#so i am going to just draw these little drawings as a coping mechanism until i feel better

[the-s1lly-corner]

Reader comforting Gangle, Kinger, Jax, and Caine after they have a bad dream

"but caine likely doesnt sleep-" shhh i need you to hear me out on something hushush let me have this going to write this then im going to go stretch my legs since uhuhuhuh before i got to writing i was drawing for three hours and i am SORE

CAINE:

imagine he decides to try to sleep, or try to the closest he can get to it.. and just, hes so unused to it that it stresses him out. now sure, this isnt a "hes had a bad dream" buuuuut... okay i just wanted to write for caine... or imagine he does manage to fall 'asleep', in order to have something else to relate to you with, but his first 'dream' is something... not good

i think, while he would be a little unnerved he wouldnt be TERRIFIED... though i do think he would play up how distressed he actually is in order to get some extra special attention from you. i dont think he would try sleeping again, though... might still lay down next to you and pretend, though! oh please please rub his back and pepper him in kisses! thats the only way to console him! (winks)

JAX:

i think he would try to brush it off and deny any comfort you try sending his way. i commonly write jax to reject comfort and affection, and generally try to deny any perceived weakness in hopes that hes not... well seen as weak... you know? thats his whole coping mechanism in the circus, asides of course being a menace to everyone else. though... i dont think he would push you away if you tried to smooth out his fur, maybe even kiss his head... just dont say a word about this to anyone else..! i dont think he would go back to sleep, unless he felt truly exhausted

KINGER:

oh hes going to freak out, especially if the dream is about you abstracting or about his late wife... (does she count as late if shes abstracted...?), actually him suddenly yelping out and shooting to scramble around for you is going to wake you up. definitely not going to be going back to sleep anytime soon. please help him get his breathing under control, and reassure him that you're still here. i would say hold him, but i dont think that would be the best thing to do, at least not until hes composed himself enough to gives you the go ahead. good thing is, in the digital world you guys dont NEED to sleep... i say this because i can easily see kinger not going to sleep for a while after this (he just like me frfr). recommend taking him out to the grounds and having a nightly stroll so he can have 'fresh air'

GANGLE:

i dont think she would wake you up, actually i dont think she would cling or cuddle onto you out of fear that she would wake you up... i mean she knows she shouldnt feel bad, but she would rather abstract than risk bothering you. probably cries, and that might be what wakes you up. turn on the light and sit up with her. it might take some coaxing, but let her know youre not mad about being woken up (and perhaps even state that she has permission to wake you up whenever and that shes not going to bother you and youre not going to be angry with her). you guys probably talk until morning, starting with the contents of the dream before spiraling into something totally unrelated

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x reader #caine x you #caine imagine #jax x reader #jax x you #jax imagine #kinger x reader #kinger x you #kinger imagine #gangle x reader #gangle x you #gangle imagine

[mxdarling]

[Shy to a (very) willing darling]

˚ ༘♡ ·˚꒰ᥕᥱᥣᥴ᥆꧑ᥱ t᥆ ꧑ᥡbᥣ᥆g꒱₊˚ˑ༄

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅• •❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

ೃ⁀➷: summary: yan. Natsume with a darling that was formerly shy but is now very willing.

ೃ⁀➷: Word count: 283

ೃ⁀➷: Reference/Inspiration: link | link

ೃ⁀➷: ERA: ! or !!

[note:] If there is anything else triggering here that I didn’t list in the warnings section, please tell me. I don’t condone this type of behavior, this is merely just for entertaining purposes and some sort of coping mechanism for me. If you continue to read beyond this point, ignoring my warnings, I am not responsible for your actions from here on out.

[Warnings:] lowercase, yandere behavior, occ natsume, unhealthy relationship, delusional behavior, implies natsume calls you kitten, stalking through a crystal ball, obsessive behavior, possessive behavior, implied natsume wanting to drug reader's drink.

[GN reader]

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ :Natsume Sakasaki;

➮ NATSUME SAKASAKI is certainly interested by this turn of events. while he may not show it, he's definitely happy knowing his darling is starting to feel more comfortable with him. due to this change in behavior he'll act a little more forward with you. he'll still remain aloof and mysterious around you but you'll might catch a glimpse of his vulnerable side. though he admits, he did find your shy demeanor pretty cute (especially when he calls you 'kitten') he likes that he can hold a casual conversation with you without worrying that he made you uncomfortable. adding on to this statement, he thinks being attentive and gifting you combined with his charming way of speaking would be enough to sway you into the direction of liking him back. so don't be surprised if natsume gets your exact order correctly at your usual cafe spot, or how the little trinkets he gifts you are something you mention wanting in your previous conversations (or stalking you through his crystal ball when he's too busy to chat with you). once in a while, natsume will go into his secret room to hopefully raise his odds of being together with you. sometimes he stays in there for hours, drawing a card from his tarot deck to see what future you have with him. occasionally he'll put just a tiny bit of love spells on your gifts, just to ensure you'll enjoy it. he'll go to unbelievable lengths just to get you to like him. please just love him and only him, he doesn't know how much longer he can play the waiting game until he 'accidently' slips in a drop of love potion into your drink.

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅• •❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

[a/n; Had a lot of fun writing this lol I wasn't really sure how to write him at first but I think I got the base of his personality okay. though I wasn't sure if darling here knows about natsume's yandere tendencies or doesn't, so I just went with the latter, I hope that's alright! he's one of my first five stars ever in the enstars eng server so he kind of has a special place in my heart lolol so i really wanted this to be good. Natsume P's did I do his character justice?? I hope I did sbhss. sorry you had to wait like 4 months for this to come out😭😭]

#Yandere ensemble stars #Yandere enstars #Ensemble stars #Enstars #Yandere ensemble stars x reader #Yandere enstars x reader #Ensemble stars x reader #Enstars x reader #Natsume Sakasaki #Ensemble stars Natsume Sakasaki #Yandere ensemble Natsume Sakasaki #Enstars Natsume Sakasaki #Yandere enstars Natsume Sakasaki #┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ Yandere #Headcanons ☄. *. ⋆ #gender neutral reader

[azulas-lightning-bolt]

hey y’all it’s slug back for your regularly scheduled insanity.

so. firebender thoughts. when I talk about firebenders, I’m really just referring to mako and azula btw because. they’re my children actually.

so m+a are very good at the stoic front thing right,,, so how can I make this about their bending? well, I’m glad you asked!

