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queen-rowenas · 3 years

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witness to a fall - 2.1k, destiel, hurt/comfort, for @rambleoncas’s creator celebration

There’s a new angel in town.

In an effort to curb any past loathing between heaven and humanity, angels have been encouraged to spend time on earth.

Perspective was the word Ramiel had used when he first showed up in Lebanon.

He’s young, for angel standards, a member of a later garrison than Castiel’s. In many ways, he reminds Cas of himself when he first met the Winchester brothers. Still carrying the weight of heaven’s old rules on stiff shoulders, an almost nonexistent understanding of human customs, and a quiet curiosity that adds a softness to Ramiel’s wide eyes.

He came to them for guidance. And after a silent conversation that was mostly just shared looks, Dean had shrugged. “What the hell? If he tries anything, Jack’ll take care of it. But he’s not staying in the bunker.”

Ramiel does stay in the bunker.

He pours over the entirety of the library’s inventory, helps Sam with research, and goes to Cas for any question about an angel’s perspective on the many quirks and complexities of humanity.

He follows Dean around constantly, soaking in every word, everything from how to change a car’s oil to why you sometimes offer to pay for someone else’s groceries at the store to the best deterrents for ghosts.

Ramiel always watches Dean with wide eyes. He always angles his vessel toward him when he walks in the room.

It doesn’t take long for Cas to see that Ramiel is falling.

He’s in the kitchen with Ramiel, discussing the potential merits of going into beekeeping over an early cup of coffee.

Dean had still been asleep when Cas first heard Ramiel wandering the halls toward the kitchen. He pressed a kiss to Dean’s cheek, taking a moment to soak it all in, their new tenderness, before heading to the kitchen.

When Dean finally shuffles into the kitchen, rubbing one eye with the back of his hand, Ramiel perks immediately, turning toward Dean like a flower to the sun. “Good morning, Dean.”

“Morning.” Dean sidles up beside Cas and plucks the mug from his fingers, taking a long drink.

“That’s mine,” Cas says with a frown, although it lacks any bite. Seeing Dean still sleep-ruffled and drowsy is far too endearing.

Ramiel pushes his mug across the table. “You can have mine, Dean. Castiel was generous in offering it, but I have no need for caffeine.”

“Nah, that’s alright. I’ll just get some from the pot.” Dean waves him off. He swipes some creamer from the refrigerator as he gets his coffee. “Have you tried it with the new stuff Sam got? It’s not half bad.”

While Cas closes his hands around his mug—it took him many years to perfect his morning coffee to his liking—Ramiel offers his up to Dean obediently. He watches Dean pour the creamer with wide eyes.

Cas imagines this is what it was like to watch himself all those years ago, with the quiet obedience, the wide eyes, the reverence of every word spoken. He wonders if Dean has noticed.

This is a good thing, he tells himself. It is this that will give Ramiel compassion for humanity. But he can’t help but feel a twinge of sorrow for the unknowing angel.

Ultimately, it’s Cas that Dean drops into a seat beside, leaning into his side as he takes a long swig of coffee. And Cas is content.

There are other times that make Castiel…think. That make something uncomfortable swirl in his gut.

Like when Dean starts the afternoon with a splitting headache, squinting as he drives down the road. The pain medication has done nothing to help, and there’s a crease between his brows. He has to let go of Cas’s hand to press on his temples.

When he brings his hand back down, he takes Cas’s in his, settling them on the seat between them.

The angel’s fingers twitch, a tight knot set low in his stomach, his weak grace humming under his skin, longing to reach out and take away the pain.

“Cas, don’t,” Dean mutters, “Your mojo is already running low.”

Cas would argue that Dean would be worth the loss, but he knows it’s a lost cause.

They stop by the library to pick up Ramiel. The angel slides into the back seat, his smile almost immediately slipping off his face, a hand moving to Dean’s shoulder. “You’re in pain.”

And before Dean can protest, Ramiel is leaning over the seat, pressing two fingers to his forehead. The hum of grace rings in the air, and the knot in Cas’s gut tightens.

Dean jerks away from the touch. “Dude, remind me to talk to you about boundaries.”

Ramiel frowns, a confused tilt to his mouth. “Alright.”

It’s a peculiar thing, the complexity of emotions in Cas’s chest. He thought he had already learned all there was to human emotion in his time on earth. Apparently he was wrong.

He wishes he could brush his fingers over Dean’s skin and heal him, take care of him. But he can’t.

It ultimately comes down to a fight, as most things in their lives do.

They’re ambushed down the street from their motel, a quick stop on their way to Eileen’s place with a moving truck. A few demons who don’t like the new management downstairs and have a bone to pick with the Winchesters.

The demons make quick work of splitting them up. Cas has cut through a few when he hears a sharp crack, a muffled scream, and his heart lurches.

One of them demons has Dean by the arm, wrenching it at an unnatural angle, forcing him to his knees, his face twisted in pain. They raise their knife.

Cas’s wings scream. He might be screaming too. Long-broken bones stretch and brittle feathers tear.

He’s not fast enough. Some part of him knows this. Some part of him can’t accept this.

