#so far its like. a lot of disembodied faces and like 10 drawings of me trying to figure out fingers

[obsob]

i am i am i am!!

#mine #original #heheheheh colourrededs #this is good colours i did well here. #the weather is gettting sunny!! how nice #what did i do today..i finished this drawing #n did one for my picture book #n started making a new friendship bracelet for myself bc my other one snapper #ive been drawing in like. a small sketchbook. which is something i havent really done in years and its GOOD #so far its like. a lot of disembodied faces and like 10 drawings of me trying to figure out fingers #all good things #im going for a walk now.......have a nice timezone

[talesofsonicasura]

Diamonds and Voodoo

Brothers and Bandicoots

This was rewritten when I discovered that the document had been nothing but a word salad. This one should be much better!

Taki-Taki returns to Morioh in order to fulfill a particular agreement. Sadly, all she got was her dad walking off, two brothers with daddy issues, egotistical assholes and bandicoot urine on a landmark. Oh joy.

"Yes. I would like to confirm this very information to the Speedwagon Foundation. Apparently defeating Angelo merely revealed a new part of the going ons in Morioh. Something that could only be trouble for everyone living here and maybe even further." Spoke Jotaro Kujo, the man currently on the phone in his hotel room.

Pictures of a now deceased Angelo's mugshot with a report paper taped to the back, another picture of a disembodied hand on a table set with breakfast for one, and a small booklet that read Morioh City's Report. The man could only stare at them with pure concern.

/I wasn't born with this power! No, it was given to me by a man in a student's uniform. He appeared in my cell one night. I was so scared that my balls were in my stomach. In his hand was an ancient bow and arrow, it had to be around 100 years old. Next thing I knew, he shot the arrow into my neck. Saying the reason I survived and got this power because my soul was so strong. If you kill me, then he'll come get you too!/

Information the man had given just before Josuke and Taki-Taki trapped the psycho in his current stone prison. It did answer quite a bit of questions stemming from an incident that happened 10 years ago. One which was entangled in the tragedy of the Joestar bloodline that started over a mere century ago. The blood feud between the Joestars and Dio Brando.

It begun when the Joestar Matriarch, George Joestar, had brought in an orphan boy after this boy's father passed. That boy was Dio Brando, a child whose immense hate turned him into the most vile and dangerous person in the history of mankind. Poisoning George Joestar, ruining the life of George's son Jonathan, becoming a vampire and then stealing Jonathan's body.

Those were some of the key facts amongst a lot of the vampiric bastard's sins. Jotaro then side eyed something at the far corner of the room, a picture frame whose photo was obscured by the distance. Sadness, and rage going through the ocean blue for a few seconds before fading. He turned his thoughts to something else.

"With the Arrow somewhere on the loose in Morioh, it won't be long until the town becomes a horror show. There's also that woman, Taki-Taki Bandicoot, I'll be keeping an eye on her. I don't trust her." His thoughts going back to his previous encounter with the greenette as he looked down on the table.

There were highly detailed sketches of her, Lani-Loli, Toxic and Quill, each marked with key details depending on the individual. The drawings were so accurate, it could be mistaken for a printout if it wasn't for the fact they were made using color pencils. Strangely there was one more sheet next to them but it was blank except for two simple words.

Crash Bandicoot.

"Come on Dad! We're supposed to see Josuke and his dickish nephew today!" The Wumpa Islands, a pair of three tropical islands found somewhere in the ocean near Australia. It was a home to all sorts of peculiar creatures, mystical areas hidden in every place wrought with all sorts of danger and full of mysterious magic. It was also where the infamous Bandicoot Clan made their residence.

N.Sanity Beach, which could be found on N.Sanity Island was a spot for the clan members to enjoy fun in the sun activities. A bunch of floaties with a tube one shaped like a purple dragon next to a volleyball net, a small bar set with seats for 5 and various drinks from non-alcoholic to a few different alcohol, a couch with a makeshift roof made from cloth, and strangely a fridge and TV on the sand.

Taki-Taki, currently by the couch, was trying to put a large hoodie on some... thing? Someone? It or he from the pronoun used stood around 4'7 in height, what wasn't obscured by the large jacket was a pair of blue jorts, red tennis shoes, orange fur covered legs and part of a orange furred lean stomach with yellow at the center. Distressed gibberish coming from the neck sleeve almost if the head was stuck.

Lani-Loli was merely watching the little show alongside another floating mask. This mask looked exactly like the small charm Taki-Taki had given Ryohei but larger with more details such as a goatee made of leaves, larger feathers that were funnily taped on the back, and was alive from the eyes and mouth both curved in a 'seriously?' look. There was no doubt that this particular mask was Aku-Aku.

With a strong tug, the hood finally came down over the large head of a...bandicoot. The almost cartoonish looking bandicoot had large ears, bright teal eyes with hints of innocent insanity, a brown mohawk of hair, a yellow muzzle and large brown bushy eyebrows. His hands were four fingered and covered by fingerless brown gloves.

"I don't know what's funnier: The fact two sane people are meeting Crash or about to learn that he's an actual bandicoot." Lani-Loli mischievously chuckled. Taki-Taki only said that Crash was her father but not about him being BIOLOGICAL. The greenette is actually adopted and the only human of a family consisting of bandicoots, living masks and other oddities.

"To be fair, she has been listening to my advice about being limited to her origins. Although from what I heard about your last encounter in Morioh, caution should still be advised. This is a whole new world we stumbled upon and there are rules to follow." Aku-Aku's deep, powerful and wise voice sent a clear message to everyone.

None of them had much knowledge about Stands but do know the consequences of their own powers, the mystical energy they wield known as Mojo. It was an ancient source of magic that not only fueled voodoo but all branches of sorcery. Something that could cause unimaginable damage if abused.

Mojo was what made Crash who he is, the powers that Lani-Loli and Aku-Aku have, and what Taki-Taki is learning to master but also the consequences if abused that made creatures like Quill and Toxic. Creatures with great power but have the potential to cause devastation if they run amok: Titans.

If that Stand granting Arrow is being constantly misused and what powers a Stand could potentially manifest, Morioh wasn't as safe as it should be. And there might be its own Titans lurking in the shadows. For now, their true nature needed to be limited whenever visiting the town lest the situation could become worse.

Who knows what kind of horror can manifest if Mojo mixed with a Stand?

The Higashitaka household was a bit offbeat nowadays. Due to the recent 'stroke' that the older matriarch had suffered, the aura of the home for the family of three was a bit rugged. Ryohei had been laid off of his work for a bit as both his employers and fellow officers were worried about the man's health. He was what kept the force happy and ready to go.

Thus he was stuck at home being looked over by his daughter Tomoko and grandson Josuke from time to time. Taki-Taki was currently standing by the door with her father Crash next to her. Her face was obscured by the large hood of his jacket. Lani-Loli and Aku-Aku were currently hidden in Taki's jacket so they wouldn't be seen.

She knocked on the door politely despite how loud it sounded. "Hold on!" A woman's voice fires back in an instant. In a few seconds, the door was opened by a young woman who both father and daughter could guess was Josuke's mother. Josuke definitely got his soft face and beauty from her but Ryohei's kindness was there too.

Her hair was violet and short, eyes a similar baby blue to Josuke but more fiery, she was slim though there definitely was some muscle hidden by her yellow shirt and dark jeans. "Hello! Are you Josuke's mom? He does have your looks and you do look a bit like Mr Ryohei." Her odd deduction had the purplette surprised for a moment.

Then hearing her father's name was enough to put two to two together. "You're right, I'm his mother Tomoko and Ryohei is my father. Are you by chance Taki-Taki Bandicoot? I heard about you from my dad and son. Dad was right about you being adorable. Whose this with you?" Her voice, although soft and kind, held a ferocity behind it. Josuke's fiery temper had to come from someone.

"This is my dad, Crash. Due to some unfortunate circumstances, I couldn't get home for a few days. Josuke let me stay here until I got back but under the condition that he had to talk about my stay with pops." Tomoko easily remembered her son mentioning that when she had gotten back home later that day.

Although she couldn't help but look at the figure that was Taki's father. There was not a single facial feature to make out due to the darkness of the large hoodie he wore but it was his hands that drew flags. Was the orange section part of the gloves and did he lose a finger in an accident? The hands were very odd and that orange part had a texture that looked more fur than leather or latex. Still...

"I'm sorry to say but Josuke had left for school today. Luckily he should be out by now. He attends Budo-ga Oka which isn't that far from Angelo's Rock, the new landmark which recently popped up." Taki-Taki immediately knew what she was talking about. It was near the place where that adorable turtle in the makeshift pond lived at. Shouldn't be too hard to find.

The Haunt House, an eerie landmark of sorts located near the recent Angelo's Rock. This large home could be recognized from the various broken windows that were either without glass or boarded up haphazardly, old paint that chipped away from even the gentlest of breezes and the vine covered gate with the tilted door marked by a 'No Trespassing' sign.

It was called the Haunt House from the feeling of being watched or the eyes of something watching in the shadows of the window whenever someone walks by. Police often patrolled the place for squatters due to these particular sightings and reports. Coming to the backyard strangely enough was the hoodie form of Crash Bandicoot.

From the glimpse of marsupial's green eyes and lack of companions, it was clear that he was lost. He let out a rumble of pure gibberish obviously annoyed. 'Maybe I should've stayed at that rock weirdo… Then again, Taki probably might not be happy to know I no longer have to go.' Crash let out an impish chuckle. Just because he was evolved doesn't mean he stopped 'marking his territory'.

'Dad, I need you to stay here with Angelo for me. If Josuke still isn't at school, then he'll most likely come through here to get home. It shouldn't take long for us to come back.' His daughter's words echoing in his head.

He felt a bit ashamed for not listening. It just he wasn't used to standing in one place for so long if it didn't involve napping. The bandicoot had a silly smile thinking about a nice snooze in his hammock after a nice slice of Wumpa Fruit pie. The little daydream was popped by the sound of soft skittering that hit his large furry ears.

