#so good news is really helping right now

[luck-of-the-drawings]

[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]

saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS #REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT #NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS #THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS. #ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of #another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY.. #i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her #idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had #when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them. #but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore. #but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think #i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow. #ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that #AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE #I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME #THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE #WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL #in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad #this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks- #-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl- #-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi #gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show #i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!! #anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM

[redactedcrowart]

mystomach hurts. alt version under the cut thumbsup emoji

#the most jarring part about this movie is that i discovered i am attracted to josh hutcherson #i feel unwell #wow the fnaf movie was really good right guys #yeah we all remember that part of the movie when michael wore the miku binder yeah of course #five nights at freddy's #fnaf #fnaf fanart #fnaf movie #five nights at freddy's movie #michael fnaf #fnaf michael #michael afton #mike schmidt #<- no he's not but we don't know his new surname yet so. this is what we're going with for now #art #my art #i just drew this in thirty minutes because bee said i should. help me

[pokimoko]

I have had it with these motherfucking spam bots on this motherfucking site.

#personal #tumblr stuff #vent post #spam bots #i've been getting like 1000 spam bot followers a day for the last few days and blocking them all is getting--dare i say--TEDIOUS #wake up. block 300 bots. go to work. come home and block 500 more bots. spend evening checking tumblr to block bots. it's becoming a chore #it's starting to feel like I offended the tumblr gods or something. this is ridiculous. but like hell will i let them win #i won't let my follower count be 50% bots. i feel like a deserve a tumblr badge or something for fending off so many bots. #tribble #the trouble with tribbles #a very apt metaphor i think for these bloody spam bots; block one and five more come to take its place #but upside: the spam bots are helping me compile a Rosetta Stone for the word 'Untitled'. woo #also if you just joined tumblr and want to follow me: for the love of god personalise your bloody blog #i don't care if you have a icon or a summary. if your blog and likes are empty i'm blocking you #because i don't trust empty blogs and i really don't have the time to sort out who's real or not right now #(though if the blog's offering free mp3s 'just click the link!' or is advertising US keto gold coast gummies i know for sure it ain't real) #but hey! good news to people who followed me in the last four days who haven't been blocked; you passed the blog captcha test #anyway just had to get this frustration out of my system; gonna go block some more bots now i guess. i'll be very happy when this stops

[catastrxblues]

there’s no way i’m actually watching a youtube video on how to right click with the touchpad like a grandma what

#i’ve been using this really really heavy and pretty old windows laptop ever since the mac one lost its life when i was in 8th grade a few #yearsago.but my dad recently got a new one for his work so he decided to give me his older but still relatively new and cool version of thi #portable device and guess what. they don’t have that section on the touchpad like it’s ALL SMOOTH. #and i haven’t been able to figure out how to save images from google or do anything i used to do with tht right click thingy help #my little sister has been using mac so she’s probably used to it but look at me now. absolutely STRUGGLING #they don’t make things like my beloved very old and heavy and inconvenient for travel but also very indestructible laptop anymore *sighs* #(no but seriously. i dropped that accidentally in class one day and it was ALL GOOD. imagine if it was one of the newest model 😭) #my old laptop i will always love you though <3 #nadirants

[arashi-no-saxlphone]

Asuka R Kreutz might be one of the greatest characters in fiction and if you play him in Strive I'm jealous of you - how do you do all that? My head hurts...

#sairambles #guilty gear #ggst #asuka r kreutz #fuck dude I had to cut off that ask pretty hard because I won't lie #we were entering the possibility of me sitting down and spending hours on research to cover the full scope of Asuka as a character #I hope whoever sent that ask is satisfied with my answer because it was #a lot #and a mess #I hope I got all the stuff right I was all over the place on the wiki double checking and shit #god the new wiki is so good #dude the timeline is AMAZING it's so helpful #I'm screaming I need to go to bed holy shit man I forgot to eat because I was busy get enraptured in Asuka lore #I am eating now #sorry thoughts spilling over now this is becoming messy #wow I'm really not normal #what is wrong with this guy (me)

[sumeria]

CONTACT YOUR GOVERNMENT AND DEMAND A CEASEFIRE FOR PALESTINE

For Eu look up:

Voices in Europe for peace

For Usa look up:

US campaign for Palestinian rights

BOYCOTT FOR PALESTINE

FOA (Friends of Al-Aqsa) have organized a boycott in support of palestine. Here are the key companies to boycott:

