#so I have to forcibly stop myself from going back and looking at what I've just written

[xaeoism]

Muichiro and you get into a heated argument and it escalates Part 2 Part 3

"You expect me to believe the fact that that girl in your estate isn't some- some girl that you're cheating on me with??", you spat, venom lacing every word that came out from your mouth.

"It's true! She only came over to hang out for awhile, there's nothing going on between the two of us!", muichiro replied hastily, trying to explain himself.

You had just came back from a month long mission and decided to visit the very person that you had been missing ever since you left immediately when you returned -- muichiro. You opened the door to his estate and your eyes landed upon a random demon slayer whom you had never seen before, shamelessly flirting with him.

After she left, he came up to you with a smile as if nothing had just happened. As if some girl didn't just flirt with him. This infuriated you to no end.

"Tokito! Just how gullible do you take me for?! Do you think I'd just accept what you say, that she was here just to 'hang out' when I so very clearly saw her trying to flirt with you?", you continued as you pinched your nose bridge, anger blinding your ability to slow down and process his words.

He flinched at the tone you spoke his first name with and found himself at a loss for words.

"I only love you, ..I promise, " Muichiro said softly, not daring to look up to see what kind of expression your face has.

You looked at him and sighed in distress. "You know what? I've heard enough. I can't even find it in myself to trust your promises anymore ever since you broke the last one. If you aren't going to end things between us then fine, I will. Let's break up."

He immediately looked up, eyes widening and looking through your own as if he was searching for something, some indication that you didn't mean what you said -- that in a few moments, you'll tell him you're joking. You looked back at him with no remorse and instead, opted to walk in to retrieve the items you had left before the mission.

His eyes trailed you as you entered his room and gathered your clothes and belongings. Panic began to settle in the depths of his mind as he thought of you leaving him for good. What did he do wrong? Was he lacking in certain areas?

Just as you were about to step out of his estate, his body moved on its own. He grabbed your arm and pulled you towards him before trapping you against the wall. His eyes traveled to your lips not even a second later, his lips collided with yours. He kissed you so forcibly that it shocked you, causing you to drop what you were carrying.

"Mmfph!" You put your hands on his chest and tried pushing him away but he didn't budge a single bit. Instead, he started using even more force, his arm wrapping around your waist tightly to prevent you from trying to escape him.

You couldn't escape even if you tried. Despite being a hashira, you could never win against muichiro in terms of physical strength. You were having trouble keeping up with his pace and you were running out of oxygen quickly. You became even more desperate and started to claw at his uniform, a silent plea for him to release you from his grasp.

Tears were forming in the corner of your eyes. Using the last of your energy, you decided to bite his tongue as a final attempt. He separated from you immediately when he felt the pain from his tongue. Your face was flushed and you were panting heavily, trying to let as much oxygen flow into your lungs as possible.

He looked at you and concern and guilt flooded his whole system.

"I'm sorry! Please forgive me I don't know what came over me.", he said in a moment of panic.

You slowly made your way to his main door again, walking right past him and ignoring his apology.

"Wait, please-!", he pleaded, to which you stopped in your tracks. "I don't want to see you in front of my face again.", you said coldly, before you continued to walk out of his estate.

Muichiro stood at his door in sadness silently watching as you walked off into the distance, not even sparing him a glance. He wishes this never happened, that this is just some sick dream his mind is playing on him. He hopes that you haven't fully given up on the two of you yet because he certainly hasn't and fully intends on winning your love and affection back, no matter how long it takes because he loves you and only you.

#muichiro #muichiro tokito #mist hashira #mist hashira x reader #hashira x y/n #hashira x reader #muichiro x y/n #muichiro x reader #kny muichiro #kny #demon slayer muichiro #hashira #demon slayer x reader #kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu muichiro #kny x reader

[kafus]

ok i've decided i want to infodump about vee and nova a little after all! because uhh not only am i impatient because autism but i also. want to dip my toes into talking about this. just days ago i was still terrified but now i am Tentatively Brave... if i can talk about it here casually like this then i should be able to write a more formal summary later some other time

i've tagged this post appropriately (at least i think i have, feel free to suggest if i should add more) but also a heads up here too before i keep talking that while i'm not going into graphic detail on anything there are STRONG themes of organized sexual abuse of a child, sexual abuse of animals, and grooming! (there are no disturbing visuals in this post, just text)

IF YOU CAN'T READ THIS POST THAT'S OKAY I STILL LOVE U

takes a deep breath alright so the deal with these two. back all the way in 2021, i decided i wanted to make "vent ocs" as in i just wanted some concrete/consistent designs i could use in vent art drawings that weren't a direct reflection of what i envision myself to look like or whatever. i was going through a lot in 2021, in december 2020 i had just gotten my first big repressed memory back and my life was in a whirlwind of change and heavily increased PTSD and DID symptoms, so i was using art a lot as an outlet. in the end i settled on this drawing, based on the design taste i would have had as a young person (god the quality is so old now LOL i've improved a lot but anyway)

i was intending for these two to be just visual designs and nothing more than that but i got attached and actually ended up giving them a whole storyline and everything, which is something i admittedly hadn't done in a long time up to that point so that's cool.

the reason i preface explaining the premise of the storyline with this is because i think it's important to acknowledge that these two are intrinsically tied with my real life and the feelings i experience as a CSA/OA survivor. not because i think someone has to go through awful things to write or draw about them necessarily, but because i am passionate about expressing myself. it's important for me to be seen in some way, to be heard after years of silence. it is not safe for me mentally to share the exact details of my abuse online rn (and please don't ask for them!) but i also don't want these two to be removed from the message that i survived something and this is me making art about that in an abstracted and magical way with a fictional universe that brings me a lot of comfort. i hope this makes sense lol

oh and also with that in mind if you think for even a second any of this is a weird sex thing for me or some shit please stop reading this post and go do something else with your time. this is my trauma expression and i don't need to be compared to the people i was abused by when i was a literal toddler thank you!

AANYWAY so! premise! gonna be point blank with it! vee (not her original name but shh) is born as a normal 100% human girl, aka without the eevee ears and tail. she is groomed from a very young age (like, toddler age) and eventually abducted by her groomers which happen to be members of... well right now it's team rocket because i haven't spent the time to worldbuild a new villainous pokemon organization yet. roll with me here. she is taken to a remote facility out in the middle of fucking nowhere and is never returned to her previous life or family.

Why? well i'm glad you asked! the org is running a bunch of different experiments in this facility and one of them happens to be trying to enable humans reproducing with pokemon. this doubles as both a money thing and a power thing. they seek out a child as the victim of these horrible experiments because children are easily malleable. way easier to control a child than an adult who already has a firm identity/self.

vee is the child they chose. surgery is forcibly done on her to give her working eevee ears and tail, and also like, fuck with her body chemistry and stuff. she's biologically part eevee now. yes this is bullshit pokemon magic science LMAO but she is kept in this facility and chronically sexually abused for a few years by pairing her with various mons and trying to get eggs to happen.

the experiment isn't working though so they hypothesize that giving her a dedicated partner, especially of the same evolutionary line, would help, and they raise nova from birth as an eevee to take on that role. eventually the two of them are paired together. despite the acts they are forced to commit on each other and the abuse they endure, they actually become inseparable very quickly cause like. they don't have anyone else. and also they just genuinely care about each other. additionally at this point nova has evolved into an espeon and has telepathic powers, so him and vee can communicate linguistically with each other, so you know that helps

generally my current focus of this story is in the early years, when vee is 12 and younger, before they start realizing that shit is fucked up and they need to escape (up until that hypothetical point they have been successfully groomed into believing everything happening to them was not abuse/was normal). i have left out a metric fuckton of detail here just to get across the basic premise. i am constantly exploring vee's psyche, nova's psyche, it's like an in depth exploration of the mind of an abused child in horrific circumstances and god it's cathartic. i love these two so fucking much

btw i guess this art has more context now huh haha after i infodumped off the plot to my sister they looked at this art again and was like. OHHH THIS IS EVEN MORE OMINOUS AND HARD TO LOOK AT WITH CONTEXT. AND I WAS LIKE YEAH!!!! YOU SEE THE VISION!!! THE SYMBOLISM!! ETC!!!!

uh yeah if you read this far thank you and i just wanna say i've been building up the courage to talk about these two for GENUINELY two years, it has been over 2 full years since that initial drawing, and i am nervous and jittery posting this but i do not want to die without having shared my work with the world and i'm willing to take the risks to get my voice out there. so you reading it is very much appreciated ur like my first step into being more confident as a survivor lol

oh and fwiw despite these guys being so correlated with my trauma it's not offensive to make headcanons or ask me questions about them or compliment darker art of them however you want, in fact i love that shit!! please i've been holding these guys back for two years i have so much to say that hasn't been said. as much as i am nervous i am EXCITED

#sa tw #mind control tw #csa tw #oa tw #abuse tw #this post is a bit of a mess sorry! #this is why im sort of “drafting” my summary as a stream of consciousness infodump #i need to tackle having the confidence talking about this first #just get it out no matter how messy #and THEN i can clean it up and present it in an artistically pleasing way #kiki was here #kiki.txt #vee & nova

[igot-sarang-ggg]

You're Mine (Pt. 3 Yandere Dio Brando x Reader)

Masterlist

Small Summary: Your family gave you to Dio in exchange for money and riches. Dio took a liking to you even though you would reject him and even fight him so he wouldn't touch you. He began to have a liking for that.

Small mentions: SPOILERS, f!reader, manipulation, toxic relationship, Yandere Dio, ownership, biting, marking, possessiveness, suggestive praise kink

Why?! Why am I the only one that lives?! He killed those girls like it was nothing. Why?!

I was the only one that didn't throw myself at his feet. He's had countless women and he choose me, the only one that wasn't as interested in him as the others were. He sucked their blood and disposed of their bodies. Where do I go? Where can I hide? I need to escape him before he gets to me.

"Where are you, my princess?" Dio called for me, his voice echoing throughout the mansion, "You can't hide from me forever." I knew I couldn't go far from him, the last I heard was that Enyaba was teaching him how to stop time. I don't understand what she meant by that, but I know I'm in danger with each passing second. He may have stopped time a few times already and maybe watching me now.

Why can't you just let me go, Dio? I rejected him and would even fight against his hold at times, and yet... he still wants me. What makes you want to have me? I don't want to be here I need to escape. I made my way towards the front door opening it, the sounds echoed throughout the empty mansion.

"I see you're trying to leave me," His voice sounded closer I turned around, and he was standing at the top of the staircase, "You can go, but you won't get very far." When I opened the door there was a bird... a falcon to be exact. It stared at me with what I can sense was murderous intent. A chill went down my spine as I made eye contact with it, "I won't hurt you... just let me pass." The bird opened its mouth, and no sound was heard but I knew something wasn't right. I quickly shut the door, there was a loud thud that followed. That bird must be one of those things with supernatural powers.

I looked at the stairway, Dio was no longer there. "Where did he go?" I said to myself as I looked around and couldn't find him. If I were to somehow make it out that bird would come looking for me or he'll send his men to come and look for me. He's watching me I know that, I can still feel his presence nearby. 

I walked up the stairs, I excepted my fate being with Dio. I stood at the entrance of his room, "Princess I've seen you've given up on trying to leave, why's that?" I was now sitting on his lap, his arms wrapped around me as he placed his head on my shoulder. "I don't have anywhere to go... and if I did leave you would punish me for it." He tightened his embrace a bit, "I would punish you for leaving me... I must know, why do you want to leave? Didn't your family bring you to me? Were they not drunks and only cared about money? My love, you're better staying here with me." 

He kissed my neck leaving a trail of kisses on my shoulder and back. I closed my eyes to hold back any tears. "I promise, I'll treat you the way you deserve to be treated." Before I know it, I was now pinned onto the bed with Dio hovering over me. "Now, now, princess don't cry." He wiped away a tear that slid down my eyes, I hadn't even noticed the tear had escaped my eyes, "I won't be rough with you this time around. Think of this as a gift from me to you." He gently placed a kiss on my lips. "Lo-lord Dio-"

"I want you to call me just Dio. Now that you're mine, formality is not needed from you. I want to hear you say my name until you can't anymore." My heart raced as he was now forcibly kissing me. I was glad it didn't go beyond that.

On that day I became Dio's property. I'd try escaping a few more times after and he always found me and punished me. I gave up and was now by his side when he needed me and when he didn't need me. "Good girl. You've learned your place. You're all mine and no one else's."

Request for One-shot are open!

#dio brando #jojo no kimyou na bouken #jjba x you #jjba x reader #jjba fanfic #jjba au #jjba part 3 #jjba stardust crusaders #jojos bizarre adventure #jjba dio #brando dio #dio x you #dio x y/n #dio x reader #jojo x reader #jojo kimyou na bouken #jojo #jjba #stardust crusaders #yandere dio brando #jjba yandere #jojo yandere #jojo yandere x reader #jjba yandere x reader

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

Francis Drake Main Story

Translations may not always capture the exact nuances or tone of the original text. Expect grammatical errors.

