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#so how did we call seb's character?
festivalsofmargot · 1 year
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You Are a Memory {Sebastian Sallow x GN!Reader}
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Introduction: END GAME SPOILERS!!! AGE 18+ SCENARIOS
Starts after Sebastian’s questline and goes until the two of you are in your 7th year, aged up to 18+. Sebastian has just killed his uncle, and it finally dawns on the two of you how far down the dark path you’ve gone. You aren’t good for one another, and it’s time you let each other go. 
Could be a standalone, but if you’d like some extra background on yours and Sebastian’s relationship, feel free to read these first: Pining in Potions Class, Pretty Thoughts, and Selfless. (I like to write a non house specific reader, but Gall of a Gryffindor can work too if any of you Gryffindors out there want that little extra).
Word Count: ~ 5,400 😬 whoopsies
Warnings: Kissing, Angst, Sex (first time making love, gender neutral so not crazy explicit smut level, characters are aged 18+)
Author’s Note:  Listen listen listen listen… it’s not that I don’t like you guys. I just wanna make you pretty cry a bit, okay? You and Seb have been too happy together in my short stories and I’m ready to be the drama and add a little spice. This is my first attempt at a sex scene and a gender neutral one at that. I’m happy with how it turned out, but I’ll keep pushing myself to write better. Enjoy everybody, hope you’re having a good day 😊
Songs (if interested, bonus songs because it’s a long one today, pop them on and join my sad vibes):
You Are a Memory - Message to Bears
In This Shirt - The Irrepressibles
Exit Music (For A Film) - Radiohead
September 15, 2017: Cassini - The Grand Finale - Sleeping At Last
Light - Sleeping At Last
Falling Colour - Vanbur
You finally left the room of requirement after having spent a good amount of your Saturday there. The magical beasts you saved were always excellent company, even in a time as dark as this. When Deek had excused himself for the night, it was then you realized you should probably get to bed yourself.
You silently cursed when you saw how dark and empty the halls were. It was difficult to keep track of time with the vivariums and Deek’s room ambience enchantments. No question you were well passed curfew. Though, a detention was the least of your worries at the moment.
You heard your name called from somewhere in the darkness. You gasped and turned quickly to see Sebastian pushing himself off the wall he was leaning against.
“Sebastian? What are you doing here?” The two of you hadn’t spoken since he ran from the cave. You hadn’t sought him out when you returned to the castle. You let him have his space, and heaven knows you needed it too.
“I needed to see you.” He said, not meeting your eyes.
“How long have you been waiting? I’m so sorry, if I had known -”
“It’s alright. I... needed the time to think about what I was going to say to you.”
Noticing the room of requirement’s door was still there, you pulled him back in with you. “Let’s talk in here.”
Sebastian’s eyes roamed the room. He would have been in awe at the beauty of it all. But the image of his dead uncle and the heartbroken look on Anne’s face took away any levity the room could have given him.
With Sebastian’s hand still in yours, you guided him to a nearby couch which had been your favorite spot aside from the beast vivariums, though you had a feeling it wouldn’t be any longer after your conversation that night. You sat and gently tugged at his hand for him to sit down with you.
Releasing your hand, he leaned forward, elbows on his knees. He looked down at the floor, and you waited for him to speak first. You didn’t want to rush him.
“How did things go so wrong?” He buried his face in his hands, his voice faltering. “I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean to -” 
Hearing his distress, you placed your hand on his back, rubbing up and down.
He took a shaky breath to right himself. He then grabbed your hand that was rubbing his back and held it in his lap. He rubbed a thumb across your skin and stared at the lines that graced your palm. “We need to end this.”
Your breath hitched in your throat and tears stung at your eyes. You also knew the two of you were heading this direction, but to hear one of you actually say it out loud still broke something in you. “I know.” You whispered.
Sebastian shot a hand up to cover his eyes, desperately trying to stop tears of his own from falling. His shoulders began to shake with silent sobs.
You leaned forward, wrapping your arms around his waist, resting your cheek against his back. “I know.” You said again, still with no conviction. “I’m just as tempted by the dark arts as you are, Sebastian. If we stay together, I'm afraid we’ll cause even more damage.”
“I don’t want this.” He choked through his tears.
You held him tighter, the tears finally falling down your cheeks. You breathed in his scent once more, taking in everything you could of him before he would leave that night. “Neither do I.”
He gently tugged at your arms to get you to release him. He stood to his feet and made his way to leave. You knew you should let him go, but you jumped up from the couch and called for him just as he was going to open the door. “Sebastian!”
His fingers hovered over the handle, he turned slightly to look at you. He waited for you to continue, but you could only stare at him, eyes sparkling with tears. 
Digging his heels into the ground, he closed the distance between the two of you in only a few steps. He took your face in his hands and crashed his lips onto yours. You met him with just as much need and grabbed at the fabric covering his chest to keep him close. The both of you whimpered at the despair in your kiss, cheeks wet with tears. This was the end of it and there was no running from the pain.
Before you knew it, Sebastian left your embrace, speeding out of the room. Once the door shut behind him, you collapsed to the floor and allowed your sobs to consume you.
-
The remaining days of your fifth year went by the slowest. Each day you weren’t working with Professor Fig on your ancient magic and going through the keepers’ trials, you struggled to fill your time. Poppy was finally taking it easy after you had helped her with the centaurs. And Natty was still recovering from your fight with Harlow. Her mother had a closer eye on her than ever before, so spending time with her away from the castle wasn’t happening.
Every time you saw Sebastian, you did everything you could to keep your distance and avoid looking his way. At first you tried to sneak glances, but you found it hurt too much, and it only tempted you to run back into his arms. 
“Maybe we were too rash. Maybe we can be better together.” You envisioned yourself saying to him, but you knew it wouldn’t be true. It was made clear every time you left the castle and ran into poachers. They made it difficult to stray from your dark path. Seeing what they had done to so many animals, you were nowhere near done with the cruciatus curse. You weren’t good for Sebastian, you needed to accept that and let him heal. He could be better, and he would be.
-
You don’t know how you made it out alive against Rookwood and Ranrok, yet there you were. You shifted uncomfortably in your bed in the hospital wing of Hogwarts. Aside from some deep gashes that needed stitching, a ton of bruising, and a sprained ankle, you had managed to make it out all right. But Professor Fig hadn’t, and it weighed on you heavily.
Word spread fast about how you fought alongside the professors to defend the school.  All your friends had come to see you - well - almost all of them. Even some people you didn’t know very well came to check in. 
When Ominis came in to the hospital wing, you felt yourself go stiff. Along with leaving Sebastian behind, you left Ominis as well. You panicked at the thought of facing him. If you had never entered their lives, Sebastian might not have been able to dive so deep into the dark arts. He might have listened to his closest friend and the whole mess wouldn’t have happened.
“How are you?” Ominis asked as he pulled up a chair by your bedside.
“A little roughed up, I suppose. And you?” You were afraid to ask, because the conversation could so easily move towards Sebastian.
“I’m well thank you. And a little roughed up? From what I hear you sound like you belong in this hospital bed for the remainder of the year.”
You began to laugh but then hissed in pain, grabbing at your side. “Well, I can’t really disagree with you there, can I?”
He gave a soft chuckle, and then he fell quiet. The look on his face made it seem like he was debating his next words. “Look, I heard what happened between you and Sebastian.”
“Ominis, please -”
“Let me finish. I heard what happened between the two of you but I’m still here for you. That day you took on the cruciatus curse for him, I knew you’d proven yourself to be a true friend. I understand why the two of you are no longer speaking, and as much as I’m sure it hurts, I agree it’s what’s best for the both of you. Please know, you don’t have to be a stranger when it comes to me.”
It hit you how much you had missed Ominis as well. “Thank you.”
“I'm afraid I have to get going now, I snuck away from Sebastian to check in on you. I feel I’ve constantly had to talk him out of coming to visit the second he heard what happened.”
You nodded your head, “It’s best he doesn’t come. I think I’d fall out of this bed and crawl right into his arms if he had.”
“I thought the same.” He stood up from his chair. “Now get some rest. I can grab something for you from Honeydukes later.”
“Chocolate Frogs, I’m begging you.” Just as you were starting to cheer up, the thought of Hogsmeade reminded you of Rookwood, and what he had told you before he tried to kill you. “Ominis, wait. There’s something you and Sebastian need to know about Anne.”
-
Sebastian couldn’t stand it. Though he knew full well Ominis was right about how he shouldn’t go to visit you, it had gotten to a point where he wasn’t able to sleep without having seen how you were doing with his own eyes. 
Sneaking out of his dorm, he made his way to the hospital wing. He crept in, cloaked with the disillusionment spell and stood at the entrance. Eyes searching, it didn’t take long to spot you. You seemed to be the only student admitted.
He tiptoed over as not to wake you. When he reached you, his heart crumpled at the sight. A majority of your body was covered by the blanket, but from the skin he could see on your neck and face, you were riddled with bruising and stitches. Without thinking, he brushed his fingers along your cheek. 
You let out a soft moan and Sebastian yanked back his hand, panicked he had woken you. But you went quiet again, the only sound escaping you was your breathing. He should have listened to Ominis, seeing you again like that had pulled him right back in. He needed to get out of there.
Just as he as he turned to leave, you mumbled, “Sebastian?”
He looked back fearfully, thinking he was caught. But you were still sound asleep as you murmured his name. He ached to kneel before your bedside and grab your hand. He wanted to kiss it over and over, reassuring you saying, “I’m here. I’m here. Everything’s alright now.” But he couldn’t, and before he could fight himself on it any longer, he forced his feet to move one in front of the other until he was back in his dorm.
-
It was the beginning of your seventh year at Hogwarts when the Triwizard Tournament was announced to take place. It sounded like just the thing you needed to get through your last year.
You don’t know how you made it through your sixth year, it wasn’t nearly as eventful as your fifth had been. Though you were thankful everything seemed to be going a lot smoother in the world and your friends were safe, you were still uneasy with all the free time you had. You busied yourself up in the room of requirement if you weren’t with Poppy or Natty, and would stay just late enough to make it back right before curfew.
Though it was impossible to not see Sebastian, you did everything you could to minimize the chances. By the end of the year, you had found a good routine to get you through the rest of your time at Hogwarts. And adding this tournament on top of it could really help you thrive.
You fiddled with the folded up parchment that had your name written on it as you stood in the crowd around the Goblet of Fire. You were standing side by side with Natty who was also going to put her name in, the two of you waited for your turn to walk up. It was interesting watching all the Beauxbaton Academy and Durmstrang Institute students put their name in. They all looked so confident, and with such athletic builds, you couldn’t believe some of them were only 18 years old like you were.
After Natty placed her name in, you clapped along with everyone else and threw in a special holler just for her. Then it was your turn. As you were about to let the parchment fall in and be swallowed up by the flames, you looked out to the cheering crowd and locked eyes with Sebastian. Out of everyone around you, how did you manage to spot him? Dropping your name in, the crowd erupted in applause. You bowed your head and smiled as you left the circle.
When you returned to your position amongst the crowd, you tried to shake the image of his face from your mind. The way he was looking at you when you entered your name into the fire, it was almost as if he was crushed to see you do so. But you immediately dismissed the thought. It was dark in there and the only light source came from the Goblet, you couldn’t have possibly gotten a good read on his reaction. You two were no longer in each other’s lives and it’s been that way for a while. Get over yourself. He wouldn’t care what you did any more.
-
“You? But... why?” Was all Sebastian could ask his best friend. Ominis had just informed him he was the one taking you to The Yule Ball. Sebastian had known you were going with someone after overhearing you turn down a Durmstrang student, apologizing and explaining you already had a date. He had been in a dreadful mood ever since. But his sour mood turned perplexed at Ominis’ announcement.
“Honestly? Because I’m afraid of what you’d do to anyone else who did. Also, it looks good for a Gaunt to be going to the ball with the Hogwarts champion, if I’m not going to be the champion myself. Got my family off my back somewhat.”
Sebastian sighed. “Ominis, you didn’t need to trouble yourself. I’m fine now. We’re fine. We haven’t spoken in who knows how long. The two of you should go with people you -” have an interest in. He finished in his head, unable to say the words aloud without feeling sick.
Though he’d hate to admit it, Sebastian was filled with immense relief Ominis was the one taking you to the ball. He had seen the rather large amount of people who had approached you, and he wanted to shoo off each one of them. But he had no right, he needed to let you live your life. After all, it would have been highly hypocritical of him considering he had said yes to going with Amelie Dupont, the champion for Beauxbatons Academy.
-
Sebastian and Ominis waited side by side at the bottom of the stairs for their dates. He was hoping with every fiber in his body that you would walk down those stairs before Amelie did, because he knew he wouldn’t be able to resist watching you come down with undivided attention. And that would be horribly rude of him with his date at his arm already.
But of course, Amelie arrived first. He shouldn’t have expected any different knowing how you were. Always off doing something until the last minute.
With Amelie’s arm linked in his, all champions and their dates stood, lined in formation to enter the ballroom, except one.
“Ah Mr. Gaunt, here is your date now.”
Sebastian shot his gaze to the stairs at Professor Weasley’s words and went stiff. In that moment, he could have sworn his heart stopped. You were breathtaking. He had never seen you in such formal attire. For some reason, feeling foolish about it then, he had expected you to be dressed in some variation of the Hogwarts uniform. It had been all he’d seen you in for the passed year and a half.
“So sorry I’m late.” You called down as you descended the steps, watching your step as you did so as not to trip in your new fancy shoes. You were still breaking them in and weren’t the most confident. When you looked up your eyes met Sebastian’s, and the way he was looking at you had your insides twisting.
Sebastian swallowed thickly when you looked his way, and for a brief moment he let himself live in the fantasy that you were walking down the stairs to meet him. Time slowed down and memories began popping up all at once in his brain: the first time you met, the both of you trying to hide your laughter at Garreth’s nonsense in potions class, your first kiss in the library, all your sneaky pecks to his cheek, and even the times he’d rest his head on your lap as the two of you laid in the grass under the sun.
“Alright you two, join the line here.” His thoughts were interrupted at Professor’s Weasley’s voice. You took Ominis’ arm and got in the back of the line. Sebastian made himself face forward, awaiting further instruction.
“You look very handsome, Ominis.” He heard you whisper to his best friend.
“Thank you, I’m sure you look wonderful yourself.” You and Ominis cackled.
Walking out in front of everyone and doing the traditional first dance was all a blur. Sebastian hadn’t been able to compose himself after he saw you coming down the stairs.
Once the dance was over, he excused himself from Amelie and went to the washroom. He leaned against the sink, trying to steady his breathing. How could he have ever thought he was over you? You still meant as much to him then as you had when you parted ways in the room of requirement. He was extra thankful Ominis had been your date, if anyone else had been and he had to watch you link arms with them he didn’t think his heart could take it.
Once he returned to the ball, his eyes landed on you and Ominis on the dance floor. You were talking and laughing with him easily, seeming to not have a care in the world.
Do I have even the slightest effect on you anymore? Sebastian wondered as he watched from afar. He thought back to when you put your name in the Goblet of Fire. Your eyes had met his and he silently pleaded with you not to go through with it, people died in this tournament. Though he knew you were capable, having to watch you be put in harm’s way and he wouldn’t be able to help had him petrified. But you dropped it in and turned away, proud to have your name in the running. When your name was chosen from the Goblet, because of course it was, the terror and misery that went through him was paralyzing. Ominis had to help keep him steady the rest of that day.
He had a sick hope he made you hurt at least a little having come with Amelie. But you were the one on the dance floor, happy as can be, not the one trying to keep it together in the washroom like he had just been.
Sebastian went and found Amelie. He apologized and asked her for another dance.
The night went by decently enough for Sebastian. Amelie was beautiful and talkative, so when the two of them weren’t dancing, they were surrounded by a group of people asking her an abundance of questions. He was thankful she took the reins in conversation because he wasn’t in a socializing mood. Every now and then he took glances your way, not once did he catch your eye.
It was nearing the end of the night and Amelie had asked if he wanted to go back to the dance floor. He looked out and saw you and Ominis were back out there already.
“I - I apologize, I promised a friend a dance and it’s slipped my mind ‘til now.”
Amelie nodded with a smile and went back to speaking with a few Durmstrang students who were eager for her attention.
