#shut up Blapis

[blapis-blazuli]

Thought it was way past time to make a somewhat-updated version of this other post I made. Can you tell I'm desperate for more bi polyamorous Otto content?

#screaming and crying and begging for the fandom to be nice to her for a change PLEASE #in this house we love and respect Rosie Octavius #shut up Blapis #Rosalie Octavius #Rosie Octavius #Doctor Otto Octavius #Doctor Octopus #Doc Ock #Norman Osborn #Green Goblin #Octorosie #Octogoblin #Rosie/Otto/Norman #Norman/Otto/Rosie #there isn't a ship name for these three help #This Post Gots Notes? (The Accidental Hall of Fame)

[blapisblogs]

So after figuring out that Octavius can’t control the arms for his harness too well if someone, say, punches him, Spider-Man gives himself enough time to get away, but then falls into a trap and... and, uh... uh...

Who- Who was gonna tell me that early years Octavius’ actual arms were on the more muscular side? What the hell am I supposed to do about this?!

#Blapis is reading comics now because fictional crushes are a funny thing #yeah I might have a thing for Otto Octavius; what about it? #SU Lapis Lazuli #yeah I know my taste in fictional men is mostly garbage; we've been through this already shut up #ASM V1 A1 #personal faves

[angxlic-doppxlgangxr]

Fine 😔,,, Blapi 👀👀👀

"Shut up."

#the flawed clone: dark pit 🏹 #📨 hmph... an ask? 📨

[blapis-blazuli]

Disney Twitter account: Here are two paragraphs worth of details about the recently revealed trailer for Moana 2! :) Aren't you excited? Most of the top comments: where the FUCK is the crab

#Moana 2 #Tamatoa #I'm not mad I just think it's really funny #unpopular take but I kinda hope he's NOT in it only because I'm afraid of what they'd do with him #I'm already nervous enough about the rest of it I don't need to worry about how they'd handle him too #shut up Blapis

[blapis-blazuli]

They got into my chocolates

#Norman Osborn #Green Goblin #Doctor Otto Octavius #Doctor Octopus #Doc Ock #chocolate #Octogoblin #happy Valentines day have something goofy I guess #(I don't have many flat open areas to work with that aren't the floor forgive me) #shut up Blapis

[blapis-blazuli]

Happy Pride month to these two

#Norman Osborn #Green Goblin #Doctor Otto Octavius #Doctor Octopus #Doc Ock #Octogoblin #I finally got NWH Otto! #found him at a booth at the strawberry festival of all places #I'm even happier that I got to go there now #I wish they'd make a Rosie one so Otto can have his wife too but I don't think that's ever gonna happen :( #maybe I'll acquire the materials and skills to make one of her some day #shut up Blapis #This Post Gots Notes? (The Accidental Hall of Fame)

[blapis-blazuli]

I can't help but wonder if the recent lack of Disney villain songs has played a part in people looking back at Slim's villain song and going "Hey, you know what, this kinda rules, actually"

#Alameda Slim #took nearly twenty years for it to get that praise but it's welcome #shame that it hasn't bled over into the character himself getting more recognition but oh well whatever #shut up Blapis

[blapis-blazuli]

Peter: How did Doctor Osborn end up with your goggles, Doctor Octavius? Otto: ...That's none of your concern, Parker. (Later) Peter: Doctor Osborn, how did you end up with Doctor Octavius' goggles? Norman: We fucked, next question.

#Spiderman #Peter Parker #Doctor Otto Octavius #Doctor Octopus #Doc Ock #Norman Osborn #Green Goblin #Octogoblin #NSFT kinda #if the MCU won't give us the answer then everyone has every right to make one up #I don't actually think they fucked (at least not during the movie) but it's as good an answer as any #also it's funny #I just think the sentence ''(x) fucked next question'' is funny because really what more do you need to know? They fucked. 'Nuff said. #shut up Blapis #This Post Gots Notes? (The Accidental Hall of Fame)

[blapis-blazuli]

If Bowser wasn't a Tumblr Sexyman before, he's sure gonna be one now

#Mario #Mario movie #Bowser #Jack Black #congratulations on your new king monsterfuckers #shut up Blapis #This Post Gots Notes? (The Accidental Hall of Fame)

[blapis-blazuli]

Just gonna say it: Slim should've kept that coat he had at the beginning of his villain song, he looked good in it

#Alameda Slim #shut up Blapis

[blapis-blazuli]

Now listen up

I am obsessed with this man. He's got so many weird details about him and I love (almost) all of them.

First, Slim's original concept fucks. Being an undead cattle rustler out for bull's blood due to being trampled to death is fascinating. I don't know how long it took before someone at Disney cried "too dark" at that backstory, but I'm surprised it was even in consideration given the mostly lighter tone of the final product. More than that, Disney could've had a literal ghost rider among their villains! Had that movie been any good, he might've joined Disney's popular villain lineup, or maybe we could've even gotten a boss battle with him in a Kingdom Hearts game. That's not what we ended up with due to Reasons, though, which is a bit disappointing, but not much you can do about that.

