#so i got curious and looked at my hospital bracelet from when i had mine bebe

[blouisparadise]

Here are some amazing bottom Louis fics posted or completed during the month of July. We really hope you enjoy this list and that you give these fics a lot of love.

Happy reading!

1) Your Good Time | Explicit | 3070 words

Louis nodded along with what the guy was saying, apparently his arousal taking over his brain to mouth filter as he said, “Who would want to hide a fit bloke like you? That guys an idiot.” Louis scoffed, dramatizing the word ‘idiot’, giving the guy a sly smirk. The guy leaned an arm against the bar, turned his body to Louis and fixed him with a curious look before he held out a hand.

“M’Harry.”

Louis and Harry meet in a bar when Harry's date is an ass. Inspired by Temporary Fix by One Direction.

2) I Push You To The Limits | Explicit | 3846 words

Louis is a brat who likes seeing his boyfriend get jealous and possessive over him.

3) Overkill | Explicit | 4354 words

Louis was never going to get over how fucking attractive Harry was. How glorious his big, tall, curvy body was. The feeling of Harry behind him, hot and heavy, trapped on the tube after they’d been somewhere during rush hour. His thick hands, full of pretty rings sometimes, handing Louis a cup of coffee, then getting one for himself.

4) Too Nervous to be Lovers | Mature | 6445 words

Louis doesn't want to spend quarantine with Harry, his straight roommate, who doesn't even acknowledge his existence.

5) Fratboy In Love | Mature | 6830 words

Harry Styles was a frat boy who loved to sleep around and flirt with boys and girls. Louis was a good uni student who loved to stay in and study and wasn't much of a partier.

Insert his best friend Niall who talks him into going. Louis gets drunk and ends up sleeping with harry. The next day he leaves before Harry wakes and tries to avoid him at all costs. Thinking Harry wouldn't care since Louis was just another conquest. But what if Harry did care. And actually have a crush on Louis. Read and find out

6) My Sunflower | Mature | 7057 words

Louis would rather be sunbathing at the beach with his friends, not slaving his spring break away in his father’s flower shop.

7) Waiting | Explicit | 8023 words

Louis Tomlinson was Harry’s omega, of this Harry had always been sure. Unfortunately for Harry, Louis seemed to think they were just best friends. The six weeks that Harry has to live with Louis were going to be rough.

8) Shine Light Upon Your Ground | Explicit | 8506 words

Note: The fic pairing is Louis/H, which the reader can picture as Harry or Henry Cavill.

Louis sighs again and fiddles with the bracelet on his wrist, twisting the charms around and petting the fake diamonds.

“How much for a night?” A deep voice suddenly asks him. The man who approaches him is already pulling out his wallet and flicking through a bundle of bills. Louis, who had been sitting at the bar completely innocent and minding his own business, lets out an offended, strangled sound.

“Excuse me?” He demands, straightening up in his seat. The hem of his dress creeps further up his thigh but he pays it no mind.

9) Glistening Under The Sun (You're My Honey Soaked Love) | Mature | 8996 words

“Oh Petal,” he picks her up nuzzling the top of her head with his cheek as she nibbles on the lavender, “How lucky are we? I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy, the only thing we have to be sad about is that soon I won’t be able to hold you like this,”

10) Connected To The Heart | Explicit | 9059 words

Note: This is an coda scene for this fic.

“Your stage cue is way too close for you to be wearing that look you’re wearing,” Louis informs him. He can’t stop himself from looking up at Harry through his eyelashes, the silk of Harry’s dress shirt brushing against the backs of his knuckles.

“Twenty minutes,” Harry agrees. His breath is minty from the gum he was chewing earlier, fresh and warm. “Twenty minutes can be a long time, baby.”

This time, Louis has to force himself to roll his eyes. “Not nearly long enough for the way you always want to fuck me.”

11) Fuck U Betta | Explicit | 11438 words

There’s something about having Louis like this, exposed and desperate, that makes a primal urge bubble up from deep inside Harry’s chest. Desire mixed with something else, something unquantifiable. It’s the thing that makes them want this, need this. Nothing else will satisfy them or quench their thirst.

OR the one where Harry likes the thrill of the chase, Louis likes to be chased, and everyone gets what they need… in the end.

12) Kiss Me In Your Chevrolet | Explicit | 11569 words

"Yes, Lou?" Harry asked, rubbing his tired eyes. A gust of wind came through the open windows, sending chills down Harry's arms as a light rain began falling outside. He closed his eyes again and let his head fall back to the couch arm rest.

"Can we go there?" Louis asked, probably pointing somewhere. Harry opened his eyes and felt his heart jump in his chest, a magazine page a couple of inches away from his face. Startled, Harry closed his eyes and breathed heavily, trying to collect himself.

Harry blinked a few times to focus his eyes on the page Louis still held in front of his nose. "You want to go to the Grand Canyon?" He furrowed his eyebrows, tilting his head to the left to look at Louis' face.

13) Pull The Trigger | Explicit | 12007 words

Note: This fic is a sequel to this fic, which is #16 on this list.

Louis has never been alright with killing. Will that change when he learns what it's like to be the one holding the gun?

14) Open All Night | Explicit | 12537 words

It’s six in the morning when Harry finally makes it back home.

Harry's a bartender, Louis' got a nice ass and a shit taste in men. They make it work.

15) Among Other Things | Explicit | 16073 words

“Harry, it’s 7:45, oh my god, my class starts at 8:15,” and Louis wants to cry. Harry’s busy under the bed trying to find the tiny silver key but Louis knows that fate just hates him and he needs to find a way to get up. “Harry, I—fuck,” Louis whines. Harry stands up in a rush.

“I can’t seem to find them. It. The key.”

Or, Louis’ the teacher of Harry Styles’ daughter. Their paths shouldn’t cross like this. This meaning Louis showing up to school handcuffed to a headboard.

16) A Bullet And It's Gun | Explicit | 18156 words

Note: The sequel to this fic is #13 on this list. 

Louis’ parents arrange his marriage with Harry. He’s fully ready to accept that he’s going to be a sad and lonely person for the rest of his life. But then Harry starts proving himself as more than just an asocial man with money.

17) By Such Slight Ligaments | Explicit | 26764 words

Note: The fic pairing is Louis/Henry Cavill.

A late night visit to a patient sets off a series of events that will turn Louis' world upside down.

... Here there be monsters.

18) At Your Fingertips | Explicit | 27384 words

He finds himself wrapped up in sheets in bed on Thursday night, staring at the familiar name on a new story that was posted the night before.

His fingers twitch, ready to hit play and surrender to his impulses, saving the regret and turmoil for later.

And still he hesitates, internally praying that he’ll somehow gain the strength to exit out within the next few moments before he inevitably loses his patience and hits the button.

Three…

Two…

One.

Play.

19) Forgot My Roots Now Watch Me Bloom | Explicit | 28334 words

Lonely transit worker Louis pulls his longtime crush, Peter, from the path of an oncoming train. At the hospital, doctors report that he's in a coma, and a misplaced comment from Louis causes Peter's family to assume that he is his fiancée. When Louis doesn't correct them, they take him into their home and confidence. Things get even more complicated when he finds himself falling for Peter's brother, Harry. Loosely based on the movie "While You Were Sleeping".

20) Push You Out, Pull You Back In | Explicit | 31544 words

Harry hates feeling vulnerable. Louis is set on breaking through his tough facade.

21) Baby Blue | Explicit | 39439 words

Harry Styles takes his time coming out to greet them. Louis only knows what he’s seen on file and what he’s heard them talking about, but he fully lives up to the image he had inside of his head.

He saunters down the front steps of the farmhouse in his Levi’s, brown snakeskin boots curving out from underneath the denim Louis’ sure he had specially made. He’s got on a plaid button-down tucked into the jeans because of course he does, curls spilling out from either side of his cowboy hat around his sunglasses and country-tan skin.

“Harry Styles,” he drawls, extending a hand to Louis’ manager, “Pleased to meet ya’ll.”

22) Lidocaine And Palm Trees | Explicit | 44653 words

Heat, fake tans and lots of traffic.

Harry never expected to earn his living this way when he moved to LA.

Louis didn't think he could ever be the same after his divorce.

A lighthearted story about two guys trying to find themselves in the vibrant, sprawling city of Los Angeles, with a side of technical porn industry stuff.

23) Sleeping On Our Problems | Explicit | 67369 words

Louis sleeps with Harry and they have more than just catching feelings to worry about.

24) Truth Would Be | Explicit | 91869 words

“You want me? I’m not a… a thing to be owned!” Louis stuttered, still very angry and confused.

“Hmmm…” The alpha tapped his lips as if he was contemplating something. “Last time I checked, the debt was paid off and the only thing I had asked in return was… you. So technically I do own you.”

“You are crazy…” Louis muttered as he began to back towards the door. Harry’s impossibly green eyes turned a shade darker, but his tone was still teasing and light when he said, “Maybe I am…”

The I-paid-off-all-your-debt-so-you-are-mine AU in which Omega Louis wants to be left alone by Alpha Harry but it's super complicated when he starts to not hate the alpha all that much.

25) Collision | Not Rated | 224594 words

Note: This fic was finished in 2018, but two new epilogue chapters have been added.

Mythology/Fairytale!AU in which Louis is a dainty fairy with a temper who wants to be intimidating and Harry hurts people. Naturally, they hate each other.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

You can find other monthly roundup fic rec lists here.

#bottom louis #top harry #blp fic recs #monthly fic recs #fic recs #blp #larry

[betweensceneswriter]

Island Hopper-Chapter 27: So Long, Farewell

Claire & Jamie head home, but unexpected surprises await them.

Previously on Island Hopper:

Chapter 26: Forgive me, Father… Jamie’s got a lot of built up bitterness toward his father.

ISLAND HOPPER (Jimjeran Book 2) Table of Contents

ISLAND FEVER (Jimjeran Book 1) Table of Contents

     Jamie reached down to give my mom a hug.  With her arms around his neck she kissed him on the cheek.

“I really do love you, Mister Jamie,” she said.  “Your mama would be so proud of you.”

The look on his face was precious—an affectionate smile and a flush of pride.

“Thanks for opening up your home to us,” he beamed, with an extra squeeze and a slight lift that made Mom laugh outright when he put her down, her face flushing as well.

“You’re welcome to visit anytime, son,” my dad said, reaching his hand out to shake Jamie’s.  He was more reserved than my mom but I could see his eyes twinkle as he put his arm around Jamie’s shoulders before we continued to make our farewells.

“I’m not sure I’m ready to let you go, man,” Seth said, putting out his hand to shake Jamie’s and then pulling him into a hug.  “Who is going to pace me on my morning jogs?”

“Ye just need to find a reason to do your final film project out on Arno,” Jamie told him after pounding him on the back affectionately. “Then it willna be as long before we get to jog together again.”

“You look out for my sister,” Shelly ordered Jamie as she hugged me.  “After what we’ve been studying in my global climate class, I’m worried about this upcoming storm season.”

We were waiting in the TSA line when John and Joe came rushing down the hall.  I did a double take when I realized John didn’t have a bit of luggage with him.

At Jamie’s curious shrug and the question in his eyes, John blushed.

“I changed my flight,” he explained.  “I was going to be flying back today, but I… we…” He glanced over at Joe.

“What the…?” I blurted out, looking from John to Joe and then back again. I’m sure my confusion was written all over my face, but so were my matchmaking suspicions.

Joe put his hand affectionately on John’s shoulder and raised an eyebrow at me. “You can stop grinning, Claire,” he ordered me.  “I know you’re jumping around on the inside.”

“Are you kidding me?” I exclaimed, grabbing Joe by the waist and squeezing him, looking up into his face to see his dark eyes twinkling down at me.  He hugged me back, and as I looked over at John's shy smile I whispered to Joe, “This is one of the good ones, Joegie.”

“Do the two of you want to stay with us?” my mom piped up.  “It would save you the cost of a hotel, and with Jamie and Claire leaving, there’s a room free in our house.”

“Thanks, Robin,” Joe responded.  “But this—” he said, meeting John’s eyes, “is so new, that might be awkward.”

“Well, at least come for dinner tonight,” she insisted.  “I’m going to be going through kid withdrawals by then.”

My eyes were pricking with tears and I found myself hugging my mom gratefully.  I knew that many of their Christian friends and colleagues were not as open minded, but my dad’s background in counseling had convicted them several years back that bigotry and judgment had no place in a loving life.

When I let go of my mom, I met Jamie’s eyes.  We were almost at the front of the line, our family members having traveled with us through the weaving queue leading up to the security check-in.

“I've made a decision,” Jamie declared, as we pulled the cart carrying our backpacks forward a few more steps.  I looked up at him curiously.  “I think I’ll just stay here,” he said brightly.  “I’ve bonded with your family, Claire, and I dinna want to travel on the Island Hopper again.  It makes me queasy just to think of it.”

“Jamie, honey,” my mom said reassuringly, patting his arm.  “You’ve got those copper pressure point bracelets I got for you, and you’ve taken your motion sickness medicine.  When you get on the plane, take the antihistamine Claire has for you and you’ll fall asleep.  You’ll be boring company for Claire, but you won’t feel nearly as sick.”

Jamie grinned down at my mom and put his arm around her.  “Thanks, Robin,” he said.  “I canna thank ye enough for looking out for me.”

“I’m a momma,” she said.  “And you’re one of my kids now, too.”

There was a lump in my throat as Jamie and I put our backpacks on the conveyor belt and stopped at the bench to take off our shoes.  I turned back one last time as we left the security area to go to our gate, and saw six familiar faces gazing at us, six arms waving furiously until we couldn’t see them anymore.

Jamie stopped me as we rounded the corner.  I had let out a little sob, and he dropped his backpack and took me in his arms.

“It hurts to say goodbye,” he whispered, his head bending close to mine.  “But how blessed we are to have your family so close.”

I nodded and took his hand as we headed toward home.

The text on my phone was as abrupt as the man himself. When does your plane arrive?

I shook my head in confusion, typing “7:17 pm” and hitting send.

Next to me, Jamie gave a soft snort, shifted in his seat, and then returned to the even breathing of sleep.

I will meet you then, came the reply.

Thanks, I responded.

You should stay with us tonight.

That would be nice.  Thanks.

The Iroij and I have a request. Let’s talk when you get here.

Dougal’s final response left me disquieted.

Dougal and the Iroij? What could they want, and why the need to prepare us for it?

I had been fretting about Dougal's announcement for nearly an hour when a deep breath and expansive stretch from Jamie next to me announced that the antihistamine effects might be wearing off.  He nuzzled my neck and then took my hand in his, drawing it into his lap.

“Jamie!” I whispered, “We are in an airplane, you goober.  There are people around!”

“Ifrinn, that is a shame,” came his slow good-humored reply.  With one final motion that brought me in lingering contact with his wake up show-and-tell, he released my hand and kissed me on the shoulder.

“Perhaps later,” he murmured.

“At Dougal's house?” I asked dubiously, handing him my phone.

He read over the messages, his forehead furrowing as he blinked the sleep from his eyes.

“What could they possibly want from us?” Jamie mused, yawning as he handed the phone back to me.

What indeed? I wondered, looking out the window at the never-ending landscape of blue ocean and the occasional cloud. I had to satisfy myself with the reassurance that we would find out soon enough.

“How were your travels?” Dougal asked once he had helped us load our things into the trunk of his car and he had turned down Lagoon Drive leaving the airport. The sun had set and all we could see was faint pink in the west over the lights of Delap.

“Remarkably good,” Jamie responded with a deep sigh, stretching his legs out and sinking into the front seat.  “Even spending today on the Island Hopper, I dinna feel horrible, though I do feel stiff and sore.  Dinna think I got off the plane once.”  He glanced over his shoulder at me in the back seat.  “As for Guam, the whole trip was brilliant.  Claire’s family was so welcoming I already love them.” Before turning back to face Dougal, he winked at me.

“Any other news?” Dougal asked, unaware of the shade thrown his way.

“Well, my da called me,” Jamie mentioned off-handedly.

“He did, then,” Dougal responded gravely. “He had called to get your information and I gave him Claire’s phone number.  How are ye, lad?”

“Not sure… Still in a state of shock, I guess, though I should probably call him before we leave Majuro,” Jamie replied.

Dougal didn’t ask any more questions, and Jamie didn’t offer any more information the few remaining minutes until we reached the MacKenzie home.

“The Iroij and I would like the two of you to take Perkaj home,” was Dougal’s request.  He had restrained himself until supper, once we were sitting in chairs around the dining table with him and Revka and Moneo.

I shared a confused glance with Jamie. How was that a request that needed much consideration?  “Well, of course we can take him back to Arno,” I responded.

“I dinna believe you grasp my meaning,” Dougal said, leaning forward. “We need you to take him back to Arno and keep him in your home for a time.”

“What about Maria?” I asked, confused.

“Aye, what about his auntie?” Jamie chimed in.

“She stayed for a week but then left,” Dougal explained, “convinced that the task was beyond her.  She isn’t prepared to monitor his blood sugars and take charge of his diabetic care.”

“And his parents?” I asked.  I glanced over at Jamie, whose brow was furrowed in thought.

