#so i guess it must b me??

[gibbearish]

kinda frustrating how we've spent the last few months acknowledging how a lot of well intentioned but guilt trippy social justice posts are like specifically designed to worm into ocd ppls brains and then now every single post abt palestine is "i dont care how bad your mental health is, i dont care how bad looking at all this makes you feel, if you don't read every single post you see on this topic in full you are a horrible person and directly contributing to their deaths. 'waaaah my mental health' well at least youre not being bombed, did you think about that??" and its like. i absolutely get where youre coming from but you dont get to complain that guilt tripping is bad then turn around and use it anyways because you think the cause youre using it for is worthwhile. like. everyone thinks the cause theyre using it for is worthwhile, thats why theyre using it. but its still a shit way to do it

#like when you make a tumblr post to your tumblr blog youre not guilt tripping people who disagree with you #youre guilt tripping your followers who if theyre still following you probably already agree with what youre saying #and esp on a topic with so much brutality involved like. yeah OBVIOUSLY theres people who have to look away #like. yall know a bunch of these posts and articles and videos show graphic injuries in them right? #like i physically cant watch news videos abt this bc i will spend days with my brain making me imagine #peoples deaths in graphic detail specifically because it knows that will upset me. and i would prefer not to do that #in fact me doing that helps palestinians exactly as much as finishing my brussel sprouts helps starving kids #by which i mean none. its just a cheap guilt trip to get you to do something you don't want to #which when it's brussel sprouts thats whatever but when its 'deliberately expose yourself to extremely triggering #things otherwise youre a bad person'. not so much #idk i feel like maybe its due to ppl feeling. agitated abt not being able to do anything abt it #like the government isnt listening and we're a world away so physically /all/ we can do really is sit and watch #so i can understand a) wanting to find someone to lash out at to alleviate that feeling #like if you cant stop the actual problem at the very least you can shout down the people supporting it right? #and b) seeing 'not watching' or even just 'not watching as closely as i am' as a transgression #bc well its all we can do so if youre not even doing that you must be bad #and its like. i really do get it. but the whole world is watching right now‚ like this is THE big news thing happening rn #so a few people choosing to avoid to subject will not make a single iota of difference #idk. i guess what im saying is if youre feeling the urge to yell at someone for not looking close enough #just donate some money to a support fund instead itll do a lot more

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before #is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things #the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the #weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad #not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a #prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country #my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for #treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad #as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain #shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing #to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird #when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk #i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach #out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like??? #this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home #somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms. #but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long #term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting #whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot #i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors #i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival #unrelated

[itspileofgoodthings]

My mom to me this week: Maria you’re very pretty, a fact you have always had trouble believing

#look I’m back on my bullshit of talking about my looks again even though I know it doesn’t matter/I have largely moved on from struggling #over it #But sometimes I still DO and I also still like to talk about it #And yeah. Man. I’ve always had such a fraught relationship with my face #this is some Anne of green gables shenanigans but some part of me is like ‘this is not dignified or romantic enough’ #like it’s so shepherdess/baker of me #Also a part of me has gotten over that of course #A bigger part of me knows it doesn’t matter and also has let it go #And a part of me has fully accepted that I’m pretty #But really I guess I want to talk about it (to myself I mean) because it just was such a concern of mine for so long #Caused me such angst!!!!!! #Also I don’t think it helped that I got a) no male validating b) a lot of female validation #My high school classmates VERY quick to tell me I was pretty #Me knowing enough to know that it must be a very non-threatening prettiness if they could say it so fast #Also of course packaged in the high school girl snide/silliness of ‘let me do your makeup’ which I never did lol #I did let one girl straighten my hair though which was a fun experiment #I still occasionally LOVE having straight hair #it’s just literally such a new self for me #And it’s funnnnnnn #Anyway the tall blonde at my sister’s wedding who walked across the room to ask me to dance healed a lot more hurt inside me #than he had any idea of #(No he wasn’t the love of my life) (the moment was ROMANCE though) #anyway like. Again. Mostly there is no point to me chattering on about this and I don’t want to gain anything by it #Because I know all the things I need to #It just really is—the way I experience life is still very much being content with my appearance #And then having these FLASHES of either total ego or complete cringe #And both are very intense! I know I know the human condition. The feminine condition! Lol #Okay I’m done. Thanks for listening

