#so I felt VERY unfulfilled and regretful

[rocknrollbabe14]

Baby Love (Part One)

Rating: 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

Warnings: Sex to forget the ex, masturbation (male), feelings of regret, depression, smoking, drinking, missing a relationship, lust. If I forget anything, let me know.

Also, thanks to @josephs-quinns for my banner 🥺

**This is a work in progress. It will be a couple of parts. I've been in a rut lately and this felt good to write.**

Finish. That’s all Joe had on his mind as he aimlessly, mindlessly fucked himself into the woman in bed with him. He closed his eyes, gripping her hips as grunts and groans escaped his lips. It was easy to finish if he closed his eyes and focused on something else—someone else. He was beginning to regret even fucking her in the first place. 

“Feels so—good, Joe—”, the woman moaned out.

Joe. He wasn’t used to that and it wasn’t very affectionate when it left her lips. Part of him recoiled upon hearing his name from another voice, even more so from someone he didn’t want to hear it from. 

“Yeah? Gonna fuck you so good.”

Who was he becoming? It was certainly someone he didn’t recognize anymore when he looked in the mirror. Was he close? This was becoming tiring and boring. He closed his eyes, squeezing them tighter, trying to focus his attention elsewhere—on you. As the image of you popped into his head—hair sprawled out on the pillow behind you, eyes warm and glossed over from him fucking you out, your soft and sweet moans filling his ears. 

You were taking him so well and he was loving every second of it. His mind wandered back to when you told him he was the biggest you’d ever had—only filling his ego further. He leaned up slightly, allowing himself to go deeper as he imagined you were the one taking him, mind driving away from the current situation. 

“Fuck—so close.”, the voice breathed, attempting to drag him out of his daydream.

“Yeah?”

That was all he could muster up, careful to not pull himself too far out of his delusions. He never had gone for the model type, but this was as good of a time as any. He was feeling worthless, useless—needed a little ego boost after you all broke up abruptly. He’d been seeing random girls in and out for the last six months, never committing to any of them too seriously. He didn’t want to—they weren’t you. There was no desire to further things with them. 

Waking up in bed with the girls he’d fucked the night before felt empty. As he was trying to come into consciousness, for a moment he’d almost wrapped them in his arms, but quickly remembered they weren’t you as he opened his eyes and came back into reality. Opting immediately to go outside and have a smoke after he slid his shorts on. He could feel himself nearing his release. It was pathetic that he had come to this, but he still had needs and desires too. 

He could feel his curls sticking to his forehead as he pushed himself through the last bit of sex. His breathing was hitching. His thick, broad fingers fumbled until he found breasts. A firm squeeze as he worked his hips, going as deep as he could inside her. Ready to make her cum and get this over with. He heard the moan that was not yours before the cries of pleasure hit his ears, realizing his job was done. There were soft moans and hiccups as he worked to finish himself, feeling unfulfilled as he fell in bed beside her. 

She complimented his ability, telling him how good he was in bed. He nodded lightly, a slight smirk spreading across his lips as he grabbed a cigarette from his bedside table. He lit it as she turned over, pulling the sheet up and over herself, already almost falling asleep. He puffed on the cigarette, staring down at his cell phone. It was less than a week until he had to face you again. Until he had to be in the same room as you for the first time since your break up.

You all had worked together, been co-stars in a romantic comedy. There was no intention of becoming lovers, but all the intimate scenes and spending a lot of time getting to know one another had caused love to bloom unexpectedly. Joseph’s career had sky-rocketed since Stranger Things and Gladiator, becoming one of the most wanted actors in the business. Not to mention how many women wanted him as well. Any woman would throw themselves at him for a chance to sleep with him or even go on a date with him.

However, he didn’t want them. He only wanted you. Or so you had thought. Before the termination of your relationship, you both had agreed to do conventions together. Several over the course of a few months. Neither of you expected you’d be broken up by that point. You both viewed it as a chance to spend more time with each other with your all’s increasingly busy schedule. It didn’t help matters that he lived in London and you lived in the States. 

Somehow, you all had made it work. He’d come to the States or you’d fly to London. You loved visiting him in London. It was a beautiful place, different than what you had seen before. There was something about him holding your hand as he dragged you through Borough Market or when he had taken you to see Big Ben for the first time, kissing you in the pale moonlight and asking you to officially be his. Romance was not something Joseph Quinn lacked in the slightest.

He never failed to make you feel special, even sending you flowers randomly. He’d sign them as your British lover and write he loved you on them. It made your heart melt, instantly sending him a text and telling him how much you loved him and how important he was to you. You all acted like love-sick teenagers, calling each other every chance you could even with the significant time difference. He didn’t care. It didn’t matter to him.

Little did he know, you laid in bed at night missing him. You had since you had broken up. Your bed was cold and lonely and you didn’t know when it wouldn’t be again. It was mentally draining. The days after your all’s break up (which was your choice) were the worst of your life. You felt like you had lost a piece of yourself. Essentially, you had. Joseph understood you—he was special. And now, he was gone. How would you recover?

You would have—still would give anything to be tangled up in the sheets in his house in London, making out softly as the sunlight came through the edge of his curtains. Some days, all you did was stay in bed with him. He’d let you sleep while he got up to smoke a cigarette and make dinner. His cooking was so good, you could taste the love and effort he put into it just for you. His love languages were cooking and touch. Now, that was far out of your reach—but not as far as you thought. 

Joe gave up on his cigarette, putting it out in the ashtray as he heard the soft snores of the woman in bed beside him. He exhaled loudly, falling back against his pillow before plugging his phone up. One week and he’d lay eyes on you again—in person and not on the internet. Even seeing you on the news and gossip pages was refreshing for him. You looked good—great and that pained him. Knowing you were happy without him. If only he knew the truth.

The week seemed to drag by. Maybe it was his nerves—the anxiousness of seeing you again. The girl that he’d been casually seeing followed him as he was packing the last of his things in his suitcase. He couldn’t wait to get away, but he’d never tell her that. Not right now. 

“Isn’t she going?”, she puffed out, emphasis on she. 

“Yes, she is.”

Joe didn’t pay her much mind as he was trying to finish packing. 

“I don’t like it.”, the girl crossed her arms.

“I know, but it’s something we agreed to do. We have a contract.”

“You’re broken up. Don’t your fans know that?”

Her voice was bitter, jealousy seething through her teeth. 

Joseph sighed, clearly becoming annoyed and agitated. “Yes. But we’ve been over this—we agreed to do this string of conventions before we broke up. They offered us good money and we saw it as an opportunity to spend time together. Can we please just drop it?”

She huffed in response, crossing her arms. “But you’re not going to spend more time with her than you have to, are you?”

Joe groaned again, rubbing his face in an attempt to keep himself from going off. “No—I am not. Now, please. I am already stressed enough. Can we please drop it, love? Yes?”

She finally resolved, allowing him to take her in his arms. Anything to pacify her so he could get out of the house and get to the airport. His manager was already up in arms about him being late. He knew this was going to be a rough convention anyway—especially having to see you again after all this time. His manager was going to meet him at the airport to take the flight from London to the States. He handled all his affairs in the US. He kissed the girl's head, feeling numb and empty.

Unfortunately, she followed him to the airport to say goodbye or some shit. Joe sighed as he made his way into the airport, his manager waiting for him. His manager gave him a small wave, and Joe gave a small smile back in response. 

“I’ve got to go, love. I’ll call, yes?”, Joe looked at the girl in front of him who looked heartbroken and like a lost puppy.

“Okay. Promise?”

He nodded, not able to form the word in his mouth. He hated feeling like this but this was so unfulfilling. All these girls were unfulfilling because they weren’t you. That was just the bare, honest truth regarding the matter. He shared a small kiss with her, not even attempting to deepen it. He didn’t want to. He wanted you and it killed him inside he couldn’t have you. As he made his way over to his manager, he gave the girl another small wave, and he and his manager disappeared into the line for airport security.

“Ready for this weekend?”, his manager asked, excitement laced in his voice.

Joe eyed him. “Yeah, excited to see the fans.”

Joe's manager nodded in response. “I’ve talked to Y/N’s manager. I know this weekend will be difficult and challenging for you both, seeing as this is the first time you’ve been in the same room since the—“, his manager trailed off, clearing his throat. “Break-up.”

Joe nodded. “Yeah.”

“Y/N is going to be civil, she’s agreed to do the joint photo-ops. Things are looking up.”

Joe nodded numbly again. Civil. All you were going to be was civil.

“Look, I know this is hard.”, Joe's manager eyed him as they moved in the line for airport security.

Joe didn’t respond, giving him another look.

“You were with her for over a year.”

Joe didn’t respond once again. You were a touchy subject, one he didn’t like to talk about to other people. It was one thing for Joe to think about you. You managed to stay on his mind constantly being the first thing on his mind when he woke up in the morning and the last thing he thought about before he fell asleep at night. You’d be on his mind tonight once he arrived at his hotel room, finally alone and getting a chance to think as he took a nice hot, relaxing shower. 

Joe's manager finally dropped the subject, moving on to what was planned for this weekend at the convention. The first day would consist of his solo photo-ops, the ones of you all together, and then his autographs. He was arriving a day early so he could get everything straight in an attempt to see you in person for the first time since your all’s break up. What he didn’t know was that you were also arriving a day early to do the same.

The flight from London to the States was long. One he wasn’t quite used to taking since you all had broken up. He had done a few things in the States since but it had been a while. His manager parted ways with Joe in his room, telling him he’d see him in the morning. Joe unlocked the door to his studio hotel room, the scent hitting his nose. He sat his suitcase down in the bedroom, looking at himself in the mirror. He would be jet lagged for a few days. 

Grabbing his toiletries, he went to the bathroom. He started the shower, the warm mist beginning to fill the room. His hair was shaggier than it had been when you all were together. He had curly bangs, letting his stubble finally grow back out. The thought came to his mind—remembering how you used to love his beard and stubble between your thighs, on your neck, and everything in-between. It sent a chill down his spine, feeling his cock growing hard between his legs.

A sigh escaped his lips as he palmed the bulge through his jeans, trying to magically make it go away but to no avail. He rolled his eyes, wishing there was a simple solution to his problem but he knew what he’d have to do. As the room became steamier, he stripped his clothes leaving him in just his boxers. This was an all too familiar scenario. He groaned as his fingers palmed his bulge, his eyes closing instinctively. 

All that was on his mind was you and how he wished his hands were yours—making him feel good, relieving his stress. Before he knew it, he was in the shower, stroking himself in his hand as the hot water poured over him dampening his curls, them falling in his face. He took his free hand, moving them back as he moaned out your name, wishing you’d answer. All his mind thought about was your curves, your perfect breasts, perfect ass, the whole nine yards. You had it all.

“Fuck—Y/N, gonna cum……”, he moaned in his shower, alone.

A second passed as he felt all the tension that built up release, thick white ropes of cum spurting out from the tip of his cock only wishing he could share it with you. The water washed it away just as quickly as it came, his eyes shooting open. His breathing was hitched, his chest heaving as he brushed through his curls. He quickly finished his shower, got out, and dried off. Grabbing his phone, he went to the bedroom. The room was quiet, solemn. It hurt to know you were this close and yet he still couldn’t have you.

Peeling the covers back, he laid down and exhaled deeply. He had a few missed calls from the girl he had been seeing, choosing to ignore them. Reaching up and turning off the lamp, he attempted to sleep but it was damn near impossible. He was seeing you in just a few short hours. What would you wear? He was sure it would be sexy and beautiful whatever it was. How would you wear your hair? Straight? Curly? Up or down? All his thoughts were driving him mad. 

The next morning he was woken up by the sound of his manager knocking. He got dressed quickly, grabbing his phone and bottle of water. Joe's manager informed him he almost overslept and that the ride was there to take him to the convention center. He was always taken in the back way in order to not draw attention to himself. He checked his phone, seeing more missed calls from the girl he’d been seeing. Rolling his eyes and rubbing his face, he texted her and told her he’d call her later tonight. 

His mom was checking in on him, asking him how his flight was and if he had arrived safely. He responded, telling her he was fine, he would call her later, and he loved her. 

“Ready for today?”, his manager asked as they pulled up to the back entrance of the convention center, bringing him out of his thoughts.

“Yes.”, Joe smiled softly.

The car parked, allowing him and his manager to exit and enter the convention center. Joe was met with convention staff, directing him to his area. He thanked them, getting to know their names and what they did outside of conventions before he settled in. The first thing he desired to do was have a cigarette. If he was being honest, he needed a little liquid courage. But that’d have to be later. He looked confident but on the inside, he was a nervous wreck to see you again. 

Once the convention opened up, Joe had his solo photo-ops first. His manager made it clear that he was the main guest, the one everyone wanted to see. Joe had heard it all before. It was nothing new to him. Joe and his manager made their way to the photo-op area, Joe looking for any sign of you but trying not to make it obvious. He didn’t notice you yet. No sign of you in sight. 

Joe tried to put on a brave face as he plastered a smile across his face. He was ready to meet his fans, but his heart skipped a beat thinking about you. Joe's manager took a seat in the corner as they began lining up guests to meet him. These things always went super fast and sometimes were a blur to Joe. It was something he loved to do but he was on edge thinking about seeing you again. His stomach was doing somersaults, almost identical to the time you all went on your first date. 

He lost count of how many fans he saw, hugged, and did peace signs with—it all went so fast. Before he knew it, he took his last solo picture. His manager got up, telling him they’d break for lunch and then it would be time for your all’s duo photo-ops. Joe could barely touch his food knowing he was seeing you in less than an hour. Joseph's manager eyed him but didn’t say anything. 

The hour seemed to pass so slowly, Joe eyeing the clock constantly as he picked at his food. His mind was filling with a hundred different things. He swallowed hard as he disposed of his trash, making sure nothing was stuck in his teeth. He had to look good as this was the first time he was going to see you again. Joe was nervous, shoving his hands deep into his pockets as he waited around for you and your manager. In the meantime, he went out to have a quick smoke.

The nicotine barely helped as he squashed it out moments later, making his way back into the building. 

“Ready?”, his manager asked.

Joe nodded, even though he really wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready to see you again. He followed his manager to the photo-op area, taking a deep breath before the curtain was pulled back revealing…..you. You barely looked up, locking eye contact with him before looking down again. Your hair was down, beautifully cascading down your shoulders. Your outfit was tight—hugging all the right curves in all the right places and he instantly felt himself swallow hard. 

He also felt the bulge growing in his pants, quickly trying to dismiss it. He couldn’t do this right now. He closed his eyes, sharply inhaling before opening them again. He could smell your designer perfume from a mile away, just like you could smell his Dior cologne, the one he always wore when you all went on dates and the one he’d use after a shower. You could remember the way it mixed with the scent of his sweat during sex, driving you crazy.

Your stomach flipped at the thought. But you’d never let him know. Joe's manager noticed Joe’s eyes fixated on you before he looked away quickly. Joe felt his heart skip a beat just looking at you. Joe opened a bottle of water, taking a drink as he tried his best not to look at you again. Little did he know, you were fighting the same urge. Joe looked good—he had slimmed down a little but nothing major. You were sure it was for his new movie. 

You had read about it online the other day, accidentally coming across it. His hair was longer and curly, his bangs in his face. He was wearing jeans, a black t-shirt, and a leather jacket, and man, did he look fine—sexy in it. You swallowed hard, quick to look down at your cell phone. Anything to focus your attention elsewhere. On the other side of the photo-op area, Joe was fighting and struggling to speak. He wanted to clear the air a little.

“Hey.”, Joe smiled softly, swallowing hard and finally gaining the courage to speak to you. 

“Hi Joe.”, you breathed easily, not looking up at him as you smoothed your hands over your pants.

A pang went through Joe’s heart as he realized you weren’t going to put a lot of effort into this interaction. It was hard to see him again, he just didn’t realize it. He thought it was hard for him—if he only knew the truth. You had a date set up later that night after the convention—anything to get him off your mind. 

“Alright, they’re lining up the fans right now. Is there anything you all need?”, his manager asked.

Joe shook his head, declining as did you. His manager and your manager sat in the corner as you and Joe stood on the marked 'X' on the floor. Joe looked over at you periodically to see if you were looking at him, but you weren’t. Much to his dismay. You all were civil in greeting fans and taking pictures with them, mustering up a smile. But you didn’t go out of your way to speak to him or look his way. At one point during the photo-ops, he asked if you were okay.

You never once glanced up at him, answering with a monotoned ‘yes’. He could tell you barely wanted to be around him. Much less, in the same room as him pretending to be happy. The mood of the room seemed to be different, tense, and stiff. Joe sighed as he tried his best to be happy for the fans who were there to take pictures with you all. There were some awkward poses fans asked you to do like putting them in the middle and hugging each other. 

