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pettyprocrastination · 1 year

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whoever this beloved anon was I am so touched by your kindness! You definitely didn’t have to do this but I am so happy you enjoy this idea and I will happily expand upon it for you!

this is just a collection of word vomit bullet points for the time being but I will happily answer any and all questions about this pair!!

warnings: violence, angst, child death (Sarah Miller), foul language, the same warnings that apply to tlou, reader is Sarah's mom and described as having similar features to her.

So the general Idea is that you and Joel are happily married before the outbreak.

You had been Sarah's mother, his high school sweetheart he got pregnant when neither of you were old enough to have any reaction to the pregnancy test other than a fucking panic attack in one another’s arms. but you made it work

you both worked but made time for one another and your sweet girl, going to museums every other weekend and joel insisting on swooping you off for a date every now and then

nothing special. He knows you’re more of a diner gal than anything too fancy that makes you both feel out of place.

On his birthday in 2003, you had planned to tell him that you were pregnant again. But the memories of your own fears of motherhood from all those years ago begin to swirl through your head again and you get cold feel. deciding to tell him the morning after

it is his birthday afterall, you want to focus on him.

but when you’re woken up in the middle of the night because tommy needs to get bailed out, Joel kisses you sweetly one last time before promising he’ll be back and you can’t shake the feeling that something bad is happening.

its you that shakes sarah awake that night. shouting at her to put on her shoes when she’s still rubbing the sleep from her eyes because you’ve been listening to the radio for the past two hours, calling joel again and again and again praying for him to fucking pick up but to no avail.

Sarah, bless your little girl’s bleeding heart is the one who insists you check on the adler’s against your better suspicions and when you find the eldest looming over her daughter, blood and sinew dripping from her mouth, you grab your daughter hand and burst into a full sprint until something slams into your back and sends you tumbling onto their front lawn

its how joel finds you, struggling to keep the once sweet old woman, whose now nothing more than dead eyes and gnashing teeth straining to snap at your pulse point as you push against her while sarah shrieks before your husband runs forward and cracks her skull with a wrench.

there’s hardly a moment of pause, just enough for him to pull you up and into his arms before he’s ushering you both into the car with an urgency.

when the truck crashes, you get separated from them. Perhaps at Tommy’s side when the flames rise and create a wall, separating you from your husband, or maybe pulled into the mob of chaos when trying to escape from those already infected-

all joel knows is that you promise you’ll find him: just get sarah to safety and you’ll meet him at the river

Poor thing is already so frightened, held in her father’s arms with tears streaming down her face insisting they can’t leave you they just can’t but her father kisses her forehead and reassures her its going to be okay

“we just need to be brave, okay babygirl? Your mama’s real tough, she’s gonna be alright.”

he isn’t sure if he’s saying it to his daughter or himself.

but when he comes to the river you aren’t there. Only a soldier who points a gun at the scared little girl in his arms and then he loses everything

its when the light is gone from his daughter’s eyes that he realizes. His voice cracked and raw from sobbing that he looks around to see his brother with drawn in shoulders and tears in his eyes but his wife is nowhere to be found.

Tommy says you got lost in the chaos. Everything was so loud, so sudden that he turned around and suddenly you weren’t there.

Joel wants to go back but its Tommy that stops him, that dulls the red in his vision to a sad faded pink because his brother points at the orange horizon not too far from them, so much of the city is already in flames.

“We’re gonna find her, but not there.”

So Joel searches. for the first year spent in the world post-outbreak its all he did.

He became a smuggler because of it.

Information came at a price and he needed to be able to fucking pay it, whether it be in blood or ration cards. He was willing to do anything to find you or any thin thread that lead your way.

But it’s Tommy that asks him to give up. Not in those words of course.

The youngest Miller knows better than to say something so cruel that would make his brother, the only person he has in this world turn on him.

But his voice is worried when he asks him one night in Boston when he hasn’t even had the chance to wash the blood from his knuckles

“You think she would have wanted this for you?”

the fight that followed his words was brutal. Vicious insults and scarred fists slamming against each brother until they're both too tired and bloody to continue. Each leaning against a wall for support and Tommy’s wavering voice breaking the silence.

“I don’t know where she is, Joel. But I do know you're gonna get yourself killed if you keep lookin’ for her.”

All he can do is nod.

It’s a few days later when he meets Tess. Who has heard plenty of stories about the elder miller’s brutality and wants him to put that muscle to good use for some extra profit.

It begins his new life. One that empty and cold but one he can live.