I can make this about their bending my going off the assumption (based on zuko’s reviving his bending arc) that a firebender’s bending is directly correlated to their emotions (as an earthbender’s is their will, a waterbender’s their ‘flexibility’—as in ability to roll w it, and an airbender’s ability to mimic the leaf) . you still sound like a moron, slug, get to the point!

this concept has no other purpose than the ultimate goal: firebenders’ face/ears/etc. spark little fires when their faces get really hot from being embarrassed or flustered or whatever.

drawing the lines now. stoicism=coping mechanism to not burn hair. there, I said it. of course they’re traumatized, that’s why I love them, but the hair.

picture this (azula ver.): princess of the fire nation, who recently revealed her blue flames, is playing a game with her brother, who angrily accuses her of making googly eyes at ty lee after being teased about mai. princess’s face is mostly neutral, if a bit annoyed. her ears, however, turn very red. (hc that azula’s ears are always a dead giveaway of when she’s embarrassed,,,) ears burn so terribly, in fact, that blue flames erupt from them, the smell of burning hair accompanying them. cue dramatic scrambling by royals, friends, and servants to put out and preserve azula’s hair before someone gets executed. I think I’m funny.

now picture this (mako ver.): (ft. makorra crumbs) early b1 korra fucking around in probending and mako getting mad, going on and on in a lecture abt the importance of rules. cue flippant comment along the lines of ‘you’re so much prettier when you’re not yelling at me’ because bfr this girl has NO social etiquette and. boom. neutral-faced firebender’s ears get soooo super red. now I am a firm believer that when mako blushes it goes from his cheeks to his neck, but for the sake of more makozula parallels. burning ears. and lo and behold. little flames. he’s probably more acquainted with that happening, so as soon as it starts he’s smacking the flames into submission. his hair has suffered.

and a bonus to consider for both of them; lightning. just a full flushed face and little bolts of lightning bouncing and crackling over their nose. they’re so. gsjdyajhd.

and as a little reminder to myself for a post for another day: makozula on fire escaping the bender’s control, fire eating and eating until it gets to their hands too. hmfjhdkamcncd firebenders oh my god,,,

#atla #avatar the last airbender #mako lok #legend of korra #lok #tlok #mako tlok #mako #azula avatar #azula #princess azula #atla azula #slug’s stuff #slug azulaposting #firebending #firebenders #firebenders are actually so. crunchy. #I want to put them under my shoe and rub them into the pavement (affectionate) #they’re little freaks #i love them with all my heart #dear mako and azula I want to keep u in a jar #probably contained separately #maybe together #as a little science experiment #a gift to myself even

[azzysecondary]

Sooooo uhhhh….. guess who liked the second game so much they immediately started playing the first after they finished >w>

Anywho I have first impressions of all the protags so far, from the perspective of someone who played the second game first!!

(TLDR: I’m enjoying the game so far,Cyrus is my favorite, and I dub my first four the sillies -w- )

(spoilers for the first chapters of everyone,and for a few mentions of Octopath 2 in here, nothing big for 2, just mentions of characters and chapter 1 tiny spoilers )

Ophilia- 7th in the party

“Que the first shakesphere reference!”

.She’s so wholesome and sweet I love her;w; she’s like a warm presence in her snowy town and I love that for her!! I adore her design and can’t wait to draw it sometime~ it feels really weird hearing the cleric actually and genuinely praise the sacred flame after all my time with Temenos though- I also adore her relationship with her sister it’s so fluffy and wholesome-w-. Overall can’t wait to see more of her!

Cyrus- 3rd in the party

“Prose before Hoes”

He’s my favorite so far- up until his chapter I was wondering why everyone around the protags had an accent and then we reached him and went “HE’S BRITISH *insert keyboard spam*” he’s so silly and goofy and I love his story so far, it intrigues me (´▽｀) （I love a good mystery) also he’s an Aro king from my impressions so far, and I love that for him!!

Therion- Protag

“Purple shadow the edgehog”

He’s giving tries to be tough, but in reality he’s a chihuahua . My Boyfriend said I should chose him as my protagonist , because of the purple chests and I do think that was an excellent idea, because he is carrying my party strategy with steal Sp rn - I think he is also very silly, in a way that he tries so hard to be edgy kinda way- also his laugh is very goofy and chuni, I quite enjoy it! His story also interests me, I wanna see more of his edgy rouge backstory! Also I find it funny both games have thieves with the T spot, that are also purple-

Olberic- 5th in the party

“Oh he has lots of baggage-“

His story seems like it’s gonna be sad so far- my guess is he’s gonna be the party dad, as his father figure- son relationship with Phillip is really sweet;w; I hope we get to see more~I’m intrigued in his relationship with Erhardt because there is SO much tension there too…… I love a good agnsty lovers to enemies, and that’s the vines they give, so much angst (that would make two warriors who have a “comrade/best friend” who betrayed them:( ) ! Overall, I think his vibes are “gentle giant, but will not hesitate violence”!

Primrose- 6th in the party

“ insert everytime I said a variant of “gross” or my jaw dropped in her first chapter”

Primrose needs happiness……. It’s interesting to see how similar her type of revenge is to Osvald’s, yet different. I feel like she’s gonna be as a flirt as a coping mechanism and…… I just want her to eventually become happy, the way people treated her in her first chapter was so awful. I gagged almost every time she was called “kitten” (ew I hate quoting that), and the one person that did treat her with kindness was killed in front of her eyes for it- her “Master, go pleasure yourself line.” was really good though! Overall, rooting for her to get her revenge!! (Also I really like her design it’s so pretty-w-)

Alfyn- 4th in the party

“He’s just a normal guy!”

I love how normal he is, like seriously he’s just a sweet guy, and for that I dub him silly! If Therion is a chihuahua, he’s a golden retriever, and I love his whole wholesome story vibes in general! He’s probably gonna be in my top 4 by the end of the game- I love wholesome characters……. And green ones- also Zeph totally has a crush on him that he’s completely oblivious to (´▽｀) can’t wait to see more of his chill and wholesome vibes!

Tressa- 2nd in the party

“Who is this sassy lost child?”

She’s giving stubborn little sister vibes, and I am HERE for it! Her story seems super adorable so far too! Also love a good back twice a character’s size (gosh that’s gonna be a pain to make/ find when I cosplay her._.) speaking of her bag….. is that thing a bag of holding? How did she carry that barrel to the cave ?!??! Overall 10/10 character can’t wait to see her bickering with Therion in their travel banters, I’m theorizing they’re gonna act like siblings 030

H’aanit- 8th in the party

“Que the other Shakesphere reference”

I love how they used Shakespearian English for her! I actually quite enjoy reading/ the performing of Shakespeare, and I wonder if they’ll use Shakespearian themes in her story. The rhythm of her speech is close to the rhythm of Shakespeare without sounding unnatural, because she’s not actually a Shakespeare character, I can’t wait to see more of it (I’m also hoping perhaps she may call someone a sponge for the full Shakespeare experience -). Anywho, enough of my geeking out about Shakespeare, what interests me about her story is her somber theme. I don’t know what has happened to her master so far, but I’m wondering if this will be a tragedy based on it’s bitter sweetness. Also love how eloquent her voice is, it was a pleasant surprise!

Anywho that’s all for now! Sorry for the long post, and if you’ve read this far thank you! Now I’m gonna go get back to work on my art and stuff for awhile-

#octopath traveler #ophilia clement #cyrus albright #therion #olberic eisenberg #primrose azelhart #alfyn greengrass #tressa colzione #h’aanit #octopath

[venusenvvvy]

FOREWARD

Introduction:

If you’re reading this, you either A) came across my fan-fiction on AO3 and are mildly curious about what you’ve just stumbled across, or B) you followed me a few years ago and forgot about it, and now this post is on your dashboard and you have zero idea who I am or what’s going on.

If you belong to group B and would like an inkling of context, feel free to check out Burning Houses now. It’s probably the most out there Harry Potter fanfiction concept you’ve seen in a while.

