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#so i feel like i'm okay

Jack: Are you sure I’m adopted. Like I know who my parents are, but how does the process work? Because I do see similarities with my mother Kelly, but you two weren’t involved?

Sam: Uh, you are adopted, and I am not giving you the sex talk right now, Cas did help your mother during her pregnancy but was not there to…produce you.

Jack: Hmm, but I look a lot, and I mean a lot like you and Cas.

Sam: What? No. Maybe Cas-

Jack: Sam, I have your eyes, not the color, but the shape as well as your lips well actually I’d say that was a mix of both of you. I got Cas’ eyes color-wise and nose-

Sam: Is this why you’ve been studying our photos?

Jack:

Jack: As I was saying, I think I got more of your face shape, it’s odd that I look very similar to Cas when I seemed to have inherited more prominent traits from you. Maybe it’s the cheekbones. And hair.

Sam: Technically, you didn’t inherit any of them from either of us.

Jack: Hmm. I’m not convinced. 

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HE IS BI!!!!!!!!!

Drawing of a screenshot (of the destiel meet cute kshskw) the lovely @agonyandsweat sent me <3

Okay guys sooo very emotional/personal rant in the tags if you’re curious kahsuwksbsi (I used up all 30 and I’m gonna reblog it with more tags 😂)

#artists on tumblr, #destiel, #deancas, #theysilencedthem, #theysilencedyou, #supernatural, #spn, #bi!dean, #deanwinchester, #rant:, #so randomly some time ago (before 15.18) I was struggling a little and thinking to myself, #about how for some time now I've been questioning my sexuality (wow it feels weird to acknowledge that), #I think I might be bi, #wowowowowow okay just writing that sksksk I'm almost crying fuck, #but I always try to ignore those thoughts I try to rationalize that if I ever kiss a girl I'll think about it, #and it makes sense because like I'm 16 and I've never kissed anyone (wow) so I'm trying to ignore it until I can't, #but I am constantly questioning myself one day I watch something with beautiful actresses and my brain fries because GIRLSSSS WTF U HOT AF, #and the next I just feel I'm faking it for attention (what I see now is funny bc it's been over a year, #maybe more if I count when it was just me considering and not constant questioning and I haven't told a soul), #okay so coming back to what I was randomly thinking: I thought about destiel and what it would mean to me if it became canon, #I cried a bit, #and I made one of those stupid bets I meke with mystery, #so this is me acknowledging it in the tags nobody will read of a post nobody will see idc it means a lot to me anyway, #Dean and Cas are both characters that I love and relate to, #Cas's death was something I expected(not the confession of course) so I took it in stride and rode the high of the confession, #I couldn't even process it (I still can't) but it meant so much to me, #I didn't have many hopes for him to come back nor of a reciprocation, #but I didn't expect dean to die like that, #and I tried to take it on laughing at the bad writing, #spnhellfire
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GENDER FEELS IN THE TAGS, scroll if ya want (but pls respond if you relate or have advice cause I’m lonely and obsessing on this)

#gender is weeeeeeird, #i feel like...not quite a woman but not quite nonbinary, #like i relate to some parts of womanhood and don't mind being read as a woman especially by queer people, #but when this cishets say things like girly or lady I'm like hahahhaa kindly fuck off that feels gross af, #not in a misogynistic way in like a dysphoric way, #and I'm looking back at some past feels I've had and like...yeah that was for sure dysphoria, #but i don't mind she/her pronouns, #i know gender is viewed as binary but the majority of people at least where i live and I'm not gonna be mad if I'm perceived as a woman, #like it's not that that necessarily feels wrong, #it's more like...my gender feels a little more complex and broad, #idk if this makes sense, #it's like i don't feel enough like a girl to call myself cis but i don't feel nonbinary enough to call myself nonbinary, #considering the label nonbinary woman because i feel like that's the closest I'm gonna get?, #idk!!!, #i also don't know if it's even worth sharing that with people irl, #because for me the discomfort is so much more about my internal perception and understanding of myself, #like i spend time with cishet girls and shame myself for not being like them and like...if i could just understand that it's okay, #that would be enough, #anyway please respond with kindness and advice, #i feel very alonr, #and invalid, #feel like i don't fit in with women or enbies because i don't feel valid as either sooooo it's a fun time, #also i am very much a lesbian, #i do know that much at least!!!
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pairing: bang chan x fem!reader
genre: smut, fluff
word count: 1k+
warnings: piv, unprotected sex, cock warming, and an itty bitty bit of overstimulation and dirty talk

this was a request


“have you ever tried counting them?”

you watch chan’s silhouette raise just a bit, the outline of strong, toned arms and back seemingly ascending from the darkness of where your body lies. your head turns back to look at him - body held above yours and smiling down at you. lovingly. it’s always so full of love. it’s just who he is and he can’t help himself. 

