#so I THOUGHT I'D MAKE IT MYSELF

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

#cw: suicidal ideation #cw: suicide #cw: self harm #cw: mental health #cw: depression #i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it #i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague #it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves #so. please dont #for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic #with the state of the world as it is #having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful #but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full #and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead #i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us #there is no fix-all #and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile #i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it #thank you for reading #and please stay alive #stillindigo art #stillindigo comics

[bigkickguy]

daanmarcoh doodle - they're sleeping in shifts and keeping watch

#daanmarcoh #daarcoh #kickdraw #funger #i just wanted to draw them and try to punch through artblock ! #as soon as i have the energy to actually render something and draw a background its so over #the eternal struggle of 'do i use daan's portrait or map sprite for hair color' #really just wanted to draw daan with marcoh's jacket #thought to myself yesterday - 'idk why they aren't as popular' so figured i'd throw some art into the mix again #such good fanfiction coming out for them too #I really want to get back into a drawing stride for them :') #the shirt grab is to make sure he's still there watching - if marcoh turns around or leaves daan would feel it #i feel like they're walking a weird line in my mind #they just met and in some cases all they have is each other - but they dont really know each other in any way #they just have to trust the stranger who didn't kill them immediately won't be worse than the fucked up monsters around them

[lollitree]

Sygna Suit Diantha!

#pokemon #champion diantha #pokemon masters #pokemas #art #allartstuff #pokemon xy #I'm hype for the villain arc so I wanted to draw something #so I thought I'd draw this and then I'll make others like this for the other alts next month #maybe #originally I was going to draw something full sized but then I sat myself down like no you fool! chibi would be way faster!

[dyemelikeasunset]

Would Dom and Mor ever have kids? Sorry if this isn't a question you want to answer.

I don't mind answering!

The answer is no. Neither of them think they'll be good moms: Mor really doesn't want to sacrifice time that could be spent with her lover, meanwhile Domi has a little too much parental trauma to work through so she's very anxious about the idea

There will eventually be the presence of kids in their lives, but they're gonna be the Double Income Gay Aunties™️ lmao

#i am god's strongest soldier because I LOVE KIDS #I WANT THEM TO HAVE A BABYYYY #the thought of them taking care of a baby makes me melt #but i also know them both well and know they don't want it lmao so i will suffer alone #and give babies to my other OCs for future projects #one time i thought about drawing Whisper as a little girl #but i knew if i did that i'd want to make the design their canon baby so i stopped myself #literally wrestling my arm like it's posessed #dom and mor

[loppiopio]

in water, fleas will drown.

#durarara #izaya orihara #shizuo heiwajima #shizaya #a cheap imitation #i made a thing #for chapter 44 #hwaaaaaagh #special thanks to @stray-tori for massively helping me out with the poses for me to redraw from #also for shading the character art!! and for generally enabling me :) #the idea came to me all of sudden weeks before but i didn't think it'd be that funny to anyone other than me #but i told tori about the idea out of context and she thought it was funny so #but yeah what a grueling sprint this was #i made a whole deal about it on twitter lol #“two days from now i will share the best marketing you've ever seen except it's also a spoiler.” #“read or ruin. make your choice.” #and gave myself 48 hours from that point to grind my ass out on this #also my friends were supposed to read the chapter before i posted it #i'd done some gradual work on it leading up to that but a loooot of what you are seeing in that video was busted out in those 48 hours #or at least the last 24 hours lol #in true aci fashion i fucked around and did nothing for the whole first day 💀 #it was a struuuuggle to get this done but i knew if i didn't finish it that day then it would never get done #i'm super happy with how it turned out though :D #especially with how absolutely dogshit garbage it looks all crunched up to hell and back #tbh the hardest part was drawing (redrawing) shizuo and izaya i am so painfully slow at drawing #the compositing and absolutely fuuuuucking up the quality of it was a long process but really fun for me actually #the most effort i've put into a marketing so far #we're not done yet though idk if i can do anything of this calibre again but who knows #oh btw thank you thank you anyone who tags my stuff it gives me much smile thank you

[cookinguptales]

so I got myself a little something special for christmas, but I was under the weather for a while so I'm only now using it for the first time.

A present from the Pikachu Sweets Cafe in Ikebukuro? What could it be?

