#so i cant rlly do anything for myself

[tangledinink]

Whats your opinion on alters (did/osdd traumagenic systems) formed from your aus? Since alters can't really control their source asking for a friend/lh

Go off, do your thing, feel free, etc etc etc. It doesn't bother me, if that's a concern. I've had a couple people tell me they have fictives from some of my AU's chilling in their heads and if anything I think it's kinda fun and funky and exciting to hear about? So far I'm aware of a Gemini!Mikey and a Swanatello out there in the world.

#idk i mean? i just think its very interesting and somewhat flattering to think that like #the characters ive created are impactful enough to ppl to exist in that way i guess???? #and also like #go off i dont control y'all do whatever you want. as if i could. y'all dont rlly control it either so! who am i to have a take anyway? #if you have an alter formed from one of my AUs then like!!! cool good for you i certainly cant control that and wouldnt want to. #i also dont have DID so like? i wouldnt consider myself any sort of an authority or anything in the realm #and like feel free to correct me if i ever say anything out of line on the subject #but lowkey im fascinated to know if there are any other fictives based on my silly comics and fanfics out there in the world #coz id love to know which ones escaped containment so to speak #asks #anon

[aroaceofthesea]

Npmd has done Things to me and now i wanna go as blinky for halloween welp

#first time dressing out for halloween idek what to expect #but its a friends bday and she asked us to dress up so i gotta do it #i have no idea what to do and then i thought omg blinky and now i cant think anything else #but also it could be a fun costume and also kinda easy to make? (the human form) #bc i always like to make my costumes myself thats like important to me #and i dont rlly have much time anyway #so yeah #mine #npmd #nerdy prudes must die

[silenthillbunni]

🏥🦷

#damn my teeth on my left side reallyyyyy fkn hurt #last night it started hurting so bad i couldnt fall asleep #i took some regular over the counter pain pills nd they brought down the pain a bit #so it at least didnt hurt as bad as it did first #but now after sleeping a few hours it still hurts :// #idk what to do... bc i've googled but it is like impossible for me to know what this is. could be anything rlly #nd w physical health stuff im not as terrified bc i can just go to the ER. when i was there it only cost $15 lol #but dental care is so fkn expensive i dont even have that in my account #anyway. i could get an 'urgent appointment' which i get financial aid for... probably. thats the thing. it's not 100% certain #idk what i should do bc like i could wait it out nd see if it'll pass nd then wait on my appt the 6th may #or maybe i should call my dentists nd ask them what they think nd if they can give me an urgent appt.. #i hate calling tho. i know that sounds ridiculous esp when im dealing w pain but my avpd makes it so so hard for me. i'd almost rather not #if i was smart nd normal thats what i would do. just call them nd see what they decide for me. maybe i'll wait nd see nd call tmrw.... #nd idk abt the pain. like it rlly hurts but it isnt extreme i think.. but when i press one tooth it hurts a lot nd makes me worried it's #dying 💀 nd like u can actually die from teeth pain nd complications... nd infections nd stuff. it's scary af 😭 #idk if my tooth is dying nd i need to contact a dentist rn or if its smth that can wait for a bit #i mean if i had a job nd a salary i'd book an appt for tmrw nd get it checked but i have to discuss w myself bc i cant afford lol #ugh this is the reason im terrified of dental problems. the pain is awful nd theres nothing u can do if you're poor #my head keeps spinning idk what i should do abt this 😭 i csnt make up my mind. just want it to go away on its own but i know it wont #nd it hurts so that i can barely sleep or eat or concentrate. so i rlly dont know..... #oh if only things were easy

[paleiido]

Trying to learn new programs like they all want me to die personally

#ravings at the square #im trying rlly hard to learn things with the little time I have 👍 #some people are just more gifted than me. have more patience and motivation or idk cos goddamn #the prospect of learning how to make a game and working at the same time is so hellish I cant even bring myself to DRAW or write when #working full time. energy drained fr. but ok. i will be optimistic #if u see me whine and cry in two weeks no u dont #learning unity btw. i want. to create my silly little games. #Thats what I want the most in the world is to create. and if nobody will give me the opportunity to do so ill create it myself #Something so so so scary about being nearly 30 and having no direction in life and realizing you haven't mounted to anything but I'm not #dead yet so I still have a chance 👍 I can still create beautiful things as long Im kicking

[rainofthetwilight]

i want to share a specific au of mine but im like. scared

me n my friendo have been ranting together abt for like 2(?) yrs n i was thinking of posting abt it n never did (i wasnt completely involved in the fandom at that time as i am today)

now that i am i wanna post it but im nervous

might tweak it a little not sure

(more of the rant in the tags, important ig)