HP (Hewlett Packard)

Coca-Cola

PUMA

Any produce labelled 'made in Israel'

(Please help to spread the word by sending this copypasta to as many blogs as you can OR going to FOAs website where you can find posters to download and print out)

ive already been contacting my govt and boycotting, thanks

#gasp.txt #if this is because i dont have a ton of posts abt palestine on my blog recently its bc #there is a lot of skewing and misinfo being spread #and a lot of posts that arent really helpful or have any info or news #and a lot of posts that are just thinly veiled antisemitism #so im trying to be very very careful abt what i do reblog #i am 100% free palestine #now and forever #but we also kind of have to acknowledge that some of us are saying and posting some fucked up shit. #even if we say it is in the name of a good cause #it aint right! #the yemen boat heist for example. #it was captured by houthis who are explicitly generally antisemitic #the crew isnt israeli #its a civilian mercantile craft #the houthi slogan is literally #God Is Great Death to America Death to Israel Curse on the Jews Victory to Islam. #the yemeni jewish community has been persecuted by them #idk. i want to be careful and cognizant and reasonable

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: December 6

"Your Body Is A Weapon" by the Wombats

#song of the day #'someone protect me from the one I love' looping in my head #this is another fun song to sing. who comes up with lines like 'my body is a temple of doom / doomed not to be / by your side' #I have to admit also for all that some of my favorite people are very guitar people I do not have an ear for it #so the Wombats like Greta Van Fleet and a couple others sound like older bands to me. very very surprised to find this song is from 2015 #I mentioned the other day that I usually have an origin story for most of the songs I know because mostly I get them from specific places #recommendations and curated playlists and such #and partially that really helps my memory for songs! they all come with strong associations! self-creating mnemonics! #but also it really skews my perception of when songs are from and how popular they are #the other day I played a song for Nick that I thought he'd like #and I did tell him that I thought it was probably a cover because a lot of the other songs on the playlist were #and he looked at me like I was truly stupid and he said 'it's definitely a cover. because that is a Taylor Swift song' #and I was genuinely just like neat! good to know! #I did listen to the original and I do think I like the cover better but my taste is so specific and scattered that it means nothing #I also apparently heard Sleep Token's new album right as it came out in a way that impressed Nick by like #how cutting-edge my metal knowledge was I guess. hipster-style immediate knowledge of the new release. before it was cool etc #and I had to be like nah bro it was a fic title I googled I get no credit for this. also I didn't know the band existed before this album #there's no way I was looking for the new release. the song the album and the band all just came into being before me simultaneously #this ramble is really long now and I feel like y'all get the point #the Wombats are cool though

[irritablepoe]

ok i wrote a little over 1k words today, somebody tell me they're proud of me :')

#THE TAGS ARE LONG SO BE WARNED!!! #and it's mostly ramblings so not a vent post #i have a good feeling about this draft #i mean i just started a new one but i have kind of a much clearer idea what i'm doing now #i have a notebook where i put a timeline of all the events and it's so helpful #though i have SOOOOO MUCH fantasy names and shit that i invented like a year ago and even though i have all the origins of the names noted #i have little idea how i got there #i even invented a whole calender that i'll use in this story (hopefully) and i'm so proud of this omg #i hope i get this draft finished one day bc it would be a really cool high fantasy book if i do it right yk #AND I'M SO PROUD OF MY MAGIC SYSTEM #it's reaaaaallly complex and i spend weeks figuring it out #though it's been a while since i wrote anything in this project and i don't have all the information on paper (in the notebook) yet #so the information is kinda spread throughout all the documents that i started for like little oneshots scenes and beginnings and stuff #and i have to find them all :') #but creating is soooo fun #but writing is a pain since march for some reason #i had a lot on my plate but also... that normally helped? #well i hope i'll get to write in september bc of semester break #i looked at my progress chart-thingy over the year and i wrote so much in feburary ;-; #i want this back plsssss #nowadays i only get to do like one poem in 2-3 days (and not even that!) and 90% of them are shit #ANYWAYS #thank you for reading all this if you did <3 #this was just me rambling lmao #i haven't posted much today aaaahhh but well i'm very tired and in pain :( #i wish weekends were longer man #period.cramps.are.shit. #personal

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

Me, opening up a packet of the stuff the vet gave me: “I hope this probiotic powder doesn’t put my cat off his food. Can’t really help with his digestion issues if he doesn’t eat it”

I spill some because my hands can have problems with stability

My cat: *licks the stuff up like a kid who just discovered what powdered sugar was*

Me: “is this flavored?”

