#so i guess what im saying is i dont want to see people portraying this as a triumphant moment for ranboo

[johannwolfgangvongoethe]

Some Personal Thoughts on Disability in Enstars

disclaimer: disability is a very broad term that covers many different experiences. i will be talking about physical disabilities since i feel most comfortable doing so/have experience with them. obviously that ignores a Huge part of what disability and chronical illness is and can be. but i think it is beyond my capabilities to talk about experiences i don't know much about.

alt caption: i think ritsu is a good character and im trying to explain to myself why

this is sort of a long post, sorry.

content warnings: i talk about ableism and touch on related topics such as dehumanization and objectification and such below. individual parts of this post have their own cw's.

Enstars Writing, Beloathed

to get this out of the way; it is bad sometimes. this is discussed very often. it doesnt depend on the authors either, in my opinion, some writers will hit you with something really troublesome only to (seemingly accidentally) invent human emotion and compassion in a different story. i dont want to repeat what others have said eloquently but there is a fair amount of imperialist worldviews, xenophobia, just racism really, transphobia, ableism, and copaganda to be found in enstars. this isnt about x character being x thing, but about how it is very noticable when the author of a story holds these worldviews and they bleed into their stories.

so that is not the greatest foundation if youre looking for well-written disabilities. but i wouldnt be reading enstars if i didnt think it genuinely is really really good sometimes. in my opinion, the way disabilities are portrayed is a mixed bag overall but there are some extremely worthwhile bits that touched me quite a lot.

What I personally understand as Well-Written Disability

the way disabled people suffer often goes unnoticed, and disabled people dont have a platform to talk about oppression. a lot of life-changing issues can go unnoticed to those unnaffected by them, even if they are in broad daylight: underfounded or entirely lacking healthcare, the way many healthcare systems are marketbased and ethics are prone to suffer bc of this (even under 'welfare' capitalism), a lack of equal marriage, the inaccessibility of the most basic and necessary facilities, financing care and the dependency on family/loved ones (both a logistical and psychological problem), the huge stigma against disabled people, etc, etc, you get me....

we need to write about people who need care, to keep them in mind at all times. disabled people are not a minority in a mathematical sense but in a hierarchical sense. it is naive to think of them as "a substancial percentage" of populations. as we age, we inevitably all enter the stage of needing care at some point. SO to an extend, i want to claim its a topic that affects every single person. yet disabled people are rarely a central topic anywhere. it is not enough to acknowledge them, we need to plan and think with them in mind. and Write with them in mind, i guess.

SO when i see fiction grapple the topic, i am usually really happy, even if the portrayal isnt ideal. (critical, maybe, but generally speaking very happy) pointing out "badly" written disabled characters is obviously not as easy as calling someone out for uncritically saying "i think eugenics are a good idea!!!" through fiction. people with that sort of facist mindset exist of course but ableism does not end there.

if i were to single out things i see often: i think the most disappointing thing a story can do is to - mention a disability without it ever having an impact on people in the story (-> the disability is basically nonexistent, has no impact or relevance, outside of a theoretical mention) OR - uncritically use a disabled character as a mere plot devise, without granting them the ability to speak (-> dehumanization, a lack of understanding that disabled people are, well, People. they do shit.)

and then of course there is fetishization, both in a literal sense and in an inspiration porn sense and the problem of turning disability into a caricature for jokes (either to other disabled people for their behaviour/body or to create a sense of satisfying superiority by laughing at them) but i feel like those problems explain themselves.

to apply these to very basic examples: i think often something like a robotic sci-fi prosthetic is not a good way to represent a disability because it fails to represent what people go through irl and provides a "magic fix" without repercussions. here is a really good post about it. about the plot device issue... i think it is similar to what people often criticise as "manpain". a disabled person will never appear or speak, they are demoted to being the reason an able-bodied character acts a certain way, like a lifeless accessory. this doesnt always have to be bad, esp if its just a sideplot! but it can get tiring if the audience never gets to learn about other aspects of the unseen character in question and we are only introduced to their suffering.

all of this to talk about gacha idol boys. it is how it is. anyway, this is roughly my mental state when i tackle enstars.

disclaimer 2: i am really just a kogaP. this influences which characters i encounter when reading. there are tons of stories i just never looked at and there is SO MUCh lore i just dont know about. please lemme know if you have additions to stuff i say/understand a character better/have related story recommendations! tl;dr the sakuma bit will be long.

disclaimer 3: i genuinely adore every single character mentioned below and am always excited to learn smth new about them. if i criticize writing, that has nothing to do with that character or their fans. it is about the writers.

the most obvious example. Eichi (content warning for brief mentions of self harm and suicidal ideation)

everything eichi does, he does with the knowledge he will most likely die young. that is a truly dramatic setup.

but before i get back to that thought. it always felt to me like eichis illness(/es) lack a certain sense of conciseness? i do not think you need to put a name and diagnosis on it for it to be relatable and real to readers, tbh!! though to achieve believability, there needs to be a good amount of consistency. what i can recall off the top of my head is the following:

he breaks down/straight up blacks out frequently due to weakness and dizzyness

measures were taken to secure his safety in those situations (the infamous Eichi-kun Gauge as seen in Element)

his stamina is seriously low

he coughs a lot

we saw him cough up blood (Daydream)

he relies on long hospital stays because his health needs to be monitored and/or supported this closely

he stays inside a lot (hinting towards problems with his immune system?)

being healthy enough to eat unhealthy food is a big deal to him, so there are dietary restrictions/it was necessary to precisely control what he eats

his grandfather, who died recently, is considered an outlier for how long he lived (so it IS hereditary)

which..... could be a lot of things...? or, more likely: a culmination of many things at once. if you have headcanons on eichis health, please lemme know!

but in addition to eichis terminal illness, there is a second quality to him that seperates him from most disabled people: he is extremely wealthy. and his wealth is fundamentally important to stories. usually illness and poverty go hand in hand, since incame is tied to the ability to work, which worsens an already bad situation. no matter how limited eichis actions are because of his body, the possibilties offered by his wealth make him a central figure in every overarching plot. in addition to this, his family is well aware of his consitution and he is a patriarchal leading figure to them, the head to their coporate hierachy. eichi is free of the things that usually rid the chronically ill of their safety and power: society (he is an idol and popular) and money (he is the richest boy in japan). if youd ask me, i think that while being chronically ill is of course physically taxing, the worse problem is the economic state it puts you in. eichi simply overcomes this? yes, he is terminally ill, his situation is terrifying. but he has an extraordinary amount of control while he lives. more than a poor yet able-bodied person may have.

his unique circumstances enable him to be incredibly active. this is so fun to read about in my opinion. its a fascinating setup to me. without casting any sort of moral judgement on his actions and the antagonistic role he plays; he is, excuse me for my phrasing here, a disabled power fantasy. (at least to me)

this is a double-edged sword to him. because of who he is as a person (ambitious, cunning, ruthless, diligent)

he lives in relative safety but his strong ambition and financial ability to fulfill his dreams tempt him to go past his limits. because his remaining lifetime is uncertain, the need to preserve the body he is given seems uneconomical (a mindset his upbringing and education as an heir to his family would have enforced imo) he is bound to break down sooner or later anyway. i think he begins to see himself and his body as a tool to achieve his goals and neglects spending time on anything BUT working towards them. so the moment he runs out of goals (like at the end of Element), his reason to "remain" becomes futile.

it really struck with me how he appears in Blackbird - emaciated, pathetic, purposefully neglected because he chose to be neglected and weak in an act of self harm bc denying medical attention (something that couldnt have happened otherwise) wataru has to remind him that no one died and the obvious connection to make is that the eccentrics are physically unharmed and starting over, that they should not be a source of guilt to eichi. but i think this is just as much about eichi himself. he might have expected to die since he left the hospital and overexhausted himself at school and as an idol. he didnt die though. it was a real possibility and seemed likely but he didnt. the neglect and indirect self harm here point out, to me, that he saw the "role" he gave himself as fulfilled at that point and waited to die.

eichi stands over economic or social factors that could ostracize and dehumanize him but funnily enough he manages to do so himself by treating his body as a tool and his happiness as an option that got overshadowed by a need to succeed.

this vulnerability makes him, despite how vague the descriptions of his illness are and despite how unrelatable his wealth is, a very satisfying character imo. it is engaging to me. certain limits are removed for him but he created new ones, specifically because he did not see himself as something worth sustaining once he becomes useless. imo, eichi applied the idea that a lifes worth can be measured in its ability to function in an industry to himself. and spiralled over it, entirely inverting his uncanny amount of bodily autonomy. it is clear how the situation he is in worsens his mental health like that. and how his mental health in turn worsens his physical health. it is inseperable.

i cant really get into !! era eichi because i genuinely just dont... know enough. the fine tradition of having a weekly H-Day stands out, though. after all, eichi has new bigger ambitions and is, once again, inviting his own ruin through overexhaustion. so his friends (the new addition of having friends is essential) had to forcefully make him stop for at least one day a week. that is pretty big. i think.

this is true for many marginalized existences so it of course applies to disabled people: if neither your surroundings nor yourself permit you to feel human and therefore assign your person an inherent worth and lovability... sometimes you need a friend to do so!!! social circles are the best support structure for your health.

The Sakuma Family

(i will get into ritsu and rei seperately later on. there are just a few concepts i want to get out of the way that apply to both of them.)

so... to get a little theoretical; the concept of "disability" relies on the concept of a "normative" human existence. "disability" is an otherness and can therefore easily be seen as a "monstrocity" in the eyes of ignorant people, something that instils fear. (there is a reason why a lot of horror exploits disabled bodies as a source of terror and uses mental hospitals as settings) from an able-bodied point of view it seems "desirable" to be a "normative human", yet the disabled person knows that is not a possibility and knows their worth and place as a human in human spaces. at least ideally. able-bodied people sometimes lack this understanding. there is nothing to be desired about an able body or fixed about a disabled body, beyond what medical care can do for ones quality of life.

if you have read operetta, this is all very familiar;

operetta, chapter 17 and, well, here we are. vampires. a very basic truth about the sakuma family that i hate to see denied is that they are human. there is nothing supernatural about them. they are just disabled. or, to turn the idea around, if one was to assign them vampiristic traits and such... is vampirism not a disability and should be taken seriously as such? if you consider the limits a vampire has while coordinating through their life, is that not... strangely just a disabled experience? (MINUS THE KILLING PEOPLE OBVIOUSLY but much modern fiction is sympathetic towards vampires instead and does not display them as violent)

anyway, to hear it from the horses mouth (the horse is rei):

operetta, chapter 19 the sakuma family is a curious case. their condition is hereditary though the severity varies from person to person. it comes up in many stories but for the most part i am thinking about operetta, resurrection sunday, and devils right now. how did this all start? what made an entire family turn to live as vampires, with blood ceremonies and all that? what bizarre kind of generational trauma is this?

