#since most of us don't actually have major life goals other than me anyways

[ddollfface]

𝐀 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐃𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

𝙅𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙃𝙖𝙣𝙢𝙖 𝙔𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙃𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙣𝙨 (Pt.1)

Warnings; bad writing, possessive behavior, really ooc (I'm 90% sure that I missed the mark on this one), this is pretty short, yandere if you really squint ig. If I missed anything, then please let me know ♡ Oml, tumblr's being a little bitch right now, I literally cannot right now. I'm going to repost Pt.1 and Pt.2. I'm so sorry, I have no clue as to why I have a word limit rn... Just know that this is super ooc :/

Okay, now that I've established Jack's background and overall interactions with reader, like how their initial meeting was, etc, we can now get into what it's actually like with Jack once you've known him.

Jack isn't obsessive necessarily, like how Katsumi or Ali Jr are, instead he's more so protective, possessive even. Since the two of you have gotten close, he's realized that he doesn't want you to leave him. You can't leave. This is the first time he's ever felt such an attachment for someone, felt such emotions for someone.

Throughout his life, he's always been determined on one goal: defeating his father. And he's never even given a second thought to some woman or to having a family. Nope, it's never even crossed his mind, but seeing you with another man just doesn't sit right with him, seeing you converse and smile with someone else. It just makes his hand itch, feeling the need to punch someone creep up his neck.

That smile belongs to him, him, him. You're only supposed to smile at him. He only smiles around you, so shouldn't it be the same for you? Why do you seem so close to this guy? He looks like a stick, Jack's sure that he could snap him in two, no doubt. He could take care of you far better than this shrimp ever could.

Much like an animal, Jack gets territorial over what he's deemed to be his, and you're his, don't you understand? Jack will begin to take up all your time, conveniently interrupting any dates that you have with another man. He'll show up to wherever the two of you are and loom over the man, silently telling the twig to buzz off. Of course, the other wouldn't stick around, too scared to face the beast of a man Jack is.

But you being you notice how you can't keep a single man, that isn't Jack, around no longer than a week. You'll begin to get skeptical. Not necessarily questioning Jack because it's too early to make assumptions, but you're keeping an ear out for any odd behavior.

Anyways, moving on to another headcanon.

I don't think Jack would be very touchy in public, clearly not too comfortable showing such vulnerability around others. Jack won't hug you, won't kiss you, and won't hold your hand. If anything, he acts like he's a stranger, someone you've never spoken a word to, but that's far from the truth. You know this.

And you don't need the PDA, you're fine. You can tell by how he looks at you, how his honey-brown eyes seem to soften ever so slightly, barely noticeable. It's as if he's speaking a thousand words with just one look, and this is the pillar of your relationship. The two of you are connected on a different level, though you both view this connection differently.

Like most Baki men, this is where the yandere tendencies come in. I feel that the majority of Baki men would be able to have a healthy relationship with someone, but it's when their feelings are reciprocated is when everything goes downhill. It's when they're devalued as a man and completely ignored, being pushed aside just to be chosen for someone else.

This is where Jack's possessive tendencies appear, seeing you with other people just sets him off, especially when he perceives you as undervaluing the connection you two have. I think that Jack would have to have a special type of relationship with you for him to become "yandere." He'd have to see you bonding with others, bonding the same way you did with him. This will surely make him feel as if you're using him (you're not), and that your relationship with him isn't special.

Once a sliver of doubt has seeped into his mind, all sane thoughts are out the window. Now, he's running on his instincts, and they're telling him to take you away to somewhere safe, somewhere where the two of you can be together, forever.

At first, when these thoughts pop up, he's in denial, his rational coming into play, and telling him to not do anything too crazy. Sometimes, it's hard to do so, especially when he sees you interact with others, laughing, and smiling with other fighters. How can you be so open with others? Treat other men so kindly when he can't even look at a woman without thinking of you?

What do they have that he doesn't? No, he has more. He knows when you look at him that he's your one and only, he can tell. The way your eyes glimmer and scrunch up when you smile, the smile lines becoming more apparent.

He can't let go of you now; he's in too deep; he's far too stubborn to give up now. The two of you are bonded, in his eyes. You understand him, and he understands you. You've just gone a little astray, don't worry he'll help you, just like you did with him.

#jack hammer #jack hanma #jack hanma x reader #x reader #obsessive love #lovesick #bad writing #yandere male #yandere x reader #yandere x you #baki the grappler #baki the grappler x reader #yandere baki the grappler #yandere baki #baki x reader #baki dou #baki hanma #baki son of ogre #yandere headcanons

[phoenixyfriend]

I'm having thoughts about the Jedi and romance and UGH

Listen to me

Listen

(This is a shitpost, please do not reblog to argue with me, it's not for that. This is me, an a-spec individual with a lot of feelings on how society affects the things we view as important, venting in stream of consciousness.)

"Missing out on love" isn't something that matters as much when your society isn't amatonormative

"But they aren't allowed to get married" what if they don't want to?

"But they aren't allowed to romance" what if they don't want to?

When your culture is one that emphasizes compassion for all, and the most important bond is that of child and teacher... Don't you think that people might just not think of marriage as something worth striving for?

And from @jebiknights:

Honestly the only reason it bothers Anakin is bc he already met Padmé when he became a Jedi tbh i bet it wouldn't even bother him as much if he hadn't met her and already had visions of marrying her In general though yeah lol, that's one of the things i kind of miss about legends, is they didn't always deal with the attachment/romance/marriage thing well but you consistently had obi wan exes even before satine where they were like yeah we love each other and always will but we have no need or desire to get married or continue this

When the world around you doesn't emphasize marriage and romance and all that, then wouldn't you view cultures that do as a tad odd? Not weird in a bad way, just different.

I just keep thinking about the real world and how so much of the obsession with marriage and so on is a sociocultural thing. You don't want a big white dress because it's a bit white dress: you want it because it is the symbol that your culture has been pushing on you since you were two. Girls are taught to fantasize about weddings and marriage and to like A Certain Look for it, sometimes to such a degree that they can spend decades in denial about things like their sexualities.

And we're unlearning that as a society, people are being more critical of the institution and how they engage with it, are starting to question what it is that our media teaches us, asking 'why is marriage the most important thing in a girl's life, or in anyone's life' and generally moving towards a world where marriage exists but is not treated as a universal life goal

But the Jedi are just. Already doing that. They are already Not Teaching their children 'you should want this.'

And when you aren't pressured into wanting something like marriage... why would you be offended that your community says "you can have that Legal And Religious Status, but not with us. We'll still be your friends, but we as a community are not compatible with that legal and religious status barring a handful of specific and necessary exemptions."

Just

Marriage is not an inherent human/sapient want

Companionship is! We are biologically wired to be social creatures! We are biologically wired to, on the average, want sex, as well! That's how a species continues!

But marriage? A signed sheet of paper? That's not... inherent.

Fidelity and monamory? Sure, maybe. Plenty of species mate for life. But... humans have been proving that's a choice for most of history.

Other species are other things but anyway

Even if we remove marriage, specifically, and go to discuss attachment as being fidelity and exclusivity and devotion to another...

IDK how to talk about this without just going "devoting your life to a single person for companionship, romance, and sex is not only not necessary, but actually kind of mentally draining and a bad way to support yourself, we all need support systems and if you value one person's friendship or companionship more than others, that's not inherently a bad thing, but if you define yourself around each other or start doing shit like Covering Up Major Crimes That Hurt Real Innocent People (or committing said crimes) then. Uh. That's a problem."

#star wars #jedi #pro jedi #amatonormativity #phoenix posts

[j-almori]

m6 as greek gods

(or other important figures in greek mythology)

note: this is more of a ramble than a proper headcanon/au post. and i must say that i am not that sure about all the comparisons — for some of the m6, it was harder to find characters of greek mythology that would resemble them well, and for others i found several characters that are comparable to them in some ways. and i just wanted to indulge in both these interests of mine so here it is

lucio:

ares, the god of violence in war and courage. besides lucio having a violent mindset by default ('kill or be killed', yknow) and most of the time trying to show bravado, which clearly ties to ares' main traits, there is another similarity which lies in how other people perceive lucio and ares: the fact that ares represented all the horrors of war didn't do well for his popularity among the greeks. majority of people didn't like him at all, and he had little respect as a god, often ending up humiliated in myths. it reminds me of how lucio wasn't actually liked nor respected among the people of vesuvia

cronos, the god of time. tbh i myself think this comparison isn't very fitting, but i like the fact that they have some specific parallels in their stories: 1) patricide :); 2) acting selfish and committing atrocities simply out of extreme fear of death; 3) being locked in one place after being defeated (cronos was defeated in war, lucio was.. metaphorically defeated by death. or you can see it as him being defeated by asra when they sabotaged the ritual) without an ability to escape the imprisonment (yes, lucio is again metaphorically imprisoned in the palace as a ghost before receiving external help) (i know the last point is forced but i'll keep it anyways :p)

another character that could resemble lucio is narcissus, but i think the parallels between them are a bit superficial

nadia: athena, the goddess of wisdom, strategy in war, craft. i don't think there's any other more suitable option for her, since they both possess and represent very similar traits. for nadia, war strategy could represent her rational approach to being a leader of vesuvia and her skill for battle and war tactics that are shown in the confrontation with the devil. besides, one of the main symbols of athena is an owl, much like in nadia's case

//about lucio and nadia being ares and athena: ares and athena's contrast in what they're representing in war is, i think, very similar to differences in lucio and nadia's view of leadership, what kind of rulers they wanted to be, and how they used their power to achieve their goals. lucio wanted to affirm his power by brute force and domination above all, punishing even those who help him (e.g. asra's parents), without thinking of long-term consequences. nadia sees that true power comes from strategy, maintaining balance, and a way of thinking that equally considers everyone's well-being.

muriel:

hades, the god of the dead. honestly my first reason for associating muriel with hades is hades' helm of invisibility, which instantly reminded me of muriel's gift-curse. another thing about hades that reminds me of muriel is how hades isn't often depicted in ancient greek art bc of people's fear of him, making his overall image very hazy, much like muriel doesn't leave any tangible memories of himself bc of his curse. they also resemble each other in how they are disconnected from the rest of the 'cast': in hades' case, it's how he's obliged to stay in the underworld to carry out his duty as the god of the dead, making it difficult for him to interact with other gods (besides, he himself doesn't show much interest in the affairs of the overworld); in muriel's case, it's how he also willingly chooses a solitary life in the woods, staying isolated from others

artemis, the goddess of wilderness, healing, purity. (she's also the goddess of hunt but that doesn't connect well with muriel so ignore that). she, like hades, is also a much more reserved goddess who prefers to stay in the forests surrounded only by animals and her nymphs (who are basically personified nature) than to participate in the olympians' drama. i would say that this comparison relies more on the importance of wild nature in relation to both artemis and muriel than on their character traits, since artemis doesn't hesitate to show her wrath and cruelty when punishing someone, unlike muriel

asra:

orpheus. i don't think it's really necessary to explain this choice if you're familiar with the myth

among the olympians, i would say that he resembles hermes the most — the god of roads, travelers, wit, humor, and too many other things to list them all. he has a unique role of a soul guide, who helps souls travel to the afterlife (well let's say that asra would be a soul guide for one particular soul and that he helped them travel back to life than vice versa). i'd say that hermes is a bit too mischevious and trickster-ish for asra, but i like how hermes' function of a traveler between realms fits to asra's magical abilities and frequent travels outside vesuvia.

ok i just realised that there's also hecate, the goddess of magic (!), crossroads, necromancy (!!) and ghosts — all things that asra is connected with, in some way. she, too, is a goddess who travels between realms. besides, people were placing shrines to hecate at the entrance of homes/temples to keep the dead spirits away, which reminds me of asra's protective spells against lucio's ghost. one of hecate's many symbols is a serpent, and, well... asra has faust, so...

julian: it was difficult to find a resembling enough figure for him, but here's what i decided:

dionysus, the god of wine, fertility, festivity, theatre. he's also referred to as a god of resurrection (!), and sometimes is said to be a foreigner (and i think the motif of being a foreigner is mostly present in julian's image, even though most of the m6 aren't native to vesuvia). despite dionysus being a popular god, there's a lot of uncertainty surrounding his origins and true identity, which could be tied to how julian likes to keep a mysterious external image of himself (imo) (and regarding dionysus' identity: he's sometimes said to be hades or zagreus, hades' son, both of which have death motifs, and, well, julian does have some deathly symbolism too)

note: i also thought of some similarities between julian and eros, but ultimately i didn't find this comparison fitting enough

portia:

hestia, the goddess of hearth, sacred fire, family. she is the youngest among children of cronus (after they were freed by zeus). she doesn't have much representation in mythology, being a non-confrontational and kind goddess who couldn't leave her duty of keeping the olympian hearth (therefore not taking part in any godly drama). still, she was very important to the greeks due to her being a keeper of the home and sacred fire: "among all mortals, she was chief of the goddesses." to say shortly, i think all these traits resemble portia very well, with her greatest assets being her caring, considerate and dutiful nature (she's literally responsible for the entire palace!!). and, like hestia, portia carries great importance in lives of the others without causing any drama or creating some aggrandized persona for herself: her sincere friendliness and attentiveness to others are enough for her to be greatly valued.

persephone, the goddess of spring, vegetation, nature (and the underworld but that's not really relevant in portia's case (afaik)). tbh this association is the least supported by facts, i just think portia and persephone have similar vibes

note: i must say that the arcana character whom i haven't gotten to know in much depth is portia, so i'm sorry if her description wasn't accurate enough

✦✦✦

that's all for my rambling today. thank you for reading! honestly this is the first time i'm writing smth like this, sorry if it's a bit all over the place (which it probably is). just wanted to finally write down these associations that have been plaguing my brain for some time now. (and i would be happy to read your thoughts on this too!)

last note: i definitely wouldn't call myself an expert on greek mythology, i mostly relied on my not-that-deep knowledge of it which i got from a bunch of different sources over the years + fact-checked some things while writing this. overall, don't take this too seriously

#the arcana #rambling #count lucio #lucio morgasson #julian devorak #portia devorak #muriel of the kokhuri #nadia satrinava #also i'm kinda anxious about misphrasing something bc i'm not a native english speaker so i'm sorry if smth sounds weird to you 💀💀 #AND this probably has been done before but idc :p #the arcana game #the arcana mystic romance #the arcana m6

[transmechanicus]

Hi! I'm honestly excited that tumblr recommended me a good blog for once. It's nice to see other trans ppl living their best life out here.