My cat: begs me for more powder and momentarily forgets his food

Me: “this has to be flavored”

#emma posts #sometimes him getting excited about new flavors for kitties is good #but other times his love of flavor exploration will lead him to eating a food he’s allergic to #and I can’t figure out what he’s reacting to right away because he just keeps eating the thing that makes his tummy hurt #at least I stop using things I realize cause allergic reactions #you’d think a little guy who doesn’t even know what allergies are would be even more off put by them #he’s so finicky about so many random things! but he loves new foods. especially more expensive ones. and that food was more expensive #this time he is getting a food for upset hairball tummies and has been enjoying it more than his old stuff too #I just hope that him traveling back and forth between his old food at my parents house and new food here causes problems #his old man tummy is getting more sensitive than it used to be and he’s getting a different food now… hopefully. and vitamins while he gets #these probiotics to hopefully make the change easier. I don’t want to jinx it but so far it seems to be really helpful #he hasn’t even gotten one hairball since starting the hairball food! and he loves his new vitamin treats #hopefully he’ll keep doing well with the old kitty vitamin treats #I want him to get his old man vitamins #even if he’s super healthy for his age. it’s good not to get worse! #i would know. as someone who dealt with not eating enough from medication side effects #I’m better now though! I switched meds and take more vitamins just in case #anyway. eating food is important for humans and kitties if you can get it it’s important! #and if your cat doesn’t get or absorb enough food they could get permanent damage to their bodies. never let your cat go more than three #days without food! try to make sure that they eat at least every 12 hours #they might not need as much food as you. but they can get a lot sicker a lot faster than humans usually do #I can ramble on and on about cat health though 😅 I just love my little guy so much #combo of better food formulated for hairballs and not giving him an allergic reaction with the probiotics too seems to be helping a lot #i knew cheap food wasn’t usually quite as good as the slightly more expensive stuff but holy shit. since moving out and now switching food #it’s been going so well for him! maybe I should ask my family to change the other cats food. I just hope that an extra 9$ a bag isn’t #off putting for them. i feel like fewer hairballs should be a great selling point

[girlscience]

I am contemplating gender again (specifically being a trans man) because I was rehashing my periodic "I am not trans/won't transition/haven't transitioned because blah blah blah" conversation with myself and I said something along the line of "transition wouldn't fix my underlying problem, which is being female. it would just be a bandaid over a gaping wound." (which, never really noticed before how fucking wild that sentence is. I don't think most people consider their sex to be a gaping wound) BUT ALSO, the point of transition would be to make myself male?????? that Literally by DEFINITION would fix the problem, right????

And now I am having other thoughts like the fact a huge piece of my inferiority complex comes from not being a ManTM, but from what I see online that is also a huge source of insecurity for a lot of men too. So maybe the issue isn't so much that I am female, but that "Being a ManTM" is pretty much unachievable for everyone or is something that you have to spend significant time and effort to become, and no one is born that way and pushing people to think there's only one right way to be a man is a bad and damaging thing?

And that people saying "well of course you are uncomfortable with your chest, you have worn a bra since you grew breasts and now you don't know what they naturally look like/move like/feel like" but I literally only wear bras in public and as a kid fought my parents hard because I hated wearing them so much. And also??? do you think my bras stop my breasts from moving???? cause they definitely don't. I'm willing to believe that wearing bras has affected the strength of ligaments and pec muscles that are attached to the tissue so things like jumping braless are more painful than they would be otherwise... but my boobs move all the time, regardless of bras or not.

And also maybe my issues with comparing myself to men and trying to be as good or better than them isn't a generalized thing because at work I don't compare myself to men. I don't with art or cosplay or cooking or cleaning or friendships or video games. I compare myself to other people's skills, but not specifically thinking "oh so and so is better than me at this because they are a man". The ONLY time I compare myself negatively to men is when it comes to physical strength and crying. Which perhaps says more about the fact as a society we over value physical strength and we relentlessly put down literally everyone for expressing negative emotion. And I have been told my whole life that because I'm female I'll never be as strong as males and so I should just give up and let them do things... but that is patently untrue. I am strong. It is something that is commented on by practically everyone is my life at some point or another. I don't think of myself as strong because I have been told I am weak and can't measure up to the strength of males but that is simply untrue. And I could get significant stronger if I worked out regularly. No, I'll never be Eddie Hall or whatever, but I don't want to be? And as for crying, a big part of my issue is that I dislike it when I feel like crying is out of my control, or when my crying is called a "girl thing". Which has less to do with the fact that I have problems with my emotions and more to do with the fact I don't like it when my body does things without my permission and I know men generally cry less. Also, crying is seen as weak and so it means people see women as weak for being emotional and I dislike being seen as weak. Even though I don't actually think having or expressing emotions is bad or weak, I am just very aware of how it is perceived.

