#so I made really shitty ones of my own

[bonefall]

⭕️Hey Bones! Is it ok if you explain and/or elaborate how Crowfeather is abusive to Breezepelt if please?⭕️

I do KNOW that crowfeather is indeed, abusive to Breezepelt, due to the fact that he emotionally and/or physically neglected him - with child neglect being known to BE a form of child abuse - and I also heard that he slashed and/or hit him within one of the books, which I believe is in the book Outcast, in chapter 16.

But I also wish people would talk and be informed about it more within the fandom, because in the parts of the fandom I’ve known portrayed Crowfeather’s neglect on Breezepelt as negative and bad, but not in a way that made me think and/or feel: “Wow, that’s pretty bad. That’s…actually abusive.” I suppose? So I hope more people will talk about it more in that type of way.

Also, please be aware that I have NOT read PoT, OoTS, etc. or barely any warrior cats books, since the majority of the information I got from the series is from the wiki and the fandom, so that probably explains why I didn’t know this part of Crowfeather’s character is as bad as it actually is until now. Also, feel free to talk about Crowfeather’s abuse on Breezepelt I haven’t mentioned and/or don’t know right now as well if you want.

I’m SO sorry that if this ask is unintentionally quite long, and feel free to make sure to take all the time you need to answer it. Thank you!

OH LET'S GOOOO

Breezepelt is both physically and emotionally abused by Crowfeather. I'm not talking about only child neglect; he is screamed at, belittled, and even once hit on-screen.

The fact that Crowfeather both neglected and abused him is very important to the canonical story of Breezepaw. There's actually a lot more to this character than people remember! Even from his first appearances he displays good qualities, a strained relationship with his father and adult clanmates, and is clearly shown to be troubled before we understand why.

As many problems as I have with the direction of Breezepelt's arc (especially Crowfeather's Trial), his setup is legitimately a praiseworthy bit of writing from Po3 which carries over into OotS. To say that Breezepelt was not abused is to completely miss two arcs worth of books SCREAMING it.

BIG POST. Glossary;

INTRO TO BREEZEPELT: The Sight and Dark River

ABUSE: Outcast, Social Alienation, the Tribe Journey.

DARK FOREST: How these factors push him towards radicalization.

For "brevity," I'm not getting into anything post-OotS. I'm just showing that Breezepelt was abused, the narrative wants you to know that he was abused, and that his status as a victim of child abuse is CENTRAL to understanding why he is training in the Dark Forest.

INTRO TO BREEZEPELT: The Sight and Dark River

Our very first introduction to Breeze is when Jaypaw walks off a cliff in the first book of Po3 and is rescued by a WindClan patrol. He's making snarky remarks, and Whitetail and Crowfeather are not happy about it. Whitetail snaps for Crow to teach his son some manners, and Crow growls for Breezepaw to be quiet.

But our proper introduction to him is at his announcement gathering, when Heatherpaw playfully introduces him as a friend,

From the offset something's not entirely right here between Breezepaw and his father. He's cut off by Heatherpaw here, but he's touchy whenever his father is involved, and we're not entirely sure why.

Throughout Book 1, he's just rude, with a notable xenophobic streak. He's a bit of a mean rival character for Lionpaw, as they're both interested in the affections of Heatherpaw and make bids to get her attention, but nothing particularly violent yet.

He participates in the beloved Kitty Olympics and gets buried in liquid dirt with Lionpaw, basically a rite of passage for any arc.

(And Nightcloud has a cute moment where she watches over them until they fall asleep)

As the books progress, the relationship between Crow and Breeze visibly deteriorates. They start from being simply tense with each other in The Sight, to the open shouting and hitting we see in Outcast.

In the very first chapter of Dark River, we learn where his behavioral issues are really coming from;

Crowfeather.

Breezepelt is getting xenophobia from his father. Occasionally he says something bigoted and his dad will agree and chime in, and those are the only positive moments they have together.

(Note: In contrast, Nightcloud explicitly pushes back against xenophobia, chiding Breezepelt for his rudeness to Lionpaw in back in The Sight, Chapter 21. The Sight is the book where a lot of "evidence" that the Evil Overbearing Woman is actually responsible for the rift between father and son but. No. She's not. Though she can be overprotective; Crow and Breeze have a bad relationship when she's not even around in Breeze's first appearance and even his Crowfeather's Trial Epiphany refutes it. Anyway this post isn't about Nightcloud.)

So he starts acting on his bigotry, accusing cats in other Clans of stealing, running really close to the border. What's interesting though, is that this is not entirely his doing. The first time we get physical trouble from Breezepaw, DUSTPELT aggressed it. Breezepaw and Harepaw were just chasing a squirrel and hadn't yet gone over the border at all.

We learn that WindClan is teaching its apprentices how to hunt in woodland, and tensions between the two Clans is starting to escalate as ThunderClan isn't entirely trusting of their intentions.

The second time, fighting breaks out over him and Harepaw actually crossing the border and catching a squirrel. WindClan is adamant that because it came from their land, it's their squirrel. So it's as if Breezepaw is modelling the aggression around him, learning how to behave from the older warriors and his father.

