Sometimes you're just an introverted loser who sits alone in your room with a cup of tea and a book, has fantasies about morally grey fictional characters, is severely touch starved with a completely fucked up sleep schedule and slowly declining mental health.

Jesper, gazing lovingly at Wylan: He could kill me and I'd thank him.

Kaz, who's heard this for the 10,000th time: I'd thank him too.

the women of the grishaverse will literally never fail to take my breath away. leigh really blessed us with beautiful, dynamic and diverse female characters who ALSO have plot relevance like fuck yeah

rereading six of crows after watching the show was truly an experience, because for example there was a scene in soc where matthias said “i feel sorry for you, brekker. there is nothing sacred in your life.” and kaz replied “you’re wrong.” and i just immediately got a flashback to the scene in s&b where kaz said to inej “no saint ever watched over me. not like you have.” and i just… i just think that’s really beautiful

Can’t believe this is my first Wesper post!! I love them so much 🥺❤️

Characters are from the Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo!

Leave

One shot

Request: ( @aleksanderwh0r3 ) hi!! okay so i have an idea/request: so the reader was in a relationship with the darkling until Alina comes and she keeps getting brushed off and the reader gets fed up and decides to leave the little palace and requests she gets stationed near kribrisk or like she goes to ketterdam (what ever you want lol) and Kirigan finds the letter and realizes what he lost it’s gonna be an angsty fic lol

Word count: 4k+ 💀

Darkling x reader

Warnings: ANGST ANGST ANGST (fluff in the end)

Note: Ok so I write on my phone because I’m not allowed my laptop except for school so ignore typos, English isn’t my first language and I havent read the books so yeah it’s a tragedy and I am the cringest person alive

—

It had been weeks since Alina arrived at the little palace. The infamous sun summoner. Everyone was in awe to her powers, some more than others. The general. It was impossible to even believe that a living sun summoner was present right there, someone who was just a myth. Someone who was just thought of in day dreams of a better future. Y/n herself had a great amount of admiration for Alina. She was the one who warmed her up to the little palace, new surroundings, new people. Alina wasn’t just the sun summoner to her but they had become great friends in less than no time.

The general’s feelings towards Alina seemed obscure. Well to y/n it did. They were couple, him and y/n. They had been one for two years ever since y/n came to the little place after running away from home. Y/n found her home in alecksandar. He was the closest thing she ever felt to comfort or someone she could rely on. Y/n fell first and Alecksandar fell harder. He too felt different around y/n. After all those years of being the general he felt the Alecksandar inside of him when he was around her. Not a day would go by he wouldn’t think of her as people think of the moon. He simply just adored her that much. So did y/n. They would playfully argue on that quite a lot.

But recently things had changed, he would come late to their shared chambers at night and leave early before y/n woke up. They wouldn’t even get time to spend together or talk moreover he wouldn’t make time to spend with her. Y/n didnt mind that, for a few times at least. She has always been understanding of him that’s one of the things he loved about her. But that didn’t mean she didn’t have doubts herself. For the first few weeks y/n found Alina’s company truly joyful. They had some great laughs together she got to know about Alina’s life, where she grew up, how she grew up, her friend Mal she had a lot of stories about. Y/n told her she wished that one day Alina would tell mal stories about her and y/n.

But it was all the calm before the chaos. Soon Alecksandar started accompanying Alina. He told y/n not to tag along with them when he was with Alina which she found really strange but trusted Alecksandar and not for once her mind even had any different thoughts. Which was until these things became a routine. Alecksandar would take Alina riding, spend nights with her chatting, take her to their spot. He barely even acknowledged y/n’s existence. When they were alone for once which wasn’t even what alecksandar planned y/n knew his schedule and barged into the war room during evening to talk to him about how she felt.

“Are you for real y/n? How can you possibly imply that?” He replied to her with an annoyed huff when y/n brought it up.

“I’m not implying anything Alecksandar I’m just simply saying if you were to spend some time with me or at least let me in on what you’re on about with Alina.” Y/n said with a calm tone.

“Oh my extreme apologies—if you can’t already tell I’ve been busy y/n. I’ve a sun summoner on my hands-don’t you think it would rather help if you ought to be supportive?” Alecksandar said with a flat voice and an unironic apology. Y/n felt un heard but she didn’t mean to take the matter further clearly he wasn’t in the mood to listen. This happened several times all of the times he brushed it off sometimes making it clear he’s annoyed with it. Each time y/n would tell herself she still trusts him, he’s the general, he’s busy. But she wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep lying to herself or how she actually felt and trying telling that to Alecksandar would only make it worse each time.

There wasn’t much she could take as every moment felt like being stabbed constantly and having to act it didn’t affect her. See him laughing with Alina, empty bedside every night, lonely dinners it’s too much until someone reaches their point. Y/n had reached hers. Alecksandar didn’t seem to care she was present or not. Y/n couldn’t bare that everyday she wanted to leave. Get away. As fas as she can-away from Os altas, little palace, him. All she ever wanted was to be accepted she was a joyful soul who never loathed anything-she used to live and love in superlatives despite spending most of her life feeling like a burden because she was a grisha, her family never approved of her, the small town she grew up in saw her has a disease who could make the other kids like her she was banned from going to school with the others. Her family too saw her as a disappointment for something that wasn’t even under her own control. She taught herself to read and write. Left home at a young age and never looked back. With extreme hustles she got to the little palace and never once felt alone. Training with everyone like herself, not looked down to when she walked in the halls and of course alecksandar. Well up until now. Her spirit was crushed, she was the young y/n back home who was neglected constantly until it reached to an extent to make her run away. Leave. That’s what she felt like doing again.She didn’t mean be loud about it or too sneaky either. She decided to write a note to Alecksandar...like she did the night she ran from her home.

With tear filled in her eyes she wrote...

Alecksandar, you’ve been the light of my

life ever since I left home. Every happy

memory I’ve had and want to hold onto is

the ones I have with you. But I can’t go

back to living a life of being cold

shouldered again. Hope Alina brings you

the happiness I never could.

—wishing you all the fortune

in the wars to come. Y/n.

She folded that note and placed it on the bed. With one last glance back their room she walked away, from their room, the palace but most importantly him.

It took a whole day for alecksandar to realise y/n’s absence. She wasn’t seen at the corridors the whole day nobody spoke about her to him either. Finally in the evening he went to the chambers to find nothing but a not on the bed. Strange. He thought. He read her note. Again and again trying to make sense of the words as he was utterly shocked to believe what he read was true. Was she really gone? Did she just leave like that, leave him? He sat on the edge of the bed trying to maintain his balance as he let that sink in. After a while he was rather annoyed and furious than glum. How could she leave over something that small?

After a week of searching and tracking Ivan found where y/n had been. The whole time alecksandar was worried as well as pissed over the face that y/n bolted away from little palace.

“Miss y/n was found in kribrisk.” Ivan told him in late evening.

“Kribrisk? What’s she doing that far away?”

He asked confused.

“We don’t know sir.”

“Alright then-we ride of kribrisk forthwith.” He said getting up as Ivan left to prepare a wagon for their ride.

—

The whole ride Alecksandar’s kept thinking about what he’d say, what he’d ask. In his silent self consideration he didn’t realise when they reached.

“Miss y/n is to be two storeys up.” Ivan said stepping out right beside him pointing to the floors of a building at the edge of a bustling alley, which is now silent given it is almost midnight.

“You stay here.” Alecksandar ordered as he walked into the building, climbing the damp flight of stairs to y/n’s floor.

Reaching outside of her he took a deep breath and gave two gentle knocks on the door.

Y/n was still awake. Wide awake in fact. She was alarmed hearing a knock on the door at this hour of the night. She wasn’t sure who could it be? Wether to open or not? Before she could decide that there was another knock. She stood up fixing her night gown and swiftly grabbed a knife out of the apple placed on the table. She held the knife cautiously pointed towards the door before opening it.

Y/n was shocked seeing alecksandar after opening the door she forgot to put down the knife that still pointed to him.

“Alecksandar?” She asked with a confused expression still with the knife in the air pointed to him.

He placed the tip of his finger on the knife softly moving it below, with a slight huff to her attempt of tackling someone with a knife. “Y/n.” He greeted with an awkward nod stepping inside while y/n was still in disbelief why he’d visited. She turned back to put the knife back on the table mostly to not face him.

“A kitchen knife? Really-“ alecksandar chuckled slightly “You do realise that you can light whoever might’ve been behind that door on fire if you wanted to right?” He continued jokingly.

Y/n didn’t seem to appreciate that joke. Neither his presence. “I was sleeping-“

“You don’t look like you were.” He interrupted her in a light voice as though nothing happened between them.

“What do you want? Why are you here?” Y/n said with an irritated expression wanting to get him to leave soon enough.

“I’m wounded.” Alecksandar replied still not in a serious manner.

“Have you come to gloat in the dead of the night?” She responded unafraid of provoking him.

“I’ve come to take you back y/n.” He spoke glancing around the place she had been living in. Y/n’s books all over the place, messy bed with the sheets showing he must’ve been twisting and turning while sleeping, her unfolded clothes forming a pile on the edge of the room, unfinished sketches spread across the table. Back at little palace their shared chambers were just like that when she was with him. Things weren’t the same without her he missed that, her. The room felt three times empty without her.

“I’m not coming back-I don’t want to.” This time y/n was unsure about his reaction, she turned her back on him pretending to go through a random book placed in front of her just to avoid him.

“What do you mean you’re not coming back?” he paused taking a deep sigh causing y/n to be more afraid not to face him. “What are you going to do here?”

“Whatever does it matter.” she responded in a calm tone.

He tried his best not to raise his voice “Do not face away from me-look at me and reply and yes it does matter to me.”

She turned back facing him “Why? Because I’m one of the general’s grishas?”

“It’s more than that-you know it’s more than that.” He said putting emphasis on you.

“Not anymore it’s not, didn’t you read the note I left you?” her heart ached saying those words as she tried her best not to make her voice sound protesting or weak either.

“All—all this because I didn't have the time to entertain your insecurities.” He chuckled dryly running his fingers through his hair out of annoyance.

“Entrain my insecurities?” Y/n paused “Name the last time we had dinner together-no—name the last time we had a conversation that didn’t involve war strategies or Alina.”

“All of the times you’ve had even the slightest doubt about me and Alina because I’ve been busy I reassured you! But you-you are the one who left without saying anything.”

“I was the one who left? Me alecksandar? Every time I came to you talk you just swayed me away into believing that was I was a jealous-obsessive fool—But no-I was the only one trying in our relationship until you made me reach to an extent where I gave up the hopes of finding back the Alecksandar lost inside of the general.” She tried holding back tears as her voice got high pitched.

“If you could just once-stop acting ridiculously and think with your head!” He said furiously slamming his hands on the edge of the table.

Y/n flinched at the sudden loudness in his voice and a thud, making it vulnerable for her to keep arguing without bursting into tears. “D-do not raise your voice at me.” She said softly looking into nothingness on the floor not meeting his eyes.

Sighing heavily he began “Now if you’re done with this charade-can we leave for os alta?”

“I told you I’m not coming back. I won’t.” She wanted to sound firm though her sentence came out like a whisper not so unafraid of his reaction now.

“Y/n—“ he began with a rough tone before she interrupted her.

“No-I can’t—go back to watching you laugh with her each day, garden walks, rides with her, taking her to our spot—whats it going to stop at? I can’t bring myself back into that misery that I ran away from years ago.”

Alecksandar fell silent. He didn’t want to meet her gaze. He gulped in at another silent moment still unable to bring himself to respond to her.

“What?” Y/n asked confused given his reaction 2 minutes ago he’s strangely quite now.

“While you were gone-w-we kissed.” His voice came out strained. Y/n stood in disbelief blinking at him unsure what to feel. She had already let go off him was she supposed to feel sad? Was she supposed to feel angry that they had kissed while she wasn’t even gone a fortnight. “She kissed me, I pulled away—it wasn’t her fault truly-“

he continued in a calm voice though every atom in his body didnt want him to let y/n know of that but his consciousness got the best of him.