Before he knew it, he was making his way over to you and Ominis. When he reached the two of you on the dance floor, he held out a hand towards you.
Your laughing and dancing ceased.
“May I cut in?” Sebastian asked, gaze on you unflinching.
Your insides began buzzing with nerves. The thought of your first time interacting with Sebastian again through a dance was nearly too much to handle.
“Go ahead.” Ominis said with a smile as he released you, his approval taking you by surprise. “I need a rest anyhow.” Before you could protest, he was gone, leaving you and Sebastian alone.
You tentatively grabbed his hand and he pulled you into a dance. This being your first time speaking and touching after nearly two years, you didn’t think you would be able to look him in the eyes. But that was the only place you could look.
The two of you didn’t speak, it seemed you didn’t need to. Over the course of your dance, the two of you moved in closer, dismissing the official waltz stance you were supposed to be in. Your arms found their way around his shoulders and his around your waist. He leaned his head against yours as you slowly swayed from side to side.
You had fought so hard to distance yourself from him, and all it took was one dance to pull you back in. You never wanted to let go. Because as soon as you let go, he would be gone from your life again. The way he was holding onto you made you believe he had the same worry. You breathed in his scent like you used to do when you were this close. You hummed and pulled him closer, he still used the same cologne you loved.
Sebastian closed his eyes, imagining it was just the two of you in your own little world. He relished every second of this dance with you. Having you back in his arms felt right, like this was where you were always supposed to be.
“Excusez-moi? Sebastian, I’m getting tired. Would you like to walk me back to the dorms?” Amelie hiccupped, seeming to have had some drinks other students snuck in.
His eyes shot open and you tried to pull away quickly, but he grabbed your hand with a strong hold so you wouldn’t get too far. As the two of you looked at Amelie, you shook your hand from his grasp and cleared your throat. “Of course he would! Appreciate you letting me steal him away for a quick dance. Always great to catch up with an old friend. Goodnight, you two.”
Sebastian watched as you escaped to Ominis’ side, your vanishing warmth making him feel empty. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t leave things there and not speak to you for another year and a half. Dancing with you and holding you close would never have been enough to hold him over.
“You’ll have to guide me.” Amelie giggled, linking her arm in his. “This castle is a maze.”
“It can be. Would you excuse me one moment?” He slipped from Amelie’s grasp and ran to your side. He touched your elbow and your attention was back on him.
Your eyes widened at the gall Sebastian had to leave Amelie’s side. You already felt terrible she had to witness the two of you dancing the way you were, but truth be told she was probably too sozzled to notice. “Sebastian, you can’t just -”
“Meet me in the undercroft, I’ll be there shortly.”
“I can’t, I -” You gestured weakly to Ominis who was aware of everything that was happening.
“Please.” The rigor in his voice made it clear he wasn’t asking, then he returned to Amelie’s side.
You looked to Ominis, dumbstruck at Sebastian’s actions. “Ominis, you need to speak with him. Get him back to his senses.”
But Ominis only shook his head, “Meet with him.”
-
After all this time, you found yourself in the undercroft again. While you waited for Sebastian, you looked around, nostalgia washing over you. You found your way next to a wooden table covered in markings you hadn’t remembered seeing. Sebastian’s, Ominis’, and Anne’s names were all over, along with some carvings of stick figures. One of the carvings was a heart with yours and Sebastian’s initials. You rubbed your hand over your chest in hopes to slow down your rapid pulse. Then you ran your fingers over it.
His heart ached as he watched you. “I did that when you were recovering in the hospital wing. I was a mess.”
You startled slightly at his voice.
“A few weeks after we... well...” He looked down, kicking the dirt at his feet, wanting to change the subject. “We haven’t bumped into each other down here since fifth year, have we? How often do you come these days?” He asked, looking back up to you.
“Oh, I... I haven’t been in here since fifth year.”
“You haven’t?” A large part of him hurt at the thought of you leaving the undercroft behind.
You shook your head, eyes continuing to roam around the room. “No. This place was always yours, Ominis’, and Anne’s. Never mine.”
“I tried to make it yours too.”
You met his dispirited gaze, and you didn’t know how to respond. You turned away and began meandering around. “What is this about, Sebastian?” You hoped he would get on with it, this whole night had been torture. Watching him dance with Amelie and barely leave her side, you were thankful you had Ominis to lean on.
He took a step towards you. “I want to be in your life again.” He blurted.
Your heart picked up its pace again and you froze. It was exactly what you wanted to hear, but as much as you wanted to run and jump into his arms, you kept yourself in place. It wasn’t what was best for him.
“I want us again.” He said, taking another step towards you.
“Sebastian.” You sighed.
“Believe me when I say I’ve changed.” He began desperately. “I have no more temptations with the dark arts. Just ask Ominis! He’ll tell you how far I’ve come. I’m better now.”
You swallowed thickly in your throat. “But I’m not.” You confessed, barely above a whisper. You released a shaky breath and met his stare. “I am so proud to hear you’ve come far. Truly, I am. But I am still no good for you.” You glanced away from him then, unable to say it to his face. “I still use the unforgiveable curses... all the time.” You went tense at the admission, “These poachers Poppy and I come across, they conjure up something so monstrous in me, I -” You stopped yourself, not eager to explain further.
“I can help you.” He was by your side then. “I brought you into the dark arts. I can help get you out. My hatred for Ranrok’s loyalists? I was able to overcome that too.” He took your hand and pressed it to his chest. “You don’t know how far I’d go for this. I’m so in love with you it hurts. I can’t stand to see you and act like I don’t know you anymore.”
You shook your head at the overwhelming nature of it all, an unsteady exhale left your lips. The look on your face told him you were considering his words, and he couldn’t help but hold his breath. “Sebastian, if I pull you back to the dark arts, I’ll never forgive myself.”
“You won’t.” He brought the back of your hand to his lips. “I mean it when I say I’ve changed. Have a little confidence in me, will you?”
You bit your lip, and thought through everything that could go wrong if you went back to him. But him telling you he was in love with you had taken away all your resolve. All the warnings you usually chided yourself with were falling flat, not being at all effective like they used to be even just a moment ago. You nodded your head. “Okay.”
“Okay?” His eyes went wide, unable to believe it.
“Okay. And I love you too. So much, Sebastian.”
Sebastian picked you up and swung you in his arms, causing a boisterous laugh to spring out from inside you. He set you down and brought one hand up to cup your cheek, smashing his lips against yours. Being able to be with you like this again had him bursting at the seams with joy.
You kissed him back with just as much fervor. Your hands shot up to his hair and you gripped his locks between your fingers. He backed you up until you hit the wooden table you were looking at earlier. Without taking his lips off of yours he hoisted you up and positioned himself between your legs. He licked at your bottom lip and you opened your mouth partly for him to taste more of you. You let out a whimper, then you felt him press his front against yours. You gasped at the sudden feel of it and he made himself stop kissing you.
“I’m sorry.” He said breathlessly, forehead pressed to yours. “We don’t have to. I just couldn’t help myself. You just -” He buried his face into your neck and sighed, “Every time I see you, I go mad. I’ve missed you all this time and to finally have you here in my arms -”
You began to unbutton his shirt with delicate fingers. He pulled back and looked you into your eyes. 
“A - Are you sure?”
You smiled at him and nodded your head, continuing to undo his buttons. He helped you shakily yet eagerly. Then he began to help you undress, covering you in comforting kisses as he did so. It was nerve-racking, undressing in front of each other for the first time. But you weren’t with just anyone in that moment, you were with Sebastian, and he was with you. The two of you were hopeful for the future, but in that moment neither of you cared what happened from then on. The two of you were ready, and you wanted be each other’s first. 
You moved to the floor together, laying on your clothes, he covered your body with his. He leaned down to kiss you, his chest pressing against yours, and the feel of his skin was electrifying. You could feel his hardness pressed against you as you continued to hold each other, taking your time exploring one another in a way no one else had.
He shivered as you touched him, sighing your name against your lips. He dragged his fingers from your neck, lightly touching down your body, passed your waist, until he placed his hand between your thighs.
And right then, with the urgent need about to burst from both your cores, you knew there was no other place in the world you'd rather be. This ache you felt for each other left no room for doubt, this couldn’t have happened with anyone else, you were made for one another. You both were on the brink with each other’s touches, clueless how it could possibly feel better than it already had. 
“I’m ready.” You whimpered.
Sebastian, eyes clouded with desire, nodded his head. You both adjusted until you fit each other perfectly, starting slow to get the hang of it, and eventually losing yourselves in one another in a tangle of limbs. You covered each other with kisses, licks, and even some bites as the need to melt into each other grew more and more. In those moments together, as your breaths and moans echoed throughout the undercroft, the only temptation presenting itself was each other, and it was pure bliss.
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pitconfirmbutton · 11 months
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carnations and clementines (IV) | lance stroll
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lance stroll x reader
wc: 4833 words
warnings: controlling relationship (not an f1 driver, made up character), physical abuse (never written but implied), emotional abuse, motorsport accidents (no one harmed)
part 1 - wildflowers and fruits
part 2 - petals and peaches
____________________________________________________
The race was going to have a rolling start. It was pouring but this was your element. You were a god on wet tyres and you were half confident that it could be your chance to take the lead in the championship. 
“Focus, P. We have a long one ahead of us. Go hunting.” “Copy that.”
P was your team nickname. It stood for princess which had been your nickname at the start of the year, when you were new and you being a woman was low hanging fruit. Aston Martin, your mechanics, engineers, Jimmy the social media admin, Lance and even Mike had noticed your annoyance and taken the nickname to empower you instead. Even most of the commentators and journalists called you P too.
You were the princess of Formula 1 but not in the way that most men thought. You weren’t a soft, delicate flower ready to wilt away. You were a hardy rose, thorns out to get anyone who dared try to hurt you, your beauty hiding the strength that was within.
Princess became ‘P’ on the radio as it was shorter and the rest was history.
“Copy that, G.” Radio silence until I needed him, just as I liked.
---
“Oh that is a terrible spin, that was a cheap tactic from Verstappen. He is getting frustrated with his 5th position behind her and has spun her around trying to overtake. He is definitely getting a penalty for that, that’s not on.”
“Absolutely Crofty, he knows better than to do that in the wet at Suzuka.” 
“What a dick! Asshole! Check for damage please.” You had been spun 360 which meant you were facing the right way but as you got going, the car felt off and you suspected you had a puncture.
“Puncture rear right. Box, box.” 
You wanted to scream but made your way safely to the pits, your team out waiting for you. They were a dream and your pitstop was over before you could blink and you were out re-entering the track in 7th.
“That was a sparkling pitstop from the Aston Martin team. How did it look down there for you, Ted?”
“Yes, Crofty, a 1.95-second pitstop, so the fastest we have seen this season and as I look into the garage I can see Seb Vettel clapping enthusiastically. He has clearly realised that she has taken his place as the 3rd fastest pit stop of all time. Very impressive work from the boys and girls down here at Aston Martin.”
“Bloody brilliant guys.” “Chase them down, P.”
Over the next 20 laps, you had gotten back up to 3rd, with Lance in 1st and Max in 2nd. You could see them battling up ahead of you. You were nervous for Lance, it was clear that Max was getting desperate for that first place.
As you exited 130R, you watched up ahead as Max tapped Lance down the straight. You gasped reflexively and held your breath. Lance’s car swerved slightly on track but he managed to catch himself as Max hurtled off through the grass into the barrier. 
“Is Max ok?” There was a moment of silence.
“Yeah P, he is out of the car.”
“Well… play stupid games, win stupid prices.”
You were now second with a wounded number 18 car infront of you.
“Do you want me to defend?” You caught yourself as you let go of the radio button. Instead of asking permission to attack, you had instead offered to defend your team mate to the finish line just 2 laps away. That wasn’t like you, you were a blood thirsty racer, who, now that Max was in the gravel, was leading the championship.
The more you looked ahead at Lance’s car and in your mirrors for Daniel in the other Redbull 5 seconds behind, you suddenly realised why you had offered to defend. Because Lance was defending you in the exact same way off track. You were paying him back in the only way you knew how.
“Starting the last lap now, P. Ricciardo 3 seconds behind. Hold strong, he shouldn’t catch you.”
Lance was struggling to keep the car on track, his steering column must be bent but he was keeping a good pace and you were able to drive in the clean air around him. 
“G, are we going to make it?” You were watching Ricciardo in your mirror’s as he seemed to be getting closer. “Hold position, P. He is 2.5 seconds behind.” 
“Keep me updated.” You were beginning to panic now. Do you leave Lance for dead and overtake him for P1? Do you continue to stay back and hope you can defend the skilful late-breaker behind you?
“2 seconds behind.” You had a half lap left and Lance’s car was starting to slow. “Lance has an engine problem.”
“Fuck.” You were thinking on the fly, literally, as you exited 130R again at 303km/h. Then you had it, this idea would work perfectly as long as Lance could hold enough speed to get through the Casio Triangle.
“You have permission to overtake, P.” You didn’t move position. “Does Lance still have race pace?” 
“Just about, P. Be smart, ok?” “Copy. Tell Lance TRS round 3.” “Copy.”
Did he remember? It has been a whole 8 years ago back when you were teammates again in the Toyota Racing Series in New Zealand. Although a move that you had used in qualifying and not to save your team’s 1-2, it would work. As you entered turn 18, you shot past Lance who had left an opening for you out of the turn. As you surged past, he swiftly moved back to slot in right behind you and you created a tow, pulling him away from Daniel and across the line in 2nd. 
You were elated, screaming down the radio but not because you had won, not because you were now margins ahead in the championship, but because Lance would be standing on the step right next to you. 
“P, when you retire as a driver one day, you can have my job. That was bloody brilliant. You are a legend, P. The Princess of the Paddock and the Princess of Tactics. Well done, bring it back to parc ferme, you know where to park it.”
“Thank you a million everyone, the best team a girl could ask for, tell Lance congrats.”
As you did your lap around Suzuka, waving to the fans as you went, you didn’t know what was happening back at the garage.
Sebastian was hugging and cheering with Hanna both delighted that Aston Martin had gotten a 1-2. Mechanics that he had previous worked with were jumping on him and clapping his back before they all ran to the barrier. 
Seb felt a buzz in his back pocket and pulled it out to see who had messaged him, most likely in congratulations of you. Instead he was met with a vaguely familiar email. 
Hello family and friends of the Lyons, I am pleased to announce that in order for my fiancée to focus on her 2023 driver’s championship, we have moved our wedding to the 1st of October in Qatar. We hope to see you all there still. 
Many thanks,
The Lyons
Seb’s hand immediately came up to cover his mouth and he felt dizzy. Their plan wasn’t going to work. They didn’t have time.
Hanna peered over his arm to read the message before also covering her mouth, attempting to hide a loud sob.
Sebastian brought her into his arms and tried his best to comfort his wife. His eyes were teary but he was holding it together.
“We are going to make sure she is ok. Lawrence is making sure of it. I will talk to him after this.”
Hanna nodded against his chest and leaned back to wipe her eyes before plastering a fake smile on her face. “Let’s go cheer on our girl.”
As Seb walked down to the podium ceremony hand in hand with Hanna, he felt a pair of eyes burning into his head. He looked around before catching Harry looking directly at him, a shameless smirk on his face. Seb balled his fists and Hanna looked over to where her husband was staring, noticing Harry too. 
“It isn’t worth it, Liebchen, leave him for later.” With that, Seb turned around and kept on walking.
---
Lance had watched in real-time as his race had gone from near ending to a miraculous P2. And it was all thanks to you, the love of his life, his teammate, his best friend. As he pulled up in parc ferme, he couldn’t have jumped from his car any quicker, running over to you.
He knew that if he wasn’t high on adrenaline and full of love and respect for you that he would have just given you a sensible one armed hug and a helmet pat but he wasn’t thinking clearly. Or he was thinking clearly, for the first time in a long time. Because he ran over to you, lifting you up and spinning you around in circles, your giggles were more rewarding than any trophy he could receive.
“I love you, I love you, I love you.” Was all he could say as he placed you back on the ground, whispering into your helmet so that no one could overhear.
“We did it! I am so proud of you, Lance.” You had so much more to say but now wasn’t the time. 
As if you were once again reading each other’s minds, you both ran and jumped into the team’s arms, hands patting backs and slapping helmets as they chanted your names on repeat.