Anyway, I hope you don't mind a question, but I'm currently an undergrad and really interested in grad school. idk how applicable your experience would be since im a comp sci student, but what's it like in grad school? how accepting has it been of trans people for you? do you have any recommendations on what to do to increase the chance of getting in?

p.s. idk a ton about biochemistry or genetics, but i have a friend who's super into it (he's also planning on going to grad school for it lol), and I love hearing him talk about it. so I'm also curious as to what you're doing :o

Grad school is broken up into phases in my experience, which is dependent on institution and major. For me, year one is classes and rotations, the latter of which is 7 week trials in a lab of interest to get a feel for their work and the lab social and mentor environ. Classes generally compose discussing research techniques and recent publications, and test you on your ability to read research literature and understand it as well as propose follow up investigations. Year two is finishing classes and starting work on your thesis projects, as well as completing preliminary exams, which for biochem are written (grant proposal) and oral (ppt presentation of grant proposal). Year two has less classes than year one and your actual lab work dominates most of your time. Year 3, 4, and 5 are basically spent having a full time job as a senior lab researcher where you are expected to learn your local field well enough to come up with an idea and pursue it to discover or demonstrate something novel in the form of your thesis, as well as publish at least one paper on your work in the meantime.

My institution has not had any issues with trans ppl in my experience. I came out to my lab in Oct of 2023, and gradually to my classmates and the wider program over the following months. Administrative staff and professors have been very on the ball with my pronouns and chosen name, and our program recently got a new professor who is also a trans woman. I won't say which institution to reduce the amount i dox myself, but safe to say I'm content in regards to my treatment as a transgender person.

Getting into grad school usually requires demonstrated undergraduate research or a gap period of research employment after undergrad. I did some undergraduate work (though not strictly in my field) and a year of relevant employment after undergrad. 3 months into said employment I applied for grad school lol which was a little earlier than usually advised bc i hadn't been there long. (My post-bac PI was very demanding and restrictive so I wanted out ASAP). The main things grad schools are looking for is are you able to talk about research you're doing now, what research you want to do, and why you've chosen their institution. They want you to demonstrate you have an interest in researching topics they have professors willing to support, and also that you have the problem solving and data analysis skills to adequately perform research work and operate semi-independently. Having undergraduate or post-bac research that you can explain in detail why you did certain things, what the motivation is, what the goal is, etc is how you prove your worth to grad recruiters (who are usually professors looking for students).

My work is specifically focused on the use of short synthetic peptides to sense the activity of kinases, which regulate pathways in the human body related to growth, division, and apoptosis. When kinases are disregulated it causes various diseases, but it's hard to test drugs for many of these kinases bc there aren't effective monitors for their activity that don't get a lot of false positives due to overlapping signal pathways. The use of synthetic peptides with certain sequences gets around that issue of false positives, and they can be modified to provide information about how effectively a kinase is binding and interacting with the peptide, which would change under exposure to effective inhibitor drugs for those kinases. TL;DR I make little bits of protein to bind other broken proteins and tell me when they're turned on so other ppl can design drugs to turn them off.

Pls let me know if you have any further questions, I apologize that I don't know any comp-sci majors so this might be wildly inaccurate in some regards. XD

#my stuff #asks

[silvfyre-writings]

Snapshots Pt. 1 (BSD Fanfic)

Welcome, welcome, because I don't have enough WIPs to focus on apparently, I am bringing another one to the table, but this time, it's a oneshot series, so yay. How many chapters will it be? Who knows, we're just going on a ride until I run out of stories to share or my motivation dies!

The goal of this actually is to help improve my short story skills, so none of the chapters should be over 3k words but uhhhh, it's me, so who knows really.

Anyway, Ranpoe nation, BE FED! And leave a like or comment or a reblog if you enjoyed~

Poe wasn’t a stranger to nightmares.

They’d been a part of his life ever since he was a child, and while they had lessened over the years, they were still frequent enough to ensure that a decent night’s sleep was nothing more than long forgotten memory. The nightmares when he’d been a child had all been about the same thing; glass bottles shattering, and heavy hands throwing him about. But as he’d grown up, they’d slowly begun to change depending on his situation. As a teenager, they’d been about the monsters and demons he wrote about hunting him down and tearing him to pieces. As an adult, after he’d met Ranpo—and after he’d joined the Guild, he’d become haunted by the gifted detective from Japan; dreams of the man he despised so much, taunting, and mocking him. Sometimes his dreams were filled with the faces of the people the Guild killed in their line of work. He may not have killed those people directly, but he was part of the Guild and that was enough to warrant him dreaming about them.

But now things had changed.

He was no longer a member of the Guild, no longer anything really, and he was living in a foreign country far from the land that had been his home for twenty-eight years. But the most major change to his life was that he was no longer alone. Sure, he’d never truly been alone before in the Guild; he’d had Karl of course, but he’d also been comfortable with the quieter members of the Guild to sometimes socialise with them. Well… more like when he was forced into socializing, because for the six years he was with the Guild, most of that time was spent planning for Fitzgerald and plotting his revenge against Ranpo.

And speaking of Ranpo…

If you’d ever told Poe that one day, he’d wind up falling in love and dating the man he’d been plotting to kill for six years, he would’ve laughed in your face. People didn’t fall in love with Poe, he just wasn’t the kind of man to be loved by others, so when his feelings had grown for Ranpo, he’d tried desperately to squash them down, knowing that the other wouldn’t return his own feelings, and the last thing he wanted to do was ruin the friendship they’d built in such a short time. But what Poe hadn’t been expecting, was Ranpo to suddenly confess that he liked Poe more than a friend. That’d been a cluster of emotions that Poe hadn’t been ready to deal with, but Ranpo hadn’t given him time to think; he’d just kissed Poe and invited himself into Poe’s home and that was that.

So it shouldn’t have come as a surprise when the topic of his nightmares shifted to Ranpo.

“No!” Poe jerked awake, the cry falling from his mouth before he could stop it, and he lay there, chest heaving and eyes wide. Images from the nightmare he’d just been trapped within flashed across his mind—a distinct false memory of watching Ranpo bleeding out in his arms, the memory is just vivid enough to make him reach out with an arm until it came into contact with the second person in the bed. He lay still for a moment, focused on calming down as his hand rested on top of Ranpo’s still sleeping form, using the rise and fall of Ranpo’s chest to help him slow his own breathing.

He was grateful in that moment, that Ranpo was a heavy sleeper, because it meant that while he lay there, stressed, and panicked after a nightmare, his partner continued to sleep away without a care in the world. Poe let out a sigh and sat up in the bed, scrubbing his face with his hands. There was no way that after a dream like that, he’d be able to go back to sleep, and while he’d love nothing more than to just sit in bed and just watch Ranpo—if only to reassure himself that the other was still very much alive and breathing—he didn’t want to accidentally wake the man.

So, he eased out of bed, and padded across the room towards the study that was attached; his intention was to sit and write until he felt tired enough to sleep again, but it would also allow him to be able to still see Ranpo and keep an eye on him, just like he’d been told to do so by a doctor. With another glance towards Ranpo, Poe sat at his desk and turned on the lamp before dragging some blank papers towards him and began to write, letting the words fall from his mind to the paper where a story began to form.

Poe didn’t know how long he’d been writing for when he heard footsteps behind him, but he didn’t panic when they came to a halt behind him, nor when he felt Ranpo’s arms wrap around his bare shoulders and a chin came to rest on top of his head. Neither of them moved for a couple of minutes, but Ranpo was the first to break the silence; breaking into a coughing fit before he moved to kiss Poe’s temple. “Nightmare?”

Poe sighed, and placed down the pen he’d been writing with, relaxing into Ranpo’s hold. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“I woke myself up with this stupid cough.” Ranpo rasped, and pulled away to cough a few times into the crook of his arm. This was why Poe had done his absolute best to avoid waking Ranpo; the detective had been sick with chest infection for a couple of weeks now, so he needed all the rest he could get, something that was hard to do when you consistently woke yourself up with coughing.

“I’ll get you some medicine.” Poe made to stand, only for Ranpo to tighten his grip.

“I’m fine, but you need some more sleep. It’s still early, come back to bed?”

Poe thought about, he really thought about, because he wanted nothing more than to go back to bed and get some more sleep, but all he could think about was that dream he’d had; Ranpo with blood spilling from his lips as he lay there, bleeding out and dying in Poe’s arms no matter how much Poe had begged him to keep holding on. He’d woken up before Ranpo had actually died, because that was just how his nightmares always worked, but that didn’t make it any less terrifying—any less real.

And Poe couldn’t go back to sleep knowing that he might have to live through that again.

“I think I’ll just get some writing done instead, love.” Poe turned his head and brushed his lips against Ranpo’s cheek. “You should get back to bed though, you’re still recovering.”

“And this is the third night you’ve stayed up after having a nightmare.” Ranpo stepped around to the side of Poe’s chair and tugged at his hands until Poe was standing. Ranpo moved closer and squeezed his hands, looking up at Poe with concern on his face. “Tell me what it was about?”

Poe shook his head and dropped his gaze. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because it involves you.”

Ranpo stood there, visibly thinking for only a few seconds before his face softened even more, and he began to guide Poe back towards the bedroom, slowly and carefully, like Ranpo is afraid that he’ll spook if they move any faster. “I’m not going anywhere, Edgar. I’m right here, talking to you, and still breathing. Nightmares are scary, but you can’t let them win.”

“It felt so real though.” Edgar tried to argue.

“Of course it did, that’s what nightmares are good at.” They had arrived back at the bed now, and Poe watched as Ranpo crawled back under the covers, holding them up and staring at Poe expectantly. Poe shifted uneasily and sighed, giving in to Ranpo’s silent demand and returned to bed. He knew he wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep, but he also knew that if he hadn’t returned to bed, Ranpo would’ve kicked up a fuss and his partner was supposed to be resting, so it was just easier to give in. Poe made to pull Ranpo into his arms like he usually did when they went to sleep together, only to suddenly find himself being the one held.

Poe blinked as Ranpo wrapped his arms around his waist and buried his face between his shoulder blades. “Ranpo…?”

“I cling when I’m sleep, so if you have another nightmare, you’ll wake up being held by me. It’ll help you feel less afraid if you wake up and can feel my warmth, my heart beating, all that sappy stuff, ya know?” Ranpo explained with a cough. “And before you worry about waking me, remember I sleep like the—I sleep heavy. I won’t wake up if you do.”

Poe smiled, and relaxed into Ranpo’s hold. He did know, and he appreciated it. Exhaustion danced at the edges of his mind, and he closed his eyes, shuffling closer towards Ranpo to get comfortable. He listened closely to Ranpo’s breathing, listening as it slowly evened out as his partner drifted back to sleep, his hold on Poe loosening, but still warm. It’s that comfort, that allows Poe to snag onto the vestiges of sleep that have been taunting him since he first awoke, and drag them towards himself.

Sleep comes easy for him this time, knowing that if he does wake again in fear, that Ranpo will be there to remind him it’s not real.

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bsd fanfic #ranpoe #edgar allan poe #edogawa ranpo #hurt/comfort #fluff #writing #fanfic

[sibyl-of-space]

This Tuesday I went back up to SF to attend a game dev networking Thing, and I also used the chance to visit some friends in the area and had some nice conversations with people. It's a pain in the ass to get there on public transit from where I am now but it was definitely a really fun trip and I'm really glad I went.

The event itself was nice - it was technically hosting some talks, but for about an hour and a half before the talks the space was open to meet other devs and share demos and such. Two people asked to check out the Amadeus demo and I got to a) show them the progress from the current published demo to the unpublished version I'm working on, and b) watch someone play it in person to remind myself of what a totally unbiased audience's first reaction is to it and its controls. It reminded me that while I've been revamping the point-and-click controls significantly, I need to make sure WASD is polished as well because many people prefer that scheme.

Anyway then I dipped when the talks started because I don't particularly find talks useful because I know what works for me and I don't listen to advice from people I don't know (and even sometimes from people I do know). Glad I went just for the schmoozing, though.