(Why? Why all of a sudden?)

Drake: "Haa..."

Mitsuki: "Ah! Stop."

My thoughts dissipated as he sucked my skin, and a terrifying pleasure ran through my entire body, making me moan involuntarily.

(No, stop...)

Mitsuki: "Wait, Drake..."

I tried to push his chest, but...

Mitsuki: "Ah!"

He sank his fangs deeper, and my strength gave way, causing us to fall to the floor.

Drake: "Haa... Don't run away."

Mitsuki: "Drake..."

Drake: "If you want to curse someone, curse yourself for chasing after me."

He held down both my wrists and hovered above me.

His aquamarine eyes, filled with a ferocious gleam, seemed to be driven solely by desire.

Drake: "Nn..."

Mitsuki: "Ah...mnn..."

Once again, he buried his face in my neck and licked the bitten spot with his tongue.

The wet sounds reverberated in my ears, sending shivers deep within me.

(It's scary, but...)

(Why does it feel so good?)

I'm scared of the overwhelming pleasure that is stealing away my rationality.

I'm scared of being swept away by the desire being dragged out of me.

And I'm scared of his beastly nature.

My mind and body are in disarray, and when my tears welled up一

He looked down at me with blood-stained lips, his face twisted in a frown.

Then he wiped away the tears that had welled up at the corners of my eyes.

(Drake...)

Although his touch was far from gentle, my chest tightened.

(Can't he resist the urge?)

Seeing him furrow his eyebrows in pain, a different emotion welled up inside me.

(I want to ease his pain.)

(I don't want to push him away.)

(I don't want to betray him.)

More than fear or pleasure, these feelings overwhelmed me, and I tightly embraced his back.

Drake: "Mitsuki, why?"

Drake: "Haah, damn it."

His hot breath brushed against my ear, and he sucked on my neck again.

Amid my intoxicating pleasure and feelings for him, I lost consciousness.

Drake: "Mitsuki?"

Mitsuki was completely unconscious under his body, and her hands that had clung to his back were now weakly sprawled on the floor.

Her once neat white blouse, forcibly disheveled, had lost several buttons, and her exposed neck bore bite marks with blood seeping out.

Even though it was such a pitiful sight, he swallowed hard again.

Drake: ".........."

He clicked his tongue at himself and turned his face away, trying to avoid looking at Mitsuki.

While the impulse had somewhat subsided, he clenched his fist to suppress the lingering urge, then looked up at the moonlit sky beyond the window.

Drake: "Having this body stuck between being human and a vampire is really annoying."

The maddening full moon shone brightly in the night sky.

My consciousness slowly emerged from the abyss-like darkness.

I tried lifting my eyelids, but my body was too lazy to even do that.

(What happened to me?)

I found myself lying on a sofa, and when I tried to sit up, I felt dizzy.

Drake: "You're anemic. You should go back to sleep."

I shifted my gaze and noticed that he was leaning on the neighboring sofa.

(That's right. He bit me.)

Drake: "I've already treated your neck. I want to take you back to the mansion, but for now, it's better if you don't move."

Drake: "Also, the full moon is still out. I don't know what will happen if I touch you again."

Drake: "Stay here until morning."

Drake relayed this calmly while averting his gaze from me.

(I wonder what's happening to him.)

(And what is this place?)

Many questions came to mind, but what I really wanted to ask was:

Mitsuki: "Are you okay?"

Drake: ".........."

Mitsuki: "Are you feeling better now?"

Drake: "You always focus on others, and that's why you often draw the short end of the stick."

His response, which wasn't really an answer, drifted away as I fell back to sleep.

???: "What kind of situation is this?"

I woke up to someone's voice echoing in my ears, not sure how much time had passed.

Still unable to move as I wished, I gazed vaguely at the dim world through the narrow gap between my half-opened eyes.

Drake: "Galileo, sorry. I messed up."

Drake: "She saw me in the city and followed me here."

Galileo: ".........."

I saw the figure of a man talking to Drake.

(Huh?)

Drake: “I came here because of my urge, but then this girl appeared. I have no choice.”

Galileo: “She’s not dead, is she?”

Drake: “Yeah. How are you?”

Galileo: “I’ve taken Blanc to keep it under control. It’s almost dawn.”

I couldn’t think properly, but there was one thing I noticed:

------------Flashback-----------

???: “Be careful.”

---------Flashback Ends--------

(Was he the person from back then?)

The memory quickly faded away, and I was once again pulled into a deep sleep.

???: “How is Mitsuki doing?”

???: “She’s still sleeping. The doctor examined her and said there were no issues with her body.”

(This voice...)

A familiar voice brought my consciousness back, and when I opened my eyes, I found myself in my room.

Mitsuki: “Comte? Sebastian?”

Comte & Sebastian: “----!”

Comte: “You’re awake, Mitsuki. That’s good.”

With the help of Comte and Sebastian, I sat up in bed.

Sebastian: “How are you feeling?”

Mitsuki: “I feel somewhat lethargic. Also, I feel like I slept a lot.”

Sebastian: "It's more like you fainted."

Comte: "Don't push yourself. Let's talk slowly."

The two of them, who were peering worriedly into my face, let out a sigh of relief.

Sebastian: "Everyone was worried."

Mitsuki: "Sorry for worrying you."

Mitsuki: "Um, what happened? I don't remember much, but I think I followed Drake in town, and then..."

As I started to speak, the events after following Drake in town flashed through my mind. Comte, observing my expression, quietly began to explain.

Comte: "Yesterday, both you and Drake didn't return to the mansion even after it got dark."

Comte: "We were worried, but in the morning, Drake came back carrying you in his arms."

Comte: "You were exhausted and had a wound on your neck."

I put my hand on my neck and found it covered with gauze.

Comte: "That wound... Drake bit you, didn't he?"

I stared directly into his golden eyes.

Mitsuki: "Yes."

Nodding, Comte lowered his eyes solemnly.

Comte: "Drake said he was suddenly overcome by the urge to drink blood and accidentally bit you."

Comte: "Then he treated your injuries after you passed out at the inn and waited for morning to come."

(Inn?)

(That place didn't look like an inn to me.)

The trivial question that came to mind was swept away by Comte's stern expression and his next question.

Comte: "Did Drake forcefully attack you?"

(Ah…)

------------Flashback-----------

Drake: “Don’t come any closer!!”

Drake: “Of all days, why now?”

Drake: “Get out of my face, Mitsuki.”

---------Flashback Ends--------

I remembered Drake's appearance at that moment.

(If I think about it, it might have been forceful.)

It was so sudden, and I couldn't even say anything, but...

Mitsuki: "Even though Drake was overcome by his urge to drink blood, he tried to keep me away, but I still approached him."

Mitsuki: "I was surprised to be bitten, but I accepted it willingly. So it wasn't forceful."

Comte: "I see."

He responded and softened his expression.

Comte: "I was thinking that if Drake scared you, I would have to figure out how to deal with it because living under the same roof might be difficult from now on."

(So he was genuinely worried.)

Mitsuki: "Thank you, Comte. Um, is Drake okay?"

Mitsuki: "He looked like he was in a lot of pain back then."

Sebastian: "After returning to the mansion, he seems to be back to his usual self. He's currently in his room."

Mitsuki: "That's a relief."

Recalling the pained eyes I saw while being bitten, I asked Comte.

Mitsuki: "Can I see him?"

I heard a knock on the door.

I answered “Come in”, and the person I was waiting for showed up.

Drake: “Mitsuki.”

Drake sat on the chair next to the bed and peered at my face.

Drake: “Are you feeling okay?”

Mitsuki: “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m not dizzy anymore.”

Mitsuki: “Thank you for bringing me back to the mansion.”

He slightly furrowed his eyebrows as I expressed gratitude.

Drake: “You don’t need to thank me.”

Drake: “Sorry for attacking you.”

I shook my head lightly as he bowed his head.

Mitsuki: “It’s fine. More importantly, are you okay? You seemed off yesterday.”

Drake: “The bloodlust has subsided. If it hadn’t, they wouldn’t have let me in here.”

Mitsuki: “That’s not all, though.”

Mitsuki: “I saw you fighting in the street yesterday.”

I remembered what happened yesterday and hesitated a little.

He displayed overwhelming strength, taking down the men who attacked him one by one like a completely different person.

Drake pondered for a moment and let out a sigh.

Drake: "It looks like deceiving you won't work."

Drake: "I rarely talk about it to anyone, but on a full moon, I become like that."

Drake: "I get impulsive, and it's hard to control my instincts."

(Come to think of it, yesterday was a full moon.)

The moon was said to influence human emotions, much like the tides.

I guess what happened to him was an extension of that.

Drake: "Because I lose control, I used to be feared by both enemies and allies."

Mitsuki: "So, did you disappear from the mansion without anyone noticing to ensure our safety?"

Drake: "……..."

Drake: "Well, yeah. I can't let everyone know about it."

He muttered in a low voice, seemingly reluctant to touch on the matter.

Mitsuki: "I see. Thank you for telling me, Drake."

Although he might have revealed this because he bit me, I couldn't help but feel a little happy that he chose to confide in me about his hidden circumstances.

At that moment, he reached his hand toward me.

He brushed aside the hair that hung over my shoulder and gazed at the marks on my neck.

Drake: "The bite marks will probably linger for a while."

(Ah...)

His gaze focused on me, and his fingertips lightly touched my skin.

Just that simple contact brought back the intoxicating euphoria from last night, making me blush.

Drake: "Mitsuki? Sorry, did that hurt?"

Mitsuki: "No, it's not that. I, um, just remembered something."

He gave me a puzzled look, and I felt even more embarrassed.

Mitsuki: "I didn't know being bitten would make me feel like that."

Drake: "Yeah. The one getting bitten feels good."

Drake: "After a momentary pain, they are overwhelmed by a numb pleasure."

Drake: "Last night, you were making such sweet sounds that I've never heard before."

(He remembered that!?)

My face was probably as red as the setting sun.

Just like the time he put the earrings on me, he brushed my hair behind my ear, and his gaze became intense.

Drake: "Did you feel it?"

Mitsuki: "........."

Once again, my face turned hot.

He wasn't teasing me but simply looking straight at me, which only fueled my embarrassment.

Mitsuki: “Don’t ask me things like that.”

Drake: “Haha! Sorry. You really haven’t been bitten by anyone, huh?”

Drake: “Sorry for taking your first.”

He let out a wry smile and sat back in the chair.

Drake: “Hey, why did you hold me when I bit you?”

Suddenly, he asked me.

Drake: “You must have been scared of me. So why?”

He frowned as if he were facing an unsolvable puzzle, making it seem like he didn’t have the missing piece from the start.

Mitsuki: “Yeah. I was scared because it felt like you weren’t yourself.”

Mitsuki: “But you seemed in so much pain that I wanted to do something to help you.”

If there was anything I could do for him, even just a little, I would. That's why I wrapped my arms around his back and accepted his fangs.

Mitsuki: “I couldn’t and didn’t want to push you away.”

Mitsuki: “I didn’t want to betray you.”

Drake: “..........”

Drake’s eyes widened in surprise.

Drake: “Even though you were being attacked, you still showed compassion for your attacker.”

Drake: “You’re scared, yet you don’t want to betray me. You really are...”

Mitsuki: “A softy?”

Drake: “Hey.”

I teased him about what he often said, and he chuckled softly.

Drake: “You’ve done me a big favor.”

Mitsuki: “It’s not a favor. It’s just something I wanted to do, so don’t worry about it.”

Drake: “No, I want to worry about it because I want to.”

He looked straight into my eyes.

Drake: “Next time, it’s my turn. If something happens to you, I will definitely help. I promise.”

(Drake...)

His clear aquamarine eyes conveyed a sincerity that went beyond words.

Mitsuki: "Yeah. You won't betray me. I believe in you."

Mitsuki: "It's our promise, okay? Like a pirate's code."

Drake: "Yeah, okay."

A while ago, we echoed each other's words by the Seine River and exchanged smiles.

The sense of distance that seemed uncertain somehow returned to its usual closeness.

Drake: "Hey, Mitsuki. I'll leave this with you. Keep it as a charm."

Mitsuki: "A charm? Wait, what?"

I widened my eyes at what he gave me.

The beautifully decorated object, reflecting a golden light, was none other than the gun Drake usually carried at his side.

Drake: "It's for self-defense. Because you're always getting yourself into trouble."

Mitsuki: "I can't accept something like this. I don't even know how to use it!"

Mitsuki: "Besides, isn't this your precious weapon?"

Drake: "Yeah, yeah, it's precious, so take good care of it."

Drake wrapped his hands around mine, holding the gun.

Drake: "Even just pointing it at someone can be intimidating. I'll teach you how to shoot, so use it if you need to, even if it's against me."

(What?)

Mitsuki: "What do you mean by that?"

Drake: "There might be a situation like yesterday where I end up attacking you, little fawn."