The chants continued as you were the last to take your place on the podium. Before you got there though, you decided to do your iconic podium curtsy.
What had started as a continuation of taking back the ‘princess’ nickname had become a podium ritual, in the same way, Danny had his shoey. It had been lost though, like everything that brought you joy, when Harry came along. But now felt like as good of a time as any to reclaim it.
As you bow to your team, the roar of the crowd is deafening. However, as your anthem begins, it quietens down. 
A tap on your arm pulls you from your thoughts and it is Lance giving you a friendly arm squeeze and smile as a way of saying ‘get out of your thoughts and enjoy this’. Before you can look away, Danny has his champagne and is spraying you both. 
Had you been staring into Lance’s eyes… on the podium… the whole way through the anthem? 
Oh no. 
Oh well.
Lance had the same idea and both boys chased you around the podium, making sure that every single strand of hair on your head that was champagne-soaked. Once it all died down, Danny offered his shoe to you and you chuckled before strutting over to the barrier of the podium and placing a finger to your ear, just like Daniel usually did. Your team erupted with cheers and you placed the boot to your mouth, letting your other arm extend out to the side. Classic Daniel shoey pose. It was fun and your ribs hurt from laughing as you watched Lance try to not gag as he finished his shoey too. 
Trophies were collected and photos were taken. It was straight off to the press conference.
---
“Well, welcome to the post-race press conference here at Suzuka, I am Tom Clarkson and I am joined by our three podium placed drivers today, well done to you all.” You all beamed at him as you sat perched on the couch. You had been able to grab a team shirt to replace your champagne soaked fire-proof and your manager had a brush and cap ready to cover what was now an sticky, knotted mess of a braid. 
“Daniel I would like to start with you. You put up a hell of a fight today against the two Aston Martins but I am interested in your charge from P18 to P3. How did that feel?”
You smiled at Daniel who was sat to your right. You knew he wouldn’t usually be so happy with P3 but considering he didn’t know if he would even be driving this year, it was clear that he was rather chuffed. Especially after he was out of Q1 due to a power-unit issue.
“Yeah, look, P3 is always a little bitter-sweet but honestly, coming back from one of the worst qualifying sessions, with my power-unit issues and being stuck in the garage, I can genuinely say I am pleased with the work I was able to put in today and a massive props to these two today.”
He looked at you and then peered further down at Lance who was beaming just like he had when Danny had praised him on the podium back in 2017 at Baku. You’d been at that race as a rookie F2 driver, Charles had taken the win and you second but you had gotten to see your childhood bestfriend stand on the podium. You felt like a winner regardless.
“They were both so quick and honestly that move from you at the end. Bloody hell mate, get you on the pit wall.” He chuckled as he elbowed you gently, knowing that you were no doubt sore after that race. You were sure he was too.
“Thank you Daniel. Over to you Lance, for a while there it seemed like it may be a DNF for you today, rather than a podium place, talk us through that drive.” Tom had such a calm voice and his questions were always so fair, it was a gentle ease into the conference that was always filled with harsh questions from journalists in the latter half. 
“Yeah! Ha! It was obvious we had the pace today, both of us were quick but we were both unfortunate victims of Max’s driving today. I won’t comment on that till I have seen the onboards but I know that our team has made an appeal against his driving today on the count of unsafe driving.”
Lance looked at you and smiled, nodding his head, checking if you were ok with his answer. You smiled back, you were.
“But yeah, I thought my race was over, my steering colum was bent which is the worst possible scenario at a wet Suzuka track but I knew I could hold it steady for 2 laps. Unfortunately you can’t do that if you have no power though.” Lance chuckled to himself. Many of the journalists also laughed along with him.
“This one saved me though, she defended me so selflessly and at the end, she gave me that tow that saved my race. I am so grateful, she is such a team player.” Lance leaned his fist over to you and gave you a fist bump.
“A question for both of you on that. We heard you come over the radio, P and tell you engineer to tell Lance TRS round 3. I quite enjoyed that message but tell us what it meant for those that don’t know.”
Lance looked to you and nodded his hesd, letting you explain the story. Danny was also leaning forward now to look at both of you, interested himself in the story.
“TRS stands for Toyota Racing Series which Lance and I both did together in 2015. We were teammates in M2 Competition but Lance and I had been teammates the year before in Fromula 4 so we were very used to working together on track. Anyway, during qualifying at Christchurch, one of us would come out at the right time to be able to drop behind the other and at the last turn, give each other a tow up the straight to the line. It annoyed everyone else greatly and their new quali challenge was to split us up but it worked pretty well for us. I actually had no idea if he would even know what I meant but he clearly did and we pulled it off again, some 8 years later.”
“I absolutely love it, very quick thinking on your part, P. You both are very close friends and have been teammates a total of 5 years between now and 2014 but we don’t often see you playing the teammate game, what changed today for you?”
You were speechless and you couldn’t come up with an answer that wasn’t ‘I am madly in love with this man’. You just slowly nodded which your brain raced to think of something but it was empty, every brain cell had been used in those 53 laps.
“I mean, just look at the standings man, she is 1st now and I am 4th, it was the least she could do to help me back, eh.” Lance’s contagious laugh filled the space and the journalists chuckled, surprisingly content with this answer. His Canadian accent was turned up to the max and he laughed along with Danny who never passed the opportunity ot get his pearly whites out.
“Exactly! When Max sent himself off into the gravel, I knew I was 1st in the championship and this team does mean the world to me, the points are important and he still let me cross the line first like a gentleman.” Tom nodded and laughed, moving on to another question for Danny before he opened up to the other journalists. 
You smiled and laughed along with the jokes and questions for both yourself and the other two drivers, letting yourself enjoy this win and take it all in. You were safe in the press conference room.
“P, we have just heard from your fiance that your wedding date has been moved to next weekend so that you can spend the last 6 races focusing on the championship. How has planning a wedding and racing at the highest level been?” 
You froze and for the first time you couldn’t hide your face. Your relationship with Harry had been a series of fake smiles and the practiced art of applying concealer but in this moment, you didn’t have the energy to hide anymore.
Your face dropped, your eyebrows furrowed slightly and you felt sick. Both Daniel and Lance had whipped their heads around to look at you. For a split second Lance was livid, he was angry at you for not telling him, there plan was ruined now but as he turned to you, he knew immediately that you didn’t have a clue.
You opened and closed your mouth like a fish before turning to look for your PR representative in the crowd behind the cameras. All she could do was nod sadly, confirming the journalist’s statement. 
“I’m sorry” was all you could say before you shot out of your seat and ran to the side of the stage and out the exit door. Lance and Daniel were quick to follow you, saying good bye swiftly to everyone there who was left in stunned silence.
You pushed on a door but it was clearly locked, your vision was starting to go as you hyperventilated and you just wanted to disappear for a bit. The next door you tried was unlock and you pushed your body weight against it, falling to the ground as it gave way. You moved yourself into a corner and curled up. You were never escaping Harry no matter what happened.
“Lance, Lance wait! What is going on?” Daniel was following closely behind Lance as he started peering into rooms along the main F1 building corridor. Lance continued on, ignoring Daniel until he felt the Australian’s hand on his shoulders spinning him around as they entered a room.
“Mate, I can’t help if I don’t know what is going on!” Lance had always admired how oblivious Daniel was sometimes. He was empathetic and caring but he rarely picked up on the context clues to get there.
‘Ok, fine! Fine!” Lance shimmied Daniel’s hands off of him. “But only because I know you would and always will go to hell and back for her. You cannot tell a soul.” Lance gaze him a stern look, trying to signify the importance of his statement quickly so they could continue looking for you. 
“Harry, Harry is a really bad guy. P doesn’t want to marry him but she is being forced.” Daniel’s face turned from one of shock to one of anger. His jaw gritted and his fists balled and the vein through his forehead stood out more and more.
“I am going to kill that fucking cunt.” He was dead serious. Daniel had grown up the youngest and like Charles, had adopted the younger sister mentality when you had met. He wasn’t opposed to violence either.
“Not now, trust me, I will be right there with you but first we need to make sure petal is ok.” Daniel nodded and they were off again.
---
As you sat there in the cleaning cupboard, your breathing unsteady and sight blurry, you begged the universe to give you Lance. You knew he would have followed you out of the conference and you knew you weren’t hiding from him, everyone but him. 
Your tears fell, staining your deep green t-shirt. You just wanted him to hold you and tell you it would be alright.
The door swung open and through your blurry vision you saw him standing there looking down at you. “Lance,” you whispered as you extended your hand towards him, tears still running down your face. 
He bent down in front of you and reached to wipe your tears away, except at the last moment, his fingers curled around your neck. “I saw everything and you are as good as dead, so is Lance Stroll.”
You’d know that voice anywhere. Your tears picked up again and your body shook from fear.
---
“Can anyone find her?” Charles said, curled up in one of the Aston Martin conference room chairs. He would have chuckled at being in the enemies camp if it wasn’t for the reason why.
“No, I have checked everywhere for her in hospitality and the garage. Even the cupboards.” Seb was at a loss for words, standing up and pacing through the space. Hanna was sitting near him, watching him walk around through her tearful eyes. 
Esteban and Mick came back into the room, a downturned smile showing that they brought no news on your whereabouts. Daniel and Lance were next to return. Lance plopped down in one of the chairs, his hands over his face to hide the tears that were brimming.
“Guys! Guys, guys, guys!” The group could hear them before they saw them. Lando and Pierre smashing the door open and running in, Lando had his hands on his knees, steading his breathing, while Pierre was walking in a small circle, hands behind his head, sucking in air.
“We know… where… she is.” Lando puffed out while Pierre held up his phone for the group to take. 
Thanks to the boys always being online and Pierre being a massive snoop, they had managed to find an article about you. 
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The photo attached gave anyone little comfort. It showed Harry’s hand around your fore arm as you walked through the airport, your hoodie pulled up over your and sunglasses on. Lance knew what they were covering.
He stood up grabbing his water bottle and threw it at the ground as hard as he could, the bottle’s thick plastic cracking. 
“Everyone sit.” Lawrence had walked in to the conference room in the Aston Martin hospitality and taken a seat, gesturing for everyone else to do the same.
He lay out all his plans on the table, trust being put completely in Mick, Esteban, Charles, Pierre, Lando and Daniel who were not part of his team but were in a way part of your team instead.
“Holy shit… they weren’t kidding when they said Aston Martin and James Bond went hand in hand.” Daniel sat back in his chair, trying to keep it light-hearted after Lawrence had explained what would be happening. 
“Well I’m in.” Daniel raised his hand like some sort of oath and looked around the room. Everyone’s hands slowly rose up.
“I didn’t doubt for a second that any of you wouldn’t be.” Lawrence gave everyone a nod before standing and leaving the room, not before giving his son a massive hug.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
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sweetmage · 1 year
Text
I was talking to my friend about DAI's treatment of Anders the other day and how it drives me INSANE. This game is SO cruel and uncharitable to him! Firstly, the only time we EVER see his manifesto in canon (as far as I know) is in the house of a crazed murderer with a pile of bodies in his basement. Every single mention is placing the blame firmly on his shoulders. I know some people subscribe to the "Varric is distancing himself from their actions for his/their safety" which I subscribe to as well simply for my own sanity, but it does sometimes become hard to swallow when it's been revealed that (assuming you romanced him) he knew where Hawke and Anders were the entire time yet he continues to let others trash Anders while he chimes, etc. And I DO understand and sympathize with Varric in a way, Kirkwall was his home and when the war broke out there was mass death and destruction and he had to leave. Anders did play a role in that, but he only sped up the process, he was not the root cause and they were heading that direction anyway. Also, he saw Meritdith's red lyrium nonsense firsthand, he saw the cruelty that preceded it, and everything she did aligned with what Anders was so concerned about. The Thedas-wide fighting is not "blondie's mess". I originally had my imported Hawke set to "supported Anders" but I had to change it to "didn't support Anders" in my next playthrough because the supportive Hawke straight up calls him a "monster" so I found the alternative to somehow be the lesser of two evils. In the end, I guess that's more accurate to my Hawke anyway because he was upset that Anders went behind his back and didn't tell him first, he would have liked the time to prepare for the aftermath and all that. But yeah, the "I don't know if there ever was an Anders" from a conflicted but still loyal Hawke is easier for me to roll my eyes and ignore than "he wasn't a hero or a monster, maybe he was both" from a supportive Hawke. But ugh, I digress... As for the other main characters, I do understand that none of them knew Anders personally, they only know him from the big action he took with the chantry and nothing more. So I think it makes sense that they don't necessarily have a favorable view of him, some of them seem rather confused if anything. Not to mention a lot of them did not personally endure the circumstances that led Anders to do what he did. But I really would have loved for there to be more NPCs that supported him, especially when DA2 introduced "The Resolutionists" who seem to align pretty damn well with Anders.
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And we got a character that supported Loghain which is a 10+ year old topic but not a single one that supported Anders who seems to be a hot-button issue atm? At the very least, I wish there were at least some people that questioned the whole "Anders did this, this is all his fault" narrative (especially once DAI itself revealed that the war did not, in fact, start because of Anders) or at least SOME differing opinions on him?? As far as I can tell, the only person who has been remotely charitable to him is Solas in this conversation (the thing my friend sent me that got me talking about it):
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And the only other mention I could find of people that may have supported him is in the Annexing Kirkwall wartable mission where Sebastian mentions "Anders's associates" who he believes might know where he is. But then again, this is coming from the man who wants to march on a city of innocents for to find a man who probably isn't even there so should be taken with a huge grain of salt.
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FWIW I now play with the mod that makes Aiding Kirkwall trigger every time because it better aligns with my HCs for Seb and I will never in my life kill Anders so... I actually like Sebastian even though I don't agree with him most of the time. I get his immediate hurt and betrayal at the end of DA2 because he effectively lost his family again, but I'd like to after 3 whole years of being prince he'd have cooled down enough to uhhh... not march on a bunch of innocents??? Which seems very antithetical to his character and development in DA2?? Annexing Kirkwall is silly, so I do not see it. But I digress, this is an Anders post!!
Anyway, I know I am not saying anything that hasn't been said to death by this point. I love each and every DA companion in their own way, regardless of whether or not I agree with them. But I feel like this is less an issue with them and more an issue with how the writers chose to frame the narrative. I do have to wonder if the fact that so many people hated and were averse to Anders made them think that this is what the people wanted. I have quite a few issues with Anders's writing and handling in DA2 as well, don't get me wrong, but at the very least I enjoyed the ability to support him all the way through.
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georgiapeach30513 · 4 months
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Happy December 7th and another episode of December Fun & Silliness Challenge!
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Today's Challenge: Which character of Chris and Seb's would be mostly likely to be a grump during the holidays?
Cole Turner Lucas Lee Frank Adler Ransom Drysdale Robert Pronge
Bucky Barnes Steve Kemp Charles Blackwood Chase Collins Carter Baizen
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The holidays are hard, we can all be grumpy. But poor Cole. He's been waiting and waiting for Anne and where is she? Is she stuck in the snow? Flight delayed? Cole's got all these presents for her and made the porch all romantic with lights. No calls. No texts. Not even a cactus emoji! It's making him very sad and grumpy. Not even wrestling in the snow can cheer him up.
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@distractingbeth
Ooh!! I’m not sure what @annislittleshopofhorrors is going to do about her Mr. Gumpy Pants!
I’m going to say Ransom. All Ransom ever wanted was a nice Christmas time. He wanted what they have in the movies. The lights, the tacky Christmas decorations, the loudness, most importantly the togetherness. The warmth. The lessons, and how love is what makes Christmas the best. He’s never had that. Never wanted for anything. And when he leaves abruptly on his family’s Christmas dinner, he wasn’t expecting to go to some filthy little diner. And definitely didn’t think he would see the most beautiful snow Angel he ever did see as his waitress.
You could defrost any chill in the room. You are the embodiment of pure joy. And you see he needs something more. What turns into shitty diner food and stale coffee ends up you giving Ransom a tour of your quaint New England town. And so so much more!
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time-for-a-lullaby · 2 years
Note
Prompt: Chris (or CE character) walks in on you crying…
Pairing: Chris Evans x Actress!Reader
Warnings: Language, exhaustion, reader crying.
