(Sidebar: this poll is limited to cases of Nate being crazy about Sid, so it doesn't include cases of them being crazy about each other, like their matching golf outfits)
ynofficial: i apologise on behalf of makeup artists across the world. i have failed you and learnt nothing since i was 17, and for that i am deeply sorry. anyway, this has been a dream come true of mine - thank you for the opportunity vogue! (i apologise for the lateness, but the video is up on YT rn!)
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user12: you can do no wrong in my eyes, even if the foundation was the wrong shade
user13: she fr worked with it and said 'trust the process'
user14: i can feel the mascara wand in my eye
user15: HER RINGS FUCK WHAT IF THAT TWITTER THREAD WAS RIGHT
user16: the twitter thread was right what are you talking about??????
user17: was it all common knowledge or something?
user18: forgetting they're married is like never remembering that ryan reynolds was married to scarlett johansson
user19: was it just me or did anyone else hear a child laugh in the background?
user20: ME!!!!
user21: babe you're looking so good
user22: thank you for feeding us with this content
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gossip: after the news has begun recirculating, pittsburgh penguins legend, sidney crosby, has been seen attending a charity gala with his wife, actress y/n l/n. it is unknown as to how long the couple have been married, but rumours suggest 10+ years.
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user24: WHAT!!!!! THEY BOTH LOOK SO GOOD!!!!
user25: idk which one i want to bite first
user26: i'm praying for confirmation 🙏🙏
user27: it has only just occurred to me that people don't know about these two and it upsets me sm 😭
user28: parents
user29: they actually might be though
user30: I'VE BEEN THINKING THIS!!
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unofficialnhlnews: a reporter asked crosby if he had any family in the stands for today's 1000th game for the pens, he said yes and when asked (for the first time, nearly ever), who, he replied with "well, i flew out some of my family from home, but my wife's watching today."
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user32: CONFIRMATION WTF
user33: he was so open with it what
user34: BRO STARTED BLUSHING
user35: i don't think i've ever seen crosby smile like that
user36: if this is true, i'm thinking about the baby laugh in the background of her vogue grwm
user37: tbh if they've been together for that long they literally could have a kid fr
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ynofficial: apparently i lead a secret double life?
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user38: IS THAT CHILD YOURS? IS IT SIDNEY CROSBY'S KID?
user39: it'd be so funny if it is hers and sid's with the ovi jersey
user40: the armpit scribbler is definitely sid
ynofficial: he's one of the three 👍
user41: does that count as a hard launch??????????
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ynofficial: sid by me ❤
it's been an honour to experience life with you so far - i really fucking love you.
to the rest of you: i give you sid, and introduce you to mason and india!
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user45: *sharp inhale* AAAAAAAAAAAA
user46: he was so baby 😭
user47: SIDNEY CROSBY IS A DILF ⚠️ I REPEAT SIDNEY CROSBY IS A DILF ⚠️
user46: the baby in the #87 jersey i'm sobbing
user47: we said confirm pls and y/n and sid heard change lives
user48: oh 😭 my 😭 god 😭
user49: india and mason are so fucking cute
user50: the first picture is breaking hearts
user51: what about that kid that was wearing the ovi jersey?
ynofficial: mini ovi and mini crosby swapped jerseys after the all star game this year!! both dads cried
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ynofficial: y/n by me (sid) ❤
i really fucking love you, too
JARRY MAJOR SAVES. MOTHER DAUGHTER GOAL THAT TIED IT AND SID DONG HOT GIRL SHIT. LARS SCORED FIRST. DRAGON WINNING IT FOR US IN OVERTIME. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY WE WIN ON LARS 1000TH GAME. BLAST I TOUCH MYSELF RN !!!!!!!
[W] November 23rd, 2022 (GENO'S 1000TH GAME HOME CEREMONY 😭😭😭😭😭)-- 1 goal (the deciding goal in the shootout, poetic af! ...that I'm just now, over a month later, finding out doesn't count towards points); 1 point: $710 No points 'cause the Flames hate kids 😞
[W] November 25th, 2022-- No points 'cause the Flyers hate kids 😞
[L] November 26th, 2022-- No points 'cause the Leafs hate kids 😞
[L] November 29th, 2022-- No points 'cause the Canes hate kids 😞
[W] December 1st, 2022-- 1 assist; 1 point: $710
[W] December 3rd, 2022-- 3 assists; 3 points: $2130
[W] December 6th, 2022-- 1 assist; 1 point: $710
[W] December 9th, 2022-- 2 assists; 2 points: $1420
[W] December 10th, 2022-- 1 assist; 1 point: $710
[W] December 12th, 2022-- 1 goal; 1 point: $710
[W] December 15th, 2022-- 1 goal (OFF HIS FUCKING KNEE THAT TOOK HIM OUT OF THE GAME AND I'M CURRENTLY SCARED OUT OF MY FUCKING MIND I was being dramatic, he was fine basically right after 😅😅), 1 assist; 2 points: $1420
[L] December 18th, 2022-- 1 assist; 1 point: $710
[W] December 20th, 2022-- 1 goal; 1 point (tied Sergei Fedorov for second-most points by a Russian-born player in NHL history with this one and currently on a 9-game point streak!!!!!): $710
[L] December 22nd, 2022-- No points 'cause the Canes still hate kids 😞 To be fair, this one's probably on me y'all.. I shouldn't have mentioned his points streak. BUT. Maybe now Sid will get rid of The Cursed Lip Thing?
