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#smoking stinks yo
heavyhitterheaux · 8 months
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Smoking On My Ex Pack Part 2
Read Part 1 First
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Liked by jackharlow, neelamthadhani, theestallion, latto777, champagnepapi, and 792,174 others
yourinstagramname: check the drip. boyfriend always gets me right 🤭
urbandjackupdates: BOYFRIEND? DID I READ THAT RIGHT? druski2funny: hmm that's funny because I don't remember asking you out on a date yourbestfriend: oohh he a keeper because he know how to treat her selenosunni: come to Louisville and bring your new man. we have to approve. cozane: I second this. we can't have our girl out here entertaining just anybody yourinstagramname: selenosunni cozane the boyfriend that I speak of is closer than you think 🤭🤭 jackharlowsource: her ass better not be back with Urban because I will knock all this shit over yourbestfriend: and yall are soooo cute together and it shoulda been the two of you since the beginning yourinstagramname: yourbestfriend I second this urbandjackupdates: oh so then it's not Urban? yourinstagramname: urbandjackupdates who's that baby? 2forwoyne: 😭😭😭😭
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Liked by jackharlow, yourbestfriend, cozane, 2forwoyne, sza, chloebailey, and 824,018 others
yourinstagramname: taken but still got the city girl in me 🤪😜
yourbestfriend: watch yourself because the boyfriend will teach you a lesson if he sees this lmao yourinstagramname: yourbestfriend daddy can punish me at any time. this body is ready. urbandjackupdates: we want to know who this new man is! yourinstagramname: all will be revealed soon lol yourbestfriend: and yall about to lose yall shit when it happens yungskylark: aye yo when you come down here, make sure you bring those brownies I love so much yourinstagramname: yungskylark pay me my service fee and I got you jackharlowsource: service fee?! yungskylark: check your cash app yourinstagramname: yungskylark thank you for your contribution 💕
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Liked by jackharlow, privategarden, cozane, selenosunni, latto777, taylorrooks, and 923,183 others
yourinstagramname: literally the only reason why I came to Louisville 🤭🤭🤭
jackharlow where you at stink? That neck could use a few kisses from me
selenosunni: um so what the hell are we?! you didn't come to see us too?! cozane: not you coming just for his pale ass jackharlow: I.... first of all leave my pale ass alone and yourinstagramname I'm where ever you need me to be 😜 urbandjackupdates: WHHHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT is jack the new man?!?! omg I know urb is pulling his hair out as we speak jackharlowsource: well this is a new development yourbestfriend: JACK AND Y/N FOREVER BITCH! yourinstagramname: jackharlow hmm I need you under me so I can ride you and sunni and cope of course I came to see you. I just needed to fuck my man first. yungskylark: not yall acting up already urbandjackupdates: SOMEONE CHECK ON URBAN! druski2funny: he too busy somewhere being someone's baby daddy urbanwyatt: druski2funny for the last fucking time that baby is NOT MINE yourbestfriend: oh he's here! urban tell me, how does it feel to have fumbled the bag that is my best friend who is now fucking your best friend? the world would love to know! yourinstagramname: yourbestfriend bitch shut up lmao too bad he didn't believe me. I told him that I would.
It had been a few months since you broke up and cut off all ties with Urban no matter how much he would plead with you to take him back. You knew that you had to put yourself first in order to finally be happy and that’s exactly what you did.
Although he was cut off no one else in private garden was and they would constantly comment under your instagram posts saying how much they miss you and that you should come to Louisville when you got the opportunity. Little do they know you've been coming and going ever since you broke off things with Urban.
But of course you would only truly be going for one person and that was the person that you should have just been with in the first place since he never gave you a reason to doubt his true intentions when it came to you.
Jack.
The two of you had met first before he introduced you to Urban and although the two of you never acted on your feelings, they were definitely there. They took a backseat once you started dating Urban, but ever since that threesome happened with the both of them, those feelings crept right back up to the surface and it didn’t help that Urban was starting to act like an asshole towards you pushing you further away.
You constantly found yourself talking to Jack more so than Urban since he hardly liked to answer his phone and always enjoyed being around him. But what you didn’t know is that Jack wished you had dated him instead and introduced you to Urban when you were already his so that would have been a done deal once and for all.
All Urban had been doing the past few months since the break up was moping around, but that quickly went out the window a total of two weeks after it happened knowing that you weren’t going to take him back and quickly went back to his old ways.
Of course Jack asked him how he expected to get you back if he was starting to act like this and he immediately shrugged and said he didn’t care.
Okay.
Since he said he didn’t care, Jack felt that it was fair game to pursue you since Urban obviously didn’t want you back.
I mean there was a rumor going around at one point saying that he had cheated on you and got someone else pregnant.
Although he didn’t end up being the baby daddy, he did confess to the cheating and that’s when you said enough is enough.
But for now, you had just landed in Louisville and quickly sent Jack a text since you wanted to surprise him.
Oh, you and Jack had been messing around after one month of the break up.
You- What are you doing white boy? Are you busy? I miss you
Jack- Hi to you too and I miss you too
You- Answer my question please
Jack- It depends, what do you need?
You- For you to get your girl from the airport. That’s what I need.
Jack- The airport where?
You- Jackman, don’t be foolish. I’m in Louisville.
Jack- Since when!? Why didn't you tell me you were coming?!
You- Why? you got some bitch at your house?
Jack- Stink, stop playing because you know I don't. I'm not your ex.
You- Will your pale ass just come and get me so I can sit on your face and ride you?
Jack- You’re lucky you’re cute
Once he had gotten you from the airport, the two of you went out to get food before heading back to his house and let you get settled. By this time it was around four in the afternoon and all you wanted to do was lay down in Jack’s king sized bed and sleep, but he had other plans. 
The two of you were sitting in the living room watching one of your favorite true crime shows, but you were the only one watching it while Jack was in fact watching you. You caught him out of the corner of your eye and simply stared at him once he quickly turned away.
“Are you okay? Why are you staring at me?” You curiously asked while poking his cheek.
“I thought you said that you were going to ride me?”
“Is that really all men think about?” You responded with a blank stare.
“What the?! You’re the one who said it, not me!” Jack exclaimed while looking offended.
You simply sighed before rolling your eyes and simply turned around to face him since you were already sitting in his lap.
“I’ll do anything you want, but you need to lose the clothes first.”
“Well, you can’t be the only one overdressed then so I’m going to need for you to do the same thing.”
It was around 5 pm when Urban pulled up to Jack’s house since everyone was supposed to be going out for dinner later and decided that the two of them would ride together not knowing that Jack had completely forgotten about it and the thought went out the window when he saw you.
Urban had gone through the side door since he knew Jack always left it unlocked during the day and went on the search for his best friend. What he didn’t expect was to see you riding him in the living room with you screaming at the top of your lungs.
Urban had his eyes on you since he was behind Jack with his mouth hanging open in disbelief. Instead of simply walking back out the door and leaving things as they were, he couldn’t let this slide.
“What the actual fuck?! Y/N, are you serious right now?! With my best friend really?!” You heard Urban’s voice and the two of you simply looked in his direction.
“Oh shit.” You heard Jack mutter and you rolled your eyes at Urban. 
“So, is no one going to say anything?!?”
“What the fuck do you want me to say Urban? I was three seconds away from making Jack cum, but of course you had to come in here and fucking ruin it like you do everything else.”
“I can’t believe you two and JACK, bro code?! What happened to that?!”
“She was my friend first before she was your girlfriend. Not my fault that you took her for granted and didn’t know how to treat her. I just picked up the pieces where you left them.”
“So, that is your excuse?!”
“Urby, could you do me a favor?” You sweetly asked and he just looked at you dumbfounded.
“What?”
“Leave so I can continue fucking my man and get him to cum for a third time. You lost me because of your own actions so deal with it. But I mean you could always stay for the show except this time, you can’t touch me. All you’ll see is me riding the shit out of your best friend’s dick. This is what you gave up once you cheated so to get back at you, I just couldn’t help myself. I should have been with Jack to begin with. ”
“City girls, up!” Jack whispered in your ear and all you did was laugh.