W/C: 1.1k
A/N: Nothing crazy, just a little something to get my brain working again lolol
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Every single muscle in your body ached. Your thighs, your arms, your back. Did you know that each finger has 6 muscles? They do. And you could feel every single one of them straining.
You knew that taking this part in Avengers would be physically challenging, but the reality was nothing like what you imagined.
All the actors on set worked from before sunrise to well after midnight and it was starting to catch up with you.
Pure exhaustion was sitting on your shoulders, weighing you down and making you move slower than everyone else. Anthony and Joe had been extremely patient with you, really everyone had been extremely patient with you, but it was late and their patience was balancing on a tightrope.
"Okay, cut!" Joe reached up, pinching the bridge of his nose as you fumbled once again with Cap's shield, the rubber prop bouncing off of the floor.
You could feel hot tears pricking at your eyelids, humiliation warming your cheeks.
Everyone else here was experienced with this kind of work. Chris, Seb, Scarlett, and the other Chris, this was all just a normal day for them. You were the newbie and you were struggling to uphold your end of the deal.
"I'm so sorry, fuck." Your voice cracked as you apologized profusely, snagging the shield from the ground and passing it back to Evans. "I've got this, I promise."
Anthony's eyes softened, clearly hearing the frustration and exhaustion in your voice. "We know you do, Y/N. I know it's late, but let's take a quick 10, get some water, and collect your bearings. Meet back here and we'll give it one more take before calling it for the night."
You sighed, a small whimper escaping before you could stop it. This was all your fault. Everyone else was doing just fine. This whole production was behind because of you.
Before anyone could stop you, you hurried off of the set and made a beeline for your dressing room. Tears rolled down your cheeks as you flung the door open and stumbled inside, swatting at the wall for the light switch to flip it on.
This was humiliating.
You plopped onto the small leather couch, your black, skin-tight costume squeaking against the material as you buried your face in your hands.
You were so unbelievably tired and insecure. How many of your costars were going to talk shit about you when you weren't in the room? The Russo's were probably rewriting the script to kill you off right now so they wouldn't have to put you in the next movie.
Once the sobs started, you couldn't get them to stop. You struggled to catch your breath, your quiet room filled with hiccups and gasps as you tried to control yourself.
There was a light knock on your door, your head snapping up. "Uh-- Just a minute!" You called out, frantically looking around for something to wipe your nose and eyes with. Luckily, there was a bunch of fake dirt on your face so the tears didn't do anything too damaging to your makeup.
"It's me." Chris's voice called out softly from behind the thin door.
"Hold on!"
But of course, he didn't listen. The door to your room pushed open before you could stop him and you cursed yourself for forgetting to lock it.
Chris's eyes landed on you, his face immediately twisting with concern. "Hey." He said softly, walking over and lifting his large hands to frame your face. "What? What's going on?"
The tenderness of his voice broke you all over again, a sob exploding from your lips. "I'm sorry," you cried.
He shook his head, releasing the grip on your face and pulling you into his chest. You rested your cheek against his pec as you cried. "Hey, darlin'. You're doing amazing, just relax." One of his hands splayed across your back, rubbing gently in a soothing motion.
"I'm not!" You shook your head, pushing away from Chris and wiping your eyes. "I don't need you to do this, Chris. I'm a big girl. I'm just--" your voice broke once again, a small sob interrupting your lie, "I'm so fucking tired and I'm so fucking sore and I keep fucking up. It's embarrassing! Everyone is annoyed with me, I can tell. I just-- I didn't know it was going to be this hard and I can't fucking do it! I can't!"
You plopped down onto your couch again, wiping your face. "I can't do it."
Chris gave you a second to get it out before he walked over and knelt in front of you. "Listen to me, Y/N. I would never lie to you. Ever. You hear me? You are fucking amazing. You're killing it out there. No one is blaming you for this long night, no one is annoyed with you in the slightest. This is your first role in such a physically demanding movie. You're gonna feel sore, you're gonna be exhausted. Shit, I can barely keep my eyes open and this is like Marvel movie number 4 for me. It fucking sucks. I think everyone would agree that you're fucking killing it despite the fact that you're dead on your feet, darlin'. Please don't beat yourself up." Chris snagged a tissue from the box by your couch and held it out to you.
"If anyone can do this, it's you. I've never met someone so fucking stubborn and determined to prove people wrong. Especially when it's your own opinion of yourself. So get out of your head. You can do this. I know it."
You sniffed, smiling appreciatively as his reassuring words washed over you, taking the Kleenex from his outstretched hand. "Thank you." Chris always had this calming effect on you. Any time you found yourself overly stressed because of this god-forsaken movie, he was first in line to make you laugh or wipe your tears.
He shrugged like he didn't just save you from a mental breakdown. "We've all been here. Channel it. You're an amazing actress, Y/N. Use it. This is a demanding scene. Use your frustration and emotions to absolutely fucking kill it. I know you can."
You heard someone call out from set that your 10 minutes were up.
Chris spared a glance at the door before looking back at you, still crouched between your legs. "You ready?"
You sniffed again, reaching up to cup his cheek. "Thank you. Really."
"Come on, let's go kick some invisible CGI ass." He stood, stretching his hand out to you and pulling you to your feet.
"Okay... Let's do this." You tossed your tissue in the trash, squaring your shoulders with newfound confidence. Chris was right. You were a badass actress. You earned this part and you are every bit as capable of kicking ass as everyone else.
Pushing the exhaustion and frustrations aside, you held your head high and walked out of your dressing room, ready to show not only yourself but Chris that you could do this.
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percervall · 5 months
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since we talked about it, I would love to know which f1 drivers you think would fit the 1989 vault tracks and why? 💕✨
I love this question so much. You know me and my love for lists
A read more, because boy do I have Thoughts™
"Slut!"
This song reminds me of Lewis, there's more reasons as to why but specifically this line
In a world of boys, he's a gentleman
There's an undercurrent of the male character in the song being wealthy, being into fashion
But if I’m all dressed up They might as well be lookin' at us And if they call me a slut You know it might be worth it for once
And then there's the play on words with "And if I'm gonna be drunk / Might as well be drunk in love". Him having a 0% tequila brand just somehow fits this narrative
Say Don't Go
This just fits Daniel:
I've known it from the very start We’re a shot in the darkest dark Oh no, oh no, I'm unarmed The waiting is a sadness Fading into madness Oh no, oh no, it won't stop
There's something about him in that last season at McLaren that fits the tone of this song. I just instantly have this visual of him trying but failing to offer her what she needs from him because he has nothing left to give; McLaren throwing him to the lions every single race weekend has left him a shadow of his former self. Yeah, this one hurt
Now That We Don't Talk
Oh, this song has Lando written all over it.
You went to a party I heard from everybody You part the crowd like the Red Sea Don't even get me started Did you get anxious though On the way home? I guess I'll never, ever know Now that we don't talk
Lando, with his love for DJ'ing, who gets so in his own head about how things are going, who constantly blames himself and doubts his achievements whenever a race doesn't go according to plan, but then also walks through the paddock with some truly bde. Yeah, this is so him
Suburban Legends
Now, when I first read the lyrics my immediate thought was Daniel:
We were born to be national treasures When you told me we'd get back together And you kissed me in a way that's gonna screw me up forever
There's something cheeky about it, something smug. Which then also lead to, and this was your thinking Ives, Seb. Sebastian is Formula 1's national treasure and that man is such a tease. So the former RedBull teammates can share this one
Is It Over Now?
Oh, I love this song. There's some truly clever song writing in this. Anyway. I digress.
This song? This is Charles, it fits him so well
Let's fast forward to three hundred takeout coffees later I see your profile and your smile on unsuspecting waiters You dream of my mouth before it called you a lying traitor You search in every maiden's bed for somethin' greater, baby
Charles has this disarming aura, he is so charmingly beautiful, and I like to think of him as being somewhat of a romantic -or at least romanticising the idea of love. However, that man has a type and that is "my gf's bff": If she's got blue eyes, I will surmise that you'll probably date her / Your new girl is my clone
Bonus: Bad Blood (ft Kendrick Lamar)
You can pry this out of my cold, dead hands but this is the song that perfectly describes the relationship between every no2 driver and RB/Horner, but more specifically Mark Webber and RB/Sebastian Vettel:
'Cause, baby, now we got bad blood You know it used to be mad love So take a look what you've done 'Cause, baby, now we got bad blood, hey Now we got problems And I don't think we can solve them You made a really deep cut And, baby, now we got bad blood, hey
Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk asajs 😂
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plague-of-insomnia · 1 year
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WIP Wednesday: Bard’s Book of Murder
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So the murder arc is by far my fave arc, and I recently rewatched it for the 10000th time. It’s the arc that made me fall for Bard, and I find him especially interesting as this is the first time we really get some insight into his character, and his relationship with Sebastian.
I’ve always wanted to write a “behind the scenes,” Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead kind of fic, showing the evolution of Seb and Bard’s relationship in canon, from when he’s recruited until the “here to collect our wages.”
But that’s a huge project, and I don’t have the spoons for it, but maybe I’ll tackle just the murder arc to start?
Here’s a tiny snippet:
Bard yawned as he tromped down the hallway of the servant’s quarters, the gloom barely parting in front of his candle as he went. Although nightmares didn’t grip him nearly as ruthlessly as they once did, every so often the horrors of his old life would tear him from sleep. Memories of holding more than one comrade in his arms as they breathed their last; of awakening, once again the sole survivor on yet another stained battlefield, like some kind of curse.
Even as cold and ruthless a boss as Sebastian could be, on occasion he’d taken pity on Bard and ordered him to get some rest—always with the assurance that it was only bc he couldn’t afford to have Bard making unnecessary mistakes bc of fatigue and sleep deprivation—but as the years passed, Bard had suspected that was the closest thing to affection the bastard could offer.
At least he’d managed enough sleep it was more like waking extra early than not sleeping at all, though he was still surprised when he made it to the basement floor to find Sebastian seated at the table they used for meals, several different books open before him, along with a quill, ink and a lamp.
As always, the man was never caught off guard, and Bard had barely made it a few more steps before Sebastian was slipping off his reading glasses and glancing over at the blond chef, his unusual eyes as unreadable as ever.
Without checking his watch, as if he knew the time instinctively, he murmured, “You’ve risen exceptionally early today.”
Bard leaned against the door jamb that separated the kitchen from the hall, rolling himself a cigarette. “And you’re either up awfully late, or early. One or the other. Even by your standards. Sometimes, I’d bet my last dollar you don’t sleep at all.”
Sebastian smiled. “Perhaps I don’t,” he said, not a hint of fatigue in his beautiful face, his distractingly long lashes fluttering. (Yeah, Bard had noticed how extraordinarily pretty Sebastian was. Certainly the best looking man Bard had ever seen, and one who had made Bard—ahem—painfully certain his occasional nocturnal habits with Terry has been more than a way to pass the long, lonely nights. Not that he’d ever done more than imagine Sebastian’s beautiful pale flesh beneath him as he satisfied himself with his hand before bed.)
Bard choked on a laugh as he finished sealing his cigarette with his tongue. “You may be as perfect and capable as they come, but in the end, you’re just as human as the rest of us.”
“Interesting coming from the so-called ‘Immortal Soldier,’” Sebastian hummed, clearly amused.
This was something that had changed between them. That first year, Bard had wondered what the hell he’d been thinking, moving halfway around the world to work as a fancy nobleman’s servant. The hours were shit, his boss had a stick permanently wedged in his ass, and he had far too much time to think. And remember shit better left buried.
But things began to shift.
Bard realized he and Sebastian, as opposite as they seemed, were actually not so different after all.
In the wee hours, after the others went to bed, or before they rose the next morning, Sebastian and Bard settled into a comfortable relationship, swapping barbs or working in companionable silence.
Although Bard still messed up his kitchen duties more than he liked to openly admit, when not giving him a stern talking to, Sebastian was a man of fewer words than Bard had originally assumed based on how longwinded he could be during one of his lectures. He was exceptionally clever—certainly smarter and better educated than Bard, by far—and he often wondered what kind of life Sebastian had come from to end up a servant. Even if he was no ordinary one, and his employer no mere spoiled noble. But in the years since arriving, no matter how many late night cups of whisky they shared or how many of the barriers between them fell away, not once had Sebastian ever spoken about his past in more than the vaguest of generalizations.
Even as tight lipped as Bard could be about his own tragedies, he’d still mentioned his wife and son during at least one of those quiet, late nights together.
I hope you enjoyed! Please Reblog, and let me know if you’d like more of this! 💕
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multifandom-worlds · 11 months
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My Little Miss Sunshine
Genre: Fluff
Word Count: 875
Warnings: N/A
Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x Fem reader
Authors Note: This came from a discussion with @holdmytesseract a while back!
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“Put your hands together for Sebastian Stan, Chris Evans, Robert Downey Jr, and Tom Hiddleston!”
I walk on stage with my three costars amongst roaring applause. Doing interviews with Seb and Chris is always one of my favourite things. They are both effortlessly funny and great at speaking - the only trouble is they are terrible secret keepers. Especially Chris, his facial expressions give everything away. I take my seat after waving to the audience, sitting at the end with Sebastian in the middle and Chris on the other end, closest to the host. Robert was in a chair beside me. We were there as PR for the new Marvel movie that just came out, which hosted a new character played by my secret long-term girlfriend, my little Miss Sunshine. That’s what everyone on set calls her, too, due to her always smiling and being super bubbly.
The interview started as most PR interviews do - the hosts trying to get information about the movie - thank God my Tom counterpart isn’t here to give anything away. 
“I hear a new member is joining the Marvel cast.” the host began, and Sebastian, RDJ and Chris immediately turned to face me.  Oh boy, here we go.
RDJ was the first to speak, “Little Miss Sunshine, as she’s affectionately nicknamed. She and Tom have been flirting relentlessly the whole time filming was going on.” 
The audience laughs, and I laugh along with them because it is true. I did flirt relentlessly with her, but it came so quickly, given our history. “She was cast as someone for Loki to flirt and tease; why would I not flirt with her?” I respond to Robert's prodding with a slight chuckle. Nobody knew about Sunshine and me, and I did wish to keep it that way. Although we did talk backstage before I came on about letting our secret out - although she didn’t like the idea, she was okay if it made the interview easier for me. I kept that fact at the forefront of my mind if needed.
RDJ retorts, “On screen, yes, but you were flirting with her off-screen, too, Tom! It was constant.”
Sebastian and Chris echo his thoughts, much to the audience's approval. I chuckle, knowing our ten-year-old secret would be told today, and I did my best to continue denying it. “I’ve known Sunshine for years; our families are friends. I used to flirt with her years ago, which is why flirting with her came so naturally on screen.” I had hoped that explanation would suffice, even though I knew it would cause more questions.
“A photo has been doing its rounds online of you and her engaging in a rather intimate moment off stage. Can you explain that?” The host asks as the picture in question appears on the screen behind us. I saw the kiss I was sharing with her and knew she could see it from where she was standing backstage.
Running my hands through my hair, I gave everyone what they wanted to know. “That was when filming for the movie officially wrapped up. I was so proud of her; having never acted, she did so well.”
“And why a kiss? Especially one as passionate as that? Why not a hug like most of the cast?” The host prods. Everyone, including my three costars, watched me intently, wanting to hear the truth.
“That’s because Little Miss Sunshine has been my girlfriend for ten years.” 
The audience erupts in cheers and applause while Robert, Chris and Sebastian look at me, completely stunned. Honestly, I'm shocked that they never put it together until now. I laugh, seeing the reaction to the reveal and watching the realization dawn on their faces.
“That’s why you two were always sneaking off together!” Chris yells with a laugh. “Ten years? TEN? I’ve known you for almost ten years; how am I only learning this now?”
“How did you two first start dating?” The host questions. The question caught me off guard, afterall I wasn’t planning to be asked about my relationship. 
“As I mentioned,” I began, adjusting my glasses, “Our families are friends, so we grew up together. We had lost contact for several years once my acting career took off, and admittedly it was mostly my fault. She would text me, and I would just not answer her due to my schedule. One day she just stopped texting me, and I figured she had found someone, so I left it. It wouldn’t be until five years later that we reconnected at her my sister’s wedding, of all places. They remained close through all these years. I was hooked when I saw her again, saw the woman she became. All my feelings for her throughout our teenage years came flooding back to me. Now that I'm thinking about it, I suspect that was their plan all along.”