It's Sinistea and Polteageist!!! My absolute favorite new-gen pokemon. ;;

I bought some butterfly pea flower tea, too. I hear this stuff turns purple when you add lemon. Let's see...

omg that actually worked way better than expected

I love him 💜

lil baby ghost 💜💜💜 👻☕🫖 💜💜💜

#pokemon #just me #you may be thinking 'wow she must have gotten these while she was in japan' #NO I really wanted to and I did go to the pokemon centers in kyoto and osaka #but we didn't have time to go to ikebukuro #but I knew these were there and I wanted them so badly #so when I realized I'd be home alone for xmas this year I decided to treat myself and just buy them on ebay #honestly the markup wasn't that bad considering I didn't have to worry about getting them home #and I am actually just as happy with them as I thought I'd be lmao #that said this tea tastes like ass I hate lemon tea #I'm gonna make some hojicha instead

[vellichorom]

THIERRY SPOTTED ON PONYTOWN !!!!!! CRYING SOBBING RIGHT NOW IT'S SO CUTE...

( the uber delicious cosplay on the right is @noir-hill's! FINDING YOU BY SOME LUCKY CHANCE WAS SUCH A DELIGHTFUL SURPRISE! THANK YOU! )

#twinkie talks #TSP blogging #that's it that's the post #LOOK HOW NICELY SHADED & COLORED IT IS #look at them doing so much better than me GHGIGLES #the cravat used to make his coatchain.... the belt #that's so clever #THE HETEROCHROMIA? KISS #i happened to jump on pt for the first time in forever & i JUST happen to find this. ough thank u.... #I NEVER THOUGHT I'D MAKE A COSABLE CHARACTER & GET TO SEE IT ON ANYONE BUT MYSELF.... BLESS.....

[enhanced-operatives-division]

I can't wait for their reunion

(Robutler doodles under the cut)

These all have definitely been done before but I couldn't get them out my head

#sorry for no art post yesterday I hate double posting #but great news guys i had my autism assessment today (we all know the results) #(look at this blog) #alas reggie and prism are so funny to me. it makes me violent I have so many thoughts #sedate me or something idk #i digress prism i love you (i have drawn her every day since i designed her and I say that every time) #but it's true i DO LOVE HER #i finished ieytd 3 for myself yesterday and i would wave every time I'd see her #which is an improvement from ieytd 2 where whenever i saw juniper i called him a faggot #i love him i promise #anyways something something i found a great tragic science wives song and. i need someone to give me an excuse to talk about it or - #- i shall wilt like a pretty flower #ANYWAYS #ieytd #i expect you to die #[agent moose's art] #reginald crane #the handler #roxanna prism #roxana prism #robutler

[brain-rot-central]

My brain: nah your writing isn't good

Tumblr: you sure about that??

#the support means a lot #i have bad imposter syndrome #being successful at anything makes me beat myself up more #because i almost feel like I'm unworthy of success #blame how i grew up #also i feel like taking credit for anything is selfish #even if it's my own work #so idk thank you again for the traction on everything I've written here #i never thought I'd ever have something i wrote get past 1k notes #let alone like 200 #neech's speeches

[cerise-on-top]

Rudy with a jealous s/o? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I NEED THISS

Hello! Here you go!

Rodolfo with a Jealous!S/O

The moment he sees you’re jealous he’ll chuckle a bit but also be a bit worried. It’s nice to see that you like his attention enough to want it most of the time, but would he really be able to calm you down from your frenzy? He most likely could, but the worry is still there. At first he’d be a bit apprehensive about approaching you, especially if you’re being snappish and keep hinting at you being mad at him for spending time with someone that wasn’t you. If this doesn’t happen very often he wouldn’t know what to do, but if you’re a very jealous person and it keeps happening then he’ll have a talk with you. It’s not particularly fair to him that you always snap at him whenever he spends time with his teammates or friends, so he’ll sit you down and discuss your behavior and how you can both improve yourselves. Communication is very important to him.

