#so i just go every 6 months when things start hurting too much or if I'm injured

[bubblegump-1-nk]

It Hurts Me

pairing: Theodore Nott x female!reader

summary: In which you’re dating Adrian Pucey but your relationship is anything but healthy. Theo wishes you could see what’s right in front of you - songs: It Hurts Me by Elvis Presley and He Could Never Love You by Henry Morris and Playyar

Warnings: toxic and abusive relationships

- I’m sosososo sorry it has taken me so long to post. I’ve just been pretty lazy recently but I’m back(kinda)!! Also, implied Gryffindor reader but I don’t think I ever specified what house she’s in.

~~~

Theo was sitting at the Slytherin table for dinner. His friends chatting around him as he ate his mashed potatoes.

“It was completely unfair!” Complained Enzo, explaining how the red card call against him in the most recent quidditch match was uncalled for.

“Enzo, you grabbed Rais by the neck and threw him off his broom. It was completely fair.” Says Daphne, causing Enzo to roll his eyes and focus on his plate of food.

“Look,” says Pansy, elbowing Daphne lightly to get her attention. “They’ve been fighting again.” She says.

Theo follows their gaze, and sees you entering the Great Hall. Your eyes are bloodshot red and puffy. Mascara running slightly beneath your eyes. Theo clenches his fists at the sight of you. He can’t believe your still with that git Adrian Pucey.

“What do you think it was about this time?” Theo asks, still looking at you as you make your way over to the Gryffindor table.

“I heard them in the hallway earlier. Something about her school uniform.” Says Draco in between bites of food.

“What?! He’s angry about her goddamn school uniform?” Theo proclaims, astonished at how idiotic your stupid boyfriend is.

“Yeah, it’s too tight or something.” Draco explains.

Theo’s about to say something else, when Adrian walks into the dining hall.

His hair is messy, and his face is stoic yet his eyes are still furious. Every time Theo sees him he wonders how a girl as sweet and perfect as you could be in a relationship with a git like him.

“How long have they been together?” Mattheo asks, more quietly this time.

“About 6 months, I think.” Says Pansy.

Theo pushes his plate away, his appetite gone from thinking too much about you with someone else.

“I’m going to bed.” He says, getting up and leaving before anyone can ask any questions.

~~~

“Y/n, I seriously don’t understand why you’re still with him.” Hermione states, as you walk back to the common room.

“It’s complicated Hermione. He’s so good to me sometimes.” You explain.

“Well you should be with someone who’s good to you all the time.” She says, as you enter the common room.

“He’s just jealous sometimes. It’s not like he’s ever laid a hand on me or anything.” You state.

“Right, but it’s only a matter of time before it gets worse.”

“Hermione, please. I understand your looking out for me but please, just stay out of it.” You say, as you walk quickly up to your dorm, leaving Hermione, Harry, and Ron.

“Boyfriend problems again?” Ron asks.

“Like always.” Responds Hermione, plopping down on the couch.

~~~

“Hi Theo.” You say happily, as you see him in the hallway on your way out of the bathroom.

“Hi y/n, what class are you in right now?” He asks. Since classes were in session, the hallways were empty except for the two of you.

“History of Magic and I’m bored to insanity.” You say with a giggle, and Theo responds with a chuckle.

“Wanna skip?”

You give him a look, thinking of all the possibilities, but you quickly give in. How could you ever say no to Theodore Nott?

“Take me away.” You say. Theo gives a small surprised look, too quick for you to realize what it meant. In reality, he hadn’t truly expected you to say yes, considering that Adrian had forced you to block contact with just about every boy at Hogwarts. Your slight confusion slips away as Theo grabs your hand, and you giggle as he starts dragging you out of the building.

~~~

He takes you to the Black Lake, and he sets his things down by a tree as you try to catch your breath.

“Merlin, y/n, I need to take you on more runs if your panting after that.” He says jokingly.

You slap him lightly on the shoulder as you say, “No, you’re just absurdly tall! One of your steps is like 5 of mine.”

“Sorry, principessa, I guess I didn’t take that into consideration.” He says, laughing slightly at your demeanor.

“Ok, Mr. Cocky, wrap it up.” You say, smiling, as you go sit down by the tree.

Theo and you had been close friends since 2nd year, but you started to lose touch with him, (as well as practically all your guy friends) since you started dating Adrian. You missed moments like these and cherished them the little times you got them.

You began to get out your homework as Theo was walking towards the tree.

“Oh absolutely not.” He states, coming nearer.m

“What?” You ask, confused.

“You are not about to do homework right now. You might as well have stayed in class.” He states, grabbing your textbooks.

“Ok, ok, fine. Just put my books down and then I’ll do whatever you want to do.” You say, getting up for, your sitting position.

“Anything?” He says, a smirk on his lips as he sets your books down.

You playfully roll your eyes, “almost anything.” You clarify.

“Get in the lake with me.” He says.

“But it’s cold!” You protest.

He gives you a look, and as you stare into his eyes you can’t help but say yes to whatever he says.

“Well, let’s go then!” You say as you run towards the water, taking off your clothes.

Theo laughs as he runs behind you, both of your clothes sprawled out on the ground like a trail leading to the water, leaving you both in your underwear.

You get to the dock first, but before you get a moment to readjust yourself, Theo comes running behind you, grabbing you by the waist and taking you with him into the water.

You let out a yelp before plunging into the frigid water.

“Merlin it’s cold.” Theo says, as you two reach the surface again.

“What did you expect idiot. It’s the middle of February.”

“What did you just call me?” Theo says jokingly, grabbing you by the waist again to take you down under.

“No, please! Have mercy!” You says, jokingly before being engulfed in cold water. Your body and Theo’s wrapped tightly together.

You realize that this is the first time in months that you’ve felt truly free. Nothing but happiness in your head, not even a hint of fear. It’s something you haven’t experienced since you’ve been dating Adrian. In this small moment where you’re deep in these black waters, you realize that Theo is the only one who has shown you that since you’ve been with Adrian.

You feel yourself getting pulled up and your head breaks through the surface again.

“Race you to the dock!” Theo calls out, swimming quickly towards the shore.

“Wait! That’s so unfair!” You call out before swimming after him.

The sounds of your laughter mix together, and quickly you forget everything that’s ever pained you - especially Adrian.

Quickly you reach the dock, Theo already climbing onto it.

“Beat you bella.” Theo says, a large smile on his face.

“Yeah, only because you cheated.” You say, rolling your eyes playfully.

“Aw c’mon, just admit that you’re too slow for me.” He chuckling.

“Over my dead body. Now help me up, Nott.”

“Yes ma’am.” He says, reaching down to give you his hand and lifting you up quickly as if you weighed no more that 5 pounds.

“It’s freezing.” You say, walking towards your bags.

“Good thing I have a sweatshirt.” Theo says, handing it to you as reach the tree.

You conduct a quick drying spell on the both of you and you two began redressing, you slip Theo’s sweatshirt over your uniform.

You two sit down, chatting and laughing. You realize how long it’s been since you’ve really talked to Theo, and how much you’ve missed it.

“That’s why.” Theo ends his story, explaining why Mattheo and him put hair dye in Draco’s shampoo. You laugh heavily at the story.

Theo opens his mouth to add something else before he’s quickly cut off by another voice. You feel your body tense up as you recognize it.

“Well what the fuck do we have here?” Adrian calls out as he walks over to you.

You quickly look between Theo and Adrian, your voice leaving you for a second.

“Hi baby. We were just-“

“Drop it y/n. I don’t give a fuck what you were doing. What I want to know is why you’re hanging out with this brown haired bloke.”

After this comment, Theo quickly gets up, standing to his full 6’3 height.

“Theo stop.” You whisper, grabbing his arm and getting up.

“Don’t fucking touch him y/n. I thought I told you to stay the fuck away from him.” Adrian says, his temper rising.

“I-“ Theo begins, but you cut him off.

“You’re right A, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” You say, making yourself small and holding your head down.

“What? No-“ Theo starts again, before Adrian cuts him off.

“Let’s get out of here. Now!” He says, as he takes your hand and drags you away, leaving Theo speechless.

~~~

“I can’t take it anymore.” Theo says, back in the Slytherin common room. He had stood outside in shock for about 10 minutes before heading inside. He had always known Adrian was a shitty boyfriend, but he had never really seen you two interact. He had told the story to his friends and now they were all sitting around the fire pit discussing.

“I never realized it was that serious.” Said Enzo, looking severely concerned.

“I just don’t understand why she’s still with him. He doesn’t love her. He never has and he never fucking will. He’s a goddamn psycho.” Theo says, rage seeping out of him.

“It’s horrible.” Pansy says.

“It hurts me to see him treat her the way that he does. And the worst part is that I know he’ll never let her go, cause that’s just the kind of git that he is. I just wished she could see that he’s never going to change.” Theo says, full of anger and despair.

“And everyone knows. I mean the whole school is saying how dim witted she is to keep believing his lies.” Daphne says.

“I just wish she could pay attention to the ones who would treat her right.” Theo says, before getting up, saying a quick goodnight, and heading to bed. Although, he didn’t sleep all night, how could he? Knowing that you were still with Adrian and he could probably never have you.

~~~

“Can you hurry up? I want to get there before the good stuff runs out.” Calls out Mattheo, trying to gather the group to get to the Ravenclaw party on time.

“Merlin, we’re coming.” Says Pansy, annoyed at Mattheo’s whining.