The Tragic Backstory:

In September of 2020 I was 17, and I had spent the past three years alone, in a walk in closet that had been repurposed to be by bedroom. I won’t get into the specifics of why. I spent my days and nights laying in bed and alternating between daydreaming and reading, until that’s what my life became.

Up until then I had posted a few short stories - things I had written quickly in the middle of the night and never expected to get much attention. The only thing extraordinary about me in my every day life was how utterly invisible I could become.

By the time September of 2020 rolled around I had been reading Harry Potter fan-fiction for years - this was before the explosion of the Marauders fandom, with the posting of ATYD, and then subsequently the resurgence of Harry Potter with Tiktok edits and the media attention garnered by JK Rowling - and the place was a graveyard. It was comforting, in a way. Just me, rooting through old tropes and ideas. My favourites were time travel stories that found Harry older, wiser and more powerful. Or the ones where everyone found out how the Dursleys had been treating Harry and, horrified, saved him from his barren, locked bedroom with the bars on the window, giving the Dursleys’ a piece of their mind the entire time.

Yes. I’m aware of the parallels.

The problem with dead fandoms is that you run out of content. So I started writing a story - just for me - about this daydream I had been having for the past several weeks. I wrote it in the notes app of my phone every night laying in bed until four in the morning, and then I woke up in the afternoon to start again.

Then, due to circumstances outside of my control, my phone was destroyed, and I lost 100,000 words of content and months of work. It was like losing a diary - the story was how I channeled my thoughts, how I expressed my feelings, wrestled with philosophies and debated by beliefs.

But there was one thing that survived - the first chapter. I wanted to make sure I could always read it no matter what, so I posted it publicly - stapled it to the wall of an empty room - and tried to rebuild what I’d lost.

And then people read it.

Three Years Later:

People read it, and liked it. They saw this thing that represented me and they liked it, and they wanted to know when there was going to be more. So I panicked, and I wrote another chapter and posted it. And then after months of people asking me when there was going to be more I posted >another< chapter.

But it didn’t feel right. It felt like strangers reading my diary. What had started as a (arguably unhealthy) coping mechanism for dealing with a reality I couldn’t face had become a silly little story for my readers, and I was beginning to feel embarrassed that I was taking it so seriously. That it was more for me than a story that I had made up, about these books with dull characters and a plot so tedious that I couldn’t make it through reading. This series that was beginning to draw more and more criticism as time went on, and JK Rowling continued to dig the franchises grave deeper and deeper.

Three years later has found me at 20 years old, a better writer, with a lot about my life having changed. I don’t need to read those fan-fictions plots to escape anymore, or daydream about going back in time, or being someone else - I saved myself in a very real, tangible way. I came out as trans and fought to be myself. I’m writing this essay from my own apartment with all the space I want. I attend regular therapy, and own a beautiful puppy service dog named Sirius. I go hiking and to parties, and I sleep at night then I go to work in the morning. I live in a world outside of my own head, surrounded by this beautiful life that I’ve built for myself from nothing.

So Why Start Over?

There’s a lot of reasons. I want to rewrite this story because I’ve gained more experience in life. Because I want to start again, this time without being embarrassed of how much this story means to me, or how long it’s taking me to finish, or being ashamed of taking it this seriously at all.

I want to challenge the idea of fan-fiction as being silly, or unoriginal, or illegitimate - something that needs to be hidden, or kept as a stepping stone before writing “real” novels. I want to be writing this story for the explicitly, publicly stated purpose of it being art on its own, because I have things to say that I want to express specifically through this artistic medium.

I wanted you to know more about me - the stranger behind the words, the man behind the curtain - what this story was really about for me, and where it came from. And now you do.

[pheonyxian]

Personal post

So, I've been quietly identifying as asexual for the past five or so years. Quietly, because the only people I've told are my online friends. And even then, I rarely bring it up in conversation or lean into it through icons and symbolism and stuff, even though many of my friends are very proudly pan/bi/ace/trans/non-binary. Part of it was because I just... didn't like being ace. It's kind of an isolating identity, but also because no matter where I looked, I felt like my experience was completely different than every ace community (tumblr, reddit, aven, etc.) Asexual felt right on paper, but talking about it beyond just the broad strokes made it obvious just how different I and most other aces actually understood sexual identity.

Same as aromantic. I didn't ever fully identify as aro but I was aware that it was a possibility, but same problems as above.

Separately, and a few years later, I also came to the conclusion that I have alexithymia. This was because when I get really upset, it feels like there's this physical disconnect between the part of my brain that feels the feels and the part that makes the words. Like, a literal 404 Page Not Found.

Recently though, I had a breakthrough that 1) my alexithymia is probably a lot worse than I originally realized, and 2) that my asexual-ness was related, if not completely stemming, from the alexithymia. I should point out that alexithymia (at least the version I have) is not having no emotions, but not being able to identify, speak, or connect with them. I usually won't realize that I feel sad, or angry, or even happy until I stop to think a bit. And even then, I usually recognize emotions through mental patterns rather than physical ones. It's always "wow I'm arguing with an imaginary person in my head, I must be angry" not "wow my heart's racing and I'm feeling hot, I must be angry."

A part of all that is that I also don't feel compelled to act on my emotions. Maybe this was caused by a coping mechanism for typical life bullshit (feel sad/angry/anxious? Too bad go to school and act normal or else you'll draw unwanted attention.) But that goes for positive emotions too. How am I supposed to recognize desire if the physical sensations that drive it only register as a weird, annoying feeling?

Once I realized this, things clicked into place much more than they did when I first identified as asexual. Identifying as ace made me feel worse, and I only continued to do it because I knew that there was something fundamentally different between what I was feeling and "normal." Restructuring my feelings as alexithymic feels so much better.

Also I feel like this gives me a little more permission to be horny on main. Not that I couldn't while being ace, but... I don't know, it just felt weird to say I was ace and then have my third most popular post in recent history being hornyposting about Warframe.

I'm not entirely sure whether I want to keep identifying as ace. Personally, I think it's valid to have your sexual/gender identity stem from neurodivergence, but whether that's what I want for me is... I dunno. Something to think about in the future. I'll admit though, I don't want to give up our cool flag.

Anyway, thanks to my friends, who are always there for me even though I rarely talk about my feelings out in the open. And anyone who's following me for funny posts who happened to read to the end as well.

[decadentrot]

It is finally summer so i have the time to pump out a couple AUs out in the open cause they have been taking up too much free real estate in my brain (●'◡'●)

Ok so BKDK Nerd AU right:

Izuku and Katsuki are best buds as kids who live their life to the fullest until tragedy strikes. Izuku’s father gonna divorce his mom and leave his ass but as a parting gift he gives Izuku an All Might plush.

From there on, every traumatic experience Izuku has, Izuku will treat himself to buying a new hero plush and thats his coping mechanism. Basically at the tender age of 5, Izuku has developed the habit of retail therapy.