A sound like a thunderclap cuts through the air and shakes the ground. The aftershock of grace rolls over Cas as Ramiel streaks past him and into the path of the blade.

The demon’s face morphs from glee to terror as Ramiel looks down at the blade of the knife now plunged into his own chest and back up, his eyes blazing blue.

The husk of a body slumps to the ground, eyes smoking.

Ramiel turns to crouch beside Dean, and he cradles his arm as he heals it with a gentle touch.

Castiel stands motionless a few feet away, chest heaving, hands shaking. I can’t protect him. It feels like his chest is caving in on itself.

Grimacing still, Dean looks past Ramiel. “Cas, you alright?”

Ramiel can protect him. Cas’s vision blurs, and he whirls around, his feet carrying him to the car, ignoring Dean’s calls. He gets in and starts the engine, turning onto the road towards their motel.

It’s fine. Ramiel will be able to bring Dean to the motel. He’s able to do a lot of things.

He doesn’t move when he hears Dean get to their door. He just keeps staring at the blank tv screen sitting ramrod straight on the edge of the bed, every muscle in his body wound tight.

Dean struggles with unlocking the door for a moment, a muttered curse floating in, before it opens and he walks in.

He sheds his jacket and drops it on the back of a chair, idly rubbing his healed arm.

“Hey.” He motions to the dark tv. “Mind if we talk, or are you busy watching that?”

Cas clenches his jaw, dropping his eyes to the floor. “Where’s Ramiel?”

“I asked him to beat it for a second so we could talk, but I mean if you really want him here, I could shoot him a quick prayer and he can flap over.”

Of course. He could be here in an instant if Dean wanted. Cas feels his eyes start to sting, and he angles his head away, swallows hard.

“You should be with Ramiel,” he chokes out, voice wavering. His heart aches. He wishes Dean would just leave so he could cry in peace.

He wishes Dean would never leave.

“Hey.” Dean settles beside him on the bed. His voice is painfully soft. “What’s going on, sweetheart?”

Sweetheart. Cas closes his eyes. Dean doesn’t call him that very often, but Cas cherishes it every time. He would call Dean by a thousand names, in a thousand languages, if only he could remember all of them.

A hand sneaks over the two he has clenched in his lap, gently pulling one away to tangle their fingers together. “Cas, talk to me.”

Cas clears his throat, a little too rough. “You should be with Ramiel.”

“Yeah, I heard you the first time.” Dean gives his hand a squeeze. “But he’s out grabbing dinner, and I think you need me right now.”

“No,” Cas shakes his head, growing frustrated, “I mean you should…be with him. Romantically.”

There’s a beat of silence.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Cas sighs, his eyes trained on the television. “I wasn’t fast enough to save you today, but Ramiel was. He is still a powerful angel, and he can protect you far better than I could.” He sucks in a shaky breath. “He’s already falling for you. Fast. And he’d make a much more agreeable partner.”

He closes his mouth before his voice can get choked up, trying to focus on the argument they had just the other day about loading Eileen’s furniture into the truck. Ramiel had taken Dean’s side. Ramiel always takes Dean’s side.

“So,” Dean opens and closes his mouth for a second, incredulous, “You think just ‘cause Ramiel’s got more mojo and is nicer, I should be with him instead? That’s a load of crap!”

“Dean, it’s a very reasonable conclusion—”

“No, it’s not,” Dean says, growing more exasperated, “You wanna know how I know it’s not? It’s because you take care of me plenty, mojo or not, okay? You take care of me and I take care of you. And guess what, I’m pretty good at taking care of myself, too.”

Cas frowns. “Dean, you’ve died many times.”

“That’s besides the point. My point is that we don’t need Rami’s extra batteries. And—” Dean holds up a finger to cut Cas off as he opens his mouth to object “—he’s nicer to me because he doesn’t know any better. He’s still dumb and eager to please.”

“And he doesn’t know me. He doesn’t know how to say the right things or how to tell me off like you do. I can’t trust him to keep me in check, but you keep me in check.” A smirk forms as Dean shrugs. “And it’s kinda hot when you do.”

That brings a smile to Cas’s lips. One of his small ones. “I suppose you’re right.”

“Hell yeah, I am. And you forgot the most important part, smart guy.” Dean leans forward to catch Cas’s eye. “Kind of embarrassing for you that you missed it.”

“And what would that be?”

Dean’s eyes warm, and he nudges Cas’s shoulder with his. “Ramiel isn’t the angel I’m in love with.”

Sucking in a sharp breath, Cas looks up at him with wide eyes. He’s known this. Of course he’s know this. But Dean isn’t exactly known for his words.

And despite the growing flush on his cheeks, Dean doesn’t look away. He presses a kiss to Cas’s cheek, and Cas leans into the touch, closing his eyes.

Dean still hovers close as he draws back. “You got it?”

“Yes, I got it.” His face grows hot, and he glances away. “I was being foolish.”

“No, you weren’t.” Dean shook his head, smile fading. “If this is about your grace though, I’m sure we can look into some stuff. Call Jack maybe. See if we can get the rest of it back.”