“With several younger children in the home, I don't think his parents can be expected to take it on either,” Dougal reasoned. “But the Iroij and I feel like it would be cruel to put him in medical foster care here on Majuro, so far from his home.”

“No, that wouldna be right,” said Jamie, shaking his head. He reached over and put his hand on my knee.

“I agree,” said Dougal.  “So we would like the two of you to consider accepting this responsibility.  To have him come live with you for a time.”  He paused to let the concept sink in.  “We honestly can't imagine a better environment.  You with your medical background, Claire.  And you, Jamie, a teacher—close to him all day so you can monitor his blood sugars during school and coach him on eating and giving himself insulin.  The both of you will be there to help him through the night and in the morning.”

“But willna he miss his family?” Jamie asked.  “It may confuse him for them to just be down the lane.”

Dougal nodded briefly. “Mr. Timisen and I were thinking his life should be as normal as possible.  We would like him to eat a meal with his family each day and play with friends in the afternoon.  But until they are confident he is in a situation with the support to keep his blood sugar level, the hospital won’t even release him to let him return home.”

“Aye.” Jamie answered with conviction when Dougal finally paused in his reasons. “Of course we will help the wee laddie.”

I was still taking it in, thinking about the challenges of bringing a seven-year-old into our home.

I glanced over at Jamie to see if I could catch his eye—to see if I could signal to him that perhaps we should talk first.

Instead I saw him lean back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest, on his face a wry smile.

“Am I to understand, Uncle,” he mused, “that as a married couple, Claire and I are actually better suited to be of benefit to the islanders on Arno than we were unmarried?”

Dougal’s generally gruff countenance softened at his nephew’s teasing comment.

“Aye, son, you’ve proven your point,” he said, shaking his head with a grin.  “And I said as much to Claire on our field ship voyage—that I was wrong to judge her effectiveness based on the actions of one night, and that I truly see now what an impact she is having.”

“As I said, of course we will be happy to take Perkaj home wi’ us,” Jamie repeated, smiling over at me proudly.

By that point both men were looking at me in expectation. What other choice was there? We were there for the sake of the islanders, not our own selfish impulses.

“So,” I said brightly.  “What do we need to do to get ready for a temporary son?”

Perkaj looked so small in the hospital bed. He'd always been a cheerful student and joker, his chubby face often in a smile.  Now he looked shrunken and serious as the endocrinologist showed us the tester, the insulin pen, and the syringe for long-acting insulin.

I had done an endocrinology rotation in nursing school.  Despite this, the prospect of learning to be a human pancreas was daunting. I held back, but Jamie instantly sat down by the boy, taking his hand in his and talking to him in Marshallese.  Perkaj answered his questions in a small voice, and Jamie kept up a constant stream of conversation until the doctor was ready to continue.

“Go ahead and speak to him in Majel,” Jamie directed the doctor.  “I’ll translate for Claire.”

I appreciated how Dr Langenbelik also sat down at Perkaj’s level to show him the insulin pen as he told us they’d already administered his long-acting insulin for the day, the dose given each morning to provide a baseline level of insulin in the bloodstream for the day.  As we were talking, a breakfast tray arrived from the cafeteria.  On it was a range of island menu staples—a small bowl of rice, a piece of grilled fish, some baked breadfruit, sliced papaya, and two white flour pancakes.

“Knowing how much insulin to take with each meal is very important,” the doctor was telling Perkaj.  “You need to get good at counting your carbs.”

The doctor cupped his hand and held it up in front of Perkaj.

“That’s about a half cup,” Jamie translated in a whispered aside, “That is the size of a serving of food.”  He stopped and listened as the doctor explained while pointing to the items on the tray, then turned back to interpret for me.  “A half cup of anything sweet or starchy—rice or pancakes, fruit or breadfruit—takes one unit of insulin to enter the cells of the body.  With each meal Perkaj eats, he needs to figure out how many servings he is eating, and then he will give himself the short-acting insulin.”

“Or we can help him until he is ready to do it,” I suggested.

“Before eating anything, ledrik,” the doctor said to Perkaj, who was eyeing the food hungrily, “You need to test your blood sugar.  If you are high, you need to add an extra ____ units for each ____ points too high.  If you are too low, you need to adjust the insulin down slightly.”

Perkaj leaned back, deflated.

“Dinna worry, Perkaj,” Jamie encouraged.  “It shouldn’t take long.”

“It’s time,” the doctor said to us.  “I’m going to step back and observe as you help Perkaj with this meal.”

Jamie and I exchanged wide-eyed glances, then nodded at each other to fortify our confidence.

“Ready?” Jamie asked the young boy.  Perkaj nodded his head, sitting back up and looking eagerly at the food.  “First we should have you test your blood sugar.  Can you do that?”

With one false start and wincing as he did it, Perkaj was able to poke his fingertip with the lancet to get his blood sugar reading.  It was right on target, so as the boy looked over his plate, Jamie coached him to count the carbohydrate servings, which Perkaj adorably did by counting on his fingers.

“Enana keine” he said, making a face after a tiny taste of pancake.  “I eat the kappokpok, the keinabbu, the feesh, and the rice.  That is tree carbs.  No carb for feesh.” He looked around the tray curiously, questioning, “Is there salt? Or soy sauce?”

Once Perkaj had decided what he was hungry for, it was time to administer the short-acting insulin.  Jamie tried to hand the pen off to me, but I forced it back into his palm.  “You need to do it,” I insisted at his surprise.  “I know how to give injections. You’re the one who needs practice!”  He conceded with wide eyes and a reluctant sigh.

I coached Jamie with the insulin pen, watching as he turned the end of the cylinder until it clicked three times, one for each carb serving—the rice, the breadfruit, and the papaya.

“But I don’t want to hurt him,” Jamie objected when I pulled up Perkaj’s sleeve and exposed the back of his arm where Jamie was to give him the injection.

“Is okay, Meester Shamie,” Perkaj said reassuringly, bravely squaring his jaw as Jamie did the same, looking away as Jamie firmly jabbed the needle into the boy’s arm and pressed the plunger to dispense the insulin units into his bloodstream.

Jamie shuddered when it was done, murmuring “Jolok bod,” to Perkaj.

“Echelok bod, Meester Shamie,” Perkaj said cheerily.  “You did bery good. Emetak only jiddik.”

Dr. Langenbelik approached, a smile on his face.  “Excellent,” he said.  “Now eat your breakfast, Perkaj—we want to make sure there are carbohydrates in your body when the insulin is in your bloodstream.”

Perkaj seemed hungry and grateful to get food in his system again.  As he ate, the doctor turned and talked to the two of us quietly.

“Our goal is to get Perkaj trained to take on his diabetic care himself.  Until he does, though, I am grateful that the two of you are willing to take on the responsibility.  Not every young person diagnosed with type 1 has family members who feel ready to help them get through the learning process.”

“I don’t feel ready,” Jamie said to the doctor.  “But I dinna think we have much choice.”

We took shifts staying with Perkaj during the twenty-four hours before the Jolok boat was to take us home.  I stayed with him while Jamie went to the hardware store to buy the last of the things he needed for the solar still and storm-proofing our house.  I had taken one of Revka’s books with me and spent several hours reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone to Perkaj.

Jamie arrived, giving me a quick hug before going right to Perkaj’s bedside.  He picked up where I left off with the book while I went to do our grocery shopping for fresh produce and dry goods for the next few weeks.

“Our blood sugar is right on target!” Jamie announced when I returned to the hospital in the late afternoon after dropping off the food boxes at Dougal’s house.  He showed me the little notebook where they had marked down Perkaj’s pre-meal blood sugar level, the amount of insulin, the number of servings he had eaten, and then the mid-afternoon blood sugar level.

Perkaj seemed to be tired by then, but Jamie continued to sit by his bed holding his hand as the boy’s eyes repeatedly blinked and then closed.

I stood behind Jamie, massaging his shoulders as I watched the little boy sleeping.

“Not exactly what you pictured as your first child, is he?” Jamie whispered, rolling his head back and forth and groaning as I hit tight muscles.

“A little bigger than I expected,” I joked, smiling as Jamie grabbed my hand and kissed it.

“Are you okay with this?” Jamie asked, turning to look up at me. “I'm the one who deals with kids most of the time. You want a baby, but our baby.  This is different, to be sure.”

“I’m terrified, honestly,” I responded, leaning forward and putting my arms around Jamie’s shoulders, my cheek against his as we both stared at Perkaj.  “I know we’re capable, but this is such a responsibility.”

I could feel a lump growing in my throat and I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself.  “And I was so looking forward to being alone again.”

Jamie chuckled and brought his hands up to rest on my arms. “That day will come.”  He pressed his cheek against mine as he looked at the little dark-haired form in front of us.  “This will just be a season, like your da said.”  He took a breath and then began hesitantly.  “Now, I was thinking Perkaj will do better if he doesna wake up all alone.  Can I stay here wi’ him tonight?”

“Of course,” I responded.

“So do you want to stay here wi’ us, or go to Dougal’s house?”

“Dougal will need their car in the morning,” I said with a sigh, looking at the narrow guest couch edging the window. “And all our groceries are there at their house.  I’ll need to pack them up before we come to pick Perkaj up for the ride on the Jolok boat.”

“I’ll see you in the morning, then?” he asked.  As he stood and took me in his arms I closed my eyes, breathing in his familiar scent, listening to the reassuring thump of his heart.

“Yes,” I sighed.  Then I reached up, pulled his face down to mine and kissed him thoroughly.

He chuckled.  “Trying to make me regret my choice?”

“No,” I answered.  “I just love you.”

When I left the room I looked back—pausing just to watch Jamie sitting in the chair next to the bed, leaning his arms on the railing and looking down at the dark-haired form covered by a thin blue blanket.

On to Chapter 28: Just Add Water

Certain things are instant.  Not usually sons.

#Jimjeran #BetweenScenes #Outlander fanfic #Claire x Jamie #Carlie x Campbell #Island Hopper #Book Two #Meet Perkaj (Fergus)

[hotforharrington]

Strangely Complicated (Pt. 5)

If you haven’t read the first 4 parts, here is the Season 1 Masterlist!

—

Setting: S2•E1 [MADMAX]

Warnings: swearing

Notes: I’m so excited to start season 2!! Bringing Billy in is going to spice things up ;) enjoy you guys!!

—

It was that time of year again. The leaves changed from green to variations of orange, red, and yellow. The air was cool and Halloween was nearly upon us.

The fall season meant that it had been nearly a year since Will Byers went missing. Nearly a year since me, Jonathan, Nancy, and Steve fought an otherworldly creature. Nearly a year since Steve kissed me outside the hospital.

But that exciting time of my life was now only a vivid memory. I figured the thrilling moments of my life were now just a part of my past, and that I should accept my normal reality. But that all changed in the fall of 1984.

I began the dreaded school day sitting on the hood of my car, my favorite novel in my hands. Jonathan had left only moments ago to head inside, but I was lingering. I couldn’t stay focused on my book and I didn’t mean to stare, but I noticed Nancy and Steve kissing in his car just a few yards away from me. It made my heart ache.

I fiddled with the pearl bracelet that Steve had given me last Christmas- a soothing technique I had acquired over the last several months. I locked my eyes at the ground, hoping they wouldn’t notice that I had been staring.

Just then, I heard a loud car engine coming up behind me. I turned my head to see a blue Camaro pull into the parking spot next to mine.

I didn’t recognize the car, so I figured it was someone new. The driver’s door opened and a boy with curly dirty blonde hair, who I assumed was about my age, stood next to his car. He had a cigarette between his fingers and took a quick drag before scanning the area around him. He was extremely attractive, and the looks of him made my heart swell in a way it hadn’t since Steve and I had our little affair.

Everything about him screamed ‘cliche bad boy’, and that honestly made him a bit more intriguing.

Meanwhile, a redhead girl got out of the vehicle and rode away towards the middle school on her skateboard. I assumed she must be his sister.

I didn’t want to be like all the other dimwit girls in my school, gawking at the new guy, so I redirected my focus on the book that was in my hands.

I could tell the mysterious boy was staring at me, but I refused to lock eyes with him. My eyes stayed glued to the page, although I wasn’t actually reading the words, until he walked away.

As he turned away from me, he flicked his cigarette and strutted towards the building. I couldn’t help but bite my lip and stare at how nicely his ass fit into his tight jeans.

I shook myself out of the daze and packed up my things to head inside.

—

Nancy, Jonathan, and I were walking out of our classroom as Tina handed out some orange flyers.

“Thanks!” Nancy said to her before turning back, “Could I get two more?”

Tina handed her two more of the flyers.

Nancy skipped towards us and handed us each one of the papers.

“You guys are coming to this.” She said.

“‘Come and get sheet faced’” Jonathan read off the page.

“No we’re not.” I said with a chuckle.

“I can’t let you two sit all alone on Halloween. That’s just not acceptable.”

“Well you can relax. We’re not going to be alone.” I said to her.

“We’re taking Will trick-or-treating.” Jonathan explained.

“All night?” Nancy asked.

“Yeah.” Jonathan said.

“No, no way. You’re gonna be home by 8:00... listening to the Talking Heads and reading Vonnegut or something... and (Y/N)’s going to be reading that same book she always does.” She said, gesturing to the book in my hands.

Jonathan and I looked at each other and shrugged, “Sounds like a nice night.” We said in unison.

“Guys... just come! I mean, who knows, you guys might even, like, meet someone.” Nancy said before Steve swooped around the corner and lifted her around by her waist.

She hit him playfully, “Oh my god! Take those stupid things off.” She said referring to his sunglasses.

“I missed you.” Steve said to her.

“It’s been like an hour.”

“Tell me about it.” Steve said before pulling her into a kiss.

It made me sick to my stomach. Jonathan and I stood there awkwardly for awhile before moving along down the hall.

“God I’m so sick of those two.” I said to him.

“Tell me about it.” Jonathan replied. “She’s so dumb for wanting to be with that Harrington guy.”

“Hey, it’s not the Harrington guy that’s the problem.” I said defensively.

“Oh, don’t tell me you’re still into him.” Jonathan said, annoyed.

“Trust me, I don’t want to be. Besides, it doesn’t matter. He’s too obsessed with your ‘Little Miss Perfect’.” I sighed before continuing, “C’mon Jon, let’s just stop with this... “

He agreed and the two of us continued on to our next class.

—

At the end of the day, I walked outside to meet Jonathan and Will at my car. I had my book in my hand and gazed off to one side, my eyes locked on Steve who was getting to his car. Then, Nancy showed up.

Barf I thought to myself right before bumping into a firm body.

I dropped my book on the ground and before I could bend to pick it up, the person in front of me grabbed it off the concrete and handed it back to me.

“Thank you.” I said in a sweet voice, before looking up to lock eyes with a pair of sparkling blue ones.

A sly smile swept across the face of my new parking spot neighbor. “No problem. I’m Billy. Billy Hargrove.” He said, grabbing my dainty hand to shake it. “You got a name?”

“Um, I’m (Y/N).” I replied.

“Nice to meet you, (Y/N). Hopefully we’ll get to see more of each other.” He winked before walking off to his Camaro.

—

Like most every evening, I spent my time at the Byers house with Will and Jonathan.

Jonathan and I stood outside Will’s bedroom and Jonathan gave the door a few knocks before going in.

“Hey bud. I didn’t know what you’d like so I got a variety.” Jon said to his younger brother, showing off the videos in his hand, “Take your pick.”

“Whatever you guys want.” Will said to us.

“All right...” Jonathan said before the both of us moved to sit on his bed.

“Whatcha workin’ on, little man?” I asked Will, noticing his drawing, “Zombie boy? Who’s Zombie Boy?”

“Me.” Will said meekly.

“Did someone call you that?” Jonathan asked him. There was no response, so Jonathan continued, “Hey, you can talk to us, you know that, right? Whatever happened.”

I playfully nudged him and said, “Will, c’mon, talk to us!”

“Stop treating me like that.” Will said looking from me to his brother.

“What? Like what?” I asked him.

“Like everyone else. Like there’s something wrong with me.”

“What are you talking about?” Jonathan questioned him.

“Mom. Dustin. Lucas. Everyone! They all treat me like I’m gonna break. Like I’m a baby. Like I can’t handle things on my own. It doesn’t help. It just makes me feel like more of a freak.”

“You’re not a freak!” I said, resting my hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah, I am. I am.” He said looking at me, then looking back down at his drawing.

“You know what? You’re right.” Jonathan said.

I was confused but curious to see where he was going with this.

“You are a freak.” He stated.

“What?” Will said.

“No, I’m serious. You’re a freak. But what? Do you wanna be normal? Do you wanna be just like everyone else? Being a freak is the best. I’m a freak. And (Y/N) is a freak, too.”

“Is that why you guys are each other’s only friends?”

“We have other friends, Will.” Jonathan said with an airy laugh.

“Then why are you guys always hanging out with me?”

“Because you’re our best friend.” I chimed in, “And we would rather be best friends with Zombie Boy than with a boring nobody. You know what I mean?”

“Look... who would you rather be friends with? Bowie or Kenny Rogers?” Jonathan asked.