He finds out he's quirkless, ‘dont worry he has an all might doll to remind him to be strong in tough times.’ Kacchan starts bullying him, ‘ok let me buy that mirko doll to remind me that you always gotta keep going and stay determined.' His mom dies, ‘oh look a ms.joke plush to remind me to always keep smiling no matter what ( totally not b/c the green hair reminds him of his mom.’ Izuku gets sent to an orphanage, ‘ahh ill get a present mic figure. Maybe his confience can rub off on me and I’ll befriend the other orphans…’

At the orphanage he meets his roomie… dun dun dun Shinsou woo and at first they kinda ignore each other until Izuku wakes up at 2 am and feeling scared of this new environment and wants to sneak out to buy a new plush and sees his roomie also awake crouched over a laptop with over 300+ items on his amazon wishlist (hes even more aghast when he sees all of those items are cat related.) Nevertheless, together they enable eachother's bad shopping habits and become the resident disaster duo. Also Izuku decides not to go to the UA and instead decides to follow in his moms footsteps and become a nurse, while Shinsou learns of UAs difficult entrance exam and when inquiring about Izuku's ms joke plush, he decides to attend Ketsubutsu Academy where she works and try to learn to be an underground hero like her (I like to think shes also underground cause shes close to aizawa)

Meanwhile, Katsuki was never really one for plushes or dolls thinking thats soft shit but he always still kept the matching Endeavor keychain he still has when Izuku's father also got them when they were kids so he doesnt feel left out. Anywho he goes to UA, feeling like something is missing but adamantly refusing to admit he misses  certain green bean. He goes on grumpy and frustrated and eventually meet Shoto who sees the Endeavor keychain and gets angry at it to the point where he burns it and Katsuki is angry cause 'hey thats the last reminder of my connection to my childhood best friend' and Shoto gets angry cause 'what the hell he just said he wasnt gonna use his fire ever and he just broke his promise' They become ultimate rivals ™ which eventually turns into friends eventually in their UA years and they all work out their trauma together

Speaking of UA years, in this au I imagine there are a lot of differences but ill probably draw snippets of it later like for one All Might saves the students at the USJ but hurts himself and ends up in the hospital and surprise surprise Izukus there volunteering as a nurse (to get experience yk) and he ends up caring for Yagi-san and blabbers about heroes this and All Might that, unaware of who exactly he is talking to. I also like to imagine that Kota instead of being sent to live with his aunt, they think heroics are too dangerous and send him away to the orphanage for 'his own safety' and he become little brother to Izuku and Shinsou and slowly also becomes a hero plush fanatic ect 

The real meat of the story begins when everyones all graduated and grown up and debuted as heroes and Class 1a is asked to attend a hero con where they answer questions and give out merch to start a fan base and Izuku, Shinsou, and Kota are living their best lives in the crowd buying everything ‘woah look Hito-chan its Red Riot or woah is that Uravity yk they really captured her muscles in this figurine i boug- not that i was ogling her muscles no stop laughing at me Hi- OH MY GOD oooh cool its Creati and shes even using her cool quirk’ Meanwhile Katsuki is in his own personal hell at this convention and when overhearing a conversation, is flabbergasted his his classmates mention that this so called cute MEGA DORKY HERO FANATIC LOSER is going to all their stands and buying all their merch and complimenting them, but dares to IGNORE THE MIGHTY GREAT EXPLOSION MURDER GOD DYNAMIGHT'S MERCH?? I mean damn he may not like this aspect of heroism but he didnt sit through over 10+ hours of trying merch meeting discussing whether he wants ebony black or midnight black to be he color of his figure to be ignored. He didnt get woken up at 3am in the morning by his manger for his opinion on whether he wants to sell a 32 ounce or a 40 ounce hydroflask for this shit. So obviously he has to go and confront the nerd and he almost shits his pants when he realizes this mega loser dweeb is fucking DEKU!

Katsuki talks with him and eventually asks why he doesnt want to buy any of his stuff and Izuku ends up admitting that this merch, all this stuff is basically his therapy, when he sees these dolls he is filled with hope that he future is gonna get bad and he wont be haunted of the past and katsuki is the antithesis of that. Getting a Dynamight figure will just remind him of the past he wants to forget and while he loves Kacchan and believes in him and truly does believe he is destined for great things, he needs to let him go. Please Kacchan, let me let you go...

FUCK YOU DEKU! take my phone number and since you keep associating me with bad memories, well then lets go make new BETTER memories shitty nerd. And suddenly Izuku is hanging out with Kacchan again and Katsuki is giving it his 110% until he slowly but surely builds up Izuku's Dynamight collection.

The End lmao (hopefully i explained it well and you get the premise)

Bonus: RING RING RING "Hey Half and Half remember when you burned that Endeavor keychain... wanna help me burn down some other merch?"

#so thats the main au ill be focusing on #i mainly wanted to draw izuku and katsuki at the carnival winning plushies #i also just love quirkless izuku and the misadventurous he gets on when he isnt breaking his bones 24/7 #i also love the izuku/shinsou dynamic #and the shoto/katsuki dynamic #izuku midoriya #bakugou katsuki #bkdk #dkbk #dekubaku #bakugou x midoriya #class 1a #mha #bnha #DKBK Nerd AU #bakudeku

[chaos-in-one]

I'm on anon for comfort reasons alongside, well, anonymity, but you can block me through this ask, if this ask makes you uncomfortable.

Anyhow, TW for pro-shipping, being a Pro-Para, and having incredibly unhealthy coping mechanisms related to this.

I was a proshipper - strong was, and had been in many questionable communities. I do understand the argument of it being s coping mechanism, and that it's also an unhealthy coping mechanism; however, for some proshippers, it's only matter of time until they're either in incredibly questionable communities (pro-para, and pro-MAP), or obtain even worse coping mechanisms (actually drawing porn of yourself or debating on selling your body, in my cases)

Do I want other pro-shippers to have my old coping mechanisms? No. But do I wish for them to find better ones as well? Yes. Just don't be the dumbass I was a year ago. Especially if you're a minor. That's all I ask.

If i do go on anon more often, and am reoccuring, i may use 📖 anon as a tag. And if this is confusing, i can try to break it down in multiple asks.

Also - you're right. RPF shouldn't be a thing at all. Evenmoreso if its about minors or an unconsenting adult. (Although in some of my communities I've seen some antishippers forget that there's unconsenting adults who said they're uncomfortable.) The fact there are is nauseating.

(little sporadic and everywhere. Heavy dissociation 'spell')

Thank you for sharing your experiences anon /gen

I can definitely relate. We where in proship circles (although at the time, it wasn't called that, the terms proship and antiship weren't well known yet) back about 5 years ago or so. By itself it was damaging, but it also lead to other damage such as a warped sense of morality and relationships that led us to being hurt and taken advantage of several times over, including in similar ways to what you went through.

And yeah rpf is horrendous. I'm iffy about ones about people who said it was okay because I still think it's off to write fiction, especially sexual fiction, about real people as if they are simply a character. It feels bordering on dehumanizing to use real people as props for a story. If it wasn't consented to or is about a kid though? Nothing just 'iffy' about it, it's outright repulsive and disgusting.