“Of course it isn’t her fault!” She cut him off not holding back tears, she didn’t even have control over them anymore. “Sh-shes just as naive as I am!” Y/n said in between sobs softening his look towards her.

“Y/n-“ he began taking a step towards her. “It’s di—“

Y/n took a step backwards shaking her head as tears rushed down her eyes. “Don’t”

“It doesn’t have to be like this.” He said softly as a single drop of tear started forming into his eye.

“Well it is.”

“I realised what I’d lost when I was with her.” he cupped her cheeks trying to get her to look into at him. “I pulled away-I didn’t want that.”

“I don’t know if I can believe anything you say anymore.” Y/n said shakily.

Alecksandar was yet again silent just looking at her watching his hopes of winning her back flow away. Y/n gently placed her hands on top of his swaying it away from her face and looked up at him with teary eyes.

Alecksandar replied with an awkward shake of head. Before he could say anything y/n spoke up “Leave.”

He was shocked to hear that but he didn’t show it, he was aware it would come to this. But it hurt because he didn’t want it to come to this, he didn’t want to leave. Leave her. But he managed to hide his grief on it. He nodded with this eyes flickering everywhere in the room. “If that’s what you want.” Alecksandar said in a hushed tone.

Y/n simply stood there expression less, putting an act that his actions no longer affect her when her heart had broken into a million pieces by now.

He turned away quick and left not looking back. Y/n closed the door behind him as soon as he left and turned back to look at her room feeling every emotion at once. Her room was empty. Once again.

—

Ivan was confused seeing the general come back alone but his good instincts chose not to ask him about it judging from his body language.

On his way back he kept thinking about everything y/n said, everything he said, everything happened. His thoughts kept circling around how it was over like that, y/n still meant so much to him but he shattered their perfect snow globe of a relationship. Alecksandar blamed y/n for leaving till now, he found her heartless when he got to know that she had left as though she didn’t care about him that she’d overreacted over a misconception. But now he was certain about the mistakes, his mistakes.

He ran his hand through the pocket of his Kefta taking out the letter she had left him. He remembered the letter distinctly. He had read it several times he knew every word yet he wanted to read it again. The last thing from y/n, probably the last thing ever.

He read her letter again he felt every word this time, what mind-state she would’ve written it in.

Alecksandar, you’ve been the light of my

life ever since I left home. Every happy

memory I’ve had and want to hold onto is

the ones I have with you. But I can’t go

back to living a life of being cold shoul-

again. I hope Alina brings you the

happiness I never could.

Cursing himself silently blaming himself for being the one who put her there in the first place. He was stuck after the word “again” what point of her life was she referring to going back to again? His thoughts spiralled trying to figure out what she meant there. Then it struck him. She meant before arriving to little palace. Y/n had told him about her childhood, the town she grew up in, her family who never considered her as one of their own for something she had no control over. He knew that. He knew he was the only one she had ever called her own. He knew she wouldn’t have expected to be neglected from him. Anyone but him. Y/n never opened up about her past much, she wouldn’t bring it up anytime either trying to escape from it. And she had escaped from it. Alecksandar had been her escape her “home” and he was aware of that.

Thinking back to it, he hadn’t just teared their relationship he had smashed her hopes being loved after leaving home. He had to make it right. He couldn’t just leave y/n to blame herself until she’d heal of what he put her through, he cared more than that. “Turn around.” He spoke firmly to the wagon-driver. The driver was confused they were barely by the outskirts yet. “We’re going back, turn around.” His voice was louder and more eager this time. Ivan gave a nudge to the driver to turn around without sparring a moment knowing the general’s temper.

—

This time Ivan didn’t even gesture to go with him, knowing his answer already and Alecksandar was fast enough to get out of the wagon rushing up the flight of stair even before Ivan could do so.

Reaching to y/n’s floor felt like an eternity to alecksandar. Finally getting there his head of filled with ways he would apologise. He had knocked several time by then. No reply. He could see the dim lights of a rusted bulb hanging from the damp ceiling were still on, on his way up. Figuring y/n didn’t go back to sleep. “Y/n?” He said softly through the locked door. Y/n didn't reply yet again. “Y/n?” he knocked on the door again.

“Go away” a silent voice almost as of a weeping animal came from the other side of the door.

“Y/n i-it’s me, open the door please.” he responded knowing y/n was right behind the door since when she responded her voice seemed to be close.

Y/n hadn’t moved her position ever since alecksandar left. She was crying, sitting on the floor leaning to the door with her hands hugging her knees. It took her a moment to reply through her sobs. “I—told you to go away!” She said frustrated breaking down into tears again.

“I know-I know—just open up once..please Y/n.”

Y/n stood up this time to open the door. She didn’t want to, but she meant to get over with this facade soon. She brushed the tears off her face only to open the door and see his face again resulting in fresh tears dropping uncontrollably.

He was pleased to see her. Same didn't go for her. Looking at y/n crying made him want to throw her arms around her and keep them there until she stopped. And he did. He stepped forward opening his arms as y/n protested for him to stay back. He hovered his hands around her as she kept making useless attempts of punching his chest to push him away.

“Y/n-y/n-little dove-y/n-shh-“ he cooed her name gripping her hands trying to calm her.

She didn’t look at him, didnt want to look at him. She broke into more tears without saying anything and this time he pulled her in close towards him. Closing his eyes for a moment as it felt nice to be around her again. He felt nice to be around her. Y/n didnt hug him back, couldn’t moreover as his large biceps didn’t let her make her way through his back. She gripped to his kefta by his chest giving up on pushing him away as much as she wanted to she couldn’t. With her cries being muffled as she buried her face in the hug he rubbed his hands through the back trying to calm her. Alecksandar wanted this to last forever. He didn’t even want to think about pulling away from her.

Finally y/n made an attempt to break the hug. She wasn’t sure what to say? Why he had come? Before she’d say anything he gripped her wrists gently taking her to the chair in the corner by the table side. He sat her there without saying a word.

Y/n was confused she looked up at him to find him on his knees close enough that his face was almost by her lap. Alecksandar brushed off the last of her tears. Still in silence.

Y/n sniffled drifting away his hand from her face. “Why are you back?”

“For you.” He said without hesitation.

“I would really like for you to not play any games right now.” Y/n said with a dry huff.

“I’m not playing any games with you.” He took her hands in his and looked into her bloodshot eyes “I’ve been horrible to you-and when I came here I was just the same thinking you’re the one in fault, I was upset the days your were gone—“

“Yeah you looked like it.” She interrupted.

“Ah-“ he chuckled slickly. “I deserved that. But when we were headed back I kept thinking about you, I never wanted things to come to this I truly didn’t. Y/n like you said in your letter, you are the light of my life-only you could say such a thing about the shadow summoner. These last few weeks I’ve been the worst to you and I realise that-I’ve felt that all the days you were gone. Our chamber still has so many of your things yet it feels the emptiest one in the whole palace. I—I feel empty, you’re not in it. I don’t want that not one another day-i dont want to wake up and not see you smile, see you laugh at your own silly jokes, tell me about the book you’re reading without sparing any details-it’s been the seventh hell without you. After everything I’ve done you’ve never once held anything against me. I know what you’ve been through and after all that I put you through that I feel terrible about that-Just come back-I will make it up to you, you have my word I will make it up to you—and I understand if you choose not to but I love you y/n, ever since the day I saw you—I coul—“

Y/n leaned in and placed her lips on top of his. He smiled widely into the kiss shortly before kissing her back raising above his knees to look at her.

“I take that as you’re coming back?” He asked in a calm voice.

“Yes! And about earlier I love you too my love.”

Alecksandar grinned widely before kissing her again.

_________

AAAAA HII sorry this took me so look I was procrastinating please lmk in the comments if you like it :))))

Note 2.0- Btw I feel like I write too much angst for someone who hasn’t had a heartbreak to relate to Taylor swift’s songs🧍‍♂️

————

Tag list 🏷

@aleksanderwh0r3 @mygardenmentality @padfootswife24 @edithsvoice @all-art-is-quite-useless @atlas-of-a-human-soul

moral of the story

A/N: this is sort of a s&b ep 6 - 7 rewrite but with kaz x reader instead. i had an idea and rolled with it, basically

also, this is one of the longest fics I've written on here so, enjoy the angst x

Summary: with their money running out and the General following them, the Crows decide to cut their losses and begin heading home to Ketterdam. But nothing is ever simple in Ravka and Kaz and Y/N quickly find themselves at each others throats.

masterlist | ko-fi (buy me a cup of coffee!) | carrd

Y/N opened the door to the inn, quietly closing it behind her. The loud chatter of the patrons enjoying their evening helped drown out the ringing in her ears as she approached the table Kaz sat at, alone.

She slipped into a chair opposite him and clasped her hands together on the table, tucking her legs under her chair.

Kaz said nothing. He didn't even acknowledge her presence. His eyes were focused on the coin he was slowly flipping between his gloved fingers, the metal occasionally disappearing and reappearing.

"So."

Y/N frowned at him, slightly startled by his voice. "What?"

"Are you going to tell me how the target got away?" Kaz asked. He slowly lifted his gaze from his hand to Y/N, his eyes locking on to hers.

Y/N sighed softly. She'd known this was coming. "Inej let her go... and I didn't see a reason to stop her."

"You were hired to do a job," Kaz said slowly, his anger and annoyance evident in his voice.

"Wow, charming, Kaz, thanks," Y/N replied, glaring at him. She drummed her fingers on the table, hesitating for a moment. Y/N leant forward as she spoke, "Kaz, she's a living Saint -"

"Oh, not you too," Kaz scoffed, rolling his eyes. He leant forward too, leaning his right elbow on the table. His gloved right hand showed her a coin, flicking it between his fingers. "A good magician is a good con artist," he said, showing her the coin. "The trick," he flipped the coin again and it disappeared, "is to make it look real."

"You can dismiss it all you want, Kaz," Y/N said, sitting back in her chair. "This is different and you know it. You were there! You saw her do it with your own eyes!"

"The best illusions are the most convincing," Kaz replied, sitting back in his chair, - almost mirroring Y/N's every move - a deadpan expression on his face. "That's the game."

Y/N scoffed, shaking her head. "Don't be a dick, Kaz."

"Since when do you believe in Saints, Y/N?" Kaz shot back.

"Since I needed to believe in something greater than myself to survive," Y/N replied, her eyes dark.

Kaz's gaze met hers. "I don't see you kneeling to every Heartrender or Durast we meet."

Y/N resisted the urge to slap the table as she spoke. "This is different!" She exclaimed. "She is a miracle! Her power could destroy the Fold, Kaz!" Y/N shook her head, casting her eyes down to the table. "I'm not going to betray my faith."

"A faith that has only existed a few months!" Kaz snapped. "We cannot work effectively if you and Inej are going to make decisions based on religious zeal!"

Y/N glared at him, anger in her eyes. "Is that a threat?"

"Either we get the target or Heleen and Sandra get the Crow Club and Pekka gets whatever's left!"

Y/N blinked at Kaz, her anger dissipating. A frown settled on her face as she looked at Kaz. "Wait... why would they get the Crow Club?"

Kaz was silent. He leant back in his seat, his anger fading as he registered what he'd said. Y/N watched him intently, waiting for a reaction.

She wasn't, however, expecting Kaz to suddenly shove his chair back and practically run away from her and the table.

"Kaz," Y/N called as the man limped off to the bar, leaving Y/N alone at their table. She stared after him, confusion evident on her face. She didn't know what Kaz had done - although she had her suspicions.

"What did he say?"

Y/N didn't jump at Inej's sudden presence - she'd become immune to her friend randomly appearing. "What do you expect, it's Kaz. He's pissed."

Inej sighed, sinking into a chair next to Y/N. "I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"I feel like this is all my fault," Inej explained, twirling Sankt Petyr between her fingers.