Theo, Pansy, and Daphne make their way down to the rest of the group, and they start heading to the party soon after.

~~~

“You’re disgusting mate.” Theo says, as Mattheo downs a concoction given to him by Draco.

“I’m not weak, that’s what.” Mattheo says, causing Theo to chuckle at his stupidity.

Suddenly, he sees you walk into the Ravenclaw common room. You look beautiful in a black babydoll dress and your hair loosely curled. He stares at you in awe as you make your way around the party….. behind your stupid boyfriend.

“I’ll be right back.” Theo says to his friends, walking away before they can question him.

He maneuvers around the people quickly, reaching you in a matter of seconds. He taps you on the shoulder, causing you to turn around and stare up at him.

“Hey.” You squeak out, your eyes switching from looking at his to darting around the room quickly.

Theo’s about to say something before he notices something strange about your face. Your lip has a cut on the upper lip, and hidden away by quickly applied concealer your right eye appears to be an arrange of blues, greens, purples, and yellows.

Theo stares in shock, hoping he’s just being dramatic.

“What’re you-“ Adrian starts, noticing that you weren’t behind him anymore before he quickly sees the pair of you.

“Goddamn it, do you have no one else to bother, Nott?” Adrian says, going to reach for your arm.

Theo quickly decides he’s not going to let him take you away this time.

“You do that to her face?” Theo asks, trying to seem as nonchalant as possible.

Adrian laughs, as he looks to you. “Got to show her her place, y’know?” Adrian says chuckling.

Suddenly, you see Theo’s eyes darken, darken to a point you’ve never seen them get to before. The cup in his hand is crushed by his clenching fists, and his tongue is poking the inside of his cheek as he lets out a low chuckle. Quickly, before you can register what’s happening, Theo sends a punch directly into Adrian’s nose.

“What the fuck?” Adrian says, cupping his nose quickly before blood seeps all over the floor.

Before even Adrian can register what happened, Theo lands another punch, and another, and another.

Soon, Theo’s on top of Adrian, punching him ruthlessly.

Adrian is attempting to fight back but Theo’s too quick and Adrian is slowly losing consciousness. A ring has formed around the pair of them, some people attempting to break them before, 1) realizing it’s no use because Theo has absolutely no intention of stopping any time soon, or 2) the Slytherin boys stop them from grabbing Theo, because they’re enjoying the show. And on top of that, too many people are too scared of Theo to even try to intervene.

You stand back, shock stopping you from doing anything.

“Ok that’s enough.” Draco says, seeing Adrian on the ground in and out of consciousness, bruised and bloody.

“Help me you gits.” Draco calls out to the rest of the Slytherin boys.

They get Theo off of Adrian after a few seconds, and Adrian’s friends quickly pull him off of the ground and take him away.

“You touch her again and I’ll rip your fucking liver out next time, Pucey.” Theo calls out, shaking off his friends who are holding him back.

You continue to stand in your original position, mouth slightly agape as you look at Theo. No one’s ever really protected you like that.

“Theo.” You say as you walk up to him slowly.

Theo just stares at you, a softness in his eyes that wasn’t there seconds ago causes your knees to become shaky.

“I- thank you.” You say, before hugging him.

Theo quickly wraps his arms around you, holding you tightly. You begin to lightly cry into his chest, repeating your thanks over and over.

“Hey, hey, you don’t have to thank me.” Theo says, pulling you away so he can see your face, his large hands wiping away your tears.

“I just, I was so scared, all the time.” You explain.

Theo’s heart melts, and he carefully decides his next few words.

“You won’t ever have to be scared with me. If you’ll let me.” He says tenderly.

You smile, not believing that the Theodore Nott is asking you to be his.

“How could I not let you love me?” You say, before kissing him sweetly.

#slytherin boys #hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry #jealousyfic #theodore nott #harry potter #theodore nott x y/n #angst #adrian pucey #toxic relationship #toxicity

[renren-006]

Sunshine Optimist | Daryl Dixion x fem reader

plot: you were sunshine and he was scared of getting burned.

word count: 1305

a/n: heyyyy here is another daryl story hope you enjoy!

Daryl was always jealous of your optimism, the way you constantly thought things would get better or that the world wasn't as screwed up as it seemed. 

Every time the group had a bump in the road, you were there, telling everyone that things would turn around; most of the time, you were right, and when you were wrong, Daryl was the only one to remind you of it. You liked him and never let his words hurt you too much, not when you knew he was just hurting. Daryl didn't let many people in, including you, but when he did, you knew it was because of your optimism that he did. 

You were like sunshine in his eyes, and he was afraid of getting burned. 

You thought he was like the night sky, dark, but with a few shining stars, the dark wasn't that intimidating. 

The prison was the first shining star in Daryl's world. He hated that he believed your optimism then and loved that you were right. He grumbled about it to Carol so often that the woman would just laugh and shoo him away to go figure out his feelings. Daryl knew he liked you, you made his world light up, and he also knew he could never tell you. He did the only thing he knew how to do when he had feelings: push them and you away so he wouldn't have to worry about it. 

That only made things worse for him. 

You knew he pushed you away, you could feel it and see that whatever he was feeling scared the shit out of him. Rick even tried to comfort you about it.

“He's scared,” Rick said as he walked up beside you. You were standing on the gravel road watching him ride off on his motorcycle after another failed conversation with the man. Rick put a hand on your shoulder. “He's…not good with his feelings”

“I know. Just wish he would talk to me.” You told the older man. “I like him but sometimes it hurts too.”

“Sometimes love hurts” 

“That's not helping this situation Rick” you told him sarcastically. 

“I know. I'm sorry. Daryl…he's like a deer, startle him and he’ll run” 

“That's probably the best way to describe him,” you said laughing. Rick smiled, patted your soldier, and walked back to helping the others with walker controle. 

Daryl kept burying his feelings for you, deep, deep down. He felt his skin burn when he was near you, so he never put himself in that situation. That never worked because you would seek him out more than he wanted you to. It took 6 months of being in the Prison before something happened that forced him to feel what he was trying not to. 

You joined Daryl, Michonne, and a few of the new people at the Prison on the run. You rode with Michonne in the pickup truck while the others tagged behind. Daryl rode beside the truck, failing at not watching you in the passenger seat.  You knew he was watching, knew you wanted to be on that motorcycle with him, but knew you needed to let him come to you. 

Once you arrived at the store a few miles from the prison and looked to have not been raided, you all made your way inside. The building was dark and muggy, and it sounded like a few employees didn't make it. You took care of the ones on your side of the store. Daryl closes behind, keeping an eye out. You glanced around before motioning to Daryl to hand you one of the bags to start filling. You got about halfway down the aisle when a Walker jumped you out of nowhere. He didn't bite you, but shit, he scared you. 

“Fuck” you cursed as the walked pushed you back twords the wall, making you knife fummble out of your handsat the supprise. Daryl jumped into action shoving the walker off you and killing it before it could get a taste of skin. Daryl jumped back over to you looking over every inch of skin.

“He didn't get me. He didn't get me. Im fine” you told him, repeating the phrase over and over till he looked you in the eyes. “Daryl, im fine”

“You ain’t comin’ out ‘ere again” he said seriously, “No more runs”

“You can't bench me Daryl” you told him turning from fright to anger. 

“Hell I can” he said back. 

“No. I'm not yours, Daryl. You have made that very clear. You can't come back and act like you care,” you said angrily, letting all those pent-up months of feeling like nothing to Daryl out. He stared at you blankly, realizing how horrible he must have made you feel, always shoving you away.

“I….” Daryl started, wanting to scream at himself for what he had done.

“No. Im done” you told him pushing the man off you, “i'm going over there, stay the hell away Daryl”

Daryl stared blankly at where your body had previously been before you walked off, grabbed your knife, and continued on to the next row, far away from him. For the rest of that run, you stayed away, walking to another aisle whenever he tried to keep close. Michonne picked up on the energy shift between you, too, without having to say anything.

“If she doesn't want you around Daryl, it's because you pushed her so far to do so” she told him.he nodded back, knowing it was his fault and that he caused it. “You have to fix it. No more shoving her away” 

“I know”

“Good. Now get back to work, we leave in thirty” Michone said. 

That night Daryl found you at your guard tower sitting outside watching the stars. He knocked on the window on the corner wall by you. Glancing over you raised it was him, you rolled your eyes.

“I thought i said to stay the hell away Daryl” you said, a bit of venom dripped in your voice. Something Daryl had never heard from you. 

“I know, Im sorry”

“Sorry isn't going to cut it” You told him, “For months you have pushed me away, made me feel worthless to you and I pushed through but you have no right…”

“I know,” he said, cutting you off. “I was afraid of getting’ hurt y/n” 

“Hurt?”

“yer sunshine and I'm…”

“A starry night,” you told him. Holding his gaze. “You're like the stars in the night sky, bright enough to make the darkness not so scary. I always thought you were, but then you changed.”

“I…I couldn't stand yer optimism” he said, “ya made me feel…”

“Made you feel what”

“Like my heart was gonna explode” he said, crouching down by you, “yur makin me feel optimistic about the world” 

“I like having that effect on people” you told him, “I like having an affect on you”

“Ya do” he said, “Ya make me feel happy like I haven't been in a while” 

“Good” you said and pulled him down to you, crashing your lips onto his. You pulled away from him, “Tell me your sorry again”

“I'm sorry Y/N” he said, the husky voice of the redneck sent shivers down your spine. 

“And that you won't ever push me away like you did”

“I promise,” he said, smiling at the way you were making him tell you what you already knew was true. You pulled the man back and kissed him deeply. He pulled you closer to him, picked you up, and carried you into your tower. The sounds and moans that escaped your guard tower that night were heard across the starry sky, which seemed to smile down towards the Prison.

#daryl dixion #twd daryl #daryl dixon #daryl dixon x reader #daryl x reader #twd daryl dixon #daryl fanfiction #daryl dixion imagine #the walking dead daryl #daryl dixon twd #daryl dixon x female reader

[sunkissed-zegras]

🍁 for luke?!

congrats again on 100!! 🫶🏻

AAAAAA TYSM LOVE !!!!!! enjoy this blurb lmao, i love lukey pookie <3

he's so 1989. idk why but he just gives off that vibe. OKAY. HE'S VERY 'how you get the girl' (he for sure got the girl in this one lmao)

luke doesn't know how the hell he ended up at your house.

it was a 11:30 on a random tuesday, he knows you're asleep but he can't, even though he knows he has early morning practice tomorrow and a whole day of classes. his mind is racing, but so is this heart.

it was raining and he's still in his pajamas, too. his new jersey devils pj's really fit the whole mood. he rolled his eyes at himself ─ why didn't he change?

it had been six months since you two had broken up. well, not exactly. tomorrow morning, or in 20 minutes time, it would be exactly 6 months since you two had broke up. he knew this because he had been anxiously counting the days until your break-up was official.

ever since luke was little, jack would always tell him that break-up's weren't official until the 6 month mark which basically gave them a 'grace period' to get back together. and even now, as a whole adult, he applies it to everything.

he doesn't even know why he was here. he knew you had moved on ─ he saw all those guys you were with at the bar the other night, you weren't hurting anymore. still, that stupid rule made everything so much worse. knowing that after this period, you wouldn't even be thinking about him anymore made him sick.

he decided, an hour ago, that he was gonna get you back that night. he finally let out a big exhale and closed his eyes, getting out of the car and into the rain, walking up to your driveway and to your front door.

he quickly rang the doorbell twice ─ it was your guys' inside joke, knocking twice or ringing the doorbell twice was some kind of code for one another.

he heard some faint footsteps and he straightened his posture, letting out a loud exhale before you opened the door.

your eyes widened at the sight. your ex, luke hughes, standing outside your door in the rain, a few minutes before midnight. he could see the grogginess on your face and suddenly felt a tinge of guilt.

his curly hair was soaking wet and so were his pj's and you almost cringed at the sight. then you saw his face, his cute, stupid face. your heart fluttered at the sight, like it always did when you saw him, even when he was being a fucking asshole.

"luke, what are you doing here?" you shouted over the rain, that was starting to become more than just a midnight shower.

"i-i..." he didn't even know what to say. he let out a loud exhale before speaking again. "i miss you, y/n. i really, really miss you. i can't sleep, i keep repeating that fight over and over again and every time, i wish i had said something different. anything else would've been better."

your heart broke again at those words as you were transported back to that night. you shook your head, you didn't wanna relive that after you'd tried so hard to get over it all these months. "oh, you can't sleep?" you said, sarcastically. "i have repeated that night over and over again too, trying to figure out where it all went wrong. for a while, i even blamed myself─"

"it's not your fault, it was mine!"

"yeah, i know that now." you spoke bitterly at the boy, who was now shaking from the now, heavy rainfall. "i wish you had said something different, too, luke. but now we both have to live with the conseque─"

"fuck, y/n!" he grunted in frustration. "i'm so mad at myself for letting that happen, i'm so sorry for doing that to you."

you let those few words sink in. luke hughes was not one to ever apologize, you knew that. that was one of the reasons why you two had ended things and hearing those words come out of his mouth felt somewhat therapeutic. "luke─"

"y/n, please just let me talk!" he shouted over the rain. "if i could go back in time i would. if i could just... erase all of it, i would. but i can't. and i know i'm selfish for even asking this but i want you back. no one compares to you and no one ever will, y/n. i've tried, i really have. but i lost you once and i'll be damned if i lost you again if you just gave me another chance.”

that whole monologue sounded like it was right outta a movie. you didn't know how to feel ─ or how to react. you felt so many emotions wash over you and you took another good look at luke.

his curly hair, his soft skin, his entire face just took you back to when you two were together ─ the good times, too. summer at the lake house with his family, late night car rides for drinks, sunday night dates because he insisted that saturdays were for the boys, and especially, his soft touch.

luke's heart was beating out of his chest and he knew he was going to catch a cold because of how long he'd been standing outside, but all of that wouldn't matter if you just took him back. he watched your expression change and he swears he felt like a million tons had just been lifted off his chest as you opened up the door for him to come in.

"alright, luke. fine, one more chance. one, and if you fuck up, it's over and it will be over for the rest of our lives, got it?"

that sweet smile graced his lips for the first time tonight as he walked into your home, exhaling deeply. "got it."

you both stared into each other's eyes, your heart beating fast as a smile plastered on your face as well. then, luke smashed his lips against yours and pushed you against the door. "won't make you regret it, princess."

MY 100 FOLLOWER CELLY!

#── ✦ 𝐞𝐯'𝐬 𝟏𝟎𝟎 𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲! #nhl imagine #nhl fic #nhl #nhl oneshot #hockey #luke hughes x oc #luke hughes blurb #luke hughes x reader #luke hughes fic #luke hughes imagine #luke hughes x y/n #nj devils #hughes brothers #new jersey devils #nj devils imagine

[ltbarnes]

‘Tis the Damn Season

Stark U #6

Summary: It’s Christmas Eve, you’re too drunk, you’ve basically avoided Bucky and Steve for six months and the last person you’d want to meet at this party just happens to be yelling in your face. The panic attack is inevitable, really.

Pairing: college!Steve Rogers x reader, college!Bucky Barnes x reader, college!Sam Wilson x reader, college!Natasha Romanoff x reader

Word count: 7.8k

Warnings: so much angst, past SA, alcohol, talk about violence, Christmas celebrations, things finally start to happen, kissing :)

A/N: Happy holidays to anyone who celebrates and to those who don’t, I hope you have a good few days anyways <3 This is the first I’ve posted since July which is awful of me so sorry

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

You didn't see them all summer. The day after your last exam was over, you bolted back to your hometown and spent the entire summer selectively ignoring messages from Bucky and Natasha and Steve and Sam asking what you were doing and how your summer was going and maybe you could all meet up and go somewhere and—

It's December now, and every goddamn day since June you have been trying to figure out if what Bucky said to you when you were sick was a fever-induced hallucination or if he really, actually, said that he wanted you to take his last name someday. It made you panic, because the entire spring term you tried to convince yourself that your feelings towards them were batshit crazy and any inkling to them feeling the same was a delusional reach, grasping for crumbs that in reality were just friendly gestures. And then he says that.

"She's just practicing her future last name, Stevie."

So, yeah...things have been weird. Three months have passed since classes started and none of you want to mention what happened right before summer break. Actually, with each day passing you feel more like maybe it was just a hallucination or a very vivid dream, because both Bucky and Steve act like it never even happened. Bucky even had his mouth latched onto some blonde sophomore at a dumb, stupid frat party on Halloween. You went home right after and cried for two hours. But it's not hard to conclude that even if there was some spark or connection or anything beyond friendship with either of them before summer, it has died out completely.

The subject will probably never be broached. You're too scared of confrontation and definitely too scared of revealing unreciprocated feelings for that to happen. The slightly tense atmosphere in the loft is entirely your fault—your lack of communication with anyone in the group during the summer has made them a little confused, you guess. You mostly spend time in your room, giving excuses of studying and talking with parents on the phone and 'I'm just tired, sorry'.

Spending too much time with Natasha scares you too, because she reads you so well and you don't want her to know how hurt and unhappily in love you are. She'll try to do something about it and then Steve and Bucky will catch on and then you will end up rejected and labeled as crazy, because who the fuck falls in love with two people?

That doesn't mean you've managed to avoid her. Living in the same apartment as her definitely makes that hard, but just the fact that she won't let you makes it impossible. Last week she even broke into your room when you had it locked, because apparently she knows how to pick a lock open in under ten seconds. She absolutely knows something is off, but so far she hasn't brought it up.

Natasha is the sole reason why you're now standing in the backyard of some rich kid's house just off campus, surrounded by smoke from cheap cigarettes and fairy lights hung up between the trees and one too many shots of vodka in your blood. It's December utterly and thoroughly—there's snow on the ground but people still haven't accepted the fact that wearing their short dresses and tank tops without jackets does not work anymore. Ice drops hangs from the tree where you stand, listening to Natasha talk with a drunken girl looking for her phone.

It's fun, sure. Not the worst party you've been to and not the best either. You talked to the girl you've been sitting next to in History class earlier for almost twenty minutes. Got free vodka. It's Friday and you don't have any exams to study for. None of that makes you forget that things aren't the same.

"Nat. Nat." You poke her shoulder repeatedly, obnoxiously probably, until she glances over her shoulder with a slight glare.

"What is it?"

"I'm gonna get 'nother drink. Inside," you tell her, pointing with your thumb towards a hedge even though it was meant to be the door. Natasha seems to understand anyway.

"Okay. Don't wander off too long. And come back here right after."

"Yes, ma'am." You give her a half-assed salute before turning around, swaying slightly in your step. It's the uneven and slippery surface of the snow-covered ground, you tell yourself.

There's a lot of people here, is what you note as you push yourself through the seemingly endless crowds of the living room. You kind of hate that they haven't played a single song you like and if Steve was here he would agree, because he doesn't listen to any music made after the internet was born. Bucky would then make fun of Steve and you would laugh and everything would be right in the world. Instead you're pressed to kitchen drawers of a dark kitchen, cheap vodka mixed with soda running down your throat.

The kitchen is crowded too, but either way it's a respite from whatever the hell's going on in the living room. Jumping up and down and calling it dancing (you were doing the same the hour before). You're too drunk to be miserable about everything happening in your life this entire term and much too drunk to feel the absolute atrocious taste of your drink.

In half an hour you will probably throw up and tomorrow will be spent nursing a horrible hangover, but those consequences seem insignificant right now. You just keep thinking about the image of Bucky shoving his tongue down someone's throat that wasn't yours. It was heartbreaking. That he's not here is a good thing, because you'd either witness the same thing again or actually bring it up to him, and that's much worse. God knows it's only a matter of time before Steve does the same thing.

Someone pushes into you, forcing the liquid from your cup to spill from the confines of the red plastic onto your dress. It's black, so it doesn't really matter, but the alcohol still seeps through the fabric until it reaches your skin.

"Shit, fuck—"

Your hand tries to somehow dry your dress by fanning the fabric, which obviously doesn't help very much, and the paper towels placed on the counter in front of you escape your drunken mind completely.

Fresh air and icy winter winds are the only options, so you push through and stumble into people on your way outside. It takes a lot longer than it should. You can't really see much considering the dizziness and darkness inside, but somehow, magically, you are eventually dragging your way towards Natasha who stands in the same place as before.

"Nat. Natty—I spilled. Look."

The black dress with the now wet patch is lifted towards her by your hands, highlighted for her to see. You sway as you tell her.

"Jesus, you can barely stand straight," Natasha answers with a stabling hand to your shoulder, shaking her head to herself instead of focusing on the very urgent fact that you spilled on yourself.

Natasha turns to the girl she's talking to, saying something you can't bother to decipher, before stepping aside with a guiding arm around you.

"We gotta get you home before you embarrass yourself for real," she mumbles underneath her breath.

"I heard that," you whisper, a loud hiccup following. Whoops.

She rolls her eyes, fishing her phone up from her pocket.

"Who—who you writing? To?" you ask, slightly aware that your sentences lack correct structure but not really caring. As long as the message comes across, right?

"I'm texting Steve. I can't drive and you sure as hell can't."

Even in your state, panic instantly sets in over the mention of his name even though you live in the same goddamn apartment.

"Nooo. No Steve."

Your hand grasps for her phone. Nat pulls it away from your reach much quicker than you can comprehend.

"Yes Steve. You're a mess and he's the only one with the patience to take care of this level of drunk. I don't care that you're avoiding them for some stupid goddamn reason," she tells you.

"Nat," you whine. "He can't see me. I spilled!"

She just glares at you. "I swear to god, Y/n...nobody cares that you spilled your drink. I can't even see it."

"I'm so drunk!"

"Yeah, I know. Just—just stay here, okay? I'm going to get you some water so you can sober up by the time your precious Steve comes for us."

Natasha is heading inside before you can process her words. Waiting in place for a few minutes turns into an eternity in your mind. She should know better than to leave you unattended and then expect you to stay—really, it's her own fault. You will accept no blame if Nat gets mad at you for going inside again. It's cold and you need to go to the bathroom. Also, you're mad at her. Telling Steve to come get you? That's just...embarrassing.

Once again you're shouldering your way past people on about the same level of intoxication as you. There's a bad remix of a Christmas song playing loudly. Makes you wanna punch whoever's phone is connected to the speaker. The bathroom is so, so far away. It's something the architect of this house should've thought of before he put it at the very end of this long hallway you're currently making your way through, but clearly he didn't have you in mind.

"Fuck! Watch where you're going, asshole," some girl seethes at you as your shoulder nudges against hers. A nudge is an exaggeration—you brushed against it at most. She's probably an aggressive drunk, that's all.

You don't answer, instead fumbling for the door handle to what you believe might be the bathroom. Some couple is making out in here, the girl with her ass planted on the edge of the bathtub and the guy nearly devouring her face. Doesn't look very pleasant, if you're honest.

"Out. I need to pee."

Your hands find their way to their shoulders, ushering the lovesick pair out of the room without much protest from either of them. They're still making out as they walk out.

Despite your less than sober state, you manage to remember to lock the door after they leave. Some of the mascara that previously inhabited your lashes has moved down to rest under your eyes. You rub it away, smudging it slightly, but it just makes you look a little more like one of those cool girls you always see on campus. It will do.

You kind of want to throw up, but decide against it. That hasn't happened since you were a freshman, and you'd like to keep it that way. Staring at yourself in the mirror occupies your time in the bathroom instead, swaying slightly with your hands placed on the cold sink. If Steve saw you now he would be so disappointed. At least you imagine he would be—that fatherly look on his face as he tells you how you need to be more mindful with your alcohol consumption. Did you even watch who poured your drink? Never go anywhere alone at a party. Especially not a frat one. You know better than this, Y/n.

Steve's imaginary voice is interrupted by someone banging on the door, shouting for you to hurry the fuck up. It's been over ten minutes, but to you it just feels like three, and Natasha has been looking for you ever since she returned to the garden with a glass of water in her hand and no one to give it to. It's not her banging on the door, unfortunately, but instead a dickhead guy who has no patience. Can't a girl spend some time alone in the bathroom doing nothing anymore?

The guy glares at you as you push the door open, stumbling out into the crowded hallway while paying him no mind. It's dark save for the red LED-lights plastered on the walls, making it feel like a seedy dive bar instead of a seedy house. You don't see much.

"Hey! Hey, you—the girl with the black dress!"

Someone pushes their way past the people talking and making out and leaning against the walls, shoving through them as he searches for your attention. Of course, you don't really think it's you he's after. Half of the people at this party are wearing black dresses.

A clammy hand finds purchase on your shoulder, halting you in your less than gracious steps and turning you around with ease. Head tilted back, gaze running upwards until they settle on the face of a quite attractive guy. He doesn't look pretty happy to see you. You're not very happy to see him either.

The blood drains from your face, stealing away all that alcohol-induced heat within a second as his curly hair and green eyes look down at you with that same contempt he had when Sam dragged him away from the kitchen almost a year ago. You had hoped you never had to see him again. It was a naive thing to wish for.

"Y/n, right?" he asks bitterly. You don't answer, but he takes your silence as a yes. It was probably a rhetorical question anyway. His slightly crooked nose was perfectly straight the last time you saw him. His face is committed to your memory, burned in to taunt you on sleepless nights and everytime an unknown man walks a little too closely when you're out alone. "Your little boyfriend broke my fucking nose. You know that?"

Another rhetorical question. Definitely more threatening. Might be the tight grip he has on your arm too. Either way, his mere presence has apparently stripped away your ability to breathe normally. It feels like you've been running to the point of nausea, dark spots dancing before your eyes as he shakes you in attempt to get an answer.

"You ruined my fucking reputation. For what? I barely touched you. Such a sensitive fucking bitch, going around telling everyone that..." His voice trails off, ushering you into a quiet corner when he realizes people are staring. "Got nothing to say now, huh? Been so good at running your fucking mouth before, haven't you?"

"Let me go," you whisper, voice wavering. You don't sound assertive at all, instead weak and fearful. It's what you feel, as an upbeat, slightly bad cover rendition of "All I Want For Christmas" booms through the house. Girls shrieking in excitement over in the living room reaches your ears. You would have joined them if you weren't currently cornered by the guy who assaulted you in your own kitchen a year ago.

"No, we're going to fucking talk. What the fuck were you doing, going around saying shit like that about me to everyone?"

"I...I didn't..." Your lips part between words, breathing out shakily, trying to articulate sentences long enough to make sense. Why can't you speak? Why can't you even think?

"You didn't what?" he seethes. "You're such a fucking bitch, you know that? Acts all innocent and hides behind her friends. My nose is fucking crooked forever because of that fuckhead you sent after me."

Is it the alcohol that renders you this goddamn useless? There's just tears springing to your eyes, unable to say anything in defense of yourself. Can't even walk away.

He pushes you against the wall, knocking the breath out of you. To other people it probably looks like you're hooking up. At least that's what you hope they think, because otherwise you want to wonder why no one is intervening.

"Joshua, please let me go," you tell him again, even more pathetic this time. You're crying now, curled in on yourself in attempt to make yourself as small as possible.

"Fuck, you're so—"

"She told you to let her go."

The assertive, familiar tone booms through the hallway. It doesn't really, can probably only be heard by the people around you, but it feels like it when Steve's tall figure pushes through with hasty steps towards where you and Joshua stand, followed by a glaring Bucky with his jaw clenched so fucking tightly. A sob of relief is drawn from your lips, muffled by the back of your hand.

Joshua steps back instantly. Kind of funny to think that he's so scared of those two, and sad to think that he only respects a 'no' when it comes from men.

"Nice nose job," Bucky speaks up, pointing at his own nose as he stares at Joshua's crooked one, courtesy of the damn good punch he managed to land with his left fist all those months ago.

"Fuck you," Joshua growls, taking a step forward in attempt to appear more threatening or something. He doesn't really succeed—both Bucky and Steve towers over him in both length and build, unrelenting in their stance. As if they're stone walls keeping out the enemy.

Steve rolls his his eyes, shaking his head with a sigh. "Just get out of here. Don't go near her ever again, you hear me? Bucky's glad to fix your nose otherwise. Break it right back. Can't promise the result will be very good, though."

Bucky stands slightly behind Steve, raising an eyebrow in Joshua's direction that tells him there's not even a trace of a lie in the blonde giant's statement.

"You—fuck this." Joshua throws his hands in the air, aiming the most distasteful glare over his shoulder in your direction, before pushing past Steve and Bucky with a shove.

Your body instantly deflates, the tension melting off your limbs as you close your eyes and lean back against the wall. Gentle, firm hands instantly reach your cheeks, your arms, searching for any trace Joshua might have left behind on your body.

"Hey, hey. Y/n, are you okay? Did he touch you? Sweetheart, look at me."

Bucky's voice draws you out of the anxious, panicked state you slipped into, fluttering your eyelids open to see his worried frown and an equally worried Steve looming behind him. Wet cheeks and red-rimmed eyes greet them, pupils dilated from the alcohol.

"Y/n, are you hurt? How long have you two been talking?" Steve adds, looming over you in such a way that his large frame blocks out any of the colorful lights plastered on the walls.

They already know you're drunk—Natasha was the one to call them here to get you, after all. Maybe your silence and obvious intoxication makes it clear to them after a couple of seconds that an answer from you is a few minutes away, a few miles of distance from this foggy, packed house. Nothing more is said or requested from you. Instead your trembling form is led away and out into the biting cold by gentle hands belonging to your friends. Even your slight shock can't shield you from freezing your ass off as soon as you get out into the fresh air again, teeth beginning to chatter within the second step on tightly packed snow.

"What the—where the hell have you been? I swear to god, Y/n, I was gone for two minutes! I've been looking for you everywhere!" an angry Natasha yells, running perfectly towards the three of you down the slippery lawn to where Steve is currently helping you into the backseat of his car.

"Nat," Steve says, giving her a pleading look that silently tells her it's not the time for a scolding.

"What? I told her to stay put when I went to get her a glass of water and she just disappeared out of nowhere. Slippery motherfucker while drunk, I swear she'll be the death of me—"

"Nat," he repeats, sternly this time. In that tone only he masters, silencing even the most eager tongues with a single exhale. "She met Joshua. And she's not okay. So please, leave your yelling for tomorrow and get in the car."

Steve holds the passenger door open, gesturing for the seat beside Bucky. He's turning the key, letting the car warm up properly while he clutches the wheel tightly. Natasha's irritated frown turns into a concerned one, nodding silently before slipping inside. Steve closes the door shut behind her.

You lean your head against the frost-covered window, fogged up by your breath two inches away from it, and close your eyes. Steve leans over you, reaching for the belt and fastens it over your torso. You forgot. He never does.

It's no surprise, doesn't startle you despite your absentminded state, when his warm hand cups your cheek, turns your head to face him. Soft, blue gaze and ridiculously long lashes. It's nothing but contrasting against the clouds released from your mouths with each breath—warm, concerned...loving? Maybe.

"Are you okay?" he whispers, thumb rubbing over your cheek.