“Fuck both of you.”
“That’s what we’re trying to do! You just had to go and interrupt us!” Jack exclaimed and you couldn’t help but to laugh louder. 
You heard Urban’s footsteps walk toward the back of the house and the door slamming shut behind him and then focused all of your attention back on Jack.
“Now, let’s get back to what we were doing before we were so rudely interrupted.”
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Liked by jackharlow, yungskylark, taylorrooks, cozane, selenosunni, theshaderoom, and 917,004 others
yourinstagramname: he had to learn the hard way that I always keep my word. cheat on me? I'm going for your bestie 🤪
Now look at what you lost
Thank you to my man for the outfit and spending time with me
jackharlow: I got the prettiest girl ever 😍😍😍😍 yourbestfriend: CITY GIRLS UP 1 MILLION urbandjackupdates: now we just need jack to get your pregnant for the finale yourinstagramname: urbandjackupdates who says that he hasn't already? selenosunni: OH cozane: now we told you two kids to be on your best behavior urbanwyatt: you two fucking deserve each other yourinstagramname: aww urbanwyatt is someone upset? well I don't give two fucks. you made this a reality and jack fucks me better anyway. you got a free show the other day so you know. ask him to give you some tips and tricks. yourbestfriend: BITCHHHH I AM HOLLERING jackharlowsource: not her airing that one out lmaoooo druski2funny: urbanwyatt damn you aight my boy? yourinstagramname: druski2funny of course he's not. he lost the best thing to ever happen to him. now jackharlow has me all to himself. jackharlow: yourinstagramname matter of fact, come over here and sit on my face
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You came to him asking for him to help you with your smoking addiction. He was popular underground hypnotist and had guaranteed results. You just wanted to stop smoking but when you woke up on the floor of his kitchen you didn’t know what was going on. But you had an insatiable need now. Not for smoking. But for ….you shook your head and tried to clear your mind. Something was wrong. You try to ask what’s going on but your tongue seems fatter. And it just rolls out of your mouth with a thick stream of drool. Ensures at you. “I see it’s working just fine. You want to stop smoking so I just had to replace one vice with another. I changed your heavy smoking addiction to the love for feet. Big, sweaty, stinking male feet. You’re going to have the insatiable urge to lick and smell and worship them now.” Tears were pooling in your eyes. You couldn’t believe he did this to you. And your nosey seemed yo be so hyperactive now. And you smell everything. Everything he walked in they. His smell. His feet. He laughed as he put a sweaty size 14 in your face and pushed down making you leak in your pants. His foot was in your mouth to before long and all your taste was him as your thicker fatter tongue cleaned I. Between each toe. “That’s a good boy. Just a few more sessions and we’ll even get you addicted some sweaty socks!” You moaned in pleasure but screamed internally. He had managed to make you quit smoking. But a serious cost as he had turned your into a literal foot slave. And your mind was so clouded it couldn’t think of anything else.
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kaychen666 · 5 months
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My original manga in Jan of this year. They are Carlos (my OC) and Swan (my sister's OC) English dialogue translation text is placed at the end.
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Carlos: Yo. Swan: …Yo. Carlos: …You look unusually down.
Swan: Wanna smoke?
Swan: Wow, you really do smoke. I thought you weren't a smoker. Carlos: Nah, I wouldn't smoke this damn thing if I don't need to do, it stinks like hell.
Swan: …Helberd came to see me early in the morning, asking if it's time to tidy up the old house. It's been abandoned since the incident at home for several years now. Swan: Even though it's the HOME - my memories of that place are just - Dad always drinking, yelling, mom's screams, and getting beaten up by him. Swan: All—bad memories.
※Helberd - Swan's brother(younger one)
Swan: Can that even be called a home? I'm a bit confused.
Carlos: It sucks. Swan: Right?
Carlos: You should talk to Helberd about moving. Swan: Um? Carlos: Living at the garage isn't very convenient. Gabriel said he would take care of your accommodation. So just deal with those old things in one go with Helberd, can't leave them lying around.
Carlos: Dealing with those old things first makes planning for a new home easier. Swan: Yeah… you're right.
Carlos: By the way, I left the mission report for that trumpet monster you handled last time on the table. Remember to fill in the missing parts. Swan: Ugh… Carlos: Ugh my ass, I didn't come here to smoke with you.
Swan: A new home. What will it be like?
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thegoliathbeetle · 8 months
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Yay prompts! Ok I love college AU so what about the NA bros at college and one of them is going through some sort of internal crisis. Maybe one of them is questioning they’re decision on what degree to take, or the typical sexuality crisis (love your fic of mat comforting Alfie when he came out). You can throw in any pairings you want if you’d like, or just stick with it being a NA bros only
Thank you @spinyfruit for helping me brainstorm this ❤️
Content warnings: alcohol, infidelity (implied/referenced), weed
Pairings: PruCan, PruAus
xx.
Jan’s 21st birthday party was this loud, overcrowded, overfunded, pot-stinking, booze-dripping mess. Which was to say, Jan threw the best parties ever. His apartment wasn’t the swankiest, but given his college student budget, was pretty great. It was right by a parking lot, and a dozen businesses including a liquor store, a McDonald’s, a 7-11, and a drug store. Considering the amenities, it was the best neighbourhood to be drunk and high in, which was good because, at the rate Matthew was going, he was going to pass out on the street.
Matthew was not much of a drinker. He stuck with his two-drink limit, usually a light beer or a fruity cocktail. Tonight, Alfred had seen him knock back two shots of something—either vodka or the El Jimador blanco that Jan had been mixing with SunnyD and passing off as “tequila sunrises”. Alfred hadn’t seen much of Matthew these last couple of weeks. They’d texted, but Matthew’s responses had been vague and short. They didn’t see each other much anyway, because they were in totally different departments. Alfred was doing a tech degree, and Matthew, zoology. He only knew Matthew was here at the party because he’d seen his brother’s second-hand Wrangler parked downstairs. 
Alfred stuffed his face with a fistful of popcorn and watched, in growing horror, as Matthew got a third shot from Carlos and knocked it back. This was not normal behaviour. “Yo, Jan,” Alfred said. Jan was sitting on the kitchen counter with a doob. Jan exhaled a puff of smoke that made the tiny kitchen stink. Someone pushed past Alfred to get to the fridge, a girl shoved her boyfriend against a row of shelves and began sucking his face. In the background, the ingratiating sound of 2010’s Check It Out blasted on the speakers. Ivan had control of the sound system and Ivan had a sick sense of humour. 
“What?” Jan finally asked above the din. 
“What’s going on with Mattie? I haven’t had the chance to speak to him lately but don’t you guys share classes?” 
“No idea,” Jan muttered. “He’s been skipping.” 
“What? No way.” All right, something’s definitely off. Alfred abandoned his beer and inched his way out of the crush of bodies in the kitchen. He spilled into the living room, which was similarly crowded. By the time he reached Matthew’s corner of the sofa, Carlos had moved on to talk to someone else, and Matthew was sitting with an entire bottle of vodka between his knees. 
“Mattie, what’s up?” Alfred shouted over the music, which was a lot louder out here. He scooched beside him on the couch. 
Matthew smiled, reaching for a handful of popcorn from the bowl on the table. His hand knocked against it, spilling half its contents on the floor. Nobody noticed or cared. “Oops,” he said, or that was what Alfred thought he says, because he couldn’t hear his brother above the music and the chatter and the heat and the sweat and the smell of marijuana that pervaded every inch of the room. It was overwhelming, and Alfred was too sober to be able to ignore it. He usually got shitfaced at parties. Good thing he’d been slower tonight, because Matthew decided against refilling his shotglass, and instead attempted to shotgun the vodka, his lips to the mouth of the bottle.
“What in fuck are you doing?” Alfred cried, pulling it out of his grasp. It sloshed over his shirt. He saw Ivan pass by and handed the bottle to him. “Take this away!” 
“Okay!” Ivan chirped, disappearing with it into the kitchen. 
“Whatchu do that for?” Matthew complained, slurring and pouting.
