Would it be insane to knit this as a scarf, yes
am I going to do it anyways, yes
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lyney workshopping some tricks. He discovers that while fake bodily harm gets reactions, it's important to reveal that his magic powers would fix it.
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i keep thinking about hobbies and how i often spill over myself to pick up new ones. i have adhd, i end up trying something for like a month and then just getting far enough in it that i move on, satisfied.
and that should be fine; but it's never fine.
i am a pretty decent artist; but i can't just make art for my dnd campaign, i should be selling dnd maps and character designs and scene setting pieces. i can't just make my friends matching earrings, i need to get an etsy and ship them internationally and take bulk orders. i make pretty good props and decorations and use them to throw my friends parties - but i should be running a party planning business and start taking paying clients and networking and putting my skills to actual use.
for some reason, i never figured out the specifics of pottery. it was a fun class and i enjoyed myself - and still, i'm embarrassed, years later, that i put in all that useless effort. everything i make has to be stunning. stellar. i should have applied myself more. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i'm broken and selfish and needy. actually creative people would have kept going; they would be bettering themselves at every possible opportunity.
we find ourselves in this trap, even accidentally: we need to commodify our time, because it is a commodity. if we spend our efforts and our time not earning, isn't that the same thing as burning free money? and god forbid you ever take up a hobby that ends up being more expensive than you thought. you sit in your car and you look at the receipt and in your head you hear a conversation that isn't even happening - your mom or your friend or your partner all saying oh great. not this shit again. it's always something with you, and it never actually means anything.
i have realized this horrible thing, recently - i'll get excited to start a project, pick up a new hobby. and then i just... stop myself. i start thinking about the amount of time it will take, and how it'll look in my monthly budget. what if i can't even produce a good enough final product. sure, it's exciting to think about how i could make my friend her own custom dice. but i'm just polluting the earth if i don't get it right. better not bother. better not try.
restless, i get caught in the negative space. the feeling that oh god, i want to create. and that horrible sense - yeah, but i don't have the time to just put to waste.
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I'm so tired of all these theories about how the coffee was spiked and that aziraphale didn't make the choice to work for heaven. like, first of all, it is completely in character - he has the opportunity to fix heaven! with crowley by his side! but second of all, don't you think it's just boring and lowstakes if aziraphale made such a massive decision purely because heaven made him do it?
aziraphale isn't crowley! he doesn't think heaven is bad, he just thinks the management is! and you don't go on working for heaven and believing that it's, at its heart, good, for *6000 years* to just turn around and say that it's not worth fixing!
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When it's year four and you don't even enjoy the festivals anymore but not going to them means making the townspeople sad so you keep going to them even though you NEVER beat Abigail in the stupid Egg Festival and there is only so much fun one can have beating Pierre every year in the Stardew Valley Fair and festivals are ALWAYS on the days when your luck is best and you're spending them dancing with the same person at the Flower Dance three years running
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