 A soft smile pulls on my lips, remembering how we danced together all night. “That was the happiest I had been since I started acting. Luckily I had broken up with my girlfriend at the time months before, so I asked her to be my girlfriend that night. Thankfully she said yes. We’ve been together ever since and I could not be happier.”
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suhfics · 2 years
Text
Hide and Seek
Pairing: Jeno x reader
Word count: 8.6k
Contains: dumb shit that the characters did, a bit of humor, endless college parties, cigarettes, alcohol, brief mention of addiction, angst, fluff(?), Jaehyun Kun Hendery Jisung and Chenle cameo, mostly 00-line with Mark, i think that's all.
a/n: I finally finished this omygod i swear it took me so many months because if not for the writer's block, the characters just add and add and add scenes! This is longer than I originally planned and I hope I did it justice. and I rlly hope the ending is okay because I suck at writing endings. In no way am I promoting smoking, but if you do smoke pls do it moderately! There will be inaccuracies so pls do forgive me for that. Anw hope u enjoy this one as much as I enjoyed writing it!
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It took you exactly 4 months, 23 days, 19 hours, and 58 seconds to realize that you have moved on from your recent ex. You're precisely sure because you had a tracker. And a journal.. and a jar full of paper cranes that you have folded everyday whilst thinking about how you miss the guy. 
But today is the third day you ditched folding cranes, and there are also three pages in your heartbreak journal that are still empty. 
Your stopwatch has finally stopped and you are very determined to celebrate it with your best friends. And so you called up Renjun, can't wait to declare that you are finally done crying for a boy you used to know. 
"We're actually at Seb's! You should come!" He was practically screaming into the phone, trying to drown out the loud background noise from the club and Haechan's noisy ass bickering with someone. It's probably Jaemin. Not a surprise. 
"Is that Mark I hear?" You asked right after you heard a series of laughter, too familiar and too funny not to notice. 
"Yeah!! We met them here!! Enough talking and come over here already!!" Renjun /was/ shouting. Was it that loud there? 
That question was answered by Haechan screaming "MARK LEEEEE!" 
Yep. Definitely loud over there. 
"Be right there!" You answered enthusiastically before hanging up. 
You wore the sexiest party dress you have because you felt like going wild tonight. Pairing it with a comfy yet cute heels because you know you'd be hitting the dance floor. Completing the look with a clean makeup 'cause you didn't want mascara and foundation dripping down your face later. 
The night was still young when you arrived at Seb's. People were already dancing, others just chilling in their own booths. And your people were easy to spot because they had a blue haired Mark. 
"Y/N! Finally!! God what took you so long?!" Haechan's drunken noisy ass clinged onto you for dear life. Half dragging you towards their booth while you try to carry a fourth of his weight. 
Renjun gives you a shot of vodka, "Presenting, the newly reformed woman of the year! Y/N! A round of applause everyone!" He was even raising his own shot glass before drinking it, bottoms up. And every single one of them followed. 
Renjun and Haechan were your best friends since high school. You took a different course in college, hence their new friends. Mark, Jaemin, and Jeno. They all took the same course and just clicked. You hangout with them but not as often as they do with each other. But it wasn't a problem. You have your own circle as well where Renjun and Haechan can join too from time to time. 
You sat next to Mark then started teasing him with the blue hair. "Last time I saw you, you were blonde!" 
"Well you don't see me often! You should have seen it in green!" 
The drinks were overflowing, your company taking shots after shots of whatever was offered on the table. Renjun's at another booth, mingling with... you don't know who. You, Haechan, Mark, and Jaemin were on the dancefloor dancing the night away. And Jeno offered to stay in your booth— Jeno! Right! You should probably accompany the guy. Seize the opportunity to get closer with him because he's very much quiet. The guy basically just smiles at everything anyone says. 
You left the dancefloor to go to your booth where Jeno is, but saw only Renjun and another person making out on the couch. Jeno was nowhere in sight. 
You decided not to bother the two and tried to find Jeno in the crowd. 
Hmm... black hair, undercut, tall, and what was he wearing again? Ah! Leather jacket and a white shirt underneath. 
Yet Jeno was nowhere to be seen inside. So you decided to expand the search. Actually, you have a choice to just stay put in your booth. Jeno's a big boy, he knows how to find his way back. But maybe it's the alcohol in your system that pushed you to find the lost pup. 
Luckily for you, the lost pup was just outside the backdoor, in an alley. A cigarette in between two fingers. 
"There you are!" You pushed with your body to fully open the heavy backdoor. "I've been looking for you!" 
And like a criminal caught in the act, he threw away the cigarette. Stepping on it to fully extinguish the stick. "You were?" 
"Why'd you stop? Afraid I'll snitch you? Hmm?" You teased. Your friends didn't know Jeno smoked. It's just that one time, after a party, you caught him taking a hit. And he begged you not to tell the nosy bunch. That was the last time you had a five-sentence conversation with him. 
"You can smoke though. I don't really mind." You gestured for him to continue. 
"Is this a test?" He joked. His face morphed into showing that famous eye smile of his. It was pure contrast to his black leather jacket and ripped jeans. His fit screamed violence while his face whispered kindness. It was utter confusion on your part. 
"Oh yes, definitely. Take that hit and I'll tell Haechan about it." He laughed at your retort. "You'll never hear the end of it, Mr. Lee." You snickered. 
"What a snitch." He narrowed his eyes on you yet still keeping that smile on his face. Then proceeding to put another cigarette in between his lips. "You don't mind, do you?" He asks. 
"No, I don't," you said while kicking a few small rocks around your feet. "I do mind getting second hand lung disease though," You teased and he acted offended at that. Even putting his hand on his chest. 
"I'm feeling very guilty right now," he said. Slack-jawed. 
You elbowed his side, "I'm kidding! Go on. I don't mind at all." The two of you shared a laugh before he continued to light the one in his mouth. 
It was the first time again after a few months that Jeno Lee laughed with you. The first being the one when you caught him smoking in Haechan's garden. 
"Jeno Lee," you called. He immediately turned to you, putting the cigarette in between his fingers. 
Actually, you didn't have anything to say. You just tested out how his name rolled out of your mouth. And honestly? You liked it. 
Jeno Lee... maybe it's the surname. 
What if it's Haechan who is also a Lee? Heachan Lee... Mark Lee? 
Nope. It's not in the surname. It's the whole 'Jeno Lee'. 
Jeno Lee. 
"Y/N?" Jeno nudges you. And you realized that you've just recited his whole ass name three times in your head. Now you have to say something because you've just called out Jeno Lee's name— aand there it is again. 
"Oh! Nothing. I was just thinking about what smoking feels like..." You made it up. Of course, why would you say you spaced out because you liked his name? 
He hummed. And then brought the cigarette in between his fingers near you. "Wanna try?" 
He had that look on his face that was very much enticing to try out whatever it is he asks you to do. 
But the thing is... you actually want to try it out. 
Ohh, Haechan's going to scold you for this. 
You nodded and hesitantly put the death stick in between your lips. And not even a complete inhale, you coughed and coughed and you felt like it would never end. Jeno Lee—that devil in disguise—was just laughing at you coughing out batches of translucent smoke. 
"I'm never gonna put that hideous thing in my mouth again," you said in finality while you were coughing and he was laughing. 
And that was the start of you hanging out with Jeno Lee every free time. Odd that despite the differences of your courses, you almost had the same schedule of vacancies as him. Sometimes, Mark and Jaemin join you both but more often than not, it was only you and Jeno. And his small pack of unlit cig. 
It was your little secret with Jeno. Just like how you keep Haechan's big fat crush on this guy from lit class 101, and Renjun making out with the TA from his summer class. Obviously these secrets outdo Jeno's but... still, secrets are secrets. And you like keeping them. 
Your hangouts are mostly just Jeno smoking while you either do your plates or read. You don't actually mind the second hand smoke, you just feel like you should be there whenever he takes out the cig. When Jaemin is around and Jeno can't smoke, he just helps you study. 
Today, he's doing both. 
A set of flashcards in hand and an unlit stick in between his fingers, Jeno decided to help you study because he noticed the dark circles under your eyes. 
"Are they that noticeable?" You panicked. You've already covered them with concealer and a full coverage foundation but he still saw them! Maybe you should change makeup brands... 
"Not really, I just have keen eyes." 
You rolled your eyes at him. "Yeah, sure. You can't even read that signage anymore. Just go get glasses, Mr. Lee." You pointed to the 'do not enter' signage that was just a few meters away from you. 
"Lucky you I'm wearing contacts today." It made you look into his eyes to see the brown colored contacts he usually wears when he's the designated driver... 
and there were.. shivers? 
You just made a face and started clearing up the table you both were occupying. The exam you were studying for will start in a few, and Jeno staring at you with eyes smiling was either motivation or distraction. You just... weren't sure. Maybe next time you should be asking Renjun to quiz you. 
"Oh we're done?" Jeno asked. It was the simplest question, yet it took you five good seconds to answer. 
"Yep." You were sure you had a panic stricken face. It was the first time you felt flushed in front of this guy. THIS guy! 
You saw how his face turned from happy to confused. And he just looked like a lost puppy again. 
"Professor Randall doesn't accept late people during exams. I wouldn't want to waste my hard worked eye bags right?" You tried to crack a joke to hide the nervousness in you. 
Nervous? Because of THIS guy? Nah, it's just the exams. Yeah it is. Yeah... it is. 
"I'm taking these. Stop ruining your lungs!" you grabbed the easiest thing to get just to cover up the fact that your face was actually heating up and turning red, it was his box of cigarettes. 
And then you left Jeno with his cigarettes in hand, exactly 60 minutes and 21 seconds before your supposed exam. 
Running late you say?
--- 
There was no point in shushing Haechan. He was unapologetically noisy. Sometimes you'd think it's his sole purpose in life. 
"I call dibs on shotgun!" He exclaimed and then proceeded to chant "Shotgun. Shotgun. Shotgun. Shotgun." 
"Designated driver gets to decide who's shotgun. Right, Jeno? I'll pay for your food tonight, my friend." Renjun puts an arm around Jeno's shoulders.  
Next thing you knew, you were sandwiched between Renjun and Haechan who were endlessly bickering. Jaemin was right next to the car door, remaining unbothered. And the shotgun seat? Taken by a black haired Mark. 
Just how is his hair still growing? 
Anyway, Mark was the one who knew the location, earning him the spot. 
"But I have waze!" Haechan reasoned, but you all knew nothing's changing Jeno Lee's mind. 
In all honesty, you were kind of... bummed? You liked shotgun. Jeno knew that. As he's not a heavy drinker, he always presents himself as the designated driver. And you yourself do not like getting wasted so much, you'd blackout. So whenever you guys went home after clubbing, you were always at the right hand. Well, it's not like he's got a choice when everyone except you was drunk dead. 
But you deemed it not big of a deal. 
After all, you've been trying to limit your interactions with Jeno. 
You wonder if he notices it though?
As expected, Haechan was the life of the party. He's basically friends with everyone. Even the super seniors Johnny and Yuta are friends with him. Those three clashing would make one hell of a night. 
Tonight's party was at Taeyong Lee's house. Only Mark knows the location because he's been there one too many times. Taeyong helps him out with things you couldn't understand... anyway! Johnny is here too. You're already sure tonight's gonna be a blast. 
And you're not shotgun (though that depends). 
You can get wild! 
---- 
At 2 AM, your vision was spinning. 
Drunkenness and sleep was getting you. And it was your interaction with Jaemin that got Jeno standing from his seat. 
You and Jaemin were talking... with indistinct noises. In Jeno's ears, it was like the Sims talking. It got weirder when Hendery from another college joined the conversation. Suddenly, the three of you were like speaking your own foreign language! 
"Oh! It's Jenolee!" You exclaimed, pointing at his face when he went to where you were. 
"Jenononono we don't talk about Jenoooo!" Jaemin was singin in the tune of that one Disney song. 
"Riiight, I think we should go," Jeno calmly said to the both of you and Jaemin who are basically under his supervision. But the latter turns around and clings on a junior he knows. 
"Jisungieee, my Jisungieee~" 
and that's one less responsibility for Jeno, he thinks. Jisung is Jaemin's younger cousin and they are quite close. And whenever Jaemin clings to him drunk, that's gonna last for the rest of the night. 
"Okay... you, woman. We gotta go." He talked to you like you were still on the right mind. Well sike, you're not! 
Because if you were, you wouldn't be clinging onto Jeno like a hungry koala. 
And in Jeno's mind, he was thanking the heavens he didn't skip any gym day. He carried you like a rice sack, but you weren't actually heavy. It's just that you were trying to— 
"We gotta go. She's out," He told Renjun when he met him out on the lawn. Mark and Haechan were there as well, they were playing some game with Johnny and the others. Jeno just hit three birds with one, much to his relief. 
"Go bring her home, we can manage!" Haechan was the one to answer, he seemed like he was still enjoying himself. 
Jeno looks at Renjun and Mark who were also still laughing from whatever they were doing, they just nodded at him before redirecting their attention to their game.
So Jeno leaves 14 minutes past two. With a sober mind, and a completely drunk girl. 
---
You woke up with your body blanketed by a musky black leather jacket, in a parked car, seatbelt still on. The window on your side was open. 
And the guy outside the car, seated on the side of the hood, was Jeno. A cigarette between his lips as usual, and the cold air brushing his hair away from his eyes. 
At some point, you just wanted to stay there and stare as he blew out white smoke. But you shouldn't, you knew you shouldn't. 
Yet you still did. 
Just 45 seconds. 45 seconds will do. 
In the 43rd second, Jeno tilts his head and looks at you. Dammit. 
Panic flowed through your veins, pushing blood up to your face. So you yawn in an exaggerated way, covering your face in the process, and Jeno laughs. 
"You're awake, your grace." He throws away the cig and crushes it with his vans. 
You chuckled at his greeting and leaned on the window sill, your chin over your arms. "Indeed, my lord. Although I feel like I am still dreaming. Are you sure you aren't an angel?" You imitated an English accent to play the part. 
You've been obsessed with this certain series on Netflix nowadays and have been doing short skits with your other friends using the accent. You are actually surprised to hear Jeno doing it. They didn't find your English accent amusing, Haechan said. 
Maybe that was only Haechan's opinion. 
Jeno chuckles and shakes his head and you laugh. He just can't take a compliment. 
"Where are the others?" You asked. The backseat was empty and you were seated at the shotgun. The last thing you remember was you taking a swig of a drink concocted by Mark. It was... it should explain how you ended up here. 
You think you should really stop taking drinks made by Mark... like, seriously.
Because every time you do, the world around you spins like a ferris wheel. 
"They said they could handle themselves, and that I should take you home," he says. 
"but we're not home..." 
"Last time we brought you home wasted, you got grounded for a week... your grace," he snickered. "And besides, you told me you didn't want to go home yet." 
"I did?" And he nodded. "Okay... but did I... say anything more...?" 
"You did." He answered. 
You waited for him to continue talking but he just put the stick in between his lips, leaving it unlit. 
"...and?" You raised a brow. You were expecting he'd tell you what you apparently said before you went out. 
Jeno just shrugged. 
"Huh?" You tapped the car door from the outside. "Hey. Mister. Why aren't you talking?" 
And still, he just shrugged. So you threw his leather jacket at him but he caught it while laughing. 
"I'm kidding! You immediately fell asleep." The unlit cig was just stuck in between his teeth. 
Relief washed over you. You were worried you might've said something about trying to avoid him just because... 
"Why aren't you lighting that?" You gestured to the cig between his teeth. 
"I just... don't want to." 
The silence between you highlighted the birds chirping and the soft blowing wind. The skies were slowly turning bright with the first few moments of sunrise. 
"Jeno Lee..." You let his name roll out from your tongue like the first time. And he looked at you just like then. 
"Y/N," he imitated the way you spoke. 
The two of you just looked at each other with the intent of testing who will laugh first. 
Or maybe that's what he thought. 
You were just staring at him as the emerging sun illuminates the side of his face. You would've taken a photo if your phone wasn't dead. 
As cliché as it was, you could look at his face forever. 
So you chose to look away. 
"Let's go home, my mother's gonna kill me." 
"Yeah.." Jeno squints. Because of the sunlight or not? You aren't sure. "Let's get you home."