“suppose i should try?” you answer, reaching a hand up and gently dabbing fingertips across the speckles that adorned his face.

Keep reading

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alright here’s another little sneek peak from the fic!!

*

“Hello, love. I know I’m a little early, so I can sit over here until our appointment if you’d like me to.” He motions towards the table that they had sat at only a week prior. 

She has to stop herself from blatantly checking him out because he looks absolutely fantastic. His outfit looks like it’s more expensive than anything in her closet, even though he’s only wearing a pair of purple corduroy pants and a cute little lamb sweatshirt. 

“I’m actually not busy right now, so you can come on back if you’d like.” He nods his head as she motions for him to follow her. 

She leads him down the hall and into the first room on the right. There’s a table in the middle of the room with multiple chairs placed haphazardly around it. A supply shelf is in the corner of the room. She tells him to have a seat and she goes over to get some paper and writing tools while he sits down. On her way back over to the table, she grabs her iPad and stylus off the counter that holds all of the drawings that have been done, but not used yet.

“Alright, so I have the design that I came up with after you told me everything that you wanted. I’m going to show it to you and I want you to be completely honest about how you feel about it, okay?” He nods his head and she takes a deep breath, calming her nerves. 

She pulls up the design that she spent hours working on, and turns the tablet around to face him.

His expression is unreadable and she starts to get nervous. He doesn’t make any indication towards loving it or hating it, yet she can’t help but feel like he doesn’t like it. She lets his eyes scan the drawing for a few more moments, scanning through her thoughts to try and think of anything that could be wrong with the piece before speaking up.

“If you hate it, we can always start over.” She tries not to sound too defeated, but she knows that she doesn’t do a great job at hiding it. “We can go over more ideas and-”

“I love it.” He cuts her off and gives her the brightest smile she’s seen from him. 

“What?” For a moment, she thinks that her ears are playing tricks on her. Maybe she wants to hear him say it so bad that she thought he did.

“I love it, Y/N. You did a great job.” She can’t suppress the relieved sigh that makes its way through her lips. She can tell that he hears it by the way that his head lifts slightly so that he can make eye contact with her, but he doesn’t push the issue further. He can only imagine the stress of having someone like what you create, seeing as he most likely has to go through that every time he releases new content. 

“So everything looks good? Or is there maybe something you would like to change?” He takes another look at the screen and then fixes his gaze back on her.

“Love?” He waits until she meets his eyes again. “Nothing could possibly make this better. Nothing.”

She finally lets a smile grace her lips. He doesn’t hate it. He loves it, actually. All the stress she’d worked up slowly dissipates as she sees how genuine he’s being. Suddenly, she’s not sure why she ever had a doubt in her mind that he wouldn’t like it. She should have known from the moment he laid eyes on it that he fell in love with it.

“I’m glad you like it, H.” She doesn’t even think about letting the nickname slip out. Her cheeks immediately heat up when his breath hitches She’s been calling him H in her head for the past few days but she has been so careful to not let it slip. She’s heard others call him that, but those people were closer to him than she is. Chances are that only his close friends and family call him that.

She expects him to shut her down, tell her not to call him that. After a few moments of silence, in which he looks like he’s trying to process what just happened, she stands up and goes to put the iPad back on the counter. “So, we can discuss pricing and appointment dates when-”

“Did you just call me H?” He interrupts, finally looking back into her eyes. There’s something in his stare that she can’t completely comprehend. Her cheeks are burning, the confrontation making her feel like a child getting scolded by their teacher.