Crash looked up before tilting his left ear towards the creepy house. The sound had to be somewhere in the upper levels from how it reverberated through the walls. Whatever made it was too big for an insect or small cat to do. Spying an open window with the least amount of boards, the bandicoot giggled to himself as an idea came. Little claws popped from the marsupial's fingers with a simple flex before he leapt onto the wall. Once the talons had a good grip, Crash climbed up the house wall and slipped in through the empty window pane.

"Motherfucker!" "Language!" Heterochromia eyes could only glare at the currently shivering stone convict. Taki had gone over to the school Tomoko mentioned after requesting her dad to stay put. Sadly, they couldn't find any sign of Josuke and looking for Jotaro was impossible without the pompadour prince's help. After visiting the little turtle in the pond, the greenette and her mask companions backtracked to the landmark.

Yet, her mutant bandicoot father was nowhere to be found and a foul smelling puddle was now present on the rock's lips. Normally something as gross as this got her laughing but at the moment the witch doctor was just annoyed. "Guess we were gone for a bit too long. Patience isn't something Crash normally has these days." Lani-Loli said while looking at the wet spot in distaste.

None of them should be surprised that the bandicoot would wander off somewhere. Luckily or disgustingly, there was a scent that could be used to find their lost marsupial. The witch doctor went into her jacket pocket to pull out a small vial that contained a soft luminous blue liquid. Taking off the small cork, Taki downed the tube's contents in a single gulp.

After placing the empty glass tube back in the pocket, the witch doctor then reached into the dinosaur skull she wore. Her hand pulled out a small peculiar object that was hidden in her bone headwear. It appeared to be a fang of some sort but was too thick, too large, and oddly too sharp to belong to any normal animal. Lani-Loli and Aku-Aku exchanged looks then quickly getting a few feet from Taki before she devoured the tooth with gusto.

In an instant, her eyes narrowed into slits and tattoos blazed to life in burning blue. She suddenly hunched down as if in pain followed by the sound of beastial snarling. The statue could only stare in perpetual terror upon the morphing shadow that started to cascade over him. Tears pouring from the frozen orbs from the sight of what could only be best described as a monster.

A distorted scraping noise ripped through the ominously quiet neighborhood before it was quickly followed by the sound of shattering pavement. This ruckus came from the front of Morioh's Haunt House for a battle was being waged at its steps. One of the fighters was Josuke whose uniform was dirtied up a bit along with a few scratches on his face. It was the least of his worries though.

Standing in an defensive position was another teenager around his age and size, a male Stand User from the bright fiery blue aura that flared his form. He had the look of a punk, shaved black hair that looked gray with a mini pompadour which sat at the mods, his eyes that seemed to only have impish pupils alongside a thin but large X-shaped scar or line pattern on his head.

The punk wore a modified blue gakuran with multiple gold pins shaped like money symbols on the fabric. "I won't say this again. Okuyasu Nijimura, you better let me through you bastard! Koichi isn't part of whatever bullshit your up to!" Josuke snarled at his opponent with hot daggers in his baby blue eyes.

The now named Okuyasu merely let out an impish chuckle before speaking with a rough and ruggish voice. "Sorry pal but you'll have to go through me first! Come closer and greet The Hand!" Almost on cue, a white hand with two bulbous baseball patterned protrusions on the palm came from behind the teen's head. The pomp prince quickly jumped to the side as the appendage swatted at his previous position instead, the 'No Trespassing' sign.

Alarms bells went through his head upon noticing the sign wasn't destroyed but it wasn't the same either. The text looked...too short almost if something was missing or had disappeared. It then clicked upon another glance of the item. "That sign! It used to say 'No Trespassing' but now it only says 'No passing'! Your Stand scraped the 'tres' away!"

Josuke's deductions caused his opponent's smile to grow malicious. The spectral arm next to the young man transitioning into something larger. In seconds that limb had fully materialized its true form, a white humanoid puppet outlined by blue armor bearing gold money symbols. The puppet shared a similar build to his master, its colorless hide sharing the same hardened texture of the armor, and his head was held in a white pail bucket that obscured part of its yellow lined eyes and the almost expressionless lips.

"That's right Josuke! My Stand can scrape away anything that it's right hand touches before closing the missing space together. I don't know where it goes or even if it still exists anymore but I do know you'll be sure to follow!" The Hand then scraped the air as a green tear rips right through the dimension. It immediately shuts closed in seconds as the purplette soon found his opponent in front of him at the same time.

He had used the created tear to close the distance between them. Okuyasu held his fist back almost about to speak when… the sound of whistling flew over their heads as a blast of glowing pink had sent Josuke's attacker airborne upon striking his Stand in the chest. The pompadour prince only had the time to blink before a pair of animalistic heterochromia eyes looked back at his.

What stood before had to be one of Taki-Taki's creatures, nothing could have been as odd or mystical like they strangely were. However this one felt off in a familiar sort of way. The creature looked like a bipedal almost anthropomorphic fox. It was monstrous with spindly long arms paired with black paws that held sharp claws, limber and lean build that was perfect for predatory stealth, the face was foxish but could be mistaken for a coyote or cougar from the longer ears and snout, and there were large purple parrot feathers on its back in a leafy plumage manner.

The off signs came from the tattoos around its arm that looked too much like Taki-Taki's, the greenish short hair on its head and the dinosaur skull… It immediately clicked on what or who had just defended his bacon. "Holy shit. Taki-Taki, is that you?" His query being answered upon a large prickly tongue licking his face courteous of the 9 ft beast that once was a human girl.

Josuke's face turned beet red and he honestly couldn't say if it was in disgust, embarrassment or touched by the sticky dog kiss. "Josuke?!" He whipped his head to see Lani-Loli flying over to the two but immediately stopped from the sound of hyena/wolf growling. Eyes were on the now standing Okuyasu who then looked flabbergasted by the new faces.

"What the hell?! Is one of those things that scrawny munchkin's Stand?! Or some sort of monster? No matter, The Hand will scrape you all out of existence!" His Stand manifesting once more with the right hand ready to erase even more space. Sadly, he didn't anticipate what particular creature the greenette was.

Letting out a loud hyena-like cackle Taki threw a large but fast pink orb of energy straight from her hand. It was a glowing magenta torpedo that clipped through the side of the Stand's right wrist in seconds. Okuyasu howled in pain from a chunk of his right wrist exploding outward almost if his body was mirroring the Hand's injury.

"The Snipe, a predatory beast that hunts its targets with high speed projectiles and is a close range fighter's worse nightmare!" Lani-Loli spoke while watching the green haired beast pounce at the off guard teen. Her feet instantly knocked the air out of Okuyasu's chest which forced his Stand to vanish from the lack of breath. He could only look up at the large drooling teeth of the angry beast that currently had him pinned down in fear.

His eyes quickly shut almost if waiting for the end only to scrunch his face in confusion by a soft touch. With a small peek, the young man was greeted to the sight of the large monster's forehead gently pressed against his own. A strange sensation going through his mind in a second before it- no she looked back at him with sympathy.

Taki then looked over to Josuke and Lani-Loli before the feathers on her back started glowing in strange patterns. The purplette was confused by the odd signals but the Quantum Mask knew what it meant. It was a sign of Morse Code Taki had developed for this form. "Josuke! Heal him, this guy isn't your enemy! Apparently he has a reasonable story behind this attack! Something involving his father!"

Lani-Loli's words made Okuyasu's eyes widen in realization. "You...went through my head? You saw the 'thing'." That last word practically quivered in silent despair and sorrow. Taki merely nodded her head before getting off the teenager. She quickly stalked towards the Haunt House. The harsh stench of blood hit her nose full force which turned a small crawl into an urgent run.

Her predatory eyes immediately ignored the man in the darkness for the childlike teenager that was slowly dying on the ground. He had short well groomed silver hair, light almost pasty skin and wore a plain green gakuran but his blue eyes were slowly becoming lifeless from the nasty arrow wound in his neck. Taki knew he would die if he wasn't treated.

"How curious. You the child's Stand or perhaps belong to-" The female Snipe growled before nonchalantly tossing a blast of pink at the unwanted pest. The man must've scurried out of the way from the sound of wood exploding to chips. Knowing there wasn't going to be an interruption, Taki reached for one of her feathers and plucked it off her back.

Holding the item in hand, she let out growls that sounded close to a chant as the piece of parrot plumage began to glow a soothing green. Taki crushed the feather in her hand as it broke into verdant stardust before pouring the powder over the large gouge on the boy's neck. The large wound immediately glowed a vibrant emerald as it steadily shrank. In seconds, the large gash was gone and the young man's eyes regained its vivid color once his breathing had steadied.

He blinked once more before blue eyes settled on the large beast hovering above him. A normal reaction to the sight was to scream but instead he felt his neck and noticed that his injuries were completely gone. Taki definitely knew he was a calculative and reasonable type since he put two to two together. "You...saved me." Despite the youth in his voice, the slight baritone was enough to solidify that this was a teenager and not a child.

"Koichi!" Josuke bursted into the house alongside Lani-Loli and oddly a determined Okuyasu who was following from behind. The punk looking teen no longer had any rips on his clothing or flesh, almost if everything was returned to their previous state. "Big brother, you need to stop right now! These guys can help us! Help d-" He was cut off when Taki quickly got in front of him.

Multiple tiny holes manifesting on her hide and feather plumage as if she was hit with bullet rounds from a tiny minigun. The puncture wounds weren't deep enough to draw blood since she wasn't human at the moment but… they had enough strength to disfigure a normal person like blood swiss cheese.

Taki snarled at the attackers, no, attacker to be precise. The ones to fire the barrage of nasty tiny bullets was an entire shooting squadron that consisted of toy army sized men. Same military clothing but the faces covered in white taping, eyes just beady red headlights and a thick flame of blue around them.

When the witch doctor like this, the number of magic she could use was limited but made difficult spells like mind reading or healing very easy. Okuyasu's memories told her what exactly she was dealing with. The platinum blonde teenager slightly older than Okuyasu, his older brother Keicho and his Stand, a mini army known as Bad Company.