You've figured that the best course of action in dealing with this fiasco inside your head (or maybe your heart) is to avoid Jeno Lee at all cost. Of course, your almost identical vacancy schedule with him wasn't of any help, but who cares if you just lie your way out of it? 
So for the remaining days before summer break, you've given a ton of excuses just to not see Jeno. The worst part? You weren't sure why you were doing this. 
It's just that... something shifted that day. Beneath the blossom tree, right in Jeno's eyes. 
And then the sunrise. 
And the leather jacket. 
And the drive home. 
I should know better than this, you thought. I've been through this. 
You've liked people in the past, loved even. 
The big jar of paper cranes in your room was proof of this, and it's been 2 months since you stopped. Certain you were done with the boy. 
You are sure you are completely over the guy, but how did you know you loved him then? 
How did you— 
"Y/N." A voice cuts through your thoughts. 
Familiar. 
"Jaehyun," Ah. "I didn't see you there..." 
It's been exactly 6 months 13 days and... you lost track of the time from when you last saw him. 
You were just walking out the campus, making your way to a café nearby to study (and to avoid places you and Jeno always went to). And here you were, face to face once again with somebody you used to know so well. 
Jung Jaehyun. 
Ironic how you were just thinking about how you're moved on, and then... life. 
"How have you been?" He initiates the conversation. 
"Good." 
... 
Awkward. 
"Uh.. I was.. about to get coffee, wanna come?" You asked out of politeness. 
Jung Jaehyun looked at you like he was shocked you even offered. He'd probably decline anyway. 
"I mean, if you don't want to—" 
"I guess coffee won't hurt." Oh. 
And then the next thing was you seated in front of your ex, awkwardly sipping coffee. Like it happened for the first time. 
"You look good," you started. It was sincere, he actually looked fine. He had his hair parted in a different way, and his built has improved in comparison to before. 
He looked well. You hoped you were the same in his eyes, afterall you believe yourself well and happy now. 
"You too, y/n," he answered. 
In your mind was a series of memories of you and Jaehyun, spending two springs in each other's company. How you felt happy and content. 
And how the both of you slowly broke each other into millions of tiny pieces. 
You were the one who broke up with him. It happened when you had a lot of love to give while he had a space too little to fill. Incompatible, you were. 
So you decided to cut the thread. It was for the best. Because you knew that if you stayed any longer, it would take everything for you to heal. 
"Y/N..." he called and you looked him in the eye. "This might be a little too late but.." He licked his lips. A mannerism whenever he's nervous. "You know I loved you right?" 
It was like a punch in the gut, sucking out all the air in your lungs. Even your voice was gone and your tongue dry. 
"I just thought I didn't tell you enough." He'd look at anything except your eyes. "I loved you." 
"Jaehyun..." 
"And I'm sorry. I could've done so much more, I—" 
"Jaehyun, stop." You've finally found your voice and he finally looked you in the eye. All you saw was pain and somehow, it felt like torture. 
But you're done loving this man. Saying that in your head suddenly puts you at ease. 
"You know how I felt about you, Jae.." You lightly held his hand that was on top of the table and gave him a small yet genuine smile. "It hurt. But all is done, and I'm okay now." 
His eyes showed different hues of brown as the ray of setting sun hit them. There's no denying the beauty in them, but all you had in mind were those brown contact lenses and a mole near the eye. 
A smile formed on your lips at that thought but you tried to suppress it. 
"In fact, I'm very... content." You gave his hand a light squeeze. "We're good, Jae." 
Soon, the black leather jacket and the cigarette between one's lips flooded your mind. This time, the smile was unconcealable. 
"..We're good." 
One last squeeze 
and then you let go of Jung Jaehyun's hand. 
--- 
Certainty hit you like a truck. 
You liked Jeno Lee. You just realized that you've been liking him for quite a while yet this made you more determined to avoid the guy. 
In the short time of two months where you hung out with Jeno, you've formed a bond that you didn't want to break nor to risk breaking. He is your friends' friend who also became your close friend in the long run. If you took the risk and tried it out, will you be able to handle the consequences? 
The answer was so simple yet so complicated. So, your personal mission to avoid Jeno Lee continued. 
But apparently, you've miscalculated things because in front of your door was Renjun and Haechan, both looking like parents who are ready for severe scolding. 
"You little liar..." 
"Sneaky little bitch..." 
They both had their eyes narrowed at you despite the fact that you didn't know what you did. The last time you saw these two was when they hung out with you the day after the last party. The three of you nursing hangovers, lounging around your room. 
"Huh?" You were confused as to what these two were up to. Haechan began to tap his foot, crossed arms. And Renjun began shaking his head like he was so disappointed. 
"You know I'd rather you tell me what I did than this cryptic head-shaking and foot-tapping." 
"You know what you di—" 
"So you're back with that guy now?" Haechan cuts Renjun's speech. The latter hits him hard on the chest. 
"Ouch!" 
"What are you talking about?" Who's back with who? 
"A little birdy told us you were spotted with Jung Jaehyun in a café near campus." Renjun walked into your house while talking, and then Haechan followed in so you got to close the door. 
This information made you raise a brow. 
"And holding hands?? What's the point of me throwing out your love letters back then?" Haechan added, casually lounging on your parents' couch. 
They continued rambling about how you used to cry for Jaehyun and that they didn't want that to happen again. They were loud, too loud. And you had to defend yourself, because after all, it wasn't the truth. 
"Okay stop." You spoke with a firm voice and that made them look at you. 
"First of all, I'm not back with the guy." A pause. "We're done and we're good. I merely offered him coffee and he accepted." You defended. 
But the two rascals were just looking at you sketchily. So you continued. Telling in full detail what really happened, that he told you he loved you. Why you held his hand. What happened after. And that it was your full and final closure. 
"So... you aren't back with him?" Haechan asked once again and it made you groan out of frustration. 
"Ugh no! I'm not that much of a fool!" 
"Oh poor little birdy..." You heard Renjun whisper. 
"Who's that little birdy of yours anyway?" You asked in an irritated tone. 
"Lee Jeno." Haechan—who apparently found his way to the kitchen, eating your leftover chips—casually said. 
The name took five full seconds to register in your brain. Lee Jeno. 
Jeno Lee. 
Oh gods.
Remember when you used to avoid all the places you went to with Jeno? Well now you're doing the exact opposite of that. You even searched through all of the smoking areas around campus, hoping you'll spot him right there having his daily dose of nicotine. 
But Jeno Lee was nowhere to be found. 
You've asked Jaemin and Mark... Haechan and Renjun.. even that guy in his physics class that he'd mentioned to you once. All their answers varied everyday so you didn't know where to start. 
Jaemin says he's probably in the gym. So you went there, but apparently he was done with his session. Mark didn't have any idea on his whereabouts. Haech and Renjun both just asked you why and teased you non-stop (it didn't help at all!). 
Now it's been forty-seven days since you last saw even a smoke out of Jeno Lee's lips. And slowly, you've been filling up a small jar with paper stars. It eventually became a calming activity for you. 
You still haven't stopped looking for Jeno. Everyday was a different place of where he could be. You figured he'll eventually pop up like he used to. 
Today you returned to the picnic table under the shade of the blossom tree. 
While walking towards it, you noticed that it was occupied. A black piece of clothing on the table, and a man in white shirt and tattered jeans... and blonde hair? 
Is this finally him? 
"Jeno?" You called and he easily confirmed by turning his head to face you. 
You never thought you'd go slack jawed for a man but this... this was an exemption. 
He had his hair up and styled. His physique was exceptional as before. A cig slowly burning between his lips. But his face, it wasn't the same as the ones that greeted you every vacant time. It was stoic. A hundred thousand times different from his famous smiling eyes. 
"Hey." He spoke. 
"Hey.." 
You walked closer, scared that taking a step nearer would chase him away. You silently prayed to the gods for him to stay. 
But guess your prayers didn't reach the heavens. 
Throwing the cig away, he gathered the other things he had on the table and wore his leather jacket, preparing to leave. 
You weren't letting this chance go. 
"Jeno, stop." But he didn't. "Please." This time you pleaded, trying to convince yourself you weren't gonna cry. 
"You're avoiding me." You added. 
He scoffed before turning to you. "Well what can I say? I learned from the best." His words reeked sarcasm but you still saw through the pain in his eyes. You knew damn well he was talking about you. 
"I'm sorry. Let's talk. Please?" Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. 
"I don't want any misunderstanding, y/n. Please." He sounded defeated. "Just... be happy." Then he turns away. 
"It's not wha—" You tried to explain but the distance between you and him took your voice away. 
It's not what you think, Jeno.. 
-- 
Day 71 from when you first realized your feelings for Jeno. Exactly twenty-four days since he turned his back on you underneath the blossom tree. 
You have filled two small jars with small paper stars to the brim and have started filling up the third. 
Everything's back to normal. And by normal, it meant the time before you found Jeno behind the club hiding his vice. 
For consolation, Jeno never avoided you again. He was always there, present during night outs, still the designated driver, still the one who remains sober. You thought that after your last encounter, he'd never want to see you again but here he is. Always in your presence without acknowledging you. 
You felt that it was better if he had avoided you completely rather than seeing him everyday, laughing at Haechan's jokes but never meeting your eyes. 
But then again, you like Jeno Lee. Seeing him physically is a hundred times better than just thinking about him 24/7 (while in fact you do that as well). Also, why did he have to be so hot in his blonde hair?! Your honor, this is torture. 
He'd talk to you... at times. Mostly about passing food. Or a drink... It was very civil. Like you and him did not have a shared short lifetime of nicotine and quizzes.
Day 79, you passed by him in the hallway. You waved hi, he gave you a smile, then walked away. 
Day 86. Vacant time before a major exam, you were reviewing on the picnic table under the blossom tree. You weren't gonna lie, you were expecting him to be there to help you. But what is to expect if there were no unwritten promises? 
By the 91st day, your third jar has been filled halfway. 
Haechan had already scolded you for using too much paper. Renjun, on the other hand, knows what the meaning of this habit of yours is. 
"That's what you call self soothing, Donghyuck. You don't know that because you always had your mommy to soothe you." 
"Hey you can't use mama's boy card on me when in fact my mom likes you more than me!" 
"Damn right she does! I'm like the most perfectest son she could have!" 
Haechan scoffs and mumbles "most" and "perfectest" under his breath. You laughed at the use of words as well. 
The two rascals are in your bedroom again, saying they are your pretty little angels who will apparently comfort you after you barely passed that one major exam. 
Guess their bantering became your comfort afterall. 
"Don't you two have anything better to do?" You asked in the middle of your star folding. 
Renjun crossed his arms. "Actually, we're supposed to be at a party right now. But you should ask Haechan why..." he had his eyes squinted at the latter. And Haechan was avoiding eye contact, playing with the stars you have already folded. 
You squint your eyes as well. "What is it, Haech?" 
"Yeah, Donghyuck, tell her why we won't go to Kun ge's house party..." Renjun added, emphasizing Haechan's real name like it had something to do with it. 
"Kun? Like... that cute senior? You were invited and you're not coming??" 
"I kissed his brother okay? I have to save face!" Your jaw dropped at his confession. 
"The guy from lit?" You asked. 
"The guy from lit!" Renjun exclaimed. 
You dramatically threw your half folded origami and stood up with conviction. Going straight to your closet, you grabbed a party dress. 
"What are you doing?" Haechan's voice was filled with fear and Renjun was laughing so loud, even holding his stomach. 
There are so many things you live for. Embarrassing any of your two friends was one of them. 
"We're going to the party!" 
Pre-game at Renjun's before driving to the party, surely there's only one of you who isn't very willing to come. But Haechan had no choice, he'd be missing out on a night of his life if he didn't. When you arrived, the party was at its peak. People were drunk, bodies clung to one another... you even saw Kun taking out what looks like another bottle of Cuervo. It would've been fun to get sloshed but you presented to be the designated driver of the night since you are the plus one. 
"I'm gonna get drinks!" Renjun half yelled over the loud music before leaving your side. 
"And I'm gonna puke!" Haechan pulled away from you but you didn't let him go. You know he's just gonna escape from you. 
"Not on my watch!" You laughed and searched through the area where Kun's brother could be. And just at the right moment, you spotted him near the fireplace. They were playing what seemed like a game of spin the bottle because they were in a messy circle. 
"There he is." You mumbled proudly, much to Haechan's chagrin. 
You pulled Haechan towards the group. Some of the players were already leaving (possibly to party more outside), so you took their seats. Not realizing that there was a still-blond-Jeno Lee right in front of the seat you've just taken. And when your gazes aligned, his was already leaving yours. 
So you did the same and just pulled Haechan down to sit beside you. 
Apparently they were playing truth or dare. Just a moment ago, Jisung (who you just noticed) actually dared to drink two small shots of what seemed to be vinegar. 
As the night progressed, the wilder each dare became. Two players were already dared to do body shots, others had to do lap dances. Jeno had to be on the receiving end (which really pissed you off, by the way). Haechan, on your side, was shaking his foot. 
"Next dare!" Chenle started picking out a piece of paper from a fish bowl. "Liplocking for five seconds!" And the crowd roared. Because knowing these people, five seconds will probably turn to ten. Fifteen even. 
"I'm gonna pass out." Haechan whispers in your ear when the tip of the bottle pointed to him. On the other end of the bottle was Kun's brother. The lit 101 guy. You didn't know the name. 
"You've been blessed by the gods!" A cheer from you got the other people cheering as well. Ten seconds of simple kissing would be hot, but ten seconds of Haechan french kissing his big fat crush would be hella spicy! 
"You aren't safe, I'm telling you!" Lit 101 guy was already crawling towards Haechan since he was in fact sitting on the floor like the rest of you. Undoubtedly he ain't sober anymore, a good explanation as to why he's unashamed in doing the dare. 
Haechan had a tight grip on your arm while the other guy's face was already close to him. It was a frontrow seat of them doing edges and you weren't gonna lie, you're loving it. 
Not until you caught a glimpse of Jeno's eyes on your lips. And then on your eyes. And then back at your lips again. 
Suddenly the two people in front of you were already locking lips, yet your mind was wondering how that felt... with Jeno in mind. 
Heachan loosened his grip on your arm and it started caressing the cheeks of the other. They stopped kissing and for a hot second they whispered into each other's ears. The next thing you know, the seat beside you is vacated and then replaced by another player. People around you cheered, yet your mind was too occupied by the blonde guy in front. 
Your mission here is done. You tried to convince yourself. You should go. 
And go, you did. You excused yourself from the game, your seat immediately taken by another. Your friend is about to have the night of his life, meanwhile, the other is nowhere to be found. You had drunk a few shots from the game and you're in between tipsy and downright drunk, your friends are gonna need to find another ride home. You've fully accepted that you are indeed lightweight. But that's more fun right? 
No. 
Because why did you have to be so weak when tipsy? If it wasn't the case, a guy wouldn't be holding your wrist right now. 
"Where are you going?" Worry evident in his voice. But you wouldn't figure that out. 
"Away from your presence, my lord." You let out small drunken giggles. It was the first time again that you've used this way of speaking. 
"You're drunk." 
"And you're not?" 
"Let's get you home." 
"It isn't even past two!" 
"Come on..." 
You broke away from his grip and proceeded walking somewhere away from Jeno. But somehow he surpassed you and blocked your way. You tried to get away through the opposite but he somehow blocked it too. Now you're cornered on the wall and your mind just realized that you're in a quiet hallway upstairs. Alone together. 
"Jeno, stop." 
"Stop what?" 
"You can't do this. Stop doing this." 
"What can't I do?" He went closer. "Tell me, y/n.." and closer. "What am I not permitted to do?" 
His eyes were on yours. Burning intensely. Piercing through your skin; like gravity pulling you in. The alcohol in your system seemed to be already flushed out by the browns and blacks of his eyes and by the pinks and reds of his lips. This is torture, your honor. 
You looked away. And then threw a punch on his chest. Then another. And another, and another, and another. And he was just letting you do so. 
"You cannot avoid me like that and then return like nothing happened at all!" a punch. 
"You cannot leave me like that! Like I meant nothing— like we meant nothing!" Another. 
"You just had to listen! But you chose not to, Jeno Lee! You chose to walk away—" a kiss. 
Jeno Lee's lips were suddenly on yours. Soft. Gentle. It was...new. A movement was all it took for you to know it was true. 