And I get worried maybe I have autoandrophilia (autophallophilia?? idk which it is), but other than urination the purpose of genitals is sex? So of course it makes sense I would want a penis for sex reasons???? That doesn't make it a fetish or paraphilia. And even if it was, I am an adult and I am allowed to do things for sex reasons. That doesn't make me a freak or a pervert or me forcing my kinks on other unwilling people.

And then things like I see trans men talking about the affects of T and I want literally every single one of them (except the acne and vaginal atrophy, but that's because it sounds painful and no one really wants that lol). I desperately want the bottom growth, deeper voice, body hair, muscle growth, and fat redistribution. I wouldn't even hate the potential balding? I'll just shave my head again, no biggie. I do know all of that can be hit or miss and varies a lot from person to person, but I don't really see myself coming out of HRT (even if I were to stop eventually) truly hating any of the changes. Also, top surgery has been in my brain since I got the first hints of boobs as a kid. As much as I waffle back and forth on it, I know that unless it was truly truly fucked (like excruciating chronic pain kind of fucked) I wouldn't ever be upset or regret making that decision. I just don't see that happening, at worst I think I would end up neutral on it. Which would be a frequent improvement on today's feelings about my chest.

And in regards to more social and presentation based things, I like using Mens things and wearing Mens clothes and getting grouped in as "One Of The Boys". I like it that my dad and I dress the same and he will point out clothes to me in the men's section because it's on sale and he knows I'd like it. I like that I got all the hand-me-downs from both my grandpa's after they died and that my dad gives me his hand-me-downs all the time. I like that I can wear men's shoes (thank the universe for giving me big feet) and that my fingers/hands are bigger than most of the women in life. I like that I am only one inch shorter than the male average in the US and I am taller than the global average (just learned this and I am thrilled). I like being called son and hoss. I like having short masculine haircuts.

And idk, maybe I am simply gnc or butch or nonbinary. But all of these things and more that I haven't remembered or forgot to add or will think of later (because I am actively contemplating this) is making me rethink things. And also, the first sexual identity I ever knew myself as was bi, and I freaked myself out so bad that I ran from that as long as I could. And, I am wondering if the same thing has happened here. As soon as I was able to conceive of myself (as far as I can remember) I started wanting to be a boy, but I have kept running from that little voice in the back of my brain that is aware of that since then. Maybe I will end up concluding I am not trans, but I don't want to keep running. I'm going to turn around and face it....... like a man. 😉

#this is not me coming out. I am just thinking and trying to figure things out and find words for what I'm feeling #maybe some day I will decide I am a man but right now I'm just thinking #I want to do some exploring of what I think it would look like for me to be a man #what I would want him to be like as a person #I think trying to figure out how I would want to look would be an exercise in frustration #because I am never going to look like the fictional men I want to be lol #so it doesn't help to worry about that #but I can work out more (if I have time after I move and start school lol) and I can dress more the way I want #and I can keep up with getting my haircut the way I like that makes me feel good #and I can get a new binder (mine SUCKS and I want to see if it's just the one I got or if binding just isn't really for me) #I can spend more time learning and preparing for school and spend more time outside #and read more and like learn to do my own oil changes #and how to fix issues around the house and be a little more handy #and get comfortable with power tools #I can grow as a person and if that person ends up being a man I will grow as a man as well

[icharchivist]

I think there's something pleasant about slipping back into an old hyperfixation

Sure, it feels like you can never truly escape and reality is a joke, but it's warm and comfortable and familiar, like putting on a shirt you used to love wearing but then it kinda slipped into the back of the closet

Sorry about your emotions though

NO YEAH I AGREE

Like it's pleasant but also bittersweet, it's remembering all sort of things you might have forgotten, and why it was so important to you back then and also right now. It can be introspective, just as much as it can be familiar.

but god do you suffer and god do you end up thinking there is no escape from your fate. It's really 'oh no i'm back on my bullshit' type of experience. It's nice but goddamn.

