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dirtycccat · 3 years

Text

the demon bros+ undateables showing their love

thought about this for 5 min then had to write it out so enjoy

lucifer

first off you notice he treats you differently

and by differently i mean like you’re his favorite child sibling

you get away with anything??? and he’s softer with you than with the others (which is canon)

then you see that?? he keeps buying you stuff you said you wanted when he was present

and you’re ofc impressed

but you’re more impressed by how open he’s around you

he’ll leave most of his walls down around you

which means you’ll get to experience unfiltered lucifer

he’ll laugh around you more, make dumb dad jokes, nap with his head in your lap, complain drunkenly about his work and bros, give you sloppy cheeks and forehead kisses

you find it rly cute though

if you’re in the human world he’ll 100% take this chance to send you beautifully written letters asking you how you are and leaving some verses that reminded him of you on the back like a 19th century vampire

“dear mc, how is your life? mine is filled with woe and unease since i do not have the light of my life around anymore...anyway here’s a poem about being horny and alone by a 18th century romantic author hope to see you soon, xoxo lucifer”

you try to respond in the same way and send him memes on the back instead of poetry (or real poetry depends on your mood)

mammon

protective of you 100% will throw hands with anyone that even glances weirdly your way

but also wants to show you off? like look at this human!!! this is MY human!!!

gives you random thoughtful gifts that reminded him of you

wants to be around you 24/7 so he invites you to all the events that he thinks you’ll like

you wanna party? perfect. you wanna go on a weird ghost stories tour around the city? cool. you wanna waltz in one of those old people parties? he’s already reserved two tickets. you just wanna lay around and nap? he’s already on your lap.

it doesn’t matter if you’re in a romantic relationship or not this man WILL serenade you outside your window

rapunzel style with an acoustic guitar or with a boombox like a rebel 80s kid

anyway here’s toxic by britney spears babe this is for YOU

levi

considers you his bff ofc

but also at first he’s still really awkward around you and doesn’t really know what to do for you and feels bad thinking only you do things for him

until you reassure him you enjoy just being around him so it’s fine

he blushes and starts inviting you more to his room to game/ watch stuff

at some point he starts buying two tickets to all concerts he goes to and invites you along

but also? he asks you what you’re into and starts marathoning your favorite animes/ movies/ series so he can talk with you abt them

you feel really moved that he’d do that for you??? like??? bruh...

your relationship is basically friends respecting each other and wanting to know each other the best through their passions even if it means getting into some weird shit

it’s rly wholesome tho

if you’re romantically involved he’ll totally do roleplay as your favourite character and you do the same for him and it’s really cute

also imagine: artistic collabs. you make fanart together??? you can program games together???? you do cosplay together??? the possibilities...

satan

he’ll hate to be compared to his dad brother but he does show how much he trusts you by showing his unguarded side too

when he first talked about lucifer without the filter of his nice guy persona you were pretty shocked

like he was really going at it

but then you realize? he’s just like that when he’s comfortable

and it’s not all mean spirited, he just has,,, a strong personality and a lot of opinions about stuff (which you sometimes share with him)

but you also found out it’s really fun to gossip with satan

since he knows all the juicy gossip from his multitude of ties (he’s sharing the title of gossip queen with asmo that’s why they get along so well tbh)

also if you even find a teacher you hate he’ll tell you all their embarrassing moments to make you feel better

he also recommends you books and poems and sends you quotes that made him think about you

so you sure as heck don’t need to buy books while you’re in the devildom bc he’ll buy you an entire library

asmo

compliments you without comparing you to himself which is the highest compliment he can give

like mammon he’s more into the showing everyone his favorite human around while also protecting them

he’ll take you to his parties and gatherings as a guest of honor, he’ll make you meet all kinds of people and open up opportunities for you

he’ll be the one that pampers you

you’d think lucifer is the sugar daddy of the family but nope it’s asmo

he’ll buy you cute clothes, shoes, beauty products everything that he saw and imagined would look bomb on you

if you’re not into clothes he’ll buy you art supplies, books, anything you want but he’ll still probably buy you at least some clothes he thinks are cute

if you’re romantically involved,,,, he’ll buy other toys for you as well which you can try together wink wink

beel

cooks for you

no questions asked when it’s his turn to cook he’ll think about what YOU would like to eat first before making something

which is??? really touching coming from beel

and also means sometimes he’ll make the same dish three weeks in a row and annoy the others while you just get excited bc ??? you get to eat your favourite dish??? again and again????

thank you beel you truly know how to touch someone’s insides

also opens up to you and talks to you about his fears and thoughts

expect to get 4 am msgs from beel if he had a nightmare

which would end up in you coming to cuddle him (and belphie also joins sometimes)

which tbh is that even a thing you can complain about?

belphie

is more baby less murder when you’re around

naps on your lap, naps on your shoulder, naps with you anywhere

but also let’s you nap on HIM

besides being soft around you he actually opens up to you too

and talks to you about his traumas and issues

which he has in common with his twin what can you do

so you have weekly cuddle parties with him and beel where you talk about shit and actually make them resolve their issues instead of just,,, ignoring them

also if you’re into each other you probably tease each other and flirt really shamelessly in public while the others cringe and or blush at your language

are you a cowboy? because i want you to ride me all night

simeon

writes you fancy letters with poetry like lucifer, but his ink is scented and his envelopes contain pressed flowers more often than not

if you’re together you even do letter sexting if you’re into it

creates characters based on you in his stories (which you don’t believe even if levi points out you that the two of you are kinda similar)

asks you to spend more and more time with him and luke

invites you to picnics, reads to you while your head is in his lap, cooks you snacks

if you’re a theatre kid too,,, you do musical love confessions too,,, sometimes by just reciting the lyrics of really popular musical theatre songs in a death panned voice

cough a heart full of love from les mis but read like poetry through the fence of the house of lamentation cough

asks you cryptic shit hannibal style like “tell me mc what does it mean to want to be consumed whole by another? is it a desire to become something bigger than yourself or is it related to our need to become one with our loved one like some cultures pointed out before?”

you’re either really into his cryptid talk or just roll your eyes and smooch him

diavolo

invites you around to his castle all the time

sometimes he even pulls some weird shenanigans just to make you spend more time with him

expect tea parties with him luci and barbatos in no particular combination

gives you compliments 24/7 even in public

remember how he treats lucifer? he’s that for you too but he’s learned from the lucifer experience to focus on complimenting you as a person more than how you look

if you’re into pda he’ll touch you all the time

if you ever wanted a gomez - morticia romance, here’s your goth big titty himbo that’s way too full of love

if you’re lovers expect to be pampered, i feel like? he doesn’t buy a lot of gifts and such because he’s probably tired of material things but he will make time in his busy schedule for you and spend a lot of time with you

which means more to him than gifts

(we will buy you anything you ask though)

barbatos

actually talks with you about stuff outside rad, the demon bros and diavolo

also invites you to alone time tea or wine time

where you drink and gossip

if satan and asmo are the crowned queens of gossip barbatos is the king of gossip but he doesn’t share his knowledge to most people so nobody knows what he knows

but he knows,,,, a lot

and not only that he knows a lot about people nowadays,,, but imagine the things he knows about like historical figures and such,,,

so prepare for story time with barbatos where he talks about how oscar wilde was almost summoned by drunk inccubi during a party once, or how diavolo cried when he was a kid because he sent a letter to caravaggio asking him to paint his portrait and he said no

also if you get drunk together expect really energetic talkative barbatos destroying DESTROYING everyone (except diavolo ofc)

“lucifer please i once saw you crying because you thought diavolo was ignoring you when you actually forgot to press the send button to your messages ”

if you’re romantically involved diavolo will always be first in his hear but that just means you’ll have to invite diavolo along on your dates which just means you’ve got a new lover and a new bff

solomon

he invites you on all kinds of wacky adventures

you visit witches, go to weird magical forest parties or orgies if you want, you go travelling the mountains for rare herbs

it’s like you’re faust and he’s mephisto haha the irony and he’s showing you another side of the world you never knew

ofc the others know about all this but??? they thought it’s normal and didn’t even consider you know nothing about it

but solomon knows what it was like to be just a human

and since he likes you he empathizes with your situation

he also make you meet all kinds of people

since he has 72 contracts and hundreds of years of doing wack stuff he must know some interesting people

and now his friends are your friends

i feel like romantic solomon would be just him?? but less shady with you especially since now you understand him better

but also he’ll probably bring you weird shit from his alone expeditions

did you ever want the tears of a mermaid? a carnivorous plant that feeds on emotions? a crying portrait? no? well too bad because now you have a room full of weird items

...that you love and treasure thank you very much

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louloubabys1992 · 3 years

Text

Ask for writers

Tagged by @theisolatedlily thank u babe xoxo

1. describe how you first started writing and when you first posted:

I got so into the 1D fandom that I opened a tumblr account and found loads of fics about Harry and Louis. I got hooked. I go way back as a fan. am one of those who started reading fics from tumblr accounts and livejournals. I know a lot still read from those until now, even me, until ao3 became the basis of fics. I read so many fics that i wanted to write my own as well. my first ever fic, officially, was an apocalypse/zombie au called Nothing Can Come Between You and I. I say officially because I posted a couple of fics before this one but they were edited fics from a writer who took down his/her fics for reasons I don’t wanna get into. I asked permission to post them and edit them. That’s when I started joining up as a beta as well :D

2. which of your characters do you typically resonate most closely with? do you base any characters off of yourself?

I typically write in Louis’ narrative but I don’t usually base it on any perceptions I have of him, even if it’s canon. most of my fics are inspired by circumstances I see around me in my day to day life or by events that one can relate to because they do happen.

3. where do you often find inspiration?

I read a lot of fics as I’ve mentioned before and each and every one of them has left an impact on me that made me the fic writer I am today. Whenever I lack inspiration, I just open my bookmarks on ao3 and read. And then, a bulb lights up and voila, inspiration hits

4. has quarantine helped or hindered your writing process?

helped a lot! i wrote more during quarantine than I do now even though am somewhat working from home. but when corona was at its peak back in March, everything was on hold and I turned to writing.

5. do you listen to music/noise while you write or do you prefer silence?

silence. Am sadly not one of those people who could write in a corner in a cafe even though I wish I could do something like that.

6. what is your biggest writing pet peeve in your writing or in general?

word vomit. not into that.

7. describe your ideal writing setup:

after midnight, laptop on a cushion on my lap, neck pillow for my neck, my bed, and a quiet house where everyone is already sleeping and my mind is brimming, racing faster than my fingers could type hahahaah

8. favorite time of day to write?:

after midnight. it mostly has to do with the fact that I am not available during the day but even before when I wasn’t working, i would find myself procrastinating all day or totally lacking inspiration and then come night time, and my mind comes alive hahahaha

9. favorite genre to write + one you’d like to try writing in the future?

Canon fics

10. do you struggle with writer’s block?

I mean, who doesn’t, right?

11. what is the easiest part of your writing process and the most difficult?

easiest is after I’ve day-dreamed the scene because when I day dream, its detailed to the tee, down to the words and the dialogue but the most difficult is when I postpone an idea I had in my head. If I don’t write it down instantly, it never turns out the same and that’s quite frustrating

12. how do you come up with original characters? (

I do insert a lot of original characters in my fics and they are sometimes inspired my real people but only in terms of appearance not by character or name. so, if am describing an original character in any of my fics, know that he exists but his character is not the same in real life hahahaha

13. what is your favorite and least favorite word? f

wow, this is random. um. fav would be scars and least would be veggies

14. what is one thing about your writing that you’re really proud of and one thing you hope to continue working at?

I don’t think it was something I was proud of at first but a lot of people who comment on my fics say that they like my pacing and the dialogues. so maybe that? I would say I think I need to work more on my originality. sometimes, i find myself drifting to a fic I’ve just read, especially if its the same trope and am like, wow, that’s not mine at all.

15. what work of yours has your favorite ‘verse/world building? how did you come up with it?

definitely my first abo fic Hang there like fruit, my soul/Till the tree die. I love that au and I’ve always wanted to put my own tiny twist in it. am really proud of how it came about and am massively humbled by the comments and support it received :D

16. what font and size do you write in? single spaced or double?

arial, font 18 and sometimes bigger because I don’t have good eyesight

17. what is a typo(s) you find yourself making consistently?:

names, because sometimes the names I choose are apprarently just not cool with microsoft word for some reason....sighs

18. (if applicable) do you separate fic writing from fandom?

yes, but its not intentional, it just happens

19. what emotion is your favorite to write? which is the most difficult?Angst because that’s just me hahahaaha. the most difficult? hmm, emotional love confessions maybe or the transition from friends to lovers. yeah.

20. what is one thing you hope readers always take away from your works?

the passion behind it maybe?

21. what is the best and worst writing advice you’ve ever received?

best advice is to sleep on it because I do come up with scenes for my fics when I am about to sleep ahahahah. the worse one I got came from someone who obviously doesn’t know a thing about writing. he said, ‘’just don’t write it and do something else.’’ I mean, really?

22. which one of your works would you most want to see turned into a film/television show?

nope, not happening.

23. do you write scenes chronologically or out of order?:

most of the time in order.

24. how do you handle criticism?

quite well I think.

25. what is the advice you would give to someone who is looking to start writing?

Go for it. Writing is not a silly hobby. if it’s really something you wanna do, even if its just for fun or to pass the time or to make new friends. go for it, There are so many fics in this fandom that until this day, are still ingrained in my mind because they were so touching and moving to me. you never know what your words could do for someone or how much your words could make a person’s day a better day

26. what kind of feedback on your work always makes your day?

the comments posted on my fics in ao3 always make me happy. I feel like its the best to find out if my work is worth someone’s time, you know? even though I do write for myself most of the time, the validation is nice sometimes :D

27. which fic ‘verse of your own would you most like to exist in? which fic’s characters would you most like to befriend?

wow, all of them?

28. what do you always enjoy getting asks about/wish people would ask about more?

hmm, I mean people could ask what they want so am cool with anything. am not picky. I get asked about plot lines or what would happen next when it comes to cliffhangers and I do my best to answer them without revealing too much :D

29. what has writing added to your life? how has it changed you?

I definitely made new friends through it and it’s been great :D

30. why do you write?

it’s my favourite thing in my entire life. It’s the one thing that no one in my life knows about, as in the people that I work with, my friends, even my family, none of them have ever read anything I’ve ever written and am fine with it. I feel like writing is purely for me and it’s something I’d like to keep as a part of me you know?

boost yourself + tags!

1a. share the last sentence you wrote:

Harry smiles despite himself. Three years together, since he was nineteen, and it shouldn’t be a surprise that Louis knows him so well, can tell by the sound of his voice if he’s okay or not, nervous or not, happy or not.

2a. describe the wip you’re most excited about:

the one am writing for the harry/men fic fest

3a. share the piece of dialogue from one of your works you’re most proud of:

‘’You’re being really quiet and I don’t like it,’’ Louis points out.

‘’Just a bit tired,’’

‘’Stay here then,’’ Louis pats the bed. ‘’Sleep next to me,’’

‘’Are you sure? I don’t want to mess with anything by accident or…’’

‘’Harry?’’

‘’What?’’

‘’I won’t get a wink’s worth of sleep if you’re even an inch away from me,’’ he says firmly. ‘’And I’ll go on a limb here and say neither will you.’’

‘’But…’’

‘’No buts, I’m serious.’’ Louis cups his cheek, his blue eyes big and beautiful, like an entire fucking galaxy. ‘’I missed you something terrible these past few days,’’

‘’Lou…’’

‘’Be here with me, Haz. Please?’’