"Big brother…" Was all the younger brother could say upon realization that the attack was aimed for him. Taki gave the three human males behind her a look. 'He's mine.' None of them said a word of disagreement. Knowing what was about to happen, Lani-Loli took it upon himself to get Josuke and his two accomplices away from the approaching battle.

The three humans and mask vanished in a sudden puff of wispy blue smoke. Taki-Taki's sharp nose told her that her friend had taken them to the higher floors of the house. A safe place which made the monstrous witch doctor happy for they wouldn't get caught in the crossfire. She then turned her head to snarl viciously at Okuyasu's older brother.

"I can only guess that little mask has the power to teleport others. No matter, it won't take long for my Bad Company to find them once I finish you off. Then your friends will be next." Keicho's threat was backed further when a swarm of mini helicopters manifested in the air. "Fire!"

The Snipe quickly sprinted into a run as the mini army fired their payloads in the form of raining bullets and mini missiles. Wood chips, glass shards, and furniture stuffing erupted in a trail that hounded the quick Taki-Taki, avoiding the deadly miniature ammunition with impressive. She leapt onto the ceiling fan and flung herself into the air whilst throwing another blast of pink energy from her claws.

A large chunk of soldiers and a few helicopters exploded into magenta tinted flames from a successful hit. However, their owner didn't seem to suffer any sign of damage despite the destruction of his soldiers. "Sorry but my Bad Company is a remote Stand. Destroy all the soldiers you want, you can't harm me!" Keicho's words caused even more miniature men to manifest but these ones were operating tanks now!

Taki knew she couldn't fight here with so many weapons aimed at her hide. She would run out of steam before her opponent did. An idea then clicked into Taki's skull which propelled her to make a quick turn. She tossed a few more explosive shots at the tiny army as she ran. Every bullet was a bullseye as even more of Bad Company's soldiers went up in magenta smoke.

Her opponent quickly caught onto what the larger puffs of smoke that slowly filled the room were. "A smokescreen?!" Eyes looking to find the obscured beastie that ran up the stairs and he quickly glared. "After it!" Multiple tiny helicopters manifested to hound their fleeing target as the blonde followed in pursuit.

On the top floor of the Haunt House, Josuke was currently glaring daggers at a certain blue mask. The sounds of an explosive scuffle happening under his feet and a set of blue spectral chains that kept the door of their current location shut. "Lani-Loli, let us out!"

Despite the pompadour prince's demand, the Quantum Mask only shook his head in nervous defiance. "N-no way! You'll be either swiss cheese from gunfire or human flambe by blasts of Mojo! It's suicide!" Lani-Loli fired back with force despite his slight stutter. Of course, the mask flinched when Crazy Diamond manifested with a snarl on his face.

The only ones not getting involved in the potential scuffle was Okuyasu and Koichi who sat on the bed at the opposite side of the room. In the silver haired teen's hands was a yellowish pale egg with green stripes but also radiated a faint verdant aura. A Stand or Stand Egg that had manifested from Koichi's throat once getting into the room.

"I don't care if Taki can become one of those beasts like Quill or Toxic. She needs backup if her opponent's an army!" The large armored Stand clenched his fists as if ready to let loose a punch any second. "That's enough!" An aged voice immediately had the three teens raise their guard to the point even Okuyasu's The Hand manifested next to his master.

Coming through one of the half sealed windows was Aku-Aku whose appearance made whatever fight in either Josuke or Crazy Diamond vanish. "Aku! Where were you?! First Crash went puff then you go awol on us!" Lani-Loli was quickly hushed by a single look from his companion. Glowing yellow eyes then looked at the other members of the room.

"I had a feeling you were in quite a pickle so I went to find Crash first. He's somewhere in the house on the top floor waiting for you. As for Taki-Taki, her opponent is about to walk right into her 'tripwire'." Aku spoke as his gaze fixated on Josuke and his stand. The pompadour youth speaking up in confusion. "Tripwire?"

The tiki-esqe mask nodded in response at the inquiry. "Correct. Snipes are powerful long range fighters especially in confined spaces like this. Their biggest advantage isn't their ability to blast opponents with magic." A smirk then crossed Aku-Aku's face as if knowing the outcome of the ongoing battle.

Taki-Taki continued her trek up the house as Keicho and his forces relentlessly pursued the female. Every time a soldier or copter was in sight, the greenette blasted it with a pink energy shot before she took the chance to flee further. Her running however came to a halt once she reached a mostly clean room. Not a single shred of furniture or anything to hide the witch doctor's large form in sight.

"Got you now." Keicho's voice echoed through the room for hundreds of small soldiers filled it in seconds. Tanks slipping in from the vents, helicopters pouring from the open windows, armored humvees riding up from the stair railing and their owner walking in from the staircase. Taki-Taki wasn't to blind to the fact she was boxed in.

"I'll admit you're quite the fast runner and a nasty sniper. Sadly, this is the worst place for something as large as you. However, my Bad Company can thrive throughout our home base. I suggest you be a good beast and stay down." The older teen deviously chuckled as he stared down at the beast. His laughter quickly died in seconds when he noticed Taki-Taki was now smiling. A smile that revealed razor sharp fangs in a cunningly vicious way.

"It's the ability to set traps is what makes the Snipe a very dangerous Titan to fight."

Bits of pink began to lit up in sections of the room. Her opponent's eyes flickering to the source before they expanded in pure horror. Each light was coming from one of his soldiers in every group. Not even the quadcopters, tanks or humvees were unaffected. The horrifying part was the lights were blinking and were becoming faster per a second. 'Checkmate.'

The house shook hard as a loud explosion ripped throughout one of the floors, smoke tainted with hints of sparkling pink came pouring from the broken windows. In the large mist, the sound of coughing growls turned into pained ones as the large beast obscured shrunk in the purple haze. The remainder of the colorful screen filtered out as the now human Taki-Taki looked down at her fallen opponent.

Keicho was unconscious, bruises and burns covering his face and arms, platinum locks singed slightly black while billowing bits of smoke poured from the strands of hair and his uniform was charred with multiple holes through it. "The Phantom Bomber, a nice Snipe technique which lets undetectable bombs get planted on the enemy. The more collected in one spot, the bigger the boom." She walked over and hoisted the teen on her shoulders without a hint of strain.

Climbing up the stairs, the greenette could hear the voices of her friends from above. With some pep in her step, Taki ran up the stretch of stairs as the unconscious Nijimura brother shook and bounced. It didn't take long for heterochromatic eyes to stare back at a pair of baby blue. Everyone but her father was gathered outside of one specific door.

That door having the sound of familiar babble from behind its wooden threshold. "Taki-Taki! You're okay?!" Josuke looked ready to hug her if he didn't catch sight of Okuyasu's injured brother slung over the greenette's shoulder. "Big brother!" The teen quickly rushed over to his sibling. "Don't worry. He's alright albeit beaten up. Plus, his ego needed a nice kick so common sense can walk back in." The witch doctor chuckled, smiling with her tongue out.

Before anyone could go through the door, a particular situation needed to be handled first. A soft gold aura from Crazy Diamond enveloped the wounded platinum blonde in its soothing embrace. Wounds and damages done to both flesh and clothing vanished in seconds as the teen slowly woke up.

Keicho looked at all the faces surrounding him before he settled to glare at the woman who was the large beast from earlier. "You're lucky I'm a merciful person and you care about your family more than you let on. So, how long has your dad been cursed?" Taki-Taki's words surprised everyone but Lani-Loli, Aku-Aku and Okuyasu for obvious reasons.

There was a reason why the Nijimura brothers, well mainly Keicho, were using the Stand Arrow to create Stand Users. It was for the sake of their father. From Okuyasu's memories, their father had gotten into 'bad' connections with Dio. A deal of sorts that had more consequences than the man had thought. Upon Dio's death, bits of the vampire's flesh that were implanted in their dad had triggered a transformation of sorts.

A being unable to speak and unable to die that skittered through the halls of their home like a mouse for years. "Are you capable of giving him his eternal rest? We've been searching for someone that could extinguish that mindless 'thing' who used to be our father." His plea shook with pure desperate hope and sincere sorrow.

Reasonable for spending years in a house with a monster that was once your father, especially one mistaken for being mindless. "Have you noticed something odd about your home right now?" The question from the witch doctor was enough to widen the eyes of both brothers. It was the lack of skittering from something large that constantly moved through the house.

"Your father isn't mindless or gone. He's still there." Taki-Taki then opened the door to the room. Everyone was greeted to the appearance of a particular marsupial talking to an odd kappa-like creature. The being had thick green skin, slightly deformed from the lumps on his body such as the head or fingers, what appeared to be a beak for a mouth and wore worn clothes such as a white shirt and black shorts.

This had to be the Nijimura brothers' cursed father but what was strange is that he was showing a hoodless Crash something. An old photograph from the slight yellow coloration that showed a man and two very familiar young children smiling at the camera. The two were conversing in unintelligible babble but both clearly understood the other.

"That's our old family photo… He was searching for the photo of what he used to be…" The fact from Okuyasu's lips was enough to paint the picture for them. Despite the vast deformity, their father still remembered them, of their family before it all went to hell. The other oddity in the room finally hit everyone unaware of it.

"What's with the giant animal? It looks like an eastern barred bandicoot...if it was a living mascot costume." Koichi's question was paired with him pointing at the large marsupial. "Seriously dad? If you want to make friends then tell us instead of going into some rando's house after peeing on a town landmark."

The comical looks of eyeballs about to pop out from their sockets and jaws dropping to the floor made the greenette wish that she brought a camera seeing everyone's face. It was even funnier that the pompadour prince's hair looked ready to pop from the intensity of his utter shock. Surprisingly, Josuke was the first to get his speech back.

