he'd been hiding something behind him.

"Oh my, if only the rest of my dear younger brothers were here to experience such a amazing moment." Chousoka smirked, he seemed to be getting off to the fact he was seeing all six of boys he'd been told so many stories about.

"I'm gonna puke... This.. This smell is unbearable..." Ena's grip onto his mouth tightened. However add onto the smell of six of these, a smell of another catch to his nostrils. Not only him but Oroshi and Chousoka as well. A far too familiar smell hiding behind Subaru.

"The fuck you looking at..?" Subaru said. His glare getting worse then before, sending menacing looks their way.

"We all know who's behind you... You aren't slick." Oroshi gave a side glare to Subaru. He could be scary when he wanted.

"Tut.. Why should I..? What do you get out of it..?"

"I don't get anything, however... It is best you move." Oroshi was more stern that time. His glare shooting into Subaru, however he stayed where he was. "Sumire is no fool.. She knows better, I personally don't plan to take her away.. However I'm not sure how I like you keeping my sister away from me when I came all this way just to see her... Now move, before I do something about it." Oroshi sounded threatening. Subaru stayed still, looking anxious and wary.

"I see... I didn't want to play this way.. But.. You have left me no choice." Ena knew what tactic he was talking about, Sumire would fall for that instantly. Anyone would. "Sumire, my dear come out from there, I missed you so dearly." His words enticing. Noticing a little twitch at Subaru's arm.

"Sumire. It's best for all of us if you come out.." Words slowly fading from sweet and tender. "Sumire.. I'm not asking you." The sound of her name began making Ena's ears ring once more.

"Sumire... Sumire... Sumire this is a order...!! Come out this instant..!!" And that was that. Sumire came from behind running towards him immediately. Hugging him almost fearfully yet excited.

Oroshi used to do that to me. When I didn't listen.

𖧷ɤ———ɤ𖧷

In the end, they managed to score a few nights here, by Sumire's request. Oroshi and Chousoka were over with Sumire. It'd been too long they felt they were about to rip their faces off. Ena stayed in his bedroom hiding. Brushing his hair in the mirror he caught onto a persons smell that entered the room as well as someone watching.

"Do you honestly think I'm a fool..? I know your there.. Laito." The calm face he had before became annoyed and irritated.

"That's my name don't wear it out." Laito spoke teasingly. "Thought I'd come chat, you know.. It's been so long.."

"Not long enough.. Get out. If it's nothing important then I don't care." Ena tried to get him out of the room. However this is LAITO sakamaki we are talking about. No means yes.

"Hooh.. How your words wound me.. You're telling me you didn't miss an old friend..? Oh how mean..~" Laito teased. Placing his hand on the chair leaning. "Drinking wine I see..? Are you doing that because of Sumi..--"

"Silence...!!" Ena shouted. "Don't you care say that things name.. Not in front of me.. She should be dead right.." Ena stood from his seat. Giving an angry look to Laito.

"Fufu.. Hit a nerve didn't I..? I knew you hated your sister but I didn't think this much. How sad.. I actually like her, maybe we aren't alike in that sense." He said. 'alike' who when where in what universe where they alike? Ena thought to himself, he stared at him confused. Before speaking once again.

"You think we're alike..? On what planet did you learn that on?" Ena chuckled. "I am not like some vile creature, don't put me to your level. Haha.. I'm not sure I enjoy your sense of humour." Ena stepped forward making eye to eye contact with him.

The air tense, bringing a weird aura that was tight around the air. "Do not assume I won't end you right here and now.. I would if I could." Ena deciding to play along with the little teasing tones. "Your a sad sad man Laito.. I wonder what poor miss Cordelia would have to say about how you've become.. She'd be pleased wouldn't she..? That her son became a year round whore just like herself. Laughable, like mother like son I suppose." Ena looked to his side keeping his pride.

Laito's smile dropped, while Ena's stayed. Ena's pushed onto the bed next to them, this position reminded him of someone. Who was it again? He wondered, the thought made his ears ring.

Laito squeezing his throat hard. Tightening the grip onto Ena's wrist with his other hand. "Your heart is racing.. Am I scaring you..?" Laito whispered in his ear. "You should know your place.. Ena."

"Look at your hands.. Pretty boy, what do they tell me hmm..? That you are a sad weak simple human." THIS was what Ena craved.

𖧷ɤ———ɤ𖧷

Ena went back after the few weeks of being there. He soon learned if he stayed there any longer he'd explode. He never had to have any business with his father again, Kyuufu was officially done using his little scraps. No longer would he have to worry about being useful for something. Yet.. He's still able to hear the faint whispers of him.

His cold hands still linger onto him and even though he hates that man with his whole soul. He still yearns for him, he yearned for some form of love no matter how horrible it was. No matter no how much he'll be damaged over and over again. He wanted some form of affection.

Would or could someone spare him a glance, maybe he'd wasted his beauty, his youth. He was used up, dry and old. I refuse to let go of myself.

“Why didn’t you ask for help?” Kai asked Ena. They sat near a waterfall cherry blossoms fell. April was a terrible year.

“Ena.. Why..? I could’ve helped you if you just.. Said something” Kai asked again, why? Why although Ena sat there his legs crossed arms in his lap watching the waterfall from on the cliff saying nothing. Eyes full of nothing so empty yet so full it was strange. “Ena.. Why..?” He spoke again.

