Bucky Barnes | One Shot | Simmer
Spill It MASTERLIST
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x PlusSize!Reader
Plot: You try to hide your shortcomings, but Bucky is an observant man and neither of you back away from a fight.
Warnings: 18+. Angst, fluff and smut.
This isn’t supposed to come out now. You are not supposed to have an identity crisis and emotional meltdown whilst hanging out at Bucky’s place. But when you see yourself in one of the many reflective surfaces in the beautiful apartment, you want to rip yourself to shreds.
It is costing you mountains of energy to remind yourself not to let your insecurities get the better of you. But then you watch yourself on a bad day and it’s like there are a million voices screaming at each other inside of your head, making tears well up at the waterlines of your eyes.
It’s the way you twist your head in a desperate attempt to define your jawline more, the way you press your palms into your sides to make your figure go straight down instead of the sight of your dips and rolls, how you raise your hands behind your head to make your elbows look pointier.
All these little things to fool yourself into looking differently when you know damn well that is not at all what you look like when Bucky watches you do all the mundane activities. You want to hurl at the thought of how you must look hunched over as you sit at the kitchen island, or the way your chin doubles when you take a drink. And you don’t ever, ever, ever want to think about what you look like during sex.
But God forbid you show him that you are as insecure as everyone would expect the big girl to be, right?
So when Bucky steps out of the bathroom all wet and like a Greek god, a towel hung low on his hips and his hair slicked back and smelling fresh, you suck in a deep breath and put on your most convincing smile.
What you don’t know is that Bucky is an intuitive man and can sense every ounce of fear and disappointment by the way you smell, the way your heart rate picks up and how your smile doesn’t quite reach your eyes the way it did when you were dancing through the living room the day before.
It has been weeks of Bucky watching you tear yourself down in private, only to hide your struggle when you pick up on his presence. He’s caught you plenty of times. Which is also how he became aware of how many times he was just watching you from his spot -silently and full of admiration.
And he admires your fight with your insecurities, he notices all the times you win from that voice in your head. But it breaks his goddamn heart every time he watches you lose that endless battle with yourself and how that natural glow you emit seems to dull ever so slightly.
His long arms reach out and take you in, pulling your sleepy body into his damp one and resting his chin onto your head. He wants to tell you how pretty you look with your hair all wild and your eyes and lips still puffy with sleep, but he knows right now isn’t the right time, because you won’t believe him. So he presses a kiss to your hairline and pulls you in tighter.
“You sticking around today?” He asks softly, his eyes peering out the bedroom windows onto the opposite buildings.
“I’ve been around for a few days now. I think I should head home.” You mumble softly, resting your head onto his chest sideways.
Bucky wants to protest, but his pride is getting in the way. Maybe you are getting a bit tired of him and he has been hogging your time a lot lately. Besides, he probably shouldn’t be so possessive after only knowing you for three weeks.
Pulling back and looking down at you, he nods his head with a soft smile and a quiet ‘of course’. After that, both of you take more time than you probably should getting ready before you leave his apartment with a quick peck to his lips.
“You saw her again this morning?” Sam asks with surprise all over his face before nodding with the corners of his mouth pulled down, impressed to hear the news.
“Saw her again two days ago. She stayed over.” Bucky explains, pulling his fist backwards and launching it with force into the punching bag Steve is holding. Steve grunts and stumbles back slightly as Sam chuckles and punches the bag hanging from the ceiling, sweat dripping down his forehead.
“Sounds serious.” Steve forces out as he braces himself for the two high kicks Bucky is sending his way. Bucky huffs in frustration, launching is fists into the cushions a couple more times and sending Steve flying backwards.
Shaking his arms loose, he paces over the squishy mats, the sun blasting into the private gym. He had hoped that working out would relieve some tension.
“You alright man?” Sam asks as he shares a knowing glance with Steve who walks back from the force of Bucky’s assault to the punching bags. Bucky shakes his head and squares up again, his eyes glancing between his friends.
“Yeah. ‘M fine.” He grumbles and Steve gives him an unsure look before offering the cushions again and letting Bucky relieve his frustrations.
He wishes it was more serious. Part of him had denied the effortless chemistry he has with you, but he loved your endless back-and-forths. Most people are cautious around Bucky, making him awfully aware of his past and his current demeanor towards the world. Even though he noticed your caution towards him, he knows it isn’t fully aimed towards him in particular. You give Bucky the same fire you give everyone else, assuming you have nothing to lose anyway. But he watches that fire simmer down as your insecurities take reign.