"It's not, Inej, it's not," Y/N reassured, sighing. She set her chin on her hand. "I would've let her go whether you'd been there or not. She's a pawn in this stupid game - just like we all are."

Inej opened her mouth to talk but paused. "If... if you could... would you not go back to Ketterdam?"

Y/N turned to look at her friend. "Hmm?"

"I can't go back to the Menagerie, Y/N," Inej explained, moving closer to her and lowering her voice. "And since we don't have the target... we could just leave."

Y/N didn't say anything for a moment as Inej's words sank in. "Would you run?"

"I've thought about," Inej admitted. "There's nothing keeping me in Ketterdam. What about you?"

Y/N risked a glance up to the bar where Kaz was standing, waiting for a drink. She felt her chest constrict and she quickly looked away and down at her hands. "Perhaps. I suppose anything is better than there."

His pocket watch ticked rhythmically in his hand. Inej was sat to his left, silent. Neither one had spoken since he'd crept back over to their table the moment Y/N had gotten up. Kaz looked back down at his watch and closed it with a snap as Jesper approached their table.

"The alarm trigger is set," Jesper said, setting Kaz's bag on the table, "horses are ready and I've stashed the rest of our gear," he finished, sitting down and took his hat off, placing it in front of him.

"If we don't move soon the Black General will be on top of us," Kaz replied. "We can't waste any more time looking for the girl."

Y/N approached and sat down next to Jesper. "I've just settled our tab with the last of our coin," she said, pulling her coat around her, shivering slightly.

She ignored Kaz's gaze. In fact, she ignored Inej and Jesper too, choosing to focus on the table.

"We're really going to leave empty-handed, then?" Jesper asked, disbelief in his tone as he looked at Kaz.

"I'd rather leave empty-handed than get caught by the Black General," Y/N replied, crossing her arms. She risked a glance up at Kaz. "Although some people might disagree with that statement."

A muscle jumped in Kaz's jaw but he said nothing. His hands clasped around the head of his cane, his gloves creaking as he gripped it. A loud explosion came from outside and all four of them turned to the window as the crowd outside exclaimed in shock. The room lit up red and orange as flames rolled up into the sky.

"Our alarm," Jesper said grimly, his eyes frantically flicking between Kaz, Inej and Y/N.

"Split up," Kaz said, grabbing his cane and straightening his gloves "much easier to take a Grisha one on one than a whole squad of them."

Y/N scooted her chair back and pulled out her revolver, spinning it around her finger. Her blood was pumping and her heart was pounding with excitement and terror. She looked up at Kaz and found him staring at her.

He quickly averted his gaze to Inej and then Jesper. "Rendevous at the fountain."

Inej led the way out the inn, dodging the tables and chairs and fleeing patrons, curious to know what all the yelling and screaming was about.

The night air was bitterly cold as Y/N stepped outside and she shivered, grateful for the thick, woollen coat and scarf she had on. She took one step forward, following Jesper down the street. Inej came to a sudden halt and Y/N stopped, frowning at her. She looked up and paused her heart stuttering.

Four Grisha approached them from the other end of the street. A squaller, two heartrenders, and an inferni.

The Inferni stared at Inej.

Inej stared back, her breath quickening.

The Inferni's gaze dropped to Inej's waist and the solitary knife at her waist.

The scream that ripped out of the Inferni's throat sent chills along Y/N's back and arms. It was the scream of pain and revenge but as much as she wanted to feel bad for the woman for losing her brother, she squashed her feelings. Now was no time for sentiment. The Inferni screamed again, her scream bouncing off the walls and echoing around them. Her hands lit up with fire as she began to run at them.

"Move!" Kaz yelled.

Instantly the four of them split up. Inej ran back up the hill, the Inferni chasing after her and throwing balls of fire after Inej's fleeing figure. Kaz ran back through the inn and Jesper and Y/N darted to the left, running down the street before splitting up - Y/N going right whilst Jesper went left.

An empty factory loomed up ahead and Y/N made a beeline for it, darting inside through the open side door and vaulting over the guard desk.

She'd risked a quick glance behind her as she'd ran down the street and noticed one of the heartrenders following her. Y/N wasn't sure if she'd preferred the grief-stricken Inferni to follow her rather than the dude who could stop her heart if he got close enough.

The factory was deathly silent and Y/N quickly climbed up the metal staircase to the first floor, hiding behind the mine wagons full of coal. She tried to slow her breathing down and calm her heart so that it wasn't so loud, but she knew there was probably no point.

The heartrender could probably hear her heart from outside the building.

Footsteps echoed from the ground floor and Y/N crouched down further, pressing herself against the wagon.

"Hide all you want, girl," the heartrender snarled, "but I can hear your heart racing. It won't take much to find you."

Y/N swallowed, taking a slow, deep breath in to calm her nerves as well as her heart.

Jesper had told her a long time ago that all it took was one well-aimed shot to take a man down. That's all she had to do.

Just one shot.

Y/N could hear the man walking up the metal staircase, each footstep echoing loudly off the cavernous room.

"I can hear you, you know," the man said, his voice closer than before.

Just a little closer, Y/n thought.

"There's no point in hiding."

He was on the other side of the wagon. Now. Y/N jumped up from behind the wagon and fired her revolver, running before the sound of the shot had even finished echoing off the walls.

The heartrender grunted, stumbling back a step. He gathered himself and stood up straight, flicking the bullet off his kefta as if it was a bit of dirt.

"Kefta's are Fabrikator made and are resistant to bullets," the heartrender said, looking behind the wagons, peering behind every corner. "But nice try."

Y/N chuckled. "Thanks. My aim is a bit off, however," she called, darting behind the large, chunky pipes, "apologies."

"You have a lot of fire for someone who's about to die," the heartrender called.

Y/N snuck around a pillar, resting her head against the brick for a second, gathering her thoughts. There was no easy way to do this. It was going to have to be a bullet to the head - one of her least favourite ways of killing.

If you could have a least favourite way of killing.

But when your life was on the line, you couldn't be fussy with your method of murdering someone.

The heartrenders footsteps got closer to the pillar Y/N was hiding behind. She was going to do it. Her mind was made up. Another step closer. And another. One more.

Y/N spun from behind the pillar and fired but the heartrender flung his arm up and the bullet ricocheted off his sleeve, pinging off the wall above Y/N's head. Y/N went to dart back behind the pillar but the heartrender had seen her.

He brought his hands together and Y/N yelled out in pain, her chest constricting as the heartrender grasped her heart.

"Nice try," he said, slowly walking up to her. He stood in front of her and Y/N looked up at him, panting through the pain. "It's a shame to kill someone so young."

Y/N smiled through the pain, gasping as she tried to breathe. "Pity, I'd have to agree."

She fired her revolver, hitting the same spot she'd hit the first time. The heartrender fell back, taken by surprise by the shot and the impact. He let go of her heart and Y/N collapsed to her knees, coughing violently as her heart sped up again.

The heartrender roared, anger clouding his judgement, and jumped up again, desperate for a fight. Sensing it coming, Y/N rolled to the side and under a pipe, jumping up the other side. The heartrender leapt over the pipe and aimed a punch at Y/N's head. She leant back and he missed, his momentum knocking him forward.

Y/N fired her revolver again but she hit a different part of the heartrender's kefta and it had no effect on the man. The bullet pinged off the kefta and embedded itself in the steam piped directly next to Y/N. The impact forced the valve open and steam exploded from within, knocking Y/N into the wall and onto a pile of coal.

The heartrender ran through the steam, sensing an opportunity, but halted suddenly when he saw no sign of Y/N anywhere. He turned around and froze as he came face to face with the barrel of Y/N's revolver.

"It's a shame to kill someone too talented," Y/N panted, her pupils dilated and skin shining with sweat. "But, alas."

Without giving herself a chance to think twice, Y/N fired her revolver. The bullet embedded itself in the heartrenders forehead and Y/N took a stumbled step back, squeezing her eyes tightly shut and panting heavily as she felt blood spray onto her face.

Her knees buckled and she pressed her hand to her right side and swore as it came away bright red - blood staining her skin. When the steam pipe had exploded, she'd hit the wall and landed on an exposed, broken piece of metal. It'd sliced her side open and blood was staining her clothes and hands far too quickly.

Y/N inhaled shakily, pressing her hand back to her side, and put her revolver back into its holster at her hip. She didn't look back at the dead heartrender as she stumbled out of the factory.

Kaz was growing anxious. He'd been the first one at the fountain followed by Jesper and, after a few minutes of waiting, Inej.

But there was no sign of Y/N.

He was trying to hide his nerves but he'd noticed that Jesper and Inej were worried too. Jesper was constantly moving, shifting his weight from toe to heel, his hands fiddling with his revolvers or his sleeve. Inej had taken a knife out and was slowly spinning it between her fingers, staring at a spot on the side of the fountain.

"How much longer do we give it?" Jesper asked quietly, once again looking up at the gateway to the fountain.

Kaz kept quiet. "I don't know," he said honestly, his voice hoarse and rough.

Jesper nodded and turned around, resuming his pacing.

Kaz glanced at him and watched him for a moment. He turned around to face the gateway and he felt his heart drop. Y/N stumbled into the side of the gateway, her shoulder colliding against the brick. She looked up at Kaz, her eyes full of pleading and desperation before her legs buckled and she collapsed onto the cobbles, making no effort to break her fall.

Kaz took a step toward her but Jesper brushed past him, running to Y/N's side. He knelt down next to her, turning her onto her back and lifting her into his lap.

Kaz slowly approached them, hovering to the side as Jesper and Inej fussed and flapped over Y/N - who looked like she didn't entirely know what was happening.

"I killed him," she panted, her hand wrapped around Jesper's arm. "The heartrender, I - I shot him. I killed him, Jes, I -"

"You did what you had to," Jesper reassured, softly shushing her with a kiss to the head. His eyes flicked between Inej and Kaz. "So?"

"She's won't manage a horse," Inej said, her voice soft as she roughly wrapped Y/N's side. "She's barely holding on as it is."

"Well, we can't stay here," Jesper replied, his hand subconsciously gripping Y/N's. Y/N's back arched as Inej pressed down on her side and she hissed in pain. Jesper held her down, shushing her softly as he held her hand tightly.

Kaz tore his gaze away from Y/N's bleeding form and looked over his shoulder at the carriage that sat opposite the fountain.

Y/N looked at him and then up at Jesper. "Scheming face?"

"Definitely," Jesper replied.

Kaz turned back to them, his eyes gleaming with hunger. "That's a nice ride."

Y/N lifted her head, using all of her energy, and stared at the carriage and then at Kaz. "Seriously? Haven't you pissed the shadow man off enough yet?"

The smallest of smiles pulled on Kaz's lips as he glanced back at her. "Get her on her feet."

It took Inej and Jesper to pull Y/N to her feet and keep her upright. She leant on Inej, using her as a crutch since her legs weren't exactly willing to cooperate. Jesper and Kaz marched up to the carriage, intent on commandeering it for their escape.

Which involved Jesper having a book thrown at him by the poor unsuspecting Durast inside.

Much to Y/N's amusement.

Inej helped Y/N limp over to the carriage, a hand firmly on her wounded side. Y/N stumbled over a pebble and jolted forward, losing her balance. Jesper darted forward and caught her, looping his arm through hers and taking her weight from Inej.

"No need to go falling for me, darling," Jesper quipped, giving her a moment to catch her breath.

"Shut it, Jesper," Y/N muttered, wincing in pain as her side twinged.

Somehow, Jesper managed to help Y/N into the carriage and she slumped against the soft, leather seats with both a groan of pain and a sigh of relief.

Y/N could feel her hands trembling, her legs shaking, as she lay on the seats, an arm flung across her eyes as she fought the nausea and black spots threatening to take over her vision.

A gentle tap on her knee brought Y/N back to the now moving carriage and she moved her arm to find Inej staring at her with concern in her dark eyes.

"Let me see," Inej said quietly, gesturing to Y/N's side.

Y/N silently lifted up her shirt and jacket, revealing the bloody wound. Inej knelt down and wordlessly began to clean it and wrap it in a clean bandage.