Also don't worry, I am pretty sure I got what you where saying

#ask #asks #tw sexualization #tw sexualization of minors #tw cp #tw proship #tw grooming #anti rpf #anti ship #anti proship

[rynris]

Phoenix and White Crane

thinking about characters for a story that has been in my head for many years. two legendary warriors embody the great spirit of the phoenix and the white crane, the sun and the moon. under their joint rule, they keep the world in balance, until a dark scourge threatens the land and takes out the sun. a child finds a doorway to this fantastical world on the brink of collapse. Is it destiny? or is it a cruel fate?

been beating myself up a lot lately. i don't really have a good opinion about myself nor my work. it's hard not to look at things and the way it's going and compare myself to the success of everyone else around me. but i try to remember that as long as i'm moving forward, bit by bit, trying a little bit more each day, i will get there eventually. and i want to try to enjoy the journey a bit more.

it's hard to figure out what is toxic or not. i feel like my sense of reality is so easily warped by others and my coping mechanism is to shut down. i never lived life with a good sense of agency because it was selfish to have opinions. there's no use communicating or trying if it will be turned against you. it's hard to fight against people who have more power, more money, and more control. but drawing these characters was fun! reminded me why i'm trying. could be better, but it's onto the next! i want to practice drawing a bit looser and exploring some more ideas instead of settling on one. drawing these already took 2 weeks. :/ it's frustrating how slow going i am. i'm trying to figure out if it's just poor time management. I think i waste a lot of time agonizing about things instead of actually doing them.

#character design #personal work #wuxia fantasy #phoenix #white crane #need to workshop the tattoos and shoes a bit more #not super happy with the clothing designs but hey i'm going to treat this as a first pass learning experience

[scorpiolight-madd]

I know you have multiple Sonic Paracosms and they seem to connect (like an expanded universe for Sonic Lore), did you struggle at all with creating your paracosm/lore/character interactions or was it relatively easy?

Are there any paras that you feel are underdeveloped in your paracosm?

Also do you have any paras that could be considered the 'star' (like most of the action happens to them or because of them) or does the role bounce around a lot?

Sorry for all the questions, but I am curious!!

YES YES YES YES YES

Ok I’m gonna answer these one at a time so strap in

Also don't apologize for asking questions, answering them is like my favorite thing in the world

Ok so for the first question there actually isn’t a lot of crossover save for one story arc in Rebellion (the sonic boom/underground crossover one, also sometimes referred to as SB:U or Trouble Keeps you Running Faster (or TKYRF for short) bc I struggled to name it for a while). In that arc, the Phantom Ruby ends up traveling through dimensions after Infinite’s defeat in the Reloaded dimension (which is the paracosm that’s just a rewritten version of the games with some OCs added).

Sage and the Infinite from Rebellion end up tracking it down, and Rebellion!Infinite feels a strange pull towards the Ruby, while Sage has analyzed it and believes that it will help her to more efficiently protect her family and allies. The two end up fighting over it, but Sage gets it, only for Reloaded!Infinite’s influence to corrupt her almost immediately, as he’s trapped inside the Phantom Ruby. (He was also the one drawing his alternate dimension self to take the Ruby)

Also it may be subject to change but here's what she looks like when she's under the Phantom Ruby's control

ANYWAYS a lot of stuff happens in that arc that im not gonna get into bc what's important to this question is that when she goes into the Phantom Ruby to confront Reloaded!Infinite, she ends up going into his memories and encountering facsimiles of the people he encountered in his dimension. They're not identical to how they actually appear in that paracosm, as their characterizations and even appearances are filtered through Infinite's perception of them.

So, while there is a crossover, the only actual crossover character interaction is between Sage and Infinite, and replicas of the cast from Reloaded.

As for underdeveloped characters, I'm not exactly sure. I feel that I have their characters all fleshed out pretty well, even down to the side characters. However, I do run into the problem of under-utilizing them pretty frequently, and that characters tend to not do much for the plot unless its an arc solely dedicated to them, like Amy's arc about losing her hammer, and how Knuckles seems kinda locked into his storyline about finding the Master Emerald shards, and neither of them do much outside of that.

Only a few characters straight up don't have their own arcs, like Silver.

The focus 100% bounces around depending on the story arc, sometimes even straight up focusing on complete side characters. Like I said before, Knuckles and Amy get their own story arcs, Knuckles recovering pieces of the Master Emerald and with it, his memories, and Amy losing her hammer and learning to not base her entire worth and identity on one singular skill. There's also Sonic re-bonding with his siblings, Sonia learning to let herself relax and not forcing herself to take on the burden of the entire rebellion, and Manic's character arc about trying to hide his PTSD from being held captive bc he doesn't want his siblings to split apart again, and how he eventually discovers healthy coping mechanisms to help him recover.

There's ALSO the birth of Team Chaotix, with Espio being introduced as an antagonist with a bunch of other mercenary side characters, until Vector finds out that he's just a struggling teenager trying to take care of his little brother.

WOAG THATS A LOT OF TEXT anyways thank youuuuuuuu for the questions

#type: asks #type: talking #type: ramble #sb:u ch: sage the ai #sf:r ch: infinite the jackal #sb:u ch: infinite the jackal #sb:u: phantom ruby arc #thats the only one i go in depth on so im not tagging everyone mentioned in this post cuz uh. thats a lot

[fearowkenya]

it's the time of year where I feel very like...boxed in??? okay hold on

so like everyone else who has adhd mine has its own exclusive flavor and weirdness that manifests itself in its own Cute And Quirky Teehee ways that arent universal to everyone w adhd. mine specifically makes it so that the amount of energy / willpower i have to put effort into literally anything is directly proportionate to how much light there is outside. it doesnt have to be SUNNY , just naturally bright.

anyway as you may or may not know im up in canada where it is currently 4:41PM and is nearly dark, and will continue to get darker earlier and earlier until like three quarters through december. so already , not great for me and my fuckign plant-life-wannabe of a brain .

to compound this, i also slow down when it’s cold. that part is normal i think. its not uncommon to want to swaddle yourself in a nest of blankets when temperatures start to drop esp if its like -40 but it DOES make moving around a little more challenging. so like not only do i have to put in the effort to like, do each step of whatever task or activity i am attempting to do, but i also have to pry myself out of Soft Warm Bed which becomes an additional step in making aforementioned whatever the fuck happen. and if u are at all familiar w adhd you know that when the step count gets too high your odds of doing anything other than staring at a wall get slimmer and slimmer unless youve got a damn good workaround for your own brand of brain nonsense

im also one of those ppl who constantly has cold hands , so stuff that requires fine motor skills like art can be tough to start working on when my fingers have the mobility of two fistfuls of freezies.

ive gotten fairly good at finding ways to do things that accommodate my adhd but once winter hits thats when i get boxed in. it’s dark out early, so getting anything done after sunset is like wading thru sludge. then the sludge fucking freezes solid because its cold out, and even if by some miracle im able to like idk draw, my hands feel stiff bc of the cold and makes everything harder. so its like this uphill battle to do fucking Anything when im a sludgecicle. its way easier to do Nothing instead of trying to fight my way out, like the amount of effort it takes is SO frustrating.