Spent the night with a friend who has worked in gamedev for ~8ish years now, and he is an incredibly valuable resource because he is REALLY good at giving advice/helpful feedback that recognizes "best practices" for him as someone working on a AAA team, and "best practices" for me as a solo dev of a visual novel, are completely different things. He is able to identify what values are actually worth me caring about at this point, and he also pointed out (I've very much given up on the industry completely) that once I make my own game, once I actually ship Amadeus on Steam, there are a lot of industry doors that will be open to me that aren't open yet. Many positions don't even look at you unless you've shipped a game on a major platform. So it was kind of good to hear that while I'm making this 10000% just for me on my terms, it actually could open doors much later down the line if I ever want it to.

Then I met with the professor who taught the course that got me on this path in the first place, by helping me recognize that I don't have to just be an audio person I CAN ACTUALLY BUILD THE GAME MYSELF. My final project for his class was the absolute shittiest jankiest prototype for what eventually became the Amadeus demo-- that class was HUGE for me. And my professor has given me a lot of great advice and help in Unity since then.

This meeting was interesting because I think it signified to me that, while he was the #1 most invaluable resource for me getting started in game dev, I think I've reached a point where I know what my goals are and I have the foundation to reach them, and I have somewhat found my niche and it's decidedly different from his. He definitely tried to give me advice about trying to navigate the current dumpster fire industry from the perspective of "someone who started a small studio and has done the pitching-to-publishers song and dance before" but, while he knows a LOT about the niche his own studio filled, I don't think he is equipped to understand whether the market for "4x3 SD visual novel directly inspired by a Japanese game from 2006 with a cult following" is a thing that exists. I kind of feel for him because his indie studio really tried to do everything "right" but he's having to dissolve it because the money is out and last year sucked ass. But that's exactly why I'm kind of ignoring his advice, because for me making Amadeus, it is literally not remotely about the money. I want to make this because I have a vision for a work of art that I want to bring into this world. If it never sells more than 10 copies, I'll be a bit disappointed, but I'll still consider the life I have lived as more fulfilling having made it. That's what's important to me.

I WILL burn out if I focus too hard about trying to make Amadeus into anything marketable and need it to sell X copies to be "worth it." If I continue as I have, "funding" Amadeus just by doing everything myself, creating a story I'm in love with and finishing it so I can share it with the world, then I am certain that I will finish.

It's been hard to maintain that laser focus in a world where it seems everyone wants to give me advice about how to monetize or make a career, but I KNOW that laser focus is NECESSARY to finish. I CANNOT care about the money if I want to make Amadeus what I want it to be. This game is so deeply personal to me in so many ways that I need it to be completely mine. If anything comes of it, if it sells any amount to any number of people beyond my circle of friends, it will be BECAUSE I made something incredibly authentic to my own vision and THAT is what appealed to people.

Anyway, after that conversation I met with a friend from music school, which was really wonderful because they were just excited about me making a project I'm excited about. We talked about art and passion projects and making silly things for fun. It was just nice to see them again, too.

I am extremely glad that I went, and now that I am back, I have a renewed vigor to finish Amadeus as I'd already planned on doing. Nothing is changed but everything is changed. I am bringing this game into the world and it's going to rule so hard.

#personal

[knickynoo]

What is Doc's biggest insecurity?

You know, for as often as Doc (supposedly) drills the "If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything" mantra into Marty's head, I think his biggest insecurity is the fear that he isn't actually smart enough or capable of achieving anything great in the scientific world. That he'll have poured his heart into his inventions and experiments for his entire life, only to realize that it had all been fruitless.

It's interesting because Doc comes across as an overall pretty confident guy. And even though he's spent the majority of his life treated like an outcast and shunned (and so my first instinct was to connect an insecurity to that) I really don't see him as the type to feel insecure over his isolation or lack of social connections. For the most part, Doc seems content in his solitude, and the DeLorean Owners' Manual book even tells us that he was the one to start the initial rumors about himself around town to ensure that people would leave him alone to Science In Peace. But I do think that any insecurities Doc does have are likely to stem from the fear of failing in the one area of interest that's consumed him since he was a child.

And! I think this traces directly back to Doc's father. As in: the anxiety of failing at all this science stuff and proving his father right. (I'm about to go on a bit of a rambling detour, so excuse me. It all relates to the ask though, promise!) Anyway, we know from the Telltale video game & the DeLorean Manual that Erhardt Brown was a less than stellar guy. Brilliant and well-respected in town as a local judge, but severely lacking in the "supportive parent" department. The video game does sort of end up putting him in a bit of a better light--having him and young Emmett start to take those first steps in forging a better relationship, but Doc's journals in the DeLorean manual (which I do consider to be part of "canon" and very much in line with the trilogy) take a different route.

What Doc writes in the entry detailing his father's death in 1950 is pretty telling, where he first notes that the way his mother responds is "more philosophical than emotional", since his parents divorced some time in the late 1930s & then essentially did not speak to each other after that point. He continues, "This describes my own state as well, given my basically perfunctory conversations with him after graduating college. Father (as he never allowed me to call him "dad") was a cold man, which may have had its advantages in dispensing justice, but did not endear him to many, myself included."

The journals just paint such a sad picture of the relationship, or lack thereof rather, that Doc had with his father. Doc mentions some more about him, but none of it is sentimental--mostly just distant and factual. You don't get a sense that he's sad at all to hear of his father's passing, which really speaks volumes to the way Erhardt treated his son. And aside from being a pretty depressing thing to think about, it really lends merit to Doc's fears and insecurities being tied up to the constant discouragement and emotional neglect he grew up with. How could Doc's potential anxieties not be related to the man who never showed him an ounce of affection and always told him his pursuit of science was foolish and disappointing? The guy didn't let Doc call him dad!! He never treated his son as anything more than an oddity who was letting the family down! I'M SO UPSET.

(Doc did, however, have a good relationship with his mother. So there's that at least.)

Ok, time to force myself to focus and wrap this up. In conclusion, Doc is insecure about not being good enough and ending up as a complete failure. This is Judge Erhardt Brown's fault for being a lousy father. But because of him, Doc works all that much harder to try to achieve his goals and makes it a priority to not be like his father. And so when he eventually meets a certain young kid who also doesn't have a great home life, Doc is able to be that supportive adult figure to him that he never had growing up.

Thanks for the ask!

#asks #back to the future #bttf #doc brown

[windvexer]

hi chicken, i'm an experienced tarot reader, but this is something i would really appreciate your help with, as i've never had a reading quite like this, and i've had a lot of weird or distinctive spreads in the past.

basically i've just done my monthly spread for July. there are ten questions i ask- (self at the beginning of the month, theme of the month, self at the end of the month, main goal, main obstacle , main accomplishment, what to avoid, what to embrace, where to get support, and advice) as well as three key cards for any major events. This is a spread that's worked for me well for a while now, even if some months it's less helpful than others.

relevant info- been having a hard time for a long time, don't want to get into it too much, but part of it is that i'm at the point where almost all of my relationships are not at all satisfying to me and aren't fulfilling any of my needs. this life "plot point"has been brewing for years despite my attempts to fix it. anyway, i'm at my breaking point. for reference i'm the 🌀anon who asked about energy work a while ago and got identified as an energy sun by @thespellweavingspirit .

so i've just done my july spread, and every single card minus one of my spread was reversed. Unusual- and if all the cards I pull are reversals I either flip them upright or re-draw, except for when there's an upright in there, because it's always meant that the reversals are on purpose, even if there are too many. This is the most I've ever gotten any reversals, it's kind of confounding. Said upright card was the "main obstacle" card, which was Judgement. Everything else is a mix of pentacles, cups, swords, wands, and another two major arcana. in case it's important, in order- (self beginning of month = ten of pentacles rx, theme page of wands rx, end of month three of pentacles rx, main goal three of cups rx, - , main accomplishment ten of cups rx, what to avoid queen of cups rx, what to embrace three of swords rx, where to find support knight of pentacles rx, advice the hanged man rx, major events are the empress rx , ten of wands rx, and five of cups rx). i shuffle my cards intensely before I start, and shuffle between each card pull, so i'm not pulling from a clump of cards that all happen to be reversed. I'm honestly feeling frustrated and was hoping you had any insight on spreads that turn out like this. I can see an emphasis on relationships within the spread as well as roles i play, but it's hard to make sense of all of this, which is unusual.

thank you for your time if you choose to respond and i hope this ask wasn't annoying in any way🌀

Sometimes, when spreads come out all weird and jumbled, I take it to be "we've run out of ways to tell you what's going to happen so here's a bunch of omens at once, good luck."

Your spread, however, I think can be analyzed on a deeper level.

Without the exact spread arrangement this kind of analysis won't be super accurate, but I'm going to share it anyway because it might be helpful to spark ideas in your own interpretation:

When doing advanced analysis, you can break the spread down into chunks and view each chunk on its own before blending them together in a whole. Same concept as reading a sentence before reading a paragraph.

The exact meanings don't necessarily have to be brought up. I leave it to you to fill in the details based on what system of meanings you are using.

One again, since I don't know how you actually laid out your spread, this is just an example of a way to look at it (even if they were all cards laid out in a single line they can still be broken up, etc).

Let's start with 10/Pentacles (R) [beginning of month], Page/Wands (R) [theme of month], and 3/Pentacles (R) [end of month].

We start out with the highest # earth card and there is a steep downturn to a low # earth card. Essentially, whatever is had will be reduced or lost. The page in the middle can show us details as to why.

In the way that I read, minor arcana tend to be events while courts tend to be agents, identities, or behaviors.

Normally, the fiery Page shouldn't have an issue with the earthy Pentacles. But we know something bad has to happen due to the Page's presence, because we're ending up much lower than where we started.

One way we can interpret this is that because of the Page's actions (or inaction), the earthy, Pentacles part of your life is going to "reset" down to basics.

When looking for what meanings to apply to each card, we are probably going to want to look for the more fiery and active meanings for each earth card, and the more grounded and earthy meanings for the Page (as they all bleed into each other).

Moving on to the 3/Cups (R) [main goal], 10/Cups (R) [main accomplishment], and Queen/Cups (R) [what to avoid].

Note that in the first triad, you started with a 10 and ended with a 3. Here, the spread is telling you that your main goal is a 3, but you're going to accomplish a 10.

All these cards are watery. It's intense but not necessarily bad. Consider that because the 3 and the 10 are both Cups, and the Queen of Cups can be interpreted as the advisor and guide of that suite, you may be receiving advice to not try and master or control this situation.

In other words, perhaps trying to take control of this situation and resolve it to your own satisfaction is only prolonging an inevitable process of change.

We can also note that the Queen is your highest-ranking court card (no kings on the spread). Not only this but Water cards outweigh every other element. We can surmise that the Queen of Cups has a great deal of authority - and perhaps, trying to wield her authority to achieve the watery 10 when you should be going for the 3 is the wrong choice.

(Using this same type of analysis, the Knight has less authority than the Queen, but more than the Page - the Page being the lowest-ranking, and having only one other fire card in the spread to manage.)

Still within this triad, we see an escalation. The low-# 3 jumps up to a 10, and then a Queen. This shows a growing intensity in this emotional, watery, symbolic triad (whereas in the earthy physical reality triad above, we saw a decrease due to a fiery intrusion).

When choosing the meanings for each cards, the most intensely watery meaings are likely the most appropriate (as opposed to meanings better assigned to a different element).

Now looking at the 3/Swords (R) [what to embrace], Knight/Pentacles (R) [where to find support], and Hanged Man (R) [advice].

Again, we see a pattern of 3s: end up with a 3, your main goal is a 3, embrace a 3. A numerological investigation into the number 3 might be of great assistance to you at this time (especially consider its connotations of new growth and rebuilding).

Here we have the first elemental clash. The airy 3/Swords doesn't get along well with the earthy Knight/Pentacles. Here, the Knight has a lot more power than the small 3, but the elements are oppositional - the Knight has no real authority over it. Then we arrive at the Hanged Man, which like a Knight is also a #12 card in its series.

We're about to jump into analysis, but let's plug in one more thing first. The three of swords is the only air card you have in this entire spread. It's the only suit without a Court ruler to step in and influence things.

We might consider here that given the mental associations of air, you must embrace processing the loss that will arrive - and do so with the support of the Knight who will take you there.

The Knight of Pentacles is ruling over the same suit that is telling you how your month will start and end. You are told to avoid the queen of cups, the suit that takes from the goal of 3 to the actual accomplishment of the 10 - and you are told to get support from the Knight of Pentacles, the suit that takes you from the current 10 to the ending of 3.

I see a strong implication based on this analysis (again, an example analysis since I don't now how your real spread actually looked) that the 3s appear to be important and beneficial, while the 10s appear to be something you should move away from.

Lastly in this triad, we can see that the Hanged Man is a watery card. Given that the all-cups triad appears to be something to avoid, we might consider that the Hanged Man is encouraging reflection on how you think about your entire relationship situation - that you might be having things upside-down.

Three cards indicating major events: Empress (R), 10/Wands (R), 5/Cups (R)

As you well know, Anon, the Empress is the #3 card of her series. This gives her a very strong link to the earthy 3/Pentacles (R).

Here we have the second and final elemental clash: fire flows into water.