It was happening. Jeno fucking Lee is kissing you as if he didn't tell you to be happy with another guy. You responded back, lips moving against another. His arm snaked around your waist and pulled you closer to him. Your body molded into his, arched towards his stomach. Your hands found their way to his hair and raked through it, feeling how soft it was even though you figured it went through a cruel bleaching process. And in between your kisses, you heard him groan. 
You heard and felt his groan and it sent shivers down your spine. If he wasn't holding your waist, you probably were on your knees. In just a moment of weakness, his tongue found its way in. 
You felt like floating. You've had a lot of good hookups, but no one ever kissed you the way this boy did. You never want to stop. You just want to have his lips on yours forever. 
But you had to break away to breathe. 
The both of you panted to catch your breaths. His forehead was on yours and his gaze still on your lips. 
You couldn't explain but he looked...confused and angry and desperate all at the same time. 
"Fuck..." He whispered, still catching his breath. 
"Why..." you started, trying to catch your own breath. "...why'd you do that?" 
He turned his head away from you, his arms still caging you in. Until he let them down, whispering more curses under his breath. 
"Jeno—" 
He walked away too fast but you were suddenly in the right mind to catch up. He headed towards the garden while you were just behind him, people were bumping into you so you had to double time when the amount of drunk humans subsided. 
"Lee Jeno, stop walking away from me!" 
Yet he didn't stop, even getting in his car. But you were fast enough to enter the passenger's seat. 
"You're not getting away this time." You said while buckling the seatbelt. He was just looking at you, confusion and anger(?) in his eyes. 
"You brought your own car." He pointed out. 
"I'm too drunk to drive. Now why did you kiss me?" 
"I'm too drunk to answer your question." He revved the engine. 
"And yet you're starting your car!" 
"I can drive." 
"Then you can answer my question too." 
Yet you received no more answers. 
Jeno just buckled his own seat belt then started driving. Around the block, and then the village gates. Silence ensued between the two of you, no one dared to talk with the height of emotions the both of you had. 
He stopped the car near a gasoline station's convenience store, went out of the car and into the store, leaving you still holding on to the buckled seat belt as if he will try to drop you off anytime soon. 
He returned with two cans of warm coffee on hand. 
"What..." 
"You want us to talk right?"  
"Well yeah—" 
"I'm not doing that while we're not completely sober." He flicked the can open then gave it to you. Doing the same for his can. 
You hesitated to drink but you figured that it wasn't so you to be doing serious talks with an alcohol cloudy mind. 
So in a parked car at a gasoline station, two people were sitting in silence. Sipping their coffee, waiting to be sober enough to discuss actualities and emotional dilemmas. 
"Are you not going to smoke?" You asked, wondering why he hasn't taken out a stick like he always did when he was with you. 
"Besides the fact that we're in a gasoline station, I'm actually trying to stop smoking..." 
"And why is that?" Looking back, you realized that the last time you saw a glimpse of smoke out of his mouth was when you finally found him after days of searching. 
"Someone said... I should stop ruining my lungs." You turned to him and saw the usual glow of his eyes. It was the eyes that you used to know, you're glad to see them again. 
"Well..." You swallowed. "That someone influenced you well then." Jealousy drips down the tone of your voice. You had told him more than once to quit the vice yet he continued to do so. This someone probably holds a special place in his life for him to follow so easily. It made you question, had you ever held a place in his life? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe you had a small stool reserved in his life full of grand dining chairs. 
"Yeah.." 
"And your hair?" 
"Mark did it. It sucks I know..." He chuckled while ruffling his hair. 
"No, it looks nice! Like really nice." It's so nice that every girl turns their heads when you're around and I'm annoyed every freaking time. 
"It does?" He looked at you in wonder if you were really telling the truth. Instead of answering, you were caught in a trance with how he looked so...so... 
Deja vu. 
Your mind suddenly showed you an unfamiliar memory of you in this exact same car with your hands cradling the face of a black-haired Jeno. 
"What are you doing, miss drunken gir—" 
"Holy shit!" You blurted out. 
"What, what happened?" Jeno also panicked. 
"Did I... did I ever kiss you before?" 
Jeno blinked. 
You blinked. 
Once, twice, thrice... 
"Tell me... what did I do that night? After Lee Taeyong's party?" 
You saw his adam's apple bob up and down, his jaw clenched as well and he looked away from you. 
"So... you just remembered." 
"Tell me what I did!" You demanded while hitting his arms in the process. 
"Okay, okay..." He grabbed your hands that were still hitting him and held onto them to stop you from further physical (but light) abuse. 
"That night, you were so drunk that you kept clinging onto my neck. And you... you..." 
"What?" 
"Let's just say that you tried leaving marks." He scratched his nape in embarrassment. "So I had to carry you like a sack. And I couldn't bring you home because I wouldn't want to be the reason you are grounded. So I brought you somewhere you could get sober. You were sleeping, I was sure of it. But suddenly you were awake and... kissed me and things were escalating quickly and then boom... in dreamland you went." 
"I fell asleep while making out with you?!" 
"Kind...of?" 
"What the fuck is wrong with me, seriously?" 
The self loathing was so present in the moment. How could you ever fall asleep while kissing a Jeno Lee! 
"You also said something that time..." 
You looked at him and he was still avoiding your eyes like it was him who did something embarrassing. 
[From here on out, all italicized words will be Jeno's side of the story starting from Taeyong's party]
"I think.... I think..." A hiccup escaped your lips. "I think I like you."  
Jeno looked at you to see if you were awake again but you had your eyes closed already. Was it a dream of yours? Do you think the kiss was just a dream? Were you aware that you were saying these things to him? 
They say drunk words are sober thoughts. Jeno used to believe that. But right now, your drunk words were too much of a fantasy for him. How could you say that so easily when he himself couldn't find the courage to do so for months? 
When you woke up (once again) that day, fully sober. He had expected you wouldn't remember anything in an instant. So he decided to leave the drama for tomorrow. You and him had all the time in the world to talk about it so why rush? 
He brought you home, came back to Taeyong's house to fetch the others, went home himself, and rested. He had to gather up all of his strength to face you the next day. For sure at that time, you already remember. 
But on the next day, you weren't there at the picnic table under the blossom tree. He tried asking your other friends, they all said you were busy. He tried again on the next day but it was still the same. 
Days passed. Weeks. He couldn't get a hold of you. His calls to you were always declined. If not declined, it reached voicemail. His texts left with no replies. His chats left unread. 
Were you avoiding him? But why? 
He assumingly answered the 'why' when he saw you in that cafe with the guy you told him stories about. 'Jaehyun' was it? Of course, you weren't the type to ghost a friend. You always had a valid reason for everything. 
Jeno then decides to spend the days trying to forget that night. Suppressing his own feelings by lifting weights and avoiding even a bit of your shadow. 
He heard from people that you were looking for him and for a moment, he almost succumbed to the thought of it. But he believed he shouldn't see you. Not when you were probably back with the guy you used to like and he was there with existing nicotine-originated feelings for you. 
He chose to be kind to himself. Because that's what he should do right? 
Not until one day when he chose to relive his moments with you and you found him. 
Why...why did you look so sad? 
He knew he had to go right away. He couldn't promise he could keep his arms to himself. 
And go he did. 
And later on realizing that it was a dumb decision because seeing your eyes again brought life into his system. Like they were the fuel to his fire. 
Jeno decided he won't avoid you the way he did ever again. No scratch that— Jeno knows he couldn't avoid you ever again after seeing you like that. He had to make sure you were always okay. But he didn't know how to approach you. 
So he just became present everywhere you went. Like he used to be. Except he was just there and you were out of his reach and the nicotine withdrawal has been very tough that he wanted to tell you about it but he just...can't. 
The next thing he knew, he was kissing you in a silent hallway. His arms snaked around your waist while your hands raked through his hair. It was like the first time, except this was better. So much better. 
But the taste of the mixed vodka from your lips brought him back to his cloudy senses. 
You were drunk. Not 'drunk' drunk like before but you weren't sober. And he has seen this all before, he didn't like what happened next. 
Besides, you didn't deserve intimacy initiated by alcohol and lack of nicotine. 
So, he tried to run away like every dumb and coward person would do. 
Because why would he tell you 
"I like you. And you deserve to know that... at least while I'm in the right state of mind." Jeno finally confessed. 
You were once again slack-jawed from everything he told you. 
"But if you actually did get back with him.. then just brush it off. It's okay, I promise." He finally looked into your eyes like he was trying to prove that he would be okay. Like he hadn't just told you how your stupid decisions in life caused yourself unnecessary torture. 
And what? He still thinks you're back with Jeong Jaehyun? 
With no thoughts, head empty, you unbuckle your seatbelt and reach for his face and kiss his lips. 
It was the sweetest, the realest, and the softest kiss you ever had. 
And literally, it's your first time kissing him with a sober mind. 
At exactly 3 months, 2 days, and 3 hours from the day you first realized that you liked this boy, you finally get to stop folding those paper stars. 
No more silly games of hide and seek. No more dumb decisions. 
The taste of coffee lingered on your lips when you pulled away and it made you laugh. 
"Funny, we both taste like coffee.." You bit your lip to suppress a smile. 
"Then maybe caffeine will be my new addiction." He said before pulling you in once again, savoring your lips. 
This time with no more inhibitions.
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hitchell-mope · 8 months
Text
How I would change the final season.
These are my own personal opinions on how season four of hsmtmts should’ve played out. Some will be big. Some will be small. But most will probably be extraordinarily petty. As such. I am much more than aware that some of you may disagree with me. So if you do. Please, for your sake and mine, keep it to yourself. Now. Let’s begin.
No Quinn. I’d have brought Kenny Ortega back. Because at least Kenny Ortega would’ve understood that he was making a Disney movie and not whatever the fuck that Quinn thought that she was making. And seriously? High school musical without Kenny Ortega? What was Ferdele thinking?!?!
NO GODDAMN CHEATING PLOT POINT!!!! At best. I’d have had Big Red and Seb having a bit of a wobble, but NOT kiss, while watching Brokeback Mountain. Seb would still probably call it cheating because, well, he’s like Gil Legume, sweet and innocent. Big Red can still have his realisation. Just without doing two of the best characters a massive disservice.
Keep redlyn canon endgame. I have never liked this weird thing shows have going on where a couple that works HAS to break up when one or both of them realise that they’re bisexual. I’d keep Ashlyn’s crush on Val and Maddox. But I’d keep it as a crush. No break up. No cheating. Keep my favourite season one ships endgame.
Rina being public throughout. Like yeah, I get that it was necessary because Terri said “no boys” etc etc. BUT. Terri was quick to change her tune when she thought Gina still had a crush on Mack. And I didn’t like that about her. So I’d have made rina public throughout the season. Maybe then Terri would change her tune earlier than she did.
More Mr Mazzara. He balances out Jenn’s insanity. Sometimes yin and yang are needed. And this is definitely one of those cases.
I may hate Danforth with all the power of the sun. But I would’ve included the boys are back in full because Jet has a good singing voice
I would’ve had Emmy interact with people more. Sometimes the creepiness is fun.
More Lucas Grabeel. Even if only to reference Jenn’s season one fantasy sequence.
Ricky getting apologies from his parents for how they mishandled everything. Or, you know, him being allowed to yell at them for ten minutes straight
ZAC EFRON GIVING RICKY A PEP TALK!!!! Ricky deserved it. I deserved it. We all deserved it.
There’s probably more but that’s all I can think of right now. Tell me what you think?
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jcforsapphics · 8 months
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Hsmtmts 4x08:
Ok last episode I am so so scared but I'm so glad it's an hour longg
Good on EJ for being on his last play but babygirl what happened to your face
"Btw, who the fuck are you guys?" LMAO RICKY IS SO REAL
"Are you asking as my son or as my brother?"
I'm loving all the Kourtney appreciation because she desreve that so much
Troyella are getting very personal to rina right now
Jet being the biggest madlyn shipper!!
"I have every feeling for you" THEY ARE HAPPENING
NOT EJ PREDICTING MADLYN?? HE'S SO REAL FOR THIS HE IS US HE IS THE FAN BASE
"I feel like I don't deserve to be as happy as you make me" so I'm getting called out by every character this season, huh?
They are so not staying just friends who are they lying to
MADLYN KISS OH MY GOD THAT WAS THE CUTEST THING EVER I ?? THIS SEASON IS SO GOOD FRIEND FOR THE GAYS
Plot twist Ricky and Mack ends up together
Joshoua Bassest you have the voice of an angel
Full disclosure I actually hate public declarations of love and would not like it at all if he'll confess in front of everyone I'll probably have to skip it I can't handle second hand embarrassments
JET CALLING MADDOX HIS BEST FRIEND I LOVE THEM VERY MUCH
Hey I better get a fic expanding on Ricky feeling like he didn't deserve to get into college because??
Big Red and Ricky hug!!
Everyone singing together might have made me tear up a bit haha I don't want to actually cry I already cried last night when I prepared myself mentally (I'm attracted to this show in a very autistic and not at all healthy way and my therapist told me she's genuinely worried about me and about what will happen if rina won't end up together)
OK FIRST ANTINE IS NOT FRENCH?? ALSO WE WERE ALL RIGHT ABOUT HIM AND RED LET'S GO!!
"My dad knew I was gay since I was two!" Seb I think everyone knew
Ms Jen I'm sorry to tell you this but Gina always looks like a star
I don't have words for Ricky's speech because how dare he
GINA IS BEAUTIFUL
Gina talking about every single person and crying I can't I can't :((
"I really wish the world was as pure as you see it" is actually such a good line
Not Gina calling Jet out on his feelings for Kourtney in front of everyoneee
The camara not finding EJ when Gina is trying to talk to him??
This whole speech is really making me feel like I missed with my horrible theatre group I wish we had what they do
"I feel so seen and so understood and so known" I LOVE YOU GINA PORTER
RICKY TELL HER YOU LOVE HER YOU BITCH
MACK IS A RINA???
RUN RICKY RUN!!
This is literally the most unserious show in the world
THE SEASON ONE REFERENCE!! Loving this
"I'm in love and I know it" I'M COLLECTING MY RINA ENDGAME TONIGHT
This song is so going on my playlist
HOW DOES EVERYONE JUST KNOW THE LYRICS WHAT IS THIS GLEE
I genuinely love this song very much but I need an actual spoken confession for the edits
IT'S HIS FAVOURITE HAT <33
She did not tell him she loves him way back in season one and we didn't know??
"It's been there all along?" "Just like me." You don't know how much they mean to me
LMAO GINA JUST DECIDED THEY'RE GONNA SHOT AT SALT LAKE GO GIRL
Honestly Quinn deserve such a rise after this
MY CHILDREN
I can't believe the show is over :((
Definitely a few things I would change about this season but more on that on a later post! (Mostly the fact there was no chocolate theory reveal obviously)
Overall I'm so so happy with how the show ended but still going to ignore it and pretend it'll go on forever
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luna-rainbow · 1 year
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Oh no I totally agree that it is undoubtedly fair, truly warranted, to criticize the way the attempt to rewrite his victim hood into him being at fault. I less so sent that ask towards you (bc I’ve followed you for a long time and know how you feel) and more so in a response to other anons. Truly, the erasure of Bucky being a victim sends me over the edge and the whole thunderbolts thing has me raging. That wasn’t really what I was trying to get at in my first ask. And I very very much agree that the whole ‘amends’ and Sam’s (ooc) line of basically tell him to man up and work harder, etc., was all rooted in toxic masculinity from the writers. I was more so trying to say that even though TFATWS did have some major issues, I don’t think Bucky was completely off from his prior characterization, unfortunately they did seem to teeter back and forth and be contradictory with his trauma. Especially considering some of the stuff the cast and crew have said in interviews that do lean towards Bucky being a victim. But when you look at a majority of his actual behaviors and personality, it’s pretty fitting unlike some people try to argue. While the whole going to Zemo thing was wildly unlike Bucky, I do think that him being shitty to Sam doesn’t really fall into the same category. I say that because some times, just real people, characters can be assholes and they have flaws, and you know in the end he knew he was in the wrong and partially didn’t understand Sam’s reasoning. So I do think that isn’t a mistake on the writers part but that’s just my personal opinion. In all, while I do think he wasn’t done justice or utilized properly, Bucky’s primary characterization wasn’t wrong. It was more so the way the storyline tried to depict him and how some of the other characters treated him.