Harry hums before he pushes himself forward. He cannot stop it, cannot keep himself from gravitating towards Louis, taking what he wants, what he needs to make it through the night. He cups Louis’ face and kisses him but even then it’s not enough and he skates one arm around Louis’ small shoulders and tugs him closer, careful not to jostle Louis too much and kisses him like Louis’ a mermaid and he needs his air or else he’ll drown.

It eases an ache in him he didn’t know was trying to get his attention the moment he entered the room, something deep and visceral, calming down with the way Louis’ molds his lips against his, with the shape of his mouth fitting with his own, with the way his body is trying to align with his, like a constellation, each star coming together to mean something greater than they can ever grasp, something more infinite and vast.

‘’I love you,’’ Louis whispers into his lips.

‘’I’m never letting you go,’’ Harry says before he reaches for another kiss. ‘’Love of my life, fucking best thing to ever happen to me, you know that?’’

‘’My rock,’’ Louis kisses him back. ‘’My fortress,’’ and kisses him again, ‘’my strength,’’ and again and again. ‘’I love you so much. Would be dead without you,’’

‘’Don’t say that,’’

‘’It’s true,’’ Louis gasps as Harry devours his mouth, trying to stop him from saying another word. ‘’I would’ve crawled out that room right to your feet, Haz. I would’ve…’’

‘’Shh, just me kiss, babe. Just kiss me,’’ Harry pleads.

And so they do.

4a; line from my fics that I am most proud of:

hard to choose really

5a. link the last fic you read:

bang bang (my baby shot me down) by thepolourryexpress

6a. link the last work you published:

Ellen's haunted house by louloubaby92

7a. link to your ao3 (if applicable):

https://archiveofourown.org/users/louloubaby92/works

8a. someone that inspires you

Louis Tomlinson

9a. a comfort fic/work that you’ve been grateful for this year:

bruise you like a peach by falsegoodnight

10a. other writers that you’d like to tag!

@falsegoodnight @twopoppies @mediawhorefics

#this was nice

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notcanoncompliant · 4 years

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can i request a fic where peter is in the military and when he comes home hes surprises his husband tony and his daughter morgan ? love your work xoxo

I've never written a kid!fic before, thank you for the challenge! I hope you enjoy 💕

Background:

> Age difference; Tony’s in his mid-late forties, Peter’s like 28-29.

> Pepper’s been friends with Tony for a million years, she carried Morgan for Peter & Tony (Tony is Morgan’s bio-dad)

> Tony’s still Tony Stark, he’s just not Iron Man. Pepper runs SI, Tony works/signs things/attends meetings from home so he can take care of Morgan

> Peter does IT for the government, gets contracted for military assignments

***

Don't Wanna Miss A Thing

The weather’s nice; chilly (but not too chilly) with sunshine spilling everywhere, glinting off iridescent birthday streamers and the few glittery party hats abandoned by a couple of Morgan’s friends in the grass and on the picnic table.

Tony’s hanging a little ways back from the party, watching Morgan run around with her friends. This is one of those times he’s grateful the other parents are a little (read: a lot) intimidated by Morgan’s pretty-much-celebrity father; it means he gets a few minutes of moping before he has to pull himself together and act like a person again.

He’s been trying, really trying, not to let too much of his sadness and frustration leak into his time with Morgan, but it’s hard. Peter was supposed to be coming home on leave for three weeks (!!!), but the military analyst powers-that-be had apparently needed him for just a little longer, another classified project that couldn’t wait.

It’s not the first time Peter’s had to cancel plans because of duty, but this would’ve been the first time Peter was home for Morgan’s birthday since the actual day of her birth, and Tony wishes there was something to rail against, something he could do. He would, but his husband loves his work and Tony would never put that in jeopardy or ask him to stop.

It’d be easier, though, if Tony were allowed to know where his husband is. Peter’s work usually falls under the ‘classified’ category nature. That in itself wouldn’t stop him...but Peter's forbidden him from looking up the locations. The uncertainty drives Tony nuts sometimes (all the time), but he’s been good.

(...and when he’s having a hard time being good, he has Pepper on emergency speed-dial as a safeguard to help talk him out of doing it; just another reason Tony’s grateful for her presence in their lives)

A familiar hand lands on his shoulder, squeezes once. He glances over as Pepper lowers herself onto the bench beside him.

“If you keep showing me affection, they might think it’s okay to talk to me,” Tony says, gesturing subtly to the other parents standing off a little ways away.

Pepper just gives him a fondly exasperated look, to which Tony shrugs. He knows she won’t give him actual flack; the PTA crew don’t really know what to do with themselves around a powerhouse like Virginia Potts, CEO.

“You know, you could take a page out of Morgan’s book,” she says quietly.

Tony heaves a breath, looks out at where Morgan’s running around with her friends.

They’re laughing and yelling and generally raising hell in their own little corner of the park, most of them in their wonderfully gaudy party hats, smacking each other with various foam weapons (Morgan wanted a warrior princess party; it’s the first childrens’ party Tony’s had to distribute liability waivers for, and he has a sneaking suspicion it won’t be the last). Morgan’s smile is as sunny as the weather, her cheeks pink from the cold as she begins to lead some kind of charge on the jungle gym.

He shrugs. “I don’t think the other parents would appreciate me beating their children with foam toys. Unfair advantages, you know. Better hand eye coordination. Longer limbs.”

Pepper huffs a laugh. “You know what I mean.”

Tony does know. Morgan always handles Peter’s absence with a grace Tony admires (and that she definitely got from Pepper). He worries about his glum mood running her over, does his best to be honest with her without making her carry his weight. She’s strong; strong and light and weirdly wise for someone so young (she gets all of that from Peter, no doubt, even without a genetic connection), and Tony’s so afraid to ruin that.

“I’m not dragging her down, am I?” he hears himself ask.

There’s a soft sigh from beside him as Pepper’s fingers lace through his.

“You’re not. You know you’re not,” she says, squeezing his hand. “You’re not handling it as poorly as you think, and it’s good for her to see you miss your husband. It’s always good for her to see that you’re only human.”

Tony just nods, not trusting himself to speak. It doesn’t lessen the ache, but he’s grateful nonetheless.

He tilts his head to rest on his friend’s shoulder, shuts his eyes. “Don’t know what we’d do without you, Pep.”

“You’d do alright,” she says, a smile in her voice.

It’s nice, letting himself feel. Not so much that he’s in danger of sobbing in a public park, but enough to acknowledge the weight in his chest, the soreness of disappointment, the gentle sting of love across a vast distance. To just lean there for a minute, temple pressing against the wool of Pepper’s jacket, just breathing…

“Papa!!”

Tony stiffens, opens his eyes, tries to process the rush of disbelief and hope.

No...It’s not...please be what I--please--

Morgan’s flying towards he and Pepper, but the giant smile on her face is directed somewhere past the park bench entirely, and Tony’s heart leaps into his throat.

He turns around in time to see Peter, resplendent in his G-man standard suit, striding towards them across the grass, a grin clear on his face. The stride turns into a jog turns into a sprint, and Peter collides, laughing, with their daughter, swings her up in the air before pulling her into a tight hug.

As Tony watches the display, he feels acutely all six months his husband’s been gone; the short phone calls a couple times a week, the video calls less frequently than that. Feels it all like a firestorm in his chest, his gut. Every sappy private moment, every night he curled up around a pillow sprayed with a little of Peter’s cologne.

He’s up, behind the bench and across the grass so fast he feels breathless.

Morgan’s got her arms around Peter, her face buried in his neck, and Peter’s eyes are red-rimmed and damp, his smile trembling just a little. Tony absolutely fails at keeping himself together as he kisses his husband hard, an almost painful press of lips, before pulling back and pressing their foreheads together.

“Hey, G-man,” he says, sniffing hard, grinning through his tears, “glad you could make it.”

Peter huffs a delighted laugh, kisses him again, cups the nape of Tony’s neck with his free hand and just...keeps him close.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

***

Extra -- I might come back to this 'verse, or one like it. Super basic plot idea: When Tony finds out his husband's been taken hostage, and that Peter's work for the government isn't what Tony had thought, he becomes Iron Man to save the love of his life.

***

Everything Tag List: @the-amazing-spidertwink, @starkercrossedlovers, @hoeforthegays, @silkystark

#starker #morgan stark #tony stark is a dad and a daddy #fluff #tiny bit of angst #tony stark x peter parker #married au #military au #kind of #flowers answers things #starkerflowers fic

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skullboysfinale · 3 years

Note

A-Z Valentino

Under read more because this will be long

@iblade290

A : AFFECTION. how does your muse show affection?

By letting you stay with him. He might be an ass sometimes, but if he keeps you close, it means he actually cares for you and will try to keep you safe and away from his problems.

B : BOUQUET. does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

He doesn’t have a favorite kind of flower, but might ask about his lover’s favorite flower when he’s in a good mood.

C : CHOCOLATE. does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

Dark chocolate, period.

D : DATE. what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

Valentino isn’t actually a romantic, despite his codename and holiday theme. Still, he enjoys a nice, relaxing dinner of red meat and whiskey, watching documentaries. If he really likes you though, he might invite you to play chess with him, listen to him play the guitar or even share his interests about Eastern culture with you. Yes, he’s actually a weeb.

E : EMBRACE. does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

Again, while not really into ‘sentimentality’, as he says, his hugs tend to be provocative, usually hugging you from behind and whispering sweet things in your ear, sometimes lewd things as well.

F : FLIRT. is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

Among the doctors of the Final Faith unit, Valentino is the best at flirting. Honeyed words, a confident approach, good looks, suggestive gestures, good with his hands and incredibly dominant. He isn’t above using those qualities to obtain what he wants, so consider yourself lucky if he does it because he loves you.

G : GIFT. is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?

He isn’t that good, again, because of ‘sentimentality’. He’ll at least straight ask you what you want. He makes up for it with other things. Sexual things.

H : HEART. is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

Slow, although not because he’s cold-hearted. He has ties to some very dangerous beings and knows he’s also a wanted man, so he doesn’t want anyone getting involved with him romantically as they might be in danger because of him. If he ends up in a relationship with you, it’s because he knows you can protect yourself if you need to.

I : I LOVE YOU. does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

Even if he can say lewd things, sweet things and mean things, he finds it really hard to say those magic words. Unless he really fell hard for you.

J : JEALOUSY. does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

He is too confident to feel jealous of someone else while in a relationship, unless he’s going against Kristoff in a polyamorous ship. He’d never let the other person think Kris is a better lover than him.

K : KISS. is your muse a good kisser? why / why not?

Excellent kisser, obviously as part of his job to seduce his targets. Sweet and gentle or deep and passionate, you name it. He certainly knows how to use his tongue.

L : LOVE. who does your muse love?

Well... I mean, it really depends on each verse, cause multiships and all that... But just for you, this time I’m going to tell you he loves Maw. Stay tuned for that Christmas thread!

M : MOONLIGHT. what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

Wait, this is the same as D! Except for the last part. He really doesn’t mind where the date will take place at, he prefers to be with someone who he finds interesting enough. Of course, if it ends in sex, much better for him.

N : NAUGHTY. what is your muse like in bed?

You know this one perfectly well. Raw sex, anal, oral, body worship, use of aphrodisiacs, having sex with anyone as long as he finds them attractive... Valentino Fucks, with a capital F.

O : ODE. does your muse have a way with words?

Valentino usually knows how to talk to a potential partner, although you can expect him to be a tease and even sometimes, but that means he is into you.

P : PARTNER. what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

Valentino doesn’t really have a preferred type of partner, physically at least. Personality wise, he likes bratty characters, so he can have fun when they tease back.

Q : QUESTION. would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

He will, if he’s really into you. You know it’s serious if he does.

R : ROMANCE. is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

A healthy mix of the two, sliding more towards cynic, but he can be a passionate, romantic lover if he wants to. He simply doesn’t want to go around showing that, besides he doesn’t like public shows of affection.

S : SWEETHEART. did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

He used to be a nerd, so he probably crushed on many girls. He decided to become more confident to get the attention he wanted but ended up becoming bored of that.

T : TRUE LOVE. does your muse believe in true love?

Not exactly; he knows love can also get cold and disappear, in the case he ever falls for someone. He wouldn’t blame his partner for wanting to move on, and would stay in good terms with them.

U : UNREQUITED. has your muse had their heart broken?

Maybe, since he used to be a nerd. Not anymore though, he can take blows fairly well, but he can also deal those.

V : VALENTINE. how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?

For someone who represents Valentine’s Day, he isn’t really into it. He does, however, enjoys the whole being a tease in Valentine’s Day thing, by smearing melted chocolate on his chest.

W : WEDDING. would your muse get married? why / why not?

He prefers to invite his partner to move in together to be honest buy might consider it if he really loves you.

X : XOXO. does your muse use / like pet names?

Not really, although he might tease you depending on who you are, like calling someone his little brat, for example.

Y : YOURS. does your muse get protective easily?

He will certainly make sure that anyone who dares to threaten his partner suffers a lot before they beg them for forgiveness. He still cares about his loved ones, and he can hold in resentment quite easily.

Z : ZZZ. how many people has your muse slept with?

It would be easier to count the stars in the sky...

#iblade290 #.:Queue

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hqgodspeed · 4 years

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a few days after valentine’s day, basteon gather’s the demigods together in the banquet hall, his demeanor seems different than normal, as if the tension between his shoulders is becoming less and less—maybe he’s beginning to believe in the demigods, in their capability to combat the evils of this world.

he clears his throat, arms crossed over his wide chest. “sons of olympus, the time has come to discuss the next trial. we’ve lost one worthy son and gained another. now it’s time to increase those numbers.”

his gaze lingers over each demigod until he stares blankly ahead. “if you believe that you’re ready, step forward and plead your case. let your words sway your companions into action.”

he leaves, then, and demigods begin to stand, one by one, trying to bolster their friends with their words.

𝐖𝐎𝐋𝐅𝐑𝐀𝐌

There’s a silence when the attention turns to the son of Zeus, a careful, stoic expression on his face. In his hand is a heavy, cloth-wrapped object, a symbol. “We’re here again, ready to throw ourselves back in the fire.” He starts, glancing around at the faces of his fellow demigods. “I’ve seen you all survive the flames, emerge stronger, beaten, but better.”

“I’ve faced my own trials too, personal and around the world, both wins and losses.” He pulls the cloth off, revealing the half of Zeus’ shield. “I found this in Greece, and I take it as a sign, one that I have to complete what I’ve started.” He stands tall, back straight. “I’m ready to prove myself.”

𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐎

"it has to be me. i think, there's no roundabout, bullshit way of saying it. i've been here the longest, with ari and tristan, and it's time i show you guys what i've learned and the drive i have to do this. i've lost a lot of friends on the way here, and all those times i always thought i should be going faster. i need help. i need my dad's shoes or whatever, because that's going to be the thing to make sure i actually save the next person. so no one dies on my watch again. i'm ready."

𝐃𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐇

Daith stood up and cleared his throat as he looked at his fellow demigods. "I have to admit that I wasn't expecting to propose myself for a trial... I honestly planned to wait until the last possible moment because... It would suck a lot if it turns out I'm incapable of it, and I used to think my mother would be so dissapointed that she'd call the next son on line and put me out of my misery" he said, chuckling for a second before his expression turned more serious. "But... things changed. People changed. We lost people... but we also gained them..." he said, smiling at the others briefly, his hand wrapping around the Necklace of Sacrifice, that he never took off now. "I know I'm not the strongest demigod of the bunch. And Ari will be mad at me, but I also have to admit I'm not the best. I panic. I'm selfish. I'm impulsive. I get easily distracted by cute guys..." he said, smirking, as a lot of his current sources of distraction were present. "But I'm also one of the demigods that had stayed the longest here at camp. I used both my fighting and my abilities to survive. But, most of all, I had the support of all of you. And, if the trials and quests had shown us something is that if we don't face challenges united, we will all fall. So I'm willing to put aside my own fails and shortcomings and battle to be recognized as the worthy son of Aphrodite". He then took a deep breath and looked down, to find Mr. Candle waving another flag with his face, which made him laugh. "I understand if you decide to choose another demigod but... know that I'm ready to do this. And that I believe we can do this together. My mother started wars. But she also joined nations under her cult. Love unites us. And, if we are together... Love can conquer all. Thank you all". Mr. Candle waved the flag excitedly before jumping on Daith's lap, clapping and looking at everyone so they would clap too. Or else.

𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑

"So here's the thing," Asher begins, and instantly he felt like he was going through a stint of Deja vu. "A lot has changed since we voted on our last trial. Mostly, we know that there are forces outside of Eris that are coming for us. Forces with powers none of us really know the limits of. I think from a necessity base, we need my artifact that can combat what they can do. I am the son of Time, my father's powers are a trump card, they have to be. If we can secure that, our possibilities are endless." He looked at each of the other demigods, trying to look them each in the eye, "I'm confident that I'm ready to rock my trial. Not only have I been through our latest one, I have assisted in taking down plenty of enemies, and that's just me at half strength. Imagine what I'm capable of once I have my father's gift? Plus. I mean, my father's trial is in the Palace of Westmincer. It beats the hell out of trekking through some enchanted palace. Make the smart move, and give yourself and the rest of us the power of time to get this right. Vote Jones."

𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐍𝐎𝐑

"attention, losers," ragnor leapt on the stage and faced the others, a flourish to his movements.

perhaps it wasn’t the wisest to begin a speech with such a term—but he hoped it was as endearing as he’d meant it to be. ragnor’s heartbeats were rampant within his chest, but the smile that cut through his face was bright, rehearsed. he needed to be the bronze-haired hero for them today, someone martyr-boned and trustworthy. it was a performance but a seamless one that came with much ease.

perhaps a part of ragnor truly believed he was a hero.

he began, and for once his words poured out raw; no sugar-coat, no honey.

“i am not going to stir idle conversation about how i am the perfect candidate; i am not.” that, he believed. that, he knew. “but,” ragnor’s gaze swept over every face. “i am not the fuckin’ mess from a few months ago, either. no more drunken shenanigans, no more rookie mistakes. these past few quests and the trial have been exhaustin’, but i’ve saved some of your asses with my dancing skills—helped freed kit’s mother from her corruption—held my own against some of those dark aether dip-shits with ari and keaton.” he steeled his jaw then. “what i am saying is, i am strong enough to take on my father dionysus's trial now, i am ready to face his frenzy." he was also ready to confront whatever curse that laid dormant within him; to let his father's madness cut it from the root. "the anklet may not be that remarkable of an artifact but some of you have seen, first hand how powerful a well-timed dance can be in battle.” he let his smirk unfurl then and made a graceful, theatrical bow to signal the end of his speech.

before ragnor left the stage, however, he added: “also, it's in fuckin' vegas, c'mon.”

𝐓𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑

"second verse, same as the first, am i right guys???? haha but seriously, vote tucker rhee! not only will i put my, like, proverbial pedal to the metal, but i promise that i won't let anyone die without a proper seance. also, cali is like a really great vacation spot and stuff, so i'll be able to take everyone out to expensive dinners and we can, like, go to a yoga retreat or something. cheers!!! xoxo!!!"

𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐘

"look," iggy starts, shrugging, "i know i'm newer than most of you that spoke up already, but just because we're new doesn't mean we're not as important." he pointedly looks at everyone, but lingers on the veterans. "you can look down on us all you want, but we're never going to prove ourselves unless you let us." he grins, cocky and sure of himself. "let me be the first to show you all that we newcomers are just as worthy as the rest of you."

𝐊𝐈𝐓

there's a new sense of confidence that swells in the pit of his stomach. before, there was hesitation to his words, in his being. but too many things have happened since talk of the last trial, his eyes have been opened, his focus recentered. "i'm still not the strongest among us." he starts, looking around at each of the demigods gathered. "but i'm relentless." his fingers rest against the table top of their dining tables, closing his eyes for a moment. "i was relentless in trying to figure out where my mother was, so much so that i nearly killed myself trying to find answers. relentless in setting souls to rest after they were forcefully taken from this world. relentless in my pursuit of knowledge." he pauses, eyes lingering over each and every demigod, making eye contact for a moment before looking to the next.

"i found where my mother was, followed the clues that lead ten of us to samothrace. together, we figured out where my mother was, discovered what eris had turned her into—what she might have turned all our parents into." his expression changes, eyes almost flickering dark as he remembers the embryo, the multi-headed abberation that his mother had become when he let her out of her confinement. "and together, we freed her from that corruption, i was willing to die if it meant that she be restored and i almost did—my magic kept me alive and i destroyed the foulness of whatever was corrupting her heart with the magic that runs in my veins. when we got back here, ari and i restored her back to her rightful home down in the crypts and we felt something—power—that was being restored back to olympus, protective magics." his expression softens now, a smile playing upon his lips as he remembers the tremor, that feeling of power that radiated from ancient runes he could barely understand.

his eyes close as he remembers the feeling of her arms around him, the warmth, that same feeling of belonging he's always longed to feel. "she told me she loved me." his voice quiets down to an almost whisper. "she hugged me and told me she was proud of me." his eyes open, the softness of his expression mirroring the look on his face. "and she told me something else, something that this trial—my trial—is the next step in doing."

he takes a deep breath, a sigh parting his lips. "she told me that when i ascend, we'd be together forever. she believes in me." he looks out now, his expression gentle, but a fire lingers beneath the surface of his eyes, one that burns with determination. "and i hope that the rest of you will, too. i'm ready. i was willing to die in order to help the cause, but now i'm willing to survive and fight until we get our parents back and defeat this darkness once and for all."

he takes a seat, eyes still looking out at each of the demigods until his gaze rests on ragnor, a smile on his face as the nerves begin to settle in.

#gstrials

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codsona-moved · 5 years

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b, h, k & x for soap? 😊

These are gonna jump all over the place since I have so many verses and in some of them, he does things a little bit differently. I’ll also mention specific ships here and there (either Soap and Price or Soap and Corvo just cuz those are the only ships I really have for him…I’m not as huge on shipping as I used to be), but I’ll be as general as possible. I hope that’s okay!

(Also I’m so sorry for taking so long to answer this, I’ve been stuck between work and a really bad depressive rut!)

☾ Fluff Alphabet!

Activities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

When it comes to spending time with his partner, Soap is the very relaxed type. He is willing to go out and do things like dinner, movies, certain outdoor hobbies, and he does enjoy those things, but what he really enjoys is staying in, sharing drinks, watching bad TV shows on the couch and simply existing in the presence of his partner. Physical closeness is something he enjoys, even if he and his partner aren’t necessarily doing something together. He’s very much the type to find comfort in simply being in the same space as his partner while he and his partner each do something independently. This is true of pretty much every universe.

Apoptosis: In this AU, Soap has more time to spend in his artistic hobbies, like music and drawing. He also dabbles a little bit in painting in this AU, since he has the time to do so. He involves his artistic hobbies a lot more in the time he spends with his partner in this AU compared to other verses; he’ll share his art with them, maybe draw with them if they’re an artist themselves or just draw around them if he just wants to share space with them without engaging in something together. He might break out the guitar too, but he’s shy with singing unless the other person initiates.

Call of Honor: In Call of Honor, Soap’s way of spending time with his SO is pretty much the same as the previous verses - at home, relaxed, either doing something lowkey together or just existing in one another’s presence.

When they first met, he and Corvo weren’t exactly super talkative, but as time goes on, their relationship blossoms and they find themselves talking for hours over [Dishonored guard voice] whiskey and cigars, the way Soap once would with Price. He and Corvo are both secretly musical people - they both can sing, Corvo plays the harp, and Soap plays the guitar. When they find this out about each other, they will sometimes play instruments for each other, or sing together. (Corvo will give Soap books with traditional Serkonan music for him to learn, and Soap will try his hand at playing songs for Corvo.)

Venator: Because of his oath of celibacy, Soap can’t really have a partner (that and he’s hardcore closeted because, well, being a priest and being Not Straight don’t exactly mix - and I promise there’s lore reasons for why he’s a priest in this AU). But that doesn’t stop him and Price when they develop an attachment to each other in secret.

Soap’s favorite thing, again, is to exist around his partner, just relax and be happy together. A specific activity that he enjoys, though, is talking about religion. He made it a point to study religions as well as his own (Roman Catholic) since he highly values knowledge and the understanding of other cultures and viewpoints (he doesn’t really believe in one singular truth, more like truth is subjective and depends on what a person needs and wants from the universe and themselves, and can’t be proven or disproven by man alone). Because Soap is Catholic and Price is Jewish and practicing, they have long conversations about religion, spirituality, and their own personal interpretations of the world and of spirituality where rather than debate, they learn where the other is coming from. This is probably the only AU where he’ll talk at length about religion, since this is the one AU where he doesn’t really have the option of shutting that part of him and his life away (since it is his life).

Beauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Soap really admires persistent, headstrong-type personalities, even if that persistence ends up biting him or his partner in the ass (coughcoughPricecoughcough). He also really admires (and sometimes is lowkey jealous of) a partner who is able to wear their emotions on their sleeve - he’s always been really reserved when it comes to his emotions, even when he needs to admit to himself how he feels about something, so seeing someone else be open and honest about their emotions is refreshing and gives him the space to open up, little by little.

Honesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Pretty much anything related to Soap’s childhood is something he rarely talks about. He doesn’t like talking about his relationship with his mother or his uncle, and he rarely ever brings up his father (even in universes, like Apoptosis, where he has memorabilia of his father either on hand or literally as jewelry/clothing). He doesn’t go out of his way to hide these things, usually, he just avoids talking about them - and when he does talk about them, he only gives little bits of information at a time. His early life is a painful subject for him, and one he’d rather turn his back on.

Kiss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

I like to think Soap’s a good kisser! As for what the first kiss is like (either in general or with each partner), that really depends on each specific verse and which person he’s with.

With Price in canonverse and Apoptosis, he’d be a lot more confident and, if he doesn’t take the initiative, it would be because Price beat him to the punch.

In Call of Honor, he’s a lot more nervous since he isn’t sure if Corvo would reciprocate his feelings.

In Venator, Soap’s first kiss is with Price when he’s an adult, so he’s a ball of excitement and anxiety rolled into one. He doesn’t really know what to do (tongue? no tongue? where does he put his hands? that kind of thing) so he lets Price take the lead. He’s also scared because kissing like this to begin with goes against his vows - nevermind the fact that he’s doing it with another man.

But there’s also this feeling in not being alone in this, and this feeling of excitement and joy at another man not only feeling the same way about Soap, but kissing him back, holding him, and being comfortable in his sexuality and his attraction.

XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Soap is secretly a bit of a hopeless romantic, so he is definitely affectionate with his partners. He likes slipping in pet names here and there in casual conversation, and he can’t get enough of things like casual pecks on the cheek, hugs, and just being close to his partner whenever he gets the chance. He’s a little touch starved so he loves being held by his partner, or holding his partner.

#anonymous #void chats #thank you! sorry this took so fucking long to answer lol #call of duty #soap mactavish #venator 2089 #call of honor #apoptosis #long post

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artificialqueens · 5 years

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Sunshine, and Glory Too (Trixya) - Chapter 1 - fannyatrollop

AN: This is technically my first time posting here… not counting the collab fic with Grey-Darling because that Earth angel posts it up for both of us. I’m an independent woman this go around. On AO3, I have a nasty habit of going in and picking at my work constantly, so my writing gets a lot of post-production edits that way. It’s why I don’t sleep much. I don’t think I’d be able to do that here, so AQ will forever get my fics after they’ve been finished/edited to death and back.

So here I am, bearing a quality-controlled sort-of Princess fic. xoxo, Gossip Nya.

The night before the twins were born, their mother dreamt that one of her daughters would accomplish something truly wonderful. She always said that the moment Pearl was born, she got the feeling it would be her.

Unfortunately, Trixie was the one she pushed out after she had filled her quota for love. This sad fact was even reflected in her naming choices: Pearl the precious gem, and Beatrice, after a dead grandmother. Her words and behaviour to her daughters as they grew would only prove the point further; as far as the Baroness Liaison-Mattel was concerned, her daughter Trixie was an afterthought.

Trixie consoled herself by thinking that all her mother’s waffle about Pearl being born special was just the way she justified her blatant favouritism, and for her part, Pearl thought so too. She thought it was absolutely hilarious that she, out of the two of them, was supposed to be the special one.

“She tells people I’m quiet because I’m thoughtful, not because I can barely speak my own native tongue,” Pearl would say, on those odd nights when they would share a bed like they did when they were little girls. “Seriously, Trix, I’m the family idiot. You’re the one I’d be watching if I was her.”

“But you’re the pretty one,” Trixie would respond, gently poking the tip of her sister’s nose.

Poor Pearl never wanted to be exalted above her. She always seemed to be apologizing for her existence, and though Trixie secretly thought it was the least she could do, Pearl had always been a wonderful sister and friend to her. When Pearl brought herself down to cheer her up, Trixie would naturally build her back up.

They had lived that way all their lives. Having no one else, the sisters could not afford to be rivals. Something like real love existed between them, bravely making cracks in the resentment their mother’s treatment would naturally create.

Trixie was no angel. She was capable of feeling jealousy towards Pearl. But in the end, when nobody else cared to, it was Pearl who held her hand, and that mattered a great deal.

***

For all her talk about being an idiot, Pearl had accomplished at least one important thing in their short lives. If it wasn’t for her, they probably wouldn’t be the crown princess’ ladies in waiting.

It wouldn’t have been possible at all without their mother’s aggressive push to involve her daughters in high society. Though the Liaison-Mattels were only rich in status nowadays, the baroness had the tenacity of someone who never did take well to the loss of her husband’s fortune, which she spoke of as if it was simply misplaced under a cushion rather than gambled away through a vice passed down his noble line for generations. Wherever the money had gone, they were still landed aristocrats and there was no reason to behave lower than their rank allowed. Besides, until the girls’ father actually landed himself in debtor’s prison it really wasn’t all that bad. They could show themselves among their kind of people.

By this logic, Pearl and Trixie were perfectly worthy of being presented as companions to Princess Violet, heiress apparent to the throne, on the occasion of her heading off to the Royal Academy for Royal Ladies. Her Royal Highness had decreed that she wished to mingle with the nobility, so that she might get to meet other young ladies, and choose her companions according to her own taste. Naturally, a grand ball at the royal palace was in order.

There was some fun involved in preparing for the ball. The girls were both well-versed in breathing life into old gowns, for it was not always within their means to commission new ones for the season’s big events. Pearl carefully restored their mother’s old debutante gown, and Trixie, once she had recovered from nearly suffocating on the dust she had disturbed by producing it for her use, went to work on one of her namesake grandmother’s party dresses.

Beatrice the Elder had, reportedly, been very fashionable in her time, but the aggressive pastel ruffles that threatened to swallow the dress whole were no longer au currant. Even so, Trixie did not have the heart to get rid of them, not completely. She liked the way the dress made her look like a cloud, as light as she could possibly claim to be. Her body was not shown to advantage in the sleek styles favoured by the fashionable crowd, anyhow.