Anyway, onto what we did get.

Before Slim makes his formal appearance, he's only seen in silhouette, on a wanted poster, then in disguise, and is finally fully revealed when he rides in on a bison. He is huge, and I don't mean because he's fat, I mean he's a good deal taller than most of the other characters. He's set up to be someone threatening, to be taken seriously.

And then comes his yodeling villain song.

The moment it's revealed that Slim's yodeling can hypnotize cows, the music picks up and there's a literal rainbow of colors for the rest of his number. As I said, he's a big man, but he's also light enough on his feet to dance and jump on and off any of these cows while not missing a beat in his performance. When the men who got knocked out beforehand come running after him, he doesn't threaten them, he just throws his spurs at a precarious bit of rocky landscape with such force that it falls and blocks the pathway to him. That's more badass than if he did draw his gun on them.

Actually, I wanna talk about the music he performs. The movie's set in Wyoming during 1889, so obviously Slim's not gonna be yodeling A Cruel Angel's Thesis or whatever. They could’ve come up with something original for him to yodel to (which, I mean, they kinda do), but they chose music by composers such as Tchaikovsky and Beethoven, which aren't exactly things you'd associate with the wild west. The obvious out-of-universe answer for why those pieces were chosen is "they existed before the year this is set in, and they're recognized even today," but we've no in-universe answer for why he chose them or how he knows them. Regardless, it's kinda amazing that he knows them well enough to yodel them.

His lair in Echo Mine has an area with some nice furniture in it. How'd this shit get there? Who knows. Anyway, this is where he reveals that he disguises himself to buy up the properties owned by the people he's stolen cattle from, which includes his former employers. Why doesn't he work for any of them anymore? He never directly says. According to him, they didn't "appreciate [his] talents," which means they probably hated his yodeling. I don't blame him for being mad about that because why the hell would you tell someone that? If he's doing the job right and well without hurting anyone, then who cares? The idea that he's moved on to use a skill against the former bosses who didn't like it is kinda great though.

(Side note: a nice, small detail about this part of the lair is the faded branding on the map, which shows that Slim has been doing this for quite a while. Shame that it's not more consistent from shot to shot though. I can't take credit for noticing this myself: my partner pointed it out after I posted a screenshot as a joke on Discord. She's so cool.)

Slim doesn't like it when someone calls his yodeling "singing": he thinks singing is beneath him given the disdain in his voice when he says that's what birds, saloon gals, and children do. No, he considers what he does to be an art. He's not entirely wrong, though: it is an impressive skill, especially since he can yodel to certain classical pieces like The William Tell Overture, Ode to Joy, Ride of the Valkyries, and The 1812 Overture. (Also Yankee Doodle, because, well, American. Also maybe Largo al factotum from The Barber of Seville, but I'm unsure of that one: unlike Slim, I am no classical music expert.) There's no need for him to be quite as defensive about it as he is, but his nephews calling it "singing," saying that might be why his bosses didn't like him, and calling yodeling "silly" is enough to make him get violently angry at them. Man's got issues.

Oh yeah, Slim has nephews. They're triplets named Gil, Phil, and Bill, and they're collectively known as The Willies. Unlike their uncle, they're all blond and thin, so god knows what Slim's unnamed and unmentioned sibling must look like.

Slim also has a bison named Junior. I'm not fond of the whole "he's too fat to ride anything else" angle of that, but I do like that they chose an animal that people are constantly told to not mess with because of how dangerous they are. Slim's not afraid of him: he's got this creature trained to listen when he calls for him. I can only guess that Slim is the one who named Junior, so maybe he also raised him. It would explain why Junior appears annoyed with him but still puts up with having Slim jump on his back and the like.

You know what Slim doesn't have though? Kids. Putting together the disdain in his voice when he mentions children, his seemingly low opinion of saloon girls, his big villain number turning the landscape into a rainbow of colors, the queer history of cowboys, and the prevalence of queer-coding in Disney villains... well, I think you get where I'm going with that.

Moving onto his disguise. Don't ask me why nobody figured out this was Slim sooner, given that his wanted poster shows they have the same facial hair, bushy eyebrows, and bags under the eyes. My best guess is because it's in black-and-white and he's in a different outfit, and unless someone's encountered him before they probably don't know what he sounds like. Anyway, His alias is Yancy O'del (yeah, I know), but the one sign we see him with has both "Mister" and "Esquire" in there.

Having looked this up, I learned a few things. First, having "Mister" and "Esquire" together isn't something you're supposed to do, yet nobody in-universe caught this. Second, in the United States, "Esquire" is a title only used for lawyers, so maybe that's why nobody questioned him - fear of a sudden lawsuit for something or other. Third, "Yancy" was not really a name used back then, or at least not a common one. Why'd he choose that name (besides for the pun)? I dunno.

(Also, where the hell does Junior stay whenever he goes to one of these auctions? The world may never know.)