He flashed a mischievous smile, so I lightheartedly responded, asking him not to tease me.

Even though I only caught a glimpse, his eyes didn't seem like he was joking at all.

Drake left Mitsuki's room and looked up outside the hallway window.

Drake: "Consider this as a deal."

Drake: "It's uncomfortable to leave a debt unpaid, so I'm just returning the favor."

If that were the case, there would've been no need to say "promise".

He muttered this in his mind and left the place.

The moon, which changed its shape every day like the human heart, shone on his back.

Previous Part ╎ Masterlist ╎ Next Part

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp #ikevamp drake #ikevamp jp #francis drake #ikevamp francis #cybird #ikevamp translations

[pynkricee]

Saving Geto : Milk & Honey 🍯

(Warning: soul ties, 18+, sexual intentions, mastorbation, roughsex , biting, scratching)

Going for a walk, I noticed someone who looked familiar walking right of me. It just wasn't his back side but his walk as well.

"Suguru Getou?

She said stopping in her tracks. Geto turned around to see y/n standing behind him.

"Y/N"? He said coming to a complete stop tilting his head slightly smirking because he hasn't seen you in years. Walking forward to you, you could see the depression on his face. The dark gleem in his eyes that just reached into your soul.

"Su..guru. " You say in a low tone. He walks up to you, smiling, hoping that you don't notice the state of his well being.

"I've missed you! What have you been up to?" He says, sliding his hands into his pockets. It was a little chilly out, and you didn't like seeing him like this.

"Geto.. would you like to come in for some tea? I... I live right here?" You ask him, hoping he would say yes. Even in his state of depression you could see upon his face, he still had the most beautiful eyes and lips you've ever seen in your life.

"Sure!" He said pulling his hand out of his pocket and rubbing it down your backside, finally curling his fingers around your waist. You shiver from his touch as you see a twitch os.a smirk on the side of his face.

Opening the door to your house you invite him in lock the door behind you two. " Go ahead and make yourself comfortable. You tell him while you walk to the kitchen to make some tea. Taking his shoes off, Geto walks to the couch sitting down with his legs spread and his arm hanging off the back. (hmmpph, he still sits that way huh? ) "So... is everything okay Suguru? You don't look too well... !

"Still always worrying about everyone else other than yourself I see." His tone very sarcastic but somewhat serious. But it was so sexy I could feel myself starting to get wet immediately... (fuuuuuuuuuu)

"You know.. that's me. Even though I haven't seen you, I see you now and I don't like what I see." Walking back into the living room, I sit next to him on the couch handing him his tea while taking a sip of mine. He clench my legs together as tight as I could from being so wet. I know it was loud enough to smell. I could feel my face burning up. ( All fucking ready? Wtf is going on...?)

He chuckles, taking a sip.of his tea. " If you don't like it, fix it then... y/n..." Placing his tea on the coffee table, he turns to the side looking at me in the eyes with his fingers reaching for my face, caressing my lips. Something was telling me he needed this bad... but so did I. I've always been in love with this man and he was making my pussy throb just by touching my lips. As his thumb reached my top lip, I twist my tongue around his finger sliding it into my mouth, softly sucking on it.

"Mmmmmmhhh..... Shit..." He moaned as I sat my cup down on the table then proceeded to grab his hand, moving myself ontop of him, straddling him on the couch, moving it slowly in and out, twirling my tongue around it. "Yo...You were never like this before"

But this wasn't before......

Taking his finger out my mouth, I grab both his hand, wrapping my fingers through his fingers, forcibly throbbing my tongue down his mouth. His tongue matching my movements in his mouth as he moaned with every breath he took. I could feel his penis buldging through his pants as I started grinding on his as we continued to kiss.

'"Fuck this..." He said taking my hands from his, grabbing my ass and throwing my back on the couch. " Hmmmm so... this is what youre doing? You sure you wanna so there..y/n?''

"I need to go there" My legs twitching for his dick, his sent, his taste as i lay there on my back watching him pull his shirt and pants off. His penis standing at full attention for my pussy. My thighs were wet for his stroke.

Leaning over me, he slid his arm under my back, arching it as far as he could, taking two his two thick fingers inserting them into my newly shaved cat. Moving them back and forth as my juices flowed down his hand.....

"Y/N...... I need you (panting) Please baby.." Digging his face in to my neck as he moved faster, thrusting his fingers into me as i moaned his name outloud.

" Su..Guru..... I cant..!" Gripping his shoulders digging my nails into his back. (Fuuuuuck..if he could do this with his fingers, i wonder what his dick could do?)

" You cant what baby...?" ( sofly giggling) " You cant... take it?" He leaned his face against my neck, licking my ear til my vagina began to fucking throb harder. My legs began to twitch uncontrollably. He pressed his body harder into my mine to try to keep me calm as much as he could as he was panting while moving his fingers forcefully into me.

" Shiii.. Fuck me Suguru..!!"

He lifted his head up looking me in the eyes. Smirking evilly. "And with that, you don't have to ask twice." Taking his fingers out my vagina and putting them in his mouth, to the back of his throat and slowly pulling them out, tasting all of me.

Panting hard, my nipples hard... i needed him now. He began rubbing my breast making his hand down between my legs where he grabbed his penis and inserted it inside me.

"Fuuuuckkkk... you feel so good.."" He said collapsing his forehead into him, thrusting back and forth into me, gripping the top of the couch.

Grabbing his head I forced him in to a kiss, saliva filling our mouths as we exchanged it into a kiss as he began to pump me harder with the excitement of the kis.

"Surguru...."(panting) Digging my nails harder into his back, knowing he was bleeding but we both didnt care.

" I know... Shiiiiii..I need ....(panting harder)....y/n.... I need....(thrusting me harder, feeling as if were going to break the couch any minute now. Locking my legs around his waist as i moved my hands down to his butt pulling him in deeper.

" Fucking stop.... you want me to come early?"

"I want you... to take it Suguru...If you can (panting) since this pussy is being good to you." I said licking his top lip.

"y/n....(panting slower).... I ...." He said slowing down. Our breaths collecting and slowing down together.

"Geto...?" I asked as his strokes became lighter but still deep at the same time. Lifting his head up he looked me in my eyes removing his arm from my back and began to caress my face. With both of my hands i grabbed his hand holding it softly as it moved across my face. A small tear slid down his face as he smiled at me still moving slowly inside me..

"I need.... you to save me......."

As my eyes widened with ecstasy and to his response, i nodded pulling him into a soft kiss.

#geto #getousuguru #jjk geto #geto suguru #getosuguru #geto x reader #jujutsu geto #geto smut #gojo satoru #geto and pynkricee #geto x you #geto x y/n #jjkgeto #suguru x reader #suguru x y/n #geto adn pynkricee #getou suguru #getosmut

[mikibwrites]

WIP Wednesday!

Hi all! Since I've made a promise to myself to eventually finish and post this, I'm going to also promise myself to share my progress every Wednesday :) For your enjoyment, a bit from TrueBlood Tarlos (which doesn't have a title LOL are we surprised)

TK let him approach, but didn’t acknowledge him at all. Carlos waited in silence, in case TK wanted to berate him for his insensitive comment, but no yelling was forthcoming, it seemed. 

Carlos took a breath. “TK, listen —“

“Is that what I am to you? A fetish? You wanna put a fanger notch in your bedpost so you can brag to your friends?” His voice was quiet, controlled, dangerously soft; still, Carlos could detect the thread of hurt that weaved itself underneath TK's smooth tenor.

“What? No!” Carlos was stunned. That wasn’t what this was at all, not by a mile.

“I’m not a theme park attraction,” he said viciously, still not looking at Carlos. 

“I never said you were! Look, I’m sorry. I made a joke in poor taste, and I’m very sorry. I won’t say anything like that again, I promise.” He moved in front of the other man, but didn’t reach out to touch him at all. “TK, please look at me?”

It took several moments, but Carlos waited him out. Eventually, green eyes, still beautiful even with how hard and closed off they were, moved to lock with his own. 

“I’m sorry,” he said emphatically. “I meant it as a tease, but it was obviously not okay. I will never, ever say anything like it again. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I want to…to know you. I want to make you smile. I want to spend more time with you, if you’ll let me. So please, can you forgive me?” He made himself stop talking, and put the ball in the other man’s court. If TK chose to walk away now, there was nothing he could do. Carlos had somehow offended him deeply and he hoped they could come back from it, but he wouldn’t force the issue. 

TK just stared at him, same hard eyes and stiff stance. It felt like he was being forcibly hollowed out from the inside, all his faults and failures assessed and judged, but he held his ground. 

After an indeterminate amount of time, TK seemed to come to some kind of decision in his own mind because his eyes changed to liquid again before he moved so swiftly he was nothing but a blur to Carlos. Suddenly, he found himself pressed to the wall, their positions reversed, and cold fingers pressed lightly to his throat, keeping him in place. Not squeezing or pressing, just there. A chilly thumb brushed over the pulse point just underneath his jaw.

“Are you sure you want this? To put your guard down with someone like me?” The question didn’t sound like it probably was meant — a threat or intimidation. It sounded like a desperate plea to be understood. Carlos wanted to crack open that case and figure it out, probably despite his better judgement, so he nodded. “Yes,” he breathed. 

No-pressure tagging (sorry if you've already done it and I haven't seen yet!) @carlos-in-glasses @lemonlyman-dotcom @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @largepeachicedtea @rosedavid @detective-giggles @alrightbuckaroo @rmd-writes @basilsunrise @welcometololaland and anyone else who wants to do it!

#tarlos fic #911ls fic #tarlos #911 lone star #wip wednesday #my fics #trueblood tarlos

[blaperile]

Hi all,

I suppose I owe you all this post after my absence the past years.

Like I mentioned at the time, when Homestuck^2 went into its indefinite pause, I got upset. Upset due to the reasoning behind the pause. Specifically due to how the creative team felt they were being treated by the fandom.

And it kind of reflected my own feelings on the topic. I've been a Homestuck fan since December 2010 and was greatly involved at the time with the MSPA Forums and a bunch of creative projects. But over time I noticed the fandom becoming more bitter. Where previously I mostly saw positive emotions and reactions to updates, I started seeing more and more negative things. ESPECIALLY since John's retcon powers were introduced.

And of course anyone is free to share their own opinion on matters! It's just, I could personally never comprehend it.

For me personally, entertainment has never been linked to any negative emotions or opinions. To me, entertainment is the very definition of positive emotions, and if there's anything bringing up negative emotions for me, I can no longer call it entertainment and would never continue doing it for fun.

And over time, I kept being confronted with more and more negative opinions on Homestuck, and it began souring the experience for me.

I sincerely hoped the end of Homestuck would bring everyone together, so I created the Omegaupdate forums to try and bring everyone together.

But I failed.

There were still so many negative emotions, and it never really stopped. I tried 'ignoring' the negative things and continue to enjoying the postive things.

But when the negative part of the fandom caused Homestuck^2 to be paused indefinitely, something snapped inside me. One of the things I loved most in this world, was forcibly taken away from me by 'fans' acting horribly.

And I was sad. Sad because deep inside me, I feared Homestuck^2 might never be finished properly.

From that moment onwards, almost anything related to Homestuck made me feel sad. So I couldn't bear it any longer. I stopped doing my Dutch translation of Homestuck, I stopped doing the Omegaupdate forums, I stopped doing Homestuck From The Perspective of, I stopped listening to Homestuck music.

I moved on, at that moment. And for a part, it's been a blessing. I had so much time for other interests, like Pokémon, Disney and Marvel. Me and my brother looked into moving out of our parents home, and we did.

As time went on, I could slowly allow myself to feel nostalgic again about the good old times of Homestuck. Especially in terms of music, I started listening again and slowly I could enjoy it again.

But still, I couldn't think about Homestuck too much, or I would feel sad again.

Fast forward to 12 days ago. On the 19th of October, I got an email from Patreon (just to be sure, I never cancelled my Patreon subscription even though it wasn't charing anything anymore).

I was surprised to see a post by James Roach, and I was so surprised!

Surprised to see that Homestuck^2 was starting up again, and posting new updates!!

I hadn't dared dream this day would come, where Homestuck^2 would return. But there it was anyway.

It made me feel so happy, and I could finally allow myself to start actively thinking about Homestuck^2 again.

So, the past 12 days me and my brother have been rereading the Homestuck Epilogues recap, as well as the 407 pages of Homestuck^2 (AND the bonus stories!) that had already been published before.

To get back in "the flow", to remember what came before, and prepare ourselves for the new updates.

Now I've caught up again to that point, and my brother's almost there as well. Once he's also reached that point, we'll start reading the regular updates again.

I'm not sure yet what will come after that, for me. But I don't think things are ever going back to the way they used to be.

At this moment, I don't see myself going back to any forums, or active community. I don't see myself continuing the Dutch translation.

I'm not even 100% sure if I will still be making reaction posts to the updates.