Neither of them expected anything to come out of being presented to the princess. For Pearl and Trixie, the evening’s excitement was based solely on the simple fact that they would be going somewhere. They did not foresee that their family would be contacted with the news that Pearl had been selected as Princess Violet’s new lady-in-waiting.

It puzzled Pearl, for she had only exchanged some brief words with the princess, about music. Her cheeks got pink when she recalled this brief conversation to Trixie, who had left her alone to go on a quest for refreshments when the interaction had taken place.

Being a small kingdom, news traveled fast, and they eventually came to know that it was only Pearl who had been selected as the princess’ companion. Violet was known to be decisive, to know exactly what she wanted and what she wouldn’t abide by, so as soon as she expressed her inclination that was that. Though she had every right to be like this, her actions still created a buzz among the privileged. The princess was, after all, entitled to having as many ladies as she pleased. It was strange for her to only come away from the evening with one. There were whispers about the princess being confused, behaving like a prince choosing a bride.

If that really was the case, it wouldn’t be surprising. Violet had been brought up like a prince in many ways, with full knowledge that she would rule on her own right when the time came. Many a frustrated adviser to the king had expressed worries about the day their first queen regnant would ascend to the throne, as she was already proving rather inclined to getting her own way.

The Baroness Liaison-Mattel, in her infinite wisdom as a well brought-up lady, and one who was acquainted with the gossip about the princess’ character, had the gall to insist on her second daughter tagging along into service as a condition for taking on her precious Pearl.

“They’re twins,” she said, coolly staring the royal envoy in the face as a torrent of sweat sprouted from his brow. “Surely I’m not expected to have them separated, am I?”

The princess delivered another sizable shock by taking them both without much of a fuss. Trixie was sure she could thank Pearl whispering into her ear on her behalf for the opportunity, rather than her mother’s impertinence. She felt more comfortable thanking the sister she liked for her good fortune, rather than the mother she resented. Her assumption was confirmed upon her first meeting with Violet.

“I hear you’re clever,” she said, addressing her words to the wall rather than to Trixie. “And that you’re an accomplished musician.”

Trixie nodded, and then remembered that Violet was not glancing in her direction. Trixie wondered if she held all of her conversations this way, or if she only did this with people she felt were beneath her.

“I have been said to be those things,” she said.

Violet took a lengthy pause.

“I should like to hear you someday,” she said, finally, giving her a quick glance. “I do like music.”

***

The Academy was located at what may as well have been the very end of the Earth, especially to a lady as unaccustomed to travel as Trixie. A carriage led to a ship, which led to yet another carriage on a journey requiring frequent stops. Pearl slept through most of the ordeal, often slumped against Her Royal Highness herself. Violet would venture to run a tender finger through her hair when she didn’t think Trixie was looking, or when she was too weary to care that she saw.

Trixie was only able to rest when her body could not physically maintain its refusal to sleep without the basic comforts she was used to, a common ground she shared with Violet. The two of them would share insomniac silences while Pearl slept and Violet’s fae companion, Fame, had drifted off to attend to business neither of them were privy to. Sometimes they attempted conversation, but they mostly gazed out of their respective windows and waited for another member of their party to take charge of brightening the air. When she chose to be among them, Fame proved to be the most eager to step up to that challenge.

At approximately five hundred years of age, Fame was apparently considered a tad young to be part of a royal entourage by the judgment of her people. She normally looked and behaved as if she was of age with the rest of the group, though she had known Violet since she was an infant and sometimes shared stories about her childhood antics. According to Violet, Fame looked exactly as she did then when she was small. She would carry her in her arms to soothe her if she hurt herself, and rock her to sleep while singing lullabies in the fae tongue. Even though she was told not to coddle her, Fame persisted in her gentle ways with the young princess. As her presence was more of a boon to the king than it was to Fame, disciplining her for ignoring his wishes was not really an option.

Trixie had never met a faerie, nor had she shared any contact with magical beings before entering royal service, so she couldn’t really say she had any expectations about Fame. She hadn’t been certain she’d get to meet her at all.

Her knowledge of the fae folk implied that they would only bother to interact with humans if an effort was made to attract them. Trixie wouldn’t have been surprised if Fame had refused to appear before her, but appear she did. She would speak to Trixie when Pearl and Violet were too caught up in the camaraderie they had fallen into ever since they met, and, having noted her discomfort, offered to put her to sleep at various points. She swore her magic was perfectly safe, and that she was skilled enough not to accidentally put her in an eternal sleep, but Trixie would always decline and then regret her choice, vowing to accept the next time Fame offered her help.

Fame told Trixie all she knew about the Academy, to help her pass the time.

Essentially, Trixie learned, it had been established as a place to allow princesses from a remarkably large geographical reach to mingle. Princesses generally receive plenty of education at home, so there would have to be something more in it for royal families to send their daughters abroad in such large numbers. A place where a sisterhood of princesses could emerge, it was assumed, would make diplomacy an easier task, and create alliances that would otherwise be impossible. It was known that women were the relationship builders of the world.

The founder was rumoured to be some sort of fae. Fame was certain they were, for they were able to produce fae companions for exceptionally beautiful girls of low birth and essentially transform them into marriageable princesses. There was no way these special cases could be so blessed without the help of a benevolent fae. Even someone like Trixie, gifted with rank though not with gold, would never have been able to attract one with her family’s resources.

“Which is a shame, really,” Fame had said, toying with one of Trixie’s curls. “I’m certain you and your sister are more than worthy on your own merits. Alas, my kind are far too fond of gold and other shiny things. Precious few would be wise enough to know what a pleasure it would have been to help raise such charming girls as the two of you.”

Trixie hadn’t known how to respond to that, had simply nodded and thanked her. The look in Fame’s eyes betrayed her true age. It was a bit overwhelming to be under Fame’s gaze. To Trixie, it felt like her mother might look at her like that if she ever decided to love her.

***

The Academy’s grounds were a whole universe unto themselves, with a grand palace as its centerpiece. Upon entry, the palace would prove to be larger on the inside than the already mammoth structure they beheld as they approached. Pearl grasped Trixie’s hands in hers as they pulled in, gasping at the sprawling campus.

If there were stories of lonesome ladies simply disappearing in its halls, or somewhere in the surrounding wilderness, it would be reasonable to assume that they were true. Though she was one of Violet’s official companions, Trixie was more or less left to fend for herself from early on. She was told that she had all the freedom in the world to carry on with her days how she pleased, and that she would be sent for if her presence was required. As she was seldom needed, she had plenty of time to risk being swallowed up by her temporary home.

Pearl settled into her role as the princess’ companion with far more fervour than Trixie did. Perhaps that was to be expected. Violet liked to keep her close, and the longer they were all together the clearer it became that Pearl liked it too. She started sleeping in Violet’s chamber a few days after their arrival, and seemed rather pleased to do so. The space in her and Trixie’s shared bedroom became a sore sight with how lonesome it was. Trixie tolerated it, though, as there was no challenge to her in growing accustomed to a state of affairs that had been clear from the beginning. She was no stranger to being unwanted, to the point where it was almost a comfortable feeling.

Still, Pearl had been Trixie’s constant companion since birth, and she missed the way it was when they only had each other. Trixie missed being a sister. She wished her twin had not been taken away from her.

When she thought of it that way, though, she would be struck with guilt. All things considered, Violet had been rather gracious in her treatment of her. It would benefit their family if the future queen decided Pearl was her favourite, and Trixie prayed their mother wouldn’t spoil that with her personality.

Not long after their arrival, a new member was added to Violet’s entourage, easing Trixie’s loneliness a little.

Kim was the most promising young seamstress in their kingdom, and had been selected to take charge of the crown princess’ wardrobe. Violet had a keen interest in fashion. Her wardrobe was enormous, and would only continue to grow. As part of her duties, Kim would sit with the princess and create new designs for gowns, with her creative input. She would often be sent to gather materials, and spent a large portion of her time sewing, though she was mercifully allowed to procure an assistant or two for particularly difficult projects. Kim was a true prodigy, quite adept at going it alone most times, but even someone with golden hands like hers sometimes needed a little help.

Trixie would offer her services when Kim required them, and sometimes even when she did not, so they could spend more time together. Kim had a room set aside for her use, but when she was not abroad with the freedom to chase rumours of some wonderful new type of fabric and a bottomless budget, she would share a bed with Trixie. It was almost like being a child again, sharing secrets with her sister until the sun rose back up, or until they both nodded off.

“If I had my way,” Kim said, on a particularly silly night. “My eyes would cover half my face.”

Trixie had laughed out loud at that.

“You could ask Fame to make it so. I might do it too, then.”

As her presence was only specifically requested when her princess wished to hear her play, it didn’t take long for Trixie to start feeling like a useless charge. Even so, she was determined not to fall into an eternal sulk. It was not because she valued cheerfulness, or had a particular wish to be agreeable to the people around her. Trixie had always had a contrary streak. If the world insisted on putting her in a situation where it mattered little if she lived or died, letting that get her down would be akin to losing, and she was not going to stand for that. She may have been a fearsome general in another life, or a very stubborn mule.

So she devoted more time to her lute, and her harp, than she ever had at home. She had free rein of the library, and had as much paper as she desired at her disposal to write if she so chose, even if she wasn’t a great poet or thinker. She laid in the sun and let freckles bloom on her skin, enjoying the lack of a shrill voice telling her it made her look too low class. Sometimes, she joined Violet and Pearl in their amusements, and made the most out of having Kim nearby when she did. She focused more on her freedom, and less on her desire for someone to share it with.

***

Written into the code of conduct at the Academy was a truly noble attempt to create a semblance of equality among its many residents. This was mostly meant to benefit the special cases, those girls who had been so charitably plucked from obscurity in order to keep royal bloodlines fresh and inspire the dreams of the downtrodden. To discourage divisions over rank, every young lady within the walls of the academy, whoever they may be, should be referred to as one would a noble lady. Violet and Trixie, different as they were in rank, would be known as Lady Violet and Lady Beatrice to those outside their circle.

This didn’t change the reality of the situation; some ladies were destined to wield more power than others, and this was not hidden in the least. The size of a lady’s entourage played a great part in distinguishing those born with a golden crown in their future from those who could only weave them out of wildflowers and dream if not blessed with divine intervention. Violet was an unusual case in that her personal household was rather small, for she did not wish to be responsible for too many souls when there was no need. Bringing a personal pastry chef, for instance, was permitted to her, but it would be a display of status rather than a real necessity. Equipping their daughters with all the luxuries they did not need was a show of strength, a kingdom’s assertion that they had riches enough to waste on their precious princesses.

Violet preferred to show strength through her own regal bearing and lack of concern with proving herself, but the same could not be said of all her peers. She became fast friends with a Lady Valentina, who boasted one of the most extravagant entourages at the Academy. Her court away from home included a full band, three dressmakers, and one individual whose occupation was to provide fresh roses for her suites every other day. She had five identically-dressed noble ladies whose sole purpose was to follow her silently wherever she roamed. They were called The Five Lady Marias, because even their names matched.

Lady Valentina had a personal pleasure barge, complete with a rower. She was gracious enough to allow Violet, along with both Trixie and Pearl, aboard for a sunny afternoon on the campus lake. The water was uncommonly pretty and clear. Trixie liked watching the fish go about their business as the barge moved over the water with the speed and urgency of a tortoise. There was no possible destination available to them, but the lake was large enough that it was difficult to see the opposite end from shore, so they had room to float lazily.

From their position, they could see Valentina’s ladies waiting at shore, content to fan themselves and play cards on a blanket laid out for them to sit on. Trixie had spotted the Lady Adore taking her daily swim; a mermaid princess, she found it taxing to keep a human form for as long as she would need to if she ventured a full day on land. She once said that she longed for the sea like nothing else, but as long as she was in water once a day she could make do. Sometimes she could even be found there twice in one day. She would search for and wave cheerfully at the boating party whenever she rose from the depths, the patches of scales that were always visible on her skin gleaming in the sunlight.

That day, Lady Adore was joined by another lady, one Trixie was not acquainted with. Trixie watched the girl jump into the water with a whoop and a giant splash, while her fae companion conjured up a plush chair to sit in. Like Fame, this faerie chose a human form, appearing as a heavy set woman with shocking orange hair. She shouted as her charge splashed some water her way, but they seemed to be friendly.

Trixie strained to get as good a look at the girl as she could, oddly intrigued by the stranger. She did this until it felt too silly to continue, too silly and a little mortifying. She guided herself back to her company, which she had parted with momentarily to shove her nose into the affairs of others. They had been discussing music while her mind was away.

“I am still at a loss as to why you haven’t brought your own musicians from home, my dear,” Lady Valentina said, the air sweetened by the musical stylings of her country’s best lute player. “You’re a curious creature. You have such a great opportunity to show off your people’s talents, and yet you leave them at home.”

“You could always visit,” Violet said, with her customary inability to make eye contact with the person she is speaking with. Granted, Valentina often fell into that habit as well.

“Lady Beatrice is very talented.”

Trixie sat in shocked silence. She remained so while Pearl murmured her confirmation that Trixie was, indeed, musically gifted, and rattled off the instruments she had learned in her efforts to while away her childhood. She wasn’t used to being singled out by Violet, much less complimented.

Valentina fixed her eyes on Trixie, along with the wide smile she always wore, one that never quite reached her eyes.

“Lady Beatrice, could you please play for us?” she asked, gently.

Trixie felt Pearl squeeze her hand, and caught Violet looking at her with a small smile on her face. She gulped, but nodded her agreement, and quickly found herself holding the lute Valentina’s court musician had been playing, which had been directed her way with a wordless gesture from his mistress.

Though her hands shook at first, Trixie loved music dearly, and when she concentrated on the song she wanted to play she was able to shed her nerves. She chose a traditional song, one that had always calmed and comforted her when she heard it before learning to play herself.

When she finished, she was met with Valentina’s enthusiastic applause, and a surprising spark of life in her normally cold eyes.

“Brava, Lady Beatrice!” she shouted, without tiring from the applause. “Could you play another? Lady Violet, did you know she was so accomplished when you took her on?”

“I had a reliable source,” replied Violet, with a fond glance at Pearl.

Trixie hoped she wasn’t blushing. She agreed to play again, had to admit she enjoyed the attention.

“Aja!” Valentina called out, until the most original looking girl manifested in a shimmer next to her. “Could you please make the sound of Lady Beatrice’s music carry better? I’d like it if my ladies could hear it too.”

Trixie chose a song she knew to be Violet’s favourite. She let herself be absorbed into her playing, in the sound of the music and the way her hands felt like they were gently guided by a supernatural force. She wondered if she truly was talented, or if she had a guardian she could not see showing her the way.

She felt a hand settle firmly on her shoulder to shake her from her trance. Pearl motioned to the water, where Adore was peeking up at them.

“Hullo,” she said. “Got a message for Lady Beatrice.”

“Go on,” Trixie said, smiling back at her. There was something about Adore’s easy manner that just made her smile.

“Lady Katya, the one waving at us over there, well, she just wanted you to know she really liked your music,” said Adore. “Wouldn’t rest until I came all the way here to tell you.”

Trixie watched the girl on the shore as she waved with both arms back at her, and cupped her mouth with her hands to cheer at her. She must have looked awfully stupid, for she eventually felt a splash of cool water hit her face. Adore must have put her back into it.

“I’ll tell her thank you, yeah?” Adore offered, sticking her tongue out at Trixie.

Trixie nodded her assent.

