messy chaotic ‘we’re terrible for each other but can’t keep our hands off each other’ prompts
oh hello i am in fact alive
“do you ever actually think before speaking? like is your brain capable of processing a thought??” “yeah, it’s just immune to idiotic ones”
“take that back” “prove me wrong” (or; a cliché ‘make me’)
being in some sort of intense slightly pointless staring match (after an argument, preferably) and just saying “oh fuck it who cares” and pulling their neck down to kiss them
“do you the sex would be boring if we didn’t argue before it every time?” “i mean, we could always argue during”
^or, alt: doing it once when you’re not arguing instead kinda tipsy but not drunk, and it’s all giggles and laughter and sweet nothings and the next morning being like “oh fuck i actually like them”
“why does everything with you have to be so difficult!?” “it’s fun getting you all riled up”
“oh, if i had known that’s all it would take for you to shut up i would’ve done this ages ag-“ “only finish that sentence if you have a death wish”
“you’re doing it wrong” “jesus, would you just relax” “no because i’m wasting my tim- oh, oh my god-” the other character smirking, “don’t look so smug” “i think i’ve earned the right, now just trust me, okay? believe it or not, i want to make you feel good”
“so you’ll finally stop being an asshole and just sign the document?” “keep doing this and i’ll sell you my house”
getting jealous and the other character pretending that it’s unreasonable, but secretly character A is the only one they feel a spark with. the only one they feel excited to be around
“we should probably stop this” “yeah” … “we’re not going to though, right?” “oh absolutely not”
“nope no nada, no using sex to get me to do things you want, it’s not going to work anymore”
“you really are a fucking asshole aren’t you?” “yes, i believe that’s what’s on my resume”
“i hate you” “i know” “and that won’t change” “i know” “and you’re still okay with this?” no “yes”
“imagine a universe where we didn’t hate each other, that would be so-“ “boring?” “yeah! like imagine not bickering over tiny things, that’s no fun”
“she says we bicker like an old married couple”
talking with a friend; “you shouldn’t go there” “i know” “and you shouldn’t sleep with them” “i know” “it’s a bad idea” “i know” “well. will you?” “..yeah”
“i know we’re terrible for each other but every time i look at them it’s just like my brain flies out the window and my hormones take over”
“we’re broken up, it’s just two friends going out for drinks, okay?” ending up in one’s bed, but alright
“did you sleep together?” “noooo, i just-“ “tripped on a stone and accidentally dailed his number which magically led to you two meeting at a pub and you just magically teleported to your bedroom without your clothes on? yeah, thought so”
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Imagine a villain straight refusing to fight another member of the Hero Team just cuz his hero archnemesis is not present
"Where are they?"
"Oh, not again." The protagonist could feel a headache coming on. "Look-"
"-Are they hurt?" The villain's eyes went dark and dangerous. "Who hurt them?"
"They're fine! Oh my god."
"Then where are they?"
The protagonist definitely had a headache. "It's their day off."
"They didn't tell me they had the day off. What's wrong?"
The really concerning part was that the hero probably would tell the villain which days they were working and which they weren't. The two of them were as bad as each other! The hero was going to be unbearable when they came back and found out that the team had fought the villain without them.
"Can we just get this over with?" the protagonist tried.
"No."
The protagonist sighed. They pinched the bridge of their nose and took a few deep breaths. "Okay," they said slowly. "But you realise I'm still going to have confiscate your nightmare robot."
"It's not for you. And don't think I didn't notice you dodging the question!"
The protagonist considered their options; lies, truth, everything in between.
The villain's nightmare robot hunkered down a little more pointedly in the middle of the bridge. Several people honked their horns. It was, honestly, embarrassing for everyone involved at that point.
"Their grandma died."
"Oh no." The villain's whole face softened. "Grandma L or Grandma P?"
Of course he knew the hero's grandparents. Of course he did. "Look, about the robot-"
"-I'll reschedule," the villain said.
"I can't let you keep the robot. My boss would have my head."
"That sounds like a 'you' problem. I have flowers to send."
The protagonist's eye twitched. "If you try and walk away with it-"
"-Do you really want to traumatize this entire bridge of innocent civilians?"
"I'm sure they're traumatized having to listen to you two idiots on a weekly basis."
"I'm taking the robot. When are they back?"
"They haven't said," the protagonist said, through gritted teeth. "As you know-"
"-They'll be doing all the funeral arrangements. Yeah. You know what, give me their number. I'll text them."
"I'm not giving you their number."
"Why not?"
"It's against policy."
"I'd like to express my condolences."
The protagonist looked them dead in the face. "Mm. That sounds like a 'you' problem. I have a robot to confiscate."
The robot slammed a fist into the bridge. It wobbled precariously.
The protagonist raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. They folded their arms across their chest.
"You're a real piece of work, you know that?" the villain snarled.
"I hate you too, don't worry."
"I should kill you."
"They'd have so much paperwork when they got back from the funeral. It would really improve their month, you killing me."
They ended up glaring at each other.
"If I give you the bloody stupid robot, will you give me their number?"
