#sigh... im very much emotionally spent | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

moonsaver · 2 months

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Hi! It’s @pix3lplays! (On anon because I have another account and I can’t switch which account I’m asking from haha)

I wanted to say thanks for being so nice when I responded to your comment on one of my posts~I really appreciated what you said hehe, definitely made me feel bit more confident and inspired me to keep writing :)

So I thought I’d throw an ask out since requests are open~

If you’re not interested no problem but I’ve thought about it a little and I thought maybe you’d have some thoughts.

Yandere!Sunday when his darling somehow gets seriously hurt, how do you think he’d feel, what would he do?

Personally I think he’s a complete control freak already when it comes to reader, so it just gets WORSE…ANYWAYS I wanna hear YOUR thoughts if you’re interested in the prompt hehe~ also if you’ve already talked about this oops I must’ve missed it, sorry in advance-

But yeah thanks so much, it was really cool to talk to you, take care of yourself, please!!

Hello Pixel! Thank you for sending in this ask, you're very sweet haha <3 i like your writing and im glad i helped you become more confident in it. Also,same issue here, i cant send asks from this account specifically, so i use anon or just use my personal blog to send asks.

Anyways, onto the request,

Ooh, my Yan!Sunday brain is ticking.. he really is an absolute control freak, and is a bit of a mess when he sees you seriously injured. A miscalculation, ignorance, negligence, or perhaps just.. an oversight from his part? Whatever the reason is, he's in high-drive now, and absolutely stressed about it. He only has a worried and distant look on his face, and at this stage he's prone to easily snapping at anyone, but his mind would be on a completely different level of stress. How dare they? How dare anyone lay a filthy inch of a finger on you? To stain you with their sins, and to breach your skin in such a grotesque manner.. he's absolutely enraged.

He insists on tending to you himself personally, unless it's so serious paramedics have to be involved. Stays by your side until he cant, sitting on the egde of the bed, body turned halfway to face you, fingers ghosting the edge of your face with tenderness.

However, this tenderness is only limited to your recovery period.

After you wake up or recover a bit, practically any freedom you would have had is gone. Completely.

Scolds you, borderline yells at you, holds you still with a deathly tight grip on your arms, forcing you to look into his eyes. This happened because you left. This happened because you were out of his watch. This all happened because of your freedom. Don't you dare even bother mentioning going out anywhere. You will be surveillanced almost all the time. He spends a suffocating amount of time next to you, harshly spitting back whenever you try to protest or reason with him. His words aren't gentle at all, and you're getting on his nerves. Perhaps he should just look over you himself, force you into a borderline coma in the dream fluid, and deal swiftly with the perpetrators.

Robin catches wind of this at some point.. she tells you that he's just worried, and there's a lot of people that don't quite hold The Family in high regards. Just.. its okay. Let him do this.

Let him pick out your clothes, brush your hair, check your healing wounds, gently ebb the water over them as you bathe, and kiss the skin of your shoulder when both of you stay silent after another argument.

If you still continue arguing.. he doesn't have a choice. He slumps a bit, a hand coming up to massage his temple as he sighs, and tells you in a softer voice that he's terrified. The worst thing that could happen did happen. He almost lost you. Can't you just go with it and let him be assured? You're dragging it out much more than it needs to be. He's spent many sleepless nights, ideas of dreamscapes turning into nightmares as the image of your hurt face flashes in his mind. Just cooperate, for Aeons' sake.

And no one speaks after that. He emotionally blackmails and manipulates you as a sort of final resort. Surely, you'd understand. It's not like it's far from the truth anyway. He is scared. But more than that, he's enraged this happened in the first place.

Adding on more to it,

Once things calm down.. in a twisted sort of way, he realizes just how perfectly he can get you under his complete control from these events. He may even not so subtly orchestrate similar events to scare you, to keep you in check, forcing you to rely on him completely, as he swoops in at the right time, acting as some kind of a "savior". Its a sick mindset, and he's not ashamed of it. Oh dear, you were just so pleasantly compliant after that event. And it just solidifies his statement that you shouldn't be going outside anymore, or be constantly accompanied by the Bloodhound Family guards, after only a few incidents of various threat levels.

In the end, it's a cycle that repeats up until you finally give in and let him take any and all freedom you have. He sets down your hairbrush with a gentle 'clack', kisses the crown of your head, and tells you it's alright. He will take such good care of you. Just listen to him. Listen to his every word. He has your best intentions in mind. Don't think about anything, anyone. You're a smart girl, surely you understand?

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quitealotofsodapop · 4 months

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Ok but Wukong claims MK as Yubei's honorary/sworn older brother. Macaque who was in the room suddenly feels a cold swear as he Realized Wukong Sees MK As His Kid. His Clcub, who Macaque had chased fown and hunted like an animal in an effort to keep LBD's attention off of Wukong himself.

Macaque has that revelation loooong before Yuebei is born.

You see...

When Macaque was still processing that Wukong (his former mate) had been pregnant with the Egg for many many years - he had a brief brain-fart during "Shadow Play" and at during his panic he asks;

Macaque: "Is it my kid!? Wait..." *glares at MK really hard* "Are you my kid???" MK: "Wut." Macaque: "No, no, wait, thats dumb, it's the same baby now as back then. Sorry bud, but I am totally freaking out right now." MK: "Because you spent the last couple hundred years being a deadbeat dad?" Macaque, grabs MK by the shoulders: "YES!!"

The rest of the MKrew escape the Shadow Lantern simply because Mac was panicking so hard he dropped it. Even being super mad at him, they stay until he stops hyperventillating. In Mac's defense, he's not sure how long normal Stone Monkey pregnancies should be.

Even once the realisation kicks in that the "Egg" is a Stone Egg formed from Wukong being encased in the mountain without resources - Macaque has a second "crap Im dad" realisation when he realises that him abandoning/cutting-off Wukong back then is what triggered the process. He still wants to take responsibility for the Egg as it's indirect creator.

And ofc during S3, Macaque notices how protective/paternal Wukong is with MK and starts to realise;

MK might not be Macaque's kid, but Wukong certainly considers MK to be *his* kid.

Macaque has tricked, fought, and psychologically tormented said kid in his goal to either hurt Wukong or extract information.

Macaque is now being forced to capture said kid and/or Wukong for LBD less he suffers a fate worse than death. And while Macaque would hate to do either, he can't stand the thought of handing Wukong over. So MK is his primary target throughout S3, even if Mac tries his best to "soften the blow" if it were when he tries capturing him.

MK is super excited to meet the Egg when it's finally born, and is acting in a manner typical of an older monkey cub wanting to care for their younger sibling. It's too fricking cute and-

Well crap, now Mac doesn't want to turn the kid over. Mostly cus doing so will def hurt Wukong and make his King somehow hate Mac even more than he does now.

Maybe if they do get the Samadhi Fire, him and Wukong might- Macaque, begings violently batting away his talkative shadow clones: "NOPE! Get the heck out of here with that!! I'm just getting the Fire to be free of LBD's influence!"

And once Yuebei is finally born...

Wukong, talking to the baby: "Bao bei [treasure], this is your big brother, MK. Well, honorary big brother, but you get what I mean." MK, holding Yuebei: *is so happy he can't form words + is happy-crying* Macaque: *trying his best not to ask MK "hey, wanna be our son?", cus Mk has his adoptive dads + Mac thinks the kid hates him anyway* "Hah. Crybaby." MK, still crying: "Shut up. You cried when you saw her for the first time." Macaque, trying his best not happy-cry again: "She looks like me! Of course I'd cry - such a curse to place upon a innocent soul!" Wukong: *sighs fondly at the back-and-forth*

Mac's gut reaction is to insult others/himself when he feels emotionally vulnerable, and MK knows how to flip it around.

It very much becomes a "Dad treating his eldest son vs younger daughter" situation, especially if Bai He is thrown into the mix. Mac will 100% spoil his little princesses, but MK...

MK can handle it. He's Wukong's heir. He's ok with Mac only really being soft on him when no one else is around. Secretly Mac's kinda jealous of the dad-attention Pigsy, Wukong, and even Tang get from the kidm even though in his heart he knows it's unlikely MK will ever see Mac as a father figure.

#slow boiled stone egg au #stone egg talk #six eared macaque #liu er mihou #qi xiaotian #shadowpeach #pregnancy tw #shadowpeach being parents

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lostacelonnie · 8 days

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Hi, don't know if you remember me but you recently rbed my post about how Siegfried reuniting w his daughters was a rushed scene and I wanted to hear your opinions on the matter? Sorry if it's overstepping but im just curious haha.

Have a nice day!

AH HI!!! right yes i did thank you for reminding me!!!! i have very strong opinions on the matter so ill be happy to share.

(for people who haven't seen the og post, here it is)

THE SHORT VERSION: i agree with you completely and am Extremely Angry at mihoyo because EVERYONE is mischaracterized in that scene. or rather, in the entirety of moon arc, but that's something for another post.

THE LONG VERSION:

I Am So Fucking Mad.

so first of all, im probs gonna focus on bianka a lot in this because im unbelievably obsessed with her. and goddamn was that scene so bad. and also repeat a lot of things you Already Said.

to begin. it's very rushed!!!!!! this scene in its Base Format is inherently flawed simply because... bianka would not reveal her origin that early. like obviously at that point she was already being written very ooc [LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IN THE ARC. SERIOUSLY. IM SO ANGRY ABOUT THAT] but arrrghgh. at least before this scene they at least pretended to preserve bianka's. how do i call it. General Cautiousness?

this is something that clearly means a lot to her and is shown before trying to figure out how to break the news in a gentle way. she is simply not a person who would say [in a very strangely spoken way] "oh im your daughter by the way". She Would Not. this is a woman who would awkwardly try to hang out with these two for a solid 2 months as she feels out how to Tell Them. while obviously, during moon arc she had already spent enough time with the rest of the main cast to Chill Out a bit, she's still just!! kind of emotionally and socially awkward!!! but in a completely different way than showcased in moon arc. does that make sense

also bianka does not speak like that istg if mhy doesn't learn the difference between a character that is Kind Of Serious and a character that sounds like they use a thesaurus for most their sentences-

but kiana and siegfried aren't safe from this either!!!!!! as you said. they departed on Not Great terms and have been separated for years. while they act as if its been maybe a couple of days. its very disappointing for me personally to see the complete lack of regard for the fact that yes, they do care about each other and this reunion is a very happy one, but still!! their bond was. a rocky one.

plus, there's a giant difference between a preteen and, at that point, an adult woman so. siegfried is not meeting the same person he lost. kiana has changed, and due to her experiences- probably even abnormally so, so they NEED to rebuild their relationship simply because even IF before their separation there was no conflict, it would change the fact its been far too long to treat each other as if they have never been apart.

AND the fact that kiana especially was so... unbothered? by the fact that DURANDAL IS HER SISTER. like. do i even have to elaborate. kiana kaslana, world's #1 identity crisis haver, someone who idolized, hated, and respected bianka [in that order], was just like. okay 💗 yay 💗? sighs so deeply. look at how they massacred my girls

theres much more i could say but i dont quite know how to put most of my dislike of this scene into words so like. arrggh. it was personally very very frustrating to me because, as i said, i am a big fan of both kiana's and bianka's. identity, and especially family heritage, is an extremely important part of both of their characters and it was physically painful for me to see a scene i looked forward to A Lot be dismissed like this.

which, unfortunately, is true for most of the moon arc, since it was the worst offender for characterization [or rather, lack thereof] in the entire game, with basically everyone being reduced to a mildly philosophical much so devoid of personality i probably couldn't tell their lines apart if presented with a couple. but alas.

at least salt snow holy city arc was amazing

#I HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE. I HAVE STRONG OPINIONS ABOUT THIS AND AM VERY MAD. sighs.#asks #biankaposting #eh sure ill put it in the main tags. look at my takes boy #honkai impact 3rd #hi3rd #bianka ataegina #kiana kaslana #siegfried kaslana

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cupoftaae · 1 year

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Forever and a day (KTH x READER) series♡ boys never grow up. chapter 3

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count: around 2k!!

chapter warnings: so much angst, some fluff if you squint. tae is really sad and reader is kind of mean in this chapter (but shes just confused its ok!) some suggestive talk but nothing major. i think thats all?