You nod. "Yes. I am now."

Bucky puts his foot on the gas, turns on the blinker, and pulls away from the curb, out onto the streets. It's nearly soundless. The usual rumble from wheels against road is cushioned by the snow.

"This was a mistake. Sorry, I can't—" Sam gags, moving his head out of the bathroom before returning his presence within a few seconds. "You're a real shitty guard, Nat. Why'd you let her drink this much?"

All four of your roommates are gathered in the bathroom, surrounding you as if you're a newly born lion cub in a zoo, while you puke your guts out into the toilet. Steve is kneeling on the floor beside you, a comforting hand rubbing your back, while Bucky sits a few feet away with a glass of water in hand, ready for whenever you need it.

"Fuck you. You weren't there—she was like a goddamn ghost, just slipping away everytime I blinked. Looked fucking everywhere for her. 'S not my fault," Nat answers, residing on the floor of the shower in lack of space.

"Not true," you murmur in answer, your voice echoing off the ceramic surrounding you.

You're pretty much done throwing up, it's just the exhaustion following that's keeping you slumped over on the bathroom tile. Your hand stretches out in Bucky's direction, reaching for the glass of water that's gulped down within a few seconds.

"Careful. Gonna get sick again if you do it this fast," Bucky says, unable to help himself from brushing away the stray drops of water running down your chin.

The gesture is nothing new from him. He did it when you were sick all those months ago too, and you haven't forgotten it at all. His thumb gently rubbing over your skin as if you're precious, something deserving of gentleness, is engraved into your mind. You're thankful for getting most of the alcohol out of your system, because you might not have remembered this moment in the morning if not. Fuck it if you forgot the way his pupils widen just slightly, as if he didn't mean to, as if he couldn't help himself.

"I'm fine," you whisper in answer, clearing your throat. "Got it all out."

"Good." Steve's hand moves up from your back to your head, stroking it for just a second before withdrawing his touch. "Let's get you to the couch."

"I don't wanna go to the couch. Wanna be in my bed." You're pouting. Maybe there is some trace of alcohol left in you.

"Steve and Buck will feel much less like creepy stalkers if they stare at you sleeping on the couch instead of hovering around your bedroom all night like a bunch of pervs," Natasha speaks up. A snort follows after, as if it was a joke and not a statement. Definitely tipsy too, despite unwilling to admit such a weakness.

Steve raises a reprimanding eyebrow Natasha's way, telling her to shut her mouth with just his gaze. She smirks in answer.

"Don't listen to her. A fucking liar," Bucky remarks, but there's still some form of amusement in his expression. He can't even deny the statement—he is going to watch over you. Doesn't really matter if it's in the living room or in your bedroom. "Now let's get you up. C'mon."

With a push from your arms against the cold tile, you're standing on two legs again. Steve is hovering his hand near your back, ready to support if the vodka decides to topple you over. But you're fine—just tired now.

For ten minutes it feels things are back to normal again. On the living room couch, nestled in between them, your head leaning on Steve's shoulder as a stupid Hallmark Christmas movie plays on the tv. Sam and Natasha are in their rooms sleeping, and for a few moments you forget why you kept your distance. Everything would have been good if this is how the night would end. If Steve didn't have to address the past six months.

"I've missed this. With us," Steve whispers as he strokes your shoulder absentmindedly, like it's second nature to him to have his hands on your skin. "You've been so distant lately. For months, Y/n."

The room instantly becomes tense enough to make you nauseous. A clearing of your throat, an attempt to sit up out of Steve's hold and away from this conversation that you'd much rather avoid is futile—it's instantly stopped by Bucky's hand on your chest that pushes you right back.

"No," he says sternly. "You're gonna sit right here, sweetheart, and tell us why you've barely let us see you since fall term started. 'Cause it's sure as fuck not something I take lightly. Why have you avoided us?"

You look away, shaking your head to yourself as you try to talk yourself down. You will not break. You will not confess a single thing. You are going to act like everything is fine and you are not currently freaking out being sandwiched between the only two men you would gladly be sandwiched between under different circumstances than this.

"What are you even talking about?" you answer meekly. It's clear as soon as the words come out of your mouth that no one is falling for your innocent act, not even sweet, naive Steve. Then again, you're doing a particularly bad job. "Both of you think I've been distant?"

"Cut the bullshit, Y/n. If we've done something wrong, just say so." Bucky bites his cheek, glancing down for just a second, but it's enough to let his vulnerability slip. He's hurt.

A wave of guilt instantly washes over your body, an unusual feeling. During all these months of avoiding any interaction with Bucky and Steve besides the necessary ones, you didn't think that they'd actually mind your absence that much. They might not be hopelessly in love with you like you are with them, but they're still your friends. Friends miss each other.

"Or if it's something personal, you can tell us, you know? Is it anxiety, or are you feeling generally low, or...?" Steve chips in, trying to drown out Bucky's accusatory tone.

"No, no...I'm not depressed, Steve. And none of you have done anything wrong, I promise," you say hastily, shutting down their concerns as quickly as possible while trying to buy yourself time to come up with an excuse. "I just...needed some alone time."

Bucky rolls his eyes, shaking his head. Sassy man. "Bullshit again. You've spent a bunch of time with Natasha. Sam, too. It's us you're avoiding." He points to himself and Steve with his hand. "It's been almost six months, Y/n. What the hell's your problem?" He pushes himself off the couch, standing up and blocking your view of the tv. It's as if his frustration is all contained while sitting down.

"Bucky," Steve scolds, glaring up at his friend. He's not appreciating the tone at all, that's for sure.

"There's no problem, Bucky," you tell him, shaking your head. Trying to dismiss this entire conversation before you reveal too much.

"No! Y/n, I'm going fucking crazy! This is the first time you've even let me touch you in half a year!" Bucky yells, a pleading tone in his voice that breaks your heart just a little. Because it's true. You have barely even hugged since June. You've barely talked for more than five minutes at a time.

"Don't yell at her, for god's sake, Bucky," Steve adds, his hands on your shoulders and ready to get up from the couch any second.

"What the hell's going on with you, huh?!" Bucky continues, ignoring Steve's statement. His eyes are solely focused on you, void of the usual softness. There's just anger. "Cause if you can't stand us, then tough fucking luck. I can have your fucking things moved out by tomorrow for all I care. Can move right into Walker's dorm. Bet he'd accept you with open fucking arms if you get to your knees and—“

The drop of your heart down to your stomach can almost be heard, an echoing, hollow sound. You're sure of it. Bucky shuts his mouth, as if he realizes what exactly was about to come out of it. What is not even a second of silence feels like a whole minute, before Steve shoots up from his seat beside you and grabs Bucky by the collar, rattling the whole room with the force in which he nearly tackles Bucky against the wall with. The tangy taste of iron starts to fill your mouth, your teeth biting down on your lip hard enough to draw blood. There's tears lingering in your eyes but you can't hold them back, not anymore.

"You don't fucking talk to her like that, you bast—"

"I love you! It’s ‘cause I fucking love you guys!” you yell, a pathetic sob marring the words. “So I’m fucking sorry that I’ve avoided you two but I’m trying to get over these goddamn—these feelings, but I can’t, okay! I can’t!”

The bitter delivery is punctuated by the sleeve of your sweater wiping away the tears furiously, cutting Steve off and drawing both of their wild eyes towards your figure now standing up, just a minute away from a complete breakdown. You don't even process the fact that Steve cursed. It would've been teased about endlessly in any other situation.

"I will go. I'll leave if that's what you want," you seethe with a voice so unsteady that it's almost unbearable to listen to. "But I don’t hate any of you. I don’t, and I get why you’re mad. But fuck you, Bucky. Fuck you for saying that.”

More tears fall. It's futile to wipe them away when they'll be replaced the second after. You want to say more, hit Bucky where it hurts, but you cannot get the goddamn words to form on your lips. Opening your mouth and closing it again, shaking your head, comes before hastily walking towards your room and locking yourself inside without giving them a chance to answer.

As soon as the door is slammed shut, your hand comes up to your mouth to muffle the sobs. Sinking down to the floor as if you’re in a movie, forehead resting against your knees. The rate of your heartbeats could be considered dangerously high, but you just blurted out a whole love confession for two of your roommates in the midst of a fight. How the hell could everything turn to shit so quickly? Half an hour ago all of you were joking around in the bathroom, and now you're not sure you have the courage to face any of them again.

It's a rash, impulsive decision fueled by anger and betrayal and shame, but you rush over to your closet and pull out an overnight bag that's soon filled to the brim with enough things to last you a few days. You're crying the entire time.

When you pass the living room again, Bucky isn't there anymore. But Steve is. Barely a glance his way is spared, with hasty steps heading towards the hallway. You remind yourself of a furious toddler when you angrily put on your jacket, stick your feet into your winter boots. The bag is slung over your shoulder, hand resting on the door handle.

"Don't go. Y/n, please don't leave."

Steve stands at the other side of the hallway, a broken down expression on his pretty face.

"Bucky went out of line, but he didn't mean it, I swear. He's just too prideful to admit it," he continues. You shake your head, biting down on your bottom lip. "Please, honey. It’s Christmas Eve. It won’t be the same if you’re not here tomorrow.”

"I just need some space," you whisper, brushing away a stray tear with the sleeve of your jacket. You’re so embarrassed and hurt that you can barely look him in the eye. "I can't be in the same apartment as him right now."

Steve sighs, looking about ready to just throw you over his shoulder to get you to stay. But he won't do that. That's not Steve. So instead he glances down to the floor, shaking his head to himself.

“Did you mean it?” he asks softly. “The thing about—you said you loved us. Did you mean it?”

It takes a few seconds before you nod tentatively, sniffling and keeping your gaze on a spot past Steve. He doesn’t say anything.

Steve gathers courage enough to walk up to where you stand by the door, grabbing your cheeks with his hands, thumb running over the tear-stained skin gently. For a few moments, he just looks at you. Loud thoughts running amok in that perfect head of his.

“Nothing I say right now will do my feelings any justice, so I’m gonna save any big speeches for tomorrow. But just…stay. It’s 2 am, it’s freezing out and you’re still drunk. I don’t want you out there on the streets alone. I need you to stay, even if it’s only for your own safety. Don’t have to talk to any of us if you don’t want to.”

His words makes you nod automatically. All it took was his hands on your skin and the flicker of hope his words ignite in your chest, and you conceded within a second. No hesitation left in that exhausted body of yours. He‘s not saying outright that your feelings are requited, but it doesn’t feel like a rejection either. He doesn’t seem disgusted by your confession, by the knowledge that you’re in love with both him and his best friend.

“Good girl. Let’s just—let’s get you to bed, okay?”Steve tells you, squeezing your shoulder gently. With your confirmation in form of another silent nod, he nestles the bag out of your grip and takes off the jacket from your torso.

The bed feels so soft and warm and comforting when you lie down. Steve tucks you in. It’s achingly sweet and you don’t really deserve it after avoiding him and Bucky like that for so long, but he looks out for you nonetheless.

“Steve,” you whisper, drawing his gaze up to meet yours. “I’m sorry. For being so distant.”

He shakes his head. “You have nothing to be sorry for. You were scared,” Steve answers. “Don’t worry about anything, okay? Get some sleep. You’ve had a tough night, Y/n.”

The softest of smiles grazes your lips, puppy eyes gazing up at Steve. Your wonderful, caring, perfect Steve.

“Are you alright? It must’ve been hard meeting Joshua again. And what Bucky said, it…it was far from okay.”

“I will be,” you whisper.

He nods, observes your face for a few seconds. Leans down to press a kiss to your forehead—what kind of college guy even does that? And then he leaves the room, turning the light off behind him.

You’re woken up by a red headed, crazy woman sitting on top of you over the sheets, shaking your shoulders.

“Wake up, fuckhead. You’re gonna open the presents I got you,” Natasha urges, grinning down at you as you blink your eyes open, groaning.

“Fuckhead?” you ask, a tired chuckle from your lips as Natasha climbs off the bed.

“Yes. Don’t like it, huh?” she teases. “C’mon. The guys are already waiting.”

With slow steps and a loud yawn, the slightest trace of a hangover plaguing your body, you drag yourself out into the living room. Around the ugly, little tree that Sam insisted on cutting down from the campus gardens last week (he almost got arrested by the security guards) the three boys sit. Your gaze falls to the floor, scratching the skin right above your lip nervously, once Bucky looks up at you. Can’t really read his expression, but you figure you’ll lay the fight aside for the day. It’s Christmas, after all.

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart,” Steve says, urging you to sit down next to him right there on the carpet. You offer a soft smile, and an even softer ‘Merry Christmas’ back. You’re still unsure about yesterday. Despite there being no rejection from either of them, the uncertainty is kind of killing you. A pit of anxiety rests in your stomach, an uneasy feeling corrupting every cell as you sit down on the floor next to Steve.

Not even ten minutes later, the living room is drowning in a sea of wrapping paper. Natasha went overboard with the gift shopping this year, it seems like, but her absent father is also some kind of Russian oligarch or something so she tends to use up as much of his money as she can. You’re not complaining.

The special edition of The Hobbit, signed by the director of the movie, that you managed to get on eBay and cost you a fucking fortune is received with a whispered ‘thank you’ from Bucky. He holds it in his hands tightly, staring down at the book without a word, and you don’t know if he’s happy for it. Maybe he’s not happy with anything touched by you at this moment. He hasn’t gotten you a gift, it seems like, or maybe he threw it in the trash and burned it yesterday.

Steve got you three books that he’d heard you say you wanted months ago, and a dainty silver necklace with a bee pendant hanging from it. “You know, uh, I usually call you ‘honey’ and I thought it was a little funny, maybe. But I can exchange it if you don’t like it. It’s no problem,” he had said, even though there were tears of gratitude in your eyes. Your arms were thrown around him a second later, hugging him tightly as you thanked him profusely for the most thoughtful gift.

Now you’re leaning your back against the couch, still on the floor, watching as Sam and Natasha are tinkering with his new Nintendo Switch that he got from her (overboard with the gifts, as previously mentioned). He’s so happy it almost makes you zoned out as you watch his childlike excitement. It’s nice to see the two of them so calm and sweet with each other too. Usually bickering and getting on each other’s nerves all the time otherwise.

“Y/n, can we talk?”

Your head tilts back, looking up at Bucky standing nervously in front of you, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. There’s a deep hesitation within you, a pride that wants to say no and remain in your angry state forever without confrontation. But it’s Bucky. You hate this animosity between the two of you, the tension. Despite being pissed off and hurt and afraid that he doesn’t want you, you can’t say no, so you nod and push yourself up to a stand.

Bucky closes the door to his room behind him gently, clearing his throat and looking at anything but you. A sigh comes out of his mouth, shaking his head, before he parts his lips to speak.

“I’m so sorry, Y/n. What I said was disgusting and unforgivable and so fucking out of line. You didn’t deserve that at all. So out of proportion to what I was mad at you for,” Bucky says, running the palm of his calloused hand over his face.

“It was,” you answer honestly. There’s no use in denying that what Bucky said was stupidly hurtful. He nods, looking away from your gaze.

“It made me angry thinking that you ignored me, because at first I didn’t know what I had done, you know? And then I thought for a few months that me and Steve had been too overbearing and that you tried to keep your distance because you thought we were annoying or something. But that’s not the case. I should’ve known better by now than to think that you would do anything to purposely hurt us.”

You gulp, nodding, looking down to the floor. “I’m sorry too,” you whisper. “I didn’t know that you guys thought I had something against you until last night. Obviously, you…you know now that’s not the case,” you tell him, embracing yourself with your arms. “But last night, Bucky, I…you hurt me. I know you were angry, but saying those kind of things isn’t okay.”

“I know that. God, I know, Y/n. I’m so sorry. It was fucking childish of me, retorting to saying that Jo—“ Bucky shakes his head, hands coming up to tug at the roots of his hair. “And it felt stupid giving you that present in front of everyone, so now you think I didn’t get you anything, too, and—“

“You got me a present?”

“Yes. Of course I did, Y/n. But I saw how much Natasha had bought and that necklace Steve gave you and my gift felt stupid in comparison to that. Just didn’t want to give it to you in front of everyone,” he says, a little awkwardly. A little boy giving his mother a drawing he made in kindergarten, he reminds you of.

“Bucky…that doesn’t matter. I don’t care what you have gotten me. I’ll like it no matter what if it’s from you.”

He shifts in his place, contemplating something, before picking up a sweater on his bed, revealing a wrapped present hidden underneath. Bucky took the gift from the pile without anyone noticing before, throwing it into his room so no one would see.

With a tentative hand, he reaches it out to you. Doesn’t watch as you unwrap it, instead biting on his thumbnail. You reprimand him for it, and the hand returns to his side.

“Is it a book?” You run your fingers over the cover, a hardcover with nothing on it. Blank.

“It’s a photo album. Shit, it’s stupid. I don’t know,” Bucky answers, looking about ready to snatch it back, but you open the first page up before he has a chance to.

A picture of you, Natasha, Sam and Steve on the first page. It was taken last year in November. You’re all running after one of Sam’s model planes, fall leaves singling down from the sky. It’s a beautiful picture.

“4 grown idiots running after a kid’s toy - November 12th, 2022”

“It’s just pics I’ve taken with my phone, so it’s nothing artsy or anything, but…uhm.” Bucky runs his hand through his short, brown hair.

You flip the page. You’re looking out through the kitchen window, the sun shining through and casting shadows over the room and your figure curled up on the chair.

“Angel in the sun - March 25th, 2023”

A soft chuckle is drawn from your lips, resisting the urge to run your finger over the photo, but you don’t want to smudge the blank paper. On the same page there’s another picture of you with your arms around Natasha’s shoulders, nearly wrestling her to the ground with the force of your hug. You look so happy.

Bucky looks nervous as you glance up from the photo album at him. “Know it’s not much, but…yeah.”

A loud huff of hair escapes Bucky as you throw your arms around him. It takes a second or two for him to hug you back, but he soon has his chin resting on top of your head, arms around your waist.

“I love it,” you whisper, holding onto him tightly enough to constrict his breathing.

“You do? I can take it back if you don’t like it.”

Your grip around him releases, arms coming down to your sides so you can take a step back and look him in the eyes. “This is everything, Bucky,” you say softly, feeling a lump in your throat that can turn into tears any second. “The fact that you took the time to make this for me is just…it’s the most thoughtful thing ever. And these pictures are so beautiful, Bucky, and just the thought of you sitting down and glueing them onto the page and writing captions and—“

His lips against yours. Oh god. Oh my god, Bucky has his lips pressed against yours. Gentle hands hold your jaw, his head leaning down to compensate for the height difference, and Bucky Barnes is kissing you with urgency and desperation.

The shock is enough to make you unable to return the kiss. He seems to take your surprise as rejection despite the fact that you literally yelled ‘I love you’ in his face last night. Bucky steps away and takes his hands off your skin, running his hand over his mouth, shaking his head.

“I’m so sorry, don’t know what the hell came over me, I—“

On your tiptoes, fingers grabbing his sweatshirt to pull him closer, and you nearly smash your lips against his to shut up any of that doubt he carries. It’s not a graceful or very romantic kiss, but by the sound akin to a very mild growl that comes from Bucky and his hands sliding down to your waist to pull you closer, you guess he likes it anyway.

It doesn’t last more than 20 seconds. A harsh knock on the door to Bucky’s room interrupts it, forcing you part from his lips and get down from your tiptoes again.

“What the hell are you doing in there? C’mon! I’ve made goddamn Christmas brunch!” Sam yells, drawing a soft chuckle from your lips as your forehead meets Bucky’s chest.

With a soft smile, nothing said, you back away from Bucky. Slipping out of his room and leaving him there all flustered and semi-hard from a 20 second make-out session. The first ever between you, though. He thinks it’s pretty understandable.

As Bucky follows you into the kitchen, sitting down at the table by Steve, he leans towards his best friend and whispers into his ear low enough to make anyone else unable to hear.

“I kissed her, Stevie,” Bucky says with a shit eating grin on his face. “I finally fucking kissed her.”

The blond man turns his head enough to look over at Bucky, the red flush of his cheeks and ears enough to tell anyone what’s been said.

“Are you serious?” Steve asks.

“I kissed her and she kissed me back, I swear. I gave her that photo album I’ve worked on for weeks. She said she loved it, Steve.”

“I guess it’s my turn then, isn’t it?” Steve answers, a shy smile on his lips as the two of them watch you sit down opposite of them at the table, glancing through the window out at the heavy snowfall. Natasha puts a newly toasted bagel on your plate.

“Go get our girl, Stevie.”

#stark u #marvel fanfiction #marvel fic #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes angst #sam wilson x reader #natasha romanoff x reader

[tojisbbygworl]

How Could You - Hobie Brown x Reader

Summary: Hobie was not the best boyfriend. It’s not his fault, he has an obligation to his city and by proxy, the multiverse. But, he doesn’t want to lose you. Unfortunately, revealing his secret does the opposite of what he had hoped.

Tags: Angst, Hurt/No Comfort,Canon-Divergence, (Hobie doesn’t reveal himself after killing Osbourne, Comic villains and events but movie Hobie, He’s supposed to be British but I forgot like halfway through writing)

Words: 3147

author’s note: If I had a nickel for everytime a girl broke up with her superhero bf bcs he lied abt being a superhero I would have 2 nickels.

Honestly tho I rly don’t like the whole ‘I’m upset because you lied to me’ trope in the superhero genre. I feel like there’s a much better reason to break up with a superhero so here’s my idea. I’ll talk more abt it in the end note.

Anyway enjoy!

AO3 Version

My AO3

Masterlist

Soaring through the air with nothing but a thin string as support, fighting monsters 3 times his size sometimes from a different universe, killing the fucking Prime Minister; none of these things have brought him as much anxiety as he feels in this moment.

It was so late, after 2 in the morning, and he was rushing back to his apartment grunting in pain from his injuries. It’s never fun fighting Kingpin, but hopefully after tonight he won’t have to do that anymore. Kamala had finally discovered his new place of hiding, Osbourne’s old bunker.

No matter how badly his ribs stung with every thwip and pull, he didn’t let up or slow down for a second. You were waiting for him. You’ve been waiting for him since he left at 8. Fuck, it’s been 6 hours? How did he let time fly like that?

‘She’s going to kill me,’ he lightly joked to himself. His stomach turned, he knows deep down that you were getting down to your last straw. You’re always so sweet about his disappearances. He tells you he needs to go; “Being in-charge of a non-profit anti-establishment organization dedicated to the dismantling of our government doesn’t allow you to have much free time, love. I’ll be back,” he would say. Your gorgeous smile would present itself and he just has to give you a kiss before he leaves. That smile has become less bright in recent months.

You’ve started voicing your annoyance as well. “Yeah, so I’ve heard,” you would respond. Or, “Duty calls?” With an eye roll. His least favorite response was, “Why don’t you date the organization instead?” The chuckle you let out after that was so dry and your smile was so empty. It scared him.

There were times where he wasn’t there in the first place. He regrets those the most. He’s missed so many important things, some of which he couldn’t understand how or why you forgave him. He certainly wouldn’t have if he was in your position. You had to be an angel or something. Fuck, he loves you.

Tonight was supposed to be a shut-in date night. Just the two of you, some junk food, and a scary movie that you’ve been dying to see. His watch beeped with a message: got a lead on Fisk. He looked at you and you just…let him go. You didn’t smile, you didn’t frown, you just looked into his eyes and turned away.

“I’ll be right back, I promise.” You didn’t respond, and at that moment, he decided that when he got back there would be no more secrets. No more sneaking around. No more lies. He loved you and you deserved to know.

From what he could see through the window, the lights were off. A part of him is relieved, hoping you weren’t awake so he could just take care of his injuries and slip into bed next to you. He would just have to wait to tell you tomorrow morning.

But, that plan is put to shit when he opens the window and quietly steps inside his living room. The tv is off and the snacks have been cleared. Hobie starts to panic. Did you go home?

He slips off his shoes in case you were sleeping soundly in his room and starts to walk slowly towards it. The door is cracked just a bit and the light is off there too. The entire apartment was shrouded in darkness, the only possible light coming through windows from the moon. He looks through the crack and relaxes upon seeing your silhouette in bed. He lets out a quiet sigh and creeps away to the bathroom.

“Hobie?” He freezes. A few seconds pass and he hears the bed creaking and feet shuffling across the floor. He still doesn’t turn around as his door opens to reveal you in your pajamas, face puffy, and eyes red.

You had been waiting for him to get home for what felt like forever. You were so excited earlier today, but there was this unrelenting churn in your stomach telling you that he would leave eventually. And of course, you were right.

Honestly, you didn’t understand why you were still with him at this point. You know he lies about where he is. You’ve known ever since he invited you to a protest his non profit put together. You told him you wanted to become an official member and he shot it down immediately. “Too dangerous for a peng-thing such as yourself,” he told you. He was right about it being dangerous, everyone was gassed and it hadn’t even been 15 minutes. But that didn’t matter. You wanted to be a part of it. Especially after they got to witness Prime Minister Osbourne’s beheading.

He didn’t even use it as an excuse most of the time. When you would wait for him to meet with you, his reasonings were fickle if he even had any.

“Got caught up with something,”

“One of my mates needed me, you know how that goes,”

“It doesn’t matter, I’m here now aren’t I?”

Oh, and there was your favorite, “Get off my back, will you? I’ve got a life too.” The times where he had nothing to say at all, as painful as it was, were much better. You were so sick of it and you just hoped that he could tell.

Right now, in this moment, you’re not sure because he still hasn’t turned around. You couldn’t see much in the darkness of the hallway, but you at least knew it was him and he was walking away. “You can’t even look at me?”

Hobie stood still, his mind racing. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to see the look on your face. He knew you were disappointed. He could hear it in your voice. “…I,” he clears his throat. “I didn’t think you would still be awake.” He cringes.

You blink at him. “You didn’t think I would still be awake?” You repeated vexedly, your voice growing stronger.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Hobie tries to save.

You closed your eyes and took in a sharp breath. “You know…if you’re cheating on me, I’d rather you be honest about it.”

Hobie finally turns around. In the dark, you can’t see his mask, but he can see you perfectly. You looked so dejected and it destroyed him. He could tell that you had been crying before he got here, and now you’re eyes were welling up again. His chest pangs.

“I don’t appreciate you leaving me without a word and coming back whenever you want,” you continue, your voice breaking. A tear slips down your face and you quickly wipe it away only for another to follow right after. “Do you think I’m stupid?” You sob, trying to remain strong as he walks towards you. “That I would just be okay with that shit?”

Hobie still doesn’t answer. Instead, he stands a couple feet away from you right next to the light switch. “Are you not going to answer me?” You growl at him. Still, nothing. “Ho-”

The light turns on. His name halts in your throat as you gaze upon him. Your tears don’t stop and you raise your hand to your mouth, a shaky gasp escaping you. Hobie finally peels his mask off to reveal his cut up face.

For a moment, there’s nothing but silence as you try and process this new information. Hobie was…Spider-man. Your boyfriend was Spider-man. That’s why. That’s why he was never there. That’s why he can never be there. Hobie opens his mouth, the breath he takes being enough to cut through the tension. “I’m sorry.”

He continues to walk towards you, praying that you don’t walk away. You’re frozen in place. “I’m so sorry.” He holds his arms out and embraces you in a tight hug relaxing into your arms when you lift them up and wrap them around his neck. You bury your head into his shoulders making his suit wet from your tears.

Hobie’s lips begin to quiver. He swallows a sob before speaking again. “I didn’t know how to tell you...” His voice cracks while trying to find the right words to say. “I just…I am so sorry for lying to you. I’m so fucking sorry.”

For a while, the both of you just stand there in each other’s presence. There was a feeling of anxiousness in the air; for Hobie, he was worried why you hadn’t said anything. As for you…

“Come on.” You grabbed his hand and walked the both of you to his bathroom where you sat him on the toilet and tended to his facial wounds. You remained completely silent, still trying to gather all of your thoughts. It made him all the more terrified.

Hobie repeatedly geared himself up to speak to you, but ultimately kept his mouth closed. What could he say? It was you who needed to talk. You needed to tell him how worried for him you would be. You needed to tell him how happy you were that he was okay. You needed to tell him how angry you were at him for lying to you.

You needed…you needed…

He needed you to say something. Anything.

But you didn’t know how to tell him. And when you were done with his face he stood up and took your hand to walk the both of you back to his room. You followed at first, but quickly stopped. He looked back at you in confusion, his heart racing. “What is it?”

You let go of his hand with him refusing to do the same. It went limp in his hold as you stared at the ground. Your eyes filled with tears and fell just as quickly. Without looking up, you finally told him what was on your mind. “I…I was going to break up with you tonight.”

His heart dropped. He releases a huff having been completely floored by that charged sentence. What do you mean you were going to break up with him? What do you mean there was no saving the relationship the moment he left? What do you mean he was too late?

His mouth opens and closes, trying to find the words to convey his shock. “Was?” He decides upon, foolishly hopeful.

The breath that you take in, the look on your face, and the tears falling down it killed anything inside him that held onto the possibility that you still wanted to be with him. So he lets go of your hand too. “No.” You say.

Hobie is appalled. His eyes dart around the hallway as his mind tries to make sense of what was happening. His breathing gets harder and faster. He begins to shake his head. “I don’t-,” he stutters, “I-I don’t understand.”

“Hobie-”

“I mean, I…” he hikes his shoulders up and holds up his hands. Finally, he looks at you. His chest aches at the sight of you, he’s never seen you so dejected. He gestures at himself. “You see…you see why.”

You walk towards him and put your hand on his chest to try and calm him down. It does nothing. Instead he holds his own hand over yours to keep it there. “And I am so glad that you trusted me enough to tell me. Your secret is safe with me, Hobie.” After telling him that, you lose any resolve you had and sob. Your voice is strained when you talk, and you have to take small pauses to catch your breath and remain coherent. “But that doesn’t change the fact that you missed my graduation-”

“I was almost eaten alive.” he quickly defends, remembering that annoying day. The Inheritors have become a very big nuisance since Osbourne’s death and are the reason for so many of his disappearances. He would explain all of this to you if you gave him the chance.

You scrunch your face with a look of confusion, but when he doesn’t explain any further, you continue. “And you missed my recital-”

“So I could keep Kraven from fucking up 38th street.” He was starting to get upset. It’s like you weren’t listening to him. He was Spider-man. Of course he couldn’t be there for every facet of your life. And you knew that now. So…what the fuck? “If I hadn’t done that, your mates wouldn’t have anywhere to live.”

You could hear the annoyance in his tone and body language, and it made you a little miffed. “I understand that-“

“Do you?”

You slap your head in frustration. “You’re not getting it, Hobie. You weren’t there-“

“Yeah, I fucking couldn’t be because I’m too busy trying un-fuck our city and everyone in it. Including you.” He says, slightly raising his voice. How dare you get mad at him when you’re the one who’s leaving? “I mean, I’m showing you why I can’t be there and it’s still not enough?”

You never stopped crying, but now you were pissed. You glared at him. “You think that fixes everything? It doesn’t change the fact that I stood outside the auditorium and waited for you right before and right after my name was called for nothing. Or that I almost fucked up my solo because I couldn’t think about anything besides the fact that you weren’t there.”

Hobie raises a finger at you. “I-”

“Stop interrupting me!” You shout, immediately recoiling but keeping your glare. Hobie blinks at you in disbelief. “Knowing that you were off saving the world does not mean I didn’t need you there with me when my sister was-” Choking on your words, you cover your mouth with your hand in a feeble attempt to hide the sob that escaped. Hobie’s anger dissipated and all that was left was utter heartbreak.

