Missing you // Kaz Brekker
Pairing: Kaz Brekker x f!Reader
A/N: Just felt like writing about something like this today. Kaz Brekker being a massive simp but denying it is the main thing keeping me alive right now. Also, me giving every crow a line and actively including Matthias (I'm so sorry bby)??? Who is she??
Summary: The reader is away on a trip to Ravka and Kaz misses her for "no apparent reason", causing him to behave differently. The Crows notice and try to play cupid, just in their own way.
Word Count: 2K
“If you stay in here any longer, you’ll go roots.” Inej noted smugly, as she set a stack of paper on Kaz’s desk.
The man grunted in dismay, propping his head upon his hands.
It’s been almost six months since he last saw you, leaving on a sailing ship to help out an old friend from the Ravkan court. And much to his distress, he realized that he did, in fact, miss your presence. This caused him to stay in his office for way longer than usual, staying out of missions that he’d normally gladly join in and being completely dazed when it came to planning.
It was even worse that every single Crow seemed to notice, obviously all taking great pleasure in actively ridiculing him about his so-called “crush”.
“Missing your girlfriend today, Brekker?” was Jesper’s new favourite thing to comment, when he saw Kaz’s muddled expression at the breakfast table.
This seemed to rub off on his boyfriend too, since Wylan also started commenting.
“Oh stop it, Jes. Look at him, he’s blushing!”
“Gross.” added the sharpshooter.
“I am not blushing.” Kaz spat, annoyed by the new gossip his friends had created.
“Let the demjin sulk. Djel knows he needs a good heartbreak to get back on track.” Matthias said, earning a nudge in the ribs by Nina, who seemed to be more than interested in Kaz’s romantic endeavours.
Maybe Matthias was right, he thought. What would someone like Y/N ever see in someone like him? The chances were higher that she already found a partner in the Ravkan court, than that she would ever reciprocate his feelings. He couldn’t even tell why he was so besotted with you. You were just another member of the Crows, is what he liked to tell himself. Everyone knew that was a huge lie, though.
He actually was in love with you, and it turned him insane. Especially since he never had the chance to tell you about it. And it was unlikely that he’d ever be able to.
The snapping of fingers brought him back to reality. He was sitting in his office chair, a pile of fresh documents right in front of him, and a now slightly annoyed Inej staring daggers at him.
“Saints, you are absolutely done for, Kaz. Why’d you even let her go if you love her that much.” she chuckled, sitting down on the edge of his desk.
“I detest that you’re also joining this kind of ridicule, Wraith.” he commented, glaring at her intently.
“We both know it’s true, Kaz. You’re a horrible liar when it comes to love, and that has to say something.”
“Is who or who not I may fancy such a concern to you people? It’s not something you should get involved with.” he mumbled groggily, reaching for the first few papers on the pile.
“It does concern us. You’re acting like an utterly besotted fool, and it’s starting to get to us, too. I don’t want to mock you, but you won’t do something about it either.”
“What do you want me to do? Sail to Ravka, barge into the palace and confess my undying love to her?”
“I thought you didn’t love her?” Inej chuckled, twirling one of her daggers around, “But yes, that would be a start.”
“We can’t even be certain if she’s coming back at all. I wouldn’t get my hopes up. Maybe she has already run off with some handsome Ravkan politician or Grisha soldier.”
“It’s Y/N. She always comes back.” the woman mused, a hint of uncertainty in her voice, “And if she really chose to run off, she would’ve at least sent a letter first.”
“Trying my best.” she said, standing up and walking towards the door, “And Kaz? I’d suggest you go back to work, once you’ve cleared your mind. You just misspelt your own first name. It’s three letters. Have a good night.”
With that, the Wraith had already disappeared into the dull Ketterdam night.
He turned to look at the document he just had been working on. And indeed, he had misspelt his own name. Kaz really was over it.
The next few days were torture. He was hyperaware of every ship docking or leaving the harbour, every news of sunken or attacked ships and just in general every piece of information coming from Ravka. Nothing seemed to include her.
Inej tried her best to reassure him and to stop the others' bickering. However, failing miserably.
Four days after the discussion in his office, he was just trying to make his way up the stairs, an aching leg slowing him down immensely. But before he was even halfway close to his office, he heard a screech coming from the living room area of the Slat. Now on high alert, he limped down the stairs, to assess the situation.
Much to his surprise, the screech wasn’t one of terror, but of glee.
Nina was currently engulfing you in a tight, almost suffocating hug, leaving your huge travel bags abandoned on the wooden floor.
“Saints, I missed you so much! You have to tell us everything. How is Zoya? Is she still so difficult?” the heartrender chattered enthusiastically, basically handing you over to Jesper, who also wrapped you in his arms.
“Oh, trust me, she definitely is.” you laughed, the sound ringing in Kaz’s ears like a foreign melody.
“We almost thought you forgot about us, love.” Jesper laughed softly, after letting you go.