There had been no verbal contact since you all had broke up. Much less, physical contact. Joe could tell you were counting down the minutes until this agony—your punishment was over. He watched you eye the clock throughout the entire day. Once the photo-ops were over and you all said goodbye to the last fan, you grabbed your water and cell phone ready to make your exit.

“See you later.”, Joe spoke softly, careful not to add any pet names like ‘love’ or ‘darling’. 

“Bye Joe.”

“Autographs and then my date.”, you smiled at your manager.

Date. That word was like a dagger through his heart. He hadn’t known you to date since you all had broken up. You had a right to, but he didn’t want you to see other people. The only reason he was seeing other girls was to forget you and that didn’t seem to be working. His chances of winning you back or even working to be civil were futile. It would never work. 

You were gone as quick as you had come. It reminded him of the day you had left. You all were trying the living together thing while you were in London. It was going well until the argument happened that you all just seemed not to be able to move past. By the time Joe had arrived home, you were gone along with your stuff. He never got a chance to explain himself even though he sent multiple text messages and left multiple voicemails attempting to plead his case.

His manager gave him a soft smile and a gentle pat on the back as they made their way to his autograph area. There would be no way he could focus on all these people when he only wanted to see you. Somehow, he mustered through what seemed like hours of meeting fans and signing autographs. His fans could tell something was off with him, he didn’t seem as cheerful and peppy. How could he be happy knowing you were going to be out with another man?

Looking as good as you did. The thought alone made him jealous. He could just imagine some guy holding the door for you, pulling your chair out, laughing with you across a candle-lit table. It was all driving him mad. He took a few more smoke breaks that evening than he usually did, finally completing his autograph session for day one. He and his manager left, grabbing dinner before returning to the hotel. His manager watched Joe down several drinks, but not enough to make him plastered.

Joe's manager chose not to question it. Something had happened that Joe clearly wasn’t ready to talk about. Joe unlocked his hotel room, telling his manager goodnight. The room was cool, not too stuffy. Joe sighed as he laid all his stuff down, deciding to take a shower before bed to relax. Maybe in his fantasies, he could at least have you. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard, feeling the bulge in his pants harden just at the thought of you. A soft sigh escaped his lips as he moved to the bathroom.

Once again, giving in to his desires. The hot water rushed over his body, making him forget about the stress of the day. He held his cock in his hand, stroking it as he thought about you laying in bed, waiting for him. Just imagining your naked body on display for his eyes only was making his breathing hitch. He missed the way your body felt, the way it intertwined with his perfectly. It didn’t take him long to climax, feeling a little better about himself. He finished his shower, got out, and wrapped a towel around himself before hearing several close, frantic knocks on his hotel room door. 

His face scrunched up in confusion. Who could it be at this hour? He stood there, listening if it was going to happen again. Several more knocks came to his door. Quickly, he made his way to the door, peering through his peephole. Was his eyes deceiving him? Pulling the chained lock apart, he hurriedly opened the door to reveal you. You were crying, mascara running down your cheeks. Tears were in your eyes instantly causing his heart to hurt. He hated to see you cry. Even when you all were together. 

“I’m—sorry.”, you choked out, voice trembling as your brain scrambled to find the right words.

Was he dreaming?

“What’s going on?”

“Can—Can I please come in? Some guy is following me and I’m scared.”

“Who?”, Joe’s voice darkened, anger creeping up as he practically pulled you inside.

“I’m sorry—I’m so sorry to come this late. God, you just showered.”

Your words were frantic, your brain all over the place. All you wanted to do was crash. 

“No—no, it’s fine. What happened? Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”

Joe was spurting out questions faster than you could process and answer them. Joe quickly locked both locks on the door, holding his towel in place as he followed you to the couch in his studio hotel room. You put your face in your hands, realizing how crazy you probably seemed causing a few more tears to flow. 

“No….”

“Promise?”, Joe asked.

You nodded, sniffling.

There were so many emotions flowing through you, trying to process them all. You could feel Joe’s eyes on you, the concerned expression on his face. 

“I’m so sorry—I’m so sorry I came here.”, you repeated.

With everything going on, Joseph almost forgot that he had left the playlist playing on his iPhone. It was the one you all always listened to, a collective mix of your favorite songs. Ones that reminded you of each other and ones you sometimes made love to. 

“Don’t be sorry.”, Joseph breathed softly. 

The music was playing softly in the background, fading out before switching to another song. Joseph was debating how he should play this. Should he try and comfort you? Or should he keep his distance? He was unsure which way to go about it. 

“I just—I shouldn’t have come.”, you sighed, mentally beginning to beat yourself up. “I mean I haven’t even spoken to you since we broke up and now I just expect you to welcome me with open arms.”

“It’s really okay. I don’t mind.”

“No—I mean—fuck.”, you began to cry again softly.

Joe wore a pained expression on his face as he watched you begin to cry again.

“Don’t cry, love. Please.”

Fuck. He called you love. He just didn’t know it made your heart stop. 

“I just—.”

“Just tell me what happened.”, he touched your shoulder, sending chills down your spine.

He was so calming, so relaxing. It instantly made you feel calmer, the crying began to slow down. 

“I—I was out on my date.”, you swallowed hard. “And we were having a good time—talking and getting to know each other—”

This was hard for Joseph to hear. He didn’t want to imagine you out on a date with another man. He definitely didn’t want to hear about it. But he reminded himself there was a reason you came to him. There was a reason you showed up at his hotel room. Maybe something was still there—maybe you still loved him in some way. 

“And we seemed to hit it off—we were going to leave with each other. I was walking in front when he grabbed me—”, you paused, becoming emotional again. 

“He what?”, Joe’s voice became dark, angry. 

“He grabbed my ass, gave it a squeeze and we weren’t there yet—I mean I just—you never did that to me.”

“No—because that’s fucked. Why did he think he should grab your ass?”

There was anger laced in Joe’s question. Deep down inside, he was seething with anger and jealousy. 

You shrugged, trying not to cry.

“Did anything else happen?”, Joe sighed, rubbing your shoulder.

But you were so shaken, you didn’t notice. Or didn’t mind.

“I was so—shocked. I didn’t—I told him I needed to leave. But he wouldn’t take no for an answer, beginning to follow me. I asked him to stop, Joe. I promise I did.”

“Hey, hey,”, Joe began as he looked you in the eyes, holding both your shoulders. “This isn’t anything you did, okay?”

You nodded. “Okay.”

The current song faded out, a moment of silence before the next one came on. You both instantly recognized the melody with ease. It was Tim Curry’s version of “Baby Love”, one of your absolute favorites. You both looked at one another, you finally admiring Joe’s soft features. His soft, warm brown eyes. His small smile, the one you fell in love with. His beard was beginning to grow back out, the thought alone sending chills down your spine. His curls were perfect, falling in the right spots.

It felt like time stood still—you both leaning closer. A smile curved deeper on his face, care in his brown eyes shining through. He noticed the small smile spreading across your lips, the sniffles lessening. Instinctively, your eyes closed as you felt your lips meet. He tasted so good, you almost forgot how soft his lips were. A small moan escaped your lips as you both worked to deepen the kiss, his tongue tracing yours. His broad fingers found your cheek, cupping it just like he did when you were together. 

There was soft music playing as the sounds of your kisses filled the room. He heard your soft sigh muffled by the kiss you all shared, one hand on his chest. He kept deepening the kiss, causing you to take a few steps back. You both were in the same mindset, the frustration and confusion surrounding your break up and tonight melting away. He was carefully backing you up to the bedroom. He was careful to miss the table and other items blocking your all’s blind wrecking ball moving down the hallway.

Suddenly, you stopped and he pushed you against the wall, pressing himself against you. If you weren’t mistaken, you felt his cock digging into your thigh, only the towel separating it from you. You were wearing a white dress with black heels, your hair was straightened. Your heels were already off, leaving them near the door of the hotel. His hands wrapped around your waist, yours wrapping around his neck and getting a handful of his curls causing him to moan inside your mouth.

It was clear he had missed this just as much as you had. A smile curved into your lips as you both continued to passionately kiss, tasting each other like it had been a hundred years. 

“Bedroom?”, Joe managed to get out between kisses, half slurred as he continued to kiss you.

“Please.”, you pleaded through a breath. 

He pulled you away from the wall, causing a small gasp before it turned into a flirtatious chuckle. He was careful in leading you to the bedroom, feeling the back of your legs hit the mattress. He broke the kiss, looking you dead in the eyes.

“Are you sure you want this? Sure that you want me?”, one of his hands found your cheek, caressing it softly.

This was like a moment out of a movie. 

You smiled softly as your eyes focused on him before touching his cheek in response, feeling his stubble under your fingers. “Of course I want you.”

He nodded in satisfaction as he kissed you again causing you both to chuckle lightly. 

TO BE CONTINUED......

#joseph quinn x reader #joseph x reader #eddie stranger things #eddie imagines #eddie munson imagine #joseph quinn

[osamusbigtits]

"he never..." sakura trails off. the way ino is looking at her makes her blush. it's embarrassing to talk about. sakura clears her throat and tries again. "you know. went down on me, i guess."

ino blinks. "he what? never? not even once?"

sakura knew she was going to regret this conversation. "well, I mean. he was never really home. and after we had sarada there was never really time and it just never happened-"

"sakura, honey." ino places her hand on sakura's thigh and sakura's heartbeat jumps. "that is no excuse."

"well, things didn't work out with him anyway," she mutters and looks away. maybe they should have stayed in the living room. but when ino took her hand and dragged her up into her bedroom, and practically threw sakura onto the bed, sakura couldn't argue.

actually. sakura had long ago become the stronger of the two and could have easily fought ino off. and, well, maybe she didn't want to.

she had always liked the attention from the pretty girl. and her original crush on sasuke was an attempt to keep ino's attention. but where had the whole relationship and even marriage of sasuke gotten her? it was a pathetic, unfulfilling relationship. naruto always held sasuke's full attention. sakura doesn't know why she tried to compete. why had sasuke even agreed to anything with her in the first place?

a soft hand on her cheek pulls sakura out of her thoughts. "hey, stay with me, darling," ino says softly.

when did she get so close? sakura's face flushes bright red. "it's just hard," sakura mumbles. she always feels the need to explain herself when it comes to sasuke.

"i get it," ino says, her thumb gently strokes sakura's cheek. a softness sakura never knew she craved until this very moment. "i get it. don't worry."

sakura doesn't know what washes over her. doesn't understand the intense urge to lean into ino's every touch, doesn't get why she keeps glancing at ino's lips. it's not a want, no, its far stronger than that. a need, a necessity.

she wants ino's hands all over her, to touch and feel. she wants ino's lips on hers, on her neck and chest.

instead, sakura just stares wide-eyed at ino. a little dumb. a little naive. she's been missing out on so much for so long, all over a childhood crush she didn't let go of.

"ino," sakura says softly. there's a desperation in her voice she's never heard before.

ino blushes. face going bright red. it's pretty. it looks good on her. "yeah, sakura?"

sakura doesn't know where she finds the confidence to say it, but she's glad it was there.

"i need you."

and like ino has been waiting for sakura to say those three words for her whole life, she kisses sakura deeply.

sakura wishes she could say she's been kissed like this before. she wishes she could say she's been held like this before. ino's hand on her hip and holding her cheek is all sakura can focus on.

and god, her kisses. intense, yet soft and gentle. slow and careful. it's all sakura can do to follow. she feels a little inexperienced, despite having kissed people before. yeah, people. there was that one drunken night with naruto before he had gotten married. things didn't go far, but... it had definitely awakened something in her. not for naruto, definitely not. but something that had lied dormant, something that needed to be sparked awake.

something that roars inside of her when ino slips her thigh between sakura's legs.

"ino," sakura breathes. she puts her hands on ino's shoulders, needing to pull her closer. she can't let this moment go away, not yet. "ino, please."

"i'll make you feel good, sakura," ino whispers, her voice rough. it shoots to sakura's stomach, heating up. igniting something she's only felt a few times before. "you trust me, right?"

sakura nods, desperate. she brings one hand to the back of ino's neck, pulling her back in.

it's nothing new, but it's all so new. the touching, the warmth, the need, the electricity in her skin.

sakura moans when ino's thigh presses closer, rubbing just right. and sakura can't help but move her hips, desperate to feel that again.

ino breathes out against sakura's lips. "you're making it hard to go slow," she whispers.

"then don't," sakura replies, looking up into ino's beautiful blue eyes, desperate to make her understand. to see what she needs.

ino giggles. "I need to. trust me. you'll thank me for it, babe."

ino gently pushes sakura's shoulder. "lay back, gorgeous. just relax, okay?"

sakura is ready to kiss ino once again, ready to kiss her for hours, and instead ino places a gentle kiss to her chin. a kiss down her jaw, to the sensitive, ticklish skin of her neck. ino has to be able to feel sakura's quick pulse, her quick breathing. its all so much, all feelings she's never felt in such an intense way before.

ino's tongue touches sakura's neck and sakura's body twitches, her legs close around ino's thigh. sakura laughs nervously, a little embarrassed by her reaction.

ino rubs sakura's thigh. "relax, baby," ino whispers against sakura's neck, making the latter shiver. "can i touch you?" she asks.

sakura nods. "yes. yes, please."

sakura's touched herself a few times. a few awkward times. never really understanding what to do, but wanting make herself feel good. but in the end, she didn't get why people did it.

ino sits up and pulls her shirt off. sakura can't help but stare. ino's always been blessed. she's got the perfect body. perfect boobs that seem to defy gravity, a slim waist, wide hips. pale skin laced with scars and stretch marks.

"god, sakura, if i knew you would look at me like that, i would have done this sooner." ino's blushing. sakura made the ever confident, ever loved, perfect ino blush.

"i'm just looking at you," sakura mutters, unable to pull her eyes away.

"come on, don't leave me hanging." ino gently tugs at sakura's shirt.

flustered, embarassed, and feeling way too many feelings, sakura sits up. she looks away from ino as she takes her shirt off. she's never been as pretty as ino. her small boobs sit wide apart from each other and hang sadly. her body is straight, not curved elegantly like ino's. nasty scars tear at her skin, constant reminders of all the things she went through. the horrors she's seen, the battles she's faced. she's never had the same natural beauty the other girls around her have.

not to mention the bit of pudge in her stomach after being pregnant. everything about her is a bit thicker, a bit wider.

and yet, ino beholds sakura like she's a goddess. hands gentle like she's touching an ancient statue. sakura blushes as ino fingers touch the scars and faint bruises.

"you're gorgeous," ino breathes the words like a prayer. "you always have been."

sakura laughs nervously. "you're just saying that."

"I wouldn't lie about this, sakura."

and that intensity, that seriousness, the being worshipped as a holy being, makes sakura feel a hunger she's never felt before. a need that she's needed filled this whole time yet only now is aware of it.

ino leans forward and kisses sakura with a soft intensity. ino pulls sakura's hips closer and pushes her back. and all sakura can do is follow. all she wants to do is follow ino unquestioningly.

so sakura lets herself be kissed, and loved, and cherished in a way she's never felt before. her skin burns where ino touches her and sparks fly when ino's lips touch her skin.

ino kisses soft but reverently. she kisses sakura like a whisper, a prayer, and a bold declaration.

ino's hands slip down sakura's waist, dipping into her leggins. ino returns to take sakura's lips. and sakura gets distracted in the kiss, grabbing onto ino like it's the only thing grounding her.

sakura gasps when ino touches her, where all of the pleasure has been resting, needing, waiting for this. gentle circles make sakura throw her head back. fuck, how has she never figured this out.

"good?" ino asks softly and kisses sakura's neck.

sakura only nods, but good is not a good enough word to describe it. she tries to squeeze her thighs together, only to be stopped by ino's body. she grips the sheets in her hands- ino's pretty lavender sheets.

ino kisses sakura's chest, those soft, sweet kisses. sakura gasps when ino takes her nipple onto her mouth. ino nips lightly and then sucks. sakura arches her back, her hips move of their own accord.

the noises she's making are embarrassing. soft, desperate gasps and moans. but the sounds only seem to increase the hungry look in ino's eyes.

ino's fingers suddenly stop and she pulls away to look sakura in her eyes. the intensity makes her nervous, but her cunt seems to think otherwise.