You took a second to recollect yourself, shying away from his touch when he reached out to you. He drops his arm by his side. “I don’t understand,” he whispers, his voice breaking.

Taking another deep breath, you drop the ball on him , finally. “If you’re worried I’m going to go off and tell Jonah Jameson-”

“No,” he practically shouts. “I’m not fucking worried about that. I’m upset, because my girlfriend is breaking up with me!”

“Don’t fucking yell at me!”

Hobie slams his hands against his head and walks away from you, panting. All you can do is watch him, anticipating his next move. Bracing yourself for whatever he’ll say out of anger.

After a few moments of breathing, he drops his hands and turns to look at you. “So what you just-don’t love me anymore?”

“What?”

“Is that it? There’s someone else?”

You furrowed your brows and looked around the room wondering where the hell he got that from. “The fuck? No!”

“So why don’t you want to be with me anymore?”

You groaned in frustration and covered your face with your hands. He just wasn’t getting it. “That’s not what I’m saying-”

“The fuck are you saying?” His voice louder than it’s ever been towards you.

“I want to be with you, Hobie,” you tell him, the tears never ending. Your voice, as loud as it is, shakes and cracks. Hobie grabs his hair, his mind completely scattered. You were confusing him left and right. Why can’t you just come out and say-

“I don’t want to be with Spider-Man.”

Everything seems to stop. The only sound being you calming yourself down as you take some deep breaths. You couldn’t look at Hobie, you just couldn’t. As for him, he couldn’t stop looking at you utter disbelief and heartbreak.

His bottom lip quivered as it hung open. His nostrils began to flare. His chest rose and fell as he felt the lump in his throat grow. Why won’t you look at him? Please look at him…please?

“You…I don’t…” he simply can’t find the words to describe how he felt. To put it simply, you were breaking his heart. He loves you. He fucking loves you so much. It hurts that there’s nothing he can do to fix this. He can’t just stop being Spider-Man, no matter how hard he’s considering it at this moment.

He doesn’t know what yo do. He’s so hurt. He’s so…fucking…angry.

“Get out.” He says, looking at the ground.

You jerk your head up at him. Wiping your eyes, you ask him, “What?”

Hobie angrily puts his mask back on. “Get the fuck out,” he repeats, louder this time. You don’t move. You didn’t want it to end like this. Was it really going to end like this? No…

“Ba-Hobie,” Slip of the tongue. But it was too late, he heard it and it broke him even more.

“I don’t want you here when I get back.” He turns away from you and stalks towards the window. Without looking back once, he lifts it open and hops back out into the night.

You slap your hand over your mouth and squeeze your eyes shut. This feeling in your chest, you wanted to lie down and scream at the top of your lungs. You were hoping he understood, that you could reason with him, but now you were left a lonely shell of your former self. You would hate yourself for breaking his heart the way you did. As you gather your things and leave the apartment, you start to wonder, was this even worth it?

On the trek home, you decided; yes. It hurt, but nothing would compare to the pain of him not being there at the hospital when you told him you needed him there. All the moments that you needed the man you loved and he was no where to be found, you found joy in knowing that you would never experience that again.

You weren’t angry with Hobie anymore. You knew why things were the way they were now. But, that’s not a love life that you wanted. That was the most difficult thing you had to do, but you had to do it. You weren’t going to be a superhero’s girlfriend. You just weren’t. You hoped he understood one day.

And he will. But for now, Hobie watches you leave the building with a hole in his heart and hatred in his mind. For now, you just don’t want to make it work with him. Hobie knows the two of you are meant to be, he just wishes you would understand that-

No. He wishes you would accept him. You don’t . And that destroys him.

For now, you simply don’t love him enough to accept him for what he is. A huge part of him was scared of this, and would you look at that, it came true.

He was so confused. So hurt. How could you. How could you?…

ending a/n: Hi! How was it? I hope I wrote it well. I really wanted to make sure it was clear that they both are valid in their feelings about the whole thing. It made sense that it would all blow up and not end well and I think it’s very easy for someone who is dealing with a lot of emotions to not really think rationally or listen to the other person.

If you read this whole thing and was like ‘what is wrong with her’ let me try to explain my thought process. She doesn’t want to be with a superhero. She wants to be in a relationship with someone who can be there for her. Hobie was never there, if he was it was few and far between. And that’s bcs of his obligation to the world and multiverse. That’s no one’s fault. She gets that. So she’s going to find someone who CAN give her the time she needs. Someone who doesn’t have a duty to the world. Someone who can focus on her as much as she does for them.

Of course, Hobie isn’t going to understand that. All he hears is that she doesn’t want to be with him. So, he’s thinking irrationally, not really listening to what she’s saying. Taking things the wrong way bcs he’s heart broken.

I like where I ended it, but I am very open to a pt 2 in the future where they’ve gotten over it (or maybe not 👀) but they’re not going to get back together. It’ll be like closure unless I decide to never let Hobie heal from it. Hmmmm. Idk idk idk!

Anyway, I hope you guys understood my thinking and enjoyed this version of this trope. I don’t think I’ve seen it done before, it would be nice to start a trend of this. I would love to see how other people interpret this. Please feel free to discuss this particular topic more with me if you would like! I don’t bite! Y’all have a good one🩵🩵

AO3 Version

My AO3

Masterlist

#across the spiderverse #hobie brown #spider punk #spider punk x reader #hobie brown x reader #hobie x reader #hobie brown x you #hobie angst #hobie my beloved

[literaryavenger]

Broken - bonus part

Summary: It's been a year since Bucky moved in and now it's his turn to help you, only problem is you won't let him.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Warnings: No use of Y/N. Language. A lot of fluff. Eating disorder. Angst.

Word Count: 7.8K

A/N: I made this bonus part to explore more about the eating disorder that was hinted in the first couple of chapters. I had plans to incorporated in the story when I was planning on making it longer, but with how it went it didn't feel like there was a place for it. I'd like to thank @ordelixx for giving me the idea for this additional part. Hope you enjoy it, I'm always open to more ideas so feel free to spam in my inbox or messages, know I always appreciate it! also sorry it took me so long to finish this but I started it and then kind of lost inspiration :(

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

Masterlist

It’s been a year since Bucky arrived at the tower and about 11 months since his hearing.

As conditioned by his pardon he’s been going to therapy, he’s been training with the team and has been doing more and more missions, on probation, but still he’s been doing better than ever.

Even Tony had to admit that the more time he spent with Bucky the more the super soldier grew on him.

If a few months ago he begrudgingly spent time with the super soldier at your request, if anything to spend time with you too since you’re still inseparable, now Tony actively seeks him out; wanting to study his new vibranium arm, testing his gadgets since he got hurt less easily than the others. Or sometimes simply to talk about things like astronomy after Tony found out about Bucky’s interest in the subject.

They’ve even had a few conversations on Howard and his friendship with the sergeant back in the 40s.

You're proud of all the progress Bucky’s made, and you appreciate the fact that getting more comfortable in the 21st century and becoming more confident didn’t make him pull away from you.

It's a fear you had, that maybe Bucky stuck to you because you were the first person after Steve that made him feel safe, that the more people he got familiar with the more he was gonna pull away from you, not needing you as much anymore.

But, to your delight, Bucky’s still as touchy and clingy towards you as ever, if anything he's grown even more affectionate.

He never lets a day go by without telling you how much he loves you and appreciates you, kissing you any chance he gets and holding you tight every night in the room the two of you have been officially sharing the last few weeks since you’ve all moved to the new Avengers Compound upstate.

You love Bucky’s attention and you’re just as affectionate towards him as he is towards you. Everything was going great.

Until it wasn’t.

You’re on your way to your room, looking forward to seeing Bucky after a full morning of mission reports with Steve and then training with Natasha.

She obviously kicked your ass and you're exhausted, wanting nothing more than to be in his warm embrace for the rest of the day.

Thankfully, it’s friday afternoon and you have no new missions which means your weekend is wide open.

You stop on your tracks when you hear your name being mentioned in a conversation right around the corner.

You recognize one of the voices as Sharon Carter, one of the agents of Shield that lives and works at the compound the Avengers now reside in.

You don’t know why you stop to listen in on the conversation, you’re not really one to eavesdrop, but something about her tone makes your legs refuse to move towards her direction. Which just so happens to be the way towards the Avengers only part of the building.

Your stomach drops when you hear the other girl’s next sentence.

"And can you believe she got Sergeant Barnes to date her?" Sharon groans before answering.

"Of course she did, he was all broken and vulnerable and she was like the first person he met at the tower. He obviously got attached to the first person that was nice to him, otherwise how do you think a girl like her could ever have a chance with him?" she says matter-of-factly. 

"You’re right, I mean he’s probably still with her just out of habit. He’s too nice to hurt her feelings." the other girl says, giggling.

"Exactly." Sharon agrees, laughing with her friend. "I mean, he’d never go for her if he met her today. He’d probably be flirting his way through the actually pretty girls that live around here, like you and me."

You can hear their laughter growing louder as they get closer to where you are frozen on your spot and feel yourself starting to panic.

You can’t face them right now, the only thing on your mind is finding a place to hide in.

You see a door behind you and you sprint to it, reaching it, running inside and closing the door softly in record time. You press your ear up against it and can hear the muffled laughter and some more comments on you and Bucky.

When they’re finally far enough that you can’t hear them, you let yourself relax, pressing your back against the door and looking into the dark closet you’re hiding in while you let their words really sink in, your brain working overtime to make sure you didn’t misheard or misinterpreted anything.

Once you’re sure you indeed heard everything correctly, tears start to form in your eyes.

Is that really what people think? That Bucky’s just with you because he pities you?

You’ve always known Bucky was beautiful, definitely the hottest guy you’ve ever seen in your life, and you’ve always known he was out of your league.

You know you’re by no means thin, but you also don’t consider yourself fat, especially not after all the work that it took you to get to a place where you have a healthy relationship with your body.

Yes, you still have your doubts and insecurities, but that’s just in your head.

Although here you are, hiding in a supply closet, tears streaming down your face, because there are actual people outside of your head that see your flaws too.

One thing is to wonder about this stuff in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep, the voices in your head taking over, but to hear those same thoughts coming out of someone else’s mouth hit you hard.

You don’t even know how long you stay hidden, but at some point you snap out of it and dry your tears, opening the door and making the way to your room.

It feels like only a second passes and then you’re opening the door of yours and Bucky’s room. You make a beeline for the bathroom, barely acknowledging your boyfriend when he greets you as you lock the bathroom door behind you.

Bucky’s eyebrows furrow at your cold shoulder, immediately getting worried. He gets up from the bed and knocks on the door of the bathroom calling out for you. "Everything okay?"

You can hear the concern in his voice and it only makes you feel worse as you find yourself wondering if he’s actually worried or just that good at pretending.

You look at your reflection in the mirror and all of a sudden you feel nauseous but you barely have time to realize it’s not just in your head when you’re suddenly throwing up in the toilet.

Bucky’s more worried than ever as he hears you be sick from the other side of the door. "Doll, I need you to talk to me or I will break down the door."

He knows it may not be the ideal thing to say, but his concern outweighs his rational thinking when you stop making sounds as he still hasn't heard your voice and is worried you might’ve passed out.

"I’m okay." your voice is quiet, but at least you’re conscious. 

"Can you open the door for me, doll?" He can hear you sigh and shuffle a bit, probably getting up. Then he hears the faucet of the sink being turned on as you splash some water on your face.

He’s a little calmer now, patiently waiting for you and he lets out a little breath of relief when he hears the lock click.

You open it reluctantly, trying your best to look normal, but Bucky can see right through you.

"What’s wrong, baby?" he brings his hands to your cheeks and you can’t help but lean into them for a second before you grab his wrists and gently lower his hands, his face more worried than before.

"I’m fine, Bucky." you say, your voice almost emotionless.

"You were just throwing up. You’re not fine." it takes all of him not to reach for you again, not wanting to cross your boundaries.

"It’s nothing. Maybe I’m just sick. I’ll take a shower, it’ll make me feel better." You don’t give him time to respond as you close the door and lock it again, starting the shower.

Bucky feels like he can barely breathe, your behavior making him more worried than he’s been since the 40s and he had to take care of sickly little Steve.

Youìve never acted like this with him, when you were sick or even grumpy from your period you usually became clingy and wanted him around even more than you usually do. But he gives you the benefit of the doubt.

If you were sick this wasn’t the moment to think about himself. He has to take care of you first and he can ask more later you when you're feeling better.

With new resolve he heads towards the kitchen, determined to get everything you might need to make you feel better.

You stay in the shower for over an hour, trying to avoid Bucky as much as you can, but you know you had to get out and face him eventually.

When you come out of the bathroom you find him sitting in the desk chair, the desk full of things you’re pretty sure weren’t there when you entered the room.

Bucky's on his feet and coming towards you in a second, your favorite pair of pajamas in his hand.

"Are you feeling better?" he asks you softly, worry still present on his features.

You can’t bring yourself to look at him, taking the clothes and changing as fast as you can, a small ‘I’m fine’ leaving your lips. 

"What's all of this?" you ask, stepping around him and walking towards the desk.

"Oh, I just brought you some things to make you feel better." He can't help himself as he wraps his arms around you from behind while you look through the things he brought you.

He got you all sorts of pain meds, your favorite snacks and drinks, your heating pad and your favorite comfort book.

You want to cry at the sight, but part of you can't help but doubt Bucky, even with how sweet he’s being.

You snap out of it when you feel Bucky give you a kiss on the shoulder and, suddenly, it all feels fake and it’s too much for you. 

You place your hands on his and move his arms away from you, then start heading towards the bed.

"I’m not hungry. I just want to sleep for a bit." That's all you say as you lay down and turn your back on him, tears threatening to fall down again.

You hear him sigh behind you. Then he moves around and you feel him lay a kiss on your head before he walks out the room shutting the lights on his way, wanting to give you the space you clearly want.

You aren't sure if you're glad you can cry yourself to sleep freely or worried that him walking out solidifies the voices in your head that are telling you that maybe Bucky really doesn’t love you.

When you wake up the next morning Bucky’s arms were wrapped around you from behind.

Usually being in his hold makes you feel safe but right now all you can concentrate on is the feeling of his hands on your belly and how disgusted he would be if he woke up and realized the position you were in, no matter how many times you've been like this.

You slip away from his embrace and go to change into work out clothes. You went to sleep pretty early yesterday so it was still early in the morning when you woke up.

You aren’t expecting to meet anyone yet but, once again, you're proven wrong by the shuffling coming from the kitchen as you make your way to grab a bottle of water.

You approach carefully without making a sound and when you peak around the corner you see Steve, probably back from a morning run, in front of the counter with his back to you and a water bottle in his hand.

You try to move as quietly as possible, even with enhanced hearing your skills have gotten so good you're able to sneak around the super soldiers when needed.

You decide to use the stairs to get to the gym, the door leading to them squeaking lightly. Steve turns around at the sound but seems to decide it was nothing as he shrugs and makes his way to his room.

You’ve been at the gym for a couple of hours, stopping only to grab water from the mini fridge, when the door opens and you hear Bucky’s voice.

"Hey doll, I’ve been looking for you everywhere." His voice sounds genuinely concerned. You have to give him props on his acting skills.

"Yeah, couldn’t sleep." You say without looking at him, barely stopping your punching of the bag in front of you.

"I thought you were sick." he’s slowly getting closer, you’d almost think he was trying to corner a scared animal.

"Clearly I feel better." you shrug, trying to end this conversation as fast as possible.

You feel his hand on your shoulder and finally stop, taking a deep breath before turning to face him.

His face looks more worried than you’ve ever seen it and it almost makes you forget your own concerns about the reality of your relationship.

Almost. 

"Maybe you should go visit Bruce, make sure everything’s okay." his eyes never leave your face and you try your best to hide any emotion but it’s always been too easy for him to read you so you shrug his hand from your shoulder, trying to put a little distance between you.

He looks genuinely hurt, but, again, what would you expect from a trained assassin? Pretending comes as naturally to him as breathing. 

"I’m fine, Bucky." you turn back to the bag and resume your punching. You’re so lost in your own thoughts you don’t even notice him walking out of the gym.

You work out some more before deciding it’s enough and go back to your room, thankful for the first time that Bucky’s not there.

After you shower and change again you find yourself with nothing to do and, for once, you wish you had paperwork to keep you occupied and give you an excuse to avoid everybody.

You grab your purse and make your way out, mumbling something about having errands to run in the city when you come across some people in the living room, basically running out of there so fast you can’t even tell who’s actually there watching tv.

You spend the whole day running around the city, not really having a destination but when the sun starts coming down you decide to head back.

When you enter the living room you can see everyone sitting at the kitchen table.

"Finally, you’re here! We can eat now." Sam shouts happily and you know you can’t escape this.

"Sorry, didn’t realize you were waiting on me." You say quietly while sitting down in the only free chair that’s unfortunately next to Bucky.

"It’s okay, koala bear." Steve smiles from your other side. "Bucky said you weren’t feeling great, so Wanda made your favorite."

You try to look excited while smiling and thanking Wanda as she and Vision place the food on the table. If she notices something is off, she doesn't say anything, just giving you a smile of her own in return.

"Where were you all day?" Tony asks you.

"The city." you simply say, trying to sound as casual as possible while making no attempt to look at him, or make eye contact with anyone else for that matter.

But Tony seems satisfied with your answer, taking your lack of conversation for tiredness and going back to talking to Clint.

You manage to avoid all conversations with nods and hums and you can feel Bucky’s gaze on you almost as it burns but you can’t find it in yourself to look back at him.

When you feel his hand coming to rest on top of yours on the table you feel like something inside you snaps and you get up abruptly, making everybody stop as they give you confused looks.

"Excuse me, I still don’t feel well. I think I’m gonna go to my room and rest." and, without giving anyone the chance to say anything, you walk away.

There’s a second of silence before the team seems to dismiss your behavior as grumpiness from feeling sick, after all the rare times that you do get sick you get very irritable.

Bucky seems to be the only one to notice your untouched food. 

After less than five minutes the door to your room opens and Bucky comes in, finding you sitting on the bed staring at nothing while being clearly lost in your head.

He makes his way to you and kneels down in front of you.

"What’s going on, doll?" He tries his luck again, putting a hand on your knee. He hopes that giving space all day allowed you to come around and now you’ll talk to him.

You prove him wrong by getting up, not even sparing him a glance, and making your way to the closet to try and busy yourself so you won’t have to look at him.

"Nothing." You offer nothing more and Bucky starts getting frustrated with you. 

"What is wrong with you today?" He knows something’s wrong. He knows you better than anyone, and he’s trying to be patient with you but you���ve never acted this cold towards him and it scares him.

"Nothing is wrong." You know you’re pushing it. You know you’re doing nothing to alleviate his worries, but you can’t help the feeling that he’s the one in the wrong.

He’s the one out of line, he’s the one that betrayed your trust and hurt you and toyed with your feelings and lied to you about his own. You had every right to be short with him.

Right?

"Something is obviously wrong, why won’t you just talk to me?!" He almost whines and you roll your eyes, your own unjustified irritation coming out.

"Oh, for the love of God, just give it a rest!" you almost yell, and the surprise you find in yourself is nothing compared to the one on Bucky’s face.

"What?" he’s almost whispering and the hurt in his voice for some reason just infuriates you more.

"Stop treating me like I’m made of glass! Not everyone is as needy as you, you know. I’m a grown ass adult and I don’t need you!" You can’t stop shouting, knowing full well you don’t mean a word you’re saying. But you want to hurt him as much as you’re hurting, as wrong as that is.

"Don’t you think I know that you don’t need me?!" He’s yelling too now, and you know you pushed the right button "I know damn well how strong you are, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still worry about you!"

"I don’t need you to worry about me!"

"Well, that’s too damn bad for you, because I love you and I want you to be okay!" God, even shouting he’s still being nice to you.

"Well, that’s too damn bad for you, because it’s none of your business if I’m okay!" Not the best response, but at this point you honestly have no idea of even control of what’s coming out of your mouth anymore.

"God, why are you being such a child about this?!" Bucky barely understands what’s going on right.

The two of you have never fought before, not so much as an argument, and now here you are in a yelling match that started because he's concerned about you.

"Oh boo freaking hoo, poor Bucky having to deal with a child! If you don’t like me just say so!"

"What the hell are you talking about?!" He’s beyond confused now.

"If you don’t want this," you gesture between the two of you "just leave! Go and find someone you actually like! Don’t stay with me just because you feel like you have to!"

"When did I ever say that? Are you out of your mind?!"

"Yes, I’m crazy! Now just leave me the fuck alone!" you yell at the top of your lungs and Bucky seems to freeze in his spot.

Assuming this is over, you turn around and climb into bed, your back to Bucky once again.

When you hear him sigh and start moving you feel like you’re reliving yesterday, except this time you don’t expect him to kiss you but just leave.

He turns off the lights, but you frown when you don’t hear the door, instead you feel the bed dip behind you. You tense up when Bucky’s arms wrap around you from behind, bringing you closer to him with your back pressed against his chest.

"I will choose you over everyone. Even on the days where we don’t understand each other." He whispers in your ear after a moment of silence and you can’t do anything to stop the tears that start coming out as you feel Bucky holding you tighter without saying another word.

You want to believe him, you really do. But Sharon’s voice in your head is like a net, not allowing you to fall fully into Bucky, not being able to accept that someone like him truly loves you.

So you start spending your days by yourself, avoiding people as much as possible.

Everytime you're in a room with someone all you can think about is how they're probably judging you, making just want to run away and hide.

But isolating yourself does nothing to ease your worries as you now spend all your time overthinking and hating on yourself.

You start pulling away from Bucky too and it's killing him.

You still won't talk to him, everytime you're together you pretend that everything's fine.

You put on a smile he knows is fake, really doing the bare minimum to keep a conversation going and when he touches you he always gets the feeling that you wanted nothing more than to slap his hands away.

But you always try to be discreet as you inch away from him with any excuse that comes to mind.

It's the change in your relationship with Bucky that starts to clue the team in on your behavior.

As much as they have fun giving you shit for it, they all admire your closeness and were happy that you found each other.

So they start paying more attention to you. Everybody can see something's wrong, but if you wouldn’t talk to Bucky about it, really what chance do they have?

It doesn't stop them from worrying though, seeing how you seem to waste away.

You spend too much time in the gym, losing weight at an alarming rate and not getting enough sleep to function, sometimes resulting in you falling asleep during meetings or on the mat at the gym.

But you refuse to let Bruce look at you. You refuse any help really, your temper shorter than ever as you end up snapping at people more often than not.

You try to keep it together, but it's obviously not working. The only thing you manage to do is avoiding meals without anyone noticing.

After weeks on end of this, the team decides to do something to try and cheer you up, taking the opportunity of your birthday coming up.

Steve manages to convince Tony to have a small party, just the team and agents of Shield, instead of one of his big parties full of strangers.

They're careful when they approach you with the subject, having taken to walking on eggshells around you. You can’t help feeling bad for the way you’ve been treating them, so you decide to be cool about the party, even knowing deep down you’ll regret it.

Natasha and Wanda offer to go shopping with you for a new dress for the occasion, but you decline their invitation.

You know they're trying to be nice, but just the thought of going from store to store, seeing all those beautiful, skinny women trying on pretty dresses you’d never be able to fit into, together with the two gorgeous redheads, it sounds like hell to you.

Which is why you ask the team to have a more informal dress code than usual, allowing you to dress as comfortable as you can be at the moment with loose fitting pants and a large hoodie.

You arrive at the party in the ballroom of the compound that Tony just had to have and are thankful to see everyone dress casually, most of the girls not even wearing dresses.

But you still try not to linger too long on their looks, not wanting to feel worse than you already do about your own appearance.

Arms wrap around your body and you hear Bucky wish you a happy birthday.

You give him a few seconds before you wiggle away from the embrace and turn around. You give Bucky your best fake smile and thank him before kissing him quickly on the cheek and walking away towards the bar to get some water.

You don't need to be getting drunk and throwing up more than you already do every time your stomach forces you to eat anything.

You spend the whole night going from person to person, trying not to talk to anyone too long and making sure to always keep moving to avoid too many questions.

You know it's only a matter of time before they start coming. Even Fury is present, worried about you ever since he had to take you off missions for passing out on the field.

Soon came the moment you’d been dreading most: Wanda comes toward you with your favorite cake with candles lit and everybody starts singing.

You know that with being the center of attention you won't be able to get away with not eating and the team would piece things together if you try, having already gone through this years ago.

Honestly, you're a little disappointed nobody had figured it out yet, but not entirely surprised as you told yourself everyone just didn’t care enough.

And why should they when you look the way you do?

Everyone cheers as you blow on the candles, fake smile still going strong. The cake is cut and everyone is enjoying Wanda’s culinary talent. You even manage to eat yours and keep it down without looking disgusted with yourself.

Everything was going great.

You're behind the bar now taking another water bottle from the mini fridge when you accidentally knock over a glass full of straws that was thankfully made of plastic so it didn’t break.

While you're picking up straws you hear footsteps getting close to the bar that hid your kneeling figure and stop what you're doing when you hear Sharon talking about you. Again.

"And did you see how she’s dressed to her own party? No wonder Bucky’s been staying as far away as possible all night." she's basically whispering, but it's still loud enough for you to hear.

"I know, he’s probably ashamed of her. Wouldn’t surprise me if he dumped her tonight." the two girls giggle the sound seems to snap you out of your trance.

You get up so fast you scare Sharon and the other girl, their startled squeals drawing the attention of the rest of the party as everybody prepares for any danger.

But there is no danger, all everybody can see is two mortified looking agents and you with tears in your eyes that you don't even feel starting to fall.

The whole team is worried sick, everybody getting closer to the bar, but Bucky is the one that's at your side before you can even think about blinking the tears away.

"What’s wrong, baby?" he looks so worried, almost like he himself is about to cry at the mere thought of you being in pain.

But that can't be it, that's not what you're seeing.

He's probably just embarrassed you're being overly emotional for no apparent reason, and that look in his eyes is him getting ready to break up with you right here and now.

At that thought you can literally feel the cake you just ate coming back up and all you can do is run as fast as you could towards the nearest bathroom with a very concerned Bucky running after you after silently agreeing with Steve with a single look that he’ll be the one to check on you.

You make it to the toilet just in time to unload, barely registering two hands taking your hair and holding it away from your face.

You finish vomiting and clean your mouth with some toilet paper before throwing it in and flushing it, shuffling your body backwards until your back hits the tub and you close your eyes while resting your head back against it.

You feel your hair falling back down on your shoulders and can make out the sound of the faucet running for a few seconds before you feel a wet towel gently brushing your cheeks and mouth.

You open your eyes and are met with Bucky kneeling in front of you, seemingly examining every inch of your face to try and understand what’s going on.

Before he can ask you for what felt like the thousandth time though, you can't hold yourself back anymore.

"Please don’t leave me." your voice is weak enough already from all the vomiting and the sobs that start coming in certainly don't help.

Tears start to fall like waterfalls but you don't let any of that stop you from going on. "I know I said I didn’t need you, but I do. I need you so much more than you could ever know."

Bucky wraps his arms around you and he's more than relieved when you don't pull away for the first time in weeks.

Instead, you cling to him as you keep pleading with him not to leave you in between broken sobs while he moves you to sit curling on his lap.

Bucky’s heart breaks for you and he wonders if this was how you felt everytime you comforted him, feeling even more in awe of you now that he knows how hard it was to see the person you love like this.

All he wants is to make you feel better and take away all your pain, but he had no idea how.

When you show no signs of calming down after several minutes he decides to try to talk you down, hoping not to make things worse.

"Doll, I need you to calm down." he tries to pull away just enough to look you in the eyes, but you just hug him tighter, almost terrified that he's just gonna get up and leave forever if you let go and you start getting more agitated by the second. 

!Baby, please try to take deep breaths." he's trying really hard not to panic himself now. "I’m not leaving, I promise. I’m staying right here with you, but you need to calm down, please."

Maybe it's because he's basically begging you, maybe it's because of the panic and concern you think you can hear in his voice or maybe it's his grip getting impossibly tight on you that grounds you, but your brain seems to clear just enough to give your body the command and you start trying to take deep breaths.

When you loosen your hold on Bucky he grabs one of your hands and puts it on his chest right over his heart, the steady beating giving you something to concentrate on as you try your best to copy his breathing. 

It takes a few more minutes but you calm down, tears still falling silently down your cheeks while Bucky rubs your back with his metal hand, his other warm hand still over yours on his chest.

"I’m sorry I’m such a mess…" Your voice sounds foreign to your own ears, quiet, full of sadness and desperation.

This isn’t you.

This isn’t the confident, strong woman that kicked ass and defended Bucky even to your own family from day one.

What happened to you?

Unbeknownst to you, Bucky's asking himself the same question.

What happened to the sweet, bright girl that offered him a hug after five seconds of knowing him? The girl that calmed him down from a panic attack and kept him company through the night even after knowing about his past?

The girl that let him hang onto her like a koala and allowed him to let it all out? The girl that was patient with him, understanding and never once judged him, no matter how broken she’d seen him?

He really can't think of anything that could've happened to break you this much, to bring you to basically have a meltdown on a bathroom floor.

But whatever it was he needs to know now, and he's more determined than ever to find out.

"Doll, you’re not a mess. You’re hurting, I can see it. We all can. And I know you’re strong, but everybody needs help once in a while. Whatever’s been happening, you don’t have to go through it alone. Just like you didn’t let me go through anything alone. You were always there for me, you’re always there for everybody." he pauses and you take the moment to spiral further.