The wind blew causing more and more cherry blossoms to fall and dance around them. It was golden hour meaning he wouldn’t be up yet. HE wouldn’t be awake. Ena still sat there thinking. The wind was so strong it blew his ribbon away making his hair fall out now embracing the wind. He turned to look at Kai, for what felt like years of keeping quiet.. No not quiet but finally addressing that big elephant in the room he smiled and said.

“What help was needed?.”

𖧷ɤ———ɤ𖧷

Ena Kanashi, the the third of the Kanashi family son. A gift from god as his name suggests standing in front of the red silky curtain. His smell of sweet sweet blood entering before he could. His beauty like no other. At least.. For the son of the family.

For he was a scrap project. A recyclable piece of crumpled paper, he was once 'clean', he was once a very happy child. But because of the hands of man he has become 'unclean'. So now he stands here, 18yrs old in a flowing gorgeous very clean and unwrinkled hanfu. In that night he was covered in red.

One tear fell from his face from him blinking, was he sad? He wasn't really sure. Scared maybe but that's not what he wanted to do. His face stayed emotionless while a few tears fell. Xaing wiped them with a wipe.

"Fix yourself" Fix yourself. As if he wasn't trying to. He looked right in front of him, his mother going on. It was hot, he felt himself burning. His mother went on. "Ena.. don't let those people ruin you.."

There it was. The curtains opened and the eyes of many would see Ena in all his glory. One step two step three step. Stop. Get another good look of him. There laid a table, a table.. One step three four seven. Click and clack in the full moon of night.

"Lay here." He did as he was told. Sitting there with all eyes on him. All eyes on him. "Ena Kanashi.. The third son. The gift sent from god. Allow us to have our feast."

Ena moved down the side of his hanfu, showing his skin. "Eat me" Just let him let go of himself, let the ringing stop as tonight it was uncontrolled.

As if in instance, they moved to him like dogs. Held downwards,

-

"Haha..!! Do what you came to do.. You filthy disgusting animals...!!!" Spare me some mercy, spare me some mercy.

Tears fell from my face, i laughed uncontrollably. “Eat me..!! You filthy creatures…!”

I can take a little bit more. Just a little more, I believe I can take it. For I can take just a little more, I promise.

“Haahhh…. Haha… Have I.. done enough..?” It’s hot, open a window for me so I can breath. The world is gone and it’s simply me.

A gift from god, what my name suggests.

𖧷ɤ———ɤ𖧷

Admin- if you read this far, Ena and you will burn a house down

#diabolik oc #sumire #sumire-bride #shuu #reiji #ayato #laito #kanato #subaru #ena kanashi #kanashi fics #((oh.my.god)) #((please forgive me if you guys don’t like I swear I tried so hard 😭)) #((writing for this man was an actual joy)) #((please enjoy cuz I died 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽)) #((if anyone reads this and makes it to the end I love u))

[vivit-s]

Justice Reversed; Seven of Swords | Written Piece

Inspired by this post by the blog UnhelpfulTarot

Content Warnings: Domestic violence, major character death, referenced suicide (canon-typical Samuel being a terrible person, like this takese place after he kills Rose, I don't know what else to say.)

Author's Note: This is a bit of an older piece, written around November of last year, so how much I would consider it consistent with Sam's current characterization is debatable. Still, although it's short, I thought it'd be worth sharing anyways.

---

His hands shook, the gun sliding out of them effortlessly.

He wanted to scream, cry; do anything except stare at his wife’s now lifeless body.

He did that, he shot her.

Of course he hadn’t meant to, nobody means to do a thing like that, certainly not him. His target was himself, his life a victim to the realization of his utter hopelessness of living without her in it, a notion that should be nothing but sympathetic in nature.

He secretly hoped she would stop him, talk him out of it, and promise to stay. He wasn’t counting on it, he wasn’t counting on anything that unfolded really, but he hoped.

He didn’t expect it to be a tussle that ends in him pulling the trigger while it faced her.

So now he stood there with a body and a choice.

He couldn’t possibly turn himself in. Even as accidental as it was, even as much as he could put into a good defense, it still ended in the loss of a life and he has a child to worry about. He couldn’t lose him too. Calling the police was out of the question.

Which then came to the natural second option: hiding the body. The thought was almost nauseating at first, like admitting to himself that what he did was murder. But then, even pushing down such an ethical quandary, came the more practical side of things: How? Sure, he could dispose of her remains somewhere, their property was far off enough that he wouldn’t be noticed, but eventually the question of her disappearance would arise.

He would be a suspect, naturally.

The primary suspect.

It would be a correct assertion, but not a favorable outcome in the slightest.

He focused back to the scene in front of him, gun laying at his feet.

A realization hit.

He found himself at the sink, washing blood off, only slightly. Just enough to make the phone call, not enough to arouse suspicion. He grabbed the phone, dialing the number, still shaking.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

“It’s my wife—” He didn’t try to hide the fear in his voice, it works better if he doesn’t, “—She just shot herself in front of me and I—” tears welled up, “She’s dead.”

To say he was a skilled actor would be overestimating his own skill. But he knew enough how to keep a lie realistic, how to spin a story from an ugly truth to keep himself safe. He knew how just to let his voice crack and tremble to make himself seem more earnest.

And he loved her, truly and completely. It was his one truth he could swear upon.