[L] December 27th, 2022-- No points 'cause the Islanders hate kids 😞 Also, Sid DID NOT, in fact, shave, so Geno sacrificed his points streak for nothing.
[L] December 28th, 2022-- No points 'cause the Red Wings hate kids 😞 Sid finally shaved off The Cursed Lip Thing, the ghost of which clearly still lingers.
[L] December 30th, 2022-- 1 goal; 1 point: $710
[L] January 2nd, 2023-- No points 'cause the Bruins (and the ref who waved off Geno's goal due to the admittedly expired clock) hate kids 😞
[L] January 5th, 2023-- No points 'cause the Knights hate kids 😞 Also, this is our 6th loss in a row and I'm sad about it.
[W] January 8th, 2023-- 1 assist; 1 point: $710
[W] January 10th, 2023-- 2 goals, 2 assists; 4 points (the most in a single game for him this season!!!): $2840
[L] January 13th, 2023-- No points 'cause the Jets hate kids 😞
[L] January 14th, 2023-- No points 'cause the Canes still hate kids 😞
[W] January 20th, 2023-- No points 'cause the Senators hate kids 😞 (but we finally got Jars back and he was fantastic!)
[L] January 22nd, 2023-- No points 'cause the Devils hate kids 😞
[W] January 24th, 2023-- 1 goal, 2 assists; 3 points: $2130 (Tanger's first game back in the lineup after injury and losing his dad, he scored the gwg in OT with assists from Sid and Geno. Poetic and emotional af 😭😭😭)
[L] January 26th, 2023-- No points 'cause the Caps hate kids 😞
[W] February 7th, 2023-- 2 assists; 2 points: $1420
[W] February 10th, 2023-- 2 assists; 2 points (BRINGING GENO TO 1,200 CAREER POINTS WHAT A KING 😭😭😭): $1420
[L] February 11th, 2023-- No points 'cause the Kings hate kids 😞
[W] February 14th, 2023-- No points 'cause the Sharks hate kids 😞
[L] February 17th, 2023-- No points 'cause the Islanders still hate kids 😞
[L] February 18th, 2023-- 2 goals; 2 points: $1420
[L] February 20th, 2023-- No points 'cause the Islanders STILL hate kids 😞 but we did get to see Geno bust a fat ass nut while Isles 32 whispered sweet nothings in his ear.
[L] February 23rd, 2023-- 2 assists; 2 points: $1420
[L] March 16th, 2023-- No points 'cause the Rangers hate kids 😞
[L] March 18th, 2023-- No points 'cause the Rangers still hate kids 😞
[L] March 20th, 2023-- 1 assist; 1 point: $710
[W] March 22nd, 2023-- 1 assist; 1 point: $710
[L] March 23rd, 2023-- No points 'cause the Stars hate kids 😞
[W] March 25th, 2023-- 1 goal (THE GWG WITH LIKE 1:20 LEFT IN THE 3RD 😭😭😭😭); 1 point: $710
[L] March 28th, 2023-- 2 assists; 2 points: $1420
[W] March 30th, 2023-- 1 assist; 1 point: $710
[L] April 1st, 2023-- No points 'cause the Bruins still hate kids 😞
[W] April 2nd, 2023 (TANGER'S 1000TH GAME 😭😭😭)-- 2 assists (that's all the refs allowed him to get before they EJECTED HIM FROM THE FUCKING GAME LIKE THE JERKS THEY ARE!!! Beat his previous high score of penalty minutes in a single game though - went from 16:00 to 18:00 - so you win some, you lose some); 2 points: $1420
[L] April 4th, 2023-- No points 'cause the Devils still hate kids 😞
[W] April 6th, 2023-- 1 assist; 1 point: $710
[W] April 8th, 2023-- 1 goal; 1 point (even though he claims to have "touched it" on Sid's 1500-POINT goal): $710
[L] April 11th, 2023 (this one hurt)-- 1 goal; 1 point: $710
[L] April 13th, 2023-- No points 'cause the Blue Jackets still hate kids 😞
happy (belated) birthday sid, sorry your present is an angsty fic.