He wants to be the kind of man who helps you through your insecurities, God knows he has some himself. Bucky thinks of it as his responsibility to be patient with you and make you feel better, but your self-consciousness is starting get in the way of his desire to tell you how much he cares. Watching you tear yourself down makes him want to scream in your face while he shakes some sense into you.
He gets it, but he doesn’t understand.
Never has he seen a woman as mesmerizing as you. Bucky has to actively stop himself from thinking about you, because he can’t walk around with his dick hard all the time. His left arm possesses great technology and he can feel just fine with it, but when his flesh hand traces over your soft skin, he wishes he could feel that just as perfectly with both his hands.
You told him about these love languages and it made him realise his is most likely touch, since he can’t keep his hands off of you. And it coaxes the prettiest sounds from you. A squeal here, a giggle there and sometimes a little moan.
And when you moan, he’s done for.
But how is he going to get it through to your pretty, little head that you make him lose him mind?
It wasn’t a great day. Somehow you expected that every day that you start with Bucky, would automatically be a good day. Not a day where you would doubt yourself if you woke up next to him.
But you were wrong.
As soon as you got home, you just wanted to curl up in a ball and isolate yourself from the world. Indulging into your cravings and lounging on your couch, you finally caught up with a few friends over the phone. Updating them on your situation with Bucky, you decided to keep it brief and simple, not wanting to be confronted with all of these questions that you quite simply don’t have the answers to.
Right as you’re about to lock your phone to start dinner, your thumb hovers over Bucky’s name. Something you never felt before comes crawling up your body and it’s the strong urge to let him comfort you.
You have always felt the need to sit through the bad days alone and not bother anyone with it, but your heart aches when you see his name. All you can think about are his strong arms and his soft kisses and the way you can bury yourself into his chest.
As your thumb scrolls his name up and down on your screen, you think back to the past couple of weeks.
After that first night, you ‘accidentally’ ran into each other the weekend after, which you are sure was set up by your friend and Sam, because they looked a little too giddy. It was uncomfortable at first, but not long after, you found yourself getting back into playful discussions with Bucky -something you loved doing.
“You should really open your mind to new music…” You rolled your eyes and chuckled when your eyes fell onto the large man in front of you as you hang in the far corner of the bar.
“You mean that EDM stuff?” He quirked his brow, taking another step closer to you in an attempt to feel you even nearer. He wasn’t too impressed with the music playing at the bar.
“You should open yourself up to new stuff! You’re too stubborn for your own good!” You laugh and take another sip from your glass.
“Not true!” He exclaimed, offended “I am easily persuaded!”
The alcohol from your pretty, colourful drink and the attractive smirk Bucky was sporting gave you a sense of confidence that you hadn’t felt too often before that. You took another step closer, your fronts almost touching as you tilted your chin slightly to look into his eyes, your mischief surely reflecting his.
“I’ve been told I can be quite persuasive…” You told him suggestively, your voice lowered slightly and your heart leaping after you saw Bucky’s eyelids flutter at your insinuation. His jaw clenched tightly and you watched a thousand thoughts swirl behind his eyes before he leaned down to your ear, his free hand sliding around your waist.
“Keep that attitude up and I’ll listen and even fucking dance to anything you order me to.” Bucky almost growled in your ear and you clenched your thighs at the surge of excitement that rushed through your body.
After that, you just kept ending up in each other’s beds to blow off steam. You’re sure you aren’t his only woman of interest, but he makes you feel so good and confident sometimes, that you can’t bring it up to push him away.
Unfortunately, this morning, you suddenly realised that you had been staying over for two nights and reluctantly decided to create some distance. After all, you can’t let him get too close for comfort and destroy the glorified illusion he has of you.
“Hey.” His voice makes your brain short circuit.
Shit, shit, shit. You called him.
“You alright?” His voice sounds unsure and all of a sudden, the initial noises in the background fade away as Bucky walks off to a quieter space. Why is your heart beating so fast?
“Y-yeah…” His kisses, his hugs, his voice. You roll your eyes at yourself before squeezing them shut, preparing to launch yourself over the cliff of pride “I just… I feel a little um… lonely.”
“I can be there in fifteen minutes. Sit tight.”
The line breaks off and your eyes fly open. Fifteen minutes. No explanation needed. He’s coming over. Fuck, he’s coming over.
Quickly moving up from the couch, you clean up the mess you left scattered throughout your place. Your heart is pounding in your throat and you have to stop yourself a few times to take deep breaths. Never had a man made you this nervous before. You still feel like you’re competing with every other woman in the world when it comes to the infamous Bucky Barnes.
Not ten minutes later, someone knocks at your door.