Imagining a number graph, we start at 3, jump up to 10, and middle out with a 5 at the end. Although the earthy Empress and fiery 10 are usually friends, we know something is wrong here because the series is terminated by a watery card that clashes with fire.

Therefore, we are free to look towards the more burdensome and oppressive meanings of the 10 of Wands.

We can also reflect on the strong association between 3s and 10s in this spread.

Well, enough has been meandered on. Using all of the information and analysis above, we might come out to something like the following interpretations (again, spitballing as I don't know what system of meanings you're using):

[Empress/10 Wands/5 Cups] A big event: The part of you that wants to care for and nurture relationships is going to run into an intensely burdensome situation which will result in emotional burnout and the feeling of loss.

[10 Pentacles/Page Wands/3 Pentacles] Beginning, Theme, End: The part of your life that wants to uphold and maintain your personal "tribe" is going to experience a fiery intrusion or filtration that requires you to reduce and return to a student's mindset of beginning and rebuilding.

[note the strong similarities between these 2 triads!]

[3 Cups/10 Cups/Queen Cups] Goal, accomplishment, what to avoid: While your primary goal is to return to a reduced and simplified place, you will actually still choose the unwieldy, burdensome 10; the Queen is unwilling (or perhaps unable) to make any other choice, so she should be avoided.

[3/Swords/Knight Pentacles/Hanged Man]: Embrace, support, advice: Embrace the rational reality of loss in this situation, and rely on responsible, practical behaviors to help guide you to your goal. It will help if you are able to view this situation in an entirely new light.

This has gotten far too long, so just a last few words:

Here are some of my personal notes for the Judgement card:

Upright. Generally. Resolution or final determination of a matter. The end of things. Mundane. The ending of the matter is soon at hand. It is necessary for you to make a decision, one way or another. You should judge the situation for yourself. You are at a crossroads; things will go one way or the other.

As far as reversals go, we might make any number of assumptions. My initial assumption was that you are being yelled at, and this was the best way to tell you Something Is Up without having you discard the spread due to too many reversals.

An abundance of reversals might be your own refusal or inability to see certain aspects of this situation.

I often read reversals as "you don't or can't believe this right now."

It might be a way of saying that while many of the cards (and the elemental portents themselves) are just fine (actually, great portents for the whole spread elementally speaking), the whole thing is going to end up kind of sucking anyway.

Keep an eye out for when your own willpower rears its head and chooses to Make A Decision. This would appear to be related to the Page of Wands and the 10 of Wands; both are immense catalysts of change in this spread.

Hope this helps, Anon. best of luck.

#answered #tarot analysis

[concerningwolves]

I’ve been catching up with The Walking Dead and just watched season 11,episode 6 where the majority of the story is told from Connie’s POV, a deaf woman. I found it really interesting and know that the actress(who is deaf in real life)had a lot of input on how her character was portrayed. Not sure if you watch or have ever watched but if you have, what did you think? Not just about the representation but also the apocalypse setting? I’ve been trying to write an apocalypse but sometimes feel like the whole zombie thing is overdone now.

Excuse me coming to this months after you asked, but! I finally watched it! I started binging the Walking Dead, oh ... four years ago? Three? Idk. I enjoyed it, but somewhere around the prison arc, I just started to lose interest a bit and stopped watching.

But anyway, to address your question: once I recovered from the severe mental whiplash of Carol having long hair and Daryl still being alive, I definitely liked Connie's little bit of story in that episode. I'm always pleased when TV shows depict d/Deaf POVs by muffling or entirely muting sound, so that viewers have to step right into that character's shoes. It's like in Matt Fraction's Hawkeye, issue #19, where dialogue boxes were blank and there were sign language panels in place of traditional dialogue. (Granted I haven't gotten past volume three of the Fraction Hawkeyes so I'm yet to read that issue myself, but everything I've seen of it makes me go 😍). It's always very *chef's kiss* to me.

Knowing that Connie's actress is deaf and had input is also nice. Obviously I was only watching that episode in isolation so I can't comment on the show's representation overall, but I did enjoy it. If you want to know more about what other d/Deaf people thought, see if you can find reviews from non-verbal sign-speaking d/Deaf folks specifically, since they've even more skin in the conversation than I do.

As for zombies being overdone ... I mean, yeah, they are. But I also think that's actually part of the charm of the genre (if one can use "charm" in relation to zombies). Zombie apocalypse is very much a "holy shit, two cakes!" kind of genre, in that its core themes – end of the world because of undead and/or infected people, humanity striving to keep existing – are very replicable. They're easy to repeat across different stories, so you generally know exactly what you're in for when you sit down to engage with zombie media. For some people, the appeal is in the deep humanity that you find in most zombie media; for others, it's the violence; or maybe it's the criticisms of human nature. Whatever the case, there's always an audience for it.

Pieces of zombie media that stand out don't have to be hugely unique, either. The Last of Us (video game), The Girl With All the Gifts (book by M. R. Carey) and Train to Busan (film) all share similar core themes. Across all three, the theme is "caretaker(s) and child traversing a hostile world", and a lot of their popularity comes from the tenderness, tragedy and very human nature of the stories. These things resonate with people, so they'll happily engage with media that is similar purely to get more of those sweet, sweet Feels™.

(Putting the rest of this under a read more, because there are spoilers ahead for the endings of The Last of Us videogame and the book The Girl With All the Gifts.)

With TLoU and Gifts specifically, the shared theme is "people travelling with a child who is somehow immune to the virus, who promises to be humankind's salvation". It isn't the zombies in TLoU and Gifts that are particularly unique – they both use the idea that the cordyceps fungus has evolved to infect humans. It's the plots, and the way these plots are resolved, that makes them stand out. In Gifts, the characters realise that the world can't return to the way it was, so they change it in an alarming and irrevocable way to allow the world to evolve. In TLoU, it's Joel's decision to save Ellie (a tangible goal based off of very human desires) instead of sacrificing Ellie for the intangible concept of saving the world.

There are still zombie medias that take the basic concept and sprint off into the unknown though. Take the TV show iZombie (based off a comic, iirc), which is utterly balls to the walls and flips a lot of genre standards upside-down. Instead of being mindless, the zombies are ordinary people who can live human lives, assuming they get enough brains. (Oh, and they take on key personality traits from the brains they eat, as well as getting visions from the person's life. It's wild). Instead of a massive cataclysmic apocalypse, it's a slow descent as the zombies try to live normal lives, while yet other zombies see their new state of living as a way to make money, thereby threatening to expose the rest of their kind.

On the more serious, genre-typical horror end of the spectrum is Stephen King's Cell, in which the "zombie" outbreak is actually caused by a type of technological virus spread through mobile phones, playing on common fears of technological warfare that were on the rise at the time of publication. The infected gain psionic powers, and there's also some sort of "hive mind" thing going on with the infected, which lends itself to the main plot. (It's been years since I read it so I can't recall details). Basically, King uses the infected as an active antagonist, rather than the more passive, environmental antagonist as is common in most other examples of the genre, i.e., The Walking Dead.

I could truly write an entire essay on zombie apocalypse stuff (... more so than I have here already. Oops), but the TL;DR of this post is: there is always an audience for the basic, "overdone" zombie apocalypse fiction and there are still ways to make it unique. The genre still has a lot to give IMO, and this is a hill that I will, if not die on, at least stand on top of while loudly making my opinions and feelings known.

#post apocalypse #zombies #deaf characters #the walking dead #deaf representation #hawkeye #disabilities in SFF

[little-miss-ghostess]

My reviews/rankings of all of Ninja Sex Party's albums after I binged their discography in January

I've been a fan of NSP since 2017, but between 2020 and 2021 I had kinda fallen off of keeping up with them. Back at the start of this year I decided to fix that, and within the span of a few days I listened to all of their albums from NSFW through to The Very, Very, Very, Very Classy Acoustic Album. And during this journey I'd give a review of each album to my Discord friend server as I went.

It was honestly really fun doing this! I like binging things so just sitting down for like an hour or so listening to an album from start to finish was great -- and I know that sounds like the most zoomer-ass thing imaginable, saying "YOOOOO LISTENING TO AN ALBUM IN ONE GO ROCKS!" but I hadn't done that much myself for most of my life honestly!

So now that I'm using Tumblr again I wanna post my reviews from that binge here, partially cause I think it's fun and partially cause I had originally started dumping these Discord ramblings to a site called Listnd but that place seems to have straight up died 🙃

NSFW (2011) — reviewed on 1/3/22

They actually started off decently well. Obviously the tracks here are not as funny or well produced as later ones would be, but there's little about it I don't at least enjoy.

There aren't many tracks here I'd revisit regularly honestly, but even some of the weaker tracks like Manticore and You Can Do Us! sound good and are pretty catchy. I also keep thinking that No Reason Boner isn't that great but every time I revisit it I realize it's actually good.

Favorite Song: Objects of Desire Least Favorite Song: Accept My Shaft Favorite Skit: Introduction

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Strawberries and Cream (2013) — reviewed on 1/4/22

When I woke up, my brain was ping-ponging between BNA and NSP so here we are.

It's a major step up from NSFW. The sound is better, the lyrics are better, and overall the tracks are much more enjoyable. I can't think of a song on here that I flat out don't like unlike the first album.

Some of these songs like Unicorn Wizard and FYI I Wanna F Your A are some of my favorites from NSP as a whole, even if they aren't as super well-produced or full as later albums would be. I could comfortably listen to most of these songs more regularly.

Although it does lose points from me due to the fact that the album only has the first part of Sacred Chalice, which was a 4 part song (part 1 literally ends with "part 2 coming soon"). It's not even one of my favorite songs from the album but only having the first part on there is a buzzkill, especially since there's no full official release of the other 3 parts outside of the music videos which have noticeably lower quality audio. We're going on 9 years since S&C's release so I don't think we're ever gonna get those other 3 released officially, so fan-made compilations will have to suffice.

Favorite Song: Unicorn Wizard Least Favorite Song: Next To You (not a bad song, but I would only listen to it every once in a while), The Sacred Chalice, Pt. 1 (due to the fact that it's only one part of the full song) Favorite Skit: Shredded Metal

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Attitude City (2015) — reviewed on 1/5/22

I didn't intend on this being a daily thing, but as it turns out this was a great goal to set while getting back into Terraria.

Anyway, this is the final album in what I consider "Classic NSP." Back when they didn't have a backing band, their music videos used deliberate stylistic suck to amplify the comedy, and it's the album that I think truly put them on the map for a lot of people.

So... is it weird to say that I found it a bit underwhelming?

None of it is bad, and I'd say that the best songs (Peppermint Creams, Dragon Slayer, and of course 6969) are higher highs than a lot of the best parts of NSFW and Strawberries and Cream, but honestly the majority of the tracks were just alright.

I guess what I'm saying is I could revisit this album occasionally and enjoy it, but I'd probably just stick to the 3 songs I like the most and ignore the rest.

Favorite Song: 6969 Least Favorite Song: Cookies! (it's still funny, though) Favorite Skit: Buttsex Goldilocks

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Under the Covers (2016) — reviewed on 1/5/22

Firstly, brilliant name.

Secondly, while few doubted that Danny and Brian were talented, I think this was the album that made a lot of people (myself included) go "Oh wait they're not just funny sex band, they're fully rounded musicians." Yeah they didn't write any of the songs here, but the musical performances and especially Danny's vocal performance just rock.

There isn't a track here that isn't at the very least pretty good, helped in large part due to them now having Tupperware Remix Party as a backing band so now things feel really full.

My only issue with it isn't even really with the quality of anything, it's just that a lot of these songs don't fully appeal to my personal tastes. Maybe it's cause I'm not nostalgic for them, but again that's not a major issue, it just bumps it down a few points for me personally.

Basically it's tied with Strawberries and Cream for me which is hard to really show on a tierlist.

Favorite Song: The Last Unicorn Least Favorite Song: Subdivisions Favorite Skit: N/A

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Under the Covers Volume II (2017) — reviewed on 1/6/22

Going with two cover albums in a row was an interesting decision that I'm not sure I fully agree with, but hey it's a great album so who cares?

This one is a big improvement from Volume I for me personally cause there's a lot more music here I actively vibe with. The only track here I honestly don't care for is I Wish, but I could easily and happily listen to any of the other tracks leisurely.

Yeah that's pretty much all I gotta say on the quality, it's a great album and I am listening to Your Wildest Dreams as I type this. Only other comment I got is that it's fuckin' surreal that this album is coming on 5 years old cause I explicitly remember watching the music video to Pour Some Sugar On Me when it released during school, specifically during a computer lab trip where I had to hide the screen.

It feels kind of weird giving this the highest ranking so far since it's music they didn't write, but oh well.

Favorite Song: Your Wildest Dreams Least Favorite Song: I Wish Favorite Skit: N/A

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Cool Patrol (2018) — reviewed on 1/6/22

This is one of two NSP albums I own physically, and it's the signed version as well!

Which is sweet cause this is definitely the pinnacle of their discography so far. Literally nothing about this album is underwhelming, letalone bad.

The skits are fun, and EVERY song is a jam. Even GFY which is way more of a skit than a song you're meant to listen to a lot slaps pretty hard. My only real gripes* (*read: nitpicks) are I don't know why the last line of Heart Boner is "Screw you for judging me", and I think the "Madre los mios!" at the end of Eating Food in the Shower is a little out of place (but hey the rest of the song being significantly better mixed than the music video version makes up for that).