If you don’t get jealous as often, then he’ll approach you after a bit and ask you what’s wrong. It’s up to you whether or not you honestly respond to him, but he’d much prefer you being upfront and honest with him. He won’t really know too well what to do if you just keep lying to him, pretending that you’re alright. Rodolfo will, however, take you to a secluded place if you’re out somewhere together and just talk to you. While he may not be the biggest fan of PDA, he would give you a small kiss, either on your lips or your cheeks, maybe even a hug if you’re especially mad, and apologize to you. He knows it likely isn’t his fault, but maybe an apology could calm you down. If it’s late and he’s been with his friends for a while now anyway then he could make time to just leave, especially if nothing important is going on anymore and the main events and conversation topics are over. However, if he has to stay for a bit longer, then he’ll apologize again, but promises you that you’ll be going back home soon enough.

Once you’re back home all of his attention is on you, if you want that. If you prefer to be left alone then he will let you be, but will check up on you once every hour and ask if you’re doing alright. But if you don’t want that then he’s more than happy to talk with you, or spend time with you in general. You wanna cuddle? Play a video game? Bake some cookies? He’s not opposed to any of those things. Because, truth be told, you being mad but quiet sort of scares him. He has to deal with loud, angry soldiers almost on a daily basis, so he knows how to put someone in their place if they’re being openly aggressive. Therefore you being so quiet is very worrisome and he’ll be on edge this entire time. As soon as you laugh again he knows he did something right, though. That’s the goal: To get you to calm down and smile, maybe laugh even. But he knows that, at the very least, it will likely be over by the time you both wake up again in the morning. If he can, then he’ll spend the next day with you. Or at least as much of it as he can.

#cod #cod x reader #rodolfo parra #rodolfo parra x reader #at first I thought I had already written something like this but no it was jealous!rodolfo and not jealous!reader. hopsie #as someone who gets jealous very easily I sort of vibe with this even if I don't condone snapping at someone just because of it #I used to get jealous when my ex would talk to someone that wasn't me. which happened a lot during school #but then again I also felt suffocated whenever he did spend time with me so I'm glad we broke up #Rodolfo would make for a much much better boyfriend. I'm not into men at all but I'd give him a chance in all honesty #he's a sweetheart. he's attentive. he knows how to cook. he knows when to be quiet. he's introverted #what else could someone want? #I do HC him to be more into men than women though. being in a poly relationship with him and Alejandro must be bomb though #they level each other out. Ale is more outgoing while Rudy prefers to stay home #perfect equilibrium. I wanna go on a hike with the two of them they'd be so proud of me. I also wanna hear them speak Spanish at me #I don't know the language at all but it's probably lovely to hear. especially something that isn't “pendejo” #they'd be two absolute sweethearts together to each other and to their s/o #maybe if I ever find the time I'll write some poly AleRudy HCs with a reader #I'm such a sucker for poly relationships. Since I'm poly myself naturally

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

phone calls my detested

#i had to make a vet appointment and Wow i am not cut out for this whole independent adult thing lmfao #i had to write down a little script for myself... #i feel so bad for the receptionist i was stumbling and 'uhhhhh'ing my way through that call #fuck and when i was supposed to end the call. i didnt realize #I DONT KNOW THE PROTOCOL OKAY #do i hang up??? do i say bye??? she didnt say bye so was there something else i was supposed to say #she hung up so Yay but oughhhhhhh what the fuck #youre telling me people just Know how to carry a conversation? they just Know the routine? sounds fake #i had to rev myself up for the call too #put on a hat. put on sunglasses to trick my brain into thinking we're outside doing things thus fabricating confidence #phone in one hand fidget-dodecahedron in the other. Pacing #my brain is a normal brain that works perfectly fine thanks for asking #absolutely unprompted #i feel so connected to my neanderthal ancestors when i have to make a call #theyre being stalked by a smilodon... i have to talk to a person... same Fear <3 #no but fr whenever i have to talk to someone my thought process shuts down Completely and i forget that im a living human being #fight or flight - neither. freeze and play dead #i think in my next life... i would like to be... a decorative plant #perhaps one of those tall ferns outside a seaside barbecue restaurant #i'd Win at that life. id be so good at photosynthesizing & rustling in the ocean breeze

[lightasthesun]

just wanted to thank everyone that's been encouraging me or offering some kind of support the last few times I talked about getting a cane... because I went and got one today and I didn't think it would make that much of a difference. I underestimated how much it would change for me.

