The Robins (plus Duke) as moments from the try guys episode where they get kidnapped
(The last one of these did pretty well and I have more to share so)
Kidnappers: where’s your phone?
Dick: it dropped outside
Kidnappers: why’s it outside? Why’s it not on you?
Dick: I don’t like the way it makes my pants look
Duke: what’s being kidnapped usually like? Is it like an escape room?
Jason: it’s more like a bdsm room
Tim: I was afraid of being kidnapped as a kid. And there was this one nightmare I remember, where the kidnappers got to me and I just started screaming “I love you”
Dick: the royal family have to get trained for live kidnapping situations. Meghan Markle had to go through a kidnapping scenario like we did today. So I’m basically… married to prince Harry. Except I’m gonna have a better dress
Stephanie: I’m gonna put the nap in kidnap!
Duke: (talking about Batman’s survival training) he’s the kind of guy who goes into the woods and bites into raccoon neck for like, sustenance
Jason: I’m not scared, I’m kind of like… hard. Nope that wasn’t the word I wanted to say
*laughter from his siblings*
Jason: I meant hard like I’m tough not hard like, stop laughing dickhead I didn’t mean it that way
Dick: (clutching his stomach and cackling)
Stephanie: Tim’s the best at strategy because he plays a lot of board games, Jason and Damian are obviously the craziest. Me? I can create a distraction. Then we’ll throw Duke at them and run away
Dick: now I’ve heard of Stockholm syndrome which is where you fall in love with your kidnapper. I’m not saying that’s gonna happen today, but that could happen today
Jason: you look so stupid right now
Tim: *messing with his handcuffs* thank you
Tim: wait, can I just- *starts pulling his hand out*
Others: slender wrists! Slender wrists! Slender wrists!
Duke: have any of you ever been in a situation like this?
Damian: I got into a cab once, it was going in circles and the driver kept changing directions and talking on the phone. Eventually I just put a knife to his throat.
Dick: I’m the run guy, he’s the stab guy
Jason: this is some dark shit y’all
Stephanie: is it weird that I’m excited?
Damian: *immediately kicks a henchman’s leg and makes a run for it when they put hoods over everyone’s heads* *gets caught and brought back to the others*
Dick: (conversationally) hey Dami how’d you do?
Damian: I made it about 50 yards
Stephanie: oh that’s pretty far
Random henchman: get down on the floor! No talking!
Dick: (lying facedown) what about singing?
Henchman: (kicks dust over him)
*muffled laughter from the other kids*
Stephanie: (mocking the others bc she’s not actually adopted) you’ll never get away with this, my dad is a very powerful man. Ooooh when my dad finds out about this
Jason: okay I’ve got a bunch of tape, what did you all get?
Duke: I got zip ties
Dick: I’m handcuffed pretty tight
Tim: wanna trade?
Jason: (motioning to a lock pick shiv he’s got in a secret pocket) okay unzip my pants
Dick: (unsure what’s going on but down for it) okay yeah
Tim: I don’t know about you guys, but I’m sweating like crazy right now. Feel my hand
Jason: no I don’t need to feel it that’s gross
Tim: I think I can just slip out
Duke: oh no way
Stephanie: his sweat lubed it up!
Dick: Tim’s anxiety is the best secret weapon
Duke: wait you guys it sounds like they’re torturing Jason
Jason: (In the distance) ow my dick!
Stephanie: *barely holding back laughter*
Damian: Drake you know what you have to do now, when they’re torturing you you have to slip out and kill them
*the goons returning from an interrogations*
*muffled giggling as the kids try to get their hoods and restraints back on*
Dick: wait, help!
Stephanie: you’re on your own man!
Goons: so who has the most money?
Jason: oh Tim definitely (immediately throwing him under the bus)
Goons: wow you really don’t hesitate to give each other up do you?
Goons: *spray something in Dick’s face*
Dick: is that axe body spray?
Dick: oh that’s really bad actually
Goon #1: disgusting isn’t it?
Dick: (cheerfully) yeah!
Goon #2: purest form of torture
Goons: so apparently this group’s leader is Tim
Tim: what are you talking about?
Goons: on your feet Timmy
Tim: oh I’ll do that, that’s fine, I just want it to be on the record that I am the leader, I’m the number one (being dragged away)
Goon #1: this is bear mace, you ever been bear maced?
Duke: I have not seen bear mace no, I can guess though, that it’s mace but bear strength
Jason: *trying to help get Dick’s hood off with his hands tied* come towards me I can probably do it with my knees
Dick: wha- you can just use your hands. You’re just humping my head
Stephanie: (joining the chaos) no wait hold still
*inaudible hump talk*
Stephanie and Jason: 1 2 3, go!
*they actually manage to get the hood off*
Dick: it did work, but it was super awful
Tim: I don’t know if you know this but nobody loves me, it’s kind of my shtick
Goons: who has the money?!
Tim: (rattling off business statistics)
Goon #1: you just like to babble and spit out a bunch of shit huh?
Duke: it’s how I think when I’m nervous!
Goon #2: how do you talk when you’re in pain?
Duke: pretty much the same
Goon: what’s wrong with you?!
Tim: oh so many things
*back in the main room*
Stephanie: (as she’s being dragged away) may I just say that you’re doing a great job, you have a beautiful operation here
Goon: *insults Damian*
Damian: I’ll remember that when I cut off your head
Stephanie: *fixing Duke’s hood to look like Yoda ears*
Tim: I told them my shtick is that nobody loves me
Dick: we love you!