Y/N looked up at Inej. "Are you going to leave?"

The question hung heavily in the air, Inej staying silent as she placed a thick piece of bandage over Y/N's side.

"I don't know," Inej replied quietly. "You?"

Y/N hesitated. She glanced up at the little window inside the carriage that looked out on the driver. On Kaz. "I'm staying."

Inej looked up at her in surprise. "Why?"

"Everything I know is in Ketterdam. With the Dregs. I don't know... I don't know what I would do if I left. Or where I'd go. I've run before, Inej, that's how I got here. I just don't know if I could do that again."

Inej didn't reply. She finished wrapping Y/N's side and lowered her shirt down, moving back and sitting on the seat opposite her.

"I'd miss you," Y/N said softly, her voice a whisper despite the fact no one else would likely hear them.

A watery smile appeared on Inej's face. "I'd miss you too. You don't make this easy," Inej admitted, sniffing and quickly wiping under her eyes.

"Hey, if I made this easy for you, Nej, I wouldn't be doing my job as 'friend' correctly," Y/N teased, winking at her.

By the time the carriage rolled to a halt, it was almost nightfall. The weather had turned and there was a harsh chill in the air that seeped into Y/N's skin.

Inej helped her to her feet and Y/N took Jesper's outstretched hand as she awkwardly clambered down from the carriage. Y/N gripped Jesper's arm and leant on him as she caught her breath, her legs rocky on firm ground. Jesper didn't say anything at how much she was leaning on him, he simply tightened his grip on her hand and guided her inside the barn.

Kaz watched Y/N limp inside, his jaw tight. He subtly shook his head, mentally telling himself to get a fucking grip and followed after them.

It was as if the three of them were waiting for a meeting as Kaz walked in. All three of them were standing to attention - Y/N swayed slightly but she had a look of determination on her face that told him she wasn't going to accept his offer of sitting down.

Kaz noticed straight away that she'd taken her layers of clothing off and was wearing just her dark green silk shirt and black leather trousers. Her shirt was untucked and the buttons askew and his eyes caught the blood stain above her right hip. He blinked his thoughts away and limped further into the shed.

All eyes looked up to him as he came to a halt in front of his three Crows. Kaz practically threw his broken cane, their last few pieces of kruge and the plans of the Little Palace onto the wooden wagon in front of him.

"Is this all we have left?" Y/N asked quietly, breaking the silence that had fallen over them.

Kaz said nothing. He looked up from his broken cane and his gaze locked onto Y/N. Her skin had paled drastically and Kaz felt his heart lurch as she suddenly swayed violently to the left and Jesper barely managed to catch her before she landed on the hay covered floor.

"Hey, you alright?" Jesper asked, setting Y/N back on her feet - an arm securely wrapped around her waist. "Here, sit."

Jesper walked Y/N backwards until she could sit down on a pile of hay. She leant back against the wall and hissed in pain as she lifted her shirt up. Y/N pulled off the wad of bandage Inej had placed over her wound and tried not to wince at the gory sight of her wound.

Jesper, however, gagged loudly and looked away.

"Not helping, Jesper, really not helping," Y/N muttered, closing her eyes momentarily as she fought the nausea rising inside her at the blood.

"Sorry, love," Jesper said, hovering beside Inej, putting a comforting hand on Y/N's right shoulder, his thumb rubbing up and down.

"Here," Inej said, picking up her bag and kneeling down next to Y/N. "It's going to need stitching."

"Oh for - really?" Y/N looked at Inej pleadingly but her friend didn't budge, pulling out a needle. "Fine."

Kaz watched Y/N intently as she shifted on the hay bale, pulling her shirt up out the way, tucking the edge of the fabric into the bottom of her bra. He was overwhelmed by the sight of her bare skin littered with scars and he wanted to walk over to her and take her hand in his but his mind was screaming at him to shut up and let the feeling go.

Kaz raised his head, forcing his emotions down along with the ocean and the stench of rotting skin. "How long before she can travel?"

"Not long," Inej replied.

"And I can speak for myself," Y/N shot back, glancing up at Kaz. "Where we going, then?"

"Ketterdam."

Y/N frowned at him, unable to hide her surprise. Judging from the stunned silence around her, Jesper and Inej hadn't been able to hide their surprise either.

Kaz sighed quietly, casting his eyes down. "Between our dwindling funds, lack of time, conflicting interests and injuries," his eyes betrayed his emotions as he glanced at Y/N, "it's time we cut our losses."

Kaz didn't wait for anyone to reply. He turned and limped off outside the barn, his figure fading into the evening sky.

"I guess the bastard misses the Barrel," Jesper muttered, watching Kaz's figure retreat into the fields.

Y/N's eyes were locked on Kaz's black figure, her heart pounding. She hadn't missed the way he'd looked at her. His eyes, as usual, betrayed his true emotions. A sudden, sharp pain broke her from her thoughts and she turned to stare accusingly at Inej.

"What the fuck, woman!" Y/N exclaimed as she made the connection between the pain, the needle and Inej.

"Sorry," Inej said, wincing but not actually looking that sorry.

Jesper gagged again, his hand tightening on Y/N's shoulder. "That is disgusting."

"You can handle a bullet but a knife wound is a different story?" Inej asked, shooting Jesper a teasing smile.

"Listen, bullets are bam, in and out, bob's your uncle. Knives... they should be reserved for meat only."

"In a way, we are meat," Y/N countered, pouting her lips as she nodded thoughtfully, agreeing with her own statement.

"Not what I meant, Y/N," Jesper replied, snapping his fingers at her. He looked down at Inej as she methodically weaved the thread into a knot. "Where'd you learn to do that, Nej?"

"The Menagerie," Inej answered, her eyes focused on Y/N's side.

"I learnt at the Lotus," Y/N added, hissing as the needle hit her skin again.

"Yeah, but why -" Y/N and Inej both gave Jesper pointed, dark looks. Jesper's eyes widened. "Oh, that's dark."

Y/N inhaled sharply, her fingers shaking from pain and cold. "Which is why," she hissed as Inej poked her needle through Y/N's skin again, "we can't go back."

"Well, I'm sure if one of you told Kaz that story he'd murder Heleen himself," Jesper replied, stepping away from Y/N's side and over to the wagon. He picked up the top broken part of Kaz's cane and ran a finger over the splintered end. "He'd probably murder Sandra whilst he was at it too, Y/N."

"Not if I get to her first," Y/N muttered, her hand straying to the lotus tattooed into her upper left arm.

"Jesper," Inej said, pausing her stitching and turning to look at her friend," you're not listening. We can't go back."

The realisation of their words hit Jesper. Hard. He stared at them both, his eyes softening and hardening with anger. Jesper blinked furiously, fighting back the burning in his eyes, and he dropped his head and cleared his throat, his thumb running across the beak of the crow's head.

"What's wrong?" Y/N asked, watching him closely.

Jesper pressed his lips together and swallowed heavily. He looked at Y/N. "Would you really run again?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"Because I was going to say that you should trust Kaz because he would never let you go back," Jesper replied. "Either of you." He straightened up, something inside him hardening. "But I'm not going to tell you what you should do with your shot at freedom. Whatever decision either of you make... I'll help and support you."

There was something so kind, so... genuine in Jesper's voice that Y/N was suddenly assaulted by a wave of emotions. She could feel her eyes burning and she blinked quickly, looking down at her knee.

Inej spoke for both of them when she said: "You make this a lot harder, you know that?"

Y/N huffed out a laugh and she looked up at Jesper. "She's got a point, Jes. You don't make this easy."

Jesper smiled. "I know," he said, his eyes twinkling. "I'd miss me too." His smile increased and he winked. "I'm fantastic."

Y/N laughed. "Ah, there it is."

Y/N hovered by the barn door, Kaz's cane in her hands, watching Kaz through the crack between the two doors. Inej had left the barn with no intention of coming back but twenty minutes later, she'd walked back into the building with a small smile on her face and hope in her eyes.

"You should talk to him," Inej said, silently approaching Y/N's side.

"I don't think there's anything to talk about," Y/N replied, crossing her arms. "Besides, I don't think he'd listen."

"He listened to me."

"That's different, Inej, and you know it." Y/N sighed, resting her head on the side of the door. "God, why, of all the humans in fucking Ketterdam, did I have to fall for him?"

"The heart is an arrow, Y/N," Inej said softly, her little finger wrapping around Y/N's. "It demands aim to land true."

"You and your proverbs, Inej," Y/N said, a fond smile on her face. She squeezed Inej's finger. "Your Saints have anything for unrequited love and a broken heart?"

Inej smiled sadly. She hesitated for a moment and then dropped her head to rest against Y/N's arm. "No matter what happens, Y/N, I'll be here. But you really need to buck up."

Y/N burst out laughing at the sudden change in tone from Inej. She glanced down at her friend. "You are so mean, sometimes!"

Inej nodded. "I am aware. Now, go talk. I'll have my knives ready for the murder you'll inevitably end up committing."

And with that, Inej shoved Y/N out the barn door

Y/N skidded to a halt and glared behind her at Inej. Inej just gave her a thumbs up and a beaming smile.

"So, are you going?"

Y/N turned back to Kaz, startled by his question and at how rough his voice sounded.

"What makes you say that?" She asked quietly, slowly approaching him.

"Inej."

Y/N made a mental note to discuss secret keeping with Inej after this. "Oh."

Y/N stood awkwardly at the opposite end of the log Kaz sat on, fiddling with his cane. "Jesper fixed your cane," Y/N said suddenly, holding out Kaz's cane as a conversation started and a break the tension prop.

Kaz glanced up at her and took the cane, his hand curling around the crow's head protectively. He looked back at the fire, all but resting his chin on his hands. "Do you trust me?"

"No."

"Good."

"Should I?"

"Trust is for naive children, so, no," Kaz replied, a haunting look in his eyes. He looked up at her. "Y/N, sit down for goodness sake before you pass out."

Y/N thought she'd been hiding her pain well but apparently not. She gingerly sat down on the log next to Kaz, keeping a space between them.

"So, again... are you going?"

Y/N stared into the fire, listening for the pop and crackle of the logs. "No."

"Why not?"

Y/N tried not to sigh. She didn't know why. Well, she did know why. But if she told Kaz why he'd stare at her and then everything they'd worked towards would be gone. Because the reason she was staying was him. She was staying for him. And, yes, for Jesper and Inej too. And for the Dregs. But at the end of the day, when everyone else had moved on, gotten married or disappeared off to sea, Kaz would remain.

Because Kaz and Ketterdam were one and the same. And to leave one would be to leave the other. To hate one would be to hate the other. To love one... would be to love the other, no matter how hard it felt at times.

Y/N was staying for Kaz. For him and him alone. Because without him she wasn't sure she knew who she was. Kaz was the reason she'd gotten out of the Lotus - was the reason she'd escaped Sandra and her army of floral perfumes. Kaz was the sole reason she was alive.

She wouldn't leave him. Y/N wasn't sure she could.

Kaz wasn't easy to love - Saints knew he made it hard. But Y/N couldn't help but fall in love with him. If she'd fallen in love with Jesper, life would be so much easier.

Instead, she'd fallen in love with the wrong man. She'd fallen in love with a man so tortured, so haunted, so... broken he was incapable of loving anyone else for fear of getting hurt again.

But how could she tell Kaz any of that? How could she tell him that he was the thing tying her down and the reason she kept going.

Instead, all that came out was, "because you're my family."

Kaz scoffed, disbelief clear. "Of course."

Y/N sighed. "Because leaving you, Kaz, would be one of the most terrifying things I have ever done. Because you are the reason I keep going." Y/N paused. "Inej and Jesper are the reason I keep going," she added quickly. "If I left you - any of you... I don't know how I would survive."

Y/N turned her head and realised Kaz had been staring at her the entire time. She looked at him - at his eyes - and felt the storm inside her calm slightly.

"What about Sandra?" Kaz asked, his eyes glancing at her arm where the lotus tattoo sat.