But he was not going to prison because of an accident she brought upon herself.

#vivit #writing #original writing #tw murder #tw suicide mention

[silent-confessor]

19 - 27

Trigger Warning: Abuse, Suicide, Torture, Domestic Violence, Domestic Abuse, Rape, Financial Abuse, Threat, Self Harm, Addiction When I was 19. I met my now ex husband. Mark the Violent Evans Mark the "Better Than You" Evans Mark the "No One Will Love You Like I Do" Evans Mark the "No One Will Believe You If You Grass To The Police" Evans Mark the "It Wasn't *Really* Rape If We're In A Relationship" Evans Mark the "You're My Wife, So You Should Be Willing" Evans Mark the "All Of Your Friends Are Idiots" Evans Mark the "Sorry, But You Made Me Mad" Evans Mark the Financial Abuser Evans Mark the *throws all of my belongings out the window* Evans Mark the *kicked me out of our house in only a towel* Evans Mark the *locked me in the garage to 'teach me a lesson'* Evans Mark the *dragged me down the stairs by my feet because he provoked me and then I retaliated* Evans Mark the Cheater Evans Mark Christopher Evans. or LittleEbo356 Nearly a decade of beatings, being raped, being told I was going mad, being told I am the problem, being told no one will believe me, being told I was cheating, being told that no one likes me, being told that I'm ugly, I'm fat, I'm worthless, I'm nothing but a fuck, I'm a waste of air. I'm a whore, I'm no better than a prostitute (whatever that even means?). Being told that all of my stuff would be in the garden if I didn't do X,Y and Z. Being told "if you don't come home now, you'll find your laptop screen smashed in" I was at work, he was accusing me of sleeping with my boss. Who is married and had recently had a child at the time of the accusation (he is still married to the same woman and has a second child with her...). Accused me of sleeping with my tattooist, my best friend, all of my male colleagues. He wished my mum would die of her addiction, because she didn't like him. (Looking back, she knew what he was all about and I, at the time, was too weak to say she was right. But before she passed away, she saw me leave him.) Mark Evans also told me he hoped he would find me "hanging" when he got home, after he watched me bleed, after he watched me crumble, cry, fit, bleed, beg for death, rock back and forth, self harm, starve, over eat and try to cut my own face off on Anti-Depressants Citalopram, Sertraline, Sertraline, Peroxatine, Sertraline in that order. Everything I liked was rubbish. Music? It's all crap and they're all pedophiles. Movies? I only want to watch them because I fancied the actor. Food: disgusting (I was transitioning to becoming vegetarian which I'd wanted to become since I was SIXTEEN and during this time i was forced to eat meat, game, fish, molluscs, brains, hearts, kidneys... everything, he forced me to put my hand under raw chicken skin to put butter inside and I cried as I did it, to which he laughed at.) I lost my entire sense of self because of Mark Evans and it has taken me EIGHT YEARS to be able to write your name online. But I will say it. Loudly. Mark Christopher Evans, YOU are an abuser.

#personal #Abuse survivor #abuse victim #emotional abuse #rapesurvivor #rapeawareness #rapevictim #torture #trauma survivor #survivor

[navree]

i don’t know if anyone on here actually listens to my book recs but if you do end up reading vincent bugliosi’s entire bibliography like i’m doing, please bear in mind that until death us do part has some seriously disturbing and highly detailed descriptions of domestic abuse situations that, while entirely factual and accurate and told rather clinically, can be triggering to a lot of people

#personal #I almost threw up during this one part honestly #and then the wife dropped the charges and I wanted to cry #this guy is SUCH an abusive asshole I'm just grateful for my certainty in knowing that vincent put him behind bars #that's like my only solace when these books get ugly #knowing that my guy wins #but yeah seriously this book should probably come with a trigger warning

[sstan-hoe]

𝙈𝙮 𝘿𝙚𝙖𝙧, 𝘽𝙚𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙍𝙖𝙣𝙨𝙤𝙢

𝙋𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 — ransom drysdale x fem!dark!reader

𝙎𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 — You loved Ransom and would do anything to keep him, but he didn’t love you as much however sooner or later he will find his way back...

𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 — blood, death, murder, drug use mentioned, psychotic behaviour, 18+ only, ⚠️trigger warning ⚠️

𝙇𝙞𝙣𝙠𝙨 — Masterlist / I ain't doing taglists anymore this will be the last one so please follow @goldenthena-sstanhoe-updates

𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 — Hello! yes I'm back again, this is my entry for @plaid-shirtsandvibranium-arms writing challenge and I hope I'm not to late, this has potential for a part ii because I was had no idea how I should continue really maybe something will find me and I didn't want to keep it from you guys, *not my gif, reblogs and comments are appreciated!!! <33

Ransom was a piece of shit. Yeah, everybody may have already known that, and you did too but you couldn’t get over him.

The two of you dated for a bit over two years and it was relationship of love and lust, but what ended it was apparently you. Ransom said you were to obsessed with him and too possesive, jealous…. And that was why he ended things with you.

Short and painless as he said. Bullshit, a relationship over two years could not end ‘short and painless’ you told him that however he wouldn’t listen.

To say you were mad was an understatement, you were absolutly furious.

Ransom had thrown you out and now you were all on your own, luckily a friend of yours – Wanda – who took you in helped you back on your feet.

But still you wouldn’t let Ransom go, you couldn’t.