Anything I do, for now, will be what feels good to me. We'll see as we go what exactly that is.

Right now, I think it's pretty likely that I will continue doing the tally for "Homestuck From The Perspective of". I still love seeing that overview, myself.

Anyway, thanks for reading this, and take care.

#Homestuck #Homestuck^2 #MSPA #Omegaupdate

[apolloanddaphnis]

Speaking in Tongues

Part VI

Disclaimer: I'm sorry I update this one so much, honestly it's just always in my head and I'm obsessed with Minka's wardrobe. But now I'm like having total writer's block with this one at the moment.

Also not many warnings in this one just allusions to sexual situations, it's an adult story so avert your eyes please if you get offended.

♡♡♡♡♥︎♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♥︎♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♥︎♡

Minka's POV 

"I have to go home, come on monkey, stop being silly." I chastised the handsome man who was behaving like a child.

He has hidden my clothes and is standing there with his arms folded. He looks so handsome with that stubborn look on his face, blocking the door.

"You're not, not yet, please?" He then made his way over to me and I backed away. "No, no I know that look. Don't seduce me to stay in your castle, beast." Timothée cornered me, his imposing presence looming over me before he pressed a gentle kiss to my cheek then my lips and I whimpered. I was reminded of how good they felt on my neck. 

His hands slipped beneath the borrowed Bauhaus shirt I wore. Feeling the cold metal of his rings on his fingers was arousing. "Chouchou, please…postpone it, I've made dinner reservations for us…" he nuzzled my throat and my heart was racing, my heaving breasts were forcibly pressed against his chest by how close his body was to mine. 

"Where?" I found myself asking. 

"It's a surprise, but I'll have your outfit ready and your favorite bottle of wine too "

"Sparkling Syrah?" Oh he plays dirty. 

"But of course, little moth." He slid his hands up my naked thighs.

"You play dirty, I'll text Stone." 

He smirked and licked where he left his mark on me on my neck. I whined, I lost and knew it. It was his game and he made the rules after all…

…

It was a gown, but hardly. A black, completely sheer, primrose floral velvet, devoted, one shoulder, kaftan dress designed by Tom Ford.  There's a high slit that exposes a generous portion of my thigh. And nothing was underneath except for a black, elegant floral lace, Agent Provocateur thong. My ample breasts were completely exposed to any eye. The heels were Tom Ford' gold padlock ones, and by the same designer there's gold soaked padlock earrings to match. My scent he chose for me was their private blend of Vanille Fatale.  I painted my lips a dark plum and did my eyes with smoky lilac like a flapper. 

I walked out of the bathroom that was more like a dressing room. "Koza, I have no purse-" but I stopped as I looked down to see lavender rose petals making a path to the balcony, spa smelling candles were the only light guiding me and the soft romantic music of Gene Loves Jezebel played from outside. 

"Timothée?" A smile threatened to tickle my lips. I walked out onto the candle lit balcony that had a beautifully dressed handsome Timothée standing by an ornately decorated table. The round table is draped in white cloth, antique candelabras, a vase of lavender and orange roses. A bottle of sparkling red by Rosa Regale in an ice bucket, there was brick oven pizza with prosciutto and arugula.  There were some French and Italian  cheese board goodies too.

"Monkey, what is all of this–" Timothee quickly made his way over to me. He slid an arm around me and his large hand rested on my hip and he kissed my jaw and then my lips, in a way that made me a little empty headed. He rubbed my hip and pulled back a little to look at my body and licked his lips. "Damn." I giggled at his reaction.

"I thought we were gonna go out with my tits out. Such a daring choice.'' I brushed a curl out of his face and fixed the collar of his black blazer. I picked a piece of lint off of his collar, he looks so fucking delicious.  Beneath the crisp blazer was a black, sheer mesh top that provocatively displayed his nipples and he had the black high waist trousers that cinched in so razor sharp. I felt easily seduced and started kissing his neck.  Both of his hands were on my waist and he was holding them in such a tight grip his nails dug through the fabric.

"I'd never let you wall out like this." He raped as I sucked on his incredible smelling neck.

"So possessive already?" I teased in his ear.

His hands slid down to my ample backside. 

"Hell yeah baby," his voice deepened. "I can't taste you and not want to keep you. We fit together so well." He slapped my ass and I whined. "It's like we were made for each other like you were made for me." He ended weakly.

I felt dizzy and deliciously weak, my body pressed against his sweet smelling hard one. He was massaging my ass lazily. "I've gone out in less."

"I know, I've seen you…I was always there watching you." He said quietly. 

I felt my body set on fire, that was creepy in the hottest way. His arousal was pressing against me and I shivered. "Let's try and get through a meal without fucking, monkey." I breathed.

He chuckled and dipped me a bit as he pulled me against him, his laughter brushed against my neck as I wrapped my arms around his neck. "No promises, chouchou."

–

Timothée's POV 

It wasn't until a week later that I allowed her to leave my house. 

The brutal adjustment of leaving our cozy little cocoon was a lot, and not just on me but my little moth as well. As we finished getting dressed she watched me from my bed, the bed we spent seven days in, her big lilac eyes looked so forlorn and her pouty bottom lip trembled in anticipation of a cry. I felt my nose sting with upcoming tears as well, shockingly enough. How quickly we have become so dependent on one another, just to breathe, only to exist.

She's such a beautiful little crier. I had her clothes brought here after the third day, right now to block out the weirdly cold southern Californian autumn, she wore a chic, oversized, black and cream vertical striped turtleneck. Her shapely bottom and legs were encased in high waist, creamy white Ulyana Sergeenko jeans with black leather tapered at the top, black and white juicy couture Georgette heels showed off her pedicured dark amber colored toes. The only jewelry she adorn was a black vegan leather gold heart watch, gold Moschino peace earrings, and…my diamond snow leopard ring. I have taken a liking to her wearing at least one item of mine.

Her makeup was matte and in her typical vamp style, black lipstick and black mascara. I slid down onto my knees and moved between her legs, my elbows resting on her legs and she immediately cradled my face in her incredibly soft hands, stroking the bones that formed my face with such tenderness.  She smells too good, like her woody and earthy Laurel Canyon perfume, and her sweet English lavender soap. I laid my head on her lap and my face close to her clothed center. We've made love twice this morning and fucked three. "Why do you have to go?"

"Monkey, you have work today, you're filming remember?" She spoke so soft and sweet and I nuzzled her thighs. "And I have to meet with my manager who isn't happy with you right now, and have lunch with Anya-"

I scowled and lifted my head. "Anya." I spat.

She frowned, we went over this yesterday.  Anya Taylor-Joy is one of my little moth's best friends, but Minka used to have a crush on her, they fooled around and she convinced me there's nothing there between them anymore. Anya does seem enamored with her rock star boyfriend but I can't stop this large green beast from trying to swallow me whole. "I'm sorry." I apologized to her and raked my hand through my hair. I helped her up onto her feet, now I was towering over her. I took off my baseball cap and put it on her pretty bob in backwards fashion before kissing her gorgeous little face. Her beauty is a huge problem. "Perhaps I should get you pregnant so you would have no choice but to stay by my side."

She giggled like it was a joke. It wasn't. "Koza, I'll be back okay?" She took my hand leading me outside. Her assistant, her little brother Stone, was waiting outside by a 1985 teal corvette.  She squeaked when I lifted her a little and pulled her into a bone crushing muscle bruising hug. I kissed her and I was greedy with it, and I bit over the violet bruise I gave her on her neck. She cried weakly and winced. I smiled and licked the abused skin. She tangled her fingers in my hair. "Pick me up at eleven tonight, okay?"

I grinned and kissed her again. "Okay deal!" She pried herself out of my unbearable hold to scurry off to her sibling. "Don't forget about me while I'm away at war!" She teased before hopping in. They were gone so fast, she was gone so fast. Meanwhile I needed to try and remember who I was before Minka Farrah slipped into the bathroom at Chateau Marmont.

@meetmyothersouls @sufferingstarlight

#timothee fanfic #timothee chamalet #timothée chalamet #timothée chalamet x oc

[kayssweetdreams]

Maestro Hiccups 3: Chaos Incarnate Ch 43

You turned to the Kaylo that fell from above. "Erm...Kaylo?" You ask, unsure if it WAS her "Yeah Y/N? what's up?" She asked. You smiled, this was DEFINITELY your Kaylo.

"What happened to you?" Leo asked. Your Kaylo sighed "After Balan's hiccups made those portals, something went wrong, and I bumped into this Kaylo, and suddenly, I find myself being flung from world to world." She admitted. The other Kaylo looked shocked "Balan has the hiccups? Oh crud. That explains everything going nuts here...My kingdom had been affected by chaotic magic, and I has went to see what was going on...when you bumped into me." She said, pointing at your Kaylo.

"Well...is there anyway to to make it stop?" You asked. Your Kaylo opened her mouth, almost ready to answer, when suddenly, her body shook violently, until she looked like she was being forcibly bounced out of the area "GUYS!!" She shouts as she was bounced higher and higher, until she vanished with a "POP!" and a burst of confetti. "W-Where did she go?!" Leo shouts.

You pull out the map, and see that your Kaylo is zooming halfway across the Multiverse to another world. "So that's what she meant..." you muttered, looking at how fast she seemed to he jutting across the Multiverse. "Look at how fast she's going!" Emma says, seing the pink dot ping pong between worlds. The other Kaylo looked worried "Hmm...Maybe a little too fast." She states.

"We have to catch her...but she's moving to fast. We can't possibly catch up with her!" You state, almost getting dizzy at the zooming dot. The chuckling of the other Kaylo catches your ear, and your eyes widened as you see her now hovering above the ground. "H-How are you doing that?" You ask, causing her to float closer to you.

"Simple magic. While your Kaylo might not be able to do this, I can." She states, before snapping her fingers, and transporting you all to a beautiful pink, but warped castle "As of now, you guys are in my home, in the Kingdom of Rhythm Heaven. A small pocket dimension that floats above the sucky earth." She states. Leo is about to ask why she called it the 'Sucky Earth' when another voice was heard.

"Hey Kaylo, did you figure out how...to...Hi Leo, Hey Emma. Hi person I've never seen before." Another girl, much older than the other Kaylo says. "Hey Keys. I did somewhat manage to figure that part out...Balan has the Hiccups again." Kaylo says, making the older girl, now known as 'Keys' groan "Ugh...AGAIN?! That explains why half of the Multiverse is currently a steaming pile of-" A loud 'BEEP!' blurs out her words. Keys groans again.

"I can't even swear properly!" She states. Kaylo floats over to her "Well, They're gonna fix it. All they gotta do is borrow my Dimensional Scissors for a little bit." She says. "Alright...But just be careful." Keys says. Kaylo nods before pulling out a pair of scissors, the handles resembling treble clefs and floating back over to you. "Alright. I'll make you a deal. I'll give you my dimensions scissors to help your version of Kaylo, but in exchange, I go with you. Some dimensions I happen to have allies...and I may or may not need to do damage control." She says

You look conflicted. As much as you needed to catch your Kaylo, would bringing this girl be a good idea? After all, she seemed to have very strong magic.

#Balan Wonderworld #Leo Craig #Emma Cole

[doberbutts]

I may be stupid, but since you mentioned pregnant trans men being forced to detransition, does it mean they have to also socially detransition, undo their surgeries, or just pause hormones?

Like, does "change all your shit back" mean that trans dads are legally required to socially detransition? Like change their names back to their deadnames? I had no idea there was such a law, if so.

Some trans dads are maybe not legally required, but required for insurance reasons to socially and medically detransitions. There's no such thing as "undoing" surgeries that have already been done. You can get breast implants sure but that won't produce milk anymore so not really much point, and insurance almost never covers detransition. But most insurance companies will not pay for pregnancy medical care or for an abortion from someone with any gender marker except F, so that does mean that many trans mascs who find themselves pregnant without wanting to be are forced to legally detransition and change all of their paperwork back to what it was at birth. And in order to do that, they have to convince a therapist that they guessed wrong and that they didn't actually want to be anything but a cis woman, which means they have to socially detransition as well to get the therapist to believe them.

The effects of HRT on the body is also not exactly permanent. It takes a long time, multiple years, for any changes to stay if you do end up stopping hormones. A lot of trans guys that are pregnant against their will are not that far into their transitions, which means that if they stop their hormones and their ovaries start producing estrogen at normal levels again... especially at the levels required for healthy pregnancy... it'll undo a lot of the changes testosterone had on their bodies. I know that "pausing" testosterone for a year or two in order to have a healthy baby and breastfeed if possible sounds very temporary in the grand scheme of things, and maybe it is, but I know I'm not the only trans guy who would literally rather die than have that happen to me. If I couldn't abort I'd just kill myself. I'm not joking, this isn't a threat and I'm very happy with my current life don't worry, but if looking at a choice between "stop hormones for however long it takes to push this kid out and keep it fed until its weaned" and "not be alive anymore"... I'm picking the second one.