“I don’t know.” Cas shrugs. “My grace had been fading for some time, and I’ve grown used to what little grace I have left. I just…sometimes I do miss it.”

“And having Rami around doesn’t really help.” When Cas only nods, Dean goes on, “Well, if you decide, you let me know and we’ll do something about it, okay?

“Of course, Dean.”

“Also, it’s a little rude of you to not say you love me after I said it to you.”

A chuckle shakes out of Cas’s chest and a grin splits across his face. He takes Dean’s hand in both of his and looks up at him. “I love you,” he says, voice warm, and his grace hums with every word, “more than you could know.”

“Thank you. I feel better now.” Dean’s teasing smile turns more earnest. “Do you?”

“I do feel better now, yes.”

“Good.” Dean presses into Cas’s space, tilting his head down in offering, and Cas readily accepts.

He sighs and relaxes into the kiss, his weak wings flaring around him, reaching for the human he cherishes most.

— writing tag list pt. 1 (ask to be added or removed)

@deanolantern @adammlligan @alex-is-a-boy-b-tch @bixlasagna @blue-eyed-cutiepatootie @butchnatural @castiel-for-lunch @castiel-is-a-cat @castielfolklore @castielsbeeslippers @nightmaredean @skelington-cas @clouds-starlight @deanwinchesteradjacent @destieldisaster @destielfactory @donestiel @donvex @dstiel @ensignabby @expectingtofly @fandom-horror-show-they-all-die @feraladoration @fireghost-x @galaxies-of-the-heart @galaxycastiel @ghostdrakon @himitsubana @ialwaysordericedcoffee @im-sam-fucking-winchester @lalisfandoms @lateral-org @llamasdumpsterfire @witchdean @mrswatermelon @ne8ula @nightandwinedestieljail @okamigamer1

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chocolatecakecas · 3 years

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Nephilim Babies, For Dummies: baby!Jack Destiel Drabble

For @sinnabonka Happy Birthday Ana💓🎉!!!

“Don’t be stubborn, try it!”

Dean Winchester had dealt with many difficult tasks throughout his life. He had stopped the apocalypse(s), saved the world on occasion, bore the Mark of Cain for a year, fought God's sister, and of course, died so many times he was starting to lose count

But those all seemed like mere child's play, compared to this.

"Don’t be stubborn kid, just try it!”

Without warning the spoon was yanked from his grasp by an invisible force, and went flying across the room, peas splattering on the wall.

(Read the rest under the cut)

Dean heaved a sigh, looking back at the culprit. Jack only kicked his feet happily, clearly amused with his antics.

"Yeah yeah, very funny super baby. You're hilarious" Dean said without any real heat behind it.

Getting a regular baby to eat was a difficult task in and of itself, but getting a supercharged, half angel baby with uncontrollable powers, to eat pureed peas?

So yeah, Dean would rather be fighting a nest of vamps.

Don't get him wrong he loves Jack. He's his kid for gods sake, it's just that they've been at this for nearly a half an hour.

And Jack was getting more creative by the minute.

So Dean tries to reason with him.

"Look kiddo, I wouldn't want to eat this shi-stuff either. It smells, and it's mushy, so I'm sure it can't taste good. But we don't have much of a choice here bud, seeing as how you a grand total of three teeth, so I'll make you a deal. You eat the rest of this slop, and I'll let you sleep for ten extra minutes during nap time. What do ya say"? Dean asked extending his hand.

In response Jack threw his hands up, screeching wildly, sending the tiny bowl of peas, flying at the wall. But not before spilling some on Dean.

Then, Jack giggled and grabbed onto Dean's hand.

This is what he gets for trying to make a contract with a seven month old.

But in Dean's defense, they are all 98% sure Jack understands everything they say. It's the angel in him.

With a sigh Dean made his way over to the cabinet.

"Wow kid that was a classic, but jokes on you, because we've got another jar. Better luck next time buddy"

Jack just babbled in response.

Dean slumped back down at the table, making sure to place the bowl next to him and not on the highchair tray (though he doubted it made a difference, uncontrollable angel mojo and all)

"Daaaaaaa"! Jack screeched, pointing excitedly

Dean turned to see Cas strolling into the kitchen.

His footsteps stalled, noticing the mess.

His comically wide eyes shot to Dean, as as he took in the sight before him. Green mush in Dean's hair and on his cheek, and Jack waving happily at him. Cas smiled fondly, amusement dancing in his eyes.

Dean tried to give him a glare, but he couldn't have looked very threatening with baby food on his face. So Cas just shook his head and wordlessly walked over to the drawer, pulling out a different baby spoon.

New spoon in hand, Cas shooed Dean out of his chair, taking his place in front of Jack.

"Okay, give it a shot Mister Confident" Dean scoffed as he folded his arms, hovering behind him.

"Hi baby" Cas smiled at Jack, which earned him a giggle in response.

Then, he scooped up some peas, and with an airplane noise, "flew" the spoon right into Jack's mouth.

Dean felt his jaw drop.

He couldn't believe this.

That little shit.