‘hey idiot have you tried turning the heater on’ yeah dude i know but i still gotta get outta bed and wait for my fingers to not feel like a bunch of frozen baby carrots before anything gets done, and jsut the thought of that when im nice n warm in blankets is an enormous deterrent and it fucking sucks!!

im super fed up w that happening to me every damn winter so i guess i’ll start to work on throwing together some kinda coping mechanism and hope smth sticks.

since i moved my furniture a while back, my heater is right next to my desk so at least i’ll warm up faster when it starts to be like minus a billion degrees. i have no fucking clue what i am going to do about the uhh (checks notes) reliance that my brain has on the literal actual sun. i have one of those sun lamps that i suppose i can try to use more often?? idk if thats going to trick my brain into thinking it’s actually bright outside so stay tuned i guess. or dont im not your dad

#mattie chatters

[castielafflicted]

For the fanfic asks!! 🤡🌞👀

hiii taylor thank you! Ask game here!

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

Here's an exchange from This Is Normal, Right? aka thee shaving fic.

"Dean, I don't know why you told me I needed to shave if you were going to turn around and tell me you didn't trust me to do it cleanly," he snapped back. The conversation was going further down the drain with each passing second. "I was trying to offer to do it for you!" Dean yelled. He flopped backwards to face the ceiling. There wasn't any normal way to offer to shave your best friend’s face, let alone when he’s the man you've been having weird feelings towards. This one was clearly the wrong way though.

This one makes me laugh because jesus christ Dean you are a wreck. The other exchange is the last two lines of Laughter in a Corn Maze, because it's so adorable that it makes me giggle.

🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?

After sundown, regardless of what time of year it is. In winter I can start writing at like 5pm without issue, and summer it's easiest if I wait until 10pm. My favorite days of the week to write are Saturday and Sunday, and that shows on my spotify daylist.

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

Oh my god Taylor I love you for this. I am not back from my writing break yet but I love talking about the fics I'm writing. I put a clip of one fic here that I'm excited for, but one that I'm looking forward to being done and posting even more is my sutober day 3: Inspired fic.

I have no idea how complete it actually is, but as of right now (aka October 23rd) there are four different poems in it. The first one was an unfinished piece I wrote before a family cat died back in October that I edited slightly to make work for the fic, and in doing so it made me realize that it being unfinished was actually how to finish it and titled it Unfinished Finality. The second poem currently titled Thing in my Soul has been unfinished since July and I'm still foaming at the mouth over it not being done but don't know how to finish it and intentionally left it unfinished in the fic. The third poem is specifically a destiel poem titled Pollution was unfinished until I was writing this fic, and is used as the major plot point in the story. The fourth poem is titled Lazarus Arise and I think you can guess what it's about. I'd been wanting to write a 4x01 poem for months and it turns out all I needed to do was start writing a "short fic that would only use one poem that was already mostly done". The spoiler I will give you on this poem is that it makes Cas laugh, and that's all that matters in life actually.

Once the fic is posted, I'll definitely post Lazarus Arise on here separately. I might post Pollution and the unedited version of Unfinished Finality too. My brain is slowly starting to rotate fics again because of this ask which is good 👀

I just realized I didn't say anything about the fic besides the poetry, so very quick. It's completely Cas POV and that's always something exciting for me to write. He is absolutely doing things in this fic that he should not be doing <3 Dean draws and writes poetry in his cute little diary (journal) as a coping mechanism and Cas reads it (he should not be doing this).

Also I'm excited about an destiel omegaverse outline that I have fully done, so if anyone wants to hear about that I can talk about that too.

#zeph answers #ask game

[enigmaincrimson]

(If I seem to be drifting in and out of silence, anxiety issues are high again and it's feeling like I'm bothering people by rambling so much.)

(That and my entire activity for the past while has been effectively blocking nothing but bots.)

A few random observations that might come off a tad cryptic as I am not entirely sure how to articulate my thoughts on some things.

If the behavior of V, J, and N from what is likely true about how things were at the manor and compare it to how we knew them later, you might notice something interesting about how they are essentially trying to cope with what happened.

Also, it might tell you a little about who they inadvertently were trying to emulate as a sort of coping mechanism from abuse. I'd elaborate, but it's easier to just faster to put pairs and let you figure out what I am trying to say.

Louisa Elliot = Serial Designation J

James Elliot = Serial Designation V

Tessa Elliot = Serial Designation N

CYN seems to take in the worst from all three... so I'll let that sink in here.

_

JCJenson is in every position to lie about AbsoluteSolver's true nature... as they've gotten themselves in so deep into their own mess that they'd fear that any form of honesty is going to make the situation worse.

The conditions in the research facility are likely meant to emulate the conditions in the manor, likely using Tessa's account and of any survivors/past visitors to the manor.

The wigs the Worker Drones involved in the experiment wore was likely provided by research staff as part of those experiments.

Public panic and a recall likely would have caused more overall damage than it would have done to JCJenson's stocks.

_

Worker Drones seem to have a tendency to emulate behavior traits from their authority figures/peers... much like people in a way.

So, you probably could learn a little about what the human employees were like by observing what the previous generation of Worker Drones are like.

However, you can probably learn a bit about Yeva and Nori by looking their daughter's behavior for that matter.

Yeva was the quiet one... probably. Not much of a talker, internalizes everything... likely because Nori was the active, bombastic one of the test subjects.

Or to put it a different way, the quiet introvert and the noisy extrovert...

_

If we're playing Uzi and Doll against one another for a comparison...

It's really hard to get the help you need when you can barely express yourself, let alone convince your friend that you need help.

It's like the difference between a pressurized container and a teapot brought to a boil. Sure, it's loud and annoying, but it's much easier to draw attention to the problem. Meanwhile, the other is going to keep internalizing things until it finally explodes.

Uzi pushed people away, Doll was pushed away... lot's of parallels there. I'd suppose it might be best to say that Uzi sort of got lucky with getting the friends she was able to get while Doll sort of got the short end of the friend stick.

On the other hand, if the teacher is Lizzy's dad and the other part of her personality is inherited from her mom... no wonder she flopped miserably when Doll likely tried to ask for help multiple times and got nothing but apathetic indifference in return.

Probably just internalized things even more after that.

_

Okay, so maybe I'm rambling a bit like a crazy person here, but there's so many unanswered questions... so I'm just trying to work with what I got since I'm pretty much just thrashing about in circles with my own thoughts this whole time.

_

Here's the thing though... taking into what we know... and the absence of information, it's pretty likely that someone is lying or omitting information about what is actually going on.

That and... everyone's a broken mess in this situation.

#enigmaincrimson #ooc

[magnoliamyrrh]

How do you deal with self-harm urges?