#trixya #pearlet #trixie mattel #katya zamolodchikova #pearl liaison #violet chachki #valentina #miss fame #fairytale au #fantasy #princess au #rpdr fanfiction #fannyatrollop #sagt #lesbian au #royalty au #historical au

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robertdowneyjjr · 6 years

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any mcu (Tony centric) fic recs? xoxo

I wasn’t too sure if you were looking for any specific pairing or time period within the MCU, so I’ve sorted this list out into a few different pairings, and for stevetony’s case, uhhh several different ~eras~

This is mostly stevetony though. With some pepperony, irondad spiderson, and various other pairings sprinkled in. Under the cut, because this got ridiculously long.

Steve/Tony – CACW // IW

almeno tu nell'universo by @silkspectred50/50 Steve/Tony POV, but very much Tony-centric as it’s set in Italy, where Tony goes to discover some things about his mother’s past that he never knew about. Steve goes along with him in hopes of winning Tony’s forgiveness.

shelter from the storm by @silkspectredTony adopts a baby. Guess who’s Majorly Fucked Up™ about it.

A New Way For Us by ann2who (@stark-spangled-lovers)(Time travel) They fight Thanos—and they’re losing. And before Tony knows what’s happening, he’s standing with Doctor Strange in front of the Eye of Agamotto and gets send back in time. Can he find a way to fix things this time around, or are they doomed to fall apart all over again?

System ID: J.A.R.V.I.S. by @cptxrogersAfter Civil War, Tony is struggling with heading up the team and dealing with the emotional fallout of being betrayed by those closest to him. Luckily, an old friend is back to help protect Tony and ensure he comes to no harm. A Jarvis lives AU.

Leaving Promises Against Your Skin by @nostalgicatsea(Soulmates AU) “Someday, someone will choose you, Tony,” his mother had said, her hands back to cupping his. “And no one, not your father, not anyone, can ever take that from you.” (second in series but can be read as a standalone fic)

(Un)stuck by @navaanwritesHe finds himself in different places, living different lives. And yet it all comes back to Steve.

Things We Learned at the End of the World by JenTheSweetie1. Even the apocalypse can’t keep people away from Olive Garden2. Smoothies do not replace conversations3. Tony has really obvious sex hair4. Home might be a little different, but that doesn’t mean you can’t go back

between dust and despair (series) by @rudderless-in-an-ocean-of-starsIn the aftermath of the apocalypse, Tony Stark does the one thing he knows how to do better than anything else.He builds.

Steve/Tony – AOU // post-AOU

Language by @sailorchibiThis is how Tony fixed the team and the damage he’d done, and in the process learned how to start fixing himself. Well, maybe the latter might take a little help from Steve.

Fixer-Upper by @imafriendlydalekTony leads the way up the steps to the house, and as the door swings open with a long creaking sound - note to self: oil door hinges - Steve’s eyes widen. He steps inside, turns slowly on his own axis as he looks around.“Tony, this place, it’s…” There’s a sense of wonder in his voice. Tony smiles inwardly. It is just the kind of thing Steve would like. Steve, who has a keen appreciation for fine aesthetics, who has a healthy - okay, sometimes more than healthy - sense of history and an acute desire to preserve things he deems worthy.“This place is a dump.”Well, so much for that, then. Tony shifts his weight to one leg as he takes an appraising look. “It’s a bit of a fixer-upper, yeah, I’ll give you that, but it’s not past saving. Just needs some TLC.”Steve uncrosses his arms and shoves his hands in the pockets of his pants. “Well listen, you ever want an extra set of hands with some of the work, just give me a call.”

Caesura by @ylixiaTony’s gotten maybe twelve hours of sleep in the past four days, and he’s been carrying the deaths of everyone that matters to him like a rock in his gut.

The Path I Started by JayEz (@multifandom-madnesss)Tony rebuilds, modifies. Takes fragments and gives them new order. He does not create. He can’t, not anymore. Not after this. Or: After the events of Ultron, Tony rebuilds the tower by himself and shuts everything out to the point that Pepper takes desperate measures and asks Steve to come and help.

Steve/Tony – post-Avengers // canon divergence // pre-AOU

Master of Communication by somanyfeels (@aceofultron)Tony didn’t like being touched, on the rare occasions he wanted physical contact he would initiate it. It was how things were, how it had always been, and he was fine with it. His new team didn’t know, they just kept touching and Tony wasn’t quite sure how to ask them to stop.

Untitled Playlist Number 5 by dapperyklutzThe many times Tony Stark plays BAMF-ing music while the team fights their Baddie of the Week. And somehow, along the way, between sleepless nights, game nights, movie nights and saving the world every other week — plus looking out for his wayward protégé whom he cares for very deeply -— he falls head over heels in love for a certain super soldier.

Who’s Your Caterer? by Bandearg_Rois(Mainly Steve POV) After moving into the Tower, the group starts taking meals together. This is a story about food, and about love, not necessarily together. Also contains physics and old movies, not at the same time.

Run Program: {x} (series) by Amuly (@everybodyilovedies)Taking care of Tony is a lot of work. Especially when you’ve only got one arm. And your code dates back to the 1980s.

Best Kept Secret by @alchemyaliceIn which there is a secret friendship, and Tony can’t deal with feelings, so Natasha has to do it for him. These two features may or may not be related.

honey, you’re keeping me afloat by mmotionEvery so often, on evenings with nobody else, Tony and Natasha drink some wine together and talk about everything and anything.

five times tony stark was kissed by a teammate (and one time he kissed a teammate) by colourexplosionin which people kiss tony a lot and he doesn’t get it

grey and other colours by @theappleppielifestyle(Demisexual and Demiromatic Tony) Distantly, Tony hears Clint say something like, “No, I definitely heard he was an equal opportunist. Like, equal-equal, no preference. Hey Tones, who are you attracted to more, dudes or chicks?” He calls the last part out to Tony, who runs the words over in his mind and unthinkingly says, “I’ve actually never been attracted to anyone, it’s really worrying.”

Reasons Why (Whether They’re Real Or Not) by infinite_wonders (@thetwowriters)Tony is slow, has very little self-worth, and thinks that the universe hates him as much as he hates himself. Everyone else is long-suffering, especially Steve, because disproving that notion could take a while.

Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful Boy by mybrotherharry (@baffledkingcomposinghallelujah)The first time Jarvis holds little Anthony in his arms, he is overwhelmed by emotion that is surprising in its intensity. When little Anthony’s palm curves around his finger, Jarvis ducks his head to keep the others from seeing the wetness in his eyes. “Hello Master Anthony,” he whispers into the little ear, tugging the bundle of blankets closer to his heart.

Pepper/Tony and/or Iron Dad & Spider Son

call every girl we ever met maria by irnan“You’re telling me,” Rhodey said, gleeful, “you’re telling me that you’ve been shot, stabbed, sewn up, been riddled with shrapnel, had a magnet implanted in your chest, spent two years poisoning yourself with palladium, spent twenty years as a functioning alcoholic and had a vasectomy and you still managed to knock Pepper up?”

with arms wide open by @parkrstarkTony and Pepper are expecting a baby and Peter may be the one most excited…just maybe…

yet turning stay by irnan“Tony - you’re all I’ve got too, you know.”

The Right Thing in the Wrong Way by igrockspockPeople don’t ask why Pepper sticks by Tony as often as they should, and if they did, she probably wouldn’t tell them the truth: that he’s never left her alone on the one day she actually needs him.

Twist of Fate by nikki_ofshadows (@karenninaaa)A single picture triggered Tony Stark to suspect that Peter Parker was his son, biologically.

i’m the satellite (and you’re the sky) by CamelotQueen (@missmgann)When Tony went to the Parker household to recruit Spider-Man, he had no idea what he was signing up for. AU where Tony is Peter’s biological father and neither of them know.

Welcome to the Family by FriendLey (@peppertoyourtony)Peter Parker spends time with Tony’s family. Happy is annoyed, Rhodey is amused, Pepper gets an assistant, and Tony feels betrayed.

The Publicity Verse by @xmypandabear A main of SpiderSon and IronDad with a side of social media and the internet (and healthy puddings of Pepper, Rhodey, Happy, Vision, FRIDAY, May, Ned and MJ)

Exploding Head Syndrome by foolscapper(Mainly Peter) Everyone comes back, when the snap is undone. Or, well — almost everyone.

Gen + other relationships/pairings

Twenty-Five Years by @notfknapplicable(Tony/Rhodey) Nobody knows how long this has actually been going on. (Tony Stark has pretty much been in a monogamous relationship since he was 18 years old.)

The Years In Between by @notfknapplicable(Tony/Rhodey) A follow-up to Twenty-Five Years (best to read that one first). All the years we missed.This is it, okay? This is forever, you and me.

Sound of Madness by martianwahtney(Post-CACW, Tony/Rhodey) After the fight in Siberia, Steve takes Bucky and vanishes, leaving Tony to pick up the pieces. Tony does everything in his power to bring the Rogues home, and still, somehow, things go to shit.

Helpless in Love by Avengerz(Tony/Rhodey) Rhodey and Tony being together since their MIT years. They married as soon as they could, and are still hopelessly in love after ~30 years. One of these perfect, almost sickeningly sweet couples.

First Choice by @sailorchibi(StarkQuill) Two years ago, Tony’s heart was broken when Steve picked Bucky over him. Now, he was certain that the past was repeating itself with Peter and Gamora.He was wrong.

Placeholder by @sailorchibi(StarkQuill) In the days leading up to his birthday, all Tony could think about was last year. Last year, when he and the Avengers celebrated together. Last year, when he had a family. He’s not as alone as he thinks he is.

Paths Are Made by Walking by @potrix-the-queerschlaeger(WinterIron) The road to recovery is long, winding and a different one for every person walking it. Bucky chooses to help himself the only way he knows how; by doing what he does best. Or, alternatively; the one in which Tony is a mess and accidentally kick-starts Bucky’s protective mother hen instincts.

Scars by @arvensis5(WinterIron) When Tony tried to urge the homeless guy sleeping on the steps of the Tower’s loading dock to move, he never expected that he’d found Hydra’s pet assassin—James “Bucky” Barnes. Now, after months of keeping his presence a secret from the Avengers and helping Barnes learn to cope with both his returning memories and the modern world, Hydra is back for their favorite toy and Tony must call in old friends to save the life of the man he just might have come to care for a little too much.

potato guns and repulsers by gossamernotes (@brooklynboystosupersoldiers)(Tony & Harley) The story wherein Harley Keener thinks over his life and watches where it goes after he meets the one and only, Tony Stark. It doesn’t really go the way he planned.

Amend by ancalime8301(Post-CACW, Tony & team) Negotiating the Accords, dealing with Ross, the end of his relationship with Pepper, Steve’s faction coming back to the Avengers compound … the stress finally catches up with Tony in dramatic fashion. The team has to decide to step up and handle things while Tony can’t. Tony has to decide if he’ll let them.

That’s it for now! Let me know if you’d like more recs later :)

#tony stark #stevetony #pepperony #iron dad spider son #tonyrhodey #winteriron #starkquill #fic rec #fic #anonymous #ask #buckytony

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sarah-sandwich · 3 years

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Happy FFWF! Has anyone ever told you your story has helped them in some way? If so, how did they say it helped them?

Happy FFWF! My guy... I love this question. I love gushing about comments. Yes and I cherish every single one of them. Mostly I get people telling me how much they laughed or how they really needed a pick-me-up.

"This made me so happy. I’m in a lot of pain & I needed to see idiots falling in love to make me feel better. You captured the banter, the mild angst, & the genuine affection growing between them so well. Thank you so so so much for sharing this. 💖💖💖" - Paradise (spread out with a butter knife)

"Good lord this was fantastic! I forget sometimes what it's like to laugh aloud while reading. You're absolutely hilarious and everything about this is perfect and adorable. Thank you" - Paradise (spread out with a butter knife)

A couple of times someone has told me that I've inspired them to keep writing or to get back into writing which is just.....the biggest compliment ever?? And kills me in the best way

"...i’m just in awe of how poetic this whole masterpiece is - from someone who hasn’t written in a while, this inspires me immensely to continue. kudos upon kudos to you, this fic is amazing!!" - Peaches Ain't Pretty

Sometimes people tell me that they learned something from my fic which is waay cool (actually this whole comment was way cool but is too long to share and also makes me cry so yeah)

"...Finally, something I don't think is said enough to fic writers: thank you. There's little nuggets of wisdom here in this fic, and I don't know if you realize, but I'm going to walk away from reading it having learned those lessons. I'll be a better person for reading some Harley/Peter fic on the internet. Insane, right?" - Don't Freak Out

And I say all of that even though when this question gets brought up I always immediately think of one person, one reader who keeps coming back to one of my old spn fics. I've gotten so much better at writing since then and switched fandoms so that fic is not my best work. It's not bad but it's not what I'd call top-tier fic either.

My point is that, to me, it's ancient and in some spots cringey and not as good as what I write now and there are definitely better fics for that ship out there, but in spite of all that I have someone who still comes back to it and rereads it every few months. She's been reading that fic for 4 years now and it's not because it's spectacular or flawless or the cream of the crop. It just... speaks to her. It helps. It doesn't even feel like my fic anymore lol it's hers and she lets me keep my name on it. I just...if I stop writing today and never publish another fic, at least I wrote that one.

I'll refrain from sharing all 4 years worth of comments from her but here are some highlights:

"I feel like everytime I read it, I find a new favorite part. I read it yesterday and I read it again today and it just never stops putting a smile on my face."

"I have pretty sever depression and social anxiety, so I dont leave my house very much. Anyways I say that to say this, when it gets to the worst of it, your fic is the one I turn to first. And so far it hasn't failed to lift my spirits."

"* Clutches all the pieces of her heart * have I mentioned how happy this fic makes me?"

"It's ridiculous how many times I've read this story but it works better than my anti-anxiety medication. When I need to disappear from the world this is what I go back to. Idk why I love it so much, I just kno I do. I can't ever thank you enough for having created this."

"Every time I read it, it's like coming home. Hope you're doing well. Xoxo."

"Felt so disconnected today. It's Saturday and I felt...lonely, I think. And the thought that kept running through my mind was "u remind me every day I'm not enough but i still stay."

Until I had enough and decided I was due a trip back here. From start to finish, seeing how Gabriel is willing to do this for Sam, and watching Sam fall- it's so damn soothing. And the happy ending doesn't hurt at all.

Thank you, again, for this."

"Been feeling so out of sorts. Knew it was time to come visit my favourite 'verse. Thank you so much for this. I hope u are well." - Of Fake Boyfriends and Bad Pick-Up Lines

#don't delete your fics don't delete your fics don't delete your fics #orphan if you must but remember there are a lot more people who don't comment than who do #im lucky that i have a rereader who lets me know how much my fic means to her #that's not always the case #you don't know who your fic resonates with despite its flaws #so don't delete your fics!!#this has been a psa #happy ffwf!

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scriptmedic · 6 years

Text

Amanda on Patreon asked:

I'm currently writing a story where my main character is infected with a secret weaponized virus he caught in a lab. It's got a lot of the qualities of meningitis with the added effect that he is hallucinating and terrified (he thinks those who want to help him are out to kill him).

The virus is progressing and they've finally caught him after a long chase, and brought him in for the miracle treatment that will hopefully work (you know that trope). But he's terrified and desperate, even as he gets sicker.

I'm planning to have him in wrist and ankle restraints, but I think it would be cruel to leave him without some pharmacological assistance to calm him down. They can't knock him out completely because they want to monitor the progress of the virus, but is there anything they can safely give him to keep him subdued? Still able to have a conversation, and it's fine if he's a little loopy (it'd be a great spot for a confession between him and another character) but I don't want him any more terrified than he already is. I read your posts on ketamine but I thought the hallucinogenic properties would only make things worse.

Would midazolam be safe? Or haldol? Or is it unrealistic to sedate him at all? He will eventually lose consciousness on his own as the virus progresses, but I want him to be awake awhile first.