"T-that's your dad?! H-h-how?!" Now that done it for the greenette began laughing upon the purplette's insinuation. "Hahahaha! I'm adopted silly. Crash raised me ever since I was a baby that got washed ashore on his island. He may be a 'mentally challenged' wacky bandicoot but he's still my dad!"

The marsupial walked over and hugged Taki-Taki before placing a hand on her back. His pose and chest puffed up proudly practically screamed 'Yep, that's my daughter.' Strangely enough, it did make some sense about the young woman's oddness. Both Taki-Taki and Crash carried that same energetic weirdness to them.

"Aw. Such a sweet moment. Sweet enough to make me puke!" An unrecognizable male voice immediately had eyes facing the front. Part of the wall was charged with frantic electricity as if something was inside the wiring. It was easy to tell it was bad news from Keicho's sudden grimace.

One of the power outlets immediately exploded outward in large yellow bolts of electricity. The malevolent energy crackling as it began to form into a near physical entity. This new form resembled a bright yellow kappa from the beak and near egg shaped dish on its head with a long spindly lizard tail, thin almost featureless body and sparks of electricity crackling from its skin.

However it was the items it had that drew up red flags for everyone. In this being's clawed fingers was an ancient bow and arrow. The same ones no doubt capable of granting someone a Stand. "Oh no! Is that the Bow and Arrow, the one you guys have been talking about!?" Lani-Loli's cry made the electrifying entity smile maliciously.

"Guess who's Stand has fully awakened Nijimura? I honestly thought nothing would get you to drop your guard of the Arrow but I guess that chick and her friends was just enough! It was almost easy to snatch it with my Red Hot Chili Pepper's power!" The platinum blonde could only growl at his careless mistake. He was too caught up in his pursuit of powerful Stand Users to realize this kind of outcome.

"Do you really think your capable of wielding the Arrow's power? Your Stand has only just awakened after all! There's no way you can wield it properly!" Keicho hissed while the blue aura of his Stand began to flare up. The enemy Stand or Red Hot Chili Pepper merely laughed before aiming his glare on the blond.

"So naive. My Stand's powers had grown while you were busy. After all, you did say those with a powerful fighting spirit can manifest equally powerful Stands. Here let me show you!" It was quick as a bolt of lightning. One second Chili Pepper was at the socket and the next he was about to punch Keicho's chest. Only if a spin of orange didn't jump in front of the Red Hot Chili Peppers' range.

The Stand merely continued its charge only to cry out in shock when a twirling fist hit his face alongside a glare that were both from Crash Bandicoot. Chili Pepper was smacked back inside the electrical socket from the marsupial's Tornado Spin technique as Crash stood protectively in front of the older Nijimura Brother.

"Lani-Loli!" Aku-Aku's cry wasn't missed as the two masks quickly went into action. Both of them focused a bit of their magic that was quickly released in the form of a violent bluish stream. The shot struck the power outlet as the yellow electricity that threatened to return was shoved back inside the wiring so hard that the sockets literally exploded.

A scream of 'You'll pay for this!' followed until the leftover sparks crackled into nothing. "You saved my life… Why? Why help your enemy?!" Keicho questioned whilst staring at the orange bandicoot. Crash mere made a bunch of hand signals before smiling with a thumbs up. It was sign language.

"He said 'No family should mourn for a death that could be avoided.' Sure you tried to kill me, shot Koichi, created an army of Stand Users and tried to shoot your brother's face but you were only being a big jackass so your family didn't have to suffer. Your lives are already messed up as it is, you don't need it to become even worse."

The older teen who didn't expect the response widened his eyes before he subtly began to chuckle. "You all are insane." The sentence only made a stupid grin pop on the father and daughter duo's face. Everyone's attention was soon back on the blown power outlet.

"I fear that this situation has escalated into unimaginable levels. Creating a cure to the Nijimura matriarch shouldn't be difficult for me to find. However, that Bow and Arrow needs to be recovered as soon as possible. I could only fear what kind of horrors it could create in the hands of that fiend." Aku-Aku's warning wasn't lost on anyone.

Things were only to get more dangerous from now on.

I hope this was much better than my original script! There will be changes to some of Part 4's plot mainly that some deaths will be averted like Ryohei's and Keicho's. I honestly felt it was a dick to kill Keicho instead of using the chance to give him some character.

Taki-Taki's Beast Out ability has made an appearance. This lets her transform into any non-human creature whether it is a familiar or by consuming particular materials with a special potion. Kinda like N Brio's potions but more refined. Her magic is mostly restricted along with speech for particular Titans but she gets access to two powerful spells that can be set on a specific form. Her Snipe form having Mind Read and Advanced Healing Magic.

Crash deflecting an electric Stand like Red Hot Chili Pepper isn't so farfetched if you take the Cortex battle in the first Crash game. He's also more of a forgiving person when you take into consideration his interactions with Cortex in both Twinsanity but also some flashback tapes I heard about in Crash 4.

And Jotaro having trust issues is normal considering how many bad encounters he had with Stand Users especially in Part 3.

Until next time folks! Enjoy this Crash Bandicoot 4 Rap by JT Machinima.

#crossover #oc #fanfic #au #jjba #jojo's bizarre adventure #crash 4 #crash bandicoot #crash bandicoot oc #lani loli #lani-loli #aku aku #aku-aku #josuke 4 #josuke higashikata #jotaro kujo #part 4 jotaro #taki taki bandicoot #okuyasu nijimura #keicho nijimura #koichi hirose #snipe crash bandicoot #jojo's bizarre adventure diamond is unbreakable #jojo part 4 #jojo part 4 diamond is unbreakable #crash is a father #crash dad #crash bandicoot 4 #crash bandicoot 4 it's about time #jt machinima

[hunnybadgerv]

WIP words: coincide, welcome, shame

Again, there’s the tiny caveat that while I do have 10 drafts in progress right now, at least ones that are recently written, they are limited in their scope. I’m torn about dipping into some of the WIPs I haven’t touched since spring to add a little diversity to this. This is why I’m glad I started using my story tracker again. Reminds me of the pieces that are still working even when my brain grabs hold of something else with a vengeance.

COINCIDE: (I had to dig for this one, even had to break down and grab a WIP I haven’t worked on since early this year. But here have some Siobhán and crew meeting up with an unexpected Abomination in a warehouse. In fact, I clipped far more of this than I intended originally because I am kind of really proud of my interpretation of the scene. But that could just be ego speaking. Though I should perhaps caution, that I kind of replace the DA magic system with something more akin to D&D, just because I find the DA system lacking and impersonal.)

Her gaze locked on the blue eyes of a young woman cowering, curled up in the middle of the floor. Her face dropped into her hands just before the convulsions started. Hawke’s eyes widened in horror as fire seemed to engulf the other mage. She didn’t know what was happening at first. But in another few heartbeats, the raiders weren’t the only ones caught unawares when a beast rose from where that girl shivered.

Siobhán knew as well as anyone that mages were susceptible to possession by demons. And she had heard of it happening, but never witnessed it for herself. It was terrifying and heartbreaking all at once. The girl called for help and someone answered; Siobhán just wished she’d gotten here sooner.

“You know nothing of magic!” a dark disembodied voice told the raiders. Its hands glowed purple as the abomination lashed out, lightning arching from gnarled fingers.

“Get the raiders. Leave the abomination to me,” she told her companions, who had waited for the fire to clear out before following through the door.

From her knees, Siobhán arced lightning through the room, which flashed bright white as the crackle of ozone filled the long thin room as it jumped from the ghastly form of the possessed mage to several of the raiders. While it stunned the men, the beast turned and growled at her. Clearly, she’d angered it, but that had been her intent. A simple string of syllables passed Hawke’s lips and a burst of thunderous sound shook the room, barely staggering the abomination.

It shambled toward her and swiped at her with skeletal, long arms and sharp elongated fingers. Blood dribbled down her cheek with a tickle, the metallic scent of it nearly overpowering the sharp scent the lightning left behind.

Reaching out for Varric’s arm, Siobhán whispered another incantation when she saw the demon’s hands sheathe with fire. With the last word, she and the dwarf vanished. Immediately after she disappeared, a thunderous boom sounded. A moment later, she and Varric appeared on the other side of the room.

Varric reached out for her arm, disoriented by the teleportation. “What was that?” His question coincided with an explosion that would have engulfed them both in a ball of fire if she hadn’t been

“Just a trick,” Siobhán said. Her attention remained on the creature across the room from her. Its eyes glowed with rage as it lashed out with lightning directed straight at her.

Her shield went up a second too late and her body stiffened and her nerves felt like they were on fire. With a wave of her hand a sphere of water about the size of her head appeared, and before it fell to the floor another motion formed several sharp shards of ice that hovered in midair for a moment before the flick of her wrist sent them shooting across the room at the abomination. Varric followed suit, firing a volley of crossbow bolts with Bianca.

The beast cried out and crumpled, and the pair shifted their attention to the one remaining man whose sword clanged off Aveline’s shield. Isabela danced behind him and dug her dagger in his back. He glanced over his shoulder in surprise as she pulled the blade free.

“Well, I can say that’s a first,” Aveline said, looking directly at Siobhán.

“For me, too,” Siobhán admitted.

“I thought that was a mage thing?” Isabela asked.

Siobhán eyed her harshly, as if the pirate might be able to read every drop of irriration that statement conjured up. “See if you can find anything that will tell us what they did with Feynriel,” she said, stripping her gaze from Isabela and glancing at Varric.

“It was so nice to see Rainer again,” Isabela said, looking down at the corpse as she twirled her dagger back into its sheathe.

There was a hint of menace in her voice that made Varric and Siobhán chuckle. Aveline seemed far less amused as she followed Hawke towards the mangled form of the former mage.

WELCOME: (Again, I went digging a little farther back to December of 2019. Clearly I need to revise and proof this because it’s been resting more than long enough to have been polished up. This is for my Doc-mancer, Amaryn a Sith Pureblood Jedi Knight--because that needed to be a thing.)

Hidden among the stars, amid the gentle hum of her ships engines, in the lithe arms of the man who tended all their wounds, Amaryn Rha could always find a moment of comfort. Something always drew her toward the medbay on the lower decks. She finally knew what it was—her heart.