I started this one a year and a half ago, picked it back up a few weeks ago to try and get it done by 8/7, wrote 2000 words, decided to change half of it, went to summer camp for a week, got writer’s block for one last scene, and now we’re here. finally.
length: 4.5k words
It’s been a long time
And seeing the shape of your name
Still spells out pain
Margaret Thomas didn’t hate Sidney Crosby. No, that required too much energy. Margaret would just rather not think about him, which was easier said than done. He was no longer “Sid the Kid,” but he was still a force to be reckoned with on the ice. Sometimes he seemed inescapable—there were commercials featuring him running on ESPN, and it seemed like at least once a week he pulled off some ridiculous feat that only Sidney Crosby could do that was in all the highlight reels for days. It wasn’t for lack of trying on her part, though; Margaret didn’t watch much hockey these days, and her ties with the hockey world had been severed as abruptly as their relationship. Margaret hadn’t quite moved on, but she was okay again.
Margaret wondered sometimes who knew all of the details of their breakup all those years ago. Her relationship with Sid had been as quiet as Sid could keep it, but she had been there for the Cups, for the gold medals. Those memories, those pictures, would go down in history alongside his name, engraved in silver and gold. It had been a cute story once, the boy who saved the Penguins falls in love with a girl from Pittsburgh, settles down and sticks around. That’s how it was supposed to go, at least.
Margaret is surprised when she gets a letter in the mail, mixed in amongst junk and bills. Who sends letters anymore? The return address is unfamiliar, but the careful, spidery handwriting spelling out her name and the little “SPC” in the corner is as familiar as her own.
Of course Sid would send a letter, after all these years, after cutting off all contact after the break-up, stubbornly old-fashioned person that he was. She was annoyed that that thought was still laced with fondness underneath the bitterness. Margaret wondered, too, how he’d gotten her address; Margaret had moved since the breakup, and she didn’t keep in contact with anyone on the team or their wives enough to warrant ever sending a Christmas card.
Margaret carefully slides her finger under the flap of the envelope and pulls out the letter inside. It, too, was handwritten, because of course it was. Margaret takes a deep breath and begins to read.
I’m sure you’re surprised to be hearing from me after all these years. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve thought about reaching out, but I didn’t think you’d ever want to hear from me. I’ve even started writing this a few times, but I could never get the words right.
Margaret scoffs, more than a little bitter. She wonders what was so important to finally make him reach out after all these years. She briefly thinks of crumpling up the letter and tossing it in the trash, but her curiosity got the better of her. Margaret keeps reading.
I wanted to say that I’m sorry for the way things ended between us. It wasn’t fair to you. I wish I could’ve done it differently, or not done it at all, but there’s no way to change the past, is there? I didn’t realize it at the time, but I probably really hurt you. I should’ve apologized a long time ago.
Sid’s words were uncovering a hurt Margaret thought she’d buried deep long ago. He was right, though, there was no changing the past. She brushes away a tear before it can land on the sheet of paper in her hand. There was more to the letter.
I’ll be playing in my 1250th game soon. They’re treating it like a big milestone. Jen’s been talking about rounding up some people for interviews or something. I saw your name on a list and wanted to give you a head’s up before she called.
Margaret remembered the videos from Sid’s 1000th game. No one had reached out to her to make a video for Sid that time. She doesn’t know what she would’ve said, anyway.
I don’t know what she’ll ask you to do, but I want you to know that you’re not obligated to do anything. You certainly don’t owe me anything.
He had that right. He hadn’t even offered Margaret a proper explanation for why he ended a years-long relationship, or a proper goodbye.
It happened the day of Sid’s Cup party in 2017. Sid pulled Margaret aside as the party was wrapping up, nothing more than a few drunken stragglers and friends and family sticking around to clean up. Sid looked nervous as she followed him into a quiet room.
“What’s up?” Margaret asked.
Sid didn’t make any move to sit and neither did Margaret. He ran a hand through his hair.
“I think this needs to stop,” he said. He wouldn’t meet her eyes.
“What?” Margaret asked. Drunk on summer sun and champagne, she wasn't following.
“I-” Sid looked uncertain for a moment. “I think we need to break up.”
“What?” she said again. Margaret didn’t know what she was expecting when Sid asked her to come with him, but it certainly wasn’t this.
“I want to break up,” Sid said firmly. “I need some space.”
Margaret had lied. She knew exactly what she’d been expecting. A ring, a future and a life together. They’d talked about it, even. Margaret felt like Sid had punched her in the gut. She almost wished he had, actually. That would hurt less than this.
“I don’t understand, Sid,” Margaret said. She thought they were happy. She thought Sid loved her. She had been wrong about both, apparently.
“I’m sorry,” was all Sid said as he brushed past Margaret and went back outside. She faintly heard a cheer go up as he reemerged. Margaret slipped upstairs. Despite all the people milling around, Sid still valued his privacy, and he didn’t have anyone staying in any of the guest bedrooms. It was easy to move her things into one down the hall while the party wrapped up outside.
Margaret flew out from Halifax the next morning. Her things were cleaned out of Sid’s house and into a new apartment of her own before Sid was back in Pittsburgh for training camp in September. She deleted his phone number in October. She never saw him again. It was probably for the best that way.