I've seen a lot of people comment like this on posts talking about how pregnancy makes trans guys detransition and I think part of the problem is people are confusing trans guys who deliberately pause hormones because they chose to have children with their working uteri, with trans guys who are forcibly impregnated and forced to stop or reverse their transitions. One of them is a wonderful celebration of life. The other is a nightmare scenario. Just because the outcome is the same doesn't mean the feelings are. It's about the consent.

And, honestly? It's not like pregnancy doesn't have long-lasting, even permanent effects on the body. Your body will not go back to what it was pre-pregnancy. You grew a whole human in there and then pushed it out, you will not be the same afterwards. Pregnancy has all manner of weird side effects on the body that can and do last for the entire rest of your life. It's... pretty normal, I think, to want to acknowledge that it's not as though you can just squeeze junior out of there and everything goes back to normal. That's not how pregnancy works.

[asteriaspirit]

Call & Response

“Thanks for your patience. Eager to chat. All good on my end. What's your schedule this week?”

Maybe I should've expected it.

It wasn't unusual for Kenneth to disappear off the face of the earth for two or three weeks, complaining about work and deadlines and stress, before popping back into my life as if he had never left. These text messages between us were common place—more common that I would have liked to admit...or accept. And they always caught me off guard; just when I was at the point of leaving, of walking away and never looking back on our relationship for the past year, another one of these damned messages would ping my inbox and I would read it. All those traitorous butterflies would swoop and spin in my stomach and my brain would conveniently forget that he had been missing for two or three weeks—but almost a month this time.

I worry my bottom lip as I unlock my phone and set my thumbs to tapping out a quick reply.

“Hey. Glad to know you're okay—”

I groan, re-reading the words and knowing that if they sounded sarcastic in my head, there was no way they wouldn't sound the same in his. So, I delete the line.

“Hey,” I type for the second time. “I'm pretty free this week. I've got work coming up in two days—training a new girl—and then I'm off on vacation until next Friday. Are you in my neck of the woods?”

I read it over, read it a second time, read it a third time and contemplate adding an emoji or two, but, honestly, I can't be bothered. He leaves on these long trips to the West Coast and I don't hear hide nor hair of him. No snap-chat messages, no random emojis or pics sent via text message. There's nothing. He might as well be dead.

Hell, a few times I was convinced that I'd hear about his untimely demise from some friend that snoops through his messages and relays the ghastly news to all of his contacts.

I hesitate before pressing the send key and I'm thoroughly surprised when his response is quickly.

“Should be. I'm about five hours out right now. Hoping that the boss man sends me in your direction. Been missing you terribly.”

I snort. I know exactly what he's been missing. And...I don't blame him; I've missed him in the same manner, especially on nights when I got to go home early and the apartment was too quiet. Even when we did nothing but lay in the bed together and scroll on our phones, the company was always nice. It was appreciated. But how can he sit there and say he's missed me when he hasn't reached out once? Would it have been so hard to send a thumbs up to let me know everything was okay? That he was okay?

I crane my head to the left and then to the right, attempting to ease the strain that I can feel building at the base of my skull. It didn't used to be like this. There was a point in time when I looked forward to talking with him, to laughing with him and learning about him, but that was...quite some time ago. I doubt we'll ever return to those simple and easy mannerisms again.

And that's a shame.

“Well,” I find myself typing after nibbling on my bottom lip for much too long. “Let me know when you're here and I'll do what I can to make it work out.”

The smiley-face I send him is in good faith. There's no subtext, no hidden meaning to it. I will do what I can to make sure that we have at least one night together. Even if he annoys me, there is a craving that we share that must be sated and I'd be a fool to ignore it for any longer than I already have. Granted, it's his fault that it's been ignored, pushed to the wayside and forcibly forgotten. And now that he's return, it too has reared its ugly head. It feels hungry and vicious inside of me. I wonder if it tugs at him in the same manner that it does me...

The phone dings a third time and I stop gathering my things from the passenger seat to peek at it. Surely he's not still talking, right?

“I apologize again for being out of touch,” the messages states and I can feel my eyebrows lifting. He is not the type of person to apologize directly. There's always a reason behind the apology. He was running late, he forgot something at his hotel, he didn't know that we were meeting an hour before and not an hour later, etcetera. I accept these words, swallow them down and force them to fill this hole that he's made of me; a hole that can only be filled by him.

“I've had a crazy time out west, but not in a good way. It's been...pretty stressful. And I'm hoping that I can relax for a few days and we can get back into our regular routine before I'm gone again. Shouldn't be gone long this time, only a few days. And then I should be back more next month. A lot more than I have been.”

I exhale slowly. Because I've heard these words before—I've read these exact phrases before and I don't want to get my hopes up. I don't want to throw logs onto the budding embers of hope and have it all blow up in my face a third time. Honestly, it's probably been more times than that, but I don't want to think about all the times my heart has overruled my brain and left everyone confused when the outcome was the same.

“I completely understand that,” I type back while nodding to myself. “I've been working like a dog and there's all this shit happening at work—lots of turnover. I've been out of sorts too. So, if you're feeling low, don't worry about us linking up. It's no big deal.”

The hole inside my stomach yawns and growls in disagreement. I can feel sweat begin to bead along my upper lip even though the dashboard reads that outside of my tiny Versa Note, it is a cool 53° Fahrenheit. I shouldn't feel warm, I shouldn't feel achy or even teary-eyed as I press the send button.

I reach toward the driver's side door handle and pull it open when the phone dings a fourth time.

At this point, I'm never getting out of the car.

...And it's that thought that forces me out of the car.

If he was so intent on speaking to me, then he could wait until I've gotten in and settled down from work. After all, this normally happened the other way around; me waiting on a response from him about...whatever. The time we were meeting up, the place where he wanted to hang out for the night; he'd tell me these things last minute and then expect me to just appear there as if I had some cosmic powers of teleportation.

It wouldn't kill him to wait on a reply from me. No more than it killed me the past three weeks waiting on him.

I'm thankful that I live on the first floor of the apartment building. I don't have the energy to climb up stairs tonight and I shoulder open my front door while attempting to stop myself from yawning. I can almost feel the soft cushions of the bed beneath me, but there's things I have to do before I can succumb to the blissful void of slumber.

Bags get thrown onto one end of my couch, I toe off my gym shoes and shrug out of my jacket before hanging it up. I make sure the front door is locked before I find myself slumping down on the couch as well, a groan of satisfaction tumbling from between my teeth. Oh, it felt amazing to be home.

“Thanks for that,” his message reads, “but I want to get back to our routine. As long as you do as well? Everything okay? You seem mopey.”

I squint at the phone between my palms and tip my head slightly to the side. Mopey? Did my words really convey the “mopey” feeling? I scroll quickly, reread a few lines, and snort to myself again. He was hearing what he wanted to hear. Definitely.

“Eh,” I type by way of response while shrugging my shoulders in the same moment. “I've just got a lot going on right now. Not really mopey. Just tired.”

“Are you sure? You didn't backslide while I was gone, did you? Or, maybe you got your feelings hurt because I was out of touch for so long?”

I clench my jaw and allow the phone to slip from my hands and land on the cushion next to me. He had some amount of nerve saying those words to me. Get my feelings hurt? Of course I got my feelings hurt! I didn't know if he was alive or wrapped around a tree! What if he fell between the cracks in an earthquake or a steel beam fell from one of the buildings he was working on and impaled him?! I wouldn't even know!!

Rubbing my hands up and down my face, I sigh and attempt to push past the violent emotion that swirls unbidden in my chest. I have half a mind to call him, to tell him how much his lack of communication really pissed me off, but it's late and I don't want to end the night on a sour note. So, instead, I close my eyes and count backward from ten.

...I'm feeling marginally better by the time I hit two.

“Just got a lot on my brain,” I type back to him, the words leaking from my fingers slowly. I wonder how much I should tell him. Does he really care about what's going on here, with me and my job, or is this just filler to take up the time between now and whenever he finally lays down to sleep? Maybe keeping it lighter is the better idea.

“No backsliding,” I type after a pause. “No one to backslide with.” And I end the sentence with an smiley face sticking their tongue out at the viewer.

And...he doesn't reply. Not immediately.

I've gone through my purse, taken out receipts and change and even put on pajamas before I find myself back at my couch, phone in hand, a new message waiting to be read.

“For future reference,” he says, “if you're trying to make yourself sound extra good to your Sir, saying a shortage of playmates is why you haven't been bad isn't the best angle to take...”

...I hate that he can read between the lines. I hate that he can pick up my subtext without even trying. I hate that sometimes it feels like he knows me better than I know myself. I hate playing catch-up with him and he's always

in the lead, never giving me an ounce of room to make a single mistake. And, most of all, I hate that I like it so...fucking...much.

I clear my throat, willing the cocktail of embarrassment and arousal to subside before I attempt to reply to him.

“That wasn't my intention,” I type, but I don't get far before I'm erasing the sentence. He would know if I'm lying.

There is no excuse that I can give him, no explanation that would sound good either from my tongue or my fingers. There's only the truth and I am laid bare because of it. He was right when he mentioned that I was in my feelings about him being gone. I was. I am.

I am not a creature that enjoys being alone.

I'm still floundering with what to type to him, how to salvage this situation, when the phone dings in my hands. My gaze is drawn to the screen and his words.

“I'll let you know when I pull in. Dunno if it'll be tonight or tomorrow. But I'll keep you informed.”

“Okay,” I quickly type back. “Thanks. I'll see you when you get here.”

“You will.”

Against all better judgment, I allow myself to hope.

#creative writing #nano 2023 #twitch streamer #stream writing #female writers #writers on tumblr #writeblr

[alanshee-keeper-of-realms]

My name is Alanshee Valera,

I've made mistakes I've made choices but I've changed sometimes not in the best way and honestly I feel misjudged right now,

I'm seeing a therapist and she answered a lot and there is going to be a astronomical amount of baggage needing to be unpacked with me, if you see me elsewhere leave me alone please during this time because your baggage may be amongst that.

This is why when things come back up, I don't know how to handle it emotionally this is me saying I am sorry, but I don't feel emotion and that has caused hurt sprinkling I don't know how to communicate properly and you got yourself a shitstorm

From birth I have had a stressful household and if you look at modern sciences on how bad that is for somebody, even in the womb affected by the cortisol levels of the mother, I learned at a young age to detach myself emotionally and this leads to problems my therapist is currently working on me to reattach emotions and reorganize my memories and emotions of each of these memories so I can actually feel them,

This is what led into the fight over these last couple of days, me genuinely not understanding why nobody was getting where I was coming from and utter confusion over the reaction of others.

If you don't know me personally, and they can lie about this if they want, but my truth is, I can't remember what I did two years ago. I'm like an amnesiac patient. How can one get better when they can't even remember what they did?

All I can remember is that Monday and the emotions of hurt pain and agony, especially when I look at the art and photos, each of them that I love and still do because somebody drew them of my beloved creations,

And at the time it was out of appreciation for my own creations, at least that's what I thought.

That same creator has now done what they have done and just added more baggage on top that I will now have to sort out with my therapist as I don't know how to make this situation out and I guess that's why I don't know when to stop,

I don't know that I can choose I don't know how to be human because from my young age I learned to again disconnect myself emotionally from any stressful situation and I'm not talking five six years old I'm talking one to two years old, all of my life

I've been like this so for now this page is abandoned I do know one emotion I am feeling right now and that is fear that is genuine fear because of Diioodles post I think they were looking for me to cry no I'm just afraid for my family my little sister my mother my father who did not ask to be dragged into this,

Even if you think that you didn't people are cruel and they've been dragged in before so yeah I feel genuine fear because I've seen what people of this fandom do to people they don't like, call me a pro shipper when I am a neutral and I will stand by the fact

Labels are stupid and lead to more fights Democrat Republican, anti-pro shipper what is the difference? All I see are two groups fighting. So why are we forcibly labeling people I didn't understand that at time I will admit,

When they said don't call us that, I immediately apologized again, the emotional aspect of disconnection. I don't think of the factor of the fights. All I know is that they were seemingly open to listening to darker subjects,

they need to look at themselves and realize that with me they had no boundaries and that led to both of us ending up hurt, because I was blindly fumbling around not knowing where their boundaries were and they didn't know where their boundaries were

For all of them,

All I knew at my core is I need to defend myself immediately because I have people attacking me that maybe she can't change because nobody took the time to realize that there's something blocking that change, like I said I'm in therapy now have been for a couple weeks we are still in the very very early stages,

It's just today that my therapist realized that we need to work on not only me recognizing my emotions but also digging into my traumas and trying to correct them put them where they need to be and help me actually carefully connect to them because my brain has them disconnected.

I'm sorry for the pain I caused but I would like acknowledgment in the future of the pain you have caused Diisdoodles like I said both of us hurt each other especially now that you have me afraid for the safety of my family, one thing I actually constantly care for because if anything happens to them I'm done.