#in my case right now with ff7 it's really hitting hard because i hyperfocused on it at very different ages #first in 2007/2008 then in 2015 to 2017 then 2019/2020 and now right back again #and the stuff i focused on each time were a bit different and similar at the same time #and what kills me is that with the remake i've grown so. so tired of the fanbases esp on twitter #that it made me take some step back (+ all my complicated thoughts about the remake added in) #but it was always something i had in the back of my head and revered a lot #but seeing my theater do a screening of advent children i really thought it'd be a shame for me not to go #and by god i didn't expect the movie to hit me this hard and still connecting to me to that level #it's familiar and homey as much as it is deep and scary #because the good time and passion is intertwined with the sad and the tragic and the way it helped me going through hard times #and the general feeling of 'i thought i outgrew this.' only to be hit by new angles it comes to resonate with me #eerie as fuck at least. #but yeah. this is fine. This is fine i'm normal. #ichareply #anonymous

[finnpeach]

x

#expect. a bananafish fic guys bc I love this show and I already know it’ll end in tears #but I refuse to let them go without a happy ending #I’m only on episode 18 ugh but I can tell it’s just going downhill. it only gets worse from here #*slight spoilers after this* #i mean it’s not really that spoiler-y but I’m going to say that they got away happily ever after and left to Japan and everyone left them #the fuck alone #side note can someone explain to me what fucking language these characters speak in. I’m so lost #I’m watching in the dub btw. but ​ash made fun of eiji for not understanding English #or at least not being able to read it quickly #and then when he had a fever (god that was so fucking good) #ash was like oh ibe is coming over I thought you’d want to speak Japanese when you’re tired #like bitch are you NOT SPEAKING IN JAPANESE RIGHT NOW????? #what LANGUAGE ARE THEY MEANT TO BE SPEAKING IN IF ITS NOT JAPANESE!!!!! #I’m just going to pretend they speak English but eiji can’t read it for shit #bc why else would an American kid from the streets of New York know Japanese #wait wait wait I’m so fucking stupid I just said I’m watching in the dub but I meant the sun I MEANT THE SUB!!! not watching in the dub #never that I never watch dubs bc I find the voice acting cringe #anyway yes in the sub ash makes fun of his English and then says that he’d want to speak Japanese since he’s not feeling well #but girl you are speaking Japanese right fucking now so. someone help me understand

[kidfoundonstreets]

BESTIE WHY ARE YOU REBLOGGING ALL OF THIS I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING (its ok you're absolutely allowed to)

daisy do you know hit game zeno. ive been telling you abt thisalready but im so normal about kuro. i think hes the normalest guy ever and hes one of the main characters. he loves going on long walks on the beach (red braid not invited) and commits crimes and killings and horrors. im just wondering about how kuro is doing right now. is he ok. does he love life. has he gone online. why did he make an askblog. dont let the tumblr girlies get to him. i hope he never finds love. kuro is my favorite character.btw. sorry i dont think im really ever clear about what i say but ive been thinking about kuro a lot. i sit down in my comfy bed and think about kuro. everyday of my life. twelve years counting. kuro is fine right now how is he doing. this is probably off topic but do you like kuro from zeno. kuro is so neat. i think his character is very interesting and appealing to study with one of those fancy microscopes. he should have an entire lab. kuro is on my brain processing like a shitty printer. do you understand. is there any content with kuro you have. if so can i have it please. i love kuro i hope he has the worst time of his life. i hope he dies. i want him to climb out of the grave and deliver a child. kuro reference i think. its all zeno. apologies i dont think ive really talked about him. kuros a guy. he loves books like a nerd. and meat. meat.

#do you ever think about kuro. hey hows this day going have you thought about kuro. i have. is black turtlneck in your mind right now. #hows the blog going. is there any new asks. i just wanna see if theres anything new about kuro. #just a check-up. yes im fine why do you ask? is there anything about kuro here in these dms. hey sorry this is out of nowhere but #do you have any hcs abt a random guy. a normal guy. #a turtlenecked guy whose name doesnt start with a. i just wanna know. his best friend loves expired pizza if that helps. #i really love kuro. i wanna stab him brutally. i hope he dies slowly and painfully. just a fun fact. #lol. anyway kuro?? kuro ideas. im so normal. hes so normal. do you know kuro from zeno. zenos a really good game. #it has a character named kuro. yeah hes really cool. but do you like him. hows kuro.