In your time were you lived with Ransom you obviously got a key and you still had it. The Drysdale boy had every Sunday a family dinner and if he wanted or not, he had to go so the house was empty.

In conclusion you bugged his house and put-up cameras so you could always keep an eye on him. You connected the cameras and bugs with your computers and could hear, see every little corner of his house.

After all the IT-courses you did pay off.

Now your weekly evenings looked like this: Coming home from work, making food and sitting down on the couch, opening your computer watching what Ransom did.

You wished that Ransom was as miserable as you were, but he looked fine, awesome, happy even.

Suddenly you saw how someone – who was not Ransom nor male – walking through Ransom front door, a woman with blonde curly hair and she barley had anything on.

Your jaw dropped, quickly putting on the screen recording. The two started kissing and shredding of their clothes. A disgusted expression painted your face when you saw their actions.

“Fucking asshole!” You shouted causing Wanda to run into the room, she feared you would have another break down however she didn’t know which kind.

You had to sides, the sad one where you would cry for hours and the one where you crashed the whole room in anger.

Wanda had her own experience with those feelings, like you she had those psychic traits maybe that’s why you two were such good friends.

“What did he-“ She was about to ask when her eyes gazed over your screen, where Ransom fucked the girl on the kitchen counter – exactly where he fucked you oh, so many times.

“Y/n…” “No, no he’s gonna regret what he did- nah wait better…she, that gal gonna regret what she did, Ran he is just grieving, and that ugly old hack is shamelessly using him!” You knew that Ransom would never do anything like that to you and the woman lurking in his house is a supposed help for him because he still wasn’t over you and instead of saying no that woman used it in her own favour.

“That hack is gonna pay for that, using a grieving man like that.” Standing up your feet dragged you to the kitchen. Opening the first drawer next to the door you pulled out a nine inch/22cm blade knife along with a razor sharpener.

Wanda who followed watched how you sharpened the knife with a sinister smile on your lips. “You know who that girl is?” She asked with a raised brow.

“Nope, not yet but ‘m sure Vis is goin’ to be a great help dont’cha think?” You asked popping the ‘p’ before giving her a cheeky smile. Wanda sighed in amusement, her boyfriend would help the you two with no question asked.

“I’ll call him and then we’ve got a body to bury.” Wanda mumbled while searching in her phone for Vision’s contact.

“I will try to get into Ran’s phone to see where she lives, every Wednesday he goes to that bar meaning that I will give our lovely Sharon a call and she will snack his phone away…” You trailed of as you focused on sharpening the knife.

“You think she will do it?” Wanda questioned with raised eyebrows, a mischief smile painted your before you enlightened her. “She will if she doesn’t wanna lose a finger.”

Wanda looked up at you with slight shock in her eyes. “Again.” You clarified with a wave of your hand. “Yeah, thought she only had four on one hand.” Wanda nodded along.

---

A few hours later the girl was found, the slut really had the audacity to go to some bar and hook up with other man while she had just used a sad, broken one.

The plan to get her out was simple; act as if someone harassed you, get her to pity you and then punch her unconscious before throwing her in the back of Wandas trunk and drive to a forest to kill her.

And the plan worked perfectly.

In the middle of the drive the girl stirred awake and hit the walls of the trunk while shouting. “Ugh, I hate it when they’re being so loud.” You complained. Wanda agreed having the same thoughts.

When you came to a stop, you got out of the car and walked around to the trunk. Opening the doors, the girl looked at you frightened. “Aww, don’t look at me like that, this” You motioned at the situation she was in, “happens when you use a heart, emotinal broken man.”

The girl seemed to remember what she had done a few nights ago. “I didn’t use Ransom, he wanted me, wanted to fuck me!” A sinister smile creeped on your lips as you gripped her throat.

“My man would never do such thing, but a whore like you would use any man to get sex.” Yanking her out of the trunk, she fall on the ground with her face first.

The girl whimpered in pain causing you to chuckle. “Whiny little bitch.”

Wanda followed you and took the knifes with her, as he saw her round the car you noticed she didn’t have gloves on her hands. “God Wanda how stupid can one be? How could you not wear gloves? What if they find the knife huh? Exactly you will be in jail.” You shouted at her.

“Give me the knife and go back in the car or you will know how Sharon lives with only four fingers.” Wanda didn’t hesitate to walk back to the driver’s side of the car, sometimes even she feared you.

“So now to you my dear…” You trailed of as you stepped closer. The girl who lost her voice again began shedding tears. “Oh, now don’t cry. I just want to punish you for your actions.”

That was parents did to their children, right? If they did something forbidden, they had to be punished, a day no tv or maybe no goodnight story…maybe even abuse them.

A smile on your lips made the girl try to crouch back, your hand reached out slowly giving her the impression you would caress her cheek when instead you punched her in the nose. The satisfying sound of a bone cracking filled your ears, letting you know her nose was broken.

A few drops of blood glittered on your knuckles, holding up the hand you licked the blood. Making a sound as if it was the most the delicious thing you ever had, “A positive…the best kind…” The girl watched you with shock.

“Nah I’m just kiddin’ I don’t know your blood type, I just wanted to freak you out.” You said chuckling at her reaction.

Noticing how her expression which didn’t change, you could also muster a knowing fear in her eyes. “No way! I was right!” A laugh left your mouth at the realisation.