A/N- hey everyone! thank you for being so patient with this chapter, I apologize again for going offline for like 2 months, school and work is so crazy but Im glad to be back and writing. Enjoy chapter 3 and check my page for the previous 2 chapters. I will make a masterlist with each chapter soon.

"Honestly if you ask me, hes not doing you any favors. hes holding you back, he works from home and expects you to stay there with him, like a child who depends on their parent. its pathetic. I dont know why hes so defensive over you, He probably has a crush. Hes not very good at hiding it-"

you stared off at the wall behind your boyfriend, Kaito, as he rambled about the previous days altercation. you agreed to meet him for breakfast at the cafe down the street despite you trying to find an excuse out of it that wasnt: "I need to talk to Tae".

you had tried to communicate with tae as soon as you walked out of your room but he was afraid you were mad, and made up some lie about meeting with a friend. you know tae isnt meeting up with anyone. perhaps kaito was correct about the whole 'he depends on you' type thing, because since you guys had agreed to be friends with benefits, he isolated himself to just you. it was slightly concerning considering the fact you two are no longer exclusive, yet he remains emotionally attached.

"What do you think?" he spoke up, taking a sip of his still steaming coffee, while yours remained untouched.

shit.

"about what?" your eyes grew large, hands resting in your lap as you met his confused and slightly irritated gaze.

"about moving in with Chae? I just said it?"

you scoffed under your breath and looked out the window, shaking your head. he was still talking about this? you think he would learn and know better after last nights scene which was caused by this very topic.

"i dont....I dont know kai. Ive got a lot on my plate right now, and she hasnt even reached out to me about that so" you shrugged and looked down at your mug.

"whats going on with you?" he began, eyes scanning over your slumped frame. "you are a mess lately, you dont listen to me when I talk, you havent been keeping up with homework, youre always busy."

you sadly fidgeted with your coat sleeve, realizing everything he was saying was true.

"you know your grades are dropping in Ms.Daniels class right? you never submitted your final scene for the semester and she keeps bugging me to tell you about it, even though you should be keeping track of it yourself, Y/N"

you sighed deeply before nodding, feeling tears at the brim of your eyes. " i know" you mumbled.

"you are becoming distracted. dont let him do that to you. hes 23 years old and he is acting like that? keeping you from being successful just because he dropped out of college himself?"

you felt like your heart had been stabbed by your boyfriends words. You loved tae, he was your best friend, you spent all night in tears over how guilty you felt about this whole situation. you loved him, more than you had realized, but within those thoughts you also came to the conclusion that all you two had was sex. there was no dates, there was no true quality time together that didnt end up with you both making out. You wanted better, you wanted a relationship, which is the one thing Tae didnt want, and you know he would never date you.

Maybe that was it, all these harbored feelings which longed for something he would never give you. but you have kaito now, and its not fair for you to allow Taehyung to cling to your feet while also pursuing a relationship. what were you thinking? about to give up a relationship with a man who actually will give you want you want for some playdate? get yourself together y/n.

"you are right." you swallowed and wiped a tear, looking up at him. he frowned, "im not trying to hurt your feelings, im just saying what I think can help"

"no, no, angel." you reached over to hold his hand. "I need to start focusing on me and less on him. You are correct"

"can I ask you something?" Kaito mumbled, his thumb running over your knuckles.

"hm?"

"were you and him ever together?"

you laughed, shaking your head while trying to think of exactly how to word it. "no. we were never together in any kind of way" you offered a reassuring smile as he nodded.

"ok, im just trying to figure out why he could be so obsessed with you" he laughed

you hummed, "me and him have been friends since we were little, we do everything together and I think since he moved away from his parents, i remind him most of home?" you shrugged.

"maybe. or he likes you" he laughed again.

you bit your lip and shook your head. "no, I dont think so"

"ive seen the way he looks at you." he went on, sitting back. "im a man, y/n, I know these things".

"what things?"

"you know...like when a guy is 'intruiged' by a girl, wants to 'be' with them." he gestures. "to be honest he does seem like the kind to just try and get what he wants then leave" he added on casually, eating the last bite of the shared muffin in front of you.

you were in shock. Is that what all men did? did taehyung only see you in that way?

"and...how do you see me?"

kaito looks back at you and smiles, "i see you as the most beautiful girl, who I love immensely and would do anything for"

your cheeks blush, sitting back in your seat as your hands fidgeted.

"do you wanna just spend the day together? you dont have to go back tonight, id imagine things are....tense, back at the apartment" kaito suggested, standing up and tossing trash away.

spend the day and spend the night with kaito? but what about taehyung? another missed opportunity to finally talk with him.

"sure" you mumble. "but I do need to head home first for a few hours so I can finish some homework, can you pick me up around 6?" you ask, getting up as well.

he kissed your forhead. "ill be there"

Taehyung had been sitting by the lake while he attempted to read "The Catcher In The Rye", a book you previously suggested to him. He didnt understand this type of literature, it wasnt for him. He was never the type to sit and read, but oh how he wanted to be like you.

he lied and told you he was meeting up with a friend from high school, which he knew you wouldnt believe, considering he doesnt have any friends. He just wanted an excuse to avoid you and whatever angry words you had to share with him.

he realized a few things last night, 1, that the chance of you feeling how he feels about you, was literally 0 now. and 2, he needs to get his shit together. It would be hard to just throw away how he felt, especially with what Dahyun said last night. but he knew nothing would come from this. tae needs to focus on tae.

He never regretted his college decision, but he regretted devoting his time so young with some fucking business corporation. If he could chose to do anything, it would be an artist, or something like that. He would love to teach art to younger children. He loved kids and the freedom of expression, the freedom of just being and living. He wished he had motivation to go after what he wanted like you did. Perhaps he believes reading books you enjoy will somehow change him.

or not, considering hes reread the same page 4 times. he looked up to view the water. the way it rippled slightly with the wind. His attention was then caught by a much older man sitting just on the other side of the lake with an easel and canvas, painting. he smiled to himself as he began to think of all the possibilities his life could go in. Since the pandemic, hes kinda been at a stand still. Now the world is open and, truthfully, if he tries hard enough, he could do whatever he wanted. maybe he was too dependent on certain people in his life.

he looked down at his phone to check the time, seeinng you had texted him. He nervously opened the message which contained:

bumblebee: hey, staying over at kaitos tonight. im home rn so do you want me to cook something for you and leave it for dinner? lmk."

he scoffed. you seriously think he cant cook or fend for himself. Hell, you start a kitchen fire ONE TIME and suddenly you cant make dinner.

his eyebrows furrowed. he didnt care anymore if you were gonna spend time with kaito. you were not his to claim. you dont care so why should he? he wants to just forget about everything, the friends with benefits, the dream, YOU, everything.

you had stopped typing on your computer to read his response,

tata: no, thank you though. have fun!

you rolled your eyes, considering throwing together some miso soup and putting it on the stove for him. you knew he was still angry, you hadnt even been able to talk or sort it out, but he was trying to pull some act on you.

you left him on read before getting up and cooking, knowing he would end up eating it anyway.

Taehyung had stood from his spot and brushed the grass stain off his jeans before walking back home. He hoped he wouldn't have to talk to you, but the minute he walked in proved it would be harder than he thought.

you were stood in the kitchen, hair pulled back in a clip and you were applying lipstick through the reflection of the microwave.

you both saw eachother, speaking at the same time.

"is that my book?" "you made soup?"

you both smiled. "you read the book while you were with your friend?" you mumble, screwing the cap back onto your lipstick and throwing it into your overnight bag.

"yep" he pressed his lips together. "he had to, uh, leave early and I wanted to enjoy the nice air today so I stayed out longer. Brought it to keep me busy."

you crossed your arms and looked at him, nodding.

"hm, what do you think of Holden?" you asked.

his eyebrows raised as he looked at the book in his hand.

"uh, I mean. Hes a great guy" tae shrugged nonchalantly.

you scoffed. "no he isnt, hes incredibly flawed, and you did not read that book taehyung"

he looked toward the floor, accepting defeat. "Ok...but look" he walked further into the kitchen as he explained himself. "I cant get into it, I dont get any of the books that you recommend, like cmon what the hell is the 'bird that flew over the cuckoos tree'???"

"its 'nest' tae, and of course you cant get into it" you laughed to yourself. "they arent meant for you."

he put the book down on the table and looked up sadly, confused. "what does that mean?"

you sigh "it means you are childish"

"oh" he looks back at his shoes, deciding not to say anything further.

"you just like simple things, things that dont complicate you. stick to mangas and shit." you spoke, checking your bag so you have everything ready to go to kaitos.

you didnt mean to be rude. but you were fed up. here he is being all attached and in your space again, not even addressing or apologizi-

"look im sorry" he spoke up, voice raspy as he clears it.

you stand to look back at him, eyebrows raised.

"im sorry for being awful last night, it was so out of order and I understand I am quick to act like that and Ill do what I can to avoid it. Im sorry I made things weird, im sorry I embarrassed you and your boyfriend, im sorry for all of it. I am sorry that you feel like you cant talk to me, and im sorry for reading your book, or not? reading it? Im sorry that the reason I was so off yesterday is because I had a dream where we were intimate and it made me feel gross and disgusting because not even 5 hours later your boyfriend was in the room. im sorry that im too involved with you, you are my best friend and you are only that. I wont hold you back anymore, have fun at kaitos and text me. or dont, i dont care. Thanks for the soup." he spoke flatly, taking a breath as he finished then walking casually to his room as you stood there frozen, unsure of what to do or say.

"what the fuck?" you whispered to yourself, trying to unpack everything he just said. A dream??

you clutched your head and sighed. everything is such a mess. you finished throwing stuff into your bag and grabbed your phone, wanting kaito to pick you up an hour earlier, you needed to get out of the apartment and free your mind of whatever the fuck is going on. you needed to just have a nice time with your boyfriend.

taehyung leaned against the door to his bedroom and watched you leave with kaito. once you were gone, he shut the door and threw his hands to his face in shame. he really just let everything go there.

He wanted to rip the bandaid off, he wasnt sure it was the best way to do it but....kinda too late now. He wasnt sure what you would think of him now, but his conscience is now clean and he can do what he has been wanting to do: move on.

A/N: whew. the plot thickens. !!expect chapter 4 to be out friday!! comment to join taglist!

@taebangtanbabe

@turnthepageandbeburnt

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winter-soldier-vibes · 3 years

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Can I request HSP + depression reader (who thinks they are just weak and being crybaby) x Bucky, please? I understand you are super busy right now and I didn’t mean to rush you or anything but I'm just struggling with both HSP and depression and couldn’t help but send it right now. No need to hurry, just when you are free and maybe when you had nothing to write. Thank you and I love you!

Thank you for the request, I’m sorry it’s been a difficult time for you! I’m here if you need me and I hope that this helps!!!

It’s called empathy

Bucky x reader

Word count: 1981

Warnings: depression, HSP (highly sensitive person), low self worth, negative self talk, swearing (that’s normal for me but this one’s a little extra), angst (more so internal idk if that needs a warning), fluff/comfort

Taglist: @buckys2thicc @babydaddy-buckybarnes @barnesplums @peggycarter-steverogers @mardema @abitgryffindorky @buckys-blue-eyes @strawberrimae @thatfangirl42 @freigeistundanderes @bucks-bunny @broadwaybabe18 @im-sick-of-failing

Taglist Masterlist

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Breathe in

Breathe out

Out

...in…

You felt a tear escape your eyes

Goddamn it

You didn’t want to cry, you couldn’t let yourself. It was stupid, it was just some shitty remark from someone when they were in a shitty mood, it wasn’t your fault, all that bullshit you tried to tell yourself. It never worked.