“Ugh.” Will said, displaying a look of disgust on his face.

“Exactly. It’s no contest. The thing is, nobody normal ever accomplished anything meaningful in this world. You got it?” Jonathan said to his little brother.

“Well...” Will started, “Some people like Kenny Rogers.”

“Kenny Rogers?” We heard Bob’s voice from the hallway. “I love Kenny Rogers!”

The three of us chuckled, causing Bob to ask, “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing.” Will said.

Bob examined the movies sitting on the bookshelf, grabbing one from the stack. “Mr. Mom! Woo! Perfect!”

The three of us died in laughter on Will’s bed after Bob left the room.

—

Not wanting to get stuck watching Mr. Mom while Bob laughed at every little thing, I decided to head home for the night.

As I drove in the darkness, I bopped along to What’s Love Got To Do With It by Tina Turner as it played on the radio.

I was a few miles from my house when I heard a loud pop come from one of my tires.

Great. I thought to myself.

I pulled to the side of the road to hear a loud hissing noise coming from the front tire. No one had ever thought to teach me how to change a tire, so I decided to walk on home.

I’ll just have to call Jonathan to pick me up in the morning and help me change the tire another time. I thought to myself.

I was casually strolling and enjoying the crisp night air when it began to lightly rain.

Of course. I thought to myself as I rolled my eyes.

A few moments later, the sound of a loud car engine came up behind me. The car’s distinct revving sound was familiar, but I couldn’t quite place it.

That was until the blue Camaro pulled up beside me. The passenger window rolled down and I looked over to see none other than Billy Hargrove in the driver’s seat.

“Need a lift?” He asked me.

I kept moving forward and said, “No thanks. I’m not trying to owe you some sort of favor.”

His car rolled along side of me, “C’mon, I hear standing in the rain will give you a cold. Just get in, no favor required.”

I hesitated, but decided I would rather take my chances with Hawkins’ new bad boy than walk the rest of the way home in the rain. I opened the passenger side door of the car and slid into the seat.

He asked, “Where to?” And I gave him directions to my house.

The car ride was awkwardly silent until Billy spoke up and said, “So are you and that Byers kid a thing?”

I rolled my eyes, “What’s it matter to you?”

“Just curious.” He answered with a smirk.

“If you must know, Jonathan might as well be my brother. And if you try anything, he’ll kick your ass. Should’ve seen what he did to Harrington last year.” I softly chuckled at the memory of seeing Jon beat Steve’s face in as I ran from the cops.

“That Byers kid beat up Steve Harrington?” He asked, in shock.

I nodded and noticed we were pulling up to my house.

“Well, either Byers is less of pussy than I thought, or Harrington is more of a sissy than I realized.” Billy said as he put the car in park.

I glared at him while saying, “Okay, if you’re going to talk shit about the two of the most important guys in my life, I’m gonna go.”

Billy looked at me in confusion, “Harrington’s important to you, too? I thought he was with that Nancy girl.”

I gulped before saying, “Well he is...” I looked down at my hands that sat in my lap, fiddling with my bracelet once again. “But we’re just friends, that’s all.”

“Oh, I see.” Billy said with a sudden realization, “You’re hung up on him while he’s in love with someone else.”

“Shut up, Billy. You don’t even know what you’re talking about. You’ve been in town for like one full day and you think you have everyone figured out.” I replied sharply.

“I don’t see you denying it.” He said.

I scoffed and gathered my things before getting out of the Camaro.

“Bye, Billy. I’ll hopefully not be seeing you around anytime soon.” I said before getting out and slamming the car door shut.

He rolled town the window and shouted, “See you tomorrow, angel!” He winked at me before speeding off down the road.

Who does he think he is?! I thought.

As my eyes followed the car down the street, I was caught off guard to see Steve, who was leaving Nancy’s, staring in my direction.

It felt as though time stopped when our eyes were locked. Then, he seemed to shake himself out of the trance and get in his car to leave.

I was curious if he recognized the vehicle or heard the words Billy shouted just a moment ago, but I decided to brush it off. I’d had enough bullshit for one day, so I decided to head inside, get some dry clothes on, and relax.

—

Part 6

—

Tags: @hargroveshoe @strangerliaa @maggiesblogsblog

#stranger things #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things imagines #stranger things imagine #stranger things preferences #stranger things x reader #stranger things x you #steve harrington #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington imagines #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x reader #billy hargrove #billy hargrove fanfic #billy hargrove fanfiction #billy hargrove x you #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove imagines #billy hargrove imagine #jonathan byers #nancy wheeler #dacre montgomery #joe keery #charlie heaton

[softboywriting]

Heal Me // Doctor!Shawn (A Soulmate AU) Part 6

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five

Waking up in the ER with Shawn standing next to you, arms crossed, staring intently at your vitals monitor was not what you hoped to wake up to. You hoped to somehow wake up back at home with Shawn and have this all be over with. But it wasn’t over. Not quite yet. “Shawn?” you ask sleepily, reaching for his shirt.

“Hey,” he grins big, hand going to yours and squeezing. “How’re you feeling? Any pain?”

“I feel better than I did,” you chuckle. “How’d everything go? Do I get to keep my leg?”

Shawn laughs and shakes his head at you. “You’re going to be fine. Matt drained the infection and you’re on heavy antibiotics via the IV right now. You’ve got a couple more stitches to add to that pretty little leg.”

“Can I go home soon?”

“Yeah. We’re going to stop by a 24 hour pharmacy today and pick up your new antibiotics as soon as you finish this IV drip and get woken up. The nurse will be in to check vitals and get some discharge paperwork ready. I talked Matt into letting you go home. He’s going to cover my shifts tomorrow and Friday so I can stay home with you and keep an eye on your leg.”

You thread your fingers with Shawn's and he leans down and kisses your joined hands. “I think I’ll take you up on that offer from the other day.”

Shawn looks confused, tilts his head to the side and asks, “What offer? I don’t remember offering anything.”

“You said your place could be mine too if I wanted. Remember, laying in the guest room, the day that I missed my doctor appointment?” You pick at the blanket over your lap nervously. What if he hadn’t meant it? He did play it off as a spur of the moment thing. What if you looked like a desperate fool right now? “Do you remember?”

“Are you serious?” Shawn asks, voice low and you aren't sure if he sounds angry or unsure or something else all together. “You want to move in with me?”

“If the offer is still on the table, yeah. Will you have me?”

Shawn grins so big you think his face might actually split. Any worry you had is gone. “Yes, the offer is still on table. Of course I’ll have you.” He leans down, hand cupping your jaw as he kisses you softly. “I’d like to have you as long as you’ll stay.”

“And if I never move out?”

Shawn smiles against your lips, eyes locked with yours as he says, “I guess I’d have to make you my wife then.”

It’s a week after you’re home from the hospital with Shawn that you are digging through your purse for the business card to the physical therapist Matt recommended to you and you see your bracelets and earrings in a little bag from the hospital. You open it and dump out a couple silver bangles and your little cherry earrings. A sick feeling washes over you. Something was missing. Something so important you can’t believe you didn’t look for it before now. Your grandma’s ring on a chain that you wore around your neck almost every day before the accident. It was gone.

You dump your purse out on the bed and pull every pocket inside out. “No, no, no...” You can feel tears pricking the corners of your eyes. That ring was all you had of hers, it was the ring you wanted to wear as your own wedding band one day. It was the representation of her and your grandfather’s marriage, their amazing bond as soulmates. It gave you hope and made you dream of having an amazing life like they did. “Please god, no.” You grab your plastic take home bag that had your ripped up jeans in it from the accident. You dump it on the bed and find only some change comes out of your pockets. No ring on a chain.

“Hey, babe, do you know where-” Shawn pauses and looks at the mess on the bed. “What’s going on? Did you lose something?”

You take in a deep shaky breath and nod, jaw clenched. “My grandma’s ring was on a necklace when I got into the accident. It was around my neck, but I flipped so much...I-I don’t know. It could have fallen off. It’s not here.” You’re sobbing by the end of your explanation and Shawn comes over, kneeling beside you on the bed bed, dressed in his scrubs for work. “It was her wedding ring. It’s all I have. I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m sure it’s in the car. We’ll call up the place that hauled your car out and we can go check it out.” Shawn rubs your back and you tremble. He pulls your head against his chest and kisses the top of it. “I promise I’ll get it back for you.”

“You can’t promise that. It could be in that ditch I ended up in. It would be buried in several inches of snow now or someone could have found it and kept it. Probably fucking pawned it.” You laugh deprecatingly. “Some asshole probably got a couple hundred bucks for it and here I am with nothing left of my grandmother.”

“Stop it,” Shawn says softly into your hair. “It’s still in your car. I promise. I’ll check after work.”

You wrap your arms around him and grip his back. “Thank you.”

He mumbles into your hair, “I’d give you the world. You ought to know that by now.”

Shawn comes home late every day for the next four days. You don’t know where he goes after work and you don’t want to seem nosy so you don’t ask. You assume he checked your car one of the days, but since he hadn’t given you the ring, he obviously hadn’t found it. He comes in at around 6pm one night, two hours after his shift ended, and you’re sitting on the couch relaxing when he comes up behind and stands there. You look back, head against the cushion and he leans down and kisses you upside down. “How’s the leg?” he asks and he sounds tired.

“It’s good. There are a few stitches working their way out. I promise I didn’t pull at them.”

He smiles and kisses you again. “Good girl.” He looks around the living room and then back down at you. “I see you’ve been busy today.” He gestures to the slew of christmas decorations around the living room, on the coffee table, on the mantle over the electric fireplace. They were from the totes that he and a couple of friends brought over from your apartment the other day. “Been getting cozy in my house have you?” he grins.

“I think you called it our house as you hauled in totes with Andrew and Geoff. Sounds better doesn’t it?” You reach up and tug a his black scrub shirt. “Get changed. I wanted to talk about some stuff.”

“Alright, as long as I can pick dinner.” He leans down for one more kiss and you agree to his terms.

Shawn orders chinese take out and the two of you get settled on the couch while you wait for it to arrive. He lays with his legs across the seat cushions and has you lay between his legs, head on his chest as he reclines against the arm of the couch. “So what did you want to talk about?” he asks, petting your hair back out of his face.

“You mentioned your parents being your inspiration for wanting to be a good soulmate. I was curious about that story.”

“Oh,” he says in a soft voice. “I don’t know if now is the best time. It’s not a great story and it’ll lead to more questions.”

“I promise I won’t ask too many questions.”

Shawn sighs heavily and says, “Alright.” He grabs your hands and kisses your head a few times before he’s ready to talk. It was clearly stressful. “My parents married young, like 19 or 20. My mom says she fell in love with him at first sight. My dad? Well, it turns out my dad couldn’t keep his fucking hands off any pretty girl with a short skirt.” Shawn makes a disgusted sound. “He didn’t love my mother, he loved pretending to love her so she would sleep with him. They got married because my mom got pregnant with me. He said it wasn’t his, said she was sleeping around but she wasn’t. He left her before I was even born.”

You bring Shawn’s hands up and kiss his knuckles tenderly. “So you were afraid to be your father?”

“Yes. I’ve always been afraid of one day hurting my soulmate and having them or myself end up like my mom. She suffered. Can you imagine, being so happy and being in love and then having it all ripped away from you because you got pregnant?” Shawn holds your hands tighter. “I was afraid of ending up like my mom, depressed, upset, barely making it day to day. She said it didn’t bother her. That I made her happier than he ever could have, but I knew she was hurting. Soulmates fall apart when they’re not together.”

“Would you feel the same if you hadn’t fallen in love with your soulmate? Like, would you still feel like you were making me suffer if I was just your friend?”

Shawn looks down at you and raises his eyebrows, “You think I’ve fallen in love with you?”

“Haven’t you?” you ask with a shy smile.

“I have. I didn’t think it was so obvious.”

You laugh and he removes his hands from yours to tickle your sides. You squeal in laughter, hands swatting at his. “You’re so obvious! See through!” you howl in laughter and he stops abruptly to hugs you tight against him. “I heard you too, at the hospital when i was being taken to the operating room by Matt. I heard you say ‘I love her’.”

“I do love you. I fought it for days after you came home with me. I thought, this is too fast, this is not real love it’s just adoration, excitement. I tried so hard to deny it but when I thought of losing you at the hospital, even though rationally the worst thing we would of had to do was amputate your leg...I almost thought I’d rather die.”

“I think I fell in love with you when you walked into my ER recovery room area.”

Shawn grins and lets out a bubbly laugh. “So when you first saw me?”

“Yeah,” you laugh and shake your head. “How cheesy is that?”

“Very cheesy.” Shawn kisses your neck and lays his hand over your heart. “But I like cheesy.”

You put your hand over Shawn's and grip it, fingers between his. “You don’t have to worry about being your dad. You’re already ten times the better man than he ever was or is. You know what it is to hurt and so you’d never hurt me. I know it.”

“I would never ever hurt you. I promise I’d rather die than see you with a broken heart.”

A smile spreads across your face and you can’t help but make a little giddy excited noise. “I love you, Shawn.” It feels so amazing, so relieving to say it. To finally admit it to him and yourself.

“I love you too,” he says and the two of you giggle together as the doorbell rings signalling your take out delivery had arrived.

#shawn mendes fluff #Shawn Mendes Imagine #shawn mendes writing #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes thirst #my fic #heal me

[edogawatranslations]

999: Alterna (1) - Part 4, Chapters 3-4

Table of Contents | Previous: Part 4, Chapters 1-2

Chapter 3

After a short discussion to determine the areas each of us was responsible for and how we would carry out the search, the eight of us divided up the rooms.

We also set a time limit - the next time the clock rang. Afterwards, we would regather in the large hospital room. If anyone found the missing circuit boards before then, they should promptly shout and inform the others. If none of us were able to find anything in that time, then we would have no choice but to come up with a different plan of attack.

“Start searchin’!”

At Seven’s call to action, we scattered off to our respective areas. I wondered if Santa would slack off on account of his laziness, but when I looked over, I saw him obediently running over to the area Seven had assigned him. At least for now, I didn’t need to worry about him.

I hurried down the staircase to the lower floor. I was assigned to the sixteen rooms towards the back. I quickly opened the first door and found four beds arranged in a space no bigger than my apartment. A medicine cabinet stood in one corner of the room. Sifting through all of its thin drawers would be quite time-consuming.

The monotonous operation dragged on. I quickly grew tired of it after searching just two rooms, but I didn’t have the option to give up. Reluctantly, I continued onto the next room.

While I searched for the circuit boards, thoughts of Akane drifted into my mind. She had vanished from right in front of me. Even after searching for her as much as I did, I wasn’t able to find her, and as suddenly as she had disappeared, she unexpectedly reappeared and surprised us all.

She had been spirited away - how else could I describe it? What in the world happened to her? If Lotus was right about there being a hidden door, then even if Zero had taken Akane away from us, I still wouldn’t be able to understand his intentions at all. I failed to reach a satisfying conclusion, and instead, my thoughts continued to stir restlessly deep inside my chest.

It wasn’t just Akane. A number of unexplainable mysteries about the others unsettled me as well. Snake stood out the most. His cool and collected attitude seemingly wasn’t shaken by anything at all. That aroused not only curious admiration, but also peculiar suspicion. I couldn’t help but feel that his superhuman sense of smell posed a threat.

Santa’s behavior was also an enigma. He clearly doesn’t want to cooperate. He acts like he lost his will to live, but the Santa that rescued me from drowning was almost like a completely different person. I couldn’t even begin to grasp his true intentions.

Seven’s amnesia presented another mystery. Was it really possible for someone to forget his own name and age?

Likewise, Ace and Clover weren’t exceptions. I had a strong hunch that all of them were hiding something.

A single chime from the grandfather clock cut short my train of thought. It was time. I stood up and left the room. In the end, I only finished investigating five rooms.

A black door loomed at the end of the long hallway. It struck me as blatantly out of place, as everything surrounding it was white. Something important definitely lay beyond it.

Unable to resist my curiosity, I approached it and grabbed ahold of the doorknob, but the door showed no sign of budging.

“No use, huh,” I muttered to myself. I turned around and headed up the stairs back to the large hospital room.

When I returned, six others had already gathered in front of the [8] door. Something felt different. Did someone find the circuit boards?

I approached Akane and asked her from behind, “What happened?”

“Oh, Jumpy, look!”

As she turned her head to look back at me, she pointed to the <RED>. I weaved between everyone until I stood right in front of the door.

Immediately, I noticed the change. The panel above the <RED> now displayed the word <VACANT>. I peeked underneath the <RED>. The gap that had existed earlier was now closed off by a steel cover. Someone had inserted a circuit board.

“Who was it?” I asked, turning to look at everyone. “Didn’t we decide that whoever found something would yell out and let everyone know?”

“That’s the thing...” Akane hesitated for a moment. The others all kept silent, with looks of confusion on their faces.

“We have no idea,” Lotus answered. “I arrived here first after hearing the chime, but it was already like this when I got here.”

What did this mean?

I decided to examine the other numbered doors. All of the <REDs> had their parts in order.

“Let me double check to be sure,” I said. “But nobody has any idea who did this?”