“Hey!” Wanda called out from the driver’s side catching your attention, groaning in annoyence you turned around to see her holding your phone. “For you, your boo is in trouble.”

Instantly catching on what she meant you looked back at you victim, “be right back! Don’t move or you won’t have a tounge anymore…which would actually be a blessing given how loud you are.”

You walked over to Wanda who had the phone ready for you. “Y/n Y/l/n speaking, what can I do to help?” “Hello, I’m Officer Cooper. Your client, Ransom Drysdale murderd his grandfather and in his file is written you are his lawyer, is that correct?”

Ransom murdering his grandfather, sounded off but then again, he was in a relationship with you.

“Yes, that would be correct, has my client said anything?” You knew Ransom wasn’t stupid but therefor impulsive. “Yes, he admitted what he had done and is being questioned at the moment.” That stupid asshole.

“I want to speak to him right now.” You voice held a demanding powerful tone. “Yes ma’am.” The Officer muttered.

The moment Ransom got the phone in his hand and mumbled a hello, you started to shout at him. “You stupid piece of shit! How can you be such a fucking idiot? Do you know the phrase ‘You have the right to remain silent’?”

Ransom on the other line looked dumbfounded but quickly recovered. “My fault? That ain’t my fault! That st-,“ “no don’t you dare to curse or insult anyone that is either an officer or detective that is official insult!”

“That detective made me say it! He manipulated me into saying it and Martha that vicious-,“

“Ransom! Do not, I repeat; Do not say another insult or curse word you fucking idiot. I’m coming in thirty minuts and you better keep your mouth shut until I get there!”

You ended the call and Wanda could swear she saw smoke coming from you head. “What...?” She slowly asked. “Ransom murdered Harlan and admitted it, so now I gotta find something that proves he lied or wasn’t in his full mind when he murdered him, confessed.”

Being a lawyer helped you hide everything you had done – and your skills – because you knew the law by hand.

“Now imma kill blondie before I head to the police station and save my man’s ass.” Turning around you went back to the girl to kill her.

Pulling the knife out you kicked her in the abdomen causing her to fall back and in the next moment she had the knife plunged into her chest. As you pulled the blade back out it was covered blood, a few drops feel onto her white shirt before you stabbed her again.

“I actually wanted to do this long and painful so you would learn your lesson but Ran got himself in trouble. Shame I really wanted to make this last.” You confessed to her with a sigh. “Still that doesn’t mean I will end it quick…”

“…now I will tell you what is going to happen. I will stab you two more times, missing the heart and any important organs…okay that was a lie; none that will end your life in an instant meaning you will bleed to death, or I stab you in the heart? Nah too boring.”

Doing as you said, you stabbed her again. Lifting her up you put her into the trunk that had a trash can inside that was big enough for her to fit in.

“Hey Wan could you drive me to the apartment? Oh, and get the car after to Yelena she will do the rest.”

“Should I wash the suit?” Wanda asked while driving she motioned to the clothes you wore while killing the blonde. “Oh, actually yeah that wouldn’t be a bad idea.” You nodded. “By the way do have my blue work suit ready?”

“Of course! Since last week already, but you wore the red one with the black corset and well for court you always wear black anyway.” She had a point, you had probably around five black suits in your closet.

“Yeah, do you know what I could wear with the light blue one? That white turtleneck, do you think that would look good?”

“Absolutely girl, with the silver necklace and earrings that this one client bought you!” A giggle left your lips.

“That guy had the biggest crush on me bet!”

Wanda gave a laugh before shook flooded her face. “Wait! We forgot shoes!”

“Yes! How about the white stilettos?” “Yeah, they will be perfect.”

---

Walking into the police station the clicking sound of the heels could be heard from everyone down the hall including Ransom who looked up from the table he was cuffed on as you entered the room.

“I want to talk alone with my client.” You stated to the officer who immediately left.

You set down in front of Ransom with a glare. “So, what are we gonna do?” Ransom asked, did he really believe it was that easy?

You gave him a smack against his forhead in response at his question. “You admitted murder. Sweetheart you could get life sentence or even the death penalty for such an act. And the only way out? Either we have evidence someone threatened you to say it, or you prove you were under drugs and not in your right mind.”

Moving your body forward you looked him deep in the eyes, “killing Harlan…did I rub off on you?” You asked with a smirk causing Ransom to roll his eyes.

“Do you know how happy I was without you crazy pants?” He asked, shrugging in response you let out a giggle. “Yeah, blondie told me…but I know you are lying.”

“Blondie? What did you do!” Being taken back by Ransom outburst you began to pout.

“She used you! She had to pay for that.” “Oh god…baby you can’t do that.” He took your hands in his trying to convince you that what you did was bad. A second time you wouldn’t fall for that.

“I love you Ransom so I had to do it.” You disagreed with him.

“Now the camera will go out within the next moment, that thing has no tone and while it’s off you will take that pill the rest is on me.” The camera stopped blinking red and, in that moment, you gave him a white pill. It wasn’t dangerous it would just look like it.

Just as Ransom swallowed the pill the camera was on again and his pupils looked blown.

You smiled before taking his arm and dragging him out if the room.

“How incompetent can a police officer be?! My client pupils are as big as Kim Kardashians ass and none of you thought about taking a drug test? He obviously took something! What if he had it inside while admitting his ‘crime’? He is of unsound mind.”

