#so having 13 and 14 year old kids read my vents feels... very weird

[apprenticenerd]

"Anyone can send me an ask with one of the titles and I’ll post a snippet or talk about that WIP!" The Acropolis, Tacet, Checklist, A Tiny Galaxy, Hearsay, Going Back, Ella Disenchanted, Making Peace, The Slashed Circle, Wake Up, Tenno, Midnight, Heliotropism, Arrhythmia, the one about Among Us, the one about Library of Ruina, the one that’s a D&D world concept. Yes, all of them. I know you wanna talk about all of them. So go, go forth and do it!

Hoooo boy, this is gonna be a long post. Lots and lots of writing snippets under the cut to avoid dash stretch!

The Acropolis - original - length uncertain - 1.4k and counting

im not ready for this im not i thought it would be yrs i thought id at least get an english degree first

omg sal whats goin on

fuckin hell whyd it have to be now i have a chem lab tomorrow

sally-tate macpherson. u never swear. ever. wtf is goin on.

ok. jess. i need u to listen really really carefully. understand?

answer the goddamn question ur scarin me

shut up and listen and this will go a lot better

fine but u need to tell me wtf is happnenig

ok. im going to tell you a bunch of stuff. not giving u advice, thats not allowed, but im gonna tell u stuff it seems like itd be impossible for me to know.

?????????????

i said shut up this is really important dont question how i know it. just go with it and figure out what to do. and dont die. bc no matter how crazy stuff seems, if u die, ur dead. here and everywhere. ok?

This is an original story coming straight from a @/writing-prompt-s prompt about a crack in a kid’s hardwood floor that they fantasized was a portal actually being one. I originally intended to write the entire thing like this, as a conversation over text, but that may not be feasible given a certain world-building detail at the other end of the portal (and the limits of my creativity lmao).

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Tacet - The Blackout Club - one-shot - 3.2k and counting

She closed her eyes again, and there it was. Hallucination? Some new science trick with electromagnetic radiation off the visible spectrum? Evidence that she was actually going insane? Whatever it was, it burned behind her eyelids in bright, incontrovertible red - and was completely invisible when she opened her eyes again. There was just the usual mess of club posters and one big one about someone’s exceedingly dumb-looking lost cat.

Eyes open, there was only Sargent Snuggles. Eyes closed, there was the normal darkness and then three lines of text where the poster had been, wavering like scarlet fire:

JOIN TBC JOIN TBC JOIN TBC

TBC? What the fuck was that? She’d never heard of any group with that acronym before. Hardly aware of the flurry of weird looks from half the other people in the hallway, she crossed the hall to examine the lost cat poster more closely. It felt like perfectly normal paper when she touched it, and there wasn’t even a hint of red with her eyes open, unless you counted the cat’s tacky pink sweater. How the hell was this even possible?

“You’re finally cracking, Bri,” she groaned under her breath, then headed for her locker. She did have to get home. Add another big fat entry to the weird shit list.

A backstory one-shot for my Blackout Club OC Briar, telling the story of how she got into the club in the first place. I’ve been stuck in the same spot for a while now, after Briar’s friend Dani explains the club to her, and I’ve come to the conclusion that the scene’s over as is. Of course, writing the next one is the tough part.

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Checklist - The Blackout Club - one-shot - 1.7k and counting

8. You still have a headache. Shouldn’t you go back to sleep and try to do this in the morning?

9. (wake up)

10. Nah, you’ve always been a night owl, and school starts criminally early, too early to get much done beforehand. It’s quiet, except for Dad snoring. Your parents are asleep already. You can stay up until this is done, and they’ll be none the wiser.

11. Your head hurts worse. It’s getting harder to think. At only 9 pm? 9:30? Whatever. You should sleep.

12. (wake UP)

13. What are you thinking? You have to read at least a little of this chapter, or there’s no way you’ll be able to bullshit your way through class tomorrow. Besides, all of a sudden, the silence feels...strange. Heavier? You can’t describe it.

14. You need to sleep. You need a drink of water or something. You need to finish this damn homework. You need to sleep. You need to sleep.

15. Stare at The Great Gatsby. It doesn’t make sense. Nothing makes sense.

16. Realize what’s up with the silence. Dad’s not snoring anymore. You aren’t feeling like yourself. You need to sleep.

17. Something’s weird.

18. (WAKE UP) 

19. ...No. Something’s wrong.

Another Blackout Club story and another Interface Screw, as it were, this time in the form of a (very long) checklist. None of the characters have names (yet). It describes another way a kid could find themself running around at night with the Blackout Club, this time by fighting off the Song just enough to run into a club member who could wake them up the rest of the way. As with Tacet, I still need to write the suspenseful part.

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A Tiny Galaxy - Warframe - 4 chapters planned, 1 complete, 1 in progress - 7.8k and counting

Try it if you don’t believe me, the kid in the vent had said.

It was impossible. It was physically impossible. All of this was impossible. Had the Void...? Could the Void...?

The ship was at a standstill. Her mother had tried to kill her, and something had happened. She’d made something happen. There had been no holoprojector in that kid’s hand. Nothing was impossible anymore.

Jhia took a deep breath. How the heck was she supposed to do this? Was she supposed to feel something, some internal guide? Blue Hair hadn’t said. Feeling incredibly stupid, she did a quick mental checkup on herself. Nothing felt wrong, or different - but now that she thought about it…

Afterward, she would try many times to explain it, and fail every time. The best she could come up with was that once she found the Void, calling on it was as easy and as natural as breathing. She opened her hands in front of her, concentrated on that force like an extension of herself, reopened her eyes, and there it was: a riotous little ball of energy, wisps and motes of light and not-quite-light like a tiny galaxy, the Tau system in the palm of her hand, raging.

More OC backstory time! This one’s for my Tenno, a nerdy fourteen-year-old (at the time of this story, anyway) by the name of Jhia, going through the hell that is the Zariman Ten-Zero and what happened on it. This is possibly the first part of the story I actually wrote: the roll-credits moment when Jhia realizes the Void’s changed her more already than she thought.

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Hearsay - Lobotomy Corporation/Library of Ruina - one-shot - 1k and counting

"Oh? Did they investigate further?"

"They tried. Found a few fingerprints, but they didn't match anyone in the database."

"What's the update, then?"

"Reports from elsewhere in the district of someone not in uniform carrying a Zwei sword. They're slippery, good at avoiding us, which would suggest Syndicate operative to me and HQ. Except that in every one of the descriptions we managed to get, our sword thief is a child."

"What? How?!"

"You tell me, Iona. You're the one who went to the crime scene."

"Right... Jeez, if it's a kid, I guess that'd explain why Petrov thought they weren't a threat..."

"My thoughts exactly. HQ has a fair amount of hearsay to go on, but nobody can quite agree on how old the child is, or whether or not she's with a Syndicate. Most agree that she appears to be a girl, tall for a child, auburn hair, clothes and demeanor typical of a Backstreets native."

"We got a name?"

"They've heard Yeri, Kali, Redbird, Suma, Aelfin... No one knows which is her real one, or if it's even any of them at all."

"Damn. ...Say, are you going to drink that entire pot of coffee?"

"Help yourself."

This is one of those stories that turned into an accidental AU when more of canon came out. The idea behind it is that it’s Kali’s backstory told entirely in conversations in which she did not participate, showcasing the fact that a Fixer’s fame is their livelihood and Kali was about as famous as they come, before the whole L Corp thing happened. Of course, the vast majority of the headcanons here got invalidated with a certain Ruina update, so my motivation’s kinda down on this one.

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Going Back has already been talked about here!

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Ella Disenchanted - The Blackout Club - one-shot (maybe two-shot??) - 1.4k and counting

She woke. Her stomach went through a series of panicked flip-flops as she thought something strange had done it, Dad or a little-kid-nightmares shadow beast had made noise, but no - why had she fallen asleep in the first place? Her butt and shoulder were sore where they’d been leaning on the bottom and side of the windowsill, presumably all night, since the sun was full up over the trees on Old Growth Hill. 

All night. She’d promised herself she wouldn’t fall asleep, but she did anyway. God dammit.

As she unfolded herself from her cramped ball, though, she froze. Under the comforter she’d pulled around her shoulders for warmth, she was wearing her gray jacket, a T-shirt, jeans, sneakers getting dried mud all over the carpet. 

Last she remembered, she’d been in her pajamas.

In which a Blackout Club kid’s little sister wonders where he’s gone when he runs away to the boxcar, and tries to get to the bottom of the mystery herself. Usually she’d be too young for the club to recruit, but her investigations and an incident involving SAO are more than enough extenuating circumstance. Unlike most of my other WIPs, there’s a whole outline at the end of my doc for this one.

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Making Peace - Warframe - multi-chapter - 1.5k and counting

“I…” Iksoh finally said. “Sorna, I hope you realize. I’m not into this. I never - I’m not doing this. Whatever you’re doing, I can’t.”

“I know,” Sorna said softly. The decision tore at her heart again and she almost backed out of the vent, but no. She had to go. She wouldn’t see another innocent crumple in her rifle sights. “I hope you realize. I’m not coming back.”

Behind her, Iksoh let out a long, shaky breath. “It’s taking all I’ve got not to report you right now. Sorna… the Queens’ll have my head for this. Please, please, let it be worth it. Go. Don’t let them take yours.”

“I won’t,” Sorna promised, and meant it.

Later, after her last fight for her freedom was done, on the Steel Meridian ship headed for Kronia Relay, Sorna looked out at the planet retreating behind her and thought of Iksoh. She’d just learned a new word from a Meridian soldier: vaykor tal, the defector’s spirit. Iksoh had let her go, at risk of their own life. They’d had a bit of the vaykor tal themself, even if they hadn’t known it, even if they’d thought it was just some weakness that was bound to get them killed.

“Ranre treri, duf krun,” she whispered into space, a Grineer well-wishing passed down from sergeant to tube-fresh lancer since time immemorial. May your hands be steady, and may life be kind.

This is an AU born of me and some friends wondering why in the heck Perrin and the Meridian hate each other so much in game. It’s about a group of Kavor - Grineer defectors distinguished from other Meridian members by their pacifism - who get to a Relay and start wondering the same thing. Besides Sorna (and, later in the story, Iksoh as well), there would have been Chakh, Beket, and Sydon, plus at least four of the syndicate leaders and a bunch of side-character OCs, all caught up somehow in what turns out to be a surprisingly far-reaching web of intrigue.

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The Slashed Circle - Warframe - one-shot, probably - 429 and counting

In addition to their written and spoken language, the Grineer have a full language of hand signs. It has its quirks, as all languages do - be careful of confusing it with the Corpus sign language, in which the sign for “to pay” roughly approximates the Grineer sign for...a certain portion of the male anatomy. Among these is the common Grineer sentiment against those who defect from their ranks, baked into the sign just as much as their spoken words. 

The sign of the slashed circle, the sedashkur - a finger drawn in a circle on the chest, followed by a diagonal line - is the highest of taboos to any loyal Grineer. It shows support for such scum as the Kavor and Steel Meridian, enough so that it forms the basis for the Meridian’s battle standard. To sign the sedashkur is to betray your siblings, commit a grave insult to your superiors, paint a near-indelible target on your back. It is an object of hatred and fear throughout the ranks.

She fears it, yes, but she does not hate it, for all her life and into her death as well. It shouldn’t trouble her now, though. It is easy to hide a language, and she burned her journals before she was called to the fortress.

This is a fic about Jhia and her one (1) converted Kuva Lich, namely about the process of said Lich’s defeat and defection, that kinda never got off the ground. Contrary to this snippet, I think most of it would have been written in what are essentially space emails back and forth between Lich and Tenno? I definitely got as far as Jhia sending an audio recording of a bass-boosted dog fart, anyhow.

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Wake Up, Tenno - Warframe - one-shot - 950 and counting

“Wake up, Tenno.”

She wakes. She is - she is Tenno, right? She is a Tenno? Her mind is confused, so full of fog and dead ends - how long was she asleep?

The voice that woke her seems familiar. She might have loved the speaker, in her scrambled past life, the woman in the purple helmet, the one called Lotus in her HUD vision. Her surroundings are a ruin of some sort. Her body is—

...what?

She can move just fine. Her fingers and arms and legs respond with suspicious ease, given how long she must have slept to be this scattered upon waking up, and yet there’s some fundamental disconnect. This is her Warframe, her body, but it’s not her body somehow.

...wait, where did the term “Warframe” come from?

A Tenno, unnamed but intended to be Jhia on my end, wakes up on Earth at the very beginning of the in-game storyline. Since the tutorial has gotten an overhaul in recent months, I may have to modify even what little I have on this a lot.

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Midnight - Iconoclasts - poem - 280 and counting

been anything smaller than been anything

never been anything smaller than

“good morning, how’s miss grump doing today? i heard about that last mission...if you didn’t sleep well i can call you in sick, it’s alright-” “oh, shut up, grey”

there has never been anything

“oh, shut up, grey” “love you too”

smaller

“love you too”

than

me

A very fragmented, stream-of-consciousness-y poem meant to represent Agent Black’s failing sanity near the end of the game. The words of her famous one-liner (“there has never been anything smaller than me”) are interspersed, out of order until the end, with poetic descriptions of other characters and bits and pieces of a flashback involving Agent Grey.

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Heliotropism - Iconoclasts - one-shot - 1.1k and counting

Lily, though she’s superstitious, will have none of these self-important truths, none of these semblances of certainty when really all it is is wishing on Ivory and hoping for the best. She calls for Miss Andress instead. 

A stout but severe woman with ten grandchildren and a great-grandchild on the way, Miss Andress is perhaps the quintessential matriarch: nurturing, selfless, brutally honest. She is the one the people of 17 trust when they feel they can trust no one else. Lily needs the kind of reassurance only she can give, with the authority of ninety-one years and the wisdom of two sons, one daughter, and some five dogs raised under her care.

When Miss Andress visits House 4, she asks Polro and Lily to each bring an object they cherish the most. For Polro it’s his largest wrench, pitted with use but still polished to a brassy shine; Lily surprises everyone by pulling out a tiny, unloaded stun-gun, and surprises them more by not explaining it at all. Miss Andress doesn’t question it. She just turns the two tools over and over in her hands, head bowed, squinting at them as if trying to read the secrets of the universe in the scratches carved into them by time.

Finally she straightens up and sighs, pushing a strand of silver hair behind her ear. Her forehead is slick with sweat, though the night is cool outside. “I don’t know what she’ll do,” the wise woman says, heavily, as if delivering bad news. “I just know she’ll change the world.”

Can you tell I like backstory fic? This one is for Robin, with one short anecdote for each year of her life, up to age 17 and the events of the game. It’s also an excuse to world-build a bunch, lol.

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Arrhythmia - Crypt of the NecroDancer - one-shot(?) - 4k and counting

The creature didn’t say anything, just beckoned to the shadows. Before I could move, two other creatures came for me, sending the other humans - former humans? - scrambling away in panic. One landed a hard blow on the back of my head that sent me to my hands and knees, seeing sparks; the other said “Freeze!” and I could only watch as ice sprouted from the leaf litter, cementing me to the ground.

The one who’d hit me produced a dagger from the inside of its cloak. I tried to pull myself up, to do anything at all to keep myself from getting shanked, but it was no good. There must have been a secondary effect on that spell; my limbs wouldn’t respond. I felt the dagger tear cloth in the region of my back, and prepared for the pain.

It didn’t come. The creature cut a slit in the back of my tunic, then another. Neither one touched the skin at all. I can’t really describe what happened next - my brain was having trouble computing how my arms were in front of me, visible, unable to move, but it felt like the creature was pulling them through the gashes in my tunic, but that was wrong, they didn’t feel like arms at all.

“Holy fuck,” I heard someone say.