*

coming december 12th at 8 pm est

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sal108Text

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#I feel like I'm offending people who realised what garbage I am by continuing to remain alive, #even though my continuous existence keeps proving further and further what garbage I am, #how I'm turning out to be a hypocrite about things I said earlier, #and I could at least prove my self-awareness by ceasing to exist instead of continuing to exist all wrong, #like... even if I somehow recovered or at least improved? that would be so..., #the people who have realised how shit I turned out to be... they would know I should not be improving because I don't get to do that, #so. like. I don't think I could do that. it would feel wrong. I would *know* people can see and know what I'm really like, #I mean. I've tried to improve so many times and it just keeps gwtting bad again., #it juat shows how stupid I am that I haven't realised ywt that trying to be more okay is bad for me, #and I should swallow my pride and understand that I need to discard myself instead, #negativity, #vent, #suicidal ideation, #kinda, #like... I'm not acrually feeling it rn but I feel like for the sake of trying to be decent about this I *should*, #suicide tw, #mental illness, #I suck, #not fandom, #tag rant, #self deprecation, #self deprecation tw, #writing these rants is an embarrassment but not saying anything feels like one too, #like... feels like I need to at least do something to communicate that I am aware of how awful I am., #communicate that I don't have those embarrassing delusions of being worthy of a dignified existence or personhood anymore, #ffffuck I don't know how to exist inside my brain anymore
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me ranting about legacies in the tags again because I just finished it! 

#okay I'm actually really surprised at how much I actually enjoyed this series so far, #like i guess I had such low expectations that it turned out to be pretty good, #it did kinda have too much high school stuff drama stuff and just felt super high school which is one part I didn't like, #but the new i guess story and part they put was actually super interesting and captivating, #like I was here for it and loved the mystery of it especially in season one, #Season two honestly was a little weak for me and with the story, #it just be me but it just felt a little off and all over the place a bit, #but I really enjoyed the addition of alyssa and sabastian, #I really wish they gave us more of seb's story because I thought he was such a good addition to the show like when he came oh my goodness!!, #I was here for it, #I was not here for that josie x landon x hope love triangle though, #I really don't like landon with hope and just want her to be with someone else ahem Raf, #They way that they really missed it in season two, #like Landon and Hope just feel so forced because they literally have all romantic scenes and no them being genuine friends, #With Raf there's so much there that could be done and they actually have moments that are so pure, #and the fact that Raf had a crush on Hope even after they all forgot her, #I was crying omg, #Also what the heck happened to Raf the whole of season two actually, #I was so upset at how little of a part he played I missed him, #I also grew to love Lizze so much like an iconic queen, #I really love how they added mental health and had a school therapist, #I just wish they took it a little more seriously though, #I think they did a bit in season two especially with Lizze but just a tad bit more and less jokes ya feel, #I had a feeling Josie was going to turn evil because of how much she repressed, #MG was ahhhhhhh, #I love his character so much, #literally one of my faves, #he is such a good actor and is so funny, #Kaleb too like gosh I LOVE their scenes, #I have more thoughts but this is already long lol
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yo where are my bitches who haven’t felt a thing since 2014

#well okay heres the thing i have cared about so many things since 2014 but never in a substantial way, #i just feel like the older i get‚ the less vivid i become‚ & i'm just constantly trying to etch myself into my friends' & families' brains, #as someone more alive and more vibrant and colorful that i don't feel i've been for the past 6 years, #and somehow i've managed to completely lose any sense of being i've ever had yaknow because i just started molding myself to people, #and having to be alone for awhile i've realized that without having someone to build myself around or anything really to commit myself to, #i just don't know how to be alive alone without having anyone or anything to completely immerse myself in, #and that's completely my fault also because it's not like those people i used to define myself by abandoned me‚ b/c most of them didn't, #i just have this tendency to love people completely and wholly until one day i just stop and everything about them annoys me, #i'm 97% sure it's a defense mechanism so that i never get attached to anyone long term & i will never be left, #but anyway i haven't formed a longterm and meaningful connection with anyone in over 5 years and that scares the hell outta me so holla!, #i always whine about wanting to be loved but i refuse to let anyone be around for long enough to love me yafeel, #i am the toxic one!, #also as far as things go, #i've never had a passion i've just been walking through the motions the entire time and it scares me because I'm really fucken GOOD at it, #i am a capitalist's dream i'm a goddamn workaholic b/c i don't know how to measure my own value in a way thats not tangeable, #so i build my entire self esteem on meaningless busy work to the point where without it i feel like im worth nothing, #n e way add these to the things i should probably talk to my future therapist about, #shut up itzel
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