#ninjago #i obviously dont mind if people wont like it/dont care abt it especially since its like. #a kid au #where nya and jay unexpectedly have a kid after s10 #im rlly scared to post abt it but i have so many ideas in my head and my adhd ass cant handle ranting to myself #especially with how me n my bestie have been so busy lately we never talk #plus our different timezones #if any of u guys even just one person wants to hear abt it ill try my best #im also attempting to improve my writing skills. they suck #art and summaries will probably be more frequent until i ever decide to make a fic or smth #by now actually your free to ask questions since abt anything regarding the au since i dont want to do a summary just yet #ninjago jay #ninjago nya #jay walker #nya jiang #levi's ted talks #also if this post flops act like u never saw it

[krispiecake]

i hope that everyone is aware that i am trying SO HARD to be normal but the universe is TESTING ME.

#i am trying ao hard not to fall back into old habits rn but jesus CHRIST brooooooooo #i havent been able to get barely any time with the staff i need for the past two days and now #theyre like 40mins late with my meds bc of another tenant #and its not even like theyre WITH the other tenant rn btw there are two members of staff sat in the office just talking #and its like bro. BROOOOOOOO #like they know this shit is SO triggering and i know they cant help some stuff but i still feel like i should be able to get my meds on time #if they arent actively with another tenant #its such a small thing but it helps my brain remember that actually they do still care abt me lol #all ive wanted to do since like wednesday was just watch a movie with my fp now that we’re cool again #and i was waiting in the lounge for like an hour and no one even came in #and its not like we planned anything so im not mad or whatever im just frustrated that #i had a rlly shit night last night and a pretty shit day today #and there just isnt anyone around to talk to bc theyre all dealing with someone else #or not even just sat around talking or whatever #idk this shit makes me wanna punch things burn everything to the ground and then kill myself if im being totally honest rn #and like last night and this isnt my therapists fault or anything but ahe wasnt able to pick up #and i managed to get thru it but it just added to the feeling like no one gave a shit #and its past nine again so she probs wouldnt be able to pick up now even tho i kinda need help again #idk this shit just. its so fucking triggering and i feel insane and so tightly wound #and ive been putting so much effort into my stupid therapy and i just wanna let go and have a full on meltdown again #i wanna take a bunch of pills and scream and cry and throw things and argue and just LET GO #cuz i feel like thats my ‘true nature’ and everything else is just me faking #or masking #AND IM SO FUCKING SICK OF IT ITS SO MUCH EFFORT AND I FEEL LIKE IM GETTING NOTHING BACK

[skeletons-in-ur-closet]

honestly i got no clue what im doing

#i dont even WANT to do anything #like im in my last year of college (i graduate in 2025) and im SICK OF IT!!! COLLEGE HAS SUCKED THE ENTIRE TIME!!! #im 99% sure its bc of my environment but i dont even wanna finish this shit man #im majoring in cs and i used to be super passionate about it but now i dont rlly care about learning anything new #i feel myself getting stupid at it #and the thing is im doing well at it!!! i had an internship last year as a freshman which is pretty rare #now i have an offer starting in a week and possibly one in the summer so im doing pretty well I JUST DONT CARE ABOUT IT ANYMORE #idk i just cant shake the urge to drop out n go into a trade or smth

[honexjams]

everyone who's disabled one way or another and simply has to keep going to work no matter how devistating it is on your body and/or mind, I see you and I love you. that shit is so rough and you're an absolute trooper for keepin it pushin

#talkin.555 #disability #cfs #i tell myself this every day #i dont even have a diagnosis for whatevers goin on w me but some type of way #my legs bad my heart bad my anxiety is present which it never rlly was as a teen n shit so like #something #def is going on #my personal theory is cfs but goddamn do i not have the energy to schedule a dr appt #and i brought it up to my pcp and he was like #first of all u ducked out on the last 3 appts so bringing up a whole xtra thing is like not sumn im equipped to address #which is understandable #but also he was like nah ur prolly fine just get more sleep #like dawg #ive tried every sleep schedule feasably possible for weeks at a time each to self test if i can manage anything better that way #and Now that ive exhausted my personal efforts to self doctor i am coming to you and u just say #nah prolly not #like mf i am livid #i cant stand for more than 10 mins without limping and i have a series of quitting jobs i liked because i couldnt handle the physical strain #of standing up for 8 hrs #im always groggy my brain foggy my hearing slow and i cant move like a 21 yo usually does like #there is something wrong and he didnt even give me time of day #like sorry i gave u an extra hour off a few times the past few months but like i am miserable and wanna know #Any way to at least help #lotta tags #sorry abt the rant im just #a commie and dont think a 40 hr work week is good anyway #and ive been progressively getting worse with my Exertion Tolerance for bout 3 years now #like i would love at least a finger in the right direction #from a med professional