The ice holding me down melted into nothing as the spell wore off. I jumped back up, head spinning a little, ready for another fight, only to spot two flicks of scarlet in my peripheral vision. I spun around, but they moved with me.

I think I already knew what they were. I just couldn’t admit it to myself.

You’ve already seen this one, Nick, though I’m pretty sure it was well over two years ago. It’s a pile of old headcanons, some of them now outdated I’m pretty sure, about how Nocturna ended up a vampire in the first place and a little bit about how vampire society works. According to Google Docs, I’ve been stuck on this one since March 2018. Whoops.

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untitled (working title “adult citra meets an impostor bc what is self-control”) - Among Us - one-shot - 572 and counting

“I know. You’re stuck, aren’t you?” Having well and truly gotten their full attention, Citra continues, “God, I can barely imagine. Having to take a weird-ass host whose biology might even be toxic to you, I don’t know. Needing to get to a whole other galaxy, feeling like the only way to do that is by deception and death.” “How…?”

She sighs. “I told you, this isn’t my first rodeo. One of your kind saved my life when I was a kid. Since he’d killed Mom and Dad had been out of the picture long before, he stayed here and helped raise me afterward. It’s how I learned to pronounce...a few of your words, at least.”

“You missed the ‘H’ sound.”

“Isn’t that the one that’s literally impossible to do right with Terran anatomy?”

“Maybe. You think I know Terran anatomy all that well?”

Citra chuckles. “Fair point. You let us find your buddy and fix the ship, I’ll raise Xai when we get comms back and he can try and help you get home. Deal?”

I found an Among Us comic on Tumblr, absolutely ran into left field with it to make a couple of OCs, and then made AUs of those OCs because of course I did. This one is from a future scenario in which Citra (typically orange) meets someone rather familiar on a mission with the crew of the Skeld.

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untitled (working title “library of ruina but they adopt half the guests”) - Library of Ruina - length uncertain - 1k and counting

“And what happened to not caring about others because it’s a waste of time and heartache?”

Now it’s Roland’s turn to sigh. “I don’t care about him. I just don’t want the guilt of killing - look at him, he can’t be older than eighteen or nineteen!”

Raised eyebrow. “Finn will be twenty years old in fifteen days’ time. He is a legal adult. I fail to see why this should matter to either of us.”

“He’s fresh off his first Fixer license! I have years of experience! He had no idea what he was getting into when he signed that invitation and you know it!”

Angela fixes him with a glare that turns his stomach, his freshly remade body reacting to the memory of its sudden, and extremely painful, dismemberment. “I could quite literally hold your soul in my hands if I wanted,” she reminds him in an undertone of steel. “I must do the same for him, following the invitation’s guidance, or my entire plan will be lost, my coworkers’ sacrifices all for naught. Do not disappoint me or ask any more impertinent questions. You know what to do, and what will happen if you do not.” 

Look, some of the people you fight in this game deserved so much better, okay? I came up with an AU concept where if a guest willingly concedes the fight and agrees to stick around, you can get their book without killing them. Finn doesn’t die; neither do Tomerry or Shi Association; all the former employees realize exactly what’s going on with Philip after the Wedge Office fight and manage to calm him down, avoiding the whole Crying Children situation. (And then Gebura makes him collect his jaw off the floor by revealing herself as the Red Mist.)

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The one that’s a D&D world concept doesn’t have anything concrete written for it yet. (Don’t read this bit if you might want to play in my campaign at some point!) Instead of your typical Forgotten Realms planar setup, the world at large would be called the Seven Spheres, each of them different in terms of climate, geography, native species and magic, etc. The First Sphere would be the most “generic” one (to our way of thinking) and the main setting of the campaign; it would also be the smallest of the Seven, its primary continent home to a former empire of dragons that spanned most of the Sphere until its mysterious fall a thousand years ago.

Now, since the empire fell, the dragons and their children have slowly been dying out. Best estimates are that there’s only a thousand or two left in the entire First Sphere, with fewer eggs hatched every decade. The player characters enter a world with pretty typical low-level quests to start with, but every so often, especially if they engage with optional story stuff (this would be a more roleplay-focused than combat-focused campaign), they get wind of changes in the air - a failed harvest here, an unusually hot and stormy summer there, a trade war once they start hitting mid-levels.

It mimics real-world climate change in all but cause. As coastal cities struggle to contend with rising seas and, more alarmingly, wizards all over the Sphere start to notice their magic falter and wane, the PCs’ goal becomes getting to the bottom of this. And what’s at the bottom is...your typical Nerd fusion of science with fantasy settings.

The Seven Spheres are not planes of existence in the normal D&D sense, but seven planets in the same solar system, each with its own ancient god far more powerful than any god in any mortal pantheon; the First Sphere is so named because it’s closest to the sun. These planetary gods are incredibly large and incredibly alien, thinking in geologic time and concepts far too broad and slow for most sapient beings to comprehend. A thousand years ago, the fall of the dragon empire was caused by an ill-advised ritual meddling with the god of the First Sphere’s natural process of rebirth, causing said god to die without a replacement.

It’s taken this long for the First Sphere to feel the effects because, again, geologic time - a thousand years is a blink of an eye in this kind of time scale. But now the ancient earth-magic that had kept the Sphere’s climate temperate and its magicians in business is failing. The dragons, as beings of magic intrinsically, have been failing all along. And now it’s up to the PCs, up at level 17-20 if not higher by that point, to figure out how to fix the situation and find a new planetary god for the First Sphere before the whole Sphere burns to death.

#bulletnick #wow this got long #you're right i did want to talk about all of them though

[necropsittacus]

for the ask thing, all the ones you have an interesting answer for

this is extremely long because I Love Oversharing so under a cut. thanks britta!!!

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?tea, black; i've tried putting extra spices in it but i think i'm not doing it right bc it gets grainy and weird? i don't drink coffee anymore for "hey maybe we should stop consuming this thing that makes us feel like we're actually about to die" reasons but when i did it was with a fuckton of cream5. are you self-conscious of your smile?yeah; less so since i actually brush my teeth semi routinely now, so they're less awful, but i still have a slight overbite and a residual habit of covering my mouth with my hand if i open it very much 8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?either weird vent fanfiction that i never end up finishing, drawing in my notebooks, or i try to make the overly dramatic/pretentious thoughts that pop into my head into poetry (which i never end up finishing, go figure).9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?used to, but it's like. even besides insecurity about my voice and the fear that i'll be Too Loud and bother someone. the same internal barrier that makes it hard to speak out loud, especially if i'm not directly prompted to, applies to singing10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?usually side, and in the fetal position. occasionally back though13: what’s something that made you smile today?saw a chickadee!14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?god i don't know that's like. that's the fucking dream, for the future, but i hadn't gotten as far as daydreaming about *decoration* or anything of that sort. at the moment i tend towards covering things in movie posters and little trinkets i accumulate and toys and that sort of thing. i know i couldn't do sharing a room with someone else long term, it'd get stressy, so at least two bedrooms (or a bedroom and a pull out couch in the living room, that'd work), a little kitchen. no minimalism, but i might like having primary responsibility for Housecleaning sorts of things for my loved ones, or keeping things reasonably neat. just. something that feels like a proper home. safe. 16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?i am extremely boring and usually just do fettuccine alfredo. that said, cheese ravioli and pesto products are also very good. i just don't like super complicated foods with ingredients i don't recognize, or red sauce. red sauce is Sensory Bad.  17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?i mean i've been dyeing mine black since i was like 17 to the point that people think that's the natural color and i just let them, and honestly i'm very happy with thatred looked good on me, and i definitely like the way a lot of those super bright unnatural purples, blues, etc look on other people but it doesn't feel like "yes this is Correct this is what i'm Supposed to Look Like, this is the color it was *supposed* to be all along" in the same way, it just feels like i'm dyeing it a weird color for fun18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up."mola mola isn't a slur, right?"20: what’s your favorite eye color?idk about "favorite" but dark brown eyes are really pretty22: are you a morning person?i tend to be more productive and (assuming at least like five or six hours of sleep) more cheerful in the morning, but getting out of bed is a horrible struggle bc executive dysfunction and anxiety23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?tbh i HATE having those days, i don't like being super busy Either but i get really like bored/restless/I Am Going to Rip My Skin Off to Have Something to Do Please Let Me Out of the House if i genuinely don't have anything scheduled for a day? so i usually *make* obligations for myself, writing projects or something like that, if i don't have anything externally enforced. and go to the library or a cafe or something bc i feel more alive if i don't stay in my room all day24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?yeah26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?i mean i've only had them for like a year bc it turns out that wearing the same pair of shoes almost every day wears through them pretty fast, who would have thought? but black combat boots28: sunrise or sunset?sunset31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.they hurt but i p much only wear boots so i have to wear them all the time. also my feet are weird and fucked up and i don’t especially like looking at them. and then i forget to take them off to sleep so i just. wear them all the time except to shower. i like weird socks with like animal pictures or whatever but then i feel bad abt wearing them bc i wear out socks really fast for unclear reasons34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?ooh i had a lot!! most of them were sea mammals, a couple sharks i think? i had a couple rabbits when i was Really small but i don't remember them as clearlyi can't remember most of their names but they had whole like imagined stories and relationships to each other and shit, i definitely remember there was one stuffed orca that was almost as big as kindergartener me35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?oh absolutely!! i write mostly in pencil for ease of corrections and so it doesn't bleed through the paper, but i accumulate pens/weird ink colors/etc37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?see i *prefer* having my room be clean but it literally never is 39: what color do you wear the most?black. combination of "trying to be low effort goth" and that idk how to coordinate colors so all my outfits are either all black or like. black + one other color + possibly grey, bc i figure there's no way that could end up clashing horribly. also i only HAVE black pants anyway so like. 41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?mm i know accident by christa wolf hit me pretty hard in some emotions, and that was recent44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?i'm not sure that's an emotion i have tbhwhen i'm happy there's this kind of anxious edge to it, not necessarily in a bad way, but "at peace" is. an odd concept for me. the closest i get is this sort of quiet not-exactly-negative melancholy if i'm not behind on anything and it's raining and everything's just sort of soft yknow? 47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?marinara sauce. i hate that shit. i'll eat it on pizza or if i literally have to in order to get a meal and i can't physically handle not having one, but that's about it. also tomatoes more generally! i like ketchup but that's it. why do yall insist on putting tomatoes on everything all the time i Don't Like Them50: what’s an odd thing you collect?i keep all the toys i get out of kinder eggs and stuff like that. also i just have hyperempathy about inanimate objects and animals (and basically no empathy for humans most of the time, weirdly enough) and it's frequently difficult for me to throw things away because "well i'll be hurting it!" so uh. i just accumulate objects. i still have my old toothbrush somewhere55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?i straight up tried to kill myself to win an argument with mom once in high school. and i'm not talking like a mini fakeout attempt that wasn't supposed/expected to work, either, i did regret it but i was straight up prepared to die to get her to believe me 56: what are some things you find endearing in people?rambling/talking about your interests, emotional openness. if you like. send me things that reminded you of me/you thought i'd like, or initiate physical contact so i don't have to feel so weird/guilty about it, that's a very fast path to my affections. just being weird as shit. lots of little things, really. depends on the person a lot, though; either "person is Soft and Good and i feel like it's my responsibility to protect them" or "person is Kind of Scary/Edgy and i will attach myself to them and remain loyal no matter what and they appreciate it" are pretty consistent things, but those are a long way from the Only paths to my affection58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?awfully bold of you to assume i have a friend group and not just a disparate group of friends who mostly don't talk to each other. i AM semi consistently the weird vodka uncle though. 59: what’s your favorite myth?LOTS. that's not quite a fair question i can't pick one favoritethe volsunga saga does come to mind, though60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?i do!!! i thought i didn't because turns out the things they make you read in high school english are often Not Terribly Emotionally Resonant for me, funnily enough, but when i started reading russian poetry in college, and more mental illness focused stuff tbh, it was like Oh Shit This Is Really Cool. i really like vladimir mayakovsky!61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?when i was really small i gave my dad a  care bears coloring book for his birthday because for some reason i didn't process that other people didn't have exactly the same interests as me??62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?i drink either unsweetened green tea or monster energy drinks in the morning. depends how much of a disaster i'm being on that particular day. 63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?all my music is online or haphazardly downloaded to my phone so there's. not really any way to organize that if i wanted to tbh. i make a lot of character or ship playlists that i'd put more effort into organizing if i ever got around to showing them to other people, but Also anything that isn't too embarrassing to risk anyone else seeing just gets put in one folder. i DO organize my books, though. i usually *forget* to put them back where they're supposed to go, but there is a proper order (everything from one author or franchise together, stuff like star wars or tolkien is together and in in-universe chronological order, stuff like that), and i get upset if people fuck with it67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?nice. it's very calming, and also bright sunlight hurts my eyes fjgshtf68: what’s winter like where you live?not very different from fall most of the time. climate change is making it more midwest-y, which i'm not sure if i'm happy about or not (snow nice, but summer is also progressing in that direction, which is unfortunate). somewhere between the 30's and 50's (fahrenheit), mostly pretty grey, it rains sometimes. it's not cold enough that i need to have a real coat, usually sweater+leather jacket is enough. my hands always hurt, though70: have you ever used a ouija board?yeah i used to do it with my brother sometimes. nothing ever happened tho76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?i need to write my paper proposal for nuclear lit and also draw some stuff for people that i've been putting off because my brain hates me and Catching Up On Everything I Should Have Been Doing a While Ago Is Scary77: pink or yellow lemonade?both? both is good78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?i have no real feelings on minions one way or the other but i have no interest in them and don't like seeing them all the time79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?someone i used to know was going to move away from their abusers and get a job and such, partly or mostly For Me, so we could run away and start things over together after i graduated. and then things blew up but. it was very sweet and sometimes i get emotional about the concept of that still 80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?three white, one blue. i didn't choose it, it came with the dorm room. my bedroom in my parents house has really dark blue walls, which i DID choose bc i wanted a dark color and my brother already had red ones and i wanted to distinguish myself from him. 82: are/were you good in school?mmm more or less, yes i'm terrible at certain kinds of projects and at getting stuff done without pretty much devastating my physical ability to function pushing myself at the last minute. that said, i'm very good at tests, good at papers, good at language learning and bullshit analysis. it's just like. PLEASE don't give me "fun creative projects!!!" or start with the "oh well tests aren't a good way of measuring learning, here's some other stuff that will be easier for you!" thing. i *like* tests. tests make sense and it's just sit down for an hour and you're done. it's the other stuff that's hard also i'm so used to my mother's ridiculous standards that it's like. yes i am good at school, in that my professors keep telling me i am Very Smart and things of that nature. but also i am terrible at taking care of myself while i have school because me being good at school is to some extent reliant on my brain's false insistence that Everybody Else Has Perfect Grades and Is Killing Themselves Slowly To Be The Best, so clearly we need to do that too! and any sacrifice is worth it! so eventually i just collapse84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?yeah definitely, at some point. there's other things that are more pressing to spend my limited amount of non-parent-controlled money on right now, but i know i want like. some manner of thing referencing my chronic turin turambar (self dx) status, probably his grave inscription or a sword (or both eventually!). probably also a bird of some sort85: do you read comics? what are your faves?see i'll happily read comics if there's a franchise i'm already interested in that has comics as part of it, but i'm not like a Comics Fan per se. i tend to find them kind of overwhelming because there's just So Much content and i don't know where to start and i usually get distracted before i finish. i did really enjoy mtmte and the tdc creation myths comics89: are you close to your parents?nope! i send my dad animal pictures, and vice versa, and that's about the extent of it when i'm not staying with them for breaks. mom's...Difficult(TM) and dad i get along with fine but i don't really know how to text him 92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?drowns. i want to be able to actually taste it.93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?my hair is too short to really have Different Styles. i just keep it combed pretty neatly bc that's the only thing i know how to do afngjdsgf94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?my friend emma @autisticsansamaybe people i care less about had them more recently but tbh if we aren't friends i don't know when your birthday is without being told96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?i have literally never updated this laptop because it does not have space for an update. this isn't even my fault. i have deleted *every single thing on it that is not important to make it actually run* in order to have enough space to update, and it STILL doesn't. 100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?a few months ago i would have said 5 years into the past, because i Desperately missed aspects of how my life was at that part of high school--mostly having people i loved and who loved me, who wanted a future with me, and the certainty of that, that i wouldn't just be On My Own Forever post educational system--but now? future. high school fucking *sucked* in a lot of ways, and also i was a terrible person and i don't especially want to go back to that version of me. future is like...scary because yeah there is a decent possibility i'll just be pretty much totally alone and having to work a job i hate to keep up, but like. there is also a possibility that i'll have the things i wanted all along in a more stable context, yknow?