"let me eat you out," ino says, voice rougher than sakura's ever heard it. it makes her pussy throb. "please, sakura."

sakura needs to keep feeling good. needs to keep this going, to reach that delicious peak she's been hearing of.

and she wants to make ino proud. she wants to keep that look in ino's eyes. the hunger feels so good. but there's also a fondness, a softness in ino's eyes.

if sakura's being completely honest, she brought up sasuke's lack of performance for a reason.

she gets nervous as more clothes get removed, leaving her exposed to the world.

ino gently rubs sakura's thighs. "you can put your shirt back on, if it makes you more comfortable." sakura hesitates. "really, sweetie, I don't mind."

sakura instead grabs the oversized t-shirt ino was wearing and puts it on. ino's eyes flash with an emotion sakura's never seen before.

wait. yes, she has seen it. between sasuke and naruto. when someone else says something about either of them. that intensity, that need-

it's possession.

and maybe it's that look that gives sakura a little confidence. maybe it's what makes sakura spread her legs and give ino a little pout.

and then ino's mouth is finally on sakura's cunt and sakura feels so good.

her tongue is even better than her fingers felt. ino's hands hold sakura's thighs firmly, fingers digging into the toned muscles there.

sakura throws her hand into ino's soft blond hair. sakura feels like she's unable to control herself. she tugs at ino's hair and moans loud and unashamed.

it feels too much and not enough at once. sakura begs, but she doesn't even know what she's begging for.

ino gives a breathy laugh against sakura's soaking cunt and sakura shudders. ino places an open-mouthed, wet kiss against sakura's cunt and sakura's hips jerk. "feeling good?"

sakura groans. "don't stop, please."

ino licks sakura's pussy, like she's savoring the taste. "you're doing so good, sakura," ino says softly and takes another lick. sakura thinks she's forgetting how to breathe. "sound so pretty for me."

sakura swears as her pussy clenches around nothing. she wants something to fill her up, but she doesn't know what or even how to ask. all words in her brain turn to syrup. every word she tries to form just turns into a moan or a whine as she begs.

as if knowing exactly what sakura wants, two fingers delve into her cunt and ino's back to suck at sakura's clit with no warning. sakura cries out at her back arches away from the bed. all she can do is hold on to the sheets for dear life, like it's the only thing keeping her from floating away.

the pleasure is building and building. she feels like a volcano about to erupt.

ino curls her fingers and sakura explodes. her body shakes, moaning loud. she feels new again, whole and complete.

sakura tries to push ino away but ino doesn't stop until sakura's nerves stop tingling with pleasure.

sakura gasps, trying to catch her breath only for ino to shove her tongue in sakura's mouth. and sakura moans and kisses back.

she feels fuzzy around the edges. a little dizzy with the lingering electricity.

sakura manages to meet ino's eyes. "why haven't we done that sooner?"

ino giggles. "I think you, sweetie. let's take a bath, yeah? I don't want to be done with you yet."

sakura is quick to follow ino's lead. just as she always has been.

#this was supposed to be a fun little sakura getting eaten out for the first time and then something possessed me #gal pals yknow #please. just. i didnt proof reqd this #so ignore typos please #jdksbdl #bex thoughts #naruto #sakuino #inosaku

[intoloopin]

💎 for the headcanons!!

LOOPiN NEVER HAPPENED! DEBUT IF YOU CAN!

TREASURE's J.J.

I don't remember how fresh this information is because I don't know if I've mentioned it enough and in detail in this blog, but Jiahang was actually an YG trainee from age 14 to 16. He spend most of that time under KPlus, their model division, learning absolutely nothing because he's really hard to teach anything music related, God bless his heart. He got transferred last minute to active trainee because his millionaire dad paid the Hell out of everyone in charge to get him into the possible lineup for the at the time rumored YG Treasure Box. As a response to that, this man got BULLIED TO SHREDS by EVERYONE AROUND, and I'm talking SOUTH KOREAN ACCURATE BULLYING. Like, there's a reason why when he joined Boy Of The Week, a whole year after quitting YG, mind you!, that he had the shortest hair he ever had in his life and was desperate to not stand out.

But! Let's imagine a world in which he endured all that or some sort of interference happened so things didn't escalate to the point they had. If he never quitted YG, he would be put on Treasure Box, receive the most majestic and appealing cut in the history of reality television, and make it at the 11th to 13th cut, max. Debuting would make him the first chinese Idol under YG Entertainment, and although that would possibly skyrocket his fanbase in mainland China and a lot of SEA countries - specially because he lived in the Philippines! His tagalog is atrocious but hey! - it would also put an immense target on his back over How That Happened, despite the involvement of his father being very minimal in this canon compared to how tangled he had to get with New Wave Music to give Jiahang a spot in LOOPiN.

Really, I don't think he would stay long as a Treasure member by an infinity of reasons, in fact, I see him exiting the group alongside Mashiho and Yedam in late 2022, or maybe even earlier. I think he could make himself into an Idol archetype that worked for him in Treasure, but without anyone putting on the Produce Line pants and actually training him and making him drop the non ambitious act, as happened here, Idol life would get very boring and unfulfilling to Jiahang very fast.

After quitting Treasure, he would definely go back to the mainland, or maybe Taiwan or Hong Kong if he felt more like depending on his dad's influence, and stablish himself there. Do a ton of CFs, act a bit, model a little, regret back to ulzzang mostly, release one song once in a blue moon... And that's that!

ATEEZ's MINWOO.

Oh boy... So, Minwoo was the second ever trainee under KQ Entertainment, arriving at the company right after Hongjoong, and was immediately cut into the debut team. That ended up not lasting because of his constant fights with superiors and trainers, his push to be made the head of a fully self producing group - sounds familiar? Lmao -, as well as the fact that he couldn't get along with the forming trainee team in any way. Like, the Ateez members in LOOPiN canon hate him, just absolutely hate him, and they only had to deal with him for 8 months. Yet they have great reasons for that because MINWOO USED TO SUCK ASS!

That hatred would not digress all that much if he ended up debuting in Ateez, because he would debut extremely unsatisfied. There's also no reality in which he stays in the group longer than 2 years before getting the boot. Minwoo is not an Idol that can function anywhere outside of LOOPiN with all its particularities and the power that he was granted inside New Wave Music, that is like, almost unheard of for a trainee - the one thing I can compare it to, if I'm not mistaken, would be Bang Chan with Stray Kids, kind of, or Kahi with Afterschool, but even they didn't get that producer-ish status until they were already a) under the company for ages or b) already debuted and successful.

After being excused from Ateez, I don't think he would go down quietly; he would probably Say Too Much and tarnish his reputation in the process, making coming back in a group or even a soloist very hard, close to impossible, I would even say. That wouldn't discourage him from making music, and he would stay in the industry as a music producer, and maybe find career redemption there. And he would be extremely unhappy in a lifetime like that, by the way! Forever bitter his Idol dream didn't work! When I say Minwoo without LOOPiN would have turned out a miserable person, I mean it.

OOO's HANJAE.

Enough with the failures! Let's talk something that would work! Before being added to LOOPiN next minute to fill in Dongwook getting the chop, Hanjae was already under BBC and he was training with the guys that ended up becoming OnlyOneOf. If he hadn't made it as a replacement, he would get integrated into the lineup with ease, and get transferred to 8D with everyone and eventually debut in OOO.

I honestly think there's a lot of room for success for Hanjae in this version of canon, and much like will happen to him in LOOPiN eventually duo to both group's acting heavy concept - a concept that I find it so hard for Hanjae to execute without combusting, but I digress! - I see him getting a Rowoon/Eunwoo sort of deal and reaching popular actor status, as he's always intended to reach, and excel at it. Maybe because of OOO's nuguness, if you will, it would take him longer to get the sort of roles he's gotten up until now, but that would not frustrate Hanjae. He's definely someone that can be happy with moderate success, and that wouldn't fully succumb to the actor disease and ever leave the group - which might limited him more, too... But he isn't in it for glory and recognition, and honestly? That's a good mentality to have.

The only big loss I see in this version is his producing talents going by undiscovered, but he can live without them.

CRAVITY's HAEGON.

Okay, hear me out, I always had a clear vision of Cravity's Haegon. Just picture this: Kim Haegon, who spent most of his formative years as a Pledis trainee up until his favorite hyung Beomseok was dismissed from the company for 'being too old', which Haegon didn't take well back when he was 16, given their growing codependent sibling-ish deal. Now, if Beomseok had been firmer with him at that point in time and abandoned him for good - LIKE HE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO, ANYWAYS! BUT ANYWAYS! - instead of going along with his plan to hunt a place for them to debut and landing in Boy Of The Week, everything would be so different for him.

Would Haegon go apeshit then? Yes. In the same way he's gone apeshit at 22 when Beomseok left the group without discussing it with him? No. It would be so much healthier for them to have gone their separate ways when Haegon was still a teenager. Like, his way of getting 'revenge' at Beomseok would be to get into his former company, Starship Entertainment - the one that really fucked him up - and grind his way to debut there no matter what, literally, no matter what, because he still had a bigger goal. LOOPiN Haegon in 2022 had all his dreams 'fulfilled', in his perspective, and had nothing else to focus his energy on except for the fact that Beomseok was missing - and that Gyujin was taking his place.

A lot of things would happen to him as consequence of him going to Starship, like A LOT, too many to get into here, but most of them would be good development things. I also think his bound with the Cravity members would be way less chaotic than with LOOPiN, that was fucked by Beomseok being his ultimate priority - unless Cravity has members creating vicious circles of codependency between each other and I'm not familiar with that!

Anyways, he would SHINE in Cravity after debut, but I honestly think a Haegon that got separated from Beomseok much earlier and had responsible enough people around him would shine anywhere. Suck that's not his canon, though! It actually really sucks that's not who he is or will ever be, now! It hurts me! It really does!

AND THE OTHERS...?

Without LOOPiN on their way, Taesong, Seungsoo, Haruki, Dylan, O.z and Gyujin would all end up as regular citizens, or at the very least non Idol celebrities! But that would be a whole other post...

#&& ⠀ [ . . . ] hound on a hunt ⠀⸻ q&a . #&& ⠀ [ . . . ] hound on a hunt ⠀⸻ extras . #fictional idol community #fake kpop group #kpop au #kpop fanfic #kpop oc #I could expand on this but I did the ask game to get headcanons and alternative ideas out of my mind!

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

re parent regret article.... recently got my mom to admit she and my dad are deeply unhappy and the only reason they got married and had kids (in their early 20s, and it has dictated every moment of their lives since) is because it was what was expected of them and they felt like it was just the thing to do ... its very upsetting to think of how unhappy and unfulfilled my parents are but at the same time its kind of freeing because I understand a lot of their actions better now and their inability to raise us and give me the care I needed. this year I am older than my parents were when they had my oldest sibling and I kind of feel like im older than them now because theyve never fully grown past that point at least not as individuals. ya I suppose everyone has their paths in life and it all fits together and works and means something but it is very sad to realize your childhood was painful because your parents were really just not suited to be parents and couldn't have done any better. im trying to not be weighed down by their lack of self actualization and to be an example for them by manifesting my life in the way I want despite them being upset by it, and to encourage them to become real people now that theyre 60.. umm ya sorry your inbox has become my therapy sessions recently it just feels so much better to confess these things anonymously and write it all out to someone instead of trying to explain to someone face to face and have it deal with their responses. plus i think u understand a lot of my issues although objectively our lives are quite different! anyway yeah hope you have a nice day!!!! xoxo 2012 :3

ilu <3 i relate to much of this i will detail my thoughts below , im glad my inbox can be of use to u i believ The Confessional is a very necessary function in society it can be so transcendent to get something off your chest w/o having to affect your personal life in any way ^^ and i did have a super nice day ty i hope u did too..<3 :readmore:

it is really crazy to think about the pressure ppl face to start families , seems to be less prevalent now but yeah even 20-30 yrs ago it was just, What You Do.. for my parents, they were in love, and i think they rly did want kids, they were together for 5 years before doing it they planned it out, i DO believe they were soulmates. but then once the reality set in idrk there was just this disconnect. my dad was the more nurturing parent, and he had kids from a prior marriage so he knew wat he was in for, i think he missed my brothers a lot so he had perspective. i assume anyway. but he was also major alcoholic which i thought was normal for so long (in england it is i spose). that took up a lot of his time. i know so little about him or his inner workings its quite torturous to me lol.

and my mom is still alive but i know so little about her too, other than stuff i learned thru drunken outbursts. when i try to ask her anything remotely personal or emotional now she stonewalls me so hard :/ she's always just been closed. her childhood was Horrific tho like both her parents were still minors when she was born, her mom is a WW2 orphan and her dad was a delinquent forced to enlist in the navy instead of being sent to juvie. all the stuff she HAS revealed to me abt her life is absolutely bats**t. its awful like i genuinely can not feel a single morsel of bitterness towards my mom knowing wat she's been thru.

that being said i WAS extremely angry at her for a big portion of my life its been a journey to unravel. but at this point i feel so much forgiveness idek how i got here or when. but i love her unconditionally! i also feel that my moms self actualization was rly stunted, not even by having kids but by my dads death, and being left with these kids she has to care for alone, oh god if i try to imagine how she felt it turns my insides to stone. like it really fractured her soul and made existing problems spiral out of control. although that being said she is doing WAY better now in comparison to the past, im rly proud of her. when we talk i try to always encourage her like u say..

really the best medicine is being able to zoom out and view the big picture of Life, not just your life but how all our lives fit together, when you zoom out you can spot the patterns find the order in the chaos. for ages n ages i cldnt understand the reason everything in my life was hell while all these other ppl i knew seemed to have it so normal. Nowadays i can understand how it lead me here, the trajectory and timing of everything, it brought me a lot of EXPerience i can use to help others..Even just by having this blog where i can talk about vulnerable topics , ppl tell me it helps them, i begin to see a new sense of value in my endured sufferings. if i feel like im healing someone that heals me ..

thanx for the msg :] ermm i hope my response dont come off as traumadumping or something LOL i write this all with a matter-of-fact tone in mind. just explaining some stuff for anyone who may need it. hope u have a good night 2012-chan keep shining bright for your family.. <3pmd9

[thewriterwhowritesnot]

Alucard Music Headcannons - Mitski

A/N: Trying to get back into my being in love with Alucard Groove, folks. Don't mind me ;).

I am a firm believer that Alucard would be a slut for Mitski's music. Here's a list of songs I feel he'd love and why:

Francis Forever - I feel like this song would speak to him in so many different ways. It reminds him of how young he feels in life and love no matter how old he gets. His feelings of loneliness and isolation from the living and the dead.

Crack Baby - It's the slow progression of the song. To him, it feels like descending into the thoughts he often does his best to ignore in his daily life. The thoughts of how unfulfilled he feels sometimes. The constant longing for more, for something that he can't always possess. He often doesn't know what he wants but he knows that he had it once and he knows that he wants it back.

I Bet On Losing Dogs - This song reminds him of how he feels as if he's in a hopeless cycle of giving his energy to things that will inevitably fall apart by his hand or the hands of another. He's tired and exhausted with pain, being wrong, and being let down but, he can never get himself to stop trying or to stop seeking. It's bittersweet but he keeps drinking from the cup because, without his humanity and his desire for love, he'll have no reason to continue on.

Once More To See You - This song reminds him of where he's been and who he's known and who he's loved. The secrecy of new love and the sweetness of intimacy. It reminds him of innocence in love and the desire for closeness.

Your Best American Girl - It's the REGRET, my dudes. The suffocating feeling of knowing there are so many ways he feels robbed by life and by the greed and pride of others and the mistakes he's made. This song encapsulates his feelings of wishing things were different and how maybe in love he wishes he could come with less baggage.

Pink In The Night - Let's be real...Alucard is a very intense man and when he falls for someone he falls HARD. So hard that they infiltrate all parts of his mind. This song expresses the feelings he gets when he loves someone and how it resonates in his bones. Overcome with emotion and the drug of love.

Washing Machine Heart - Reminds him of how often he's felt like the odd one out and how in his experience it was rare that he felt chosen in love. Meaning, he's so multifaceted and in relationships, there have been imbalances that have led him to feel unwanted or simply misunderstood and rejected in that. He's a soft-hearted strong individual and this affects him deeply

Two Slow Dancers - This definitely speaks to him in regard to his feelings about time and how it passes. He's immortal and the knowledge of that weighs on him in happy times (and sad ones) because of the knowing that there are many he will have to say goodbye to as he goes on. Many memories will remain longer than the people who were a part of them. This song represents his grief, his love, and his hatred of time and memory.

#castlevania #adrian tepes #alucard #alucard tepes #castlevania headcanons #alucard sfw headcannons #alucard headcannons #castlevania fanfictiom #castlevania fanfic #music headcannons #gem speaks

[dindjarinandlysakane]

The Sweetest Taste | Chapter 38 - And have you cramp my style?

When Din Djarin meets a beautiful cake seller from Nevarro, do you think he’s just going to stand back and let her suffer at the hands of her abusive boyfriend? After a lifetime of heartache and pain, Lysa Kane realises she’s not on her own any more and finds an unlikely friend in the Mandalorian. And Din Djarin does not like men who treat women like that, not one tiny bit. Friendship/comfort and maybe something more…

Masterlist

Chapter 38 - And have you cramp my style?