This is the only reason why he’s still with you. You were there for him, you cared and comforted him. So he feels the need to stay with you because Bucky’s loyal, no matter what his feelings actually are.

But he’s gonna fall in love one day with someone, and what is that gonna mean for you? He’s gonna leave you to be with the person he actually wants, loyalty or not. Your fall down the rabbit hole is stopped by Bucky’s voice.

"Please let me be there for you. This is killing me, watching you do this to yourself. Please tell me what’s going on, baby, because you’re scaring me so fucking much. Please." he finishes in a whisper.

Before you can even properly process his words, you feel a tear that's not yours fall on your cheek, making your eyes widen and you look up to see Bucky already looking down at you with tears rolling down his cheeks.

Your hand goes up to his face automatically and you feel him lean into it. You sit up straighter on his lap, leaning in to rest your forehead against his and closing your eyes while willing yourself to stop the tears long enough so you can talk.

Bucky doesn't push you, finding comfort in your touch after having missed it for what, in his opinion, is too damn long.

"I’m sorry… I just…" you don't even know how to start to explain it.

Bucky can see you're having a hard time finding the words, so he tries to help by saying "You don’t need to rush it, doll. I don’t want to push you to talk about something you clearly don’t want to... But I’ve just been so worried. You’ve been pushing everyone away, and you don’t sleep and stay at the gym until you almost pass out. You think that I don’t hear you throwing up, but I do. And, even with all your oversized clothes, I can see how much weight you’ve been losing. It’s killing me, baby, I hate to see you like this. I just want to know why." he kisses the side of your head and you're on the verge of tears again.

Trying hard to hold them back, you force yourself to speak. "I heard some people talking about me…" you start, your voice still quiet, and you go on to tell him everything.

The conversation you overheard, the insecurities that it brought to the surface, the issues you had in the past and the struggle you’ve been having the last few weeks.

By the end of it Bucky he doesn't know what to feel. He's enraged, worried sick, sad at how miserable you’ve been. Just to name a few.

But more than anything he's heartbroken at how much you’ve been questioning your relationship with him and his love for you. He's devastated to think that everytime he told you how much he loves you, you doubted him and convinced yourself he was lying.

And the worst part is he has no idea how to change your mind.

Is there anything he can say that you won’t doubt? Anything he can do to show you how much you mean to him? Probably not, but he has to try and make you understand.

Your eyes are still closed, not daring to see the disappointment in Bucky’s face.

"Baby, look at me." he says firmly but gently enough to not make you think he was in any way mad at you.

He waits patiently until you look at him which, after taking a deep breath, you do and only then he continues while taking your face in his hands "There are so many things I want to tell you right now... but I’ll start with I love you, doll. I love you so much it actually hurts. Maybe we got close because you were nice and patient with me, but that’s not why I love you. I love you because you’re kind and smart and strong and dedicated. You can kick ass like no one else and you’re still the sweetest person I’ve ever met. And I’m almost 100, I’ve met a lot of people." he smiles when he finally gets you to giggle, the first real laugh he’s heard from you in weeks.

"You’re compassionate and understanding and loyal and beautiful beyond compare. I fell in love with you because of who you are, not what you look like. But that doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re pretty, I think you’re gorgeous and I love your body. I love everything about you. Every. Single. Thing." he punctuates every word with a kiss to each of your cheeks and then your nose, making you giggle more. "You think I’d ever leave you? I could never even consider being with someone else. God, you were never even supposed to mean this much to me! I was never supposed to fall so hard... But you know what? I did and that’s the truth, and that’s what keeps me holding on because it hurts like hell to let you go."

You're obviously in tears, not being able to look away from Bucky’s eyes even if you wanted because of his hold on your face, not that you're trying that hard to get away.

You have no words to describe the way you feel, not even being sure if you fully believe him. The look on his face, though, makes you want to believe. Makes you want to tell all the voices in your head to fuck off until the only one left is Bucky’s saying all the things he just said, over and over again.

But can you really let go of them that easily?

"You don’t have to carry this by yourself, doll." Bucky can see your internal struggle. "Lean on me. Let me help you make this easier."

There's nothing but sincerity in his eyes, he can't possibly be that good of an actor to be faking it, right?

So you decide to trust him.

You trust him with your life, why can’t you believe that he really loves you? 

You can. You do.

You will...

"Okay…" You’re basically whispering, still a little worried he’s just pretending and is gonna rip the rug from under you any second now. "I love you, so much. And I want to believe you love me… but it may take me a little while to accept that completely. I’m sorry…"

"You don’t need to apologize, baby. It doesn’t matter how much time it takes, I’m here for all of it. I want nothing more than to help you feel better, starting with helping you love yourself as much as I love you." he wipes your tears with his thumbs before he gives you a soft kiss on the lips. "And not worrying what jealous, unimportant, random people think of you. You’re beautiful inside AND out, don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise. Not even this." He taps the side of your head.

You wrap your arms around his neck and hug him tightly, neither one of you needing to say more at the moment. After a few minutes like this, you’re both done crying and you let go just enough to look at each other.

"Can we go to our room?" you ask him and he nods, letting you get off his lap and then getting up with you.

He doesn’t let you get too far from him while you go to the sink to try and make yourself look decent as he follows you so closely you might think you’re glued to each other.

Your eyes meet in the mirror and he smiles at you, wrapping his arms around your waist, he gives you a kiss on the shoulder before resting his head on it.

You successfully wash off all the makeup you put on for the party, your efforts now ruined by all the crying.

"You’re so pretty." Bucky tells you, his eyes never leaving yours and you smile a real smile this time, turning your head to give him a kiss on the cheek that makes him smile even more.

You get out of the bathroom and you tense up seeing everybody still at the party, your breath hitching in your throat as embarrassment crawls up on you.

You can see the team’s worried looks and the last thing you want right now is to go through the last 40 minutes all over again, in front of everybody.

You just want to go to your room and cuddle up with Bucky, but the super soldier had other plans.

"Can I have everybody’s attention?" you look at him with a frown, but he simply smiled at you and keeps going once the whole room is looking at you two. "It’s been brought to my attention that some of you have some misconceptions about our relationship."

You didn’t tell Bucky who you heard the conversation from, only that it was two agents just in case he might think it was someone on the team, and it almost looks like he's scanning every agent’s face to try and figure out who it was, but he continues nonetheless.

"I’d just like to make it clear for everyone that not only I love this woman more than life itself, but I, and everyone who knows her for that matter, think she’s the best, most caring person I’ve ever met. Not to mention the most attractive, in my ever so humble opinion." he wraps his metal arm around your waist and brings you closer as your face gets redder, and you can see the team chuckling and grinning at Bucky’s possessiveness and your flustered form. "And it’s also absolutely none of your business what happens in our relationship. But, since you’re all here I might as well give you something real to gossip about."

To say you're confused is an understatement. You turn back to him when Bucky’s arm disappear from around you just in time to see him reach into his back pocket, pulling out a ring box and getting down on one knee.

You hear gasps around the room, your own being muffled by your hand in front of your mouth as your eyes grow wide.

"Bucky..." It's barely a whisper to begin with, your hand almost not letting it escape at all.

"Baby, I meant every single thing I’ve said today. I love you so much. I’ve been carrying this around for a couple of months, looking for the right time to do this. But when you started pushing me away I thought maybe you were changing your mind about me. I was terrified and decided to wait, but I realize now if I had done this when I first wanted to, the last few weeks probably wouldn’t have happened. I could’ve saved you so much pain... I don’t know if this is the right time, but I do know that I’ve been ready for a while and right now I honestly can’t think of a better way to show you just how much you really mean to me. So…" he opens the box to reveal a rose gold ring with one big diamond at the center and two smaller ones on each side of it, then he takes your free hand on his. "Doll, will you marry me?"

He can feel you trembling, tears forming in your eyes once more as the whole room seems to hold their breath.

"Yes!" you're finally able to get out and Bucky feels like he can breathe again, happiness spreading throughout his whole body.

You basically throw yourself on him and he catches you with ease, getting up on his feet while you wraps your legs around his waist like a koala.

There's a chorus of cheers, the team immediately gathering around you to congratulate you both.

It feels like too little time when you finally detach from Bucky as he gently put you on the ground before slipping the ring on your finger and kissing it, his eyes never leaving yours, silently telling you he belongs to you and only you.

You’re about to lean in for a kiss when two strong arms pick you up making you squeal, Steve’s laughter in your ear as he says something about finally having a sister-in-law and making everybody laugh.

After a good 15 minutes of hugs left and right, Bucky intervenes.

"Okay, okay, can you please not smother my future wife?" your heart skips a beat when he says that and you're sure you're smiling like an idiot as he makes his way through the team to get to you.

"You know, he actually asked me for my blessing. I told you he cares very much about you." Tony whispers to you while he passes, giving you one last squeeze and a wink before everybody gives you and Bucky a moment.

He wraps his arms around your waist and finally kisses you.

When you pull away you both have big, goofy grins, never wanting this moment to end.

There's no separating you, and now everybody knows it.

Requested taglist: @aesthetic0cherryblossom @buchi91 @sapphirebarnes

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes imagine #sebastian stan #marvel fanfiction #bucky x reader #bucky x you #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes x f!reader #avengers x reader #avengers x platonic reader #avengers x platonic!reader

[controlmyfeet]

i still feel everything when you are near - matty healy

matty healy x ex!reader

angst

warnings: exes, alcohol consumption, insecurities, jealousy (kinda?), pining, kissing, crying (lmk if there’s more i need to add!)

a/n: not sure about this. i think the last time i tried to write fanfiction i was 13, so feedback is appreciated but pls be nice lol. also, english is not my first language!

3570 words

it still hurts. 

i didn't think it would hurt as much after 6 months, but seeing him in the flesh makes me realize it does. i thought i was already used to it, thought i was actually doing a good job moving on, if we ignore my slump in the first 3 weeks after the breakup, where i would just leave the house for work and groceries (that i would overbuy because i forgot i'd just cook for myself), i think i was doing pretty okay.

i should've guessed he would be in the city. he can't stay in one place for too long; if he has a few days free in between shows, he's going to look for a studio to work in. usually in london, los angeles, or here. most of the time, he ends up here.

but i never know where he is anymore.

i deleted twitter from my phone after 2 months. maybe because of the questions, perhaps because i didn't care, or maybe i was tired of reading all the tabloids and fearing they were true. maybe i care too much. whatever, right? it just means i haven't seen him in a while, even in pictures.

i'm sitting by the dark wooden bar counter when i first spot him. he's standing with charli and george in the vip section near the dj booth, surrounded by people as always. my friends noticed that he's here too, but they haven't said anything, which i'm grateful for. i'd rather pretend it doesn't affect me.

he looks different, though. his arms are bigger, and his hair is longer; soft curls fall over big brown eyes that crinkle whenever george says something funny. he still has that boyish smile.

lulu and bea went dancing and i said i'd join them in a minute. we go to this club every time we're in the city, but tonight it is more crowded than usual. my secluded spot at the bar being the only place i won't be pushed around. still, i feel bad. it's my best friend's birthday, and we came to new york together to celebrate, but instead, i'm drowning my sorrows with cosmos. 

"you won't even say hi now?" i hear matty's voice from behind me and turn around, startled. he stands tall and confident as always, but his eyes no longer hold the same energy. here, up close, i can see that his eyebags look more prominent, and his stubble has grown slightly. he looks tired. i don't think i look any better.

"hi," i say, looking into his brown orbs, phlegmatic, as if the butterflies in my stomach aren't going batshit crazy right now "i didn't see you, sorry."

he grins cheekily, "it's alright, darling."

i don't really know what to say. he should hate me, honestly. it wouldn't be surprising considering how we left things, with all the yelling, name calling. with all the broken picture frames. it started with another rumor while he was on tour, another leaked picture. he was so dismissive and vague about it that i just couldn't find it in myself to trust him, and he could only complain about how childish all of it was.

i guess he doesn't, though. they have free drinks inside the vip section. i remember it from when we came here together. he doesn't need to come all the way to the bar for a drink.

"it-it's good to see you," i stutter, apprehensive now. fearing that maybe he really does hate me, and just walked over to tell me how much so. i mean, i would hate him, too, if i could. but no matter how hard i try, i can't. and believe me, i've tried.

matty is standing so close that the loud music sounds muffled now, and the warm, dim light of the bar reflecting on his silky skin makes me want to melt into his arms. so i try to keep my eyes focused on my feet.

he seems to notice that i'm struggling as i fidget with my empty glass.

"can i get you another one?" he asks amicably. my eyes shift from my feet to the glass in my hands and back to his eyes.

"sure," i reply shyly.

he asks a bartender polishing wine glasses next to us for another cosmopolitan. behind the man, shelves from the same material as the counter hold a collection of glass bottles of different colors with labels sporting french and italian names. matty sits on the barstool beside mine. "so…what are you doing here in new york? i thought you hated the city this time of the year." 

and it's true, i hate new york during the summer. the concrete buildings seem to make the temperature much higher, and tourists crowd every corner. it feels claustrophobic. the subway also smells extra bad during these months. but i loved being here with him, no matter the season. i loved being anywhere with him.

"well, yeah. but it's lulu's birthday, and she wanted to celebrate it here, so here we are. the three of us." 

"bea is here too?"

"she is, yeah."

him talking about my friends is familiar. many sunday evenings were spent on his couch sharing a bottle of red with my newest candle burning on the side. at the same time, i'd tell him about the most recent gossip in my friend group, and he would listen.

the barman places the new drink before me and takes the empty glass. i thank him and take a sip of the pink liquid. it's sweet and sour, and the vodka calms my nerves a little bit. he's staring at my lips. so i lick them clean.

he shifts, and suddenly, i feel his calloused fingertips brush against my elbow resting comfortably over the counter. much more tender than last time; my skin burns where he touches it.

"how's your writing going?" he asks, looking into my eyes now.

i tell him i'm still at the magazine, it's going alright. not a lot has changed since we broke up. but it's less exciting, more monotonous. i leave that part out. and he asks me about my own stuff, poems and essays hidden in my drafts.

it's just awkward small talk. so awkward. like we're just acquaintances. friends of friends being left alone, being civil to each other.

it's also a conversation we've had before. documents on my computer that weren't fitting enough for the editors or that i just wrote on a whim. he used to tell me to publish them either way, to leave the magazine and find people who actually appreciate my work, or to start my own thing. but it would be useless; they're not good enough.

"well, i don't know, it's been a while since i've written anything out of work." i take another sip, just to calm down a little. "haven't felt very inspired lately." 

oh my god, shut up– i can't say this to my ex. it's embarrassing, pitiful.

"it happens." he takes my hand and brushes his thumb over my knuckles. i still shiver "you're really talented, love. you should be proud of yourself. i am."

even his praise hurts now; i miss hearing it daily. it's a stab in my chest, salt on the wound. so i just bite my lip and nod. afraid that if i say something, a choked sob will come out. 

there's longing in his eyes, and he gets a look like he wants to say more. but his gaze flickers behind me for a moment, and he drops my hand and gives my left shoulder a squeeze, showing me a soft smile. 

"i'll leave you be, then. it was nice seeing you, love."

there's a voice in the back of my head begging me to make him stay, but i know i can't do that, not when i recall why it ended the way it did. still, i want to reach for his hand and pull him back to me, just for a few minutes at least. but someone grips my shoulders.

"there you are!" lulu says excitedly, already a few drinks ahead of me. her dark blonde hair messy and her skin glimmering with sweat from all the dancing. bea follows right behind her. "c'mon, let's do some shots, you need to power up for all the dancing you owe me."

"alright." i force a giggle and down my drink as bea asks the bartender for three tequila shots.

a few minutes and many shots later, the three of us are on the dance floor, swaying wildly to the loud, thumping bass of whatever music the dj's playing. just being around my girls makes me feel less anxious, and the flashing lights, plus all the alcohol already flowing through my body are making my mind a bit hazy, which helps me let loose a little. 

as i move, i can feel the beat of the music inside my chest, sweaty bodies pushing against me without a care. i even forget about matty for a minute. i don't think about how his hands used to feel on me when we danced together, not at all.

we dance for maybe 30 minutes. until lulu finds one of her many ex-flings, and, as they catch up, bea asks me to go to the bathroom with her. taking my hand, she leads me out of the crowded area and towards the door labeled "ladies' room". 

the contrast from the mostly dark club to the bathroom's white walls makes my eyes squint. it's colder in here, quieter. i can hear the stifled bass from the music and high heels clicking against the floor tiles.

as i wait for bea, i brace myself on the sink in front of me and look into the mirror. everything is happening too fast. talking to matty, downing shots, and being dragged to the dance floor immediately. my head is pounding. i didn't have the time to process what is going on tonight. 

my ears are ringing, and it feels like all the alcohol has suddenly lost all its effect. instantly sobering up, i grab a paper towel and dab it on my arms and face to try to get rid of the sweat. turning on the sink, i wet my hands and place them on the back of my neck to cool down and try to help with the dizziness. i hear the toilet flush, and bea comes out of the cubicle, running her hands through her wavy black hair. i reach into my purse and pull out my lipgloss, coating my lips evenly while looking at myself in the mirror.

"i'm going to the back for a bit," i tell bea as she approaches the sink next to me.

"you okay? do you need water?" she asks, concerned

"yea- yes, i just need to breathe a little."

"okay, text me if you need anything." i just nod and leave the bathroom. she knows me, knows i need to be alone.

pushing through crowded bodies, i head to the club's back door, leading to a narrow alleyway where the employees usually store extra liquor bottles. it also doubles as a smoking area, so i shouldn't be surprised when i see him as soon as i open the door. tattooed arms flexing as he lights a cigarette, probably not his first one of the night, and i turn back to try to leave before he sees me.

"leaving so soon?" i turn around again and already feel my cheeks heating up. embarrassed, like a kid caught eating dessert before dinner. "you can stay."

"it's okay, i'll go somewhere else," i wave him off mindlessly. he came here to enjoy his cig on his own, right? he doesn't need his ex-girlfriend plaguing his chill alone time "i don't want to bother you, i just need some air."

"please stay." it's not the first time he says this, but this time i do. 

with pink-tinged cheeks and heels clicking loudly, i slowly walk down the three small steps in front of the door and move to stand across him with my back resting against the club's brick wall. the warm summer air hits my skin, and i can hear the rustle of the traffic. "you could never bother me." i pretend i didn't hear him.

"i thought you were quitting," i motion to the burning cigarette between his fingers. the moonlight illuminated the alleyway, making the smoke around him look like some kind of silver aura. he smiles at me.

"i'm trying," he says, taking a drag and blowing it out by the side of his mouth, and i laugh.

"it sure looks like it," i reply, still smiling. i'm not as nervous as i expected i would be in this situation; maybe the alcohol hasn't worn off as much as i thought.

he shrugs, running a hand through his hair. "well, you know me".

my eyes follow his every movement, long, calloused fingers holding the rolled paper limply and bringing it up to his red, pouty lips. i start to fidget with the end of my skirt, trying to distract myself by looking at how my fingers twist the fabric. busying myself, so i don't remember how those same lips used to feel against my own or on the curve between my neck and shoulder. 

i look up again when i hear matty step on his cigarette– putting it out– and he starts to walk in my direction. my breath hitches. we are face to face now, noses almost touching. closer than we were at the bar. i can see every freckle on his face when he's this close. i can see the chapped corner of his mouth and the grey that's starting to show up on his now tousled hair.

"why did you leave?" he's straight to the point. his voice comes out low, almost a whisper. at our position, there's no need to be louder than that. there's no hatred in his tone; still, he's not smiling. a flash of hurt appears on his face for a moment. "didn't i make you happy?"

"of course you did, matty." i build the courage to look into his eyes, honey pouring out of them. "we've already talked about this."

he lifts his right hand to rest it on the wall beside my head while letting out a scoff. "but i don't get it," his tone is a little bit louder now. he's not aggressive, but he's not whispering anymore. "what happened?"

"it was for the best." i've stopped whispering too. i place my hands on my forehead. as if to avert the impending headache that will follow this conversation. i don't really know what happened either or when it started happening. i feel sweat droplets running down my hairline, not sure if it's from the summer heat, our closeness, or my disquietude. 

"for the best of who?" he questions, lifting an eyebrow, "i don't feel any better!"

"we were fighting all the time, you know this!" there's a lump in my throat, and i can already feel the pressure between my eyes, working hard so the tears don't fall. i lower my voice again. "it was only a matter of time until one of us left, i just left first."

his gaze softens– probably after seeing my flooding waterline– and it's a while before he talks again, as if he's gathering his thoughts. thinking before he speaks for once, "i could never leave you" it's a low, gravely whisper, and i probably wouldn't have heard it if we weren't this close. "i wish you'd stayed." 

it's a blow to my chest. like a gunshot, blood running down my ribcage. and for a second, i don't think i can breathe.

"i wish you'd done a lot of things, matty." my vision is blurry now, and i feel a single tear roll down my right cheek. i wish he would answer my calls when he stayed late at the studio. i wish he would listen to me when i said i felt neglected. i wish he would give me more security when i felt jealous of the girls partying with him and the boys while i was on the other side of the pond. i wish i stayed. when i can't sleep because i suddenly realize that my bed is too cold, too empty. when i wake up, and there are no kisses on my bare shoulder. when i have to climb over my kitchen counter to reach the can of pasta sauce on the top shelf. when i'm so anxious, and there's no one to hold me… "sometimes i wish i stayed too." 

slowly, his hands cup my jaw. long fingers run lightly across my skin and wipe the lonely tear on my face. the hairs on my neck straighten up, and my heart stirs, beating a little faster. he carefully traces his right thumb over my lower lip, giving me time to reject and push him away. and then, his soft lips lock on mine. no warning. i feel his stubble rub against my chin and let out a sigh. there's a flutter on my lower stomach, burning. i should have pushed him away. instead, my fingers trail up his neck, nails brushing against his skin, and finally into his hair as he coaxes his hot tongue into my mouth. he tastes like cigarettes, of course. i can also taste the rum and lime from the mojito he had earlier. one of his hands travels down and he pulls me by the waist, bodies touching fully now. matty groans into my liquored mouth and i preen; it's good to know i still have that effect on him. that i can still make him let out those pretty sounds with just a kiss. it might be selfish, but we both are. because i bet he's proud too, that every touch of his still sends shivers down my spine. i pull out for air first, lungs already starting to burn. my fingers are still buried in his curls as he rests his forehead on mine, both breathing heavily.

"i need you, love," he whispers against my kiss-swollen lips, voice cracking. there's a smudge of lipgloss on the side of his mouth. it was no use reapplying it.

"matty, i can't," my voice comes out weak, just like how i feel.

"why not? you got somebody?" matty frowns, starting to sound a bit agitated.

i shake my head lightly "i don't."

"what is it?"  

"i already told you" it's my turn to cup his face now, scuff prickling against my palms. "we already had this fight before, you get annoyed because i can't trust you, and i start yelling because you don't take me seriously!"

"of course i take you seriously!" he defends, already becoming increasingly exasperated. i just shake my head; there's no use going through this all over again. it hurt enough the first time. however, i still close my eyes, knowing that if i keep looking at him, the chances of me believing him are higher.

"i'm not built for this, matty," for being away from him, for time zones and phone calls, for pretty girls throwing themselves all over him "i'm not strong enough."

"look at me, baby." his hands moved from my waist up to cup my face again, thumb brushing lightly over my cheekbones. "please," i open my eyes.

"do you love me?" he asks. i realize his eyes are glossed over now "because i love you. so fucking much."

it will be easier if i say no, break his heart all at once. give him a reason to give up. it takes me a while, but i nod.

"yeah?" there's a glimmer of hope on his wet iris.

"i do, but-"

"then we'll figure it out" it's not that simple; just figuring it out is not enough. we hurt each other.

"we'll just end up in the same place, matty," i explain firmly. at this point, tears stream both of our faces. his chest heaves, and i try to contain another sob. he turns his face slightly to press his lips to my palm, just for a second. 

"stay with me, please." our noses touch, and i can no longer distinguish his tears from mine. "i'll do better, i swear."

"it's not going to work."

"just for tonight at least, please," it comes out ragged, and he grazes his lips on mine, leaving a gentle but salty peck. "just for a little bit."

this shouldn't be happening. it's a mess, all of it. no matter how hard or how many times we try, even if we start all over again, we'll just end up in the same place. i know how i am and how he is. our love is tainted, a ticking bomb. so no matter how much i love him, how much i want him, i know we'll just go back to those screaming matches and broken pictures.

but if we keep doing this again and again, maybe then we won't have to say goodbye. at least i won't have to spend an entire lifetime missing him. so maybe just one night won't hurt, right? i've done it a million times. staying for just a little bit won't hurt…i think.

okay, just for a little bit.

#matty healy x reader #matty healy angst #the 1975 #matty healy fanfiction #matty healy fic #matty x reader #the 1975 fanfic

[aemmawrites]

I hate that I Love you

wc. 945 tw. toxic amber, cussing pairing- Amber freeman x reader

Ever since you were younger you had a certain way you liked to do things.

You liked to have everything organized and structured. But as you learned life always comes with obstacles. Obstacles, you’ve learned, are inevitable.

Just like the obstacle laying beside you.

Amber freeman.

To say you were a perfectionist was an understatement, you had the same routine you stuck to every morning. Wake up, get ready for school, cheerleading practice, homework, get ready for bed, sleep.

Repeat.

Everything was perfect, and then a disruption in your routine happened. Wakeup, get ready for school, bump into Amber Freeman on the way to cheer practice, regret your life choices, homework, get ready for bed, sleep.

Amber was a character for sure, she was bad for you, and you knew that, even now as you sat in her bed, relaxed with your head in her lap while she watched the stab movies for the third time this week.

One year.

You guys have been together for one whole year. And you’ve never felt worse. Crying yourself to sleep at night when she accused you of cheating, arguing over stupid things such as your skirt being a little too short, silent treatment for weeks until you admitted you were wrong even when you weren’t, somehow making you feel like without her you could do nothing, you would be nothing.

You suppose it was your fault as amber would say, “you knew how I was when you first agreed to date me, so what's the problem now”

flashback

You were late.

Of course, as you realized you were going to have extra laps at practice for being late, you started to speed walk down the hallways, not paying attention, you bumped into one accidentally tripping and bringing them down with you. Frantically you looked up to see who you rushed in to and immediately apologized. “I'm so sorry, I wasn’t paying attention and I-”

“Shut up” was all she said, glaring at you making you look down in embarrassment.

“I don't need an apology, I need you to watch where you're going”, she looked up and paused, analyzing the girl in front of her. You both looked at each other as if waiting for eachothers next move. You made a move to leave and get out of the awkward situation before she stepped in front of you and said “wait.”

And then it all went downhill from their

now

“Are you even paying attention?” Amber whispered as if not to scare you. You looked up at her before responding, “yeah im just tired, also we’ve seen this movie 10 times already, this month,” Amber rolled her eyes, getting ready to rant about how the stab franchise is worth rewatching, you sighed.

You moved your head off her lap and onto the pillow next to her. “I'm going to sleep” is all you could say before Amber started a new argument with you.

Again.

Amber looked over at you  with a frown, “so your tired now, but not when that Olivia girl was talking to you, you seem so energized, but now your tired.”

One moment of peace was all you wanted, you turned to face amber before saying. “Amber, me and Olivia are on the cheer team together, where friends, and friends talk. Also it’s 3am and we have been watching movies for the past 6 hours, I'm tired.” You tried to reason.

Amber quickly responded with “you can either stay up with me and watch movies, or spend the night with Olivia since you seem to like her so much.”

You snapped, this wasn’t that big of a deal based on things Amber has done to you in the past, but it was like everything that had ever made you mad, upset, and sad came to the top. “Amber, my life doesn’t revolve around you and you honestly need to get over yourself!”

Silence.

Amber's eyes widened as if it was crazy that you would talk back to her, so she did what she did best, hurt you. “How can you say that, after all I have done for you, when we first met you were just some weird loner with no friends, I made you who you are, your nothing without me”

“Fuck you Amber, i'm leaving” here you were trying your best and it was never enough for her, you started to get dress as you felt hands wrap around your waist. And just like that happy Amber was back.

Amber smiled at you as if to make the situation better. “I'm sorry, you know how I get, you know I didn’t mean it, please stay,” as much as you wanted to relax into her touch you knew better, so you ignored her and put your shoes on.

“Are you really going to walk home at three in the morning, that's not safe” Amber smiled as she nodded her head to the window, and just now you noticed how dark it was. Weighing your options, you sighed and went to make a move to go outside. She quickly grabbed your wrist before saying “don’t be stupid it’s not safe, stay here, where I can protect you, where I can hold you, you just said you were tired, let's go to sleep.”

Before you could say anything she started pushing you back towards her bed, using her strength to keep you from trying to leave. You tried to leave, you really did but you were tired, it was scary outside, and the way Amber was looking at you right now made your heart melt. So you sighed as she tried to coax you to come back to her bed, you relented, you gave up, and just like that you were back in her arms, back in her bed.

Again.

This was the part in your routine where you regret your life choices.

#scream #scream 6 #scream 5 #tara carpenter #sam carpenter #amber freeman #amber freeman x reader #amber freeman x y/n #amber freeman x you #mindy meeks martin #chad meeks martin #scream x reader #scream x you #scream x yn

[lionlena]

Unforgivable mistake (JoelMillerxreader) Part 2

Summary: Reader is much younger than Joel and is in love with  him. One night, after arguing with Tess and getting drunk, Joel spends  the night with a reader, but in the morning he breaks her heart… She  runs away from Boston hoping that she will never meet this cold bastard  again in her life. But almost six years later, she unexpectedly sees  Joel in Jackson. She decides to hide herself and her little secret from  this asshole.

Warnings: age gap (reader is about 28 years, Joel 58), strong language, swearing, past trauma, memories of sexual abuse, unprotect p in v,  dom!Joel, Joel is asshole, ANGST, hurt, sadness and heartbreaking

Part 2

 When you got home you were one big bundle of nerves. Your whole body was paralyzed with fear. You were in a cold sweat, you had difficulty catching your breath and you couldn't stop your tears. It was as if all the bad moments came back to you in an instant. Every loss, every pain, and fear. You managed to get into the shower and turned on the water, not caring that you were still wearing your clothes. You sat in the corner and cried.