The protagonist smiled sweetly. "That's the only smart thing I've ever heard you say."
Everyone, generally, preferred it when the hero was around.
They all made sure it didn't happen again.
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MC and the demon brothers are walking in town on a particularly chilly day. In the middle of a conversation, MC suddenly sneezes.
MC: *sniffs* Ugh, excuse me.
Mammon: *puts his jacket on MC* Geez, humans are so weak in cold weather. I guess I’ll have to lend ya my jacket until we’re inside again.
MC: Oh, no, you don’t have to—
Beelzebub: *also puts his jacket on MC, overtop of Mammon’s* It’d be bad if you got sick, MC. Mammon’s jacket is small, so you can use mine, too.
MC: But—
Belphegor: *hands MC his pillow* Missing school and staying home to sleep wouldn’t be so bad, but I’d rather you not get sick either. So, here, hold this close to you. It should have some of my body heat since I’ve been carrying it this whole time.
MC: Um—
Lucifer: *puts his gloves on MC’s hands* You need to take care of yourself, MC. The next several days will be cold like this, so make sure to wear more layers when you go out from now on.
Asmodeus: *wraps his scarf around MC’s neck* And some warm accessories! When done right, they can really make your outfit extra stylish while still keeping you cozy.
MC: This is a bit—
Leviathan: *puts a Ruri-chan beanie he just bought on MC’s head* And you can feel more connected to your favorite 2D characters by wearing more merch with them on it! Doesn’t it just fire up your heart?!
Satan: *puts a pair of fuzzy cat ear muffs on MC* Personally, I don’t care what you wear or how you look as long as you stay warm and healthy. Still, you do look quite cute with these tiny cat ears, and now your head shouldn’t lose as much heat even when it’s windy.
MC: *face flushed from the added warmth and the actions of the doting demons* Thanks, guys. ...But now I’m too hot.
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Up in Smoke
(Also on AO3)
The first time Ghost rips the cigarette from Soap's mouth, drops it on the ground, and stomps on it as he passes by, Soap is too stunned to say anything for a full ten seconds. They've only been working together consistently for a couple of missions, and even as his superior officer, the audacity of the action floors him.
By the time his brain restarts, Ghost is long gone.
--
The second time Ghost steals Soap's cigarette, he bursts out in a string of Scottish curses and tackles Ghost from behind before the wanker can drop it on the ground. An impromptu sparring match ensues, fists and curses flying.
Afterward, he doesn't feel much like a cigarette anymore — not with the split lip, anyway. Besides, the buzzing under his skin that usually drives him to smoke is just... gone.
Price catches wind of the incident, of course, and calls them into his office a few hours later. By that time Soap has calmed down enough to be... maybe not okay with it, but at least able to see the humor.
"What's this about you muppets scuffling by the smoking area?"
"Just a little sparring to blow off steam," Soap says.
"Ghost?"
"Nothin' to worry about, Captain."
"No? I've got one soldier who looks like he just got back from a bar fight, and the other..." He squints at Ghost. "He get a hit in on you, too?"
"Yeah," Ghost replies in that deadpan tone of his. "Coupla black eyes."
It's a joke.
Ghost is telling a joke. And it's objectively not funny. It's not. But Soap bursts into hysterical laughter all the same.
The corners of Ghost's blacked-out eyes crinkle.
Price rubs his temples before dropping his hand on his desk. Soap presses his lips together to contain his laughter.
"Sparring happens in the gym. I'm sure you know the place. It's where we have things like mats and gloves. I catch you two bare-knuckle fighting again, and you will regret it."
And it's enough to sober Soap up. He avoids Ghost as he ducks away to catch dinner.
--
The third time... well, no. He supposes that's really the fourth time.
Because the actual third time, Soap had come back from a shit mission where everything went wrong. Intel was faulty, exfil was delayed, and people under his command died. It didn't happen as often in SAS as it had in the regulars — the soldiers here were well-trained and hard to kill — but that made it all the worse.
When Ghost tried to pluck the cigarette from his mouth, Soap growled.
"Back the fuck up, Lt. Or Price is gonna be disappointed in both of us."
Ghost paused, and their eyes met. Slowly, Ghost lowered his hand.
"Wanna talk about it?"
"Fuck no."
"Thank God."
Soap didn't have it in him to even huff a laugh. He took a long drag and blew the smoke away from Ghost as a peace offering.
To his surprise, Ghost didn't leave. He spun around and leaned against the wall with his arms crossed. They stood there together, utterly silent, as Soap let the heat and sting in his lungs soothe the beast inside that wanted to rip the world apart.
When he was done, though, he was surprised to find he didn't want another. Usually after shit missions, he'd stand there and smoke half a pack before his hands would stop shaking.
He finally met Ghost's eyes. The man quirked a barely visible brow.
"S'pose we should take it to the mats this time?"
Ghost pushed off the building and started walking. Soap followed like a lost child looking for a way home.