(Forgot to mention, was considering a spinal tap since it's similar to meningitis with brain swelling, he'd have to be knocked out for that to stay still... how would they do that? Propofol?)

Hey there! Thanks so much for supporting the blog!

Yes, midazolam would likely be a go-to choice. In fact, if there’s significant violence involved, a “5-and-2″ of 5mg of Haldol and 2mg of Ativan would be a very common dosage (and a favorite of one of one of my favorite hospitals). It’ll actually help the character, since it will keep him from harming himself, staff, and expending too much energy while he’s sick.

Procedural sedation could theoretically be done with propofol, but someone is going to have to put in an IV. No bueno. (Many ERs don’t use propofol at all, actually; under their logic, this is an anesthesiology-only medication. I find this policy a bit odd and possibly unnecessary assuming quality ER staff, and I carry it on my ambulance, but...)

In the ICU, the cuffs come off, and propofol is an excellent medication for sedation in this setting (once the IV is in). The reason is that it’s easy-on, easy-off; you can stop the infusion, assess someone neurologically, and put them right back under. Neuro ICUs love propofol. You can’t “shut off” a dose of Versed/midazolam and have it just stop working, it hangs around. Propofol makes it much easier to assess a patient.

Propofol would definitely get this character deep enough to do a spinal tap :)

Hope all this helps and thanks again!

xoxo, Aunt Scripty

[disclaimer]

#ICUs #neurology #infectious disease #pharmacology #sedatives #propofol #midazolam

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felicityb-reviews · 6 years

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Review Roundup - Week 1 January 2018

Hello babies!! Welcome to your debut Review Roundup for Week 1 of January 2018!!! I'm really excited to launch this series, because while I do love doing reviews, sometimes the only thing I can say about a song is "I like it, it was good". I also wanted a place I could spotlight releases from less popular acts (or even less conspicuous releases, sometimes) who don't exactly have 2309342 million fandom pages. This is a great way to combine that, I guess.

Before we begin, some ~rules~

For a song to eligible, it has to have an official video. Even if it's basically some shit an intern made in Final Cut Pro in five seconds, before uploading it. I just need to know that it's an ~official~ release.

No OSTs!! 90% of them are dry ass ballads, and I do not have the time, sis!! No OSTs!! /Edna Mode voice

And on that note, I might choose to skip a certain release, because I have nothing to say about it. Or nothing nice that isn't constructive criticism.

Yes, each video has a Rating™. Do not get hung up on said Rating, cause it's basically meaningless; it's just an arbitrary number based on how much I liked the particle song, mixed with how well I thought the song was written.

Just like with my Feature Spotlights, the blurbs here are just my opinion, sis. Please do not get hung up on what some gay bitch on the Internet has to say about your fave. I'm hella arrogant, but my words are not of God.

So now that we got that out of the way (Even though I'm 90% sure some bitch is gonna try my ass), our list begins with...

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Grown Up (Soyou)

Grown Up is pretty standard fare for a Starship ballad. The company has always submerged themselves in RnB and Gospel sensibilities, and it shows here. Miss Soyou takes us to church with Grown Up. A very nice song which I appreciate, but will probably not listen to much, unless I'm in a Ballad Bitch™ mood.

Rating - 3.5/5

TRCNG - Wolf Baby

"Ooh bitch... You mighta just did something there"

That was my first reaction to Wolf Baby, fam. I was ready and willing to write the song off, because the teaser did not show it off in the best light (it sounded like a demo of Hyosung's Into You, according to a friend) and the visual was more of the boys showing off their dance skill. Which is never a bad thing... Except when it's literally the same shit we've seen 20 million times from similar boy bands. But Wolf Baby delivers in full. Unlike the God awful Spectrum which takes after B.A.P in the worst of ways, Wolf Baby sounds and feels more like a Secret song (which sounds a lot better than you think it would). Wolf Baby shows that these boys have personality that can translate to the music, and Lord knows we need more of that in K-pop boy bands. I'm so tired of being charmed by these boys in variety, but utterly bored by their music.

Rating - 4/5

Think about (Seo Ji An featuring KLANG)

Lissen... Whoever wrote this song needs to give me a refund. That intro had me thinking this was gonna a bombastic radio ballad. Like, they were about to hit me with that Ryan Tedder throwback shit. But instead, all I got was soft falsetto and a limp piano line.

Talk about a boner killer, sis.

But once I got over myself (and the song started to pick up), I realized that it was actually pretty nice. Nothing I'd put into heavy rotation, but this would be good shuffle bait.

(Sidenote - if anyone can find me anything on the female vocalist, KLANG, I will give you a hug and a cookie, because I really liked her voice)

Rating - 3/5

XOXO (Soyeon of LABOUM x Park Jae Jung)

We're getting a jump start on the Springtime love duets, I see. I can't say I'm entirely mad, tho. XOXO, like Seo Ji An's Think about, falls within a category of songs I like to call shuffle bait. They're not terrible songs, but they're also not ones I feel obligated to put on heavy rotation. They're good for those days when you don't know what you wanna listen to or need some soft background sounds, so you put your music on shuffle. Not a category one should aspire to be in, but not one to be mad at for falling into, either.

I'm very happy that Global H made this a duet, cause Soyeon's overly bright tone could have tired out the ears very easily if she had to sing this by herself. And not only that, but Park Jae Jung provides a nice foil to Soyeon's voice with his smooth tone. All in all, a very nice song.

Rating - 3.5/5

Honey Tea (OOHYO)

Miss OOHYO is givin us a little Bassa Nova in her Honey Tea, you guise!!

Honey Tea is another shuffle bait song that almost makes it in the Heavy Rotation camp with it's interesting choice of instrumental interludes; but alas, she doesn't quite make the cut. There's something about the production here that doesn't quite mesh right; the song elements don't meld into one another like they should, especially with such ~agreeable~ (for lack of a better word) elements as these. This song is really nice for what it is (the melancholic atmosphere nice for those days when you just wanna brood like an angsty teenager), but I needed just a little bit more.

Rating - 2.5/5

Like Paradise (Kriesha Chu)

Something tells me that Future Bass is going to be everywhere in Kpop this year like Tropical House was last year, and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. On one hand, you have Svt's Don't Wanna Cry and LONG:D x Kim Doyeon's All Night that are masterfully made songs. But then you have BTS's Best of Me and Kriesha Chu's Like Paradise, both of which are so fucking beige it makes me wanna slam my face into a wall. And it's really sad because, unlike Best of Me, Like Paradise starts out with a great verse. But then the prechorus goes right into generic territory with a chorus that's so anybody, it's almost frightening.

Kriesha Chu exploded onto the scene with a familiar formula in Trouble, but she did enough to make it her bitch, so idk what happened here. A friend mentioned that she feels as though she's heard this melody fifteen times, and I wouldn't be surprised if she has. This song isn't bad, but it don't got no soul. Which is a shame, because Miss Kriesha Chu has plenty to go around.

Rating - 2/5

Blah (Planetarium Case #1)

Now this is a song that took me by surprise. I was not expecting that Tropical style beat to kick in when the verse started, but I mean... Y'all know how I am with anything and everything Tropical inspired. And then they had the nerve to combine that heaux with RnB style instrumation?!?!!

Bitch...

I wanna be mad at how much I like this song. I really do. I wanna care about how the vocalist's voice is a touch too bright and whiny for that kind of vocal processing (it's faint, but it's there). I wanna feel some type of way about how that kind of vocal processing isn't really suited to this type of song. I would like to have some kind of critique here, but everything just slots together in a way that I can ignore the little things I don't care for.

Sis, idk how these underground labels know me well enough to make such targeted attacks against me like this, but I'm not mad. In fact, I'm very okay with that if I get to walk away with songs like Blah. Can we get more of this, instead of Future Bass or whatever other kooky trends are gonna rule K-pop this year?!?!!

Rating - 4/5

Foresight Dream (Younha)

Hello, Miss Younha!! It's nice to see you giving us something other than classical ballads like some kind of Baek JiYoung knockoff.

...was that mean?!?!!? Okay yeah, that was mean. Oh whatever, it isn't like other people weren't thinking it.

Copious amounts of shade aside, I'm been very here for what Younha has been doing, musically, since Get It. She's swapped out the ballads for a more RnB/Pop sound that's very in line with what the K-RnB World has been doing lately, and I couldn't be happier. Foresight Dream is a dreamy piano driven song that's a bit too downtempo in groove to qualify as an Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempo, but still has enough drive to feel like it's actually going somewhere. And Younha's voice sounds amazing. She's got a voice very similar to Alice from HV's, but Younha has more depth to her tone. All in all, a very magical experience.

One critique I have (and it's not even of the music) is that I'd have liked if Younha had released Foresight Dream before the GroovyRoom produced Parade. With the way Parade followed the ph-1 assisted Hello, I had assumed that she was done releasing songs. But with Foresight Dream coming after those two, it kind feels like it dampens her momentum. Idk, I'm just being a picky bitch.

Rating - 4/5

wewantourmoneyback (Giriboy)

*sigh*

This nigga talmbout how he want his money back, but I want my fucking time back from listening to this hot mess.

Okay, let me roll back the shade for a second. This song really isn't that bad. I've heard F A R worse from the likes Jay Park, Zico, and Dok2. But dude, this is a touch too fucking generic for a winter release. You couldn't have saved this for summer?!?!? When niggas is actually trynna shake they ass to generic trap beats?!?!

To be honestly, I'm tired of hearing these kinds of songs in K-HipHop. Especially from dudes who have tones like Giriboy. Their voices are whiny as fuck all, and these kinds of beats usually have a lot of higher tones in the mix (for those who are too bougie to listen to trap, producers typically use high, tinny synths as the main instrument in trap beats), so it's just a headache in the making. It's already hard enough to make a trap song without it sounding too repetitive, but these fools have truly tired me out with this genre. I can't even think of something to say about this song, cause it's just so generic.

Rating - 1/5

Paint Me (Mamamoo)

I'm sorry... MamaWHOMST?!?!?!!

Jokes aside, I'm not quite sure how I feel about this song. Mamamoo is a group that I once loved, but all that went sour when they decided to do blackface in concert (and then post a BTS video of getting into costume for said stage a week after posting an apology). And if I'm being honest here, their only good songs are You're The Best and Piano Man. I stanned for their other tracks for the culture; I liked what they did with the songs live. I didn't really listen to them, but tis the life of a K-Pop stan.

In retrospect, it's quite interesting how Mamawhomst Mamamoo haven't promoted a big power ballad like Paint Me before. The instrumentation is basic as all fuck, but it allows emphasis to be put on their vocals. Which are half the reason Mamawhomst Mamamoo survived Nugudom, in the first place. But as great as their voices are in this song, it just doesn't go anywhere. It throws you from one extreme to the other, and then ends. It's hella polarizing, and not something I really wanna put myself through with repeated listens.

Rating - 2.5/5

A Day I Want To Love (HEYDAY featuring Lim Eun Young)

A Day I Want To Love is a very typical classical ballad, and while that usually has me running for the hills, I decided to give it a chance. And I mean, this isn't a song that I'd put into Heavy Rotation, but it'd fit in very nicely with all the songs I download to use as shuffle bait. I'd also quite like to hear this sung live. Idk, I just feel like it'd come off better that way.

Rating - 3/5

OGZ (Jo Woochan x Park Hyunjin x Achillo)

I don't understand this song.

That's not to say that it's bad. The beat reminds me of wewantourmoneyback, but GroovyRoom decided to make a more interesting remix of it. And the boys all hand in amazing verses. But idk, yo. This song just feels weird as all fuck.

Rating - 4/5

Missing You (VOISPER)

How fitting that this is the song that closes out the main list week. Missing You is another lowtempo shuffle bait track (the mood for this week, apparently), but this time around, we get some horns in the mix. Which I greatly appreciate, because without them, this song would have been extremely boring. VOISPER have nice voices, but their technique is kind of sloppy. And I don't usually sweat shit like that, but it's really noticeable here.

Rating - 3/5

The Fabulous Five

So... You've made it to the end of the post (thank you, btw), and are now wondering what in the actual fuck a Fabulous Five are. Well, it's simply a fancy title (because your bitch is hella dramatic) for my favorite songs of the week. In fact, if you payed any mind to the (badly made) gifs at the top of the post, you'd notice they're from the following videos. Anyway, there's no real metric for what goes here, just songs that I stan a lot.

5. Lower (f(Amber+Luna))

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MY WIG!!

MY QUEENS!!

M Y W I G!!

Lower is God tier, sis. I've read a few people's reviews of the song, and the one thread of commonality between them all is that Lower is generic and not worthy of the f(x) brand. And while I'm not gonna sit here and act like Lower isn't something I'd expect to hear at a European gay club (or any gay club for that matter), I really like what Amber and Luna did with this song.

I also think that Lower should be considered a performance piece above all. I view EXO's Monster this way - I don't care for the song by itself, but I'm hype as fuck when there's an accompanying visual. Amber and Luna could have made this beat their bitch (Luna certainly has the vocal chops for it, and Amber could have done ha thing with a lil rappy rap), but the main focus of the song is the breakdown. And they dance for their fucking lives to said breakdown.

I can't tell you if I'd have liked this song so much from another duo in K-Pop or if I'd have liked it if it didn't come with a video, but the reality is that like it.

Me Likey Likey a lot!!

I'm really hoping that SM sees how well of a unit these two make, and decides to debut them, officially. Cause God only knows we aren't getting any new material from f(x) anytime soon. Victoria is too busy livin ha best life in China, and Krystal is too busy looking fed up for no reason with Jessica, whilst people throw money at BLANC & ECLARE.

Rating - 3/5

4. Hot Potato (N.FLYING)

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Before I start in on my review of this song, I just wanna ask what the fuck is up with idol bands being filled with beautiful ass humans?!?! Like?!?!?! Anytime I watch anything with Day6, I can't help but wanna cry at how hot they are. And watching N.FLYING's Music Core comeback stages, I got the same feeling. I could barely pay attention to the songs. Am I really just that thirsty?!?!?

Nobody fucking answer that, I know I'm thirsty heaux. I don't need you shady bitches dragging me for it.

Existential crisis aside, Hot Potato is a banger. I'm really hoping 2018 is the year idol bands start thriving, because I need more songs like these in my life. The verses are pure octane fun, while the choruses are power pop crack. I dare one of you to tell me you wouldn't sing along to that chorus if you knew Korean. I fuckin D A R E you!! And whoever's idea it was to add Yoo Hweseung from Produce 101, I wanna kiss you silly. His chemistry with Lee Seunghyub is ridiculous!! And in addition to that, an added vocalist allows them added flexibility with with N.Flying's rap/sing vocal style. I'm just so happy with this song, especially with how little love I had for The Real. It's great, sis.

Rating - 5/5

3. Her (Drug Restaurant)

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Raise your hand if you had no idea that Jung Joon Young's band changed their name to Drug Resturaunt!?!?!?

...

Oh that was just me, not paying attention to anything?!?! Okay...

The first time I heard Her, I was immediately mesmerized by that opening chord progression. Some part of my musically trained brain knows how overused that progression is, but the rest of me is too busy blissing out to it to care (to be fair, most chord progressions in popular music are overused, because there's only so many that actually sound good to our ears). Her is no one trick pony, tho; she may come back to the oddly dissonant and melancholic texture of the intro now and again, but she always makes sure to give you something new with it.

The rest of the song is pretty great, too. Jung Joon Young has a very smooth texture to his baritone, very similar to BTS's Kim Taehyung (and if y'all know anything about my gay ass, y'all know I'm a H E A U X for baritones), and it's a great contrast to the grit of the instrumental.