You shouted when you stepped out with Ransom. An officer who apparently was on the case came torwards you. “Ma’am could you please-“ “No, you are accusing my client and given the evidence he is clearly free to go until a drug test proves he was in his right mind while confessing.”

The officer rolled his eyes, he hated lawyers. “Fine, but he has-“ “I know the law.”

“Get in the car.” You told Ransom once you two made it outside, the Beemer was probably at the Thrombey estate.

“What about my car?” Ran read your mind making your eyes roll and not answer him.

You drove Ransom back to his house, still not answering the question of his Beemer that he constantly asked. “Shut it! The Beemer is the least of your problems, you have a trial coming up whether you murderd Harlan or not.”

“And I want you tell me everything, everything.” You demanded as you sat down in the leather armchair.

Ransoms eyes scanned you up and down, even after everything he was still attracted to you and sitting there you looked like a goddess.

He sat down on the couch next to you as he began explaining.

Hearing his whole story, you had to admit his plan wasn’t too bad it just need a little bit of shaping, like how to change medicans the right way.

“Okay…lets recap. Harlan wouldn’t inherit you, his money and would give it all to Martha. What exactly was your plan if she was in jail?” You weren’t stupid, you knew what would happen if Martha was in jail.

“The money will be going to the rightful owners, his blood because Martha killed him.” So, he did listen to what you said all the time…

“And that detective, you hired him? That was really stupid however smart on the other side…still your plan wasn’t the best.”

Ransom stood up with a raging glare. “Oh, really? What would you have done huh?”

“Well first I would have left no evidence and then I wouldn’t be stupid enough to tell them what I did. To the plan, when you decide who is going to be framed for the murder you need a second in hand like Walt, he would be perfect.”

Ransom looked confused. “You see unlike Linda he didn’t build an entire business on his own and needs the money. He could have just lied to Martha and told her he’d give her some of the money when in reality he gave her nothing because she is in jail.”

“Why Walt? What’s with Joni?” A laugh left your mouth at his question. “She wouldn’t see a cent, Harlan would give it to Meg who can only access at eighteen. Yes, Joni could use that but that could cost her, and she doesn’t have the money.”

Ransom looked at you with unsure eyes as if testing your words if they were right. “What? Did you study law or did I?” You snapped at him eyes rolling.

He gave a muffled agreeing sound, but his eyes showed how pissed off he was.

“Question what happened to you being obsessed with me?” A scoff fell from your lips as you tried not to laugh. “I was never obsessed with you, I just wouldn’t let you talk to other girls who wanted to fuck you or let you go out alone because you know what Ransom Drysdale? I know you better than you know yourself and if I wouldn’t have put a leash on you, you would have run away.” You shrugged in response.

Ransom gave you a dry laugh. “You are a freak, you wouldn’t let me go out with my guy friends or even girls that were lesbians! You didn’t let me do anything at all, you became jealous whenever I talked to a woman including Martha or would always want to touch me, kiss me, just to mark your territory. You are a crazy bitch!” He was shouting by now and your patience was on loose with every second passing.

Standing up you walked over to him and grabbing him by the collar of his sweater. “If you ever dare to talk to me like that again you will have prison walls around you, and I will have to visit you for prison sex.”

You looked deep into his eyes before giving him a loving smile. “I’m in control now, I always was and don’t think that just because you could fuck like a bitch that I’m going to let you treat me like one.”

Leaning down to his ear you whispered. “You are at my mercy now, I decide what’s gonna happen next my dear, beautiful Ransom…” your tounge slide down the calve of his neck making him shudder.

@slut-for-bucky-barnes @thehuntresswolf @til-my-feet-are-wet @tomhoelland01 @kaiparker-avengerssmut @evans-cavill @emmygrey21 @originalpeacetriumph @disappointmentofthefam @excellentbecca @buckyxxrogers @anythingandeverything97 @buckysbabydolldude @poetic-heart @iambeeee @browneyedgirl365 @satzukim @xealia @patzammit @jeeperky @everything-burns-down @liz-owl @honeyyxashes @maybe-a-bi-witch @bluemoonyumi @slutforchrisjamalevans @buckysbae @sunflowerfive @lewisjada03 @queenofthepouges @harrysthiccthighss @znylxcevans @iwannabekilledtwice @hallecarey1 @nostxlgia18 @multixfandomwriter @bunnyrecs @wednesdayaddamsmood @idfkgabby @miniaturesuitcasevoidstudent @yourssincerelytae @ambrosia-bloom @oliviabelova @fantasymindz @divinelycevans @moony-is-bae @mrs-brekker15 @motherbarnes @lxdyred @justreadingficsdontmindme

#MakeItBadassChallenge #chris evans x reader #ransom drysdale x reader #chris evans imagine #ransom thrombey x reader #ransom drysdale #ransom smut #ransom for a dead man #ransom x reader #ransom drysdale smut #ransom drysdale imagine #ransom drysdale angst #ransom drysdale x y/n #ransom drysdale x black!reader #ransom drysdale x you #ransom drysdale x female reader #ransom drysdale x ofc #ransom drysdale fanfiction #ransom drysdale fluff

[asexual-abomination]

Oh wow.

I wrote this in like two days for no reason, I guess I needed this off my chest? Idk, definitely my most action-packed work so far.

Trigger/Content warnings: Violence, Reader committing that violence, use of a gun and knife as basically torture, by Reader, use of the r-slur, if there any I’m missing please let me know immediately.