Ace and Akane nodded quietly. Seven threw his hands up in exasperation, while Santa shrugged his shoulders as if feigning ignorance. Clover, with her head hung low, was the only one who didn’t react.

“...Huh?” At that moment, I realized that Snake was nowhere to be seen. “Where’s Snake?”

“Now that you mention it, I don’t see him around here,” Lotus said, spinning her head around. “Maybe he was too focused on searching and missed the chime?”

That was impossible. Snake had just been bragging about his extraordinary sense of hearing.

“Could Snake have been the one who inserted the circuit boards?” Akane suggested.

“Who knows? We would need to ask him directly to be sure,” Ace responded, stroking his beard.

“Whatever it is, he’s late. Maybe he’s wanderin’ around somewhere?” Seven spat, turning back to look at the door that led to the small hospital rooms.

“Did he get lost?” Lotus proposed.

“Yeah, that’s gotta be it. He’s blind, so-”

“That’s not possible!” Clover shrieked, interrupting Seven. “My brother may be blind, but he figures everything out through sounds and stuff!”

Clover clasped her hands. Her shoulders trembled, and tears welled up in her eyes. “That’s why for him... getting lost isn’t... isn’t...” She turned away from us to hide her tears, before exclaiming, “I’m going to look for him!”

She vigorously dashed out of the room.

“Hey, wait!” I called out to try and stop her, but my voice couldn’t reach her. Without even looking back, Clover disappeared to the other side of the white door.

“Ugh, what now?” I muttered to myself.

“We can’t just be standing here doing nothing,” Lotus replied. “We only have five hours remaining. The <REDs> are functioning again, so...”

Lotus wanted to keep moving forward as soon as possible. I understood how she felt, but we couldn’t leave Snake and Clover behind.

“We can’t abandon two people. Let’s help search too,” June said, pulling on my arm.

“Yeah, that’s right,” I added.

Lotus yelled out, “Wait, Junpei!”

Ignoring her call, I headed towards the white door.

“We have no other choice,” Ace said.

“Tsk. No other choice, huh.” Seven added. I could tell that he was hurrying after us. “First lost circuit boards, now a lost person... Hey Santa, you’re comin’ with too.”

“Hey... Get your hands off me. I can walk by myself,” Santa’s childish voice echoed out.

“Lotus, what’re you gonna do?” Seven asked.

“I’m going too. I can’t open one of these doors by myself.”

Lotus didn’t bother to mask the displeasure in her voice.

Chapter 4

Just like when we searched for the circuit pieces, we split up and swept through the rooms one by one.

Since we didn’t need to scour under the beds or dig through the cabinets, it didn’t take too much time.

After examining every room, we regrouped in the large hospital room. In the end, we couldn’t find a single trace of Snake anywhere.

“Brother... Brother...” With head hung low, Clover’s entire body trembled with fear.

“Since we weren’t able to locate him during our search just now, perhaps he returned to the casino bar,” Ace said, glancing at the orange door. “I’ll go take a quick look.”

“Wait up, old man! I’m gonna go too.” Seven followed after Ace, and the two of them disappeared beyond the door.

“We’ll take the kitchen,” I said to Akane, before opening the green door. “Lotus, please look after Clover.”

After saying that, I headed back into the kitchen with June.

“Snake!” I called out.

No response. We crossed the kitchen and opened the door that led back to the passenger cabins, but nobody was there. We peeked inside the second-class cabins as well, but nothing had changed from earlier.

“...He doesn’t seem to be anywhere,” June said, looking nervous.

“Yeah...”

“Disappearing so suddenly like that... It’s just like what happened with June. Maybe there really is a mummy’s curse.”

The voice came from behind me. I spun around to see Lotus standing there.

“Lotus, why are you here? Didn’t I ask you to look after Clover?” I didn’t mean to, but my tone came out sounding harsh.

“Don’t worry, Santa’s still back there. But never mind that. This is more important.” Lotus licked her glossy bottom lip. “Junpei, June, I have a proposal for you. Care to listen?”

“What is it?”

“I hate beating around the bush so I’ll get right to the point.” Lotus lowered her voice and brought her face closer to us. “Do you two want to team up with me?”

Akane and I looked at each other with skepticism.

“Do I have to spell it out for you?” Lotus bit her lip impatiently. “I’m asking if you two will go through a numbered door with me.”

“That’s... impossible.” June answered.

“Why?”

“Well, Jumpy’s bracelet number is [5], mine is [6], and yours is [8]. We wouldn’t be able to open any of the doors.”

I quickly did a mental calculation.

[5] + [6] + [8] = 19 1 + 9 = 10 1 + 0 = [1]

Our digital root was [1]. But there wasn’t a [1] door in the big hospital room.

“Then we just need to add one other person,” Lotus said, grinning widely.

“Who?” I asked.

“Isn’t it obvious? Seven.”

[5] + [6] + [8] + [7] = 26 2 + 6 = [8]

Indeed, with Seven, we would be able to pass through the [8] door.

“Wait. What about the other four?”

“You’ll know if you calculate it, right?”

As Lotus suggested, I tried adding the numbers together in my mind.

[1] + [2] + [3] + [4] = 10 1 + 0 = [1]

“Their digital root would be [1],” I concluded. “That prevents them from going anywhere.”

“That’s right.”

“What do you mean, ‘that’s right’?”

“Are you thinking about leaving them behind?” Akane asked.

Lotus pouted. “Hey, can you not make me sound like a bad person? Once we successfully escape, all we’ll have to do is bring back help.”

“Lotus, please don’t lie. You don’t mean that sincerely, do you?” I retorted.

“Oh? Why do you say that?”

“We don’t even have five hours left. Even if we were to escape now, it would be impossible for us to bring back help within five hours.”

“Well now. You won’t know unless we try, right?”

Lotus and I both became more and more agitated, and our voices grew louder by the second.

“Both of you, please calm down,” Akane cut in. “Even if Seven joined the three of us, we wouldn’t be able to escape from this ship.”

“...Why not?” Lotus asked, blatantly showing her discontent.

“We wouldn’t be able to open the [9] door by ourselves.”

Akane was right.

“The exit is hidden somewhere on this ship. Seek a door. Seek a door that carries a [9].”

Zero said that to us. However, our digital root was [8]. Unless we added Ace’s [1], we wouldn’t be able to open the final door.

After I explained that, Lotus let out a deep sigh. She closed her eyes and started scratching behind her ear. She mumbled, “I guess that’s a no then. Now what should we do?”

“Let’s find another way. A way to save all eight of us.”

“That’s impossible. What are you spouting all of a sudden? You know that at most five people can pass through a numbered door, right?” Lotus shouted. “That probably applies to the [9] door as well, don’t you think? Three people are getting left out no matter what.”

A cold shiver crept up my spine.

Why hadn’t I realized it earlier?

She explained it so simply, but to put it another way, out of the eight of us, at the very least, three would certainly lose their lives.

My chest felt heavy, as if filled with lead.

Unless we sacrificed someone, none of us could be saved.

To save ourselves, we would have to let our group members die. Were we truly capable of doing something like that?

Next: Part 4, Chapters 5-6

#999 alterna #9 hours 9 persons 9 doors #nine hours nine persons nine doors #zero escape

[godtier-rose]

healing is hard

I’ve recently went through something so unreal to me that I’m still honestly pretty emotional and still working through it.  I kept a little measly journal while I was in a psych ward, and I have now been home for almost a week and have typed up all six days I had spent there. This is going to be such a LONG post, but if you are struggling, or just curious about what a psych ward was like from my point of view, go on and read this. 

I want others to know that they aren't alone with their suicidal thoughts. I feel shy and a little embarrassed talking about mine, and my depression, but thats what landed me in there. I didn't ask for help. 

My sister gave me “It’s Kind of a Funny Story” while I was in there, and it just felt nice to read something that someone else went through that I was then going through. Thats why I wrote every day in my little booklet while I was in there.

I was given a second chance that others do not get. People have already denied my experience. I don’t care. People who try to tell you that what happened to you wasn’t real, literally don’t matter. I didn’t try to kill myself to prove anything to anyone. I didn’t plan on surviving. But I lived. 

Here are my days, as best recalled and sloppily written as I can manage, not being the best writer: 

day 0 - last day

the walk to publix is simple. after spending an hour or so browsing the web for lethal doses of drugs, I settle on tylenol pm. 8 is dangerous. I can do that, I tell myself. I buy a bottle and a lunchable ( I have beer at home right? I think so), last meal goals? I almost run home, i’m grossly excited to die. sickening. but I was told one that I would never be remembered. I feel at peace. I won’t have to think about living after i’m gone, not about my depression, not about my feelings, money, stress, no consequences. living is so hard and dying is so easy.

no one else is home, I planned this perfectly. one handful, one beer. repeat. repeat. feel dizzy. fall around the room. knock shit over. people come home. I babble nonsense and say i’m going to bed. my note has been written. I tell no one what i’m doing, I don’t want to be stopped. I don’t want to survive this. no texts and no tweets, people will find out eventually. who cares, not my problem anymore.

drink. swallow more pills. drink. swallow. I stopped counting at 9 beers and 20 something tylenol. I hadn’t eaten all day, my lunchable is long forgotten. i’m a 5’1”, 98 pounds, this should do it. I don’t remember how much I ingest after that.

I black out, finally. i’m ready to die.

day 0 part 2 - not yet

and then???????

I wake up. mouth dry. vision so blurry I panic. I can barely stand. I think i’m going to be sick but nothing comes out. breathing hurts. everything hurts, everything is heavy, wavy,confusing.

i didn’t die. I was given another chance. panic, my body is shutting down, I text my sister, I call poison control, i’m too scared to dial 911. i’m not important or worth it.

I decide to get a fucking uber.(someone told me an ambulance ride is $1,000, fuck that) he pulls up and goes “...hospital???” and i’m standing there, swaying. Yes. please. he freaks out and seems confused, but drives fast and rushes me in. a man has me fill out paperwork and then he asks what’s wrong. I tell him I swallowed more than 20 tylenol to kill myself. I don’t remember how many I  swallowed after 20, I don’t know how much I drank after that. he calls out a stretcher and i’m rushed away. all of my things are taken from me. i’m changed into a hospital gown (butt cheeks OUT, hospital gowns are embarrassing ) they take my blood, they put an IV into me (I almost pass out when I feel the cold go inside my vein, what the fuck) I don’t know what they pump into me but it feels weird and i’m freaked out. tabs are placed all over my body, i’m hooked up to an EKG machine. charcoal tablets( I think ? something for my stomach or liver they say? I'm not a doctor I don't know ) are taken. the nurse asks “honey why would you do this? why are you sad? what is there to be sad about?” a lot. she says i’m lucky that i’m still alive, the amount of alcohol and acetaminophen I consumed and still had in my body should have killed me or shut down my liver. I wanted to say “that was the goal” but I shut up as she took my vitals.

hours pass, I ask for my phone and they say I can look at it once...only once, and make it just a few minutes. then they put it in a bag with my clothes and purse. nurses and doctors walk past my room and peek in and whisper. one finally goes “is this her? the suicide ?” a woman from another room yells back “Yeah that’s the baker act”. i’m embarrassed. nurses and doctors keep stopping by my room to look in and I keep trying to avoid their eyes. I ask to use the restroom and I have to pee with the door open in the middle of the hospital, i’m not allowed to close it (suicide means 24 hour watch).I hate this. I ask my nurse if i’m going home tonight, she says “no baby, we can’t let you go home” I start crying. I call my sister from the nurses flip phone and tell her i’m not coming home.

it’s almost midnight now, hospital food is awful and i’m watching chopped on the tv above my bed. another nurse told me god saved my life. another tells me i’m “too young to be sad”.

“the baker act is being transferred” that’s what i’m called, i’m the suicide. the baker act. another stretcher comes, i’m loaded on. another hospital. I get to ride in an ambulance for the first time, the paramedics think it’s funny when I tell them that I took an uber to the hospital. “I bet it was cheaper, that’s for sure.”

they take me 10 minutes away, to a place that has a mental health unit. I have to sit downstairs in a room to wait for a bed. I go to the bathroom and a nurse yells at me and he slams the door open, saying “you can’t close this, you have to go with the door open!” i’m given a turkey sandwich and a little fruit cup, sitting in a reclining chair, it’s 2 am when they say I can go upstairs now. a screaming man was brought in when I was leaving, the nurses yelling at him saying he’s here because he was found naked in the bushes waving a samurai sword. I laugh and a nurse asks me what’s so funny.

I meet someone up on the 6th floor, the psych ward floor. She takes me to a room and I have to strip down. she marks a body chart with my tattoos, my burns, my cuts. i’m asked for the millionth time why i’m there. she gives me a new gown and brings me to my room. it’s a plain as it gets, and my roommate is asleep. it’s 2:30am.

I lay down in the most basic bed with this pillow that’s literally filled with something paper like. I sleep like shit.

day 1 in the psych ward

i am woken up again at 6am for vitals. I fall back to sleep until my roommate and I wake up to an announcement at 8:30. we stay in bed and talk a little. she’s here for swallowing 50 xanax, I say “shit, you beat me, I blacked out at 20 something tylenol” she’s impressed. she’s a 46 year old mother. kara. a doctor comes to see us and talks about the severity of what we both have done, tells us what meds they will be putting us on. we leave our room and look around, a nurse tells us we missed breakfast, but she gets us some cereal and juice. this place is full of interesting people, I watch in awe. a woman (marlene)keeps saying she’s frank sinatras daughter and that someone keeps burning her with cigarettes (no smoking allowed and she just yelled that it was happening just then, when no one was around her) another woman (isabelle) claims she works for the phone company, and takes one of the hospitals phones and takes it apart (breaks it) and says she got the bug out. a man (joe) won’t stop yelling for nurses. another woman (mary) keeps petting everyone’s hair. me and kara stick close to each other that morning. I speak with a case manager, who tells me i’ll be here a few days because of how severe my case is. whatever. I call my sister on the cord phone they have on the wall, ask her to bring me some books and clothes. I feel embarrassed to be walking around in the hospital gown. I tell her “it says we have arts and crafts today at 1:45”, she can’t stop laughing, “are you fucking serious???” it literally says Arts and Crafts on the daily events whiteboard.

I ask a nurse if I can shower, she gives me a towel and unlocks the shower door, where an open shower with no cover or curtain is, but I can lock the door.a broken soap dispenser holds a shampoo/bodywash combo (LAME), and there’s a few bandaids on the shower floor. I have to stand on my tiptoes to get close to the water. this sucks. after my shower it’s “process group” time, where kara and i get to meet some of the others, talk about our feelings, the works. kristie, sherri, carl, natalie, andrew, and myself and kara are the most sane and coherent. we all sit near each other at lunch. kristie is here for cutting herself, sherri for OD’ing, carl for suicidal thoughts, andrew for trying to slit his throat on drugs. I️ get mystery meatloaf for lunch. kara asks the nurse where to get a toothbrush after lunch, the nurse goes “maybe if you left your room and ask, you’d get one earlier.” I get defensive of my roomie and say “well ma’am i’m sorry we didn’t exactly pack for this, the plan wasn’t to make it here alive” kara, kristie, carrie, and andrew lose it, they can’t stop laughing. the nurse walks away.

someone tells me that after lunch a woman comes around with a menu, and you can order your lunch for the next day. I order chicken parm and mac n cheese and breakfast for others and cereal for myself. I order dinner for kara because she’s napping and I don’t want her to be cursed with the mystery meatloaf again.

after lunch is arts and crafts, where I make my sister a bracelet and then help a man from the other wing make a bracelet for his daughter.

after arts and crafts is a bit of free time, me and kara sit together and talk with a few of the others. the days feel so long here. my sister brings me clothes, makeup, toiletries and books, but i’m not allowed to see her. she gave me “Its kind of a funny story” and said that I️ had to read it because the kid gets baker acted. she brought me the extra clothes and stuff I asked for, I wander around and give clothes to some of my friends who aren’t able to have someone bring them any. I get conditioner, face wash, shampoo, body wash, and lotion, and become the toiletry mom who hands out and shares it with everyone who wants to use it in the shower.

eventually it’s dinner, and since we only got to order for the next day, kara and I are stuck with meatloaf again. I call elspeth after dinner and tell her about my day, tell her not to tell anybody i’m here, not even my parents, tell her to tell them my phone is dead and i’m at a friends, I don’t want anyone to know yet. i’ll y’all when i’m out and ready. she says she got mad and told some people what I did, but they didn’t believe her. that’s fine, I tell her they can never contact me ever again because they don’t care. I have nothing to prove. I lived and am now locked in a god damn mental ward. I have more important things in my life besides caring about people acting like they know what I did and why I did it. my goal was to be dead and not have to deal with this, but I got another shot so let me fucking be. i tell her there is visitation tomorrow from 6pm-8pm. I tell her that one of my friends was going to hang out with me, and that I can’t make it. also that I was messaging another friend and that she can tell him what happened, he will be understanding and caring. (shoutout to my sister for holding everything together while I could only contact the outside world through her via a phone with a cord)

after that I lie in bed and read my toradora manga elspeth also brought me. vitals are checked. a doctor ask me how i’m feeling, etc.

eventually we get snack time? which is juice, popcorn, bananas, and bread with PB&J.

finally it’s bedtime, my first day is complete. this all feels surreal. I write everything in the back of a booklet I was given earlier. I sleep like shit again.

day two, the days are still so long

6 am, vitals again. back to sleep. an announcement at 8 am gets me and Kara awake, it says there’s “grooming” taking place, where you’re allowed to shave your facial hair or armpits in front of the nurses, in a sink, and also they have mouth wash. great.