[wings-of-angels]

trying to plan out what pokèmon bruce wayne would have... much to think about

#i am envisioning batman to have: noivern (obviously he must have one bat pokèmon). lucario. and greninja #i chose the last 2 partly because i like those pokèmon but theyre also powerful and stealthy pokèmon #so fitting for batman #and noiverns more of a less-stealthy heavy hitter i guess for when hes gotten civillians out the way #batman would have to have some sort of earplugs or padding in his cowl to deal with the sound noivern creates though.. hmmmmm #im also thinking he should have some sort of electric or tech pokèmon but i cant decide which one.. #i gotta balance strategy vs his asthetic #it would be good if he had a fire and/or grass type pokèmon too but none really fit his vibe #also it would make sense he have a fighting type (aside from lucario) but i dislike all the fighting types 😔😔 #sorry pretty privellage is REAL and it is stopping me from giving him other fighting types #idk.. much to think about #i think lucario makes a lot of sense tbh like they both have the drive to do good and help people #i can envision bruce finding a riolu during his time training and instantly having that connection #ORRR bruce is so strung up on his anger and bitterness. it takes meeting riolu (who rejects him for not being as virtuous as b would think) #for bruce to kinda enforce his own principles #of becoming batman to HELP amd do GOOD and not just for vengence #meanwhile i chose greninja cos its one of my favs #brucie wayne would also need different pokèmon to batman. otherwise his secret identity is WAYY too obvious #it would depend on what kind of bruce wayne i want tho #the more ditsy playboy brucie would have different pokèmon to... e.g. ben afflecks batman whos more sleazy businessman #so many different options #SORRY FOR THE RAMBLE i am... thinking

[dormiloncito]

YAYYYY i beat funger 2 😋. and so, my collection of endings begins again.

i highkey feel bad, by playing with my favorite characters i doomed them to die LMAO 😭 (marina is also a fav, but i swapped her for daan last minute)

#this is crazy. so to save all 13 i should beat the THREE final bosses solo? #insane. i am not doing that. or maybe i will bc yippie completionism! #i felt like this game was longer than funger 1. and it is. this final save must be like 9 or 10 hours long #(finishing funger 1 took me about 6-7 hours give or take) #but. yea i must consider all the several hours lost to getting killed and not saving #KJNDKASJDN #i feel like the final area is more forgiving in this one. also the fact that it has an easy mode #all in all i love this game! #i felt more scared than the first game but now that i've experienced it all i guess that fear factor will go away (lie) #to get ending b and c i have to go sicko mode so i think i will use o'saa because his abilities are the coolest/easier to use solo. #to me

[eggmixercortex]

wait did i ever actually explain the thiefkiller curse over here i dont think i did whoopsie

basically shiloh is Twitchy about being found out and if forced into a corner where it cant play dead or escape without doing anything obviously inhuman it goes 'aw fuck not again' and kills every witness - that being generally the band of thieves or other people who prey on travelers. because of shiloh's Big Fuckofff Teeth, their bites look nothing like either vampire or leech colony bites and more like those of a gigantic dog, so if/when entire gangs of bandits are discovered dead all together, completely drained of blood and covered in the bites and scratches of what looks to be a Massive canine, people start to theorize.

eventually the consensus becomes that this mystery murderer is some kind of supernatural beast that only targets highwaymen, likely summoned by a powerful mage somehow seeking revenge. as the myth grows, more and more is added to the idea of the Curse, from reasonable things like 'it kills anyone who sees it to prevent witnesses' to nonsense like 'the curse is actually the mutated vengeful ghosts of victims killed in robberies, who must drink the blood of their killers to remain tethered to the mortal realm'

jackass thinks the rumor is dangerous as the detail of large teeth may put them under suspicion, but shiloh is endlessly entertained by it and even joins discussions on the true nature of the curse. also worth noting, shiloh explains away all of its symptoms of infestation by claiming to be cursed, notably a curse that was lodged into their eye, hence the eye patch. this is possibly THE flimsiest excuse one could POSSIBLY come up with but it does, somehow, work for most. those who DO see through it are usually either already friendly with shiloh or the type not to pry. usually.

#read about my ocs boy!! #the curse excuse works on cartoon logic where its so stupid nobody would choose to lie about it so it must be true. also its funny to me #worm ocs #shiloh: NOBODY can ever find out id rather die than b discovered!! *guy was nice to it Once is in danger* o shit guess i got no choice #anyway.