(and, while it does not play a role as important as it did for eichi, they are rich. this is important to mention. many normal experiences just dont apply to them because wealth makes them immune. ... how did the sakumas become this influential anyway.)

for an unspecified but long time, an entire family managed to mentally entirely seperate themselves from the rest of humanity because of their chronical illness. personally, i have no doubt this is the result of a world that othered them first. whether the main motivator at play here is a defensiveness towards a society that cannot understand you or an internal need to turn hardships into an identity that can be carried with pride. it takes a considerable amount of emotional strength and planning for the "hey we are human actually" declaration in operetta to occur.

they are, weirdly, what people mean when they talk about a "toxic anti-recovery mindset". (an expression i struggle with because this sort of rhetoric is often used to discriminate against disabled people who speak up for themselves or ask for accomodations. but that aside) it is an amount of pride that leads to internal self destruction.

of course, as is the case with every single character i write about in this post, a lot of it has to do with aesthetics and being chuuni to sell gacha cards. so we know the reason behind the reason. but it makes for some bizarre in-universe implications.

but in any case, the fact that their identity as false vampires is something they have always carried, that modern society sees as "mystical and sexy" has a hilarious side effect: their disability becomes marketable under the guise of vampirism. it is hard to recover from that.

so again, we have a double-edged sword: to present ones medical condition as a "persona" declares it as a performative act, something that is done to bring joy to an audience. personal detriment is not considered here, since it stops being a part of ones being and starts to become "work". the time and place of ones symptoms has to overlap with the time and place of ones performances. or people will hate you for your uncontrollable illness. however, rei and ritsu are both also able to carry their condition with a sort of playfulness. it is almost something like the act of "reclaiming" when they purposefully choose to larp a little for fun. usually, when a scene mentions their disability in the context of comic relief, they have control over the situation that unfolds and even initiate it and invite others to laugh alongside them. this can be a slippery slope to getting harrassed of course.... but i am rather baffled by the amount of dominance they have in social interactions. so it just reads as a healthy amount of dark humour to me.

this, and the consistent writing of their symptoms, and the ability to easily compare it to real existing illnesses, easly make them my favourite instance of written disabled people in the series. their illness has an impact on their behaviour and it is detrimental! and they are both very human in the way they attempt to cope. there is a certain realism to it. idek.

many people seem to headcanon them with myalgic encephalomyelitis, which is a really good explanation, and i personally want to suggest narcolepsy. the point being, there is room to accurately assign them a realistic relatable and understandable condition, even if nothing is ever named in canon. and of course they are mentioned to have an iron deficiency.

bear with this slightly "out there" theory for a moment: have you or a friend ever tried to get a compensation for your disadvantage at school or uni? it can be really hard to do, if it is possible at all, even if it is something very simple (more time, a slightly different enviroment, the ability to drink or sit, etc) yumenosaki is a school for performance arts, mainly idols. bold statement: it might genuinely be easier to get/explain an accommondation for your "idol quirk" (something that would be actively fostered), than for your disability. not that yumenosaki is very strict or asks for a lot anyway, its just something that has been on my mind.

here is another funny thing i have been thinking about: both of them crave juice, soda, and fruit - sugary yet fresh stuff. i feel like this is not uncommon for people who suffer from excessive tiredness and fatigue, the body subconsciously wishes for some sugar intake to "wake up".

Inventing a Guy to Cope. Rei

funny title aside... he... did that... ? rei is a curious example of how different mostly unrelated traumas can overlap. he had no childhood, thanks to his family that considered him "mature" at a very young age and his early status as a child star. and his bad health is a miserable addition to this. it is quite scary to image how pressured to do right he felt growing up and how that resulted in the fragmented distanced way he views himself; reinventable, and ultimately unknowable. (to others AND himself)

despite his bad health he has always been working and performing "well". he was praised for his remarkable talents but rarely had the chance to stop and patch himself up. whether this was a result of a pushy enviroment or his personality as a people pleaser who cannot show weakness and imperfection is hard to tell. maybe both.

the state he is in in Crossroad is fascinating to me. he all but directly lists the criteria of depression to keito when he attempts to explain his sorrows. he is restless, rowdy, mentions later on that he enrolled in yumenosaki against his familys wishes. he is very much searching for joy and his own identity in the middle of a health emergency. this has to do with the way he was raised, only knowing how to exist for and serve others, how he was made to sell a made-up version of himself, but i also believe it has to do with the fact he has started to exclude himself from his familys traditions and values. he started to cast away the uncertain "monstrosity" existence of his family (as well as the false idolhood others assigned him) and instead embraces humanity as a chronically ill person.

crossroad, i forgor which chapters

this of course marks a starting point of change that later results in him making up the wagahai pronouns persona - something he specifically created with the intention of looking vulnerable and weak. because he yearned to do less, to recover from years of exhaustion.

in a way, i want to say both, the ore pronouns persona and the wagahai pronouns persona, are attempts to cope with expectations he cannot handle physically or mentally. one relies on masking, on appearing stronger than he actually is and therefore invulnerable, and the other relies on exaggerating his weakness, in an attempt to finally let others recognize it. i think as a disabled person, both are performances one has to learn in order to "function" in everyday life, while remaining safe from serious harm (doing badly at ones job or classes, angering others that hold power over your life). since ones circumstances are often hard to grasp for someone who does not share the same illness, there is no choice but to simplify and exaggerate until symptoms become tangible concepts or to just brave through it, at the cost of ones health and future time.

rei in particular, for better or for worse, is incredibly capable when he needs to be and unfortunately that means others will often not take his health seriously because they saw him function just fine the other day. this is a general problem but an obvious offender in that regard is koga, who comments on reis fatigue constantly and loves to create a bit of a high expectations toxic work enviroment (and, to be fair, rei terrorizes him too. kogas hostility towards rei is sometimes ableist but not really rooted in ableism. after all koga is highly aware how performative the wagahai persona can be and is a huge motivational and inspirational factor in reis life. its a whole complex)

!! era holds some positive changes. his mental need to please other people remains a persistent source of trouble for him (and others) but he seems to really let his body recover and lives a more nocturnal life. both kuro and kaoru mention that he looks more healthy (in succession match???? i think??) since he finally stopped enforcing a normal day/night cycle on his body just to comply with social norms. you can indeed be very human even if you break human-made rules.

(additional comment: "becoming human" is of course a theme for each of the eccentrics and not uniquely tied to disability, it very much has to do with the objectification one goes through as a public figure. but this is a post about disability and it really fits in well. so here we go)

Literally Just a Realistic Teenager. Ritsu

ritsu, while not really being among my favourite characters, is my favourite instance of a disabled character in enstars. partly because of his writing and partly because my personal experiences overlap with his so much it sometimes is painful - but always extremely satisfying. just had to get that out.

ritsu is perhaps the most visibly ill. he blacks out and sleeps where he stands, everywhere, without control and often requires other peoples (well, mostly maos) assistance in order to remain safe when this happens. he also repeated a year of school, specifically because of his disability.

he is painfully aware of this. that he looks ill, that he behaves ill, that he is an underachiever compared to others of the same age, even to people younger than him.

ritsu developed unique behaviours to deal with this: he is very dependent and clingy and often asks others to do things for him, unapologetically. that does not mean asking for help doesnt hurt his pride, just that it is the most viable strategy for everyday survival that he ended up with. other than that, he clings more to the vampire identity than rei does. either to defy his older brother or, and this is important imo, because it is the one safety net he has to fall back on that makes him feel "normal" and like he is a regular being. albeit not human. no matter how much others might blame him for his shortcomings or how much he is a failure in the eyes of society, he is very regular for a "vampire". under the logic developed by his family, he is just a child, and the world at large is to blame. it is an easier truth to accept than facing systematic injustice and prejudice in a human world.

the stories i mentioned in another part above aside, i really love what ensemble band does for him; ritsu gets extremely irritated with mao in the prologue, seemingly out of nowhere. his character is allowed to express this sort of anger and to take it out on others, even if it is unjust and misguided. it is not pretty and it isnt good behaviour but it is a very heartfelt emotion to me.

its obvious that he cannot compete with others and that this will always been seen as his personal fault instead of a circumstance he cannot influence. and more than that: no one appreciates the real efforts he makes. for instance, getting himself out of bed in time for classes is difficult for regular teenagers and straight up hellish for ritsu. but he manages to do so a lot later on. instead of acknowledging that this is a real accomplishment on his part and possibly really exhausting and bad for his comfort in the long run, this is seen as doing the bare minimum.

while it is not correct, the malice ritsu sometimes treats others with comes from an comprehensible place. able-bodied ignorance can appear as purposeful slights made by those more privileged than him.

yet he learns to conform. his friends are important to him. knights success is important to him. (thought mental health probably played a role here too and made things even harder prior to his third year of high school) and yet;

seven bridge, chapter 24, but its really just an example i had at hand

the remarks stay the same. his peers still cannot help but brand him as "just lazy", even if they are kind and understanding otherwise and habour no ill intent. so i would like to ask: how long can he keep this up? how hard is this on him?

i dont think i need to explain just how common and hurtful it is to be accused of "laziness". probably the single most irritating comment someone with fatigue will hear every single day.

however, on the flipside, ritsu has perhaps the most people who care for him in comparison with other characters, though they sometimes complain (communication is hard, care is hard, everyone in enstars is very young and i cannot bring myself to see those comments as malice. its a mixture of ignorance and ones own burdens) there is mao, obviously. tsumugi is a very funny example. knights, of course, in particular naru. (at least based on my humble knights readings)

quite interesting how he just decided mao is his caretaker, now and in the future. i shared a few of my thoughts on caretaking here. this is.... a huge responsibility to just put on someones shoulders, to say the least. he shouldnt be doing this but i think it speaks for itself that this is a problem that is on his mind. ITS IS A REALLY IMPORTANT TOPIC TO BRING UP, especially since, the younger you are, the harder it is to get insurance to pay for your care. yes, he is often just teasing mao, but ritsu is looking for ways to get through life. by learning to be as independent as possible, whenever possible. though often you really just find yourself at the mercy of friends and family.

Inter-Sibling Violence

apologies, i will be done with the sakumas soon. i didnt know how to fit this in at the start.

the relationship between rei and ritsu, as people with the same disability who experiences different symptoms and challenges, is worth thinking about. infighting within people of the same disability is very common since experiences can be so different, there are no universal truths or opinions. with different lifestyles come different expectations for what is "normal" and sometimes pressure and social norms can cause someone to shift blame onto others who have no achieved the same things in life.

rei and ritsu are said to have been very close as small children and likely depended on each other a lot. i can see how reis fostering nature and ritsus needy nature developed alongside each other and enforced each other.

time and time again, rei says that he is a "less severe" case, that ritsu has it worse. he jets around the world because he feels forced to do so, when ritsu just wanted emotional support from him to begin with. ritsu stayed alone at home, sheltered and likely caged by their families convictions. but! i want to suggest the following: as much as it hurt him, it was important for reis health to be away from his family, too. i dont think staying there would have been good for him. his absence and the experiences he made away from home were an important catalyst for the positive family development we see in operetta.

of course, rei means well. he cares. he is trying to have a positive impact. yet from ritsus point of view, all of this must feel terribly condescending, especially with how much rei babies him. there is just one year between them. this is barely anything when it comes to sibling inferiority complexes the brain can make up. rei, who is successful and famous and beloved and, most importantly, proclaims to have it "easier than him", is trying to find a cure for him. from ritsus point of view this must be unbearable. their lives are so different when they basically started at the very same point of origin.

more than that, rei shoulders the sketchy blood rituals himself, out of love of course, but if one was more jaded, one could assume he doesnt think ritsu would be able to stomach the responsibility.

you will always compare yourself to your siblings in unhealthy ways but ritsu is just doing this on hard mode, i fear.

HHHRAGAHHHH GHHH ghgghrhgh. Niki

nikis writing is... driving me up a wall sometimes, to say the least. dont get me wrong, i love him. to an extend i understand that his single-mindedness and shallowless has purpose to it. in fact, i adore these character traits. he really seems to be behind four mental barriers at all times, unable to let deeper thoughts touch him, lest they make him succumb to despair. (yet nikis specific flavour of menhera cannot quite shine since... well, he has to stand next to himeru all the time)

the descriptions we get of nikis illness are nonsensical, at least to my knowledge. you could imagine he has something like hyperthyroidism. this never really gets explored though. at some point ENGstars mentions he has "gastroptosis or whatever" (the "or whatever" is part of his dialogue - niki really doesnt give a fuck), which makes no sense at all. weirdly enough, it would even be strangely in character if this was just a misconception.

so, can anyone take niki to a doctor? has this happened and i just wasnt there for it? there is no excuse why no one is considering medical care when it comes to him. except that he often is the butt monkey of jokes the writers want to make and has to stay available for it. more than that; his parents just left him alone like this? as a child? did he get an allowance at least? this cannot be legal, right? i wait for the day this comes up as a topic but i fear it is in vain. (please tell me if it actually did. i dont follow niki that closely) this is an unbelievable thing to do to a healthy child, yet alone one with a severe illness. we are basically looking at denial of assistance.

so many things surrounding nikis story are designed to make him as miserable as possible. i cannot help but feel that he exists purely as comic relief, for funny bickering, and superficial drama. i dont really like that at all, his misery just gets exploited.