#suicide ment / #alcohol ment / #ask memes #long post #very long post ajhnfgsf im so sorry

[1112lw]

Every question!!

SDFFSDFG DAM OK SIS

LONG POST AHEAD IF U LITERALLY WANNA KNOW ME PERSONALLY JUST READ THIS LMFAO

1: Name: Arche/Jupiter, my close friends know my real name so!

2: Age: High school has just been done so try to guess

3: Fears: Heights, oral presentations, the dark

4: 3 things I love: Drawing, men- concept art n stuff like that

5: 4 turns on: Oh here we go- uhh thighs, messy hair? when they give u The Look or when they. say things i will not talk about here HHGBDF n uhhh Arms 👀👀

6: 4 turns off: weird macho attitude, overly confident bullshit, being selfish and fuckboys in general

7: My best friend: not sure what this means but my bff is named Daphnée n i love her and ive known her my whole life so 

8: Sexual orientation: homosexuale

9: My best first date: :))))))) as if

10: How tall am I: sigh. I’m 5″4

11: What do I miss: sometimes i miss the feeling loved ig

12: What time were I born: 12:19

13: Favourite color: pink!

14: Do I have a crush

15: Favourite quote: My senior quote!! “if what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, I’m telling you I’m immortal”

16: Favourite place: well? my room ig? I like my yard too

17: Favourite food: ugh ramen,,,korean dishes are TASTE as fuck but i also like classic ass spaghetti so like lol

18: Do I use sarcasm: does it look like i dont

19: What am I listening to right now: dr.phil LMFAO

20: First thing I notice in new person: Hair and eyes!! also how they laugh

21: Shoe size: Like. a 7-8 in women’s 6 in men’s 

22: Eye color: Hazel/Golden yes bitch let me be special

23: Hair color: it’s either dark brown or golden brown idk

24: Favourite style of clothing: bruv its either kpoppie fuckboy or uwu skirts pastels

25: Ever done a prank call?: no i have anxiety

26: Meaning behind my URL:

27: Favourite movie: rise of the guardians and HTTYD

28: Favourite song: Comeback Home (BTS cover)

29: Favourite band: looks in the camera i dont know nan molla huh

30: How I feel right now: I’m fine im hungry

31: Someone I love: shoutout to my babeys in my server ily

32: My current relationship status: Single(tm)

33: My relationship with my parents: theyre fine ig just a bit tired

34: Favourite holiday:

35: Tattoos and piercing I have: Ear piercings? that’s it

36: Tattoos and piercings I want:

37: The reason I joined Tumblr:

38: Do I and my last ex hate each other? I sure hope not?

39: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? A bit ig?

40: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? Literally no

41: When did I last hold hands? Like last Friday

42: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? 20 minutes

43: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? no i havent shaved in like months

44: Where am I right now? in my room, in quebec, canada

45: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? bitch i sure hope my friends would

46: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? fuck my ears 

47: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? yeah

48: Am I excited for anything? yeah? yeah

49: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? ig? always

50: How often do I wear a fake smile? just at work tbh

51: When was the last time I hugged someone? not long ago i cant tell but my friends r cuddle monsters so 

52: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? i havent kissed anyone so 

53: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? lemme think uhhh no not rlly im not dumb 

54: What is something I disliked about today? i woke up n i thought i had school lol

55: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? oh john cock i want to be ur best friend

56: What do I think about most? i daydream 24/7

57: What’s my strangest talent? uhhh i can put my thumb behind my hand?

58: Do I have any strange phobias? trypophobia, if thats “weird”

59: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? depends on what the video is, mostly behind

60: What was the last lie I told? idk answering to my deadname

61: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? online

62: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? I slightly believe in ghosts? also aliens GOTTA exist so 

63: Do I believe in magic? i think!

64: Do I believe in luck? yeah

65: What’s the weather like right now? very pretty i filmed a video outside!!

66: What was the last book I’ve read? L’Étranger d’Albert Camus in french class

67: Do I like the smell of gasoline? yes my dad’s a mechanic

68: Do I have any nicknames? a lot a lot

69: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? bitch @ my birth #neverforget 

70: Do I spend money or save it? i have 40$ in my name right now

71: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? no

72: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? yes highlighter

73: Favourite animal? cats or otters

74: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? FBISDFD NO WE DONT TALK ABOUT IT

75: What do I think is Satan’s last name idk he can have any last name he wants!!!

76: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? everytime i start hearing “waiting for you anpanman” or “i just wanna go home” 👀👀

77: How can you win my heart? aaahh. be a twink. b fashionable. b funny. cheesy. pls romance me like a npc in the sims 2

78: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? s(he) died smh

79: What is my favorite word? cunt is SUCH a satisfying word

80: My top 5 blogs on tumblr? oh great uh honestly cant be fucked 

81: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? please have brain. PLEASE

82: Do I have any relatives in jail? i sure hope the fuck not?

83: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? either invisibility or mind reading

84: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? ahaaa “what are your intrusive thoughts”

85: What is my current desktop picture? my lesbian sims getting married LMFAO

86: Had sex? no

87: Bought condoms? no

88: Gotten pregnant? NO

89: Failed a class? i think yeah maths last year

90: Kissed a boy? :(((

91: Kissed a girl? no

92: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? no

93: Had job? I have a job rn so 

94: Left the house without my wallet? yeah when i go to school

95: Bullied someone on the internet? define bullying?

96: Had sex in public? virgin squad

97: Played on a sports team? yeah

98: Smoked weed? no ew

99: Did drugs? no ew

100: Smoked cigarettes? NO EW

101: Drank alcohol? yep 

102: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? no i’d die

103: Been overweight? i’m twig

104: Been underweight? i think i was underweight when i was young? i was very Small

105: Been to a wedding? yes very long boring

106: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? bruh. everyday

107: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? probably?

108: Been outside my home country? ONCE

109: Gotten my heart broken? TWICE !

110: Been to a professional sports game? yesss canadians game!!

111: Broken a bone? no

112: Cut myself? not technically 

113: Been to prom? SOON SOON SOON SOSOSNSBFSHDD

114: Been in airplane? once

115: Fly by helicopter? i am not rich bitch

116: What concerts have I been to? noneeee- WAIT NO MARIE MAI

117: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? not sex but for the purpose of pretending i have a penis yes plenty

118: Learned another language? yeah!! i learned english, i almost learned spanish and i’m trynna learn korean now

119: Wore make up? i try!! but i’m not super good

120: Lost my virginity before I was 18? not 18 yet but it’s goin that way

121: Had oral sex? as if 

122: Dyed my hair? i wishhh

123: Voted in a presidential election? I WISH THE ELECTIONS R ONE MONTH B4 MY BIRTHDAY 

124: Rode in an ambulance? nope

125: Had a surgery? yes at a week old 

126: Met someone famous? i think yes but i was super small

127: Stalked someone on a social network? define stalked?

128: Peed outside? yes

129: Been fishing? YES

130: Helped with charity? i think? we do volunteering so 

131: Been rejected by a crush? not directly

132: Broken a mirror? no 

133: What do I want for birthday? boyf......boy..boyff

134: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? oh man uhh maybe 2-3, i dont know their names yet honestly

135: Was I named after anyone? MY DAD NAMED ME AFTER A FUCKIN CLIENT HE MET. as for my actual name now I named myself after my fav video game character. lit

136: Do I like my handwriting? yeah!!

137: What was my favourite toy as a child? bitch hot wheels

138: Favourite Tv Show? hells kitchen,,,,judge judy,,,anythin like that

139: Where do I want to live when older? honestly i wish i could just live in japan or tokyo, or new york? but i will most likely end up in montreal 

140: Play any musical instrument? i used to play the clarinet last year!!

141: One of my scars, how did I get it? the one on my knee, i scratched my desk with my knee 

142: Favourite pizza toping? my dad makes AMAZING sea food pizzas,,,

143: Am I afraid of the dark? a lot

144: Am I afraid of heights? A LOT

145: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? idk prolly? im a bit of a goody two shoes or however u spell it

146: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end: dont we all

147: What I’m really bad at: organizing my anxiety n shit i get overwhelmed

148: What my greatest achievments are: finishing high school 

149: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: honestly has to be that time someone dug up my vent post about being dysphoric to try to say i hated myself with some dumbass DySphorIa Is SelF HaTRed argument

150: What I’d do if I won in a lottery: pay my parents’ debt off, buy 284223$ of BT21 merch, pay my whole college/uni and transition

151: What do I like about myself: idk i like how i literally do not give a fuck anymore and ive learned to love myself instead of trynna care

152: My closest Tumblr friend: @peptobismol-official​ @ace-landofthesun​ @dorkalisious​ and ana but idk her @ anymore :((( ana pls

153: Something I fantasise about: we dont talk about that

154: Any thoughts on the paranormal?: lit. please stop crawling in my ceiling !

ok now that u know my whole biography. go doxx me ig. bye bye

#Arche.txt #asks #ask #long post

[mukur0writes-blog]

25 Q’s (tag)

Thank you to @leapwriter for the tag!!!

1. Is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

Yes. I have this one super in-depth concept that will require...well, a shitton of research. I’m talking binders full. It’s highly political and involves an outrageous amount of extrapolation and speculation based on history and real-world politics and foreign policy as well as past relations and state’s relations and...long story short, Tennessee secedes from the U.S. as they threatened to do a few years ago under the Obama Administration. the U.S. responds with high tariffs to this new “independent country” and rip, Tennessee, which is not self-sufficient in any shape or form, goes to hell. It would follow several characters and examine “illegal immigration,” wealth and poverty, the nature of activism, and the consequence of conservative backlash.

2. What work of yours, if any, are you embarrassed about existing?

Anything written before 2013. Some after.

3. What order do you write in? Front of book to back? Chronological? Favorite scenes first? Something else?

So far I’ve always written front to back, as it would be read, but lately I’ve been considering going more freeform and doing scene by scene, but that requires a solid outline and I have never in my life been able to outline with any actual success.

4. Favorite character you’ve written?

Depends on the day and who I’m currently working on. fan characters, Mukuro forever.

5. Character you were most surprised to end up writing?

this is probably more relevant to canon characters that I’ve picked up for fanworks, tbh. like...Genos of OPM? I never would have expected. Colonnello of KHR? wtf

6. Something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change now

there’s some shit I wish I’d refined in the current OPM fanfic, Androgen Blues, but I’m not gonna go back and heavy edit published chapters before even updating lmao. 

7. When asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

I don’t share my online works with people irl, period, ever. but I’m okay telling people that I write I guess. people ask hobbies and like, that’s the biggest one so I can’t exactly hide it

8. Favorite genre to write

depends on the day. I love horror and speculative fiction. spec fic is where my heart truly lies, but horror is damn good, too. admittedly I have a lot of practice writing erotica, too. 

9. What, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

pinterest boards because I’m a fucking pleb. I like to read manga a lot and sometimes I get lucky and get bright ideas and inspo. music is a huge one. xkito and SuicideSheep are so important to my writing.

10. Write in silence or with background music? Alone or with others?

this depends 100% on the day. some days I just need some goddamn quiet, some days I have to plug into some music to write. some days I’m too noise sensitive to listen even if I wanted to.

11. What aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?

I mean, I started writing when I was like 10, so...I sure hope all of it. lmao. technique, narrative, maturity, prose, readability, variation, style, character building, world building, audience awareness, relationships, dynamics, tone, pacing, planning...

12. Your weaknesses as an author?

i’m so fucking ADD. i’ve never finished a project with more than four chapters or forty pages so far. and I used to have a million ideas a day and go back and forth constantly but after I got into fanworks i started channeling that all into RP threads and shit and now i feel pretty bereft of ideas? i need to get creative again and start thinking in originality instead of au’s and stuff.

13. Your strengths as an author?

i like to think it’s characterisation. character depth and interest and relatability. character variety and dynamic. 

14. Do you make playlists for your work?

not so far. i have playlists for writing in general, but not for specific wips

15. Why did you start writing?

it seemed cool i guess? i wanted to join in with people. i was a humongous daydreamer and realised i could write it down.

16. Are there any characters who haunt you?

my own characters?

I mean...the oc’s from when I was a stupid 13yo struggling with undiagnosed ptsd? those definitely haunt me.

the vampire knight next gen oc’s. those...those will never go away.

17. If you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?

this sounds dramatic but I don’t do those...talk to your younger self things. I can’t go back there. maybe in 20 years. 

18. Were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? What were they?

god. so many...

early on, Maximum Ride. and Wheel of Time. talk about conflict. Garth Nix was in there somewhere.

as time went on, Anne Rice really had a hand in my style and storytelling and interests maturing. Oscar Wilde further refined it and encouraged me to start looking at human theory and experiment with writing. 

Kyoko Mori really really dug into me in early high school. I’m sure her books have had a very profound impact on my writing.

my brain is totally blipping on more but I’m sure there’s a ton. before my ADD made reading a big issue, I read abt an average-size book a day. sometimes 1000 pages. i was one of those kids.

19. When it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timelines, ect.?

well organised bulletin points on a wordpad or something. seriously. i’m not...super in depth with organisation and notes and stuff. when i start working with full-on 100% original worldbuilding i’ll have to start using scrivener’s more in depth functions.

20. Do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?

usually long sit-down sessions. that’s always the goal. but sometimes a little is all i can do. 

21. What do you think when you read over your older work?

how old? lmao, if it’s the shit I despise pre-2013 i can’t bring myself to read it. it’s fraught with “oh shit that’s trauma wow fuck me” -> dysphoria. then there’s just the weird ass feeling of not remembering stuff you know that you wrote. and shame. i’m bad at having to be perfect, thinking everyone is judging me, all that shit. even some stuff from last year i’ve read over in the last couple months and just cringed and curled up. i really need to rewrite it.

22. Are there subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?

yyyyyyes. i mean there’s triggers for sure--like I could never ever write something involving syringes. i’d probably literally hurl. uh...abuse is a biggie. I can write it but it will mess with me, and there’s the tightrope of dealing with a victim who is probably glorifying the abuse to themselves while not glorifying it in a story, and like, i’m someone who’s been there and been addicted to that roller coaster so yeah, i totally could end up romanticising it without even knowing it (or because i couldn’t go into detail on it without that barrier). sometimes i think that varies by the day. i do write abuse but it’s usually venting more than anything to publish.

23. Any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?

helped and hindered.

24. Have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?

fuck hyperfocus, lmao

25. Copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of.

p...proud? of writing? surely you jest. no but the one i’m really proud of doesn’t really have any snippets that are interesting without context of the whole thing, sorry.

tagging @tofu-writes and @starcraftcd if you’re interested!