--
The fourth time is in Chicago. His hands are shaking not from losing soldiers but from almost losing his own life. The cigarette trembles in his grip as he stands outside the bar, the biting wind turning his fingers and probably his lips blue. He lifts it to his mouth, inhaling deep—
And then it's gone.
The whine that bubbles up from his gut and bursts from his throat is nothing short of humiliating. But God. God. He needs it.
"Not now. Please, Ghost."
"Why?"
Ghost hasn't thrown the cigarette down. Yet. He cocks his head to the side and gives Soap a long look. Soap can only tremble from the cold and a need that goes deeper than a simple hit of nicotine.
"I just... I need it."
The cigarette drops to the ground, but Soap doesn't have time to lament the loss before that same hand is curling around Soap's neck and pulling him into a fucking massive chest. The other arm comes around Soap's shoulders and...
Ghost just stands there, holding him. And Soap can't help melting into the warmth and solidity of the man who saved his life just hours ago. He dares to curl in deeper. To raise his hands and clutch at Ghost's jacket. To let a few, silent tears escape his tight control.
Finally, his muscles relax. Ghost must feel it, because he turns and leads Soap back toward the bar.
"Why do ye even care?" Soap mumbles from his spot tucked into Ghost's side.
"Because those things'll kill ya."
Soap supposes the "I like you alive" is implied at this point.
--
Soap loses count after Chicago. He gets stretches of days when Ghost is on a solo op or out with one of the other operators when he can smoke in peace. So he does.
At first.
He's been hooked since he was a rebellious teen trying to make his mark on the world. He's tried to quit multiple times, but it never seems to stick. The first bad mission or adrenaline-filled near miss and he's back at whatever smoking spot he can find, puffing away.
He finds himself trying to cut back, though, even when Ghost is away.
Any time Ghost is on base, all bets are off. In addition to darting by and making a grab for it or sneaking up behind him and flicking it out of his hands, Ghost has gotten more creative. Sometimes Soap will pull out a cigarette only to find he's "lost" his lighter. Sometimes the cigarettes themselves go missing — he clutches his chest and mourns all that wasted money whenever a whole pack disappears.
He supposes it's all just going up in smoke anyway, though.
He should be angry. But in truth, it's almost a relief to hand over the reins to Ghost. To let the man help him by annoying the shit out of him until he wants to give up on it entirely.
Which is definitely the point. Ghost has made that perfectly clear.
So, whenever he gets the urge to calm his racing thoughts or overactive mind with a cigarette, he finds Ghost and annoys him instead. They talk, or spar, or simply sit in silence together, doing their own thing. Ghost doesn't often touch him — their moment in Chicago is still the closest Soap's ever gotten to the elusive Ghost — but he also doesn't push Soap away when he slumps into Ghost's side after a hard day or leans over his back when he's sitting at the table in the 141's common area on base.
The urge doesn't go away, of course. And sometimes, when things get really bad, Ghost will just sit or stand with him like he did the third time. Still, he finds himself smoking less and hanging out with Ghost more.
--
The last time Ghost steals a cigarette from Soap, he simply stands beside Soap and holds out his hand. Soap immediately knows something has gone terribly wrong. Still, he's too invested in the game now to not hand the cigarette over.
He nearly keels over when Ghost pulls up his mask and takes a long, hard drag. Soap watches in fascination as his cheeks hollow, his neck muscles strain, his lips curve around the paper. It's erotic in a way he really shouldn't be thinking about in regards to his emotionally unavailable superior officer, but the knowledge hasn't stopped him yet. Since that day in Chicago — probably before if he's honest — he's only ever wanted to be closer.
Ghost coughs a little and hands the cigarette back.
"Fuck. Just as disgusting as I remember."
"Ye used to smoke, then?"
"Before I joined up, yeah. Hated it, though."
"The smell? Or—"
"Everything. The taste, the smell, the heat..." Ghost trails off, his hand rubbing over his bicep in a strangely specific way. He shakes his head and looks back at Soap. "Not your problem, Johnny. Forget about it."
Soap's hand is darting out, fingers curling into Ghost's jacket, before he's properly thought through the action. Ghost pauses before turning back. They stare in silence for a moment until—
Soap stubs out the half-burned cigarette and drops the butt in the trash. He licks his lips. Glances up at Ghost. The mask is still sitting on his nose, and Soap stares at his lips for longer than he should before pulling the pack out of his pocket and throwing it in the trash, too.
"Cannae have ye thinking I stink, can I?"
"Too late."
But Ghost's throat bobs with a hard swallow. Soap wets his lips, takes a step closer, and uncurls his fingers to slide his hand up Ghost's chest until his fingertips are resting on Ghost's shirt collar.
"I dinnae think it is."
Ghost turns and walks away. Soap closes his eyes and drops his hand, internally cursing his impulsive behavior. The scuffing of boots walking away from him is like nails on a chalk board.
Until they stop, and a gruff voice calls out, "You comin'?"
A slow smile slides across Soap's mouth. "No' yet."
A huff — exasperation? laughter? a bit of both? — before, "Better get movin' then."
And Soap has never been more glad to follow an order.
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