When she entered, Doc looked up and flashed her one of those crooked smirks. Setting aside the datapad in his hand he crossed the room. She met him halfway, but they stopped, just inches from the welcome back kiss that had become like a ritual for them.

“Missed me, huh?” Doc said.

“Always.”

His fingertips grazed her jaw, tipping her chin upward gently. His eyes moved over her face, his lips curved into a sweeter smile. Then he slowly bent toward her. She welcomed his kiss, craved it with every fiber of her being. When he pulled her against him, her hands fisted in the back of his shirt, holding on with all her strength.

They moved in tandem in a dance she learned some of the steps to from him. Her hips met the edge of the medical table, caught there between cool metal and his warm body.

“I prefer to not be apart from you,” she whispered against his lips.

“Then you shouldn’t leave without me. Never know when you might have need of Ol’ Doc’s talents.”

“Talents, huh?” she asked with a wide grin that broke into laughter when he lifted her onto the examination table.

He pressed another passionate kiss to her lips. His fingertips traced down her neck, tracing the ridges that ran down her sternum.

“Like quick hands,” he whispered against her mouth. He bared her shoulder to the amorous march of his lips.

“Doc,” she whispered against his cheek. “Anyone could walk past.”

“Mmm, perhaps.”

Amaryn shivered; it could have been the nonchalance in his tone or the shift of cool air across her skin when his hand tickled against her side as he opened her robes. Regardless, her pulse pounded in her veins as her eyes darted to the open door. Doc sucked at the pliant skin of her neck, drawing a quiet moan from her. Her eyes slipped closed in response to the overload of sensations—her own fretting about the inherent risk seemed to intensify every touch, the smoothness of his hands baring her skin, the chill in the air and cold metal clasps on his shirt against warm flesh, the brush of rough fabric warmed by his body, the heat of his mouth and sharpness of his teeth.

It was enough to drive her mad there on the spot. “Please,” she breathed, pulling at the back of his shirt.

SHAME: (Ok, somehow this word is absent from a lot of my in draft WIPs, I mean I had to dig for this word in an unpublished fic. I honestly went to a piece I haven’t touched in 3 years--September of 2017 to be exact. Yes, I actually track those kinds of things in my document notes. It’s part of a large piece that I intend to complete entirely before posting any pieces of. It is Aderyn and Cullen after she returns to Kirkwall after the trip to the Deep Roads. It is one of the few pieces that is at the moment still part of this WIP--I’ve trashed a good bit of this piece in the years I’ve been working on it.)

In shame, like so many other times before, he looked away, staring at his hands, calloused and scarred. She had held his heart in such gentle hands and he’d thrown that away despite all his promises to do the opposite. Even with that thought, his mind jumped to excuse it, justify the actions took, that he begged her father to help ensure. True, it protected her in one way. The measure keep her entire family safe, but still he was sure now that he’d broken her heart entirely. His own ached keenly with the separation, with his own uncertainty.

Finally, his wandering halted and he took a seat on the bench that faced the center of Kirkwall. Leaning back against the cool stone, he stared upwards. Past the stairs toward the keep of the city that loomed over all.  

His fixation left him vulnerable. Staring up towards the clouds dusted in sunset hues of orange and pink swirled just beyond the peaks of the keep’s roof, his attention focused on their wispy dancing as he tried to calm the argument in his head. At least until the ring of wood on stone rang in his ears. Cullen whipped his head toward the sudden and foreign sound. He locked eyes with Aderyn Hawke, aghast to find her there within a stretch of his arm.

How long had she been there, he wondered, staring blatantly at her. How long had he been unaware of her presence? He hoped not too long, that would be far more unforgivable.

“You really should try to be a bit less conspicuous, Knight-Captain,” she said with a tone that mixed familiarity and propriety in the strangest way.

With the formality of her, of all people, using his title, Cullen looked away. It pushed away at the rising spark of hope that dared blaze in his hollow chest when he saw her. “Perhaps you are correct, serah. I should have thought this through a bit more clearly." He stood and started to walk past her.

"Why did you come?" she asked in a quiet tone paved over with a calm which tried to conceal the quiver beneath.

When he looked at her, those eyes like the cloudless noontime sky were locked upon the place where her hand gripped a familiar staff, her father's, if memory did not fail. He stood beside her in that still moment, his skin prickling from the impassable proximity. Finally he lifted his eyes to survey the growing dark of the passing dusk.

"I cannot be certain from one moment to the next,” he admitted. It was true enough. Sometimes he came to apologize for being foolish and selfish, other times he came to beg her forgiveness and for the chance to find what they had again. Some days, he just felt an aching need to see her, maybe hear her voice or her laughter carried on the breeze. 

#Badger Scribbles #WIP Words #WIP Games #Dragon Age #SWTOR #Amaryn #Doc #Cullen Rutherford #Aderyn Hawke #Siobhán Hawke #Varric Tethras #Aveline #Isabela #foofyschmoofer

[pi-cat000]

MSA time travel idea (part 24)

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Vivi POV, 8, 9, 10, Lewis POV, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, Lance POV 18, 19, Lewis POV 2, 21 , 22, Vivi POV 2, 

Part 25: here

The transition from ‘skewered on a stone spike’ to the real, physical world, is jarring.  It’s like being thrown against a solid, brick wall of sensation.  Touch, smell, and sight all crash into Arthur simultaneously, several times more intense than reliving the reconstructed memories.

Artificial fluorescent light, the lingering smell of petrol, and distant sounds of a car engine, all compete for his attention. Internally, Arthur wrestles with his new world view. He is still trying to process that, not only does he deserve every misfortune suffered since Lewis’s disappearance in his original timeline, including his own death at Lewis’s hands, but he has also managed to wreck his second chance. Failure. Complete, catastrophic failure. That’s what this whole trip into the past has been.

While he struggles to mentally recalibrate, his physical body is already strolling forward across the underground parking lot unhindered. The thing controlling his body knows exactly what it’s doing, walking up to where Darrel is unconscious and sprawled on the ground. The hospital car park- because this is definitely the park under St Peter’s Emergency Centre- remains devoid of people and appears unchanged despite Arthur feeling like he’s just lived through several days’ worth of unpleasant memories. How does that work? Arthur tries to reconcile the idiosyncrasy amongst his disorientation. Not even a second’s past!

“Actually, it’s been about two minutes,” Comes the cheerful verbal reply. Arthur goes very still at the address, his chaotic thoughts finally quietening to focus in on the second entity sitting alongside him. He doesn’t try and respond. He’s not sure if he should. Honestly, he’s half terrified that responding is going to draw unwanted attention when he desperately needs time to pull his thoughts together without being derailed. Bad enough that he’s struggling to think coherently, he doesn’t need someone else making it worse.

His?…Its?... body, snorts in amusement but reframes from commenting further, crouching down next to Darrel, scanning the unconscious man for an elongated second. It is odd. Arthur can feel himself move. He just can’t control any of it.

More disturbing, is how oddly happy and satisfied he feels. Sure, stress and fear are around, but they are muted and faded to a background hum. Logically, it makes sense. Emotions were a physical reaction, triggered in the brain. If the demon controlled his body, then it also controlled his body’s emotional responses. Just because Arthur remembers some high school biology fact does not make the experience any less jarring. It’s wrong to feel euphorically happy while his world crumbles around him. No wonder he’s having trouble thinking straight.

“I should probably find somewhere a little more private for this shouldn’t I?” The demon remarks after its short inspection, glancing around, attention fixing onto his van.

Arthur is pretty strong, physically, for his size, a side effect of an active lifestyle and demanding mechanical work. However, Darrel is tall and on the weightier side of things, meaning the demon is forced to drag the unconscious man by a leg across the concrete.

“Jeez, go on a diet or something,” The demon criticises, knocking and jostling Darrel about like he’s a sack of potatoes. It obviously shares Arthur’s physical limitations because it struggles for a good five minutes before finally forcing Darrel into the van. Arthur maintains an anxious, worried quiet, silently watching the doors to his van slam shut with needless force.

The demon mimes wiping dust off its hands in an exaggerated action, “Speaking of diets. Man am I hungry. You could definitely stand to feed this thing more, we’re running on empty here.”

Arthur feels his body stretch its arms up, loosening his shoulder muscles in a move he, himself, did habitually after lifting something heavy. Next, they’re moving around to the driver’s seat, pulling out keys, and Arthur finally puts two and two together. They’re leaving the hospital and going somewhere else. In amongst all the suffering and confusion, he’d forgotten the reason he was at the hospital to begin with. Uncle Lance. Was his Uncle even in the hospital? Or was it all a trick?

“Oh. That was all true. Our dear Uncle really is in dire straits,” The demon answers his unasked question, flipping the van’s ignition. The engine vibrates under them.

‘What did you do?’ Arthur is almost dreading the answer, but he needs to know. The need momentarily outweighs his fear, pulling his focus away from thoughts of Lewis and his rediscovered memories.

“So now you want to talk? Thought I was getting the silent treatment for a second there.”

Frustration and apprehension bubbles across his mind. ‘What did you do? Tell me!’

“Calm down,” The van jerks forward, spinning towards the exit, “We’ll get to Uncle Lance soon enough. That’s a promise.”

Arthur mentally recoils at a sensation of saccharine delight. It’s not him feeling that. It can’t be.

“…and I always keep my promises.”

A renewed weight bears down upon him, studying his reactions, watching him squirm. He tries to retreat, but there is nowhere to go. It makes for a disorientating car ride on Arthur’s part, knocking his cognitive processes askew, so he barely notices the passage of time. Lost in memory, his mind and body out of sync, he misses the trip through town, only getting shocked back into the present when the van turns suddenly onto an unsealed road.  Rough and marred with potholes, the small track isn’t made for larger vehicles, causing everything to shake unsteadily.