When he joins Heatherpaw and The Three to go find Gorsetail's kits in the tunnels, he's grouchy towards the ThunderClan cats, but very gentle with the kittens. Notably so. When Thistlekit is dangerously cold, he cuddles up next to her, and even assures Swallowkit when she's scared,

Through this entire excursion, he's the one in the comforting roles for the kittens. Breezepaw is the one who is taking time to tell the kits they'll be okay, that he'll protect them, and physically supporting them when they're weak, even when he's terrified.

And it's always contrasted to Heatherpaw who's way more 'disciplined,' as a side note. It's a detail I'm just fond of.

All this to point out,

Breezepelt displays his best qualities when he's away from the older warriors of WindClan, and he's at his worst whenever he's near Crowfeather. Even while he's essentially just a bully character for The Three to deal with. He's gruff but cooperative when it's just him and Heatherpaw interacting with The Three, but mean when there is an adult to please.

We're getting to the on-screen abuse now, but Po3 actually sets up Breezepaw's troubles and dynamics well before it's finally confirmed that he is a victim of child abuse.

ABUSE: Outcast, the Tribe Journey.

In Outcast, Breezepaw's problems have escalated into open aggression towards cats of other Clans, and is now a legitimate concern for his own safety. Yet, he's spoken over by older warriors, and reprimanded at nearly every opportunity, right in front of the warrior of another Clan.

Squilf just asked the poor kid how his training was going, and then Whitetail JUMPS to talk over him so she can complain, RIGHT in front of his face.

They can't even wait until they're alone to grumble something rude about Breezepaw, who is still just a teenager here;

They taught him already that a bit of prey that runs off their own territory still belongs to WindClan, encourage him to blow past borders in pursuit, and started a battle with ThunderClan over this. And then they're pissed off at him for being aggressive, thinking it's deserved to scold him in public.

When Onestar announces that he wants Breezepaw to go on the Tribe Journey, he's devastated by it...

Because he thinks WindClan doesn't like him, and he's right. He's gossiped about, torn into in front of a ThunderClan warrior, and even his own dad doesn't want to be around him. It's clear that Breezepaw's impulsive "codebreaking" behaviors are a desire to prove himself, and once you realize that, the way that he's being alienated is heartbreaking.

But Wait!! Hold on a minute! Where did he get a "patrol of apprentices" from to confront the dogs with, exactly?

Simple. Breezepaw CAN make friends! He actually values them a lot! So much that it's the first thing Crowfeather snaps at him over, out of frustration that his son is also being forced on this journey with him. It's an angry response to his child having emotional and physical needs, resentment that will continue all journey long.

Note that it's plural, friends. Breezepelt has multiple friends, at least one who is not Heatherpaw, and she promises to say goodbye to them.

Up next, they state over and over, Crowfeather and Breezepaw do not like each other. Crowfeather resents being around him and dealing with his rudeness, embarrassed and angry, and Breezepaw is absolutely miserable being sent on a journey to the mountains with a man who hates his guts.

The whole while, Crowfeather is brooding longingly about Feathertail, already thinking about her as soon as he kitty-kisses Nightcloud goodbye, his eyes looking somewhere distant. He makes a jab about loyalty when Breezepaw doesn't understand why they're helping the Tribe.

Breezepaw gets smacked after he's "shoved" at Purdy and acts rude to him, while the other three manage to be polite (while still having internal dialogue about how stinky he is).

Without so much as a, "cut that out," Crowfeather raises his paw and hits him. Breeze is quiet after that.

I don't give a shit how rude your teenager is being. Do not hit kids. Being throttled on the head is not okay.

In spite of the Three not liking Breezepaw, or even Crowfeather, they're constantly noting that their arguments are not normal, and that Crow is a cold, unsupportive father who digs into his kid constantly, and the only time he ever DOES "discipline" his child it's through immediately smacking him.

At one point, the apprentices get hungry, and decide to foolishly hunt in a barn that they know has dogs in it against Purdy's warnings. Once again, JUST like the first two books, Breezepaw is more friendly when Crowfeather is not around.

EVERY time he is alone with cats his own age, he's grumpy but cooperative. Even enthusiastic at times! The minute Crowfeather is in the picture, he's nasty.

Naturally, the dogs show up, but Purdy rescues them. Though Brambleclaw also chews his kids out (and i have strong opinions about bramble's parenting style for another time), Hollypaw is taken aback by the contrast of what a scolding from Brambleclaw looks like vs how Crowfeather reacts.

The narrative is desperately trying to tell you that the way Crowfeather treats his son is not normal.

And then Crowfeather is pissed off that Breezepaw is exhausted from running for his life from hungry dogs,

And he's constantly losing his shit whenever Breezepaw says something as innocuous as "dad im hungry"

Then, Breezepaw is made to watch his dad pine over the grave of a woman who died long before Crowfeather was even considering his mother for a mate. What he feels is jealousy, because he knows his own father doesn't love him anywhere near as much as he loves the memory of Feathertail.