Plus, it has arguably the best song NSP has written, Danny Don't You Know, and that gives it a lot of points.

Favorite Song: Three-way tie between Orgy For One, First Date, and Danny Don't You Know Least Favorite Song: GFY (only cause it's more of a skit song than the rest of the album, it's still pretty good) Favorite Skit: Romance Novel

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Under the Covers Volume III (2019) — reviewed on 1/7/22

This is the second and latest NSP album I own physically, also signed.

And it's pretty solid, though I don't think it's as good as Volume II. Again, I'm just not big on some of the song choices. Nothing here is outright bad at all, but some of these tracks don't appeal to my personal tastes. Not much more I can say here that I didn't say for the past two volumes

Favorite Song: Safety Dance Least Favorite Song: Photograph Favorite Skit: N/A

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The Prophecy (2020) — reviewed on 1/7/22

This was my first time listening all the way through this album, as around this time was when I had kinda fallen off the NSP wagon.

And that's a shame cause it is a very strong album.

I don't think it quite reaches the same bar as Cool Patrol as a whole package, but it definitely has some jams here that are on-par. Welcome to My Parents' House and I Don't Know What We're Talking About are still great, The Mystic Crystal is a great musical epic/comedy that may not be as easily re-listenable as 6969 but is still equally awesome, and The Decision Part 2 is a sequel I never knew I needed and it slaps hard.

Even Thunder & Lightning, while still not one of my favorites by any means, is a lot better than I remember it being when it first dropped.

The album is brought down slightly for me by the mixing in a few tracks (notably The Decision Part 2 and Do Math with U) being not the greatest as the vocals can be drowned out by the instrumentals, and Wondering Tonight's mere existence. It's not terrible, it's just....completely disposable. It feels like a throwaway track created to fill out the album a little. It got a couple chuckles out of me, but overall it did nothing for me.

So yeah I can't say it's S tier because Cool Patrol hit homeruns throughout the whole album, whereas this one had a few more issues pop up for me and had one straight up miss, but even so it's still a damn good album.

Favorite Song: Welcome to My Parents' House Least Favorite Song: Wondering Tonight Favorite Skit: The Wishing Bear

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Level Up (2021) — reviewed on 1/8/22

Well well well, if it isn't the Star Wars Special Editions of music.

The idea for this album is great: The first three NSP albums didn't have TWRP as a backing back, so they take a handful of songs from them and re-record them to be more up to their modern standards of quality.

Should've been a slam dunk.

Instead it was a complete miss followed by a faceplant into the court flooring.

I will say this immediately: Just speaking purely off production, this is not a bad album. The songs do sound fuller in a lot of ways. But in terms of quality, especially comparing it to their previous works, this ain't it chief,

The problem is they changed so much for seemingly no reason, and I'm not asking for the songs to be the exact same but with TWRP in the back, but these changes are so asinine and completely remove a lot of the fun from the tracks.

For one, Danny's inflection on a lot of the lines are just so much more lifeless and dull. For example...

"6969" - Attitude City (2015) -- Timestamp 5:52

"6969" -- Level Up (2021) -- Timestamp 5:57

The scene is supposed to be high-energy and intense because NSP is running away from an army trying to kill them, but in the Level Up version Danny just sounds mildly annoyed.

And this permeates throughout pretty much the entire album, especially cause they cut out a lot of the skit dialogue in the songs so Unicorn Wizard just sounds so much more hollow despite having more to it. But they don't cut out all of them??? Unicorn Wizard, Attitude City, and NSP Theme Song have their skits cut, but Party of Three and 6969 don't. I guess cause they're more built into the foundation of the songs, but I guarantee you you could cut out a lot of the 6969 dialogue and have it be on the same level as Unicorn Wizard, which is to say it'd technically work but it would sound way more hollow, so it's weird where they drew the lines.

The worst example though I have to say comes from Road Trip. At the end, Danny dies mid-lyric because he exits his spaceship without a spacesuit:

"Road Trip" - Attitude City (2015) -- Timestamp 2:58

But, in Level Up, they just cut that out entirely so Danny just finishes the song normally:

"Road Trip" - Level Up (2021) -- Timestamp 2:51

Why? That completely kills the joke.

Even the introduction doesn't escape this, cause every original NSP album opens with a comedy piece where Danny introduces you to the album. Here? It's literally just a minute of music with no dialogue, and it's not even that interesting of music.

On top of that Danny's voice drips with autotune a lot in these tracks which really kills a lot of the enjoyment. Unicorn Wizard here genuinely just sucks, straight up. No skits, duller delivery, too much autotune, the instrumentals are mixed to be louder than Danny's voice so mixed with the autotune it just makes it a headache, ugh.

(NOTE: Upon reflection in the months since, I'm not entirely sure that "dripping with autotone" was the best way of describing it. There was something to Danny's vocals that sounded more artificially tweaked than any other album so that felt like the best description to me at the time, but now I'm not so sure cause I don't actually know if autotune was used.)

Dinosaur Laser Fight sounds pretty, but I don't like the ballad direction they took for it cause it's a completely different style than the original and I don't think they lean into it hard enough for it to be a funny juxtaposition. On top of that, it's the ONLY song on the album that is completely different from it's original version, which would be fine if the whole thing was a reimagining of their songs (and if you want to use the term VERY broadly, it is). But it isn't. It's only songs from the pre-TWRP era and every song that isn't Dinosaur Laser Fight tries to stick fairly close to the originals (which just makes the changes more glaring), plus with the name "Level Up" it implies they're the original songs but better.

But they're not.

Oh yeah also they actually added a skit to I Just Want To (Dance)????? Despite cutting out a bunch of others????????????

There's only 1 song here that is genuinely better (or at least on par with the original), and that's NSP Theme Song. Yeah, it does cut out the skit at the end and Danny's comedic interjections, but it actually does sound good, doesn't have worse delivery, isn't drowning in autotune, and the skit at the end was always one of NSP's weaker ones anyway so it's not as missed (though it does make the song end a little more awkwardly).

I have no idea if this was a rush job to put out an album in 2021, but it certainly feels like it. Like, they wanted a different album out last year but it wasn't gonna happen, so they just took this idea and threw it together. It's not lazy, it has effort put into it, but man it clearly did not have enough time put into it to make it great. I appreciate this album and TVVVVCAA for getting me back into NSP but man this was just a dud otherwise.

Favorite Song: NSP Theme Song (only song here I'd actually revisit) Least Favorite Song: I Just Want To (Dance) (weak song not made any better), Unicorn Wizard (for butchering one of my favorites) Favorite Skit: N/A

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The Very, Very, Very, Very Classy Acoustic Album (2021) — reviewed on 1/8/22

The last stop on my NSP journey until their next album inevitably drops, and it's quite a turnaround from Level Up.

I've grown a love for acoustic albums. Partially because my dad has played acoustic guitar for all my life so it's a very comforting sound, but also because just hearing basically the bare elements of songs that were meant to be high energy is just really awesome. So, this was a treat.

Danny's voice shines here stronger than anywhere before, as there's no mixing to try and drown out his voice, no autotune, barely any harmonizing, it's just him and he has a really good singing voice.

This does lose a few points for me cause it's definitely still pretty scripted (the point of acoustic albums is meant to be pretty raw), which isn't terrible but I would've liked it to be a lot more off the cuff and for Brian to actually talk a bit since he still goes silent in this album. At the very least, the framing device of it being a tour no one showed up to is funny.

(NOTE: I later found out that this actually was a live show that they did that they released as an EP, which better explains the scripted nature. I still personally would've preferred a more genuine, off-the-cuff approach, but I recognize that they were putting on a skit for a stage production.)

Dinosaur Laser Fight is better here than Level Up although I'm still not big on it, but somehow I actually liked Wondering Tonight here. Something about it being lofi really helps it out.

My only other comment is that they have a couple songs from Under the Covers here (Everybody Wants To Rule The World and Rocketman) and they have this kinda odd joke where Danny says David Bowie wrote them. It comes out of nowhere and has no real pay-off, and since those are the only cover songs it can be jarring to stumble into.

Beyond that, great album. I don't think I'd revisit it a ton, but even so it's really good, has a very nice sound, and is overall just cool to hear NSP like this.

Oh yeah and Unicorn Wizard here is good that’s a big plus.

(And some skits are still omitted but it’s a lot more reasonable since even with its scripted nature it’s still predominantly done in one take)

Favorite Song: Danny Don't You Know Least Favorite Song: Dinosaur Laser Fight Favorite Skit: Introduction

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And throughout this journey I had kept track of the albums on a tierlist because I enjoy tierlists, although after my NSP binge I switched from an S/A/B/C/D/F ranking system to Amazing!!/Pretty good!/Solid/Average/Below Average/Ugh... because they better reflected my thoughts:

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WOWIE WOW WOW THIS IS A LONGER POST THAN I EXPECTED. If you made it all the way through my fucking college thesis of a post you win a cookie 🍪

I had other album reviews I did in this style over the course of the year that I want to post here, but now I'm not so sure about that since this ended up being so long 😅 But also it's my blog so I can do what I want right? Whatever, time will tell. I'm probably gonna look into a site called Musicboard for this kinda stuff since it looks like exactly the same site Listnd was but with actually care put into upkeep.

Anyway, moral of the story is that NSP is pretty cool. Thank you and goodnight.

#nsp #ninja sex party #brian wecht #dan avidan #danny sexbang #ninja brian #ghost ranks stuff cause she's bored #music #Youtube #good lord this was long I'm sorry

[mango-study]

Welcome to my blog!✨

Since it's the middle of summer, I've been on vacation the last couple of weeks. At the end of September, exams are coming up. Exams that I'm kinda nervous about. Originally, there should have been five of them, but now it's down to three. Why the change? I figured out that setting realistic goals will bring me further than chasing some idea of being a perfect student.

Reality Check: My past and presence

I believe in positive affirmations and the effect of negative self-talk, but let's be real: For the last years I've been lazy, I've been procrastinating and I've been wasting vulnerable time. Time that could have been invested in myself and my future, but was instead spent on scrolling trough memes on Instagram, laying in bed and sleeping through school.

Starting university a year ago was supposed to be a fresh start for me. But you know what? I haven't really taken full advantage of it. Somehow, I ended up sticking to the same old habits from my school days. And somehow, I still managed to pass most of my exams with the bare minimum effort. If I keep doing that, I'm probably setting myself up for failure down the line. It's a shame that my whole circle of friends and family are working so hard and supporting me wherever they can, while I do.. nothing. Don't get me wrong, I don't think of myself as a total failure, but I'm not exactly doing a victory dance either.

I feel like all I ever achieved was not because of hard work (because let's be honest, I never put in hard work) but because of luck and privilege. I know all of that sounds terribly like I hate myself, but it's actually not that way (anymore). I just think that there is unused potential in me. And I'm on a mission to unlock it. Acknowledging my mistakes and changing things around? That's my way of showing myself some love. Putting in the effort to build the future I want? That's self-love right there. Creating habits that actually make a difference in life? Yep, you guessed it - that's self-love too.

Gosh, I sound like an influencer who wants to sell you their magic face cream or pyramid scheme that is definitely going to make you rich (for the record, it wont). My bad. If I knew how to do that, I still wouldn't.

Chasing self improvement: My future

While I grief about the time that is lost, I also recognize that I am currently in the perfect position to turn things around. I don't have a lot of bills to pay, because I'm living with my boyfriend and he supports me financially, just as my parents. No kids, no major responsibilities - just taking care of this house. I'm working on weekends to save up some money (traveling did not help with that). But let's face it, there will come a day when I can't keep relying on others and will have to learn independence. It's just fair for those around me to do my best to reach that point as soon as possible.

Up until now I didn't really follow a routine - but I came up with the idea of a masterplan. A girlboss, that-girl, changing my life plan. This blog is part of it - part of me getting back on track (or honestly just getting on track the first time of my life lol). I know this won't reach a big audience, but that's not my goal anyway. I just want to use this as a journal, firstly because I want to document everything (imagine if I actually make it big someday and this blog still exists - talk about a throwback), secondly because I've read somewhere that journaling helps with time management and thirdly because maybe there's someone out there who can relate to my story and learn a thing or two along with me.

In my next post you will read more about that masterplan I mentioned earlier. You're invited to be part of the brainstorming! Thanks for hanging out and reading.

Embrace the journey, embrace yourself. Until next time!💗

#study aesthetic #study blog #study motivation #study notes #studyinspo #student life #real life #real talk #life changing #blog #blog post #blogger #changing my life #daily life #i'm lazy #personal improvement #self improvement #important #becoming that girl #that girl #girlblogging #girl bosses #masterplan #working #habits #bad habits #good habits

[talkativetrashpanda]

525,600 minutes

I love musicals, particularly Rent, and "Seasons of Love" always gets me in my feels. I was thinking about this song today when the chorus sings "how do you measure, measure a year?"

Unfortunately my year is being measured by heart ache. Maybe it would be better if I tried to think of the good things that happened this year, but honestly I can't think of many.

The year started with my aunt on hospice. She had a horrible aggressive cancer that took her out in less than a year. I was able to make the six hour trip twice to see her, but it was so damn hard. Have you ever watched someone you love die from cancer? You watch it steal them away in bits and pieces. It takes and it takes and it takes until you're left with a shell of your loved one.