Until of course, Ellie comes along. The sweet and incredibly opinionated girl that makes him become something akin to the man he thought died twenty years ago.

its when he’s traveling with Ellie, that it happens. When a warm familiarity has settled between the two because so much blood and pain has been shared he can’t help but see her as something close, something bright even though all he can force himself to utter in her reference is “cargo”

when theyre traveling through the woods as Ellie chatters away, probing his memory about a movie that may or may not have existed thirty years ago because her descriptions of the plot are incredibly odd he hears a voice shout for them to stop and finds himself staring at a man- no, a boy- pointing a gun at them.

Ellie stills, but Joel can see enough to know that from the lanky figure and dimpled face that he’s young. Maybe twenty, twenty-two at the oldest, but his eyes dart from Joel to Ellie with a pinprick of fear that allows Joel the time to charge forward and slam him to the ground before wrestling the gun from his hands.

He has enough to time to tuck it under the stranger’s chin before he hears the sound of the safety being turned off and finds himself looking up and seeing a gun just inches from his face.

Joel’s head whips around when Ellie’s voice calls out his name in fear, he turns to see another stranger holding her a gun point, shoulders drawn back and a shadow cast over their face by the had obstructing their identity.

“You hurt one of mine, I hurt one of yours. That a fair deal?”

Its takes him a moment to recognize you. It’s been so long since he’s heard your voice, the sweet tease when you would poke at him each time he woke up late despite the fact that you reminded him to set his alarm the night before, the times you’d chide him with a harsh “Joel Miller!” whispered in public anytime he was able to grab you a bit too passionately to be appropriate in public but the laughter in your voice let him know you were never truly mad at him. You didn’t know how to be.

But that sweetness is buried under a cold rasp that cuts through the air as you point a rifle at the scared little girl in front of you.

“You think I won’t?” You’re older now, skin covered in scars from a life he didn’t know you got the chance to live and your eyes are cold as they regard your husband. “Put the gun down and get the fuck off of him, I won’t repeat myself.”

Joel mumbles your name in awe. The woman he loved, the woman he mourned the one he fought so hard to find stands before him like some sort of hallucination and suddenly the world feels like its spinning until you bark orders at him again.

“You’ve got five seconds Joel, make a fucking choice before I make it for you.”

He looks down and realizes the boy under him, the one with the bleeding nose and snarling face has your eyes and his dimples.

“One.”

The one above him has Sarah’s hair. Soft brown curls that shine under the sun.

“Two”

Wait. No, they both do.

“Three.”

Twins. Jesus fucking Christ you had twins.

“Four.”

Joel holds the rifle up above his head and the one boy standing snatches it from his grasp, tossing it to the ground and kicking it far from his reach. He slowly stands, allowing your son- dear god your son- to scramble to his feet.

Your voice softens just for a moment. “You okay, Duke?”

Blood stains the bottom half of his face from where Joel slammed his fist into the boy’s nose just moments before, but he nods nonetheless.

Now, they both stand on one side of you and he can see the resemblance clear as day the same way he would whenever Sarah was by your side.

When you order him to hand over his bag, he does so without question before telling Ellie to do the same.

She watches him with wide eyes, her hands still up in the air but gaping at her companion as if he had grown a second head.

“Joel!” “Just do it, alright?”

He doesn’t miss the way you watch their interaction with narrowed eyes until she tosses her bag to you and you slowly lower your gun.

“Now, you want to tell me what the fuck you think you’re doin’ at my home?”

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #i had an idea of something similar for tommy but on outbreak night he uh. abandons you instead of getting separated from you #because. angst :D #people say nice things #this was incredibly generous of you anon thank you so so much!#i may get myself a little starbucks drink this week now because I havent had starbucks since like january 1st lol #joel reeling from taking in all this information and also realizing he suckerpunched HIS OWN KID #id like to apologize for all the grammatical issues with this. this is just a bulletpoint word vomit to get my thoughts on the page before-#-beginning the actual fic. also I have to do a midterm tonight and this is my treat to myself hehe #but yes. joel getting separated from his wife on outbreak night and having to accept that shes probably dead #meanwhile youve lived this entire life without him because you think HES dead ad raising your boys all on your own #which just- further digs into his insecurities about failing in his role as a protector #he couldn't save sarah. he can't save ellie and he couldn't even save you #he thinks about you pregnant and alone. fending for yourself in a world full of infected and raiders and his chest grows tight again #this is all followed by Ellie going >:O 'you KNOW THIS PSYCHO?'and then joel immediately snapping at her to WATCH HER MOUTH #because that kid has no filter and he has to explain that youre his wife #anyways joels wife is a badass mfer who also maybe has a little garden and some chickens that you and your boys take care of <3 yeah .#reunion tag #ill be using that for this specific couple because I dont have a fic title yet but if anybody has suggestions!