“You can’t drink vodka like that, you’ll explode,” Alfred said dramatically. “What’s going on with you?”
“Nothin’.” Matthew stood, wobbled, and said, “Gonna go to the bathroom.” 
And despite the drunkenness, the crowd, the miasma of the apartment, he somehow disappeared between the bodies and was gone. Alfred did not find him for nearly an hour after that. Where could he possibly vanish? This was a student apartment, it wasn’t that big. Alfred, still halfway through his first beer, eventually discovered Mattie sitting alone on the stairwell, nursing a Molsons. His head was bowed over his shoes, blonde curls shrouding his eyes. 
“There you are,” Alfred sighed, sitting down beside him. Matthew did not acknowledge him. In fact, he pointedly looked away. “Dude, what’s going on? You’re acting strange. Is everything okay?” 
“Yeah. I think I hear Jan calling me.” Matthew suddenly stood, swayed violently, and managed to grab a wall. 
“Dude—” Alfred began, and Matthew threw his head back and downed beer in two gulps.
“All right.” Alfred snatched the bottle from his hands. It was nearly empty. “I’m cutting you off. You’re done.” 
“Al—”
“No.” Alfred dropped the bottle on the floor and steadied Matthew by putting his hands on his shoulders. “You can barely stand straight, and you look a bit green. I’m taking you home and we’re gonna talk about this.”
Matthew clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes, but the motion made him lose his balance. He swayed again in Alfred’s hands, careening towards the stairs. Fortunately he didn’t fall.  Alfred didn’t want to think of what could have happened if he’d been alone out here. “Talka bout what?” he slurred. “The fact that I…drank at a party? Oooo, call the National Guard!” 
Alfred squinted, unimpressed. “You’re not acting like yourself. Since when do you drink so much? This party sucks anyway, the weed smell is giving me a headache. Let’s leave.” 
Matthew made some kind of grumbling noise and probably said something dark and whiny under his breath, but Alfred was already helping him down the stairs. It was slow going, but they finally exited the building into a bitter night that was covered in fresh sleet. They’d left their jackets upstairs, but it would be impossible to find them now, and Alfred couldn’t bear the thought of going back. Matthew suddenly wrenched out of Alfred’s grip, stumbled towards the side of the building, and threw up. 
“Okay, you got this, there, there,” Alfred sighed, rubbing his back. Matthew had done this many times for Alfred, seeing as, between the two of them, Alfred had more of a penchant for crazy partying. He could return the favour now and then. Afterwards, Alfred got him into his own car, a beat-up little sedan, which was well-supplied with water, minty chewing gum, and face wipes. Alfred was prepared for these kinds of situations. When he finally got Matthew to finish half a bottle of water, they sat in silence. Alfred turned up the heater, and Matthew shivered. 
“What’s going on with you? You’re clearly upset.” 
“Nothing. I don’t want to talk about it.” Matthew drank more water. He’d sobered up a bit, at least. 
“Come on. Look, let’s get something to eat. There’s a McDonald's right there.” 
Alfred took them to the Drive-Thru and got them a couple of burgers, fries, cokes, and a bag of nuggets. It was probably more food than they needed, but it was for atmosphere than anything else. Matthew took the fries and nibbled slowly as Alfred went back to the same old parking spot. 
“I’m a bad person,” he confessed after several quiet minutes. “I did something really, really bad.” 
“Come on. That can’t be true.” 
“It is,” Matthew insisted, and several tears fell from his eyes. “You’re gonna hate me. Everyone’s going to hate me.” 
“You didn’t kill someone, did you?” Alfred joked, but instead of laughing, Matthew’s tears just increased. He wiped his eyes with a grease-stained sheet of thin tissue emblazoned with the McDonald's golden arches. Alfred patted his shoulder. “Hey, even if you did kill someone, I’ll help you bury the body! What are twin brothers for?”
“I slept with someone,” Matthew said in a small voice. 
“Uh. So what?” Alfred frowned. “You worried about going to hell for pre-marital sex? All the cool people go there.” 
“I…no, I…” He screwed his eyes shut. “I slept with someone who was already in a relationship. I basically…I’m a…I broke them up.” 
“Ohhhh…” Realisation dawned. “Oh, Mattie…what happened, exactly?”
Matthew was crying so hard that it took several minutes for him to calm down and respond. He wiped his face on his sleeve several times and lowered his window for some brittle winter air. “It was Gilbert. You know, Gilbert, Roderich’s boyfriend, Gilbert.” 
“Your best friend, Gilbert,” Alfred noted quietly. 
“My best friend Gilbert,” Matthew agreed, miserably. “He came over for a movie…this was a couple of weeks ago. The radiator blew out and it was freezing, and…I stripped the blanket from my bed and we were…cuddling on the couch, and…one thing led to another.” Matthew wiped his eyes. “I should have stopped myself. What the hell was I thinking? They’ve been together for three years. And now…they broke up. Because of me. I never, ever thought I would do something like that to a person. I’ve never even cheated on a test before!” 
“Matthew, this isn’t all your fault.”
“It is!”
“Gilbert slept with you, as well,” Alfred countered. “It takes two to tango. He wanted to do it too.”
“It doesn’t matter! I should have stopped it. I should have had a little more moral backbone. What’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing! You’ve been in love with him for years. That’s not wrong.”
“Breaking up a couple is, though.” He wiped his eyes. “This is the worst thing I’ve ever done. And what did it even accomplish? Gilbert’s not talking to me. He said it’s probably better if we—” Matthew made air quotes— "'Take a break’. I don’t even know what that means, except that he’s not talking to me. He’s my best friend…even if we don’t date…” His hands were shaking. He covered his eyes. “I don’t know how to fix this.” 
“Well, excess drinking isn’t the answer,” Alfred muttered. Louder, he added, “I’m sorry, Mattie. I think he should at least talk to you. This isn’t entirely your fault.”
“I feel so bad for Roderich. He’s a nice guy and I hurt him for no reason. I owe him a huge apology.”
“If you go see him now, you’ll probably get punched in the face.” Alfred paused. “Well, maybe not punched, considering it’s Roderich…maybe verbally destroyed?”
“I deserve it, either way.” 
“Is this why you’ve been avoiding me for the last two weeks?” 
“Don’t take it personally.” Matthew rolled up the window as a sharp breeze blew in. “I’ve been avoiding everyone. Once they find out what happened, they’re gonna stop talking to me anyway.”
“Mattie…nobody is going to stop talking to you. And also, nobody needs to know. Relationships are complicated, all right? Cheating is a lot more grey than movies and YA romance novels make it out to be. I don’t know how you can fix it. But I know you’re not a bad person.”
“Stop it, Al,” Matthew murmured. He hugged himself. “Stop being nice to me. I wish you’d yell at me. I wish you’d say I screwed up and that I don’t deserve to ever be happy again.” 
“I’m not gonna say that,” Alfred retorted firmly. “And you do deserve to be happy. You’re human and you made a mistake. It happens. Do you remember the year I forgot your birthday? And we have the same fucking birthday.” 
Despite it all, Matthew snorted. 
“I felt like crap afterwards,” Alfred went on. “But you forgave me, right?”
“Well, you guilt-bought me the new iPhone, so…” He smiled faintly. “Are you saying I should buy Roderich the new iPhone?”
“Yes. That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
Matthew’s laugh was tired and breathy, an exhausted sound that came from the shallow part of his lungs. Alfred grinned anyway, patting his back. “Look, don’t isolate yourself. And don’t drink like a maniac, you can’t handle it. Were you planning on driving home? Forget it. Let’s get waffles or something tomorrow. And we can go shopping! Or window shopping, I’m broke…” 
“All right,” Matthew smiled. “I guess if I’m not hung over…”
“You won’t be. Just finish eating and have some more water. I’m an expert in not getting hangovers.” 
Matthew finally unwrapped his burger and took a bite. They sat in the car, silent for a little while. Eventually the food was gone, and a slow trickle of party-goers began exiting the building. Alfred downed the last of his coke and stuffed the garbage in the back seat. “I’ll drop you back,” he said to Matthew. “We can come get your Wrangler tomorrow.”