You were trying to control your breathing, looking up at the ceiling trying to will the tears away, biting your lip. You would not cry, not over this. Not over something that wasn’t worth your tears

Not when you didn’t even know what exactly you were crying over.

Yet here you were, gripping the edge of the bathroom sink with white knuckles, looking up at the ceiling trying to keep the tears at bay. And it wasn’t working.

Weak sensitive piece of shit.

What good were you to the team if you cry in the bathroom like a baby every time something remotely stressful happens? People usually cry when they're in pain or when they’re grieving - the only excuse you had was you were stressed or sad.

You felt another few tears escape and you angrily swiped them away, cursing yourself for being so weak.

You hated this, you hated yourself. You were so numb most of the time, especially when you were alone. You found yourself alone in your room with racing thoughts feeling like you were falling apart. Yet when you were alone you could only stare at the ceiling wondering if it would get any worse.

The answer was usually yes.

Whenever you would go on missions with the team, you were able to push aside your stress. You had a job to do and you would do it. But when the mission was over and you were walking back through the rubble - seeing all the blood, destruction, fear - then it would start to get to you. You would panic, you would feel tears cloud your vision. Tears for those you were leaving behind, and those who had nowhere to go, those who lost someone. That was understandable.

It seemed to affect you more than the others though. It was understandable to be moved by so much destruction. But for you everyone felt like someone you had known and loved.

You could feel the grief in those left behind, feel the sadness and pain that they were going through.

The same was true when you weren’t on missions. When those who were on them would come back. Whether they were injured or their eyes were saddened - you knew when a mission was rough. You would listen, you would be there for people. It was easy to talk to you, and you were very wise.

But it still overwhelmed you. You couldn’t say no, you didn’t want to. You wanted to help but it would be so emotionally taxing for you. So behind closed doors, you would break. Be there for others, listen when they need to talk, others come first - you took their emotional pain onto yourself.

You were grateful that you could help - but in the process it was hurting you.

You allowed yourself to feel sad when you were alone in your room. No one could see you be weak in the dark of your room. But you never cried much just from the pure exhaustion of your thoughts. Sometimes you wanted to, just feeling so incredibly empty that you just wanted to have an ugly crying session curled up in bed.

But you didn’t get to make that choice.

The crying wouldn’t come until the absolute worst times. If you had messed up on a mission, if Tony said something a little too harshly because to him everything was a joke, seeing something gruesome on a mission- whenever it came to someone else getting involved, the tears would come. Hell sometimes even being overwhelmed in public would be enough to start the waterworks.

You always felt so fucking weak for it. The slightest environmental stressor could stress you out too much and move you to tears. You had no reason to be upset most of the time. But you would get angry at yourself for being upset, which would make you more upset that you couldn’t control it, making it harder to control.

It was a vicious cycle.

Lately it had been popping up more and more recently. Smaller things were upsetting you more than usual. You were becoming more sensitive to external stimuli and as a result, you spent as much time as you could in your room. You were embarrassed by yourself. Both by your emotions and by your inability to control them.

This time you were just upset that you were upset. It had been a long night the day prior, just a lot of paperwork to do. There had been a mission earlier this week that you hadn’t been assigned to, but it had been brutal for everyone who had gone. So far today had been a normal day by anyone’s terms, an emotionally exhausting one for you. One of those where you woke up tired and the thoughts of another day were enough to draw you to tears. Nothing had even happened, but apparently nothing needed to happen.

Your emotions came and went without your consent.

You knew deep down it was probably some sort of emotional build up - that whole quote about bottling things up until they got to be too much - it happened every time but you still thought you could handle yourself better than that. You didn’t want to vent or be a problem to anyone. But when you are the emotional support for most of the team and you haven’t been able to get enough sleep or take time for yourself - you didn’t have much of a say as to when the bottle overflows.

A few more tears fell and you slammed your hand on the counter, wiping your tears angrily once more. “God fucking damn it why can’t you just stop fucking crying!” you exclaimed, feeling a few more tears falling “Weak piece of shit!”

There was knocking on the door, pulling you out of your self deprecating thoughts. You gasped lightly, wiping your face again.

Knock knock

You jumped a little, gasping slightly. No one was supposed to be here, it was the middle of the night.

“Y/n? What’s going on in there? Are you alright?”

You took a shaky breath. Of course it would be Bucky who heard you. Why would it be anyone else?

“I’m fine Bucky, it’s late, you should go to sleep.”

“Then why are you still awake?” Bucky responded. You heard him sigh a little outside the door. “Come out here and tell me you’re okay.”

“Really Bucky?”

“Unless you want me to come in there, but I don’t think Stark would appreciate me breaking your door.”

You took a small breath and walked over to the door, opening it. You crossed your arms and met Bucky’s concerned eyes. “I’m fine, Bucky.”

Bucky sighed, taking in your appearance. Red eyes, flushed face, your hair was messy - you were definitely crying. He hated when you wouldn’t admit that you weren’t ok. “You know you don’t have to be, right?”

You clenched your jaw, trying to keep fresh tears from clouding your vision. “What?”

“You say you’re fine, you always say that you’re fine until you break. I heard you crying, I can see that you’re not feeling okay yet still you try to keep a brave face. And I just want you to know that you don’t have to always be okay.”

You let out a breath. “I - i…” you looked down and shook your head, lost for words.

“Y/n, I’m not here to judge you. Can you try to tell me what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” you said looking up at him “It’s literally so stupid, Bucky.”

“Y/n, nothing you say right now is going to sound stupid.

You shrugged your shoulders, still not quite meeting his eyes. “I don’t know, I just get so worked up sometimes, but it’s stupid. I tell myself I’m not going to be bothered and then I freak out again. The smallest things bother me and I get stressed out and then I cry like some stupid weak bitch. People have it worse than me, God, you have it worse than me. Everyone here has some sort of traumatic awful thing happen to them and then there’s me and I get sad because I see other people sad,” you were crying again and you wiped at your face, covering your eyes. “God Im so fucking stupid I -”

Bucky pulled you into his chest as you let out a sob. “You’re not stupid, y/n.”

“YES I AM. I get worked up over the smallest shit, I don’t listen when people tell me to take breaks, I take everything too personally and I can’t stop fucking crying when I don’t even know what the fuck is wrong!” you exclaimed, trying to push yourself away, ashamed.

Bucky held you tightly, not letting you go. “That’s not your fault. It’s not up to you how your feelings show up.”

“But I cry at the most stupid shit and I can’t control it.”

“You’re not supposed to know how to control it,” he said, pulling back to look at you. “Emotions can’t be controlled. They just happen and it’s rarely convenient.”

“Then why do I feel so weak? If this,” you gestured to yourself “is so goddamn normal then why isn’t everyone else breaking down every other day?”

Bucky brushed some hair out of your face. “Your emotions are yours, no one else’s. No one has the right to tell you how to feel. Think of it this way - you can’t expect everyone to have the same amount of strength or stamina - no one has the same emotional response either. And that doesn’t make you weak, it makes you you.”

You shook your head. “I just feel so weak all the time.”

“And I’m here to remind you that crying isn’t weak. You are not a weak person, you are not a bad person, you’re not any of those things your mind tells you. You’re a kind and thoughtful person. You put your heart into everything you do. You help everyone you can. Mourning someone else’s loss isn’t weakness. It’s called empathy.”

You took a small breath. “Then why does it hurt so goddamn much?”

“”I don’t know. And I can’t say for certain that you won’t always feel that way. But I know I can tell you that you aren’t weak, and I’ll be here every time you feel that you are.”

You nodded your head slightly. “You don’t think I’m weak?” you asked quietly.

He pulled you back into a hug. “Not in the slightest, y/n.”

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sunarintoes · 3 years

Text

Synopsis: Yn Ln is an environmentalist - Miyagi University’s very own campus ‘Green Thumb.’ One day Hinata Shōyō - who happens to be a close friend of Yn, invites them to come to one of his races. The only problem is that this race of his is… illegal. Follow the journey of Yn who has been sucked into the world of illegal street racing with one goal: to create an eco friendly race car!

WC: 1.1K

Pairings: Oikawa x reader, Iwaizumi x reader, Kiyoko x reader (not poly)

masterlist

My Dear Friend

‘Oi Shittykawa! Stop spacing out, we’re about to go in an important race.’ Oikawa stays still and refuses to acknowledge Iwaizumi’s presence. Iwaizumi sighs, ‘dont race. Your head hasn’t been in it the past month, it's too risky to race in the streets when you don't have a clear mind.’

‘Im fine-’

‘No youre not! You haven't improved one bit over the last month, you're more cunning than usual and to top it off you've been sleeping with every girl and guy that’s thrown themselves at you. You're going to get an STD if you're not careful.’

‘I don't need you looking out for me like I'm some trouble prone child.’

Iwaizumi clenches his fists. ‘I'm your best friend you piece of shit! That's exactly what I'm supposed to do!’ he shouts, headbutting Oikawa. ‘Don't you understand- what's wrong! We promised each other not to keep secrets!’

‘I'm not keeping secrets per se.’

‘But you're hiding something.’

Oikawa and Iwaizumi stop and stare at each other, ‘it has something to do with Yn doesn't it?’

‘No!’ He begins but is interrupted by a coughing fit, ‘sorry, choked on some spit.’

Iwaizumi sighs and sits down next to Oikawa, ‘a month ago I spent the day with Yn before they rushed off somewhere in a panic. You didn't come back to the apartment until one in the morning or so and you were piss drunk. You had two girls with you as well. Since then Yn hasn’t spent much time with me - not that they really did beforehand but at least before they did not avoid me. Doesn't help that they’re back with her ex.’

Oikawa’s eyes widened at this, ‘back with their ex?’

‘Yeah. It hurts man.’

‘Oh… I'm sorry.’

‘Don't be, not your fault. I guess the timing just wasn't right.’

‘You're going to give up just like that?’

‘I guess.’

‘That lame.’

‘You’re lame.’

‘Not as lame as you, coward.’

Iwaizumi tackles Oikawa to the ground, ‘what am I supposed to do? Ruin her relationship?’

‘Yes! Well no, but don't give up. She seemed pretty hesitant to get back with her ex- I’m sorry Iwa, this is my fault.’

Iwaizumi pauses and sits back up, realising that Oikawa is being serious for once in his life. ‘How do you know that, what makes you sorry?’

Oikawa takes a deep breath in and out. ‘Yn and I are- were strangers before I cut it off and we discussed things between us while still remaining somewhat emotionally distant-’ he pauses, ‘to put it simply, they caught me in the middle of a breakdown and they consoled me and took me out for a drink. Non alcoholic of course. That night we made a deal to become strangers with benefits - we confide in each other and spend time with each other without being friends or falling in love and all that,’ not that that really worked Oikawa muses in his head.

‘So you and Yn are friends?’

‘No, we never were and never will be. We were strangers. Hence the use of past tense Iwa-pooh.’

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes, ‘so you were strangers that acted like friends. What happened?’

Oikawa looks down and hugs his knees closer, ‘it's my fault, she came late to our meet up and I got angry, I… I had so many feelings bottled up and I took my anger out on her and it's too late to repair it and I’m a horrible person Iwa. Oh my god, I really am a bad person. What am I doing here? I- I need to leave, I’m toxic to this environment, I’m toxic to you Iwa-’

‘Stop it. Oikawa you're human! Humans make mistakes. You just made a mistake but you can fix it if you explain and apologise. I know how much you're suffering and I've never understood why you can't just tell me about your problems,’ he shifts to a softer tone, ‘but at least you're learning now, well done bud.’ He pats Oikawa on the back. ‘I’m proud of you, you’re finally telling me what's on your mind - like what best friends do.’

There are so many questions Iwaizumi has for him but he knows Oikawa is too fragile at the moment and he doesn't want to scare him off so he stays silent, offering support through the soothing motion of his hand rubbing in circles along Oikawa’s back.