Luckily, Teddy was with Claudia, so you don't had to worry about him.

 (flashback)

Traveling through wilderness, forests and abandoned cities was the disaster you expected. After only 6 months, of the group of ten people who left Boston, only you and Claudia remained. The rest died, either killed by a clicker, or in a trap set by other people, or from disease.

You and your friend were barely holding on either, though the journey had hardened you. But you had one more reason to fight for survival.

At first, you didn't worry about the lack of your period. You put it down to stress, small portions of food, and effort. But then your stomach started more chubby. Added to this was nausea and frequent fatigue, and when, 5 months after leaving Boston, you felt a kick inside you, you were sure.

That bastard left you not only with a shattered heart but a little piece of himself nestled in your womb.

But the strangest thing was that you didn't hate your child. Yes, YOURS. Only yours. You never thought otherwise. Joel's baby? Fuck no.

Your body fought every day for this little one's life. It was your determination that somehow prevented you from having a miscarriage.

You promised yourself that if you made it to the birth, you would give your child the love of the whole world. You will never look at your little one as a "mistake". You knew all too well the pain of being rejected.

Unfortunately, after 6 months, you and Claudia reached the "wall". Winter was approaching, you were exhausted and suddenly found yourself in mortal danger.

You have entered the territory of a people who hated intruders.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you?" snapped the woman who seemed to be the leader of the group.

You got up from your knees, put your hand on your belly, and decided to bet everything on one card.

"We don't want to be a problem. We're just looking for shelter because…" Claudia looked at you worriedly. Only a month earlier you told her about the baby. "I'm pregnant."

The woman looked at you sternly. "And you decided to risk that child's life and go on a journey."

You swallowed and replied. "I got pregnant the day before I left Boston. I couldn't have known."

"And father?"

"He's an asshole who thought a night with me was a mistake."

The woman jumped off her horse, walked over to you, and put her hand on your shoulder. "We'll help you."

Since then, Maria has always had a soft spot for you.

*

Suddenly you shook yourself. You couldn't just sit in the shower and cry. You had to fight for your son. Like you fought for him when he was in your belly.

You changed into dry clothes, prepared a meal for Teddy, and left a message for Claudia.

"I need to talk to Maria urgently. Please stay with Teddy. I'll be back as soon as I can."

*

Joel rubbed his cheek and entered the house. You didn't hurt him, but he was angry with you. What was wrong with you? He remembered how you fawned over him in Boston. You brought him cookies, you smiled at him and you were always close. Of course, the way he treated you in the morning, after the night together wasn't something he was proud of.  But he hoped you'd understand. He was drunk, you were willing.

He decided to just avoid you. Apparently, you were still a child who couldn't control his anger.

*

You found Maria in the cinema hall. You pulled her aside and asked to talk. She immediately noticed your puffy eyes.

"What happened?"

"Throw Joel out of here?"

"What?" She looked at you shocked. "You know, I'm not too fond of him, but Tommy says he's changed."

You grabbed her hand. "People like him don't change. He's an asshole... He's..."

"Y/N, understand me. As long as he doesn't do anything wrong, I can't kick him out."

You bit your lip and decided to grab your last chance. "Please, it's for Teddy's safety."

Maria raised her eyebrows. You were still in the cinema hall and some kids just started laughing.

"Let's go to my office."

You nodded your head and followed her. During your conversation, you didn't notice that Ellie was standing behind the pillar and she heard your whole conversation.

*

Ellie burst into the house shouting, "Joel!"

He came out of the kitchen and asked, "What happened?"

He could see that the girl was nervous, and that automatically alarmed him.

"That bitch, who lives next to us, wants to kick you out."

At first, he wanted to scold her for what she called you, but the second part of the sentence caught his attention too much.

"What are you talking about?"

Ellie repeated your entire conversation to him, and he grew angrier with every word. You crossed the line and he wasn't going to forgive you. And he had no idea who was Teddy you mentioned.

Finally, he put his hands on Ellie's shoulders and said, "Relax. After dinner, I'll go over to her and explain everything. If that doesn't help, I'll talk to Tommy. In Boston, she was in love with me and now she's getting revenge for me staying with Tess."

*

You came home with a heavy heart. You told Maria everything in detail. She stated that she hates Joel, but it's still his past, and she promised Tommy that she wouldn't punish Joel for his past sins.

You were devastated, but you understood her at the same time. When you got home you were greeted by Claudia. She looked at you worried. You didn't have to tell her anything. She spoke first.

"Teddy is already asleep."

You looked at her gratefully and wanted to cry. Sometimes you felt like you didn't deserve a friend like her.

"Thank you."

She nodded and grabbed her jacket. "Drink something strong and try to forget this dick lives next to you."

You sighed and fell onto the couch. "This will be difficult."

"At least try!" she screamed before closing the door behind her.

When a few minutes later you heard a knock, you were sure that Claudia forgot something. You opened the door without hesitation and paled at the sight of Joel's angry face.

"What the fuck are you thinking?!" Joel stepped inside and you stepped back. "I know you were talking to Maria! You must be acting like some little bitch who didn't get enough dick! You went to bed with me knowing I was in a relationship with Tess! What did you expect?! That I'd give you a plastic ring the next day and we will play family?!"

You were so shocked that instead of shoving him out and slamming the door shut, you just stood there and cringed. And suddenly a tiny voice behind you made Joel shut up, and you took a deep breath.

"Mommy?"

You quickly wiped your tears away before turning to him. Your son was standing in only pajamas. He was hugging a teddy bear to his chest. You could see that he was scared. That asshole's screams must have woken him up. You smiled at him and knelt in front of him, completely ignoring Joel's presence.

"Teddy, baby, what happened?"

The little boy sniffled and asked, "Why is this man shouting? Will he hurt you?"

You ran your hand through his brown curls and shook your head.

"This man... He's just talking too loud. I soon finish talking to him and I'll come over to hug you." Teddy didn't look convinced so you added, "And I'll bring you some warm milk with honey."

The toddler nodded and you kissed his cheek and waited for him to leave.

All the while, Joel stood silently, staring at the boy. He looked like a little copy of him, and for a second he wondered if he was his father, but dismissed it. He didn't know what happened to you when you left Boston. Anyone could be the boy's father.

You regained your confidence. You quickly got up and walked over to Joel, pushing him towards the exit.

"Listen to me, asshole," you hissed, but not loud enough, so Teddy can hear you again. "Yes, I talked to Maria because you're not a good person. For God's sake, Joel, you know it. You've done terrible things and you will continue to do them. Look at you. You come in here and yell at me. You call me a bitch and…" You took a deep breath and rubbed your temples. "You don't think you've done anything wrong to me? Hmm? So think about it, would you like someone to treat that young girl, who is under your care, in the same way as you treated me?"

"Don't bring Ellie into this," he growled.

"I won't if you stay away from me and my son."

"Okay," he muttered, and without further delay, he turned and walked away.

As you closed the door, you felt your legs shake, but you couldn't break down. Your son needed you.

*

As soon as he entered the house, Ellie immediately asked him: "Did you show that bitch where she belongs?"

"Don't call her that," he muttered.

The girl seemed clearly surprised. "Why?"

"Because I'm asking you to."

"As you wish," she replied and shrugged. "But what's next?"

He sighed heavily and held the bridge of his nose. "Just avoid her. She won't cause us any trouble if we don't cause her trouble."

"Okay," she moaned dramatically. "You softened, Joel."

He smiled and shook his head. "Possible."

*

Joel's problem was that avoiding you wasn't easy at all. By some coincidence, you two always left the house at the same time, even if you changed your hours. You passed each other in the stable and in the dining room. You always looked away and pursed your lips.

You hated it, but over time you just tried to accept it.

The most important thing was that you somehow managed to keep your sweet son away from that monster.

*

Joel was moody as he entered the stables. He was on patrol with Barbara again and... To put it mildly, he hated her. The woman was about forty years old, a tall, slim blonde with a mouth that wouldn't close. She was gossiping about everyone and worst of all, he noticed that she was trying to hit on him. Every chance she had, she touched his knee, shoulder, side... He always shuddered at it and wanted to growl at her to fuck off.

He was so lost in thought that he didn't notice the running boy, who hit his legs and fell on his bum. Joel immediately noticed tears gathering in his big brown eyes.

"Shit" he muttered under his breath and nervously looked around searching for "mother bear". You weren't anywhere around, so he knelt down beside the boy and offered his hand. He stroked the child's head. "Sorry Teddy, I didn't notice you... You're faster than a horse."

The baby boy looked at him surprised and with his help got up. "Really?"

Joel smiled. He didn't want the boy to cry. He had to comfort him somehow. "Sure! Fast as lightning. You're a fast little pony."

The little boy chuckled, his curls falling over his forehead. "Mommy always says I'll lose my legs if I run that fast."

"Hmm, interesting," he said and began to gently brush sand off the boy's pants. "What else does your mom say?"

Teddy grabbed his shirt. "That I should not talk to you."

"Teddy!" The boy immediately turned to your voice. "I was looking for you."

Your heart started beating faster when you noticed who was kneeling next to your son. You reached out your hand towards the child, wanting to get him away from this asshole as soon as possible. Your son waved to Joel and ran over to you.

You wanted to scold your son, but... He was so sweet and innocent. You couldn't blame him for being curious and open-minded like any child.

Joel slowly stood up and breathed a sigh of relief. He was afraid you'd make a fuss, but apparently, the presence of a child had a calming effect on you.

But throughout the patrol, he couldn't get the image of Teddy out of his head. He didn't listen to Barbara's chatter at all and suddenly asked, "What do you know about Y/N who lives next to me?"

The woman was clearly surprised that after such a long silence, he spoke to her. She furrowed her brow and smiled wickedly. "I think she's too young for you."

Joel winced. He didn't want to play in this game, but he wanted information. "Are you implying I'm old?" he asked resentfully.

The woman was clearly flustered. "No, I don't. That's not what I meant... It's just... Y/N has a mean personality and tends to stay away from men."

"And yet she has a child."

Barbara nodded. "Yeah, but she was already pregnant when she got here. Apparently, the father is someone from Boston."

Joel pretended with all his might that the news was not like a bucket of cold water for him. As if casually he said. "What kind of guy goes on a travel with his pregnant partner?"

"He didn't seem to know about the pregnancy. Y/N said she got pregnant the day before she left Boston, and the kid's father was an asshole."

Joel gripped the reins tighter and swallowed. "Really?" croaked.

Luckily for him, Barbara was so engrossed in talking about you that she didn't notice his nervousness. "I'm sure on 100%. I was on patrol at the time that we found her and that friend of hers. But I don't know if she was telling the truth. Maria was also pissed at her for risking pregnancy, so maybe she said that to calm her down. But I'm telling you, leave her alone, the city is full of better women."

She winked at him, but he no longer looked at her or listened. He was lost in his thoughts and wanted to talk to you as soon as possible. He had to know the truth, and he didn't know whether he'd be relieved or sad if Teddy wasn't his child. And if it turns out that he has a son ... Another child to lose.

*

You had already put your son to bed when you heard a knock on the door. You felt nauseous when you saw Joel. You tried to control your nerves and hissed, "Are you here to scare my baby again?"

"Just tell me, did Teddy is my son?"

You frozen. You felt as if all the oxygen had escaped from your lungs and you were to suffocate. You stared at him and remained silent. You knew the longer it went on, the more you convinced him of paternity. You finally cleared your throat and managed to choke out, "No..." Joel felt a mixture of relief and sadness, but just as he was about to ask another question, you added. "You're not his father. You're just a sperm donor."

He looked at you sadly and tried to find some words: "I…"

You saw how sensitive he was at that moment and decided to hit even harder. "Do you remember, Joel, I was just a hole you filled with cum. No feelings. Let it be. You don't have any feelings for Teddy. He's my son, only mine. To you, he was just a mistake."

Joel never thought that the words he said to you back then would come back to him and hit him with such force. He didn't even know what to say and just waited to see what you would do next.

"Now, to quote you, fuck off before Teddy wakes up."

And then you just closed the door in his face anyway and smiled. You didn't even care if Joel stayed at your door all night like a homeless mongrel.

You've never felt so satisfied in your life.

*

Part 1

Part 3

Taglist:   @ajeff855, @anislabonis-love,  @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi,    @i-workwithpens, @milla-frenchy,  @quality-lust  @liatome  @sarahhxx03 @creedslove @jojo-munson @pascalislove​ @sofiparallel 

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller and you #dom!joel miller #joel is asshole #hurt #sadness #angst #Ellie Williams #joel and ellie #the last of us #tlou fanfiction

[a-kaash-me-outside]

not fair - ch3

in which your boyfriend is perfect in every single way... except for one and kei can't just sit back and watch you suffer... previous | ch3 | next [masterlist]

// "you ruined me too, i guess." ~ ᴛsᴜᴋɪsʜɪᴍᴀ ᴋᴇɪ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ~ 7589 ᴡᴏʀᴅs

a look into this chapter/tw: 18+ minors dni super nfsw!, cheating (seriously, major plot point), a bit heavier angst in this one guys, use of character first names, degradation, choking, face-fucking, dom/sub undertones, face slapping, stop light system, squirting, dirty talk, name calling, coming twice, plot-heavy, cross posted from ao3, afab reader she/her pronouns, this is actually the chapter i stopped at before being commissioned to write the last three parts

send an ask and i’ll add ya to the taglist! ~ ♡ ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢs ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴs ᴍᴇᴀɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ ♡

You hadn’t spoken to Kei in almost 4 months, not at all.

You went from messaging him daily, constantly, seeing him 5-6 times a week, getting coffee with him, having him come over for dinner, hanging out with you and Tadashi to absolutely nothing. You couldn’t help yourself when you were around him, couldn’t stop thinking about him when you weren’t around him, so you had to cut him off. After that night, coming home and crawling into bed with Yamaguchi, his arms wrapping around you, they didn’t feel right. They weren’t as strong as Kei’s. Everything that he did reminded you that he wasn’t Kei. You could feel every mark that Kei had left on your body and you were missing him so much that your heart physically hurt. It had to stop. 

When Yamaguchi asked why you guys weren’t talking anymore, you almost started crying. You told him that you guys had gotten into an awful fight and that you couldn’t talk about it. Though it was technically a lie, it seemed convincing enough. Every time that he would try to ask about it, you would get emotional, tears flooding your eyes and heart feeling heavy. He stopped asking about it after a while, just accepting that you weren’t ready to talk about it. He was kind like that. He was conflicted, not knowing whether or not to drop everything with his best friend. You encouraged him to go see him if Tsukishima wanted to and he did.

Everything about Yamaguchi was kind and sweet and everything that you should have wanted, but not being with Kei for the past few months really showed you how difficult it was for you to be with someone like that. Tadashi would listen to you rant about your favorite TV shows, make you breakfast in the morning, tell you all of the things about you that he loves, but every inexplicably nice thing that he did made you miss Kei’s antics even more. You missed when he would make fun of the plot holes in your garbage TV shows, how he would groan at you and throw things when you tried to ask him to make you breakfast, how special he would make you feel when he would tell you the things he loved about you. You were convinced that it was just your obsessive mind, that something was wrong with you.

Not above everything else, but a large chunk of the reason that you missed him, was how great you were together in bed. Nothing was the same without him. You barely even wanted to try to make yourself come. Even when you succeeded the few times that you did, you felt less satisfied after you finished than you had when you started. It didn’t matter how hard you tried or what you did, nothing compared to how good he was at it and how much he cared. 

You had gotten used to the fact that you would never be satisfied again. You never should have fucked him the first time. You were fine with the situation that was happening, at least you could make yourself come. Ignorance truly is bliss, you guessed. 

Except, there was one night, one fateful night, when you were in bed with Yamaguchi, on all fours as he fucked you from behind, that you actually felt pleasure for the first time in months. 

“How is it, sweetheart?” he asked, his breathing sporadic despite only inserting himself into you a few minutes ago. You tried your best to sound into it for his sake at least. The endearing name that came out of his mouth, once belonging to him, but now, even 4 months void of hearing him say it, it was still Kei’s. You wished you’d never told him the name because now it’s all you can think about. 

He angles down, accidentally grazing your g-spot, something he has never done in your relationship, ever. It’s not as thoughtful as when Kei does it, nor as harsh, but it sends the smallest amount of pleasure into your core as you inhale deeply. It’s been so long since you’ve felt actual pleasure, that it just slips out of your mouth. It’s the first thing that your body thinks of when you feel even the smallest amount of satisfaction.

“Fuck, Kei.” As soon as it leaves your mouth, you’re hoping that the rest of the room is loud enough to cover it. You want to crawl into a hole and never be seen again. Even with Kei out of your life for 4 months, the second that you feel good, he’s all your brain can think about. Tadashi slows and you know how badly you’ve fucked up. 

He stops, still inside of you, as he asks, “What?” You don’t know what to do, what to say, you’re frozen in time. When you don’t reply, he pulls out of you, getting up from off of the bed, repeating himself, but adding your name to try to pull you out of your own head. “(y/n), what?” He doesn’t have to ask what. He doesn’t have to ask you to repeat yourself, he knows exactly what you said. 

All of those years of not being suspicious about you and Kei have come back to haunt him all at once. His voice is stern, now, growing impatient. This is a side of him that you’ve never seen. He’s not even angry, just confused and evidently hurt. “(y/n).” His tone is cold and pained. 

“I-.” You feel so small as you choke out one word. You want to rewind time, not just to before you moaned Kei’s name, but to back before that night that you admitted your deepest secret to Kei, the night that you weren't able to turn back from. Your hesitance and lack of words are speaking absolute volumes to him as he scoffs at you, putting his clothes back on and pacing around the room. You’re sitting on the edge of the bed, putting your underwear and shirt back on, looking down at your feet to avoid his eyes. 

“You what, (y/n), tell me, what?” 

“I’m sorry,” is all you can manage to say, a genuine, whether he thinks so or not, apology. It’s genuine, but what exactly are you apologizing for? Even you don’t know. 

Tadashi takes a deep breath, turning to you and stopping in his tracks. “Did you really say it? Please, (y/n), tell me that I wasn’t hearing right, that you said something else and my ears deceived me, please.” 

You know that if you were to tell him, he would believe you. You wouldn’t even have to explain yourself, he would just understand and he would trust you and you guys would crawl into bed and he would hold you and you would wish it was Kei. 

“You said it, didn’t you?” He sounds so defeated, sighing softly and swallowing, tears in his eyes. “Can you at least just tell me that you were just thinking about him for whatever stupid reason? That it was all in your head? That it wasn’t based off of anything that actually happened?” You wish you could. He waits for you to talk, waits nearly 30 minutes in complete, agonizing silence. The awkward air never settling, just getting worse and worse by the second. 

“You have to say something, (y/n). I deserve to know.” He doesn’t even sound angry. You want him to sound angry. You want him to scream, to throw things, to slam the door as he leaves, but even after you’ve cheated on him, he’s still just a genuinely kind guy who’s just hurt. He refuses to say another word, sitting in silence for another 10 minutes before you start to speak up. 

“I did…” You take a deep breath. “I did say it, by the way.” You admit to the first issue at hand, something that he definitely already knows, so you continue on. “We… Kei and I…” You’re trying to find the right words, but nothing is going to sound right coming out of your mouth. “We slept together.”

Everything is silent. You can’t even hear each other breathing. 

“Why?” he asks, bluntly. He deserves to know, but you can’t bring yourself to tell him the actual reason, but he’s repeating it again, “Why?” He repeats it again, begging to know this time, “(y/n), why, please.” He keeps asking because you’re staying silent. The word why is flying around your head so much, fogging your thoughts that it just slips out of your mouth. 

“Because you couldn’t make me come,” you admit, louder than you should have. You didn’t want to play the victim here, you weren’t the victim. It was the worst excuse that could have been said. You try to backpedal. “I- I just… You couldn’t… make me come and he could. So we slept together, but only twice before I-.”

Yamaguchi is taking in the entire situation that’s unfolding in front of him. He looks hurt and confused and the anger that you’ve been expecting this whole time is still nowhere to be seen. “That’s a shitty excuse,” he interrupts you. 

“I know. I didn’t… I wasn’t trying to excuse myself. I just-.”

“Twice? You slept with him twice?” he asks.

“Yeah, only twic-.”

“ Only twice? Wow, thank you so much for only sleeping with my best friend twice.” He’s getting annoyed at your responses, at himself for sticking around, for being stepped on. You wanted to add that he wasn’t just Yamaguchi’s best friend, he was your best friend too, he was your best friend first, but that didn’t sit well. “What that means, (y/n), is that you did it once and then you did it again because you didn’t feel guilty enough to stop after doing it once.”

You’re quiet again. Nothing that you say is going to fix this. “I’m sorry.” 

“That’s where you were a few months ago, isn’t it?” He put the pieces together, connected the dots. “You weren’t out on a walk, you were cheating on me with Kei.” He doesn’t even wait for confirmation. “Was that the first time?”

“Dashi, no, I-.” You don’t want to tell him, you can’t tell him that you fucked on your bed when he wasn’t home, that you didn’t wash the sheets because it reminded you of that night, that you would get nervous, but excited wondering if Tadashi could see the cum stains on your side of the bed. 

“Where?”

“Here,” you admit as fast as you can. Tadashi scoffs, grabbing his bag and shoving things into it, muttering as he does so. You sit on the bed quietly, watching him race around the room, but not trying to stop him. “You fucked him here, in our home, in our bed, where we sleep . Fucking unbelievable. This whole time, I knew that something was weird between you two, but I never said anything. I trusted you, (y/n), I trusted you.” He shakes his head, grabbing clothes, electronics, his wallet, anything that he can grab, and shoving it into his bag. 

“I can’t fucking believe you. I mean, I thought I couldn’t believe you. I…” He stops himself, taking a deep breath and looking into your eyes. It’s only now that you can see how red they are, tears spilling out of them in heavy drops. Yours are dry. 

“I don’t… I’m sorry.” It’s Tadashi that’s apologizing. You reach out, gently placing your hand on his shoulder and rubbing your thumb into it. 

“Dashi, don’t apologize.” Part of you thinks that this means he’s going to set his bag down and crawl back into bed with you and be the little spoon until you both fall asleep. Another part of you knows it’s already over. 

“I love you,” he says to you, looking into your eyes. You can’t bring yourself to say it back. You stand up, urgently. 

“You should stay here. I’m going to go. I can’t… I can’t be in this house. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything.” Even though he has his bag packed already, even though it sounds like he was ready to talk and to give you a second chance, your chest is feeling tight. You had to get out of that room, out of that house. Hearing him tell you that he loves you made you feel sick. It doesn’t sit right in your stomach at all. 

“If you leave right now and go to Kei’s, I’m done. We’re done.” It’s the most sturdy sentence that Tadashi had ever said, not riddled with fear or sorrys, just stern. 

You don’t even bother to grab a bag like Tadashi did or to say goodbye as you left or to look back at him standing exactly where you left him. You pushed past him and out the door, desperate to get fresh air into your lungs. 

Tadashi knows exactly where you’re headed when he notices that you didn’t even grab the car keys from the counter. He doesn’t know what he expected. 

The air is much colder than you anticipate it being. The large amounts of it that you’re taking into your lungs to negate the feeling of panic in your heart burn as they fill your chest. Not once during your time in the room with Tadashi did you cry. Watching how upset and sad that you had made him didn’t even make your eyes water, but out on the street, taking that familiar walk that you had taken so often, but not recently, the tears started to form and fall from your eyes. 

By the time you make it to his front door, your vision is completely blurred and your lungs hurt so much from heaving that you’re contemplating holding your breath forever. You don’t even know what you’re doing here. You hadn’t called or texted. It was nearly 3 in the morning. You knew that he would be sleeping. You hadn’t talked to him in months. How did you know he would even let you in?

You knock on the door with as much strength as you can muster, 4 light rasps against the wood. You wait for a minute before trying to knock again. When there’s still no answer, you ring the doorbell once. You’re about to give up when you hear the soft click of the unlocking of the door, a tired Kei stands in front of you, his glasses not even on his face as he squints at you. His eyes open wider when he realizes who it is. “(y/n)? What are you doing here?”

It’s cold outside, but you don’t make the move to try to get inside. He hasn’t invited you in yet, and you’ve lost the privilege of slinking past him and taking off your shoes and walking into his room without question when you broke off all contact with him for 4 months. 

“He broke up with me.” You sniffle at the end of your sentence. Saying it out loud makes a sob erupt from your chest. Your legs feel weak as you bring your hands up to your face, crying into them, your entire body shaking. 

Part of you feels bad for bombarding Kei like this, but you didn’t know where else to go and you definitely couldn’t have stayed. If you had to look at Tadashi for one-second longer, you would have told him everything, even the parts that he definitely doesn’t need to hear. You feel your wrist being pulled inside, Kei shutting the door behind you before continuing to pull you into his bedroom. It looked exactly like it did those few months ago, the bed disheveled from Kei leaving from it so quickly to answer the door. You were laying there with him a few months ago, about to kiss him. You wish you would have kissed him. 

Kei pulls you into a hug, wrapping his arms around you so tightly that you can’t move. You feel so secure, so safe. You can’t stop crying, wetting his shoulder from the tears. He rubs your lower back with his palm and your shoulder with his thumb, comforting you. You can feel him hesitate, but ultimately press a kiss into the top of your head. You melt into him. 

“It’s not his fault. I cheated on him. I know this, but I just… I should be sadder, Kei,” you say into his shoulder. 

“You’re sobbing, what do you mean?”

“I’m not sobbing because I broke up with Tadashi.” You’re treading on thin ice here, but your emotions are completely getting the better of you, pushing you forwards. “I’m sobbing because after he broke up with me, my chest felt lighter. After he broke up with me, the only thing I could think about was you and how I wouldn’t have to hide or lie anymore. He gave me a choice, Kei. He told me that if I left and came to your house that he was going to break up with me, that we were through.” You pause. “And look where I’m at now.”

Tsukishima is silent, his arms around you beginning to fall weakly off of your sides. 

“Fuck,” you breath, pulling away from him, sitting on the edge of his bed, and putting your face in your hands. “I was so good at hiding my feelings, Kei, suppressing them so fucking well, and then we spent that night together and- and I couldn’t get you out of my head again.” You grab a fistful of your own hair in frustration. “I mean, fuck.” You pick your head back up, tears slowing, resting your chin in your hands. 

He sits next to you but still doesn’t speak. You continue talking, scared of what will happen when the air settles around the conversation. “I was happy. I was content. I-,” you pause, “I didn’t have to sit and wonder if the guy that I’m in love with cared about me in a way that involved more than just sex.” You’ve said all that you could say. 

It’s quiet. The atmosphere is calmer than it was back at your house. You steady your breathing, not that it matters, because Kei’s next sentence knocks the wind out of you. 

“I wish I would’ve kissed you that night,” he admits to you, his voice low. “I’ve regretted it every day since you left. I thought that maybe, maybe if I would’ve kissed you, you would’ve stayed or- or you would’ve just known.”

“Known?” you ask, innocently. 

He exhales sharply, almost resembling a laugh. “Known that I was fucking in love with you.”

The tears that had started to subside came back with everything they had, your whole body wracked, shoulders heaving as he said those words. Even though he was sitting right next to you, he felt miles away. All you wanted was for him to wrap around you. You wanted to crawl into his lap, to feel his fingertips on your scalp again, to feel him give you any contact at all. 

You’ve thought about that night endlessly, spent hours awake remembering how he looked underneath you. Even after the thoughts of your incredible sex subsided, after they faded into the back of your mind, after you pushed them back there, you couldn’t get the look in his eyes out of your head. You kept watching them, replaying in your head, as they flickered to your lips and lingered, how they didn’t look hungry, but yearning. 

You don’t know how to reply, but you need to speak. You need to tell him something, anything, to remind him why you’re here in the first place, why you chose him overworking it out with Tadashi, anything to get him to move closer to you and hold you. 

Or maybe you don’t need to speak. Maybe you don’t need to say anything to get him to move closer and hold you. He had just done the hard part. He told you that he was in love with you, or, that he was in love with you. Was he still? 

You looked up at him, saw his head hanging like he’d made a mistake, his gaze stuck on the floor while he fiddled with his thumbs. You turn to him, nudging underneath his arm and crawling into his lap, exactly where you wanted to be. You sit in his lap, curled up in a small ball, tears still overflowing from your eyes. 

He doesn’t move for a minute, worry creeping up on you as he doesn’t react to you being in his lap, but then he wraps his arms around you and rests his chin on the top of your head. Your ear is pressed against his chest and you can hear the dull thumping of his heart. You time your breathing with it, your tears slowing as they synchronize. 

You’re aware of how little has been said since he confessed to you. You want to tell him something that will make him feel more at ease for having said it. “I wanted to kiss you too, that night. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.” It’s quiet again, but you know that he hears you. He tightens his grip in response, nuzzling his nose into your neck as he rests his forehead against your cheek. 

Kei turns you slightly so that you’re facing him, legs wrapped around his waist as he holds you up with strong arms behind your back. You’re staring into his eyes again like you were four months ago, but you’re not riddled with conflicting thoughts, you’ve never been more sure of anything in your life. 

Before you even start inching closer to him, Kei’s facial expression changes just slightly. “Can I ask?” He pauses, waiting for you to give confirmation for him to go on. When you do, he continues, “What finally did it? Why did you guys finally break up?”

You had told him that you guys had broken up, had come over his house at 3 in the morning sobbing, had told him that you chose him over Tadashi, but nowhere in your mind did you think that you’d have to tell him why exactly you broke up. You flush red recalling the events. It was somehow more embarrassing recalling them, about to say them aloud, than to actually have gone through them. “I- Well, I mean-,” you stutter over your words causing him to look confused. 

“You don’t have to tell me, for whatever reason, I know that we haven’t ta-,” he starts, but you interrupt him, shaking your head. 

“No, no. I want to tell you, Kei, but you… you can’t laugh.” Your eyes are pleading.

“Tch, well when you say that, you know I can’t promise such things.” You’ve missed his little tongue clicks.

You take a deep breath. “He was fucking me.” You take another deep breath, avidly avoiding Kei’s eyes and evidently piquing his interest. “And he hit that spot.” Your cheeks are burning as you take another breath to steady yourself. “And I said your name.” 

His jaw drops, head tilting to the side as he tries to conceal his cockiness, his disbelief, his bliss. You bury your face into his chest, the warmth of your cheeks worsening by the second. “You said my name while he was fucking you?”

“Kei, you don’t understand,” your voice is muffled by his shirt, “I hadn’t gotten off in so long, hadn’t felt like actual pleasure since that night, and so, and- and he-.” You’re stumbling over your words, but he doesn’t say anything. “He hit it on accident and I just couldn’t help it. It was slipping out of my mouth and I’ve never wanted to hide more.”

He leans back, pulling his chest away from your face as you look up at him. His head is tilted back and he’s laughing at the whole situation. “I told you that I couldn’t promise anything. Wow. He hit it by accident?”

You nod at his question. Nothing about this situation is funny, but seeing Kei laugh makes you start laughing. You want to feel worse about it, but it’s just the two of you in this secluded room and being with Kei for the first time in months, you feel truly happy again. You push him slightly, the corner of your mouth tugging upwards as you bury your face into his chest again. “Don’t be mean to me.”