"I trust you."

"I thought you didn't."

"Call me a fool but I do, Kaz. I do trust you. I just say I don't to avoid having my heart smashed into pieces," Y/N said quietly. "I trust you to get me out of the Lotus because no one else is going to do it for me and I certainly can't. And so, with my limited resources, choices and conflicting interests," Kaz let out a huff of a laugh at having his own words thrown back at him, "I have no choice but to trust you. Saint's help me."

Y/N turned back to the fire, suddenly exhausted from her confession. Her shoulders slumped and she resisted the urge to slump against Kaz and rest her head on his shoulder.

Kaz turned to look at her, his eyes ablaze with something so fierce that Y/N was taken aback. "You won't go back to the Lotus, Y/N," Kaz said firmly, his tone final. "And I won't be the person to mark you again. I promise."

Y/N forced herself to hide her surprise. Her shock. Kaz seemed to notice her disbelief and nodded his head once, confirming that what he had said was true and that he meant it. Y/N smiled at him and looked away, her eyes burning as two words circled through her head.

'I promise.'

seen a few posts lately about how kaz and inej would get married for tax incentives and while they're perfectly correct I think we should note the added benefit of spouses not having to testify against each other in court

I know I never shut up about this scene but fuck. oh my god. wait a minute. give me a minute, I just...fuck

Kaz Brekker x alkemi Reader - Strange Truths

A/n: This was so fun to do and me being an Alkemi really was happy with this request! Thank you! I'm so sorry it took so long though!

Warnings: None? Needles?

Request: ok ok so i have an idea- a kaz brekker x alkemi reader where kaz accidentally drinks one of the reader's newest chemical (prolly cause jesper slipped it into his drink) and it makes him super flustered and vv talkative and the reader has to keep him in their lab until they can finish the antidote and kaz tells the reader he likes them right after he takes the antidote so the reader realizes he's actually serious-

I do not own six of crows or shadow and bone or you!

Most people underestimated alkemi's but once they did it once they would not do it again. Kaz Brekker knew that alkemi's could just be as dangerous as a squaller all the way to a shadow or sun summoner if they were powerful enough. To be fair, very few were that powerful but most could kill you slowly and far worse than a heartrender so...

But you were a very powerful alkmei- one of the most powerful to ever live and that was why you are part of the crows. You can fight just fine, but the dregs had seemed to be getting very creative with their ways of killing to getting information and this was all thanks to you.

Though not all appreciated your talents.

Nina has grown up thinking that the alkemi's were weak was a part of those few, Inej just didn't understand you, Jesper understood but was still trying to come to terms with his own Grisha powers, Wylan thought you were amazing and Matthias was just flat out scared.

But that all changed when one day you poisoned a whole army.

Oh, Kaz was just... Happy? No one really knew, but sometimes he just seemed a bit more satisfied about how things were going with you around. Unfortunately for you, that meant he had to spend a bit more time around you trying to come up with more ideas. And that would have been just fine if it weren't for the fact that you were falling helplessly in love with Dirtyhands.

Ya, fuck.

Lately, you had been conjuring up something new in that lab of yours in the basement of the Slat. It was almost like a truth potion but not quite, it was to make it easier to get information out of its victims but not enough to notice.

Officially it was finished and you were going to go tell Kaz but you realized today everyone was going to be at the Crow Club. Just your luck that you hated socializing.

You sigh but you quickly grab the elixir and start running to the Club. Being late to a meeting was never really your foreté.

Finding finally the Crows even with the sea of people around you spot them when you meet Kaz's eyes. Of course, you had to meet his eyes. You go and sit down beside him as everyone had already decided on their drinks.

"Y/n's getting them this time since she's late!" Jesper grins in triumph as you just roll your eyes. It doesn't matter you guessed he was almost always going to be the one late so you figured it wouldn't matter if you had done it this one time. Besides, it would give the sharpshooter (and his boyfriend) a break for once.

Getting up from your seat you walk towards the bar and ask for everyone's drinks. He hands you them and you talk to the bartender as you walk back towards the group.

"I'm your waiter for one time only, don't get used to it."

Kaz just clears his throat and starts talking about a plan that's really in reality just a decoy because of Inej's intel there would be Dime Lion spies in the Crow Club today.

And why not take that to your advantage?

Suddenly Kaz stops talking and you lift an eyebrow at him. He just shakes his head and the others just shrug their shoulders and start a different conversation.

For a bit, you do engage in conversation with the other Crows but Kaz just seemed different? Like he was trying not to burst out talking or something?

"Dirtyhands, you good?"

Instantly his face flushed a bright pink and he stutters out;

"Ya-ya fine. Totally fine, everything's good. Go back to whatever I guess. Just leave me alone and do your work you shouldn't have even asked, so can you please-" He cut himself off and flushed (what you didn't even know was possible) red even brighter.

What the- You always called Kaz Dirtyhands as more as a nickname than a mean term almost like a term of endearment. Although he didn't know that he never had even blinked when you used the little nickname more than necessary so why was he now?

Also to add to that fact, was that you really never called him Kaz. It was mostly to keep yourself in check so you didn't get used to him too much. It was more like reminding yourself that you both weren't on a first-name basis even if you already were.

Narrowing your eyes, you can see that his pupils are slightly dilated and that he's bitting down on his tongue really hard to stop himself from talking. This wasn't just Kaz Brekker flustered, there was something else going on here. And you had to figure at fast before the Dime Lion spies did, or if they already had.

"Brekker, I need to you answer me honestly okay?" You lower your voice and you soften your tone like you would with your targets to get information out of them. You didn't like doing it, but it was the price to pay for his safety.

He just bobs his head up and down trying not to say anything.

"What have you ingested today?"

"Just the drink. Not anything else, being that I forg-" He cuts himself off from his whisper-rant covering his hand over his mouth.

"You haven't eaten today!" Accidently you raise your voice and the anger and concern shine through your usual stone-cold tone.

Kaz widens his eyes and gives you a look to shut the fuck up. He was still the Bastard of The Barrel after all.

Wait, now that you think about it...

You reach into your pocket for your newly brewed elixir and when you take it out it almost confirms it for you.

The lid is open.

Oh, fuck maybe it's better not to cure Kaz because you might just die after this.

It all made sense now though; talkative, flustered, overused & exaggerated facial expressions, looseness of the tongue. Those were all symptoms and you hadn't even noticed.

Well... At least you knew it worked and it was effective. Very effective... Fucking hell Kaz really is going to kill you now.

Grabbing onto his coat sleeve (being extra careful not to touch his skin) you drag him out of the crow club away from the prying eyes of everyone and the shouts of 'what the hell!' From your friends.

Quickly you drag him to the basement of the Slat where all your potions, bombs, machines, elixirs, poisons and most importantly supplies are.

"You can sit there." You point at a chair in the back of the room that basically had a view of everything.

"You better make me an antidote or I swear to-"

You cut him off before he says something he'll regret later. "Go sit your ass down Dirtyhands and let the real Grisha do their magic."

He flushes again and walks over to the chair but not without muttering under his breath how Grisha cannot do magic. And how their abilities work and etc.

By the saints! Now you really didn't want to reverse that chemical elixir, he just sounded really cute. But who the fuck are you kidding? This is Kaz Brekker we're talking about and you just thought of him as cute.

Welp, this is getting interesting.

Quickly you mix some ingredients together trying really hard to go as swift as you can. No one could see Brekker like this it would kill his reputation.

You look down at the antidote and you curse under your breath. This was going to need a needle. Oh fuck, you might as well just die right there.

Hurrying over to your cabinet you quickly go through the vials wondering what size you would need till you found the perfect one. It wasn't very big, and because it was fabrikator made he wouldn't even feel a pinch. But at the same time, it would hold your elixir even if it was a very tiny vial.

"Brekker, your gonna have to put your arm up for me."

You don't turn around knowing that this probably could be your death right here in your lab. At least Kaz Brekker will kill you so at least that's memorable. You sigh, Kaz Brekkers Alkemi was killed by Dirtyhands himself.

"Why?" Most of the time Kaz would just raise his eyebrow at you but because of the fun chemicals that he had in his body that was not the case.

"You might want to roll up your sleeve as well." You say nervously turning around so the needle was visible.

"Because I'm going to have to use a syringe."

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?!"

You slowly walk over and you shake your head.

"Sleeves up."

Kas just grumbles while putting his sleeves up you can tell he's uncomfortable. Now looking back at it you didn't really know how many barrel rats have had needles before, and if they did it probably wasn't good.

"What's your favourite colour?"

He snaps his eyes to meet yours and that's the moment you press the needle in his skin.

As you thought before he didn't flinch but he looked like he wanted to kill you with that stare but his eyes seem to soften with your worried stance.

"It didn't hurt did it?"

Kaz just shakes his head and you sigh in relief. "There shouldn't be any after-effects but I might just check in to see just in case."

He's almost out the door when he stops just at the entrance.

"Your eyes."

You whip your head around to meet his dark eyes.

"What?"

Slowly he comes away from the door frame advancing on you and he shakily takes off a glove and presses his hand against your cheek.

"You asked me what my favourite colour was."

You have convinced yourself that at this moment you have stopped breathing. Nothing else matters but you two of you in this room. The feeling of his hand on your cheek sends butterflies everywhere in you. And you can't stop to think about how beautiful and terrifying those brown nearly black eyes are.

"Boss!" There's a shout from upstairs and he quickly pulls away putting his glove back on.

"So I'll be seeing you around Brekker?"

He rolls his eyes. "You know you can call me Kaz right?"

You laugh as you herd him through the door knowing that he has business to attend to.

"But I think you much prefer when I call you Dirtyhands."

The blush spreads across his cheeks albeit not as strong this time but at least you know it's not from one of your elixirs.

"Only you Y/n only you."

Words 1799

-thedelusionreaderbitch

Shadow and bone taglist: @kaqua @rika90 @thefandomplace @musical-theatre-obsessed-dumbass @gallysonegoodlung @navs-bhat @sumsebien @dontjudgeabookbythecover

Today I’m thinking about the persona of the Wraith, Inej’s journey with it and what it symbolises. We learn in SoC that it was Kaz that gave her the name, and that initially Inej didn’t care for it:

Over time she comes to, if not like the name, respect what it represents, the persona Kaz helps her build:

However, it’s clear that her relationship with both the name and the persona is complicated, when Kaz asks what she’d do with her share of the Kruge she responds that she’d leave Ketterdam behind, never hear that name again:

This comes up once more while Inej is climbing the incinerator shaft, she again wishes to leave the name behind as she pursues her future far away from Ketterdam and the legend of the Wraith:

However, despite all of this, at the end of Crooked Kingdom, Inej accepts the gift of her ship, named The Wraith from Kaz:

Inej’s journey with the persona of The Wraith mirrors her journey with Kaz. At the start of Six of Crows she wants nothing more than to leave him, the perosna he’d helped her build, and Ketterdam behind.

By the end of Crooked Kingdom she still wants to leave Ketterdam, pursue her purpose on the seas but she no longer wants to turn her back on either Kaz or the name.

She’s leaving Ketterdam yes, but with the understanding that she’ll come back. She becomes Captain Ghafa, but takes The Wraith, symobilic of her past in Ketterdam, with her as she pursues her future. She moves on from Ketterdam, but not from Kaz.

Kaz 🤝 Nikolai

Being totally whipped for

a badass Suli woman

EXPOSED - k.b*

Requested: Yes, I decided to combine three requests together for this because I thought they fitted with each other well.

Warnings: Poor proof reading, smut (If you're not comfortable with Kaz smut then please don't interact with it), unprotected sex, oral (m on f), light hair pulling. I think that's everything but I apologise if I've missed anything out.