Cas turned over his shoulder, a smirk spread across his face.

"He likes the Buzz Lightyear spoon" Cas said matter of factly

Dean rolled his eyes fondly. That little traitor.

"You know, smug isn't a good look on you"

Cas "flew" another spoonful into Jack's mouth and without missing a beat said

"Yeah, well the peas aren't doing you any favors, either"

Tagging the usual suspects because I am once again, baby jack truthing

@theangelwiththewormstache @smiledean @shelikestv @chaoticdean @midnightwings-deancas @jellydeans @sunshine-jack @archervale @wikiangela @organicpurplepants

@bbcalamity @tkdwolf2012 @doemons-blog @rolling-stoned-girl @skylerkernaghan @shadowywerewolfqueen @the-cookie-navy @martymar1963 @thelahatiel @thefantasyfiend @castielle-deanna @aestheticflyer26

@multi-fandom-imagine @x-mypeopleskillsarerusty-x @wellofwoes @becky-srs @multi-fandom-dark-lord @perfectkoaladream @castiel-for-lunch @it--hurts--to--become @bowtiesandneckerchiefs @dakiaty @feraldean

#i'm a bit late to the party but i hope you had an incredible day!#(i know we haven't really talked so i hope its okay that i called you ana!)#sinnabonka celebrates #mutuals #im sorry for baby jack truthing i clearly have a problem adshakjsdh #but i hope thats okay and you like baby jack!!!#destiel drabble #bec writes #destiel #dean winchester #castiel #baby!jack #baby jack truthing #jack kline

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shelikestv · 3 years

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For @sinnabonka Happy Birthday, hon. I am so glad you’re in my life! You make my world a much better place! Ilysm! 🥰 🥰 🥰

***

"How about a kiss?" Dean asked, sliding closer to Cas's side of the bed.

Classic rock music played obnoxiously in the background and Cas groaned, throwing the covers dramatically over his head.

Dean laughed, poking at the blankets with a finger.

"Babe, come on. What's it gonna take to get your stubborn ass outta bed? I have plans for us today."

He nudged the blanket again, and he wasn't positive but he thought it sounded like Cas growled at him.

Surly, sleepy Cas was cute, kind of. But also since he’d become human it was very annoying, too. Hell, Dean was grumpy in the mornings and he knew it. But it was 11 A.M. and Cas was going on his seventh hour of sleep for the fifth day in a row. No way that was healthy.

"Dude, c'mon."

Cas hated when Dean called him ‘Dude.’ Surely it would get a reacti--

"Bite me."

Dean sighed. Tough love, then. He gently grabbed a fistful of blanket.

Three.

Two.

Yank!

The covers came flying off, revealing squinty eyes, wild and unkempt hair and a scowl so dark it could give Amara a run for her money.

Cas folded his arms and growled again. God, it should be funny, but it was actually a little terrifying.

Dean swallowed.

"You gotta get up sometime, man," he said sheepishly... then shrugged. "I'm just trying to help..."

With a glare fixed on Dean the entire time, Cas crawled to the edge of the bed on hands and knees, grabbing the pile of blankets and wrapping them over himself again.

God, between Cas and Jack, Dean wasn't sure who the bigger toddler was. He sighed, throwing his hands in the air.

Dean got up and walked to their shared dresser (most of Cas' clothes were Dean's anyway) and pulled out a few items. A cocked eyebrow peeked out from under the edge of the blanket, blue, bleary eyes staring at him.

"Dean, what're you doing now?" Cas mumbled.

"Shhh" said Dean.

He quickly popped the button of his jeans, removing his shirt and pants, tossing them into the hamper. He donned pajama bottoms and walked bare-chested to flip off the light, crawling back into bed with Cas. The hall light crept under the door just enough for Dean to make out Cas's extremely confused face.

"I thought you said you had plans," Cas whispered, though he didn't at all seem put out.

Dean laughed a little. "I had plans to spend time with you, dumbass," he whispered. Against his will, his eyes and tone were softer than he intended and he blushed.

Cas squinted again, skeptically.

"Look," Dean said. "I might... Miss you."

Cas smiled.

Dean rolled his eyes.

"Ugh. I didn't mean... it's not a big deal, okay? I just mean if you’re lazy and stay in bed all day. . . Don't get that look."

Cas reached forward running his fingers through Dean’s hair softly in gratitude. Dean closed his eyes, leaning against his palm.

"You miss me," Cas teased, with a cocky grin.

Dean shoved his shoulder, groaning but they were both smiling and Cas snuggled up against Dean's chest, ear pressing against his heartbeat.

Dean kissed the top of Cas’s head lightly:

"Wherever you are, I wanna be," he said softly.

They stayed silent for a while until their breaths synced, slow and calm.

Then, very very quietly, Cas whispered:

"I love you, too."

#sinnabonka celebrates #destiel #destiel drabble #my writing #yes hon I wrote this just for you bc I love you a lot okay?#I hope your birthday is absolutely incredible!!#spncreatorsdaily

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thisisapaige · 3 years

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Happy birthday @sinnabonka! Today is now a holiday!

"Happy discount chocolate day."