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mayhemspreadingguy · 1 year

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aaaaand it's finally done :D. Coffee shop date.

Why use a chair when there's the better option?

#dreamling #yes. Dream is wearing Hob's sweater :))))#another lap sitting? like i said that's where Dream belongs and nobody can convince me otherwise. the concept lives rent-free in my head #they're both shameless and nothing can stop them from publicly displaying their affection for each other if they so desire #also Dream is a menace so that's that #silly rabbit au #i suppose (not sure where this came from anymore but I think I could blame magnusbae again x'D)#and yes this is the wip that i was sitting on for some time now and i had to stop myself from adding more details and say it's done #before i drive myself crazy xD. don't get me wrong i loved working on it - this is the treat myself drawing. but i really need to move on #because there's too many other things that i want to do and so little time!#and maaaybe just maybe I'm doing a lap sitting collection - or at least that's how it looks like considering recent posts and my other wips #dream of the endless #hob gadling #sandman #mayhem art

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 8 months

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LOOK AT THE BOI!!!! THEY JUST ANNOUNCED IT!!!

I KNOWWWWWWW HE'S SO CUTE I NEED HIM IN MY HOUSE. BITING HIM BITING HIM BITING HIM

#and howdy's ad was so fucking funny #top tier advertisement im Sold #i love how he straight up Lies....#BUT ANYWAY WALLY PLUSH WALLY PLUSH #he looks so polite and sweet #illegal.... illegal!!!#i hope im able to get him!#im still not 100% sure of what my address will be in a month!#so im holding off on buying him since makeship doesnt ship out their stuff for a While after purchase #he's available for 21 days right???#im reading the countdown correctly??? im always worried im Not!#im very bad at reading numbers & quantifying time!#i also have a (very) low level migraine so im not entirely trusting that im seeing things correctly!#but oughhhhhh if i dont get him im gonna be Devastated #rambles from the bog #maybe later ill print out the worksheet to manually write out the 10% off code #some enrichment for myself... a Treat #NOOOO WAIT FUCK I JUST PACKED MY COLORED PENCILS #god damn it. will the suffering never end. can i catch One break please #well either way ill get him. maybe. hopefully #i can spare 30 bucks i think maybe.... well i kinda cant but im gonna spend it anyway #limited wally limited wally #i think i have enough time to learn what address to send him to #a present for future me!

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knifebaby3000 · 4 months

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the wind has carried us too far, it's blown the moon down

#artists on tumblr #illustration #art #oc #digital art #my art #tian #happy bday to zhu's man tian tian we luv u tian tian a man for the last day of the year #''i won't be able to do anything for his bday bc i won't have my graph display'' false i love him and technically i have an ipad #''okay i'll just do this quick'' false i've been agonizing over this for 24hrs. the procreate timelapse is hilarious #''OKAY i can't look at this anymore i am DONE'' false we're adding chrysanthemums #this is the first thing i've actually forced myself to do in procreate start to finish........... many things i want 2 fix but not bad #973963747347525000% diff from doing in photoshop. learned many funny things abt my [ checks notes ] process #funniest thing was finding out i know exactly what t looks like in photoshop but in procreate...... whuh. huh. sorry to this man #anyway happy new year's (eve)!!!!!!!! i hope 2024 treats us all so well pls take care!!!!!!!!!!!!

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murmurmurl · 4 months

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I'm experimenting not sure what this is

#hes waiting for tskasa probably #poor guy #project sekai #pjsk #prsk #pjsk fanart #rui kamishiro #rui pjsk #wxs #wonderlands x showtime #i hate winter actually....#bc its already thus dark at 4 pm #and for WHAT #give me spring #i was trying to practice backgrojnds here #but i hate them #so i added a little rui #as a treat for myself #teehee

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neige-leblanche · 2 months

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taking vivi to breakfast again💜💞💜

#txt #once more treating myself🙏#got some candy for my dad's bday that was HELLA expensive so this + that added up to like $30 😭😭😭#can we start a commune where everything's cheap. i am so good at the economy i would run it so well

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sketchy-scribs-n-doods · 3 months