[dlnqnt]

on the first day of september i encountered a ghost in my home is this an omen

#im being v fr #my parents' room door has become difficult to open since a few mos ago now it takes a lot of jiggling and turning the knob #so basically u know when someone is trying to enter or leave and it's right next to my room right and i can hear everything #so i get up early to use the bathroom and as i'm getting into the hallway i hear their door handle being struggled w #so im like oh i guess ma's gotta go to the bathroom too #so it stops and i wait a second so i can know which bath she's gonna go to so i can go to the other one #but the door stays closed and no one comes out #so im like oh she must be going b a c k even tho i would definitely have heard her walking back to her room before then if that was the cas #so i go in and check on her jic bcus if she's awake she wouldn't have even gotten settled back in bed by the time i opened the door #and what's this ? the woman is snoring facing away from me deep sleep cozy in bed like she's been there for hours #so im just like wtf and ziggy's perked up in his bed like he would be if he were ready to get up and greet her #and im like. im too tired for this so i do my biz and go back to bed #bcus what am i gonna do abt some freak ghost trying to open doors at 7am who does that u kno #it's the most innocuous shit

[unproduciblesmackdown]

billions figuring winston shouldn't just also still be there in the end with the guys we accept so he needs to be sent out, which, it's also remarkable to recall like "okay does he still technically, partially work at/for axe global then? it's a 'maybe' but what matters is that he's not There even if so"....the way that even if we infer he did get to finally be sick of waiting on better, we weren't even given so much of an arc of a couple episode's leadup showing him markedly being more frustrated / fed up with The Usual bullshit or anything like that, the way it went with one ep to spare "oh right winston's catchphrases! we all know & loathe them" like don't strain yourselves....that even in giving up on things, winston still has to be further let down by everyone even after quitting, like well that's probably ultimately helpful for him but it was (a) forced on him and (b) not sure i'd give billions the credit for anything sympathetic towards winston versus "well the only thing to be done with winston material is have fun while epic winners shit on him however they want," the wags plotline had no point just like the later one that could've been scrapped & transformed into "how about taylor gets any dialogue this episode"....the way that billions may imagine like hmm what to do with winston? all that can Ultimately happen with him is he has to go away and die, for him it's [out of sight out of mind out of Existence], just as has been the show's approach for the consequences of him being shitted on all th time for years before this: there are none, b/c we're not looking at them, and winston is never not completely [othered] including right now, and if it helps for some reason we'll talk about how we might be fine if he literally dies. and so we're graced with a "who knows or cares, he's just gone, finally. after being kept around b/c it's so fun seeing winners torment him" ending as the only one they find imaginable for winston

#uptick in annoyance about it on this day.... #fundamentally at odds w/billions thanks in no small part to a pretty guaranteed inherent [this is a meritocracy] approach #when the cocreators expect us to simply Understand that people on the show have a superior level of Smartness; for one....ruh roh #and where then everything abt being Critical & Questioning is like....abt possible Exceptions or small adjustments to The Rules.... #would not be surprised if winston is such ''proof'' like ''see; someone like him shouldn't be able to be here'' #at least there's the checks & balances of being ignored; dispreferred; bullied; to the point of eventually driving him out! #rian only being ''wrong'' to have made herself his personal bully b/c what would've been more correct would be ignoring him more often #whilest again like can't suppose based on anything that billions asks us to Reflect on winston leaving. it's just good #so too is Corrective(tm) bullying / interpersonal abuse. would've had wendy push aba if they did consider winston to be autistic.... #but instead kept it informal.... #winston billions #billions world: where yeah autistic ppl just have to go away i guess #where they cease to exist b/c they aren't real people like us. just as winston's feelings this whole time never Had to be relevant.... #they barely existed & were surely just incorrect when they did. kind of like him overall #and in the meantime didn't we all enjoy going ''god i wish that were me'' at bullying assaulting abusing the autistic guy #bit charitable of us if anything! guiding them towards the light like that. cue ''wow rian aren't you just Too pityingly nice to him*'' #(*the being more godawful to him than anyone since she showed up; including being just as bad if not as usual worse right now) #anyways like nodding dehumanizing the autistic person start to finish. who must Stop Being Here