Waiting for someone to die is like waiting to bleed out from a cut. You know it's coming, you just don't know when or how fast. But it hurts so fucking bad and you almost wish it would be over just so you know. It's like free falling and knowing you're going to slam into the ground, but you can't tell how close you are.

Every day you wake up and wonder if today will be the day you get the call. Or will it be tomorrow? Or maybe this weekend? It's constantly there, clouding everything you do. And you want their suffering to be over, but you don't want your loved one to die. You're walking a tightrope of wanting their pain to be taken away and wanting to keep them with you.

That was my second round with hospice in the last couple of years. I've just begun round three. This aunt is the one I'm closest to. She's basically been a grandmother to me my whole life since mine died when I was young. I spent so much time with her, so many hours sitting at her kitchen table while she and my grandpa drank coffee.

She's had a hard life. A really cruel, unfair life. Her husband was a fucking monster, and the day he was sent to the nursing home was a day of celebration. I still have a picture of her, I went over to her house and she was kicked back in his spot with a glass of wine and a bucket of popcorn. She wasn't allowed to do things like that when he was around. He was incredibly controlling and verbally abusive. So we thought finally, she's free from him, she can have some freedom!

Then the dementia began. It was little things at first, we would notice she was misplacing things more frequently, then she started with some odd behaviors. None of her children lived nearby and we were begging them to take her to the doctor and see if she'd had a stroke. They didn't do anything until it was too late. She had to be moved to an assisted living facility clear on the other side of the country because that's where her kids are. The dementia had been progressing pretty rapidly anyway, but most recently she had a massive stroke after covid that's left her unable to use her arms or legs. She has a huge blood clot in her leg and she can barely speak coherently. Her children made the decision to put her on hospice, because she wouldn't want to live this way. I know they're right, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

So I find myself, for the second time this year, waiting for someone to die. Actually, three someones. My poodle has heart failure, and they estimated we'd have a year at best with her. It's been 14 months and we know we're on borrowed time. It's starting to catch up with her, and I'm afraid we'll have to make the choice to end her suffering soon. It will absolutely destroy my mom, that's basically her emotional support dog.

My uncle (the oldest of the siblings) is in his 90s and in poor health. He recently had major surgery and isn't recovering the way they expected. His entire goal of getting stronger and fighting is to go see his sister again. I'm afraid when she passes, so will he.

So how the FUCK am I supposed to keep going on like none of this is happening? How the fuck am I supposed to focus on anything else when death and heartache are on the horizon? It's not even just those things, I have long covid and I'm in poor health, I'm collecting specialists like pokemon cards and already have two surgical procedures booked.

I feel like I'm fighting to keep my head above the water. Because if I let it pull me down, I'll sink, and I can't do that. But it's tempting. I'd like to clarify that I'm not referencing a permanent solution, instead saying it's easy to give up and wallow in my depression and just be sad all the time.

I don't really have a point of reference so I asked my therapist. I was like "hey, I feel like I'm dealing with more shit than the average person my age, am I right?"

YUP!

My whole life people have always said "Allie handles everything so well, she's gone through so much, if I were in her shoes I would have given up." And I don't mean that to sound like a humble brag, because it's not. I don't handle any of it well. Not even a little. And it bothers me when people say "oh if I had to go through some of the things you've gone through, I'd -xyz-" because I don't have a fucking choice. I've been dealt a shitty deck of cards and I'm trying to do what I can with it, because I have to have hope that things will get better.

Anyway, in conclusion, I am a fucking mess and I'm writing an internet diary about it, because it does feel like it helps. If you made it this far, hi.

#diary #online diary #journal #online journal #long covid #chronic illness #grief' #loss #suffering #mental health

[smzeszikorova]

Hey hey! I have zero context for your ocs so howabouts you introduce me to them! Tell me some fun facts about them, if you have any favorite ocs, if any of them have notable traits or features!

Ooh! Ok! Well, now's as good a place as any for an introduction. Warning, this might also be kind of long. I could list fun facts about my characters all night, since I've got so many. But I'll limit it to the main cast of book one for now.

Catherine Leures (pronounced "Loy-ray" for a couple of reasons, but neither of them are good ones): Book one's MC. When she's not running the family farm, she's operating the Suvlin Chronicle's printing press or waiting tables at Carrigan's Tavern. Tragic mess of a human being. Basically if pent-up fury were a person. Likes to think she's super practical and down-to-earth about everything, but she's definitely a hopeless romantic. Emphasis on the "hopeless" part. She loves reading poetry and singing, and does neither because her busy schedule doesn't allow for it. Her life goal is to have all her financial worries suddenly vanish in a puff of smoke.

Lyn Leures: Her husband. He's also a tragic mess of a human being, but he's a lot more self-aware about it than Catherine is. His job is to handle all the housework (and most of the farmwork, since Catherine's usually at one of her other two jobs). He's pretty much given up on all his dreams, but if he could have any career, he'd want to be the Baliszkan (fancy-ass southern Pemokese city, but not quite as fancy as Drosil) Symphony Orchestra's first chair violinist.

Victoria Leures: The eldest of Catherine's younger sisters. Her life goal is to become an architect, but she pretends her life goal is to help Catherine and Lyn avoid bankruptcy.

Petra Leures: Middle girl. Also a hopeless romantic. Her life goal is to transform into a princess and never set foot into Pemoki's north end again. (Catherine would never admit it, but she thinks Petra's got the right idea.)

Eva Leures: Baby of the family. The only one who actually enjoys farmwork because playing with the big draft animals is the closest thing to a childhood she'll ever have a lot of fun! Life goal is to eventually take control of all the farm management stuff.

Ernest Wolbert: A baker. Used to be close with Catherine's mom. Aside from getting with Catherine's mom, which is unfortunately no longer a possibility, all his aspirations have been realized.

General Darion Adrona: Super important military guy. Aleonian-born citizen of Pemoki. (Aleon's a hell of a lot bigger and more powerful than Pemoki is, and also they're allies, so Aleonian-borns living in Pemoki don't have to deal with half the shit Kenacian-borns do.) Was General long before Levi was coronated. But until that happened, there wasn't much international conflict going on, so Adrona mostly worked in diplomacy. Now he's leading the Pemokese in the war against Kenacia. Also, he's Aorin and Rolyn's dad.

Aorin Khozlova: Adrona's confidante. For "no-military-rank" reasons, he really shouldn't be, but he is. Adrona has his reasons; in spite of all my previous claims to the contrary, Aorin's actually very intelligent. He's fluent in Pemokese, Lewyndan, Aleonian, Kena-Anglian, and Qhironese. He was top of his class in university, and he skipped a few grades to get there. He just also happens to be a reckless, self-sacrificial idiot who absolutely should not be allowed on the battlefield for any reason. (That's Adrona's thought process, anyway.)

Rolyn Czeres: Rolyn is Aorin's brother. He's technically older, but he was adopted second, and he gives off major younger sibling vibes. Adrona doesn't let Rolyn near the battle plans, but he trusts him more with field assignments, which Rolyn appreciates, since he never thought strategic stuff was much fun anyway. He is extremely snuggly, and somehow also the most prickly person you will ever meet.

Sverlyn Kjovra: The badass cinnamon roll. Son of a Pemokese legislator. We torment him unnecessarily. He was one of Aorin's best friends in school, and they basically consider one another family.

Sergei Kjovra: Sverlyn's sweet but uptight twin brother. When Adrona isn't around to serve as the family's brain cell, he leaves Sergei in charge.

General Kasia Arkhonieva: A powerful Pemokese general who works closely with Adrona.

General Yono Aamitok: The leader of the Qhironese rebellion. (For reasons I'll explain in the next section, the Qhironese really hate Levi.) She's also General Arkhonieva's wife.

King Levi Niacera: Levi's existence became common knowledge in Kenacia after the rest of the Kenacian royal family died for very mysterious reasons, leaving him—a then twelve-year-old kid—as the Kenacian throne's only available successor. At the time, people were pretty relieved. ("He can't be worse than his father, right?") Levi took the throne at eighteen, and then proceeded to try and conquer every country he could get his hands on. His first major military success was in Qhiron. Now he's got his sights set on Pemoki.

General Paul Firesky: Kenacia's youngest general / one of Levi's military advisors / the reason Levi's conquest of Qhiron was so successful / a very sad and tired boi.

General James Blightwood: Another one of Levi's generals / military advisors. He isn't too important until book 3, but you should know who he is in the meantime.

Alan Winson: He dropped out of medical school, but thanks to his connections with Levi, he's also Kenacia's most famous—and possibly the whole world's second most famous—trazian systems scientist. (That's just another word for my pseudoscientific magic system.) And it's thanks to his invaluable contributions to the field that he's one of the only people who can get away with acting like an asshole to Levi.

Adriel Castlyre: Rags to riches? More like sad janitor to sad interrogator. You could make a case for this guy being the first book's other main character. His older brother, Hugh Oliver, is the world's first most famous trazian systems scientist. But Adriel really doesn't want to be remembered as "that one awesome guy's unremarkable little brother". So instead he makes a name for himself as "Levi Niacera's boy-toy".

Captain Sera Selney: She's a notorious Miaccoran pirate hired to scout the seas for Kenacian spies by the Pemokese king, who I haven't listed here because he's that much of a non-character. She's not too fond of being a law-abiding citizen, but she still takes her job very seriously, since the king has promised to grant her citizenship and a fresh start (and also a fuck ton of money, but that's totally not why she accepted his offer) in exchange for her services.

#p&k #ocs #i spoil a few plot points here #but that was unavoidable #thanks for the ask!

[system-of-a-feather]

Me: *host for five years*

Old Host: *out of dormancy* Yeah I don't want to be host again peace.

Me: ...

My Brain: Okay now look. *unfurls list of things that you are now connected to and should work on since this is now affectively "your life" for good*

Me: god damn that's long. I didnt even notice it until now

#And by 'your life' I don't mean its mine alone #as much as our system leaves a lot of major decisions to the parts that front the most #and the system defers to me for major life directions and choice because thats how it works here a lot #since most of us don't actually have major life goals other than me anyways #and tbh I knew I was gonna be perma host for a while #like it was pretty much assumed #but apparently I hadn't started putting two and two together until they came out of dormacy and told me they didnt want it back #and now my brains like #WELP now responsibility for self expression and body care is fully on you for now until forever #and I'm just like #shit fuck #I have to figure ALL this stuff out since now I have the right to this? #now I have these options now that I'm not just taking care of soemone else's life #grreeeeeaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttt #I love figuring out self expression #gender identity #and all the medical stuff I was able to ignore before I became damn perma host #great #I love it #ugh its a lot of work XD

[i-need-air]

"Dude" — Bakugou Katsuki x Reader.

Summary: Your former bully, Midori, has confessed her undying love for one of the most famous guys at U.A.; you're just venting gossiping about it with Mei, not knowing Bakugou Katsuki is right around the corner, listening;

Warnings: None. Well, Bakugou Katsuki having various anger induced strokes > the normal > no warnings; light crackfic? subtle ending;

Word count: 4.5k;

[ Part 2 ];

"She confessed to him." You grinned, throwing a bunch of fries into your mouth like the absolute animal you were.

Mei on the other hand continued her work on whatever in the world her new prototype, or "baby", was. Still, you had the honor of having half of her attention, which was a compliment to say at least.

She just smiled, shaking her head, leading you to continue, not knowing a blond was quite literally behind the corner, just outside the door leading to the support department, frown on his face.

"She came to class giggling like an idiot saying she's got a plan." You made a face into the distance, remembering your classmate's obnoxious squeal. "Ugh, she started telling the Divas how she's gonna have The Bakugou Katsuki in the bag." An ugly snort left your body, which earned an amused chuckle from Mei.

Both of you were pretty well known to be very good friends, and as much as you hated to admit it, you were both quite the social pariahs too. She was a little bit strange or weird, as some called her, but not for a single second she cared, which was the reason you admired the girl so much in the first place. Meanwhile you've taken the role of the bitch of the whole school by far. Sadly, you were placed in the same class as your archenemy, only increasing your chances of being called said endearing term.

Middle-school was a nightmare to say at least, getting bullied for your looks, the way you spoke or dressed, anything really as long as you were the one being mocked. And who was the one doing the bullying? Midori. Stunning, graceful, baby-faced Midori. Petite yet elegant, a devil in disguise. Whoever crossed her path suffered her malice unless she had something to gain from them.

And now, sweet Midori was in the U.A.'s General Studies, coinciding with you in the majority but not all classes. It had to do with the tragedy that your quirk was so rare that the principal Nezu had to adjust a new schedule just for you. Just kidding, it was amazing. The actual tragedy was seeing her face every day.

Back to your heartbreaking backstory and origin; time made you tough, comments made you build a wall so tall and thick nobody could crumble it. Backstab after backstab made you learn that not everyone has good intentions, but in your loneliness you found Hatsume Mei. So honest and dedicated, so raw and passionate. A good person. The type of person your parents promised you'd someway cross paths with and gain such a strong friendship that nothing could tear it apart.

Becoming friends with her was easy, kinda. It took snapping back at Midori when she started her normal bullying routine on Mei, which ignored it without a care. You stepped in and the rest is history. It did feel good though, calling her a pathetic bitch before turning to the stranger with a cool gadget in her hands to compliment it. And, since she's a sucker for her babies, you had to deal with an hour of sparkly eyes and monologues about her plans and prototypes.