Castiel caught the flying streak of red and gold between his palms. He set it on the library table before him. It was a box, heart shaped, the label promising "temptatious treats" within. A highly inaccurate figure of a cherub in silhouette holding a bow and arrow was emblazoned across the front.

Dean threw Sam a bag next, hitting the book Sam was studying with a loud thump. Sitting beside Sam, Castiel could see that the bright pink packaging held hard candies.

"Dude," Sam said, "it's the twenty-third."

"What? It should be a holiday!" Dean shrugged and bowed his head, fascinated by the floor. "Also, I finally made it to the store."

Sam glanced at Castiel, eyebrows raising when he saw the box. "Oh, I see how it is." Sam looked from the box to Dean. "No pretty heart for me."

Dean's cheeks turned a brighter pink than the bag. "Shut up and eat your old man candy."

Sam grabbed the bag of candy and closed the book. "Well, now is a good time for a break." He stood. "Y'know, I like this holiday way better than Unattached Drifter Christmas. Even if it's a little late."

"What is Unattached Drifter Christmas?" Castiel asked.

Sam's laughter echoed down the hallways as he left the room. Dean sat in the chair Sam vacated, muttering about little brothers having no respect these days.

"It's nothing, Cas." Dean tapped the box he gave Castiel, his eyes wide and shining. "You like?"

Castiel appreciated the gift; he appreciated any gift Dean gave him. He did, however, have something to point out. "You are aware I don't need to eat by now, yes?"

Dean rolled his eyes, a fond smile playing at the edges of his lips. "How could I forget, buddy?" He reached across the table and took the box, unwrapping the plastic which sealed it. "C'mon, don't be stubborn. Try it! It's nougat." Dean opened the box and removed one of the round chocolates. He held it out to Castiel. "Jack swears it's the best kind."

Castiel eyed the candy. He knew, as soon as he tasted it, he would be able to pinpoint the exact origin of the cocoa used, the plantation in which the sugar was harvested, and what kind of gloves the chocolatier used as the candy was created. Still, Castiel never had it in him to resist Dean’s bright, earnest charm, so he leaned forward and wrapped his lips around the chocolate, taking it right out of Dean’s hand.

The chocolate did, in fact, taste like molecules, but Castiel enjoyed the texture of the nougat. He chewed thoughtfully, taking a while to notice Dean’s unblinking stare, his hand still hovering in the air. Dean was as red as the chocolate box, all the way to the tips of his ears.

Castiel hummed, taking in the whole picture before him: Dean’s increased respiration, his heightened body temperature, the little squeaks he made trying to say something. Castiel let Dean flounder for a moment.

"Jack is right. Nougat is the best kind." Castiel took another chocolate out of the box and held it out to Dean. "Try it."

Many thoughts flashed across Dean’s face in the space of a second. They were so clear Castiel could see the exact moment Dean made his decision.

Maintaining eye contact the whole time, Dean plucked the chocolate from between Castiel’s fingers, his tongue darting out to grab it. As Dean pulled away, Cas could not resist running his fingers down Dean's jaw.

Castiel rested his elbow on the table and pillowed his cheek in his palm, watching Dean swallow the chocolate. The way his throat moved was incredibly intriguing.

"I agree with Sam." At Dean's raised eyebrow, Castiel elaborated, "I like this holiday."

Somehow, Dean flushed an even deeper crimson. His eyes went a little wider, became a little darker. Castiel enjoyed the view.

Yes, February twenty-third should be a holiday.

#destiel #deancas #destiel fic #destiel ficlet #sinnabonka celebrates #spncreatorsdaily #spn fic #castiel #dean winchester #fluff #flustered dean #mild spice #yes this was an idea for the day after valentines but the mood wasn't there #so i didn't finish it #and you know what? the 23rd is now a holiday. i declare it.#thanks for the push to finish this :)#enjoy!#writing paige

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misha-moose-dean-burger-lover · 3 years

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The Drabble I just reblogged from you, GODDAMIT SHEYA, when endverse feels hit again *screams and runs*

*chants from the endverse pit* join me join me join me join -

#the endverse feels are REAL #and i'm glad my tiny ficlet helped unlock them in you !#now WRITE 👀#(i for one am very into the jealousy aspect combined with a good old serving of #'i just want to go home i just want it to be us again and i NEED you to be you again because you're the only thing that makes me feel #anything anymore. home. hope. love. it's all you. and if i can't have the world back and can't have my family back #please just let me have this. you — please let me have you. i need —'#ok whew that...almost got out of hand #sheya shall answer #sinnabonka #my dms are always open to discuss au's and endverse is like one of the only remaining canon divergent thingies i read so — 👁️👁️#thee who hides the word in the tags

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sinnabonka · 7 months

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Hi there! I just finished Half Empty and phew! I’ll have you know I was crying by chapter 7 and l i t e r a l l y sobbing by chapter 9. Body folded in half, wracked by sobs. I am a highly sensitive person at baseline & an empath, so I feel stories very viscerally. My response to this fic was quite… unrestrained? Primal? Personal? Overwhelming? Powerful? My face was swollen, I couldn’t breathe through my nose, I got maybe 4hrs of sleep. I couldn’t finish the story- I stopped when Dean woke up.