“Bucky.” You breathe out when you open the door and watch him stand there, his expression hard and his body slightly rigid. Swallowing hard, you suddenly feel awfully uncomfortable. You have no idea why you told him you were lonely.
But then he leans in and presses a kiss to your cheek, ushering you back into the apartment and closing the door behind him. Walking over to your dinner table, he puts down a plastic bag full of containers and takes the containers out.
“Sam told me to take some with me. Friend of ours owns this restaurant.” He mumbles, not looking up from his task and leaving you staring at him in awe and confusion. That’s when he turns around and looks at you. Striding over, he cups your face “You hungry?”
You swallow hard and nod, but he doesn’t let go of you and studies your face intently before finally pulling away. Taking a deep breath, you try to hide your thoughts from the hyper intelligent man in front of you whose intuition you’ve underestimated before.
The dreaded question hits your like a brick and you feel your chest tighten. Clenching your jaw to keep your emotions at bay, you fight for your life to keep your eyes connected to his and not look away.
When the silence carries on a little too long for Bucky’s liking, he crosses his arms and glares at you.
“Stop thinking. What’s wrong?”
But you can’t. You can’t stop thinking. Not when it comes to him. Every thought triggers every emotion and they all surge through you like whirlwinds of chaos.
His piercing and observant nature doesn’t help the pressure to say the right thing either and you curse yourself for losing your fiery attitude. He rolls his eyes and twists his body away from you, pacing your apartment as he visibly tries to keep his composure.
“You know, I can’t just keep fucking you brainless to keep you from overthinking everything.” He growls, running a hand over his stubble and grinding his teeth as he paces around.
Oh, he knows you’re overthinking.
You swallow hard, taking in his words as the ache in your chest intensifies. Then, a switch flips and you walk over to him, blocking his path. Last time you checked, you didn’t do anything wrong and now you’re pissed.
“Then why do you fuck me, exactly? Huh?” You spit, your eyes searching his to force him to look at you. His nostrils flare and he throws up his hands.
“You tell me! Why do you think I fuck you?!” He growls and you feel your blood boil, not knowing that even though Bucky’s own fury surges through him, this is exactly the fire he wants to see in you.
You throw your arms up “I wish I could fucking tell you!”
The growl that leaves his chest is almost primal and he grabs your face with force, pushing his face into yours “Because you might just be that amazing! Is that an answer your insecure little brain can come up with?”
Pressing your hands to his chest and pushing him back with force, you create a new space that allows your anger to fully burst from your body “Fuck you!”
“You’ve been doing that! How about the rest?!” He shouts back at you and you fall quiet.
He nods slowly as silence fills the air. He lets the silence grow completely unbearable before he speaks up again, his voice much lower and his tone dominant “That’s what I thought. Always blaming others for your insecurities when you are the one standing in between you and everything you desire.”
“So you do have an opinion on this?”
“Of course I have an opinion on this. I’m in this just as much as you are.”
“That’s a lie.”
“It’s fucking not!” He yells again and you roll your eyes, your tongue running over your teeth in an attempt to show some restraint “That’s your twisted interpretation of whatever you perceive.”
“Then what is it?! What is your opinion on this?”
Bucky takes a deep breath, shaking his head and running his hands through his hair “I’m not doing this. I have to go.”
The defeat in his voice cuts through you like a knife and your demeanor instantly changes. Bucky walking around you and up to your front door, you start to panic and you shake your leg nervously as you watch him leave.
His body turns around slowly at your frantic order and his hand drops from the door knob. You look at him with pleading eyes, your body slumped. Taking slow and cautious steps in his direction, you admit defeat in your head and heave a deep sigh “I don’t want you to go…”
Your voice is almost a whisper and you hope it’s enough. You hope he reads the sub context of your words and senses every plea you throw in his direction with those six words. His round eyes search yours and it’s then you realise he probably doesn’t show this side of him to anyone. It’s then you see just how much your insecurities affect him.
But you don’t get to ponder over that much further before he dives forward and crashes his lips to yours, kissing you with so much force, it knocks the breath right out of your chest. Your hands crawl into his hair as his hands slide around your back, pulling you into him so tightly, you can feel his possessiveness.
A moan rumbles in your throat and you get an agreeing hum from him in return. As soft as his lips are, the kiss is anything but and makes your eyes roll to the back of your head.
You barely notice that you’ve moved, mainly focusing on keeping your mouth attached to his as the kiss overwhelms your senses entirely. It’s aggressive, the way you kiss each other like you’re possessed, like all the anger is still surging through you like fire and all you’re doing is exchanging that energy back and forth through an act originally meant to be so tender.
