#so fuck you albino sam is canon

[konnorhasapen]

I HAD AN IDEA AND NOW I AM EXERCISING THAT IDEA

ASSIGNING EACH LISTENER AN EXOTIC PET AND ALSO NAMING THAT PET

I think this may have turned into an oc thing💀

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Lasko's listener: I just established the other day that they own an axolotl named Cella (that Freelancer is hellbent on calling "Celery" and Huxley loves her ((the axolotl))sm) and this is canon to me now. They also have a Chinese water dragon named Lotus bc I said so :)

Freelancer: do rats count as an exotic pet?? (Google says they do-) They named her Gribby. This is also canon to me.

Angel: they 100% have a sugar glider named Goblin (and David is terrified of him.) They want a fennec fox and they will get a fennec fox and they will name her Deedee. Short for Speed Demon.

Baabe: snake. They own a snake and they named her Rory and Asher loves her to death.

Sweetheart: chameleon. His name is Karma and he and Aggro are besties to the max.

Darlin': a fucking raccoon. Or a badger. Either one named Cujo.

Lovely: they own a bat named Valentina.

Bright Eyes: also owns a rat, but they didn't him Remi. They couldn't remember the rat's actual name so instead they ended up naming him fuckin Ratatouille💀

Starlight: albino ferret albino ferret albino ferret and she's named Carina :)

Seer Obscura: literally owns a barn owl named Tiresias.

Cutie: they have a couple mice they named Allen and Atlas.

Honey: iguana named Geechee, but he also responds to the name Bee for some odd, unknown reason (*cough* Guy-)

Warden: snake. Burmese python. I feel like they would want to name her, but wouldnt know what to name her, so they'd settle for Mesii (to base it slightly off "burmese")

Mentor/Baby: four ferrets. Four ferrets that are specifically named Inky, Blinky, Pinky, and Clyde.

Smartass: they have a bearded dragon named Ivy and she vibes with Aaron.

Sunshine: they have chinchilla siblings named Nimbus and Nebula :3

Anton's listener: they have 2 tree frogs named Mika and Aivo, and a chinchilla named Seria (I like my chinchillas, okay?? I've always wanted one-)

James' listener: hedgehog named Morose and he's the cutest little baby James has ever laid his eyes on.

Asset: they found a mouse in the vents one time and they've kept it ever since. They named her Thias. They like to show Thias to Anton. Anton likes to see Thias(Thias reminds him of Seria). They have also introduced Thias to Brian. Brian also likes Thias. Most of the people working with/on Asset know Thias.

Precious: they aren't allowed to own a pet. Because owning a pet means giving their love and affection and attention to someone other than Regulus.

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Bonus Bits!

Damien: ...Freelancer, I think you have rats.

FL: huh?? Oh, no, that's just Gribby.

Damien: *petting Gribby* who names a pet "Gribby"?

FL: I do. Oh- don't touch her left back leg.

Damien: why? Is she hurt?

FL: I got her checked out first few times it happened, but they said nothin' was wrong.

Damien: then why..?

FL: she just starts screaming.

Damien: what.

☆

David: Angel, I'm—

Goblin, who escaped his habitat: *zooms up the fridge and soars straight towards David, landing on his face and getting comfy on his head*

Angel: Goblin, where'd you go!? Oh! Aww! He loves you!

David: *frozen with fear*

☆

Sam: Darlin'?

Darlin': hm?

Sam: why's there a raccoon/badger on your kitchen counter?

Darlin': that's Cujo.

Sam: ...Cujo was-

Darlin': "mEhMeHmEhMeH cUjO wAs a dOg tHoUgH" let me name my trash panda/rage skunk whatever tf I want.

☆

Vincent: you got a pet bat?

Lovely: yeah! I wanted to name her Vincent as well, but then I thought you might get confused, so I went with Valentina instead! ^-^

Vincent: *teary-eyed* you wanted to name her after me??

Vincent: ...wait- you thought I'd get confused-

☆

Vincent: did you buy a rat?

Bright: I found it in the trash can and he's mine now.

Vincent: o..kay. Does he have a name?