#tag

[flockofdoves]

was trying to think of a way to divide up ocs on toyhouse so i don’t get too embarrassed about them yesterday but then it turned into just trying to list like every character i’ve ever made the vast majority of them i’d never put on toyhouse lol. but this was fun for myself even though i definitely forgot chracters and even whole stories from when i was younger

kinda old (definitely need updating they’re from when i was 17/18 and haven’t done much in recent years but nonetheless are my most recent ocs and i would probably like to do something with them someday still):

all the alienated characters - raul and michael primarily, also side characters like their relatives (lennie, joaquin, marcell, maybe also shinsuke, natalia, nina, naomi, hana, leela, etc) and friends (still need to name them lol) etc

justicia (less set on doing her story any time soon compared to alienated, but still theres something to it i might want to work with someday)

pretty old (like i was 16-17)

gf debate characters (this is actually older than a lot of the ones i list as even older in this list but i kept working on them til i was like 17 so they hold up better even if i don’t want to finish making their story anymore) - isaac, micah (micah is literally kinda from when i was 12 lol but i brought her to like 3 different stories and she was a boy in the first one too so shes basically not that character anymore), and then side characters like mirabel (originated in same story at 12 as micah), ayçin, anna, micahs mom and her wife, micahs cousin (another one from that old story) etc

those ocs that literally none of them have names or barely personalities i only ever did character sketches and basic concepts but its like a ghost story thing i was gonna do - 12 y/o baby butch protag, the ghost girl, baby butch’s trans girl cousin, cousins trans guy friend

really old (characters from when i was like 14-15 that did not really develop much from there. most of these are characters i have had fun with and maybe drawn since but are goofy and don’t hold up in a lot of aspects and most of them i’ll probably never pick up for stories again)

football lesbians - monica, wanda, and rania

pigeon magical girls (technically maybe i actually finished a very abbreviated version of their origin story for a school art project when i was 15 lol but i planned to do more back then and now i dont want to) - zehra, ronni, the pigeon, probably not amy and zoë that was just a cameo for myself of ocs from when i was like 11 lol

naomi’s story (this one i might actually want to do something with someday, i wrote a short story about it plus a bit more, but i have to make some serious changes i don’t really think i thought of some of the implications of some stuff in it before) - just naomi and the ghost basically. not to be confused with naomi in alienated who is michael’s sister they are not at all the same person

assorted characters that never really had a story - mels and cvijeta, charlotte (thought about putting her in football lesbians. she does basketball but. jock wlw you know)

really really old (characters from late middle school, like 13-14)

uhhh that wizards story. it never had a name idk. i still kinda like them though tbh even if i’ll never do anything with them anymore - tess, ali, nataline, brandy, mo, remora, cnidarian

really really really old (characters from the middle of middle school, like 12-13. at this point my recollection of what came before what might be kinda off tho)

that fae folk in pennsylvania and ohio story - emilia, ilana, micah (first version! lol), mirabel, that boy that i just hate and don’t remember the name of and resent making a character that had a crush on micah, micahs cousin, darling/angel (a faerie that just went by terms of endearment as if they were names), uhhh the second group of characters in a different more rural town i tried to write that i dont remember the names of

haunted victorian house story - benji, aisha, elizabeth

updated onex arget (fantasy world i wrote about a lot when i was in elementary school) story - nai, rieae

idk this story never had a name and barely a plot beyond ivy and victor becoming friends and venting to each other - victor, ivy, miles, maitê

forks and spoons (story i improvised with my little cousin who was like 8 at the time lol) - florimundi(?), i’m forgetting literally all 3 of the other characters names lol (maybe reese and victor for two of them??? but maybe not bc those are also other very old characters that idk if i reused the names of)

theo and ted - theoni and theodore (aka theo and ted!), oh also that guy they meet who wears like. a trench coat iirc

super old (characters from the later half of the 6th grade and early 7th, like 12ish)

really dumb story about a closeted trans person with did getting transformation powers - i actually dont remember the main character and their main other alters names anymore, i remember the other character they had a crush on stephan though

all those characters in bands that i never actually could settle on a story for beyond a variety of interpersonal drama. very inspired by the webcomic jenny hanniver tbh - avery, mark, etti, adrian, xavier, pepper, uhhh theres literally So Many more of them and also so many i dont remember the names of anymore but just for some that come to mind. that periwinkle colored hair in a bowl cut character that always wore a beanie who was in avery’s band whos names on the tip of my tongue (maybe that was etti and the character i’m calling etti was called something else?? maybe victoria? maybe andy? maybe andy was an entirely different 3rd character?? idk. actually yeah i’m positive bowlcut character was etti rereading this), xaviers ex-boyfriend who was obsessed with homestuck (lmao), that guy with red hair i accidentally directly ripped off the design of some jenny hanniver character, that goth guy with braces and glasses (maybe he wasnt in this?), that screamo band with 2 lead singers, that guy with brown hair that said he was straight with an exception (msfdkjghhsfd god), that person with the emo haircut in flame colors, this literally is not even all the characters lol

extremely old (largely from 6th grade, like age 11ish. weird period of time where i suddenly wanted to write about romance but thought it had to be straight but then very quickly was like ‘wait actually nvm i have a laptop now and think i’m bicurious i’m only gonna write about gay people)

gsa story (this might have been the summer before 7th actually but it feels distinctly before the other stuff in the last category so idk maybe just my whole impression of when i made things for middle school is off) - emmy(?), allie(?), noah(???), some other kid, i think noah(?) or the other kid got reused to be the guy i regretted making a part of that faerie story who liked old micah lol, maybe more kids, their teacher

idk that kid with blue hair and black eyes with white irises and his sister

middle school lesbians - leah and cass

lesbian who works in food service and there were weird references to comic books but filtered through me referencing an obscure emo humor youtube channel that made jokes about comics i’d never read - amy, zoë, amy’s straight best friend i dont remember the name of??

tosca (this wasnt straight romance but it was like the last thing pre me always having lgbt main characters) - idk. there were two characters i drew like once. theres nothing to note about this except wanting to make it is what made me learn about webcomics

that story i posted the first chapter of on quibblo about a hippie girl (somehow in 2010?? dont ask me) and an emo boy liking each other before abandoning to never write about cishet romance again. didnt even get to the romance part lol - i forget her name. maybe it was april? maybe it was florimundi and i reused it later for another character, nix, reese (her goth lesbian best friend. thank god for reese)

first attempt at straight romance. also about like. idk. fantastical powers in clouds in providence rhode island - selia, shay, cassandra, selias other friend i forget the name of??

ancient (literally elementary school ocs. obviously theres a lot of grades covered here but its just my memory and ability to reference this is so loose idk if i could even try to accurately divide it further)

shadow magic - mezzaluna, her aunt tabby(?), alexa

a, j, & j (barely counts i didnt do anything with them. those are the only characters also)

arine (some of these characters might not be arine characters and just from other onex arget (fantasy world i wrote a bunch of stories in and made a shitty conlang for and stuff) stories but i just dont really remember) - lia, lias sister, dibujurm, that other fantastical creature who was friends with dibujurm i forget the name of that kinda looked like calcifer from howls moving castle but fuzzy not an actual fire (maybe isigo??), emiaelaesa, that obnoxious prince (i think the story was called arine bc that was his name?), the prince’s servant, there absolutely were more

the musical adventures of shiri and don - shiri, don, some evil villain and his henchmen

rosington (there were like no characters besides her. weird junie b jones rip off with nonsensical humor to everyone but me)

that tree prophecy story (maybe set in onex arget?) - nico, emi (?? maybe not her name), their uncle (i forget his name, maybe lester?), their uncles shipmates, that fortune teller

idk some kid that goes on a scavenger hunt to solve a mystery on vacation in like bermuda or something where he meets some quirky girl character who helps him. thats all

i had some characters that started out as me trying to draw characters from the book hoot by carl hiaasen but for some reason then turned into my own ocs and looked nothing like those characters were described and also basically had nothing to do with them in personality and action beyond name after a while. - beatrice and napoleon. this was in a phase where i got a ‘how to draw anime’ book and napoleon straight up looked like a yugioh character his hair was ridiculous

those fake siblings i made up and lied to a substitute teacher in kindergarten about me having 6 siblings because of for absolutely no reason even though i only have one sibling irl

imaginary friends i shared with my brother and then made stories about - theres so many of these, the most important though was chick-chick-chick. who was a very small chick who wore a top hat. and then he had a family(?) of infinitely smaller chicks (chick-chick-chick-chick, for example) the more “chicks” you added to the name

#my ocs #cpost

[allhallows-art]

WRITING REQUESTS

So, I’ve decided to redo this shit I did a while back. A long time ago, I compiled a huge list of AU’s and I’ve decided to repost it. If you want a bit of writing done for the following people:

SuperMega Game Grumps Markiplier ( and crew including Tyler and Ethan ) HatFilms Sidemen Cow Chop CancerCrew Then all you have to do is pick from the list below, send the number to me along with who you want it to be about. I’ll try and get through them as soon as I can. They’ll probably all be shit and jokey bc that’s my writing style but I hope you enjoy Thanks to @apocalypto-12​ for rekindling my love for writing and feel free to pick some Au’s and I'll write them for you babe

1. ‘my parents are rly religious and forced me to this meeting I hate everything the entire world is against me what the actual fuck did a stranger just send me nudes’ 2. I’m passionate about this cause and I will give you this flier if I must shove it down your throat 3. all our friends are drunk 4. it’s 3 am and I’m still in the library studying for finals and I’m losing my grip on reality and I think I just saw a ghost 5. We’re studying in the library and there are two people very obviously fucking in the stacks and we keep sharing embarrassed glances 6. You decked me in the head while you were playing frisbee golf 7. I’ve been sitting in this seat all semester why did you decide to sit in it today 8. my friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex quick make out with me 9. it’s 3am, in the dead of winter, some motherfucker pulled/set off the fire alarm and I am being very vocal about how I’m gonna make that fucker pay 10. you’re the fucker who set off the fire alarm with your awful cooking (or) I’m the fucker who set off the fire alarm with my awful cooking 11. dude your headphones are loud like I can make out most of Kayne’s lyrics and I’m sitting across the fucking room 12. you live above me and I’m going to murder you if you don’t stop throwing parties Sunday night 13. ‘me and my roommate decided to decorate our house for Halloween but got really into it, and ended up re-enacting several scenes from nightmare on elm street so loud the neighbours called the police to investigate screams’ 14. I broke your nose at a mosh pit 15. “You were chased by the cops, got in my car and just yelled ‘Drive!’” 16. “You broke into my apartment drunk thinking it was your friend’s house and I should call the cops but my cat kinda likes you so we’re good” 17. “You saw me reading the same book you did and we got into a heated discussion on how much it sucks 18. “My cat steals underwear and I come home to find you chasing my cat to get your underwear back.” 19. “This horrible umbrella won’t extend! Oh, shit I just hit you in the stomach/crotch! I’m so sorry.” 20. “I drunkenly tried to fight you and knocked myself out but you were kind enough to take care of me till I woke up.” 21. “I thought you were my friend so I slapped your ass in greeting.” 22. “I’m watching The Lion King on my phone and I’m trying to hide the fact I’m sobbing uncontrollably but you notice anyway.” 23. cat person and dog person meet at petco and their pets won’t stop hissing and growling at each other 24. we’re both ‘team leaders’ at a summer camp for little people and you may be hot but goddammit my collection of twelve-year-olds are going to beat yours into the dust 25. a mutual friend invited us to their laser tag party and we’re the last two alive on opposite teams and goddammit if I’m going down you’re going down with me 26. ‘I met you last night when you were drunkenly patting my dog in my backyard at 3 in the morning and when I asked you what the hell you were doing you slurred something about dogs being great and then you threw up on my feet and then fifteen minutes later you were passed out on my couch so that’s why you’re here right now also what the fuck is your name and why were you patting a dog in a stranger’s backyard in the middle of the night’ 27. 'last night was a haze for both of us and somehow we woke up hungover in a bed that isn’t either of ours and neither of us recognize this apartment we should probably get out of here before someone calls the cops on us’ 28. 'i found you sleeping on my balcony when I went out to water my plants why are you here and more importantly how did you get here we’re eighteen floors up’ 29. ‘I called the wrong number and started talking about my life and you only interrupted me after a few a few minutes of me revealing some pretty personal stuff and now your invested in my life troubles’ 30. ‘we’re two thirds of the threesome we had last night and we’re walking awkwardly out of the last person’s apartment together’ 31. ‘I’ve had a really awful day so I started kicking a car out of frustration and it turned out to be your car I’m so sorry’ 32. I always see you doing weird shit at ridiculous hours of the night and it makes me feel better because I do weird shit in the middle of the night too 33. “I’m going to need you to put on some underwear before you say anything else." 34. “So why did I have to punch that guy?” 35. “I hope you know that my name is actually ________.” 36. "That is the tenth demon summoning this week holy shit.” 37. “Why exactly do you need chloroform at 2AM?” 38. “You need to stop leaving dead bodies in my kitchen.” 39. I asked you to babysit one time and now my child keeps asking when you will spend time with them again 40. “I’m so sorry that my child pointed out how your shirt- actually never mind I agree, that shirt is horrendous” 41. “You’re drunk and walked into the wrong apartment and fell asleep on my couch oh god you’re going to be so confused in the morning” 42. “I’m at work and my son needs to be picked up from school do you mind?” 43. “Okay well it turns out you’re really good with kids and my son has started calling you daddy and insists we move in so ‘we can be a real family’” 44. “Our dogs whine whenever they’re apart so we spend pretty much every day together” 45. “I walked in on your ex yelling at you so you grabbed me and kissed me so she’d go away and I’m kind of freaked out I literally just met you last week” 46. I’m giving out candy for Halloween and you brought your little sibling trick or treating and I think that’s sweet 47. I accidentally egged the wrong house and I’m trying to apologize but it’s one in the morning and you’re pissed off and I’m so sorry 48. “I live below you and I was minding my own business watching the snowfall out the window WHEN I SAW A BODY FALL ARE YOU REALLY PUTTING UP CHRISTMAS LIGHTS NOW” 49. “our Christmas party turned into a tropical theme because the radiator is broken and it’s hotter than hell in here - damn you look good without a shirt I never noticed before asgdhfjgkhl” 50. You’re allergic to cats but my cat really likes you my bad 51. You caught me having a Barbie movie marathon and now I’m trying to keep you from telling anyone about this! 52. met at a family reunion but not related to each other 53. your kid hates my kid 54. Accidentally “parkoured” through your window and I must pay you back but I’m dead broke 55. It’s a rainy day and I see you get side-splashed by a car and I’m laughing so hard until I get hit too 56. Drunkenly sold my soul to a demon and now I’m their bitch but this might be not so bad 57. Work at the same shitty restaurant and have all the same shitty shift times 58. 'What the fuck are you doing its midnight why are you playing 'My Heart Will Go On' on the piano' 59. “I came up to your apartment to ask you to turn down your music and have quieter sex, but it turns out that you’ve just been jumping up and down on your bed in your underwear listening to music alone 60. 'I heard you singing backstreet boys at 3am and decided to sing along oops’ (other old boybands can be substituted) 61. 'I was walking by the roller coasters and SOMEONE’S SHOE FLEW OFF AND HIT ME IN THE HEAD 62. you’re the drummer for my brother’s band and I find you hot (bonus: the band is really shit and the drummer doesn't want to be there so uses the other person as an excuse to get out of practice) 63. we go to the same coffee shop every evening to do homework but we never speak to each other until today 64. I’m only your friend because we smoke weed and get high together 65.