Matthew nodded. He seemed too tired to talk anymore. It was fine. They didn’t really have to talk. Alfred started up his car and they drove home.
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mirakurutaimu · 7 months
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yo big shouts out to anettera for getting the sploofy off my throne page. thing arrived today and it is Excellent. kinda crazy how good it works
(small review) if you don't know what a sploof is it's like a weed silencer that you exhale into to trap all the smoke so it don't stink up the place. usually they're homemade with paper towel tubes and dryer sheets but this one (sploofy) is just a plastic shell with a HEPA filter in it. works excellent. big recommend if your smokin is stinkin up the joint
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duodusk · 1 year
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hello . ive just woken up and early . why? becoz wilbur says we're gonna drive to iowa. will where are- what are we doing? we're driving to Keokuk. Iowa. why? ??? why? two hours forty six minutes. why are we doing this?? youve not explained to us why we're doing th- I'VE never been to iowa it isnt real. i- as far as i know. i have no intention to ever go to iowa i mean what? are we gonna go to davenport? no. im not going to iowa. ever. exc- par- so i decided im gonna go right now so then i can say to myself "that's it! until the day i die i will never enter iowa."
ive never been to arbys! im so excited for arbys guys! me too! we're going to arbys! THE "MEAT MOUNTAIN". our main goal of iowa wait- the Main Goal of Iowa is arbys?? yes! why?? when you zoom in to keokuk iowa the first thing that pops up is a big word that says ARBYS cuz theres nothing else there because THEY'VE got the meat! they've got the meat! also uh me and ranboo discovered yesterday we got Insider Information that if you order- from someone that WORKED at arbys if you order something called a "Meat Mountain" you get a sandwich with- with every single type of meat on it. three types of cheeses and that INCLUDES chicken tenders and- And he himself said in the time he worked there only THREE people ever ordered it, and every time they did, the- all the waitstaff and all the chefs went :O and they pogged! and they POGGED and they just pogchamped! they POGCHAMPED! me and ranboo are going to split a "Meat Mountain" together and that is NOT what you think it means! what do we name this road trip? Race to "Meat Mountain" is Wheatskins editing this? is Wheatskins editing this? yea Wheatskins. Title Card: Race to "Meat Mountain". Go! [Race to "Meat Mountain" title card plays].
there is a stain on the back seat. ranboo's sat- I'm sitting in it! it stinks of cigarette smoke. the check engine light's on. yep. welcome! we have NO windshield wipers no windshield wipers! wait what?? im just gonna- im gonna use my body to clean the windscreen of its RAIN- drops oh its fine NOW... but theres no windshield wip-- if it rains we're fucked tho. the thing is we- so we went to hertz premium car rentals and they said "we have no cars!" and i was like well thats kind of the one thing ur supposed to have. and then we call up. what was it.. Visco Cheap Cars. Visco Budget Car Rental! oh jesus. and there's- OH MY LORD. so um ive got-- ... it is raining. it IS raining. oh... OH MY GO- wait. that's not. that's not their solution surely. that is. not the solution they made. Open the window. open 'er up! you're doing it, will! oh god. yeah that's- that's MUCH better thanks. i made it worse. "we went to iowa just to eat a sandwich" or you call it-- OR you call it Race to "Meat Mountain". Race to "Meat Mountain" is like a thousand times better. Race to "Meat Mountain". Wheatskins play the title sequence again [Race to "Meat Mountain" title card plays].
this bridge is made of copper. Minecraft! WOAH. wait its copper bridge? great job oxidizing! WOO WOOOOO YO IT OXIDIZED! I actually like that! its like. co- coc- oxidized- cock. cock. why- "it's like cock." I HAVE A STAMMER! bro I STRUGGLE. i think the hotel thinks im having a prostitute come round later why? what??? because i- s- right, so- just dont finish the statement. a- no, no i'm gonna explain- OHH MY GOD. gone fishin'! theres only two things i like in my life: my WIFE and fishin! (and one of 'em dont complain!) canonically your wife is a fish actually wilbur so really mjhhtghh there's a- there's a rest area! oh my god what can we get?? deli. oh! isnt that... isnt that meat? so deli is sandwich and meats i dont know if we should go- the- the prelude to- i need to save myself for the meat mountain! i'm a feeble boy! theres only so much meat i can handle! im hoping the meat mountain's gonna take my virginity.
now we'd been on the road for a good while at this point and, although we were saving ourselves for food, hunger had already began to set in. now, we're all adults! this should've been something we could've handled! but... TEST TEST TEST TEST TEST IT'S SONIC THE HEDGEHOOOOG!!! guyssss, calm down!! i GOT this. wait- there's gotta be a sonic. ive never been to sonic before and i want A Chilli dawg. WE NEED TO GOOOO I KNOW!!! subway! subway! subway! subway! subway! to the RIIIGHT!! NOOOOOW!!!!! they got a rizzo's!!!! just get hashbrowns! just get hashbrowns! theyve got a rizzo's! what the FUCK's a RIZZO'S??? WE DONT HAVE HASHBROWNS AT SUBWAY! WHY DONT YOU HAVE HASHBROWNS AT FUCKING SUBWAAAAAAAAAY??? to- are we- he's gone. where did wilbur go?? where did he GO? where's he going?? i think he- i think he's going to- wait, where'd he- i feel like we should go with him is he just actually going to subway ?? on a quest to find Wilbur Soot in a subway. why dont we just g- ahhh yknow what, im waiting for sonic! that's what im thinkin. should we just wait for sonic? we just let this guy get his subway? ill- i'll go to sonic, too. i got- i got tired of waiting for you so i just came here.
now that wilbur was fed, youd think we'd get on with our mission right? but you're WRONG. i'd spotted something in the distance that i'd never seen before: is that a walmart??? yeah! have you not been to walmart? NO?? we're going to walmart now! we're here. odds on i buy playdoh? for me. buy me some. five. three two one three. one. buy me some anyway sure thank you its for him- youre not old enough to buy your own yet. you might choke! oh they got magic- oh wait! a magic 8 ball!! we can ask it a question! what's your question jack? i dont- i- anything in the world. okay? literally anything where is she? on a remote island in the middle of bermuda. i love how baby yoda was such a hit they just was like... let's just.. let's just put him on everything hold on. I TOUCHED ITS SOFT SPOT! what the fuck did it just do? it like sl- spoke in a deep voice-- HIGH SCORE ELEVEN. Bop it. wait its a bop it! it's a bop it???? its a bop it??? what????? I told you that was a bad idea. he's scary. like im actually sc- that's a saw trap right there it sounds like s- Bop it to start. okay! Twist it. Pull it. you twist its head??? this thing is horrifying! im buyin this. i am buying this.