Bright: um, duh. Anyone who owns a rat and doesn't name it Ratatouille is committing an actual crime against humanity.

Vincent: ...hold on.., wasn't the... wasnt the rat's name Remi?

Bright: ...

Vincent: ... I-

Bright: y'know what Vincent?

Vincent: wha-

Bright: shut the fuck up.

☆

Chat: you have a pet!??

Honey: yeah *fetches Geechee from his habitat* His name's Geechee

Chat: YOU HAVE A PET LIZARD!?!?

Honey: iguana*. Anyway, this is Geechee, but I've noticed he also responds to the name "Bee" and I have some speculations as to why that is.

Guy, in chat: I haven't the slightest clue what you could possibly be talking about.

☆

Baby: I found these poor little guys in a box thrown in a trash can.

Ollie: OHMYGOD CAN WE KEEP THEM? HAVE YOU NAMED THEM SO WE CAN KEEP THEM??

Baby: yes, we're keeping them and no, I haven't named them yet.

Ollie: ..suggestion?

Baby: I suppose.

Ollie, immediately: Inky Blinky Pinky and Clyde!

Baby: *sigh* goddamnit, those are gold.

Ollie: Inky Blinky Pinky and Clyde?

Baby: *nods* Inky Blinky Pinky and Clyde.

Ollie: YES!

☆

Asset: hi Marcus!

Marcus: jEsus chRIst- you scared me half to-...

Marcus: what do you have?

Asset: I found someone!

Marcus: you... found someone..?

Asset: *opens their hands to show a petite lil mousey* I've decided to name her.

Marcus: oh- y-yeah? And.. what did you...name her..?

Asset: Thias!

—

Asset: good evening, Anton.

Anton: good evening

Asset: Thias says hello, too!

Anton, with a tired but genuine smile: hello and good evening to you as well, Thias.

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This was fun. I had much fun. This was so much fun :3

#redacted audio #redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted listeners #im mot going to list every fucking listener on here #that would take ages #I'll tag a few ig #redacted angel #redacted baabe #redaxted sweetheart #redacted darlin #redacted honey #redacted starlight #redacted shaw pack #redacted solaire clan #redacted the balance #redacted project meridian #redacted sovereign state #redacted carpe deus #redacted cutie

[antelabbitsghost]

hc that sam's eyes are purple not because bitch fartman just thought they matched her color scheme, but because she's albino

#its canon that she dyes her hair anyways #and destroying butch's inital ideas is a hobby of mine #so fuck you albino sam is canon #i know very little about albinism though so feel free to educate me in the notes #sam manson #albino!sam #dp #phandom #danny fenton #tucker foley #parker stfu #danny phantom #danny phantom hc #danny phantom au #danny phantom headcanon

[themerrymutants]

Long ass “what if Aragorn and crew were hipsters” modern au headcanons

@loyalservants​ - since you’d asked to see :)

Under a cut because there’s.. a lot. Also there’s a bit of canon breaking here but what’s a good au without a bit of canon breaking?

Elrond works as head doctor at the local trauma clinic. Having been alive as long as he has he's amassed quite a fortune which he uses to cover the cost of medical care for those who can't afford it himself.

He returned to Middle Earth when word reached him that Aragorn had passed on but his daughter hadn’t. It killed him to leave his wife a second time but, not knowing the fate of his sons, he couldn’t bear the thought of leaving her alone so he pleaded to be allowed to go back and join her and was eventually granted permission on the condition that if he or any others who inevitably follow suit do they will never be able to return. 

Celebrían eventually rejoins her husband and children on December 24th 2008 (modern calendar). In March of 2009 she contacted her parents, with a bit of help from her children, via text pretending to be Arwen. She wasn’t even able to get a simple “hello” out before she was pulled into a tear filled bear hug

Galadriel is a self defense course instructor at the Y and a very active environmental activist and human rights activist because for the love of Eru she’s way too old for your shenanigans humanity and someone has to fix it. humans are cute but by the valar are they dumb. Galadriel is still very much someone nobody wants to f*ck with and those stupid enough to still try anyway end up regretting it dearly. Rule #1 of telepaths: don’t piss off a telepath.