Word Count: 1884

“Y/N, I need you to stay behind,” The Crows had started to leave the Crow Club when Kaz had spoken, his smooth voice echoing across the empty room; workers and gamblers alike had long since deserted, only the Crows remained. “It won’t be long.” My brother, Wylan, shot me a worried glance before being dragged out of the room by Jesper. A chill had entered when the door had opened, casting goosebumps up my arms. Kaz fiddled with spare chips on the gambling table furthest away from the door, his eyes drifted to find mine before coming back to his own hands. Once I was sure everyone had left and was far away from the Club, I locked the door. “What do you want, Boss?” I had turned back to the man in the room, his hands bare as he laid his gloves on the table in front of him. “Come here.” He beckoned me closer. I obliged gladly, sauntering my way across the Crow Club, “I’ve wanted you all day.”

“Why do you think I kept you behind?” The corners of his mouth twitched, threatening to break into a grin. “Kiss me.” I breathed out and he followed orders almost immediately, his mouth coming to meet mine in a feverish kiss. I hummed against his lips, my boyfriends slender fingers moved to the buttons on my own shirt, undoing each one slowly. Left hand sliding into my hair, he pulled, exposing my neck to him. His lips peppered light kisses along the open expanse, light whimpers escaping my mouth. My fingers tangled in the tendrils of his dark hair, I tugged, chasing a reaction from the man attacking my neck. His lips remained in one spot, sucking at the flesh; his slender hands moved down to grab my waist, pulling me closer to his own body, “Marking my property.” He muttered, the corner of his mouth twitched into a brief smirk even while pressed against my flesh. “What if the others see?” My voice was weak as I spoke. “They won’t,” Kaz simply responded, pushing me closer towards the gambling table behind me. His lips left mine as he cast his eyes down my partially exposed body. “Gonna take you right here so every time you look at this table you remember me, remember what a good little slut you are for me.”

He pressed a soft kiss to my lips before removing my trousers and pushing me onto the table. I moved my hands to his chest, managing to undo half of the buttons on his shirt before he slapped my hands away. Kaz kissed me one last time before moving down my body, his hand pushed at my chest, urging me to lean back onto the gambling table. When he got to the junction between my legs, he kissed my mound before gently lifting one of my legs. He kissed the back of my knee before resting it on his shoulder blade. I watched the divots in his collarbone and shoulder move underneath his half-unbuttoned shirt; the pain in his bad leg causing a small grunt to come from him as he settled himself on the floor between my legs. He lapped at my clit, kissing it wetly before dragging his tongue around my opening as my breathing became more laboured. He pushed his dripping tongue into me, grabbing my hands and intertwining our fingers as he continued to curl his tongue inside of me, pushing his saliva to mix with my own natural slick.

He spread me further as our hands disconnected. My hands found their way to my own chest, pulling at my nipples as my back arched off the table. My mouth hung open as moans spilled from my throat. From Kaz’s position from between my legs, I could see him staring at the swollen mounds of my breasts, fingers digging into the smooth skin of my thighs. The muscles in my legs tensed as Kaz continued his assault on my pussy; he licked at my pussy, one of his hands had removed itself from my thigh and had slid a finger into me. He barely pulled his finger out, opting to move it while it stayed in me. He moaned into my core, the vibrations tearing more moans from my throat. My back arched once more, fingers digging into the material of the gambling table beneath me. I felt his tongue against my clit, circling the bundle of nerves before roughly sucking it with his lips.

I looked down as Kaz shushed me, “So loud, love. Wouldn’t want the pigeons hearing you, would we?” He smirked before leaning back in between my legs, devouring my pussy again. Despite his lack of experience, he was skilled, so good with his mouth, I didn’t want it to end. When I felt his lips leave my lower ones, I whined, “No, don’t stop.” He tutted at me, “Shut up and behave,” He stood from his position on the floor, his movements jerky as his leg pained him. I sat up from my position on the table as I stared at the man before me. Kaz’s hand came to grip my chin, keeping my face in place as he smirked down at me. “You gonna be a good girl for me?” He lightly slapped my face as a small gasp escaped me. I felt my face heart up as my pussy dripped from the action. The light little slap Kaz had just given me had me so ready, so willing. I fell back into my submissive role, ready to take whatever Kaz was going to give me. A hard slap cracked against my inner thigh, I yelped at the way the force seemed to vibrate my flesh.

“Are you ready for me?” My eyes drifted down to his crotch where he palmed the tent that had formed in his black slacks. I nodded furiously, inching myself to the edge of the table so he was more firmly stood in between my legs. He removed his trousers, his hands coming to his cock to line himself up with my wet entrance. My head dropped back as I felt Kaz split me open on his long member. It always felt like forever before he was fully inside of me, his cock trapped in my hot walls. I whimpered, feeling completely at his mercy, one leg wrapped around his waist and the other dangling by his side, my toe just skimming the ground. My eyes were trained on the ceiling of the Crow Club as he continued to fuck me, the wooden beams and light fixtures seemed to spin as my orgasm came closer and closer. I let my hand drag down Kaz’s body, one hand working its way to the bare skin exposed by his shirt and the other on his back.

His lips came back to meet mine; he moaned against me and I took the opportunity to pull on his supple cupid’s bow by sucking on it. “Fuck, feel so good.” He mumbled against my mouth. His compliments made me square my shoulders, never failing to make me feel more confident despite their rarity. The soft, smooth skin of his pelvis rubbed against my own and my inner thighs. “Always so wet, squeezing me so tight. You want my cum, dirty girl?” Kaz groaned once more, shoving himself into me to the hilt before grinding his hips. “Wanna cum.” I whimpered, my voice low in his ear. His hand slid into my hair, having skimmed the length of my body to get to my head. My body felt like it had been struck by lightning from his touch. His hand roughly fisted my hair, the other squeezing the soft flesh of my hip so hard I felt my body tense.

Then it’s like fireworks.

The pain of his hand made my whole body tense, my pussy contracting around his swelling cock. His cock filled me all at once, the warmth and twitching inside me made me milk him, the both of us reaching our end together at once. It seemed like ages before either one of us felt human again.

“Shit.” I cursed at my reflection in the mirror; love bites were scattered across the expanse of my chest and the base of my neck. So much for being subtle, Kaz. Slowly, I made my way to the Crow Club, trying to amass some form of excuse for the marks on my body. What if the Crows saw them? What if they found out they were from Kaz? What if Wylan found out? Questions pounded their way through my head and before I knew it, I was in front of the Crow Club once more. “Punctuality never was one of your strengths.” Kaz scolded as I entered the room, though the faint smirk on his face told me he wasn’t truly mad at me. “Sorry I’m late, boss.” I took a seat next to my brother as I waited for Kaz to begin the meeting now that everyone was there.

As he talked through his plans for our next heist, I could feel eyes burning holes into my frame, and they were certainly not Kaz’s. I turned my head to look at the other crows in the room, trying to find the culprit but as I did, my shirt slipped out of place, exposing some of the marks littered across the top of my chest. My eyes caught another’s gaze. Jesper. His face splattered with an expression of shock. He saw the hickeys. His eyes met mine once more and he winked, almost congratulating me at the fact. “Jesper, are you listening?” Kaz questioned once he noticed the sharpshooter was no longer looking at him. “Of course, boss.” A quick nod from Jesper was all it took for him to start talking again. The Zemeni boy’s eyes returned to me, teasing me further. But the smirk on his face soon dropped as his eyes shot back to Kaz. Shit. He looked between me and my boyfriend, his eyes widening even more at the realisation, a small shriek escaping his lips.

“Got something to share with the class?” Nina quipped from beside him. She followed his line of sight, eventually making the same connection Jesper had mere moments ago. Kaz caught on, his face turning a sickly pale as he registered what was going on. “I don’t understand what’s happening.” Matthias spoke up, blonde brows furrowed in a state of confusion. “Kaz is fucking Y/N!”

“What?!” Wylan shot out of his chair, his cheeks flushing a bright crimson. He looked as if he was about to faint. My head fell into my hands, a deep sigh leaving me. “Calm down, all of you!” Kaz tried to regain control, planning how to get around the scenario he found himself in. Various remarks shot around the room, not a single word came from Wylan. He stared at the floor in front of him, the blush not disappearing from his cheeks.

“So that’s why you wanted her to stay late.”

“Kaz got a girlfriend before I did.”

“Is it so hard to believe?” Kaz’s eyebrow twitched as he responded, his crystal eyes finding mine once more. The crows all responded at once, “Yes!”

MY OTHER KAZ WRITINGS:

BABY STEPS, part i, part ii*

BETTER?*

MASTERLIST

The frequency of characters' mentions in the Grisha Trilogy and Six of Crows Duology

Version 3.0

! This project taught me that everything needs to be checked several times ... if anyone saw the post with version 2.0: I did not take into account the fact that mal is part of words such as "small" and "animal", which are very often found in books... It seems that everything should be fine now, but let me know if I missed something again...

!! Mentioning here means any mentions (like the Darkling approached the table) and appeals. When I was calculating Alina, I take into account, roughly speaking, only references to her, since the books are in the first person

So, I corrected my mistakes and now the calculation should be more accurate. I will comment on the details a little:

- I worked with the extension files .txt, preliminary removing from them dedications, thanks from the author and other things that I did not need

- I was looking for references only in books where the characters are the main characters, so in the counting for Alina there is no mention of her from the SoC dilogy, just as I did not take into account Jes from the first chapters of Seige and Storm

- I use folmula count(name) + count(surname) - count(name surname) to exclude cases where the first and last name were a single mention

- I count jes - jesper to find all the cases when he was addressed by his nickname

- so as not to take into account his father when calculating Jesper, I subtracted 'colm fahey' and 'mister fahey'

- something like that I made for Nikolai too

- I manually counted all the mentions of the words drüsje and drüskelle when they were appeals or meant Nina or Matthias.

- when I counted mal, malyen was counted too, so I only had to subtract the phrases 'mal oretsev' and 'malyen oretsev' (and a bunch of words that contain mal. OOoopppss)

The function's name for basic counting perfectly captures my mood when trying to optimize the process:

Shadow and Bone

There are not only the names for addition are listed here, but also those that I later subtracted (except when I did additional calculations)

Mal is still the leader, although in the first book the Darkling overtakes him. If you still add " i " to Alina's count, then the yellow column will reach 8000. But here I was interested in the men in Alina's life, rather than herself, so the actual bars are presented below.

In the second book, the Darkling was mentioned least of all: Alina spends almost all the time with Mal and Nikolai. By the number of mentions of Mal in the third book, it is easy to guess who Alina will be with at the end

Six of Crows

And this is what we have for the crows (Wylan was rarely addressed only by last name or first name + last name (tell me if I'm wrong), so I did not include it in the count, because otherwise I would have to be very careful when it came to his father, and not him)

After fixing the error, when I actually counted Jesper twice, Kaz took the lead. For the rest of the team, changes were really little.

For example, here the calculations of jes, drüsje and drüskelle

Other things

Here I made a list of words that might often appear in books, and looked at the frequency of their occurrence.

I confess, I became lazy and I did not bother with the beautiful design, but here are a couple more facts about Shadow and Bone (as only one book) for you:

If you drop prepositions, articles, pronouns and verbs, then the most often used word* is mal (319 times), then darkling (303 times)

I was used 3396 times: you - 757. Light appeared 198 times; dark (as part of darkness too) - 551

If we speak about Six of Crows, we have kaz 1033 times (he is the leader in terms of the frequency of meetings in the book, but this without taking into account other garbage, which could have been removed altogether so that everything would be like in real analysts' works, but I'm too lazy to do it). Then we have nina - 697 (I'm surprise too), and inej 537.

*here I mean counting words, not names, but it is logical that names are much more common than words. Actually I have something like this for SoC:

Somewhere here I am finishing my analysis of Bardugo's books. Of course, this is still not super-accurate or super-original, but I had a lot of fun trying to code it. Hope you enjoyed it!

Captain Inej Ghafa of The Wraith

the rest of the gang: where the hell is kaz he’s supposed to be at the incinerator now

kaz, checking all the cells for pekka:

Jesper: Why didn’t you say anything

Kaz: I’m sorry, when did I ever give you the impression that I was forthcoming with information?