So thank you <33

#got a prescription from my GP last week and gathered my nerves together to get one today #thankfully we have a health care supply store only ten minutes away on foot #I'd planend on getting an anatomical one as prescribed by my GP and it was comfortable and id probably have chosen it too but #then the lady there told me to try the derby handle instead and honestly that was even better plus i can use it on both sides #its sleek and black for now because i can barely bear the thought of anyone seeing me using a cane in our small town in the first place #but once im comfortable.. #anyway we went to a shop across the street afterwards because my besties mum needed to get some things and I didn't wanna go home by myself #and tbh i preferred the thought of going into our small city centre with somebody i trusted and felt comfortable around the first time aroun #long story short im super suprised by the difference it's making 😬 i mean ofc i didn't just get the cane on a fluke #but it was like 'well let's try it out it may help and people keep saying it's for stability and chronic pain too so why not' #yeah so apparently i did need it #i felt so much better #there were several instances where i noticed the cane kept me from stumbling or swaying or missing a step #it felt good #so thank you all

[camellcat]

I feel insane I get it now I get it twelveclara IS everything. they make me want to run up the walls and bounce around and grin so hard it hurts and I love them

#I never thought I'd actually find it in myself to be able to ship the doctor with anyone but rose #but they've done it #five minutes of sitting around in that restaurant and I've been won over #god they're hilarious #ohh and I just got to the 55 minute mark #CLARA OSWIN OSWALD I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU FOREVA YOU CLEVER CLEVER GIRL!!!!! #I JUST FINISHED THE EPISODE ELEVEN NOOOO I DIDN'T THINK I'D MISS HIM #I feel so insane I wanted her to take his hand so badly it makes me dizzy #I'm so used to rose just grabbing onto him without hesitation CLARA PLEASE HIS ARM IS JUST HANGING THERE WAITING #sorry you had to read my live reaction to deep breath lmao I didn't want to post until I saw the whole thing and then I just kept on adding #twelveclara #whouffaldi #twelfth doctor #clara oswald #doctor who

[papermonkeyism]

sorry for being active

logical... i think I'm annoying you too much /especially with my bad English/, and if you don't want to answer, that'll be fine ^^` in any case, thanks for your attention! i'm probably overthinking this, but...

the last question was, what is Crippled (and the others for that matter) afraid of? I understand that all the hounds lived in a pretty terrible place, but what about simple, almost human things like darkness and loneliness? Surama seems quite fearless to me, despite her dislike of the dark, unlike her brother (okay, he's just quite active), and Iacar is reliving the past. of course, they worry about each other, I think, but... hey, admit it, who is afraid of thunderstorms? :)

sorrysorrysorry ^^`

English isn't my first language either (terveisiä Suomesta). It's just that I'm wary.

I do not currently live in a creative enough environment nor life situation where I can reasonably sacrifice several days out of my week into such a demanding creative work, alone, without burning out.

And every time I so much as casually mention Wurr online, there's usually at least one person who'll come and let me know how tragic it is that I've "decided" to "abandon" my "great story and characters". (Or, in one case, how irrelevant and pathetic I am as a failure of a person. Fuck that one, though.)

Like, I had a bit of a nervous breakdown because of health and livelihood issues back in last spring that I'm still occasionally dealing with (one's systolic blood pressure is definetely not supposed to stay over 190 for long), and I just don't want to be dealing with the people sending me obituaries for my comic on top of that right now.

Like, maybe, maybe, if I one day move closer to Tampere to have my Brainstorm Buddy in my reach regularly again. I miss having creative company.

But right now? I'm just tired.

#wurr #also. like. geesh I'm going to have to figure out some rewrites to parts of the comic's story if I want to ever make a satisfactory job #at finishing it #like nothing major but I started the comic over 16 years ago #i was basically a teen back then #and there are parts of writing that 'grew up on 90s cartoons'-teen me thought were just how stories were made #that I didn't question back then but have definetely very much grown out of as a 36 years old adult person #like... I'd need to un-foreshadow something I already foreshadowed but never felt actually interested in myself #(except you can't un-draw something you've already drawn so far back so I'd have to figure out some kind of twist to make that foreshadowing #feel earned and fitting even if I take away the thing being foreshadowed and make it into something else) #but right now I want to not spend my time angsting about the comic I haven't had the mental energy to work on for few years #and focus on things that make me happy and don't actively make me feel bad #i have a full time day job now anyway #I'm not drawing any kind of comic untill my life is on firm ground again #the meds and the income are helping but it'll take time to even out after the two years of joblessness and mental health strain