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to add on to the philosophy of 'you're not unattractive you're just not your type' -

sometimes, you gotta see yourself in other people first in order to comprehend your own beauty

this works both in body positive and in gender affirming ways of course. who among us has not felt better about the things that cause us gender dysphoria after seeing someone else w the same features absolutely own it?

but today i'm mostly thinking about being at the grocery store and seeing the beauty in a stranger's exposed belly as their skin folds when they reach around for something and their croptop rides up, hips turning and revealing pale stretch marks.

like. oh. yeah my belly folds like that. my hips look like that. and they're beautiful.

or when a cashier at the gas station laughs at a joke you made and when they smile it's all pink gums and little peeking teeth.

and you think wow. what a lovely smile. i smile like that.

idk. i just think that falling in love with the mundane beauty of the people around you can sometimes help remind you of your own quiet beauty.

#i am feeling hozier's 'i fall in love just a little bit oh a little bit everyday with someone new' in this chili's tonight #and i am adding self-love to it as a logical conclusion to the concept #im from the 'fake it till you make it' school of thought so i dont relate exactly to many ppls body image struggles #bc i just decided one day to start acting and treating myself like i was god's gift to humanity and the sexiest bitch on earth #until i trickedy brain into believing a palatable version of that confidence #but ye. i love the human body and that's gotta include mine by default so #body posititivity #does this fall under that #yea probably #sketchy speaks

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whentherewerebicycles · 5 months

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wow I love my little weights class!! everyone is so friendly and nice and they all joke around with each other the whole time. I still feel some worry about exercising hard in pregnancy (like is he ok in there???) but all the research/guidance seems to indicate it’s totally fine and only positive. I def would’ve been too nervous to go hard in the first trimester but now it does feel like he’s a little more firmly planted yknow.

#I think I’ve decided to just not worry about my weight #I’m up AGAIN today (+12 lbs in 14 weeks) but like literally what else could I do #I’m working out a bunch and eating healthy meals #I could probably cut out the flavored greek yogurt cups since they have added sugar #and I have been periodically giving myself little treats like a fancy coffeeshop drink or a cookie once a week #but like also I don’t want to live a life where I deny myself periodic little treats so #🤷‍♀️#I keep telling myself it’s all my extra blood sloshing around in there lol #12 lbs of extra blood #weight mention #pregnancy tag #also I kinda bummed myself out thinking oh I’ll never be able #to do a workout class again once he’s here bc nobody #to take the baby #but then I was like wait daycare is open 6am to 6pm #so I could either drop off early and go in before work #or pick up a bit later and go on my way home from work #so that’ll be fine! the real challenge will be $$ lol

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thatone-churro · 4 months

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okay. i know it’s a very bad idea to seek mental health advice from the internet, especially tumblr of all places, but i have a genuine question about this.

actually, before i get too far, i guess i should add some context about myself:

i’m fairly talkative in a certain sense. i like talking. if i start talking about something i like, or if i get excited while talking, i can talk a lot. when i’m alone, i tend to talk to myself a lot. just verbalizing thoughts, mostly; talking myself through a strategy, just voicing my thoughts as i play through a video game, or sometimes just babbling as though i’m talking to someone else. this is a frequent thing and not the root of my concern.

course, sometimes i talk a little less in public or in certain social situations if i’m not “invited” to speak too (more than just being spoken to first, but that’s another explanation i don’t want to go into right now), but i’ve always been like that; something, something, i know it’s more about social anxiety or something that i know i inherited and is a different discussion for a different day.

so, every now and then i have these days where, for lack of a better description, talking feels like it takes too much energy. even that doesn’t feel like it explains it properly but. like the same struggle to get out of bed on a rough day. like somehow speaking, the act of opening my mouth and forcing words out of my throat, takes too many spoons. the same way it feels like taking a shower or brushing your teeth has too many steps despite it being a simple process when your depression’s acting up (we’ll get back to this comparison in a minute).

i can tell when these days come on before i even have to speak to someone; it feels like my words are stuck in my throat. i mean that physically; there’s not actually something in my throat, but there’s a weight of some sort.

i’ve taken to calling these days “quiet days,” since this feeling affects just about everything associated with talking; making myself talk is a struggle; i can’t even talk to myself and all those monologues and discussions happen inside my head instead, but i can’t verbalize them; i don’t want people to talk to me on these days, as in there’s a deliberate, subconscious feeling already there on those days, not that i’m not wanting to talk because of the other feelings; actively listening to and comprehending things people say is also an effort to do, and i tend to tune out my music or whatever background noise i set for myself more than usual; i’ve recently discovered that this same feeling is applied to singing, much to my dismay, because i found this out on a day i kinda wanted to sing.