Would you write Kaz Brekker headcanons of him and the reader (she/her/hers) being in the 'between friends and lovers' stage and she's isn't big on celebrating her birthday cause she doesn't like being the center of attention so headcanons on how what he does for her? Thank you in advance!

Birthdays, Kaz Brekker

Headcanons, female s/o (but can be read as genderneutral)

Tw: Kaz being complicated with feelings, Kaz being nice??????

- Kaz knew you weren’t big on birthdays. He has had multiple birthdays with you already, but he knew you preferred a small thing such as a simple “happy birthday” instead of a party.

- It never used to bother him. It took a while for the two of you to grow close, so feelings were very closed off at the beginning. But when Kaz got to know you better - no matter how much he tried to deny it - he slowly fell in love with you. He did his best ignoring it, he really did, but every time you smiled or made another teasing remark, his heart would flip, which went followed by a knowing look of Nina.

- Now your birthday was coming up again and he knew he had to do something. At least a small thing. He didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable by organizing a huge party or game night. He wouldn’t even feel comfortable himself. Instead of that, he managed to convince the Crows to let you sleep in one day. (Jesper had the annoying ability of waking up everyone the minute he stepped foot into the kitchen. Inej is an early riser, but it takes time for her to get into her whole wraith thing. You would not believe how clumsy she is in the morning.)

- Nina had spent night trying to make the perfect waffles and after nearly burning down the kitchen twice, she finally made them the exact way she liked them. And the exact way you liked them. She managed to hide her practicing from you so you wouldn’t grow suspicious.

- The morning of the birthday, she woke you with waffles (after letting you sleep in until 10:00, which is considerably better than 06:00). She left them by your bedside with some tea/coffee and left you to get up in your own tempo and eat in private.

- At the small nook of your window, a bouquet of flowers had been placed in a vase. Judging at the state of the flowers and the way they hadn’t been there the night before, you knew Kaz had placed them there. He was the only one who could enter your room without knowing and Inej would never walk into your room without permission. The other crows might, but they would’ve woken you up the minute they reached the door. A small card hung from the vase, stating a simple, but well appreciated “happy birthday”.

- Upon walking downstairs to retrieve the dishes, Jesper welcomed you with one of his usual hugs and of course a “happy birthday”. You remembered when you first told him it was your birthday and he felt embarrassed for not knowing. He even tried to invite some guests, but you quickly shot him off of that offer. Now, he just hands you a small gift with a huge smile.

- Jesper, being the true Jesper he is, gave you a simple, but bulky ring with an engraved crow in it. Very much appreciated indeed.

- Wylan managed to get you a great set of chocolates (they don’t tell you this, but chocolates are scarce in Ketterdam and are sold at way too high prices). Matthias got you a warm blanket, which was very thoughtful of him and most surprising to you. You had mentioned how you were always cold in your room, but it was never discussed afterwards, so you thought he had just forgotten it. He hadn’t. Absolute sweetheart.

- Nina and Inej shared a gift, which was a collectible set from your favorite series, completed with an actual autograph of the author.

- Kaz had just walked down when you were done with the gifts. Surprisingly, he took you out for lunch, which was the last thing you had expected. He insisted it had been a future heist plans, but you knew he would never discuss them in public, even less without every crow present.

- You were correct though. Not one mention of a heist. You didn’t tell him. You knew he was thinking very hard on why he brought you there, but all you said was “thank you”, followed by a tiny smile. Kaz had been quiet for most of lunch, which was nothing out of the ordinary really. Kaz was always quiet during eating.

- The lunch wasn’t even awkward at all. It was just the two of you together, something you had appreciated most of all this day. After arriving back at the Slat, he threw a small package your way, not saying one word. You just threw him another smile and walked up to your room, ready to read the books you got.

- Upon opening Kaz’ gift, you found a necklace with a beautiful, large gem dangling from it. In the box, there was a small piece of paper, signed; “It compliments your eyes. -K”

- You never took it off afterwards. Nina complimented you on it the first time she saw you wearing it and told you it goes well with your eyes. You knew for sure Kaz hadn’t told her, because he would never tell these things. And now you knew it truly did fit you, you knew you would take this gift with you to your grave.

- A good birthday indeed.

lockpicking lesson

kaz brekker x fem!reader

kaz gives y/n a lesson on lockpicking.

request: none.

warnings: mild fluff; established relationship.

wc: 1.0k

a/n: as this is my first imagine, it may not be that good so any sort of feedback is highly appreciated !

requesting rules. masterlist.

Kaz had worked long and hard throughout his journey of lockpicking. Not only did it teach him patience with himself but tolerance of other people. The older members of the Dregs clapped him upside the head more times than he could count for his pace.

“Come on, boy. We coulda been inside ‘bout twen’y minutes ago.”

“I’m doing my best, sir.”

He hoped to buy himself some time with manners, as it usually helped him get his way with Per Haskell. However, there were times it wouldn’t or his time slot granted would run out.

It took nearly every bit of strength to not drive one of the picks through the tops of their cheap leather boots.

When he had time to use his hands, he’d practise on different sorts of locks, opening then closing them again. As Kaz got closer access to top-secret heists, he was presented with Grisha-made mechanisms. It felt almost as if he had to start all over again, but this time he didn’t mind. It was like a new adventure and with his previous knowledge of all the other kinds of systems, he could help apply them to any situation. Soon, there was no lock that could slow him down.

There came a time when a second Fabrikator was brought onto staff. She had the ability to do what Jesper could, just ten times quicker. Kaz was jealous of the way she could wave a hand over the bolt and it’d slip free from its barrier. It was as though all those years of being chastised and receiving bruises on his knees was an unrecognizable accomplishment. It was common, to otkazat’sya, to feel as though with the Grisha existence, any skill was childish.

After the two began a relationship, Kaz’s jealousy morphed into concern. The thought of Y/N knowing how to escape only an enclosed space with her powers was not enough. He would teach her every skill in the world if possible.

All of his worries lept from its ruling chair when he began to notice Y/N’s eyes inconspicuously watching his movements as he practised. She would observe for as long as he was in her line of sight. He was waiting almost eagerly for the day he witnessed her trying herself or making a move to ask him.

“I need to ask you a question.”

Kaz’s thoughts pooled with expectation. “This doesn’t sound like it’ll be good.”

Y/N cracked a smile and stepped farther into the room, even shutting the door and placing herself in front of his desk. “I’m not breaking up with you, you idiot. If I were to do that I’d probably leave a note on your desk pinned down with a knife.”

“It would have to depend on the knife.”

“Straight four-inch iron blade; no engravings; rosewood hilt.”

Kaz peered up from his work, toying with either end of his pencil. “That’s your favourite one.”

“One of my favourite ones.”

“Perfect, then. What is it you need to ask me?”

“I want to learn how to pick a lock.”

“You’re a Durast. You have no need of the ability.”

“Materials are advancing. There could come a day where people create something that prevents my power’s use. I don’t want to find myself stuck.”

Kaz put down his pencil and gazed at the wall, putting on a show of debate. A split second thought entered his head; Y/N knew him well enough by then that she could tell when he was merely amusing himself.

“Are you going to say yes or continue to admire the chipping paint on your wall?”

Kaz’s head snapped toward her, but she didn’t cower away. She chuckled at his faux glare.

“You think you’re funny, don’t you?”

She shrugged, “Jesper says I’m getting the hang of it.”

“Jesper finds a distorted painting of a bird hilarious.”

“He’s lighthearted, Kaz,” she sighed, but her tone was light. “Leave him be.”

“Take the old lock from my bookshelf.”

After also pulling up a chair to the front of his makeshift desk, he handed her the two long slices of sleek metal.

“Over the years, I’ve learnt lockpicking is much easier than I thought it to be,” said Kaz. “Don’t expect you’ll accomplish it first try. It can take a lot of focus your first time around.”

“I expect I’ll do this a hundred times and still be incapable.”

He raised an eyebrow at her self loathing tease, making the corners of her mouth kick up more.

“Are we able to get started or are you going to continue to make ignorant comments toward yourself this whole time?” Kaz stifled a smile at her merriment.

“No. No,” her head shook. “No. Go on. I’m ready.”

“I’m going to teach you how to use one pin first. On the inside, there are pegs which match the height of the dents of a key. There will be five of them. Gently push up on each and when you find the one stiffer than all the others, lift until you hear a click or a rotation.”

Y/N entered the bent-tipped pick and began poking around.

“No. Y/N. Gently. You’re not going to get anywhere by stabbing the binding pins.”

“It’s a small space. I don’t know how you expect me to be gentle.”

“Figure it out.”

She suffocated a laugh at his peevishness. Her jaw dropped open as they both heard a click. Her head snapped up, eyes alight.

“Good. Now do it again. Find another pin that is stiffer than the others.”

Y/N followed his instructions and when it clicked, before Kaz could instruct her, she yanked up on the shank. An excited “Hah” left her mouth as it came undone.

“I’m going to be entirely honest. That went much quicker than I thought,” said Kaz.

“Thank you for believing in me, Kaz. I wouldn’t expect any less than your grand optimism in your girlfriend.”

He snorted. “You did a good job, Y/N. I’m proud of you.”

“You better be. I would give you my best knife.”

What Is Your Place?

Was for @therayel, see request here, but the account has been deactivated in the month and a half that this took

Pairing: Kaz Brekker × Reader (platonic Crows × Reader)

Summary: Faced with a ghost from their past, Y/N finds themself unable to cope and Kaz finds himself uncharacteristically concerned.

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: A single swear word, reference to vague trauma, panic attack (??)

A/N: I used they/them pronouns for the reader so that more people could enjoy this story. It was kinda strange to write focused more on Kaz's perspective than Y/N's but I think I quite like how this turned out.

“Jesper, that’s not a toy!” Wylan scolded, reaching over to try – and fail – to intercept the round explosive that the taller boy was tossing between his hands. “We all end up dead if you drop it.”

“I don’t want to die yet.” You chimed in from behind them. Jesper glanced over his shoulder at you before handing the metal ball to Wylan with an exaggerated sigh.

“You guys are no fun.” He grumbled.

“We just value our lives.” Nina retorted.

You looked over at Kaz beside you, his expression stony and his eyes focused straight ahead. Inej was somewhere on the rooftops above, though you could never keep track of the Wraith, and Matthias was waiting at the canal with the boat that would take you to safety now that your job was complete.

The trip through the canals was casual, everyone chatting amongst each other, feeling the fresh buzz of a job well done. You got off of the boat in the Barrel and began the walk to the Crow Club.

You and Wylan were walking at the back of the group, your attention on reading out the ingredients on a little pot to see if what was inside contained the specific chemicals that he needed. You were so focused on your task that you didn’t notice the person walking towards you, and you bumped into them head on.

“Oh, I-“ You began to apologise before you looked up and saw the man stood before you. You froze. The sneer on his face told you that he remembered you.

“Still haven’t learned your place then.” He spat. You knew that your fear and upset was showing on your face, and you could see the smugness that it was prompting from him. You couldn’t find your voice to reply. “It would do you some good to start observing your place in the world.”

You flinched when he took his first step, and he laughed at you as he walked away. You were still frozen to the spot. You could hear Wylan repeating your name, but you couldn’t bring yourself to respond. Your ears were ringing, your heart was pounding and you could feel your hands shaking.

It wasn’t until Wylan reached out to lay a hand on your shoulder that you snapped out of your stupor, and suddenly you couldn’t bare the fact that you were in public. There was a burning in the back of your throat and a stinging behind your eyes. Anger and shame bubbled beneath your skin and you just felt so overwhelmed.

You turned around and bolted.

“Saints, Y/N!” Wylan called after your retreating form, effectively getting the attention if the other Crows.

“What happened? Where are they going?” Jesper questioned as the group came back towards Wylan, who shrugged.

“Wraith, go after them.” Kaz said flatly, and Inej took off after you on silent feet. “Wylan?”

“I don’t know what happened. This guy bumped into them, said some weird stuff and then they ran.”

“Well what did he say?”

