My cats sleeping positions reveal a lot about them
Pandora: sleeps on her stomach curled up “ if someone stabs me I will just run away”
fury: sleeps on his back, completely exposed “ according to others even if I get stabbed, I’ll still be sleeping!”
ice cream: sleeps, belly exposed on her side with her paws covering her eyes. She’s nearly completely deaf. “ if someone stabs me I’ll sue them for every penny and outlive them and I’ll talk shit about them to their wife and kids and they will love me more.”
for context, Pandora was on the street most of her life and has had at least two litters of kittens in her lifetime. She is 2 years old and ridiculously small.
fury, despite being a Bengal cat, one of the most intelligent breeds of cat, is dumber than a sack of bricks. If you were to listen to the inside of his head, you would only hear crickets and that’s if they’re still alive. He is around 12 years old
ice cream, that cat is damn near 24 and still going strong. She loves laser pointers, and whenever the dot goes away, she will look at whoever is holding the laser pointer and scream at them because she knows it’s their fault. On the rare occasion she does cover her own business in the litter box she will throw 90% of the litter outside the box and because fury is all beauty and no brains. He will try desperately to clean it up thinking it’s his own shit. He’s not very good at it though so 90% of the time he just ends up getting sad.
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DO YOU SEE THIS CAT?!
I WAS WARNED ABOUT THIS CAT WHEN I MOVED IN WITH MY SIBLINGS 3 YEARS AGO! SHE IS F A T
SHE WAS NOT ALWAYS FAT!
According to my sister, when she and 2 of our other siblings first started college, she was still skinny! But! They moved from our dad's house, to an apartment! So she could no longer be an outside cat!
On top of that! All three of my siblings had VERY different schedules! One worked morning shift, so they were awake early morning and went to bed early evening! One was a full time college student! So they had afternoon classes, and woke up around 9 or 10 am to walk to class! Awake late morning to late evening but not obserdly late. The LAST!!! WORKED NIGHT SHIFT!!! they woke up mid-afternoon ish, and went to bed super early technically morning!
Which means!!! There were several hours when people came home/woke up where everyone else was unavailable!
Do you see where this is going???
THIS FAT FUCKING CAT WOULD PLAY UP 'woe is me. . . No one has feed me ever . . . I'm so hungry. . . .' EVERY FEW HOURS!!! WHEN ONLY ONE PERSON AT A TIME WAS AROUND!!! MEANING THIS ONE LAZY INDOOR CAT WAS BEING FED ALMOST 6 TIMES A DAY!!! And then one day they all looked at her and she was like this!
Cut to me moving in
I was warned of this! Three years ago!!! They told me 'hey! Fatass is very smart! She will gaslight you into thinking she's starving. Don't believe her!'
I thought, foolishly, 'that's fine! I'm smart! I've owned 4 Cats myself! Surely I'll be fine!'
W R O N G.
For several days, without fail, every other month! She manages to bamboozle me into feeding her!
The latest plot was uncovered today, and it is BY FAR her most insidious!
Imagine with me, if you will!
Be me: the baby of the house! Youngest sibling currently living under this roof! My operating hours are roughly 5 pm, to 6 am. Fat cat knows that she gets fed TWO. TIMES. every day! Once in the morning, and once at night!
Fat cat KNOWS she gets fed sometime after the sun comes up, but she doesn't know WHEN! She also knows that when she's hungry and ready to eat, she can go and ask for food! By. Meowing.
But she has never, IN THE 3 YEARS IVE LIVED HERE, come to ME to ask for food. Now don't get me wrong! I feed her! I am, in fact, primary cat feeder if the house! Because as the youngest it is my duty to get up and do whatever small task my siblings don't wanna do. (bring/guard cigs, feed cats, fill water bottle ect ect)
and she KNOWS I'm the feeder! Because the second she asks her parents to be fed, and they call my name, she RUNS to stare at me as I stand and start making my way to the cat food. So she is AWARE! THIS THIS IS MY JOB!
But I am not her parent. I am the interloper, the food slave, the one who doesn't pay rent and therefor gets no rights. So. She doesn't come tell me when she's hungry.
Now! Camera pan over to cats father!
my brother: the second eldest. He is very annoyed with me some mornings. Because every now and then, I stretch my waking hours to about 10 or 11 am, aka the time he wakes up for class and the few hours after the time that fat cat is SUPPOSED to be fed.
During the night, I keep my headphones on! This is me being considerate of the other people in the house. So none of my siblings wake to to the sound of my spooky ghost hunting videos or silly minecraft smps!
But this also means!!! I don't hear when the cat goes and meows in my brother's face at 8 or 9 am! Demanding to be fed! Screaming 'awaken father! I am withering away, and the sun is up! Feed me or face my wrath!' Two inches away from his face. So my brother, every now and then, wakes up and gets angry that I "let the cat" wake him up when I was already awake.
SO!
ME! BEING THE GOOD CONSIDERATE SIBLING I AM! I START LISTENING OUT FOR WHEN THE CATS START SCREAMING SO I CAN FEED THEM BEFORE THEY WAKE MY BROTHER UP!
And she recognized what I was doing. Immediately.
So. The next time she sees I'm awake . . . She goes to my brother room. And starts meowing. . . At 6 am. Technically sunrise, which is when she's 'supposed to be' fed. . . Almost 2 or 3 hours earlier than she's meant to.
I then. . . MOST OF THE TIME. . . Go to sleep. . . After I feed her. . . BECAUSE I GO TO BED AT 6 AM! And then. . . AT 8 OR 9 AM. . . SHE WAKES MY BROTHER UP TO FEED HER.
AND IM FAST ASLEEP UNABLE TO WARN HIM OF HER SCHEMES!
She ALSO attempts to do this at her evening meals! Where she demands to be fed roughly an hour earlier than normal. And I think, 'well I fed her way earlier than she's used to, so I guess it makes sense. ' so I feed her.
She's very confused on why it doesn't work the same when an hour laster she demands food again, but everyone was AWAKE! TO SEE HER BEING FED! she's like 'it worked this morning? Why not now?' And is VERY upset when we don't feed her twice at night.
FUCKING! FAT! ASS! CAT! SHE GOT ME AGAIN!
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