it’s not that i can’t speak on these days, i can physically make myself if i have to, it just takes more conscious effort sometimes than something like speaking should.

now, i used to chalk this up to being standard nonverbal bouts. i’d heard those were common among neurodivergents, and while i’m not officially diagnosed with anything (classic “everyone does that”/“that’s just something you got from me” type childhood), a lot of symptoms for both ADHD and autism (that i’ve heard of/looked into) match up pretty sharply with me.

however, no accounts from actually autistic people that i’ve read who go nonverbal at times really match up with my experiences. for me, it’s never a response to stress, anxiety, or overstimulation; it’s just something that happens on any given day and sometimes ebbs and flows throughout the day (as in sometimes it’s easier in some parts of the day, but not others, without any particular cue), and it’s never me going absolutely nonverbal, just a preference not to speak from it feeling like it’s too much to do sometimes.

remember that comparison i made to having to speak on “quiet days” feeling like trying to do basic things on bad depression days? yeah, i noticed on a day it hit that it felt very much like that, because i did feel it earlier that day; i found trying to make myself sing or even talk to myself out loud somehow felt like a process with too many steps and i didn’t have enough energy, just like trying to get out of bed that morning (to the point that i didn’t “get up” until that afternoon).

so, all that text and explanation leads to my one question: are these bouts and “quiet days” more from “going nonverbal” as a “symptom” of autism, or simply a symptom of my depression? or can it be chalked up to anything else at all? i’ve never seen or read anything about this on either side, and if it’s something from my depression, then that’s gonna make me take it much more seriously than i have been in the past. or like, is it just me and not anything at all?

any advice appreciated 🙏

#if this is from my depression all along i’m gonna scream but i need to know #because something like that’s really gonna push me to looking into getting it treated quicker #like antidepressants or therapy or something #because the idea of my depression being able to take away my ability/desire to TALK is honestly a terrifying concept to me #but i need to know; i’ve never heard of this being a symptom of depression but also doesn’t match many accounts of autistics going nonverba #actually it just being a me thing and not a thing i can attempt to fix might be worse #also hi mutuals who watched me put the pieces together earlier because i was pissed i couldn’t make myself sing 👋#grace being kinda serious for once #text post #personal #help #depression #autism #neurodivergence #going nonverbal #mental health #sorry i’m just adding every tag i can think of being somewhat related to this so i can get some answers from somewhere 😭

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sunspinecity · 9 months

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i havent wanted to comment on the sandsurge drama bc i think it's insane but like. anyone who says that staff "isn't very communicative" has never played another petsite in their life. Turn back time spend 3 years on neopets and then we'll talk about communication bro..

like there is literally an entire Dev Status Sidebar that shows you what they're saying about whats going on that they update pretty regularly and they do dev updates + stay in contact with their playerbase and closely watch their reactions to updates to see where they messed up and what can be improved on. Like what on planet earth are you talking about. genuinely

the only agreement i will give to communication issue is that the wording on aeq's post regarding the fact that it would be a gem breed took me 7 tries and i still dont get it bc it reads to me as "2nd breed will be treasure, 3rd will be gems"?? which is obv not true. I genuinely can't see what ppl mean by this being a confirmation. but thats not a communication issue it is a Confusing Wording issue. don't complain about communication unless you've played literally any other petsite bc i guarantee you this level of transparency and care you will find in very few other places.

#and before anyone thinks im sucking up to staff. i dont like staff. i will never let myself have anything more than #respect for people i dont know on a day to day basis. they run a company. not my friends. esp not after how the eye genes were treated #fr #flight rising #chimechatter #this is the only thing ill be saying on this or reblogging btw i just got irritated<3 #my only opinions on every other issue ppl have is 1. i think modern gem breeds should be 1200 and ancients should be 600g #i cant put apparel on them why thr hell am i paying yhat much. i have to pay 1kg and then a shitton for a skin if i want one and then pay fo #r gem genes too can you get real with me. but its fine i can grind bc if im not gonna pay up im gonna god damn do it right #its literally fine. and 2. was initially disappointed we didnt get at least an egg bc i love getting eggs but w/e ill jus grind. 2 weeks of #g&g gets u a breed change scroll lmao its whatecer #they gotta make money. it is what it is. i use adblocker because the changing ads are distracting n give me a headache #so i better either put my money where my mouth is or grind it out yk. Whateval #such a nothing burger drama honestly

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