8:30, breakfast. the board says that there’s pet therapy today, and visitation tonight!!!!

process group again. I shower. lunch. my food isn’t as awful as the meatloaf but it’s still hospital food. carl tells me I have to go to the meds window to ask for my meds, but warns me they will have me sign a paper. they don’t tell you, but the paper is a voluntary admission form that once you sign, your baker act is no longer valid and you can only leave if a doctor says you can. I say that’s BS because I wanna go home after my 72 hours. he says if I don’t sign, they just re-baker act you. no way. I go to the window and ask for my meds, and the nurse gives me a paper and says “sign this to get your medication”. it’s the voluntary admission form. I ask her if I sign this, what happens. she said it’s the “first step towards getting better”. I said “if I sign this my baker act is removed and i’m becoming a voluntary patient right?” she says “well....yes, but it’s the first step towards getting better.” I ask her what happens if I don’t sign it. she goes “....well then you will probably be here a longer time :(“ I end up signing the papers, i’m fucked either way. I didn’t even want to take prozac or be i’m this place.

pet therapy gives us a golden retriever named JR who is so cute and licks my face. I love him. it brightened a lot of people’s days. after dinner we get visitation, everyone eats fast and me and kara stay behind to help the nurses clean up.

i’m so excited for visitation. i️ told my sister she can bring someone with her. kara’s family and daughter are coming too, I get to meet them. elspeth comes and brings an old friend, I hug her and him for so long, it feels so good. you find out who is really there for you. I tell them all about my crazy day and how there was a bra left on the floor in the public room and how people keep acting out. I give elspeth the bracelet I made her in arts and crafts, I meet kara’s family. it made my day. after visitation is snacks, a young girl comes in and I feel instantly protective of her. I ask her if she has clothes and she says no, so after I sneak extra snacks for her, I run to my room and gather up a shirt and pants, lotion, and some of the graham crackers packs i snuck from snack time, I run back and give them all to her, tell her that i’m in room 604 and she can ask me for anything. I tell her how this place runs, as if i’m a pro even though i’ve been here for 2 days. she’s so thankful, her name is Destinee.

eventually, it’s bedtime again. I journal and fall into another shitty sleep.

day threeeeee...get me out of here

once again, 6 am vitals. back to sleep until 8 am announcements. I decide to get my butt up and shave my armpits in a sink during grooming time. we aren’t allowed to shave our legs, but whatever i’ll take what I can get.

my day follows a constant schedule. always breakfast at 8:30, process group, I shower, the board tells me today is more arts and crafts and bingo tonight. kara, kristie and I sit in our room and talk about cam girls and people who buy feet pictures. kara is fascinated that kristie and I know so much about the dirty web.

I start reading “It’s Kind of a Funny Story” and it’s so similar to my situation. Craig is baker acted and he’s taken to the 6th floor (i’m on the 6th floor, are all psych wards there??). he talks about the food, the people, even the shape of the ward (shaped like an H), which is what my psych ward is shaped like ! it’s a good book, I feel like the author right now, as I type up my experiences. being here is honestly so crazy I just had to write about it.

there’s another group and this time it’s a mix of all the wings, (I am in the East Wing, the west wing is the violent or dangerous patients.) one guy from the west wing tries to start a fight with Cheryl, the rec therapist. he leaves angry.

in arts and crafts I become notorious for being able to find any letter bead asked of me, maria from the west wing says any letter and I dig through the bead box and find it for her. I help another guy make a ring. I make a bracelet for someone who cares about me.

lunch is late because the guy who got mad during group, started a fight in the dining hall and all of us from the east wing watched from the window. he threw his tray and food was everywhere. we see him on the floor and find out he was probably sedated.

we eat, continue our day. I read my book and hang in my bed. kara’s family brought magazines for us, so we share those and read about the outside world. I miss my phone and the internet. I talk to a doctor who says I won’t be going home this weekend. (it’s friday today, so she says maybe monday because of how severe my case is.) kara gets the same news. the doctors all say “well imagine how bad it would look if we release you now and you kill yourself, you were in our care, that would be on our hands.” what a lame excuse.

later is dinner, our table always consists of the same group of people, a nurse says “why do you all sit together always???” we love it. we laugh and all share what we have witch each other.  

bingo is next, where carl says you can win prizes, and he’s gonna try to win some deodorant because the nurses keep refusing to give anyone any. that’s so sad. I win a game and give carl the deodorant, he says I didn’t have to do that.

snacks. then bed.

day four!!!!!

same basic schedule, except today it says game day for our activity.  

we get to the dining hall and it’s decked out with a wii, basket ball hoops, a ping pong table, and a bunch of other board games. andrew and I play wii bowling, and then I play jenga with kara.

kristie and carl have gone home, I miss them already but I hope they are doing okay. a new guy named paul joins us all, we tell him what’s up. me, destinee, sherri, and paul all sit on the hallway floor and talk about crazy shit. a new woman named virgina walks around and spills her tea everywhere, talking about being american and carrying a stack of 8 books that she occasionally reads out loud to nobody in particular.

we have a different night nurse, his name is richard and he’s literally the best. he tells us at snack time that he’s opened the “patio” (a gated in balcony connected to the dining hall that none of the nurses ever feel like opening because they don’t want to watch us) I literally run and andrew makes fun of the faces i’m making because i’m so excited to breathe outside air.

after that, richard pulls out a box full of movies and say we can all have a movie night in the community tv living room. everyone decides on jeepers creepers 2. it was a great night.

I continue to sleep like shit, and I have a dream about my ex.

day 5! when can I leave???

it’s sunday and kara has to miss her mothers surprise party. we want to go home! there aren’t even any case managers here today, so we can’t even talk to anyone. we MIGHT go home tomorrow, we are told. not for sure. sherri goes home tomorrow!!! I give her one of my sweaters to keep and we exchange numbers for when we are on the outside.

football is on the community tv and I call my friend and say “watch this, your team is gonna win and this other team is gonna lose.” his team wins and I can’t stop laughing, I was just kidding but it somehow worked.

my day still follows the basic schedule.

day 6: FALSE HOPE

i’m not going home today! lame!!!!! a doctor tells me there’s no discharge order for me today, but there’s one for tomorrow! i’ll take it.

the board says today is music and drum therapy. also there will be games tonight in the dining hall.

the loud guy who yells constantly, joe, is leaving today. we all secretly cheer when he leaves, because he just yelled at people to make his bed and to come to his room. now i can read without having to here someone yelling “NURSEEEEEEE” down the hall every 3 minutes.

drum therapy is fun, we all get to sit and bang in drums to describe how we are feeling.

music therapy is just “pick one song on youtube and toni the rec therapist will play it on the TV” I pick human by the killers.

kara and I play jenga for games night, it’s our thing now. richard is here again and we are so happy, that means patio and movie night. my last night is spent surrounded by my support group as we laugh on the patio, sharing a blanket with kara as we watch Disturbia, and drawing pictures for destinee until it’s time for bed. I make sure I have everyone’s numbers written in the back of my booklet. I ask the meds window for something to help me sleep, i’m too anxious and know I won’t fall asleep tonight. they give me ativan ? and I go to bed. I finally don’t sleep like shit.

Day 7: Freedom

IM GOINNNG HOMEEEE!!!!! 

I wake up excited and make sure I get together my belongings. I’m visited by doctors and case managers, nurses give me plastic bags to put stuff in. I make sure I give nurse millie a big hug. kara isnt leaving until tomorrow, so i give her a big hug too. the community board says tonight is karaoke night, and I feel bad that I have to miss it, but I leave before lunch. the hospital drives me home in a van, and i’m so excited when I step outside. I start crying and the driver brings me home. I cry again. I take the worlds longest shower and I go get some chick fil a. I sit outside for hours. I hold baby kitty and start crying. I check all my social media. I reply to texts. I sit my mom down and tell her what happened. I do not tell my dad or my brother. my stepdad is in germany and I will tell him when he’s home. ———- afterthoughts:

    the mental health system is fucked. not one doctor or therapist or psychiatrist really helped anyone in that psych ward. if you asked for underwear or deodorant the nurses wouldn’t want to give you any, they said “well you have one pair of underwear already.” some nurses and doctors were kind, but not one of them had any type of sensitivity or empathy. my first three days there, half the nurses assumed I was one of the drug addicts and kept trying to give me nicotine patches and tried having me go to AA meetings. in group “therapy” we were asked how we felt and that was it. the doctors asked us from 1-10 our depression and anxiety, and then gave us meds. we were told if we tried to leave after our 72 hour baker act, that we would just be re-baker acted and be there longer. asking questions was like a game of “which nurse do we ask so that they don’t say no or ignore us” I was not given any type of one on one sessions with a therapist. I was just repeatedly asked “why would you do this? what do you have to be sad about?” they made an appointment for 7 days after I left, never contacted my sister, and let me leave. I swore every night when I prayed (I feel cheesy but I also feel like I owe god my life at this point) that when i’m out, I will put together a box of clothes and books and stuff for arts and crafts and game nights. they have six books and hardly any crafts, and almost no clothes for people who come in with nothing and have to wear the hospital robes. people deserve better. everyone in there survived something that others don’t get to, people need help. this felt like the hospital just wanted our money for keeping us there longer. it’s not fair. I felt like a prisoner. everyone did. a man raped his roommate in our wing and all they did was move him to the west wing. kara and I had to ask to have our room locked from the outside so that we didn’t have to keep going to bed scared.

it felt surreal, but now i’m home and want to help in any way I can. i’m blessed to have met my roommate, we just went to church together and had a fake thanksgiving with my family and her daughter. we call each other every day. i’ve only been home 6 days, but every day I remind myself that i’m alive for a reason. I take my meds. I text my friends. I do my makeup and eat every day. i’m finally 102 pounds and not 94 pounds. I have grand openings for work lined up. i’m going to puerto rico with my church for a missions trip in a few months, to help with hurricane relief. i’m going to help as many people as I can.

I hope that writing all of this just kinda helps. I don’t want people to think they are alone. I did not plan to live, I planned to die. I didn’t die. there are people who literally said i’m faking it. but those people don’t matter. I didn’t get drunk and swallow over 20 tylenol pm and survive, and spend 6 days in the hell that was that psych ward, to have anyone tell me my experience didn’t happen or was for attention. I don’t care if you are trying to die or if you commit and survive, you’re important and deserve care, attention, and help. I deserved every hug and kiss and call and text from people when I was out of there. I have such an amazing support system. I have friends who aren’t judging me, who say “i’m so happy you’re alive emily, let’s hang out. i’m so glad you failed, I love having you in my life.”

I have only told hardly a few people, this is my public account of as much as I can remember. I don’t want any pity. I lived.

 I’m going to keep living. I’m going to work hard, I’m going to buy nice clothes and makeup, i’m going to travel and open new stores for my job, I’m going to pour myself out and connect and train my teams, I’m going to stay up late watching anime and cartoons, and eat junk food and party with my friends, i’m going to get tattoos, pet every cat, make art and finish school, i’m going to hang with my sister and my family, and i’m going to heal and find love and care for myself and for another person again. i’m gonna give as much as I can and love and be kind. I’m not perfect but neither are you. We all have flaws so just damn love and embrace and smile at each other. Help each other.

Thank you to everyone who has been so patient and caring and supportive. I love you all so much and I can’t wait to continue my life with a new passion and outlook. 💘

#personal #tw suicide #long post #sorry its fucking long

[lilithangelroses]

MHAxOC Fanfiction Chapter One

The sun was too bright for her eyes and the clothing required for this uniform were not ideal for any sort of battle. All she did on the way to UA High School was walk in silence while the man once known as the Number One Hero talked about his students. He brought her here to try and give her a new start with life but their interactions have been slim since the day the police led him to her. It wasn’t that she wasn’t grateful for his help in finding a new place to call home while they deal with the League of Villain mess. She was very grateful, however, out of all the places she expected them to take a villain, at the heart of UA was not one of them.

The students from the academy were wandering around as it was their lunch period before their afternoon classes started. All of them polite to All Might but all of them looked at the girl next to him with an odd curiosity. She ignored them all and only concentrated on what All Might had to say. She kept repeating his hero name in her head as she was asked to call him that rather than Toshinori. It wouldn’t be appropriate if she was going to be seeing him at school as a student. “Young lady, are you ready to join the line of future heroes?” he asked excitedly. She knew he was trying hard but she wasn’t one to lie. Her voice was soft and quiet as she spoke, still getting used to using it. “We made a deal All Might. I help you with your problem and you help me with mine but that doesn’t make me a potential hero. I will play my part. Nothing more, nothing less.” Her expression had no sense of emotion. All Might hesitated before bouncing back to his normal bouncy demeanor. “Everyone has it in them to be a hero. I’m sure you’ll make a great one some day! Now, let’s show you to the dorms.”

Her room was on the fourth floor along with Katsuki Bakugou, Eijiro Kirishima, Mezo Shoji, Ochaco Uraraka, and Mina Ashido. She knew every single name of all the students in class 1A and all the pro hero staff. The information was fed to her before the final showdown between All Might and All for One. She had to be careful not to say too much to them. She would keep her distance as much as she could. As much as she hoped she wouldn’t go back, she knew this would only be temporary. The students were gone so it was easy to see where her room would be located. It would be next to the explosive Bakugou. That worked for her, he probably wouldn’t pay attention to someone like her.

The room was much more than she was expecting to get considering everything. It had a nice bed on one side, a nice desk with a chair on the other, and a small set of drawers with a closet. It made her feel happy though she would never show it. All Might patted her back and led her out towards the school to give her the tour there. They were meant to see the main areas for the classes and head over to Pro Hero Power Loader to talk about a hero outfit to be submitted. When they got there, the room had smoke coming out from one of the students experiments with her gear so they decided to do this another day. She felt relieved she didn’t have to do something like that but now her nerves were stretched out like cords on a guitar. It was time to meet the students.

Before anything All Might lead her to one of the faculty rooms where Pro Hero Eraser Head was sitting. “Hey, Aizawa, here is the new student I was telling you about! She will be joining class 1A from now on!” Aizawa looked at her with mild annoyance but addressed All Might. “You know I still don’t agree with this. It’s illogical to bring in a new student to join this class, even worse that you decided to bring her of all people. But I won’t defy the decision the principal made. Come on, class is about to start. It’s almost time for the hero course and I need to introduce you to the other students.” She didn’t blame him on him, it was completely illogical to do this but she had her own reasons for going along with it. “Ah, don’t be like that Aizawa!” All Might let out his usual laugh before addressing her again. “Don’t let his sour demeanor get to you. You’ll have a great time!” And with a thumbs up he walked away and left her with Aizawa.

Aizawa looked her up and down before handing her a bracelet. “Before you meet my students, you need to put on this tracking device. It will allow us to know your whereabouts at all times. It has a quirk limiter that only the staff can unlock. Don’t even think about  doing anything that would harm them. Keep your personal history to yourself. Come on, it’s almost time for the hero class.” She nodded and followed him through the school. Thankfully, all the students had already taken their spots in class. As she looked on and saw the door to class 1A, her heart broke out into a sprint. She was more nervous than she thought she would be. “Wait here.” he said before entering the classroom.

She stood outside the door and listened to him address the class. “Listen up everyone, we don’t have a lot of time before we head out to the training grounds. We have a new student joining our class.” The uproar from the class was almost deafening. Everyone trying to ask their questions all at once before being silenced by an angry red eyed Aizawa. “As I was saying. We have a new student. Come in.” With a big sigh she walked through the door to see the curious stares of her fellow classmates. Some of them just stared and those she can handle but the look of horror on the others faces was something she tried hard not to flinch at. She couldn’t blame them though. What they were seeing wasn’t the image of a beautiful young high school student.

Her skin was pale and her long gray hair showed the slightest tint of blue as it fell down in waves to her waist. She had almost a sickly appearance that was surprisingly improved compared to how she was during her visit at the hospital. All of that wouldn’t be enough to shock everyone though. They were all looking at the stitch like scars running across her body. A big one ran diagonally between her eyes. One gray like her grandmother but the other a dark ruby red. She stood at five feet five inches, waiting for them to get their expressions under control. Aizawa didn’t miss a beat and continued on like nothing happened. “Her name is Shimura Lilith. I hope you all get along well. Iida!” Lilith turned her gaze to the boy standing up wearing his glasses. “Yes, sensei” he said, immediately standing to attention. “Since you are the class president, you are in charge of getting her caught up and showing her how the class runs.” Iida nods and looks over at Lilith with a serious expression. She does a little nod towards him before Aizawa speaks again.