66. “I want to blame my young child from accidentally breaking your window with a baseball, but it actually was in fact me, and I was aiming for your roof I am sorry 67. we have apartments next to each other and sometimes you’re blasting shitty music but other times you’re jerking off and that’s even louder than the music please quite down 68. “I’m a biker and one day I was biking in your neighborhood while you just happened to be outside watering the plants and since you’re so goddamn cute I accidentally steered into a pole and now you’re giving me first aid (holy shit you’re even cuter up close)” 69. “I’m at a karaoke bar and I’m sober enough to realize that your voice singing my absolute favorite song is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard, and you caught me staring and winked at me oh shit" 70. “it’s 2 in the morning and I was just trying to get home but I left my sunroof open all day and now there’s a squirrel in my car and it scared me and I drove into a pole – would you please stop laughing you’re a cop. you’re supposed to be helping” 71. “you can’t get tattooed drunk, come back in the morning and if you still want my name on your ass we’ll talk" 72. ‘I walked into the public bathroom at a mcdonalds and you’re dangling halfway out of an air vent do I even want to know what you were doing’ 73. ‘I found you on the roof of my house passed out with a black eye holding a fire extinguisher’ 74. I accidentally texted the wrong number with a cat meme and you replied back with a different one unexpectedly and we just kept going ‘till I was convinced I would marry you 75. I’m best friends with your brother and when we were face-chatting you walked past in your boxers and bent over to pick something up and I tried averting my eyes but that ass 76. Detective partners 77. Reincarnation 78. Childhood friends with adjoining houses/rooms 79. This is the end of the world and we’re all we’ve got 80. I keep calling tech support because you’re helpful and your voice is cute 81. Competitive buskers who eventually for a band 82. Pen pals who vent to each other every week 83. Working at a theatre together during midnight premiere of a blockbuster 84. Meeting while waiting for hours in the a&e 85. Panicked yelling in unison because of lost baggage between connecting flights 86. Book store 87. Reluctant team mates who save the world together 88. Stuck in an airport because our flights were very delayed and it’s like 2am 89. Pretending to be siblings because of reasons 90. Teaming up to rescue respective abducted children 91. Trapped in a bank during a robbery 92. I’m pretending to be your bff bc you look very uncomfortable with that person at the bar 93. New fbi partner is hot 94. You accidentally shipped this weird thing to my apartment 95. Inappropriately timed confessions 96. At a ski lodge somehow got stuck outside in a storm hey look an abandoned cabin logically thinking go inside for warmth 97. Oops friend looks like the only place to sleep in this house is this small twin sized bed guess we are sharing 98. Inappropriately timed proposals 99. Called the wrong number while drunk 100. Hitchhiker 101. Arranged marriage 102. Fallen angel 103. Fashion designer 104. Zombie apocalypse 105. Backpacking across Europe 106. Mermaid 107. Band on tour 108. Small town lovers 109. Ice skaters 110. Dancing partners 111. Singing partners 112. Lawyers/ detectives 113. Writer and editor 114. Photographer and model 115. Stuck in a lift together 116. Phycologist and a patient 117. Partners in crime 118. Dystopian 119. Utopian 120. We both got kicked out of our rooms bc our room mates are hooking up and we are now avoiding each other 121. Laser tag 122. Walked by a rollercoaster and got hit in the head by a shoe 123. Swim team 124. Got mistaken for a celeb by their biggest fan 125. Sorry I set the fire alarm off for like the forty ninth time I tried to cook 126. I’m a werewolf but I’m embarrassed to tell you bc my wolf form is more like a Chihuahua 127. We both tried to rob a bank at the same time 128. Mistaken identity 129. Trapped on a desert island 130. Lab partners 131. Runaway royalty and a confused commoner 132. Android ad human 133. Immortal and non-immortal 134. Detention 135. Time travel 136. Came to the wrong Halloween party 137. Pranked the wrong person 138. Accidentally scared a kid and their adult is angry at me 139. Rival super heroes trying to save the same small town 140. Neighbours who only met because “I cannot get this stupid jar open can you help?” 141. We made a bet at the beginning of laser tag guess who won pay up 142. I’m on the FBIs most wanted for killing a ton of people but dw I just wanna date you bc your face is smoochable and you give me butterflies 143. Life sized version of clue in an old abandoned manor 144. Reunited after surviving zombie apocalypse 145. “are we both robbing the same house?” 146. Kissed them as a distraction to steal their wallet 147. “you know you’re singing out loud to your headphones, right?” 148. “I think my dog likes your dog” 149. Little kids getting way caught up in make believe 150. Lives alone in the woods next to a waterfall finds a confused lost person walking round 151. Fighting a squirrel 152. Spy 153. Private security 154. Angry biologists 155. Historians 156. Crazy cat hoarder and frustrated allergic to cats neighbour 157. Modern royalty 158. Got up at 2am for snacks at the store and found you trying to sleep in the hallway bc your roommates have his fiancée over and I guess I’ll lend you my couch 159. My cat went into your apartment through an open window and likes to piss everywhere and ruin furniture and now your back home from the store and you found me in the middle of your living room but I promise I’m not a burglar 160. Its 3 am and as much as you have a great music taste people are trying to sleep 161. My best friend somehow broke me to and tonight it the season finale of my fav to show and no internet streams are working can I watch it on you to please I promise I’ll go back to my apartment once it’s over 162. “I moved into the apartment next door and its totally haunted crash I crash here tonight” 163. “I may or may not have just robbed a bank and please help me get away I will pay you in sexual favors also cash” 164. “I don’t know you but you were at that party last night and long story short I now have your name tattooed on my ass2 165. “my friends dared me to go on this rollercoaster and now we are at the top and it looks hella scary and hello hot person next to me careful I might puke” 166. You thought you were alone at the bus stop early this morning so you started singing fall out boy loud but your Patrick stump impression could use some work and I’m not afraid to point that out 167. We’re rival up and coming singers and every time one of us releases a song the other covers it to try and make it better. We’re also always trying to out cute each other and top each other but half our fans ship us; our agents use this to their advantage and decide we should do a duet bc it would be popular but now we are in the studio together and I know and I kinda wanna know how your lips feel 168. Help I cannot find my cat and I know its 3 am but me and Neil cat rick Harris would appreciate the help 169. I’m a computer hacker trying to hack government systems but accidentally hacked your computer as you were searching up sex positions and looking at questionable porn 170. I’m a fandom blogger and you’re an aesthetic/fashion blogger and I accidentally followed you through that Tumblr radar thing but you’re too cute to unfollow 171. I sent you one of those ask memes Reponses saying that I would date you but we’ve never talked and you live half way across the world but now you’re interested whoops 172. You started banging on my door at 3 in the morning bc you got the wrong apartment and now I’m inviting you in for tea to bitch about the person you thought lived here 173. Person A accidentally falls in the pond trying to reach something and person B is a bystander who can’t help but laugh 174. Person B must grab person A from falling into the t6raintracks because they did stay behind the yellow line 175. you’re a store clerk and oh no I just spotted my ex can I hide behind your desk thingy 176. We’re neighbors and we’ve never talker but your cat may have gotten my cat pregnant guess we’ll have to raise a kitty family together. 177. A toddler broke your nose and I may or may not have snapped my thumb n an intense game of Mario kart and now we are sitting next to each other in A&E 178. I tried to rescue you from being robbed but got knocked out and you had to take me to the hospital after getting your wallet stolen 179. I purposefully get your coffee order wrong so you will talk to me again 180. I work at the checkout ad you are clearly not old enough to buy that 181. We are both con artists scamming each other 182. My hamster escaped and I think he went under your door 183. “Hey we hooked up last night and it turns out you’re my child’s teacher” 184. “we are neighbors and every night at 3;14 you start yodeling?? Why?? Is that you yodeling?? Its been two months??” 185. “I woke up this morning to find you in my living room with a goat wearing a poncho who are you?? Why is the goat wearing a poncho?? How did you get the goat here I live on the 12th floor?? 186. “I was playing beer pong with a coin and accidentally threw it in your eye at a party” 187. “okay I get that you’re a good thief and you don’t want to go to jail but I’m the tired af detective sent to catch you I stg if you let me bring you in I can get you a good deal” 188. “We’ve been nothing but friends our whole lives but then we played seven minutes in heaven on a dare and now I think I’m in love with you” 189. “My guitarist quit the night before a gig that could be my bands big break and apparently, you are really good but if you screw this up for us I will hunt you down and slit your throat” 190. “it’s the middle of the night and I’m walking in the dark and there’s this guy following me and he’s gaining on me and I found a phone booth with a lock on and tried to call my sister but my hand was shaking so now I’ve ended up calling you and I don’t know who you are but please help” 191. They captured you and put you in a room with me because I can suppress other people’s powers so you hate me but I’m just lonely and bored and want to talk to you 192. Esteemed rival chefs who find each other shamelessly buying ramen at 3am 193. “I know it’s the apocalypse but please can we keep this stray dog” 194. We’re at a murder mystery party and I’m sure you’re the killer 195. Your grandma is forward even though we are just friends 196. “We got into a really heated Wii tennis match and the rec and now I wanna bang you” 197. “you are literally the last person I would expect to see at Disneyland but hey wanna ride space mountain” 198. “YOU LIKE GAME OF THRONES TOO?!” 199. “in interviewing you for a newspaper can you please stop flirting with me and we can get coffee afterwards” 200. “we’re enemies by day but league of legends allies by night” 201. Ancient gods 202. Whoops I accidentally summoned a demon 203. Co captains who always argue 204. “I didn’t mean to throw the water balloon at you I meant to hit my friend behind you” 205. There was a food fight and I accidentally threw spaghetti at the scariest kid in school 206. “I happened to glance in your window when you did some air guitar and then you caught me looking” 207. “I live a block away from the pizza place that’s open until 2 am and you’re like always here which is nice because I get to see you but, um is you sleeping here because you’re literally always here” 208. “I swear to god if I hear you taking a shower at 3 in the morning I will fight you, the pipes in this building are right above my room WHY are you taking a shower at THREE IN THE MORNING” 209. 210. “I can literally hear you sneezing through the walls and I bought you some chicken soup because I have exams to study for and your sneezing is seriously distracting” 211. “Im the poor loser you lent your umbrella to yesterday and my cat scratched through the fabric I’m sorry” 212. “we were partnered for this project and both forgot to do it and now have to pull an all nighter at my house” 213. “I came to this Halloween part as Frankenstein and you came as frankenstein’s wife and now everyone thinks we are dates” 214. We’re the only ones at this tiny bus shelter and you’ve been crying for the past ten minutes and id give you privacy but its pouring down with rain outside so “do you want to talk about it?” I guess 215. You’ve just moved into my apartment and I want a drink but you’ve been in the kitchen for an hour and you will judge me for drinking whiskey at noon on a Sunday 216. We’re both in the brass section of the marching band and you won’t stop making ‘horny’ puns 217. You work in construction and I walk by every day to give you a bagel 218. I sit behind you in lecture and bio1102 is not the place to watch porn 219. We were the only idiots who showed up to ballroom dance class without a partner 220. We are in class and you keep throwing paper balls at me why 221. Its 2am and I’m knocking on your window, wake up let’s go on a late-night walk or something idk can we hold hands already 222. Our kids got paired up for a project and I meant just drop my kid off at your house but now we are at the end of a three hour talk 223. Battle of the bands 224. Our grandparents are in the same nursing home and hate each other whereas we don’t. 225. Arrested at the same protest 226. How do you keep getting my name that wrong on my coffee cup? 227. Only two people who bought tickets to this movie 228. Our manager is making us push this crappy item no one needs but you thought my campaigns was funny so you bought it 229. I desperately need you to fix my laptop but please don’t judge me for my browser history 230. My kid’s hamster died while she was at school and I don’t know how to tell her 231. I made a dumb science joke in class and you’re the only one who laughed 232. Everyone in our dorm has gone out but I have the flu and hear you coughing pathetically from the next room wanna share my stash of cough drops and have Netflix marathon 233. Got into a seriously heated argument in the comments of a mutual friends post 234. Rival street performers 235. My kid shoplifted from your store and I marched her right back to apologies 236. Why didn’t you tell me this place was haunted before I rented it from you? 237. My band plays at the same restraint every Friday and you always make obscure requests and I know you’re trying to stump me but you have rally underestimated how much of a music geek I am 238. m the caterer and you’re the florist for this wedding and we bond over talking about how bad of a person the bride’s mother is 239. We’re chaperoning these kids at an ice skating rink and that last couples skate was pathetic how about we show them how it’s done? 240. We both work at rivalling gossip magazines and keep trying to outdo each other ridiculous stories 241. I accidentally caught the neighbor’s yard on fire and I didn’t think it could get worse but the volunteer fireman reprimanding me is gorgeous and probably thinks I’m an idiot 242. I didn’t mean to get you arrested I thought I was helping 243. Your pizza keeps getting delivered to my house and I need to talk to you about your choice of toppings 244. Graffiti artist/ mural painter 245. You’re the only major film critic who’s hated my movie and I need to talk to you about it because I agree

#supermega #sidemen #Hat Films #cow chop #crankgameplays #markiplier #tyler scheid #game grumps #cancer crew #iDubbbz #maxmoefoe #filthy frank

[scorpiondragon]

99 questions and a bitch ain’t one

1) What images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpapers? Phone: Winnipeg Jets logo Work computer: closeup of husband & my hands from our wedding in India (bc henna + colors + love) Laptop: space

2) Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? in college yes - couple of TAs and a prof or two. never in grade school, ew. 3) What was your last text message? my brother sending some 2nd hand hysteria my mother told him to bother me with 4) What do you see yourself doing in 10 years? raising a kid maybe? 5) If you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be? a tropical beach 6) What was your coolest Halloween costume?I was pumpkin like 3 years in a row when I was wee 7) What was your favorite 90s show? Sabrina the Teenage Witch 8) Who was your last kiss? Mike Skelton 9) Have you ever been stood up? probably? dunno, i didn’t schedule dates where that would really be an issue. like, meet me at my favorite bar, i’ll be hanging with the bartenders when/if you get there. meet me at such-and-such on campus event, i’ll be around. etc.  10) Favorite ice cream flavor? peppermint oreo 11) Have you been to Las Vegas? nope 12) Your favorite pair of shoes? if they aren’t a favorite, i don’t own em anymore 13) Honestly, have you ever cheated on your significant other? never 14) What is your favorite fruit? peaches. also apples. and raspberries. i love fruit 15) Have you talked to anyone on tumblr that you could see yourself dating/having sex with? If possible? yes, my husband is on tumblr so QED 16) Are you into hookups? Short or long term relationships? used to be; yes, well, see i’m married so..yes 17) Do you smoke? If so, what? used to. lotsa stuff. 18) What do you do to get over your anger? vent 19) Do you believe in God? in a manner of speaking 20) Does the person you're in love with know it? yup. See Answer to Interrogatories 15 and 16. 21) Favorite position? COO/Firm Administrator 22) What's your horoscope sign? Scorpio 23) Your fears? bees 24) How many pets do you have? What kind? 1 dog. for now....*shops for snakes*  25) What never fails to turn you on? assholish behavior + heavy metal music 26) Your idea of a perfect first date? food 27) What is something most people don't know about you? my heritage isn’t half “Hungarian”, it’s half Hungarian Rroma. (or “Romani”) 28) What makes you feel the happiest? success/praise 29) What store do you shop at most often? the grocery store....? 30) How do you feel about oral? Giving and/or receiving? good on all fronts 31) Do you believe in karma? ehhh sortof 32) Are you single? nope 33) Do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize? candy. preferably after an entire dinner of apology 34) Are you a good swimmer? used to be reasonably good. probably not anymore #fat 35) Coffee or Tea? yes. 36) Online shopping or shopping in person? yes. 37) Would you rather be older or younger than your current age? i feel like late-20s is the worst time to ask that. i could go back to being a kid and be happy/carefree; i could go back just a little and re-do college. or i could go forward and have increased credibility/respect in the workforce and a more stable life.  38) Cats or Dogs? dogs. but also cats. 39) Are you a competitive person? depends on the thing, but yes. 40) Do you believe in aliens? yep. #math 41) Do you like dancing? yessss 42) What kind of music to you listen to? all the kinds. seriously: techno, rap, country, indie, classic rock, metal, classical, jazz, you name it I have it 43) What is your favorite cartoon character? Lisa Simpson 44) Where are you from? central Pennsylvania 45) Eat at home or eat out? yep. 46) How much more social are you when you're drunk? quite 47) What was the last thing you bought for yourself? Heritage Classic Sweater 48) Why do you think your followers follow you? i dare not speculate, given how many bs porno blogs follow me 49) How many hours do you sleep at night? seven? 50) What worries you most about the future? Trump 51) If you had a friend that spoke to you the same way you speak to yourself, how long would you be friends? uhhhhh this question makes me uncomfortable. not very long. 52) Are you happy with yourself? sometimes 53) What do you wish you didn't know? the state of the world today 54) What big lesson could people learn from your life? “smash the patriarchy”. or maybe “don’t be afraid to be fuckin weird” 55) If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be? Fraiser’s 56) What's your favorite Website? why is that Capitalized? 57) What's the habit you're proudest of breaking? smoking cigarettes, i suppose 58) What was your most recent trip of more than 50 miles? home 59) What's the best bargain you've ever found at a garage sale or thrift store? who quantifies that shit 60) What do you order when you eat Chinese food? chicken fried rice 61) If you had to be named after one of the 50 states, which would it be? Arizona 62) If you had to teach a subject to a class, what would it be? religion 63) Favorite kind of chips? salt & vinegar 64) Favorite kind of sandwich? tuna melt 65) Which do you use more often, the dictionary or the thesaurus? thesaurus 66) Have you ever been stung by a bee? yes 67) What's your favorite form of exercise? n/a 68) Are you afraid of heights? nope 69) What's the most memorable class you've ever taken? philosophy of mind 70) What's your favorite breakfast? all the breakfasts. seriously my favorite meal 71) Do you like guacamole? yes quite 72) Have you ever been in a physical fight? yep 73) What/who are you thinking about right now? Claire, who I beat the shit out of for disrespecting my dad 74) Do you like cuddling? yep 75) Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? lots 76) Have you ever experienced one of your biggest fears? yes 77) Favorite city you've been to? Vancouver 78) Would you break the law to save a family member? yes 79) Talk about an embarrassing moment? what? 80) Are there any causes you strongly believe in? women’s rights comes immediately to mind 81) What's the worst injury you've ever had? none have been truly serious 82) Favorite day of the week? if i say Friday am I lame? 83) Do you consider yourself sexually open minded? yep 84) How do you feel about porn? prefer to read than watch, but i’m down 85) Which living celebrity would you like to know? Bernie Sanders 86) Who was your hottest ex? no idea. what? 87) Do you want/have kids? someday 88) Has anyone ever told you that they wanted to marry you? yup 89) Do you get easily distracted? depends on what i’m doing. if i’m focused, no. otherwise probably. 90) Ass or titties? ass 91) What is your favorite word? pulchritudinous #irony 92) How do you feel about tattoos? very good #addicted 93) Do you have any pets? yes. See Answer to Interrogatory No. 24.  94) How tall are you? 5′9 95) How old are you? 28 96) 3 physical features you get complimented on a lot? smile, butt, “figure” #hourglass 97) Is there anything you're really passionate about? many things.  98) Do you have trust issues? not so much 99) Do you believe in love at first sight? lust, sure

#survey #about me

[brittanygriffin]

all of the masterpiece asks!

Alright here it goes! Some things about myself you may not even know!

1. mona lisa: what makes you feel most beautiful?Truly what makes me feel most beautiful are the days where I get to just relax or do some card readings, even have a chance to light some incense and candles and maybe go through my room (I’m in the process of donating and getting rid of old things after graduating).

2. starry night: what is your favorite constellation?Definitely Orion, I remember growing up it was always the one that stood out the most to me and I could always spot it no matter what (even when the belt didn’t completely stand out)

3. the scream: do you have an unusual fear?I don’t really have any unusual ones, but I feel like now it’s more financial and future fears if anything. The fear of the “what comes next”.

4. birth of venus: do you have a favorite myth? if so, what is it?I have always been attracted to Greek myths, my favorite being Poseidon truly anything that was involved with him always caught my attention. This I believe came from my love of the water/beach and many of the creatures within it as well.

5. pieta: who is the most important person in your life?My most important person is by far my father - he was always there for me through everything and always supported me no matter what (and he still does). Truly he is one of the people that I can go to for a laugh when I need it most even on his worst days, or mine.6. las meninas: describe your ideal dayIdeal day... that would be difficult for me - because I could truly just enjoy a day full of activities and adventures but then again the other part of me would love a day of relaxation - true relaxation where I can get away from the city (I’m in Northern NJ) and be able to basically take a day off from everything and not have to worry about anything at all. The whole idea of a beach getaway or like cabin getaway always sounds lovely to me.

7. girl with a pearl earring:what is your favorite form of expression?This is a weird question because I’m unsure if it means in an emotional/physical sense or creative sense - so i’ll answer for both. Emotionally/physically I love being able to just listen and talk to people, communicating especially with those I can tell need a chance to vent or talk openly about something without judgement or that may need advice on. I have always been that person that heard people out and gave advice or my outlook on things. Now as far as creatively, I express myself in many different forms: crocheting, knitting, painting, drawing, musically, and visually [i.e. photography]. These are definitely my top forms of being able to express myself creatively.8. david: do you think beauty is defined, or a matter of opinion?Well it depends on where you are defining “beauty”. If you look in a worldly sense from media and technology - it is definitely defined to a degree. Especially in media, it is defined as something to “achieve” rather than to embrace. But, personally I believe it is a matter of opinion - there are plenty of circumstances that yield itself as an example of this. The most relatable way to think about it is my best friend and I have completely different tastes in men. But, even though they are different that doesn’t make one outlook of “beauty” of the man to be superior than the other - it rather becomes a spectacle of how you see that beauty to its full extent. (I hope that made sense).9. the kiss: what is one thing in life that you love?I really do love my family, and those that have become like family to me. They make it much easier to be able to get through things, especially hard times in life where I may second guess decisions or actions that I made/going to make.10. the creation of adam:what is your first memory?First?! I mean, I have plenty of pictures of things that have happened when I was little. But, some of the things that stick out the most were times where I was at the zoo with my father, or family events when I was younger, and even some things that happened to me in school. Nothing too detailed though honestly.

11. american gothic: what career do you want to have in the future?I actually graduated from William Paterson University of NJ with a degree in Arts and Communications. I focused in the realm of Media Production and I truly love every aspect of what I graduated with. I would love to be able to run a production company in the future but even something like working with a TV station in the control room would be amazing too. I just honestly ended up falling in love with so many aspects that I don’t mind what my “career” is, but as long as it falls in line with Media Production, I know I will love doing it.12. guernica: tell a story - any story you likeI like telling the story of my boyfriend and I, truly the short version though. It’s funny because when we were very young his mother (Josh’s mom) used to babysit myself, Josh and his sister. Now we totally have pictures as kids together - but then there was a LONG period of our lives where we didn’t really talk or anything until about 3 years ago. Not only was he a lil chubby when he was younger, but that’s what in my mind I remembered him always being - and one day he sent me a message asking me out. This happened to be after going through some relationship stuff myself so at first I actually said no. But after consulting my mother she made a good point when I talked about “him being like a family friend” she said “well what is the worst that could happen?”. Fast forward a couple of months he asked me out another time (his final attempt from what he told me) and I took the chance. I will never forget him driving up and me looking in the car from far away “damn he is cute as fuck” and the rest is history - we went to the zoo he hesitantly kissed me and while going to drop me off we were dating. (this zoo date was the third one at that point). We’ve been together for 2.5 years and I truly haven’t been happier with anyone else. And I wouldn’t have known unless I took that chance.13. nighthawks: where do you spend most of your time, outside of school/work and home?Actually at Josh’s house the most as my second home. There is something about snuggling up to someone you love that really gets you away from all the crap. I do go to a gym, but I don’t spend THAT much time there I just balance it with my schedule whenever I can. But other than that I do spend most of my time at home or at work (I have three current jobs) so I don’t get too much time to myself.14. the son of man: what is one aspect of your personality that you would say defines you?I definitely feel like my honesty, openness, and way of looking at things is what defines me. I don’t care the person but if you talk to me about something, a situation, or even something personal I truly talk to everyone honestly. I just stopped caring what people think of myself, and that let me learn that part of that for me was being able to see that me being open and honest may contribute to that to “outsiders” but I do that so also no one feels left out like I have when I was growing up.15. the thinker: when do you most often find yourself lost in thought?Definitely at night or early morning. It’s typically when my mind is stuck in itself the most. I tend to think of all the things I need for the following day or what I didn’t get to finish at night - while in early morning I always think of the list of things I need to get done or have to get done. It’s a weird thing but it kind of keeps me on top of most things that way.16. lavender mist: where do you find joy in life?I found a lot of my joy coming from my witchcraft side and being able to have something for myself and to give myself time. But also at the gym, where I find a strange joy in being able to workout with my best friend and attain goals that we want to accomplish. But I feel like emotionally the joy I find is from the people around me, and the people that I surround myself with. Those are the smiles and laughs I get to see and hear which allow me to let loose and smile or laugh as well.17. water lily pond: do you enjoy nature? if so, why? if not, why not?I do! I really enjoy the scenery outdoors and especially since I am in NJ I am able to access everything from forests, fields, and beaches/water! Especially with the season changes it gets so pretty outdoors and to be able to sit outside or take a walk outside is so refreshing.18. the persistence of memory: what is the most vivid dream that you can recall?Offhand I really don’t have any in-particular but I do tend to get vivid dreams that I remember for days that are always interesting! 19. school of athens: do you know any unusual facts?Not really! I wish I did because it would be a great weird opener to new people.20. winged victory: what is your greatest achievement?I don’t think I have made it to my “greatest” yet. But, I am extremely proud of myself for many things in my life - from graduating, finding something in my career path, and finding myself - there are just many smaller achievements I appreciate right now.

[haeroniel-doliet]

dwhos here for another raaaaaant (vent)? topic is friendships but lets see where thisll go! waheyy let us insert the read more. 

kayokay okay welcome youre gonna regret this; if you havent read through my shitty vents before prepare for ilegibility and thought trains going all over the place and references to things and people youll never know okay great you got off this train? cool gives me more power to crash it see ya. 

okay where do we even begin, oh lets go wild and push out a couple topics first. one is; how shit has improved being uni and how everything seems awful brighter now; why it hasnt actually improved and im lonely as ever; how lonely have i always been; but am i really lonely or just think i should have more bc expectations; why im like this and cannot form relationships

lets start with a bit of a history dive eh eh this is what youre here for, me oversharing my life to nobody thatll read it but come on anyway bc one of the reasons i even fucking do these is because; ironically enough; i have no friends to vent this to!! nobody who actually gives a shit!! and even if they did i have a lot more words and confused thoughts to write out here that would just be really mean to inflict on someone else. 

ok so, classically as a kid ive almost grown as an only child, obviously have a big bro of 7 yrs older that i never formed more of a bond to than the one we share by sharing a family. aka we barely talk. but like i know he doesnt hate me i guess? ok im not gonna go there. its a weird mess. but. all childhood was mostly me playin by myself bc our family friends had kids his age not mine, and we moved around a bunch too and people came in and out, i guess i made ‘best friends’ pretty easily, but none stuck around longer than a year maybe 2-3. bc thats how life was and as a child i guess it wasnt a bother bc hey, let me be friends with everyone! oh but protective parents also mean mostly on my own. thats cool. im totally mature to be sitting at the adults table (there was no kids table) well early at 6-7. mhmmm 

lemme return to finland and start being an early awkward preteen! oh ill be friends with everyone! oh. everyone already has their best friend or best friend group? oh i get left on the playground alone ‘playing the dog at home while they go shopping okay playground games were lame but whaddyou do’ aight cool im okay with this theyre all my friends and im gona draw you all to make friends and nobody like actually bullies me or thinks im weird i guess, anyway school work. oh okay ill make best friends w my neighbour bc were only 7 days apart in age and thats crazy!! i guess we also make friends with lil girls next door bc were 10- 12 and thats what u do. sure. i feel rather criticised by my so called bff bc. we are not on the same wavelength, i feel dumb, im never as funny even if they are hilarious to me, i do gross things w out thinking (imagine having to be told by your friend that you need to buy deodorant when you never thought abt it) and like a bunch of other stuff like not picking up on social cues they dont wanna hang out with me or they dont think looking at funny pictures on the phone is fun... oh okay i mean i guess theyre way better than me but were still friends right? uh yeah. 

okay lets take a gap and go to uk, oh wow, SHIT people actually miss me at home?? im making friends with all these kids in my neighbourhood! oh i can be like the movies where they go down the street and hang out and have movienights awesome! who this is the best! fucking halloween w other 13 yr olds?? having hobbies w them? walking to the bus together and home together?? mad. wild. friends. lets ignore the school consisting of pricks and the only time in my school career ive gotten bullied. like classic bullying. pens thrown at me, butt touched, skirt lifted, name called, teasing my ‘naivety’ (do you work at the dildo factory? haahah. are you frigid? would you have sex with me if i bought you a burger?) oh 13-14 yr olds....  ok no its a wild really good and really shit year combined into an okay year. let me just return home and promise to keep in touch and really very barely keep in touch with any of them. thanks instagram for enabling minimal contact and keeping up w each other. 