Her is a very nice intro (err... reintrduction) to a great band. I keep telling myself I'll get back into rock like I was in middle school (the only good thing about being a weeb is J-rock and VISUAL KEI, I will fight you if you say otherwise), and it looks like God decided to help a girl out.

Rating - 4.5/5

2. Twenty Something (Alice featuring Yooyoung of HELLOVENUS)

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Hello?!?!? Fantagio?!?!?! Starship Entertainment called; they want their Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempo back.

Yes, I realize I'm not that funny, but it's not gonna stop me from cracking jokes

So... If you don't know what an Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempo is, it's basically the RnB version of an acoustic midtempo ballad (hence the acoustic coffee shop bit). They're usually not acoustic at all, but they still have the same feeling as an acoustic ballad, if that makes sense.

And can I make a bold statement here?!?!!? Fantagio just declared a turf war against Starship with this song. Yes babies, it's that fucking good. Starship is usually my go to for Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempos, but it looks like Fantagio wants to throw their hat in the ring for consideration.

Alice has the right amount of grit to her voice to really hook you in, but a decent amount of brightness to help uplift the track. And Yooyoung's rap is just... Oh my God, it's so good!! I wanted it to be longer, sis. A++ content!!! She provides a nice texture change that makes Alice's voice pop when she takes over the track again. And the instrumentation just makes my brain happy tingle. God, I'm just so in love with this song!!

My only complaint is about that flat ass, limp ass, needs to be put out of it's misery ass high shriek Alice does over the final chorus. Guys, I am so tired of my ears being accosted by these singers trying to belt. Most of K-Pop's vocalists are sopranos with bright ass tones and absolutely no power behind their voices. This obsession with high belted notes at the end of songs is just so weird, and if y'all are gonna continue to do it, I need y'all to integrate that shit into the song better. Don't just have a vocalist do their best "OH MY GOD, THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL ME" shriek. It's so irritating!!

And apparently, this is the first of a monthly song single campaign Fantagio is doing for 2018?!?!!? Someone at that company wants me to die, sis. First, they inflict Ong Seungwoo and Park Jinwoo on my ass, and now this.

Rating - 4.5/5

1. Bboom Boom (MOMOLAND)

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First of all, can we give S. Tiger a round of applause for throwing it back to EXID's Nyam Nyam Jeop Jeop?!?!?!? That is a top five favorite b side of mines, so the second I heard the guitar in the teaser, I fucking Knew™ my edges were about to get snatched right off my face.

Secondly, Queen JooE is outchea livin ha best life, and I'm just so here for it. People love to talk shit about girl groups cause they only do cutesy and sexy concepts (nevermind the fact that boy bands do the same shit, but I guess y'all not trynna hear that), but anytime girl groups give you something different, y'all not trynna stan. So, I'm so fucking here for JooE serving you basics Unapologetic Joy™ in the New Year.

Hallelujah, Thank You Jesus!!

For those of you who can't tell (although it's position in the Fab Five should've tipped you off), I fucking love Bboom Bboom. I was ready for Bboom Bboom the second the teasers started rolling in, and my excitement hit an all time peak with the Great! highlight medley showing that the entire mini was Banger Central™. My only complaint about the song is that the transition from the trap beat to the regular beat in the second verse was so throwed together and clunky. Did y'all run out of time to really integrate that right, cause?!?!?!?! I love that section, but that it could have been handled way better.

Still my favorite song of the week.

Rating - 4.5/5

And that's that, folks!! Tune in next week at 6pm EST to see my round up of this week's new releases. And don't forget about Friday's Feature Splotlight at 6pm EST!! There's been a little (Okay, it's a pretty big ) change to the schedule. Wanna know what it is?!?!?! Be sure to check it out!!!

#Felicity B #Review Roundup #Review #MOMOLAND #f(x)#f(Ambe+Luna)#Hello Venus #Alice #Yooyoung #Amber #Luna #Drug Restaurant #N.Flying

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stunudo · 7 years

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Deliverance

A Criminal Minds Fan-fiction

Featuring: Luke Alvez x Spencer Reid Setting: After Season 12

Requested by: Anonymous

“Omg I am going to request a ralvez one shot because there is not (and never will be) enough ralvez in this world. So could you do one where they finally admit their feelings for each other (post-reid jail time) and Luke admits that he's never been with a guy before and he is nervous??? Please and thank you!! <3″

A/N: Thank you for your request! I am tagging it for @reidbyers Ralvez week. I am sorry it took so long, but I, huh, really need to watch season 12. (Because I spend too much time online and can only watch the show when my kids are asleep.) I love this ship so much! I hope you like it. xoxo Stu

Warnings: Grief, angst, talk of sex acts

Spencer felt like he had been asleep for months. In truth it was twenty seven hours and fourteen minutes since he last glanced at the bedside clock in the safe-house Emily had placed he and his mother in. The thought of his mother and her safety sent that familiar panic through his lean frame. He found her seated at the kitchen table, reading contently. The relief flooded through him and he sighed when the nurse caught his eye, smiling in her quiet understanding.

It was as if the past months locked away were just a nightmare he had to overcome; wakefulness had found him with his freedom. He had missed much more than just his mother and her abduction. He had missed cases and setbacks, profiles and small victories. He had missed his team. Although his thoughts had been on one team member more than the others. Something that he hadn’t expected especially when Luke first began aiding the BAU.

Luke hated this part of the job the most. The delivery of earth-shattering news to the family members of his fallen brothers. Emily had insisted on meeting the Walkers at the hospital instead of going home. Luke wouldn’t let her do that on her own. Every one of them were exhausted to the point of numbness. In this storm of emotions his years of training kicked in and he persevered.

The natural smile far from his lips as he stood alongside his chief as the truth destroyed Stephen’s family. How much more loss was he going to have to bring to loved ones? Was catching the unsubs and fugitives making any difference? It didn’t feel like it on nights like these.

The day of the funeral was the next time Spencer saw any of his teammates, besides JJ. She had come over with the boys to visit once Spencer and Diana were resettled at home. Diana loved those boys. Spencer was amazed at how much they had grown since, well, everything. Henry was calculated with his questions for Uncle Spencer, JJ was on guard about any topic too personal. Spencer appreciated his godson’s curiosity and insight. He answered him honestly, because Spencer valued Henry’s trust.

Diana didn’t notice Spencer getting dressed in a full suit. She didn’t notice him shaving or saying goodbye. Spencer took the train into the city and found his way to the cemetery alone. Garcia saw him first and she maneuvered mechanically around the chairs and rows of strangers. She scooped the tall genius into a tight hug.

“You cleaned up nice,” She whispered breathy.

Spencer’s mouth grimaced and he nodded his head to the side. “Thanks, uh, you too.”

“Oh pish,” She waved off the compliment with her clutch in hand. “Come on, our family is all over here.”

Spencer followed Penelope to the two rows the BAU team was occupying. JJ and Emily both hugged him as Rossi patted him on the back. Luke and Tara held back sharing concerned welcome. Spencer didn’t know what to say to Walker’s family, so he sat down and kept quiet. Something he had become used to doing over the past months in prison. The service reflected a talented and dedicated father; a man who deserved more years than he was given. Spencer grieved for the family, a family who wouldn’t be in this situation if he hadn’t been incredibly reckless all those months ago.

Luke had been going over the words and sentences in his head for months. He had guessed every possible reaction that Spencer would have, except this. Spencer sat beside him in the passenger seat in complete and utter silence. Luke wasn’t sure if he had spoken aloud. Had he? Had he meant to? It was not the best timing. But after months apart, the twenty minutes in the car together was the most genuine comfort he could have dreamed of, especially after the funeral.

Luke cleared his throat and tried to look Spencer in the eyes. “Reid? Did you hear me?”

Spencer’s hands were placed flat on to his thighs, they began to sweat so he brushed them on his suit pants absentmindedly.

“Do you mean it?” Spencer’s voice was barely audible. He let the words sink in and then he met Luke’s dark eyes in earnest. Luke’s throat had gone dry, he swallowed.

“I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t.” Luke leaned toward the taller man, not sure of what to do. Hands itching to comfort him, to solidify his confession. “I’m in love with you.”

Spencer’s brown eyes were on the cusp of tears, his lips pursed and scrunched in concentration. He inhaled, “I’ve wanted this for so long, Luke.” A shy smile curling his pink lips. “But I’m not the man you knew. I have done things and hurt people. People that didn’t deserve it.”

Luke gave up the internal debate and placed his strong left hand on Spencer’s forearm. He raised his right thumb and brushed a streak of saline from Spencer’s pristine cheekbone. “We have all been through a lot since you’ve been gone. I just want the chance to get to know each other again. As more than teammates.”

Spencer bent his face into Luke’s soothing palm, closing his eyes to revel in the skin to skin contact. Affection that had been missing from his life for too long. “Even if I am still navigating towards the new me?” His voice cracked.

Luke didn’t answer, instead he crossed the distance to Spencer, sealing all of their hope and longing in a whisper of a kiss. He touched his forehead to Spencer’s, staring into his very being, “Even then.”

One month later

“What are your plans for the weekend?” Lewis kicked her long legs on the seat facing her and Luke. The case was over, unfortunately the unsub killed himself before they could arrest him.

“Well, there’s this film festival I read about...” Luke checked to see where Spencer was sleeping on the jet, to ensure the conversation was private. “I know he likes foreign films, but I kind of want to surprise him.”

Tara shook her head and patted Luke’s knee.

“What?!”

“You’re trying to surprise a profiler who has a photographic memory?” Lewis chuckled softly. “I’m sure you’ll have fun, but don’t bank on the surprise part.”

The next afternoon Luke and Roxie returned after their run through the park. They were both panting from the exercise, though still excitable. When they got home, Roxie made a weird noise and started pawing at the door.

“What is it, girl? That thirsty?” Luke teased and unlocked the door to his home. Roxie bolted in and jumped up on Spencer who was waiting patiently inside. Spencer and Roxie had formed a surprising relationship since Spencer and Luke started dating. The skittish genius had warmed up to Luke’s dog, he assumed it was because he was able to trust her and hoped she understood they both cared about her human. She tolerated him because he smelled nice and made her human relax.

Luke’s face was alight, “What are you doing here?” Luke walked up to Spencer and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “Wait, how did you even get in here?” Luke’s eye brows raised. Spencer shrugged, smirking while scratching Roxie’s ears.

“Mrs. Hermann likes me.”

Luke rolled his eyes, “That’s because you flirt with her. Any others of my elderly neighbors I have to worry about?”

Spencer liked when Luke was jealous, but he didn’t want it to be drawn out. Roxie left them alone to find her water dish, Spencer slid his arms around Luke’s waist. “So? Have any plans tonight?” His light brown eyes rich with mischief.

“Not anymore.” Luke gave Spencer another quick kiss. “But, let me shower? I am all sweaty.”

“Yes, I can see that.” Spencer appraised Luke’s form fitting tee shirt and basketball shorts.

“Stop, I’m gross.” Luke teased, squeezing Spencer’s side playfully. “Just give me ten minutes.”

After a deeper kiss and a sigh, Spencer released his boyfriend. “No rush, the first showing isn’t until eight anyway.” He called as Luke headed to the bathroom. Luke shook his head, of course Spencer had figured it out on his own.

There was a gay couple in one of the films! It was annoying how pleasantly surprised Luke felt when he saw them. It was something he wouldn’t have noticed until a talkative genius captured his attention. Luke had never been with a man before, in fact he had never thought he would be in a relationship with one at all. Perhaps it was his overly strict Catholic family or his own insecurities regarding his sexuality. He had “passed” as straight for so long he didn’t think he needed to explore that part of himself.

Until he fell in love with his old partner, he wasn’t even sure he was queer. The despair and uncertainty that came with his death had pushed Luke’s heart back inside his internal closet. And then he teamed up with the BAU. Spencer’s intense mind and deep soul encompassed Luke’s heart faster than anyone had before. Being a bisexual in hiding meant Luke was not versed in determining that the twinkle in Spencer’s eyes was only for him.

Spencer, meanwhile, had become overly comfortable with his solitary lifestyle. After losing Maeve he didn’t think he would ever want or find romantic love again. As a man of science, he never had any concern over the physical of those he became emotionally attached to. Certainly not concerning anything as arbitrary as genitalia or societal expectations. Spencer Reid valued people as a whole, not a collection of body parts. Luke Alvez was wholly beautiful, internally and externally.

There the budding couple sat in the dark in the center aisle of the half-crowded movie house. The subtitles giving Luke the hints to Spencer’s engagement with the confrontation upon the screen. Suddenly the tension froze as one of the men fiercely kissed the other actor. The scenes flashed forward with brief glimpses of the passion unfolding, kisses and hands, one man performing oral sex on the other. Then the following morning and the men snuggling in the easy morning light. It was breathtaking. The rush Luke felt throughout his body twisted in his stomach. Emotion rolling within; desire, embarrassment, awe, hope and insecurity. He was going to have to tell Spencer his secret. But how?

Spencer’s aversion to physical contact was only for those he didn’t trust and strangers. He was not into public displays of affection because he hated to be seen as a target for bullies. Luke was not ready for anyone but the team knowing about their relationship so he was also content with walking with his hands to himself back to his truck.

“That was not the first film by Bisogni that I have seen, but his style has evolved since the last one.” Spencer had one hand in his pocket and the other aiding in his descriptions. Luke listening intently, unlocking the passenger door and holding it open for Spencer to duck inside the truck. Spencer smiled to himself at the sweetness of the gesture, he watched Luke walk around the front and into the driver’s seat.

His smile came easily, but the words were a rush. “Did you know that the glans of the penis has roughly four thousand nerve endings?”

Luke was used to his boyfriend being full of facts, but he wasn’t used to sex facts out of context. Spencer continued, “And by the age of fifteen nearly 100% of males have masturbated to the point of orgasm.”

“Okay, Spencer, where is this going?” Luke started the engine, not looking at his boyfriend.

“Physically pleasing oneself is beneficial for being able to communicate how a lover may best please you. Statistically, you know how to bring yourself to orgasm, Luke.” Spencer’s voice softened. “Being intimate with a man is a lot easier than society wants us to believe. Anatomically, we already know what pleases us, so we have a basis for our journey together.”

Luke slammed the gear shift back into Park. Spencer had profiled his inexperience and hesitation from that two minute love scene in the show. He dropped his head to the steering wheel and exhaled a groan of embarrassment. Spencer leaned over to stroke Luke’s curls, “Please don’t hide from me. Tell me what’s going on in that mind of yours.”

Luke smiled, it was usually him wondering what Spencer’s brain was processing. “I, um, have never been with a man, Spencer. Which, I take you know?” Spencer nodded and pursed his lips. Luke continued, “Are you going to leave me if I, can’t, if I’m not ready? Spencer, I don’t want to be bad at this.”

Spencer understood, completely. He always had the facts and research to back up his endeavors, but with Luke, things came easier, born of instinct. The idea that he wouldn’t be adequate hadn’t even crossed Spencer’s mind, because it was something they would be figuring out together. “You won’t be bad, baby. You’ll be new at it. This isn’t a test, its a way for us to become closer in every sense of the phrase.” Spencer’s mouth quirked mischievously. “We don’t have to figure anything out tonight. Just know that I would love to wake up next to you, if you want to spend the night.”

Luke nodded, sighing as his body released the tension that had been building. He wasn’t ready for all night love making, but perhaps spending the night would be a good starting point for their intimacy. Luke drove home to check on Roxie and grab some essentials.

“Are you sure about this?” Spencer asked quietly.