The clock on the dashboard reads 3:52pm, meaning he’s lost about forty minutes. The demon is humming along to the radio, utterly relaxed despite the bumpy ride.  Apprehension grows as Arthur focuses on the scenery visible ahead. The area is mostly flat, littered with stone bluffs and tall cactus. Empty of civilisation.  There are no good reasons for them to be out here.

The van lurches to a stop, smack in the middle of the uninhabited terrain.“This should be far enough.”

The demon pivots around, leaning over the seat divider, scanning the Darrel-shaped lump in the back, “How’s the passenger going? Good? No complaints? That’s always a nice change.”

Next, they are clambering over the seat, pushing aside camping gear, and reaching over Darrel to throw open the back doors. Darrel groans, having been accidentally kneed in the stomach.

‘What are you doing!’ Arthur panics. He has a horrible suspicion, and he hopes he’s wrong.

“We,” The demon emphasis the word, shoving Darrel towards the open doors with a foot, “are tying up a loose end.”

‘What does that mean?’

“Oh, I think you know what it means.”

Another groan from Darrel who is stirring awake.

“Waking up I see. Just in time too,” An unceremonious kick, the demon braces its back against the front seats for leverage, and the barely conscious Darrel goes tumbling out onto rock and dirt with a heavy thud. 

Arthur would have had to have been an idiot to have not to have realised the demon’s plans by now. Even is his state of disorientation.

‘You don’t have to do this! He wouldn’t tell anyone about any of this. Who would believe him even if he did say anything? No one believes in this stuff,’ He tries to argue, thoughts coming out jumbled and half-formed, memories of The Cave resurfacing. Specifically, memories of returning from The Cave, of knowing that something usual had happened, and no one believing him.

“Ha. Tell me about it. No one believes me about this stuff either,” The sharp tone pulls attention back. The demon climbs after Darrel. Its movements have taken on a predatory likeness, hyper-focused, buzzing with coiled energy. Arthur can feel its excited anticipation at odds with his own panic.

‘Stop!’

Arthur tries to do something, anything, but there are no footholds. He’s nothing but disembodied thought. He might as well be smoke, trying to stop a landslide.

The demon stalks forward, nudging Darrel onto his back, resting a foot on the other man’s chest and leaning in. The sun overhead is relentlessly bright, causing a shadow to fall across Darrel’s face. The multi-tool on Arthur’s keyring is brought out, small knife flipping open and held up.

“Wakey-wakey,” The demon taps a finger against Darrel’s forehead, causing the other man’s eyes to flutter open. There is a moment of confusion.

“You know his biggest fear was dying an insignificant death,” Arthur hears himself comment conversationally while they seemingly wait for Darrel to focus.

‘Stop. Whatever you’re doing. Just stop.’

“It’s funny because the only reason he’s here is because I needed a way to get to you. I’m sure he would have lived a long, fulling life otherwise.”

Darrel’s eyes have widened, clearing with renewed awareness. They shift to meet Arthur’s gaze, then move to land on the knife he’s holding.

“An extra in your own life. Isn’t that sad?” A patronising tutting sound and an exaggerated disappointed head shake, “Doesn’t get much more insignificant than this....”

Arthur’s body raises an arm, flicking the knife effortlessly across the other man’s throat. The jab is so quick and precise that Arthur doesn’t have a chance to object future. Blood splatters across the weeds and dirt. Whatever Darrel may have said comes across grabbled, choking off and dying.

“Insignificant and worthless to the end,” A chuckle. The demon flips the knife shut with a flourish. Tiny blood splotches speckle Arthur’s face and clothing.

Arthur’s brain freezes, thoughts grinding to an abrupt halt.

“Oh, come on. That was funny,” The creature laughs, amusement echoing, rippling out towards Arthur. A sick joy at Darrel’s misfortune. Guilt and horror build as well, faint but there, buried under the delight and satisfaction. At least Arthur can say that that is all him because there is no way this creature feels guilt!

A disappointed huff, “All those wonderful emotions and you pick that? Humans. No appreciation for cosmic irony.”

It’s not like he can control anything anymore. This isn’t him. IT’S NOT HIM!!! He doesn’t know why he’s trying to defend himself. He’s just killed a person, and he’s happy about it. That’s not him feeling that. It’s not!

“Sure, it is. It’s just a matter of perspective.”

Arthur’s too busy mentally freaking out to give callous statement much attention.

Note: RIP OC Darrel (and your two pages of unused character notes/backstory) you will be missed. Better watch out Lance. 

Part 25: here

#MSA #mystery skulls animated #fanfiction #fanfic #arthur kingsmen #the demon? #mind control #posession #dark #angst #character death #emotional disorientation #possible disturbing imagery #a shity situation gets a whole lot shiter

[reeses-picks]

EXO’s Don’t Mess Up My Tempo is polished to a fault

EXO is back on familiar ground: their fifth album proper Don’t Mess Up My Tempo is a polished yet middling mishmash of brawny electropop and mid-tempo R&B, accompanied by vocal performances so polished they sometimes border on insentient. The best moments of the album reveal brief glimpses of a human touch, but they are few and far between.

★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆

As sad as it is to say, EXO and their fans are no stranger to drama, especially surrounding the makeup of their group. A turbulent 2014 (ironically, the year after their breakthrough) saw two of their four Chinese members sue their management -- megacorporation SM Entertainment -- and their resultant exits from the group; the following year, a third one would leave as well. Coupled with the fandom’s growing distrust with the agency, it is no wonder that EXO-Ls smelled blood in the water when it was announced that Lay -- the only Chinese member left -- would not be participating in the production of and promotion for their fourth album, The War. Also unsurprising is their relief once rumors started swirling that he would return for their 2018 comeback, Don’t Mess Up My Tempo.

What eventually materialized is probably the biggest let-down in recent K-pop history. Lay’s part in the comeback amounted to a split-second cameo in the music video for “Tempo” (he fares better in the Chinese version, but not by much) and a total of five lines on the entire album. Unlike EXO’s previous release, which saw the group embrace the spirit of grand experimentation to varying success, Don’t Mess Up My Tempo bears more resemblance, musically and aesthetically, to their last release with Lay, their third studio album Ex’Act. But while that album saw the boy group settling into their newly mature sound, this attempt feels a lot safer, not to mention a bit dated (which makes sense considering the majority of the songs here were formulated in a writing camp two years ago, right around the time Ex’Act was released).

As standard practice for SM Entertainment artists since the turn of the decade, Don’t Mess Up My Tempo is the product of a collaboration between the Korean artists and a diverse team of international musicians (the agency arguably pioneered this practice). As a result, the influences present on the record are predictably omnivorous. “Ooh La La La,” probably the most obviously trend-chasing track here, takes cues from Latin pop, while “Gravity” gets its futuristic feel from Daft Punk’s soundtrack to Tron: Legacy, although it sounds more like what the past thinks the future would sound like than the future itself. This extends to the three additional tracks on the repackaged edition, the best of which, “Trauma,” is inspired by the sound of Maroon 5’s inoffensively sounding yet unfortunately named Red Pill Blues. Aside from external influences, some tracks also draw from EXO’s own collection: “Gravity” includes some of the sound effects on the crowd-pleasing, Olympic stadium-filling “Power,” and “Sign” and “Damage” recall a similarly aggressive cut on Ex’Act, “Can’t Bring Me Down.”

Sonically, Don’t Mess Up My Tempo is split between the kind of brawny electropop that EXO is known for and mid-tempo R&B with a few surprising touches that do not quite land, the former of which is evidently stronger. Title track “Tempo” follows in the genre-blending spirit of post-2013, combining elements of R&B, funk, and house; despite this, the end result sounds far more cohesive than its radically disjointed predecessor. Meanwhile, “Ooh La La La” deftly navigates Latin pop over an understated flamenco guitar but does not stray too far from EXO’s musical wheelhouse, which is more than their juniors NCT 127 can say with “Regular” (also their most conspicuous trend-chaser) -- both songs raise questions about cultural appropriation and ownership, on which K-pop does not have a particularly great record. This forceful approach has its limits, however. “Damage” turns up the aggressiveness dial to a 10, and it is here that EXO’s usually superb vocalists falter: Baekhyun particularly struggles to match the energy of the production, but pretty much all of the singing members fail to catch up with the song’s pace.

On the other hand, the R&B half of the album contains some of its weakest songs. On “With You,” the vocals move leisurely on a garage beat that goes at least twice as fast, but the two never reconcile; ironically, when the rappers finally pick up the pace to match the beat in the bridge, the beat disappears. “24/7” reaches for an effortless mood not unlike “Ooh La La La,” but without an effective low end like the flamenco guitar, the track just floats without a discernible climax and might find a place among the 148 indistinguishable songs on Spotify’s Chill Vibes playlist. Still, none of this quite prepares you for the snoozefest that is “Smile on My Face,” the token ballad of the album, whose thesis statement -- “I did it all with a smile on my face” -- feels akin to equally empty attempts at authenticity, like Charlie Puth’s “Through It All,” and whose soft-touch production sticks out like a sore thumb compared to the rest of the LP.

As usual, the vocal performances on this record are near-perfect. Main vocalists Baekhyun, Chen, and D.O. remain the ones to beat when it comes to vocal technique and continue to be at the forefront of these tracks, but other members are getting their moment in the spotlight too, especially Kai, who has always been more appreciated for his dancing than his singing, but whose unmistakable timbre is now prominent on virtually every cut. All of the voices on EXO are very individual, but they also work incredibly well in harmony, and they are almost peerless in this respect; it is precisely what made the hook of “Call Me Baby” such a delightful listen, and what now makes the acapella section of “Tempo” virtually inimitable. However exceptional their vocals, there is still no getting around the utter lack of personality that looms over the record. On many occasions, the songs sound like extremely polished demos, their voices merely a stand-in or a guide for others; at worst, they amount to little more than disembodied voices. EXO’s stunning vocals, among other factors, have always served as a sort of personal stamp, ensuring that EXO songs are instantly recognizable as EXO, but that is less certain for the lesser cuts on this album: Monsta X would have been a far better choice for “Damage,” and “With You”’s garage beat could similarly find a more fitting companion. It certainly does not help that the songwriting here feels particularly uninspired: the guy-gets-girl, guy-leaves-girl (or vice versa) motifs start to get exhausting three tracks in, let alone three albums in, yet that is what almost all of EXO’s songs have been about since Ex’Act, and the trend continues here to increasingly dull effect.