Yandere Phantom Troupe with an Autistic Reader who saves them from a Nen user

—//—

“How fitting!” The man cackled, “The Spider taken out by some webbing!”

Everything happened so fast.

One minute an intruder was discovered, and the next everyone was trapped.

His ability was some kind of manipulator or specialist, using his opponents Nen against them, the minute they tried to use it to attack him it came out in strands of light that wrapped around their bodies and held them tight like a cocoon. The more they struggled, the thicker and stronger the silk seemed to become.

Most of the Troupe could still see, but they had been gagged and completely restrained, which infuriated them to no end. They were completely powerless, especially as pure physical strength could not break their bonds.

When the man was first discovered in the hideout, you were ushered away to hide so you wouldn’t be caught in the crossfire as they dealt with him. You were the only spider not caught in his web.

The bastard continued laughing to himself, revelling in his complete power and victory, taking joy in the looks of absolute fury in the eyes of your only family. You had to do something.

A few months ago, you would have been ecstatic at this moment. You would have rushed out to greet the man and proclaimed him your saviour, doing whatever you could to help him destroy the Troupe once and for all. But things were different now.

When the gunshot rang out, your reaction would have anyone thinking it was fired at you, a short shriek cut off by a gasp at the recoil you hadn’t prepared for. However, you were drowned out by the man’s scream as he collapsed to clutch at his wounded knee.

“The fuck!? Who are you? Crazy bitch!” He screamed as he sat up, moving to aim his ability at you and confine you. “Not... not a Nen user? What? You just keep some useless bitch around without power? Should have expected that from the Troupe, probably your weird human-pet-thing!”

He seemed to like the sound of his own voice.

“Shut the fuck up and let them go!” Your voice was hoarse from crying and you could bet that your stance and figure weren’t the epitome of intimidation, but you hoped the pistol you were still holding held enough threat for the both of you.

“Hah, as if! Some freak retard like you can’t make me do shit! The fact that you even hit me once was probably a lucky one-off!”

An ugly sneer came over your face his horrible words, and you got so caught up in your head, so you decided to prove him wrong with actions instead of words

His second scream was closer to an anguished wail, most likely because you just shot him in the dick.

He screamed out incoherently for several moments as you tried to walk closer. When you stood near his side, gun shakily aiming at his uninjured leg, he suddenly pulled out a knife and slashed at you.

His attack made a deep gash in your leg, causing you to fall, but in your surprise you shot again, meaning you both screamed out in pain. As you were both stuck on the floor, things quickly became a physical struggle for control of the knife and gun.

Thankfully, things finally seemed to be going your way. While you probably weren’t strong enough to put a scratch on the weakest hunter, it was clear that to get this powerful, he had likely spent months, maybe even years, focusing on nothing but perfecting his ability, to point of neglecting physical training.

You tossed the gun away, not wanting to kill the man. Chrollo had told you once that people’s Nen remained and stayed stronger after their death, and you didn’t know what you’d do if you permanently harmed the Troupe. The knife was caught in both of your grips, pushing against each other with all the force you could muster.

In a split-second decision, you punched the man in his side, which made him slip for just a moment. The second you had control of the blade, you plunged it into his side, just below his ribs.

“Let Chrollo go! Let him go now!” You yelled, voice cracking and wavering but loud and hateful nonetheless.

The man’s face went through a myriad of emotions, all of them pained and scared. In your frustration at his lack of an answer, you pulled out the knife and stabbed him again, this time between the lowest two ribs.

After he finished gasping and wailing at his injury, tears filled his eyes as he moved one arm slightly towards the Boss. You kept the knife firmly lodged, fearing the worst, that he was tricking you, he was going to kill your family, he was going to take back control of the fight and hurt you.

But a moment later, Chrollo was released. He tested out the truth of his freedom, summoning Bandit’s Secret easily, as you gazed up at him with eyes full of joy.

“Chrollo... Chrollo can you... can you do that thing where you take other people’s abilities?” You said between gasps and whimpers, as the exertion of the fight finally started to hit you.

“Of course, dear.” He spoke with the same calm smile as always, seemingly unfazed that he had nearly just lost.

As he walked over, steps sure and strong, you took the chance to roll off of the man, leaving the knife for Chrollo to use how he pleased. As you lay there on the floor, everything began to sink in. The pain of the wound on your leg, the coldness quickly spreading around it, the sounds of the man right next to you being tortured and destroyed.

You covered your ears and turned on your side to face away from it all. This was too much. All you wanted now was to fall asleep and wake up at home.

Home?

But this was your home, with the Troupe. Ever since they burned down everything else you could ever love, there was no other home for you to go to.

Maybe you just wanted to wake up surrounded by them not bound and in pain? Yeah, that was probably what your brain had meant.

You must have zoned out at some point, because before you knew it, Machi was kneeled next to you, looking panicked as she took in the state of your injury.

“It’s okay, I got this.” She looked over to your face, seeing that you were fading in and out of sleep. “Hey, hey! Stay with us now! Chrollo, can you keep them entertained while I stitch this up?”

Chrollo sat next to you, pulling your head into his lap as he whispered praise whenever you whimpered at the strange, prickly sensation that began as Machi mended your wounds.

“You were incredible just then.”

“My perfect (Y/N).”