And I'm sorry if this doesn't come across right again, communication problem this is just how fucked up I am, I don't know how to communicate how I'm feeling what are the core aspects of being Human, I only know the pain the hurt and the agony I feel

Whether or not you genuinely believe me this is my truth

[mysticdreamcafe]

Dream 4.3.24

Please leave comments to help interpret this for me. I really don't do well with dream worlds. I've never seen these people, any of them, before. Nor the car, hotel, restaurant, or area. The SUV guy was tall, well built, tanned, with dark hair. The other guy was average height, chubby, with curly black hair, and laughed a lot with the kids.

Sorry for typos but weather is tricky today so migraine is full blown and I'm finding it hard to see the screen. I'll try and edit later.

I dreamt last night that a man was interested in me but instead of acting towards me like you would when you like someone he was passive aggressive. He annoyed me in the dream and still irks me even now typing this.

He'd be nice and considerate then flirt with a blonde in an office. She was nice and very pretty so I could see his interest. What annoyed me was he'd constantly mention that she made more than I did, was prettier than I am, skinnier than I am, smarter,... just like he was. He couldn't go out with someone like me who was so much less than he was. He'd say things like, "You've not accomplished anything.", "You were a waitress. Any dummy can wait tables or serve drinks.".

I'd simply walk away and do my thing. He was good looking but I've dealt with narcissistic men and don't have the energy to try and fix what can't be anymore.

He asked if myself, my friends daughter, and the friend wanted to go for a night in a nice hotel and amazing meal a few hours, I'm from Michigan we use hours to tell distance, away. It was his treat and with a group less I'd have to directly deal with him. I wasn't sure I wanted to go but in usual dream like fashion we were on our way.

It was nice to drive on a sunny day, in his luxury SUV, through rolling countryside. It was relaxing as I was driving and everyone was getting along. We get to the hotel and it was HUGE and very nice. Each of us got our own room. He didn't say that he'd invited the blonde to join us and when it came time to go for the "amazing" dinner I was told I wasn't going in to eat and was just the driver of the group.

So I dropped them off and started walking back to the hotel when I ran into a man in a grassy plot of land. He had bags of apples and a bunch of children around him adding more apples to the piles. He was nice, a teacher, had kind eyes, not gorgeous but not homely, and we chatted a bit.

I didn't stay long and the road Y'd where I'd met the man. There was also a gas station nearby so I went and bought water which I put in my oversized purse before starting my walk again. I took the bottom road to the restaurant, where I left the SUV with keys in it, and decided to take the top route back.

A large farm wasn't to far up the road that had a sign saying Cherries. A couple of guys were wandering around when I walked up, thinking I'd buy some cherries, and they said they were just passing but that the farmer wouldn't mind if a took a few. I saw a lot of cherries and other fruits but no place to put any money so I walked on.

I got to the hotel, ready for bed, sandwich eaten that I'd purchased from somewhere, and only woke the next morning to leave with the others. However, I wasn't driving and my friend was. The vehicle was big so the back was comfortable except the man we went with reclined his seat fully and it was being sandwiched between two hot slices of leather.

When asked if he'd reposition his seat so it was smothering me he said sure and tipped the seat up then back to pressing me into the back seat again.

I'd had enough and asked my friend to stop the car and let me out. I knew we were at least 400 miles from home but I couldn't breathe and wanted out. He forcibly told her no so I stayed this way until she finally gave in to my loud badgering and I jumped out of the vehicle.

I grabbed my purse with the large bottle of water in it, the hotel hadn't been to far from restaurant so I still had it, and started walking. As I went I passed the teacher from the previous day carrying apples and surrounded by kids. I walked to were more apples lay in piles on the ground and helped bag them. He gave me a bag before I left to hike all the way home.

I woke up just after being hounded by the guy with the SUV. He kept having my friend go back so he could taunt me and try to get me back in the car. Finally, I decided to go back and ask the other man for a lift at least part way home... I woke up.

#dreaming #dreams #interpretation #intuition #help #deciphering #meaning #understanding

[rat-sak]

The trauma dump

You know when things happen and you just roll with it and then the more you think about it, the more you realize how wrong it was to have happened?

We've got a lot of that to unpack today.

I went to a specific grocery store today. Just to run in. I told my mom, look do you realize it isn't the people? It's the actual store...I get a physical and visceral reaction to having to be there.

But I'm a good daughter. So I went in to get some stuff. Chicken breasts and a coloring book (for myself), if you're wondering.

Walking through the place, glance down an aisle...THINK I'm just imagining someone. A flashback maybe? No, it can't be the same person that used to work here. Go up front to check out.

They have pictures of management posted at the front of the store. I look at them. It is the same person.

Just in a position of power. Not like he didn't have that power before. Over me.

I got sick. I paid for my mom's groceries because I couldn't stomach having to go through two separate transactions.

I told her if she EVER had to go back, to get someone else to go with her. I told her my sister takes me to 'fancy' grocery stores to avoid that, not because I'm high maintenance.

She said what about this same place in another location. But that's just as bad because they work all over. They're every where.

I don't have a lot of my OG posts about any of these people anymore because I reread them...and once I had the realization of what had been happening I deleted them because I didn't want to be reminded in my own domain.

They're just going to be numbers. That way they're less human.

One: Not only was he engaged and then eventually married during the whole thing...the entire family worked there at one point. They all knew me. Once I stopped doing what he wanted me to, they all turned against me. Even though they were all my friends at one point. One of them has recently started reaching back out, probably because they see One for who they are now. But I digress. At this point in my life I had been in a single relationship. With someone for about 4 months. And that's it. Once knew all of that. He knew my background. I've decided he took advantage of my naivety and of me. I'm not saying I'm not to blame at all here. Because maybe I am. And that goes for all of the situations. It started with him passing me too closely in our department. He started rubbing against me. Hard ons against my butt, reaching over me basically pinning me to the wall, trying to get me alone in the department. All the while acting like nothing was wrong. I remember vividly one incident where I was sitting on a milk crate because we were closing and I was tired. He came into the office and had his crotch in my face, I leaned away from him and he just got closer. He took it out and told me I couldn't leave until I gave him a blow job. I told him someone would eventually come back there and he said well you better do it quick then. I told a couple of people because I didn't know if it was right or wrong or normal. They were excited about it. So I figured it was right and didn't matter and everything was fine. So when it happened again and again...I just went with it. Months of this happen. Him grabbing my ass, my pussy, pulling my hair, making me get him off, locking me in the cooler with him, forcibly sticking his hand in my pants and putting his fingers in me, slapping me, forcing me against walls and into small spaces so he could kiss me. Telling a coworker he could do it too because I was 'easy' and wouldn't say anything...All the while I'm confiding in two women I thought has my best interests in mind and all the while they're telling me I'm living the dream to be the 'other woman' but that wasn't really what was happening.

Then he quits. I tried telling his fiancé, but she wouldn't listen. So I stopped trying. A few months pass and I accidentally stumble across him at his new job. He cornered me and groped me. In a very public place and told me he'd be thinking of me.

He's the reason for this entire post. He did all this shit to me. He's done God knows what to other women (he does have a record), to his wife, to anyone weaker than him...and he's a manager. He's been put in a position where people aren't as willing to tell him no.

The entire time I thought it was normal. I thought it was a weird secret relationship. The people I confided in told me it was fine. They made me believe I was in a good place.

[Just a moment of realization I'm currently having: all of these people have been 'secrets' and that should be filed in the red flag bin]

Two: As previously mentioned, this was the coworker that One ensured I'd keep quiet. After his discussion he decided to test the theory. It started with texts. 'Oh my baby mama and I aren't doing good' 'I don't love her' All the while I'm confused because I never gave him my number. Regardless...and eventually he sends dick pics. He starts getting too close for comfort. Coming in the freezer with me. Cornering me in the wash area. Then it escalated. Just once, but it was enough for me to get scared. Two was about 3 times my size and he towered over me. I went into the freezer and when I tried to come out the door was jammed. He jimmied the door open and came in there. I turned around to grab the box I went in for and when I did, he shoved his hand down my pants and put his fingers in me. He ripped my pants he was so aggressive about it. I froze and just stood there. He got right behind me and pushed me into the wall. He laughed and left. I stayed in the freezer until my manager came looking for me. She found me cold and crying. She never left me alone again. A few months pass and Two tells me how profoundly sorry he is and asks me if I want him to quit his job. One is gone by this point. I transferred to a different department. Nobody else knew at the time. I felt like it was something that would just be happening at this point.

I eventually told my mother. Years later. I cried when I told her. And honestly I don't remember her response, but I remember thinking it was weird she didn't react as strongly as I thought she would have. She made me feel like I had done something wrong. I haven't told her anything else personal (sexual) since.

Three: Speaking of telling my mother...I should have known her reaction based off of what happened with Three. He came around in high school. I was a junior, he was a senior. We rode the bus together. We kind of dated? But in secret. We never held hands, we never went on dates...we just made out after school. He told me I was lucky he decided to show up when he did. It was mostly fine. One time he slammed my head into a metal door, I don't think it was on purpose? I think he just got too aggressive when he was kissing me. And one time in the back of the bus he took my hand and put it down his pants. Everyone was watching. I was embarrassed and didn't want to ride the bus after that. Then the first time happened. The only time with him, but the first occurrence I remember. He came to my house on Martin Luther King Day. We were out of school, it had snowed. We took a walk out in the woods by my house. It was mostly normal then he took his dick out and asked if I wanted to play with it. I didn't know? It was the first time I'd seen one. How would I know. I told him I didn't know and my mom would wonder where we were. He wanted a blow job but I told him no, so he just waddled around with it out until I gave him a hand job. I got semen on my hand and got sick. I never said it was the most traumatizing story with Three - but I didn't want to touch it and he made me feel guilty about it until I did something. It is worth mentioning, Three is the only one that didn't happen at work.

I told my mom a few weeks later and she said 'well just be glad something worse didn't happen'

And honestly...that's when I should have stopped telling her stuff.

Four: He was my manager at the time. He was...is I guess...20 years older than me. At first it was just a little flirting to get what I wanted. Again. I'm not trying to play the blameless victim here. He would drunk text me. Honestly, four was...See herein lies an issue. I was about to tell you thst four wasn't that bad. But, truly? I don't know - so you make the decision for yourselves. I did any and everything he asked of me, I covered for him when he came in drunk, I watched the store when he decided to leave to get lunch, I did and would have done anything he asked me. Four thought he was hot shit. He told me about porn, about his sexual escapades, how if I didn't live with my mom he would just like to do A, B, C with me. He'd go into detail. Now, I'll introduce Five here for a hot minute and we'll get back to him. But Four and Five are closely intertwined (as are Five and Six, but that's a tidbit for Fives story...) Five and I were dating. We were dating for....4 or 5 months? And Four did NOT like that. He always talked bad about my relationship. Four told me bad things about Five. He tried to break us up a few times. At one point I needed a few extra bucks, and I asked Four if I could have some overtime. Four told me I could suck his dick for the money instead. I jokingly mentioned it to Five...then all this other stuff happened and Four eventually got fired for sexual harassment. While he never did anything physically (minus like hugging me), he did warp my frame of reference on a lot of stuff. After doing the research and looking back through journals, I'm pretty sure he was grooming me. I started working under him when I was 15 ½. He talked to me about sex and sexual content for 7 years. He told me he wanted to take my virginity. He told me I'd never be good enough for anyone else. He made me his little doll. A lot of times I'll think about him and compare other guys to him because he was such a big part of my life for such a long time. He wanted it that way. I'm trying to break these habits. I honestly felt so guilty for getting him fired that I tried to take my accusations back. But they had the proof and told me it was normal to feel this way. While Five and I were first 'talking' everyone told him I was the one who went after Four and it was my fault. I believed that for a long time. I still do sometimes.

Five: Oof. Okay. Five is a whole ass thing. Let's get the background out of the way before I get into it. We dates for about two years, I should have beoken up with him long before that...he was my first long term boyfriend and I his first girlfriend. Five was a special kind of ass. Not only was he manipulative and made me feel bad for all kinds of things (having guy friends, having lesbian friends, being friendly with HIS DAD, crying over my food being wrong) he also nearly broke my wrist a few times. Let's do those stories first.

Okay hello, I'm (maybe?) bisexual. I'm attracted to at least men and women (that I know of so far)

There was this lesbian that worked with him and she had a derogatory nickname for herself. We'll just say it was Sheep (for sake of not being horrible) and she used it when speaking in third person. She flirted with me, but she would have flirted with a brick wall...I thought nothing of it. I was dating Five and she had a girlfriend. Her and I confided in each other about our relationships. Five did NOT like that. I had been talking to her and told Five a story starting out by saying "Oh yeah, Sheepy said..." he stopped walking, grabbed my wrist and told me not to use thar nickname because nicknames meant I was closer to her than to him and it's not like I was dating her. I wore a wrist brace for two weeks after this.