EVEN SO... his self-image is actually really fascinating. as rinne likes to point out again and again, niki has no self-worth. he works two jobs, one of which he hates, he constantly gets into dangerous situations, and he will do anything just for some crumbs, and quickly forgets when others treat him badly. and of course, the worst bit:

es!! main story, please dont make me go find it

to some degree, he just accepts this as something he deserves. there is no consideration for his own quality of life, somewhere along the lines it seems like he got conviced just surviving is all he gets. he internalized self-degredation to a dangerous degree and i never see anyone mention this mental affliction specifically as a comorbidity of his disability. to me, there is without a doubt a relation here. sure, maybe he would still fight with this otherwise, just because he had to witness his fathers fall from grace as a child and knows there is a stigma attached to his name now. but i think you can tell it is more than that, from the way he is ashamed to beg (even in a life or death scenario, as seen in hot limit), as if his condition was his own fault.

this circles back to the point i made earlier for eichi; how much nikis life is worth, is measured in his economical value.

of the characters i have spoken of so far, nikis is financially the most accurate to real life. there is no safety net for him, no convenient family wealth.

(at this point it feels important to mention that somehow rinne manages to be the only person entirely aware of the danger and desires to change nikis mindset, YET he is a huge strain on nikis health. i dont know how those two function.)

Just a Lamb. Tatsumi

tatsumis specific trauma is a unique one: while most other characters struggle with conditions they were born with or developed as they grew up, tatsumis injury is the result of strain and violence. those are two different pairs of shoes, though the outcome may be similar. whether it is worse to be born into circumstances you cannot escape or to have to live with having something thrust upon you unfairly is up to personal judgement. pain is not really quantifiable. its just important to keep in mind, i think. under the circumstances tatsumi grew up in, he has his own burdens. it is very easy in many ways to compare and contrast him with eichi. of course this applies to how they used their bodies too: as an expandable resource. they had ideals for their school life (and beyond) that just seemed far more important and they both ended up in hospital because of this. (+ we know tatsumis surroundings were purposefully manipulated to destroy him)

and, of course, tatsumi got attacked later on. he never really talks about it directly but his legs seem to talk for him, in ways.

the story does not quite make it clear whether his occasional weakness and pain are the result of old injuries or entirely psychosomantic, and i dont think there is a real need to know, as a reader. in fact, in a certain light, i think it can be considered good that we dont know for certain: it would be relevant for tatsumi himself, sure, since it would influence which kinds of treatments and help he can seek out. however, i think the ambiguity may foster a certain level of sympathy in readers.

often psychosomatic problems are not taken seriously enough in real life: they cannot be proven physically and they dont fit into the neat little boxes that the ICD wants you to believe exist, so they cannot be defined on paper or easily explained to doctors or insurance providers.

to foster empathy with his situation requires his character to be lovable and for the narrative to treat him with care as well. which is thankfully the case. alkaloid are dear with him and, despite the fact he cannot perform in his work enviroment all the time, he is very respected for his other skills. he is a well-rounded person.

all that aside. it is absolutely worth to mention tatsumi pre-injury, too. he came up with a form of small-scale universal income among a semi-union at school. without getting too much into all that. (obbligato really seems like required lecture in the realm of enstars stories) the entire concept strives for social equality and is extremely anti-discrimination. it fundamentally goes against the idea that someone needs to "deserve" care, and is the opposite of the mindset i described with eichi and niki above. he never had to make first-hand experiences with disability to be extremely compassionate. this seems really rare among people in real life, even those who preach altruism.

While we are Here. K.... Kaname

as mentioned, i spoke a little about kaname before. so i wont get into the complex of caregiving.

it is extremely satisfying we got to meet kaname, if only for one event story. he does not have to remain a faceless motivation behind himeru and tatsumis lives, he thankfully became humanized.

the entire conflict around kaname at the moment is a matter of bodily autonomy. how much of your person can be in anothers hand, ethically? there is no excuse for the theft of his (idol) identity through himeru but the damage is done now. ideally, you dont want any part of yourself to depend on others but the disabled reality is that this is very often impossible. especially for kaname. there simply is no one else who could be responsible for him right now and, to be fair, at least when it comes to medical care, himeru seems to behave very responsibly.

repeating what has been said in the other post but i am worried for kanames seemingly inevitable reintroduction to the story. he has been in a comatose state for a year. if he wakes (since this is fiction, it is possible to exchange 'if' for 'when', realistically it really would be an 'if' though) he would most likely be confronted with permanent neurological and physical damage and years of rehabilitation. at least logically. (not to mention the psychological shock) would this be written with compassion and a sense of realism? it makes for a compelling source of conflict and emotional hardships that could be extremely worthwhile to explore. i just cant entirely bring myself to trust the writers with this one but i would love to be convinced otherwise.

that is, of course, if they dont somehow just skip rehabilitation entirely and declare it a miracle healing.....

imo, the in-game discourse between characters is just as important as his future development. i just really hope autonomy and recovery will be large topics.

He doesnt go here, but. Adonis

so bringing him up just really feels necessary within the context of this post because of his interests. one of adonis hobbies is sign language and accessibility.

this is, i think, maybe the best thing they ever did with his "protector" persona. it just fits so well, it is a direct conversion of ideals to actions. knowing undead songs have been translated for a deaf audience in canon is extremely wholesome and uplifting, even if it is entirely inconsequential for the story and just something that gets mentioned.

(now that sandstorm is out on engstars, you can check that out too for further mentions of this! if i could wish for one thing, it would be for the stories to acknowledge that there are tons of independent sign languages and i would love to know which one adonis and rei speak... you ever think about how adonis speaks like four languages fluently. at least.)

nightless city live, chapter 3

everyone in undead loved that and supported the vision. to see koga, who is usually against anything but musical performances and wishes to express art freely, praise the idea really puts deaf identity and accessibility in a great light. it is a very positively radical forwardthinking idea.

so, i just wanted to mention that. adonis is treated horribly by the narrative a lot, it entirely fails to grasp his identity and is insensitive towards foreign cultures, but i would die for him i think.

finishing thoughts

like mentioned, please absolutely let me know if you have different related ideas or recommendations. or corrections, or worries over something i wrote!!! learning and improving is always great. i am sorry i could not get into so many other characters, the ones i wrote about are those that i feel confident enough to comment on. in the future i would love to meet maguro!! i just havent really read any mama stories at all :'''3

i feel like i barely said anything at all and barely engaged with text enough since i didnt get into any character specifically. i would love to write another post about ritsu or rei or both. a draft for it has been sitting around for ages (as did the draft for this post, lol) but i hope someone will find an interesting thought in here somewhere.

all in all, enstars is actually... surprisingly nice to read for the disability in there??? even if it is disappointing in handling many other things. of course, the writings not always ideal (i read hidden beast just the other day and the ableism in there took years off my life) but often its really nice. nothing hits quite like seeing real emotions and experiences through some metaphorical stylized anime lense, you feel.

anyway thank you for listening. i am actually for real done now.

#enstars #ensemble stars #enstarsposting #did i overreact and write too much..... ah... nay......

[ndoandou]

Ikevamp bois playing modern games part 2

Vincent

Vincent is way into.. gartic phone

Qnd perhaps skribble.io

Like way into it

He would sit down 12 hours in front of the computer and guess what HES BEEN PLAYING GARTIC PHONE AND SKRIBBLE.IO IN A LOBBY OF RANDOMS

12 HRS IN HES STILL NOT DONE WITH BOTH GAMES

Hed obv speedrun a drawing in a short period of time and manage to make it look *chefs kiss*

Imagine if skribble.io had a vc feature tho

No no, like imagine if people were actually toxic in this goofy ahh game

They would yell down vincent down the mic telling him to go play with photoshop

Randoms are salty that vincent can draw and portray even the most ridicilous prompts which results him with the highest score always

Not to mention hes really good at guessing even the shittiest drawimgs from other ppl

"Broer how- that persons drawing looks ridicilous, even arthur's dog could draw that"

"Don't be mean theo! I could guess the drawing from the emotional connection i felt from it"

Jean

Jean has a shitty brick nokia phone

And he really loves playing snake II

No im serious

Well i suppose momte doesnt trust him with any other phones than that

the last time he was given a smartphone he downloaded some hack and slash game

took the word slash literally and then proceeded to cut the phone into two

comte was too stunned to speak

momte didn’t want his kids to miss out on gadgets but he cant have jean destroying his smartphone

BINGO! a nokia 3310 it is! 

jean didnt know how to react at first, but he found it easier to navigate and thats when he found out baout snake II

found it a bit pointless at first but despite saying that, he doesnt realize that thats the only thing he does besids fencing

snake II is his pre workout

the only thing he will be doing before his fencing practice

before meals

and before bed

‘‘jean are you sure you haven’t had enough of snake II..?’‘ comte asked causiously as he never know how his son Jean would react

jean looked at comte and stayed silent for a hot minute

‘‘no’‘

Napoleon

OK FLASH BACK TO MY E BOY NAPOLEON FANART FROM 2021

its official

He plays league of legends

Napoleon is deffo a jungle/top main

Jungle preferabbly

Bros actually cracked coz hed turn any non meta champs into an absolute beast

I see him being especially good with pantheon jungle

Hed play league with jean tbh

And jean would be a dedicated top

But i dont see jean being the best player..

No, like imagine napoleon defending jean from "top troll" and getting spammed "?" On his lane

Napo would literally go to that persons lane just to steal their minion last hits

If hes feeling extra hed even use pantheons ult to yeet over to that player to ks all the minions on that person's lane 😭

"Jgl troll gg"

Ok napo is actually not toxic and is rly nice to play with

Hed even supp for you if ur learning a new champ

Hes only toxic to people who are toxic to his buddies

Comte

Ill be honest

Comte looks like someone who would download all games from every ad pop up he gets

And im talking about anything gacha related

He does not care whether the game is explicit or not as long as he can collect pretty characters

Is he interested in the gameplay??? Probably not.

"For what reason did you spend $$$$$$ on xxx game???" Leonardo asked as he scrolled through comte's in game billings, cocking an eyebrow

"Hm? Well i simply wanted to collect all of these lovely looking characters."

"Without leveling up your characters?"

"Non"

"Do you understand how to play this game?"

Comte only looked at him with his unwavering smile

"honestly this is the most ridicilous spending ive witness from you, heh" Leo snorted

"Much appreciated, but i dont recal asking for any input, old friend" comte retorted

Leo looked at him and sighed

"Honestly at this point i shouldn't be surprised"

.

.

This took me forever to upload because i coulndn't figure what type of game comte would play then one day i was like AHAAAAA

Also i didn't proof read as always so pls dont chop my head off :"))

#ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp vincent #ikevamp napoleon #ikevamp jean #ikevamp comte #ikevamp leonardo #ikemen series #cybird #ikevamp headcanons

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

ofmd s2e2 rewatch where i pause to jot down my thoughts and other random shit

not quite a reaction post, not quite a liveblog. this post is gonna be unpolished and messy bc this is the only way i know to process my emotions abt these episodes enough that i can actually start talking coherently about them.

s2e1, s2e2, s2e3, s2e4, s2e5, s2e6, s2e7, s2e8

did not notice the first time around that buttons is sleeping with his legs sticking up resting against the side of the ship. king.