This really goes on and on and on. The ENTIRE trip is like this, with Crowfeather treating Breezepelt poorly, giving him a smack before even verbally warning him, pushing him past his limits and blowing up on him when he asks simple questions about eating or resting.

It all comes to a head in this one exchange, towards the end. Hollypaw ends up snapping at Breezepaw for his rudeness, before having an epiphany.

It's explicit. Crowfeather's emotional abuse, his "scorn" for Breezepelt, is what is driving a wedge between him and all of his older Clanmates. Between EVERYONE in Breezepelt's life who wasn't already his friend. This awful treatment is only making him worse and worse.

Realizing this, she has more sympathy for him, but it's too late. He continues to be rude to her because he feels insulted, and her patience completely runs out. She's just a kid. They're both just kids. She's not responsible for fixing him when he's pushing everyone away at this point.

That's the end of Breezepelt in Outcast. It can't be helped anymore. Any spark of friendship they had together in the barn, or in the tunnels, is gone.

As the series progresses, Crowfeather continues to refuse any personal responsibility for the mistreatment of his son, even pinning all of Breezepelt's behavioral problems on Nightcloud. He is a cold, selfish father who only ever thinks about his own pain and reputation.

DARK FOREST: How these factors push him towards radicalization.

Everyone talks about the Attack on Poppyfrost, which happens in the first book of OotS, in oversimplified terms. YES he is going after a nun and a pregnant woman. I've never said that's not Bad.

But no one talks about "WHY", and that reason is NOT just that he desires power like so many other WC villains. Breezepelt makes his motivation very clear on the page.

Escalating to violence was about making Jayfeather feel the way that he does.

When Breezepelt says that he wants Jay to be surrounded by "lies, hatred, and things that should never have happened," he's talking about the way HE grew up, knowing his father never wanted him, and that his Clan HATES him as a result. Killing Poppyfrost is about trying to frame Jayfeather for her murder, so ThunderClan won't trust him anymore.

When Jayfeather points out the simple truth that what Breezepelt is saying doesn't make any goddamn sense, his hatred "falters." He's blaming his half-clan half-brother for his own treatment because of the reveal, but totally failed to consider that JAYFEATHER'S ALREADY GOING THROUGH IT... so his response is just this pitiful, "s-shut up, man."

Then the ghost of Brokenstar and Breezepelt bounce him back and forth between them like a beach ball for a bit until Honeyfern's spirit shows up.

Breezepelt's childhood abuse and social alienation was a hook that the Dark Forest latched onto, to reel him in. His anger at his half-brother is so obviously misplaced that its absurdity was something Jayfeather pointed out.

We soon learn that it's the Dark Forest who's planting that ridiculous idea in his head;

The narration is SCREAMING, "The Dark Forest is validating the anger he feels towards his father, and redirecting it towards The Three." He's described as 'kitlike,' Tigerstar's eyes are compared to a hypnotizing snake.

This prose could not make it more obvious if it drove to your house, beat you with it, and then spoon fed you the point while you were hospitalized.

At the end of this scene, Tigerstar sends Hawkfrost to recruit Ivypaw. This scene where Breezepelt is being lovebombed, and the command to start grooming Ivypaw, ARE LINKED. That was a choice.

A VERY GOOD choice! Again, as many issues as I have with OotS, its handling of indoctrination is unironically fantastic, and it owes a good amount of that to the outstanding setup of Breezepelt that was done back in Po3. And that setup doesn't work if Crowfeather was merely distant.

Breezepelt was abused by his father, both verbally and physically. It drove him to be more aggressive to prove himself, modeling the battle culture around him. The adults of WindClan judged him based off Crowfeather's responses, shunning and belittling the 'problem' teenager, which eventually drove Breezepelt to the only group that he felt "understood" him.

In a book series that is RIFE with abuse apologia, this is one of the few times that there's any behavioral consequences for abuse and the narrative holds the perpetrator accountable for it.

But people hear Crowfeather's deflective excuse in The Last Hope where he says he never hated him, blames Nightcloud for everything, and just lick it up uncritically.

Gee whiz, I wonder why the guy who never blames himself for any of his problems would suddenly say it was his ex-wife's fault. Real headscratcher!

(Crowfeather's Trial then goes onto, for all my own problems with it, also hold Crow accountable as the reason why Breezepelt turned out like he did. But that's a topic for another day.)

#This is headcanon territory here. But one day I realized I can read Breezy-P with BPD and he became a blorbo. #Never been able to unsee it and it massively endears him to me... Breeze Pelt Disorder... #I actually REALLY hate how his arc was resolved and strongly feel that he should have progressed into a bigger problem #But I equally strongly feel that being redeemed is the ideal ending for him #so if it was between him being pure evil/redemption death or the awful halting we got at the end of oots.... #I'd pick the halting over him being pure evil or a redemption death. #I think BB made me REALLY fall in love with him. He's my sweet cheese. My good time boy. #Bones when he sees an angry black cat: ''i can fix you. first i must break you. but then i can fix you'' #Like. what i dislike about where he went is that even if your anger issues came from abuse. you STILL are responsible for your actions #but in the end getting that Shitty Dad Approval fixes him. Not his own growth or self-reflection. #it feels like BREEZE gets his agency stripped away for HIS ABUSIVE DAD'S character arc #It retcons in a reason why Breezepelt is not still a problem and then he faded into the background. #while Crowfeather continues to get supporting roles and every now and then Breeze now looks at him fondly #BLECH. #Crowfeather #Breezepelt #Abuse #Child Abuse #Warrior Cats Analysis #And now you know anon!!