[bloggirl8842]

I feel like one of my friends is being weird with me but I’ve got no proof all I know is I asked her for another friend’s number (someone I haven’t spoken to in 4 yrs 😟) and she stopped texting me back and liking my posts. Which could be entirely incidental like it should just be entirely incidental but I am getting a weird vibe

#i had a massive crush on the other friend for awhile. that could be it? but she didnt know abt that so idk. im reaching out to him bc im try #ing to text a bunch of artists i grew up and he was like the main one for a bit so avoiding him would be way weirder than just being normal. #also ofc i got over the crush years ago. i regret it a bit i mean not the feeling i guess bc u cant regret honest things like that but i #regret the way it made me act i couldve just been normal! i didnt learn how to do that til after #i think i just had a lot of shame around existing like i didnt enjoy my personality i didnt socialize well i wasnt pretty i had no real pass #ion for anything so i felt like a burden whenever i liked anyone and got REALLY weird about it. like stop talking to them start memorizing t #heir hallway routes weird 😭 anyways im mostly worried like girl please dont be weird w me i value our friendship and also directness #though i do think it must be incidental. but the little possibility that its not…. #it bothers me bc shes like niku ur so real and its like ok b real w me back. but im guessing shes just busy or distracted or something like #ive got a lot of people lm supposed to write who i just havent

[caruliaa]

bad decision maker (me)

#this IDIOT decided to start an event for a fandom even though two relativly popular ships make them feel deeply uncomforatable !! #uugh its fine. its 2023 like three ppl ship carmen and gray and/or julia and chase in 2023. weve moved on where better as a society #UGHH THE THING ISS THO !!! like i dont want to be mean those ships genuinly make me feel like being sick maybe and i didnt realize #that my reaction to it was THAT intense before so i tohught it wld b fine if i had to occasionaly rb stuff for it. #i made my bed so i must lie in it i guess !!! alnd like no ones posted stuff YET but still. im nervous #also worried that bc ihave those ships tags banned i wont even see content for it and then the ppl posting content for it will like. #accuse me of being biased and say im a bad person and bla bla bla which i am biased but ill try not to be and uugh. #society if ppl didnt see a female character and a male character who she very clearly sees as her older brother #and a female character and a male character who repeatedly demeans her and went 'what if i shipped them' so this was never an issue for me #sorry thats mean. idk im trying to be impartial and balalnced and fair but i also am not ig. #its more just like! please dont kill me if i seem biased against redcr.ackle i am but i dont deserve u telling everyone to block me over it #someone actually did that once. cleary didnt work in the long run but you can see now why im so damm nervous #ig i can say that if i seem biased towards certain ships thats bc thats whats in the csweekly tags. and babes i wont be wrong !!! #bc i do rb based purely on those tags so ig im fine !! #flappy rambles

[mercutiodidntdieforthis]

I hate OCD and I hate that the fact I'm not professionally diagnosed means that I feel bad talking about having OCD

#idk though I think 'I have to type this weird way or I can't breathe' is pretty OCD #I guess it could be bc I have other things that could have obsessive compulsive symptoms. #but maybe this is weird or wrong but I wanna be able to use the word for it that actually describes it and that I/other ppl know #I don't WANT to explain 'yeah I have obsessive compulsions because of ADHD yeah it can be a thing sometimes' #then explain it so someone who a) doesn't care b) doesn't believe me of c) thinks it must be like OCD Lite and not as bad #idk maybe I'm being weird and like romanticizing mental illness though

[cosmogyros]

.

#thinking about friendship today and who i consider 'friends' #maybe i'm sometimes a bit too generous with the term #friend 1 (Squish E for those keeping track at home): #hadn't seen me in person in eight months before the company party last month #but there was some sort of bingo card piece of paper going around the party #with various characteristics listed on it and you had to put down the name of someone who had one of them #and he put me down for 'can sing really well' and i was half-drunk by then and said omggggg #and he loudly announced to everyone: cosmo is an amazing singer! have you heard her music?! #friend 2: i've known her on and off for years and she messaged me today saying #'did you end up fb-adding that guy james i introduced you to?' #'i think he maybe added the wrong cosmo - he seems to think you're a singer?' #and i responded 'uh yeah... music is like... my main thing in life? did you seriously not know that?' #and she went 'haha i thought he must have the wrong person! i can't imagine you as a musician! do you really sing?' #and i said 'i sing and play guitar and write all the songs myself yeah 😂' #and guess what... i never told either of these people about the music part of my life #i just have the link to my musician page displayed prominently at the top of my fb profile #so it's incredibly easy to find if you... y'know... have the slightest modicum of interest in me as a person #and are interested in learning more about me - interested enough to ask e.g. 'what is your greatest passion in life' #to which i will usually answer 'music / songwriting / singing' #so anyway. exhibit A vs exhibit B. aka maybe true friendship vs... not true friendship lol #in other news i love and appreciate Squish E #even if i never see him anymore :( #friendship #cosmo gyres #personal