WHY DID THEY USE A DIFFERENT TAKE OF THE YOU WEAR FINE THINGS WELL SCENE WHAT PURPOSE DOES THIS SERVE. THIS HAS BEEN BOTHERING ME FOR DAYS.

oh god the face stede makes after he breathes out all wistfully is so pained... ogughuhg heartbreak......

why is the groom cake topper dirty ed were you kissing it. ed. edward.

hNNNG ed pushing the painted bride figurine closer..... im gonna throw up

ed!! rolling over and crying!!! TAIKA HOW ARE YOU SO GOOD AT LOOKING SO FUCKING SAD THIS SHIT HURTS ME

like i can literally feel the tears burning in his eyes. the way his chest starts shaking with sobs but he's managing to keep the sobs in for like one more second. he's trying so hard to hold it in and i've cried like this before and it physically HURTS

also oughg the song. run from me baby... run my good wife... run from me baby..... you better run for your life........ ED THINKS THAT'S WHAT STEDE DID!!! RAN AWAY FROM HIM!!!!! and he thinks that was stede running for his life bc like, he thinks he's inherently monstrous and unlovable and hnnnnnnnnngggg. ed teach go to therapy challenge.

the crew responding to zheng's wake-up bell is so relatable. me when my alarm goes off at 6am

ok so the running bit where stede's crew has never heard of China before. is kinda weird to me. and honestly it kinda runs back to what zheng said in the last episode "one thing i've learned in my time here: you people know so little" about nobody knowing how valuable indigo is. like the show is portraying your average caribbean pirate as really ignorant and only like, ed stede and fucking ricky are on par with zheng yi sao. and i mean knowledge doesnt equate to intelligence so like the indigo thing i didnt really bat an eye at but when it was played for comedy with olu not knowing how to pronounce china i was like... hm. but the season's just started so maybe im reading too much into it but idk. it's a weird writing choice to me.

loving how at the start of last season the crew almost mutinied bc stede was a soft captain but now roach is out here embracing how all of them are "tender as hell."

love how lucius and pete have their romantic reunion chat just. fully in front of an audience

stede looks. so upset. watching lupete kiss. this man misses his boyfriend so fucking bad

lucius not even trying to hide how much he Does Not want to be stuck with stede in towels

also hi the sky in this scene is so pink. it was blue when buttons was doing tai chi so i guess this is sunset. day one complete.

buttons confirmed sea witch one of the best scenes in s2 so far. intrigued by auntie saying "i have looked for you far and wide" like are there other sea witches and auntie only wanted buttons?? or is buttons literally the only sea witch in the world. i want the lore.

ed. eddie eddie edward. ed my beloved babygirl. i would fuckinggg die for you

ok but also there is literally no way frenchie didnt see ed when he walked in like ed is standing Right There. i love when directors do stuff like this tho it's so funny to me. "ok joel just walk in there and pretend like you dont see taika standing literally right in front of you"

just noticed ed was polishing the handle to the wardrobe (the main wardrobe) right there. he's tidying up. getting his affairs in order before he— *i break down into inconsolable sobbing*

i wont like tho it was very funny to me when we finally got this full scene and ed's "and no more stede" turned out to be "no more izzy." very fun for me

god i LOVE when we get pirate code shit. none of these rules ever make sense it's always just whatever works for the plot's sake. "that's the code of the sea: the new first mate always kills the old first mate. it's always been like that" i don't think it was literally ever like that i think the writers decided that making up this bullshit rule would add drama to the situation. it's like how pirates can win duels by rendering their opponent's sword inoperable (as if pirates ever had like ritualistic duels). or next episode when zheng yi sao is gonna kill them for mutinying against ed. i love how all the logistics of the plot are always some handwavy-bullshit bc the show just Does Not Care about this shit. this is the ed and stede show and everything else is just superfluous set dressing

we were all fixated on lucius living in the walls none of us predicted that it could be izzy living in the walls

"start with his leg see where it goes" frenchie what does this MEAN

archie thinking jim was asking which leg to cut off and just. answering the question genuinely. is so fucking real lmao me too girl

JIM PUTTING THEIR HAND OVER ARCHIE'S TO BRACE THEMSELF BEFORE THEY START CUTTING INTO IZZY'S LEG... the romances on this show are unparalleled

archie when izzy's leg starts gushing: aye yai yai!

stede telling everyone in laundry abt his whole romance with blackbeard. and stede telling zheng and auntie abt blackbeard when he thought they were just soup sellers. you KNOW stede's been telling literally everyone he meets abt how he's looking for his beloved ed.

lol ok but cuba was not written on the map in the one shot and then stede says "oh, hang on, he might be in cuba!" and it cuts back to the map and he underlines the word "cuba" which somehow mysteriously appeared on the map while stede was chatting. 10/10 no notes

also GOD do i relate to stede so hard sometimes. it did not even occur to stede to ask lucius how he's been until lucius points it out and then he's like "oh! right! how are you??" and he does genuinely care but he was just so absorbed in his own shit it did not occur to him to ask. like. ohhhh baby does that hit home

LUCIUS DRAMATICALLY PAUSING IN THE DOORWAY WHEN STEDE TELLS HIM TO WAIT. HIS HANDS ON EITHER SIDE OF THE DOOR AND HIS HEAD BENT. THIS FUCKING DRAMA QUEEN I LOVE HIM!!!!

LLOOKING OVER HIS SHOULDER "oh, yeah. now you care?" AND THNE SHAKING HIS HEAD AS HE WALKS AWAY god i LOVE this soap opera

ok but buttons looks very confused when auntie says "i see you've adopted the humble form of a man" and then she hands him the book abt shapeshifting. like did she know that he doesnt know how to change form or what.

auntie asks buttons to bless their travels. anyway this is how stede somehow didnt get everyone killed in e1 despite the fact that they were at sea for a few months and he had no idea what the fuck he was doing.

LOVE auntie's little... yell? whimper?? before shuffling away nervously. incredible performance.

also the spellbook thing is in chinese. pretty cool how buttons knows how to read chinese.

ed jumpscare 2!

frenchie's "fire away. not literally, i hope" I MISSED THAT THE FIRST TIME KJSGHKFJDGHJHK WHAT A GREAT FUCKING LINE

love how irl frenchie using the wrong hand for that throat-slitting pantomime would be unimportant but the show acts like that's something that could actually give frenchie away bc they need to really nail home the fact that Ed Is A Fucking Genius

another thing ed is: INCREDIBLY HOT. he is being intimidating and evil to frenchie rn and i am very very into it.

obsessed with archie casually picking some random gore off her hand

also obsessed with how jim is just poking at izzy's leg. they learned how to butcher animals as a kid tho so i guess they're not really grossed out by severed body parts lmaoo

also also obsessed with how izzy would absolutely have not survived this at all. i love this show

list part 2:

ok im sorry but "he's our dick" does not feel earned to me. like they use that fantastic shot of the whole crew in episode 6 last season but what's crucial abt that shot is izzy isn't hanging out with the crew. he's sitting away in the corner monologuing abt how he thinks maybe ed might not want to kill stede.

i do think it's significant tho that jim wasn't there for izzy at his worst aka threatening to withhold rations for laughing at him. like they weren't part of the vote to mutiny against izzy. but frenchie was and frenchie was like "start with his leg see where it goes" which does not seem like he's really that invested in keeping izzy alive.

also it's weird how we don't see fang at all for this bit with hiding izzy in the walls. like he would be the one i'd expect to have the strongest connection to izzy bc he knew izzy before the show started and he was hugging and comforting izzy last episode.

anyway imo jim keeping izzy alive is more abt them missing when they were on the ship with olu and the whole crew and the ship was like a family, not necessarily abt feeling loyalty to izzy specifically. i could be wrong tho who knows.

one thing i do know is that it is VERY important to point out how jim is struggling really hard with everything, archie is not. she wasnt there for the co-captaining era at all and she seems to be rolling with everything like it's all expected. this includes the wedding raid and ed pointing a gun at her last season and stuff. even now she's mostly just confused by why jim is bothering to try and keep izzy alive. but she acts like the amputation and the violence are all what she expected.

yay kissing!! with the shit stuffed up their nose and covered in blood and jim still holding the leg GOD I LOVE THIS SHOW

hnng when archie says "you have... hope" jim's jaw tenses and they visibly swallow after the word "hope." god jim is going through it

"the wooden demon boy that thirsted for life" god i love this game of telephone that the show is playing with pinocchio it's so fucking funny

archie definitely still says a few syllables after "no i was cleaning up blood" while jim was leaning in for another kiss but none of it forms a coherent word. relatable.

ed's "ohhhhohoho. ohoho" is so funny to me. this man is so jealous that other people are getting to kiss ppl they like but not him.

hm archie and jim are not actually kissing when we cut to the shot of ed standing in the stairwell. i imagine this is an editing goof or something

jim and archie pulling away like two kids who got caught kissing under the bleachers during gym class or something. incredible. one of jim's nose plug rags is mysteriously missing now. i think archie ate it.

ed shushing frenchie. nothing to say here but "i need him carnally"

"take the fuckin leg" ed does NOT like mess!!!

"he was your friend" well jim. he might have been ed's friend. but he had a very strange way of showing it.

why does it sound like ed has spurs on his boots

OLU IS SO CUTE I CANT BLAME ZHENG FOR BEING LIKE "you're doing so good at filing thanks so much!!" WHEN HE'S ACTIVELY FUCKING EVERYTHING UP

also. i want to know about auntie's filing system. ahead of it's time, you say?? tell me more. hi my name is jess and i love sorting things

ah yeah olu mispronouncing china moment

olu and zheng are cute tho ngl

roach is having an orgasmic experience drinking soup. very relatable.

love that stede called the broth "insane" like fics so often get stede's voice wrong bc he will randomly say casual slang in a way that contradicts his general s1 vibe of stuffy frilly rich guy. but he's more like your average dad whose general grammar when speaking is pretty outdated but he's also trying to use slang to fit in with his kids

oh god stede is trying so hard with lucius it is giving SUCH awkward dad vibes. "when i was young and edgy" and "mr. cool" STEEEEDE

"my spicy little rat boy" im so sad that lucius hates that pet name bc this is the funniest thing black pete's ever said

aw nooooo the way pete jumps when lucius yells at him :(:(:(

yo wee john has like a wristband with all these sewing needles and shit stuck on it that's such a cool costume detail

the first thing izzy says after waking up is "my leg" and in my head im hearing it in the spongebob meme voice

first: very funny how ed responds "yeah!" like, laughing about the whole. amputation thing. and then secondly i am obsessed with "up in Leg Heaven" he is so fucking quirky. i love him.

"have you come to take the other one" yeah you'd probably enjoy that huh izzy.

love ed's dangly earring. gender.

smthng abt how izzy is instantly exhausted and dismissive when ed tells izzy to take the gun vs how ed was also bored and dismissive when izzy said "i have love for you." idk if there's anything there im just making tenuous connections in my head rn

help. ed clenching his fists when he's standing with his back to izzy. he really wants izzy to do it but also even deeper than that he really doesn't he wants to live

izzy starts to laugh the same way he started to cry last episode with like a really loud sudden gasp of air. also he laughs so weirdly jesus christ

also jesus this is so fucking dark. i mean obviously but im fucking reeling right now from ed trying to get izzy to kill him and izzy's response is just "do it yourself you fucking pussy." fuck.

more thoughts on this scene here

"i loved you... best i could" i actually dont have a lot of thoughts abt this at all aside from it just seems like a weird thing for ed to say. idk. i have a few metas abt this saved that ive been meaning to read so maybe that will help me deconstruct this but i think i'd need more time to figure out why this line feels weird to me. it could literally just be that i dont like blackhands at all but idk. probably not gonna unpack my feelings for a while tho bc in terms of everything i want to dig into from these 3 episodes alone this is at the bottom of that list lol

love how ed tells frenchie "go live" right before he steers them into a storm and tries to doom everyone on the ship.

"two messed-up kids probably" i know this is one of those things that some viewers are just always gonna have a problem with but it's so fucking funny to me how stede is like. never seeing his children again. and is like "yeah they're probably traumatized by how i was a bad father. well that's for mary and doug to deal with!"

lucius winking when he calls stede quite the fuck-up. i love this snarky gay

anyway for how fucked up the vibe is on ed's ship at least they weren't playing human puppet or making people catch rats with their teeth

shit this is longer than the last post. anyway list part 3:

ok i completely forgot abt this scene where the crew back on the Revenge is talking in the hallway before they go confront ed but i think it's rlly interesting how jim is the only one who says anything abt how ed's sudden cheery mood is NOT a good thing. fang is like "do we think he's better?" and jim's like "fuck no!" and frenchie's like "idk he seemed pretty calm to me." like this is so fucking juicy to me. jim knew this wasn't "better." i think this is because jim kinda gets it. they know what it's like to be told you're only meant for violence. and they know what it's like to want something softer. last season i probably wouldnt have said jim understood ed's suicidal tendencies but the way jim KNOWS that this isnt better makes me wonder if they understand this, too.

altho when they go outside and ed is like "it's a bad storm! and i took the wheel! and im gonna fire into the mast! we're all gonna die!!" jim yells "what do you want, you piece of shit!" (in spanish) so maybe they dont get the suicide bit of it. but they did understand that ed wasn't better.

oh ed's voice in "what do i want?" is so whiny and sad. babygirl is fucking going through it. good thing the rain is hiding his tears ahaha. ha.