When Oikawa calms down, Iwaizumi still continues to rub his back. ‘I'm not crying anymore, you don't have to do this,’ but one look at Iwaizumi tells Oikawa he is no longer doing this to comfort him, but to comfort himself.

Iwaizumi has tears gathered at the corner of his eyes and appears to be doing everything to keep them contained.

‘Iwa-pooh,’ Oikawa sighs as he brings his own arm up to repeat the rubbing motion on his friend’s back. ‘You know it's not good to bottle up your emotions. It's your turn to be vulnerable now. Come on, let it out… there, there, it will all be better soon.’

‘I'm just... worried for you and heartbroken I guess.’

‘My my, what a lovely friend you are. No point worrying about me, I'm an adult. I can handle things myself.’

‘No you can't, you're immature.’

‘Lalalalala~ I can't hear you!’

‘This is exactly what I mean!’

‘Listen up Iwa-pooh, let's get your date back.’

‘I've already told you they’re back with her ex, idiot.’

‘Oh yeah I heard but I don't care. Let's break them up-’

‘No! Oikawa you shitty bastard we’re not doing that.’

‘Tch, why not?’

Iwaizumi sighs, ‘because we're not bad people. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be.’

‘Fine, I guess I'll just get her back as my friend then.’

‘So you admit it? You are friends-’

‘No! No! No! A hundred times no! That was a mistake I didn't mean to say. Besides looking at the time, the race is going to start in ten or so. See ya!’

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #adkor #iwazumi x reader #iwaizumi hajime x reader #haikyuu various x reader #haikyuu street racing au #oikawa x reader #haikyuu angst #haikyuu fluff #oikawa toru x reader #kiyoko x reader #shimizu kiyoko x reader

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burnedbyshoto · 4 years

Note

Can I request a self conscious chubby Shouto? Reader gives him kisses on his tummy and reassures him about his weight?

tw: shouto has poor body image, fluff, angsty

shouto had been hospitalized for five months.

after what was most definitely the most horrific villain attack seen on live tv against only one hero, the doctors never shut up about how he was lucky to have won, how lucky he was to be alive. it was far after the days that recovery girl had passed, and with no healing quirk having matched her ability it had been a long five months in hospice care.

he had spent one month in a coma and the next four just healing. it had been a hard four months, his body almost refusing to move, black and yellow bruises covered his body still, and the diet... the diet they had him on was one that was supposed to help him gain weight. it was to help with his healing and aid with the muscle gain he was going to need in order to be where he once was - he understood that and he appreciated the doctors doing what was best for him but he didn’t understand how he went from his strong, toned, and lithe form to one with flappy arms, pooling thighs, and a tummy so large he couldn’t see his toes without leaning forward. he never thought he would hate that he couldn’t see his jawline anymore, that he could hate that he couldn’t sit up without feeling his stomach, hate that he was so hungry all the time. he hated that he was so... he was so—

“welcome home!” you cheered merrily, guiding shouto back into the house that had been without his presence for almost half a year.

he tried to focus on you and only you, your mindless babble about how you had learned how to make cold soba noodles for him while he was in the hospital (although you made sure to insist that they weren’t that good so to not get his hopes up, but shouto was tittering on being excited and nauseous at the thought of having endless cold soba), how you had temporarily moved the master bedroom into the closest room to the front door and kitchen just in case he wasn’t ready to move that much, how you had accidentally broken the sliding door but had his brother come and fix it for you, and of course just how happy and grateful you were that he was out. shouto tried to stay engaged but he could feel the eyes scorching on his back, the nosy neighbors and paparazzi who wanted the first pictures of him since his release.

he hated this, he hated his body right now, and their judgmental gaze burned him from the inside out. for over twenty years of his life he had never been without muscle on his body and now... now he was... he was—

“watch your step, you’re been limping again, I don’t want you to trip,” came your gentle voice, your foot planted on the stair and the other on the floor as if to support him in case he fell. like you could keep him upwards if he did, he bitterly thought.

regardless, shouto gave you a gracious half smile and carried through, stepping up to the stair and flinching when he felt that skin he was still starkly unfamiliar with move. but the moment the front door closed behind the both of you, shouto felt empty.

the rest of the day was filled with shouto adjusting to the house once more. adjusting to the way the floors creaked under his feet, of how you always waited for him to enter through the doorways instead of attempting to go through them with him, of how you lingered behind him with conscious eyes and nervous fingers. he knew you were worried, it was as obvious as the sun during a summer heat wave, but it offered him no comfort... it only made him feel worse, made him graze his fingers against his... his...

“why don’t you take a shower?” you suggest, your hands grabbing the dishes on the table. you had made soup, he was still to be on a mostly liquid diet until next week. “I bet this has been exhausting, and if you shower then I can shower and we can sleep early tonight!”

shouto strained a smile again, his tongue still failing to speak. he hasn’t spoken a word in weeks, but you never seemed to grow angry at his lack of words thankfully. his eyes fluttered close when you leaned across the table and pressed a kiss to his cheek, his body shivering both at the familiar contact that he loved and the aching pain that continued to be suppressed.

showering nearly killed him.

feeling the way that his body now worked within the confines of the small room made his head spin. he hated that he couldn’t merely twist his body anymore, he had to completely turn around. he hated that he had to use more body wash, his hands shaking when he maneuvered around the fat that had built on his stomach, the stretched skin that fell on his thighs and arms.

stretch marks... as if the scar on his face wasn’t enough.

with a shaky sigh, he turned off the water and exited the shower.

he wasn’t feeling too bad with the warm water soaking into his skin, but he made the mistake of looking into the mirror as he made his way back to the room.

a mistake.

his eyes bore into his figure, was this really him? he could barely recognize himself. this... this had to be a mistake, there was no way this was him. his hands pressed to his side, hoping that this was all a figment of his imagination, just some twisted depression that was keeping him bound to the worst of this all.

but his hands fell on his body right where he had hoped they wouldn’t, and something snapped within him.

CRASH!

shouto didn’t even realize that he was panting like some rabid animal, his body trembling with extreme force, and the room covered with ice and burn marks. he collapsed forward, suddenly feeling weak, and with every ragged breath tears pricked at the back of his eyes, threatening to fall out but wouldn’t.

he was...

he was f--

“shouto? are you okay in there?”

he couldn’t even bother turning his head to look over at the opening door, but had he, he would’ve seen the way that your head peeked in, your eyes focused with concern, sympathy, and love. he focused on his hands, the white of his gripping knuckles, and the bulge of his veins.

“I-I’m okay,” he finally spoke, his head remaining low, horrid thoughts plaguing his head as the cold hallway air drafted into the room sending shivers down his spine - not that he reacted to it.

“that’s a lie if I ever heard one,” you sigh, not even trying to give him the satisfaction of believing his lie. but again, that was a quality he loved about you. “I won’t press because i’m sure this has been an overwhelming day for you, but... i’m here for you, shouto, you know?”

it was then that your hand pressed against his spine, and shouto felt his soul leave his body.

he didn’t want you touching him like this, he thought, storming away, trying to avoid your worried look as he pushed past you.

no not like this, his eyes clenched and his fists trembled at his side.

he was ugly, he gasped for air as he entered the room, his vision swimming.

he was... he was--!

“please don’t cry... please don’t cry without telling me why you’re upset!” your voice begged and shouto hated how distraught you sounded. “are you in pain?”

“no. well, not really.”

“is this happening too fast? were you discharged too soon?”

“no... i’m fine.”

it’s....

“was it the food? I know i’m still learning, but I didn’t think the food was that bad!”

“n-no, not that...”

it’s because...

“then what’s going on, sho?”

“it’s because i’m fat!” shouto finally spat, his body shaking with exploding emotion, steam spilling from his body as if he was fighting some evil villain.

his face was set in stone, a look of pure emotionlessness as long as you didn’t look into his eyes. as long as you didn’t know that sad glint in his eyes meant that he was emotionally beyond repair right now. he saw your mouth drop, most likely to ease any ‘untrue’ thoughts that danced on his mind. he didn’t want to hear it.

“I am, y/n, i’m fat. my clothes don’t fit and I have to wear these... throw away clothes! the doctors said im almost twice my usual weight. I-I have fat in places I didn’t even know existed, my stomach is so fucking huge i’m surprised kaminari hasn’t sent me some pregnant meme by now, and it took all my energy to just shower today. i’m fat!” shouto heaved, his forehead covered in cold sweat while glaring at the wall to the left of your head. he couldn’t look at you right now, not after that outburst.

the silence lingered thickly in the air, corroding the muscles in his throat, making his heart flutter in anxiety driven pulses while you shifted from foot to foot, your teeth gnawing at your lower lip. he wanted to apologize to you, for what he didn’t know but he felt bad. his actions were halted by you sharp inhale, and that kind strong smile that fell on your face.

“...well, im not going to fight you on that, but i’m glad you spoke your mind,” you said softly, your hands moving to grip each other while you tried to save face in front of him. it was obvious that you hadn’t even thought that which made shouto feel even guiltier. “I’m going to shower, so please get ready for bed, yeah? we’ll talk more once we’re in bed and relaxed a bit!”

shouto’s nostrils flared, his heart squeezing at the fact that you still showed him such kind and soft love, and so he nodded his head in agreement.

“I won’t take long,” you promised about your shower, and shouto smiled even if a bit emotionlessly before your lips pressed softly against his. “be right back, get ready.”

he wasn’t sure how long it took him to get ready and for you to join him in bed, but his eyes were opened and he was staring off at your side of the bed as you climbed into bed. the gentle, warm, and cool scent of your hair wash and body wash drafted into his nose, a very welcoming smell after months of knowing only the sterile smell of bleached walls and floors.

“you ready to talk?” you asked him, and shouto blinked once, twice, his sight refocusing on your shining eyes and furrowed brow. he knew immediately that you had a lot to speak on, most likely creating some sort of script to follow.

“no,” shouto couldn’t help but say, his own worries forgotten for a moment when the natural need to tease you infiltrated his veins. “but i’m ready to hear you talk.”

your lips pursed, twitching in a way that made it obvious to him at least that you were resisting the urge to verbally attack him.

“five months ago, I thought I was going to lose you.” you began, your eyes uncharacteristically dropping from his own gaze and trailing down his body, as if in disbelief that he was even here. your hands moved to his chest, pressing softly onto the skin that he was hateful towards. “when I got the news that you had been hospitalized, and that you had gone into a coma... I wasn’t sure what to think. but you woke up before I knew it and then four months went by after you woke up, and i’ve been so... grateful that you survived that I hadn’t even bothered to think about how you must be feeling about this entire thing. I know this is a lot of change, its a lot of change, and I don’t know how to really help, but this is what I think.”

shouto felt his breathing nearly stop as your fingers trailed down the fat on his arms, his chest and his stomach. your eyes almost shyly met his and you pressed a kiss to his lips, unwilling to allow him to think for a second that this was just some staged thing.

“your weight doesn’t define you. your weight doesn’t make you less desirable. does your weight make you fat? sure, it completely does, but there’s nothing wrong with being fat. fat is not ugly, fat is not weak, fat is not less. bodies need fat, its basic biology. without fat we can’t exist, we can’t do anything, and sure right now you have more than you’ve ever had - but it’s okay, you’re still healthy and that is what matters. i mean look at fat gum! sure, he needs to be fat in order for his quirk to work, but nevertheless, he’s fat and he’s a pro hero. he’s healthy and still he’s fat. if you would rather be skinny than fat, that’s okay, you can choose what you want to be, as long as it’s done with good intentions. at the end of the day you’re still my shouto, you’re the man I know and love because fat determines none of that. I love the fat on your body as much as I loved the abs because either way it’s you.”

the words rang heavy in his ears, all thoughts and reasons he had seemingly disappeared the moment the last word was said. and tears fell from his eyes when you kissed every spot on his body that he had once been dreadfully insecure about. every kiss to his stomach sent butterflies through every cell, every soft breath spreading chills until he was gasping for breath - until you were finally back to his face and pressing kisses to his face until he wrapped you closer.