Margaret’s hands shake. Frustrated, she throws the piece of paper, but it simply flutters to the ground at her feet. She isn’t sure who she’s more upset with—Sid, for still holding a piece of her heart, or herself, for still allowing Sid to break her heart after all these years. Margaret steps over the paper and wanders into her kitchen. She pulls open the fridge and stares aimlessly into it for a long moment. On the floor behind her, Sid’s letter sits, only half read, taunting her. Margaret slams the fridge shut. The rattling of the things on the door is only satisfying for a moment.
She walks back over and picks up the letter again. She slides to the floor to read the last few lines.
I’m sorry. I’m sure it’s too much to ask that you could forgive me one day, but I do hope that we can talk about it sometime. But I guess you don’t really owe me that either.
There was no closing, no autograph signature either, just “Sid” scrawled in messy cursive at the bottom of the page.
Margaret crumples up the letter and throws it again. It lands somewhere behind her couch. It, too, doesn’t feel as satisfying as she’d like.
Margaret carefully puts it out of her mind. Or tries to, at least. The letter stays crumpled on the floor of her living room, but it doesn’t matter because it feels like she's committed Sid’s careful words to memory, echoing in her head when her guard was down.
Margaret’s phone rings a week after the letter arrives. It’s a Pittsburgh area code, a number she doesn’t have saved to her contacts, and she answers it warily.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Maggie, this is Jen with the Penguins communications department, do you remember me?”
Of course Margaret remembers Jen. Jen was solely responsible for keeping the team from making fools of themselves most of the time.
“Of course,” Margaret tells her. She knows why Jen is calling.
“Well, I’m sure you know that Sid’s coming up on a new milestone soon, and we’ve been tracking down some friends from over the years for some more videos like we had for his 1000th game, and maybe to get some stories about Sid when he was younger,” Jen says, as businesslike as ever. She doesn’t mention the fact that Margaret had been left off the list of friends for Sid’s 1000th game, and neither does she.
“Yeah, uh, Sid gave me a heads up that you might be calling,” Margaret says without thinking.
Jen pauses. “I didn’t realize you two were still in touch.”
“Something like that,” she says wryly.
Jen continues. “We’d love to have you come out to PPG one day soon to get some footage, whenever it works for you.”
Margaret hesitates. Even with Sid’s heads up, she somehow wasn't prepared to be asked for an in-person interview. She had thought Jen would just have her record something in her apartment and send it back to Jen. It would give Margaret unlimited takes to cuss out her ex in the privacy of her own home before she could string together enough warm and complimentary words. Driving down to PPG came with the risk of running into Sid, and Margaret wasn't sure there was ever enough time to prepare herself for that.
“Can I think about it? It’s been a long time,” Margaret hears herself say.
She hears Jen’s sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line, but when she speaks again, she sounds unbothered. “Sure! I’ll leave you be for now, but get back to me in a few days, alright?” Margaret wonders briefly what Sid told Jen about their breakup. He had to have some explanation, some warning, for her, in case she’d taken the “crazy jilted ex” route and exposed him on social media or something. Lucky for him, that had never been Margaret’s style.
In the end, Margaret agrees. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t find it in herself to feel so much contempt for Sid to not do this small thing. She wished she could. She hated that she couldn’t make herself hate him.
Margaret drove downtown to PPG Paints Arena on a Saturday afternoon. Jen had assured her that the players would be cleared out after film review and an optional skate, and that she had no risk of running into anyone. Margaret wanted to avoid Sid most of all, but she wasn’t sure she could handle having to make small talk with Tanger or Geno, or meeting some young player who didn’t even know who she was, after she and Sid had carefully erased each other from their histories.
Jen meets Margaret at the door and quickly ushers her into a small, dimly lit room. It isn’t crowded, just a couple of cameras, a camera operator, and Margaret and Jen. Jen shuts the door behind her and takes a seat across from Margaret. She spares a second to be thankful that she was staying, a familiar face. Brighter flights flick on, and Jen smiles as Margaret blinks a few times to adjust.
“It’s been a while since you’ve been around, how have you been?” Jen asks.
Margaret isn’t sure if the cameras are rolling yet. She forces a smile. “Things have been good,” she says. It’s not a lie. Things were better before she found herself back in the story of Sid’s life.
“We’ll start easy,” Jen says. “What’s a story about Sid most people don’t know? You two were so close when he was younger.”
That’s also definitely not a lie. Margaret had tried to prepare herself for anything Jen might ask her, but Margaret still takes a moment to answer, wracking her memory for something to say.
Margaret and Sid had met in a bar, just before the 2009-2010 season started. That wasn’t a cute or wholesome story to tell. Margaret takes a deep breath.
“There was this time I dragged Sid to the animal shelter because I wanted a dog.”
“Maggie, I don’t need a dog,” Sid is saying, gamely allowing himself to be dragged towards the doors of Humane Animal Rescue.
Maggie stops and turns to face Sid, hands on her hips. “Yeah, yeah, you’ve still got Sam back home, I know. But I want a dog, so we’re here.”