"all love dies im just hastening the process" objectively this is fucked up but also it is so funny to me that he's like "i got dumped so now nobody else is allowed to be happy and in love." he broke up all the couples at the end of s1 and he raided a fucking wedding. babygirl i love you. you are so unwell

VERY RANDOM THOUGHT and i would have to go back to last episode double check but i dont think any of the background crew are women?? it's just archie??? which kinda bums me out a bit like i dont only want female rep in the main cast i want to see random background women too. i could be entirely wrong abt this tho just in this scene i only see dudes in the background

anyway archie being like "alright i guess we're fighting" bc this is archie's normal. archie is just kinda resigned to her life being shit.

stede crossing out "dead" and circling "alive" is so fucking funny to me hfjkhdjvgdfjk like. manifesting.

but also he does kinda manifest that in the next episode doesnt he?? he loves ed back to life ahaha oh god oh fuck *starts sobbing*

"looks like he's gotten back into arson" okay and??? wee john's an arson enthusiast also, cmon lucius dont judge a man for his hobbies

stede's fucking face when he considers what lucius said abt "maybe his time with you is the best it's gonna get for him" like i think he tries to think abt it and just. cant. he cant fucking accept that. god im gonna throw up.

HNNNNG THE RUN FROM ME SONG COMING BACK IM GONNA LOSE MY SHIT

i cant get over how archie is like. yeah bro it's fine. it's cool just kill me im not gonna hold it against you.

jim's like "YOU WERE GONNA DO IT ANYWAY!!" and ed's like "teehee yeah :3 u got me"

oh bro some of the random background crew people just fully go overboard huh. damn. rip those guys.

ok so im choosing to believe that izzy fired a lucky shot there bc the man couldn't even shoot himself point blank in the skull but im supposed to believe that he got ed right in the arm from the other side of the deck in the middle of a crazy storm and the ship rocking like crazy and izzy's probably suffering from like, insane amounts of blood loss?? i dont buy it. i mean it doesnt matter at all but i think he was trying to hit ed's general torso area and if ed didnt have his arm held out izzy would've missed. like i said tho this makes no fucking difference. it's just a fun little headcanon hehe

love how ed laughs like an absolute maniac here. babygirl u are so unhinged.

wait it's fucking wild how in the middle of all this we to cut to auntie putting the map back together and then we see that zheng is bringing her fleet over land. anyway this is foreshadowing obviously but like considering the song choice and cutting this between ed's suicide attempt and then the crew mutinying. is a choice. and idk why they made that choice yet.

it is a pretty dramatic reveal tho. i didnt appreciate that the first time but holy shit. she's just pulling her ships all the way to the caribbean. girlboss.

and then the mutiny. the relief on ed's face hurts me so fucking much

other thoughs about this scene here

HOLY SHIT THIS POST CREDITS SCENE AHHHHHH

so first of all. auntie saying olu can be allowed to clean up random hairs around the desk and zheng being like "there's not that much hair" girl you know you're lying. her hair is so long and so gorgeous and you KNOW random strands end up making scary-ass hair spiders if somebody doesn't regularly sweep things up

second of all: olu pretending there's a carrier bird with a messege for zeng to give her a break is SO CUTE. OLU. OLU YOU ARE SUCH A SWEETHEART.

#ofmd s2 spoilers #our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd s2 #ofmd season 2 #edward teach #stede bonnet #crew of the revenge #archie #zheng yi sao #izzy hands #izzy critical #s2e02 #txt #mine #og #gentlebeard #ofmds2rwwiptjdmtaors

[chuuwtoy]

i remember discussing with my friend if rebecca was really the blushing virgin that everyone in the fandom makes her out to be. at the time i just shrugged it off and said yes, because i didn't know much about her character (not that there is much anyway.) but after thinking about it, my opinion's changed a bit. so here's my random opinions about rebecca.

incoming airstrike: incoherent rambling.

initially i felt like rebecca was only really put into the first game to be jill's opposite, and also i guess to make it even and put a girl on the other team.

i haven't played RE 0 (and with the complaints i probably won't..) but she isn't exactly squealing and blushing whenever billy looks her way - if anything, billy is more of a flirt. maybe him giving her all these cute nicknames is just in his nature? or perhaps he just really likes her. who knows!

you could argue that everyone on her team died and she's going through this hellish nightmare on her first mission - so why on earth would she have goo-goo eyes over some inmate who supposedly slaughtered 23 people?! haha, i love analyzing these guys.

rebecca isn't afraid to put anyone in their place, she demands respect, "but that's officer chambers to you", "and dont call me little girl!" one thing i love about these lines is how it's delivered, she isn't stomping her feet and throwing a tantrum. she keeps her soft tone and says it sharply! i wish people saw her as spunkier and dominant, rather than an innocent, helpless baby.

suprisingly, she doesn't fall for chris either. i mean can you blame me for expecting her to? he's protecting her throughout the game and vice versa. she's tired and scared but atleast she has chris to lean onto. that's the perfect set up for a predictable (one-sided) romance. the same arguement could be made - she's tired, and got thrusted into another nightmare, she doesn't have time to be flustered over chris..

something that's a little odd but rebecca has respect for chris in the sense that she refers to him as "sir", when she doesn't even do that for enrico. though, im sure its because she's familiar with enrico, but not chris.

she's oddly professional for her age, but no one in the fandom gives her credit for it— and yes i know it's probably because she's a child prodigy, so perhaps she had to grow up quicker? i assume she was around adults much older than herself. ( ≧ᗜ≦) !!!

i know it's common for people to call her a tomboy because "girl + short hair = tomboy" (sarcasm). though, if i'm being honest, i never saw her as one. rebecca (and jill) are just girls, they can't really be placed into boxes - they're not clichés. you see the duality with rebecca loving basketball but also being a chemist? i LOVE that so much. she's in this male-dominated field with an age that still end in -teen.

rebecca is described as "androgynous" in her uniform and while i agree to some extent i don't really like that word too much, because it implies that jill's uniform isnt androgynous when i think that it is.. so what because jill's chest is prominent she can't be androgynous too? hmph, it always left a bitter taste in my mouth.

also i really love that she's wearing makeup in 0, it's her first mission and she's all dolled up 笑笑笑笑笑 but they stopped using ayumi's model and i guess wanted to rework her face.

this isn't meant to disprove or bash that very popular ship "rebilly" by the way! do i ship it? not quite, sorry but i dont ship anything besides myself and a certain bioterrorist えへへへへへへへへ

the novel, caliban cove, portrays her as your typical teenage girl. she gets embarrassed a lot, blushes at the slightest contact, etc etc. it's not canon though, so i didnt bother to mention it.

i haven't discussed this either but i'd like to see discussions about her sexuality, nothing is confirmed but options are always open (ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ.ﾟ

#resident evil #rebecca chambers #jill valentine #billy coen #chris redfield

[oekaki-chan]

hey c! can i ask how do we get over the feeling of embarassment when drawing self-indulgent shippy fanart? i've seen most of your amazing art and i've noticed that you don't seem to hold back when drawing fanarts, it's really beautiful with the way you portray characters' intimate relationships.. be it thru manga, illustrations, sketches. I have quite a lot of ideas on my mind that I want to draw similar to what you've drawn in terms of shipping characters, but I can't help but feel embarassed most of the time when I attempt to draw, thinking that it's "cringe" or I should draw something else with more deeper meaning into it, not just shippy stuff.. so I get very hesitant posting said art online or even starting the sketch (i haven't drawn 95% of my written ideas for nearly a year ;_; pain lol) since a few of my friends might see and question it lmao but deep down i really want to draw them ofc! i'm just very scared with what others think, but I do want to show myself more through my art and what I really like to draw.. Have you had a similar feeling of embarassment too c? I'm sorry if this got too long, I don't rly have any artist friends to talk to this about :')) I'm just so amazed at how you're able to fight the fear and just draw what you want in the end ^-^ I hope I can be like that too with myself and art, there are rare times where I just say f*ck it and post it anyway but 99% of the time is just me overthinking on whether it's cringe or not but I want to be cringe so bad so I can just be free and draw whatever the heck I want! ahh so many conflicting feelings ;_; i hope you get what I mean, thank you again for responding to my previous asks with the colors and numerous questions! I'm sorry for being so curious lol i just want to draw my favorite characters to kiss and cuddle so bad but im too scared to even draw them so intimately like that so i dont even draw majority of my ideas for fear of being judged :'D :') :(( hope u had a nice day c!

I might never show it but actually I relate to you so hard, it's not once or twice that I keep overthinking if my art is too self-indulgent and cringe, everytime I'm about to post my art I'm one click away to post it but I always have this nagging worry of people judging my art (even tho there's nothing wrong with it, for god's sake!!!) so I just spend another 30 minutes worrying about it until I close my eyes, flick my finger quickly, and close the tab.

And oh god in heaven put a curse on meme culture for this because there was this one instance when someone made a corny meme out of my art (that's not even a funny drawing) and dared to send it to me, I know it's only one person but it's enough to crush my confidence in drawing and posting shippy/emotional art.

Whenever I draw my favorite characters looking all seductive and cool I always worry people would think it's cringe, whenever I draw characters kissing I always worry people would think I'm weird, but then I remember about the other artists I like who post (their own) self-indulgent stuff and they make me joyous, I want people to feel the same way about my art when I post my own self-indulgent art too, so I guess that's what keeps me doing what I do today 😂

My 2023 resolution is just to stop giving a single damn about what people think of my art, if they think it's cringe then so be it, I can't control the mind of people, at least the cringe art gives me the happy brain chemicals and that's what truly matters 😊

#ask

[raisinchallah]

since you are a queerbaiting scholar, I have a question that I don't remember if you've ever covered. Do you think the t'hy'la footnote in the Star Trek TMP novelization could be considered an example of queerbaiting or is it just too iconic to fall under that category?

oh unequivocally like for clarification for people i guess who have a more narrow and specific definition of queerbait i do think it like kind of dodges around the entire central conceit of hoped for "gay representation" or something that is not really the lens i think its viewed thru in 70s fandom the way it was in 2010s as in like the way people frame queerbaiting they want characters to join this pantheon of confirmed gay characters fitting a mold of existing gay characters on tv to some degree and nobody was assuming like from that tease that kirk and spock would be portrayed as a couple in future movies or anything the way the queerbait dance between creator and fandom was portrayed in 2010s queerbait discourse but i think it was probably the first and most high profile attempt to date for a creator to try and mediate the relationship between the media property shippers and ship haters through like a direct communication of like canon material i guess like i would have to go on a pretty big deep dive back into some of the random star trek zines ive looked at to find sources again im struggling to find it right now but i know i read some various responses from fans at the time and kirk/spock shippers did react negatively to the footnote in much the same way people reacted to like ship tease jokes in classic queerbait tv shows on tumblr which i found really interesting people did think it was trying to shut kirk/spock shippers down just as much as people thought it was energizing them and speaking to them it really threads the needle so perfectly by like opening the door to a whole new type of possibility and whatever to the types of people who want that while also in text saying theyre not lovers hah hah isnt that weird which i think some fans also felt uncomfortable about because it was like shining a light on their niche corner of the fandom letting people know there were people who thought the relationship between kirk and spock might be romantic but again ive only read like two accounts of this so i honestly have no clue how widespread each type of reaction was i wonder if it also like re inflamed fights about if they do or dont have sex lol because that was a whole thing which is slash was for people who believed it was sexual vs kirk&spock was like homoerotic friendship to nonsexual romance fanfic and these were bitter fandom divides as well but of course and like this isnt to paint it all in a negative light but i do think the dissenting voices get a bit lost in the history and i thought it was kind of fascinating how similar a lot of the weird mediations felt to like some actor at comiccon 2012 saying well i dont know but it could be romantic you know it creates the perfect vessel for everyone to see what they want thru it so i think in many ways it was groundbreaking queerbait but also tbh did it better than anything else like truly stoking the fires of fan speculation and probably introduced a lot of people to the idea of "the premise" and planted the seeds in their minds to begin with and again few other queerbait texts are out here inventing special words that mean lover for the characters to call each other few people that bold like again somewhat different context but it does kind of feel like a first of its kind broaching into that messy dynamic between fans and the powers that be as they sometimes called them and truly a fascinating iconic piece of queerbait history

ok upon further looking i believe i must have read a scan of "a careful analysis: the roddenberry footnote" by christopher randolph (a pseudonym for della van hise the author of killing time) that was printed in the star trek zine naked times issue #3 but i have been unable to locate an actual link to the full text beyond the excerpts from fanlore here [x]

[wifiwuxians]

i realized my last ask was just a lot of information to say that i like your art. all i wanted to say is that i dont rb bc i know you draw song lan and xue yang platonically and i want to respect that (and your wishes) and i dont wanna bug you. also i do love your songxiao art as well, its very beautiful and they make an absolutely lovely couple together. i feel like i may have failed in my initial mission not to weird you out just by sending my initial ask but i promise im looking respectfully and your art absolutely has value and beauty outside of the realm of shipping and my terrible weird shipper brain aoeiuraiuoer im a multishipper so i absolutely appreciate and love your songxiao works even tho im a songxue main. also you a-qing art is peak and adorable. i never see other artists portray her as perfectly as you do. thank you again for sharing your art and i really hope my asks havent bothered you at all. i just wanted to tell you that youre more appreciated than you might see and some of us just wanna be respectful to your wishes? i guess, i dont know. i know in an ideal world you would have tons of reblogs from people who like these characters and relationships in the same way that you do. i really hope that you get a ton of fans like that because you absolutely deserve it and your art is good enough to persuade people in my opinion (i was just far too far down the songxue hole to ever escape by the time i found your work). dont give up drawing what you love! i'll prolly just make that alt account i was talking abt earlier w/o shipping stuff so i can rb your stuff without making you uncomfortable. please take care and i hope you have a really wonderful day! again, im so sorry if ive bothered you at all. please take care.