The way that small details subconsciously reminded Dean of Cas- green curtain, green eyes, Cassie, the tilted head. Dean is seeing Cas in everything- It’s like when you’re going through a breakup and suddenly every song on the radio is about you.

I’m in the middle of some hard core repression myself and I know that’s why my subconscious found & chose this fic. Repressing emotions to avoid feeling them is universal, and Dean is King of that universe.

So my question is are you writing from experience or from imagination?

Thanks in advance! And also, that you for sharing your craft with the world!

Hi! Let me start with how sorry I am for letting this gem sit in my asks for so long 🥲 I saw this message literal months back, I cried because of it (I swear!), but I didn’t find it in myself to answer it back then. I didn’t want to give a so-so reply, because it definitely deserves to be answered properly, so I let it sit. And now, I think, I’m ready.

***

First of all, thank you for sharing this with me. It means a ton to hear that the story I cherish so much had such an impact on another soul. I am the same kind of person that you described, I’m a human filer of emotion - I let it all go through me, so I totally understand how you felt. I felt the same way while writing it. The hardest 6 months of my life!

And now, to your question. Do I write from experience or imagination?

The fair answer is “both”.

We are a sum of our experiences. Of course, I never went through a heartbreak like Dean’s, didn’t have an abusive alcoholic father or a brother to take care of, never fought demons or ghouls, etc. But, as any other person, I had my share or pain. All those experience I use as compost: let them sit for a while, decompose into something more universal and fertile.

I had loss in my family right before writing this story. I had a few other before that too. I saw people not handling it well. Hell, I’ve been that person, maybe still am. So, pair this with dangerously strong empathy, and you’ve got my approach to writing in general.

Thank you for asking! ❤️

#destiel #spn #half empty #sinnabonka answers #kind people #writing

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peanutbutterjelly-pie · 3 years

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Wait wait wait I had no idea you’re not a native too! Omg! A new kind of respect for writing starstruck unlocked 👀 I mean, it’s amazing no matter what, but birthing such a huge bugger in another language is just wow!

(Now I’m curious, are you bilingual or is English your second language? Also, maybe I missed an intro post, but how can we call you? ❤️)

I’m always happy to meet another non-native Destiel writer *sends you a high-five*

And yes, I’m actually German. It’s my second language (no bilingual happening here - you wouldn’t wanna hear my mom’s poor attempts at English 😂) and I first learned it in school, the classic. For a long while it was just that, but when the internet got bigger and I learned that I could watch my favorite shows in the original tone instead of waiting for the German dub version broadcasted on TV years later I was lost 😆

(SPN was actually one of the first shows, to be honest. When German TV took its sweet ass time to show season 4 I just had to start looking for it myself!)

So yeah, I started to watch lots of shows and movies in English, read more books, etc.

And now I’m here ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Though, to be fair, about 5 years back I would’ve never imagined ever writing something as big as “Starstruck” (and it’s not even my first long story, I’ve got several other fics around 100-150k words which I’ve written years ago). Sometimes it still baffles me more than anything else 🤣 I guess one day I just dived in and figured, “What the hell”!

And you’re welcome to call me Sarah or peanut or whatever pompous title you can think of ;) Sometimes people call me “Queen of Fluff”, other times - especially after I just posted another mean cliffhanger - I’m the “Dark Lord and Master of Misery and Suffering”!

You can call me whatever fits the situation best 😆

#*hugs you tightly*#sweet people being sweet #my life #writing #destiel fanfic #personal: replies #sinnabonka

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queen-rowenas · 2 years

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spotify wrapped writing game!

send me a number 1-100 and i’ll write a fic based on that song on my top 100 playlist

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torturedpoetemotions · 3 years

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dreaming in the heart of the honeyed dark - An SPN Ficlet

One more for @sinnabonka’s celebration, as I’m pretty sure I won’t finish the next chapter of any of my WIPs before midnight! <3

Read on AO3

Being is...unimaginable. Indescribable. There is a beginning, which she doesn't remember, and someday there may be an end. In the space between though, there is being. And being was beautiful, for a time. Many who have not known nothingness confuse it with Darkness, but she knows the two are not the same. She was born first, born from nothing, a shout in an otherwise quiet universe. She was alone, at first, unmoored, and it was terrible. Then Light was born.

She remembers him small and babbling, excitable and bright from the first. He was her opposite, and her perfect complement. There were no labels, no titles, there was no hierarchy, because there were no others. All the words invented since that time in an attempt to describe the wholeness of spirit the two of them represented together?