The few, brief glimpses of a human touch coincidentally (or not) appear on the strongest tracks of the LP. “Oasis,” the album’s closing track, features the members essentially singing to one another about moving forward no matter the difficulties (something they obviously have experience with): “And we go even further / On this road with a long way to go / Runnin', I'm runnin', chasing the sun.” Here we can actually feel the members reach further down than surface level, and they sound noticeably more earnest than they will ever do on the record, especially Baekhyun, who presents a career-best performance in the bridge. But the only truly memorable track on Don’t Mess Up My Tempo is “Bad Dream,” which begins and ends with a soft guitar riff, but whose main musical character is ordinarily horrendous Chainsmokers-esque synthesizers that work surprisingly well here. Rounding out the middle section, the song possesses the richest imagery of the album, evoking a sense of helplessness and even claustrophobia -- “I’m trapped in you as you rage around me” -- and its swooshing synths help depict the raging hurricane in the main character’s mind.

In an interview with Billboard breaking down the songs on Don’t Mess Up My Tempo (and its repackage Love Shot), Patrick “J.Que” Smith, who composed and arranged “Sign,” compared EXO to Clark Kent and Superman -- polite and mild-mannered young men who become titanic performers on stage -- and felt compelled to write songs for the latter. I might not be very well-versed in superhero canons, but it has long been common knowledge that things are a lot more complex than that; from the quintessential superhero story of Clark Kent and Superman to the recently critically acclaimed Logan, the best superhero stories have always been informed, at least in part, by their personhood, and its struggle with their powers. There would be no Iron Man without Tony Stark, no Captain America without Steve Rogers. It is a lesson that EXO and SM Entertainment would do well to absorb.

#exo #don't mess up my tempo #power #call me baby #the war #ex'act #exodus #tempo #music reccs #music review #album review #can't bring me down

[bloggerblagger]

85) Hashtag Strap-on. Edinburgh Fringe 2018, explored, explained,  and reviewed.

If you have a spare few days left in August, drop everything and take advantage of my top holiday tip. Take the high road or the low road, the plane or even the train (provided you’re prepared to stand for four or five hours)  and  hightail it to the Athens of the North.

The Edinburgh Fringe is truly a once in a lifetime experience. And that’s an understatement. Because once you get the bug you may very well find yourself  - like me - going  back year after year.

Never mind that the weather is often, inevitably, dreich. (Dictionary definition: Scottish dialect for ‘Bleak, miserable, dismal, cheerless, dreary.’ And pronounced and meaning almost exactly the same as  ‘dreck’  which is Yiddish for lousy. How curious.)

Worry not that the  restaurant prices are ludicrous - in a bad way.  Nor that you’ll be lucky to get a room you could swing a kitten with dwarfism in, no matter how much you’re willing to pay - ‘how much?!!!’. Nor even that the pavements are so crowded - ‘OMG, will you just get out of the fucking way?!’ - you have to walk in the road if you want to travel above  sub sloth pace.

Because, really, who gives a shit? What’s the occasional near death experience compared to the non stop adrenaline rush of the Fringe.

If there is a better legal high available, answers on a postcard please.

Do mind the quality and still feel the width.

It is said there are 3000 shows on during the Fringe and that, during August,  the population of Edinburgh doubles. Frankly when you’re there it feels like these are gross under estimates.

Every lecture hall, every  room - very possibly every broom cupboard -  in the University campus becomes a theatre. Every basement in every pub and every loft above every bar seems to have a mic and a makeshift stage. And every doorway in every street seems to lead to a stand up comedian, or a sketch show, or a play, or to music or magic or mime.

The standard length - and it rarely varies - of any performance is one hour and shows begin at 9a.m and go on to 1 or 2 the following morning. If you had the stamina  and could survive the sensory overload,  you could, theoretically, do ten shows a day. But  even if you did, you would still see less than 10% of what is available.

And the standard is astonishing. True, every so often you come across a dud but, in my experience - three years now -  for a show even to be  average it  has to be pretty damn good.

Essential Fringe primer. 

Eight super-cunning tips (in no particular order).

1) If you want to know the best things to see,  find a friend who has been and ask them. LIKE ME! My reviews are below and as regular followers of my blog know, I am never wrong. Failing that, Google the  recommendations from The Guardian, the Beeb and The Scotsman.

2)  It’s useful to understand the basic ‘architecture’ of the event because there are several events going on in parallel in Edinburgh.

First, the original Edinburgh Festival festival which takes place in proper venues and is sort of proper culcher  and proper expensive.

Second, the Edinburgh Fringe which, as it name suggests, exists outside the Festival  proper, began nearly 50 years ago, has grown like the Beanstalk on steroids, and in which, shows, generally speaking, charge £10-12 for entrance.

Third, there is the Free Fringe, in which you find acts, so far as I can tell, that  are not in the actual Fringe and for which you can get a separate programme, and which, as the name suggests, don’t charge.

(There are also lots of other things going on - like the Edinburgh Book Festival - but I am not sure where they fit into the scheme of things. Might be part of the actual Festival, but not really relevant.)

3) Download and use the Edinburgh Fringe App. It’s really cleverly designed and once you’ve worked it out, it’s a great way to narrow down the insane choice, to find out what tickets are available, and offers an easy way to buy them. (I didn’t even bother getting the  hard copy brochure/guide. Who wants to schlep a telephone directory around?)

4) There are lots of shows you can take children and young teens to, but if you want to avoid a lot of  the kids, go on August 15th or afterwards. Because, as odd as it seems to us non-Scots, Scottish schools return for the autumn term in mid-August.  I am inclined to think that is the best time to go anyway. After a couple of weeks the shows will be properly grooved.

5) If you are part of a couple try it to make sure you are there on a Monday and Tuesday. There are lots of two for one offers available to all on those days.

6) Couples going for a few days or more, should get a Friend of the Fringe membership. Costs £35, and there lots of other ‘two for one’ offers available every day to FOFs.

Otherwise, to see 3 or 4 shows a day (the right level, for a serious  and hardy Fringe goer, I would say) you need to budget about £40 per day per person for entertainment before costs of  food, drinks, accom etc. Well, I never said it was cheap. ((By the way, my max fringe binge  this year was five shows in one day.)

7) Build your schedule around the plays at the Traverse theatre. The Traverse, known as one of     Britain’s leading centres of new writing, is not strictly part of the Fringe nor part of the Festival but hovers somewhere in between. HOWEVER, its programme is included in the Fringe. (No, I don’t quite understand either, but that’s what I was told.)

Anyway, notwithstanding that, they put on about half a dozen plays of about 60-90 mins length - why aren’t all plays that short? - cuts out nine tenths of the snoring - and they rotate them so they play at different times every day. Invariably brilliant stuff and probably all sold out this year. But they do get RETURNS. Call them on 0131 228 1404 to find out how to get one.

8) My strong advice is to book accommodation as far in advance in possible - like right now for next year - even if you are not 100 per cent sure you are going. You can always cancel.  I stay 20 miles out of town with friends - lucky me! - and this year, hired a car and every day drove into a Park n’ Ride (50p per day) and caught the train in for the last 5 miles. Inexpensive and just about manageable, although it took some organising. So if you have some mates in striking distance, blag a room.

If you have a ‘winibago’, you could do as a few enterprising Fringe goers do and take your leviathan and park in a Park ’n Ride. (There are quite a few situated all around the borders of Edinburgh.) Not sure I would want to stay in the Hotel Park n’ Ride but I saw people who did it.

This year’s BloggerBlagger  reviews.

I went to twenty three things in all. (22 performances of one kind or another plus 1 something else.)

These comprised, again in no particular order:

Five straight plays.

Games. A two hander based upon the story of two Jewish women at the time of the Berlin Olympics and simply stunning, as were Borders and Angels,  the last two fringe offerings written by former comedian Henry Naylor.  Henry, (who I am pleased to call a friend from the time I directed him in a Direct Line campaign 20  years ago - yes, funny old world) was  bracketed by one reviewer with Athol Fugard after the recent off-Broadway production of ‘Angels’.  

His standard does not drop. ‘Games’ is gripping from first to last and subtly draws chilling parallels with the era of Trump. Commit murder to get a ticket. (You may have to.) Five Bloggerblaggerstars.

Freeman. Half a dozen actors, with no scenery, constantly switch between different roles and different centuries to produce a riveting commentary on the sins of slavery and it’s rippling effect into the present day. Wonderful performances. Great imagination. Utterly compelling. Not on any account to be missed. Five Bloggerblaggerstars.

Revenants. A more conventional piece of theatre set in 1942 in which Queen Mary (widow of George V) is portrayed as a game old bird with a touch more brain power than the Royal Family are usually said to have. Surprisingly this too, turns out to be a story about race.

Had its moments but didn’t quite do it for me.Three Bloggerblaggerstars.

Underground Railroad Game. A theatrical experience like no other I have ever experienced. Once again this is about slavery,  a  mesmerising two hander  at the Traverse presented in a constantly shifting context and style. Sometimes comedic, sometimes tragic, and sometimes explicitly  and, even for a man of the world like me, shockingly  sexual, it never stops surprising.

Two wonderful performances, particularly by Jennifer Kidwell, an actor of astonishing power. You may have to commit a murder for this one too, but well worth  a lifetime in prison  so go for it.

My joint pick of the week.Five Bloggerblaggerstars Plus.

Chihuahua. A clever one woman performance that switches between the life of a character in  an Edith Wharton novel and that of a waitress in a coffee shop in Scotland; two women who are linked in a not very defined way by chihuahuas. This was presented in a much smaller venue than the other plays I saw, and also unlike those, it was only half full.