Luke nodded. “I’ve wanted you for so long, Spence. Are you? I don’t want to confuse your mom.” He entwined his hand in his boyfriend’s, gently kissing it.

Spencer shook his head and stroked Luke’s hand with his thumb. “Mom will be fine. Let’s get to bed already.” They kissed softly in the late night air as the vehicle’s engine roared to life. They had found each other in the hopelessness; together saving themselves.

@imagicana @gubl-oser

#Criminal Minds #spencer reid #luke alvez #spencer x luke #ralvez #reidvez #reilvez #reid x alvez #beautiful boys #cm fanfiction #request #stu #new ship for my masterlist #new love #we're all queer here #ralvez week

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mariequitecontrarie · 7 years

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Love You Forever

Summary: Following the events of 6x19 the Black Fairy, Belle tucks Gideon into bed, and both Belle and Rumple reflect on having hope in the face of hard choices. A/N: I have a lot of mixed emotions going into the finale, and this little Rumbelle/Gold Family fic hit me yesterday. I don’t usually go angsty, but I had to write it. For all the moms out there--Happy Mother’s Day.

ON AO3

“The things you love are like the puffs of a dandelion weed; they grow wild and happen as they will.” - Bette Lee Crosby

Belle trailed her fingertips across Gideon’s forehead, basking in the simple pleasure of watching her son sleep for the first time. His breath was deep and even, his face serene. The tiny lines around his eyes were smooth, giving him the appearance of a young boy, rather than a man.

It seemed impossible her baby was the same age as she. Experienced parents had told her children grew up in the blink of an eye, but this was ridiculous even for Storybrooke.

Belle pressed her fingers to her mouth, suppressing a delighted giggle. Gideon was a sound sleeper, but not a quiet one. His hair stood on end, the way Rumple’s often did when he woke in the morning. Two huge feet poked out from beneath the covers, further affirmation her son was too tall and strong to share a bed with his mother. Every so often he rolled over, snorting as he resettled on the mattress. Belle pushed up from the pillow and tucked the comforter around his legs. Earlier tonight, when Rumple had ushered them toward the stairs and urged them to go to bed, she couldn’t resist his suggestion that she stretch out beside Gideon, ease him into his first night of being home.

Their son had been the one to reach out and join hands, seeking reassurance. “Stay until I sleep, Mother?” he murmured, his eyelids drooping.

Belle bit back a sob at his childlike request and clung to him with all her might. No power in hell or any realm could have kept her away.

A fresh tear fell onto the sheets, and Belle’s mind wandered to the dog-eared copy of the children’s book Love You Forever in the library. In the story, a determined mother drives across town to slip into her grown son’s room and rock him to sleep. “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, As long as I’m living My baby you’ll be.”

Her smile was bittersweet as she recited the title verse. No matter how high he towered over his parents, Gideon would always be their baby. Yet he was also a man full-grown, and the wound of knowing how much she and Rumple missed was a savage gnaw.

Mother hunger wracked her, the pain more acute from seeing Zelena with her baby girl yesterday. After she’d spent those few precious hours rocking, cooing, and playing with little Robin, she’d locked herself in the tiny shop bathroom and sobbed. They could protect Gideon from Emma, retrieve his heart, even banish the Black Fairy, but they couldn’t recover his childhood.

They would never watch his mouth form around his first word, run a finger over the sharp point of a baby tooth pushing through his gums, or encourage him to take his first steps on square, chubby feet. Belle hadn’t been there to kiss his scrapes and boo-boos when he fell, or to teach him to read, or fly a kite. Rumple had missed the chance to show him magic, push him on the swings, and to teach him the fine art of the spinning wheel. Though perhaps for a few of those joys, it wasn’t too late.

Rumple. Since the night they learned Gideon had been taken, her husband had been stoic and sure, her strength and hope in the face of the unthinkable. Belle’s heart ached for his suffering, and she felt his agonized choice as though it were her own. What he’d done tonight, facing his mother, was beyond courageous. Learning Fiona had loved him, discovering his true destiny as a savior—she couldn’t imagine grappling with so much and banishing his mother all in one evening, even after the torture the Black Fairy had put Gideon through.

Could she have done the same?

Gideon snorted in his sleep, and Belle slipped out of bed and pressed a kiss to his cool forehead. “Love you forever,” she whispered, then tiptoed into the hallway and closed the door.

xoxo

Rumplestiltskin stared into the fire while he nursed a glass of whisky. The papers he’d thrown onto the hearth to ignite the embers blackened and curled, consumed by the heat.

He’d done what was necessary tonight—foiled Emma and the heroes, then slid the truth past Belle and Gideon. A flicker of something in his son’s eyes told him Gideon suspected more was at stake than what he’d revealed. Clever boy.

Rumple tossed the rest of his drink back, hissing when the liquid scalded his parched throat. Offering his mother the farce of allegiance was the only way to get their son’s heart back. Emma, Regina and the others cared only for their own survival, not whether their boy was made whole. He’d meant what he said, about putting Belle and Gideon first. He would protect them when the Final Battle came, or he would die trying.

Until then, he could only pray his family would understand his choice.

“Hey.” Belle padded across the carpet to kneel in front of him, and she tilted her chin up, her gaze questioning. A moonbeam stretched across the room, making her eyes silvery, and the long white nightdress she wore shimmered in the creamy light. She looked far too young to be the mother of a twenty-eight year old man.

“Hey.” He caressed her cheek, then dropped his hand back into his lap. “I thought you’d be asleep.”

She smiled, soft and sad, and shook her head. “How can I rest when I know you’re hurting?”

She removed the empty whisky tumbler from his grip and set it on the floor beside his chair. She took his hand, and he rose, allowing her to lead him up the stairs like a child, the way she had guided Gideon upstairs earlier. He turned to her as they passed the closed door next to their room. “Our son?”

“Sleeping…like a baby.” She blanched in the dim light, and the cliché’s full meaning hit him like a punch in the stomach.

“Oh, sweetheart…” He pulled her against his side and they shuffled into their bedroom in lockstep.

“It’s all right. He’s home now, thanks to you.” She smiled through trembling lips and his heart caught, as it always did when she looked at him that way. Open and trusting. Believing the best. His brave, darling girl.

Bone-weary, he sank down on the edge of the bed and groaned, contemplating going to bed with his clothes on. He reached down to at least remove his shoes, but she brushed his clumsy fingers aside and untied the laces. “Belle, what…”

“Shhhh. You’ve been taking care of everyone, Rumple,” she admonished, easing his wingtips off his feet. “Gideon. Me. Let me take care of you tonight. Please?”

He nodded his assent, then leaned back on his elbows while she removed his shoes and socks, tie and trousers. They traded labored sighs and crawled into bed together, exhausted.

“Come here,” she urged, drawing him against her breast.

He didn’t have the strength or will to fight her as she eased them back against the pillows and stroked his back. It felt wonderful to be held, to be wrapped in Belle’s loving embrace. This time together was their solace at the end of long, difficult days, but the lie of omission between them was an ugly, twisted thing.

The Black Fairy was unpredictable, bent on destruction, and he had no idea what manner of traps lay behind her saccharine promises of a happy family with a happy ending. What if he’d guessed wrong? What if life was about to get worse…again?

He opened his mouth to tell Belle the truth.

“Rumple?” She kissed the top of his head and massaged his scalp with the heel of her hand.

“Hmmm?” His eyes slipped closed as her fingers traveled downward, to circle his temples. All he wanted was to forget, pretend a little while longer.

“What did you promise her in exchange for Gideon’s heart?” Belle’s voice was soft, void of accusation.

He opened his eyes with a jerk, his body tensing, but she was still holding him close, and he didn’t move out of her embrace. “You knew?”

“It took me longer than it should’ve to figure it out, but yes.” She sounded disappointed with herself.

“Belle, I…” He rolled over to his side of the bed, turning to face her. Where to begin, to explain? He searched for words, but there was nothing to offer but weak excuses.

“I’m not angry.” She shook her head and smiled. “I’m…a little relieved, actually.”

“Relieved? After what she did to Gideon?” He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Whatever she’s done, she is still your mother. You found out a lot about yourself today. A lot of things you’ve believed for many years you now know aren’t true. That you were born to be a coward, a villain.” She shook her head. “Your mother loved you; she wanted you. She made terrible choices, but so have I, so have you. She believed she was doing it all for you. If after learning so much about who your mother really was when you were born, you had been able to kill her without another thought? That’s not who you are.”

He clenched his teeth. “I should have been stronger. I could have…”

“Rumple, no.” She gripped his fingers with both hands, her wedding ring digging into his flesh. “This was a battle for Gideon’s heart, and a warrior never emerges from a battle victorious without sacrifice.”

“Warrior?” He laughed, the sound bitter and discordant in the peaceful room. “The things I’ve done…”

“The things you’ve done have saved this family.” She nodded, resolute. “You did it for Gideon, for us. And now he has his heart. He’s sleeping next door. Safe.”

He released her hands and collapsed against the pillows, exasperated to the point of tears. “How do you do it?” he asked, amazed at her perspective. “Time and again. Aren’t you sick of it, Belle? Of me and this endless cycle of pain I drag you through?”

“I promised forever. So did you.”

“Ages ago. Before…” He swallowed a sob. Gods, he was tired.

She wiggled over on the mattress until she was half on top of him, then molded her lips to his. The kiss tasted like tears and hope.

She squeezed his shoulders. “Forever doesn’t give up. Forever doesn’t turn around and walk away when things get hard or when change comes.” She rolled them over, cradling his head against her chest once more. “Let it out. Go ahead and cry if you want to. There’s no shame here, Rumple. She’s your mother.”

The dam broke at her urging and he sobbed out the pain of the last several months. He cried for Neal, for the lost years with Gideon, for the father who hated him, for the suffering he caused Belle, and for the mother he’d barely known. He cried for his sins, and for the lengthy years when hate was his lone companion. He cried for what he’d done, and what he still had to do.

He was aware of Belle rocking him, heard the breathy nonsense she cooed into his ears, and he sobbed until there were no tears left, until he had poured out every drop of guilt, fear, and misery. When it was over, he felt weightless and free, and overwhelmed with the need to sleep.

“Rest now.” Belle caressed his back as he shut his groggy eyes. “I’m here. I’ll always be here. I choose you. I choose love.”

It was a benediction, a healing balm, and as he slipped into sleep, her words washed over him and renewed his spirit. He’d heard Belle’s confession of love countless times, but he never really believed it. Tonight, after learning where he came from, seeing the pattern of mistakes made generation after generation, he did. He didn’t have to be the coward, or the villain, or the beast. His mother’s choices didn’t have to be his. He could choose something else for his family. Something different. Something better.

Tonight he could do what Belle never failed to do. He could choose love.

Myriad troubles remained, but he knew who he was. Husband. Father. Savior.

“Love you forever,” he whispered.

###

#rumbelle #rumbelle fic #the gold family #Rumplestiltskin #belle french #gideon gold #tw: angst #mother's day #mqc writes #love you forever

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hardnoctlife · 5 years

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Happy Fucking Mother’s Day

Today might be ‘your’ day, but I’m still stuck on one seven years and one week ago. That was ‘my’ day, and no matter what you say, it always will be.

Because this isn’t about you.

I hate this holiday. I wake up, and I scroll through posts on Facebook and pictures on Instagram. People smiling with their arms around their mothers, gushing: “MY mom is the best” and “Thank you for all you do for me!!!” Or maybe something more somber, “Even though you’re no longer here, you’re always with me. I hope you see this from heaven. Love you mama xoxo.”

My best friends are busy brunching, or buying flowers and cheap cards. They’re booked for the weekend, celebrating the ones who gave birth to them along with the rest of their families.

I, on the other hand, sit alone in the house with the dogs while my wife works (her mom is too far away to spend the day with), and remember a time when you loved me. When you wrapped your arms around me and were proud to call me yours.

What do you say when people ask about me, I wonder? Do you lie, force a smile— “Oh, she’s doing great,” even though we haven’t spoken in years?

Or do you tell them the ‘truth?’

“My daughter is dead.”

Happy –fucking— Mother’s Day, mom.

You still have another child though, one who has met all your expectations: married, two kids, loves guns and Jesus. Check, check, double check. You have spent more time with your grandchildren than you have with your own daughter in nearly a decade. I hope today you remember those words you ‘never said’ to me on May 5th, 2012 when I told you I was gay.

“You’re not my daughter.”

I remember laughing in your face when you told me weeks later that you would never say that. I remember a lot of things you don’t.

Like, how you welcomed my now-wife with open arms when I first brought her home to you. How you called her a ‘sweet girl,’ and made us your best Mexican food over spring break. You took us to the beach, and Washington D.C. There are pictures of the three of us together, laughing and smiling. Now you won’t even say her name.

We could have had all that. We still could.

But if my love doesn’t come with a penis attached, it doesn’t count. I’ve done everything wrong, apparently.

Excuse me while I don’t apologize for your ‘loss.’

I’ve cried every Mother’s Day since then. Not Father’s Day, not your birthday, not my birthday, not Christmas, not Thanksgiving. Fucking Mother’s Day. Because every child deserves to have a mom that loves them. It’s one thing we both should be able to agree on, and the knowledge that I don’t is what hurts the most.

I’m dragging this out because I still don’t know where to go from here. I want to yell and scream at you. I want to cry. I want you to feel as bad as I do. I want you to love me for who I am. Every single option brings me pain that I don’t deserve, like tearing off a scab over, and over, and over again.

Do you cry on Mother’s Day? This year it falls on your birthday—a double whammy. Proper ‘etiquette’ requires that I call you or text you. My brother will tell me as much.

I don’t owe you anything.

…and yet.

I don’t think this anger will ever go away.

Do you wish I had never been born? Do you think I was one giant mistake? I remember when I was in high school you said that you cried when you learned you were pregnant with me. You were a new mother at the time, my brother a mere four months old. You didn’t want to have another child so soon, but your Catholic upbringing told you abortion was never an option. You told me then that I was the greatest gift you had ever been given.

Think of all the agony you could have spared us if your beliefs didn’t get in the way.

They are the same beliefs that are keeping us apart right now: that my happiness is sinful and goes against everything god wants for my life. That your disownment of me is the ‘right thing to do.’

Fuck you, and fuck god.

Yes, that lower case ‘g’ is intentional, because the god you serve is no god of mine.

I hope that one day you realize your mistake, and that you pray for forgiveness—but I won’t hold my breath and wait on that one. Tonight, I will fall asleep in the arms of the person who loves me.

You’re right that loving someone is a choice, by the way. Is there a Bible verse for parents who choose not to love their children? Or did you conveniently leave that out when you decided to use it to justify your bigotry? I used to know those verses front to back. I used to sing in front of the church congregation, my heart bursting with adoration for the same deity you claim to worship.

No longer.

On that day you may have lost a daughter, but I lost everything—my family, my religion, my optimism—and in its place I learned what true suffering felt like. Discovering that you have been abandoned by the people you thought you could always trust, and that the god your parents serve would rather see you burn in hell than be happy is a tough pill to swallow. I entered into darkness and depression, and when I came out on the other side of it several years later, I knew I would never be the same again.

I don’t think I will ever be at peace with what happened that day, but I have learned to lean on the people who have decided to love me in your place. Even in the midst of suffering, there is beauty and goodness to be found—that is something I had to figure out on my own, but it may be the most important of life’s lessons.

There are days, like today, that I struggle to not hate you. But if I’m going to be better, I have to do what you never could—choose to love unconditionally.

After all, it’s what Jesus would do.

So happy fucking Mother’s Day mom!

With love,

Your Daughter

#personal #gay #lesbian #lgbtq #mother's day #fuck mother's day #mother's day sucks #delete later?

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