Pale imitations, never coming close. Attempts to recreate and name something that never had to be created or named; it simply was. They stood only in relation to each other, and they were complete. He told her stories, she sang him songs. And for a time, there was peace. Balance. She never saw the twin monsters of hubris and ego hiding in her brother's eyes. She isn't sure she would have known what she was seeing, even if she had. But they lived there, maybe from the first. They grew and grew, eon to eon, until at last they birthed something new again, the first new thing since Light. Creation, he called it. It's hard to describe the impulses that rose in her when she looked upon this thing her brother had made. Anger, perhaps. Envy, jealousy, or both. Sadness. She did not know, but they unsettled her peace. Threw off the balance. Moved her beyond the soothing quiet of dark, into the screaming upheaval of destruction. She looked at herself and trembled. Looked at her brother and felt afraid. Wondered if this thing had always been part of her, or if he had drawn it into being alongside the world he loved so much more than he loved her. He forgave her, for breaking his world. She forgave him, for breaking their peace. They went back to what they were, but between them a yet another new thing had already opened its eyes and its hungry, toothy mouth. Resentment. And her brother kept creating. At first it was only two. One for each of them, he said. One dark and quiet, somber and thoughtful and true. The other bright and loud, laughing and giddy and scheming. She loved her nephews, little points of light that they were. The balance shifted, tilted in one direction. But she let it go. She tilted with it. They were too sweet and lovely to begrudge, and they made her brother too happy to deny. Her brother taught their quiet child to tell stories. She taught their loud one to raise his voice in song. They were a family. And it was good. And she was so wrapped up in being happy, she did not notice when his smile started to grow strained again. He made two more. One more like her, one more like him. Both beings of light, and the balance tilted once more. She barely even felt it shift. She never saw the knife coming til it was buried in her back to the hilt. Even then, she shuddered, uncomprehending, as she felt her brother, her beloved brother, do the unthinkable. Betrayal felt like being in reverse. Betrayal tasted like silence spread thin over millions of years, the passage of time only felt now, now that she was so alone. Outside, her brother birthed creation. Inside, she curled into her cage, learning how to hate. Her anger dug itself in deep, sprouted healthy roots. It grabbed the soul that locked her in and twisted, and destruction became all that she knew how to be, for a time. Her last memory of her brother was not of his regret, or even sympathy. Her last memory of her brother was ugly, painful. His eyes were full of triumph as he locked her away. She cried. She screamed. She begged, and then...she slept. Her troubled mind reached out from her cage and infected Creation, turning everything it touched to ash.

When Lucifer, that bright and giddy child she had loved, finally fell, it was with her bitter song in his heart. When he tempted and tormented the first demon, the first knight, the first princes of hell, it was her vindication he felt freezing the warm light of his grace from within.

And when Cain slaughtered in Lucifer’s name, it was with her tears in the back of his throat. When he chose to lay his blade aside, it was her anger that screamed and rattled his bones like prison bars, begging him to pick it back up again. She knew nothing of this. She only slept in her cage, dreaming, red and dark dreams that finally faded into quiet. Until one day, some interminable amount of time later...something changed. The Mark found a new home, a new soul alight with fear and rage and pain for her to latch onto. A soul so bright it pierced through her cage and lit even her.

She recognized this soul. She knew the shape of its scars.

And so the Darkness stirred, and shifted, and woke at last.

#supernatural #spn #spn fic #amara spn #sinnabonka celebrates #fanfiction #my writing #dean winchester

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justkeeptrekkin · 4 years

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Hello, dear soul! One day your story will be published, I swear! As with relationship, waiting for the right person pays off! When YOUR publisher will receive the story, all the waiting will be worth it, cause they will love it the same way as you do. Don’t give up, the day will come! I’ve read Stephen King’s book on writing a while ago, maybe you should give it a try too, it helps me to believe in myself ❤️ King of Horror received A LOT of rejections, but look at him now. you’ll be there too!

Thank you friendo.

#my writing #ask #sinnabonka

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fellshish · 2 years

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10 fics i read in 2021 that gave me brainworms

Half empty by sinnabonka: very dean-focused, this fic reads like a puzzle that needs figuring out. Top notch writing

The cheapest room in the house by biggaybenny: dean finds out cas is gay. The writing is stunning. If you suffer from heavy dean coding this is the fic for you

Pies and prejudice by linoresearch: you know that feeling when you put on a romcom because your brain needs a snack, and shit, it turns out it’s actually amazing? This destiel au that combines bake off with pride and prejudice is exactly that

There is rest for the wicked by fleeceframe: unlike us, dean gets his well deserved rest. This fic just… sticks to your ribs and doesn’t let go

Fenario by ftmsteverogers: s15 fix-it that had me screenshotting paragraphs over and over because the writing was almost poetry. Dean is superbly written here

A winter’s tale by northernsparrow: this changed how i view the human!cas arc forever. Category: fics that will make you cry

The full experience by nickelmd: fake dating. There’s a dolphin scene i cannot stop thinking about

Life skills by ilovehowyouletmefall: one of the tags is ‘dean: fellas it’s not gay if it’s in a 3-way right?’ and that pretty much sums it up. Heavy dean derangement

What has eight tentacles and isn’t allowed to eat pie? by annie D: octopus!dean. Best first kiss i’ve ever read

And this your living kiss by opal_bullets: reread this year, um, a few times. I will not stop reccing this until everyone has read it

#destiel fic recs #destiel #in no particular order #yes i know most of these are pretty well known BUT i am basic and also i don’t read nearly as much as i’d like to #also there’s a reason these fics are popular… they’re amazing

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doctorprofessorsong · 2 years

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New fic rec list, and this one's a banger!