I thought the actress and writer, whose name I didn’t write down and now can’t locate on the internet, was heroic in the face of such a small audience. I think the title might be the problem. I am sure there must be something  that would grab a passer-by or a flicker-through with  much more grip. Three and a bit BloggerBlaggerStars.

Two plays with music.

What are Girls Made Of?.  Another Traverse presentation, this one with four excellent actors, three of whom were obviously at least as gifted as musicians,  and the fourth of whom sang wonderfully. Apparently she would have danced too had she not suffered a nasty injury at some previous performance,  a misfortune that the disembodied voice of the artistic director of the Traverse told us about  at the outset, before apologising for the show’s relative shortcomings and  begging the audience’s  indulgence. She needn’t have bothered her invisible head.

Cora Bissett, the injured singer, was so assured in this tale of the sudden rise and precipitous fall of a young rock star, told  as she approaches forty, that neither she nor we missed a step. She was completely convincing in the role,  unsurprisingly in a sense, since it was her own true life story she was telling, and, of course, she wrote it. Five Bloggerblaggerstars.

Vulvarine. Much more authentically Fringe in that it was conceived and performed by five fresh faced performers with great verve and obvious talent but with the odd rough edge still to be professionally smoothed. ‘Vulverine’ is a more than creditable  attempt at a musical comedy with a sort of ironic feminist theme and has some quite decent tunes and lyrics and  more than a few genuinely funny bits.

Allie Munro, plays the lead part of boring Brony Buckle who is transformed into Superheroine Vulvarine, and she was, I thought,  terrific.  Likewise the rest of the cast with one obvious exception. But given the youthful gusto that made this show so much fun, it would seem mean to name the culprit so, should you go, you can decide for yourself who I meant. Four Bloggerblaggerstars.

Four other musical shows.

21st Century Speakeasy Andrea Carlson and the Love  Police. Andrea Carlson, who, I would guess, is comfortably north of fifty,  has a sweet voice, vaguely reminiscent of Blossom Dearie if you are old enough to know who that is or maybe Maria Muldaur if you’re a little bit younger.

Sadly she had a rather faded quality - her costume seemed a little contrived and dated - and I don’t think it was intentional. The tunes were, by and large, pleasant enough  and she and her rather elderly backing musicians performed faultlessly, but the whole thing felt slightly tragic to me, an impression not helped by the only half-filled room. Two Bloggerblaggerstars.

Jess Robinson - No filter. This was  not a name I knew but she played to a packed audience in a relatively large venue so evidently a lot of people knew what I had been missing. Jess Robinson seems to be not just a singer, but an impressionist and has, according to Wikipedia,  been on the telly quite a bit, in Dead Ringers amongst other things. (She also nearly made the final of Britain’s Got Talent, seventh series.)

Regrettably I didn’t know many of the people she was impersonating as her cast of characters didn’t include   Vera Lynn or Gracie Fields or Marie Lloyd or Mrs.Patrick Campbell. My companion on the night described it as a bit ‘low rent’ which I thought was a tad harsh, but I knew what she meant. Two and a half Bloggerblaggerstars.

Johnny Woo’s Brexit Cabaret. Not a terribly clever musical revue with nothing very original to say about you know what. I didn’t realise Johnny Woo was a drag artist and I probably wouldn’t have gone if I had.  (More fool me for not perusing the blurb closely enough.)

I have never understood the point of drag - never got panto dames or Danny LaRue - although I suppose I do  remember liking the film of La Cage Aux Folles. And in the modern world, where, happily,  everyone in enlightened countries has the opportunity  (theoretically anyway) to be what they want to be - drag seems to me to be somehow redundant. Slick but shallow is about the best I can say of this effort. Two Bloggerblaggerstars.

Frau Welt. Another drag show, though this time, I had a better excuse as it was the only show on in the place where I  was, at the time I was there, and I was determined to see something, anything. This one was full-on screaming camp and I found the first ten minutes  spectacularly unamusing. One word kept coming to mind: WHY? Then I left. Zero  Bloggerblaggerstars.

Five stand ups.

All the stand-ups I saw this year, apart from the polished old stager, Fred MacAulay - whom I caught in the second half of The Best of Scottish Comedy, which a friend smuggled me into after I had fled the horrendous Frau Welt - were just a little disappointing. None were remotely bad, but none got me guffawing uncontrollably.

They were all watchable and, every so often, amusing and applaudable but, apart  from Maisie Adams, none seemed to me to have any stardust sprinkled on them. She has a routine in  which she discusses  her own epilepsy, and at  24 - she told us that - is clearly a natural performer. But she wound  up by telling us how she had overcome her disability, and being the ancient curmudgeon that I am, I found that bit a touch self-congratulatory.

AAA (Batteries Not Included) with ChrisTurner

Gràinne Maguire

Jan Lafferty:  Wheesht!

All two point six seven three ( why not?) Bloggerblaggerstars.

Maisie Adams Three and a tad Bloggerblaggerstars.

The  Best of Scottish comedy: Fred MacAulay. Four Bloggerblaggerstars.

Three other comic turns (I think you would classify them as ‘absurdist’)

Siblings. This two girl comedy duo is made up of  the  Bye sisters, who, as the ultracognoscenti know, are the real life daughters of Ruby Wax. (And Ed Bye - poor bloke, never gets a mention.) I saw them last year and thought they were hilarious, but,  as I remember it, their routine was slightly more conventional, in that there was a logical thread that you could just about follow.

This year it seemed to have a larger element of out and out bonkersness which didn’t really work for a couple of the people I had insisted accompany me. “You will LOVE them” I had said, but it was quickly evident they were just baffled. I would say (the) Siblings probably weren’t  quite as funny as last year but I really can’t be sure because all I could  think about were the fingers of blame that would be jabbed at me afterwards.“You said we’d love them.Love WHAT?” 

Three Bloggerblaggerstars. (My friends are superannuated old gits, so what would they know.)

The Kagools. Another female duo, Aussies Claire Ford and Nicky Wilkinson, who have a completely word-free act that is simply ingenious. They interact with a film of themselves  so that they are live on stage one moment and the next vanishing behind the screen to reappear in the film. It is clearly rehearsed to the millisecond because the timing is absolutely perfect - a moving arm  is  half live and half on film at one point, seemingly without a join.

The really impressive thing though is that,  despite the precision, it all seems completely spontaneous. The technique never gets in the way of the comedy and The Kagools are simultaneously  wonderfully silly and completely charming. An absolute delight, they are the other half of my joint pick of the week. Five Bloggerblaggerstars Plus.

Claire Sullivan, I wish I owned a hotel for dogs. Another Aussie, Claire takes absurdist comedy to new heights - or to new records of excess in whichever dimension absurdism exists. Think Vic and Bob on acid. And then some. Quite honestly, I didn’t have the faintest idea what was going on at any time, but she has a winning way which can’t but help force a smile. I did like her but I really don’t know why. Two and a half Bloggerblaggerstars.

One acrobaticky sort of show.

360 All Stars.  Five blokes in baseball caps worn at various angles doing tricks on BMX’s and with basketballs and  breakdancing mentally and doing somersaults and all that sort of thing. Probably great for the ten and unders and not too bad for the rest of us. But I wouldn’t be falling over myself to go again. Seen better Circusy things at the Fringe.Two and a half Bloggerblaggerstars.

Two ‘well known names’ shows.

Maureen Lipman. As those with knowledge of my murky advertising past  will know, Maureen and I go a long way back, so in aiming for proper objectivity, I might have to have be  more critical than I normally would be. In which case, she was even better than I thought, and that was very, very good indeed.

Her show was a splendid mixture, of comedy monologues, jolly good jokes and some excellent music supplied by Jackie Dankworth (Cleo and Johnny’s daughter I assume),  a fine pianist and, extraordinarily, on guitar, Harry Shearer, legendary Simpsons’ voice and co-writer and co-star of Spinal Tap.

At 72 - don’t think I’m giving away secrets there -  and now in Coronation Street, Maureen has, despite achieving national treasure status,  most definitely not run out of creative steam.  Sadly you can’t get tickets for this show no matter who you kill, because her run has  finished. Five Bloggerblaggerstars.

Nina Conti. *And now, at last, to the explanation of  ‘hashtag strap-on’. Nina Conti’s show began with another pre-performance announcement, this time to tell us that there was a Tourettes sufferer in the audience and to ask for our understanding. She turned out to be sitting a few rows behind my  seat and began to randomly pepper the show with lots of very audible ‘biscuits’ and suchlike. I can’t say this wasn’t slightly off-putting while at the same time provoking an occasionally guilty giggle, and it would have been a fearsome challenge for most performers.

Fortunately much of Nina Conti’s incredibly clever ventriloquist’s act -  I was in the front row and never saw her lips move once -  is ad-libbed and she somehow contrived  to incorporate one or two of the Tourettisms into the show, notably ‘tortoises’. (Really can’t explain but it was both utterly surreal and bloody funny.) The highpoint came when Nina, who uses volunteers from the audience as her dummies by fitting  pigs’ masks on their faces, and operating the lips with a hand control, was fiddling about with one of the velcro ties that holds each mask in place. ‘Hashtag Strap-On’ shouted out the Tourettes lady and  almost literally stopped the show. Five Bloggerblaggerstars.

One participation game-show (no audience)

Werewolves. A parlour game with twenty participants paying a tenner each, played at midnight every night,  masterminded by an Australian (they’re everywhere in Edinburgh) called Nick who sports a long beard, a topper and full Edwardian costume including an ankle length fur coat that must be a fraction too warm even in a Scottish summer.

The rules are a bit too complex to explain but think of it as a sort of  super de luxe, infinitely wittier version of the game where you wink at people to kill them. I warn you. It is addictive. Having made my debut last year, I played three times last week- meaning I was still up at two on three mornings! - and loved it. (Also a winner - twice! Not that I’m one to brag.) Totally recommended. 

Twenty Five Bloggerblaggerstars at least.