^took me so long bc i was making this and its not even good KSDHFJSK

in case you didn't see my response to the other ask: it's only certain ship tags that bother me! you are absolutely welcome to reblog my art even if you ship my notp of notps (which, again, songxue is not. it doesn't even qualify if i'm honest- yes this is probably a direct result of me drawing them so often LMAOOOOO), i love when people appreciate my work and everyone is free to take away whatever they want of it, i'm really sorry to everyone i've made feel like they can't interact with me because of something as overall trivial as shipping. it's just the tagging, guys! that's all i ask, nothing more!

thank you for wanting to respect my boundaries so much though and especially thank you for enjoying my art! even though yes it is in most cases intended as platonic it's really okay to enjoy it anyway. it means a lot to me that you do, and really don't worry about making a whole new blog, if for peace of mind you don't wanna tag it then that's ok but don't go through all that trouble for me PLEASE... you haven't bothered me at all and you're not weird, i'm just sorry if i made you feel this bad agh

(also, A-Qing is BEST GIRL i am always repping A-Qing.. . )

#songxiao is ship of ships thank you for appreciating that so much #i feel. admittedly. like i am most often not appealing to fellow shippers. and like im just too out there #with all my 500 AUs and whatever so this was nice to read #songxue #please do not feel bad #though i also hope to attract the platonic yi city fans i figure i dont wanna exclude anyone. my content is for all #shin dont look

[forlorn-crows]

Just stopping by to say this (also sorry in advance, english is not my first language)

some of these headcanon critiques are a bit.. hurtful in a way - especially coming from a system POV who has system members of the band members that while are different, are sort of how people normally portray i guess you could say. we have a dewdrop that's very i guess you could say fem and subby, ect ect. And reading some of these hurt a lot. and sort of felt like .. a slap to the face almost. Our Dewdrop headmate is now sort of afraid to even make a post about their own headcanons of themselves because they don't want to be bashed for it or bullied for it. These critiques come across as straight up bashing vs critiques.

-🌙☀️

please note that these second two screenshots were part of longer submissions, but these parts i still wanted to include. i hope they dont seem out of context.

to our system friend here, hi. im sorry that what i and/or others have said hurt you. it was not my intent to come across as bashing, and i know i have a tendency to be 'loud' about certain things, etc. absolutely not an excuse, and im sorry if others felt that they were unwelcome to speak up. so, i appreciate those who did stop by to say so.

i wont backpedal on my opinions, though. i tried multiple times to make clear that almost everything about these ghouls is headcanon, and you are absolutely free to say 'fuck off crow, i like dew being x y z'.

if your dew is more feminine and submissive, then that is a-okay. but, the way the ghouls sometimes are portrayed can be very two dimensional. many of us, essentially, would like to see a bit more variety, even if your characters still fit this common fanon characterization.

like our second anon here has said, these common characterizations are understandable, due to how they act on stage. hell, rain was called 'bambi' for a little bit because he kept tripping over his own damn legs. their stage presence still plays a part in their personalities, absolutely.

to what extent, of course, varies from person to person. ive seen many a headcanon say that 'dew only acts that way onstage, hes actually really shy/reserved in person' just as an example. and all of these things that we think about the offstage characters is technically correct because we dont have a basis for it otherwise.

the original intent of the asks last night was simply to discuss headcanons/characterizations people liked the least. and im sorry if it resulted in something that felt placating, invalidating, or just mean. again, i tried to state in multiple different ways that those things were what i headcanon. not that people are 'wrong' for thinking x y z about a character. i dont even agree about everything that my friends think about these ghouls. and thats fine. i wouldnt want everyone to just think like me either bc then its just a boring echo chamber. many of the things i spoke about, if i come across them, i just skip and move on with my day. everyone has different ideas, and sometimes its just not for me. just like my ideas arent for everyone either.

you have full autonomy to post and think and create anything you want about ghost. what i dont want is people thinking im some kind of authority, or that people arent welcome to say their thoughts. i wanted (and still want) these things to be a discussion, an open forum for people to talk about their headcanons that may differ from the norm.

with all this being said, i want everyone to have fun here, and i dont want anyone to feel pushed out of a fandom because one or two loud people 'dont like' what they believe about silly nameless ghouls in a rock band.

i want people to feel like they can write characters differently than others, or if you enjoy those common characterizations, that you recognize when things might slip across those lines we spoke about yesterday. that everyone is critical when warranted, not just because someone said they dont agree with you. you feel me? and if you dislike something, and want to see something specific, you have the ability to create those things if you wish! thats the beauty of it all.

i know these are not fun conversations to have, and that some people might feel defensive about specific topics. but we all need to understand there are nuances to situations, to opinions, to people. okay?

xx

#be kind to each other #ask #anon #im finished with the headcanon asks for now y'all okay? #and if y'all want to keep going keep it positive and constructive pls

[omorinintendoswitchedition]

2, 3, 7, 8, 9, 10, 12, 14, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, and 26 (My question is just say something about them you want to say)

For whichever character/characters your want

woweee this is gonna be a looooong post

2-Favourite thing about this character

Doing this for Dante. The Dr Faust cutscene, or to be more broad I love his silly attitude and his stupid jokes. Made this series iconic and funny and gives him a personality.

3-Least favourite thing about this character

For Dante this would probably be the ‘if you were 18 i would date you’ joke from the first episode of the anime. This really rubbed me the wrong way and its kinda weird to say that to a kid you just met???and ooc for him???

7-Whats something the fandom does when it comes to this character you like?

Actually give the girl characters time to shine instead of just making them sexy eye candy. And the silly family dynamics between the Sparda boys.

8-Whats something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

the fucking Vergil dodges child support and is a ‘sigma based alpha male’ homophobe. i hate it so muchhh even though the meme is dead it still annoys me so much when i see people still think its funny.

9-Could you be roommates with this character?

I probably could be roomies with people like Dante and Nero and Kyrie. Id probably get a little annoyed at Dante for constantly being in debt and gambling but we could survive. Do not think I could be roommates with Vergil. that man does not know how the oven works.

10-Would you date this character?

fuck yeah I would date Dante.

12-What's a headcanon you have for this character?

Nico is the kind of person who drenches everything in ranch. She buys the ranch ice cream a lot and it makes Nero loose his shit every single time. She drowns her chips in ranch and Nero looks at her from across the table like shes murdered someone

14-Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

Hrngh fuck im not a fashion person. Do kinda see Trish getting into gothic fashion tho.

20-Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

Nero and Nico are the perfect best friends duo. Always got each others backs, always making fun of each other lightheartedly. I want more of them sooo badly you have no idea.

21-If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

its been decades since I have last written anything in general. But I do remember Dante’s dialogue being fun to write for me and I dont like everything else because im constantly worrying if something is ooc

22-If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

Its been decades since ive read any dmc fic either (get caught up in other things) but as mentioned earlier do love those family dynamics and the attempts to fix everything. Dont like when Vergil os portrayed as ice cold after dmc5.

23-Favorite picture of this character?

FUCK THIS IS SO HARD. I do love the capcom cafe art with dante and his tits out. the teppen card art is also pretty cool.

24- What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

So considering the only other fandom I am in is about depressed teenagers trying to overcome their trauma its safe to say none. I guess Kel somewhat for Dante? Only cause theyre silly and have older brothers who like blue.

25-What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

When I first saw V back when I knew absolutely nothing about dmc, I thought he was edgy and didnt really like him (the video used the ‘what evil lurks I must destroy’ clip out of context). But now that I have played and beaten the series I must say V my poor guy hes an absolute menace.

26-FREEBIE QUESTION!!

no idea what this means!!!!!so im just gonna make up a question!!!!

26-Would you work for this character?

ABSOLUTELY NOT DANTE HAS NO BREAD!!!! and the job is like. insanely dangerous and im just an internet guy.

#sunny answers #dmc #devil may cry #dante dmc #nero dmc #nico dmc #v dmc #vergil dmc #kyrie dmc #trish dmc

[coldresolve]

A huge part of the whump being torture apologia discussion comes from the fact that people exoticize torture. It's foreign. It's something you see in spy movies and read about in thrillers. It's a pain that most people can safely distance themselves from in order to experience emotional catharsis or simple enjoyment. The thing is, some people don't get to have that distance.

It's hard for me to describe the sheer grief that comes with it all. I know a man who was tortured in prison. People who faced abuse from family so severe that it amounted to torture. Someone whose torture was to watch their friends be deliberately hurt. I wish whump writers could learn to have compassion for these people as well, even if their lived experiences are not exceptionally common or openly spoken about.

If an author portrays domestic abuse in their writing, it's generally considered necessary and responsible for them to either write the abuse in a realistic way or to state outside their writing that their portrayal of this very real issue is unrealistic. This respects people's lived experiences with abuse and prevents creating a culture of normalizing and glorifying abusive behavior.

It's most definitely not too much to ask of whump writers to uphold those same standards when writing about torture.

you have no idea how nice it is to get someone well spoken and well thought out in my inbox every once in a while. uh im on like hr 30 of being awake and kinda struggling piecing my thoughts together right now, so forgive me if i dont make a lot of sense, but i wanna say sth

the tone of your ask for some reason really hit a nerve for me. like getting slapped in the face, kind of. i think its the fact you come across really compassionate and just. calm, thoughtful in this. kinda puts my approach into perspective lol

i think im just angry about this topic. like ive got a passion for wanting to get it right, but its driven by anger and frustration. having ppl nitpick the fuck out of everything i say instead of actually having the sorts of conversations that should be had about the topic. i know me being angry edgy tantrum controversial oh whats he gonna say now guy and all that, turns people away from listening to me but i dont know how else to approach it sometimes, i don't want to make excuses for people who i feel should know better. i dont have that kind of patience i guess, at least not right now

i think that anger is like a manifestation, symptom. im angry about the people this happens to, and how catastrophic it is. angry at the people who let it happen. the systems that are built around it. people don't see how systemic torture can be. im angry that the fucking war on terror media frenzy was so effective, because your average person still fucking believes in all the bullshit. or the idea of torture survivors being "broken" like its a personal failure, like its the result of their own shortcomings when they're some of the strongest people you can meet. just all these unfair ideas about it that are everywhere. and people still somehow find it necessary to keep spreading those ideas, even if they know theyre wrong. when it doesnt add anything of value, youre not saying anything about it, youre not actually adding something to the conversation by going along with the bullshit, youre literally just entertaining yourself

i dont know how to not be angry about it, i think. thats the growth goal for me i guess, cause i know this isnt the sorta thing thats gonna fix itself tomorrow. and i dunno your ask just made me think about that, like how i handle this on a personal level. and i think itd be healthy for me to step away from the discussion for a couple days at least and just. accept that i tried to reach people this round, maybe it didnt really work, thats fine, ill try again some other time. also i am writing all this very slowly cause my skull is kinda collapsing in on itself so to speak and maybe that has something to do with me being sorta hopelessly frustrated lmfao. apologies

#asks

[oldmemoria]

God finally I finished the 1992 Spider-Man 2099 comics—

SPOILER WARNING BTW IM JUST SPITTING OUT MY THOUGHTS RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW GET OUT IF YOU DONT WANT THE COMICS SPOILED FOR YOU PLEASE AND THANK YOU

Overall, writing wise I liked it. Most of it, at least. I wasn’t a huge fan of the art style at some points but that’s just personal preference, I guess. I know how much work and how little time goes into comics so that is just a tiny thing to me. Biggest complaint about the art style was how the women were drawn. Uh…. Yeah, it was the 90s. I’m not shocked we’ve barely grown and it’s 2023. Side note but this comic really did predict some modern stuff didn’t it /hj

The downsides…. Oh boy. I don’t like how most of the female characters were relegated to the damsel in destress or…. Miguel lover. Ig??