----

Lysa opened her bleary eyes to find herself bathed in the first of the morning’s warm rays of sunlight.

She stretched her naked body out under the cool sheets, turning her head to find the mattress behind her empty, as she knew it would be now that the shutters were open once again.

Closing her eyes blissfully once more, placing the back of her hand over her face -shielding it from the morning sun, her mind flitted back to the night’s events. Remembering just how it had felt to have Din’s strong and hard body pressed up against hers, not once but twice.

That was certainly not how she had expected the evening to go. But now that it had happened, Lysa could not help but feel a warm tug at the back of her stomach.

Something that told her that Din had wanted…No! Had needed that, as much as she had. His grunts and groans into her ear all night, a telling sign that he had enjoyed himself tenfold. And Lysa hadn't been able to deny how much pleasure he had given her. With his hands…his tongue…

A pleasure she had not been privy to in years. 

When it came to sex Crix had forever taken what he had wanted, leaving Lysa constantly unfulfilled. But that, for a long time, had indeed been the least of her worries where Crix was concerned.

But Din Djarin had been completely different.

He had taken his time with her. Made sure she had reached the crescendo of fulfilment, before seeking to soothe his own ache.

Lysa bit down on her lip now, daydreaming about how it had felt to have Din’s hot-

“I made you some tea,” came a sudden low, familiar voice from the doorway, breaking Lysa instantly from her illicit thoughts.

She grinned behind her hand, knowing that Din had his helmet firmly back over his head, by the way his voice was heavily affected by his modulator.

She opened her eyes, coming to sit up quickly, keeping her completely naked body firmly covered by the sheet.

Her green eyes roved across his tall form, now covered from head to toe in beskar once again.

He took a step into the room, handing her a cup filled with a steaming fragrant liquid, which Lysa accepted gratefully.

“Thank you,” she uttered gently, feeling a flush grace the very tops of her cheeks as she smiled up at him.

And despite what had happened between them in the early hours, Lysa wasn't quite sure she knew what to say to him.

Despite her enjoyment and her smiles, she did have to wonder- where did this leave them now?

Lysa’s eyes lingered on his beskar-covered face for a long moment, slightly resenting the fact that with his helmet on and with no obvious expression, he gave so little away. Her mind working overtime all of a sudden in the aftermath of everything.

Perhaps he regretted what had happened between them? Perhaps he didn't?

Had it just been a one night thing? A fleeting flight of fancy. Something just to get out of his system before he moved on to someone more appropriate for a Mandalorian of his status?

But Lysa swallowed back any feelings of worry now, as her eyes swiftly slipped to the foot of the bed…only to see Grogu awake and climbing, with great difficulty, up the bedcovers, and up onto the bed.

“Mi-tah!” he croaked, as his large black eyes landed on Lysa.

He got to his feet on unsteady legs before waddling across the mattress towards her.

“Hi, sweet boy,” Lysa said kindly, her face breaking into a warm happy smile as he climbed up onto her lap and snuggled into her.

Lysa stroked down Grogu’s little back affectionately, before chancing a glance up at Din once more…

…only to find him gone.

She gave a hard swallow, her eyes lingering in the empty space for a moment or two before Grogu stole back her attention once more.

---------------------------

Din was sitting at his scrubbed wood table, laser screwdriver in hand, fixing a slight sticking problem he found that the casing for his whistling birds had gained.

Glancing out of the window he could see Grogu playing alone by the pond. It had turned into a fine and bright morning, the small tree above the child providing just enough dappled shelter from the hot morning sun.

Lysa had taken herself off to have a shower. And with Grogu outside, the peace and quiet gave Din the opportunity to muse on the events of the previous night.

To him it had been heaven. To be wrapped up in Lysa, to feel her naked skin flush to his. To have her utter his name in the midst of her pleasure.

She really was everything to him. And to have that confirmation that she had felt the same way as he did, made it all feel so real. Like a piece of Din’s life, which had been missing for so long, now found. In Lysa. 

He only hoped now that she didn't regret any of it.

Din, as he had always done, found it hard to express his feelings, especially with his beskar helmet settled firmly over his features.

And he had seen the look of apprehension on Lysa’s face this morning after she had awoken.

Din cursed himself for not having immediately reassured her that all was well. And that nothing that had happened had been an accident- on his part at least.

But he knew now that it wasn't too late. And that whatever he could do to make it clear that she was what he wanted. He would do it.

Din gave a swallow behind his beskar as he heard the hiss of the Refresher door opening as Lysa stepped out in the small living area, smoothing down the front of her long, pale blue tunic dress.

He glanced her way, feeling a pull at his stomach as he looked upon her. A vision in what was, likely to her, just a basic outfit, but to him, she seemed so very regal. Like she belonged in a palace, and not a lowly place like Nevarro.

Her long honey-coloured hair sat in, slightly damp, waves, pulled back from her face by a loose braid on either side. Her dress sat low over her chest and nipped in at the middle, showing off her curved waist.

Had it not been daylight. And had Din been a more confident man in matters of the heart (or indeed other bodily regions) he would have gone up to her right here and now, and kissed her up against that wall.

But that was not Din. The Mandalorian letting out a small, barely audible huff as he acknowledged that thought.

Lysa offered him a soft smile as she approached him, coming to linger at the other side of the large table Din was sitting at.

“I was thinking of going out and making some deliveries today,” she explained, giving a nod over to the large basket sat on the far side of the kitchen counter. Din knew it was likely filled with all sorts of delicious baked goods. “I managed to catch up on almost all of my baking while you were gone. So if I make it out to half of my customers today, I might be able to start to get back on track.”

She stared back at Din, her sweet eyes meeting with his behind his beskar.

“Do you want me to come with you?” he asked in a low gentle tone.

It was an honest question. Despite Crix now having escaped Nevarro it didn't mean that Lysa was completely over everything that had happened.

But she offered him a warm smile in return, shaking her head.

“And have you cramp my style?” she said, wrinkling her nose playfully. “No. Honestly, I’ll be fine. I have to get back out there sooner or later. Otherwise someone else will move in on my patch.”

Behind his helmet, Din gave a grin, feeling his chest constrict slightly as he gazed back at her.

“We’ll if you need us, we’re just at the other end of the comm,” he muttered, as Lysa moved around the table, approaching him with a blushing smile, giving an appreciative nod.

“I always need you, Din,” she murmured softly. Stopping in front of him now, and coming to stand between his long, splayed legs, as he shifted in his seat to face her.

Din swallowed, his entire body aching for her as it had just a few short hours prior.

“I probably won’t be back until late though,” she continued gently after a moment or two, lifting a hand to Din’s helmet, her fingers tracing over the side of his beskar. “So don’t miss me too much.”

Behind the armoured casing of his helmet, Din’s grin suddenly widened.

Dank. She was beautiful. 

Her smile radiant and her shapely body like a magnet, drawing Din to her.

And before he could help himself, he had reached out with both his gloved hands placing them to Lysa’s hips and giving her a gentle tug into him.

A smirk hung over her lips as she placed her own hands to Din’s shoulders, tilting her head slightly as she stared down at him.

Din let out a long, tormented sigh through his nose, drawing a smile from Lysa.

“I've got to go, otherwise I’ll be home even later,” she said in a quiet voice. Her perfect green eyes sparkling in the morning sun as she spoke.

But Din right at this moment didn’t want her to go. Wanting instead to keep her here with him for the rest of time.

“Can’t I just buy all your stock so you can stay here with us today?” Din uttered with a playful groan. 

But Lysa gave a gentle laugh, picking a loose piece of fluff from Din’s black tunic, before sliding her hand gently around his neck. Knowing that he would likely be able to feel her touch better there, with just the layer of wool separating them.

“Oh yeah and how long would you be able to keep that up for?” she swiped back playfully. “You’d be out of credits by the end of the week, and I doubt you’d be able to squeeze into all that armour after having to eat all of the sweet breads the jawas buy from me.”

Din let out a chuckle, letting his hands slip from Lysa’s waist and raising them to either side of his head in a gesture of defeat.

“Fine,” he sighed, as Lysa smiled down at him warmly.

She patted him on the Beskar-covered shoulder, before pulling herself from his grasp, tucking a long strand of golden hair behind her ear, heading for the counter, where she heaved up the basket. Before making for the door.

Din turned and watched as she came to stop at the entrance to the cabin, glancing his way once more.

“I guess I’ll see you tonight,” she said softly. But her words had an intention behind them that Din could not ignore. A suggestive smile dancing its way over her perfect lips, as her eyes lingered on his just a little longer than was normal.

But Lysa didn’t wait for a reply. Merely grasping her grey travel cloak from the hook next to the door before swaying gently from the room.

Din stared at the space she had left empty for a long moment, before he turned, leaning forward in his chair to catch a glimpse of her out of the large viewport to his right. Seeing her stroke Grogu affectionately between the ears, before loading her basket onto the back of her speeder and hopping up into it, flinging on her cloak and shoving her helmet onto her blonde head as she went.

There was a loud juddering noise as the dust all around her battered old landspeeder lifted into the air. And a moment later she was gone, speeding away down the track, soon to be a mere speck on the horizon.

And Din could only grin to himself as he turned back to the table and picked up his laser screwdriver…

…very much looking forward to Lysa’s return.

-----

@its5-15wakeup @thecraftyartist @crazypaine @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @marysucks-blog @siimiasoi @livinxdeadxgrl @midwesternwitchery @the-divine-taurus @handspunyarns

#the mandalorian #din djarin #pedro pascal #din x oc #mando #din djarin oc #mando fic #din djarin imagine #din djarin fic #star wars #mando grogu #din grogu

[valittlecorner]

[✧] Overanalysing Trust Nobody's lyrics

- Hai you read the title, this is a very straightforward post cuz I can't get this out of my mind + this could heavily relate to the Revolution VD so. Hear me out ok. Everything is under the cut if you're interested.

If you pay attention to the lyrics of the second verse, its as if they're having a conversation and/or trying to convince each other to change their point of view. Kanata seems quite negative and "depressed" while Nayu sounds more comforting?? Watch this (I'm breaking it down cuz ofc I will)

[✧] Kanata

"From the beginning, never trusted strangers, don't care about others' betrayal"

- Basic Kanata activities. I think Trust Nobody takes both of their persoectives on Trust. Kanata associates it with the trust issues he has towards society, while Nayuta associates it to something (or rather SOMEONE) else.

"Same agonies, same regrets. We shared it all, us brothers"

- Basic Kanata activities². In this song he makes STRONG EMPHASIS in them always being together. Whether its hardships or happy moments, they were ALWAYS together. Keep that in mind

"Even the days of reoccurring drama, we persisted in this way of life, we just believed so we sang"

- Self explanatory I think

"Even if we weren't trusted overall, if the words are lukewarm, it's just fake love"

- It's hard for me to interpret this lyric to be honest, maybe my english isn't englishing. But I guess it refers to the bond they created using rap, a bond that isn't affected by what others think of them, and if other people's verses are lukewarm, that's just because they lack trust or love. I think.

[✧] Nayuta

"Even if the scene's the same, it's a different world."

- This is like a direct reply to Kanata's negative view of trust. Even if they still live on a bad environment, they have each other, money to subsist and the ability to evolve and be better. If only Kanata moved on from the slums. It's like he's scared of the outside world so he decided to stay there, but Nayu wants to move forward

"It can't be helped that all can't be mutually understood, pushing values and correctness onto each other, there's no way that can be called trust"

- Straightforward as hell + I used it for my first theory post. Basically, Nayu doesn't like the way Kanata restricts him even if it's on accident. And while Kanata connects Trust to his trust issues, Nayu connects it to the lack of trust within Cozmez.

"As long as we live, there'll be a difference in our strides, but it's rectified through perseverant exchange of words"

- Nayu just wants to have a chat with Kanata about their issues girl... Kanata please.....

"Unfulfilled dreams? Silly destiny? The results will prove them so just wait and see"

- This is SUCH AN INTERESTING THING cause when it says "Unfulfilled dreams" Nayuta is shown in the mv, and for "Silly destiny" Kanata is shown. I think this is about Nayuta's unfulfilled dreams and Kanata uncertain destiny without Nayuta (he doesn't know what to do without him / outside his comfort zone).

They're definitely kinda venting to each other???😭 In Kanata's perspective, "Trust" relates to how no one trusted them and they didn't trust anyone. Meanwhile for Nayuta, it's more about the lack of trust within each other. It's really interesting, cause Kanata still stubbornly believes this way of life is the best for both and doesn't acknowledge Nayu's desire for change, most likely out of fear. I haven't shut up about this lately but deal w it. Take this as you will. I just felt like sharing it cuz I'm obsessed w this song AND topic as of late

#i love czmz angst have you noticed that #people from my school were looking at me funny while I wrote this like I made some sacrifices here #paradox live #pararai #cozmez #nayuta yatonokami #kanata yatonokami #valittleanalysis

[celinamarniss]

Year in Review

In 2023 I posted 4 fics at 58,153 words.

Previous years:

2022: 4 fics at 45,096 words.

2021: 3 fics posted, 55,788 words.

2020: 7 or 10 fics posted, 125,738 words.

2019: 7 fics posted, 72,149 words.

2018: 7 fics posted, 87,752 words

2016: 9 fics posted, 51,643 words

2017: 9 fics posted, 115,336 words

2016: 9 fics posted, 51,653 words

In total, 49 fics posted to Ao3.

We Can't Keep Meeting Like This

34,355 words, gen, Din/Luke/Mara

The Din/Luke/Mara fic I told myself I wasn't going to write! As these things tend to do, it expanded into a much longer fic than I expected. The "five things (plus one)" structure helped to keep it from spiraling even further, but those individual chapters ended up being much longer than I expected and took much longer to write. At first, I serialized the first couple of chapters in smaller excerpts for WIP Weds on tumblr. It was fun to get a little feedback and the weekly deadline compelled me to write those chapters quickly. But when engagement dropped to basically nothing I stopped posting updates and waited to post each chapter to ao3 when it was done. My progress slowed down considerably, but the chapters got longer. I had fun, most of the time.

The Girl Who Traveled the Ways Between the Walls

4,938 words, gen, Animalis verse

Written for the 5k AU fic challenge. Luminous Creatures begins with Mara and Luke's daemons settling, and I regretted never writing a story with an unsettled daemon character. I wanted to write a fic with a fairy-tale vibe and I wanted to explore the weirdness of the Imperial Palace. The Palace becomes a fairy tale wood, and Mara sets off on a quest in which she encounters strange people who aid her or demand aid. Does she learn the right lesson in the end? Perhaps not.

Echo, Revenant, Targeter, Phoenix

15,431 words, gen, Winter Retrac character study

I wrote this one for the Star Wars Big Bang, an experience that ended up being so stressful that I dropped out. I still finished the fic on time and posted it. The fic attracted a modest number of readers (unsurprising given Winter has been basically forgotten these days), but their enthusiasm was very gratifying. I've always liked Winter and I wanted to give her a chance to shine.

However, while I love the worldbuilding and individual scenes and images in this fic, as a whole I don't think it's very gracefully written and I've never been very happy with it.

Cascade

3,429 words, mature, Luke/Mara

I wanted to include A Non-Zero-Sum Game in Vol II of my printed fic collection, but the series felt unfinished without the fourth and final story that I planned to write after Tether. So five years later, I finally wrote it. It was interesting to go back to those old fics and try to write a story that fit the series. I wanted to post it before the new year broke so that I could count it in the 2023 list, and I rushed to get it out. It could probably still use some work.

As the year went on, I failed to meet a lot of the arbitrary deadlines I set myself, and that made writing frustrating and unfulfilling. I don't want it to be like that! I want fic to be fun.

However, I have a lot of non-fandom projects coming up in 2024, and I'm going to have to shift my focus away from fic, at least a little bit.

GOALS FOR 2024

(almost exactly the same as the goals for 2023)

Triumvirate Finale! (explicit, very) The big finale of the Triumvirate series, in which the trio returns to Coruscant to face the Emperor. Doesn’t have a proper title yet. Progress so far: three chapters drafted, 15,410 words.

A Smuggler’s Guide to Joining the Rebellion (gen) The sequel to The Things You Find on Tatooine. Progress: the first chapter finished, 2,241 words.

Lando Calrissian and the Jewel of Andara (gen) The Lando and Mara heist romcom I’ve been promising forever. Progress: three chapters drafted, but in need of heavy revision, 6757 words.

Other fics on the backburner:

Courtship remix

Experiments

Daughter of the Rain and Snow

More daemon fic! 

#year in review #writing #process #my stuff #my fic #all my gratitude to everyone who read my fic‚ commented‚ and cheered me along

[whimsycatcher]

LONG UPDATE - SORRY

Hello tumblr, my old friends.... I’m so sorry I keep saying I’m going to be active again, only to disappear after a few posts! It’s been well over a year since I last shared anything! I deeply regret failing to reply to so many messages, and I apologize if I’ve left some artistic obligations unfulfilled (please feel free to let me know if I owe you a drawing).