time for sonic! its sonic time. THE HEDGEHOG! THE FREAKIN HEDGEHOG! we're going! sonic time! this is such an odd sonic what the... my GOD! look at that! its like psychedelic! we're gonna trip out at sonic! ah, whatre you doing? why're you out there crazy? im gonna take a picture of you now. WE'RE ORDERING. what do you want jack? corn dog. that's it?? where are you going? im gonna go wild out for a bit. pff, whats that mean?? yea just the- the corn dog, a small fry, and a small dr pepper SNF SNF SNRK what the fuck is- what the fuck- what the fuck.. um, can i get chilli cheese fries and a large drink- hey baby, hehe and another jumbo- you look like you were really proud of that one, too hhh, hhhhhh t- tell 'em- hhhhfdjkfd hahah. and a large oreo shake shelby tell 'em thanks from me. tell 'em thanks!! i'll pay! i'll pay! I'll pay. I'LL PAY. that's it stop filming my card. i dont want Wheatskins knowing my fucking card. im lookin at you Wheatie. you know what, get it on the Manifold Business we vlogged this. yknow what, do it on the Manifold business account! do it on the Manifold business card! manifold legal is covering this- manifold legal is out of money. cum. uoohhhh ohh :( LICK THE SIDE! lick the side! LICK THE SIDE!! what do you MEAN lick the side?? lick it! LICK THE SIDE! do you see how much th- lick it while i film! LICK THE SIDE!!! LICK THE SIDE! slrrrp. im so sorry i ordered smalls for- that's 5up's, you can eat one of mine please dont eat mine sir please dont eat his fries siir theres not many left ! theyre really hot. whyre you eating em like that, king? slrrrp. i cant get it out. suck harder. i cant get it up! i need your help- you gotta give it that- that good-good gotta give it the sloppy top I'M known for my schlopery. will, film me eating a corn dog! this is my first ever corn dog ever. i've never had one! its really hot. all the way all the way all the way all the way all the way just in one go! all the way get to the stick! i couldnt go any further... its burning my mouth right now, its really hot. crunch crunch. crunch. to like- i have to process the moment like, i have food in my mouth everywhere! ive got worse in my mouth, king! ive had worse in my mouth. 2017. what does that mean?? the year or like. he had two thousand and seventeen things in his mouth. the stick touched my tonsils as i took the last bite. if you gag on the corndog you know she's not a baddie. im sorry to my audience for letting them down! no that's... that's misogynistic, i shouldn't. ✨i'd say all girls are baddies✨well done, will. pffh hahaahaha! if she gag on the corndog she not a baddie! she not a baddie. aint that right, ranboo? thats what im sayin!
now, we may have eaten, but for some reason the crazy hadnt worn off yet. guess you cant take me anywhere! (Wheatskins, you should add like the- the... "she so crazy" yknow with the fuckin chips on her- like the bag of fuckin chips on her head but just, just make it me, i think thatd be funny) I'm a crazy individual. I have deranged thoughts, some of which would land me in the slammer. mmmm hey, wh- Wheatskins, Wheatskins, just make that lean. Wheatskins, wocky slush, make it wocky slush, please. make it that wo- make it, make it that- purp drank. w- Wheatskins, ma- Wheatskins, make-- Why'd you say it with such urgency?? make it that- Wheatskins- you cut yourself off! "make it that-- wheatskins" Wheatskins, no, you gotta make this.. i've been unable to get my codeine fix the whole time ive been here, Wheatskins. you gotta film ranboo wildin' out. he's gonna st- he's gonna wild like i do. he's gonna wild- yeah. wild out, king. go quirky, go insane, th- ...he went right behind the fucking sign! RANBOO! we didnt see you, wild out now! we didnt see you before. you gotta wild out now. (he's wildin). oh yea, he's- he's buggin. no i dont want- i dont want your nug-nugs. no nuggies! no nuggies! roll- roll the windows up, kids! thats what that codeine'll do to you. it's my- my s-- my wocky slush. sonic was great! lets go to connetikuk. kowekuk! iowa! keokuk! keokuk! oiowa! anyone watching this video from keokuk iowa, take a picture of you at the- one of the places that we are at later in this video, and... hashtag MissionTo"MeatMountain" Road to "Meat Mountain" hashtag Road-- race- race to "Meat Mountain" hash- hashtag- what was the- ratio! hashtag RaceTo"MeatMountain" ratio! Hashtag RaceTo"MeatMountain" put that on twitter! put the title screen right now, like the intro guys- put uh- Wheatskins, play the title screen [Race to "Meat Mountain" title card plays].
shelby, how's driving been going? hands on the wheel, please. sorry can we have a ran- can we have a ranboo solo moment? ranboo, hold the camera, pointing at you hi guys :) how you doin? how you been? its been a while since we last spoke! Hey. Don't interrupt my solo moment. this is- this is all i have. hi guys, uhh welcome to the Race for "Meat Mountain" uh- play the- the title sequence [Race to "Meat Mountain" title card plays]. we're driving through, uh, Missouri Unincorporated Territory right now! uhhh, uh- we're about to hit frankfort, which is described by wikipedia as, frankford is an unincorporated place in Unincorporated Territory, Missouri. guys, lemme tell you something about this place. there's fuckall going on. im entertaining myself with the images of my mind. all i can picture is the cymbal monkey, yknow the monkeys that clap their cymbals? Keokuk! Keokuk! Keokuk! Keokuk! Keokuk! oooo, my mans just braked. on a road? what a- what a country! what an unincorporated territory! oh look at that peep! there's a peep! a what? there's a peep on the side of the road! what the fuck is a peep ??? shelby, your eyes are supposed to be on the road, youre staring at purple peeps in the field??? theres purple people?? there was a purple peep! like thanos? or maybe someone whose drank a little too much lean? I've Got Ya Now. don't worry viewers :) youre safe with me!
so far this has been a pretty straightforward journey! we made a couple of stops, but other than that, it was pretty much smooth sailing and having a few laughs! but then the First Disaster struck. auh, guys i need to tell you something. i really need the bathroom, but i'm- i'm gonna be honest, im genuinely a little bit frightened of going to the toilet around here. i think they're gonna smell that im an atheist out-of-towner? just go over and be like, "That Jesus Guy.." oowh, im g- i'm so scared its okay! its okay! you need to let it out! jack can you come in with me with the camera? i dont wanna be dr disrespect and film you while youre pooping, king. no, dont come in the bathroom dumbass oh. bye will! bye! we reassessed, and im not gonna go in and film even the ground, i will get shot. wait- ive got a fucking white button-up shirt that doesnt matter! it doesnt matter, it doesnt matter w-w-w-wait, wait- wilbur dont take your shirt off- He's dead. this guy's buggin! let's lock the car, let's keep the camera down, let's just film our balls. let's just film our balls! how ya doin? good! i'd shake yer hands but its cold. do ya- how ya been? do yall have a bathroom? hhhhhhh . get in, get in! FLOOR IT! you got funyuns!!!! i didnt know what to do so i bought funyuns! i tried to say, "have y'all got a toilet," like, "have y'all," i tried to throw a y'all in there, and i ended up goin, "Have Y'all- Have Y'all Got A Bathroom?"
Keokuk! Keokuk!!! Shelby said- Keokuk! Keokuk! Keokuk! YEAHHHH!!! I'm so excited. i'm genuinely- i cant believe im going to iowa i cant believe- me- me neither! i cant believe we are cause it doesnt exist! imagine if we get to keokuk and like- there's like a man at the road who's like, "When you leave, tell everyone Iowa exists." and we- "I see you recording," he'll say, and he'll say, "Right, here's some footage to splice in to your cam- video. Tell them Iowa's real," and then- but behind him is just black void. you have to like sign an NDA. i believe that, honestly. or they shoot you! or- or they- or they shoot you and then you 'died in a car accident.' WAIT look! jack!! wait, we're on the way! it's just white! it's- there it is! Keokuk! exit half a mile! we're bout to be there! is this the- wait. "the people of iowa welcome you!" "the people of iowa welcome you!" we fuckin made iiiiiiiit!!!! YEEESSS!!!! oh he's going, wow he just went for it. he's gone. ooh it smells like manure we're here! it stinks! it stinks here it smells of poo but we made it! we made it to iowa i'm in eye-oh-wuh! to arbys!!! Will. yeah? we're on the phone now. WOAH LOOK AT THAT LOOK AT THAT AAAAAA WE'RE IN KEOKUK YEAAAAA myyy camera died. Wheatskins add a, the camera died. bwah bum buh doowww wooomp. Wheatskins, play the- play the intro play the intro! [Race to "Meat Mountain" title card plays].