[burger-goblin]

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#girl help i'm romanticizing a relationship that i was in over a decade ago that left me emotionally bruised and stunted #a very toxic relationship in which i was abused in every way a person can be abused #i always would tell myself that i wouldn't take him back after he would cheat on my and i would be tricked into it because i really thought #that i could change him and he could be better #but i realized much later that the reason i was so easy to win back wasn't just because i was in love with him‚ but also because #i really loved his family. i loved the love they gave me‚ and how-- despite how poor our relationship was-- they were on my side #and always cared for me. even when we weren't together‚ his mom was always checking in on me #he and i reconciled years after our very‚ very messy final breakup and maintained a good friendship #however he started getting radicalized and was leaning further and further right‚ so i distanced myself and removed him from my socials #last year‚ around this time‚ i started having dreams about him over and over‚ so i took it as a sign to reach out to him and check in #turned out that his mom had been hospitalized and it wasnt looking good. i reached out to her as well. thankfully‚ she went home #and he asked me how i was‚ like he wanted to keep in touch‚ and i never replied. i wanted to keep that distance between us #but i would still be near if they needed me‚ and for some reason‚ i just assumed the family knew that #fast forward to now. his mom is gone and it's weighing heavily on me. he's told me he never wants to talk to me again #and that's also weighing on me. i wish i just knew the direct reason why he feels that way #like if it's specifically something i said‚ if it's that i remind him of all the wonderful times we spent together with his mom‚ or #is it because of his new wife #i don't think i was that much on an influence on his life considering how often he used me and cheated on me-- i'm not a threat #like to their marriage. so i'm inclined to think it's because i remind him of his mom #but not knowing for sure is the worst part of this‚ i think. i know he's hurting‚ and he knows i know what it's like to lose a parent #i want to give back to the family that gave me so much‚ but now that he's shut me out‚ i'm not sure how to do that anymore #ah‚ flea. you'd know what to say. i wish you were here to tell me.

[alsaurus-loves-dean]

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#I held out as long as I could but I finally had to resign today #my boss is just too nice to lay me off even though my work produces almost no business value 😭 #like they just did a reorg of the teams that means QA will be stretched too thin over devs #and he’s not allowed to hire any more manual testers #this is not the same situation I was hired into! #I’m a ‘nice to have’ type of employee and they managed without my role for a while #I COULD have made myself indispensable in the last year but I couldn’t be bothered #I was busy writing fanfic and having a baby #not to mention the health shit like my wife getting covid and stranding us at my sister’s house across the country #or my older kid being hospitalized twice for respiratory failure! #so I just did the bare minimum IF THAT #and now a year later it’s all THE YEAR OF EFFICIENCY and all that bullshit #just like the rest of tech right now. bunch of dumbass capitalist copycats… #if my manager weren’t such a good dude he’d have offered my role in exchange for the manual testing hire(s) he CLEARLY needs #I really hope that my resignation helps him either get the new hire he wants or protect the rest of the department from layoffs!!! #I’m so glad I finally got it over with 😭 #I start my new job in May so I’ll have a couple weeks to chill!!!

[lunasilvis]

Gradually shifting into a sunnier mood and it feels kinda good 🌞 I also managed to fix an advancing mechanical/electrical issue today with my bass amplifier which was becoming a bigger annoyance by day :/ cheers to diy'ing household (or traditionally masculine) issues as a woman, forever

#*I actually had to solder some wiring for the amplifier repair lol. I'm invincible 8) #Sometimes - catalyzed by other stuff - the past plays on a loop until it challenges/destroys my otherwise consistent sense of self-worth #It's a tough cookie. all I need to do is stay grounded + turn my face in the direction of the present and future instead + remind myself I' #not defined by it. for I've evolved brand new and my current life + the opportunities I have right now kick ass #it's all cool! I deserve the best so that's what I'll be after (of course all whilst sharing the goodness - #because I want to engage the people I love in the fun much as I could. Shine a light & shine together & learn from eachother) #Take a deep breath. Go outside. Build connections. Bust some dance moves in my kitchen. Smile because life's forgiving like that #personal #also working out really helps get that fine ass sense of self-worth back with easee :)