“Well, Kaz suggested that you ran off with some random Ravkan politician.” Inej joined in, looking satisfied at her boss’s figure in the doorway.
You followed her gaze and smiled when it landed on him. His cheeks turning an uncommon pink. He was trying to hide a smirk.
“So, that’s what you think of me, Brekker? No faith.” you commented jokingly, “You didn’t need to worry, sadly none of them were my type.”
“Why? Did you not find any dark, brooding guy with a bad haircut?” Nina smirked, causing you to stare at her, mouth agape.
You knew exactly what, or who, she was referring to, and you definitely did not appreciate that joke. Turning to look at Kaz told you everything you needed to know.
His expression was almost unchanged from his casual one, but you could see a slight glint of shock in his eyes, the corners of his mouth turned slightly more downwards than usual.
He turned wordlessly on his heels and ascended the stairs back to his office hastily, the distinctive clicking of his cane being the only indication of his whereabouts.
“Nina…” Inej griped, looking back at you with care.
“Shit, I’m so sorry.” she exclaimed, furrowing her brows at the more than awkward situation.
You huffed, now wishing that you were back on the rickety vessel you arrived in.
“I told you to let the Bastard sulk in peace, röed fetla.” Matthias added unimpressed.
“Alright, what’s going on?” you asked, exhausted from the travel and confused by what you found, “I’m gone for a few months, and suddenly you choose to bully the living hell out of Kaz? Am I missing something?”
The Crows were silent for a moment, not knowing how to respond to that until Inej finally dared to speak up.
“Kaz has been acting…strange since the day you went to Ravka and Jesper thought it would be fun to mock him because of that.”
“And what do I have to do with that?” you asked, not really being able to connect the dots completely.
Jesper’s grin answered that question for you.
“Yes, oh. It was horrible! We haven’t been on a normal mission in months, and Kaz acts like he had one too many shots when your name is mentioned.” Jesper complained, letting himself fall into the chair next to Wylan’s.
“And I don’t think I can count on one hand how many times he sent me to the harbour to get a copy of the docking protocols.” the red-haired boy fretted.
“What do you want me to do?” you questioned, perplexed.
“Go talk to him.” Inej suggested, putting a hand on your shoulder reassuringly.
You had no other choice than to just face it.
“If I embarrass myself up there, it’s your fault!” you told them, pointing a finger at all of them before you left to climb up the staircase.
Without knocking, you entered Kaz’s dimly lit office. You were gone for almost half a year and nothing seemed to have changed. Not even the person sitting in it.
“You may have got used to the Ravkan commodities, but here it should still be a custom to knock before entering a room. What do you want?” he scoffed, visibly caught off guard by your sudden entrance.
“You just walked away, I didn’t get to say hello to you, Kaz.” you deflected, not quite sure how to lead this conversation.
“You said it. Now you can leave again. Go join Nina and the others in their jeering for all I care.”
“Apparently you do care.” you retorted.
He set his pen down, closing his eyes in exasperation.
“You’ve been gone for six months. No letter telling us when you would be back. No sign of life anywhere to be seen. What do you expect me to do?”
“I’m sorry.” was the first thing leaving your mouth, “I wanted to write, I truly did. But I didn’t really think you’d care. And if I truly would’ve written you a letter, what would you want me to say? Everything’s fine? I just had a lot of stuff on my plate, that I needed to take care of first. I’m sorry that it took so long.”
“An update would’ve been nice. You could’ve been dead in a Ravkan ditch somewhere for all we knew.” he stated, his expression softer than before.
“Or married off to some strange Ravkan.” you joked.
“That would have been even worse.” Kaz replied, not realizing what he just said.
You let out a laugh, feeling yourself ease into the situation even more. Noticing that you were still standing, Kaz pointed at the leather seat opposite his, which you gladly sat in. At this moment, it felt like you hadn’t been away at all.
“I missed you too.” you noted with a genuine smile.
“Who said that I missed you?”
“Who said that I meant you?” you shot back playfully
“We both know you did.” he smirked.
“And we both know that you missed me too.” you smiled back at him, “But if you want to continue denying it, I could still ask Wylan about how you sent him to the harbour almost every-”
“No.” this one word sounded more like a plea than a demand.
“I wouldn’t. But there is one thing I’d like to know: Why did you miss me? You never seemed like the sentimental type of guy.”
You could basically see the wheels turning in his head, trying to think of an answer or a witty comeback.
“Why did you miss me?” he averted, eying you carefully.
“Unfair. I asked first.”
“I just missed you. You sitting in my office, you joining us on a mission, you bringing me coffee. Just you.” he confessed, the rosy tone rising back to his cheeks again.
“I missed this too. I just missed you too.” you revealed, leaning forward to look at him up close.
“Why would you?” the question baffled you, “I’m not that easy to love.”
“Not to me. Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.” you assured him, reaching out to lay your hand close to his, making sure to not touch it.
Against everything inside him telling him not to, he put his gloved hand on yours, looking into your eyes.
“So was loving you.”