ARRRBYYY'S!!!! THERE IT IS!!! oh it's there!!! YEAA YESSSS this is, a fever dream. this is incredible. we did it! we did it. oh we did it! to the "Meat Mountain!" alright, this might be a crazy one, but i've heard of, like a rumor. is there an off-menu thing called the "Meat Mountain"? yeah, it's- we could still make it. for real?? yeah. okay! we'll get that! it's real! it's real! it's real! it's real. are you sure you can eat all that? probably not. aha i'll give it a go though! that's a lot of meat! i'm aware! hahaha. youre a little- a little one, too! hahaha!! f- fuck! hahahaha-- we're gonna give it a go! oh my lord, jesus. open it open it open it open it i'm opening it! i'm opening it! let's see this- ready? ohh ohhh my god my oh- hhahah, that's too much! wow that is a lot hey jack, how hungry are you, man? chicken, turkey, beef-- 👀
Initial impressions... weren't great! but what can you expect? a burger that tall could never look beautiful! and its not about the outside appearance!! it's the beauty within :) i was in it for the flavors, the meats melting on my tongue. i just wanted to feel my mouth full of meat, and i wanted to taste-- ...........maybe cut that part, i dont know-- take a bite, king. you got this! my god do they have the meats. they do have the meats. unhinge your jaw! ccrrrunch. Oh. oh, oh oh boy that's a good bite! that was a good bite. that's a solid bite! you got- you got the top to bottom! what is it like? oh! i heard a crunch... i could hear how dry that is. okay, he's still... i dont think i wanna take a bite anymore is it just a lot of flavors..? that should- it's a lot of flavors, not all of them i can analyze at once... crrunch. my god. it's impressive! you are good at that! ranboo. ranboo this is- ranboo. we cant film him taking a bite take a bite. you came here, this was yooour plan. this was never my plan. you told me about the "Meat Mountain" i told you about the "Meat Mountain".... good luck! you got this! crunch. that was a solid bite, king. that was a good bite. for those of you at home, Good Bite. that's ranboo jaws. now you know what my jaws can do. how does- how does it taste? give us- in, in one word- Meat. ..he just went in for a bite on his own choice, by the way, like that is just his own choice there. I was hungry. You gonna blame a man fer being hungry? Food's food! .... i have to have a bite. originally, me and ranboo were the ones taught the tale we came all this way you have to have a bite! im not even hungry! we ate, i had a subway! yeah, i dont know why- you dont have to be hungry for the "Meat Mountain" the "Meat Mountain" is hungry for you. oh i cant describe the smell, hold on.. crrunch. get it. my god that was impr- oh my god?? wow. king! thoughts, feelings, any? i hate the mix of temperatures. oh yeah yeah, no that's the thing- the ham is cold, the chicken is hot. yea that's what got me. this is the last bit that hasn't been bitten. crunch ... it tastes like a pastrami sandwich yeah- is this part not bitten? now the Final One. the final bite. this is it. one final bite! we're making the Pentagram of the Mighty Meats. the mcyt pentagram... in a "Meat Mountain".... crunch there's five bites of a "Meat Mountain" ...actually it's just like a little star now. i've been thinkin about it just now. sluuurrp.. why did we drive two and a half hours to iowa for this? wh- haha, why- yeah, wait, didnt we drive past an arbys? we passed three! we passed like several arbys. a good like thirty minutes in. ... Iowa baby! that's what im sayin! ay, Wheatskins, play the title card again! [Race to "Meat Mountain" end card plays].
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writing-with-olive · 9 months
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Red string for lovers
Cw: depictions of death, trauma reactions, grief
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The red string was for lovers. Each end, a perfect fit to the other's soul. It might stretch and it would certainly bend, but would never break so that you would always have a path to follow.
That's what they said.
It's not a physical string that would get tangled amongst your crap, that would knock over beer cans and encourage the feral cats always skulking about the damp street below your apartment. It wouldn't wrap around doors or the always-flickering lamppost and track your every move like some inanimate stalker. It was more of a ghostly thing: catch it out of the corner of your eye every once in a while.
A reminder when you drag a new what's-their-name back from the bar late at night, and their bedroom performance is even lousier than their drunken poetry attempts. A reminder when you see couples on your way to work and know that if you bothered following the pathway perfectly laid out for you, you might have something so perfect yourself.
Usually, though, you ignore it. Some strings were only a few hundred feet long. Others were thousands of miles. There was no way of knowing until you found the end where it would go, but once you did, it would solidify from spectral to very very real.
That was the beauty of love, they said. The neighbors and old people, sometimes even the kids. Stories and rumors would get passed around and around and around until no one knew where they came from. Just the legends.
Since Jamie's passing, you haven't had time - or desire - to figure it out. Any of it. When you catch that flicker of red at the very edge of your vision, it's not promise shimmering there, but three loud bangs. Blood. The burn of betrayal. And the world turning upside down. The scream erupting from your throat as though your body was a mile away when see your best friend's body sprawled across the floor.
You were only nineteen, but when everything was a world away and you felt like you were simultaneously clinging to the edge of the tallest tower and already a thousand feet underwater, when everything was so dark and all you could smell was copper and smoke, you glimpsed it for a second and latched on. Latched onto this lifeline like it could pull you away away away.
But it couldn't. It doesn't.
The funeral was held and then it ended. Everyone said how nice it was that there was closure, but there wasn't. Because even though you killed the killer and no one knew, there were still the same number of killers in this world and blood stained your hands and every time you see your string you wish Jamie were here with you. You wish for late-night movies, and eating ice cream with not a care in the world.
You'd managed to get yourself an apartment after that, hold down a job even though you hated it. The job itself wasn't bad, not really. Deliveries. Going around town rather than being stuck inside some forsaken office. But you'd talked to Jamie about wanting to do it and it, back when there was still some kind of spark in your eyes, so it was just another reminder of the hole in your life. One that wouldn't close.
You tried your best. Say hi when you dropped off a box, go out, meet new people, explore town even though you were sure you knew it all. You kept up with yourself and made sure your place was nice, even if you never invited anyone over that you expected to see again. But the red string. The one you clung onto so tight decades ago to save you was now the tether to some darkened hell.
So when you went and leaned against the wall be the dumpsters to take your nightly smoke, all alone but no way for it to stink up your apartment, you were particularly irritated that the string, the damned red string, began to grow more solid. You could look at it straight on without it vanishing from sight. And when you looked up a stranger stood not too far away. Glanced at you, then the string stretching the distance between, then followed it back up to you.
You smelled the copper of years long since passed. Heard the sounds. But this time did not move. This string. It had taunted you for so long but you had learned to live without it. Learned to make do.
As you walked over to meet them, you gathered it in your hands. Noticed the texture, the way it pulled you towards them as if by fate. They studied your face, as if pondering the best way to say hello, and did not notice how you twisted and looped the string.
And when you got within arms reach, you moved like lightning. Threw that loop over their neck and got behind them and cinched it tighter. Tighter. Tighter. It didn't matter how much the stranger clawed at it. The string may bend but never break. That was the legend.
When the light finally left their eyes, the string vanished as if it had never existed in the first place.
Love kills. That was the saying.
You'd be bound by the string for lovers no longer.
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yuckisalesbian · 5 months
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The twins and Yo are obviously Chinese (or at least very Asian-based) because of their relation to Woo Foo which is just cartoon Kung Fu mythical martial art. Smoke and Mirrors are obviously Japanese
What about the other characters? Do you have race hcs for them? Personally, I refuse to see Carl and Herman as white.
Also I can't believe it took me this long to realise that the town they live in is vaguely Asian-based. I see it now with some of the bg characters' clothings
Not “Asian-based” they literally ARE (or SHOULD be) Chinese. Kung Fu (which is what Woo Foo is obviously is based on) is a Chinese form of martial arts. Yin and Yang are actual Chinese names and not just terms in Chinese cosmology. Giant Pandas literally live in China.
Not Japanese. Not Korean. CHINESE.
As for other characters…..well, Fastidious is basically (the YYY equivalent of) British, the Stink Aardvarks are French, Pondscüm is Swedish….and if Herman is Scottish, Carl probably is too, he just masks the accent better.
(Pro tip: them being European doesn’t mean they’re white. You’re right about that).
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vanillavanni · 5 months
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//Fluff
SunaHina//
“Taste”
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Suna was smoking on his balcony,something about the bitter taste helped him calm his forever active mind. He exhaled as he withdrew the cigarette from his mouth,watching the smoke rise into the air.
“You shouldn’t smoke too much Suna!” There it was,The voice of his roommate telling him the same thing,Suna turned his head slight to look at the ginger in front of the slide door. “Don’t knock it until you try it.” Suna snickered before taking another puff of his cigarette.