(also back then made my first post cryin to tumblr oh why cant i have tumblr besties like everyone else seems to, please someone be my internet buddy! lucky enough actually talked to Amelia a lot, though...... 14 yr old and abt 20 smth. but we played minecraft together and made two shit youtube videos of our competition participation like. you were a good friend to me. never pushed it too far and i really liked having a mature friend. such a shame you seem to have disappeared off the internet (anywehre i know how to reach you) bc hell, i would not have been opposed to meeting you finally irl at fuckin mcm like i always kinda wanted to bc i saw ppl online do, anyway i hope ur life is good and thanks) 

kay so, finally back home weve all moved past the best friend cliques okay okay my class is actually fuckin rad like whaddu you know i dont have to aggressively swear and avoid hugs anymore (self defence from that shitty year) but actually have all these wholesome friends, ofc there were stronger relationships between some people but! i was included. i felt good. it was good. i figured out this being everyones friend thing. im a proper teen now eh. oh but i still had my best friend (briefly moirail) maxx! talking everyday at least for least half an hour if not more, skype calls... watching movies together... sending shit to canada and that one mail i got from you and planning so hard a visit there, even if it felt unrealistic. maybe even spending too much time on you and not making as many connections to my class friends as i could have, u know. stuck on my phone to always be available to you. making you more important. dunno how often id talk thru a crisis in class or however late at night bc, i wanted to be there for you! i loved being needed and being an important piece in moving thru tough times. sure detrimental maybe irl but i was being too much online anyway which i still do but were not there yet. besides, that relationship has had a bit of a roller coaster in the past nearly4 yrs (is it more?) shit that started from an rp and then slowly talking more to being moirails to being the tightest best friends “momma” and all, to your irl friends breaking it up slowly, then a boyfriend really took oyur time and we didnt talk daily lt alone ever get to call bc... shit. okay but i was friends with your boyfriend and though i saw it wouldnt last i was okay with it, like right cool thats teh boyfriend and im the bestfriend. im still involved. yeah man. oh you broke up and now talk more to me! fuck yeah. ill take your side in this regardless. lets get close again even if its not quite the same. i try join your cosplay groups though i cant help feeling me joining killed them, and i followed some you were passionate on! drew all those rad characters of you and your friends to feel adequate and appreciated. then you ad your drama, hated this kid and i wasnt even rly involved. all of a sudden, tight friends, oh i get to be in a chat w you both and a rad other person i had a mild crush on! rad. hell yeah. ive never been in a groupchat like this! this is great i love it. and the vikings came up. and your new friend left bc i was a cis girl and he has problems and could not deal with me not agreeing with his shit argument. (about my countrys history!!)  anyway. they make their groupchat, groupchats die. oh. great i ruined it. okay. i no longer know whats in your life.... oh youre best friends now? i kind of have to bug you to even get added to your ‘friends page’ as dumb as it is. i get knocked right aside as hes the bff and the greatest sweetest person ever even though he still seems like a major dick and even your cool older friend agrees with me..... a load of bullshit and weve drawn apart to barely talking once a week and ive still sent you many gifts bc i think its great! until.  yeah i wasnt gonna send anymore till you promised to set me up with cosplay pieces for christmas and i freak out to send you smth in return (never got more than measurements from me, and due to shit timing i didnt even get to be there for you opening the presents which fuckin ruined it) but whats this? a year on im fucking coming to america and conviced my parents to also go to canada???? fucking insane. still we dont talk much, the plans werent like i expected but i met you and the cool older friend! amazing! it happened! youre real! i brought you more gifts and i got pictures with you and its, it doesnt feel real still. i keep the fucking bus ticket i took from toronto to guelph to remind me. sure i didnt like get much from you back and thats kay different monetary situations and all and yeah. wild. oh but we still barely talk after? no its ok i get it youre not that good with texting people anymore (even if you kept texting you bff while i was there.... like. maybe he was having a crisis i can understand but... please you barely talk to me anymore and now amazingly im there and. you still talk to him a lot. okay...)  ‘ew were not dating were just best friends!” a month later becomes ‘this is my boyfriend and bff i love him more than anything else in the world” ‘oh but hes absolutely a huge mean prick who is super self centered and manipulative,’ and i guess you needed to feel needed like i did and dedicated everything to this shitstorm of a human but. okay... weve drifted apart further, till i demanded thru to your discord (not even active anywhere else) and try damn hard to still talk to you. but its just not genuine. i wanna talk abt important shit to me and worries about myself, but life is difficult on you and i dont feel like you do the same to me so i cant. is it no longer part of our relationship? i guess) 

anyway chapter; who the fuck cares; why i feel i can open up to internet friends more than irl ones;;coming up, the other irl exploits after 9th grade. 

internet friends are based on talking over text and emotions that come up in the moment and contacting them whenever. with irl people, ive always set a sort of boundary that like. our quota of talking is irl. i might message you online but its strictly related to irl things or smth we discussed irl, u feel? even then i mostly never message anyone (thank the two friends in uni ive talked to more than anyone else) but still. theyre people i will unload burdens to IRL when im sitting with them for hours talking about our fucked up relationships with things and life and thats beautiful. but its not consistent through life? like rn all this shit. i cant just go and vent tto you (i guess i could but who knows if youre mad busy and needa be up early tomorrow or are already sleeping or have other shit on your mind, let alone would be offednede by me being so explicit abt me feelings w friendship u being my friend.) anyway, internet friends have broken that and sometimes i talk abt dumb shit ive seen that remind me of them or i wanna get a reaction from someone about and sometimes this bullshit. but more recently, (my discord has fuckin 3 ppl) i cant. i mean. idk if ever could and now theyre just being better w themselves but i cant? Ana tries being a friend and a good online friend but. i cant take it any deeper than like, look how cool this is! yeah that is cool bc theyre exhausted and dont wanna deal w others bullshit and dont want me to deal with theirs bc theyre online to avoid it. all of which i understand but. its kind of hard to deal with. like. youre currently only passionate about your gays in southpark. two things i dont care bout jack shit (actually hate south park idec) and then your response to me just like contemplating quizzes or the way i felt in the mirror at ballet or like smth that comes up to me when im talking abt normal shit, i get an ok, i dk how to respond or, i dont really care. and wildly i love the honesty, and glad to have lines drawn for me when i dont see them, but it always feels like a smack in the face regardless. having stepped out of line and not having realised and stopped before they had to tell me to stop. like it was w that old neighbour bff. i could never tell when she wanted me to leave her alone or smth bc i was having fun! but shed be tired of it and it just. always hurt realising i was too wrapped up in emotion and myself to realise i was annoying or overstepping boundaries and im still terribly self concious about it bc i feel terrible being a bad person like that! i wanna be the perfect friend.ugh. 

the other people on my discord are maxx and the cool older canadian dan, who still is rly cool and admirable. and i feel bad. bc when i first got the dumb thing i talked to him like adults! yea! talked abt maxx and a bit of college and a bit of life and like. it was good! he said good night friend <3 which is like!!! the most wild and exciting thing it fuckin exhilirates me to be called friend in converstion like please fuck validate me being your friend!!!! (god isnt that sad and basically gonna sum up this whole thing) anyway recently im sure things have been sad or busy or hes just that kinda person but my last 4? attempts for convo have gotten no response, even when hes online (supposedly when its ok to message him) and i no longer want to say anything unless its smth im sure id get a response to. bc then im just buggering and annoying the poor guy and become annoying. (even if hes said he doesnt mind and thinks im a great person. i hope) and maxx u know. i can message, and i do, and now more than in a rly long time i- oh my god i get responses!! still they cut short. theres no, hey sorry i dont care or, hey i gotta go, or hey i dont wanna talk abt this, just. no more responses. and i guess my conversational skills are rusty and i havent written anything thatd get an easy response from them! (but stilll, should talking to friends rly require you to formulate conversation starters and talk in a way that doesnt provoke too much but is just easy enough for them to respond briefly and with no investment to make talking to me easy as possible? idk even iguess? maybe im shit at having friends and thats why i have none. shush.)

okay lets head back to irl. high school was shitty weird thing, around 10 ppl in class and i only made friends w 3? got bullied for a good couple days on a trip by 1 and another class person. terrible trying to make friends and keep friendly with everyone in a tiny school but i managed and alls good, and even still, just made friends with the most compatible people, not sure if id have been friends with otherwise. one a nervous wreck of a boy that the teacher tried to like ‘ship us together with’ but while he had a girlfriend and we managed to keep conversation joking and chill (as it should be and i made good sure of it) it was fine, he still like i a very girlfriend oriented person and i guess doesnt chat much online w other girls? im cool with it, a couple snap updates on life here an there its whatever. youre an anxious person anyway and we dont always like. work as friends. another was from japan, who id decieded to make a friend if only to have a friend in japan to visit and to teach me a bit (and teach us to make food! okay im so glad we were friends) and at school it was great enough. helped her get confident in speaking english and correcting work and sitting together at lunch and hanging out outside of school on the rare occasion schedules lined up was fab! i actually am gonna miss her. even if we werent close. and i feel bad bc idk if she wants to keep in contact, and i really suppose i should just aim to write her like a text once a month or so to keep in touch thatd be good, cover that. keep up english and so on. maybe (ps old friends from childhood pop up every now and then on social media and have the rare chat which is quite nice actually! even if im not active or keep them updated, some realtionships i like to leave lukewarm and not hateful but smth thats easy to catch up with if opportunity comes up. i actually can do that quite a lot, make good conversation and feel friendly and make acquaintances. i just. have no idea how to push them to proper active friendships (it just happens sometimes by accident) and no absolute clue how to make htat into a very close “bff we share everything i can message you whenever” kinda relationship classic media like facebook portrays idk. do i need it? i guess not but i kinda wanna know what thats like bc relationships are not a thing for me. lets make that its own paragraph) oh but also on old school friends my frustration of a few days, just. a friend that is the easiest to keep in touch with bc they intitiate and have time and want to do things, but god its annoying and i dont like them. our humours dont align and i feel judged and criticised and like. idk. dont feel great w them. theres moments of like genuine “im glad i met you bc i would have switched schools otherwise” from her and a jar of reminders why were friends and some good memories, but its just. she drains me. and i dont wanna talk deep w her. and though to some other friend it seems like we are heckin dating in secret bc of how comfortable we are and how much we end up communicating to organise things, uhm were not. i wouldnt date her ever im sorry. struggling to stay friends and have it fade to the background amicably before i do or say smth wrong and fuck it up. anyway its just bugging me and i hate it bc i feel bad for her and bad for myself and its just a mess that i dont wanna deal with that mucheven if i talked my parents ear off about it.

ok intermission to parents. in a way no. no fuck they are not my friends. my mom will never be my best friend and i dont think they want that either,being classic parents and allbut i guess, sometimes when i get past the ugh youll never understand youre so god damn annoying!! teenage phase my brain still has, i do talk to them about a lot of things that upset me, bc unlike friends, they cant decide not to care about me or stop talking to me u know. i have vented about shit practices that have really tested my self worth and lack of emotions (remind sobbing like a bitch with a mud covered ass walking home from a terrible skating practice and falling in the rain) and mom comforting thru it. mind telling them all the pent up feelings abt flatmates and analysing them to her like”well shes rly nice and we talk abt this and this but i cant help but feel she doesnt really wanna talk to me and also they didnt wanna hang out and they keep leaving their dishes and told me to clean mine but they did this and that and....” i never talk about internet friends or a lot abt other things bc. not relevant and i dont think id hear what i wanna hear. but im kinda glad i still can do that and vent to them abt like real life things and things that upset me even if its not exhaustive and i cant do everything and they dont fill the gap of this “true best friend” i have emulated. but thats a point of why im not rly lonely. bc i have outlets to a lot of these needs that im not missing it all . just dont have it all in one person or even a small group of ppl.

wht next. oh remind me to come back to group things online. anyway lets give uni a try. so weve talked abt my two impressive friends irl who take the same course as me and kind of have dragged me thru and have gone to hobbies w me and hung out w me for hours and actually come to visist me in london an been cool? yeah theyre pretty rad people and very smart and im glad theyre in my life. even if w al the ranting im not comfortable messaging them all hours of the night to talk abt all my insecuritites and thoughts and problems u know. and one is dating and both have flatmate drama and other groups of friends and tho theyre friends between each other we dont like. make the ultimate trio which is why were not moving in together ( also reminder to being called the 3 musketeers w my high school two gals bc we were seein kinda doing everything together (in school) by me sticking us all together with my “i need to feel validated with friends” glue. that was quite nice.) 

but like in uni, ive said it to a lot of people. its amazing. ive never been happier knowing this many people. i dont make drama, i almost never get included in any drama so all i get are friends!!! and having flatmates, and flatmates friends, and class mates, and people ive just met , and hobby friends i just knew so many people thatd be friendly to me and even smile at me in passing it feels great man. having multiple group hobbies and socials to go to (even if i dont drink much and its not like were partying) it feels good man. i want more of this next term now that i have no”i dont know anyone there” excuses. god i love it. i love waving to people i know, i love getting a ride from someone to go hang out t another friends place and people knowing me by name and caring about my presence! (though not too much, like nobody would miss me i guess, but i still have more of a place to carve and i cant say for sure that they did not notice me missing) anyway archery has been terrbily wholesome and one of the best things ive invested time into and im sad some of the happy faces there are leaving this summer....... and sure none of these friends have gone even to proper hugging levels, let alone talking together without a group of people or god, messaging privately if not strictly club stuff (ok theres like, a couple, one that im delighted about and cant wait to hang w in finland even tho theyre cooler than me)  but u know, same problem w. hm were friends within this hobby group. were not like. actually friends outside of this and wouldnt hang outside of it. uh. yeah. dont rly have that many that kinda friends..... just 2 in fact. ill work on that.... 

side note, i try joining in online groups like mxrp discords, and an odd skype chat for homestuck cosplayers. but its kinda the worst. i dont mind observing and reading in and commenting in my head and rarely actually participating tho nobody knows who i am, but like. nobody knows who i am or cares if im there at all. and its kind of a not great feeling. im not needed or wanted here. they just dont mind me being there u know. idk wht to do with those feelings. i dont really wanna make myself obnoxiously present and make people remember and want to talk to me and actually become immersed in it, bc these dont seem like that great people idk. i guess im too  ‘mature’ to just go omg i love you an all that. 

anyway lets dive into hmmmmmm  why am i still lonely? funny question eh. its because i have no consistent close relationships with anyone. have i ever? maxx was closest but i guess nawh here we are. i can get close to u in a night of just talking for hours but. if it doesnt carry through consistently does it count? i have a couple people to message when im delighted abt smth (heck even post to snapchat to get those lukewarm friendships to be reminded of me) and i have my parents to be sad to about a certain category of things that i share w them (like hobby frustrations and friends theyve met frustrations, and some body upset) i have this hunk of friends in uni i can hang out and chill with and will continue making better friends with gladly. im not an isolated herrmit (all the time) nor do i think im socially despicable. im just. normal. online ive felt more and more as much as i spend my entire day online w all these things im not an internet person??im not always posting on social media, im not always talking to 10 ppl at once, im not writing or creating media, im not consuming other than youtube actually, (like i dont watch shows u knw) , all i do is rp when i muster the strength and hang out lukewarm on tumblr posting rants and reblogging pretty and fun things, not getting involved much. not a fan of anything, not obsessed w anything, not overtly gay ( i dont even know what i am but girls are pretty and sex and relationships get gross as soon as you add me into the picture) and not an exciting personality. hell. i currently fuckin like ballet and archery and like. thats about it. (also hahahhahh catch me going down the abc list of hobbies, aikido, archery, badminton (w archery ppl) ballet. what next. cricket? crochet... cooking? dance (ballet) fencing gaming (hah no), hockey? ice skating ( im already doing it) like look at me anyway shh) im not trans and i dont feel gay enough to fit in (what a rant that is, but im just ignoring it for now) im so boring. too reational, too uninvolved, too unopinionated/have an opinion but prefer to keep quiet and at peace. i guess this is what normal people are like off the internet. and ill just deal with it. but how normal people fill the gap are these ridiculously idealistic bff groups that i clearly dunno how to achieve, and uh. relationships.

so i can foresee a future where an imaginative foggy figure will care about me so much and want to hear all these rants and talk about all my wild thoughts with me and love me and remind me of it and be happy around me and think im funny and make me feel good and loved and better than i am and be someone i love being aorund constantly and wont have to feel self concious with or like i need to be putting on the front that is not gross and is a lovely sociable person. like i doubt they even exist. the kind im specifically thinking off thatll make life a sunset gold and unbelievably happy and good. ill save that sunset gold feeling to my dream future, one in which im happy with my body and personality and have that shadowy figure that makes me all whole and better than im alone and all these pets and animals that i love and love me and plants and color and art and whimsical decorations and yknow. i see it in my head. it feels real good. i kinda wanna see if itll actually happen. it just. it feels so fuzzy and warm and i would love for that actually be real and look back on this and be like. i have it. everythings complete. we can dream. i might get it when im grey and old and all alone but found smth that makes it that good. anyway im not discounting that there might be ‘the one’ in that future, the perfect one. but. i still doubt in the present when or if ill ever meet them let alone if i do htat anything would happen. ive never ever dated anyone or even come close to it. i dont understand how people just, end up in relationships or almost always have one, and i guess im not trying to bc idk if i want it-  idk if im ready for it, but its a weird one ill tell u. i feel with this perfect imaginary figures all these bad feelings would go away and i could talk about them and someone help me fix them and become more and better than my thoughts. but i dont wanna look for one. i dont wanna experiment in relationships so that im ready and wont fuck it up when the one comes bc, its horrendous and stressful and im gross! im not dating material. nah. and obviously nobodys tried to date me so were all on the same page. honestly once i sort out the other things wrong w me, i might just get to therapy for this shit. like. why are relationships such a shit concept to me and like why and how do i deal with it without just saying fuck it relationshipss are not for me. i have no doubt ill keep making connections and friends throughout my life in all different random places, but im actually... kinda afraid none will stick around. if i cant form consistent strong friendships theyre al gonna fade away and ill have nobody when i need someone. having that one solid person would really help bc theyre there thick and thin i guess aparently. i have myself, but considering what a mess i am idk if thats enough at all. i think i should change myself an awful lot though before a relationship could happen. like. nobody wants a barely showering fat chubby in an awkwardway terrible skinned messy sad blabbery person. like. just a gross one. i gotta become so much better before i can even consider letting someone past to get this close i guess. i guess. these feelings are really not settling here and i feel off the rocker. like unsettled and uneasy. also i need to pee which is rly not helping feel less gross. that and my hair is nasty greasy bc rather than take a shower at a reasonable time i did.... nothing. and then i started writing this an hour, two hours ago? more? idk. 