“You’ll always be ours, I’m so sorry I ever let that bastard breath the same air as you.”

“I’ll get you anything you want, anything, you’re so perfect.”

He muttered over and over, gently rocking back and forth, brushing his fingertips over the side of your face. You’re not sure when you started crying, but before you knew it you were sobbing into his arms as everything finally caught up.

You nearly lost everything you had left. The only people in the world who could love you. Here Chrollo was, praising and sheltering you, despite the absolute mess that you were.

“Crazy!”

“Useless bitch!”

“Human-pet-thing!”

“Freak retard!”

The man’s insults ask came rushing back in, crushing what little was left of the floodgates holding back your tears. The last one easily hurt the most, it reminded you of all the shortcomings that had haunted you from the day you met the Troupe.

Too slow to truly fight back.

Too slow to run away.

Too slow even really be useful to them, most of the time.

“(Y/N)? (Y/N), look at me!” Chrollo called out as he saw you slipping into unconsciousness again.

You groaned as you turned your head to look at him, avoiding eye contact as much as you could. He looked down with concern at your face that was no doubt twisted with all the emotions that you never bothered hiding from him anymore.

“You need to stay awake now, alright, little spider?”

Little spider. What a strange nickname. Yet, it was so fitting. You... didn’t dislike it.

“Alright, the wound itself is patched up, but they lost a lot of blood, they’ll need food, water, and rest to help replenish it.” Machi spoke as she stood, looking to Chrollo for his reaction.

The boss nodded, not moving your head from its position in his lap as he called over Phinks and Franklin, ordering them to go and get what you needed. After that, he finally lifted you up, not giving you a chance to walk on your own feet, instead settling you almost softly into his arms.

When you looked up, face messy with tears and dirt from the ground, you expected a look of exasperation, disgust at your weak state, but you were shocked by the smile, full of mirth that he sent your way when he noticed you looking.

Despite everything, it was the most comfortable you had been in years.

#hxh x reader #yandere hunter x hunter #hxh chrollo #yandere hxh #hxh #yandere phantom troupe #yandere chrollo #autistic reader #tw: violence #tw: r-slur #gender neutral y/n #gender neutral reader

[braindeadbaddie]

Tired: The Words We Couldn’t Say

Cred to @takefuyus on Twitter for the inspiration

Trigger warning: s*icidal ideation, s*icide, toxic behavior, s*icide baiting, grief

Inui is tired.

He is so tired.

“What’re you doing out here?”

And here is the source of his exhaustion.

He turns around to find Koko, basked in the lights of the city around them at top of the high rise building. He looks beautiful, standing against the wall in a long trench coat, his hair being tossed in the gentle night wind.

“If you’re gonna jump just do it,” he says with a smirk.

Ah. Yes.

He always shows his ugliness to Inui.

It’s why he is so tired.

And he’s had enough.

He stalks towards him, watching the smirk slowly melt off of his face.

He slams his palm flat right next to the wall behind Koko’s head and pins him with his stare.

“Tell me you want me dead.”

Koko stares at him with wide eyes. “Wha—“

“Tell me you want me dead,” he says slower, dragging out every word.

“Tell me you hate me. Tell me you regret pulling me out of the fire.”

He can’t stop.

“Tell me you can’t stand to look at my face because it looks like Akane. Tell me you think I’m wasting oxygen because the air I breathe should be Akane’s.

Tell me I’m the one you wish died in the fire.

Tell me you hate me. Tell me you wish I was dead.”

Koko’s face morphs from shock to horror.

Inui takes a shuddering breath.

“Because I am so tired of all your little jabs. Just drive the fucking knife in, Koko.

Just tell me you wish I was dead.”

He allows himself one tear.

“And your wish is my command.”

The raven haired boy only stands speechless. He’s barely breathing. He’s crying.

Inui is not a selfless person. He knows this is cruel.

But he is so tired.

And hasn’t Koko been so cruel?

He peels his hand off of the wall and slowly turns around, back to the edge of the building and graciously steps onto the small wall that serves as a barrier.

He takes a look around him. The city is bright. The people below are enjoying their night.

He’s going to ruin it, isn’t he?

To put the burden of witnessing his death on this poor innocent people.

He is so cruel.

But he is so tired.

He turns to take a final look at Koko.

He’s going to ruin him, isn’t he?

To put the burden of both his sister’s and his own death on this poor innocent boy.

He’s so cruel.

But he is so tired.

“I love you,” he whispers.

And then he jumps.

All he hears is Koko’s scream.

And then it is quiet.

~~~

He couldn’t say “No.”

He couldn’t say, “Don’t.”

Nor could he say, “I have never regretted pulling you out.

I have never regretted you being here with me.

Fate guided me to you. Fate made me save you. Because you are my only love, Seishu.

You are my soulmate.”

He couldn’t bring himself to say, “I could never hate you.

I can only hate myself.

Because Akane haunts me.

And her ghost stops me from loving you fully.

And if I can’t love you properly then I don’t deserve you at all.

I refuse to put you through that hell.”

He couldn’t bring himself to say, “Stop.”

Or “Please.”

Or “Don’t leave me.”

He couldn’t bring himself to say, “I love you too.”

All he could do was scream.

And he was too late.

And now instead of one ghost, he has two.

#tokyo revengers angst #kokonui #koko tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers inui #inui seishu #hajime kokonoi #they break my heart