“Cigarettes are unhealthy! I’ll never try them!” Hinata sighed as he snatched the cigarette from Suna and threw it over the balcony “Oh come on,that was my last.” Suna scoffed and flicked Hinata’s forehead,Hinata rubbed his forehead and stuck his tongue out
Suna chuckled and leaned in closer to Hinata “Don’t you atleast want a taste?” Hinata made a repulsed face “Definitely not! It stinks and-Hinata was cut off by a kiss,Suna held the smaller teen in place before pulling out of the kiss
“So?” Suna smirked,He was doing this for shits and giggles. Hinata couldn’t muster up a single word,his mouth opened but nothing came out. Suna shook his head as his grin deepened “you did it taste nice?” Hinata frowned and pushed Suna away.
“It tasted awful! You’re breath stinks too.”
Hinata’s face may have been red but he told the truth,or atleast what he thought was the truth. “Aw~Is my roommate all flustered over a taste test?” Suna continued his teasing with his annoying and mocking smirk.
“Shut up!” Hinata shouted before going back inside,Suna just watched the ginger stomp off,He sighed and looked at the overhead view.
“I need another cigarette.”
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Yo! Sorry it was short today but I wanted to get a quick write out before I tire myself out lmao!
Yknow the deal! See ya next time
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dddragoni-drabbles · 4 months
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The door to the ranch house opened with the squeak of poorly-oiled hinges. Outside stood two men- one tall, one short- both wearing leather dusters with blue bandanas tied around their left arms.
"You Jeremiah Nostum?" the tall man asked.
Jeremiah leaned against the doorframe. "Depends. Who's asking?"
The short man took a step forward. "Mister Nostum, we've been sent here on behalf of Buckeye Pete. There's something he wants to speak with you about- a job that needs doing, and you're the best man for the job."
"Buckeye Pete?" Jeremiah snorted. "You tell that two-bit rustler I'm retired." He started yo close the door, but the tall man stuck his foot in the way, then pushed it back open.
"You misunderstand something," the short man said, pushing aside his blazer to reveal a revolver holstered at his hip. "That was not a request."
Jeremiah glared at him. "I already said no. Don't make me say it again."
The short man shook his head, sighing. "I wanted to do this the easy way, but you're just too damn stubborn, ain't ya?" He pulled his gun from its holster, pointing it towards Jeremiah, whose expression remained unchanged. "You're coming with us, like it or not, so-"
BANG
The short man wavered for a second, then fell slowly backwards, a neat hole in the center of his forehead. Jeremiah grunted, then lowered his own revolver, barrel still smoking. "I told you. I'm retired." His gaze flicked to the tall man, whose hand was resting on his own gun, but had decided it was I'm his best interests not to draw it. "Now you run back to ol' Buckeye Pete and tell him that." He gestured to the short man's body. "And take that fella with you. Don't want him stinking up the place more than he already has."
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cripplingquinn · 10 months
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Yo I hope all my homies in the Northeast are staying safe rn, it's so bad where I am we're advised to wear a mask outside because the air quality is so bad and even dangerous to inhale. It legit stinks of burning rubber, and the skies are turning red. You can't even see the hills in the distance because there's so much smoke in the air. I live in like lower New York too which is crazy because it's reaching all the way down here...
Anyways just wear a mask if your out and be safe please!!
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fade(d) away
A commission piece from @benewhorian (thank you, leo!)
commission info/masterpost
tw: drug use, crackfic
12/11/2012
William didn’t know, and that was all that mattered. Of course, there was nothing that said he could stop them. Traditions that started in Italy couldn’t be broken in America. Or that was what Rebecca always said.
Either way, they made it last. And William didn’t leave the Temple that often anyway. So it was a joy each time.
“Is it possible to hotbox a cave.” It wasn’t a question, and Rebecca looked over at where Desmond was stretched out on the stone steps of the Temple.
“We don’t have that much, Dezzie. I don’t think you can hotbox a cave.”
“You never know. Maybe there’s a cave inside this cave that’s… car size. I dunno. It doesn’t look that big in here.” Desmond shrugged with one shoulder. “This isn’t hitting hard enough.”
“It’s Italian. It can do anything.” Rebecca toed at the floor to turn herself around in her chair and look at Desmond. “Trust the process.”
“Hey yo wait why did you call me Dezzie?”
“Who did?”
“You did. At the beginning.”
“I didn’t. You’re tripping. I told you this was good stuff!” Rebecca cheered, almost falling out of her computer chair. The echo made Shaun come through, nostrils flaring questioningly.
“What are you two doing?”
“Hey- Shaun, real quick.” Desmond rolled off the stairs and tried to stand up. He decided against it and gestured Shaun over. He army crawled the rest of the way and stared up at Shaun with wide, almost pleading eyes. “Are my eyes red? Like… do I look stoned?”
“No, not really.”
“Well, your breath stinks anyway.” Desmond sniffed, hurt by the dismissal of his physical state, and he army crawled back.
“Are you two really-?” Shaun started up, and Rebecca took an audible hit before thrusting it up at Shaun.
“We couldn’t find you to invite you. Sorry. You must have been taking a piss or something. You can have the rest of this one, if you want.” There was half a pinkie’s length left of the blunt, and he sat down to join. And that was the day Desmond found out that Shaun was the lightest weight ever.
21/11/2012
“Abstergo sends out those DNA kits now. Did you see?” Shaun asked, when they all snuck to the back of the cave to smoke after William had gone to sleep.
“No, Shaun, because we’ve been living under a literal rock for a month.”
Shaun must not have understood sarcasm, for once, because he eagerly continued.
“No, yeah, they do this thing now where you send in your spit and they analyse it. And they’ll give you a whole DNA portfolio. They can do the work without needed to capture anyone. At least… not right away.”
“So uncivilised.” Rebecca shook her head. “Spit. What have we come to?”
“I’d probably do it.”
“You sort of are their prime audience, Desmond.”
“Fuck you. But I got Syrian, Native, English, Italian. It’d be cool to see what else is swimming around in me from all my fucked up little Assassin ancestors. I’m like a whole Heinz 57 bottle.”
“Ketchup?”
“No, Becs. Like… a little bit of everything. Lou Bega style. Little bit of Italian in my life, little bit of-”
Shaun gave a sound between a wheeze and a gasp. He looked awe-inspired.
“Why don’t you sing more?”
Desmond bit his lip, examining for a long time if this was a safe place to express his shame. And he decided here, in a cold ancient precursor stone temple, 
“Because I didn’t make The Farm’s children’s audition for Into The Woods and I never sang again.”
“That’s fair.” Rebecca nodded sagely. “I’d give up singing forever too. How can you come back from that?”
“I know. I was eleven. Rejection changes you.”
“Cats is still better. You can’t mess with that.”
Rebecca groaned and threw her head back. “Enough of you and your furry-!”
Desmond hissed for them to be quiet, and they heard the sound of feet walking around. William’s grumbling came with it, and the speed at which the three of them split and hid could have broken some Olympic records. Not even a smoke trail was left.
10/12/2012
Rebecca’s stash was increased, which she was very happy about, after their excursion outside of the country. And she made sure to let them both know.
“I got it from Brazil.”
“You got it from Brazil?”
“Yeah. That’s why it’s in-ter-nation-al.” Rebecca emphasized.
“Ha! Shaun forgot how to speak American.” Desmond cuddled into a stone pillar. 
“You asshole.”
“You arse-ho.” Desmond said, and a pebble flew over his head. Shaun went back to his starfish position. He mumbled something under his breath that Desmond was sure was soap in the mouth worthy.
“How did you get marijuana from Brazil?” Shaun asked eventually, and turned his head to look at her for the story of how a master coder and hacker had pulled off the smuggle of the century. But she was concerned with watching herself in the black of her dead Motorola flip phone blow smoke out of her nostrils. 
“Guys, I’m totally a dragon right now.” She laughed, coughed, and laughed again. Rebecca stopped talking soon after that because her nose hurt.
14/12/2012
“Are beans on toast actually good?” Desmond asked. Grease would have been better, but the idea of gloop – in his mind, anyway, thats what it had to be – sounded good.