I'll avoid ranting too much about other things and just admit to this – I’m struggling to draw “for fun” again! I put so much creative energy into a studio job which is frequently burning me out, and even making art to sell at local conventions has felt stressful and dispassionate. I'm grateful I've gained these opportunities but am questioning my goals... My work/life balance is definitely a mess...

Less and less am I caring about getting my real name out to the masses in public or on social media – honestly, I miss partaking in fandom like I used to do! Drawing silly and perverted things for fellow fans of my favourite shows to squee about, lol. I’m just... slowly taking steps to have more free time to do so...

So, SOOOO... I still adore Merthur, and Stucky, and 00Q! But I must credit something new for pushing me toward being here again. I watched “The Sandman” on Netflix and then read a ridiculous amount of fanfic while home sick one day... and now I’m obsessed with the pairing of Dream and Hob Gadling! Another scrawny, dark-haired, magical immortal to be my muse, haha... I’m curious if any of my followers can relate? I’m hoping there’s a community here for it. If not, I was considering starting anew and giving “Pillowfort” a try? I guess I’d be allowed more naughtiness there, too... ;)

Well, if anyone I know is on Pillowfort, feel free to follow me and I will follow back! I have the same handle although it’s a very empty account atm. Not promising to be active very soon but I’m definitely feeling a spark of whimsycatching again. ♡

Much love to my followers, old and new. Hope I can bring some joy with my art again! I have to study how tumblr works these days, haha... what the heck is "Blaze"!? XD

TLDR: RL sucks but I really want to draw Dream and Hob Gadling flirting/loving/courting/fcking ... so this account might come back to life! XOXO

#whimsycatcher #personal #rant #tldr at end #dreamling #the sandman #hob gadling #hope everyone is doing ok

[me-uglypretty]

Space love

Pairing: Carol Danvers x Reader

Summary: When you befriend a certain space adventurer, and end up catching feelings for her.

Warning: 18+ (General), fluff

Word count: 831

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“Where’s Fury?”

Her voice was strict at first, perfectly mimicking her posture, and hair golden as when she glows vividly. Fear surfaces within her eyes, gaze pointed at the device then at those curious stares upon her unexpected arrival. You lifted your hand first, introducing yourself as one of the few to had activated the old pager. It takes seconds before her lips curls, and hands meet yours.

Captain Marvel graze your hand, and Carol Danvers left your mouth after it was just you and her.

You formed a very favourable friendship with the brawny woman, and such attention from her—was simply irresistible. The proof present itself from her welcoming smile towards a stranger, humour lightening her darken feature woken from a dreadful circumstance, and the expressions on her face, so easily, leaving your mind to spiral of every possible reason for her everlasting tenderness towards you.

You felt fortunate, despite the cruel reality of lives buried without bodies or souls living unhappily. It was enough for you to accept faith and immerse yourself of a gifted chance with life. While grief and disappointment leave an open wound, Carol unknowingly seeps her nectar into your heart, her soothing voice and words of such delicacy. Your only regret during those periods of endless darkness were failing to convey the whirls of emotions that sparks when she met your eyes or worse, when she beams of golden brighter than the sun above and your eyes glimmer of hope.

“I can show you around space,” she offered suddenly, watching over the daybreak of a war’s end. “I know places,” she winked and nudge your shoulder with hers.

You felt the warmth on your neck travel to your checks, “Maybe…”

The conversation faded into air of unfulfilled wishes. Someone had called for her name and a charming smile on her face as she waved at you before stepping away. You stared into the ground, cursing the dirt for holding her while your hands ache for her.

Partial separation from friends and family, reuniting and lives awakening, you never cooled your body from the warm of her close by—even when she left earth in her mighty thump of Captain Marvel. You could bear to part from her, months of conversation to years and before those painful years, you had never knew of her.

It should be fine to feel an emptiness gnaw your insides. A lingering memory of her laughter as your hand wrapped around her bicep and the twitch of her muscle beneath your touch. The fluttering of your heart when her face was merely inches away from yours, heart straining to meet the gap.

But neither reached a happy ending.

Perhaps, trying to forget was the first indication that you shouldn’t.

“I have some news,” Natasha equipped with a mischief glint in her eyes. The question of her words left as gasped when the familiar pager was held in her hand. “But you have to promise me something…” she added, a pointed look of seriousness adorns her features.

“What promise?”

Natasha gestures for your hand as she places the pager and close your hand around it. “Promise me that…you would try and not hide away from this,” she carefully said, her tone of warmth and a friend, someone you were immensely lucky to know.

You silently nodded, “I promise.”

A pat on your hand and a warm smile, you were left with your thoughts and the painfully old pager in your hand that inches you towards an emotional mess. Taking a deep breath and whispering a gentle prayer to whoever’s watching as your hands tremble, you slowly unfold your hand for the device.

[ SPACE ADVENTURE at 7.P.M. ? ]

You wondered if your mind was falsely giving you images of what you wished to see—till you hear the familiar sound behind you, heavy steps and the hint of golden in the glass reflection in-front of you. Cautious as ever, you carefully turn to meet her, the same suit of blue, yellow, and red, then wide eyes glimmer of nervousness as she held her hand out.

“Is that a yes?”

You shake your head, watching the seconds of her face falling to sorrow before flinging yourself into her body. Hands easily grasps her face while hers falls on your waist. Lips meet furiously, forcing untold feelings to spill between the sheer jolted of surprise from her and the eagerness from you.

“You’re something else,” she muttered, before pressing another alluring kiss to your mouth.

And she is—a dream, the glow of which your heart ache for more, even when she swipes you off the earth’s crusted land and into the clouds of heavens above. Her eyes of brown, stayed on yours and searching for something unknown, only to expel those questions with the gentle meet of mouth.

Kisses after another, her touch graze your bare skin and heart.

“Okay,” you smiled giddily, “I like space…but I like you more.”

#carol danvers x reader #carol danvers x you #carol danvers imagine #captain marvel x you #captain marvel x reader #captain marvel imagine

[sk-lumen]

hello! thank you for relationship advices, I find them very useful!

I wanted to ask if it's ok or am I overreacting? my partner seems to be emotionally unsupportive. he can't be happy for me when I finally have something nice going on in my life. he constantly criticise my paintings, prefers to be "brutally honest", sees things in a negative way. he said that he felt depressed, but he never did anything to get better. I had the same problem but searched for help and got it two years ago.

for me happiness means sharing with my loved ones, and he can't reciprocate the feeling

so, the question is: is it okay to feel unfulfilled in a relationships? is it bad enough to break up?

thank you so much in advance!!

Darling,

You're not overreacting. Honor and respect your intuition, as well as your wellbeing, when you feel your needs aren't met. You deserve to feel supported and fulfilled!

It sounds like your partner is in a dark place, and that darkness is spilling out on you, moreso since he is actively choosing not to heal or do something about it. The issue isn't he's depressed, or even that he's at a stage where he doesn't yet feel strong enough to overcome it. Depression is valid and not something to joke about. The issue is he's hurting you meanwhile.

You have two choices here.

Either accept this is where he's at and be company to his chosen misery until he does decide to swim back up to the surface... But keep in mind this comes with a high price: yes your time, but even more importantly your mental health, because subjecting yourself to that treatment can inevitably mess you up and leave scars. If you spend enough time in hell you'll start to think you belong there and deserve nothing better.

Or you lovingly say goodbye, because your time and youth and energy and wellbeing is valuable and you shouldn't spend half a dozen years being "ride or die" for someone who finds basic kindness on a daily basis to be too much.

I've been in a similar situation, and I will tell you all those years invested earned me nothing but regrets and trauma. Understand you're not his saviour, you're not his healer or therapist, you're not his project manager or mother. A man should come to you straight, working on himself and doing his best already (and we should do the same).

Much love,

Lumen

#relationship tips #level up #toxic relationships #healing #selflove #advice #ask #recovery

[messrsbyler]

when did mike realize he had feelings for will do you think?

okay so...

by the end of season 2 i think mike realized he saw will in a different light than the rest, which ofc has been obvious all along but in contrast to what he said in season 1 to dustin "well, you are my best friend too. all of you are. will too", after going through that traumatizing experience with will and living the very real posibility of losing will for good this time while he was so close and yet he couldn't do much to stop it from happening, i think something clicked in mike's brain. by the snow ball, i think mike has this notion that will is different, i don't know if he knows in which way, but will is especial for him. mike isn't sure what he feels when that girl asks will for a dance and when he sees the both of them together, but he does feel something (i mean the scene is paralleled with dusting seeing lucas and max dancing and compares their expression in the same shot while mike stares at will and that girl). but then el shows up and mike's attention shifts and he can shove those feelings and thoughts to the back of his mind.

by season three we see mike is actively drowning himself into his relationship with el and failing at finding at balance because, for the most part, he doesn't seem want to get that balance. he pushes his friends aside, for the most part, but will is the one member of the party that gets the most backlash from mike's behavior. this is because mike is trying to compensate with his relationship with el, checking the boxes of a normal teenager, rushing to grow up and have a normal summer, and the feelings that were stirred during the snow ball are getting in the way. i think mike is trying really hard to convince himself he is normal and these feelings don't exist for him. but, of course, they do, so mike keeps having contradicting actions throughout the season, pushing will away by his actions and words and then chasing after him, apologizing because he knows he fucked up and he doesn't want to fight with will or lose him in any way. so... mike wants to distance from whatever he might be feeling for will, pretending it isn't a thing, and that leads him to hurt will and push him away, only for mike to then regret it and want will back.

by the end of season three with the whole "because i love her and i can't lose her" fiasco, we learn mike is supposed to have these feelings (that have been pushed on him throughout the season by other characters, btw, just like it happened in season 1 with lucas and nancy), but then he can't say the words to el to her face even when they are in a life-or-death situation and have no guarantees of making it out. i think mike said it in the spur of the moment because he convinced himself that was the next step and maybe the one thing that would fix his crumbling relationship with mike, but the moment he let out the words he realized they felt wrong and maybe unfulfilling. then everything goes down, the byers are moving away along with el, mike and will have that little exchange where mike exposes in his own way his fear of losing will ("what if you want to join another party") and will reassures him that's "not possible", something clicks for mike again, just like in the end of season 2. and then el shows up, confesses he heard mike and that she loves him too, kisses mike and that click he felt with will... it's nowhere to be seen with el. and we get that "oh... oh no" expression after the kiss, then mike looking back at the byers house and then numbly hugging karen. by this point, mike knows. that feeling he gets with will, that one thing that set him apart in season 2, he knows now what it is. he has feelings for will, the type of feelings he is supposed to have for el, and now both will and el are going away, and he doesn't know what to do with himself or with the situation.

by season 4 mike has had about six months to deny these feelings to himself, which is definitely fueled by the bitterness and hurt he feels when he can't contact will and will doesn't try to contact him back. then he learns about the painting and this girl will supposedly likes through el's letter the day before he leaves for california, and it puts him on edge. i'm thinking mike worked hard to pushed down his feelings for him and fool himself into thinking they weren't a real thing, but then in the airport he gets jealous over the painting and angela (before he learns angela is el's bully), and then will is asking "what about us" and idk i think somewhere at that point mike's feelings for will just broke free and mike couldn't keep them down anymore, but he should, so he gets angry at will because it's not fair, and why is will calling him out here like he didn't try to call every day only to be met with a busy line? and why is will bitching at him over being a third wheel when he brought the painting to the airport? a painting that's for a girl he likes? and for the rest of the season mike simply knows for sure he has feelings for will, and he for sure gets hopeful at times, but then will uses el's name to talk about his feelings, and pushes mike to say i love you to el, and will wants them together so mike has no chances with will and this is what he is supposed to do, so the monologue happens and the world goes to shit because no one is being honest about their feelings. they are all lying and that gives vecna the upper hand.

WHEW! that was long but yeah, i think that's the timeline i resonate with the most. ofc their feelings for each other have always been there, since season one, developing into what we get in season 4

anyhow, thanks for the ask!

#byler #byler tumblr #byler analysis #mike wheeler #will byers #stranger things #byler endgame #cleradin #asks

[yaminerua]

I actually started this one before Smegtober but decided to finish it up ahead of today because it kind of fit today's prompt.

From tomorrow I'll be taking a break from writing since I've done so much lately and wanna give the writing side of my brain a rest but I'll try to sketch up some little things to fill the rest of the prompts.

Anyways as always the prompts are from @a-literal-toaster-wtf

Today's prompt was Homesick.

Rimmer realises that he wants to go home and does everything he can to try to make it there.

Words: 6041

****

Rimmer wanted to go home.

It was a simple realisation, one that had been a long time coming, but it was an inevitable and devastating one all the same.

Sitting by himself in the cramped cockpit of the Wildfire, gazing up at yet another unfamiliar sky, in yet another unfamiliar world, an immeasurable distance separating him from the place he never should have left, Arnold Rimmer finally succumbed to a homesickness that had been churning in his gut far longer than he’d ever readily admit.

It took him a while, as most things did, and he’d spent a great deal of that time trying to outrun it as fast as he could but in the end, several years into his tenure as Ace Rimmer: Space Adventurer, Explorer of Worlds, he finally had to acknowledge the constant, gnawing little feeling that had been nestled within him, jabbing like an uncomfortable thorn into his side from the very moment he’d left.

It was the very same feeling that had made him hesitate before performing that first dimension jump, and the feeling that had had him wishing fervently that he could undo it the moment he’d initiated it but by then it had already been too late. The past was behind him, as was his home and the people he knew, and all that stretched out in front of him was an unknowable future at the end of which was, presumably, a permanent death and little to no chance of seeing those he’d left behind ever again.

He’d thrown himself into his fate as best he could and tried to fill the shoes of all the Aces that had come before him. No-one would be able to say, if they were to write his chapter in the story of the legend of Ace Rimmer, that Arnold J. Rimmer, BSC, SSC, hadn’t given it a jolly good go. He had. It just wasn’t for him. It never had been and even after all this time it still wasn’t. It surely never would be.

As he sat alone, after refusing yet another invitation to the warm bed of a willing stranger, he finally let the admission wash over him, cold and sobering - let the regret seep through until it permeated every pore and settled, bone deep, within him. It was an empty, hollow feeling, weighed down by the hopelessness of it all.

He didn’t want to do this anymore – hadn’t really wanted to do it in the first place. Sure, he’d been moved by the sight of all those other Rimmers who had gone and done the same and it had given him a momentary burst of confidence that maybe he had it in him to do this after all but he’d been quick to lose that once he’d actually committed to it. The novelty had long since worn off leaving a cold, unfulfilling emptiness behind. What was the point keeping going with any of this, pretending to be something he wasn’t and dying some foolhardy hero’s death, far away from anyone who really knew him?

He wondered how many of those other Rimmers had felt the same.

God, he wanted to go home. He’d rather waste his time trying endlessly to do that, to turn tail and run back to the safe mundanity of an old bunkroom he missed more than he would ever be caught admitting out loud, than to continue to press on doing this nonsense any longer. Even if it was impossible he wanted to try until his lightbee fizzled out or until he made it – whatever happened first.

So that’s precisely what he did.

He did everything he could think of to make it back, everything even remotely possible to try to increase his chances even the slightest, to do what no previous Ace had ever managed or even attempted. Even when it seemed futile, even with every new universe he jumped into making it feel like he was getting further away rather than closer, he kept going.

And after many failed attempts, eventually, he believed he’d finally done it.

Red Dwarf sat, a great red beacon of hope, against the darkness of space in front of him and he held his breath at the sight of it, felt the way his lightbee simulated the rapid pounding of his heart, a strange mix of excitement and dread roiling in his gut. What if it wasn’t the right one? Oh, but what if it was? Had they missed him? Well, almost certainly not but he couldn’t help but hope to be wrong anyway.

The cargo bay doors opened to grant the Wildfire access and he all but threw himself out of the cockpit as soon as he’d landed, rushing through the familiar corridors of the small rouge one to where he knew the others were likely to be, anticipation surging like electricity through every atom of his body as though he’d been struck by lightning.

Laughter sounded up ahead from the old living quarters and Rimmer held his breath, cast out a silent prayer into the universe begging it to at least give him this, and rounded the final corner.

The universe, as it happened, was a goit.

What he was met with was a sight that wasn’t altogether unfamiliar but wasn’t exactly what he’d been hoping for either.

It was Lister alright. Not his Lister but a Lister he’d met before all the same and as he gaped, stupefied, at her, the baffled look on her face seemed to perfectly mirror his own, as did the faces of the twin boys sitting either side of her.