kay then, we have reflected briefly while i was away on how fat and ugly i am and how hopeless considering ive been trying to finish a knitting project for my baby cousin and start drawing again or even just playing my old pokemon game (yknow summer vacay) things in the past few days. nawh. havent. even more productively i should have done actual exercise to build my stamina and make faster improvements in ballet and actually try and tackle the fat and ugly feeling in 8 weeks (but that like... requires diet control... which is hard?) and like o u know. finishing my fucking university course ive lied to everyone abt? ok lets be real i have passed the year and can move into the next w the credits i have and passed all the mandatory classes. but. i want/ need to pass this class. and i already forked out 30 pounds hopefully correctly to apply for a resubmission (more like first submission) of all these projects and its hard. considering in my hirearchy of shit that needs to be done (easiest most necessary first)  i havent even reached the first ladder of like washing my nasty hair. the ladder includes all the above projects and at the end of it is like completing that course (needs to be done by the end of the month u kno bitchh. u dont know how long its gonna take you cannot leave it to the last few days. and this other bulshit course idk if ill even get credit for completing late and dont know if i care but i guess i gotta do it anyway 

basically i just wanna d ie. thatd be nice. id not have to feel fat and stupid and worthless and discomfrot in my own skin and just. nasty and numb but bad all over. okay im really not feeling great bout now. but thanks to all the above weve realised i have nobody to talk to whod talk me out of these feelings and comfort me (let alone if im capable as a person to accept that considering theyd have to be very convicing to get past me going “mhmmm but youre wrong” ) 

anyway this has been terribland i havent achieved anything but feelin kinda bad. we have covered that ive never had proper friendships and that might be detrimental to me ever forming the kind of close companionship i seem to be missing, however at least i can make easy friends briefly and as such know im not a terrible person thru and thru that people hate. i just dont know how to cross that nd not be horribly annoying or how to find those kind of people bc shit and bullshit. do i need it? no i guess ill be fine. would it make my life better and more worth it? probably. id hope so. i mean it seems pretty important in human existence for there to be so damn many songs and movies and aboslutely everything focused around it. 

anyway. i know nobodys gonna finish reading this and i kinda hope i dont read back on this either. my cringey diary moments hidden under a readmore on tumblr. whats sadder.... tsk who wants to figure out how many words this all is? 

mhmmmm mmm 7 pages on word and 6059 words. damn gurl. no FUCKIN WONDer nobody wants to talk to me about my thoughts and feelings when they just erupt. bc even by erupt i mean a mild discomfort that im trying to pin down to a cause and an actual feeling so and so unsuccessfully. 

#tf when youre your own therapist #hah yeah thanks tumblr for being my digital diary #cringey enough and private enough it may as well never be read by anyone #but still if some crazy dumbass read it all theyd know me all too god damn well #but its not like...anyone ive mentioned will ever fucking read it. even consider to #aka #if you stumble past this #i guess you can assume its not abt you #ugh #this didnt even help that much #time to try option c #ignore everything and numb it with some rad youtbe videos for another 4 hrs and crash asleep at 5 am and everything continues to be bad #but like bad tomorrow #sorry this was a vent post #a very long one over 6000 words #i am SO sorry if youre on mobile and the readmore didnt work

[twistedstorm]

All of the questions for the most recent ask meme you reblogged. The one you said in the tags you really liked.

Oh your god I love you dear anon for sending this! 

Here we go:

1. What are your nicknames? What do you prefer to be called? Sassy, Champ, sissy, princess, sweetie pie, sarwhale, about a million others because most of my family uses nicknames for me. In real life I mostly go by Sarah or Seth but as you know on here I go by Zeta and prefer Ze or ZZ to anything else and honestly if it wasn’t for the fact that almost nobody in my real life would call me ZZ or Zeta I would go by those names in real life too probably. 

2. What books on your shelf are begging to be read? The entire Infernal Devices series, Styxx, Mark of Athena, Born of Fire, Magnus Chase, about a hundred more…

3. How often do you doodle? What do your doodles look like? I doodle constantly. My doodles vary from little stick figure comics to weird shapes to just various lines filling up empty spaces and weird hearts and coffins and skulls and eyes…a lot of eyes….I really like eyes…oh and a tiny demon smiley face thing that I’ve been drawing forever.  

4. What do you do if you can’t sleep at night? Do you count sheep? Toss and Turn? Try to get up and do something productive? Well if I’m being honest I read, watch movies, imagine elaborate dream scenarios, or masturbate. Any combination of those four usually puts me to sleep. If none of those work I get up and get dressed and eat because there’s no point in trying after all that. 

5. How many days could you last in solitary confinement? How would you do it? Probably about four, if I had my ipod I could last at least seven. I’d just daydream or write and listen to music and dance and talk to myself or my characters in my head until I got bored, it’d be the boredom that drove me crazy honestly. 

6. Do you save old greeting cards and letters? Throw them away? I’m a sentimental pack rat so I save everything from movie tickets to pressed flowers to paper wristbands to gift tags. I have most of my old birthday/Christmas cards from after I turned 10 just in random places all over my room. 

7. Who is the biggest pack rat you know? Me, my grandma is a close second though. 

8. When making an entrance in to a party, do you make your presence known? Do you slip in and look for someone you know? Do you sneak in quietly and find a safe spot to roost? I don’t go to parties much but the few I’ve been to I always arrive with a friend and then stick to them like glue for the rest of the night or hiding in a corner texting someone about how I wanna go home…or if I’m drinking I end up dancing and befriending people by accident because drunk/tipsy me is funny and sometimes flirty (as long as a I keep my clothes on I’m happy though) 

9. What is your strongest sense? If you had to give one up, which would it be? Probably hearing or smell I’d say. I actually have really sensitive ears and can hear insanely high frequencies (like dog whistles) and I can pick up tiny little bits of smells for a long time (especially when I’m really hormonal, hormones make it so much worse. Seriously if it’s shark week I can smell everything and I will end you if you smell like something awful and you stand near me) although I’m allergic to body sprays and perfume and anything like that which really sucks….Anyway if I had to lose a sense….I can’t pick one….sorry but the idea of losing one really messes with my head so I’m not gonna think about it.. 

10. How many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror? Lots….I used to do it to pint out my flaws to myself but now it’s usually because I think I look good and I like to see it to remind myself that I’m gorgeous just the way I am 

11. What is the strangest thing you believed as a child? That there was a tiny leprechaun in the vent in my bathroom ceiling….That’s the weirdest thing I can think of right now but there was probably weirder ones honestly….wait I know! I believed I was a straight monogamous cis girl for a really long time as a kid! That’s pretty weird for me seeing as how none of those things were right at all! 

12. What is one guilty pleasure you enjoy too much to give up? Boyband/Cheesy pop music and the Twilight movies/books, I love them and I will always love them no matter how awful and stupid they are. 

13. Who performs the most random acts of kindness out of everyone you know? I dunno….my mom’s pretty good about that stuff….but so are most of my friends….yeah I can’t pick so my mom and my friends all tie for it 

14. How often do you read the newspaper? Which paper? Which sections? Never

15. Which animals scare you most? Why? Geese or flying insects or Goliath birdeater tarantulas or tiny spiders because every time I see any of these I am convinced that I am going to die and it will be because of them. 

16. Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on? Both but avoidance is slightly more likely as I am afraid of conflict to the very core of my being and am bad at facing it unless I’m facing it for someone else’s sake.  

17. What was the most recent compliment you’ve received and savoured? I dunno….one of my best friends told me he missed hanging out with me and that made me almost cry because I’m a big fucking nerd so there’s that one…I could think of more but I’mma just say that one for now

18. What is something about yourself that you hope will change, but probably never will? I’m still hoping for pyro or hydro kinesis or shapeshifting….or the ability to have a backbone and talk about my feelings like a properly functioning human

19. Are you a creature of habit? Explain. Yes, I like my routines and I get really weird without them and will probably do them until I die

20. Are you high maintenance? Explain. I genuinely dunno, like maybe? Maybe not? I dunno

21. When was the last time you really pushed yourself to your physical limits? When I walked for nearly three hours out of boredom and my calves hurt so bad that I could barely stand anymore like four days ago 

22. Do you have a whole lot of acquaintances or just a few very close friends? Why? I have a small group of carefully chosen friends and many acquaintances but I prefer my small friend group because I like small groups and my friends are my favorite people on earth so I justreally love being with them. 

23. Are you more inclined to “build your own empire” or unleash the potential of others? Both probably, like yeah I could probably take over the world alone but I’d be bored and lonely and it’d be so much easier and so much more fun with my nerds beside me 

24. What’s a strange occurrence you’ve experienced but have never (or rarely) shared with anyone? I share my weird experiences with everyone honestly so I can’t really think of anything…I guess I could go with the thing where sometimes the air from my fan in my room will hit my hears wrong and it always sounds like a creepy voice saying my name and it terrifies me so much that I sleep with a blanket over my ears so I don’t have to ever deal with it again. 

25. What do you think about more than anything else? Right now it’s love/relationships/friendships. Specific to two people actually. I think about the possibilities for me and those two people and our relationships with each other and others and how everything is gonna work out and what I can do to help everything work out well and if we’re gonna be happy one day. Oh and how happy we’ll be if it works out the way I’m hoping because even my tarot cards say that it’s gonna be good :) 

26. What’s something that amazes you? How much me and my life has changed in just the last year and how much more it;s gonna change in the coming times

27. Do you prefer that people shoot straight with you or temper their words? Why? I’d rather people shoot straight with me, I can handle painful truth but I cannot deal with lies or sugar coating. Just say you’ve got to say and we’ll deal with it after. 

28. Where’s your favourite place to take an out-of-town guest? I have never had an out of town guest so I don’t know

29. What’s one thing you’d rather pay someone to do than do yourself? Why? My laundry, I hate it. It’s tedious and boring and I loathe doing it. 

30. Do you have a catchphrase? I have a few actually: “So that happened” “I’ll eviscerate you with a shrimp fork” “Go fuck a cactus/ Get fucked by a cactus” “I’m not drunk enough for this” “In other news/On an unrelated note/wanna hear something weird” “I am a child” “The last living thing inside of me just died” “He can’t help you now” in response to anyone who says Jesus Christ and “I only have three feelings: Hungry, horny, and angry” are some of my favorites. 

31. What’s your reaction towards people who are outspoken about their beliefs? What conditions cause you to dislike or, conversely, enjoy talking with them? I’m outspoken so I think it’s good as long as you know the difference between stating your opinion and being a bigoted or judgmental asshat who says shitting awful things and claims that it’s fine because you’re just “stating your opinion”. I do enjoy talking about different points of view though as long as the person I’m talking to is respectful of my beliefs (because I will make damn sure to be respectful of theirs) so we can have a civil and interesting conversation. 

32. How and where do you prefer to study? Never and nowhere, I’m really bad a studying so I just don’t (or rather didn’t because I’m not in school anymore) 

33. What position do you sleep in? On my back or either side, usually all three at some point during the night 

34. What’s your all-time favourite town or city? Why? My own, so Calgary. Mostly because I grew up here and have never really been too many other places long enough to get attached 

35. What are the top three qualities that draw you to someone new? Sense of humor, love of similar or the same fandoms (excellent way to make friends), talking to me first cause I’m a pansy. 

36. How has your birth order/characteristics of siblings affected you? I’m the youngest of two, it’s mostly just made me want to beat my brother up but I feel like lots of people feel that way so I guess other than being called a “baby sister” and sometimes being treated like a total incompetent dumbass or pansyass crybaby for being younger it’s pretty much a whatever thing   

37. If you could eliminate one weakness or limitation in your life, what would it be? I’d stop running away from my feelings and really say what was on my mind to a few certain people….also I’d have shapeshifting because it would totally help so much

38. If you could restore one broken relationship, which would it be? Me and my dad or me and my mom or me and my brother or me and my sister, take your pick, they’re all fucked up in one way or another, some worse than others

39. If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to? Zeta, without a doubt

40. Do you believe ignorance is bliss? Why or why not? In a way yes and in a way no. Personally I would rather know and understand thing sin my life than not know but I also have days where I wish I could be a dumbass five year old again and not know how fucked up this world is so I could be totally worry free and happy for another five minutes 

41. What do you consider unforgivable? A few things, cheating on me or heavily lying to me are pretty high up there for me or saying awful shit about me to other people to try and fuck me over is pretty bad too (also things like rape and hate crime obviously but I wanted to focus more on my own personal unforgivable stuff) and there’s more but I wanna be positive. 

42. Have you forgiven yourself for past personal failures? Why or why not? I’ve been working on it, it’s been hard and it’s gonna continue to be hard but I’m getting there slowly. I kinda figure if I can work on forgiving others I should be able to forgive myself too 

43. How difficult is it for you to forgive someone who refuses to apologize? I wish I could say nearly impossible but I’m kind of a pushover and I sometimes forgive too easily when I shouldn’t…Hell half the time I’ll just make up some excuse for the person in my head and pretend that they apologized instead of waiting for them to apologize because I know they won’t 

44.Do you hold any convictions that you would be willing to die for? Sure, I don;t feel like listing them but there are a few

45. To what extent do you trust people? Explain. Either too much or not at all and it’s almost never the right choice for the right person (sometimes I get lucky and I end up with amazing friends in my life whom I trust with all of me and whom I would kill and die for) 

46. In what area of your life are you immature? Most of them honestly. Like I’m a dumbass kid in the body of a tiny adult but I’m smart and I’m aware of what I know and what I don’t know and I like to learn new things and new views on life and I’m capable of defending my opinions on things and debating intelligently and being a reasonable adult but I’m also a dumbass kid who likes playing on swings and playing grounders and jumping in puddles so you take your own conclusions from this. 

47. What was the best news you ever received? I dunno….hearing anyone say that care about me/like me/love me/are thinking about me is collectively the best news cause I crave that validation and affection 

48. How difficult is it for you to be honest, even when your words may be hurtful or unpopular? It can be difficult but I’m always striving to be an honest person which means I’m going to tell people the truth but I understand the difference between the truth and being an asshole to someone so while I won’t sugarcoat my words I will phrase them in such a way that I’m not needlessly hurting someone 

49. When did you immediately click with someone you just met? Why? What was the long term result? Conversely, are you close with anyone now that you really disliked at first? Most of my best friends. I met one of them first day of grade 10 in drama and that was it, we were friends and we’re still friends now (fuck I fell in love with him in fact because we clicked so well). Sometimes it just happens and when it does I usually try my hardest to keep the person around me because I think if we clicked then we were meant to be in each others lives one way or another. 

50. When do you find yourself singing? Always, I sing everywhere and anywhere for no reason. I just love to sing and I hate keeping it in. 

Thank you again lovely anon for sending this in! This was super fun and I loved answering all these questions so much!

Feel free to send me in more asks! Ask meme related or otherwise!

~ZZ

#ZZ answers stuff