“Today we are focusing on group battles against villains. As you know, most heroes need to make impromptu groups in order to defeat villains on the field. We will be randomizing groups as we go through the exercise. You will be fighting teachers of this school. Get in your hero gear and meet us outside in the mountain arena.” With that, he walked out as the students started to pile out of the classrooms. Iida walked up to her side and introduced himself. His arms did a weird chopping motion as he spoke that really confused Lilith. It seemed so... wasteful. “My name is Tenya Iida. Welcome to our class. We normally have general education classes in the morning and then we get to the more practical classes in the afternoon. The hero class is one of the practical courses. Since you are new I assume you haven’t gotten a hero costume yet?” She shook her head in response. “Right, wait here while I change into my costume and I can escort you to the training arena.” she nodded again and waited for the students to leave before looking out the window. Some of them tried to linger but Iida, the ever diligent class president ushered them out to get changed. Lilith tapped the glass windows to check their thickness. Leave it to UA to get extra strength glass for their classrooms. They were on a higher floor but not so high that she couldn’t jump out if needed. It’s almost smart to get multiple exit points in an emergency.

The classroom door opened and Iida called out to her. “We are ready to go.” she nodded and walked alongside him to the training ground. The class was walking together, each in their own little social groups talking about which teacher they would go against first today. Iida would have been a part of one but he wasn't sure if he should leave Lilith on her own. She didn’t seem to mind the silent walk with him but it was making him uncomfortable trying to figure out what to say. He realized that she hasn’t even spoken to the class once. “It’s odd to get a new student this time of year. Even odder that you joined the hero course at UA. How did you end up in this situation?” he asked.

With his fidgeting around the question it was clear to her that he wasn’t intending on being rude but she could tell he seemed confused. She didn’t blame him, if it wasn’t for All Might she wouldn’t even be here. But there lies the catch. She would hate to lie but she can’t tell him everything. “My family connection to All Might is what got me here. I was hospitalized for a long time before this and I was recently deemed fit to be released. Does it bother you that I had connections get me to this point?” she asked him. Her eyes bore into his and he felt slightly unnerved by her boldness. The mention of All Might caught a few peoples attention and they listened for his answer. “Well...I...” he wasn’t sure how to proceed but thankfully they made it to the training grounds and everyone’s attention was drawn to the Pro Hero waiting for them.

Everyone was excited to see Snipe and ran forward inside the arena to see Midnight, Present Mic, and even their own homeroom teacher ready for battle. “Alright everyone. On the screen we have a randomizer for both the teachers and the students. The students will fight in groups of five against one of his who will play a villain. We will randomize the first group but pay attention to this sound.” A loud horn could be heard. “That means that something has happened and the scenario will change mid battle. This is to see how well you can cope with changing scenarios out in the field. Got it?” Everyone nodded excitedly. Snipe looked over at Lilith still in her normal uniform. “Shimura, since you just joined us today you are excused from the exercise. You can join All Might to observe from a safe distance.” Before Lilith could react, a gruff snort could be heard from the group. “Of course she does. Not only did she take the easy way in but she gets to cruise along class today. Clearly she can’t compete with us and should just quit before she gets hurt.” Some of the students fidgeted as Lilith glared at Bakugou. “What? Got something to say to me? Go ahead. I can take you on.” “Enough, Bakugou. Let’s get this class started.” Aizawa glared at him. “Tch... fine.”

Everyone patiently waited as the first group was chosen and Lilith walked over to All Might who was carrying a clipboard to note everyone’s progress. He smiled at her with genuine warmth and patted her back again. It took a long time before she didn’t feel like flinching from his touch. She was glad she was making progress. “Don’t mind young Bakugou. He may be a hothead but he is well on his way to making himself a fine hero.” Lilith just shrugged. He didn’t threaten her in the least. Even if she only had one quirk, it wouldn’t take much to take him down. She watched as the students and teacher switched into so many combinations and was impressed at how well they were doing. Fighting villains so early in their career clearly made them more advanced than she realized. Time passed quickly and soon it was almost time for class to be over. Everyone was winding down from their work outs. “So, what do you think?” All Might asked excitedly.

“The exercise was a valid way to demonstrate changing scenarios, however, I feel it didn’t do as good of a job as it could have. They wouldn’t make it very far in the real world. I’m surprised they made it this far considering the constant villain attacks they’ve been through. Though I guess they did have pro heroes there to help them.” She said all this in a very matter of fact tone. All Might wasn’t sure how to react but he didn’t have the time. Bakugou had heard it all and was roaring for a fight. “Oh yeah, what the hell do you know idiot?! You think you’re so high and mighty just because you had a connection to get in here. I bet I could beat you all by myself. Come on, let’s go a round.” Aizawa came up annoyed and was going to object but Lilith smirked making Bakugou even more pissed. “Aizawa sensei, it seems like it would be a good time to show everyone my quirk. How about I join the villain group and you choose five students to see if they can take me down.” It seemed like a simple request to her but Aizawa hesitated in complying with it. 

Bakugou just got even more pissed and All Might had to keep him at bay while they deliberated. Surprisingly, he was willing to do it, if only to see what quirk she planned on using as public knowledge. He knew she couldn’t go too far in the fight as long as the staff remained. “Alright. Bakugou, Midoriya, Todoroki, Kirishima, Tokoyami. Get ready for a fight.” Everyone gasped. They couldn’t believe this was actually happening. Everyone took their positions as they watched the new girl stand in a barren landscape in full view of some of their strongest fighters with no where to run. The confidence in her was practically tangible and set Bakugou off even more. “I don’t need their help. I’ll take you out before they even get the chance. Now die!” he yelled before launching a full blow from one of his gauntlets. Bakugou’s smug look soon contorted into shock. He turned to see Lilith had grabbed his arm that was pointing at where she stood. “Interesting, these seem to help enhance your explosive abilities.”

The group sprang into action realizing that the villain had already broken their ranks. She danced effortlessly through their attacks as she landed back a distance from them. This made them nervous. “If you don’t attack me with some level of coordination you’ll never win.” She called out to them. As much as Bakugou hated working, he wasn’t so stupid as to complain now that he knew her speed. They all assumed her quirk gave her some sort of physical enhancement which could only get her so far. Tokoyami took his position slightly behind the front fighters and secretly used Dark Shadow to pin her down while she dodged their barrage of assaults. She mentally praised them for their efforts before looking to see the combo attack heading her way. Too bad it will all be a wasted effort.

As the dust cloud dispersed and the boys thought themselves victorious, a blue geometric shield covered the area around her, protecting her from the attack. Not a single scratch on her. “Now it’s time to take the offensive.” The shield scatters into multiple pieces reflecting the sun's light causing Dark Shadow to cower. Freed, she had the shield converge onto her body, creating a thin durable coating before jumping into attack. Todoroki erected an ice wall only to have it shattered with enough force to throw him back. Midoriya and Kirishima jumped in for a double attack that caused her to guard. They made contact but it did nothing to her. She grabbed Kirishima’s harm and hurled him into Midoriya knocking them both into a boulder. Bakugou snapped with rage and went in only to be punched in the gut, and swept under his, falling to the ground. He ate dirt while she twisted his arm and used her foot to keep him pinned. Her shield then surrounded his hands. “Any explosions and your arms may not survive.” He looked at her and saw the threat was very real. “Battle is over, the villain wins.” The only members were about to object before Midoriya stopped them. “Look.” was all he said.

They looked at him confused until Lilith grabbed Bakugou by the neck and pulled him up. Her body pressed against his back and her hand caressing his throat. All it would take was only a little squeeze and his life could be over. She was right, she won. The shields fell away and she released Bakugou and put her hands in the air. Aizawa was using his quirk on her and walked towards them. “Fight’s over. You took it too far today. Lilith won, now everyone head back and get some rest.” “I wasn’t going to actually kill him.” She sighed. Why on earth would she mess things up for herself now. The teachers rounded everyone back but Aizawa and All Might stayed with Lilith.

“Let’s get things straight, you pull a stunt like that again and the deal is off.” She wasn’t fazed by him. “I simply created a situation that was more realistic. I never intended to kill them but the blood lust had to be there if they are to get over their fear. Even more when they have to deal with a hostage situation. If it were HIM putting his hands around Bakugou’s neck, he would have already been dead.” she said. “That is not something for you to decide Young Lilith. Leave these matters to us. You are here as a student until we find the place you are looking for.” All Might interjected. Lilith shook her head and sighed in defeat. “Fine, am I free to go?” she asked. They walked behind her, escorting her back to the dorms.

“I can’t even begin to understand your reasoning behind this All Might.” Aizawa spoke low to avoid Lilith hearing their conversation. All Might signed and thought about how to explain. “When they brought her to me she was the living dead. I couldn't leave her like that. The heroes have failed her for so long, I thought maybe this class could save her. I know she only accepted this as part of the deal but I’m hoping we can show her what it is to be one of us.” Aizawa stayed silent through the rest of the walk until Lilith walked inside the dorm building. He turned to All Might and sighed. “You can’t save everyone. I know you owe your predecessor a great deal and you feel like you’ve failed with Shimura Shigaraki, but that doesn’t mean you can save her either. Don’t get hung up on this.” He knew what Aizawa was saying but he still felt there was hope for her yet. They parted ways, both considering what the future will hold now that Lilith has joined their ranks.

#bnha fanfiction #mha fanfiction #oc #oc x bnha #fanfic #fanfiction #writing #oc x mha

[anxietalyn]

ACL reconstruction

so. last week on Tuesday I got ACL surgery, and I've looked on a few tags on Tumblr for tips and what to expect. but, I didn't find a lot, and when I did they weren't really descriptive. so ima do one to maybe help some folks out. this is tips and my experience so far.

Edit: this turned out waaaay longer than I thought it would

THIS IS ALL BASED ON MY SURGERY AND RECOVERY. I'M NOT SAYING THIS IS EXACTLY HOW IT WILL GO. I WENT TO A TOP ORTHOPEDIC SURGEON BC MY FAMILY HAD HEARD A LOT ABOUT MY DUDE AND THEY TOOK MY INSURANCE(he turns out to be one of the top orthopedic surgeons in Texas. If you live in the Houston, Texas area, the dude is Dr. Barrett Brown at Fondren Orthopedic Group in the medical center. whoop.) :

if you have the time, money, and availability, go to therapy a few weeks before the surgery. it'll strengthen the muscles in the injured leg, and the leg that isn't going under the knife. it'll help you after the surgery when you're having to use crutches or a walker. trust me on that. I was going to therapy 7 1/2 before my surgery. my orthopedic said that I should've gone at least six weeks.

when I went to therapy for the first time after tearing my ACL and MCL back in October, he was concerned. *I was also in a wheelchair for ten days*.

don't do that

I wish I would've looked up how or asked a family who is a doctor how to use crutches. because I was miserable in that wheelchair. my muscles in my left leg(injured leg) shrinked because they weren't used in a week and a half. and my leg muscles are pretty strong for my height and weight. that was the most difficult part of therapy leading up to last Tuesday. the fact that my strength and body changed.

if you're learning how to use them, or they are unavailable for a day or so, go ahead and use a wheelchair. bc, I'll be honest, it is a lot easier.

You might be at the hospital for a while before they take you in. I was told to be at my surgeon's office at 9:30, and I wasn't taken back for prep until 13:00(1:00pm)

You might also be in the prep area for a bit.. but there is where you get the hospital dress, no-slide socks, a "fall risk" bracelet(which I should've gotten when I started to walk when I was little bc I'm hella clumsy), your IV, I was offered a numbing shot for the area of the IV but I dunno if that's universal

if you have a family member or friend back there with you, ask for them to distract you. I had my goofy brother to make faces at me

if you are offered that numbing shot, they will tell you this, but for about ten seconds it burns like hell

at my hospital, everyone who would be in the OR had to come introduce themselves before surgery, so if you have any questions, ask! they are there to answer your questions. no matter if you think they're stupid.

my Anesthesiologist(the dude who gives the knock out juice) came over, asked if this is my first surgery, and when I told him yes, he explained EVERYTHING. He said that all the folks in the room(for me it was 6) would come by, ask my name, birthday, what was happening during the surgery, and which leg. he then said that the anaesthesia I would get was a non-narcotic which is to help you not throw up after surgery(which I didn't).

five more people then introduced themselves

when they were wheeling me to the OR, they said it would be cold so they gave me a second blanket

they wheeled me up to the table, had me crawl onto it, had a foam pillow for my head, and extended arm holders for my arms to lay outta the way

Steve(anesthesiologist) then asked if I was ready, I said I was scared. one of the nurses then held my hand as he put in the knock out juice. he then said I did good, and to help the anaesthesia work faster, put an oxygen over my nose and mouth until I was out.(last thing I remember)

when I woke up, I was still in the OR, but I was incredibly dis-oriented. I know ASL, so I started signing "want brother" over and over. none of the OR folks knew what I was signing, so they found someone who knows a little ASL and they interpreted what i was signing

they told my that I had to wait for a little bit so they could check to make sure my vitals and wrap up my leg(it's a 30 minute waiting period)

when my parents came in, I was offered sprite(You can't eat anything after ten o'clock the night before, or drink anything(even water) after midnight.) because my sugar level was low

!!!start drinking water a week before the surgery!!!it's so much more difficult to find a good vein for the IV!!! my grandma was poked seven times in different places to find a good juicy vein!!!

the anaesthesia will most likely make you feel weird.

I called everyone cute. everyone. nurse, doctor, patient, people who I don't know. everyone. I asked my nurse out on a date. I told my mom who Is married she's jealous of my "mad flirting skills"

You need to eat something on your way home. I stopped and got soup to-go. I recommend soup, just because it is easy on the tummy

You will not have an appetite for at least a week. regardless, you need to eat protein during recovery bc it'll help your Incision.

I keep repeating this but. YOU NEED TO EAT. YOU WILL NOT FEEL LIKE IT. BUT EAT. I AM AN 18-YEAR OLD AND I GO TO A COMMUNITY COLLEGE SO I STAYED HOME. I HAD THREE PEOPLE TELLING ME TO EAT. AND ONE WHO FORCED ME TO EAT. GET YOU SOMEONE THAT WILL MAKE YOU EAT WHEN YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE IT.

your leg will hurt. there's no way to sugar coat. it will hurt a lot.

find something to distract yourself. my Alma Mater was in the state championship for football, and I love football and star wars. I watched The Force Awakens an ungodly amount, that I could quote every. single. character.

just find things to do that you don't need to exert yourself too much. I like colouring books, reading, and watching movies. just have something to do while you recover. please.

you'll get prescribed four things: pain medicine, meds for muscle spasms, meds to help with nausea, and a shot that helps prevent blood clots in my leg while I can't move it regularly

I'm about six days into recovery, and the shots are the worst part currently.

The first three to four days are the worst of it. your nerves are waking up, you're getting used to not bending your knee, your learning how to walk again. they are just bad.

take the pain med when your pain level is a 3 or 4 on a 1-10 scale. it'll kick in right before it gets too bad

on that note. DON'T LET SOMEONE TELL YOU HOW BAD YOU HURT. YOUR BODY. YOUR PAIN. EVERYONE'S PAIN TOLERENCE IS DIFFERENT.

when you stand, it will hurt.

when you put pressure on it, it will hurt.

when you move it, it will hurt.

when you hit it(on anything), it will hurt.

when you have to adjust the brace strap that is riiiiight on top of the incision, it will hurt like no other.

that pain, will pass.

I PROMISE you that the pain will reduce. in the moment it may seem like your leg is on fire, but fight on, Strong Warrior. fight on.

elevate your leg from behind your ankle

elevate when ever you can. you're told to, and 10/10 recommend it because it will reduce swelling

you're gonna swell anyways. a little bit of swelling is normal. it's your body trying to heal it's self.

don't take Ibuprofen: it flushed out the good things that the swelling is bringing to heal your body

ice your knee. ice. ice. ice. it will help with over swelling

you don't HAVE to elevate your foot while you sleep though.

You will not sleep for a couple nights. it will suck. it will be frustrating. and it will awful. last night was the first night since Tuesday(it's a Monday) that I got more than four hours of sleep. You will eventually get sleep though. and personally, I was able to take small naps during the day.

I personally, have self-harm scars on my left thigh. so I was slightly uncomfortable with people being around them. You'll have to have someone wrap an ace bandage around your leg(mine is wrapped from my ankle to mid thigh.). Have someone you are comfortable with touching them wrap your leg.

You may not always be fully comfortable during recovery, but try to get as comfy as you can

Go to physical therapy.

it will help(and it's prescribed)

and for goodness sake. Do your at home exercises they give you. they seem like a waste of time, but they honestly do help.

find a PT group you like. **look on your insurance to find a place that is "in network". it'll cost a whole bunch less.**

for PT it's completely okay to go to different people until you feel comfortable. You will do so much better when you're with someone you trust and can tell they know their shit.