[virsancte]

good days aren't easy to come by

#simblr #ts4 legacy #valentine gen 4 #fun fact for context on why i care so much abt him finally choosing to play the piano on his own #but it's gonna get Long so strap in #basically. the guitar he used to have had been with him since he was like...... my god. probably about 15 #he bought it at a yard sale for pennies from an older woman #it belonged to her late son originally and it wasn't even . supposed to be a part of the sale in the first place. she just took a liking to #devin and figured that really it's better in the hands of someone who would use it than for it to collect dust in her garage forever #and he couldn't really practice at home. his parents... are not exactly the kindest people you've ever seen #he was too afraid of them destroying or throwing it away so he'd sneak off to god knows where and learn how to play it from old #youtube videos on his busted up phone #it quickly became Everything to him. his most prized possession. and it wasn't a shitty guitar either. the son was a professional musician #that's how ellie and devin met in the first place. he was playing at the market she used to sneak out to in the evenings to #and she instantly knew . this boy is going places and really they might as well go together #enough backstory of the backstory. long story short: he was struggling to make rent eventually and was out of vinyls to pawn off #so he had no choice left. it was either that or he'd get kicked out along with his sister. who was still struggling a lot w/ addiction #so he sold it. and it broke him. he's literally just not been the same since losing it #his sister stole him a guitar from a music shop she'd go to sometimes but it just wasn't the same and he had not played an instrument since #until now anyway #still not a guitar. but maybe someday #or he can find his old one and buy it again......... #lmfao if you made it here congrats. you win nothing bc im broke but i do respect you

[kaseyskat]

being both a sparrow apologist and a normal enthusiast is so difficult sometimes I am sitting here imagining them bonding and crying over canon and so few people truly understand me

#kasey rambles #dndads #no you guys dont understand. sparrow is a good parent! to me!!! #which is highly ironic because i was FURIOUS at him on my first listen #BUT. theres a post that puts this into words somewhere. about how judging sparrow for saying something #when he was in a state of complete vulnerability #FEELS like thoughtshaming a bit. because like #i think sparrow has this mentality of. i dont have to be proud of someone to love them. and i will love them so hard in spite #because he gets too in his head and he worries and he doesnt want normal to be like him #and he feels like this about henry and lark too- hes not proud of them. in fact theyve both actively mistreated him. but he loves them #and that's enough #its like. we're not sitting here bashing on grant for the REALLY shitty way he inflicts his own self loathing onto link #because we know grant only says this when hes vaguely sauced #but sparrow gets SO much heat for saying hes not proud of normal when he was both drunk AND sauced simultaneously #and maybe like. if there were signs that sparrows let this mentality ruin their relationship in the past? #but theres not. the reason it hurts normal so much is because it was UNEXPECTED. #it made him doubt his own memories and his history but. as far as we know. its only doubts. sparrow loves normal so much #and sparrows always been the first one sitting there apologizing (which is another story: we love seeing him continue the oak cycle) #and loving. and accepting normals anger. #god this was such a rant im sorry for anyone actually reading my tags shdjfkdkkfvk #i just have such strong feelings about how like. in comparison? sparrow is NOT as bad of a parent as yall think he is #and i think the only reason we think otherwise is because we only see him through normal #if we got his own pov? youd forgive him just like we forgive henry #also i would kill for sparrow choosing normal over lark i feel like thats a decision hes gonna have to make pretty soon

[corvidcall]

sometimes you see a bad tweet and it makes you upset all day but you cant interact with it in any way because then twitter will just be encouraged to show you more bad tweets. but it did ruin my whole fucking day

#anime life #the tweet was something like #'MAYBE when trans women talk about how bad testosterone is its because of their own trauma #and its not about trans men because literally nobody was talking about you guys oh my god' #like... ok...? #but trans men can still HEAR you tho.... #i don't think its fair to act like trans men are self obsessed professional victims or whatever just because you said something shitty #like yes it's from your trauma and not about trans men but. yknow. #if i post about how ugly my fat body is #just because its coming from a place of trauma and societal abuse doesnt mean my comments don't hurt the other fat people who hear it #anyway i think part of why it's stuck with me all day is because it made me feel so sad #sometimes it feels like no one cares about me but me yknow? #like no one cares about trans mascs but other trans mascs #and no one cares about fat people but other fat people #and no one cares about disabled people but other disabled people #i KNOW that isn't true!!! #factually that is false #but sometimes it really feels like people only care about me in as much as they care about telling me i better not start thinking i matter #as much as they do (people whose lives and problems and societal marginalizations ACTUALLY matter) #and then if you try to talk about your problems to explain how theyre real you just get made fun of #oh well. time to get under my weighted blanket and get real small #and try not to get entirely black pilled by the world lol

[moltage]

i've tried everything, different ways, different times, different places. i just can't seem to find my passion for writing back.