I CARRY YOUR HEART (I CARRY IT IN MY HEART by unicornpoe @danger-and-diatribes (Explicit, 26k)

Have you ever read a fic that you know a few lines in you will be reading again and again? A fic that you can feel rewiring your brain? This fic was it for me. The premise: when Cas is attacked and put into a magical coma, unable to awaken, Dean offers use of his vessel so that Cas can be conscious and with him while they find a cure.

I have talked about other unicornpoe fics in the past. I love that this author writes a deeply traumatized Dean and a deeply compassionate, patient Cas. And this one is particularly amazing. It's about trust. It's about letting yourself be loved. It's a Dean Winchester character study. It's so deeply compassionate and beautiful and it will make you hold your breath.

let the sky turn red from how we burn by playedwright @castumes (Mature, 10k)

A Cas character study and one of the most beautiful things I have read in a long time. Cas relives his memories in The Empty ad his family tries to recover him. A simple enough concept so beautifully executed that it made me ugly cry, which is something I do not do. There is a gentleness and a longing to this fic that left me completely undone.

It should be mandatory reading for Casgirls (gn). It's absolutely phenomenal.

Evangelist by emmbrancsxx0 @valleydean (Explicit, 334k)

As you may know from my prior rec lists, I am VERY picky about AU fics. I have read so many great stories where I finish and say: that was a great story, but it wasn't THEM. And there is a soft bit of disappointment in it, because I wanted a Dean and Cas story. But I trust Mallory and I was so right. The Dean in this fic is very early Dean in a lot of ways. Lonely, self-sacrificing, feeling the burden of an absent father. But he’s also very comfortable with his sexuality. I love him. He's so intense and so lonely. But it's the Cas in this fic that makes me want to break through the wall like the kool-aid man. He is weird and awkward and earnest and adorable and I want to put him in my pocket. He's similar to Cinderwings Cas and Under the Midnight Sun Cas, two of my all time favorite Cas iterations. And together? They have that eye fucking, nobody else exists canon intensity. I was begging the to kiss by chapter 3. Meanwhile, the story has so many canon parallels to ground it in the show. Truly, it's an experience.

It's a college AU. Cas is a rich student from a family that basically owns the town and everyone in it. Dean is a bartender and a mechanic working to support his brother Sammy (also a student), during long absenses of his father (a trucker and stone cold bastard). After a few chance meetings, Dean and Cas find that they can't seem to help being pulled into each other's orbit. And they are truly so obsessed with each other that they barely notice the sketchy shit that is happening around them until it’s almost too late.

Half Empty by Sinnabonka @sinnabonka (Mature, 37k)

Plotty and complex, this one will keep you guessing until the end. Dean wakes up after an accident with memory loss. He struggles to put the pieces together regarding a case with several missing persons while also dealing with confusing and spotty memories.

I don't want to tell you too much, because half the fun is trying to untangle what's happening. But this is a story about grief and love and putting the pieces back together. It's also a horror story full of existential foreboding. It's beautiful and twisty and I can’t recommend it highly enough.

Operation Brain Bleach by Briston (E, 30k words)

This cursed and funny concept makes for a really fun read. Eileen and Sam are tired of waiting for Dean and Cas to get their act together, so they concoct a plan to make them pretend they are in a relationship. Dean and Cas are all too happy to play along, with increasingly horny results. It's funny and fun and extremely readable.

A Different Kind of Monster by roadtonowhere (lastoryx) and xfancyfranzi (Explicit, 89k)

When Dean accidentally hits a monster with his car, he's forced to bring him along as he tries to understand what the hell he's dealing with. Cas is like no monster he's ever seen, and his presence forces Dean to confront everything his father taught him. A canon adjacent exploration of what would happen with a few changes, this one is really good. I love the slow dismantling of John's philosophies on sexuality, gender and monsters. In a lot of ways, this is a character study and an exploration of shades of gray in the SPN universe, but don't let that fool you. There are also several really great cases in the fic that will have you invested.

It's hopeful and satisfying. It's an interesting take on what might have been.

Contingency by Cheerful_Shinigami (Explicit, 123k)

I really didn't set out to read two alternate S4 fics, but they are both so good and super different. This fic explores an alternative story where Cas falls for one of his prior acts of rebellion and he decides to save Dean from Hell before he breaks, maintaining the first seal and angering Heaven and Hell. However, Cas is so damaged that he has to possess Dean.

So much of this fic had me losing my mind. From reimagined episodes to some of my favorite Sammy content in a really long time (including a headcanon that I am obsessed with). The relationships are a bit healthier and everyone talks a bit more and honestly it's just a really great read from start to finish.

And if none of that tickles you pickle, help yourself to some prior rec lists.

And if you want to be tagged on my future fic rec lists, drop me a line.

#destiel #deancas #supernatural #spn #deancas fic rec #destiel fic rec #deancas fic #destiel fic #creative caviar #plantdadcas

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