[skunkg1rll]

well... i woke up in time for school. which is the hardest part since it starts at 9am nd i always go to sleep at 4am and wake up around 12-13pm lol. but i got up nd checked when the busses are running.. i checked the weather nd it says it's gnna rain. then i thought "do i rlly need to go today..... cant i go next week?". the thing with me is that if i allow myself to have that thought then it's ruined. if i have the thought of not going, then i wont. thats why i make myself just get up nd go thru the motions nd leave, nd never allowing myself to think that. buuuuut i messed up today... i just wanna stay in bed nd go back to sleep T-T im sitting here "thinking abt it" but the time is already running out nd i dont rlly have time to get up nd get ready now. i dont think i'll get in trouble that i missed this week if i just make sure to go every day next week. ugh

#i should rlly just get out of bed and go #but its so cold and im so tired #my neighbor is stomping around upstairs nd just that makes me wanna die lmao #i just dont feel like going even if i do hate staying at home too #bc i do feel like a loser and a worthless failure #it's just that.. idk i dont want to do anything :/ ig i also kinda feel like self sabotaging #and im so tired of trying #im trying to do this but i get no help from the health care system #i rlly need therapy bc i wanna kms lol but everyone r just like nah sorry cant help u #why should i have to try soooooo hard when nobody cares #i just wanna rot #even if rotting also makes me feel bad #idk i just wish i was normal and healthy #can i even go back to sleep now that i feel so bad abt mysel skskksks #ughhh #no ok i decide i will stay home today #then i'll go every class next week #but i'll give myself one last day to stay home nd feel bad abt myself #im not allowed to do this again next week i've decided

[lycanthian]

uniquely annoying aspect of the thanksgiving holidays reliance and association with food is when you have extremely bad issues abt food that ur working thru but its going slowly and you cant eat most of the food offered and u try to be polite abt it but everyone thinks ur fucking rude for making your own food that you brought even though its not taking anyone elses time energy or money but yours

#i hope this makes any sort of sense #i wish i could be someone that could eat all kinds of food bc so much sounds good to me #but trying anything outside my extremely small comfort zone makes me literally nauseous and not in a good way #thanksgiving always makes me feel Bad about something that it really feels like i cant control no matter how hard i want to and try to #esp when it comes to other ppl because then it feels like youre making other people mad for doing smth that feels like shouldnt affect them #idk. im trying to branch out more but its rlly hard. next year i might do a thing like trying to expose myself to one new thing a week #or smth #if anyone has any advice abt this id love to hear it but it feels liek s rlly specific personal problem LOL #lycan howls

[4giorno]

baldies gate is very difficult

#its so confusing LMAO at least for me who knows next to nothing abt dnd #i dont understand how spells work and im getting stressed bc idk if quests rlly disappear if i dont complete them fast enough #but also i read that once you beat the main story its joever so maybe i should explore more but i feel like my character is wasting time #and is gonna die the next second if i dont progress the main story ⚰️ the green lady is doing a great job hammering that into my brain #anyway i cant take screenshots of my character bc my tv has fucked up colors and i made the character and guardian based on them #so when i look at a screenshot on the ps app and the colors are different im like '........ that is not my beautiful boy!!!!!' #like it rlly bothers me. anyway i chose a bard of course. very basic and again idk how to play so its all a mess hdjdjdjd #im hoping i figure it out soon bc it is such a cool game. just wish i understood anything </3 #i love my character tho im very invested in his story. maybe i shouldve made my first character the 'goody two shoes' type #to make it easier LMAO #but as ive said before i rlly need to get myself out of my comfort zone when it comes to games #i didnt wanna just breeze past the game but actually consider my decisions. turns out its exhausting lmaooo #anyway sorry im rambling i like the game but im just dumb and stress out over things that dont matter way too easily

[fuckingwhateverdude]

this mood stabilizer needs to kick in immediately i havent felt this unstable and clearly like Mentally Ill in ages…..

#smthn shifted in the last like 2 weeks im such a fucking wreck #i cant stop thinking ab all the things i have to do n how difficult they are n how im incapable n its making me so fucking anxious n sad #i feel like i cant move or do anything bc my reaction to everything feels 100000x more heightened than usual #I HATE IT I HATE IT #i have a rlly easy work day today n im sitting here fucking depressed and horribly anxious ab all the shit i have to do next week #i need to become a mindfulness girlie fr its so fucking hard for me #anyway my lamictal needs to work f a s t im hurting myself at an alarming rate fr

[silenthillbunni]

🦷📱💭

#ok im proud of myself for not waiting w this #i just called them nd talked to them. and the woman on the phone was actually not rude at all so it made it easier #she said that since i have sm pain i can get an emergency/urgent appt. but i have to call tmrw at 7am #nd hopefully i'll be able to get an appt for tmrw!!!! #and my wellfare worker has said that urgent dental care will be approves as long as it says on the receipt that it was urgent care #so hopefully this can be resolved. it hurts sm constantly nd i cant focus on anything. cant rlly chew either :(( #i rlly dont wnna be poor anymore tho lol i want a job nd be able to take care of myself !!!!! T-T #dont wnna feel helpless anymore #anyway i have to keep enduring it for now but hopefully i wont have to do that for long

[8bit-mau5]

What stuff would you most like asks about and/or who’d you most like asks for?