“I love you in any form you take.”

a/n: it may not be my place to share this with you, but while writing this it actually reminded me of a ted talk I had seen once. I think its a very good talk, and dismantles a lot of mainstream thoughts about self love which I at least thought was important. if you were able to make it to the bottom of this, I suggest checking it out because as this video re-taught me, fat is not a synonym for ugly, and we should stop believing that it is.

#todoroki x reader #todoroki shouto x reader

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megan-is-mia · 3 years

Note

Hewoo im the yan!fem reader x trey anon uwu Ahhh omg thank you so much i love how it turned out 🤧🤧🤧

Also since youre accepting requests for valentines, i would like to request another yan!fem reader and trey again if you dont mind. I reread the new prompt list and i saw actually "3" prompts that i think could be connected somehow (?) Theyre actually prompts 73, 74 and 232. But if youre not comfortable with doing it, its ok uwu Anyways thank you again, Mia-san 🙇‍♀️

(Ohh and before i forget again, its up to you if you wanna do it in sfw or nsfw im fine with either hehehe)

(You’re right they do kinda sound connected! Sorry this isn’t nsfw I wasn’t feeling when I was writing >_<) 73. “If I hurt myself, will you take care of me?” 74. “I love it when you take care of me. I think I’ll hurt myself more just so you could do it forever.” 232. “The thought of you not talking to me makes me want to drive a knife through my skull!” (Trey Clover x Yandere! Fem S/o)

Trey was trapped. Not physically of course, no physically he looked to be as free as a bird. But emotionally and mentally? Oh, his being was essentially kept captive under lock and key. Who was the holder of the key? Why his crazy ex-girlfriend (Y/n) of course! Well, she was his crazy ex-girlfriend in his mind… in her mind, she was his quite sane and current girlfriend. It was not an understatement to say that the bespectacled male lived day to day in fear of when the young woman would go on a murderous killing spree.

Luckily it seemed that day was still far off in the future as (Y/n) current hobby was getting Trey to baby her. It had started with an innocent enough comment, during their mandatory hour of cuddling in the evening the young woman had said “If I hurt myself, will you take care of me?” catching the boy off guard causing him to stutter nonsensically for a few moments before finally answering “Yes, I would but I’d rather you didn’t go hurting yourself” to her question. The next day he’d been called to the nurse’s office and found (Y/n) was lying in a bed with a mysterious stab wound and a playful grin. Trey had wanted to call her out for maiming herself but didn’t dare cause a scene while there were other people present who might get caught in the crossfire of the young woman’s erratic behavior. He’d spent the next few weeks barely away from the girl’s bedside as he took care of her like the diligent boyfriend he was forced to play the role of.

I love it when you take care of me. I think I’ll hurt myself more just so you could do it forever” (Y/n) cooed as Trey helped her change the bandages around her stomach: removing the blood-soaked gauze, washing the skin, and then rewrapping her middle with fresh dressing. “I can’t wait until we’re old enough to get married, baby and you can be my sweet little househusband” the girl went on in a dreamy tone as she tenderly stroked the boy’s face with one hand.

“Why? Why are you doing this? Why would you go to such insane lengths (Y/n)?” Trey said with a sigh not really expecting the girl to give him any kind of answer at all. “Because you’re mine silly, everything about you belongs to me and only me. And yet… people keep trying to get between us and ruin what we have together. It pisses me off beyond belief and I just want to kill all those annoying assholes so we could live our lives without their constant harassment night and day” the girl said in a hiss as her face darkened with displeasure.

”But if I did that then you’d get very angry with me and might decide to not talk to me and I can’t bear to let that happen” (Y/n) went on her expression softening into a pout. “The thought of you not talking to me makes me want to drive a knife through my skull! I can’t help it, my life wouldn't be worth living if you aren’t in it” she went on staring at Trey with big eyes. The boy sighed again, he knew he was being manipulated but what could he do about it? Better to keep her happy so nobody, including her, got hurt... THE END

#Trey Clover #Yandere Reader #Twisted Wonderland #Yandere Twisted Wonderland #TWST #Yandere TWST

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jewelwayne101 · 4 years

Text

Obey Me x reader (Lucifer/Satan/Beel)

IMAGINE A SCENARIO WHERE MC CAME FROM AN EMOTIONALLY LACKING FAMILY. (NO GENDER SPECIFIED)

(This is for all those fellow peeps who grew up in an home where ‘i love you’s, hugs and kisses were very rarely there and fights often happened)

LUCIFER

Lucifer has been noticing that mc has been very quiet and always exhausted after a few conversations. Always shying away when large or even minor arguments and fights break out among the brothers. He had read through the report that had all of y/n’s information and noted that their family wasn’t the best, but who really had that? Deciding that he needed to talk to mc, Lucifer had called them into his office.

---

knocking on the door and slowly opening it, MC stepped inside and smiled up at Lucifer. “You need me for something Lucifer?” Said male nodded and waved to the chair in front of his desk. “yes please have a seat, i wish to discuss something with you.” Nervous, MC walked towards the desk and took a seat in the chair and looked up at Lucifer after getting settled. “Did i do something wrong?” Shaking his head no he spoke up “No i just wished to discuss something with you is all.” Clearing his throat he got to the point “now MC, i wish to know why you get so exhausted even after one conversation and shy away when someone even raises their voice just a little.” shifting in the chair anxiously, MC avoided his gaze clearing their throat, feeling put on the spot. “Its not really all that much of a big deal Lucifer, just how i was brought up i guess” What MC said sparked Lucifer’s interest and he stood up to sit on his desk in front of MC. “What do you mean, the way i was brought up?” Cringing at their poor choice in words, MC sighed. “i guess it’s just...When i was a child growing up, my parents were constantly fighting and involving me into their fights. So i just..made it an instinct that if im not around the fighting, they can’t bring me into it. For the exhaustion thing though, i’m just...not very social due to said fighting so it gets exhausting after a while.” Lucifer nodding at MC’s words not quite sure how to comfort them, gently reached out and placed a hand on MC’s shoulder trailing it to their cheek and tilted their head to look up at him. “Whenever anything that causes you to feel like this, come find me. You won’t even need to explain yourself. Just sit and collect yourself, okay?” Nodding, MC stood up and embraced Lucifer in their arms. “Thank you.” Awkwardly at first, he wrapped his arms around MC’s frame pulling them closer and smiled “my pleasure”

---

SATAN

MC had ran off during a dinner when everyone was at eachothers throats after a bad test score which caught everyone’s attention. Looking amongst themselves, Mammon looked the most outwardly worried. Satan cleared his throat and caught the attention of his brothers. “I will go and find them.” Rising to his feet and handing his food to Beel (whom was more than happy for the new found food) he set out looking for MC. Thinking where they could be, he walked towards the library. Gently opening the door he gazed inside and saw MC sitting up on the couch nose buried in a random book. Closing the door behind him he walked towards MC sitting on the opposite side of MC picking up a random book that was beside him and pretended to be reading. After a good couple minutes, MC looked up and jumped after noticing Satan sitting there. “S-Satan you scared me!” Chuckling, he sat up straighter and placed the book to the side of him. “My apologies MC, just came to check up on you after you off so suddenly. Normally you stick around longer.” Noticing at MC had bitten their lip and slouched their shoulders, he continued “you haven’t been yourself lately. You Don’t help Mammon with his shenanigans, You don’t seem to go shopping with Asmo anymore. You don’t even watch anime with Levi anymore. What is troubling you?” Taking a deep breath, MC had gently placed the book on their chest and looked up towards the high ceiling their head resting on the arm rest. “My...family wasn’t all that great. Constant fighting and screaming at one another. My parents even blamed me for some of their problems or used me to pin themselves against one another. So whenever fighting breaks out i try to take myself as far away from it as possible....I don’t mean to distance myself from everyone, its’s just...kinda what happens.” Satan could understand where MC was coming from having this crazy family himself. “Thing’s are a bit hectic here but i can assure you that they can get better. It may take time and it could get worse before it gets better, but there will always be the sun after a thunderstorm” MC smiled at the analogy about the sun as it wasn’t here and Satan noticed that. “Didn’t take you for a pun person.” “MC chuckled looking over at satan an unfamiliar look in their eye. “I’m not, but i love hearing them come from you.” Satan chuckled and scooted closer to MC now being able to feel their warmth.”Well how about a couple more?”

----

BEELZEBUB

It’s been a couple of months ever since the exchange program and getting settled back at home was harder than MC had first expected it to be. They were used to the constant hollering of the brothers but now they were back with their parents and screams can be heard all over the house as well as the shattering of glass. Unable to contain the exhaustion and the stress, large salty tears began to run down MC’s face soon the flood gates opening up and they had sat down on their bed knee’s pressed up to their chest, hands cupping their ears trying to block out the screams coming from seemingly everywhere. Attempting to try to place together their breathing enough they placed their hand on their pact mark with Beel and cried out his name “Please B-Beel...i need you here with me please!” After a couple of seconds which seemed like hours, a shadowy pentagram of Beel’s pact mark appeared in the middle of the air in front of her and out stepped Beel looking even more disheveled than usual. Beel, out of breath quickly stepped towards MC and pulled them into his larger frame. “What’s going on, are you okay?” Shaking their head, MC couldn’t stop the large salty tears from falling down their face. “Please...I don’t want to be in this house right now” Nodding, Beel took MC fully into his arms and walked back into the pentagram and spawned into his room. Gently laying MC on his bed he laid down beside them and MC had curled around Beel listening to his heart beat attempting to get their breathing and own racing heart to slow down. “Thank you Beel.” Shaking his head he smiled down at the smaller human, “I’ll always be there for you MC. Just call for me and i will always be there to come and get you.” MC smiled and for the first time months, they fell into a peaceful sleep with no screams to haunt it.

this randomly came to me and i spent two hours going over this and trying to keep them seperate because i know it gets annoying to read the same thing over and over again with no differences. Anyways hope who ever reads this, likes it. Any ideas for what to write, leave a comment or send me an ask and i’ll write it. BAI

#obey me lucifer #obey me satan #obey me brothers #obey me beelzebub #obey me x reader #obey me #x reader #angst #fluff #comfort #obey me mc

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thespianbooks · 3 years

Text

A Court of Nightmares and Starlight //Chapter 18//

Masterlist

(tags: @thron3ofbooks, @df3ndyr, @courtofjurdan, @art-e-mis, @herondamnn, @the-third-me, @im-still-trying-here, @emikadreams, @paytin77, @mis-lil-red, @sleeping-and-books, @lucieisabooknerd, @amandaraey-sunshine, @easy-p-lemon, @azymondias05, @dagypsygirl, @makeshift-utopia) *bold tags don’t work ;-;

“Only you can decide what breaks you.”--ACOWAR

XXX

A myriad of voices and faces faded in and out of darkness—surrounding me as I fought desperately to make sense of it all. Excruciating spasms ebbed in and out, leaving me unable to focus long enough to figure out where the pain was coming from. Perhaps it was all over my body, but during a particularly brutal wave; when I could hear myself crying out, I knew it came from my core. I saw Rhysand's face in the midst of my agony, his violet eyes like shattered glass and lined with silver—glimmering starlight falling down his face. It was so beautiful, but it seemed the night itself was weighing me down and I couldn't ask what caused him so much despair.

Twilight continued to envelope me, and I couldn't discern it from anything else. From the moment it took hold, it felt as if I were floating—images of concerned faces flashing across my vision every so often as my abdomen continued to throb. I knew those faces, knew their voices, but couldn't recognize anyone but my mate. He was my tether among the stars I drifted along in, until my world went dark once again.

XXX

Sunlight peeked through half-closed curtains—my curtains, I realized, as I made out the details of my bedroom. I blinked slowly as I looked around the familiar settings, my breath hitching in my throat as images of blood and pain came surging back to memory.

You're all right Feyre, it's okay

I turned at the sound of Rhys's voice, even through the bond, as he moved from the chair at my bedside to sit beside me. He looked like hell; his hair a disheveled mess with dark circles under his red-rimmed eyes, face still stained from those beautiful tears I remembered. My eyes went wide as I recalled where the pain had stemmed from and my hands flew to my stomach, gripping the fabric of my dressing gown.