I'm curious by nature, and my therapist has the alphabet behind his name. so if you get a card, Google the letters!

for example, the alphabet behind his name is: PT, DPT, FAAOMPT. When I searched them, I found that PT is the good ol' fashioned Physical Therapist. DPT is Doctorate of Physical Therapy. and FAAOMPT is  American Academy of Orthopedic Manual Physical Therapists("The “Fellow” is a physical therapist who has demonstrated advanced clinical, analytical, and hands-on skills in the treatment of musculoskeletal orthopedic disorders and is internationally recognized for their competence and expertise in the practice of manual physical therapy." Basically, my dude knows his shit).

Warning though, if you're curious about what a certain exercise does, and you ask,they might touch your body and physically show you what muscle the exercise works. and while you're doing an exersice, if you're doing it wrong, they will fix your position themself. this is why I say find someone your comfortable with. They are very hands on. I was lucky because the first one I went to, we hit it off. we both have mutual interests, and he isn't annoyed when I sass him. he sasses me back.

In pictures of me within a couple weeks of the operation, you can see how swollen my foot is. the brace I have is a pretty general brace, and it I locked straight. I cannot bend my leg while I have it on. under it is two ace bandages, and then on my incision there is a steri-strip. My nurse said not to touch it/try to remove it because it's keeping it clean and helping it heal. I got four holes in my knee for a camera and tools. the graph that is now my ACL is from my Patellar tendon, so the incision is between 6-8 inches.

I'll continue to update this as my recovery continues. and if you have any questions, feel free to message or send me an ask!

#acl surgery #acl reconstruction surgery #surgery recovery tips #i believe in you #you'll do great

[gwynne-fics]

Pictures

flowers

“Have you heard the rumor?” Eun-Sang ignored the whispering techs as she stared into the microscope and watched the results of her latest attempted at a vaccine. It was a rare pathogen that was definitely not marketable from a corporate standpoint but as she had accurately predicted the strain of flu for the last three years, this subsidiary was flush with enough profit no one stopped her.

“What rumor?”

“Someone made a mistake during President Park’s last trip. All the seeds she sold were viable and the internal market is set to crash. She is investigating how it happened.”

Eun-Sang struggled not to smirk. Mama would keep this quiet outside the company but she couldn’t control it inside the company. “Team Leader Seo? Could you come look at this for me? I think I found a piece that might work.”

Her question made them jump a little but Eun-Sang pretended she had not heard them gossiping about her mother’s temper. Mama would figure out it was her eventually and Eun-Sang intended to smirk as she took responsibility for it.

Team Leader Seo was a pleasant looking older woman who was a good mentor for the most part. She didn’t look down on Eun-Sang the way that some of the other mentors she’d had early on in the company did. Eun-Sang preferred innovative projects to pursue her talents. Mama wouldn’t let her work at any of the research hospitals (no rumors of miraculous recoveries were allowed) so this was really the best place for her.

She came to look at Eun-Sang’s work and smiled a few minutes later. “Write down what you did and we’ll test Soo-Ri and your work at the same time tomorrow morning. You can go. I know you have a handsome husband waiting at home for you. I’m sure he missed you.”

Eun-Sang smiled and enjoyed blushing faintly. “Thank you, Team Leader, but he’s picking me up today. We’re going to visit my sister-in-law now that her husband has gotten out of prison.”

Both Soo-Ri’s and Team Leader Seo’s eyebrows went up but neither woman was rude enough to comment on Hyo-Shin’s legal status. Eun-Sang just hoped that Young-Do wouldn’t get in a fight with Rachel. She missed Hye-Rim and she missed Rachel. She didn’t want to be expelled from their house because something was…off…about Young-Do.

“I’ll write this down for Soo-Ri.” Eun-Sang got to work and smiled at the lab technician across from her. They were some of the only women in the subsidiary. Mama tried to foster female talent and shut down harassment in the scientific fields but it wasn’t an easy to disease to combat. They were better than other companies but they still owed results to their shareholders.

After she handed her notes over Soo-Ri went over them. She gaped a little before smiling. “I wouldn’t have thought to try any of this. It is true what they say about healers.”

Eun-Sang shook her head before Soo-Ri could feel dejected and her creativity stymied. “I’m here to get better training. In my first department, my healing didn’t help me at all and I made so many mistakes. You don’t know if you would’ve figure it out this way or found a better way. It’s easy to look at someone else’s work and see only the path they took, not the paths they abandoned. Look, I followed your example with our project from last week.”

Soo-Ri flushed and Eun-Sang held back from showing her any sort of affection. Mama didn’t want her becoming too close to any of the lower echelons of the company lest they think they have a special relationship with the future president. But after living with and knowing Rachel and Bo-Na and feeling the intimacy of loving sisters, Eun-Sang struggled to keep that distance.

“You are very kind, Technician Cha,” she whispered. “Thank you.”

Eun-Sang allowed herself to squeeze her shoulder before she went back to replicating her work until Young-Do texted her that he was in the lobby, waiting for her. She tried to keep her heartrate down and not fret for him. Mama wasn’t in this building. Eun-Sang hadn’t spoken to her directly since the argument at the airport. Yoo-Ra handled all of their communication so far.

I just need to change and I’ll be down <3 Eun-Sang sent back and hurried to the bathroom. She was grateful to Rachel for teaching her a sense of style that reflected who she was. She wanted to show her that she retained some of the information. Rachel enjoyed dressing people so much and Eun-Sang wanted to show her that she listened. Rachel needed more joy in her life.

Eun-Sang put on a simple, peach dress and touched up her makeup. There was a floral arrangement with bright, colorful flowers in the hallway in front of the elevator so she gently detached a few blooming buds and grew them into her hair. The effect was worth it when Young-Do saw her. He stood from his seat and she enjoyed the way his eyes took her in. When she got close, his aura slid over her skin and she shivered longingly at the power inside it.

Her rope arrived yesterday. She tested his offer to let her tie him up and he didn’t rescind it. She wanted to be on top of him, the most powerful man in the city, beneath her and subject to her mercy when it came to his pleasure. She leaned up and kissed him with a smile.

“You look lovely. Are you ready to play nice with the biggest piece of shit we’ve ever met?” His aura twitched angrily and Eun-Sang just gently squeezed his hand.

“My husband,” she said gently after they were situated in his car. “Please remember how much she loves him. I hate him, too, you know I do, but Rachel happiness depends on us treating this decision with respect. We love her. We love Hye-Rim. As long as he also loves them, then we don’t get involved.”

Young-Do sighed and briefly closed his eyes. “I know. I’m sorry you had to remind me.”

“I’m worried about you,” Eun-Sang said after a moment. “There is something different about your aura and I don’t understand it.”

He swallowed and looked out the window before taking her hand and holding it gently. “I’m hunting death dealers now with the help of my mother. When I deal them, I take their auras into mine. The death tastes wrong and I have to work harder to control it. Does it bother you? Is it…interfering?”

Eun-Sang hadn’t told him with Mama did to her yet.

“No,” she said honestly. “I’ll be ovulating by this weekend. We can get pregnant then if you’re ready.”

“I’m ready,” he looked down at her with a smile. The car came to a stop and he took a deep breath. He took off his seatbelt and leaned over to kiss her forehead. “I won’t embarrass us. I’ll play nice.”

He hurried to her side of the car and helped her out. They rang the doorbell and waited. Eun-Sang thought Rachel would send her maid to answer for her but instead, Lee Hyo-Shin answered, carrying Hye-Rim. It ended up being the right thing because Hye-Rim made a leap for Young-Do and he was forced to catch her before passing off their housewarming gift to Eun-Sang.

Lee Hyo-Shin gestured them inside with a bland, uncomfortable smile while they took off their shoes and Hye-Rim babbled at Young-Do. Eun-Sang loved watching Young-Do with Hye-Rim. She loved watching Hye-Rim throw tiny little punches at his hand. She couldn’t want to watch him do that with their child.

She caught Lee Hyo-Shin giving Young-Do a curious look before he went to bring Rachel out of her studio. Rachel came out and welcomed them both with a hug and a kiss to the cheek. “Hye-Rim is excited to see you both,” she said easily. “She’s been tugging on your connections all day. She’ll dive at you soon enough.”

Eun-Sang was about to say she didn’t need diving from Hye-Rim when right at the moment, as if she understood her mother, Hye-Rim made grabby hands at Eun-Sang and dove for her when Young-Do didn’t hand her off quickly enough. She took the lovely bundle of baby from Young-Do and hugged her tightly when Hye-Rim snuggled close.

She caught Lee Hyo-Shin staring at his daughter as she reached for the flowers in Eun-Sang’s hair. She pulled out the smallest bud and brought it down to show Hye-Rim. Then she grew the stem out so she could put it on Hye-Rim’s wrist as a bracelet. It delighted the baby girl and she softly stroked it with her fingers before holding her hand out to her father.

“That is very lovely and such a magical gift.” Hye-Rim nodded at him and then laid her head on Eun-Sang’s shoulder. “I’m constantly in awe of her,” Hyo-Shin remarked as they sat down on the couches. He held Rachel’s hand after putting an arm around her shoulders. “I don’t have a lot of experience with babies or children but she seems so aware of everything around her. I wonder if Lee Bo-Na’s baby will be like that.”

“It’s possible,” Young-Do said. “Esther said that I was a very serious toddler. She trusted me around Rachel right away. Rachel, from what I remember, had no fear the way that Hye-Rim isn’t afraid of anyone. She’s going to drive you crazy when she can walk.”

Rachel’s eyes briefly narrowed at her brother and Eun-Sang knew why. He was testing Lee Hyo-Shin by reminding him that he, too, was a magical child. Hyo-Shin gave a quiet snort but kissed Rachel’s temple. “I’ll go check on dinner. Woo-Hee might need some help setting the table.”

He walked away and Rachel openly glared at Young-Do. “You cannot do that,” she whispered. “He’s been amazing with Hye-Rim these last few days. I do not want you to scare him.”

“Has he been amazing with you?”

“Yes,” Eun-Sang answered for her. Rachel looked mildly surprised so Eun-Sang smiled. “He’s given her heart back. Hye-Rim’s heart also belongs to her. The relationships are balanced again and he’s no longer killing her. Whatever he is doing in this home, it is working the way Rachel hoped it would.” Then she showed Young-Do she was still on his side. “If that changes, I will let you know.”

“It won’t change,” Rachel said stubbornly.

“You hope,” Young-Do answered. “Alright. I’ll be more careful. Does he have a plan to provide for you?”

“No.” Lee Hyo-Shin answered for himself as he returned to the couch. Rachel looked up at him and he smiled tightly down at her. “Rachel is the director of a major brand and heir to a fashion empire. Even when I was a prosecutor, I had no way of providing for her and Hye-Rim that she could not do herself. I’m her husband and Hye-Rim’s father right now. That’s all I need to be.”

“I agree,” Rachel said quickly and that ended any other discussion they could have about what Hyo-Shin would provide for Rachel. Dinner was pleasant and Eun-Sang just smiled when Hye-Rim fell asleep against her shoulder, lovingly petting the flower around her wrist.

#pictures

[iris-crown]

For the Anon who asked me about the most perfect Human being in my life.

  Okay hey, so this is for the anon that asked me about the most perfect human being in my life. It is a really long story and I am not going to say any names for the sake of their privacy. So, here it is.

The Most Perfect Human Being In My Life

  On February 16, 2017, I remember feeling like a mess. I would cry all the time, my used to be best friend ditched me for his girlfriend, and I wasn’t really close with anyone anymore either. I was pushing everyone away. I then decided to post to an app called Whisper. I just said ‘Someone talk to me I’m bored.’ When you have Whisper, you can link your school and get posts from other people you go to school with. I made some pretty cool friends through the app, especially this one person. I got one reply, and they said hi. I decided to message them. We talked for so long. I felt really connected to this stranger. He was really nice and he was funny too. What was there not to like? When I asked for his name, he wouldn’t tell me. He wouldn’t even show me what he looked like. He kept me following him like a tiger after it’s prey that wouldn’t stop till the tiger gets what it wants. I was the tiger, and he was my prey. That whole weekend, we talked and talked. I eventually told him my name and he decided to do some investigating and look up my profiles. I warned him that I’m not that pretty, and he told me that I was really pretty and all. I asked him if me and him could meet up in the morning at school in the cafeteria for breakfast, and he said okay. I was really nervous. He was a senior, and I myself a junior. I tried hard to not think of anything more than a friendship, because I really wanted to try my hardest of focusing on myself and trying to get through the rest of the school year.

  When I got to school, I told him I was headed to the cafeteria, and he told me he would meet me there. I could feel my heart racing. I was nervous, scared, excited, I had butterflies in my stomach. When I took a seat at one of the tables, I continued texting him on Whisper. I kept asking what he was wearing so it could make things a lot easier for me and more relaxed. He kept telling me how he was close to me, and how I have a black backpack, I’m wearing 2 bracelets, and I was reading a paper. I kept looking around. My friends eventually came and even noticed my mini freak out. He then told me he was going to get breakfast and to just look for a short little Mexican. I just laughed and continued talking to my friends. That’s when I looked up and there he was. He smiled at me and waved and I could feel myself blush just a little bit and the butterflies grew more inside me. He chuckled and continued to smile at me. I told my friends I would see them later, and I got up and went to the table he was sitting at. God.. that smile.. that damn smile could end wars and cure cancer. That’s in that moment right there.. I felt my heart beat again for the first time in a really long time. I could feel again. I felt my heart pounding out of my chest so hard that I could explode.

  I remember finally asking his name, and he told me. We talked for a bit, and I remember getting so nervous, I said some of the most stupidest things, but he laughed. I wasn’t sure if he was laughing at all the stupid shit I was saying cause it was lame, or if he thought I was actually funny. God.. I could not get over that smile. After I had left the cafeteria to go to class, I couldn’t help but text him again. He told me I was pretty funny, and I smiled and just stayed in class.

  We didn’t see each other again until Friday. He and I both got sick with the flu, and we both weren’t better till Friday. Friday would be the day I would never ever forget.

  February 24, 2017. I met up with him that morning, and we just spent the morning talking and eating the shitty Uncrustable breakfast the school had given us. We laughed at the littlest things, and that’s when he told me he was gonna be all alone at lunch. Since he was a senior, and myself a junior, I was not allowed off campus lunch like he was allowed to. I kindly offered him to come sit with me and hang out with my friends and all. He accepted.

  When I was on my way back to my school (I go off campus to another school for AV Production), I texted him saying if he still wanted to meet up. He was saying how he didn’t feel like going in the cafeteria, as it was really crowded. He kept begging and begging me to go off campus with him. I eventually gave in. I was scared of getting caught. My friend got in school suspension for going off campus when she wasn’t suppose to. I was waiting by the choir hall, and I saw him come to me. I felt the butterflies in my stomach again.

  He asked me if I was ready to go, and I nodded nervously. We walked next to each other, and we walked out the new building into the senior parking lot. When we were walking, we saw a group of girls get out of a jeep. We saw the principal of the school, and we saw his principal of his grade level slowly start walking over to the group. I looked at him and started having a panic attack. He kept telling me to calm down and I kept asking where his car is so we could go. He showed me his car and we got in quickly. He kept laughing at me. I just blushed.

  He kept on telling me how it was okay and that I did it and we’ll be okay. That’s when he tangled his fingers in my hair to calm me down. I calmed down so quickly and just relaxed, even though I was still a little bit tense. We ended up going to the park that was by the school together. We just sat in his car, listening to the radio, and talking. We had only been talking for a week, and it felt like I knew so much about him already. I just didn’t want to let him in so quickly, but I did anyways.

  I mentioned how I was having a really really good day despite the date. He was curious and asked about it. He asked if it was my birthday, and I told him my birthday already passed. He wished me happy belated birthday. That’s when I told him that it was my 5 year anniversary for when I went into the hospital for suicidal tendencies, major depression and major anxiety disorder. I opened up how my dad left 6 or 7 times for the same woman and children. He just listened and didn’t even try to understand. He just hugged me tightly and told me he would always be there for me no matter what. He had told me that if I was ever feeling down, then to listen to this song, and he sang a song about penis’ to me. We just laughed, took a picture together, I got a video of him singing to me then quitting cause I was recording him. I had so much fun, and I hadn’t felt that happy in a long time. I remember we were talking about our first times. First kiss, first boyfriend, and he was so in shock to find out I had never had my first date ever. That’s when he decided to make our first hangout my first date ever. I felt real happiness for the first time in 3 years. I had never connected to someone so amazing, patient, kind, and just simply perfect.

  It became harder to deny the fact that I was falling so hard for this guy. I didn’t want to admit it, but only denying would make my feelings stronger. Every time we would talk, it felt like nothing mattered in the world. It was just me and him. He turned out to be everything I could have ever wanted. All I ever needed. I was falling so in love with this guy. You know that feeling when you have your arms out, and you’re spinning around and around so fast that you fall to the ground and the world spinning around you doesn’t stop? That’s what love feels like. I was in love with the thought of love, and he showed me that. I felt wanted for the first time in my life by someone who saw me for me. I felt like I was on top of the world.