She pulls open the door and lets Sid walk ahead of her inside. He nervously touches the brim of his hat and looks around. A smiling volunteer makes her way over to them.
“Hey guys, what can I help you with today?” she asks.
Maggie smiles back at her and takes Sid’s hand. “I’ve been thinking about adopting a dog,” she says.
“Perfect, we have plenty of those, hopefully one will be your perfect new friend,” the volunteer says, already turning and heading towards the kennels. She asks Maggie questions as they walk—what exactly she’s looking for, what her apartment is like, if she has any other pets— and Maggie is suddenly overwhelmed. Sid trails a few steps behind, only half listening. Maggie can hear the barking dogs before the volunteer even opens the door to their part of the shelter.
Maggie glances over her shoulder at Sid. “You sure you don’t want to adopt one, too?” she teases, noticing Sid’s soft smile, always a sucker for a cute face. “I’m sure we could find you a good match.” Sid just shakes his head at her.
The next hour is a blur of meeting dogs and Maggie trying not to fall in love with all of them. Sid ends up on the floor with her, happily cuddling and playing with each new dog that’s brought out to Maggie. In the end, she falls for a sweet Pit mix named Biscuit. Even Sid seems enthralled by her when she licks his face.
Maggie’s got Biscuit on a leash, and she’s following the volunteer back to the front desk to fill out all the paperwork for adoption when Sid stops short. Maggie stops, too. Sid’s standing next to a glass door labeled Kitten Room, watching a little boy play with a kitten. The little boy notices Sid watching and looks up. Margaret can tell the moment he recognizes Sid as Sidney Crosby by the way his face splits into a grin. He carefully sets the kitten down and runs to open the door.
“Do you wanna play with the kitties, too?” Maggie hears him ask. Sid glances at her. Biscuit, eager to make a new friend, whines and tugs on her leash. The kitten the boy had been playing with is attempting to make an escape.
Sid scoops the kitten up and edges carefully into the Kitten Room. “Of course, bud,” Maggie hears him say. To Maggie, he adds, “I’ll catch up with you, yeah?” The door shuts behind him before she can answer.
By the time Maggie’s finished with the pages and pages of adoption paperwork, Sid still hasn’t caught back up with her. She and Biscuit make their way back towards the Kitten Room to find him. He’s sitting cross-legged on the floor next to the little boy, and there’s a kitten climbing on his shoulder, trying to eat his hat, another one curled up in his hands. Maggie stands next to the glass door and watches them, a smile on her face. Next to her, Biscuit wags her tail at them. The little boy notices them and waves. Sid carefully hands the kitten in his hands to the little boy and disentangles the claws of the other one from his hat.
He’s grinning as he makes his way back to Maggie, easy and relaxed. He drapes his arm across her shoulders for a moment when comes through the door, and Maggie leans into his side.
“Have fun making some new friends?” she asks.
“He asked me if I could score a goal for him tomorrow night,” Sid says, laughing a little.
“Y’know, a cat would probably be a better pet for you, with all the travel and stuff,” Maggie says.
Sid digs his elbow into her ribs, but he kisses Maggie quickly against the car before opening the back door for Biscuit.
Margaret’s eyes were wet when she finished telling her story. She twists around in her seat to dry them before facing Jen again. It’s not even a sad story. She’d almost forgotten the memory altogether. It’s been a few years since Biscuit had passed now, but that sweet little dog had been Margaret’s anchor during the aftermath of their breakup. She should look into adopting another dog, Margaret thinks absently. Jen seems unfazed by, but not unsympathetic to, Margaret’s crying.
“And what do you want to say to Sid?” she asked.
Margaret had thought about this part, too. She remembered someone saying that Nathan MacKinnon’s message for Sid’s 100th game was too personal to show on the broadcast. She’d considered saying something vindictive, something petty. Her relationship with Sid had always been personal, and a part of Margaret wanted this last message to be just between them, too. But she worried that Jen would just scrap the footage if she said anything too cruel.
So Margaret settled for sincere, or as sincere as she could muster.
“Hi, Sid,” she starts awkwardly. “It was such a privilege to be by your side over the years, to be able to watch you grow into an amazing leader. To be there for the Olympics and for the Cups…it’s not something anyone is going to forget. I know it wasn’t easy to get this far, but you did it and you’re still going. I’m proud of you, Sid,” Margaret says. She takes a deep breath.
There is silence in the room when Margaret finishes speaking. She clears her throat. “Right, is that all, then?” she asks, already standing up. The small room they were in suddenly feels claustrophobic, and Margaret needs out.
Jen stands with her. “It’s perfect, thanks so much for coming in. I’m sure it wasn’t easy…” she says. Margaret wonders, again, how many details of their breakup Jen actually knows.
Margaret was already opening the door and rushing back into the hallway. She didn’t stop to check if the hallway was clear first, which is how she bumps straight into someone walking down the hall.