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#im still procrastinating so bear with me #ive just been thinking abt something. like the idea of a support system #bc as a 1st year grad student ppl around me r like: it must be hard being away from ur support system or ive left my support system when i #moved halfway across the country. and like i dont really feel that way bc idk the idea of a support system is sorta odd to me #like for me i guess it would just b my parents who i kno love me but im just so weirdly asocial that i never really talk to them #like i hardly ever text them. we talk maybe every couple months. so like i guess i theoretically have support but its a bit abstract #and like i have friends i guess but again im a bit weird and dont really feel connected to ppl so i dont feel that close to anyone #surface level friendships i guess. i dunno. i just feel weird not not having a support system but also having it b hollow #i guess i cant feel it more now. like i feel like getting diagnosed as bip0lar made my problems seem more realized to my parents #like i dunno i just assumed they knew i was doing awful most of the time but maybe that wasn't the case #its such a weird thing to b diagnosed with. like the conotations feel a lot heavier and i feel like im not supposed to talk abt it to ppl #bc theyll think im unreliable or something. like it wouldnt b that big a deal if i was just depressed but the sometimes buring out of my #skin makes me somehow scarier. and i still feel conflicted bc i do have a bip0lar mood profile but i have very very high impulse control #and even when im going high my mind is still super rational about it. which seems weird bc low impulse control is common with #the diagnosis. its also y i dont fit an 4dhd profile. not that it really matters. i fit the criteria enough to be on the bip0lar spectrum #its not like someone's gonna come yell at me for not being bip0lar enough. i just feel odd about it is all #still feels fake i guess. hard to imagine feeling any different to how i feel now. which is weirdly stable. so i guess the meds r working #sigh... ok enough i need to go to sleep at 7pm so i can get up at like 2 to finish reading a paper. for some reason my god forsaken brain #works better in the early morning rip #unrelated

[not-so-childsplay]

“Kinda glad Lloyd got to be both Green and Gold while I’m stuck with Purple n’ Gold... That’s... That’s a bit easier, not gonna lie. At least I didn’t have to be told day in and day out that I had to kill my dad to save the world... Wish the others’d taken it a bit easier on ‘im...”

“And I know he was pure evil- literally- but c’mon, The Overlord’s true form was a work of art!.... Wish I’d gotten a picture or somethin’....”

#[rise of the green and golden ninja: season two ninjago verse] #[a change is due/a different view/we must go on: celexa dust] #[-*C3l after the ultimate battle is over be like*-] #[-*anyway guess who just finished s2*-] #[-*also: the 'purple' ninja is not in any scrolls or anything nor in any prophecies*-] #[-*but yes in my AU C3l and Ll0yd end up sharing the title of 'G0lden N1nja'*-] #[-*originally I wanted to write Ll0yd out entirely but-- I never watched S2 all the way through before so he grew on me*-] #[-*so I swapped up my initial plans just a h i n t*-] #[-*...okay more like 'went far more close to can0n than I initially anticipated'*-] #[-*gonna let my Ll0yd and C3l be a sort of 'yin and yang' since C3l has the Overlord's colors*-] #[-*so together they are the balance of Spinjitzu itself*-] #[-*at least that's the hc for n o w*-] #[-*yet again I've never seen the whole series so*-] #[-*thoughts here are subject to change later on*-] #[-*love how this turned into a hc dump*-] #[-*for those who read the tags: y e a h most of these are outdated already woo!*-] #[-*C3l's instead going to be a samurai destined to defend the n1nja*-] #[-*I may keep the 'two g0ld3n' as a side au b/c I still like the idea*-] #[-*but the samurai one is growing on me*-]

[mntcoronet]