Ah, thanks for coming back to provide more context 😅
To be honest, I credit Seb with 90% of Bucky’s characterisation in the movies and the show. Let’s face it, Bucky’s characterisation was pretty thin if we’re going off the scripts alone (including the movies). He was a plot device for Steve, not a fully written person. Seb was the one who made Bucky give the long weighty looks to Steve during the war, the child-like confusion during the conversation with Pierce, and those sad reflective half-smiles during CACW/IW/EG. He’s a small side character with an exceptional narrative importance, and a lesser actor would have just peeled off the lines and called it a day. Seb went hard into it - he researched vets and PTSD, he made headcanons for Bucky’s relationship with Steve and even his fighting style, for a character that had 15 lines in the movie with his name in the title and only 2 emotive scenes, he’s tried very hard to make it a believable, human emotional journey.
If you look purely at Bucky’s lines in TFATWS — particularly his to-and-fro with his therapist, Zemo and even some of the ones with Sam, under a different actor they could have been aggravating, petulant and caustic. Sebastian kept it consistent with Bucky’s journey up to now — he was weary, uneasy and always a little vulnerable under the gruffness. Sebastian is very good at doing vulnerable, and that alone saved Bucky from being a flat alpha male. Under a different directorial/writer team I would have said they did a good job with the consistency, but MCU directors since Russo’s are notorious for letting their actors take the reins with their characters especially for emotional beats. By and large, because they’ve been so lucky with their casting, that’s worked, but it’s going to fray at the seams eventually.
I think one of the reasons why people say Bucky was out of character (apart from some of the decisions) was that he had a period of healing in Wakanda, and when we saw him in IW he was smiling and friendly. When we meet Bucky in TFATWS he’s raw and nervous again, and something has made his recovery go backwards. The series then avoids the giant elephant in the room for both Sam and Bucky, which was how much hurt EG!Steve’s decision caused both of them…so while we can understand the context for Bucky’s anger, that context was never acknowledged to be true…and if we ignore that context, then there’s no reason his recovery should have gone backwards.
TFATWS was full of crappy contradictions like this.
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georgiapeach30513 · 3 months
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Best with picking up baby duties with surprise baby, most likely to hire someone immediately?
(please Chris and Seb characters🙏... Or even Jensen A.👀.... There's no limit on how long the list needs to be😇)
This is very important!
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(i know the Lloyd thing is going on... But in general)
The best?? 🤭 I’m going to exclude because, duh, he’s the best
Frank Adler, we know he can do it because he’s done it before.
Bucky Barnes…did we think it would be anyone else?? I think he wants a family so bad, and I want him to have that.
I’m not going to say Dean would be the best, but he’d keep the kid alive.
The ones who are calling for help immediately…
Ransom. Need I say more???
Lance Tucker. Do I need say anything, honestly??
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taylorkellyreporting · 8 months
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i hope no one minds if i liveblog this bitch: hsmtmts 2x01-2x12
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gina saying ‘i’m gonna make my mark’ while walking through nini and ricky, causing them to break their handhold…yeah.
poor gina, she likes ricky so much
that was harsh, ricky didn’t deserve that.
oh my God, nini’s ‘team kourt’ pullover is so cute
blondie has a great voice but she’s a shit person, i have to say
kourt, ash and gina did so good but i kinda wish ashs voice wasn’t at the forefront
i officially hate blondie, how dare her laugh at big red falling???
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ashlyn as belle my beloved <3
I KNEW SHE WAS A SPY
the hearts on nini’s face, aw
lmfaoooo he’s in denver
‘…i’m taking it in stride’ ‘you’re dressed in all black’ pls
big red saying valentine’s day is centered around the color red so he should have it on lock and pointing to his hair was hilarious i love him
ricky definitely has some buried feelings for gina cause there’s no other reason why their scenes are now slightly awkward in that cute way it is when characters have mutual feelings for each other and don’t know how to act esp when one half is in a relationship 🤭
‘there are just some things i tell you that i don’t tell anybody else’ ‘i think we do that for each other’ who else is doing it like them? definitely not rini lmao
not ricky shushing gina cause nini’s calling??? now why would he do that if he didn’t feel slightly guilty for hanging out with her? emotionally cheating ricky we love you🫂
big red and ashlyn are so adorable together
GOD RICKY AND THE CHOCOLATES, I CANT BREATHE
the way ricky immediately sent that text to gina, he’s so fucking obvious 😭
‘love you, mom!’ seb is so cute
kourt as lead when??
ricky’s fucking face when he sees nini’s voicemail and gina’s text 😭
reds song was saurrr cute
ricky’s down so bad, gina didn’t even say anything funny and he immediately lost it
‘what, do i need to send you a random box of chocolates to prove it? 😏’ gina is literally the only one so far who brings out ricky’s flirty side
‘i go big, gina. you know that.’ GOD
kinda wanna throw hands with mr mazzara for being there for ej but not willing to be there for ricky earlier
need someone to notice something’s wrong with gina and hug her
is gina leaving again? kinda getting that vibe
gina’s performance was AMAZING
WOW i think that’s genuinely the best cover of ‘the climb’ i’ve ever heard
‘i’ve never been accused of being speechless’ 🫂
oh wow, they stole their beauty and the beast idea
‘i’m ready to come home’
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‘what would you ask your future self?’ ‘trick question, gaston’s dead!’ he’s not wrong 😭
ricky’s allergic to change and it’s definitely his parents fault
‘i wouldn’t quit on us, if i wasn’t moving away’
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‘nini’s back and…he’s so happy now’ SHE DESERVES TO BE HAPPY, TOO!!!!
espionage 😭😭
gina finally got a hug 🥹
ricky saying he’d ask if the beast and belle were still together in the future + nini writing that song…yeah, they were built to fall apart
‘oh my God, is your phone hungry?!’ lmfaoooo
‘do you really think they’d steal from us?’ ‘i would :D’ pls?? gina’s so funny 😭
‘if you leave me unsupervised with their costumes i cannot promise i won’t go all gina 1.0 in there’ lmfao i love her
the way i gasped in sync with everyone else when that kid called the costume fugly 😭
ricky and nini is the worst relationship on the show
OH MY GOD???
okay, i did NOT see howie being the beast coming
‘miss jen, we didn’t break anything’ ‘would you like me to be the first?’ miss jen said her hands are rated E for everyone
‘keep our heads down and our chins up’ ‘i don’t think that’s physically possible’ ‘it’s an expression, sebastian!’ she’s so done with him 😭
rini needs to end, they aren’t good together at all
i already hate ej’s dad, he sounds so full of himself and he’s only said a few words lmao
kourt’s mom is the best parent on the show i fear
damn, all the relationships are imploding this ep
i would’ve preferred gina and ej just being friends tbh
i feel bad for nini and ricky of course, but their relationship was not it
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okayyyy an andi mack reunion!! i’m here for it!
i love the song and video they made, i just wish ricky was there, too
gina is so damn shippable cause why am i here thinking her and jack would be cute together
ricky’s song is so good
ej showing up at the airport…ricky should’ve ran into gina there on his way home and they should’ve taken an uber together or something
‘i think i may have played troy at one point’ pls 😭
lily’s incredibly annoying
seblos 🥹
oh fuck, ricky fell 😭
the musical is really good
A BIG BROTHER FIGURE, I’M CRYING
lily stole the harness, didn’t she?
well.
‘i’ve always seen your name in lights’ oh my God, they’re so cute!!!
why can’t gina ever just be happy?!?
Gina and nini’s friendship (i use that word loosely lmao) is cute
nini being more upset about her and gina than ricky and gina…she doesn’t give a fuck about him dkgjfjs
oh wow, gina’s definitely gonna introduce nini to her brother
‘are you happy?’ miss jen is already better than both of ricky’s parents just by asking that simple question
i’m so glad they dropped out
oh brother
the cast performing you are the music in me 🫶🏻🥹
aww, olivia crying 🥺
that’s a wrap on s2 and if you made it to the end of this lb, pat yourself on the back lmfao
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antimonyandthyme · 8 months
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Athy hi, how are you? hope you are having a good day!
sun god sico au?? let me bite into your juicy brain nom nom
and of course seb would prioritise his chicken rather himself and give them water first 😭 and being chosen by god, the man is suffering main character disease. both jenson and mark trying to make seb relax, laughing at his jokes even they are affected by that themselves 😞
so nico is sun god? who was watching seb during these three months and choosing him? seb chosen as a sacrifice or a bride? what kind of magic king's magicians did? ah so many questions ⁉️
i hope someday inspiration would find its way to you but if not its still amazingly written work and its fun to think about possible plotlines
yours, 🌻
my sweet sweet sunflower anon huehuehue you have looked into my brain and discovered that the sico sun god au was essentially just an excuse for me to write my fave
naked and bound on an altar...
but to get there i added chickens and magicians and burning corn because a lil trek to the porn is always worth it kekekeke here i'll give you a peek because i love you
The high mages usher Sebastian into a room for preparation. They bathe him in perfumed water, scrubbing away all the dirt he’s accumulated from working the fields. They’re gentle with their hands, and kind with their words, but Sebastian senses a taut anxiousness threading through all their actions.
“What does your magic tell you?” Sebastian dares ask.
It is the smallest of the mages who speaks. He has a royal face, and hair done up in braids, and the gentlest hands of them all. “That the sun god is displeased. In all of three hundred years, he has not called for an offering. Perhaps we have been neglect.”
It is hard to imagine why a god would want anything to do with a farmer, least of all someone as unnoteworthy as him. If he were weighed on the scales that would determine the fate of their land, would he be found wanting?
As if sensing his doubt, the mage smiles at him. “We’re all chosen for a reason,” he says, and Sebastian finds it in himself to smile back.
They dress him in a simple, sheer tunic. The mages have seen him naked, so Sebastian is past self-consciousness at this point. He is handed a vial of unscented oil, a casket of gold, and a headband made entirely of mother-of-pearl. They are the gifts he is to present to the sun god.
Don’t drop them, Sebastian hears Jenson say, and he swallows what would have been an unhinged giggle.
Blindfolded at last, Sebastian is deemed ready. And the second part of his journey begins.
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loominggaia · 7 days
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How did the fgg parents meet
That's a great question! This really gave me something to think about and pushed me to develop these characters more!
Sofia and Foster: We don't know much about Foster's childhood, but we do know that Sofia moved from Glasstide to Greenhearst when she was a kid. I imagine she was the new girl at school, she had a funny accent, and because of that she got picked on. Foster surely picked on her too because he was a mean little shit. But he also had a crush on her, and couldn't stand it when other boys made fun of her. He teased her, all while protecting her from others who tried to do the same. Sofia found that endearing, and I think their relationship was fated from them on. Greenhearst is such a small place, it's hard to find singles you're not related to…just gotta take who you can get. Their relationship was pretty dysfunctional from the start.
Moswen and Ekwame: Moswen was born and raised to marry a Matuzan nobleman. Her fate was decided the day she was born, and she had no say when her parents married her off to Ekwame when she was just a teenager…and he was a gray-haired old man! Sadly, this is common practice in Uekoro. Moswen resents Ekwame and mourns the freedom she never had. At the same time, she revels in her position of power as a queen. There is no love between her and her husband, and there never was. Their marriage was just for the sake of politics.
Oggsa and Vingevar: Vingevar's religion dictated that he should travel for a living. He probably started as a cartographer, mapping the areas around Kirkmar. His skills were valuable to the military, who took him along on faraway raids. Before Oggsa was the grand warrior of Kirkmar, she was just a simple grunt soldier, and I imagine she met Vingevar during these expeditions. 
Rene and Sebastian: Sebastian was trafficking illegal drugs from Zareen Empire to Damijana for most of his life. When he got caught, he fled south to Kingsfall Swamp, where he met Rene. She was the local “pharmacist” of Laraine...basically a glorified drug dealer. She and Seb had a lot in common, quickly becoming friends and more. Their involvement with drugs sort of made them into outcasts, but this only brought them closer to eachother.
Tarajeen and Ojio: There’s actually an entire short story about this here! (TL;DR: Tarajeen was working for the Damijani government, and was assigned to monitor Ojio for suspicious activity. Spying on him for so long made her fall in love with him, and being the huge geek he was, he was just grateful that a woman was giving him attention at all.)
Karenza and Darshaan: This was detailed in a story called “Lost Scriptures of Love and Light”. (TL;DR: Karenza was imprisoned for disrespecting her king. Darshaan worked as a guard for the prison and fell in love with her, so he helped her escape, and the two ran away together.)
Riona and Nemeto: We learn snippets about their relationship through dialogue. Nemeto was a salesman who obtained old damaged ships, restored them, and resold them for big profits. He spent a lot of time sailing around in search of stock, and his travels eventually took him to Umory-Ond, where he met Riona. According to Linde’s grandfather, Riona “ran off” with him against her family’s wishes, implying that they didn’t approve of him (probably because he was a foreigner).
Balthazaar’s parents: We know very little about Balthazaar’s parents; only that his father was a barber and apparently the breadwinner of the family. Like most women in Rodanga, his mother was probably a homemaker. Balthazaar’s family was quite average in every way, so I imagine his parents met in some wholesome, generic fashion. They probably grew up in the same town, went to the same school, and knew each other all their lives.
Rye and ???: It’s unknown who Skel’s father was. It’s also unknown if his mother, Rye, was already pregnant with him when she arrived at Kelvingyard or if she had become pregnant after the fact. Personally, I think she got impregnated by another slave shortly after arriving. Rye was no fool, she was quite clever, so I think she may have gotten pregnant on purpose to get access to the slaveyard nursery, where conditions were slightly less terrible. Little did she realize she would fall in love with her baby as much as she did, and it really wounded her heart when they were separated. I don’t think she cared for Skel’s father much, if at all. She just saw him as a means to get what she wanted.
Olandrah and ???: Javaan never knew his father’s name because Olandrah refused to speak it after the way he betrayed her. Olandrah met ??? in the dangerous slums of Chidibe. Unlike most men she encountered here, ??? seemed friendly and even helpful to her, offering food and protection to his own detriment. Olandrah thought he really loved her. But his friendliness turned out to be a façade to lure her in to his nasty plot. He tried to pimp her out to make money, but she refused to do such work. He retaliated by raping her, believing she would have no choice but to stay with him if she was pregnant. But he underestimated Olandrah’s courage, and she fled from him anyway. Tragically, this was Olandrah’s first and only relationship.
Eindrid and Jorun: Eindrid and Jorun were both born and raised in Loreham, and surely knew each other since childhood. I think they were probably neighbors, so they had more interaction with each other than with other kids. In the series, Eindrid expressed great love for Jorun, but also frustration at her willfulness. I imagine Jorun was frustrated by Eindrid too, believing he lacked gumption. I think their relationship was loving, but also a bit rocky at times because of their different values.
Tekeetian Queen and King: We get a glimpse at their relationship in the short story “Clutchmates”, and it seems that they had love and respect for eachother. It never reveals how they met, but I think the Tekeetian King was likely heir to the throne, and met his wife through some royal function like a gala. She must have come from some high place in Tekeetian society, maybe a royal advisor’s daughter or something. Traditionally, Tekeetian kings take several wives, and this one was no exception. In “Ocean Returns to the Sea”, it’s revealed that Sovereign and Mr. Ocean had many half-brothers, implying their father had several other wives that he bred with. But the Tekeetian Queen was the king’s favorite, the one he loved most, and the one he chose to share his throne with.
Zeffer’s parents: Sadly there is no information about how Zeffer’s parents met, but there is a little glimpse of why they divorced. Adel, his father, implies that his wife wasn’t happy with his profession as the co-owner of a tavern, as she hated alcohol and didn’t want her son exposed to it. Adel ultimately chose his job over his family, abandoning Zeffer and his wife, reasoning that they were better off without him anyway. From this, we can assume they probably met through rocky means and their relationship was never very good from the start. I imagine Zeffer’s mother may have been a former alcoholic herself, perhaps meeting Adel at the very bar he worked at. Over time she got sober and stopped patronizing the business, urging him to do the same. Zeffer’s birth was drunken accident between them, and she assumed Adel would step up, leave the bar scene, and find a better profession for his son’s sake. Unfortunately that's not how things worked out.
*
Questions/Comments?
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