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6/1/20 11:34 pm

Land of a thousand tumblrs. This one is for insomnia.

I took my melatonin. Let’s see if it works as well as it did last night. I will say I prefer it to the prescription the doc gave me long ago. I didn’t wake up groggy today. I woke up ready to get up and handle some shit. That’s a first in about 6 months. I’ve so often resisted taking them, because I hate feeling dopey. So far so good.

As usual my memory is swirling, but at least I was able to drown it out with metal and get work done. I hope tomorrow goes as smoothly. Covid has affected mental health, too, and people who never felt they had a problem that required help tell me they are seeking it.

Having been on some form of antidepressant for nigh on a decade makes me wonder if I should just lay off a while and see what my mind does now. After all my work on self awareness and healing, I know I’m not yet done by far, but from where I started to here is leaps and bounds better.

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“Er nisstet sich wie ein Parasit in meinen Kopf und zerfrisst jegliche Hoffnung auf eine glückliches Leben. Einerseits hasse ich ihn, weil er so eine Macht über mich hat. Aber anderseits liebe ich ihn und kann mir eine Zukunft ohne ihn nicht vorstellen.

Es klingt schräg, aber es ist so. Und ich möchte irgendwie nicht, dass es so ist.”

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