"He's okay," Rhys breathed. His hand held mine, both of ours holding my stomach.

I was still pregnant. My son was alive.

I felt that all too familiar glimmer, my eyes slipping shut in relief as I sobbed. I gripped my stomach with both hands and sobbed again as I felt him move. Rhys bent down to press a kiss to my forehead before pressing his against it gently. He held my face as I cried, relieved, and I moved my hands to grip his shoulders as they shook lightly—his own tears mixing with mine as we held each other.

I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Rhys. I said down the bond, prepared to plead for forgiveness.

"Don't apologize Feyre. You have nothing to be sorry for," he said as he pulled back just enough for our eyes to meet.

"I put him at risk," I whispered as I stifled another sob in my throat. "I-I used my powers, and not even five minutes later I started cramping. I-I shouldn't have-" I sobbed again, and he shook his head, brushing the tears from my cheeks.

"You acted as High Lady. You did what you had to do for our city while I was away," he said, but I could hear the same anger that I held against myself laced in his voice. It was subtle, but it was there.

I opened my mouth to argue, but there was a gentle knock at the door followed by the voice of our healer. "It's me, my lord. I've felt the High Lady wake and need to reevaluate her current state."

Rhys pressed another kiss to my brow and straightened, waving a hand to unlock the door; allowing Madja to let herself in. The dark-skinned female smiled warmly at me as she approached my bedside.

"How are you feeling, lady?" She asked.

I sniffed and did a quick evaluation of myself. I was sore and weary—my usual fatigue exemplified by whatever my body had just been through. "Tired...and aching, but no pain." I answered, deciding that honesty would be my best course of action. I wouldn't take a chance on my son's safety again.

She nodded in understanding. "That's to be expected. You've been through a tremendous few days," she said.

My eyes widened. "It's been days?"

"Just two. You were out after the initial attack, which took place in the afternoon. You slept all day yesterday after Madja healed you," Rhys explained, taking my hand and squeezing it reassuringly—though I could hear the lingering ache in his voice.

"I was able to put you in a trance of sorts, while you healed, in order to allow your body the ample time it needed to recover before you regained consciousness," Madja said, her tone growing serious as she met my gaze.

"However, my lady, the extraordinary use of your powers that day; noble and vital as they were in saving our city, did cause a strain on your womb. The muscles that line the area holding your youngling contracted, causing some minor tearing and bleeding."

I felt Rhys's agony flicker through our bond as he heard the words, no doubt thinking back to what those initial moments must've been like—when I was floating in and out of consciousness and crying out from the pain. "This caused your body to enter premature labor, but I was able to stop it, heal the tear, and stop the bleeding in sufficient time," she finished explaining.

A few more tears slid down my face as I closed my eyes, returning a hand to hold my stomach gently—afraid that even the slightest touch would reopen the wound in my newly repaired muscles. The healer placed a reassuring hand over mine.

"You are resilient my lady. You and your youngling are strong. Not only did you fight for his survival, your healing blood doing what it could at the time, but your youngling did as well. As I was tending to your wounds, I felt the power in his blood attempting to sustain his environment—that healing power you have passed onto him. Part of the agony you felt was not only premature labor pains, but also your youngling restoring the injury to your womb."

My eyes widened at the revelation and I looked at Rhys, who also looked as if this was the first time he was hearing it. "But this does mean you will need to remain on strict bed rest until further notice. My medicinal process will continue over the course of the next few weeks. It is slow, but successful. Your youngling is safe now, but your body and his need this time to continue to rest and recuperate. I also want to ensure that the muscles I repaired remain intact and regain its strength. Allow me to check on that progress now," she continued before placing her hands on either side of my stomach. Healing magic flowed through those hands as I turned to face Rhys.

He squeezed my hand again. He has your healing powers. He...was healing you

I covered my mouth to stifle a sob. Everything she warned us of, all the risks and complications...I've brought them on myself, and on our baby.

Don't say that Feyre. This is not your fault.

Of course it is! I winced as a light spasm flowed through me, but Madja's restorative touch gently dissolved it.

Her weary eyes met mine. "My lady, it is imperative that you do not put any additional stress on yourself at this time. Physically, or emotionally."

I nodded and breathed in a deep sigh, both of Rhys's hands gripping mine as Madja went back to her work. Please Feyre. Don't blame yourself for this

I saw the hurt sparkling in his eyes, the heartbreak, and realized the anger I saw earlier wasn't directed at me. It's not your fault either, Rhysand.

I shouldn't have left you here in your condition. It was a mistake assuming you and Velaris would be safe with the threat of a coup on the horizon

Through the bond, I could feel the remorse he had spent the last two days ruminating in—believing himself to be at fault for my current state. We were blaming ourselves, when in truth the accountability lied in our attackers; each of us having to respond accordingly. A seed of blame still lived in me, because deep down I had known using my powers to such an extent was a risk. I didn't anticipate it causing as much damage as it did, and I would never forgive myself for it. The regret that resided in Rhys, however, was from leaving his pregnant mate behind.

We can't be racked with this guilt, Rhys. We had no idea this would happen. I said through the bond, brushing my thumb along his lightly as I curled against his mental shields.

I saw the inner turmoil he battled with in his violet eyes as he kept himself closed off for the time being, fighting his male-bonded instincts that caused him to be vehemently angry at himself for believing he abandoned his weak and vulnerable mate—all the while trying to convince himself that he hadn't. Finally, I felt him lower his shields and let him hold me through the bond; felt his engulfing warmth and security.

You're right

It was all he could manage as I felt the emotions swirl through him, and on that bridge that connected us, I held him just as securely as he held me.

Madja moved her hands from my stomach with a satisfied nod. "Everything is as it should be, the recovery you made while unconscious was substantial, but for the next week or so, you are to remain in bed and must pass over your duties as High Lady for the time being. I will be in daily to monitor your condition, and after this initial period of strict confinement, we'll see about you returning to some of those duties."

I nodded my understanding and so did Rhys. "I'll make sure she gets more than the adequate amount of rest she needs," he said, voice still strained.

"I have no doubt about that my lord, but you must also allot yourself some time to rest," the healer said, turning her full attention to my mate. "You haven't gotten a wink of sleep since I arrived. I understand your mating bond is very fragile, and I can't imagine the stress you must be under as High Lord, mate, husband, and now the expectant father."

She placed a gentle hand on my mate's shoulder. "You must also take care of yourself for your mate's benefit. Sleep, eat, and allow yourself to attend to your duties as High Lord and turn her care over to the others. They worry for both of your well-being and would be glad to do whatever they can to help."

I frowned as Rhys's shoulders tensed a bit at her words, and for clarification he allowed me past a layer of his adamant walls. There I saw the memories of the time I remained unconscious—how he guarded my side night and day and locked the rest of our family out; physically and mentally. He passed messages through the healer as she was the only one allowed in and out of our room, and the others didn't push—despite how distraught he knew they were over my condition. They tried to bring him food and water, but he remained closed off, locking himself away with me until now.

I shouldn't have shut them out. He admitted through the bond. But until you were awake, until I knew everything would be okay...I just couldn't bring myself to face them or let them near you, or do anything else for that matter

I sighed and squeezed his hand gently. "I'll take care of him, Madja," I reassured the healer.

She nodded. "That's good to hear," she said before turning to her bag of supplies. "Now, I'm prescribing an herbal tea mixture for you to consume twice a day. Once in the morning, and then at night. This will aid in your recovery and work to help you slowly regain more energy. I'm mixing it with your prenatal herbal mixture to continue supplementing your youngling as well." She mixed together the concoction on the spot, using her own powers to brew a cup for me and handed me the mug.

I cringed as I attempted to sit up on my own, but Rhys already had an arm around my back to keep me upright. The healer offered me a wry smile, "You'll continue to be sore for the next few days, so please, take even the slightest movements with great caution."

I nodded and held the cup of tea to my lips, taking a sip. "Thank you Madja, for everything," I said, hoping she saw the sincerity in my eyes.

She nodded again with a slight bow. "Of course, my lady," she turned to Rhys. "I'll go inform the others of the Lady's recovery and return tomorrow afternoon."

"Thank you." Rhys said, placing a hand on her shoulder and squeezing it. She smiled again before excusing herself, leaving my mate and I alone.

I took another sip of my tea as Rhys adjusted himself to sit on the bed, keeping me upright. "The city is secure," he said softly, and my heart skipped a beat. "Your wall of water put out all the flames, and the palace lords were able to arrange for repairs to the damaged buildings right away."

Tears of relief slid down my cheeks as I held my brew at my lips, allowing the steam from the cup to warm my face and keep me at ease. "Our home is safe again...?" I whispered.

He pressed a kiss to my temple. "Everyone is safe, Feyre. Everyone," he reassured. He knew my worry for Ressina and my other painter friends; the younglings we taught in my studio and their parents. The innocent lives I fought and would always fight to protect.

Defender of the Rainbow

I sighed heavily and slowly turned in his arms to meet his gaze. "What happened...in the Mortal Lands? Why did Vassa come here?" I asked, knowing she had not done this willingly.

Rhys sighed as he brushed a loose strand of hair behind my ear, his violet eyes going distant as he recalled the details. "Cassian, Azriel, and I arrived at the queen's palace up in flames. Lucien was doing his best to calm them while he ordered the guards to put them out. He said it happened so fast," he began, and I frowned.

"Beron arrived with one of the generals of his armies, and with the sorcerer who cursed Vassa. We don't know how he managed to find him, but he forced Vassa into her firebird form and cast her to the skies to begin wreaking havoc. He had complete control over her," He sighed as he closed his eyes. "Lucien and Beron had a confrontation before unleashing his army to attack and Jurian took over and led their armies to fight back. We arrived after Beron and the sorcerer vanished with Vassa, and Lucien doing what he could to put out the flames on the palace while Jurian and the mortal forces continued to battle against the Autumn Court army. He had already sent word to Tamlin for help, but we jumped in and started fighting on their behalf until they arrived. We were worried about where Beron would take Vassa next, and I...I had a bad feeling. I wanted to come back to Velaris as soon as possible; wanted to come back to you. Cassian was about to send word to Devlon, to gather our legions that haven't turned yet, when I felt it-"

His breath hitched and I saw his throat bob before he went on, voice hoarse. "I felt a tug on the bond...not from you, but from our son." He touched my stomach with a gulp. "That normal glimmer was a hot spark, a cry for help, and I knew something was wrong. I winnowed back to Velaris immediately, right at your side, only seconds after you collapsed...and then I saw the blood..."

I reached my arms around his shoulders as he collapsed into tears, the memory of me lying in the grass unconscious and bleeding now overwhelming him. I wrapped my arms around him as he buried his face into the crook of my neck, his arms encircling my waist as he cried. Dropping my emptied mug to the floor, I held him—my own tears falling as I buried my face in his hair and rubbed soothing circles on his back.

After a few minutes he pulled back to meet my gaze, a hand going to hold my stomach gently. "I thought I was going to lose you, and our son, and I couldn't bear it. I brought you inside the estate just as Mor arrived with Madja. She knew you would need help, but she was horrified when she saw your condition. I laid you down right there, in the foyer, so Madja could get to work, but you were fading," he squeezed his eyes shut at the memory.

I brushed against his mental shields, asking him to show me rather than tell me of the events that transpired, and he hesitated before letting me in. I saw myself lying on the marbled ground, pale, as the healer had her hands pressed to my stomach—hands glowing with her healing magic. I heard the voices of the others—panicked and yelling as they arrived at the estate. Then I heard myself groaning and whimpering in agony, and I remembered from my own harrowing memories that I thought I had been screaming. Instead, I was on the floor, crying and pleading incoherently as Madja healed me and then met Rhysand's eyes. I looked into my own dull grey-blue eyes and was overwhelmed with a sense of helplessness that my mate had endured.