Oh, this was almost too cruel. It was unbelievable. He cursed the universe and whatever malevolent deity was carving out this joke of a life for him for doing this to him, getting him so tantalisingly close to home but not quite close enough. A dimension too short perhaps. Just out of reach.

Or was it?

Recovering his shattered wits, he straightened up and frowned. The thought occurred to him that this might still be a workable situation after all and he clung to that idea like a lifeline. Hope wasn’t lost just yet, but he wasn’t daring to get quite too prematurely excited about the prospect lest the universe take this from him too.

His reasoning was that if this was indeed the same universe that he and the others had visited before by way of the Holly Hop Drive all those years ago, then there was a possibility that the means to skip across that final dimensional hurdle existed somewhere here, unused but potentially still functional. Of course he had no way of knowing, but if this truly was a closely connected parallel universe then surely there might exist such a thing as the Hilly Hop Drive?

“A what?” Deb Lister said blankly when he fumbled his way around asking her about it. “Hilly Hop Drive?”

Rimmer felt the little balloon of hope in his chest begin to deflate. Maybe it really had been wishful thinking after all. He nodded.

Brows furrowed, Deb gave the question a bit more thought, tapping one of her locs thoughtfully against her lips, wracking her brains for any recollection of such a thing existing. If it did, she hadn’t thought about it in years, not since—

“Oh,” she said suddenly, a deeply buried memory popping unexpectedly back to the forefront of her mind. “Yeah, that old thing! I remember it now.”

“You do?!” Rimmer all but choked on his own startled response.

“Yeah, Hilly must’ve made it round the same time your Holly made yours,” Deb said, waving a hand in a kind of dismissing shrug. “We never bothered to actually try it out though since you lot beat us to it with yours.”

Ah. That made sense. The Holly Hope Drive had initially been invented with the expectation that it would get them back to Earth in a flash, but after discovering that it did no such thing it hadn’t really been worth using much. It was only capable of hopping back and forth between their two connected universes. Rimmer could understand how trying out their own version would have been a pointless endeavour. Even without trying it, they already knew what it would likely do.

He swallowed thickly, cursing how hard he was having to fight the desperation from clawing its way into his voice. “Do you-” he started, throat so tense his voice cracked slightly. “I mean, is it still here? Do you still have it?”

If Rimmer had an actual physical heart to leap up into his throat with the anticipation he was feeling it surely would have done so. Instead, he could feel his lightbee whirring excitedly within him as Deb gave a nonchalant nod in response. There was still a chance after all!

Of course there was no guarantee it would work after all this time, especially since unlike the Holly Hop Drive, the Hilly Hop Drive had never had a test run but what mattered right now to Rimmer was that it existed and that was what he was hanging onto.

It was all fine and well knowing it was still somewhere on board but it was another thing altogether trying to actually track the smegging thing down. So many years had passed since those early days on the nearly-empty Red Dwarf. Things had been moved around, misplaced, piled up and buried and while some items were easier to remember the location of (such as a certain overly talkative toaster) it was proving much more difficult to remember where exactly that old, disused lump of junk had been tossed.

Rimmer tried not to be too exasperated and snappy while overseeing the search – really, he did – but he just couldn’t help it. He was impatient, itching to dig it out and get it working already. This was the one and only thing that might get him home and put an end to this long drawn out, lonely chapter of his life and these gimboids had simply misplaced it!

At least there were plenty of hands to assist in the search. The Dog had shown up along with this universe’s version of Kryten – a new addition since his last visit here – and together with Deb and the boys they split up to cover more area.

It was strange seeing Jim and Bexley again after so long. It felt like Rimmer had barely known them a minute before they’d been sent away, what with how unnaturally quickly they’d aged in his home dimension. They had been teens then, when he and Lister had made that final trip with the Holly Hop Drive to deliver them to Deb and Arlene and entrust their future to them. Lister had been heartbroken afterwards, Rimmer remembered. Absolutely inconsolable for weeks. He himself on the other hand, it shamed him to recall, hadn’t been particularly sympathetic towards him.

Seeing them older, all grown up, was a peculiar experience, not least because they looked so much like Lister had all those years ago that it struck an odd chord within him, the sight of their round cheeks and mischievous smiles so very, very familiar. Somehow, he found himself feeling more homesick than ever.

The search seemed to go on for hours, each passing moment just as fruitless as the last, and it wasn’t helped much by how often someone got distracted by something else they happened upon in the process but throughout all of the time spent looking, Rimmer was acutely aware of the fact that something else seemed to be missing too. Arlene Rimmer, this universe’s version of himself, was nowhere to be seen.

It was a stark and apparent absence but not, he regretted to admit, an unwelcome one. Partly, he was relieved. He never did get on with other versions of himself and his last encounters with this particular counterpart had had him desperate to get as far away from her as possible so her absence here was a positive of sorts. He did wonder, however, where she had gone.

Had she followed the same path he had? Had some other Ace Rimmer shown up here and recruited her to travel to other dimensions and play the hero? It was a hard thing to imagine, but he’d felt that about himself too so it wasn’t impossible. In fact, given the closely connected nature of their two universes it actually seemed quite likely.

If that was the case, if there could be multiple Rimmers off traversing the multiverse as Ace at the same time, multiple parallel chains of succession occurring simultaneously, then at the very least he could rest a little easier about being the one to ‘break the chain’ as Lister had once put it all those years ago. What did it matter if one Rimmer decided to go home? Clearly there were still other Aces out there and they would continue to find more. That cycle could happily go on without him. Thank God for that.

He considered bringing it up, asking Deb if Arlene really had followed the same path as himself. The urge to find out for sure was hard to resist, as was the burning curiosity to ask if she missed her at all. It sat temptingly at the tip of his tongue, equal parts desperate to find out and terrified of the answer, so he bit it back and said nothing at all, preferring for now not to know. Whatever Deb’s answer would be would likely mirror that of his own Lister back home and he didn’t want to know that quite yet. He’d save that disappointment for if – when – he actually got there, and continue in the meantime to try to pretend to himself that the reality wouldn’t crush him when the time came. He’d spent long enough on his own by now to have wrestled somewhat with the reality that maybe, just maybe, he might have sort of grown to miss Lister. Possibly. Just a bit. Certainly not more than he would have ever expected to, and definitely not to the degree that if he found out Lister hadn’t given a smeg about him it would have any significant effect on him. Not in the slightest…

He frowned, suddenly in an inexplicably bad mood, and swept his gaze across to the others, making sure once again that no-one was getting too distracted from searching through the current pile of junk they were all fishing through.

He noticed that Deb seemed to be pointedly avoiding looking at him directly and had positioned herself on the opposite side of the room from him. She seemed about as eager to get this over with as he himself was, to get him away and out of her sight as soon as possible. Whether that was irritation towards him in general, or irritation because he wasn’t the right Rimmer he couldn’t say. Maybe Arlene’s absence bothered her a little bit after all. He at least hoped that was the case.

In the end, thankfully, the agonising search paid off. After hours of digging through God only knows how much clutter they finally found it, buried under years of accumulated knick-knacks and garbage and the sight of it alone was enough to momentarily stall Rimmer’s entire being, to quiet the anxious whirring of his lightbee down to an almost imperceptible hum. He didn’t trust himself to hold it, lest his trembling hands drop it, so Bexley carried it up to the Drive Room while Jim assisted in setting it up.

Without a Holly or a Hilly to operate it anymore, it was up to them to get it working themselves but fortunately it didn’t prove too difficult to do. It never had been a complicated contraption, but even still Rimmer could barely fight the tremor in his body as he hovered his hand nervously over the button that may or may not take him home. If this didn’t work, perhaps there really was nothing that would.

Rimmer held his breath, uttered a silent prayer to any benevolent entity that might exist out there, whether he believed in it or not, and as he slammed his hand down he clenched his eyes tight shut and waited for the inevitable disappointment.

But it didn’t come.

When he opened his eyes, he expected to see that nothing had changed, that the vast expanse of space in front of this Red Dwarf was as empty and black as it always was but that was not the case. Instead, there through the viewing window, stark red in all her glory, sat another Red Dwarf. The very sight of it made his lightbee feel like it was about to explode, made it feel like it was going to leap up out of his chest. This had to be it. This time it surely couldn’t be anything else. This time he really was looking at home.

Jim and Bexley crowded round the window, cheering and punching the air and only distantly did Rimmer register that this was also a significant moment for them as well. If all had gone as it should have, they would be meeting their father – or was he their mother? Rimmer still hadn’t quite straightened that one out in his head – again for the first time since they’d been delivered here for their own good years ago.

The following moments passed by in a dizzying blur as Deb and co readied themselves to make their way over. He found himself being guided along by someone, too dazed and stunned by the weight of this achievement to really be able to take it all in.

He was bundled onto a Starbug along with the rest of the crew (which was surely for the best, since he wasn’t in any state to be piloting the Wildfire right now) and as he watched the looming red vessel grow closer and closer he’d never felt his chest feel so full before. God, this really was almost over.

He’d known he’d wanted to go home, known he’d feel relieved if he ever managed it, but he hadn’t quite been prepared for just how overwhelming it would feel to actually achieve it. Even in spite of how much he had never been able to stand the infuriating bog bot’s company in the past, when the familiar sound of Kryten’s voice crackled out of the speakers to greet them over comms and grant them access, Rimmer genuinely didn’t think he’d ever felt happier to hear him. The familiarity, accompanied by that same little buzz of irritation that he now felt almost fondly, washed over him like a gentle wave, enveloping him in a sense of homecoming he’d craved for so very, very long. It would be a short-lived sensation, one that would no doubt be instantly killed the moment he was reminded just why he usually couldn’t stand the lot of them, but for now he let it settle over him, let himself live in this victory just a little while longer.

As the cargo bay doors opened and Starbug carried him across the threshold of home for the first time in God only knew how long, Rimmer wondered whether his lightbee would short out from the tension that was swiftly building, tying itself into knots in his gut in anticipation of the first sight of everyone’s faces again. He got to his feet shakily, only distantly aware of one of the twins pulling him up by the arm, and as he made his way to step out onto the cool metal of the hangar his legs felt weak beneath him, knees threatening to buckle embarrassingly at any moment. It was as though all the energy he had thrown into trying to get him to this point had been completely spent and all that was left was a deeply exhausted husk who wanted nothing more than to collapse into his old bunk and slot right back into the life he never should have left in the first place.

A loud echoing bang sounded from the other end of the room as the great metal doors to the hangar unlocked and Rimmer’s heart leapt into his throat as the excited babble of several familiar voices suddenly filled the air, echoing off the walls along with the clattering sounds of their footfalls. Though the words were unintelligible, he could make out the unmistakeable vocal howls of The Cat even from down here.

He had no greeting prepared, he realised belatedly as he stood dumbly waiting for the others to reach them. All that time spent searching for a way to get home and he’d never actually anticipated that he might make it, that he might need to figure out just what the smeg he was going to say when he saw everyone again. ‘Surprise!’ wasn’t going to cut it. God this was going to be excruciating. Maybe it had been a bad idea…

He scrunched his eyes shut and swallowed hard, listening as the approaching footsteps grew closer and closer until he could avoid facing the moment no longer. Here it comes.

He opened his eyes and looked up and almost instantly the frazzled static of tension and anxiety thrumming wildly throughout his whole body stilled and he could only stare, stunned, into equally stunned hazel eyes as he made immediate, startling eye contact with himself – or rather, with one Arlene Rimmer, or someone that he could only assume was her. Presently she was dressed not unlike himself, in a shiny flight suit and wig, looking equally as flabbergasted to see him. Of all the things he’d been expecting from this reunion, this had not factored in at all. It left him speechless, stupefied into silence, mouth hanging limply open, gaping like a fish while his mirror image did likewise. So much for coming up with something to say.

It wasn’t until a familiar voice sounded out over the stunned silence that he finally snapped his gaze away in search of its owner. And there he was at last: Dave Lister. Every bit as curry-stained and unkempt as he remembered him, but the look on his face was something so startlingly unfamiliar that Rimmer couldn’t immediately put a name to it. There was a hesitance in his eyes, a wariness, like he was uncertain quite what he was looking at, but behind that there was something else and if Rimmer didn’t know any better he would maybe label that expression as ‘hopeful’.

“Ace?” he heard Lister ask again, this time actually registering that that’s what he was saying, and Rimmer swallowed his nerves and readied himself to face the inevitable, the moment he’d been dreading.

He straightened himself up, tried to school his expression into something controlled and steady, but his eyes remained fixed searchingly on Lister’s face, ready to analyse every subtle twitch in his features. “I’m afraid not, Listy,” he said, and it came out tight, like a croak, despite all his best efforts to sound calm and unaffected. “It’s just me.”

He fought the urge to scrunch his eyes up and avert his gaze, to not have to see whatever look of disappointment was sure to wash across Lister’s face, so when instead he watched in amazement as something wholly unexpected bloomed across his features he found himself transfixed, utterly bewildered by the sight of it. It was not something he was familiar with seeing directed at him at all, and certainly not from Lister of all people. Instead of crumpling with disdain, Lister’s face opened up, blossoming into a warm, wide smile, his eyes positively sparkling and when he next spoke it was the warmest he’d ever heard his own name spoken.

“Rimmer! Is that you, man?”

Rimmer nodded stiffly, so entirely caught off guard by this response that he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. Almost as an afterthought, he fumbled clumsily with his flight suit, hands trembling as he gripped the lightbee remote and clicked it hurriedly, itching desperately to shed this skin that has never truly felt as though it fit him right.

The silver outfit flickered slightly one final time and then a ripple of blue washed it away to something much more comfortable – much more him.

He pulled the wig off his head and let it drop to the floor by his feet, pointedly choosing to break his gaze away from Lister, the sunshine glow of his grinning face too bright to continue looking directly at, too new and unexpected for him to be able to fully process quite yet, but the buzzing warmth it stirred in his chest was undeniable all the same. He was home, and more importantly, it seemed as though he was welcomed.

Fishing for something else to direct his gaze towards, he instead looked up at Arlene, who seemed to be experiencing a similar crisis of her own. She, too, had shed the Ace Rimmer appearance and was dressed in a similar fitted blue jacket to his own, an all too familiar thin blue H emblazoned once again on her forehead, as it likely was on his own too.

So that was it then. Their lives had mirrored each other’s completely and this was where they converged again, each one landing conveniently in the other’s universes so that they could briefly cross paths making that final dimensional jump home. Fitting, in a strange way.

Tentatively, Rimmer took a step forwards, pausing momentarily upon noticing that Arlene had moved to do precisely the same. Together they stood in an awkward silence facing each other for a moment, unsure of what exactly the best course of action should be. A handshake? A salute? A polite-if-slightly-distanced ‘hello’? Just what were you supposed to say when you were meeting an alternate version of yourself who’d likely thought and felt all the same conflicting things you’d felt to lead you both here to this moment? He knew her as well as he knew himself. She was him. And yet still, even after all this time, he found he had nothing worthwhile to say to her, as did she to him.

In the end, they opted for a simple stiff nod of acknowledgement and a clearing of the throat and then they stepped past each other and into the fold of their respective crews.

Immediately a sudden rush of conversation broke out amongst both groups, bursting the strange bubble of tension that had encased them up to that point. Cat and Kryten offered him their awkward little greetings, as falsely bright as Rimmer had suspected they would be coming from them and he was relieved to find how easy it was to be irritated by their presence again. He settled back into his old self comfortably like slipping into a pair of well-worn shoes, the familiar old quips and retorts falling easily from his tongue as though he hadn’t been gone for years – as though he’d been doing the same only yesterday.

A sudden firm, warm hand settled suddenly on his shoulder and startled him slightly with the unexpectedness of it and he whipped round to find Lister looking at him and although he looked a little exasperated, that peculiar warmth hadn’t yet left his eyes and it made Rimmer’s lightbee click and buzz oddly to look at it up close.

“I see dimensional travel hasn’t changed you a bit,” Lister said with a hint of amusement pulling up the corners of his mouth. “Still the same old smeghead.”

Rimmer sniffed and turned up his nose reproachfully. “You didn’t think I’d ever actually turn into that ridiculous goit, did you?”

Lister snorted and shook his head. “Nah, it’d never take. Not even being Ace could cure you. It’s a terminal disease.”

“Good thing I’m already dead then,” Rimmer replied wryly, relishing the ease with which he could fall back into this old pattern. “And anyway if you ask me, he was the one that needed the curing…”

The hand on his shoulder squeezed slightly and then it gave him a firm couple of pats. Lister let out a breath that was somewhere between a laugh and a sigh. “It’s good to have you back, smeghead,” he said, his tone almost fond. “Though, you look a little different. I thought holograms didn’t age?”

Rimmer blinked, stupidly. “What?”

“You look older. Like you’ve aged,” Lister explained, indicating with his eyes towards the top of Rimmer’s head, a wry smile tugging at his lips. “Your hair’s thinning.”