Kei brings his hand under your chin, lifting your head until your gaze meets his. No matter how hard you try to avert it, he moves you to match it. He rubs small circles into your chin. It sends shivers through every part of your body. “I’m sorry. I’m not being mean. I’m flattered, really.” You melt into him, letting your chin form into his hand before looking at his lips so obviously that if he didn’t get the hint, you’d start crying again. 

He knows, of course, he knows, but he asks anyway. “Can I kiss you?” His voice is soft but audible. 

You nod gently, making sure not to disturb his hand on your chin, “Please.” He brings your face to his, carrying it with his fingertips before meeting it halfway. When his lips first touch yours, the first thing you notice is how different they taste from before. Without the sex driving the kiss, it felt less desperate, less like it needs to happen and more like it is just supposed to happen. Your eyes flutter shut, your body threatening to start shaking if you don’t deepen the kiss. You need more of him. 

You place your hands on the sides of his face, pulling him closer, your face squished against his as much as it could be. This kiss was completely different in every aspect. You were no longer with Tadashi, this wasn’t just a meeting for a hookup. This was your best friend, who ( is? was? ) in love with you. The two words switch back and forth in your mind, asking if he is still in love with you. 

You pull away, much to your own dismay. His lips almost start to pout when you’ve pulled away until he sees how serious you are. You have to ask. You have to know. “Are you…” You pause, rewording the question, “You said that..” You take a breath. “That you were in love with me.” He turns red as he nods. “Is that… like, you were, but aren’t anymore? Or like you were and still are?” 

He blinks at you slowly, the red fading off of his face as a smile replaces his nervousness. He laughs, shaking his head and putting his lips back on yours. “I don’t think I could ever not be.” You not only hear the words but feel them against your lips. Your hands are back on his face, desperate to kiss him so hard that you can’t breathe. 

You roll off of his lap, your hands still on the sides of his face guiding you with him, pulling him on top of you. The kiss is still innocent enough, despite the position you find yourself in. He’s hovering over you, his hips directly above yours. You snake your legs around his waist, pulling him even closer into you. You open your mouth slightly, letting your tongue slip out and swipe against his lip, hoping with everything in you that he lets you in. 

You can tell how surprised he is to feel your tongue, but he lets you enter. Without the smashing of your teeth, the fighting of your tongues, you explore his mouth, running your tongue over his and the back of his teeth. You moan into his mouth as he places a hand on your hip, rolling up against him softly. You can feel him growing hard at the contact. He grunts as he rolls down against you in response. 

You move your mouth from his, kissing down his neck and sucking at the base. You were surprised at how much he reacted to this. All this time, he had abused and riddled your neck with marks and bruises, but he wanted them just as much. You bite into his soft skin, sucking on an area gently, running your tongue over it lightly, using your bottom lip to rub the spot as well. You pull at the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head and throwing it to the side. You run your hands down his chest, down his toned stomach, just feeling his skin as you nibble on his collarbones. Kei is moaning into your ear at the feeling. 

Your hands move down to his boxers, only the thin fabric separating his growing length and your hand. You palm him as you kiss his neck again. His breath stutters in your ear as he thrusts into your hand. You begin to start taking them off when he pulls away suddenly. You look up at him, confused and worried. “Kei?”

“(y/n),” he breathes, “I- I want this so badly. I want you so badly, but you literally just got out of a relationship an hour ago. I don’t want to take advantage of you or have you do something you’ll regret tomorrow.”

You shake your head, your eyebrows furrowed. “Please, Kei, I’ve waited so long to do this right. I know this isn’t ideal. I know what happened. I get it. I know, but… please. I want this,” you say, looking directly into his eyes. “I could never regret spending a night with you. I never have and I never will.” 

He mulls over the situation, thinking carefully before confirming again, “Are you sure?” 

You nod again. “Yes, yes, Kei. I’ve missed you so much in every way possible.”

He caresses your cheek with his hand, rubbing his thumb over your jawline. “Is this just a hookup?” The question stops everything in you. You pull his face back down to yours, kissing everywhere but his mouth as you repeat the word no over and over again. 

“No, god, fuck, Kei, no. No. I want you so badly, but not just because you can make me come so fucking good, but because I want to be that close to you again. I want to feel you inside of me and I want you to hold me after.” You don’t know if the words you’re saying are too sappy, but they’re true and they work. Kei kisses you this time, pressing his lips against you hard, but not rough. 

“How have you survived these past months without me?” he asks. You giggle at the question, but then exhale, almost defeated.

“Barely, honestly,” you admit. “I’ve come twice by myself and they were the worst orgasms I’ve ever had.” 

“We’ll have to fix that, then, yeah, baby?” For some reason, the pet name makes you feel warm. He had called you it before, but it felt different now like he meant it more. The thought of him calling you baby outside of sex just added to the fire. You nod at him, resuming your kiss. As you’re building up the moment again, Kei pulls your shirt off, releasing your tits from your shirt and massaging them as he devours your tongue. 

You roll your hips against him again, feeling him almost completely hard already. You needed to feel his skin. You grabbed the waistband, gently tugging it down as far as you could from your position underneath him. You took his cock into your hand, stroking the rock hard length until you could feel even more blood rushing to it. Everything that you’re doing to him is getting a much bigger reaction than before, but you love it. You pull away from his mouth just long enough to spit into your hand, slicking his cock with the saliva, your fist gliding over it much easier now. 

Kei isn’t speaking, which is unusual, but you’re looking up at his face in the times when your lips are apart and you’re looking at the concentration on his face. It makes your heart flutter. “Pants off,” he says, but it’s not demanding. The short phrase is just desperate . You move your hand from his cock to undo your own pants, sliding them off with your underwear. You wrap your fist back around his cock, but not before dipping your fingers into yourself, moaning softly at the contact. You use how wet you are to lubricate his cock, your fist moving faster now. When he sees you do so, hears how wet you are when you push your fingers inside of you, feels the wetness on his cock, he twitches, pulling your hand away and pinning it down on the bed. 

You look up at him, somewhat confused. He looks almost embarrassed. You pull him into another kiss, wrapping your legs around him, his cock brushing only slightly against your lips as he groans into your ear. He holds your hips in place, pushing you back onto the beg, unwrapping your legs from him. He owes you some sort of explanation, but he wasn’t going to give it to you without keeping you occupied. 

He reaches down, still towering over top of you, bracing himself with one hand. “I haven’t come since the last time we were together,” he explains, avoiding eye contact with you. “You ruined me too, I guess.” The words shake your entire being. You blink at him, eyes open without knowing what to say. 

Your mind is distracted as he rubs two fingers between your lips, curling them around your pussy, pressing into your hole ever so slightly. You want to grab his wrist and shove his fingers inside of you. You think if he did that, you might come on the spot. You missed his fingers so much, missed any part of him being inside you so much. He uses his thumb to rub your swollen clit, the small circles making your heart race. Seeing you underneath him, squirming and wriggling from the small movements, a cocky smile spreads over his face. He missed seeing you like this. 

All at once, he shoves his fingers in, your pussy completely swallowing them up to the knuckle, slamming into your g-spot with such purpose. You clench around his fingers. “Kei, fuck, again, please, just once more, again.” You can’t believe how pathetic you sound right now, asking him to do it once more, knowing it’ll push you over the edge with how little you’ve been pleased lately, with how dissatisfying your sex life had been. 

He listens to you, pulling his fingers nearly all the way out, and then slamming them back into you, pushing as hard as he can to get as deep as he can. His thumb hasn’t stopped messily flicking over your clit as he does so. You’re rolling your hips on his fingers as you come for the first time in months. These little movements shouldn’t have made you come so fast, but you couldn’t help it. His eyes are wide as he notices that you’ve already come. He rides you through your orgasm, pumping his fingers in and out of you quickly. When you’re finishing coming, he doesn’t stop, so fascinated by how quickly you’re getting there. Your pussy feels so sensitive already, but you can feel another wave of pleasure about to wash over you and you welcome it. He curls his fingers up, hitting your spot repeatedly with his long, slender fingers. He’s watching you the whole time, gaze strong as he slams his fingers in and out of you, inserting another finger right before you come. His fingers don’t make you feel nearly as full as his cock, but it’s a start. 

The pleasure from his fingers inside of you and his thumb on your sensitive clit are too much. The pressure building in your lower stomach releases all at once, spraying the bed beneath you as you scream out his name in repetition. He pulls his fingers out of you, using his entire hand to rub against your clit faster than anyone ever has as you finish coming. You’re sweating from how hard your body is clenching, your hands making fists into the sheet as tears blink from your eyes. 

You’re feeling even more sensitive, but Kei puts his fingers back inside of you. “Kei, Kei, I can’t, I can’t come again, fuck.” 

“You remember the rules, yeah?” he asks, making sure that you don’t actually want him to stop. You nod at him excessively, holding his wrist in place and rocking your hips on his fingers when he slows down to check. He smiles at you, continuing to finger you. You can see his arm start to shake. He hadn’t slowed down once since he started hammering his fingers into you and you’re so grateful for it. The continuous, never letting up, pleasure that he’s created makes your orgasm come even quicker than you think it’s going to. 

Just as you’re about to come for the third time, he removes his fingers and slips into you, grunting as he does so. You feel every inch fill you as he pushes into your tight hole, stretching even further for him as he hits the back of your walls. You gasp for air as you feel his complete length inside of you, rubbing against your walls. His hand is gone from your clit, but he’s penetrating you deeply. You come around him, gripping onto his cock like a fucking vice as you cry out. He thrusts into you and pulls out, looking obviously labored from how tight you’re clenching around him. He’s muttering a string of fuck s as he does so. 

“Kei, fuck, thank you, thank you, fuck,” you mutter into his shoulder, running your fingernails down his back, wanting him closer, deeper. 

“You’re so tight, baby, fuck. You’re so tight and you’re all mine,” he says. There’s no mention of Tadashi, no nicknames that remind you of him, only saying things that are just the two of yours. After you’ve come, he slows his hips, fucking into you slowly, but hard, never breaking eye contact with you.

His hand is in your hair, using it to pull you on to him slowly. A small part of you was convinced that the only reason that you and Kei’s sex was so incredible was because it was rough and degrading and hot and though it can be all those things, it doesn’t always have to be. You’re realizing very quickly that you don’t need Kei to fuck you really rough for you to enjoy it, for both of you to revel in it. 

His slow thrusts don’t last very long as his breathing starts getting quicker. His hips pick up speed again, pushing so deeply into you that he can feel every part of your pussy wrapped around him. His thrusts are getting messier, stuttering instead of keeping the perfect rhythm that he normally does. His arm is shaking to hold himself up.

“Fuck, (y/n), fuck, baby, fuck, I’m going to come. Fuck, fuck, will you come with me, baby? Will you come on my cock while I fill you? I need to feel you clenching around me, milking the cum that’s already coming out of my cock, coaxing more and more out until you can taste it, please, baby, fuck.” All of the dirty talk that he held back from during comes out in this moment. His words bring you right to the edge. Feeling his cock ache inside you, looking into his eyes as you nod helplessly letting the orgasm echo through your entire body. You can feel it in every part of you as you squeeze around him, doing exactly what he asked of you. 

He didn’t demand anything of you, only asked nicely, even throwing in a please. Even still, you wanted to do whatever he asked of you, especially if that thing was coming on his cock as he came inside of you. His cock is throbbing, pulsing with every slam into you, with every stream of cum that comes out of his cock as he fucks it into you. Your moans are straggled as you try to speak, to thank him for everything, to just say his name. He’s moaning into your ear, a murmur of dirty words and your name repeated over and over again. It’s mostly gibberish, except a “thank you” that slips out among the rest. You feel flush all over as he sloppily fucks into you for the last time. You feel the cum drip out of you as soon as he pulls out.

Despite how tired you feel, you know that you have to go clean yourself up so that you can actually sleep. You just assumed you would stay the night, but maybe that’s not what he’s expecting. You make your way to the bathroom, waving him off when he tells you to stay and that you can fix it tomorrow. You hear him in the other room, changing his sheets on the bed and getting dressed again. 

When you enter into his room again, having brushed your teeth with the toothbrush he still kept in his medicine cabinet, you see him pulling one of his old volleyball shirts out of his drawer, tossing it to you as you walked in the room. “For tonight. Figured it’d be better to sleep in than what you had on.” You smile, a warmth spreading from your chest to the tips of your fingers and toes. 

“Thank you, Kei,” you put the shirt on, taking in how soft it is and how much it smells like him. 

He climbs into the middle of the bed, keeping the covers thrown to the side for you to get into bed with him. He pats the bed beside him when you seem hesitant. You slowly make your way over, getting into bed. He throws the covers over top of you before turning onto his side, looking at you with sleepy, but happy eyes. 

“What?” you ask, the attention making you blush even harder. He shakes his head, not saying anything, so you ask again, “What?”

“Nothing,” he waves you off, pressing a kiss into the side of your head and flipping you so that your back is flush against his chest, snaking his arms around your waist. 

“Tsukishima Kei,” you flip back around, staring him in the eyes, “What?”

He laughs at how serious you are, moving a piece of hair out of your eyes and kissing your forehead. “I just think you’re pretty, that’s all.” Your eyes widen in surprise as you flip back over, pushing yourself back into him, hiding what a dark crimson your skin had turned. He laughs again at your reaction, his hand resting on your hip and massaging it as he kisses the back of your neck. 

He wraps his legs in yours, pulling you closer to him. You can feel his breath on your ear but you don’t mind. It’s silent for a moment, but despite how tired you are and how dark the room is, you can’t seem to sleep. Your eyelids feel heavy, but there are words that need to be said that haven’t been. “Kei?” you ask quietly, seeing if he’s still up. He hums into your back evidently awake from the response time but getting sleepier by the second. You place your hand on his, squeezing it gently as you turn back around to face him.

His eyes are shut, lashes fluttering softly at your movement before opening the tiniest bit. Your face is so close to his that it’s killing you not to kiss him right now, but you need to say it first. He needs to hear it first. 

“I love you, Kei.”

His eyes open wider now, he inhales slightly sharper than before, but a smile rests on his face. He leans forward, pressing his lips against yours for a moment before pulling away, a pout instantly forming on your face. “Hey,” you voice your concern, but he just raises his eyebrows. 

“Fine, fine, I won’t tell you that I love you too or that I’m so glad that everything happened the way it did despite how messy it was or that I want to fall asleep with you every night,” he says, shrugging, but pressing his lips back into yours again. He’s so good at everything he does. You want to keep kissing him, but more so, you want him to continue to tell you nice things. 

He spends the rest of the time that you’re awake telling you all of the things he’s never told you. You exchange secrets, you laugh, you kiss, you cry a little bit, you kiss some more, you kiss even more. Eventually, the sun peeks out from the horizon casting a bright, but soft pink, glow into Kei’s room. You press your face into his chest, hiding your eyes from the light at first, but then finding so much comfort in the contact, in the heartbeat. It calms you into a sleep. He massages his fingers into your scalp, petting and smoothing your hair.  

This entire time, everything you wanted was right there in front of you, but now you had it. 

“Goodnight, baby,” he says softly into your head, “I love you.”

Your heart beams. 

taglist: @daddyjackfrost @karasunoya @girlwith-kalei-do-scope-eyes @itsmeteiiteii @omiivr @cyueksims @kei-tsuki21 @ks-tsukki @snazzyturtles send an ask and i’ll add ya to the taglist! ~ ♡ ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢs ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴs ᴍᴇᴀɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ ♡

#tsukishima x reader #tsukishima kei x reader #tsukishima smut #tsukishima x reader smut #hq smut #haikyuu smut #hq x reader #haikyuu x reader #tsukishima x female reader #toriwritesshit #not fair!

[mswritingthings]

Big Prompt List

Instead of randomly putting out a few little lists here and there, I'll try to do a big one every 6 months or so. Yes, I did reuse a lot of my older prompts on this one, but the next one will be newer ones.

"It's always nights like this that I feel the loneliest."

"I can't be 'just friends' anymore!"

"This sort of thing was never meant to happen."

"Why don't you love me?"

"I have tried so hard for so long, and I'm just exhausted."

"There has got to be more to marriage than what we have."

"Please, just come back to me. I miss you."

"Don't cry, I hate it when you cry."

"I can't believe you'd do this to me."

"You were supposed to love and cherish me."

"I have nothing to say to you."

"Just come back, we can fix this."

"I feel lost without you."

"This isn't about you anymore. It's my turn."

"What do you want from me?"

"There it is. There's that smile I love so much."

"I've never been happier with anybody else."

"You've shown me what it's like to be loved."

"Let's go do something, just the two of us."

"It's hard not to love you, I know that now."

"Love me or leave me here."

"If you call me baby, I'll always be yours."

"I want to taste her lips cause they taste like you."

"You looked at me like I was someone else."

"You're drunk, go home."

"I never thought I'd fall for you as hard as I did."

"I'll be anything you want. You love me more than you love yourself."

"Relax, there's no reason for you to be so wound up."

"I'd be willing to lose everything to make them happy."

"You're like an angel, my angel."

"We're in love, and I am actually happy for once."

"Please don't ruin this for us."

"We aren't together anymore, but that doesn't mean I stopped loving you."

"Why is it so hard for you to accept that you're loveable?"

"I like the way your eyes crinkle when you smile, it's cute."

"Everything always works out in the end because it's you."

"Wow, you look absolutely breathtaking."

"I don't have to keep changing because they love me for me."

"Come on now, let's have some fun."

"You're going to be the death of me."

"Talk dirty to me."

"You're ridiculous."

"Charming, you know just how to make a girl blush."

"What kind of trouble are you going to get me into?"

"If you're gonna cuff me, you might as well throw the gag in too."

"Oh my god, what is wrong with you?"

"A little flirting never hurt anybody."

"Just get over here and kiss me."

"God, you are so fucking hot sometimes."

"Do you believe in love?"

"I'm going to fight for what I want to be."

"Do you really love me underneath it all?"

"There's not much left of me."

"I want to drag you down with me."

"I love myself, I want you to love me."

"Do you think of me when you're with her?"

"You are a brick tied to me that's dragging me down."

"Don't you remember how you told me you loved me baby?"

"I was supposed to be a doctor before all this started."

"Death wasn't supposed to feel like a mercy."

"The stars look different down here."

"Believe me, I didn't want it to come to this."

"Don't go, it's not safe out there for you."

"Your job isn't to make sure I make it out alive, not anymore."

"I don't want to live forever."

"Where do you go when you feel like there's nowhere to run?"

"And everything you ever said now tears me all apart."

"I've seen the things you put me through and I wish I could die."

"I love it so much it just turns to hate."

"When they get what they want, they never want it again."

"You want it all, but you can't have it."

"After all the lies you told, who will save your soul?"

"Life is perfect, never better."

"Fuck you."

"Isn't it much more fun fucking than fighting?"

I know I said to get laid, but I didn't mean them."

"I hope this lasts forever."

"Don't go, I need you."

"It's ben a long time."

"Sit and drink with me."

"The pain always subsides eventually."

"I got used to this."

"Tell me it'll be okay."

"I can't say sorry anymore."

"Please come back to bed."

"It wasn't worth losing you."

"There's too much at stake for me to let you be so selfish."

"Sometimes I wish that I never met you."

"You're insufferable, but I love you."

"It's a nasty business, that's what they don't tell you about loving someone."

"I have lost everything, but I keep going because I have to."

"There's a whole world of poeple out there who will love you."

"I know I'm now who you wanted to spend the night with, but I am here."

"I give up, being loved isn't worth all this humiliation."

"If you look away from me again, I swear I'll stop."

"You can have me any way you want, just ask nicely."

"You've taken good care of me, now let me take care of you."

"You have got to stop distracting me so much while I'm trying to work."

"Hey, all I'm looking for tonight is a good time."

"There's not a lot a good kiss can't solve."

#prompt list #random prompts #dialogue prompts #smut prompts #angst prompts #hurt comfort prompts #fluff prompts #mine #writing prompts #writing resources #reblog #please do use and reblog #ficblr #assorted prompts

[saucymalum]

Mountain Out Of A Molehill - replaced!mc au

Obey Me brothers x reader (relationships not really defined)

Word Count: 3,200

Summary: When the boys start pulling away and refuse to tell you why it only makes sense to pull away too. But when you decide to leave the Devildom will they be too late to apologize and explain?

Warning: Hella angst (happy ending bc I can't handle the sad endings), misunderstanding/miscommunication, replaced!au, my goal was that the mc wasn't a push over....idk if I succeeded

----------

It hadn't been long since the new exchange student had come in. Only a couple of months. A couple of months of a slow decline of your relationships with the brothers. They slowly started leaving your texts on read, only to be found an hour later in a cafe or bookstore with the new student. Mammon would ask them for help distracting Lucifer. Satan would ask for their help pranking Lucifer. Asmo would ask them for their opinion on his outfit. The ache in your chest was so strong and so heavy. At some point, it was just impossible to deny it. You had been replaced. 

It was honestly a stab to your pride looking at the fondness that poured from Lucifer's eyes when looking at them. Ironic isn't it? The avatar of pride destroying yours.

You understood, really, it's nothing new to say that when you meet someone new it's exciting. The truth is you could hardly fault them. The new student was a fast friend for you too. So you stayed back, you continued to bring Lucifer coffee in the middle of the night and pet Belphies head as he slept. But then the days got later.

6 months had passed since the new student arrived. 6 months of subtly being pushed away until you just felt numb. You'd wake up before Lucifer and leave for school before the brothers had left their rooms. You'd make it home before the brothers and if you ever wanted to leave after that? Well, you'd just have to come to terms with the fact that they weren't hounding you about where you going much anymore. On the rare occasions where one or two brothers would join it was obvious things weren’t the same. The distance was easy to see.

It's not like they were mean, far from it actually. Simply indifference sat behind their eyes. But nothing further. Levi would ask them to be player 2. Beel would share food with them. Not you. No fights over you, no conversations. You sat silently at the dinner table. No one noticed. It was like you were only roommates. That’s what hurt the most. 

You were plagued with thoughts. Haunted with the question of how the new student was so much better, because if the brothers didn’t hate you then that was the only reason. You were no longer special. 

And then the anger surfaced, a wrath that could rival Satan. You wanted to rip the door off its hinges and scream. Desperate for someone to blame. You blamed yourself, you blamed the new human student, you blamed Barbatos for never telling you the utter heartbreak you'd go through just a year after you'd met him. But ultimately you blamed the brothers, each and every one of them. 

You gave everything you had to them, heart, soul, mind, life. And not long later you’re regarded as expired food. No. You’re worse. Beel would still eat expired food. 

It took months to love them and it took months for them to trust you. A "Lowly, weak, insignificant human" they'd call you. Death is always around the corner. And just a couple of months go by for them to fall at the new student's feet. 

It got to be too much, you'd drift between Purgatory Hall and the Demon Lord's Castle. Every week, anything to not have to look at them. Simeon tried, he really did, to give you some semblance of the relationships you lost. Luke was ready to fight 7 of the most powerful demons in the Devildom. 

And thats when you decided to leave. You missed the sun rising and setting, you missed the seasons. You missed them. And two of those you could get back. If you just left the others behind. You talk to Diavolo and Barbatos and then you came up with a plan, leave Purgatory Hall, go to the Hall of Lamentation after the brothers have left, gather your things, and wait for dinner. It was a long waiting game, your heart bursting out of your chest at any unusual sound. 

Everything was packed in suitcases when you walked back down the halls, staring at the crack on the ceiling from that one time Lucifer didnt tie Mammon up right and he fell. You longed to be able to go into Lucifer's room one last time but it was long before you left when he replaced the curse not allowing you in. You walked into Lucifer's office and you just sat, breathing in the lingering scent of ancient books and stale black coffee. You looked all around longing to go back to 8 months ago, but you just wanted to go home. Hours after you packed up you found yourself back in your now empty and lifeless room. You sat in the middle of the naked bed in your bedroom, tears streaming down your cheeks.

Heart tearing into shreds, every scar that had appeared was ripping open. Salty tears overflowing your palms and dripping down your wrists. You stared at your suitcase, sat nicely in the corner waiting to roll out of the place you called home for almost 2 years. You didnt know how long you sat there or when the brothers got home, you had long dried of tears when the knocks came rapping on the old wooden bedroom door. You quickly walk into your bathroom hoping whoever it was wouldn't care enough to search further. 

"Y/N? Lucifer wants to know when youre starting dinner!"

Of course he'd send them. Too busy to ask you his damn self. Not even bothering to ask why you're home again.

They call your name one more time before turning the knob and walking in. One more strained call of your name leaves their mouth before running footsteps sound down the hall. 

They call out to Lucifer saying you left. It's cute, they almost sound panicked.

In hindsight, you probably could have used that panic of the new student as a distraction but you were exhausted. All the tears taking the energy and pulling on your eyelids. You take a moment to try to hide in the bathroom.

You could hear everything, all 7 brothers and the new students' footsteps rushing into your old bedroom.

"Where'd Y/N’s things go?" Mammon asked.

A slap sound echoed against the walls and a yelp. "Obviously, they put them in the suitcase dumbass!" Levi yells. 

Still, after everything the cruel names at Mammon make you want to resort to violence.

"Wait so Y/Ns leaving!?" Asmo almost shrieks.

"Why?" Satan asks 

The bathroom doorknob jiggles and a part of you wants to lock it with a charm but then they'll know youre in here.

Hesitant footsteps walk in and your heart sinks. 

A shakey voice calls out, "Y/N I know you’re in here please come out so we all can talk." Lucifer says.

Lucifer, avatar of pride, shaking at the thought of you leaving? No, impossible, can't be.

But maybe? His breath gets just barely shakier and you step out of hiding. Tear streaks and raw cheeks are on display. You put on a brave face but it was obvious you were hurting.

“What?” You ask, trying to seem unbothered by the intrusion but you just sounded defensive.

“What? Seriously? Do you have nothing to say to us Y/N?” 

You carefully walk around the group and clutch onto your suitcase handle, “Why should I give any of you an explanation when none of you have had a real conversation with me for months? Why should I owe any of you anything?”

"What are ya talkin' bout, Human?" Mammon asks.

You look up into his eyes and you can tell he's not happy about this decision. But they could have stopped this. It's not like you were asking them to only care about you. Or to ignore their lives. You just wanted them to see you.

You wanted Luci to check on you at night when you're studying and bring you a snack. You wanted to have a baking night with Beel where he'd eat all the batter before it even made it to the oven. You wanted Satan to read you to sleep. Or for Mammon to sit on your bed whining that studying sucks and that he shouldn't have to because of his new money-making scheme.

It's not a lot to ask for Asmo to do your makeup and have a weekly spa day like you used to. Or for Belphie to still take comfort in you and sleep on your lap during movie nights. And Levi never needs a player two these days. You wanted them to love you again.

So you’re just left, not even cast out. Just invisible. But now that they see you…you’re mad. 

It took you to almost leave and now they're upset. Almost begging for an answer.

"What am I talking about? None of you have had a genuine conversation with me in months. You all want to be around the new student but did any of you realize that I was being pushed away? Did any of you realize that you stopped caring where I went every night? I tried to talk to you about it but I just got talked over. And at one point, I just gave up. I'm not an exchange student anymore. I came back and I can leave. So I will."

 

You clench your fist around the suitcase handle so hard I might just break it.

Lucifer steps closer to you and the others stood behind him, “You can’t just leave, Y/N. You’re the human ambassador, you have a job here.”

You scoff, “Is that all you care about? How this will look on your reputation, no, on Diavolo's reputation? I should’ve expected that.” 

Lucifer's eyes widen and for a second he looks…scared? But his face quickly goes blank.

“I’ve already made arrangements with Barbatos and Diavolo for me to leave so if you think that argument with somehow persuade me you're wrong. Now, if you’ll excuse me I have to go.” 

“No, you can’t!” 

Your head snaps back and you see Levi pushing passed Lucifer, “You can’t leave!”

You scan his face, trying your hardest to look indifferent but you can feel it slipping. “Why?”

“We didn’t mean do! We thought you didn’t want us smothering you so we backed off. I’m so so sorry.”

There the last of your indifference goes. “What are you talking about?”

"This is my fault." All the brothers turn to face the door and reveal the exchange student. None look nearly surprised enough by this confession.

They twiddled their thumbs and look to the floor. Even though they look so small, them trying to see innocent boiled your blood just a bit.

“What do you mean?” You ask.

"Remember when we had that conversation during our studying session? How you were saying it was getting annoying to have to be guarded all the time and not have alone time?"

You tentatively nod waiting for them to continue. Satan picks at his cuticles and Beel looks oddly nervous.

"Well I told them that, and at the time I didn't know you didn't mean it. Not totally at least and then…" they trail off.

"So we gave you more privacy…and freedom," Belphie says something for the first time

You step back to look at all of them, " So you're telling me that one one-off comment I made amongst all the times I said how much I loved all of you and how you didn't need to change…made you treat me like a ghost?"

"It hurt, I think that's why we never listened…we were hurt," Beel says.

"We were all hurt." your eyes look up into Asmo’s champagne eyes," And we should've asked, especially after all you've done and all we've been through. We're so so sorry." He wraps his arms around you but you remain stiff, unsure what to think.

Asmo releases you and you see Lucifer looking at you again, “We are sorry.”

You never thought you'd see the day Lucifer actually apologized for something.

"But-what about Lucifer's door? I used to be able to get in but it won't let me in. And Levi, you never ask me to play anymore. Beel, you share your food with them, you never do that. Satan you've been asking them for help pranking Lucifer. It doesn't make sense."

Lucifer steps closer to you and you look into his beautiful crimson eyes, they soften when they meet yours. "Mammon," his eyes shift to the demon and glares, "found out that if he brings an item that means enough to you it unlocks my door."

"Like those voice unlock diaries?" You ask without remembering you’re talking to a bunch of demons. They all look at you in confusion.

"I guess I forgot to inform you, love. I've been trying to find another spell that would work but nothing does unless you want to prick a finger every time you want to enter."

You look to the others, hoping they'll explain your other questions. 

"Lucifer wouldn't suspect them, besides you said you didn't want to be involved if itd affect your relationship…and they would," Satan said.

"They've been helping me beat the level we got stuck on. You gave up but I didn't. I'd like to play it with you but it got boring." Levi grumbles.

You look to Beel, "You said I had to get better at sharing. Im trying." He whispers and…you did say that, didn't you? 

“But what about Belphie usually you sleep in my room or on me. You haven’t been? Or Mammon, you’re always distant when you would go out with me, you never hang out with me anymore. And Asmo, you never invite me over for makeovers or spa days like you used to.”

Belphie looks into your eyes sadly, “You haven’t been home for a couple of months, I sleep here a lot.”

“More like every night,” Levi grumbles.

“Mammon?” 

“If ya didn’t want to be smothered I thought you wouldn’t want me around since I’m ya know…always around.”