Ah yes, there's also a Seven. Five is closely related to Six and Seven. But I'll introduce Seven now because the abuse thing. Seven was a married man that I fooled around with. Five knew about it because I felt like I should be transparent about my past. One day Five and I went to a restaurant and Seven was there. He said hey to us, because (if you guessed we worked together, you'd be correct) and apparently it was my fault that Seven said hey. Five was pissed and dragged me out of the restaurant and he almost broke my wrist. I wore a wrist brace for about 3 months after this.

Now. To the next part of Five. Honestly he will probably be the longest.

Technically, I lost my virginity to Five. It was this big ordeal and he told me I owed it to him basically. He was about twice my size and a foot and a half taller than me. I told him I thought we should wait because we'd only been dating for about a month at this point. We hadn't said I love you....I barely knew him. We were watching The British Bake Off and he took my pants off, I thought with the intention of hand stuff, but little did I know he already had his dick out and a condom on. He rolled on top of me, couldn't find the hole, I'm telling him to get off me, and when he finally found it - he used no lube, I was sore and raw. It didn't last long. Every time after that it was his idea, it was something we fought about all the time. I'd always tell him I didn't feel like it. And he would cry and manipulate me into it. I felt like a hole. He'd come to my house, fuck me, then just leave. Luckily, I don't remember a ton of this relationship. I do know I cried a lot during those two years. I tried to breakbup with him countless times, but it turned into a shit show every time. If he is still the way he is, he still has a video of me crying and giving him a blow job telling him to tell me when he was about to cum, him not telling me and holding my head down and in place until I was gagging on his dick and cum and not being able to breathe from crying so hard.

Near the end is when Six came along. Their stories intermingle, so now is a good of time as any to swap.

Six: He was a dream come true...at first. He had a girlfriend at the time we first started becoming friends. And he broke up with her around the time I broke up with Five (for the first time). Six would call me on the phone and we'd talk for hours. Sometimes we would fall asleep on the phone. He brought me lunch to school when I was too busy to go to the cafe and they closed before I got there. He would rub my feet and my back. But we hid whatever we were, because of Five. For a long time Six and I would hang out and make jokes. Then Five and I got back together and Six was not super happy about it. I tried to break up with Five again but he wouldn't let it be a clean break. Six and I stayed friends in secret. One day, he took me out to eat. I told him my curfew, I told him no I didn't want to go to his house, I told him no I didn't think it was right, I told him I didn't feel comfortable or safe. He drove me to his house, had me wait in his room, he 'accidentally' left my phone in his car. I sat on his bed awkwardly as he got changed. He told me to take my pants off, I told him no I didn't want to. He told me to take them off or he'd take them off for me, so I did because I was scared of what would happen if I didn't. He did not wear a condom, he came in me, and Star Wars was playing in the background.

Which is why I had never seen it. I tried to watch it recently because everyone says it's a classic....but I just can't do it.

I cried all the way home. When we got to my house he told me if I said anything to anyone, he'd ruin my life, my reputation, and he'd do it again but worse. Little did I know all of these things would happen any way.

Five and I reconciled because I thought if I was dating again Six would just leave me alone. That was incorrect. Six asked my mom if he could come over and because she liked him, she always said yes. She never asked me. After she went to bed, he'd always do whatever he wanted with me and then threaten me afterwards. One time he mistook my crying for 'sweet little noises' and now the thought that I might make noise during consensual sex in the future makes my skin crawl. I've seen in porn how guys will mention the noises. I don't think I could stand that. He'd hold his hand over my mouth the entire time. Some times he'd cover my nose as well. But every time he left, he'd remind me what would happen if Five found out. Which included Five probably hurting me (remember the wrist braces?) and everyone thinking I was a cheating whore. This went on for about 6 months. Every week. For six months. Then he got a promotion and became a manager at another store. He lost interest in whatever I was doing at that point.

The worst part about Six is that I miss him so much some times. But the before Six. The Six that would talk to me on the phone all night and the Six that massaged me and the Six that genuinely seemed like he cared about me. I want that back desperately. But not at the same cost.

And finally

Seven: As I said, he was a married man I fooled around with. It wasn't until the end of this foolery that I knew he was married. Because up until the end, this was a pretty sweet deal. But he's on the list for being a dirty damn liar and for making me feel guilty. He had the dick of a god. Most of the time I went with him willingly. There were only two, maybe three times, he just kept saying 'come on, whats it gonna hurt' and I eventually caved. The last time was one of those. I went to break to eat some Mexican food. He came and found me, said he was tired of waiting around and I needed to make a decision. I told him I wasn't sure...he said look we can just make out a lil come back here with me. So I did. And the next thing I knew a female manager came and busted the door open and dragged him out of the building. Because he had apparently been bragging about what he was going to do to me. If it hadn't been for her and whoever told her, who knows what would have happened.

Now. Here's the thing. One, Four, Five, Six, and Seven all have gotten promotions. They're all working as managers and/or owners of different places. This is what has bothered me the most about today. Why and how are they all in such better positions than me in this life at this exact moment?

I have nothing. I haven't accomplished anything of merit. I have nothing to show for my life except for mental illnesses. What have I done wrong. Seriously. What have I done that's been so wrong that I get secually assaulted time and time again, that I got hurt physically and mentally, that I will forever have trust issues when it comes to relationships both sexual and romantic and 5/7 of these men are doing great. Having a great time. I don't know what Two is doing, he's fallen of the face of the earth. Three was in the Navy, no word on what he's doing either. But in my eyes they were the least problematic (comparatively)

So. Any who.

The entire time all of this was happening I tried to tell people. I tried to reach out and ask if this was normal behavior. I was told it was and it was fine and expected. It wasn't until I friended more people online that I realized it was in fact not okay and not right. It wasn't until the No means No campaign really came out full force. It wasn't until I saw that list of "No means no, but so does......" that I really took a step back and thought to myself how many times had I said no. How many different ways had I said no. And I still got in these situations. I'm still trying to cope with it and figure out where I want to go from here.

I joke about tumblr being the void, because who is going to read all of this? And that's fine because I really truly just wanted to get it all out there. I want to say how awful it is to think you have women who had gone through similar situations telling you it was fine and normal and to expect it your entire life in your corner telling you the right things.

Well. It's taken me over 3 hours to type all this. And I guess I'm done now.

#personal #sex tw #tw assault

[agallimaufryofoddments]

What are your top 5 favourite Baccano! light novels?

Oh dear; I knew someone or other would someday ask me to name one or more favorite volumes. It seems that time has come…

When it comes to ‘favorite things’ in series, I’m one to tends to think more in terms of ‘favorite scenes’ (which in turn are influenced by ‘favorite characters’) than ‘favorite installments’. It’s not that I don’t appreciate/delight in plots/narratives, but–well, perhaps one can see how fanfiction appeals to me. Fanfiction deals in specifics: specific scenarios; specific characters; specific tropes. When I want to rewatch/reread something, those ‘somethings’ are usually favorite moments than they are entire episodes or books. 

Well, now. If you’d asked me for just one favorite, I’d have 100% dithered in indecision agony for who knows how long. I’m loathe to pick single favorites. But you didn’t–and you didn’t ask me to pick just three, either, you asked for five–so I ought to be able to come up with some list, ha.

I’ll list them below in no definitive order (I don’t enjoy ranking favorites), though some are more sure than others. I’ve tried to approach this with at least some accounting for the novels as a whole, but I admit the list is still a bit biased towards favorite scenes and characters (in quantity and nature of involvement).

2001 The Children of Bottle

1935-B Dr. Feelgreed

1705 The Ironic Light Orchestra

1934 Alice in Jails: Prison

1932 Drug & The Dominos

I’ll go into the whys under the cut, for length and spoiler purposes. The list is subject to change (not just because 1935-E and 2003 arc aren’t out yet, but because, again, permanency is anathema to me), and I did dither over some of the above entries… (I still feel guilty over only having one 1700s arc entry up there…hhhgh).

Note: questions like these inevitably leave one–aka me–thinking, “Oh lordy lou, I really should reread xyz novels.” If you missed it, that’s me right now.

Volume 5: 2001 The Children of Bottle

Not one, not two, but three of my top favorite characters get to be protagonists in this novel: Maiza; Elmer; and Nile!

The book itself is an oddity in the series–a single volume arc (and a 2000s-era one no less), with mystery/suspense vibes alongside a pinch of eldritch horror. Narita really likes ‘superstitious insular village or city’ as settings, but this one’s especially insular and out of time and place. And weather. It’s neat!

And, as you might expect, this book has a lot of top tier scenes as far as I’m concerned. Czes and Elmer’s rooftop conversation, Maiza and Nile bantering while they explore the secret passage, Czes and the fireplace, Nile’s speech about injustice to Fil… 

Feldt unleashing these Lovecraftian meat tentacles/scraps toward the end is of course one of the exceptionally odd things about this novel, but it also includes more favorite moments: Elmer throwing up the gasoline, and him and Maiza acting natural while Maiza slits his stomach. Damn.

This novel also introduces the Hive Mind homunculus concept to Baccano!, and hive minds can be pretty neat if done well. 

Volume 19: 1935-B Dr. Feelgreed

This one has a lot of ‘favorite moments’ and ‘things I appreciate’ going on, I admit. For instance, I really appreciate having all three of the surviving pre-1711 immortals appear in a 1930s arc in some form (Dalton; Renee; and Archangelo); even if Dalton’s scenes are from 2003, they provide some semblance of backstory and character perspective.

Heck, even Majeedah is mentioned in this novel! How rare is that?

I do hope that Archangelo’s appearance doesn’t come to nothing, but even if it does…it’s still nice to see all three included.

As for those ‘favorite moments’, we’ve got: Maiza’s ambush; Upham’s return; Victor showing some humanity/vulnerability (when he’s talking with Edward in the hospital); Isaac being injured when he tries to protect Who and You-Know-Who; Keith saving Luck’s life and going after Melvi (so cool! With some extra Keith appreciation from Firo to boot)… 

…Huey meeting Claire, that’s pretty significant. Ah, and it’s not just Upham who’s returned, it’s Roy as well: Upham’s my guy, but honestly it’s so nice to see Roy clean and in a good place compared to where he was in 1932. Others have called it a “quiet success story” among all of Baccano!’s chaos, and I agree. Good for Roy. Ah, and it brings back Alkins. (It also brings back Smith and Mark, but I like Alkins more than I like Smith).

Nader’s lucid nightmare is also a ‘favorite moment’ of mine for sure. The imagery is quite effective; I especially love the idea of the two trains hurtling toward each other. 

Anyways, this novel not only gives us an illustration featuring Upham (and Roy), it also gives us the only LN illustration where Maiza’s eyes are open. Bless. (It also gives us the tattooed contortionist, whose name I sitll really want to know).

This novel also gives us Firo formally meeting Jacuzzi (they’ve seen each other before), though this meeting isn’t as fun given that Firo’s impression of Jacuzzi is, uh, not superb. However, their meeting involves generous amounts of Ronny, for which I am grateful.

Melvi’s last name is revealed for the first time in 1935-B. So: not only do we get Dalton, Renee, and Archangelo, we have the Dormentaire name cropping up. It’s not that 1935-A didn’t already feel ‘big’, but Edward’s line in this LN: “It could be this case goes a lot deeper than we thought” definitely resonates with the volume as a whole.

Right after Melvi’s surname reveal, we get Victor frozen at the sight of Dormentaire ships appearing off the coast. It’s a blast (heh) from the past–and the finally 1700s nail in the 1935 coffin: you really do feel like the waves of the 1700s’ tide are lashing at the 1930s’ shores.

Volume 11: 1705 The Ironic Light Orchestra

I have a confession: I did not fully understand what was going on in this novel on my first couple read-throughs, and even now I have to actively think through the counterfeit + drug situation. However!

Like 2001, 1705′s plot is single-volume and contains some amount of mystery and intrigue. Who is the Mask Maker? Who is behind the counterfeit gold? What is the truth of the Lotto Valentinians, and the Mask Maker murders? 

But while that’s all going on, we get to meet Esperanza (hip hip, hurrah) and Dalton, and oh damn Renee the professor–remember, this novel is immediately succeeding Volume 10, and what happened at the end of Volume 10? Huey met with Renee and called her professor, referring to how he and Elmer were her students. And then he pinned her against the wall, removed her glasses “with almost romantic gentleness,” and dug out her left eye without anesthesia. So we go from that to angsty 15-year-old Huey faffing around in Renee’s classes. What, says the newbie reader, the heck. 

Speaking of teenage protagonists, obviously I love this novel for everything Elmer. Elmer’s scar reveal scene is such a highlight, but so is everything else he does. More on this shortly.

(First, I have to also appreciate 1705 for having Denkurou and Zank’s formal debuts: Both Victor and Denkurou narrated one each of Vol 5′s color inserts, but it only took three volumes for Victor’s formal debut–Denkurou got six! And there’s rebel!Aile aka Maiza. Amazing.)