“Something about Y/N learning their place in the world.” Wylan answered.

“That’s unsettling.” Nina commented.

“What did the guy look like?” Kaz pressed, an urgency now in his voice.

“Uh... tall, bearded, broad shoulders-" Wylan recalled before Kaz interrupted.

“Was there a scar under his left eye?”

“Um, yeah. I think so.” He nodded. Kaz cursed under his breath and started in the direction that you had run.

“Come on, they’ll be headed home.”

“Wait, weren’t we supposed to go back to the Crow Club?” Jesper questioned, but still began following after their leader.

“This is more important.”

“What’s the problem? What’s up with Y/N?” Nina asked, her tone worried.

“Bad memories.” Kaz replied vaguely.

The pace that he set was brutal, speeding across the cobbles of the Barrel as fast as his bad leg would carry him. His limp was pronounced after multiple days of constant action with little rest, and every step he took sent a shock through his leg, but he cared more about getting to you quickly. He knew the memories that this encounter had dragged up for you, and he hated to admit it to himself but he was worried about you.

Your apartment was just a couple of streets over from the Slat, and it didn’t take them very long to get there. The Crows ascended the stairs to your apartment in a hurry, finding Inej posted outside your door.

“I was just about to come back and get you all.” She said. “They won’t answer me. I’ve been hearing bangs and crashes and-“ She was interrupted by the sound of something smashing on the other side of your door, followed by an angry scream.

“What are we supposed to do?” Matthias questioned. Kaz ran a hand through his hair.

“Y/N?” He called through the door. “Can you hear me?”

“What’s happening with them, Kaz?” Inej asked. “It seems serious.”

Another smash.

“Who was that guy back there and why has it left Y/N like this?” Wylan added.

“They have a history.”

A crash and a yell.

“What kind of history?” Jesper followed up.

“It’s none of your business!” Kaz snapped. “And frankly, it doesn’t matter right now. Y/N!?” He turned back to the door, calling louder this time. The rest of the Crows exchanged glances. Kaz called out to you again.

“Fuck off!” You screamed, and the door shook as something hit it.

The Crows were shaken to see you like this. You were usually calm and collected, rational and logical yet mellow. You were a good balance for the group. They had never seen you break before. Except for Kaz.

Kaz had found you like this, broken down and angry at the world. The first time he saw you was in an alleyway in the Barrel, beating the crap out of somebody who had tried to jump you. When he approached you, you almost attacked him too. You would have lost, but that wasn’t the point; he saw potential.

Kaz was the only one who knew about what you had gone through in the past, the people you had wronged you and the trauma they had left you with. That was why he was so worried now.

He leaned against the door, hearing you scream and shout and throw things around, breathing deeply from stress.

“You look really worried, Kaz.” Jesper commented. “You usually only look this worried when somebody’s dying, and even then you don’t always get this concerned.”

“What aren’t you telling us? Is Y/N in some kind of danger?” Nina pressed.

“It’s not mine to tell.” Kaz answered flatly, his attention still on the sounds of you inside the apartment.

You went on screaming and breaking things for a few minutes before things went quiet, and the Crows looked around at each other.

“Y/N?” Kaz called. You didn’t answer. “Y/N, can you hear me?” Still nothing. Kaz reached into his pocket and produced a lock pick, swiftly pushing it into the keyhole of the door.

A faint click came, and he turned the handle and pushed. The door didn’t move.

“It’s locked.” He muttered.

“What do you mean it’s locked? Didn’t you just pick the lock?” Wylan asked.

“There’s a sliding lock, there’s no trace of it on this side of the door.”

“I can go around to the window?” Inej suggested. Kaz shook his head.

“Don’t bother.” He took a step back and kicked. The door shook. He kicked again, wincing at the pain in his bad leg.

“Let me do it.” Matthias said, waving Kaz to the side and stepping in front of the door. He kicked it hard, and they heard the wood splinter. He kicked it again and it swung open, the sliding lock ripped off from the wall.

Kaz was the first to rush in, everyone else behind him, and what they found was pure destruction. Furniture overturned, broken glass and ceramics that had been thrown against the walls, blood on the mirror from where you had punched it in two places. And in the centre of it all was you, on your knees in the middle of the room with your forehead pressed to the floorboards and your body shaking with violent sobs.

“Saints, Y/N.” Kaz sighed, walking over to you. He crouched down as best as he could with the stiffness in his leg, scanning you for any injuries. Nina and Jesper knelt down on either side of you, comforting hands on you back and shoulders, and a wail escaped your throat.

You moved you hand up to hold onto Nina’s hand on your shoulder, the blood on it wetting her fingers, and tried to slow your breathing. Everything was silent for a moment.

“Are you alright, Y/N? Are you hurt?” Inej asked, and you shook your head.

“Can you breathe?” Kaz asked, his tone stony as it always was but with an edge of caring to it. You nodded. “Can you stand?” You took a deep breath and began to push yourself up.

“Be careful.” Wylan warned as you wobbled in getting to your feet, but you stood and you were stable. You took a deep breath and wiped at the tears on your face.

“Come and talk with me in the bathroom.” Kaz said. Your legs were shaky, but you shuffled across the room to the bathroom door with him following closely behind you.

Once inside the bathroom, you leaned against the counter as Kaz shut and locked the door behind the two of you. Then he opened the cabinet under the sink and took out your medical kit, placing it beside you.

“I’m okay.” You croaked.

“You’re bleeding.” He countered, grabbing a cloth and running it under the tap. He rang it out and handed it to you before taking a step back.

“I wasn’t really talking about that.” You chuckled pathetically. You sniffed, patting the damp cloth over your bloody knuckles, and blinked away the wetness in your eyes.

“What did he say to you?” Kaz asked softly.

“I don’t want to say it.” You whispered.

“Okay.”

Kaz was gentle with you, and for a boy very much known for not being gentle it was quite a foreign thing for him. But he knew that he had to be or it would just make things worse. Blunt but gentle was how he got you back to yourself.

“I thought you might hurt yourself.” He stated, feeling compelled to justify his concern.

“I did.” You smiled weakly, holding up your injured hand before picking up a roll of gauze from your medical kit.

“I didn’t tell the others.”

“Thank you.”

“But I think that they’ll want to know.” You sighed at that.

“I’ll tell them when I’m ready.” You mumbled. “How much stuff did I break?”

“I didn’t take inventory, but it looked like a lot.” Kaz answered, earning a whisper of a laugh from you. Your eyes were puffy and reddened, and your shoulders sagged as if were folding in in yourself. It was nothing like the bright eyes and proud posture that Kaz had become accustomed to from you.

You couldn’t help but feel ashamed that your friends had seen you like this. This was a part of you that you had managed to hide from them until now, but being face to face with a ghost from your past had proved too much for you.

“They won’t think any less of you.” Kaz said matter-of-factly, as if he knew what you were thinking. “They all have their own dark histories.”

The two of you stayed in silence for a while, the only sound being your still laboured breathing. Kaz leaned against the wall across from you to take the weight off his bad leg and watched you fidget anxiously.

“He made me feel so small, Kaz.” You muttered finally, your voice cracking.

“But you’re not small.” He replied without hesitation. “You’ve never been small, you’ve just been held down.”

“He said that I needed to learn my place.” You told him with a sniff, and Kaz felt his blood boil.

After he met and recruited you, Kaz had spent months helping you get over the helping get over the mental blocks that constantly being told to ‘stay in your place' had given you. It was an ongoing struggle, of course, but with Kaz you had found your strength. He hated to see you feeling so weak.

“You already know your place, Y/N.” He said sternly, stepping away from the wall to stand right in front of you. “I helped you find it, but it was yours to decide. What’s your place?”

“On my feet, weapon in hand.” You answered meekly. You had done this before when you lost surety of yourself, and you knew that Kaz would keep going until you pulled yourself together.

“What is your place, Y/N?”

“On my feet, weapon in hand.” You repeated, more firmly this time.

“Again, give me something else. What is your place?”

“With the Crows.”

“What is your place?”

“Among the most dangerous people in the Barrel.”

“One more time, what is your place?”

“Wherever I want it to be.” You stated, squaring your shoulders. You met Kaz’s eyes and saw the proud smirk on his face as you took a deep breath and summoned your confidence back.

“Good.” He nodded. “Stand up.” You pushed off of the counter and steadied yourself.

“I’m okay.” You affirmed, your hands in fists to stop any shaking. “Thank you.”

“I’ll kill him if you want me to.” Kaz deadpanned. He had offered before and you told him not to trouble himself with it, but if he was honest with himself he would quite like to kill that man.

“Don’t kill anyone on my account.” You smiled.

“He would deserve it.”

“A lot of people deserve a lot of things. Fate will pay him back in kind one day.” You shrugged slightly, and Kaz sighed.

“Show me your hand.” He said. You held out your messily bandaged hand for him to look over. You were so surprised when he lifted his own hand to meet yours that you almost withdrew, but you held still as he gently tucked the end if the gauze into itself more securely before quickly removing his hand. “You owe nothing to anyone but yourself.”

“Aren’t I supposed to be loyal to you?”

“I ask for your loyalty, you don’t owe it to me. That’s something that has to be earned.” He replied. “Now, we have to get back to the Crow Club. You don’t have to come if you don’t feel up to it.”

“No, I’ll come.” You asserted. “I started this job, I’m going to finish it.” Kaz’s lip quirked up in the barest smile, and he turned to head for the door.

“Perhaps you’d like to stay at the Slat tonight, what with the state that you’ve left this apartment it.” He offered. You sighed and nodded.

“I think that would be for the best.” You mumbled, slightly embarrassed.

There was a click as Kaz unlocked the bathroom door, and you took a steadying breath as he pushed it open and the two of you stepped back out into your living area.

You stepped out and saw that your furniture had been righted and the rest of the Crows were scattered around the room picking up debris from the floor. At the sound of you stepping out, they all stopped and turned to you.

“Y/N, are you alright?” Nina asked, putting down the shards of ceramic in her hands and rushing over to you. “What happened?”

“I’m fine.” You answered with a smile. “It was just, um, something from my past. You guys really didn’t have to clean up after me.”

“Well, we were waiting out here anyway. We figured we might as well make ourselves useful.” Jesper commented with a smirk and a shrug, and you chuckled lightly.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Inej checked, and you nodded.

“Kaz helped me get my mind in order. Anyway, let’s get back to the Crow Club and get this job officially finished, shall we?”

“You know, you can tell us whatever happened in your past; whoever that guy was.” Wylan said, coming up beside you as you grabbed your key and headed for the door, which was thankfully still mostly intact.

“Someday, Wy, but not today.” You smiled.

You all filed out of your apartment and started back towards the Crow Club. Nina and Inej walked either side of you, somewhat proactively, and you couldn’t help but be amused – though appreciative – at the gesture.

Kaz led the group, but couldn’t help but glance over his shoulder to check on you every so often.

“So, you like Y/N right?” Jesper smirked, walking by his side.

“What?” He asked flatly.

“You like Y/N. You were so worried about the back there, we all saw it. Is there something going between you two? Because I didn’t think that you were capable of being supportive and calming people down like that.”

“I don’t like Y/N.” Kaz denied, though the pull in his chest suggested otherwise. “I just know how to deal with their problems.”

“Mhm, sure.” Jesper nodded, unconvinced. “And I don’t like Wylan, I just know how to push all his buttons.” He mocked before slowing his stride to join the rest of you.

Kaz released a silent sigh and looked over his shoulder at you. You met his gaze for a moment, a smile on your face, and he knew somewhere deep within him that Jesper was right. There was something between you that he couldn’t keep on denying to himself, as vague and intangible that something was.

“Kaz.” You said, coming up beside him when you reached the Crow Club. He hummed in acknowledgment. “Thanks for your help.” He looked over at you, holding yourself up with pride and the sparkle back in your eyes, and couldn’t help the tiny smile that came onto his face.

“No problem, Y/N.” He answered, a warmth settling in his chest at the knowledge that he had helped you find yourself, grateful that you chose to stay with him.