“My what!?” Rimmer cried, hands flying up to investigate.

His face contorted in confusion as he traced his fingers along his hairline, feeling the different shape, the newly receded line of it an unfamiliar thing to feel.

He turned wildly to the Cat and held out a hand. “You! You’ve always got a mirror! Let me see!”

The Cat grimaced, glancing beseechingly from Kryten to Lister as though expecting to receive back up from them and when he didn’t he then rolled his eyes and reluctantly retrieved his hand mirror from a pocket on his suit. “Don’t go messing it up, okay, Goalpost Head? That’s my favourite mirror.”

“Every mirror’s your favourite mirror you vain imbecile,” Rimmer retorted, snatching the mirror out of the Cat’s hands and holding it up.

When his visage appeared in its reflection, his eyes widened in disbelief at the unfamiliar face gazing back at him. It was still him, of course, but sure enough he looked older, the furrowed creases on his forehead deepened and more pronounced with well-worn use, his once unruly mess of brown curls now a slightly more muted colour, tinged with the beginning hints of grey.

“But…” he began, running a disbelieving finger along one of the deeper creases in his brow. “But how?”

Lister simply shrugged beside him. “You got older, man,” he offered simply. “It happens. You’ve been away a long time.”

“But that can’t be!” Rimmer cried, incredulous. “I’m a hologram! Holograms can’t age, can they?”

“If I may just interject here, sirs,” Kryten piped up, stalling Rimmer before he could devolve any further into a full-blown crisis. “Perhaps Holly simply made it so that you would.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Well, sir, a hologram is formed by loading all of a person’s data onto a disc and projecting it back out as a near-perfect hologramatic replica of the human it is a copy of,” Kryten continued, his voice adopting that same old self-satisfied tone that always got under Rimmer’s skin whenever he’d had to have something explained to him. “The information provided to construct the hologram includes personality data as well as physical information, medical history, DNA records, et cetera. Under normal circumstances there would be no need for a hologram to simulate aging but I believe it would be possible for the algorithm to predict how you might have aged had you lived to do so, based on the information in your records.”

“That’s all fine and well, Kryten,” Rimmer said, fighting not to sound nearly as irritated as he felt. “But for what purpose? All that does is remind me that I never got to live to see how I might have actually aged. For whose benefit do I have to look like this?”

“Well,” Lister’s voice cut in, and the hand at his shoulder squeezed slightly to remind Rimmer of his presence. “There’s me for a start.”

Anything else Rimmer might have said died in his throat and his mind stilled as he turned to regard Lister, the beginnings of a heavy, unpleasant ball of humiliation starting to form in his gut. Of course. How could he have forgotten?

Lister at the very least didn’t seem to hold it against him that he’d forgotten the entire reason he’d been brought back into existence in the first place. He simply cocked his head to the side and gave him an easy smile. “Wouldn’t be all that helpful if I kept getting older and you stayed a fresh-faced thirty-something would it?”

“No… No, I suppose that’s true.”

Rimmer grew quiet then, mulling over all this information in his head as he lowered the mirror and handed it back to the Cat, who made a big show about wiping it clean. He wondered when the change had happened. He had been absolutely certain that he hadn’t aged a day in the entire time he’d been gone. Just this morning he had looked exactly the same as he had years ago so whenever this change had occurred, it had been instantaneous and he hadn’t felt a thing.

He frowned, considering the lightbee remote in his pocket, and glanced back over his shoulder at the other group, at Arlene, who now he came to think of it hadn’t quite looked exactly as he’d remembered her either. Perhaps that had been it, then. The moment he’d shed the appearance of Ace, the moment his hologram had re-connected with the mothership at the click of a button, his appearance had altered to account for the years that had passed, corrected to fall back in time with Lister again. It made sense, and at the same time as being extremely disorientating to find that he had aged years within seconds, there was also something oddly comforting about the confirmation that this truly was home, that he was back where he belonged, and that the ship itself had welcomed him back.

Lister’s hand, which had remained braced on his shoulder this whole time, gave him one final firm squeeze and let go and Rimmer would never admit it, but for a brief moment as Lister pulled his hand away, taking that weight and warmth with it, he felt almost bereft, almost willing it to stay right where it was if just for only a little moment longer. God, just how badly had he missed being here?

He watched, a little winded, as Lister turned his attention to the other group, waving them over to join them and rushing against his better judgement to try to lift Jim and then Bexley up off the ground in a crushing hug. He rolled his eyes and shook his head as Lister inevitably howled with pain as his back protested against the added weight. Same old Lister, rushing into things without thinking things through.

It was almost enough to pull the corners of his lips up in a small, fond smile. He was glad that things generally didn’t seem to have changed much, not really. Outwardly, in little ways, they had and Rimmer could see now the way Lister’s smile carved deeper lines across his face, a more pronounced crinkling at the corners of his eyes, a deeper groove sweeping down either side of his nose to meet the edges of his smile. He looked older now, softer and warmer, and something about it made Rimmer distantly mourn the years he’d missed out on, the deprivation of getting to witness it happen gradually. Being away so long had clearly done something to his brain.

A warm hand found its way to the small of his back, gently encouraging him forwards and Rimmer spun his head round to stare, startled, into Lister’s radiant, beaming expression and once again felt that the sight of it was too much.

“C’mon, let’s go get some drinks to celebrate,” Lister said, pushing him gently into falling into step alongside him and Rimmer let himself be led.

It was a little strange knowing now that Lister seemed to have missed him, seemed genuinely to be happy to have him back. He wondered what on Io things must have been like without him to bring about such a response but he wasn’t about to question it, wasn’t about to let his own self-doubt creep up to ruin things quite yet. There would be plenty of time for him to put his foot in it later. For now he was content to revel in the homecoming, in the closing of a long drawn-out adventurous chapter he’d hated every minute of partaking in, and take solace in the confirmation that he was finally back where he belonged. For once an Arnold Rimmer had succeeded. He’d made it home.

#smegtober2023 #in which rimmer tries to get back to his home universe and gets.. nearly there.. but needs a little help to cross the last hurdle #featuring the parallel universe gang bc this idea has been in my head forever and I just wanted to get it out in some form;;

[sm-selenographer]

I heard from an old art school friend online that Mary Ruth Moore passed away earlier this month. I had taken her pinhole photography class when I was an undergrad at UGA 12 years ago. This woman was such an inspiration to me, just by the very fact of her existence. She would’ve been 75 when I took her class, and it was such a joy to sit quietly and listen to her talk -- about photography and the pure wondrous beauty of light, about her childhood growing up in the South and the hardships she overcame, really every story and every observation was a gem. My best art school friend & I would take notes on her sayings (”What’s the focal length of a chicken?”) Others have captured her spirit far better than I could (here from Justin Plakas and here from UGA and here from her obituary), but I dug out this zine I made about her at the time I was taking her class. Art school was such a shitty time for me, mainly because for the duration of my enrollment, I was in an abusive relationship with a destructive alcoholic, working several jobs and barely scraping by (even with student loans), living in some pretty chaotic situations to say the least... Mary Ruth’s was the only class I felt bad about my grades slipping; I felt ashamed I couldn’t give her my best. I never told her what was going on with me outside of school, just took the C and apologized. She radiated kindness and compassion and strength always but still, I didn’t want to tell her anything because I didn’t want to hear her tell me to do something about it because I knew that I wouldn’t’ve left the situation yet, I wasn’t ready, even though deep down, yes, I knew that I really really had to and soon, and deep down I was afraid that someone might actually say it to my face.

Transcription of the zine below the cut:

pretty wise.

Mary Ruth’s class is at the end of the day when we are all exhausted yet restless & itching to get out of school. She had instructed us to “embrace the inconvenience!” & so I try to sit quietly & appreciate the moment. I long for a time when I, too, will place gnarled hands slowly & deliberately upon the pages of a picture book, devoting attention to one idea at a time without feeling compelled to rush.

I have always felt a pressing urgency, a need to do everything, as much as I can before time slips away. Even as a child I would work myself into a panic about dying unfulfilled & with regret that I could’ve done more. The world is too big for me. I fill my schedule to provide constant activity. There is a fine line between indecision & stagnation.

Mary Ruth wears spectacles & a long, gray braid of hair. Despite her small figure & hunching shuffle, her presence commands respect. She told us about when her first husband died, leaving her with their two daughters: “It was just me & those two little girls against the world.” She took a job & a house & said, at that time people thought she was stark-raving mad.

She carries her history not as a burden but an accomplishment, & I am awestruck by such confidence, for I have yet to determine what my own story has made of me...

Printed on a Vandercook press in Athens, Ga., April 2011, using 14pt Joanna lead type & photo-polymer images on Mohawk Superfine paper. Text by Stacey-Marie Piotrowski; image based on a photo by Richard Hamm. selenographie.com

#Mary Ruth Moore #zines #selenographie

[nctalias]

camila mendes.     she/her.     cisfemale.    ›  spotted   at   the   met   steps   ,   natalia   salazar  ,   most   likely   listening   to   you’re on your own kid   by   taylor swift   with   their   airpods   pro   .   the   twenty   four   years   old   gained   quite   a   reputation   ,   known   to   be   -intransigent  yet   +allocentric   to   anyone   who   knows   them   .   you’ll   easily   spot   them   when   you   hear   about   rosy  cheeks  ,  rolled up sleeves of an oversized sweater  ,  the smell of mom’s homemade chicken noodle soup  ,  cheesy romantic comedies  ,   followed   by   flowerbomb  by  viktor  &  rolf.   latest   nepoupdates   article   talks   about   she was  recently  spotted  at  a  store  with  a  child  in  her  arms  and  what  seems  to  be  a  nanny  after  years  of  being  in  hiding   ,   but   i   guess   any   reputation   is   good   reputation   .  

* /  .  𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒔 .

full name ﹕ natalia  sofía  salazar.

nickname ﹕nat,  nini.

gender & pronouns ﹕cis female,  she/her.

date of birth ﹕december  29th,  1998.

place of birth ﹕porto  alegre,  brazil.

current residence ﹕  new york,  new york  .

education ﹕completed  high  school.  started  studying  communications  but  dropped  out.

sexual orientation ﹕heterosexual.

inspired  by ﹕ haley  james  scott  (  one  three  hill  ),  rachel  green  (  friends  ),  lydia  martin (  teen  wolf  ),  maya  hart  (  girl  meets  world  ),  bronwyn  rojas  (  one  of  us  is  lying  ).

* /  .  𝒃𝒊𝒐𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒑𝒉𝒚 .

there  really  isn’t  much  to  tell  about  natalia.  people  usually  know  how  these  stories  go;  a  relatively  wealthy  family,  parents  who,  in  one  way  or  another,  are  a  little  bit  negligent  or  dismissive,  kids  who  end  up  either  raising  or  wrecking  themselves  and  their  siblings  in  the  process,  unfulfilled  dreams,  and  so  on.  well,  the  salazar  family  story  is  basically  that.  

her  parents  (  marisol  and  esteban  )  were  just  your  typical  couple  who  had  a  little  too  many  privileges  and  they  loved  bragging  about  them.  their  story  starts  in  porto  alegre,  brazil  to  be  exact.  they  were  just  your  average  high  school  sweethearts  who  ended  up  living  the  so  called  “perfect  life”,  that  after  three  kids  ended  up  falling  apart.  natalia  is  the  middle  child  in  the  family;  the  second  attempt  from  marisol  &  esteban  to  save  the  marriage  that  was  hanging  by  a  very  thin  thread.  being  the  middle  child  and  second  daughter  of  the  family,  you’d  think  she  would’ve  had  a  very  light  and  flexible  upbringing.  since  everyone  always  assumes  the  middle  child  is  often  forgotten,  unfortunately  for  natalia,  all  the  pressure  that  her  parents  put  on  her  older  sister  was  somehow  placed  all  into  her  as  well.  all  the  dreams  that  her  parents  never  achieved  (  but  were  dying  to  vicariously  live  through  their  children  )  they  placed  onto  her,  along  with  the  fact  that  they  expected  her  to  single  handedly  fix  their  fucked  up  marriage,  as  if  a  marriage  depends  on  the  children  and  not  the  spouse.  

she  was  pretty  much  at  a  disadvantage  from  the  start,  they  never  really  gave  her  a  chance.  now,  being  under  so  many  expectations  and  pressure  really  fucked  up  with  natalia’s  head.  apart  from  the  fact  that  she  was  very  dependant  and  influenced  on  other  people’s  views  and  perceptions  of  her  so,  she  never  really  had  the  courage  or  back  bone  to  stand  her  ground  and  say  enough  is  enough;  not  like  they  ever  gave  her  a  chance  to  do  so.  it’s  no  surprise  that  there  was  little  to  no  relationship  between  her  parents  or  even  her  brothers,  she  always  felt  like  the  outsider  and  like  the  most  important  person  in  the  family,  it  was  such  an  ambivalent  and  inconsistent  environment,  she  never  really  knew  what  she  was  gonna  be  for  her  family  today  or  the  day  after.  

the  ambivalence  she  was  met  with  at  home,  lead  her  to  making  some  unfortunate  mistakes;  trust  the  wrong  people,  doubt  herself  and  so  on.  and  then,  she  met  a  guy,  an  amazing  guy;  lorenzo  rossi.  the  relationship  she  had  with  him  is  one  of  the  only  things  she  doesn’t  regret.  but,  what  she  does  regret  is  what  she  did  after  and  what  happened  after.  you  know  when  things  are  going  too  well  that  you  are  expecting  and  waiting  like  crazy  for  the  other  shoe  to  drop  ?  well,  that’s  what  happened  to  natalia.  things  were  going  far  too  well  with  lorenzo  that  she  felt  like  it  was  only  a  matter  of  time  before  shit  went  down.  so,  what  did  she  do ?  she  left.  she  just  vanished,  she  was  looking  for  a  way  out  from  everything,  especially  her  family.  and  she  got  it.  she  walked  away,  without  saying  anything  and  without  any  sort  of  warning.

now  those  four  years  that  she  was  away,  being  everywhere  and  anywhere,  something  amazing  happened.  she  didn’t  know  until  a  bit  after  she  left  but  she  started  feeling  nauseous  and  was  going  through  a  lot  of  hormonal  changes,  and  surprise  surprise,  she  was  expecting.  now,  when  she  found  out  there  was  an  initial  panic  because  it  wasn’t  really  in  her  plans  to  become  a  mom,  and  there  was  the  fact  that  she  was  all  alone  (  by  choice  )  so  she  was  gonna  have  to  figure  it  out.  and  yes,  of  course,  she  could’ve  gone  back  but  there  was  the  fear  in  her  mind  that  as  soon  as  she  went  back,  hell  was  gonna  rain  on  her.  she  obviously  knew  that  it  wasn’t  gonna  be  pretty,  i  mean  it  had  been  years  at  this  point,  they  all  probably  hated  her;  especially  lorenzo  and  showing  up  at  his  doorstep  after  a  while  of  being  MIA  with  the  news  of  ‘ hey,  sorry  i  vanished  but  you  are  gonna  be  a  dad ’  really  did  not  sound  like  the  best  plan,  so  she  just  stuck  it  up  on  her  own.  she  ended  up  giving  birth  to  a  little  girl  called  rosie  and  she  immediately  became  her  whole  world.  at  first  it  was  a  bit  bittersweet  since  she  was  all  alone  with  a  newborn,  as  much  as  she  wanted  to  tell  her  siblings  she  couldn’t  risk  disclosing  her  location  or  risk  being  persuated  by  them  to  return,  so  she  stuck  it  through.  she  was  happy  for  a  while,  and  then,  around  rosie’s  4th  birthday  and  because  like  a  dark  hole  her  family  needed  to  suck  away  the  little  amount  of  happiness  she  had  in  her  life;  her  parents  ended  up  splitting  up  and  it  was  ugly,  and  they  called  her  ‘cause  she  needed  to  be  there  for  whatever  bullshit  reason  ‘cause  people  really  took  the  split  as  a  national  tragedy  and  so,  more  so  for  the  feeling  of  duty,  she  came  back.  so  she’s  here  again,  the  only  difference  is  she  has  an  added  plus  with  her,  trying  to  avoid  at  any  cost  the  person  that  she  knows  it’s  only  a  matter  of  time  before  they  bump  into  each  other  again. 