Soft grunts slip from the both of you as you bump into every wall and piece of furniture that obstructs your path. Bucky’s leather jacket is discarded to the floor, your shirt following not much later. Kicking off your shorts whilst fighting to remove Bucky’s t-shirt, it doesn’t take too long for both of you to be left in just your underwear.
Somewhere lost in the kiss, you guess you must be heading towards your bedroom, but one of you stumbles and you both collapse to the floor. You’d laugh if your mouth wasn’t preoccupied, but as soon as your mouth loses his, Bucky’s lips attach themselves to your neck. Tongue pressing into one the pre-existing marks on your skin, you whimper when he bites down and sucks a deeper bruise right on your sweet spot.
Grinding his hips down into you, he causes a deep moan to slip from your lips, your heels and nails digging into his toned back. It pushes him to do it over and over again, driving himself into you until you feel like you might come with your underwear still on.
“Bucky, fuck!” You cry out and his mouth stays unrelenting, leaving marks all over your chest as he grinds into you frantically. His soft grunts and harsh breaths drive you insane and the hand still in his hair closes into a fist and pulls as you feel your high approaching from the continuous grinding of his hips into yours.
You don’t get to warn him, barely get to let out any other sounds, before a warm orgasm crawls up your spine. Back arching, head thrown back and body locking around Bucky’s, he grinds his hips into yours slowly and with force, coaxing you through your orgasm and he takes in the beautiful sounds of pleasure that you can’t seem to hold in.
“Jesus…” He grunts before slamming his lips back to yours, humming against your lips in delight and pent up frustration. Your fingers slide into his boxers and dig into his ass as you pull him closer.
“Bucky please…” You moan against his lips and he nods, still not removing his mouth from yours as he sloppily pulls his boxers down and pushes your panties to the side. Entirely overtaken by his need for you he runs his fingers through your slit, slipping them inside of you and dropping his forehead to yours at the feeling.
“So goddamn warm.” He breathes and curls his fingers up before spreading your slick around as he loses himself in the silky feeling of you. Shaking himself from the sensation, he pulls his fingers out and strokes himself a few times before lining himself up and gliding into you with one long stroke.
He never was a patient man.
Letting out a helpless moan, you grab his neck with both your hands, forcing him to look at you.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m so sorry.” You want to say more -so much more- but as Bucky starts thrusting in and out of you, your words get stuck in your throat.
“I know baby… I know.”
The bedroom is completely dark now, streetlights letting faint streaks of coloured lights inside. Both of you covered by your thick duvet and curled up against each other, you find yourself in a position you have been in plenty of times the past few weeks. However, this time there’s still the massive elephant in the room.
“Bucky…” Your whisper is faint, even in the thick silence of the night.
“I want this. You. All of it.” You admit, the nerves from the fear of rejection making your chest hurt. It’s easier -much easier to say when you literally can’t face the reaction you’re expecting in the dark room, but the vulnerability you feel was inevitable.
What you don’t see is the Cheshire grin spreading over Bucky’s lips and the relief that makes his chest feel so much lighter, hearing those words from you. But he stays quiet, giving you the space to elaborate.
“I’m scared.” You swallow hard, your eyes settled onto the pitch black ceiling, your imagination drawing shapes and movements into the void “I’ve never thought of myself as desirable and I guess I wanted to swim in it for a while, never ever imagining there are feelings that follow. I never got this far. Not like this.”
You let your thoughts swirl some more “And with you. God, I couldn’t have chosen a worse target. You’re this Greek god with so much patience and understanding and I can just imagine that I’m testing all of those qualities.”
A large flesh hand covering your mouth makes you unable to continue your rant and it’s not quite dark enough to make out the handsome, rugged man hanging above you.
“I might have to get creative on shutting you up in different ways if you keep ranting like that.” He scolds you, his voice laced with a faint playful tone “I’m pretty sure I have told you this before, but I’ll tell you as many times as it takes for you to believe me. You are beautiful -the most beautiful if you only take in my personal opinion. You’re sexy, adorable and wildly intimidating sometimes. I love how you test me and don’t you worry, I will test you right back, sweetheart. But you have no idea how much I want to be in this with you. I swear I might hurt someone if I have to wait for you any longer.”
The feeling of your smile against his palm makes him pull away, reaching out his arm to flick the switch of the bed light next to you. The sincerity in his face with the light illuminating the room makes your heart warm and you reach up to stroke his chest.
“Thank you.” You murmur quietly and he dips down, burying his face in your neck and nuzzling his nose under your ear.
“Woman, you have got me wrapped around your little finger.”