Her husband is a historian and has long since worked with his colleagues to help preserve Elven heritage sites.

Legolas looks wise looks like what would happen if you shoved him and Skrillex in a blender and put it on “puree” and already has a degree as a veterinarian (specializing in exotics) and is a biology and environmental studies dual major.

 Aragorn is a history major and is starting to get the memories of his past life back though he keeps this quiet because he rather enjoys his classes.

Gimli is dual majoring engineering and economics, Pippin and Merry are general studies majors and honestly have no idea what they’re doing half the time but hey at least they’re having fun doing it!

Arwyn, as she spells it in modern day to try and stay lower key, works at a tattoo parlor and has a total Kat Von D look going on which drives her dad up the wall.

Sam and Frodo are ex marines that were on the same squad (only survivors after an IED went off) they are roomies they were honorably discharged and earned a purple heart. Sam is blind in his left eye and Frodo was paralyzed from the waist down both suffer from PTSD. They've got two labs named Samson and Delilah who think they are lap dogs. Samson is a service dog washout (he was supposed to be Sam's dog but he just didn't have the right drive for it) and Delilah is Frodo's service dog. Currently Sam is looking for new candidates. In this AU Frodo died at mount doom so I can have him reincarnate with Sam since there was no way in hell Frodo would come back to middle earth after the sh*t he went through.

Legolas has a blind albino reticulated python named Lucy who was a rescue from a mass breeder. She's a bit off in more ways than one but is as sweet a noodle as possible Legolas often takes in special needs herps that his rescue can't home for various reasons 

Gandalf is the history professor and has become resigned to the fact that humans are dumb af and kind of need perpetual babysitting (races and magic and shit have remained unchanged just because it's more fun that way)

Thranduil is tough as nails and gives 0 fucks. if something needs done to keep those in his territory safe he will do it regardless of legality Cops don't bother coming because it's a cesspool and they've got less taxing things to do He's kind of a mob boss archetype but good and does good well except when he kicks some faces in but they always deserve it. He’s kind of the head of his own lil section of an as of yet unnamed city. He's not like crime or mob boss so much as "police don't do sh*t so we keep the peace instead". Police are happy to do so because the area is basically Gotham crime wise and nobody wants to touch it with a 40 ft pole I love the idea that Thranduil ended up blinded after his run in with Smaug he ended up staying in middle earth the entire time god bless his poor soul. In modern era he ran into a gangster with a fondness for flame throwers and got toasty again. Received extensive burns but survived because 1 Thranduil, and 2 like hell he was gonna die now when sh!t still needs to be kept in order.

Elves did sail to the west but it was less going back home and more "FUCK THIS SHIT I'M OUT" Eventually they come back and first land in ireland becoming the basis of the Tuatha Dé Danann Because I will die on the hill that elves are somehow involved with celtic mythology in the universe of LOTR and yes I know it's not earth but come on The geography actually kind of matches ...no I did not have an embarassing phase where I was way too obsessed with LOTR and calculated this stuff for funsies

I'm also super fond for immortals watching throughout history and just going "why did I do this again?" Also Elrond getting even more done with humanity gives me life

Merry is addicted to idle games and half the storage space on his phone is filled with them. 

Pippin has won a few Pokemon tournaments and even got a scholarship from one of them. He enjoys building teams from "useless" Pokemon and wiping the floor with them. His favorite pokemon to use is Pachirisu because no one expects to have their ass handed to them by a pika clone.

In this AU Aragorn is reincarnated over and over and over again and Arwen somehow manages to find him each time. Sometimes they’re lovers other times they’re just friends and every once in a while she’ll only manage to briefly brush past him before he’s gone again. Her father tried to convince her to go be with her mother but she found that even the short amount of time she got to spend with her love each time was worth the sorrow of losing him again, and again, and again.

Elrond and Celebrían renewed their vows in 2015 after learning of the practice and finding it fitting. Their first dance was to Like I’m Gonna Lose You

#ooc #lord of the rings #ngl i was tempted to make this a fic or an au blog