Asmo wraps his arms around you out of nowhere, startling you a bit but you can’t help but melt into the affection “I didn’t want to ignore you! You’re my beautiful Y/N! But they said you probably wouldn’t wanna do our spa days anymore.” 

You slowly step away, all the new information sinking in and your bones chill a bit. “You all took one comment and used it to isolate me so far to the point my heart is broken and I almost left my home. This was a misunderstanding and I know that but you all should have known better. This will not be easy to fix.”

“We’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you Y/N. “ Satan says and they all, including the exchange student, nod.

You bite your lip nervously and scan all of their eyes. "You should've asked." You hesitate for a second, “But I’ll stay if you won’t do that shit again.”

A chorus of ‘We promise's fill the room and you can feel parts of your heart pull together but it will be a while before it’s whole again.

"Does this mean I don't have ta avoid Y/N anymore?" Mammon asks.

Involuntarily your lips curl up, "No Mammon, you don't."

He lets out a groan and pulls you into his arms, "Finally! I missed ya."

He goes ridged and pulls back, quickly backtracking his words, " I-I mean not like MISSED ya just like I dont like when I can't do my job and I couldn't-"

"Mammon?" You cut him off.

"Yeah?"

"I missed you too." And pull him back into the hug before he could say more.

“Hey! We missed Y/N too!” Asmo whines and pulls me into his arms, inevitably bringing Mammon with me.

All the brothers, including the ever-composed Lucifer, join in for the hug, and for the first time in months there's laughter in the House of Lamentation.

_______

Mammon, Belphie, and Levi have fallen asleep on your bed, Beel was left sitting asleep on the floor after a TV marathon. Lucifer had reluctantly gone back to his office and Satan had gone back to his room with Asmo getting his beauty sleep in his room. You had called Barbatos earlier to tell him you were no longer leaving. 

You sigh as the credits roll once again and look to your bed from the desk chair your sat on. Despite the pleas from the brothers you didn't really wanna be suffocated in a cuddle pile. With no room left on your bed, you turn off the TV and head to the living room.

 Opening the doors you see the other exchange student sitting on one of the couches hunched over and clutching a mug.

Taking in a deep breath you wondered if you were mad at them or just mad at what happened. As you look at them you come to the realization it's both. They didn't have the right to speak for you and pretend for months that they were innocent every day you saw each other at school. When you would tell them the brothers were avoiding you, how much it hurt. It may have started innocently but they took advantage of it. 

With determination in your steps, you approach them and their eyes look up at you. A heavy breath leaves their lips and they almost look pitiful from the guilt in their eyes.

"Y/N… I didn't want to interrupt but I'm so sorry."

You sit in an armchair next to the couch and level with them, "You're sorry?"

They nod and you scan their face for a second, "What exactly are you sorry for?" You ask.

"I'm sorry for telling them, I know it wasn't my place."

"So you aren't sorry for pretending it wasn't your fault that they were avoiding me? You aren't sorry for telling Asmo I didn't want spa days anymore? Or taking advantage of the time they didn't spend with me?" 

They look at you shocked and frozen. They flounder for a while but you don't give them time to find an excuse.

"I don't really care why you did it. If you ever try to separate me from them again they won't take it lightly anymore and neither will I. It would benefit you to remember that they are seven of the most powerful demons and I am not just a human. We aren't friends and I do not value your company anymore. You betrayed my trust and used me. Don't do it again, this is a special opportunity so don't waste it."

You rise from your chair leaving them behind, scared and guilty. You forget about sleeping on the couch, not wanting to be around them after all your anger surfaced the more you spoke. 

As you got back to your room to see four of the boys in your room you decide that a cuddle pile sounds like exactly what you need after these past six months.

Climbing in bed Mammon wraps his arm around your waist, holding himself to your back and you grab Levi's hand. If you make any more contact you worry he may implode. You sigh and relax into the affection you so desperately missed and you can feel more of your heart piece back together.

And if in the morning you see the new student eating breakfast alone and Lucifer smirking you don't question why.

#replaced mc obey me #obey me x reader #obey me fanfic #obey me fandom #obey me angst #obey me #obey me lucifer #om! mammon #obey me mammon #mammon x reader #mammon x mc #leviathan x you #leviathan obey me #leviathan om #asmodeus x mc #asmo obey me #swd asmodeus #obey me asmo x mc #lucifer x mc #lucifer x you #om! satan #satan om #satan obey me #beel obey me #om! beelzebub #beel x mc #obey me belphegor #belphie x mc #replaced!au #replaced!mc

[starlightshadowsworld]

Percy hates the Mars on sight but he's suprised to see he's not the only one.

The Romans straight up ignore him until he starts throwing a tantrum. And Octavian meets his gaze, cooly and says "well you're a bit late for that aren't you soilder?"

"What?"

"The battle" Said Octavian dryly. "You're late. 6 months in fact, but hey you at least showed up this time. So I suppose that's something."

There's laughter around the table and Percy wonders if he misjudged Octavian. "You are to do this quest for me, at once." Demands Mars.

Octavian smirks "I'm afraid I'll have to consult my superior. I am just a lowly Augur of course." He looks over at Reyna, eyes gleaming with mirth.

"What do you say? Praetor Ramirez Arellano of the 1st cohort and co-leader of the 12th Leigion Fulmimata." It doesn't escape anyone that Octavian calls Reyna by her full title with a level of respect he hadn't shown Mars at all.

"Denied." Says Reyna swiftly, a coldness in her eyes but Percy can tell she's fighting a grin. Octavian does grin, much like a Cheshire cat and turns to a seething Mars.

"There you have it, my hands are tied. Oh well come and try again next week."

Mars ignores him, his gaze on Reyna. Reyna meets his look without so much as flinching, she's the picture of relaxed and calm.

"You're orders do not succeed mine, Praetor."

"Why? Who died and made you consul?" Says Reyna, Octavian snorts as Dakota quietly explains the joke to Percy. Percy grins, oh he's going to love this.

"That would be him, Praetor." Remarks Dakota with a grim smile. "Ah, you're right my mistake." Says Reyna, she shakes her head and stands up.

As she does several soilders soo too, drawing their weapons and looking at Mars with cooled rage.

If he makes a move to hurt Reyna, they'd attack without hesitation.

"We will consider your request, if you give us a council with Jupiter."

Percy looked at Dakota, confused. "He's the King and Mars dad" he supplied, helpfully. Dakota looks down, angry "he's also Jason's dad."

Just the mention of his name put a frown on everyone's face, sadness in their eyes ignited with greif. Even Reyna wavered when she hadn't before, and Octavian blinked back tears.

Jason Grace meant everything to them.

Reyna's determination only grew. "I don't know what you've done to him. But I know you're all responsible, Jason was here one moment and gone the next. Our search parties keep going circles, and we know someone up there is interfering."

Reyna looks around and than at Mars and says defiantly. "I want Jason returned, or I will consider this an invitation to war."

Mars laughed.

"You? You dare to think you can face us?"

Reyna smiles, it is not kind. "Krios, younger brother of Kronos and one of the first original titans said the same thing. And Jason Grace, a mere demigod said if we both shall fall, I'll make sure you die first."

Everyone cheers, remembering that moment while Mars goes pale.

"Jason still lives while Krios is down in Tartarus. And you.. You took him from us, you forced us to fight alone in a battle that decimated our numbers."

Octavian puts a hand on her shoulder, noticing her voice tremble with rage. She takes a deep breath, a thankful look to one of her oldest friends.

Before taking a deep breathe.

"If he's not returned, I will fight Jupiter myself for his return."

And Percy didn't even need to look to know every demigod around them agreed with Reyna wholeheartedly.

And the way this was going, Percy would help.

#reyna avila ramirez arellano #octavian pjo #percy jackson #dakota pjo #jason grace #heroes of olympus

[mo49ko]

hi, i recently made a tumblr account and i love your fengqing art so much!! i’ve been wanting to try and finally start drawing more regularly and i was wondering if you had any tips on where to start when drawing characters or people in general? i think most would just say to look up tutorials and videos but even that’s just very vague to me and seems too daunting ಠ_ಠ

welcome to tumblr!! and thank you so much for your kind message 💖🩷

this is just my personal advice, but as someone who never "practices" or studies (i dont even own a pencil or a sketchbook), i don't recommend following tutorials if you are just starting out, because rather than learning how to do things correctly, i think it's important to draw in a way that's fun for you.

i really like to draw people but i don't have any interest in studying anatomy, and it can be daunting for beginners as you say. also, there can be a problem of thinking of what to draw in the first place.

I think that you can find some poses that you like and copy them, and then you will come to understand what feels natural (ex. where does the arm or leg go in a certain pose). Like if i see a cute pose, I just draw my favourite characters in the same pose heehee 🤭

(screenshot of RWRB movie) wow they are so cute!!!!! oops my hand slipped

Another thing is that I like to look at outfits a lot, so if I see an outfit that I like, I will try to draw my favourite character wearing it (for example).

I think those are my general tips to draw mindlessly, so you can naturally become able to draw a variety of people doing a variety of things over time. it's like when we first learn how to draw a character standing with hands in the pockets and we find it so cool, so that's all that we draw for like, the next 6 months. that's a good way to practice it !! 👍

Drawing is very fun for me, and I think that if you want to keep liking to draw, it's important to look at different arts, works, etc. and instead of analyzing the techniques of the artist, you can try to figure out what you like about it. It doesn't have to be renowned painters or anything, as long as you like it.

(tgcf manhua art) our taizi dianxia is very pretty!! he has long eyelashes and red lips, so maybe i want to draw something like that too.

I think you already know it's important to experiment, but I think it doesn't hurt to draw the same thing over and over again too. Literally all I ever draw is fengqing kissing, so if all you want to draw is some characters standing on a white background that's fine too. Even hua cheng made 1000 statues of dianxia until he got good 👍✨

that being said, if someone wants to watch videos, my favourite painting channel is watercolor by shibasaki

he is a painting/drawing instructor and not only is he insanely good, but he looks like he has so much fun drawing that it makes me want to draw every time i watch it. I'm not sure if all his videos are subbed in english but i think most are!!

#moko replies #this became so long but i hope it's helpful!!! #feel free to ask me more if you want 👍 #sparro48

[kitthepurplepotato]

Week 6 Part 1 - Sorry / Welcome to the Shouto-bus! 🚌

Summary: Midoriya works two weeks in a row and Y/N is worried. Y/N meets Midoriya’s friends. The adventure starts NOW!

Warnings: Swear words, a hint of suggestiveness if you squint.

First Part Master List

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Deku did not come home last week. At all.

You are not going to lie, it’s starting to bother you; it’s not really about you missing him, even though you definitely miss him every day but about his own personal health; he might be a hero but he’s also a human being and working almost two weeks without a single day off or at least 8 hours of sleep must take a toll on his body by now, making his missions much more dangerous.

With that said, today is his last shift before his three days off, so you decide to wait for him; you are sure he’s going to come back half dead and you really want to make him look into the mirror to prove your point.

It’s 11PM when he stumbles in through the door, which is quite early for him, but still, not a normal time to come home after leaving at bloody 5AM.

“Midoriya Izuku.” You stand in front of the hero with a serious face; he looks just as bad as you thought he will, his costume is full of holes, his skin is dirty, his hair is a mess and his face is pale and tired.

“Nice to see you too…” he mumbles grumpily, not even looking at you as he makes his way to his room.

“I’m worried!” You yell so he can hear it through the door, your heart beating out of your chest from anxiety. Your words are being ignored once again, the shower laughing at you mockingly as Midoriya turns it on and tunes you out completely.

“That was really rude, Midoriya.” You yell again and run into your room, slamming your door with a loud bang; you are really thankful for not sharing a wall with a neighbor.

You give up on your plans completely as you wrap yourself in your sheets like a burrito, ready to ignore the whole word while your heart breaks into thousand small pieces.

You just wanted him to know you care. You just wanted to hug him and tell him to take care of himself.

Loving a hero really fucking sucks.

~•🥦•~

Needless to say, you are way too winded up to actually sleep. It feels like you’ve been tossing and turning for an eternity but it probably wasn’t even that long; 30 minutes, maximum of 45, at least that’s what your phone says when you look at it. You are supposed to go camping tomorrow and you were so excited about it until now, but by the look of it, it would be better for you to cancel; these people deserve to rest and the last thing they need is the awkwardness that comes with you and Midoriya being in the same space after a fight, if you can even call it that; being ignored is probably worse than being yelled at, in your opinion. Yes, you are just a stupidly lucky fangirl living with her favorite hero but you definitely did not deserve the silent treatment.

“Are you up?” Midoriya whispers through the closed door, his voice full of guilt.

“No.” You answer begrudgingly, way too hurt to be reasonable. No one can blame you really, you’ve been spoiled to death for a month, then got shat on, out of the blue.

“Y/N, I’m sorry… please let me in.” He begs, his broken voice making you feel terrible about your behavior. You sigh and let your anger fade away; there is no reason for you to act this way. It’s stupid and childish, and definitely not something the hero needs when he comes home after being away for two weeks.

“Okay.” You mumble, your voice barely audible, but it’s just enough for Midoriya to barge in through the door and kneel in front of your bed to bow.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry, that was absolutely uncalled for, I was just so excited to see you but then you looked at me like I’m a piece of shit and… You were scary! I didn’t mean to sound so rude but I was so disappointed in that moment! I can’t sleep knowing I hurt you, please…” Midoriya mumbles, his head constantly banging the floor as he bows over and over.

“Hey, stop, you’ll hurt yourself.” You move your arms out to stop his head, and apparently that’s all you had to do for Midoriya to actually stop; he moves his head under your palm, waiting to be pet like a fucking dog starving for attention. When you ruffle his messy, wet curls, a tiny sniff leaves his mouth; in only a few seconds he’s up from the floor and up on your bed, his head hidden in the crook of your neck; personal space be damned, pro hero Deku is in your bed, basically on the top of you. This is how you die. This is way too much for your little heart. He smells amazing and his skin is still damp from the shower and it’s just too much and too soon and…

“Let’s not ever do that again, okay?” He mumbles into your neck, his breath hot against your skin and you can’t help the tiny whimper leaving your mouth.

“It’s okay, Midoriya, let’s sleep okay? We need to wake up early tomorrow.” You try your best to sound coherent and not like your ovaries are on fire under the greenette’s weight, probably failing miserably at it, but knowing how oblivious Midoriya is to your ‘more-than-friendly’ affections, you probably managed to get away with it for now. You kinda start to understand why is Katsuki so done with his shenanigans; this guy might be the best hero in Japan but he is absolutely unaware of everything around him when it comes to his personal life. You are quite sure there is a neon sign on your forehead right now saying “I’m in love with your stupid ass” yet he is blissfully ignoring it.

“Can I sleep here tonight?”

… no.

Nope.

He did not say that. He definitely did not say that. He’s not THAT oblivious, is he?! He can’t think it’s acceptable for two roommates to share bed without a proper reason.

“Yeah, we can swap rooms if you can’t fall asleep in yours.” You answer as Midoriya plops down on the other side of the bed, laughing.

“You are so silly.” He fucking GIGGLES and makes himself comfortable; one arm on your belly, one leg over your knees.

Am I a fucking joke to you, dear writer? Do you want me to die an early death?!

Also, what is this nonsense?! This is unrealistic, excuse me?!

“I missed you, Sweet Pea. So much.” Midoriya mumbles, his head back in the usual place, buried in your hair and giving you a heart attack.

Why.

Why is this happening and how are you supposed to say no when he sighs and melts into your side like he belongs there?! How are you supposed to tell him this is way past the friend-zone?! How are you supposed to tell him to go back to his room when he pulls you close, and OH MY GOD HE JUST KISSED YOUR NECK. Like proper kissed it, open mouthed and wet and so fucking good?! His lips were so soft and he did it with so much affection, it made your whole body tingle in a really not friendly way?!

… get your shit together, woman.

“I’m sorry, that was an accident.” He moves away, letting you breathe for a few moments.

HOW DO YOU KISS SOMEONE’S NECK BY ACCIDENT?! HOW?!

“How?!” You say out loud; you are quite sure your face is about to explode so thank god there is barely any light in the room right now.

“Well, it just felt l-like the r-right thing to do?” He stutters while he hides his face with his arms.

“So it wasn’t an accident then.” You mumble, out of your mind.

“I’m… going back to room.” Izuku skedaddles out of the bed and stumbles to the door; he opens it and makes his way back to his room but not before he rambles “Good Night, I love you.”

Good night…

I LOVE YOU?!

“Oh my god, I did not mean to say that out loud, oh my god this is so awkward.” The door closes but the mumbles continues. “Oh my god, why am I like this, why can’t I just shut up, goodamnit Midoriya Izuku, get your shit together, what are you doing?!”

Another door opens and closes and the mumble dies down; you lay on your bed, dead inside, trying your best to make sense of the last few minutes, but you can’t come up with an acceptable explanation other than Midoriya has to be quirked.

Oh well. You will ask about his day tomorrow.

Now, you just need to take breath… then another….

“I love you too, you fucking weirdo!” You yell from the top of your lungs while laughing like a maniac; this is the stupidest fanfiction you’ve ever read. This is just ridiculous.

Fuck’s sake, you really need to sleep.

~•🥦•~

Helpless, oblivious fuck: Guys…

Kacchan: Don’t.

Helpless, oblivious fuck: I kissed her neck, told her I love her and then I ran away.

Shitty hair: I’m out of words.

Kacchan: Did she say anything?

Helpless, oblivious fuck: she called me out on it then she laughed. Oh, and she said she loves me too while laughing her cute little ass off.

Shitty hair: … conclusion?

Helpless, oblivious fuck: I messed up and she hates me now.

Kacchan changed Midoriya’s name to “Lost Cause.”

Kacchan blocked “Lost Cause”.

~•🥦•~

Shouto’s “mini” bus… is huge.

You are not sure why are they even calling it a mini bus; it has 18 fucking seats, goddamnit!

The fact that the hero randomly decided to get a special driving license for buses just to be able to drive his friends around for camping is absolutely adorable though. It’s the last thing you would’ve thought Todoroki Shouto would do. This revelation would probably break the fucking internet.

The bus is metallic black with dark burgundy details, and while it is indeed just a mini bus it looks shockingly expensive. When Shouto opens the door, a bunch of eyes stare back at you from the inside; Uravity, Froppy, Cellophane, Mina and Jirou are ganged up at the back, Ingenium and Creati are sitting at the front, next to the drivers seat, Bakugou and Kirishima are in their own world, sitting next to each other around the middle of the bus, Kaminari doesn’t look like he decided where to actually sit yet as he is standing awkwardly between the two gangs, looking at them both. Shinsou is also here, trying his best to blend into the furniture, hoping no one will notice his existence. When Kaminari’s looks at him he averts his eyes and puts his massive headphones on to make his intention to stay alone obvious. What a heartbreaking moment for poor Kaminari-kun.

When you two get on, the group attacks you right away; everyone is yelling over each other to introduce themselves, all hyped up in these early hours of the morning. Midoriya smiles next to you, even though the awkwardness from yesterday is still obviously there and he’s just about to make his way to the front-gang when you grab his hands aggressively; awkward or not, you are way too overwhelmed to stay alone with all these new people. There is a surprised expression on his face but he doesn’t try to go away anymore; he snuggles close, hand squeezing yours and your anxiety flies out of the small, open window, letting you enjoy the moment again.

After the introductions, Shouto clears his throat, making the whole gang go silent. This really is a school trip. There is a weird rumble coming from one of the empty seats, which makes you feel a bit weird, but you decide not to comment on it for now; it’s probably just the wind.

“Now that everyone is here, let’s go through the attendance list!” Shouto stands in the middle of the bus; yes, the bus is tall enough for these massive heroes to stand in; and goes through everyone’s names one by one. When he gets to the end of the name list, Kirishima moans about not being able to bring his friend, Suneater, but Katsuki tells him he wouldn’t have come anyway. Savage.

“Let’s all sit down now, we will have enough time in the woods to get to know our new addition to the family!” Iida chimes in.

“Let’s not overwhelm her on the first day, okay?” Momo adds with a tiny smile pointed at you; you already like her. A lot.

The gang sits down, Kaminari ends up with the back-gang, Midoriya and you sit at the front with the “teachers”; Momo starts a light conversation about work, telling funny stories from her last mission while Midoriya dozes off on your shoulder, still tired from the two weeks of work. No one comments on the closeness of the two of you, but you know it’s only the matter of time; someone will certainly point it out after a few pints of beer. After an hour, Shinsou sneaks closer, probably sensing the comfortable vibe around the group and adds his own little mission-story about a guy with fifteen noses all over his body. You can’t help but giggle, shaking the poor green man out of his slumber.

“Sorry.” You mumble while you play with his hair to soothe him. He doesn’t say anything coherent just grumbles and snuggles closer, melting into your touch. A fond smile appears on your face as the hero’s tiny snores fill the air around you; Momo looks at you questioningly but she tries her best not to ask the question sitting on the tip of her tongue; you are thankful, but at the same time you feel bad for them so you decide to speak up about it. Jirou also sneaks over to your group, overwhelmed by Mina’s loudness and sits down on the other side of you then pops her head on your other shoulder in a silent support.

“You know… I was a massive fan of him when I moved in.” You admit. “Kyouka didn’t tell me who am I moving in with and I was in a pickle so I went along with it; I trust Jirou with my life, she’s been my friend for ages. I had a life-sized cardboard cutout of him tucked under my armpit when I met him for the first time.” You giggle awkwardly, making Shinsou giggle as well; apparently he’s a sucker for awkward stories. “I still feel bad sometimes, you know… I feel like I don’t deserve his trust, I’m terrified to make a mistake but he’s relentless. I wanted to keep a distance, but I clearly failed.” A self-deprecating giggle leaves your mouth.

“But you don’t see him as pro hero Deku anymore.” Momo speaks up, looking straight into your eyes. “There are no fangirl-sparkles in your eyes, Y/N, what I see is fondness. And I’ve never seen Midoriya looking at someone like that before. Whatever this is, it’s a good thing. And I’m happy it’s you. You are sweet, funny and cute and fit into our little group perfectly.” Momo’s knowing smile make you feel jiggly all over; you can sense the misunderstanding in the air.

“Momo, w-we are not…” you are just about to mumble out a bunch of nonsense but Jirou stops you.

“Y/N I love you and I understand this is all new to you but if you say there’s nothing brewing between you two I will throw you out of the window.”

“He’s literally sitting right here!” You whisper aggressively but your words are met with nothing but a smirk.

“OI, Zuku!” Jirou yells, making the half-asleep greenette pop his head up from your shoulders. “I have a guy I want Y/N to meet, is that okay? He said Y/N is really cute and wants to go on a date with her.”

Midoriya visibly tenses next to you, his hands snaking around your waist protectively as he stares at Jirou with pale face and dark eyes. He pulls you closer with one swift move, still staring at Jirou with murderously.

“I do not own Y/N, why are you asking me?” Midoriya retorts, but his body is literally shaking from the pent up stress.

Jirou looks at Momo and says “I told you so.” and changes the topic to something else; Midoriya doesn’t dare to snooze anymore, he listens intently to every single word with his arms around your waist. You have no idea what just happened, to be honest.

“You wanna go… on that date?” Izuku whispers into your ears, making you shiver.

“I’m not a fan of blind dates, so no.” You answer honestly. “I’m not looking for a relationship. I’m happy with what we’ve got. I’m happy now and I don’t need anything else.” You smile at him and you can’t miss the way he looks down at your lips and back up to your eyes then to your lips again as the whole world stops spinning for you two.

“Oh my god, you two are insufferable.” Katsuki chimes in and sits down at the front, Uravity right in his toes.

“I feel like I really came at the wrong time.” Uraraka scratches the back of her head awkwardly as she plops down next to the explosive blonde.

“It’s always the wrong time with them.” Katsuki grumbles, looking at you two with resentment.

“Kacchan!” Midoriya hides his face in your neck in embarrassment and you are not even phased by his actions anymore; it’s so funny to think about how flustered you were in the first few weeks yet here you are now, barely even bothered by Midoriya’s snuggles.

“We are here!” Shouto stops the bus; Uraraka moans about her not being able to join the gossip but she makes her way out of the bus, albeit reluctantly.

Let’s do this! - you hype yourself up as you step out into the forest, surrounded by nothing but green grass and massive trees with your favorite hero by your side.

Next Part!

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Potato ramble:

- Wow, Deku really went for it, didn’t he?! I’m just as surprised as you are, to be honest. I don’t think he realized how suggestive that was and don’t forget that he was extremely sleep-deprived, so his walls were down completely, just enjoying to be able to be around you after not seeing you for so long.

- Btw week 6 will have at least 5 parts, I’m sorry. You’ll really enjoy them though, there is so much happening in the next few chapters! You two definitely get even closer to each other on this trip… Khm.

- Daily shopaholic potato update: this is the last update as I feel like this is getting out of hand on my side 😂 so instead of telling you about all the funkos I bought this week I will tell you a funny story instead. So I’ve been on a shopping spree to get some elegant stuff for an engagement party so I went into TK MAXX. (if you don’t know the store, it’s full of fancy (branded) but cheap clothing, mostly shopped by older people. Everyone thinks I’m weird for loving it, but I certainly do lol) I just passed by the children’s section and… I found this. How did this end up in TK MAXX? Don’t ask me.

Taglist: @porusuniverse @stickygumchewer @sixxze @mily-moo @momothemasocist @aymasakusa @sky179ler @kastuari @kenzie-deadly @shiviwrites07 @lukerycyja-reblogs @cloroxisadelectabletreat

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

#midoriya x y/n #bnha x reader #mha x reader #midoriya izuku x reader #midoriya x reader #pro hero Deku #izuku x y/n #izuku x reader #midoriya izuku x you #deku x you #Deku x reader

[writingmeraki]

cho guesung as a dad hcs !

pairing : cho guesung x gn!reader (gender isn't specified)

genre : fluff !!

warnings : mentions of pregnancy, periods and labour. maybe some cusses.

author's note : sorry anon who waited almost years for this 💀 but hope you like it ! i don't know if I'm satisfied with this but hey it's my first attempt at something like this so i hope i did alright hehe <3 (not fully proofread)

word count : 1.2k

‌Okay so obviously we all know Guesung would be an amazing father especially from his little interactions with his nephews AND the fact that he also wants to definitely have kids in the future as he said in that one interview :(

‌I just feel like he'd be the type to not accept the fact that his partner is actually pregnant because he'd be too fucking excited lol

‌"...babe i think I'm pregnant."

‌"..what."

‌Seeing the somewhat blank look on his face you feared maybe he wasn't ready to have a child just yet even though he was excited but the self-doubt was very much still there, especially from the lack of his reply.

‌"Look I missed my period recently and just to make sure I'm not just jumping to conclusions I did do 6 pregnancy tests and they all came positive, I don't know-"

‌As you were getting more emotional he would literally run up to you and hug you so tight, slightly lifting you off the ground as he span you around and thanked you over and over again as he gushed about how this was the best news you'd ever given him.

‌You would giggle as he let you go and held your face, gently placing butterfly kisses as he murmured words of gratitude and love to you

He already loved you so much but he was sure he'd never ever spend another lifetime with anyone other than you now and you were also grateful to have someone like him as your partner because every sort of self-doubt was dismissed the moment you saw his genuine happiness and love once he promised you to be the best father to your child and how he'd take care of the both of you

‌And this man was truly one to fulfil his promises as throughout your pregnancy he'd make sure you were properly looked after and took good care of yourself as well as your baby whom Guesung seemed even more excited to meet than you at this point

‌And when you went into labour he had wished he was able to take away your pain and this man absolutely shed tears at the sight of you in pain, he couldn't bare it at all even though he'd seen potentially worse, it was too much but he knew it was all worth it when he saw your newborn baby.

‌When he held your baby in his arms, he thinks everything was worth it and was ready to give up the entire universe and everything then and there for your child.

‌You were barely allowed to move in the first few days after your labour, Guesung had read up, especially on all of the things a husband could do in order to help his partner out. There was no way he was going to risk you hurting yourself after all that you’d gone through, much preferring to take things easy at the start.

‌Guesung had already prepared all the things needed for a newborn. The Nursery? He and the boys literally planned that for months and you couldn't help but tear up once you saw how beautifully they had done it. Clothes and other necessities? Let's just say Guesung was a very ecstatic father and had literally bought any type of baby clothes that existed.

‌To say the least, he was the most prepared father to exist at least he believed himself to be.

‌but when your baby spoke its first words, the waterworks made their way faster than ever and even more so when the words were along the lines of 'dada'

‌Man you'd give anything in the world to witness that look of pure joy on his face again but lucky for you, that same joy always stayed whenever your child was around.

‌You both were very delighted when your baby finally learnt how to walk and you actually had to tell Guesung it was still too early to teach your child football and you couldn't help the small giggle that left your mouth once you saw his pout and tiny mock glare directed towards you.

‌I think I accidentally have two kids huh You chuckled as you realised how some of the antics of your child were basically like your husband's

‌It was like just a mini version of him, with the little moles around the face as well the full cheeks which bunched up whenever a full smile was formed.

‌When you both slept with the baby, Guesung slips his arm over your body to catch his baby's little one too, avoiding your baby to fall from your bed at night. His long fingers rest softly on the tiny little back and his lips are against your nape.

‌He also bathes the child. You thought it was his paternal instinct to want to take care of the little angel, but the truth is that he has even a better time than the baby, making foam beards and playing with water toys.

‌Once your child was old enough, Guesung got the kid a football as well as a tiny jersey outfit that resembled his and in the same way of fate, your child also seemed to be fond of the sport as well.

‌Both Guesung and his teammates loved to play with your little champ, who was very much talented in the sports, and Guesung would love to let your kid play and score against him to which he'd get the opportunity to ruffle his little one's head and chuckle at the excitement shown by his baby.

‌Whenever you'd go out to eat, he'd make sure his angel ate well even feeding food from his own plate at which you'd sometimes have to shake your head and remind him that your baby had his own share of food but in the end, Guesung's habit never changed to the point where you'd put your own portion of food onto his so he could eat properly as well too.

‌He makes time from his busy schedule to assist with anything his baby does: scholar plays, dance exhibitions, football games (of course )... it doesn't matter, but you both want to be there, cheering for your baby !!!

‌Reads tales to your little one, even when a fly seems more interesting gets and keeps smiling towards Guesung's hands whenever he turns the page.

‌They both complot against you to go play arcade games and eating loads and loads of cotton candy after practices or after school.

‌He would try his best to help in academics if he can but he knows you're much better at that and just gently listens to you explain to your kid and smiles at your concentrated face.

‌He will spoil your kid to the absolute T and I mean that but he also knows he should teach your child lessons about not being a spoilt brat so he'll always play little games or give rewards once a small task is done or when your baby is in not that good of a mood.

‌Due to him being so tall, he loves to carry the kid on his shoulders and the kid absolutely loves to be that tall just like the dad and to be hugged like that.

‌He just wants his baby to grow up to be a smart, independent and strong individual. But on the other hand, he wishes that his little one would always remain little so he could forever take care of his baby.

all written works as well as images and edits (unless credited) belong to pri. do not plagiarise, repost, re-edit or claim as yours. pics mostly found on pinterest.

writingmeraki Ⓒ 2022

links : main navigation !

#cho guesung #cho gue sung #cho guesung imagines #cho gue sung fanfic #cho gue sung x reader #cho guesung ff #cho guesung fluff #cho guesung headcanons #headcanons #headcannons #dad headcanons #south korea nt #[ pri works ]