#writers block my ass this shit has been going on for years #you love going around telling people that you write when in truth you haven't written anything in ages #i don't even consider myself a writer anymore because it feels wrong to call it that #everything i put out is influenced by something. ifeel like i can never truly be original #a few shitty pieces i wrote at the peak of a fixation don't really count because i've abandoned them too #yes i've written them but im so afraid to associate them with my name #how does one hate what they create so much #yet still want to create #when will it be satisfying? #when will i be like yeah. i like this. i made this. this is mine. #i dont think the problem is language either like sure it can be improved but i can't even write in my own language? #i used to love writing in turkish and peopel would praise me for my stories but looking back at it even that wasn't original #it was never mine #it was always about something that affected me #this is sad its just sad. #writing

[pastafossa]

update on TRT

Right so there won’t be any TRT tomorrow because I am still working in fiberglass hell, and I’m still also sleeping on an air mattress and getting about 2 hours of sleep a night so haven’t had time or awareness enough to write.

HOWEVER.

I dug through my ‘Just Needs A Little Editing’ folder and found a few mostly done things, including the infamous Jane Gets Stuck In A Vent And Matt Has To Free Her incident, so I may drop that and a few other little close to done things to make up for the loss! <3 

#i hate fiberglass death upon the man who made it #i'm still sleeping terribly and my cough is only just starting to subside #i know everyone's been super kind and patient but i still feel shitty about not getting anything up tbh #which is irrational since fiberglass and no sleep but still #but yeah i went through my folder and looked for anything that's 99% done and found a few things #so we'll likely have the stuck in a vent incident this week and maybe one or two other little things #and then hopefully back to TRT next week although idk #i really really need to sleep in my own bed again #sleeping on an air mattress is fucking with both my sleep and my chronic pain

[apple-os]

ppl who like making friends solely with one-note cardboard boxes who will hang out with them when it's convenient and never open up about who they are as people and what their lives are like dni

#the salt just caught up with me and now im pissed #hi welcome to what i like to call a friendly reminder that hanging out with someone just because its convenient is kind of shitty #and a less friendly reminder that talking about yourself to connect with people is an autistic trait #and an even less friendly reminder that not telling someone if theyve done you wrong and then proceeding to blow up on them is ALSO SHITTY #ESPECIALLY. WHEN. THEY THINK. YOU'RE ON GOOD TERMS. BECAUSE YOU ACTED LIKE IT AND THEY CAN'T READ YOU. #IM REALLY FUCKING MAD #I THINK I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE. #the people who actually somewhat knew me and hung out with me and were on good terms with me think the same #so like BLEH MYEH :PPPPPPPPP #like okay youre entitled to your opinions but sometimes you need to keep those to yourself #did u see me insulting u to ur face #nope i have not done even once #and thats on getting better communication skills instead of lashing out at someone for trying to fit in with your own vibes #like yeah oversharing is my deal. anybody who sees me here knows that #i bond by being open with people about who i am and what i like in the hopes that theyll do the same #if u think im just around for gaming and making silly jokes u would be wrong. #but of course nobody told me people weren't there to bond like that which in my opinion shouldnt be on me #and once again i am outcasted over something honestly kind of fucking stupid #some of the jokes i made were stupid yes but thats solely because i severely misjudged the vibes #and checks notes oh yeah nobody pulled me up for it even once. #okay so let me get this straight you barely know me and have been making assumptions about me since day one #pretty much let me believe you liked me for two whole weeks instead of asking me about things or cutting me off #and im the one who gets treated like im in the wrong? okay #this miscommunication was not my fault in the slightest and i KNOW that #if you hadve just talked to me things would be fine but theyre NOT. #if you hadve just looked at my gosh darn profile and seen im the queerest fucker around making gay and homophobic type jokes maybe you woul #have had half the mind to ask me if i could stop making those jokes!!!!!!!!! #i am not transphobic!!!!!!! I AM TRANS!! I WAS MAKING A MOCKERY OF SOME TRANSPHOBIC CULTURE I HATE!!!! #i mightve vented on main ONE TIME under the guise of a silly joke but oh my god guess what?? that was an attempt to see if anybody related. #you never liked me in the first place dont lie to yourself

[androcola]

i still remeber when someone vagued me on a monke.es confession account saying that i was romanticizing abuse(Several of my followers and moots then came out and were like That Simply Isnt True) and i think that really changed the way i talk about my headcanons