I pushed away from his thoughts, unable to look at myself any longer and sobbed. "I'm sorry I put you through that Rhysand. I...how can you ever forgive me?"

He captured my lips with his, pleading and adoring and forgiving as he kissed me. "You and our son are safe. That's all that matters to me now," he whispered before kissing me again.

I kissed him back, holding his face and brushing away the tears from his cheek with my thumbs as he did the same. "I would be so furious...how are you not furious with me? How are the others not-" I choked.

He met my gaze meaningfully. "I couldn't be furious with you for doing what you have always done, Feyre. I was scared, I still am, but I spent the last two days praying to the Mother, that you would just wake up."

His thumbs stroked my cheeks gently as starlight danced behind his violet eyes. "I can't tell you how relieved I am that you and our son are safe," he kissed me again. "For that reason, I can't be angry."

I sniffed as I kissed him back, holding his wrists gently as he held my face. "I'll be careful from now on," I promised. "I'll let you coddle and fuss over me all you want."

A tired laugh escaped past his lips and my heart fluttered at the sound, glad to see a smile return to his handsome face. "I'll hold you to that, Feyre darling," he said with quiet amusement.

We held each other; brows pressed together as we moved to stare at my stomach. Our son was quiet, but I could feel his subtle movements. Rhys caressed it gently, earning a kick to his palm and he smiled again. "Still so strong," he whispered.

"He's amazing...and he's still growing," I said as I brushed my fingertips along the expanse of my belly.

"Thank the Mother," Rhys said as he moved down to press a kiss at the apex of my stomach.

I brushed my fingers through his hair as he stayed by my belly, restoring it back from the mess it had been from his stressed hands mussing it up. "I think I know what we should name him," I mused.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Sebastian."

"Sebastian?"

I nodded and ran a hand along the top of my stomach, "It suits him...don't you think?"

Sebastian. Venerable, and strong—which our youngling most certainly was. Rhys's eyes warmed as his hand rested atop mine. "It's perfect."

Our son must've agreed, because rather than a kick of protest under our palms, we felt that intimate glimmer flutter through our bond—strong as ever. Rhys let out a long breath, and I noticed the tension finally leaving his shoulders as he laid beside me; our joined hands lingering on my stomach as we stared at it until we both slipped into an easeful sleep.

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babybackstage · 3 years

Text

someone like you..

{wrote a fanfic after ages, im rusty so its average}

‘I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited.

but I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it,

I had hoped you’d see my face and that

you’d be reminded that for me,

it wasn’t over’.

-----

I opened the door to a drunk Simon.

For 6/7 years we hadn’t had a proper conversation and suddenly here he was, at my doorstep. I let him in and led him to the couch. He looked like he had just come from an event – AGT auditions had started, he must’ve come from there. His Tom Ford perfume brought back memories from what feels like a lifetime ago.

I gave him a cup of coffee and sat down next to him. As I sat down, I found myself shifting - aware that the spot next to him was no longer mine. He drank slowly and looked around my apartment, it was his first time here.

I didn’t know what to say, it was so like him to show up like this, well it was so like the Simon I once knew. I snapped out of my nostalgia as he put his cup on the table and started to lie down on the sofa, I suddenly realised that she must be wondering where he is.

‘Si, shouldn’t you go home? Lauren must be wondering where you are.’

‘She won’t be wondering’. He mumbled; it was barely audible but I was sure of what I heard.

It took a moment for me to register that he and Lauren may have broken up. Finally. Not finally. What am I thinking? What would happen to Eric? Surely Simon wouldn’t do that to him, that little boy means the world to him. All these years of knowing that he was going home to her and now here he is, in my house, falling asleep on my sofa once again causing a storm in my life.

I realised that a part of me was happy that he was here, on my sofa.

It was not that we hadn't communicated in the past few years, we would talk every now and then - birthdays, holiday wishes etc but over the years our communication gradually became more and more formal.

we hadn’t gone many to the same parties – if I knew there was even a possibility of him being at the same place as me, I wouldn’t go. I couldn't bear seeing him with her. Its how I’ve managed for the past few years and yes I know it sounds pathetic.

It’s not that I completely stopped living my life – a lot has happened in my life. Both my parents passed away, I had barely started processing my mother’s death when my father passed away and since then my heart has been broken in a way that it’s never been broken before.

I’ve had relationships here and there. John Caprio and I briefly got together again. He is a total gentleman but I never deserved him. If I told him to wait 5 or even 10 years, he would wait for me but it wouldn’t be fair on him. I was never prepared for the kind of relationship he offered. John is a mature and solid man but I never felt quite solid with him.

I always felt solid with Simon, the 5 years we spent together – even if it was on and off, were honestly the best 5 years of my life. He was centred and affectionate both physically and emotionally, he knew that I didn’t like to be spoilt with materialistic items but made me feel like a princess anyway. I know that I was the only woman that he willingly introduced to his family, we weren’t even official when he introduced me to his mother and dare I say I was his mother’s favourite.

I moved to a new neighbourhood recently. After my father passed away, I thought a new home would give me the perspective I needed. I had gone on holiday but it hadn’t helped and instead of dealing with my emotions I decided to buy a new home. It’s not like me to splurge without really thinking about it but I didn’t want people to worry about me and buying a new home would make it seem like I’m doing okay.

Simon had come to the funeral of both my parents and both times he stayed till the end of the service. I still remember the hug he gave me at my father’s funeral. I melted into his chest, he smelt like the woody perfume he likes to wear when he gets tired of the orangey smelling one. From a distance, he had hovered around me. We didn’t talk about it but we both knew it wouldn’t have been appropriate if we interacted, I knew Lauren wouldn't have been agreed to him coming to the funeral. I’ve never asked Simon if he told her our history but I’m pretty sure she knows - everyone knows, people I’ve never met know our history. Our pda was never for publicity - we never discussed that we would hold hands or kiss or cuddle when we went out to a show or to dinner and neither was there anyone telling us to do so. He’s always been protective of me and I always reach out to him when I need someone to lean on. I just haven’t done it recently.

I’m not trying to be a saint with this ‘keeping distance’ thing, I’ve just been trying to do the right thing. Simon’s health and lifestyle has improved and I’m happy that it has. The past few years haven’t been easy for him either. I remember telling him some 10 years ago that he needed to give his health serious thought but I didn’t make that conversation as serious as I should have as given his working hours I didn’t want whatever time we had to be tainted by conversations about health and calories.

The beautiful thing about us was that when we were together it was because we chose to be together. Not because we had to be. We both had an even playing ground. To set the record, Simon never cheated on me. After he let me go from x factor – which is a story for another time, I had ceased contact with him and didn’t want him to contact me unless I said so and it was during that time that he well, got another woman pregnant. Did I ever think or expect that to happen, no. Lauren getting pregnant and seeing him have the happy family that I always wanted with him hurt more then I explain. In a way it hurt like a death. I tried to seem as if it didn’t bother me by keeping busy – I went on tour and kept working but in reality, I worked so much because I didn’t want to have time to think or feel anything. I made out enough time to be with my family and that was it.

Moving houses meant I met Tim. A tall stud of a gentleman who offered me a solid relationship that was tempting but he saw me and Simon together at my mother’s funeral and understood that I still had feelings for Simon. I could never really commit to anyone else after Si. As much as I tried I just couldn’t and it would feel fake when I tried. With Simon I didn’t have to try so hard, it was natural. Sure, I would make an effort for him but making an effort for Simon came easy and I know it came easy for him to make an effort for me. It was wholly organic. He was fire and I was ice.

'You know how the time flies,

only yesterday was the time of our lives

we were born and raised in a summer haze

bound by the surprise of our glory days’.

I came down to see Simon on the balcony, looking at the view. His coat neatly folded on the sofa, his once crisp white shirt now wrinkled with the sleeves rolled up. He seems to have washed up in the guest bathroom, typical of him to make himself at home without being given an invite. He looked sad and I wanted to go hug him from behind and comfort him, cup his scruffy face in my hands and tell him everything will be okay but I still wasn’t sure if it was my place. I need to ascertain what he remembered from last nite.

‘Hey you.’

‘Hey you too.’ He turned and smiled fondly at me but I could still see the sadness in his eyes.

‘Slept well?’

‘Like a log. Thanks for letting me crash here last night, I know it wasn’t right of me to show up the way I did, I didn’t realise I even showed up here..’

I smiled, nodded and looked into the distance, not wanting to say it was okay because I didn’t know if it was.

‘You have a nice place here, cosy but spacious. Very you’.

‘Thank you, I needed the change after dad passed away.’

‘How have you been doing?’

‘How have you been doing Simon?’ I said as gently as I could, I could tell from his body language that he’s broken and he wasn’t hiding it with his usual energetic demeanour and egoic boosts.

He sighed. ‘I’m guessing I said something last night?’ He looked at me and it filled me up in such a strange yet familiar way that I had to look away. ‘What did I say?’

I took a sip of my coffee and gripped my cup a little harder. ‘You basically said Lauren wouldn’t be waiting for you at home.’

‘Ah.’ He looked down at his hands and clasped them together. He still hadn’t touched his coffee.

‘We don’t have to talk about it but I am worried about you.’ He looked at me, questioning me with his eyes. ‘It’s been a while since you’ve done something like this..shown up at my place unannounced. I didn’t mind it then but now things are different.’

‘How are they different? Things are the same now. I’m single again unsurprisingly.’

‘Eric..?’

‘With Lauren.’ He looked away but I saw the flash of disappointment in his eyes.

‘Are you okay?’

He sighed and took a sip of coffee. ‘As fine as I can be, I guess. I think you and I both knew this was gonna happen. I genuinely tried to make it work but I never felt much for her. Eric is everything to me but he happened.. suddenly, and what me and Lauren had was well..a one-night stand that I didn’t think much of. She almost begged me not to tell her husband.’

‘She’s the mother of your child’.

‘And she’s a brilliant mother. I'll always be in Eric’s life – he’ll never have to worry about anything but the past few years have been tiring. I’m tired of putting up this act of a happy family when we've been sleeping in different rooms for the past few years.’

I didn’t know how to respond and looked into the distance. He turned to me, leaning on the railing. ‘Won’t you say something Paula?’

I combed my hair with my fingers. ‘I don’t know what to say Si. I’m sad for you, you know I always wanted you to have a family of your own.’

‘And maybe I always wanted to have a family with you.’

‘And you know I could never give you that.’

‘I want you to be in Eric’s life.’

‘As what Simon? As the woman you once used to work with and fired from your show because you didn’t have the guts to stick up for me or as the woman you left him and your mother for?’ It all came blurting out and I instantly regretted it. I walked inside and pretended to be busy tidying up the kitchen though it was already spotless. He put his cup down on the counter and watched me as I pretended to tidy up.

'Just tell me what you want Si. I'm really sorry that you’re hurting right now but you can’t just rock up here and expect me to take care of you while you wallow. Its not my place anymore.’

‘Paula, I've made a lot of bad decisions but there are two things I don’t regret, Eric and you. Those 10 years that we spent sitting next to each other on Idol then the 5 we spent together as a couple were the best Goddamn years in my life and I've always regretted hurting you and not standing up for you. I know no matter what I do, you won’t forgive me and neither can I undo the hurt I’ve done. I’m not sure what I want, Paula. I was upset and drunk and my house hasn’t felt like home in a really long time and the one person that feels like home is you.’

If he had said that to me 10 years ago, I would’ve kissed him straight away but I’m a different woman now. The pain he caused me has changed me.

‘What do you want Simon?’ I asked him again.

‘I don’t know. I guess I need to know if you’re still in my life.’

‘I’m here, where I’ve always been - at the fringes of your life when you’ve always been at the centre of mine even when I don’t feel comfortable with you being the centre. Every relationship I’ve had hasn’t worked because every guy I date just knows I still have feelings for you even after all these years. I gave you everything and you treated me like shit. You don’t own me.’

He looked surprised. Surprised that I could say something like that to him. I know he’s heard it from other women but I don’t think he ever expected to hear it from me.