(tw talk of different things ive used to self harm)

i still struggle with it a lot of times still, with the urges that is, and every once in awhile i do relapse (sometimes less sometimes really bad), but thankfully ive been able to go months on end without doing it, or i think sometimes like a year and a half or maybe more? i started cutting when i was 12, so frankly im a bit impressed w myself for the times ive been able to stop after so many years. ive found thankfully that the longer you go without, the more the urges to keep doing it go down

and uhhh idk. several things i guess?

sometimes (often if its rly bad) ill scratch myself w my nails (not drawing blood just irritating the skin and it kinda hurts) and sometimes that makes it go away, its enough pain to calm me down without permanent damage. i know ppl say to use icecubes and ive tried a couple of times but it really doesn't work for me - glad it does for others. uhm ill try to go take really hot showers until i calm down, that tends to work. sometimes ill try to just,,,,, this may sound stupid but if something in particular triggers me and i feel the urge, i try to remain either physically paralized or try to distract myself w anything until it passes; harder said than done. listening to loud music in headphones also kinda helps w that sometimes. every once in awhile ill try to do something like tear apart paper or some other thing and sometimes that does something?

and tbh this isnt good but smoking cigarettes makes me do it a bit less. but like Do Not Do This, i actually consider cigarettes to be a MUCH Much worse form of self harm than a lot of cutting. because end of the day if youre careful, cutting leaves you with scars only. cigs can absolutely wreck your health long term and its a horrible addiction. just because its more socially acceptable than cutting doesnt mean its not more dangerous; ive actually had plenty of psychs and therapists agree w me on this one

hmm. ill try to go for a walk, if i can, until the worse of the urge passes. or alternatively i will go and drive around aimlessly listening to music until they pass. sometimes if the urge isnt super super strong, i also find that it helps to draw - ive been using vent art as a way to cope for years, and sometimes drawing cuts or scars on a representation of myself gets that urge a little bit out of me

....... i feel like doing psychadelics really helped me do this less and quit many times - they make you not really wanna hurt yourself and love yourself and take care of yourself better, while also dealing w the underlining issues and mechanisms which lead to the urge in the first place

....i try to keep in mind that it doesnt truly help. its not worth it. maybe it gives some temporary satisfaction or release, but it doesnt Really help. its a vicious cycle you enter in many times, when you start disliking yourself even more for cutting and feel even worse, and then you cut yourself again over that...... i try my best to keep in mind that punishing myself like that doesnt help anything and that i dont deserve it, and i try to keep in mind that taking out my emotional pain or frustration like that on myself doesnt really help either.... long term, it will just make it worse - and is that really what i want?

its good to learn too, how to not put yourself down for cutting once you do it or relapse, bc that just leads to spiraling. it happened, its okay, it is what it is, no need to feel bad over it or start throwing insults at yourself over it...... its hard, but it helps to try to be gentle with yourself

...something else that helps me do it less too at times is that lol, i have chronic pain. i am already in pain all the time - do i really want to add more on top of that? havent i had enough of the pain?........sometimes when ive relapsed its been a way to cope with the pain actually, to have control over when and how i feel pain and to feel a different kind of pain but.... tbh, after doing that enough times i just got fed up with it. pain is pain, and most days of my life i have plenty of it to deal with anyway..... also figured out that if i cut too much, it sets my nervous system on fire and it makes my chronic pain worse, so that's also a reason to not do it

.... i also try to not keep things i can cut with in the house - meaning that if i Really want to, ill have to drive to the store to buy blades, which i think is a good way to give yourself some time to maybe calm down or snap out of it or change your mind. Theres times when the urge is so strong and i just say fuck it and go buy them, but it takes more time and commitment to do that. This helped me bc theres been many times when i would have very likely cut if i had access to them, but bc i didnt and i didnt wanna do it bad enough to warrant a drive, i ended up not doing it....... this also works bc i dont personally cut with knives (even with the sharpest knives ive never been able to do it consistently and properly enough to feel satisfying, and i think my weak muscles and joints make it harder for me in particular, so i cant rly use them), meaning i have to rely on either pencil sharpener blades, or actual razor blades...... sometimes i think its better to buy pencil sharpeners bc, again, they make it harder (you have to take the time to take the pencil sharpener apart and take the blade out, and these blades go dull a lot quicker than razor blades - so the first one gives you more time to think it through and maybe stop and not do it, while the other one means you wont be able to do as much damage for as long of a time bc it will become harder and harder to cut)......... i also used to, when i was younger, cut with shaving razors (like the ones for legs) but this is something i grew out of because i really dont like the stinging and way it cuts the skin,,, so; yea, i think not keeping a supply of cutting things in the house helps a lot of times

..... sometimes its the dissociation that helps me, but thats not really something everyones brain does. but you can try to think of yourself as, lets say, your friend - if your friend felt like how you feel in that moment and wanted to cut, would you want them to? what would you tell them, how would you comfort them, and what would you suggest they do instead?

idk if any of this was helpful at all, sorry, but yea;; i think a combination of all of those things have helped me to quit many times, and... it really does get easier to not do it and to not think abt it as often the longer you go without doing it. also, sometimes it does help to call a hotline! not always, but ive done it a handful of times (mainly for combination of suicide + sh urges), and there were indeed times when i came across v caring and understanding ppl which helped talk me down - so this may be an option to think abt. id also say if you can, calling a friend can be helpful, its something ive done too

and pls, if youre gonna keep cutting dont put yourself down over it, but be careful 🌸 always clean whatever youre using to do it before and afterwards with either soap or alcohol, always check if theres rust on it and never use something that has rust or metal of a weird colour, and after you wash them, make sure they are dry and store them in a place which is dry. or better - throw them out. always clean your wounds afterwards with warm water, and when youre able to handle it later with soap and water so they dont get infected. and its best to cover up deeper cuts so they can heal better with bandaids or medical gauze. and please please dont cut in areas where there are a lot of important and sensitive veins and tendos (like the inner wrist) - even if youre being careful, you dont want to take the risk of damaging something important like that. and please, if it ever gets rly out of hand and its not closing up, its too deep, or it gets infected, go to a doctor or a medical facility near you

.... and.. try to be gentle with yourself 💗 its really hard but its important. and if youre trying to quit, ask why it is you cut in the first place (bc pain calms you down, control, masochism, a way to get out overwhelming emotions, comfort, a cry for help or attention, self punishment etc etc), and try to find a way to work on whats driving the cutting in the first place, or to find a less harmful way to achieve a similar goal - i think thats something that helped me long term

take care of yourself and be careful 🌺 and if its something u struggle w youself, know that it is possible to stop and that it does get easier

[mental-health-monday]

On the subject of the culture of technology addiction…

(Skip to the green text for a list of coping mechanisms)

It’s not taken as seriously as it should be, because plenty of people view too much screen time — especially on one’s cell phone — as being an issue that plagues mostly adolescents. That is not entirely accurate. According to a study by the Pew Research Center, 44% of American 18-49 year-olds are online “almost constantly.” (Source) And that’s just a study about spending time online; it doesn’t count the time we spend watching television, playing offline video games, or listening to the radio or music.

Even if you manage to control how much time you spend on your devices, you’re still experiencing second-hand screen time from somewhere. Have you ever turned your back on the television hanging from the ceiling in a restaurant, either because you didn’t like the programming, or you simply didn’t want to watch TV during dinner? How many times have you driven past billboards on the freeway, meant to catch your eye with vibrant, moving pictures of cannabis, fast food, and accident lawyers? How many babies waddle into your workplace with a tablet in their little hands, loudly playing YouTube Kids videos for everyone to hear? I remember when I was about four, being pushed around in a shopping cart shaped like a car that had a little screen in the “dashboard” that played exclusively VeggieTales. I never watched it; but the other little kids sitting at my level in the local Farmer Jack’s certainly did.

Sometimes I find I just can’t get away from technology. Television companies (in the US) used to play the national anthem before signing off for the night — no longer. Everything is awake all the time. Information and entertainment especially catered to YOU is at your fingertips 24/7. What a hell of a drug, eh?

