The men in my life.
I might be making huge mistakes. I panicked a bit. About my father: as thrilled as I am to reconnect, he still hasn’t gotten on that wagon yet.. am I setting myself up for huge rejection? Did I just do something really stupid?!
And as for Keith. I messaged him about my dad and the deaths I learned about after talking to Lori... and he did not reply. (yet?) I feel like we will get back together. But ‘just cause you feel it.. doesn’t mean it’s there..” Again. Breaking the rule of tooootally ignoring someone who dumped you - more or less- by default by being unable to simply tell me what I mean to him, beyond that I mean a lot to him.
I am glad he is in Connecticut but this is a bad time to not have a confidante. I think I will reach out to Lori again. I wanted very much last night to get wasted. I took a walk, bought some weed, lit some sparklers and smoked a joint with my friends instead, then did dark arts and crafts literally all night. No sleep.
Speaking of, it’s very late, hopefully I can control my compulsion to make art to actually fall asleep and stay asleep.
DO I DARE look at other men to go on dates with, I wonder?? This would be a mortal sin to Keith, but he won’t be my boyfriend...? What if someone actually, proudly, adores me?
Dammit, am I doing something really stupid? Goodnight, world.
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