I honestly am Not picky about the asks I get! I love having an opportunity to talk about or for my characters, and it's easier to list what I DON'T enjoy writing for: delving into sexual stuff, having my OCs mocked or having their struggles/etc made into a joke, or in-depth worldbuilding type stuff (i just dont do much of that and have little to say for it). (the only exception may or may not be coming soon. im very. whats the word. i hold what little i created for this world very close to my chest because of unsavory past experiences. so idk if i WILL share my fleet stuff here yet or not..)

I've told some of my friends this already, but seldom do I get any asks and so almost EVERYTHING yall see on my blog are months or even years old. (I am VERY grateful to the people who Have gone out of their way to send me stuff before :’3)  I take a while to answer cos I hold onto asks and quite literally ration them out so I can have Something to write for at least once a month askdjhdhdh

That being said I'm happy with anything (so long as they arent the above mentioned stuff). Some characters will lie, some characters will skirt around a subject, but most anything you want to know about my characters and the plots + stories theyre involved in Can be found out through asks. I try REALLY HARD not to put everything about a character on their page but. I get a lil excited to talk abt them lol. Ask them their fave color, their fave music genre, their hobbies, their fears, prod them on sensitive subjects, go wild honestly. Hell you can even just Greet Them TBH

EDIT: FORGOT TO ANSWER THE REST OF THIS UHHH. For WHO is rlly hard cos um. Essentially i get so few that I’d love asks for ALL my trolls at some point. But right now I’d love to be able to use Opal, Kieulo, Geniva, Viserys, Cyrell and Samael’s sprites more. ESPECIALLY the first two. 

#asks #dis-asterism #most of the asks in my inbox are to old ask memes #or are things im saving to DRAW something for #most of my asks in here are actually from 2020 and earlier :'3 i even got one from 2018 in here #when u dont get much you end up happy to get most anything askjhdhdhd #sending asks tho? i LOVE pestering ppls ocs about their interpersonal relationships #like a glimpse into their dynamic and seeing someones oc give love to their friends oc. KINDA LIKE WHAT U SAID IN THE TAGS OF MY POAST TBH #its so fun hearing abt the characters perspective. and its rlly rlly cute to me #its easier than asking other people abt lore things and plot stuff cos uh. i cant keep up w/it #i dont do much plotting myself. my guys are kinda just here #nothing happens until i meet someone willing to play with these guys like dolls cos i HATE the act of writing that isnt like. cooperative #hope this makes sense #this is why i dont pair my own OCs together. its not fun #working with and writing with people is where the joy is stored you see #i got a lil long winded but i hope this helps #TYSM for the ask btw

[iamfabiloz]

ive gone insane i hate animating i only got these six frames done today like a million more to go AAAA

#codysight noises #codysight art #i cant i am on edge i took TWO ANIMATION MAP PARTS thinking it would be a fun cchallenge to animate bc i havent rlly in a while and it #SUCKSS SO BAD I RMEMEBER WHY I HATE ANIMATING #my motivation for anything is so low i feel so apathetic and emotional at the same timidk #pls dont look at the bg i know its gross AUGHH #i need to learn better effects so i can cover up the weirdness #i want to prove to myself that i can animate and that im real bc im convinced that i cant animate and it was all a lie i tell myself im lik #ive animated stuff before i have!! but then my brains like nah that doesnt count #god ive got no recent examples of my work that i like on my yt gross gross #i want to commit to a project sm but i lose motivation almost instantly i dont want to do effort but i do at the same time #sorry for the rant its over now i promise (lie) #this is hawkfrost btw the designs by okamidii on yt #for a map me oka and another person r hosting ive advertised it before somewhere #my neck hurts my postureee AAA #sorry i just feel like complaining in the tags i need to be whiny before i explode #MAN IM STILL RAMBLING OKAY DONENOW #hawkfrost #warrior cats #animation #wip #map part

[patchoulioils]

EXCUSE ME i am officially a PUBLISHED AUTHOR in in academic journal!!!!!!!!!!! 🗣️🗣️

#i cant rlly do anything to celebrate but im proud of myself #so i guess thats enough for now #%