“Oof,” she hears, from a voice that was once as familiar as her own. A hand reaches out to steady her elbow. Sid hasn’t seen Margaret’s face yet.
“No, it’s okay, it was my fault,” she says, carefully not looking up at Sid. She pulls her purse strap back up and tries to edge around Sid before he recognizes her.
“Maggie?” Sid asks
Margaret freezes. Sid’s still gripping her elbow tightly. “Margaret,” she says.
“What?”
“It’s Margaret. No one really calls me Maggie any more,” she tells him. Sid’s grip tightens even more for a moment before he drops his hand back to his side.
Margaret stops peering down the hall behind him and chances a look at his face. Sid’s jaw is tight, and he’s looking at Margaret like he can’t believe he’s actually seeing her. A member of team staff walks past behind Sid— Tags, Margaret is pretty sure— and pats Sid on the back as he goes past. Sid startles a little.
Sid takes Margaret’s arm again, and she lets herself be led into an empty room a few steps down the hall. Sid pushes the door mostly shut behind them.
“I didn’t think you’d actually come out,” Sid admits.
“I was told there wouldn’t be any players here,” Margaret counters. Sid winces, and it’s satisfying to see, briefly.
“Maggie,” Sid starts, but he doesn’t finish his sentence. He’s still staring at Margaret like he doesn’t believe she’s real.
“Stop calling me that,” Margaret says. She’s drained after sitting in front of that camera for Sid, and she doesn’t have the patience, suddenly, for whatever Sid’s about to say next. “Look, I should just go,” she says. “I should’ve never even come in the first place.” She finally wrenches her arm free from Sid’s grip.
Sid blinks at Margaret, confused. “I just thought-” he says, but, again, he doesn’t finish his sentence. “Well, uh, thanks, I guess,” Sid says, taking a step back. “It means a lot, I know it’s been a while.”
“Yeah,” Margaret says. “Yeah, well, I guess now we can go back to pretending the other of us doesn’t exist.” She moves to brush past Sid and out the door.
“Wait,” Sid says. He reaches to grab Margaret again, but thinks better of it. He shuts the door all the way. “What do you mean?”
“What do you think I mean? You made it very clear you didn’t want anything to do with me when you broke up with me. We went our separate ways, and I did my best to forget I was ever in love with you,” Margaret says. She makes a move to push past Sid again, but Sid stops her with an arm around her waist. Margaret spins back to face Sid, now boxed in against the closed door.
“Everything was happening so fast, I didn’t know what to do,” Sid tries, talking fast like he can keep Margaret from leaving by sheer force of will.
“So fast? Sid, we’d been together for almost seven years, when all of a sudden you broke up with me instead of giving me a ring!”
“Exactly! You wanted a ring, and I wasn’t ready for that,” Sid argues. “It was just-”
“Just so overwhelming you couldn’t even talk about it? Fuck, all I got was a ‘I want to breakup,’ and then we never spoke again.” Margaret didn’t think she had it in her to be angry about this after so many years, but Sid standing so close to her was bringing out all sorts of emotions. Fury, longing, heartbreak.
Sid makes a frustrated noise. “You’re the one who cut me out of your life!”
Margaret feels like she could scream. “You broke up with me, what the hell else was I supposed to do?” she says, trying to keep her voice level. She isn’t sure if she’s going to scream or break down crying.
“I just needed space! I needed time to figure out where we were headed,” Sid says.
Margaret opens her mouth to respond, but before she can, Sid’s mouth is on hers, kissing her fiercely. She lets herself melt into it for a second—the way Sid’s lips slide against hers, once so familiar, her back pressed against the door, Sid’s hands on her body, one clutching her hip and the other resting on her cheek—before she comes to her senses and pushes Sid away. Sid goes, breathing raggedly and looking stunned.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Margaret asks. Her hand is on the doorknob.
“I- I don’t know,” Sid says honestly. “I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry.”
Margaret should leave. She knows she should leave. She can’t help but ask, “Which part?”
Sid makes a face at her. Margaret hates the fondness she feels for that damn nose scrunch. “All of it. Everything. I’m sorry,” he says again.
They’re both quiet for a long time. There’s footsteps down the hall. “I should go,” Margaret finally says.
This time, Sid doesn’t stop her. Margaret pulls the door open and steps back into the hall. She looks back over her shoulder. Sid hasn’t moved.
“Goodbye, Sid,” she says softly.
She doesn’t pass anyone else as she makes her way back to her car. She drives home in silence. She doesn’t ever hear from Sid again. It’s probably for the best that way.
A few weeks later, Margaret gets a text from Jen. The game’s tonight, it reads. Margaret still hasn’t decided if she’s going to watch the game or not. She hasn’t seen a Penguins game since they won the Cup in 2017, hasn’t watched one on TV in even longer.
She turns on her TV.