#anytime i wanna talk about somethinb im like ''oh god what if tjis gets me a call out post '' and i just dont post anything #they came to mw later on anon and apologized cuz thwy didnt mean it and that they were having a hard time. which was nice #but i guess im always afraid about delving into sorta ..deeper darker parts of my canon cuz i am afraid thag people will get mad #i try to do it very respectfully amd just talk about it as neutral as possible like anything else #theres a lot of stuff ive kept out of main tags because of that. and i try to tag accordingly #idk. i have a very carefully curated counsel of people on my blogue . but i still fear offending ppl #like on one hand i get on my thing and im like ''people these days just hate being challenged by media!'' #and then i realize i sound like a conservative stand up comedian. cuz the media i make it about is . literally so innocent #i really made it my own thing. i am deeply addicted to world building and making things deeper than they are #i think its a general consensus though in the fandom that mike had a shitty abusive dad. atleast amongst most ppl #all m onkee.verse .btw #sometimws i step back and realize just How Weird my canon is though. but then i remember the peter aids fic and then i feel better

[silverislander]

movie i was really looking forward to picked specifically to cheer myself up seems designed to purposefully upset me specifically. hell on earth

#feels bad. #idk. kind of my own fault for not checking to make sure it wouldnt in the first place i guess #its been a shitty disappointing day and i was really kind of hoping it would help turn it around but nope i feel infinitely worse now #levi.txt #just. i would love to see one thing where theres a character whos even ostensibly butch whose life doesnt completely fucking suck #i dont think thats a big ask. even just a happy ending would be really nice #it wouldve been bad enough as it was but it had to have a scene with the main characters dad having a heart attack #and i didnt know it would upset me so bad but i was driving with my pop earlier today and we had a really good time #and it just made me think of him. the dad reminded me of him a lot and it really got to me #im gonna try to sleep it off. maybe tomorrow will be better

[beeapocalypse]

dont say this enough but i truly appreciate all of you. thank you for every moment shared

#not to sound incredibly out of it and disconnected from humanity as a whole but all of you are a reminder of an existence outside of this #shitty room. that there is something beyond the day in day out nothing im going to wrestle with forever. i dont know how to word this #i know im unresponsive and reticent and withdrawn and thaat any connection made is temporary and shitty and i am sorry foro that. i don t #know how to be a human being. it isnt due to anyone but mysefl and my shitty insignificant fears. i might not respond i might shy away afte #just a few messages but i truly truly appreciate everything. you make me human #^ sorry that sounds strange as fuck and over reliant on people i cant form lasting connections with but i dont know how else to phrase it #and im going to have to say goodbye one day and it is going to hurt but im not close enough to a single person to make it personal ive just #got frayed and split connections things that mightve been but never bloomed because i just couldnt REPLY so it could always be worse. it is #a mercy it wont hurt as bad as it could when i leave because nobody really got to know me beyond a distant possibility #i wish i could but i just cannot handle being friends with anyone. not of anyones fault but my own #i know im being presumptuous and attention seeking and shitty here. im sorry #i could leave right now. i really could. its a thought that dogs after every single action the knowledge of just how fragile life is. death #is less than five minutes away an easy solution right at my fingertips and still i get too fucking scared to grab ahold of it. clinging to #these ephemeral insignificant connections thaat are now naught but usernames on dashboards and passing thoughts when i ought to just leave

[bluehairperson]

I've read your tags about Nadia and I thought "welcome to the club!" (😆) I have very mixed feelings about her route too, for (almost) the same reasons! It's a shame, I wish I could appreciate more but it felt too much like the devs were alleviating the wrong of her actions and making her a perfect dom girlboss 😔

OH MY GOD, RIGHT??? THANK YOU, UGH 😭😭

I absolutely hate how she gets glorified by the narrative and some fans as this perfect goddes while she's just as childish, arrogant and entitled like Valerius and Lucio are. Really obnoxious that those two get rightfully villanized by the game but that with Nadia we're getting tied to a chair and spoon fed the narrative that she has never done anything wrong in her life.

The canon tells us over and over again that's she's a disgustingly rich monarch that married a tyrant on purpose just to try and steal his land as some kind of pet project to prove herself in front of her family and to enflate her own ego, but the moment Lucio didn't let her monopolize everything she started to close herself in her rooms to take naps just like a child throwing tantrums?

AND when she wakes up she keeps blaming her husband and the courtiers for Vesuvia's downfall as if she didn't have any sort of responsability towards the people of the city she decided to rule. Like... yikes. Am I supposed to think she's a good leader or even just a nice person?

Again: all of this is fine, great even. I love flawed characters and shitty people, Lucio and Valerius are my absolute favorites. But I find really pathetic these double standards in the narrative. I'll say it: it feels performative, fake and tokenizing. Not that I would expect any less by Nix Hydra. Allow Nadia to be a fully fledged person with flaws and faults of her own, cowards.

I legit thought that her route would have been about her acknowledging her entitlement and neglet towards the city but appartenly the biggest conflict between her and MC was about her *checks notes* ... paranoia. ... ok. Paranoia that she was right to have anyway because Valerius was literally just around the corner ready to stab her in the back, so?? What was the point.

Awfully written route. She would have worked great as the morally grey character/kinda shitty person she is, but I guess the devs were too busy to pat themselves on the back to do that.