Tim: okay then you pay my f*cking random
Damian: not all of us
Jason: (to Duke) (with authority) interrogation 101, you give them nothing dude
Goons: *forcing Tim to stand in a wall sit position*
Tim: oh is this exercise? This is gonna be so uncomfortable
Dick: oh! We got it! We got it!
*the others shushing him*
Dick: okay yeah shh you guys, shh, we got it!
*the kids walking away mostly barefoot after escaping*
Stephanie: (holding up the hoods) I’m keeping this as a souvenir!
Dick: lets just go until we find like-
Tim: a Starbucks
Duke: does it have to be a Starbucks?
Tim: it has to be a Starbucks I want a caramel macchiato
Jason: can we get fro-yo?
Stephanie: I’m very proud of myself, I escaped and I annoyed my captors relentlessly
Dianian: they probably would have killed you first as a message to the rest of us
Tim: I would like the record to state that they called me the leader
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My neurodivergent brain has recently moved the long-time favorite topic of Batman and his army of children back to the top spot for what special interest I feel like indulging in, and I have some headcanons!!! This might have done spoilers but I’m gonna try to avoid anything major.
I’m not going into any of the attempted murders or stuff like that because we’re all aware the bats mostly have shit mental health, and that’s not what this is about (I’ll probably post something like that later).
I have a bunch of headcanons, but this post is just gonna focus on one category. Let’s talk about the possible siblings dynamics cause I’m a bitch for found family tropes!
First up is Tim and Damian Wayne. Can you imagine if they got along?
Both of them are unique chaotic on their own. Damian was raised by assassins, has is army of animals and his love for them mixed with his more... violent approach to problem solving. Tim found out the identity of Batman when he was nine years old, became CEO of a company at 17, and at this point is most likely fueled with caffeine and depression ‘cause he definitely isn’t getting energy from sleeping.
I imagine something happening that frustrates/upsets Damian and Tim just fucking... solves it and informs Damian with the same tone you’d use when telling someone what the fucking weather forecast is. If the problem can’t be fixed he’d take him to the petting zoo or something to help take his mind off things.
In return, if Tim mentions someone is bothering him Damian will either offer to or say he’s going to stab the person. Someone saying something negative about Tim and Damian overhears? You better run because Damian’s got his fucking sword and his animals are running right along side him.
Both of them actually working together to fight villains or simply mess with their other siblings? Downright terrifying.
Next we have Tim and Jason (I really like Tim). They’ve had some good moments in the comics, but this dynamic also has potential for absolute chaos.
Once again, we have Tim, the sleep deprived genius. Then there’s Jason, legally dead, technically a zombie, actually a comedic badass.
I like the idea of these two bonding over how they became Robin. Jason failing at stealing the tires of the batmobile, Tim literally blackmailed Bruce to convince the man to train him.
Jason being unexpectedly protective of Tim in true Jason Todd fashion (ie, probably threatens to steal Tim’s coffee, drug his coffee, or get Alfred if he doesn’t get some fucking SLEEP–!)
Tim randomly crashing Jason’s safe houses to drag him over to the manor for family dinner or some charity gala because “if I’m being forced to socialize so are you!”
The batkids switching to a different language randomly in the middle of a conversation just because.
Dick and Jason making up "traditions" just to fuck with their younger siblings.
Duke casually announcing things the other batkids did or are about to do.
Think about all the possibilities!
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Dick and Barbara: *watching tv*
Jason: *walks by*
Dick: *sees Jason’s bare leg* Hey Jason, lift up your pants leg!
Dick: Come on, just do it!
Jason: No, leave me alone!
Barbara: What is up with you Dick?
Dick: Jason shaved his legs.
Barbara: How do you know?
Dick: *points at the gap between Jason’s pants leg and sock*
Barbara: Oh my god! Everyone get in here!!!
Jason: No!!!! I didn’t!!! Your delusional!!!
Everyone: *walks in*
Tim: What’s up!
Dick: Jason shaved his leg!!!
Duke: No way!
Tim: Prove it!!!!
Dick: Jason, do us the honor!!!
Everyone: Pull up your pants! Pull up your pants! Pull up your pants! Pull up your pants!
Jason: Leave me alone!!!
Cassandra: *tackles Jason and tries to pull up Jason’s pants leg while Jason is kicking*
Jason: Get off!!!
Cassandra: HE SHAVED HIS LEGS!!!! HE SHAVED HIS LEGS!!!
Bruce: Jason, show us now!
Jason: Eat shit!
Alfred: Master Jason, show us your leg right now!!!
Jason: Okay, fine Alfred!!! *pulls up his pants leg to reveal a bare leg*
Stephanie: How the fuck did this happen!!!
Jason: I’m not saying!!!
Alfred: Master Todd!!!
Jason: Ugghh!!!! Fine! So last night I was taking a shower, and I saw the razor on the ledge, and I thought “Wow, I’m pretty hairy, I wonder what it would be like to not have hair on my body?”
Cullen: Oh my god!
Bruce: Did you shave everywhere?
Jason: *lifts up his shirt* Yeah.
Everyone: *laughs at Jason*
Duke: So this is why you took forever in the shower last night.
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