Funny girl, Mei. You remember thinking but the following day you passed by her usual spot to fill your curiosity, asking if she did solve the problem she was complaining about.

"He was the one she was planning to ask out?" She screamed at you, head inside a giant metal gauntlet and the reason you two started talking about said man in particular. News were extra-fresh anyway.

"Oh, yeah!" You shook your head, ashamed to exist in the same general proximity as a person like your former bully. "He's gonna be so rich and famous!" A high pitched squeal left your mouth as you tried to copy her voice. "Poor fucking guy, if only he knew."

"But people know she's a bitch!" She screamed again, repairing or adjusting something with almost all of her body inside the gauntlet. A smile, genuine and soft this time, formed on your face. The pink-haired girl wasn't one to talk bad about others or even care, but it was clear she wasn't particularly fond with Midori either, although the conversation was more for you to vent rather than gossip. Sure it was.

"Like the people from the Hero Department even care about us, the commoners." With a roll of the eyes, you followed. "If he's smart, he'll run away. If he's an asshole, he could use her too."

"What do you mean?" Pink flocks of hair suddently submerged from the gadget, eyes curious zooming on you. That probably got more than 50% of her attention and it was a new personal goal while she was at the workshop.

With shrugged shoulders, your answer came nonchalant. "He could date her and dump her like she's nothing. Would serve her right for all the shit she's talking about him." But the only response you got was a short quizzical look, followed by your exagerated sigh. "She's talking shit about him constantly, but then says he's hot and that his personality doesn't matter anyway. Money, fame, looks. She has a whole fucking life-plan! Then calls him a rabid dog!"

"Woah—" that surprised her.

"Woah indeed! Insane. It's insane. I don't know the guy but no one deserves that shit." When you got no response, you continued your speech, munching in the food with passionate hunger, words coming out almost indistinguishable. "Doubt he'd play her though. He looks like a smart guy. I've seen the Sports Festival—" you picked up your burger, giving it heart eyes. "—and I've seen the news. He's probably a good guy too, the issue is people don't see that and... Well, I understand what's it to be judged... Not many have what it takes to be a real hero but he does. Hope he finds happiness in life." Much talk for someone that doesn't know shit about the guy in particular, but even so faint, your gut instinct was trained well enough to spot malice and he lacked that. "And a therapist." And there's the little shit in you that had to drop a cheeky comment.

Mei's gaze turned downwards and even if you could see her brain do mental gymnastics to solve whatever problem she had in front of her super-eyes, she also contemplated your words with great care.

"He comes here from time to time—" she grins, smacking the grenade looking gauntlet with her weird utensil. "I noticed you two are similar." Your face twisted, eyes wide towards the girl.

Similar how? He was loud, bold with a foul mouth, definitely needed a therapist for those unresolved anger issues... But he was also bright as in whenever he went, people looked in his direction, like he shined; obviously strong, also from what you've heard smart, popular, lucky to be surrounded by kind people. Example being that very nice pink girl that had a joyous conversation with you the very first day of school and, much to your surprise, continued greeting and having sweet small talks with you every single time you saw each other. Or the blond haired guy that showed off a little bit too much and made dumb flirty comments with no bad intentions, the same blond that waved at you with enthusiasm when you'd cross paths. There was the red-head, Kirishima, that was an absolute gentleman, opening doors for you even if you had two functioning hands and smiled so bright it made your corneas burn, or also the dark haired guy, Sero, that you've seen helping literally anyone in need around the school campus with an easy going attitude and gentle grins. Bakugou Katsuki was surrounded by good people, good heroes just as amazing as him and if they liked him, he must've definitely had some good in him, right? Another point appeared in your mental presentation about the brash hero in the making was that he was way too attractive but the wise burried deep inside of you made that particular point dissappear. No need to think about that. Overall you weren't even remotely similar. Not even close. Two completely different human beings from two completely different worlds that would never collide. With that being said, there was the small chance that Mei hinted for you to get a therapist too, who knows.

"How even—"

"I mean!" She screwed something in place. "I mean in your— determination?"

"I wouldn't know that." You muttered.

"He screams I'm gonna be the best every time he's here—"

"Cute..." You vomit that endearment without thinking, but thankfully it got ignored.

"—and it always reminds me of you." A small chuckle left your mouth.

"Don't make fun of me."

"You say it too~"

"I just heal, Mei, it's not the same." Principal Nezu's speech, the speech he gave your parents months into the first year as they found themselves aware of your power made you hold your words. You had it in you. The potential. If incredible people like your teachers, like Shuzenji Chiyo or Principal Nezu twisted things around for your quirk, for how rare and powerful it is, you'd accept it.

"But you're gonna be the best healer ever, aren't you?" She taunted.

"Of course. Which reminds me—!"

"Hmm?" Her attention faded away slightly, but it wasn't a problem.

She cheered, both at you and at her finished masterpiece and proceeded to eat too, passing through the lunch hour without interruption.

"Recovery Girl is putting me on active duty at the infirmary from now on. Finally!"

Innocent pale purple eyes stared into deep crimson ones, furrowed brows covering them.

—

Bakugou Katsuki wasn't one to enjoy being annoyed or surprised and this extra managed to make him feel both things in a short notice.

Everyone around him froze in fear or wonder, awaiting his response without breathing or moving an inch. Meanwhile Whoever-she-was held a pink envelope in front of him, a perfume too sweet coming from it making him want to literally gag in the spot.

Another thing the boy did not appreciate was to have someone bullshit him. His senses were telling him to back off, alarms ringing in his head and those purple eyes held hidden intentions; he wasn't having any of it.

"Fuck off." He snapped, yet his stance was casual as he refused to move out of her way since she was the one that had the audacity to run into him.

Some gasps, even coming from his so-called idiotic friends, could be heard and an indignant Bakubro behind him as he got slapped in the shoulder but he did not care. Not until her lips started to tremble as she retreated her confession letter towards her chest dramatically. His eyebrow started to twitch at the sight.

It was a spectacle for anyone surrounding him.

"What's going on?" Shushes and whispers.

"Bakugou Katsuki just got a confession!" Gossip.

"What!? Who?!" Confusion.

"You said Bakugou Katsuki?!" Shock.

"Oh, she's pretty!" Awe.

"He told her to Fuck off! What an asshole!" Outrage.

"Is that Midori?" Surprise.

"The nerve—" Anger.

"Midori from—" Disbelief.

"Oh, my God, she's really doing it~!" Giggles.

He frowned deeper. If people were to talk about him, they should be talking about all the crap he's been doing and all the lives he saved, not because of a fake bimbo decided to cross his path.

Bakugou wasn't stupid either. With time he knew these things would eventually come in his direction, stuff he'd have to deal with in the future as fame would take over, but not now. He did not have time to entertain this show anyway.

There was only one destination in his mind and she was keeping him in the middle of the whole school cafeteria with prying eyes on them both.

"Bakugou, do something, she's about to cry!" Dunce Face harshly whispered, but turned towards the white haired girl that looked devastated in front of them. "Ignore him! Ask me out, I would never make you cry!"

He rolled his eyes so back in his head it almost hurt. With a need to hurl the food he just ate, he made a step to leave the scene but small hands with claw-like fingernails gripped his arm and he looked at her in utter disgust.

"No, I would never! He—" she sniffled but had no tears in her eyes. He gave her a scowl, trying to take his arm out of her grip but she scratched him in place with her tiny rat hands. "You're the one I love! I—" her bangs covered her face as she continued her show.

"Bakugou! Dude! Do something!" Shitty Hair said, his dumb and blind trust in people buying the act. A vein almost popped on Bakugou's forehead.

"I fucking said—" he pulled his arm so hard she fell on her knees by his side. "Fuck. Off."

Another set of gasps filled the room.

"Bakugou!"

One thing he did not want, even if he could tell it was a foul theater, was to hurt somebody. His asshole act ended at that but his pride stopped him from saying anything.

Glancing to see if she's hurt, Pink Idiot was by her side, helping her up and asking way too many fucking questions.

"No, I'm fine..." she said with such a meek voice he scoffed, also hearing all the shit everyone around him was talking.

"He's such a brute."

"What a mean guy—"

"She's crying!"

"Fucking asshole."

He gritted his teeth.

After the disaster with the League of Villains in the first year, people started to respect him for who he was yet one single, minuscule shit like this and they were all at his jugular.

"I took Bakugou-san by surprise." She excused his behavior to Ashido, which then suggested they should eat lunch together sometimes to make up for the trouble after apologizing in his behalf.

"Yeah, we'd love to have you around! Isn't that right, Bakugou?" The apologetic and almost pleading voice of his blond friend, if he ever was going to call him that anymore, just made him bare his teeth. If they wanted to get played like fools it was their problem, not his.

And that's how he found himself eavesdropping on the weirdo and an extra.

And with a single "Whatever." he left the cafeteria, going to check if his gauntlets were ready, annoyance oozing off him, making the sea of people part from his path. Except he didn't notice you rushing away a little bit in front of him, holding a bag of food, all amused.

Why the fuck was everyone talking about him? Can't they fucking keep his pretty name outta their mouths? With time and without finding a reason why the hell he was glued in place, he listened attentively, his suspicions confirmed and his ego hurt, but whoever was talking about him calmed his nerves a lot. He just needed to put a face to that voice. Just to see who's gossiping about him, nothing else.

—

With a full belly and a whole afternoon to study by Recovery Girl's side, you marched towards the infirmary after you bid your farewell to Mei. There was still time to walk around, grab something sweet for later and save any poor soul that Midori decided to sink her teeth in. It was common at this point, you getting in between her and her victims and taking the hit, yet somehow also being called a bitch by everyone. That's how high-school worked. She did have friends and they spread any word she spat. Vultures.

It was fine though. Hero [Y/N] is there to save the day no matter what. You scoffed at your own stupidity, turning the corner just to step on a leg that was sprawled on the floor.

He clicked his tongue, getting up with no worry in the world, but made no action to leave, settling for observing and analyzing you way too intensely.

"Watch where the fuck you're going, idiot." The man of the hour, the guy you've defended in front of your friend just screamed at you as he dusted off the imprint of your shoe left on his pants. Meanwhile you just paled in place before regaining your composture.

"Why are you sitting on the floor?" You said, tilting your head with a frown, already knowing you will not apologize.

Unimpressed by what was going on, even if you truly couldn't point out what really was going on, you made an attempt to move past him towards the vending machines not far behind, but he caught your arm in a firm grip.

You blinked stupidly at the skin contact.

"Heard you were talkin' shit."

Your stomach dropped. Legs almost gave up too if it weren't for his iron grip holding you still. In the silence and at the satisfaction of the reaction you let out, he smirked and raised his chin, only Mei's singing voice coming from her workshop could be heard. Realization hit you. Hit you? Bitchslapped you in the face and left a mark for sure, because your cheeks started feeling heated, tingly.

He dragged you away, maybe to have the privacy to murder you in peace, but your common sense kicked in and you came back from the land of the mortified.

Much like he did before, action you saw with your two own eyes and repeated, you pulled out of his strong grip and stared as he turned towards you, mouth already opened to probably eat you alive.

"I wasn't talking shit about you, dude." You quickly spoke first.

"You don't fucking know me." He growled back, taking a step towards you but like hell you'd back down.

"Don't need to be besties to say what I said." Without understanding why he was so agitated, the only thing left to do after this beautiful turn of events was to defend the honor remaining in you, so you raised your chin to be at par with him. The action clearly took him by surprise, making him glare more, if even possible.

"I don't fucking appreciate when extras talk about me behind my back!"

"I don't give a shit what you appreciate, dude." Your laugh was the complete opposite of his menacing loud voice, like ying and yang.

"Bakugou, the name's fucking Bakugou, you extra!" Bakugou recovered quickly at your snappy self, getting more bothered as you talked.

"Okay, dude." His hands fisted, shaking in place as he stared you down but did not continue.

Silence; the hallway was now filled with silence as he boiled in his own anger and as you raised your brows in confusion. Now what? Was it time to leave? You've never met anyone like him, this was peculiar—

"NOW IT'S WHEN YOU FUCKING TELL ME YOUR SHITTY NAME, YOU FUCKING DUMBASS!"

A second passes; two; at the third you're wheezing your lungs out, laughing at the ridiculousness of the scenario.

"What the fuck are you LAUGHING AT?!" His voice got louder just to top your howling. You did not expect that.

Through a sigh, regaining your breath, you say "It's [L/N] [Y/N].", seeing him retreat in his form and cross his arms. He was still seizing you up.

"If you have shit to say to me, say it to my fucking face, understood?"

"I—... Say what now?"

"I—." He copied in a mock, getting an incredulous look from you. "You stupid or what?" Your upper lip lifted, ready to cuss him to infinity and beyond but he continued. "Like about that bitch from before and shit—" even if he still was loud, he placed his hands in his pockets and looked more interested in the way the tiles on the wall were placed instead of your person. "An' like you told the weirdo—"

No time to be shocked at the implied; his last word enraged you, making your body shake with rage. "Don't fucking dare to call her a weirdo ever again."

Like a challenge, he snapped his face back at you, ready to take it.

"Or what?"