#I'M SORRY YOU REALLY HIT A SORE SPOT I'M SO MAD ABOUT THIS #as I said there are a lot of scenes in her route that made me super uncomfortable but the absolute worse was the one slightly before #the two endings when she has a fight with Lucio in front of us Val and the Hierophant in his realm #the way it was written and the way the devs MAKE the mc side blindly with Nadia it really reads as some kind of empowering scene #like an abuse survivor telling her abuser off or something like that #but that's not what's happening? at all?? #the devs said multiple times that lucio was never abusive to her he's just a shitty guy #and she was never a prisoner she could have left lucio and went back to phakra any time #the reason she didn't is probably because admitting she overestimated her own abilities hurted her ego + having to admit it to her family #so we get this awfully uncomfortable scene where this 40+ years old woman whines to her husband that she deserves the city he earned #in battle more than him for pretty much no reason apart the fact that she sucks slightly less than him #all of this while mc goes YAAAAAS MY MONARCH 😍😍😍 ACQUIRE MORE LAND 😍😍😍 TAKE WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY YOURS BECAUSE OF YOUR ROYAL BLOOD 🥰 #hashtag girlboss hashtag queen #like yikes I'm sorry but what the fuck is everyone smoking #are we reading the same fucking route #absolute womanchild why is no one calling her this #IF she had been treated like lucio and val have been in the narrative then I would have been womanchild (affectionate) but like this is #point blank annoying sorry but yikes #I love lucio and val so much because they suck and they are allowed to do so but nadia sucks just as bad as them and I'm supposed to just #praise her for it for some reason #can you like... learn how to write please #please allow minority characters to be 3dimensional people with flaws and faults instead of this crap #you're really not doing a favor to anyone hiding everything she is under a rug and hoping no one notices #also I truly couldn't care less about defending or debating any of this if you don't agree or got mad touch grass #long post #asks

[medicinemane]

"DIY tiny home you can build in weeks", ok... now lets see the cost

...seven and a half minutes later, the answer is $75k... so when you include land and all the rest of it, so basically nothing right?

This is my problem with tiny homes stuff, it's for rich people

#and as much as I'm pro home ownership since like... my house is pretty much what's made my life feasible #like I know two things for a fact; we don't have room to give every last person a house #(especially if they're basically one bedroom sized things dotting the land) #and not everyone even wants to own a home #but like... lets say that everyone did want to own a place... we can't even do single family stuff let alone infinite tiny homes #so you'd need to have at least some homes in the form of basically owned units in an apartment complex which... sounds like condos #and so... I legit don't even come close to having the answer for this #but the sad thing is... a commie block kind of beats a tiny home if we're honest I think #not even in some like... brutalist dystopian shoving people together kind of way #like I think I'd rather live in a well maintained commie block style apartment than in one of infinite tiny homes doting the land #I really really really like tiny homes as a concept... but every time you look at them you realize... it's all for rich people #and half of them are just gentrified trailers or closet sized apartments getting dressed up by an architect to up the price #like I'm not even trying to shit on this company cause like I'm for assembly line style home production #especially compared to the cheap shit we throw up now; it makes me with I could puke in anger and disgust at it #they showed clips to contrast with of a home being tossed up and the shit materials they use disgust me #seeing massive... whatever you call those new home blights... communities I guess; springing up they always look like they're made of trash #so yeah... I like this building style better than shitty single family homes 'from the low 300s' #but I think that these people are either doing a sales pitch; missing the big picture; or both when they talk about this #like this can't fix the housing crisis cause... one no one can afford shit even if it's... lets say $175k; that's a lot to ask most people #but two is it won't work long term to just dot a million little houses across the land #cause quite apart from finding all that land; think of all the electric grid and water infrastructure you have to lay #(or are these people expected to be able to afford solar and all that? cause... they ain't poor if they're doing that) #(and I'd kind of like poor people to not be screwed by the housing problems we have; the rich can get bent honestly) #I like living on my own in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere; I wouldn't want someone right next to me #so I'm literally the kind of person people bitching about rural folks is bitching about; so know that's not what I'm saying #but let's be honest... we need better and cheaper urban infrastructure and we need less suburbs and housing communities #and that's where the solution is gonna lie; not in reinventing the single family home (or smaller) #eh... I really really really like tiny homes and think they're neat... but I can't help but see they're rich people play things #...and that's my thoughts on this #it's kind of like how solar is nice and all... but just a few good nuclear plants would be a better solution than solar on every roof

[berrymeter]

sometimes i think maybe i'd like to actually write & post my writing on here but then i remember the worldbuilding i was working on needs to be entirely reworked in some parts & it's like. what's the point until i've worked all that out