Anyway, back to Elmer. I’ve said before that 1705′s climax is what delights me most in the book, both for how confused and one-upped Huey is, and how Elmer is the one doing the one-upping. @toushindai has previously remarked on how 1705 deliberately undermines the image we’ve had of Huey thus far (a Correct and Excellent point), so I’ll just say that I appreciate how 1705  really reinforces and affirms the shrewdness we saw of Elmer in 2001.

Volume 8: 1934 Alice in Jails: Prison

I wanted at least one entry on this list to expressly be appreciative of a novel for its whole sake (and have that be a prominent factor, not just ‘boy howdy look at what favorite scenes/characters are in this one”). I said i appreciate 1705′s plot/it and 2001′s mystery…

…but when I thought about novels where I held distinct appreciation not just for singular scenes but how the novel was paced and structured, I kept coming back to Volume 8. Its setup alone is really well done: There’s the epilogue with the mysterious customer (Sham), of course, but the first prologue with Victor and Firo? What a hook! 

Victor may be humorously undermined in that scene, but that’s only after we’re hit with the “he’s Victor the immortal!” reveal and as such know he was sly enough to use a loophole in the first place. Firo’s already in a tight situation..and then the prologue ends with “Ever hear of Alcatraz?”, a ‘cut to black’ one-liner that’s Hollywood worthy.

And the infamous fourth prologue… Isaac’s arrest and everything he does leading up to it (not only recognizing the plainsclothes cops but having the foresight and calm to send Miria away) is just top tier Baccano! content. If you weren’t hooked with Prologue I, chances are this has done the trick.

But the promise/excitement doesn’t end with the prologues. We’ve got Victor’s mystery, i.e. how is Huey communicating w/the outside, and the promise of maybe learning more about Huey himself–whom we’ve met in 1933 but is still an enigmatic figure. Oh yeah, and the setting is Alcatraz. ‘Nuff said.

Of course, this novel is also filled with delicious character interactions. Victor’s relationships with the other 1711 immortals (as with the Elmer-Huey color insert) renews one’s interest in the shared history of these individuals; Ladd meeting Firo and Isaac, Huey meeting all three of them, Miria and Chané bonding are all wonderful and very much the sort of thing Baccano! readers enjoy. Miria having some idea of Ronny’s true nature! Whoah! And you get good individual character stuff too, from Firo’s internal thought processes to…really everything Huey says at any given point.

This novel also contains Victor’s gloriously imaginative rant on Huey, the sort of rant that deserves to be framed and displayed in a museum. 

As the kick-off to a new arc, the novel also does well in setting up intrigue and bigger stakes than ones we’re used to. Huey siccing a suicide bomber (Sham) on Victor, the radio broadcasting that shit’s gone down in Chicago (where this ‘Graham’ person is, and where Miria intends to go), the general idea that Huey’s planning on escaping Alcatraz and conducting experiments in either Chicago or NY… Signs that Nebula is going to be majorly involved again…

So…yeah. The novel is chock full of great scenes and character interactions, but it’s in equal measure a great novel overall. It reels you in with multiple good hooks, and it features Narita kicking the overarching story up a notch.

Volume 4: 1932 Drug & The Dominos

I did dither over this one for a bit, because I have certain reservations with how Narita handles certain sensitive topics, but at the same time, I can’t deny that it like 2001 gives focus to some of my favorite characters–in this case, Keith and Begg.

I adore meeting Kate and getting insight into her and Keith’s relationship, I adore that Keith gets some spotlight in this novel at all; that scene where he puts his gun to Claire’s head and says “we’re all hoods/villains” is so good! 

And Begg….this is his debut in the series, and just with Vol 4 I found him compelling and flawed and tragic. I’d expand on this, but maybe that’s better off for a better post.

The Keith scene I mentioned above is definitely a favorite moment, but it’s not the only one. There’s: Begg and Czes’ reunion; the climactic scene with Begg, Edith, and Roy; the entirety of Gustavo’s confrontation with Luck and Eve; Kate’s talk with Eve and Roy…

…but this novel also has a lot of quiet and/or more minor moments I like as well. I really like that Edith and Lia are friends, just as I like how Tick and Claire are friends; I like Nicola being established as a Badass Normal with his debut; I like that Nicholas and Elean wine and dine with eachother at Alveare. And of course, I like everything to do with Maiza and Begg.

As for ‘meta’ thoughts… In a way, I do appreciate how this novel is probably comes the closest to ordinary ‘classic mafia’ stories than other entries in the series. Of coures the mafia is involved in other arcs, but the most that alchemy or immortality is involved here is through Begg, and nominal at best. This is straightforward mafia rivalries and involved parties. Narita was inspired by gangster flicks, so I think this novel sort of represents Baccano!’s roots as a series. (Even if Narita’s early drafts of Vol 1 did already involve supernatral stuff).

I also like what we get regarding inaction vs action, apathy vs passion (emotions; emotional intensity)…

…Er, it’s entirely possible the generosity I feel towards Vol 4 has much to do with how it was shafted in the anime; I can’t deny that.

I’m pretty sure I could add more bullet points to all five entries, but I swear I wasn’t meant to spend ludicrous amounts of time on what could’ve been just a simple list so… I’ll not bang on.

I do want to emphasize that I did have trouble deciding on some of those entries, and, again, that the list is not set in stone. Picking just one favorite 1935 novel felt a bit unfair, considering that 1935-B is hardly the only 1935 entry to have some of my favorite/top-notch scenes… 1935-A, for instance, has the Ronny-Rosetta scenes (priceless!) AND the Lebreau-Isaac-Miria scene, 1935-C has the amazing Lebreau-Huey conversation… I could go on. 

Similarly, if I had gone on ‘favorite scenes’ alone… Volumes 14 and 16 would have been actual contenders. Volume 14 has one of my favorite bits in the entire series (Upham’s monologue), not to mention Huey-Victor & Rachel-Claire conversations, some Ladd backstory, etc, but as a whole I wouldn’t consider it a favorite. Vol 16 again actually has a lot of individual things I like (the bridge scene; Nicola’s prominence; Carl being a Good Person; Shaft and Tick; bookshop owner cameo)…but as far as plots go, it’s definitely not a contender.

It also feels really weird to have not named one of the 1933 novels, since I love Tick and 1933 is Tick’s time to shine. However, I think it’s probably telling that three of the novels I named work as single-volume stories (2001; 1932; 1705)–it’s easier to ‘favorite’ a novel which isn’t an installment in an arc, isn’t it? It’s certainly easier to consider novels when they sort of work standalone, and I’m sure that has had its influence here. 

(1933 is an arc where my thoughts are definitely more oriented around ‘favorite moments’ than organized by book.)

(Honestly I might just be more secure in not having either 2002 novel on this list than I am about its entries! I actually want to feel more guilty about not seriously considering 2002 for this than I am, but...I’m not? I did feel a bit guilty about not having 1710 on here, but honestly that novel gets so much love as it is that I’m sure it will survive not being on this list.) 

(Really I feel more guilty about poor, poor 1711/Vol 17, which gets so little love. I’m overdue for a full reread of it anyway).

#Anonymous #Asked and Answered #Baccano! #Baccano #long post #I'm just going to publish it now because if I don't I will dither forever #I will keep adding qualifiers and disclaimers along the lines of #'oh but I hope xyz novels don't think I'm neglecting them / by the way did you know they have xyz favorite scenes' #this very second I'm doubting /everything/ I just wrote #so I have to forcibly stop myself from going back and looking at what I've just written #nothing is real everything is nebulous

[rinnepegger]

Obey me bros as song lyrics

Because I heard the lyrics to one of Ricky Montgomery's songs and I felt like writing this (•‿•). I'll do the bros for now, probably the dateables tmr ^^. Enjoy this short blog post for today. Drink water and stay safe

TW/CW: none

★☆ Lucifer : Out like a light- Ricky Montgomery & The Honeysticks, Love&War- Yellow Claw, Yade Lauren

"If I betray our lonely nights spent out like a light,

With no kiss goodnight,

Would we ever fight when I'm away?"

"You told me from the start

Nothing could tear us apart

Now when I look I see a stranger

I come here but I can't stay"

★☆ Mammon : Love taste- Moe Shop, Shiki-TMNS, hrmnzr, Lovefool- The Cardigans, Comfort Crowd- Conan Gray

"I wanna see it, wanna feel your love

I wanna touch it, I'll never have enough"

"I want your everything, every single part of you

I want to taste your love, anything you want to do"

"Love me love me

Say that you love me

Fool me fool me

Go on and fool me

Love me love me

Pretend that you love me

Leave me leave me

Just say that you need me"

"This hurt that I'm holding's getting heavy

But I'ma keep a smile on my shoulders 'til I'm sweaty

Beggin' on my knees

Screamin', "Someone come and help me"

But by the time they're there

I've already hid the body"

★☆ Leviathan : Nothing's working out (なにやってもうまくいかない)- meiyo, Why Did it Have To Be Me? -From "Mamma Mia!"

"I hurt someone with stupid, dirty, filthy words.

I’ll ignore it, but if I take it seriously, I’ll feel hurt again."

"I won’t go back even if I hate it

Over time I realized I’d assimilated

I mean, there’s no going back"

" “I see!” I realize, feel hurt, slow down

Compromise just like that, frustration at full blast "

"Nights can be empty and nights can be cold

So you were looking for someone to hold

That's only natural

But why did it have to be me?"

"I was so lonesome, I was blue

I couldn't help it, it had to be you and I

Always thought you knew the reason why

I only wanted a little love affair

Now I can see you are beginning to care

But baby, believe me

It's better to forget me"

★☆ Satan : can I call you tonight?- Dayglow, When He Sees Me- From "Waitress"

"So can I call you tonight?

I'm trying to make up my mind

Just how I feel

Could you tell me what's real?

I hear your voice on the phone

Now I'm no longer alone"

"I stick with real things

Usually facts and figures

When information's in its place

I minimize the guessing game"

"Is what if when he sees me, what if he doesn't like it?

What if he runs the other way and I can't hide from it?"

"If when he knows me, he's only disappointed?

What if I give myself away, to only get it given back?

I couldn't live with that"

"What if when he sees me

I like him and he knows it?

What if he opens up a door

And I can't close it?"

"But still I can't help from hoping (in hope for love?)

To find someone to talk to

Who likes the way I am

Someone who when he sees me

Wants to again"

★☆ Asmodeus : Toy- Takayan , Amour Plastique- Videclub

"I want to run away from myself and this expression I conceal

In order for no one to realize how I feel

It’s like forcibly gripping thorns with my palm"

"If morning comes I’ll be with a stranger, and tonight I’m with another dull love

Goodnight, disposable toys"

" “I want to be loved” “I want to played with” , my two selves "

"I don’t mind if you’re a little dirty, I don’t care if you lack common sense

I only have myself to save"

"Eventually soon will be the day I laugh with the person I love holding hands"

"In my mind everything goes wild

I lose myself in your eyes

I drown myself in the wave

Of your loving gaze

I only want your soul

Going wild on my skin"

"And at night I cry tears that stream down my cheeks

I only think of you when the days ends, only when

My sad demons fall heavily on me into the endless abyss

Love me so that the roses wither

That our souls sink into deep tears"

★☆ Beelzebub : Honeypie- Jawny, Pluto Projector- Rex Orange County, Virtual Aerobics- The Wallows.

"Ooh, girl, don't you stop

Don't you stop 'til you get enough honey

Oh, honey, honeypie

Honey, honey, honeypie"

"The great protector

Is that what I'm supposed to be?

What if all this counts for nothing

Everything I thought I'd be?

What if by the time I realize

It's too far behind to see?"

"Stay forever, you know more than anyone, yeah, whoa

And it's you that knows my darkness

And you know my bedroom needs

You could blast me and my secrets

But there's probably just no need"

"I'm not too good, but I try my best

Work hard no matter what happens next

Wanna dress in what makes you like me"

"When we aren't together, fuck all of the weather

I'll get to your side like that

Side like that, side like, side like

I'll get to your side like that

Let's spend the night"

★☆ Belphegor : I Love You So- The Walters, I'm just your problem- From "Adventure Time"

"You're saying I'm the one, but it's your actions that speak louder

Giving me love when you are down and need another

I've gotta get away and let you go, I've gotta get over"

"I'm gonna pack my things and leave you behind

This feeling's old and I know that I've made up my mind

I hope you feel what I felt when you shattered my soul

'Cause you were cool and I'm a fool

So please let me go"

"I'm gonna bury you with my sound

I'm gonna, drink the red

From your pretty pink face"

"Sorry I don't treat you like you're perfect

Like all your little loyal subjects do

Sorry I'm not made of sugar

Am I not sweet enough for you?"

"Is that why you always avoid me?

I must be such an inconvenience to you

Well, I'm just your problem

I'm just your problem

It's like I'm not even a person, am I?

I'm just your problem, well"

---

#obey me leviathan #obey me shall we date #obey me swd #obey me asmo #obey me beel #obey me belphie #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #shall we date obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me x reader #obey me fluff #obey me angst