“I think that’s a little offensive. No, actually, more than a little offensive.”
“Oh nooooo, big bad Britain had half the world conquered but can’t take the heat.” Rebecca said, even as she took the blunt from Shaun.
“I never got to have any.” Desmond sighed a bit too hard considering how weightless the words were.
“Oi. When this is finished, I’ll make some, okay? If it’s that big a deal.” Shaun’s red-tinged eyes were serious and focused, and Desmond’s throat was tight.
“Yeah. That sounds good.”
Rebecca crawled over and shoved a tissue in his face. He blew his nose.
"I have to say something, though. Seriously." Both heads turned to look at him, and he swallowed. "I've been giving it a lot of thought these past few weeks..."
Rebecca nudged him on.
“That Captain America movie was bullshit,” Desmond said, eventually getting it out.
“They made one?”
“Yeah, last year. You weren’t paying attention?”
“Defend your thesis.” Shaun rolled over and propped himself up, vaguely taking on the posture of a basking seal.
“It was bullshit! Like… okay, he’s a big strong hero. Whatever. But he should’ve gotten together with Peggy.”
Rebecca snorted. “Peggy. No wonder he liked her.”
“Desmond, that’s the point. That’s what makes him a hero. Cause he did what was best and sacrificed himself.” Shaun gave him a look as if he had just attributed a Backstreet Boys song to N-Sync. The ‘DUH’ was silently fixed on here.
“And he had to do that to save the world? He should’ve gotten, like… all the women. And some actual thanks. Marvel was bullshit for that move.”
“Wow, Desmond, I didn’t realize you were so hardcore. And romantic.”
“I always knew he had it in him.” Shaun mused, and Desmond huffed, but fell back on his ass – more like rolled – when he tried to storm off.
“You guys hate me. I knew it.”
“If I hated you, I wouldn’t be sharing the last of my international weed with you.” Rebecca pointed out, stumbling over to sit next to him on the floor. Her head went to rest on his shoulder, which was bony and awkward despite the way he was so athletic now. But it was comfortable. “Get over yourself.”
Desmond almost replied, but a much heavier weight made itself known on his other shoulder, and he had to adjust. Shaun made himself known by stealing the small bit out of Desmond’s hand and smoking it.
“Don’t leave me out next time.”
“Sure, Shaun.” Desmond sighed, and his head hit the back of the smooth stone. The high was all around him. Aside from a few barely there inhales and exhales from the two on his side, it was silent. Even the always present hum of the sheer power the Temple held was silent. And then Shaun started humming something.
“Are you really doing ‘If I Were a Rich Man’?”
“Maybe.”
Shut up, Shaun. Desmond thought, but he sang along in his head and watched the stone above him.
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goenshopping · 2 months
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Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: YO SOX OUI OUI, WOMEN'S KNEE-HIGH SOCK, EIFFEL TOWER DESIGN NWT.
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torahtantra · 11 months
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The Inheritances, a Torah Tantra from the Book of Joshua.
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These are the inheritances of the tribe of Judah, according to its clans:
The Torah Tantra of the Southern Boundary:
Persons whom God praises follow the commitments and vows through during their pilgrimage through the desert of immaturity and delusion. They readily refuse temptation by meaningless things and experiences, they are great in strength, intellect and these they demonstrate by earning stellar reputations.
The Torah Tantra of the Northern Boundary:
Called by the organ of maturity, one criss-crosses through life on the way to adulthood. En route, one gets disturbed by the boys and the bees, then becomes stricken with Vows.
One is bewitched but wakes up and eye and foot continues towards the fountain.
The Torah Tantra of the Hilltop Boundary:
The opening, the mouth is not for complaining. It is the beehive, the honeycomb, it owns the hairy guys, gives one confidence, and creates the House of the Sun for the time God has allotted.
The Torah Tantra of the Western Boundary:
Exterminate all stupor and own that which is built by God, and thus one shall come to see the greatness in oneself.
The Torah Tantra of the Four Cities of Deduction:
In accordance with the Lord’s command one must drive out those who speak without thinking using deduction and devotion to one's brothers and form an alliance, called Hebron, the Cube.
Hills and valleys, the future, which are "beyond the veil, beyond the duel with the lion," are the wellsprings that reflect one's truest inner character. One is in the mind, the other is in the penis.
The Mother of the Future, the Moshiach wants real men, those who read, write, talk and schcrew like they know what they are doing.
Faith is akin to devotion which is a product of loyalty, all are earned and returned. This is the secret of attaining what is called the Allotment and it is central to the onset and continuation of the Age of Moshiach.
The Torah Tantra of the Southernmost twenty Nine Towns Reads as Follows:
God will assemble together the flock, quarreling and dirging, like a dung heap, and help it advance to the future (adadah).
The gathering, which is perennially overflowing with pitch- endless trouble, that is, oppression, will ascend to gather myrtle, righteousness and prosperity. The Cities who heed the Voice of God will become villages of fortune.
Rich soil surrounds the House of Deliverance, the Village of the Fox, of Reason. Therein is found the Well of the Seven, where there is protection from all contempt of Yah who is the lord, the Resolute Protector, the supporting bone of strength, the God of the Generation.
The fool, one who is devoted dedicated, poison like a pint of liquid metal, is a dunghill, a manure pit, a thicket. Attack him with the lioness, missiles, armed men, the eye of the fountain and the apex pomegranate.
The Torah Tantra of the Fourteen Towns of the Western foothills:
Shut the fire down and the smoke, reject the stinking and kill the leprous hornet with the Garden Fountains.
The aphrodisiac fruit, with two fountains, two eyes, a brain and a penis, takes one to the heights. He is the refuge and the justice of the people.
His hedge, with strong methods against violence and its double ornaments is like the Western Wall.
*A man with an intact sac is one that is trustworthy, ie does not bear false witness.
In between the place of strength, the temple of abundance and utter extermination lay Egypt. One is expected to leave Ekron and Egypt behind through deduction, Jepunneh.
Ekron is the opposite of Jepunneh, it puts an end to introspection and exterminates self-reliance.
Here is the Torah Tantra of the Hill Country and the Eleven Towns:
Keep guard over the hedge. Protect its Preeminence with the government, the words, the grape, and obedience. Draw near the sound place where the sand is, where the exile [from Egypt] rejoices. Do not violate the decrees, do not allow men to be treated as if they were gods. Teach this to your children.
The Torah Tantra of the Wilderness is:
The House of Criss-Crossing, the place of judgement, the open sided shed, the City of Salt and the Fountain of the Kid, Judah could not dislodge the Jebusites, who were living in Jerusalem; to this day the Jebusites live there with the people of Judah.
Without the Torah Tantras, without Jerusalem when they are instructed as commanded by God, there would eventually come a time where there would be no inheritance left to give.
Thus ends the Torah Tantra of the Inheritances of the Tribe of Judah.
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helenreddy · 2 years
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yo i fucking hate my downstairs neighbor so much. this dude:
introduced himself to my boyfriend & me as "hi i'm ____ i'm not a serial killer" wtf kind of introduction is that? he legit looks like he could be a killer too, dude has those deranged eyes and frequently wears long black trench coats
if he sees you he will try to entrap you in a half-hour conversation (not really a conversation, he'll talk at you the whole time and you'll say maybe 3 words). none of the conversation will be coherent. you just have to keep walking
starts yelling and slamming shit around at least once a day, usually at the kid in the house (who i think is almost 18 thank fucking heavens). this is especially triggering to me as my mother was verbally abusive among other things
smokes cigarettes inside once in a while (usually on cold mornings), thus stinking up my apartment and triggering my migraines. i've confronted him about it, he lied right to my face then a few days later admitted he was smoking inside "but didn't think it would smell."
is currently sitting on his back porch with his electric guitar hooked up to an amp and playing the first 3 notes of smoke on the water over and over again while intermittently "shredding" dude thinks he's the next fucking hendrix or something but he is not
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pifflzartdump · 4 years
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Here is my comic final for my comic character development class!
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