1250 games isn’t nearly as big of a milestone as 1000 games was, but they’ll still be showing some of the pre-recorded clips throughout the game, mixed in with highlights of Sid over the years, or so Potash is saying when Margaret finds the right channel. There’s no pregame ceremony, just Sid blushing when the PA acknowledges the milestone before puck drop. It’s easy to fall back into the rhythm of watching hockey, though Margaret has to keep the roster pulled up on her phone to keep track of who’s who. The team is very different than she remembers, only a handful of players left who’d remember her.
They play Margaret’s video clip just before the end of the second period. The words underneath her name simply describe her as “friend of Sid’s” which is a bit of a stretch. “Sid’s ex-girlfriend” would certainly have been funnier. She mutes the TV; she already knows what she said, doesn’t need to hear it again. They’ve interspersed the clip with pictures of Margaret and Sid, some she’d even forgotten existed— Margaret and Biscuit and Sid with his dog Sam one summer, one a teammate had taken of them in a rare moment of PDA with Sid’s hips pressing Margaret into a wall in a hall at PPG, Margaret’s arms wound tightly around his neck, and the last one is one from Sid’s day with the Cup in 2017. She remembers that picture being taken, poking fun at Sid’s sunburn to get him to give the camera a real smile. The memory is bittersweet now. Margaret wonders which poor intern had to dig those up, or if Sid had offered them up himself.
“I’m proud of you,” on-screen Margaret is saying.
Margaret clicks the TV off. She stands up, stretches. Sid’s letter hasn’t moved from its place of honor on the floor behind the couch. Margaret fishes it out before heading into the kitchen. She smooths it out on the counter. The words are familiar, imprinted on Margaret’s memory. She rereads it anyway, then again. She misses Sid fiercely, all of a sudden, something in her chest aching at the thought. She stares at the letter without really seeing it, Sid’s thin, careful handwriting blurring together until the letters are indistinguishable.
With a sigh, Margaret crumples the letter back up and throws it in the trash.
She pours a glass of red wine and starts over on putting Sidney Crosby out of her mind forever.
In the interest of wanting to love life again: what was your favourite moment of the Penguins season this year? Any happy memories?
I had a really great season, man.
I saw games with seven different fandom friends and got to introduce three of them to the city for the first time. I got to see so many wins alongside them, including several friends' first pens wins. I got to watch the Pens win a Pride game, which was amazing and so fun.
I got to see Geno's 1000th game in Chicago (with my family, who'd never been to a hockey game before), and then flew back to Pittsburgh to see them celebrate it on home ice—with Geno winning it in a shootout that was probably the coolest experience I've ever had in a hockey arena.
I got to see Tanger's 1000th game and share that with a friend. Seeing the funky fun little warmups (which I missed for Geno's in Chicago because the arena workers were mean 😂) was super special and cool.
I got to go to the night of assists, which was a lifetime experience, special and made all the better by getting to share it with a fandom friend.
I got to go to a Geno fan signing with another friend, and say hi to him as he signed my jersey and thank him for signing with the pens. he said he was glad to sign, too:)
I got to live through contractgate, which was horrible-at-the-time but also a really unifying experience.
I felt a thousand, no, a million times worse when Geno pulled that dumbass "I'm gonna test free agency 💅" move this summer that made me just SOB in the arrivals lane at an airport on the very first business trip I've ever made in my career ahahaha.
and it's weird and silly, because I'm a person who really needs to reframe those upsetting moments into something good. it's how I live with them. I remember how hopeless I felt—my plane had been turned around, I was late to my first business trip ever, I was about to meet my high-powered boss in person for the first time, I was standing in the Detroit heat waiting for 45 minutes for a shuttle to take me to the grimiest hotel I've laid eyes on because my connecting flight had been delayed until the next day... and I was just crying into my mask as I tried to console my fandom friends and keep my wits about me because it kind of felt like the world was ending.
and it wasn't... about... the team. in a way it wasn't even fully down to being about geno. do not get me wrong: I was personally devastated by the idea of him not coming back. he's one of My Guys. I was in denial about what I would do if he didn't sign with the Pens. I was so torn up about it that I stayed up for hours even though I was exhausted.
but the fear that kept me up in that really weird, shitty hotel room was the thought that my fandom was going to circle the drain because of it. we saw what a ship split did to tk/np, didn't we? their situation was different from sidgeno's... they lacked the amount of history, the sheer years... but nonetheless, I'm really, really aware of how small and tight-knit our corner of hockey fandom is. I was terrified of the possibility of geno leaving and that fracturing this really beautiful chunk of the internet that I've called home for the majority of my adult life, at this point.
that didn't happen. not only did it not happen, but I was in a vacation dreamland, barely needing to work on a business trip in the most gorgeous fantasyland location I've ever seen, having impressed my boss and nailed my part of the trip. all my anxiety—over the trip, over my job, over my fandom, over geno, over sid, over my friends dealing with this—was real, but it didn't win. instead I practically experienced euphoria on the shoreline.