  Flash forward to March 13, 2017. It was the first day back from spring break. During spring break, we talked all the time. Every day, every night, sometimes till 3 in the morning. It felt nice knowing I could count on someone the same way they counted on me. When we got back to school, I couldn’t wait to see the most perfect human being that I had met a month ago. One week was just simply hell for me. When I saw him for the first time in a whole week, that same feeling in my stomach came back. I was sitting in the cafeteria at breakfast, until I felt someone poke my sides from behind, and I jumped and turned around and there he was. I blushed deeply as he laughed and smiled. I hugged him tightly like I always did. God I missed his hugs. Later that afternoon, I asked him if he could help me with my world geography class online after school. He said yes. After school got out, we went into the computer lab and I logged onto my class. He sat right next to me, and there it went. World Geography was killing me. I didn’t know what I was suppose to do and I almost got frustrated to the point I cried. That’s when he put his hands on my legs and told me to breathe and that it would be okay. I nodded, and finished the assignment with an 85%. We finished for the day, and my mom wouldn’t be there for another hour, so me and him went to the hallway where one of the set of doors was.

  I leaned against the wall of the empty hallway and there we just talked. That’s when he asked me this: “Do you trust me?” I nodded my head and he told me to close my eyes. I was hesitant, but I did. He played a little joke on me and I opened my eyes up laughing as he did. He told me how I was so cute. I told him I wasn’t as I looked down on the floor. Then it happened. He picked my head up by my chin with his finger and thumb, and he gently, softly, and sweetly planted his lips on mine. That’s when I felt my heart start pounding so loudly you could hear it. I loved him. I loved him so much. I still do.

  I’ll admit, my first kiss sucked. It gave me the vibes of ‘Oh, I wanna fuck you so hard and take advantage of you.’ It made me feel like it was stolen from me even when I wanted to kiss that guy too, but him, the most perfect human being to ever come into my life, it was everything I could have ever wanted. I wished that’s how my first kiss would be. It was sweet and innocent, and it was just how I imagined my first kiss. I was falling in love.

  Me and this guy.. we went through so much together. He was always there, and he still is. He has always been there. I have no idea what my life would be like right now if he didn’t come into my life. Who would have thought a meaningless app would create something beyond my imagination? I am forever grateful for everything that has happened between me and him. If he sees this, I hope he knows how much I love him.

  I love him so much I would do anything for him. I am so fucking proud of him. Extremely proud of him. I hope he knows he always has my heart, I mean, he’s the one that fixed it. He’s the one that brought it back to life. When he’s gone at college, I’m going to just miss him so much like crazy. If I could, I would relive every minute of the time he came into my life till now all over again if I could.

I love you. <3

#personal #iris-crown #writing #love story #deep love writing #love #happiness #tumblr writers #personal writing #personal love story #please don't remove source #give credit please #him #i love him #i love him so much

[thegirlsinthefirehouse]

Descendants, Chapter 16

AN:  Running a little late with this one. Sorry! Added a couple of things that made me feel better about this chapter. -----

Holtzmann’s dad had invited them over for dinner after he got off of work. 

The smells were delicious as they entered the small four room bungalow with Holtz’s key in a neighborhood near downtown Baltimore. When her dad stuck his head out the kitchen door, Holtzmann squealed and ran up and hugged him. Abby smiled and watched the happy scene. Dean Holtzmann was a kind and gentle man with a sharp mind for fabrics and textiles. He loved patterns and textures and did a lot of work for clothing and furniture companies alike. He was well received for his work around the world.

Which was probably the reason he had allowed his daughter to run amok with science. He did his own experimentation with colors and design, so why couldn’t she with metal and electricity?

“You finally got here I see,” he grinned.

“This place gets smaller and smaller,” said Holtz, looking around at all the rolls of fabric sitting everywhere and pattern designs tacked up on the walls.

“It’s all the junk I keep bringing in. I should have never moved out of our other house I think,” he said, smiling. “Abby, good to see you.” He gestured for her to come give him a hug. Holtz tugged on Abby’s arm, getting her to stay.

“Dad, I’ve got someone you need to meet first. “Holtzmann the III, I want to introduce you to Holtzmann the I. This is your other grandpa.” Abby held back a laugh as Holtz rubbed the small bump on her abdomen. She put a hand over Holtz’s, smiling at her.

“You-- you two are having a baby?” said Dean, looking surprised. “Jillian...”

“We came to surprise you,” she said with a grin. “Now I know what you’re thinking Dad. We’re too young to be having kids, but we decided now would be the right time...”

“I’m going to be Granddad,” he said, stunned. He came over and wrapped his arms around Abby first, then Holtzmann. He held her at arm’s length, smiling as he looked at her.

“Your mom would be so happy right about now.”

“I’m sure Mom’s around here somewhere,” Holtz said, gesturing towards the ceiling. “But yeah, little munchkin will be here soon enough.”

“Not soon enough for Abby, I’m sure,” said Dean. “How far along--?”

“17 weeks,” said Abby.

“You’ve got a good chunk to go then,” he said. “Has she been treating you like a queen Abby? Because she’d better be.”

“My wife will not want for anything,” said Holtzmann.

“She’s next,” said Abby. “If we decide to have more.” Holtzmann mouthed “NO” to her father and pointed to Abby with both hands. When Dean laughed, Abby turned and looked at Holtz, who pretended to stand still and look innocent.

“I will never understand you two and your antics,” said Dean. “But that’s probably for the best as long as you do. Come on in to the kitchen and let's sit down. Dinner will be done in about five minutes. I made pot roast.”

“I love you,” said Holtzmann, hugging her dad. “And your pot roast.” She wandered into the kitchen and started pulling out plates.

“Does Holtz have your email?” asked Abby to Dean. “We won’t be getting another sonogram for about three weeks, but I can send it to you.”

“I’d love that,” he said. “And she does.” Abby nodded.

“I’m happy you decided to do this,” he said. “I can’t wait to see my grandchild with you two as parents.”

“Just a bit scary,” said Abby. “Lots of things to worry about.”

“Don’t even think about it,” said Dean. “It’ll work itself out in due time.”

“I hope so,” said Abby with a sigh. She laid a hand on her abdomen.

“I know it will,” he said, patting Abby on the shoulder.

----- The next morning, Holtzmann flopped happily down on her dad's couch. He had invited them back over for breakfast when they told him that they didn't have plans. But the frittata was still baking, and he hadn't finished the fruit salad when they arrived. Abby volunteered to help with the latter so Dean could show Holtz something before they ate.

"So... after you and Abby left last night, I got to thinking. I still had a box of your baby things, so I thought I'd pull them out to see if there is anything you might want for keepsakes or for the baby." He gestured to the box on the coffee table. "I added a couple of things over the years after... but it's mostly stuff your mom wanted to keep as memories." Holtz picked up the plastic bin, feeling odd. She remembered going through the things when she was little with her mother. There had been some sort of kindergarten project about where they had come from, and her mother had shown her the baby book she and her dad had done for her. But other than that, she didn't remember much about what was inside. She hesitated for a moment. That meant that there would be reminders of her mother all in this book. It had been a while since she had come upon the ghost of Malinda Holtzmann.

"Jillian?" asked Dean, frowning. "You alright?"

"Fine, dandy. Right as rain," she said, smiling back. Dean knew that look. Jillian was hiding behind her mask. He rubbed the back of her hand, smiling sadly.

"I miss her too," he said softly. The wince that came across her face was enough of an answer. He patted her shoulder. "Why don't I go relieve Abby and send her your way? I'm sure she would love to see your baby things. Have you ever shown her?" Holtz shook her head no.

"All the more reason then," he said, getting up and going into the kitchen. Holtz was putting her hands on the box when her wife came into the room.

"Baby stuff, huh?" said Abby.

"Yeah, just the boring stuff that I had," said Holtzmann. "Nothing special." Abby sat down and kissed Holtz on the cheek.

"Of course it is special. It was yours."

"Yeah well..." said Holtz, trailing off. She took a deep breath and blew it out comedically before taking off the lid. Something on top automatically caught her attention. "Pudding!" she exclaimed, amazed. She picked up the small chocolate colored bear.

"I thought I had lost you..." She looked over to the kitchen and held up the bear. "Dad?" He came out of the room, grinning.

"I found him a couple of years ago when I was donating some clothes. He was in the pocket of an old jacket of mine. You know, that green--"

"I was playing hide and seek," stated Holtz, suddenly remembering.

"With the teddy bear?" asked Abby.

"He was a good hider," nodded Holtz. She laughed, looking at the bear. "All these years and you were still hiding." Dean chuckled at that. Abby had her suspicions that Holtz's dad had done a little fixing up overnight. The bowtie looked newer than it should and the plastic eyes looked refreshed and bright. But she'd never tell Holtzmann that. She laughed when Holtz placed the teddy bear next to her baby bump.

"You want Pudding to come with us, don't you?"

"I'm sure they do," said Abby, smiling. "It's a cute bear."

"Of course, he was mine," sniffed Holtz. She hugged the bear close. Abby took a picture with her cellphone of Holtzmann with her eyes closed behind her glasses and cuddling with the teddy bear.

"That's going in the baby book," she teased. Holtzmann pulled out a small baby outfit in a plastic Ziploc bag. It was pink. Holtz wrinkled her nose. It wasn't even a very light, barely there pink. It would put Pepto Bismol to shame. And it had glitter. Abby had to put a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing at her poor wife.

"It's very... cute." Holtz rolled her eyes and groaned.

"This is not going home." She grabbed Abby's phone before she could take a picture of it. "And you are not taking a picture and sending it to Erin and Patty." Abby pouted and picked up the bag.

"That's sweet that it was your coming home outfit," she teased. She wrapped her arms around Holtzmann. "I'm sure you were quite adorable in this."

"You can see," said Holtz. She put a baby book in Abby's lap. "I was a little cupcake." This time Abby did laugh at little Holtzmann asleep in the arms of her mother who was sitting in a wheelchair right next to a nurses' station. She really did look like a little pink frosted cupcake in the outfit.

"That's going to be you soon enough," cooed Holtz. "With our baby."

"As long as things go alright," said Abby. She sat up and started flipping through the baby book. Seeing all the little details Holtz's mom and dad had made gave her ideas for theirs. The matching hospital bracelets were definitely something she wanted to do since they were going to have three.

"It will," said Holtz softly. She rubbed a hand across Abby's baby bump. Abby closed the book and reached for a small box inside the plastic bin. Holtz looked curious too when she opened it. Wrapped in tissue paper was a patchwork blanket of different fabrics, just big enough for a newborn. Holtzmann laughed and ran her hand across it. She smiled and automatically knew who had made that. She laid her head on Abby's shoulder.

"Dad does such good work."

"And in such good condition," said Abby. She held it up, wondering what baby Holtz would have been like. Holtzmann pulled it closer to her. She closed her eyes and breathed it in.

"It smells like mom." She gently took it from Abby, practically curling up into it, just breathing in. "I can't believe I still remember how she smelled." Abby looked up and saw Dean standing in the doorway, watching his daughter. There were tears starting to form in her eyes. He smiled sadly and headed into the kitchen. Abby rubbed her wife's back.

"I think we found the baby's first blanket." The automatic smile she got from Holtz was enough to brighten up the tears. Holtz wiped her face, laughing a little at her emotions. She teased Abby by spreading the blanket across her abdomen, which broke the atmosphere of nostalgia. They chatted for a moment about a couple of things in the box, but the only thing that had captured Holtz's attention the most was the teddy bear and blanket. Holtzmann wasn't worried too much about the rest. School records and certificates for science fairs weren't something she really needed to have. And she knew her father would enjoy them more. She had everything she wanted. ----- Abby was stealthily working on a second cup of coffee while Holtzmann and her dad were talking about his brother and family. She had to admit, she was halfway tuning them out. They lived in Ottawa and Abby had only met them once. Holtz had admitted they didn't often meet up because her Uncle James worked a lot. She had only gotten to see him herself about four or five times over her life. Six if she counted their wedding, but they didn't have much time to mingle with their guests, and Holtz had only managed to get in a hug from her uncle that day. She did, however, hear Dean mention to Holtzmann that her old elementary school had been shut down for safety concerns and she watched the blonde's face light up like a Christmas tree.

"Abs..."

"Yeah?"

Holtz's grin went even wider as she grabbed her hand.

"We're going hunting." <– Prev | Next –>

#yatesmann #ghostbusters 2016 #descendants fanfic gb

[oneshul]

Vayaytsay: An Evening with Laban, Jacob’s Father-in-Law

Come in, come in, Stranger! Welcome to my humble tent. I am Laban, sheikh of this little tribe—look around my home! As you can see, I have two daughters, Leah and Rachel, a fine son-in-law, Jacob, and grandchildren enough. Sit here, by the fire; it will stop your shivering—yes, our Aramean desert nights can get cold enough, I’ll tell you! Ha-ha! Here, Leah, my dear—fetch our guest a big bowl of that red-bean stew—that will warm your bones, I’ll wager!

The sheep in the paddock outside? Oh, you have sharp eyes, to count all those spotted-and-speckled sheep? Um—to speak truth—and I never do otherwise, trust me—they are not mine. They are the property of my son-in-law, that young scoundrel, Jacob, over there in the corner, playing with his baby, Joseph, my youngest grandson. And the other children? Why, they are his, as well. How prolific his wife must be, you ask? Truth to tell, my Jacob—my junior business partner—has, not one, but two full-fledged wives, and two concubines, to boot! That, Stranger, is what makes his family so large—but I don’t fret; they are all my grandsons—oh, and one granddaughter, Dena—where has my little princess got to? I do hope that she is not poking around the tent of that Shechem, again….

How do I manage to feed and clothe all of them? Well, indeed, Stranger, it is difficult—so much so, that Jacob and his family may one day leave my hospitality—(calling to Jacob) how long has it been, Jakey, that you’ve worked for—I mean, lived with me? Over twenty years? (resuming speech with the Stranger) Well, then, I would bet, they might leave—oh, at most any time. Still, I will never forget all the fine years we spent together—Jacob marrying my two fine daughters, taking to concubine the girls’ serving-maids, and building up his flocks! Ha! One could take pride in the accomplishments of such a boy—I mean, man—and I tell you, Stranger, it is as if he were my own flesh and blood! Such pride I take in him….

Any problems between us? (Suspiciously) Why do you ask? You’re not—forgive me—a spy for King Abimelech, are you? Ha-ha! Just joking…. Well, yes, it is crowded here, under my tent, but one must accommodate family, say I. Still, what a curious Stranger you are—you persist in your queries! Well, then, nothing asked, nothing answered, as my father, bless him, used to say—

There is but one area of contention (whispering, while glancing, from time to time, at Jacob, still busy with the infants off in the tent-corner)—this Invisible God that Jacob worships—to speak truth, it puts my neighbors off. They are all good Baal-and-Ishtar worshipers, just like me, the king, and (I assume) yourself, O Stranger. I cannot understand how Jacob can stick to just one God—it makes no sense, if you ask me. Where would we all be, had we not a god of the sky, a god of the river, a goddess of the harvest, and so on? Why, how could one God, no matter how mighty, manage all those different things? We’ve had many an argument on this subject, Jacob and I, and, in the end, must agree to disagree—he is a stubborn fellow, and, truth to tell (there I go again), so am I.

Why should Jacob leave me? Well, it’s been a long time that we’ve been together—and now, with his flocks so large and servants so numerous, it’s using up my precious resources—the grass of the fields, my provender, and my well of water, not to mention those high property taxes I must pay to King Abimelech—don’t get me started about property taxes. The king has promised to overhaul our taxation system, but, just between us, I don’t believe a word of it. Those tax changes never benefit the small tradesman, such as I am. The king always takes the lion’s share; he is, after all, the king. All hail His Majesty, Abimelech! (spits on the ground)

I see that you’ve made short work of your bowl of stew—would you care for some more? No? Well then, I do hope that you’ll join me in a cup of barley beer. Yes? Well then, Rachel! Go fetch me and my guest two cups of beer, from the barrel in the barn—oh, sorry, my dear—I see that you are nursing your new little prince—Stranger! What is a father to do with such recalcitrant daughters? Time was, a man could thrash his children into obeying—yes, those were the good old days….

Will you spend the night with us, Stranger? Charge? No, no charge—what do you take me for? I am but a humble shepherd and farmer, practicing good, old-fashioned Aramean hospitality. Still, I could not miss that fat moneybag on your belt—it clinks when you move—by Baal’s beard, I daresay it’s full of gold, isn’t it? Oh, you won’t say—yes, yes, none of my business; you are right. But your fingers and wrists  sparkle with jeweled rings and bracelets of pure gold!. Would there be a copper or two in your purse for me, Honest Laban, for your drink and sup? Ha-ha! Just joking, Stranger….

Rabbi David Hartley Mark is from New York City’s Lower East Side. He attended Yeshiva University, the City University of NY Graduate Center for English Literature, and received semicha at the Academy for Jewish Religion. He currently teaches English at Everglades University in Boca Raton, FL, and has a Shabbat pulpit at Temple Sholom of Pompano Beach. His literary tastes run to Isaac Bashevis Singer, Stephen King, King David, Kohelet, Christopher Marlowe, and the Harlem Renaissance.

#progressive judaism #judaism #jewish #torah study #drash #vayetzei #vayaytsay #parsha #weekly parsha #rabbi david hartley mark #shabbat #shabbos #sabbath #oneshul