* /  .  𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 .

natalia  is  a  very  much  ‘  what  you  see  is  what  you  get  ’  kind  of  person.  she  isn’t  that  difficult  to  figure  out  unless  she  doesn’t  want  you  to.  she  is  a  very  light-hearted  person,  who  puts  everyone  else’s  needs  before  her  own  to  an  extreme  point.  she  walks  around  with  her  heart  on  her  sleeve,  very  much  a  lover  not  a  fighter,  loves  having  fun  and  laughing  till  she  cannot  breathe  with  the  people  that  she  loves.  

now,  the  other  side  of  the  coin,  extremely  influenced  by  her  environment  and  other  people’s  views  on  her,  she  cares  a  bit  too  much  about  what  everyone  else  thinks  or  doesn’t  think  of  her.  now  she  is  obviously  not  a  mind  reader  but  that  doesn’t  stop  her  from  overthinking  just  a  bit.  has  a  complete  fear  of  confrontation  like  she  will  never  go  pick  a  fight  with  absolutely  anybody;  like  you  could  literally  push  her  and  she  would  just  get  up  and  walk  away  before  ever  confronting  the  person  who  did  it.  very  much  pushover,  kinda  rachel  green  style.  her  first  reaction  in  the  face  of  a  conflict  is  avoid,  avoid,  avoid.  like  i’m  running  away  from  you  because  you  might  be  fast,  but  her  fear  of  conflict  is  faster.  she  turns  into  the  flash,  you  ain’t  ever  catching  up  to  her.  very  much  a  people  pleaser  even  if  it  means  withering  away  and  dying.  or  until  she  can’t  handle  it  anymore  and  she  runs  away  so  she  doesn’t  have  to  deal  with  the  disappointed  looks  from  the  people  she  cares  about.   

she  is  very  devoted  person;  she  tends  to  give  her  heart  away  to  everyone  she  meets.  keeps  her  feelings  under  like  twenty  locks,  will  never  willingly  share  that  part  of  herself,  unless  it’s  with  someone  she  wholeheartedly  trusts.  a  bit  of  an  adrenaline  junkie.  watches  horror  movies  just  for  the  rush  of  it,  even  tho  she  spends  half  of  the  movie  either  pretending  to  be  busy  or  covering  her  eyes.  buuuuut,  she  can  watch  true  crime  documentaries  like  it's  nothing.  doesn't  faze  them  at  all,  she  thinks  in  her  past  life  she  was  a  criminologist.

she’s  naturally  a  very  kind  person,  she  cares  deeply  about  other  people  although  she  struggles  to  express  it  most  of  the  time  .loves  loves  loves  watching  the  stars.  a  huge  astronomy  nerd,  will  literally  talk  to  anyone  about  astronomy  for  like  hours  if  you  let  her.  she  finds  the  stars  and  the  moon  at  night  so  peaceful,  calm  and  so  beautiful  so  sometimes  she  just  spends  the  whole  night  watching  them.

* /  .  𝒇𝒖𝒏 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒔 .

fluent  in  spanish  and  portuguese.

she  loves  learning  new  languages,  she  is  currently  trying  to  learn  italian,  not  doing  a  very  good  job  but  the  effort  is  what  counts.

loves  cooking  like  could  spend  hours  on  hours  in  the  kitchen  making  up  something,  especially  sweets.

she  is  obsessed  with  tik tok,  and  her  hobby  is  basically  learning  every  dance  she  stumbles  upon  in  her  fyp.

loves  loves  dancing,  like  take  her  salsa  dancing  and  she  is  there,  every  day  of  the  week.

is  dying  to  go  skydiving  and  bungee  jumping  like  if  she  had  to  pick  anything  to  do  before  she  died  it  would  be  one  of  those  two.

has  an  intense  phobia  of  lizards,  like  all  it  takes  is  seeing  one  from  afar  and  her  fight  or  flight  immediately  kicks  in,  followed  by  a  huge  breakdown.

her  favorite  holiday  is  christmas,  she  is  very  much  a  listen  to  christmas  all  year  long  type  of  person  and  she  doesn’t  hide  it,  she  just  loves  it  so  much

she  LOVES  the  cold,  like  cold  weather  is  heaven  to  her,  she  loves  the  snow,  drinking  hot  chocolate,  wearing  jackets  &  sweaters,  boots...  she’s  just  there  for  the  vibes.

reality  tv  shows  are  her  guilty  pleasure,  she  just  loves  watching  something  that  it’s  so  bad  it’s  good.

* /  .  𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 .

best  friends,  like  gimme  a  tight  close  knit  group  of  people  who  are  like  her  ride  or  dies,  literally  just  friends  type  of  vibe

gimme  enemies  or  frenemies  like  they  hate  each  other  for  no  reason  or  we  can  plot  a  reason  why  they  don’t  match,  or  like  they  pretend  to  be  friends  but  behind  close  doors  they  actually  cannot  stand  each  other

like  any  fwb,  maybe  like  a  casual  hook  up  she  had  for  a  night

i  ..  don’t  know,  listen  i’m  up  to  brainstorming  absolutely  anything,  i  put  here  all  the  basic  plots  bc  my  brain  doesn’t  function  for  more  jdsvakjd,  i  also  have  a  wanted  tag  that  doesn’t  have  much  but  idk  if  you  wanna  check  it  out  it’s  here.

#nepofm.intro #woooowwww #i apologize that it took me this long yall #my brain was FRIED today #i hope everything makes sense if not pretend u didnt see anything #<333

[slutty-wife-stories]

The first time I laid eyes on her, I knew she was the one. She was standing across room at our annual Christmas party, a vision of red in a tight, velvet dress that hugged every curve of her perfect body. Her dark brown hair fell in waves around her shoulders, a shade so dark it bordered on black. Her lips were painted a bright shade of coral, and her eyes sparkled. Even from across the room, I could feel a heat begin to build in my loins. Her name was Laura, and she was going to be my wife.

Fast forward ten years, and our life together was comfortable, but I felt like something was missing. I had always fantasized about Laura being more adventurous in the bedroom, about her being the type of woman who crave different experiences. I wanted her to be the one who would wear the sexy lingerie, to buy the sex toys, to initiate the dirty talk. But every time I tried to bring it up, she would shut me down. She was always so reserved, so timid. It was as if she was afraid of her own desires. Secretly, I had the deepest desire to watch her be with another guy…to even let me and another guy fuck her at the same time.

At the age of 42 Laura was still in amazing shape with a killer body. Although the sex was plentiful and regular, it always left me unfulfilled and wanting more. Although I tried to hint at some of these things, Laura had no interest in entertaining it. This led me down a rabbit hole of porn addiction where I found myself wacking off multiple times a day to Hotwife and cuckold content. It was fulfilling temporarily but quickly became a problem that even I couldn’t deny. I knew that if I didn’t at least try to get my wife to be more sexually adventurous, it would possibly be one of my biggest regrets.

For a combination of her 43rd birthday and our 15 year wedding anniversary we decided to take a trip abroad. I stepped up and knew this would be my best chance to get Laura to let her hair down a little bit and hopefully get in touch with her naughty side. I cleverly booked a trip to Holland with full intent on spending a good amount of time in Amsterdam, a city well known for is sexually liberal attitude and red light district. Laura, seemed very excited about Holland overall but was less than enthusiastic about much of what she was reading about Amsterdam. “The city it known for drugs and prostitution. Why would you want to go there?” She said as we sat in bed reading about the city. I tried to be slick, “that’s only one area of the city, the rest of it is beautiful from what I’ve heard. There is a lot to see and do.” Although she remained apprehensive, she reluctantly agreed to the hotel accommodations I booked there.

Fast forward 3 months later and we landed in Holland. We took a taxi from the airport to our hotel. It was located just outside, walking distance, from the red light district. As we checked in, I couldn't help but notice the suggestive paintings and sculptures adorning the walls and lobby. Even the front desk staff seemed a bit more...liberated than your average hotel worker. Laura, however, looked nervous and uneasy. I assured her that we wouldn't have to go anywhere near that area if she wasn't comfortable with it, but I reminded her that we had paid for this trip and I expected us to make the most of it.

After checking in, we decided to have lunch at a quaint little café nearby. The food was amazing and the atmosphere was perfect. We enjoyed a leisurely meal, people watching and talking about our hopes and expectations for the trip. Laura seemed to be warming up to the city a bit more, but I could still see the apprehension in her eyes whenever we talked about the red light district.

After lunch, we decided to take a walk around the block and explore the area a bit more. As we strolled along the cobblestone streets, we couldn't help but notice the various sex shops and peep shows that lined the sidewalks just bordering the outskirts of the red light district. The displays in the windows were both provocative and titillating, and I could feel a subtle shift in Laura's demeanor as she took it all in. She seemed to be growing more curious about the hidden world that lay just beyond our view. “So how does that work? Do you just go in a pick a prostitute?” I hugged Laura‘s waist tighter as we walked side my side, eyeing the shop. “I don’t know, we should go in one, just to see.” Laura shot it down right away. “There is no way I’m going in there.” I laughed it off but I was feeling a bit defeated. After a short guided tour and a quick snack we regrouped at the hotel for a short nap and a shower. Once we collected ourselves we got dressed and headed out to dinner. Laura had opted for a casual dress which showed off her legs a bit. I was already feeling pretty horny with the idea of coaxing her into one of the red light establishments but tried to keep my cool. Over dinner we had a good amount to drink and we were both getting pretty buzzed and having a good time. It was then the topic of the red light district came up again…

“I’m very curious how these brothels work. Do you leave with the prostitutes or do they have rooms in them?” I couldn’t hide my satisfaction of Laura broaching the topic. As I miss sipped my drink I said “let’s just go and see…for fun. At least you can say you visited a place in the red light district.” I gave a wink after sipping my cocktail. Laura looked at me with a lustful gaze. I could tell the alcohol was hitting her and she was getting horny. “Fine, I know it’s what you really want to do so we’ll get it out of your system.” I couldn’t believe my ears. We finished our dinner and decided to take a stroll through the red light district. The air was thick with the smell of smoke and desire. The buildings towered overhead, adorned with neon lights and suggestive artwork. The street was teeming with people, both tourists and locals alike, all curious to experience the infamous district for themselves.

As we walked past the various clubs and brothels, I couldn't help but feel a thrill of excitement coursing through my veins. I could see the curiosity in Laura's eyes as she took in the sights and sounds around her. We stumbled across a club advertising live sex shows. Although Laura protested, I pulled her towards the club by her hand, both of us giggling as we made our way to the door.

Once inside, we were immediately engulfed in a cacophony of music, lights, and the smell of sweat and perfume. The stage was filled with dancers of all shapes and sizes, gyrating to the beat as they entertained the packed crowd. I glanced over at Laura, whose cheeks were flushed and lips slightly parted. She was clearly intrigued by the spectacle before her. At the back of the room I noticed a separate area that was roped off by a bouncer and a small kiosk. With Laura in tow I made my way through the crowd to the back of the room. It was for watching live sex performances. The price was quite hefty for the two of us but I was eager to pay it. After allowing us access, I walked with Laura down a dark hallway which fed into several private rooms which were marked as occupied or vacant. After finding an available room I opened the door. I could tell Laura was completely uncomfortable with what she was about to witness. As I cracked the door open I could see a one way mirror facing into a well lit mock bedroom. On the bed was a younger couple, maybe early 30s. The woman, a tall blonde girl with big fake tits was completely nude, on her knees performing oral sex on a lean but muscular guy with dark brown hair. His cock was enormous, the stuff of a male porn star. I looked at Laura who was blushing in disbelief of what she was witnessing. We locked eyes and both smirked. We sat on a large covered ottoman as we watched.

“Can they see us?” Laura whispered as she watched the woman sucking on the man’s giant cock. “No, it’s a one way window, so they only see a mirror on their side.” I could tell Laura was extremely uneasy but as the same time, couldn’t take her eyes off what was unfolding. “We have the room for twenty minutes…so we can do whatever we want.” As I glanced around the room I could see it was clearly set up for sex or masturbation with an abundance of lubricants and tissues. It was also extremely clean and had the feint odor of disinfectant cleaners. I tried to slide my hand up Laura’s dress but she quick to push my hand away. “Are you serious? Here?” I cracked a sultry smile and responded,”why not?” Laura just looked at me and smiled, “absolutely not.” I couldn’t hide my disappointment as I watched the couple now climbing onto the bed. The woman was now stroking his penis with her hand as he grabbed at head breasts.

The show continued, with the man thrusting into the woman, his cock stretching her in ways that seemed impossible. They moaned and grunted in unison, their bodies moving in perfect rhythm. I glanced over at Laura, whose cheeks were flushed and her breathing had grown shallow. Despite her protests, it was clear she was aroused by the scene unfolding before us. As the man neared his climax, he pulled out of the woman and aimed his cock at her face. She opened her mouth wide, eagerly accepting his seed as it erupted onto her tongue. She swallowed greedily, her eyes locked on his as she did so. It was a powerful moment of submission and dominance, and I couldn't help but feel a pang of jealously for the man on the bed. Laura began rubbing her hand on my hard cock through my pants, “well looks like someone enjoyed that.” I reciprocated back but this time Laura offered no resistance as I slid my hand up her dress. I could feel her wetness soaking through her panties. I slide them to the side smoothly wit my fingers and began rubbing her pussy. Laura reached for my hand, placing hers over mine but put up no effort to stop me. “It looks like you enjoyed it to.” I snapped back.

The couple on the bed were now laying there, catching their breath. It seemed like the moment had passed. Laura was breathing heavily, her face flushed, and her body trembling slightly. I could feel her pussy clench around my fingers as I inserted them. I leaned in close to her ear and whispered, "Do you want more?" She hesitated for a moment before nodding slightly. I leaned back and smiled. "Good, because I'm not done with you yet." I pulled her panties off from beneath her dress and undid my belt. Laura wasted no time unzipping and unbuttoning my pants, pulling out my hard cock from beneath my briefs. “I’m actually really enjoying this…I want to watch them while we…make each other cum.” It was music to my ears. Laura began slowly stroking my cock as she watched the male performer pull a vibrator from a table, making his way back to the bed. The woman took the vibrator from the man, and opened her legs wide for us to see. It was hard to overstate how turned on I was and not even because of the performance. I was completely intoxicated that Laura was going along with it all, clearly enjoying watching the other couple.

I pushed her gently onto her back on the ottoman and positioned myself between her legs. The room was eerily quiet except for the muffled sounds of the couple on the bed. The vibrator buzzed in the background as I thrust into Laura. Her head rolled back, and her mouth opened in a silent scream. Her body moved in perfect synchronization with mine. I could feel her walls contract around me, squeezing my cock, her wetness only building. I began fucking her harder as I pulled the straps of her dress down revealing her cleavage. We paused for a minute before agreeing to get completely nude. After both ditching our clothes Laura made her way into the ottoman and buried her head between my legs, sucking my cock in a way she does only when she’s drunk. I could tell she was putting her slutty side up and I was loving it. As I neared my own release, I stopped to return the favor. As Laura laid on her back with her head turned towards the window, I began eating her out. Her taste was sweet and salty, like she had been savoring this moment for days. After a few moments of her muffled moans, I mounted her and began thrusting into her as we both watched the woman insert the vibrator in herself. The whole thing was way too overstimulating for me and I came way too quick. I collapsed on top of her, panting heavily. It was the most intense, intimate, and kinky moment I had ever shared with anyone.

After Laura cleaned up we left the club and made our way back to our hotel. Laura was still pretty buzzed and I could tell she was in a bit of a shock of what we both had done. We didn't say much during the walk back and when we got to the room, but remained giggly, making light of what we had just done. Laura teased me, “I hope you aren’t too tired…because I am still a little turned on my all of that.” I felt myself become overwhelmed again with lust as I gently pushed Laura back onto the bed. “I told you you’d like this place…I knew you’d enjoy one of those clubs.” Rock hard we began to get into it again, pulling each others clothes off. Laura seemed fixated on getting me super aroused, immediately foing to right to sucking my cock again. Who was this new woman I’ve been waiting for? The dirty talk that night was incredib with even Laura suggesting that she wanted us to be the couple on the other side of the glass…the ones being watched. As we toyed with each other during foreplay and moved on to fucking we agreed that we would visit more places tomorrow, hoping to get the same high that we that night. I was the happiest man in the world that night, and the excitement of what our sex life had in store had me up a good part of the night.

The following day was like we had this erotic secret between us as we spent the morning taking in more of Amsterdam’s sights. Although it is a beautiful city, my mind remained fixated on what the evening would have in store in the red light district. As the evening came we had and early dinner and made our way back to our hotel room before heading out to the red lights district. Things were different and I could tell Laura was already getting horny with how she was teasing me with kisses and rubs. She even agreed to wear another dress incase there was any more up-skirt play in any of the establishments.

After making our way to into the red light district as the sun was setting we debated about whether we should go back to the same club or try someplace new. Although Laura was set on going back to the same place I convinced her to check out someplace else. In my heart of hearts I was ready to go all-out, to thrust Laura into the sex-crazed mood I was in with the hopes of getting her to do something wild. As we walked I spotted another club that had live peep shows but also advertised prostitution for couples including a glory hole for either men or women. Although I knew Laura was reluctant, she played it off cool and entered the club with me.