#perth.txt #but so much of it bothers me & idk how to fix it bc. it was meant to be a roleplay universe #it was built over time with a bunch of diff elements that were brought together & some of them just dont mesh #im afraid it might be too big for me to handle on my own bc im a little too obsessed with making a world that has similar size as earth #meaning all the cultures n countries n stuff that come with it #it can technically be made easier through the power of 'this is a fictional world but there are shitty rich ppl' #in which the shitty rich ppl ruined it for mostly everyone else #but the way i see it its gonna bring up things that i frankly dont trust myself to handle properly #bc its big & i get squashed by just. all the aspects to be taken into consideration #i probably make things too hard for myself i'm no tolkien i could just go 'its like this bc its like this :)' & go #but........ would i ever be satisfied with it. #if im not satisfied with the worldbuilding how can my readers be........ #not that i intend on going into writing of all things as a career i have enough dead end prospects as is #i just. want to share the stuff i care about & sometimes that happens to be worldbuilding & stuff #but its a large world & it has a lot of barely worked on but full of potential concepts #& im bound to neglect some of them eventually if i want to focus on one single plot. #which i dont. #the whole point from the start was that the little people can get together and make things better when everything seems hopeless #a kinda salvageable thing would be a timeskip where the characters get cryostasis'd or w/e after the big event #but it feels like a cop out & i really dont wanna go for that. not the whole fleet #the fleet itself might be part of the problem. it was brought up by my friend but. i dont have to keep that. it just doesnt work for me #i feel it defeats the purpose if we have intergalactic travel. yeah our rich people suck can you help us take them down ok bye #i Do like the idea of having Big Technology Advancements of sorts but. i think maybe the fleet is stunting me. #but what to do instead... maybe i should rework the 'sacred weapon' stuff too. i don't know how though. #i was a bit attached to that & it's kinda central to two of the main plotlines... #considering one of them if centred around. the sacred weapon themself #grbrbgrbgbrgbgr i need to think on all of this

[femme-malewife]

Tomorrow marks my 6th day working at my new job and Monday will be my 7th/weekiversary....

#its a tiny bit confusing on some parts but...i really do like this job!!! #everyone is easy to get along with and makes sure to say good morning to me in the morning and :) #i like the type of work @ the beauty store i once worked at a bit more.....but regardless. I do genuinely love this job so far #i dont feel overwhelmed or frustrated #and i havent had one bad customer towards me yet #i did have a bad customer today but it was more her piss poor attitude towards her spoiled brat 4 year old daughter and being unable to pay #and giving in to said brat #god that shitty brat had such an ear grating whine i wanted to stab my own eardrums out #“I have enough cash for her toys bc she will NOT let me go without them” YOURE BUYING CLOTHES FOR SCHOOL FOR HER. SURELY THATS MORE IMPORTA #THAN PRINCESS PIGGLES RAINBOW RAKE?????? #fkdkfoforor i was. Very annoyed. #Their delay made me half an hour late for my lunch break :( #well. Anyway. Everyone else has been very sweet and lots of customers have called me “extremely pleasant” and said they look forward to #seeing me again. And my coworkers said that im a good worker already #aghfifkfkdkdmsksk i may not have as much time for my hobbies but at least im being welcomed so warmly ...

[bravetheredfox]

I ordered a taxidermy red fox tail and it's supposed to come this week! I'm very excited. I'll post pictures of it once it gets here. 🦊💚

#the seller on etsy is SO nice and communicative #like. REALLY. she's amazing #this will be my first real tail since the one i had in middle school #that someone pulled & broke :( my friend got it for me #turned out it was actually from one of those shitty fur farms and also wasn't scraped very well so the leather was gross n yellow #it was nice but it'll be even nicer to have a better quality one that i trust and bought with my own money #it feels like an impulse buy but also i've been wanting this for years #so. idk if i can call it that #i made this post cuz i have to tell someone about how excited i am even if it's nobody :3 #i'm going to leave SUCH a nice review for this person omg #furry #taxidermy mention

[milo-is-rambling]

Don’t get high and then watch the only team you care about lose

#was this Bergerons last season? I don’t want him to leave. we were talking about missing tukka too and it was so sad and I love our goalies #so much. I’m excited for next season bc it won’t be so fresh with all the shit with my dad bc I basically ignored the team until playoffs bc #it made me so fucking sad bc he’s the one from Boston who loved hockey and we all watched it together and now he’s not a part of that #and it’s just so sad man. I do get really happy at the idea of me living on my own some day and watching bruins with friends and drinking #and smoking and laughing and cheering together and being sad and angry together it’s truly so incredible #one day I will be on my own and I will carry traditions dad made with me even if I don’t have kids I will have so many friends to watch #hockey with and they’ll have friends to watch hockey with and I will host a watch party bc I like hosting and having friends and so I’ll #host a hockey watch party in my shitty little apartment and I’ll apologize to my neighbors ahead of time bc the game is on and we might get #loud #ahhh daydreaming about a shitty apartment anywhere back up north with hearts in my eyes and love in my soul #I am high. and thinking about hockey. and life. and time passing. things change but they stay the same. huge players leave and new players #join but it’s still the same team and it’s got all this history #but just ughh idk #I’m having big feelings in my small tired heart and man’s can’t express #edibles that make me cry why are you making me cry stop it #literally 5mg goes right to my crying holes it’s ridiculous body stop making me cry