Slim's final defeat at the hooves/wings/what-have-you of several farm animals is pretty pathetic, even by silly Disney villain standards, but I got to give him credit for not wanting to give up even after his disguise is (literally) blown and while he's stuck in a train's smokestack. I have no idea how he planned on getting out of that one, and whatever it was most likely wouldn't have worked anyway, but I admire his refusal to back down in the face of obvious defeat.

Even in his very last scene we see him struggling with the ropes they tied around him while he's carted off to jail. He does not give up.

Anyway, here he is picking up Small Black Market Dealer Steve Buscemi one-handed like it's nothing. (His name is Wesley, but Slim keeps calling him Mister Weasley. That's right, this movie used that joke before Frozen did.)

And here he is lifting three full-grown cows off the ground before tying them up faster than they can react to it. (The cows have names too, but this post ain't about them.)

He uses his left hand to write and aim his gun and seems just as adept with using it as much as his right, which is cool. (There's no frame with both his face and the gun, so you'll have to trust me on that.)

Speaking of his hands

Look at this huge-ass man and his pinkies, I can't with this dude

Look at that smile, sir, who gave you the right

If there were a whole movie about just these two, I'd watch it, I won't even lie.

I've gone on about this guy for probably too long by this point, so to sum it all up:

Babygirl

#Alameda Slim #long post #I tried being coherent but that slipped away from me towards the end lmao oh well #''Blapis are you done being mentally ill and gay for Slim yet'' not in the slightest have a nice day #I mean I'm trying to with a tropical storm and an earthquake warning at least #I'll try adding image descriptions later when my brain is working better sorry #shut up Blapis

[blapis-blazuli]

I'm probably among the few who are glad that the "Slim plans to use hypnotized cattle to destroy the White House and somehow become president" plot got scrapped, but... I can't stop thinking about how he looks in these storyboard panels.

(These also show that they intentionally made Slim lefthanded/ambidextrous, which was fun to find out.)

#Alameda Slim #long post #not pictured: Slim drawing the White House on a wall and then punching it with the sock puppet #I do wish they'd kept the part where he excitedly hugs his nephews too tightly upon returning to Echo Mine though; that was oddly charming #''oh my god Blapis why are you still talking about the yodeling cattle rustler'' he makes me laugh that's why #shut up Blapis

[blapis-blazuli]

Some rules:

These ones were listed off the top of my head, please don't yell at me for leaving out your blorbo, it wasn't on purpose, I promise

You can't vote for Doctor Octopus because he's already a Tumblr Sexyman, and as far as I know, none of his other roles are.

No real-life people. Seriously, no.

Don't take this too seriously, please, I don't want this to become a Sexyman rematch poll situation, please, just have fun

#Alfred Molina #tumblr poll #Maxim Horvath #Snidely Whiplash #Armand Gamache #Stephen Arden #Comte de Reynaud #Harding Hooten #Hugh Weldon #Leland Drury #I don't know how to tag Angel I'm sorry #do I tag this as Doc Ock even though he's not an option due to already being a Sexyman? idk #shut up Blapis

[blapis-blazuli]

Cannot stop thinking about how often Slim extends his pinkies. Like was this a decision made by the storyboard artists or the animator or

#Alameda Slim #It's a nice little touch to his character! One that I bet most people overlooked or never noticed! #I don't care if anyone else cares about this I'm putting it out there anyway #I couldn't not think about it the moment I noticed it #It took me longer than that to notice that he uses his left to hold a pen and his gun so? He's ambidextrous too??? #''Blapis you've already written several paragraphs about this guy and where he's from wasn't that enough?'' No~ 💗 #shut up Blapis

[blapis-blazuli]

"I'd be immune to Audrey II offering to have me date Heady Lamarr or meet Jack Parr or whatever 🤪" No shit, Sherlock, they wouldn't mention them to you. They mentioned those things because they were relevant during Seymour's time. You think the plant wouldn't update their tactics and references if they were to change the setting to a modern one? You think it wouldn't try to tempt you by making you popular on your favorite internet platform? You could argue that it still wouldn't work on you, but you can't say they wouldn't try that.

Also, those things didn't work on Seymour either. You know what did work? Offering to help him get with the woman he'd been crushing on for years. By the time the plant started talking they had spent enough time with Seymour to know what he likes and what to say to persuade him into doing what they want. Audrey II works like a siren: tempting their victim with what they desire. They wouldn't try to win you over with meeting celebrities from the fifties, they'd offer something that's deeply relevant to you.

#Little Shop of Horrors #Audrey II #Audrey 2 #Audrey Two #Twoey #I know Tumblr in particular is full of Bad Media Takes and Negative Reading Comprehension but for fuck's sake #(though these takes were on DA which is its own cesspool of awfulness but still) #I'm just saying if Audrey II offered to make my partner and I live together with a stable income I'd be tempted too #sorry saw a post discussing sirens and then remembered these LSOH shittakes #shut up Blapis

[blapis-blazuli]

Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow

#I shouldn't have eaten the chocolate chip banana cupcake batter oh god ow #shut up Blapis