Conchata was sort of out of the ordinary with that and that’s why I liked her (Xina too, both of their personalities stuck out to me and I liked them. Xina sort of reminded me of Red from TLOTFK National Anthem for some reason) but I mean… she was the main characters mom. Kinda makes sense that she’d go against the grain

That and the representation of Mexican culture.. my god did I hate it. As a Latino, specifically as someone who is Mexican, I was not a fan of how Day of the Dead was portrayed specifically. It isn’t just Mexican Halloween. But in the comic… yeah that’s what I got from it and I think if a kid who didn’t really know what that is might end up being ill informed but just— they should have done more research. That’s all I’ll say.

I can give them a little leeway and say “oh it was the 90s”. So I will. It was the 90s. What am I gonna expect from a comic book in the 90s. This was actually pretty progressive for the time so why am I complaining 💀

Oddly enough though, I did enjoy the representation of suicidal tendencies and ideation from Miguel. You don’t see that a lot. At least not in the way this was depicted and from what I’ve seen. It was relatable. Every time he got into a near death situation he still fought through it and didn’t give up. Which like, yeah, I wouldn’t want to be killed by some guy with wings or drown because fish man or something, but as he spirals I feel like it was depicted well. He knew that he couldn’t take his own life because not only did he have a job to do (save the city, work at alchemax) but also he found that other people did end up caring about him. At some points that didn’t matter to him, sometimes it did. It’s a fucking roller coaster, realistically.

With the scene right after the reveal of Tyler stone, Miguel’s really awful boss who groomed him into his position at alchemax, being Miguel’s father. We see a shot of either Miguel attempting or thinking of killing himself. Personally I interpreted it as an attempt. Felt like it was a spur in the moment kind of thing, which is realistic, as far as I know. Reading his dialogue and thoughts just felt real. It felt like someone was maybe directly talking to me about their thoughts or that i was reading someone’s journal. There was no filter. Miguel has no filter. I fucking love him for that.

Everyone in the story was just kind of an asshole in some way. There was no morally good or morally evil. I’d say everyone in some way was morally grey.

Miguel is kind of a dick, but he cares about the people around him even though he may not properly show it (whether or not that’s because of trauma or, in my personal interpretation, him being possibly autistic is up to you. I think it’s a little bit of both). He feels guilt when he hurts people, when he kills others, on accident mind you, but he does. He shuts down. He trails off. He’s not evil or malicious, he’s just very very emotionally damaged. Which by all means isn’t an excuse for how he treats some of the people in his life throughout the comics but they serve as a good explanation.

Dana generally seemed to… kind of care? She did sleep around and was bouncing between literally all 3 of the OHaras (Miguel her fiance, Gabriel her brother-in-law, and Tyler her father-in-law), but she also treated them more like trophies than anything. We didn’t see a lot of her backstory or motivations because she really just… was only there when the plot needed to mention “oh by the way Miguel’s fiance cheats on him”. I wish we got to see more of her, tbh. I wanted to see her line of thinking (maybe I will once I eventually reread but rn my brain feels like it’s about to explode and I need to eat something before it does. T minus 8 minutes /ref)

Gabriel. Just Gabriel. I do not have the right words to unpack him. Holy fuck.

Xina was a bit of a hothead, ig? She bounced off of Miguel’s character pretty well because she directly went against him. Not like she was a villain at any point but she did end up being at odds with him at some point, so.. she does, however, still care about other people and just like Miguel she feels so much regret about the past. I’d argue everyone in this story just kind of sits in a puddle of “oh god this unending agony”. I’m happy she seemed to be blazing her own trail at the end of the comic. Cool of her. Very cool.

Tyler…. Yeah I didn’t like him and technically speaking he is a villain, but he wasn’t entirely evil apparently, he liked Dana. Even though i don’t believe him. He’s a greedy shit who basically only values his role in a billion dollar company so uh.. fuck him. He’s not cool. I wouldn’t say he’s morally grey but if we take his word at face value he can feel love. I guess. But I don’t think he does. Nuh uh, Tyler Stone, Nuh uh.

Lyla was great. I love her. She’s funny, witty, her timing is great, she’s fucking insane sometimes but yknow what that’s fine. I saw a post describing her as “the weird fairy that haunts Miguel” (paraphrasing) and I cannot help but see her that way from now on. Especially movie Lyla. Because she’s just FUNNY in both and she’s so much fun I wish there was more of her in the comic and I WISH WE HAD MORE OF THAYT RANDOM PUNK VARIANT OF HER WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT—

Overall, I found the comics charming regardless of my few critiques. It was written well to reflect that not everyone is picture perfect, everyone is just a bit cynical, and relationships are rocky sometimes. Especially if trauma and literal actual grooming is involved. Also I smiled and cheered a little bit when Tyler stone died and when alchemax fucking exploded.

That was great

(Sorry if this was a little incoherent like I mentioned before my brain hurts and I’d probably have to reread over and over to get my full analysis, this is just my final thoughts after my first full read through)

Will I read the other Spider-Man 2099 comics?

Um

#atsv #across the spiderverse #miguel o'hara #comic miguel #spider man 2099 #spiderverse #miguel spiderman #i want to consume goldfish hhggrgrjrkwiflal

[okthatsgreat]

new opddmh updates..... like. three of them. crazy. haven't been keeping up as well as usual (acting stuff and work tag teaming my free time and absolutely destroying it) but i have finally started to binge and i truly truly love what u r doing w makoto and miu. so different but still connecting on an in-depth level and balancing eachother out ....... sometimes a relationship is an ex-reality show killing game figurehead and the world's worst teenager fresh out of the hospital against the world. do u have any insights on the way u write relationships and connections or just them in specific that come to mind bc oh my god. please do tell

HELLO AGAIN :]!!! AND HAHAHAH THATS ALL GOOD ive been so busy also FINGERS CROSSED IM ABLE TO GET MY UPDATE SCHEDULE ON TRACK LOL

TALKING ABOUT THIS FIC!!! :] big ole ramble down below lol

(i use the word "partner" a lot here but just know i am not referring to strictly romantic relationships lol)

OHHH GOD. relationship writing advice HMM HMMMMM. it really is very complex bc there are SO many different types of relationships that can be written about ghfdgjh so advice definitely varies!!! i think something helpful that i've learned is that unless you are purposefully examining power dynamics it always helps to view both sides as fully realised characters. very very rarely do you want to have a character who is solely there to agree with their second half and have no personality or history outside of this. i see this happen a LOT with romantic pairings but it's also an important note for platonic pairings as well!! ESPECIALLY if the main focus of the story is on this specific pairing-- it shouldnt feel like one person is a human being while the other is a cardboard cutout whose only purpose is to be there for their partner. again there ARE a few exceptions to this and how it is portrayed but its the main rule i like to stick to!! :]

if i feel like ive written a character who is solely there for their partner something immediate i go to is giving both characters something that separates them!! most of the time this includes fleshing out a backstory thats different from their partner, that might influence the way they see things within the narrative. give them a different hobby, maybe a different friend group! give them a different perspective on the events that are unfolding, a different way of coping that might not be beneficial to their partner!! and remember that it is OKAY for them to not agree on everything!!!! do not be frightened into thinking you need every single relationship in your story to be perfect and unproblematic and completely agreeable, especially for longer narratives that call for conflict

OH AND IN REGARDS TO FANFICTION... piece of advice i try to follow is donttttt try to mold characters into entirely different people just so they can stay happy and agreeable with their partner lol. if theres tension theres tension!! if theyre petty then theyre petty!!!!! even if there isnt conflict and youre writing fluff, you dont have to erase their personalities just to fit them together as a happy couple! sometimes the challenge in writing comes from finding what happiness means for that specific character/pairing, and that may be very different from the typical idea of romance/happiness!!

AND NOW ON TO MAKOTO AND MIU first of all. i am so sorry for making you read paragraphs upon paragraphs of me just rambling nonsense at you GHFDKGSH BUT I APPRECIATE IT!!! and second of all this technicallllyyyy is advice i guess but its WAY more specific now!!! lol

anyways when it comes to writing their relationship most of their dynamic is based off of their differences! opddmh miu is brash and loud, and even though she is trying more and more to filter what she says she still speaks before she thinks and grows restless very easily. opddmh makoto on the other hand cant afford to be brash and loud and thinks quite a lot before he says anything, and is lot visibly calmer. so its fun examining how their differences are able to influence the other throughout the fic!!!! miu NEEDED that calming influence considering the state she was in when makoto found her, i quite frankly have no idea where the hell she would be now if makoto hadnt been so patient and understanding ghfdksghkf. makoto on the other hand is a man chained down by responsibility, so much so that his life has become extremely dull in his eyes just because of how repetitive it has started to become. miu is a serious change to this and offers him some kind of purpose while also reminding him of not only how SCARED he was as a teenager first exiting the simulator but also how unrestrained he had been before the years went by. theres a balance there!!!

but at the same time, there ARE some similarities. theyre both a bit paranoid, and even if miu is more willing to be vocal about her distaste theyre both scared of danganronpa as a company. they also both strive for some kind of peace, even if they have different versions of it-- makoto wishes to be unburdened by the weight of responsibility and his Ultimate Hope persona while miu wishes for stability in her relationships with others, even if she just isnt the best at it. its why i like writing small moments such as the two of them just sitting in the car and chatting or the most recent moment where theyre not talking at all but are still comfortable in each others company-- they dont explicitly tell the other that theyre super happy and at peace but they both subconsciously understand :)

OKAY CUTTING MYSELF OFF!!!! GFHDGFDJ THANK YOU SO SO MUCH <33

#ask lee #kozuelovemail #opddmh

[abaharashi]

I was 27 when i first discovered Night in the Woods. I was piqued by its art style and charm. I had been needing something to jist BE with. I didnt newd achievements, i didnt need scores or mechanics. I didnt need difficulty or grandiose stories that stretch across the stars and peirce hearts unseen.

I needed a game i could sit with. Take my time and just relax, and enjoy.

Gregg was a favorite early on. Its easy to see why. Everyone should have a Gregg in their life. But i quickly grew attached to Bea. I was drawn to why she waa so...snide with Mae. And given their supposed history i felt so inclined to learn more aboit Bea. And try to reform what friendship was there before things when caput.

Im not going to talk about the rest of those adventures or stories. What i want to talk about is how i am now 3 years into my transition, and playing this game through for the 3rd time now...and its so fucking cathartic in a way.

I related to Mae alot, given how i felt when i was 20. I dont have derealisation but i do get anxiety and depression. Its been notoriously bad recently.

And in a world entering the year 2024 on calander, with so much going on all the time, everywhere. I know i can go back to Possum Springs. And just try to emjoy life and get through another day.

Its not real, but i cant get out much. Adulting will do that to you. Capitalism has made it difficult regardless of age. And those trips with Gregg to the park and having a mini knife fight. Or going to the mall with Bea and shoplifting because "cool kids stickin it to the man" or finding out why Angus doesnt talk with his family much these days.