‘Would you like me to leave’?

---

‘Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead...’

#saula #paula abdul #paula #abdul #simon cowell #simon #cowell #american idol #adele #someone like you

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succubusphan · 3 years

Text

Love Your Body

Summary: Dan and Phil are interrupted by everyone’s worst nightmare.

Sequel to Beautiful Stranger and I’ll Be the First to Blow Your Mind.

Rating: E

Tags: Smut, blow jobs, face fucking. There is smut but also i added a bit of plot.

Word count: 1.2k

A/n: Written for the im-PROMPT-u phandom creator challenge hosted by the @phandomreversebang, day 26: love + That’s the plan. Yes, I will probably continue this.

Read on ao3

Dan was finally taking some time off from work and spending most of his days sunbathing by the pool of his hotel. He loved the feeling of the sun rays caressing his skin, making him tremble, he could feel the heat pulling inside him at the sensations. He clutched at the arms of the lounge chair and arched his back as every muscle on his body tensed in pleasure. He gasped for air and moaned, finally opening his eyes and blinking repeatedly as his eyes tried to adjust to the light.

He heard the traffic and was brought back to reality, he was not, in fact, on vacation but his day wasn’t that much worse than his dream. Dan moaned again at a particularly skilled swirl of Phil's tongue around his cock and pulled the covers down to finally see him working on his pleasure.

“Phil!” He moaned, tangling his fingers in the other’s hair and pulling.

Phil pulled off with a pop and smirked at him. “Like your wake up call?”

Dan nodded. “Yeah, don’t stop, I’m close.”

Phil’s smile widened and he returned to his task. He swallowed Dan in one go, letting his cock slide into his throat and hummed.

Dan moaned louder and louder until he came in a scream, his body twitching in the aftershocks.

Swiftly stradling Dan, Phil started to work on his own cock, his hand moving in a blur until Dan looked at him from under his lashes and groaned. “Fuck my face.”

Phil raised his eyebrows but didn’t question him instead, he straddled Dan’s chest and carefully slid his cock into Dan’s waiting mouth.

With a smoldering look upon his face, Dan focused on covering his teeth and let Phil go to town. He really enjoyed hearing Phil’s whiney little moans every time he got close to orgasm, the dishevelled look he got when they were going at it, but above all, he enjoyed how sweet Phil was. No matter how horny he was, Phil always put Dan’s wellbeing and his pleasure before his own. Phil was, for the lack of a better word, perfect.

With that thought in mind, he hollowed his cheeks out and reached up, pinching Phil’s nipple, causing him to come with the most adorable shocked face Dan had ever seen.

Phil panted above him. “You - you are amazing.” He leaned down for a kiss.

“You can wake me up like that every day,” Dan whispered against his lips.

“Does this mean that you are coming back here after work and staying the night?” Phil asked with a smile.

“I have to sleep at my own place sometimes. The neighbors will think I went missing.”

“It’s only been three days. It’ll be fine.”

“It’s been four day and I really need to go home,” Dan said with a hint of sadness.

Phil pouted but moved off him. “Okay,” he said as he watched Dan pick his clothes up and go to the ensuite bathroom. “I could come over to your place if you wanted.”

Dan replied only with a hum. He had ruled that had helped him stay safe, physically but above all emotionally. He didn’t allow hookups in his house, none of them had ever known where he lived, or what he did; some, not even his real name. Phil was special, but Dan didn’t know if he was ready for that; it was a bit too much all of the sudden.

Phil’s phone started ringing insistently and it made Dan’s stomach crawl. ‘What if he had a boyfriend, or even worse, a husband.’ He pressed his ear to the door and unashamedly eavesdropped.

“Hi. How ar- what? Here where? No, I was in the shower, sorry. Mum, what do you mean with ‘here’? O-ok. Sure, no problem. Of course, just give me five minutes to get dressed. See you in a bit.”

Dan heard him walk around the room in a hurry.

“Fuck! Dan?”

Dan finally came out of the bathroom with only half of his clothes on but continued to dress by the bed. “Yeah? What happened?”

Phil had a bit of a deranged look upon his face and he looked paler than normal. “Dan I really really like you, but my mom is in town and coming here in like five minutes and I think it’s too soon for you to meet her.”

Dan was dressing himself in a hurry before but the possibility of Phil’s mum coming and finding him here gave him an extra dose of adrenaline. “Don’t worry, I’m not staying for the family gathering.”

“I’m so sorry, she was supposed to come next weekend, I don’t know what happened.”

“It’s fine, everything will be fine.”

Not a minute later they were walking to the door and kissing every few steps. “I’ll call you when she’s gone,” Phil said apologetically.

“Ok,” Dan smiled, but before he could pull the door open, the bell rang. The upstairs doorbell.

They looked at each other in panic for a moment until they both spurred into action.

“I’ll hide in your bedroom, you take her to the lounge and I’ll slip out.”

“Ok, ok. We can do this.” Phil said more to reassure himself than Dan.

Once Dan had taken cover in the bedroom, he cracked the door open and watched them pass by. He was about to make his escape when he realized that they hadn’t exchanged numbers and he didn’t even know what apartment he was in. He had spent the past four days rolling in the sheets with Phil, and on the floor, in the shower, in the kitchen island - even the balcony, but they had barely touched their phones the entire time. He searched for a pen inside Phil’s bedside table and he found it alongside a block of sticky notes… and like one hundred condoms, lube and a very nice turquoise vibrator. Trying not to get sidetracked, he scribbled a note with his phone number and set it on the bed.

“300-123-5577 Call me, Dan <3”

Checking that he wasn’t forgetting his phone or keys, he exited the apartment with a sigh and tried to figure out what the nearest tube station was. Dan smiled and started walking to his destination. This was no walk of shame.

His smile widened when he saw he had a text.

“Hi, this is my number. I’m afraid we got caught. My mum found your note on the bed that was clearly still messy and said that she wants to meet you (Sorry). She already knew though, you didn’t tell me I had a massive bite on my neck, are you sure you are not part vampire?”

“I guess you’ll have to wait and see if I come into your flat to bite you.”

“Please do.”

“Your mum is cute. What did you tell her about me?”

“She asked if you are my boyfriend…”

“...”

“I said ‘That’s the plan’ so now you are stuck with me.”

“Ugh, I guess you’ll do. We can discuss this later in my apartment, bring the turquoise vibrator.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Of course you don’t.”

Dan smiled. This was going to be a good day.

#phanfic #not mine #impromptu #phan #phan smut #Phanfiction

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xiaodejunletsact · 3 years

Note

Hello there, I hope youre doing okay! okay so, I was planning to left a review into the tag of your mark's fic Launch but for some reason I don't know I can't reblog the post as in it close the app when I try to. So I'm going to left my thoughts here if you don't mind ? 🦫 (also im French so my english is not perfect sorry djfjjf).

I dont know if Launch was posted a long time ago or not, but I still wanted you to know how emotional I am after reading this piece of absolute art. I want you to know how well you've done by writing such a beautiful and moving story!! I'm not gonna lie, when I saw in the warning the precision of 'death', i was already scared to have my heart broken if it was mark who died, but bub, even if it wasn't him, I still get my heart broken *I was SOBbiNG so hard, johnny didn't deserved it omg*.

The beginning of the story was just.. I don't know, you had a way with your words and sentence who made me feel like I was watching a movie in a movie room, with a cheerful background song and I literally loved how you introduced subtly the growing passion of space into Mark's mind, and I found it cute and funny how at a young age, he ditched his own birthday party to go find his grandpa! (their scene was so cute omg I couldn't stop myself from smiling) 🥺

FJJFJFJKKCKKCKFKF MARK AND SUNSHINE'S LOVE STORY OH MY GOD I DON'T HAVE THE WORDS to express my feelings about thEM. all their dialogues, the emotions they felt for each others over the years, their characters' developments (who btw, was *chef kiss*) over the years, the different situations they had to go through *cough*Johnny's passing </3 and all the hard moments after this*cough*, I was in admiration during all the reading. Even if what Mark did was not the right thing to do, I could understand it was his way to try to mourn his bestfriend's death, even if sometimes if would have been better for him to accept sunshine's help than him stepping away from his family (it did things to my heart), you know what I mean ? But I get what he was feeling, especially when yn said to him the words he wanted to hear to finally let go of his pain, I quote: < "You go silent for a moment. “Mark… Johnny would be really proud of everything you’ve accomplished, you know that right?” >. Oh God, the way I realized how broken he was *sob*. Also, at this moment, I understood how strong and important was yn's character in this story. The way her character is just so.. delicately beautiful, kind, she was radiating positivity in all the scenes of this story, minus the confrontation scenes and the very sad moments of Johnny passing, you get what I mean? Like.. sometimes, you come across some characters who you're really thankful for their presence in the story ffjfjjfjf. In the end, she played a big role into Mark's life, and I'm grateful for that hehe (dude that's just a story but I lived it like a real lifetime happening in front of my eyes). Also I noticed how you protayed Mark's character crying a lot, and that's not a bad thing, on the contrary, it showed us how human and emotionally courageous he was to try to be better after John's passing (? I'm not sure of this sentence, but I tried fjdjdj, I hope you understand what I mean), like.. im still speechless over all the hardship they all had to do through.. like.. its impossible to not be emotionally destroyed after this, but not everyone have a love like yn and mark (omg, help, i want to cry just by thinking about their beautiful love). Also, I know loving someone can be sometimes exhausting, or how it might be difficult to still be over the hells for someone while time pass, but.. for yn and mark, it was like love was really worth it and was the most important thing in the world.

I forgot to talk about Elliot omg, okay, he's a cutie pie and i particularly loved one of his innocent moment: <“Daddy?” Elliot’s soft voice ends your long eye contact. Mark looks at your son, humming. “At school, a girl told me that when a boy looks at a girl for a long time, that means he likes her... Do you like Mommy?” [...] You scoff, looking away. You stand up grabbing the empty plates and walking towards the kitchen, missing the moment where Elliot leans close to Mark and whispers: “I think she likes you too.”>. there is something in this scene who make me smile about Elliot's character. He was really not aware of what was happening between Mark and yn, and yet, he made a real statement even for his young ignorant mind. He was able to see the love between his parents (aaaaah idk what I'm saying I'm sorry fjfj this is a mess, I don't know how to explain my thoughts into words), and it reminded us again about their beautiful string even in the most complicated moments.

This message is long, im sorry 🤭

I was sweating during the scenes of Launch's day, i was scared you would put an reverse card and be like "bitches, mark is dying too", I don't think I would have been able to get over this after all the sad moments you wrote fjfjf. Even yn's wasn't able to appease my mind lmao bc she was scared too for Mark's life 🤧.

BUT YOU DIDNT, THE SUFFERING WAS WORTH IT BC HE LIVED AS WELL AS HIS PARTNERS, I was happy and I just wanted soft moments between Mark and yn to appease my heart *sigh*, and we got it fjfjfj the final scene made me so happy and satisfied. You have no ideas, the last sentence about the Gemini twins, it made me think about the very first moments of the story and looking back to all the things who happened, it gave me an happy closure because in the end they were together. 💞 aaaah there are a lot of things I didn't mentioned, I want you to know that I loved every sentences of this magnificent story 💞

Have a good day and thank you so so much for writing this story, it's one of the best Mark's story I had the honor to read on this app!

OH MY GODD this review literally made me cry at prom 😂😭 (yes I’m class of 2020 and we FINALLY had our prom a year later) I always love receiving long messages like this, it’s so crazy that something I wrote and spent so much time and creative juices making can will someone to think so many thoughts !! Idk it’s just so exciting!! Also ! I love that you went through the fic in chronological order in your review too lmao. You also pointed out so many details I thought people had looked over that makes me really happy 🥺 as I write launch I kinda of thought of the idea as a film first (I’m a film writer !) so for you to say that it felt like you were watching a film was just everything I’ve ever wanted !! Thank you so much!! ❤️❤️

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