I remember getting the text from a friend at close to midnight or whenever it was. geno had signed. things were going to be okay. things were going to be great.
and they were. I had so much fun this season, man. I really did. I wrote 14ish new fics this season. I participated in three (four? maybe more?) fic fests. I went to so many games that I felt gluttonous about it. I talked to tons of people all over this fandom. my friendships grew stronger. I traveled to two different states to visit fandom friends. I'm flying across the ocean to see more in the coming months.
and like... that's what matters. that ACTUALLY impacts my life, more than a man leaving a team, more than a team losing games. as important as certain players or records are to me, that's all stuff I can come to accept (well... some things I can accept. I don't think I'd ever have gotten over geno had he left. I get nauseous thinking about it. let's not muse on it. it didn't happen and that's what matters).
what I wouldn't have been able to accept was this space—this fandom, this lovely little corner where we talk about and joke about and blog about and meme about and write about the pens—unraveling. I'm not naive enough to expect this place to be around forever, and it already looks radically different from what it was when I joined it, but I'm determined to help preserve it for as long as I can. I want this to be a fun space. A creative one. Someplace where we're having a good time but also talking about things that matter to us and learning about the sport.
I told you all in a post a long while ago after I went to seattle that I want to be more assertive and honest about how much online friendships mean to me. the fact that there's this online community is sick. we're all in this cool little boat together and that is impressive and interesting and unique and I love it. I love fandom, and I love THIS fandom, and I love Sid and Geno and what we do in the name of their friendship. this place has enriched my life in ways I can't even tell you about. it's so cool. it is SO cool.
so.... I don't know what else to leave you with but this picture of the coastline I sat at on a cool July night, with my career changing in amazing ways and my anxieties quelled and my body flooded with adrenaline over the news that Geno Was Back and my mind BURSTING with creativity over a new story idea that was billowing out of me like smoke.
I sat there, headphones in, a song by one of my favorite bands playing on repeat as the sun set and the world turned the most intense shade of blue I'd seen in my life. I kept mouthing along to the words—Die if I must, let my bones turn to dust, I'm the lord of the lake and I don't want to leave it.
I just couldn't get over how lucky I felt. what a life I had. what fortune had come into my life. how crazy it was that things, like they seemingly so often do, worked out.
if I REALLY wanted to be trite, I could say something right now like "well, it was about time my luck ran out." but I don't feel like it has. tonight wasn't fun, but this season isn't about tonight for me.
this season is about:
the look on my friend's face as we caught sight of Sid at the night of assists and had that christ-he's-real moment
starting a podcast with my friends and getting to create silly goofy stuff in fun new ways
my dad being kind of alarmed at me screaming down at the ice and getting to explain to my sister what a power play was
getting to boo and cheer with the fans (and my friends). during overtime and the shootout for Geno's 1001th game, and the ecstasy of him winning it all.
having players walk past me and my friends at our dinner tables randomly in the city and getting to laugh about how cool/funny an experience that is 😂
having geno help me win a game of blackjack, which will forever be one of the coolest things I've been able to experience
organizing trips for people who've never seen the city before and having them tell me how fun experiencing pgh is, which is so meaningful as someone who's done a lot of growing up here
meeting new friends, both online and in person, and getting to learn about them and write with them and create with them
writing. writing. writing. the thing I've loved to do since I was a child. the thing I want to dedicate myself even more fully to.
reading the works people in our fandom write and share, which is such an overwhelming act of community and passion that I need to remind myself of how extraordinary it is
sitting out on the edge of the water and marveling at what a life I had, literally none of it possible without fandom. nothing in my life has shaped my literal life path as much as this fandom and S+G.
this is overly sentimental and perhaps cloying, but god, do I mean it. I mean it so earnestly I can't even be embarrassed about it.
life is good. tonight was hard, and I saw things that are going to stick with me and probably upset me, but the positives outweigh the negatives as a rule in my life. I can't live otherwise. I won't tell anyone else how to deal with stress or fear, and I'm trying to get better at that, but in the meantime I'll leave you with that image of the big blue world all laid out in front of me and me feeling every feeling in the world there was to feel, because I was so overwhelmed with the previous 24 hours that it was all I could do to sit there and let it run its course.
I'm an optimist, for better or worse, because it's the way I make life bearable. and, because I'm also kind of corny, I'm going to go back to that blue dusk eating up the whole sky and melting into the water and remember how I felt.
that's why I'm here. I hope there are moments from this season that made you feel like that, too. I hope you, like me, feel that those moments greatly and meaningfully outweigh bad ones.
it was a good year. I can't wait for whatever comes next.
Favorite Pens moments of the season? Mine would be Geno and Tanger's 1000th games plus Sid at the ASG :)
Oh the 1k celebrations for sure. We came very very close to not having those, which made them even more special.
Geno’s game-winner against the Caps was also very fun, and the emergence of Jason “best of the year!!!!!” Zucker and the fanbase finally appreciating him properly is something I’ve enjoyed and also felt pointlessly smug about, haha.
There’s been so much to love about this stupid team this season. But the best part? Sid and Geno and Kris for AT LEAST two more years 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