"you have general anxiety, you are deficient in several things, and you may also have autism" local doctor states to me. referral for assessment and cognitive ball therapy pending, however

#maggles ramblings #i didn't know which mix of the two 'c b t' acronyms to use so i made my own. no balls will be undergoing therapy in my health plan though #ANYWAY !! due to the anxiety bit she knew i disliked unplanned change. so asked me if my interests were kinda narrow #and I'm like. absolutely. there are specific games n shows i like and that's all my brain knows or cares about at any given time #and she asked how good i am at picking up social cues. and i wasn't sure abt that one but i know ive always been more of a social observer #in primary school especially i was like. 'must watch peer interactions so i can spot any traps that may lead to me being made fun of' #like i didn't get why it happened; i just tried to observe and avoid what i could #and i still feel like i don't always Understand most of my peers. my best friends have always been the ones who also weren't great socially #bc with them there was never any 'secretly judging you/not interested in what ur saying/can tell this conversation isn't natural for u' #kind of vibe. idk it's tough like i feel like i am Some level of good at social interaction but also feel like im just pretending to Get It #and there's just. certain people who match my vibe and won't think im strange or too passionate about the things i like. those r my friends #but yea anyway she said some of it could be the anxiety but it was just! a relief honestly. to know that Maybe there's a reason for #how I've been feeling a lot. for a lot of. life i guess #+ even if it's not that and it Is just All Anxiety; it'd still be a relief knowing precisely how it's impacted my mindset for things #but like also it'd make sense to me if it was both. bc i do indeed get v nervous about not knowing How to Do certain social situations #in new situations i often plan what im gonna say and write notes bc if i don't know what to say or do i get overwhelmed and cry easily #but YEA it was just. cool hearing that I'm not just Completely unfounded in my suspicions about that yknow #afterwards even my dad said he's thought of it as a possiblity for years and I'm like WHY DIDN'T U TELL MEEEE #but anyway. day is being had

[strohller27]

.

#okay. so given the response of one of my supervisors it seems like I’m the one being the asshole in the work drama #which. if having a stress response so bad I wake up one night feeling like I’m having a mild panic attack is being the asshole then. yeah. #fair I guess #I’ll admit I am judging this person rather harshly but…let’s look at where that’s coming from shall we? #she gave me extra work that I attempted to say no to and felt completely ignored about #when I tried to meet with her and her supervisor to refuse again I was told I had to participate anyway #which made it feel like I was being ignored by two people #and my stress response is basically: a) get so flustered I can’t speak b) cry or c) both #so hearing ‘yeah I’m so sorry I gave you extra work. would you please suck it up and deal with it tho? I’d really appreciate it’ #causes me to shut down and go ‘okay I must be required to put my entire life on hold for you. got it.’ #so I’m the asshole for that and for assuming that this lady sees our team as a problem to be fixed #and for assuming she thinks the team is not responding to her on purpose and thus it’s *our* fault she’s not getting participation #(when let’s be real here…I led a team training and had no problem getting the team to participate…who’s fault is it really???) #honey her words and her actions are both giving me that impression #and I’m not the only one saying it. so maybe I’m the asshole but I’m not the only asshole #but that’s fine. if I have to be the asshole in this situation I’ll play the damn part #as long as this shit gets resolved. the team may need me to play the bad guy #at this point I won’t feel like it’s really resolved until she experiences some consequences for her damn actions #she needs to learn that just because she’s team leader doesn’t mean she gets to do whatever the hell she wants #with no regard for how her actions affect others goddamn it #also as long as I don’t get fired for this because if I do I am going to raise absolute hell #I’ll take a second to think about it like ‘how would you feel if someone was criticising your work?’ #and I’ll think ‘well. first off I wouldn’t disrespect my team members so hard and if I did I would deserve a swift slap in the face’ #‘and second off. I would feel so utterly terrible for just making someone do extra stuff that wasn’t in their job description #especially if they weren’t my direct subordinate. and if I ever did that I do hope someone woulf sit me down and say hey. not fucken cool.’ #and I would apologise and come up with an actionable plan that didn’t involve disrespecting that person’s autonomy #because I feel like that’s a common courtesy I was not afforded in this situation #so yes. if I ever start acting like this girl slap my cheeks and tell me to wake the fuck up and stop being rude #and I will face the music without making others suffer for it