It brings me back to a time when things did seem uncertain. When i was scared and anxious. But when i also had this bravado to see another day and put 1 foot infront of the other. Because Life.

Those days are so difficult now. You go to work and then feel like super heated glass being doused in water. And you cant stay at work. You cant. Youre akin to a mannequin at that point. You have to go home because youll end up hurting yourself somehow, intentionally or otherwise.

And this great sadness overtakes you and its joined with mania and you just...dont know how youll get through the day. Or if you even want to wake up the next day.

~~~~~~~~~

I've been listening to the NitW OST for the past.... 2-3 days now. And all the tunes are so...simple in their construction and melodies. But they hold this special place in my heart. Maes House especially. It reminds me that my house and family are not like Maes. And i wish they were. Atleast in how the game portrays them presently. I cant even go upstairs to get food unless i cover up now or dress in modest fashion because transition had made people uncomfortable around me expressibg my body in ways i nevwr could before. Not in sexual fashion but showing a bit more skin and wearing tighter clothes and such. And its an insidious uncomfortable they demonstrate. They dobt say it vocally most times to try and be respectful i guess. But i can feel those thoughts burring into me and the....velcro fuzzy distortion that builds between us.

I cant be myself and they don't want me to, because it makes them uncomfortable.

So ive been going back to Possum Springs. And talking with Gregg and reading his enthusiasm helps alot. "I have a friend whos super supportive and would punch someone out for me"

"But hes not real"

I need him to be. Ok? I need Gregg to be real. I need Possum Springs to be real. I need that feeling to be real for me again. A world where im not so...beaten by life and wanting to hope for a better day bit having to fight tooth and nail for every good day i have. Where i dont have to worry about the financial burden of debts, or the worry that this procedure will set me back an additional 20k.

I just want to feel that youthful joy and energy again.

#night in the woods #gregg rulez ok #Maebea #Possum Springs #transitioning later in life #depresso #anxienty #coordinating with friends is so difficult these days #indie games #being a girl #in a sad world

[tianhai03]

you've read visions of v, right?? what r your thoughts on it?

yeah i have, i have so many thoughts about it that im simply too dumb to put into words, but i'll try my best lmao. tl;dr, let's just say that i didnt think too much about v until i read the manga, and now i care about him very very much.

visions of v is just... it gave so much more depth and meaning behind v's character. i understand that in the game they didnt reveal too much about him bc they were trying desperately to keep the fact that hes vergil hidden (even though i and a lot of other people already guessed who he was long before the game even came out lmao), but after seeing his thought process and journey to understanding himself in such great detail is just so... it makes me so emotional. while in the game we only saw him as this sassy goth poetry reciting mystery guy, in visions of v we can see that he was constantly struggling with his past and trauma almost the whole time. i felt so bad to see him like this (in a good way if that makes sense. i dont have a lot of trauma myself, but i have a friend who does and they said the way v's trauma was portrayed was done really really well. its really easy to relate to his struggles.)

and dont even get me started on the ending. i literally read that ending at like 2am, in japanese, because i just couldnt wait for the eng translations. and thank god i managed to understand everything, bc i was literally sobbing to myself silently at midnight. it broke my fucking heart to see young vergil again, still refusing to acknowledge his own emotions, when all it did was bring him more pain. and then he fucking admits out loud that he does enjoy fighting his brother because, despite appearances, vergil is still just like dante. they just want to have fun. as siblings. theyre both the exact same.

this is literally everything i wanted and more. we finally have vergil admitting that hes okay with having emotions, he loves his brother and wants to play with him to make up for their lost childhood, and now it makes dmc5's ending even better, knowing that every single fucking time we saw vergil smiling, he was doing it from the bottom of his heart and not just out of sass and sarcasm. and now the twins have all the time in the world to hang out and be happy.

i probably have a lot more i can talk about but this is already getting very long so i'll stop here. can you see why i have tears in my eyes every time i talk about visions of v this shit makes me so fucking emotional

#now if you will please excuse me as i go sob in silence again #i legit cant tell if its bc im a dante kinnie but every time i talk about this i feel so so sad. i just want to give vergil a big hug #i want to tell him im sorry for a lot of things. and i know he is too. but i want to put everything behind us and just chill as bros #hes been through a lot of things i just want him to be okay with existing now #grh. im so emotional. i care so much for these two #ask #allyanswers #anonymous #also i dont want to say this but like. please dont make this about shipping. please.

[chihirolovebot]

i feel like a big problem in the danganronpa fandom and anime fandom in general is japanese and east asian fetishism? i'm constantly coming across people who like, are super obsessed with dr & other similar media and give themselves japanese names and try to be 'experts' on japan and its culture. i'm a japanese-american and this is so frustratingly common where i go to school and i did like a cultural camp this summer and it was just packed with weeaboos who were totally convinced they could be japanese if they tried hard enough. there's a lot of like, racist -- maybe unintentionally but still racist -- danganronpa fans (especially teenage cosplayers on tiktok??) and obv there's elements of racism in the games themselves (rn i can't think of many examples off the top of my head except for angie?) it might also just be an american thing, do you see this very often as a british anime fan? (sorry for ranting in your inbox lol i thought as a fellow dr fan who's kind of like, willing to confront the bad sides of the franchise + fandom you would be able to get what i'm saying :P)

you're all good!! it's an interesting and frustrating topic to be sure. i'll answer the easiest thing u brought up first— as a british anime fan, i would say the subculture is a lot smaller here than it seems in america? conventions and stuff don't seem to be as popular or as often as they are elsewhere. like i've never heard of an anime convention anywhere near me, for example, and i have a few bigger cities near me. STILL obviously anime and japanese media consumption breeds weirdos.

when i moved into my flat for my first year of uni one of my flatmates was one of those people who are. very loud about liking anime? idk i kind of see anime as like, just another form of media, not a personality trait or even the only thing i consume. like, i watch a lot of shows that aren't anime and play a lot of games that aren't japanese, so i personally dont see the point in identifying urself as an anime-watcher or a 'weeb' which. blegh. but yeah he was ur typical 'mommy-misato-dragon-maid-zero-two' fanboy who randomly broke into broken japanese, referenced anime all the time even when he knew the person he was talking to hadn't watched or even heard of what he was referencing, and overall just seemed to have a very distorted idea of what japan... is like? and obviously im english and have never been to japan so, i dont claim to know what japan is like either. but this guy seemed to think it was some apolitical utopia full of 'traditional' women who all adhere to the 'waifu' archetype (which. gross. fucking gross). i mean needless to say i dont speak to this guy anymore. but my point being that yeah, there is definitely still elements of asian fetishisation present in groups here in britain!! it's why i tend to avoid people who make watching anime their whole personality, i guess, because it always seems to lead to other red flags.

i think some of it you can chalk up to healthy fascination. like, japan and most other asian countries are super different culturally to england, or britain as a whole. for me, i think it's fun to learn about cultural differences, and japan has a very interesting history (in good ways and bad) and it's generally a fascinating country. but what a lot of people do is let the way it's portrayed in anime become a representative for how they think the country actually is, which, like. eh. i guess it's kinda like how a lot of non-brits think all our schools are like hogwarts, when if you want actual representation you should look to educating yorkshire or the inbetweeners. but obviously there's a line to be drawn, and i think it's stupid to assume you know what a country and its people are like because you've consumed media from that country.

as for racism in the game. yeah. the mishandling of angie's god (which, i think is a localisation thing?? apparently in the original japanese, she just called her god, 'god.' and 'atua' was done in the localisation as they thought she was polynesian. but this is very weird and i dont see why they would change it when 'god' is used in many, many cultures and 'atua' is a lot more specific). there's also the daisaku bendai, the ultimate farmer, who's design is..... awful. and then there's the anti-semitic imagery, particularly on kokichi's splash-art, where he wears a nazi-esque hat and holds grape fanta (for those unaware, fanta was a drink create by nazi germany) as well as his title being ultimate supreme leader. it's a bit. like. one of those things on it's own would maybe be okay but all three together is a lot of nazi imagery and it's very odd.

in short, there's a fuckton of racism surrounding danganronpa, both in the game and in the fandom. it's awful and disgusting, and disheartening that this kind of stuff should still exist in 2022, and im very sincerely sorry you have come across it so often. i think it's a consumers duty to educate themselves about the media they consume and think critically about it. i dont even really say i 'like' danganronpa because most of the time im sort of fed up with it and all the problematic aspects. it's more just like, i see the potential for something great and it frustrates me a lot that it wasn't developed, as well as being attached to a lot of the characters. but yeah. thank you for this ask, it was actually a good thought exercise and i hope it helped get some frustration off your chest too!

once again. obviously. im not japanese or asian at all, so if i've said anything that comes off as ignorant, please just drop me a message correcting me. and if you have any other thoughts on this, feel free to send them my way ^.^

#dear venus.

[dragoncarrion]

Why should cats not be outdoors?

ohohooh

so theres like a MILLION reasons but im just going to rapidfire them

extremely dangerous for the cat. people, dogs, ticks, illnesses, getting lost, cars, other cats, anything. EVEN if you live in say the Uk where there are no coyotes, a ton of other dangers are still present. hell even anti freezer (which can taste sweet to cats) is lethal even in small doses

if your cat isn't fixed, and especially if its a male, it could contribute to the feral cat population (BAD BTW) since outdoor cats have a way lower quality of life than an indoors cat (see point number one, and also lack of veterinary care, the food, ticks, fleas, illness, injury, etc) also cats can be transmitters of toxoplasmosis which while isnt usually dangerous to humans, it can spread to lots of other animals and can cause reproductive failure to sheep, and i think in hawaii seals could get infected with bacteria from cat feces iirc? also RABIES. ITS DANGEROUS TO YOU AND TO YOUR PETS AND WILDLIFE. PLEASE

following this one up: the impact cats have on local ecosystem is astounding. ONLY in the US cats kill around 2.4 BILLION BIRDS every year, making them one of if not THE biggest man related threat to birds, and thats not counting other smaller animals they kill. Even if you insist you cat doesnt kill the birds, cat salive is toxic to them, and just mere cat presence can lead to unnecessary stress and wasting energy. there was an experiment with blackbird nests i think which used a taxidermy cat by placing it near the nesting site, and according to that, just the parents believing there to be a potential threat led to less feeding the chicks. and if youre wondering why its bad that cats kill all these birds since other predators do it let me make a little analogy for ya: lets pretend we have a pair of perfectly balanced scales of an ecosystem: prey and predator. with the thousands or even millions of cats added to the predator side of the scale, its unbalanced since they are NOT meant to be there (introduced invasive species) competing with the local predators that already fill that niche and reducing prey populations. its even worse in isolated islands. here is an article that talks about a case like this

if you really believe its inhumane to keep cats indoors then guess what, ENRICHMENT EXISTS!!! FOR DOMESTICATED ANIMALS!!! WHO WOULDVE THUNK! toys, playing with your pet, catios, or hell, even leash training your cat are viable options that both keep your cat and the ecosystem safe, aint that great? another thing to keep in mind: cats. are. not. humans. anthropomorphizing animals is uhhh not GREAT. for example social media likes to portray "smiling monkeys" as happy (projecting and assigning human emotion onto them) when in reality this expression is not a positive one AT ALL, usually used to indicate stress or fear. you can probably see the issue with pushing the "oh he wants to be free" sentiment into a fucking cat

im probably missing a couple of things, and some of these are from the top of my head that i previously researched so there may also be a few small errors, but its still overall like the biggest reasons why outdoor cats are simply bad. irredeemable. even if you have never known this was wrong thats ok, many of us grow up with things we dont really question after a while (like outdoor cats), as long as we put effort into change. and no this doesnt mean you can go "but my aunt had an outdoor cat that lived until 10!" (anecdotal fallacy) since probably tons of other people can also say "i have to replace my outdoor cat every 3 years since he keeps getting hit by cars and eaten by coyotes"

#ask box #WOHH. LONG #but anyways dont let your cats outside please and thank you #i hope i dont come off as too pretentious or anything i just wish more people knew about this instead of being british #NEVER look for the outdoor cat topic in british forums worst mistake of my life. people there are IDIOTIC #stuff like this is why they should teach the BASICS like BASICS of how ecosystems and animals work as schools #for the love of god