"Listen here, fucker—" now that was a nice surprised face he was pulling. "Just because I gave you a pat on the back in there doesn't mean you can disrespect people just because you think you're the shit. You're not. Now get out of my fucking way." With a final push to his shoulder, your mind was focused on going to the infirmary, steam almost coming out of your nostrils.

"Hey, extra!"

Ignore him, ignore him, ignore him. went through your mind, marching away without a glance back. Not until—

"[L/N]! You're a healer, hah?" That's interesting. He stood where you left him, watching.

"What's it to you?"

Someone sane would've left at your tone but this guy walked towards you then showed you his arms, recently scratched. Images came back to you about the cafeteria incident but did not underst—... did he want to get healed?

You scoffed.

"They're scratches, dude."

"They annoy me. Now heal." All the energy you had left in your body was channeled towards the slow blink you threw at him, at which he scoffed. But they did look nasty— and Midori did them. It was a curse by itself to look down at your own arms and remember that face, so the guardian angel in you decided to take control and be the better person.

Gentle fingers barely tapped his muscular arm. Smile crept up on your lips, feeling absolutely delighted at his obvious stiffness at the skin contact and the clear interest in his eyes, specially when the scratches started disappearing into nothing, leaving smooth silk skin under.

"Hey— Wha— Where the fuck do you think you're going?!" raspy voice got lost in the distance and one thought in your head.

"Want a lollipop for being a good patient too?" You mock and his face explodes in all shapes of red. It would've been great to mock him more, enthralled by his reactions, but with that you turned and left, ignoring the tingling under your fingers that should not be there and your stomping heart.

Did he wait all the lunchbreak to talk to you?

—

A long queue was ahead of you, earning the longest sigh out of your lungs. Life was pain sometimes. Mei couldn't hang out, food was too far away, the delicious croissants Lunch Rush made ran out as far as you could see. Pain. Just pure pain.

And disappointment. When you walked away with your food in a bag, maybe to sit under a tree and enjoy some peace and quiet, you saw her. Midori sitting at a table you did not expect. At the same table where Ashido Mina, Denki Kaminari, Kirishima Eijirou and Hanta Sero sat at. Good people. Honest, good people about to get bitten by a snake. If she was there, then Bakugou decided—

"You. Sit."

Thinking about the boy somehow summoned him behind you. Food in hand and bored expression on his face, he passed you not without giving you a stink eye. Indeed, disappointment.

You shrugged, trying not to pay much attention to the pang in your heart as you moved forward, but a voice— his voice stopped you in your tracks.

"You. Get the fuck out of my face." His growl made everyone around him turn to watch, you being one of them. There was no excuse to what came next, no way to run away past it and dissappear. He nodded his head at you out of all people and pointed at the seat still occupied by Midori; her purple eyes big, shocked, running between your frame and the blond's.

Do you know what it felt to be put in the spotlight without warning? Well, congratulations because that was your life now.

"Ba—Bakugou-san?" Her voice, now highed up and meek followed, then a small scream as Bakugou slammed his food on the table. His friends sat there, wide-eyed, but made no attempt to interrupt.

"Did I fucking stutter, bitch? Or want me to turn into a rabid dog for fucking real?"

You choked on your own spit, bag of goodies about to drop on the floor once you saw her horrified face. She knew that he knew. And when her pale eyes, filled with sudden malice, act dropped, turned to you it's when you realized she figured out where he found out from.

Not like you cared, really, but the little shit that always had to poke out every time she was in the same room as you decided to finally show up, making you wave and send her a wink.

"I said MOVE!" now— that growl, raspy and filled with anger startled her. The orange juice in her hands spilled all over her uniform and woke her up from whatever delusion she was in. With zero time to reconsider, every belonging of hers was picked up with trembling hands and she ran away to her group of cockroaches.

A smile was already settled on your face; your brain was storing that whole interaction deep within, ready to bring it back up whenever you needed a good laugh.

Life was pain and disappointment, you say? No. Life was great. Or more importantly, Bakugou was. Not like he needed to know. But he was a decent guy as he proved—

"THE FUCK YOU STANDING THERE LIKE A DUMBASS?! I SAID SIT!" —to be a pain in the fucking ass and the bane of your existence.

You gave him a face then turned to walk away, even rushing more when you heard his chair screeching on the floor. The exit was so close, so near, freedom never felt this great, the sunlight kissing your skin giving you a new hope to live. But not for long because he grabbed your hand and started dragging you towards his table.

Your hand was in his hand and he was dragging you—

Your hand— his big, warm, a little bit sweaty hand—

How could you ruin such a beautiful moment? Eyes on you two, shocked, silence, his adorable red ears being the only thing you could see as he was completely in front of you, still dragging you towards his friends...

"Did you wait all lunchbreak yesterday to talk to me?" You collided into him as you finished the sentence, his way taller form stiffened so much you felt you single-handedly broke Bakugou Katsuki for good.

But when he turned... Oh, when he turned. Biggest deer-caught-in-the-headlights eyes you've ever seen on anyone, cheeks painted so red you almost melted in the spot, lips trembling as his head worked a thousand miles per second just to find a retort. And you prepared yourself for—

"NO, I FUCKING DIDN'T! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU FUCKING EXTRA? I'D NEVER WAIT FOR SOMEONE LIKE YO— ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME!" Mina's waving hand caught your attention and smiled at her. Your hand was still in his, gripped harshly as he still hasn't noticed it's still there.

"Hey! [L/N], long time no see!" She cheered, ignoring the living shit out of her screaming friend, like she's used to it.

"FUCKING LOOK AT ME WHEN I TALK TO YOU—"

"Hey, chill, dude. Now let go of my hand, I wanna talk to Ashido." You smiled sweetly, making extra effort to wave your linked hands arond until he finally noticed. He zapped his hand away so fast, like he's been bitten by a wild animal. Maybe even a rabid dog, if you will.

You couldn't ignore your own flustered state as you walked past him, giving him a one up, adding the absolute scandalized face he had into the back of your mind for safekeeping.

"Come sit with us!" The pinkette offered.

"Oh, hey, I know you! You're by Hatsume's workshop all the time!" Kirishima intervened with a surprised face that broke into a grin. "Nice to officially meet—"

"I fucking said." he appeared, sitting in front of you. "My name's Bakugou."

"Ok, dude, but I'm talking to someon—"

"BAKUGOU KATSUKI!" Could be heard from the stratosphere.

Note: I just realized Midori means Green [ fucking duh ] but I'm not gonna change the name or her description. I think her parents fucking up her name was the start of many accidents leading into the Midori we all know and hate. Also, I know you understand. We all know a Midori in our lives. Much love.

Note 2: I keep editing it but tumblr dot com slash Install App on Phone fucks my editing and switches paragraphs all around! If you find any PLEASE tell me, I'd really appreciate it!!!

#bakugou katsuki x reader #bnha #noire writes #bakugou x reader #bnha x reader #i just wanted to make myself uwu #reader is op

[vidalinav]

Firstly, no one wants a therapy book. These are books about Faeries. So no one is sitting wanting to read about withdrawals, puking, crying and screaming. Maybe a very SMALL contingent of readers. Not the majority. Nesta falling down the stairs, Nesta refusing to train, Nesta giving attitude to Cassian, that's it. That's the withdrawals. Since she is not a full blown alcoholic or a sex addict, there wouldn't be massive withdrawals. She is not Amy Winehouse.

Secondly, the intervention is done exactly for that reason--so she doesn't turn into Amy Winehouse. It's not 'implied' that she is having potentially dangerous sex with people who could hurt her. It's a fact. She says it herself. It's not 'implied' that she drinks too much. She says it herself. It's observed. The concern isn't that she is doing those things--no one is looking for her to become a sweet, celibate virgin. The concern is that she is doing these things TOO much. That's how you become an addict.

People in power, on whom she depends decided to step in and put an end to it. That's how interventions work. Especially since she decided to be completely dependent on them financially. If she had a job, then yes, no one can tell her what to do. You make your own bed and decisions, and that's what she did.

The whole 'sisterly' involvement--she was the person who cut everyone out. She cut out Feyre, then Elain, Cassian, Amren. It was her decision. What are they going to do? Did Elain not try to get involved in her life? Did she not invite her to Solstice? Elain was the only person who gave her a gift. Was it Elain or Nesta who decided that they didn't the other? As I recall, Nesta didn't acknowledge Elain on the street. She refused to participate. So should the sisters just take it? Accept the bullshit and keep the checks coming? Should Feyre and Elain just sit back and watch Nesta spiral out of control until she does become an addict and/or gets raped? or hurt? Yes, there comes a time when you are just fed up and Elain, or Feyre, are not obligated to coddle Nesta and let get do whatever it is that she wants to do, and watch her hurt herself.

I am aware of your opinions and you will never agree and I know you'll still insist that the IC is horrible and the sisters don't care. But honestly, they saved Nesta so there is that.

I sometimes don't know whether I should just delete these, because someone always write a whole ass aggressive post in the anons when you know you could just post it yourself. But sometimes I get a lot of joy out of these-- I wish you put this much energy in analyzing the actual text but alas.

Anyway, let me read.

Point 1: this is not a therapy book. I agree S/JM should stop writing about trauma.

Point 2: The intervention is done for exactly that reason--I argue that you don't know the reason and neither do I, and nor do I feel that S/JM does. You can definitely argue about addiction and where it leads, but I can argue that the text doesn't support that she has one or one that warrants an intervention beyond offering a support system, which then I ask why the intervention is there at all, since I know very well that characters do not have autonomy and this was an author's choice. I question S/JM's narrative decisions and how they are framed in the novel which is why I cannot support specific claims about characters.

Point 3: I already talked about this in a reblog. So I'm going to dismiss this one.

Point 4: If the intention on behalf of the writer is to show that they care, then... I got to see scenes where they care. It can't be speculation. It has to be concrete. If the goal is to show realism, then you have to show realistic consequences of trauma, the dirt of it all, and then also the push and pull of healing which arguably is not in here. You can show people being annoyed by her trauma, that's realistic but it's not realistic for someone to jump into an intervention. You know realistically, as in of this world, you cannot force anyone to be in a program without their consent, and they can leave at any time. Of course there are certain instances where this is not true, but it takes years to get people the healing or help for addiction/trauma that they need and if people don't want to heal well you can't do nothing about it. That's realistic.

If you are arguing that Nesta is rolling down a steep hill to nowheresville as it seems then... by all means it probably should take more than giving a gift at solstice, which doesn't make Elain nor Feyre look good that this is the height of trying. To go straight to intervention without convincing evidence that it's needed nor that they tried literally anything else is my point. So if the goal was to make the foundation for a sisterly relationship, I am not convinced. If the goal was to show they care, I am certainly not convinced.

The objective of any book is to convince the reader of something. If you did not convince a bulk of the readership, whether that be anti-Nesta's who are not quelled or pro-Nesta's who are not satisfied, then the writer did not convince well enough. Which is what I am saying specifically about the benevolence of the IC. That claim lacks contextual evidence. It is not about whether I like them or not. Who cares about that? I like interesting characters, I am arguing that if the author herself wanted me to believe they were "good" or morally righteous, she did not provide that basis. Actually she gave me a lot of evidence that they aren't. Which is fine, if it amounts to something. If doesn't then, S/JM wrote an unconvincing book.

Point 5: The book says that Nesta saved the IC, literally. The IC did not save Nesta, neither literally nor emotionally. That would mean they were directly involved or... empathetic and supportive, which I already said I'm not convinced and why that is. What saved Nesta and what made the majority of the book was the House, her friends, a goal, the Mother, and a romantic relationship. A support system. I can argue that. Anyone can argue that. For one, because the IC is notably absent for most of the book and when they're there they don't look great. Then you have to think why did S/JM make a relationship that is supportive and have that parallel the presence/absence of the IC who is blatantly not? Doesn't make them look great again. Interesting yes they are, but not benevolent.

~

Look, I'm assuming the point of sending me an anon is because you don't agree and you don't know what to do with that, but you also don't want to reblog and you want to make sure I see this post, because I probably wouldn't. It is totally within your right to argue. I love discussions even with people who do not agree with me. But I want to discuss things. So, give me contextual evidence. Give me lines, give me connections. Connect them dots. Once you have done this then hit me up and we'll discuss. Right now your argument is based on opinion alone. You think this. You think that. Purely speculative. It's not based on anything and therefore can't be argued well. For lack of a better way to say this, I don't care about your opinion. Opinions are not fact. They don't mean anything, they're as good as the people behind them. I want to discuss the text and how it works, and what it does, and how it's supported. The consequences of certain narrative decisions.

So, if you think the IC is supportive and justified and want to tell me specifically, show me how they are--by the book, how scenes are framed, what actions characters take along the path to the end. Not by what you know interventions are or because the idea of mental health/substance abuse issues is generally hard to deal with--that's not good enough. You cannot argue the text without using the text either in quote or paraphrasing or giving examples especially on a post where I am talking about the evidence and the lack of it. You said I wouldn't change my mind, you don't know that. I can certainly see something from your pov, but you have to do more than this.

You chose to leave an anon, so you either do the homework or you don't leave an anon with me.

#anti sjm #I do like when people leave me these interestingly enough #I just want more substance #give me something to comment on #I don't want to just reiterate what I have already said #if you don't agree I don't care #that literally does not bother me #but then you don't have to tell me about it either #that's a little childish