Now, being someone who is CURRENTLY in the throes of a tech binge, rubbing red eyes with burst capillaries, and depressed from sleep deprivation… I am a hot, hot mess. If you’re desperate like me, maybe you’ve tried screen time apps to help manage your phone use. Well… this is about how well it’s been going for the five months I’ve had it:

[Text ID: Circular screen time counter with a daily limit of three hours reading four hours and fifty-nine minutes at 1:08 PM. End Text ID.]

After a month of actually trying, I learned to ignore the notifications telling me to get off my phone because it’s 11:00 PM. My brain no longer registers them, because I’ve rationalized (very irrationally) that there are no real consequences to ignoring the notifications. Like, what’s OffScreen gonna do; sue me?

So, if you need to be held accountable like me, you may find it helpful to announce on social media that you’re taking a tech break for a specific amount of time (say, a week) and turn your “let people know you’re online” indicator ON.

Also, if you’re worried about being bored during your tech break: here is a list of things you can do instead of going on your phone, watching TV, gaming, etc. (I should really follow my own advice):

[Coping mechanisms start here]

Draw the weirdest piece of furniture in your house as a cute anime girl

Pick out a giant book; get some treats (candy, special tea, whatever); you’re only allowed a treat if you’re reading; you’re only allowed to go online recreationally until after you’ve finished the book

Play mindlessly with fidget toys (or study the movement intensely and take detailed notes on it, as if you’re studying an animal species)

Compose a melody on an instrument (No composition experience required; hit notes and write down the combinations that sound good so you’ll remember them. Mess with chords.)

Find some old schoolwork from when you were in high school (if you have a pile lying around somewhere) and see if you can still do it as an adult

Write an ode to the object immediately to your left

Do some yoga poses

Walk in a nature preserve or park. Find a long log and walk on it. 10/10 very healing

Give your children and/or pets some attention. Stop ignoring them. Bastard. /hj

Feed squirrels walnuts and pecans

Put a bird feeder in your yard, get a chair, and watch the local birds go at it (research hummingbird feeders though; certain types are very bad for the hummingbirds)

Draw with sidewalk chalk on your cement

Play ping-pong with the wall

Shoot baskets

Climb a tree (be safe please)

Go to a playground after hours (or off-season), get a big stick, and start hitting the metal poles with the stick to see what kind of tones you can produce

Antique shop-hopping

Find an outdoor event in your area and support local artisans and buskers

Learn to play the kalimba, recorder, harmonica, spoons, jaw harp, or other inexpensive instrument; only go online after you’ve mastered one song (three songs, if you’re musically-apt)

Trace your hand on a piece of paper and zentangle it

Sing songs

Prune and water your plants

Do ten push-ups (or another quick physical activity you think you’re able to do)

Go outside and look for rocks on the ground

Go into that weird store you’ve always seen but never visited

Read a newspaper

Bust out that old digital camera from 1998 and start shooting things

Another bad habit I have is only waking up in the mornings after using my phone for a disgustingly long amount of time. I still need to find a workaround for that… I may try to get a loud alarm clock and a small box with a lock on it, put the alarm clock in the box before bed, lock it, and put the key on the opposite side of the room. So I’ll have to get up, find the key undo the lock in order to shut off the alarm. That way, I’ll be able to wake up without using my phone (hopefully). If I try it, I’ll let you all know how it goes!

#mental health monday #technology addiction #mental health #adhd #depression #(Not necessarily related to the post; but those communities might find it helpful) #potential coping mechanisms

[keefwho]

April 26 - 2023

8:17 AM

Okay straight up I hate how I’ve been feeling/acting lately. I’ll try to change my behavior today, whatever that means. Maybe I haven’t been very true to myself and that’s whats wrong. I’m not sure, all I know is I don’t feel very good. 

11:30 AM

Holy fuck I hate myself lol.

2:37 PM

Well here I am having another episode. One that will end over time but I know I’m gonna be in a dark place for a little bit. 

I feel alone and hopeless. For years I feel like my life has steadily been going downhill. Like I’ve desperately tried to hold onto everything I have but I lose things one by one until one day it’ll reach a breaking point and then it’s game over for me. People don’t care about me as much as I’d like, or at least I don’t always feel like they do. Probably because ultimately I’m a bad person to rely on no matter how hard I try. I feel destined to fail in everything I do. I struggle to find meaning in literally anything and the things I do find meaning in might just be coping mechanisms or otherwise unhealthy. I can’t even tell. All I can think to do is stick to my miserable schedule and wait for tiny moments of what I think is true happiness when I end up being able to gaslight myself into thinking I’m okay for a little bit. 

3:11 PM

Part of my horny problem is not even knowing what I want to do. I don’t just want to orgasm, I want something conceptually intense. Thats why I started leaning into watersports. I just love the humiliation aspect of it, no nutting is required to get my fix off of it. A lot of things have gotten old to me, like I’ve gotten much pickier when it comes to how scenes I like are portrayed. I wish I could get over this problem and have an easier time enjoying what I used to. My current plan has been trying to delegate horny behavior to more specific times. I think being a porn artist has led me to constantly seeking the sexuality in situations like it’s my job. I don’t want to constantly idea generate because it ends up getting in the way of wholesome times and burns me out on concepts. 

Another thing is how much more I used to enjoy doing things with other people. I erp’ed with a few people I wouldn’t have considered “close” and had fun, but that desire went away a long time ago. Partially because I always thought I was supposed to be giga horny and fucking around just to fit in. These days I like to save myself for more meaningful interactions which unfortunately results in less activity than I think I’d like. But there is no way around this. 

This’ll probably stop being such a big deal when I stop blueballing myself and finally do something. I think it’s been about a week of keeping myself pent up for basically no reason but at this point I’d wanna end it with something good so I’m still being patient until I’m in the right mood. 

8:26 PM

I am unlovable because I can’t even accept myself for who I am. I am alone because of myself. I will always be alone unless I can change. 

Honestly I wish I could have an existential giga crisis that either results in me offing myself or developing a miraculous life changing perspective. 

What have I ever done to deserve love anyways? Let down everyone I’ve ever known? Hence why I’m a friendless loser clinging onto to the few people that bare to put up with me. I don’t want to live knowing I will always end up with nobody. 

12:09 AM

Well obviously today was shit. Getting all my work done didn’t even feel good in the end, just pointless because who cares about when I draw my own OC? I didn’t really care too either so it feels like a total waste. 

I calmed down over the course of the evening but I’m still aware of my fundamental issues. Being inspired by what my friend is going through, I think I need a sort of change as well. I know how bad I am at hanging onto the past and how much it keeps me from moving forward. I more or less feel like I’m still meant to be living up to things that have long expired. For example, I still feel like I’m supposed to be a part of the TDS group and that I’m not allowed to move onto a different group. I feel like I used up my friend group slot and it cannot be replaced. I feel like that with friends I no longer talk to as well. I really need to move on from them. Yeah what we had was cool and maybe it would have been nice to salvage it but in most cases, things are far beyond that point. Ideally they’d turn into actual memories instead of current thoughts in my head. I’d have so much potential if I just didn’t consider them to still be relevant. 

Nothing is “used up.” There is so much potential in anything I choose to do if only I can see it. But that’s the hard part.