#so i started over now it's coming out ok :)

[oatbugs]

pls i need to provide updates

#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year #and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire #and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f #friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl #acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what #are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and #friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me! #LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after #everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to #invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me #i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother #and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids #so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo #any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️ #but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd #and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk #THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date #w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a #few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay #scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK #like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl #like is that even doable #but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much #.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us #god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x #but it would be soooo funny #I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed #popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x #i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like #its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe

[gunstellations]

in dangerous waters

#chiluc #diluc #childe #my art #listen...believe me....i started this the day dilucs skin was revealed....its been weeks.....i was genuinely so discouraged because #i finished blocking this in and #my idea was ok diluc new skin looks kinda fatui-ey so im gonna draw him infiltrating a fatui esque place and childe shows up but #boy i wish i had a more shneznayan outfit for him and a ref for a place like that bur oh well huh #so i finish sketching it and am halfway thru coloring the damn thing when #they release the harbinger pv #and im kicking myself its what i was wanting the whole time but now id have to redo him all over and id given up on the bg already #i knew i hated the bastard for good reason nothing good comes from him #fuck you childe #(slighlty affectionate??) im warming up to him i think #anyways. enjoy #my genshin doesnt seem to do well here on tumblr weirdly #also funny story i dont even go out of my way to ship chluc until i started rendering this and i was like??👀 hol up they mifht be onto sth

[oakfern]

why does consuming content destroy me. i am so bad at this. why can't i just read books and play video games like a normal person

#e #i'm sorry for this but i never make posts with essays in the tags so bear with me for once #every time i find a new Thing it eats me alive until i can forget about it #after i finished earthbound i cried for 2 days straight. u think i am exaggerating but i am not... it was scary. i could not stop bawling #when i read the locked tomb series i was literally emotionally destroyed for a whole ass month #while i had the books out from the library i just kept reading them. and rereading them. and rereading them #and i read really fast so i probably read each book like 5 times at least. and the emotional parts i read over dozens of times #anyway this time my Thing is lore olympus. i read all of lore olympus in two days and now i don't know what to do with myself #(ok to be fair i was caught up in like 2021 but it's been a while so i had to start from the beginning again) #side note: i can't wait for alecto to come out so i can be completely destroyed for the rest of my life

[feline-evil]

Dick or no dick confirmation Pickles was always going to be trans to me anyways; if he's swingin' somethin that's phallo babes, if he's not then his t-dick fat. What's not to get.

#metalocalypse #jay talkin #I'm sorry they wrote that awful gross little man far too likeable and relatable to on a trans level #for me not to hoot and holler and cheer for the trans pickles agenda #changes nothing about his character arc or any of the show anyone is capable of being the kind of person he is #don't make the mistake of thinking thats exclusive to cis men #his transness wouldnt change that #only adds on an extra layer to him that i think works fantastically. #Listen that dude was rejected by his family driven to drink and drugs young to escape that ran away to be in a band #is called fucking Pickles of all things and refuses to tell anyone his real last name; #over the span of four seasons and two movies he slowly starts to learn to be for others what he never had #he becomes more caring more supportive #it's not a stretch to say he undoes some of the toxic masculinity he's been keeping himself shielded behind #and learns how to be a kinder man. #all of which have no contradictions with him being trans! #In fact it doesn't take much extra thought to find ways a lot of this can line up with some trans masculine experiences #i mean. Did no one else have a younger phase where they swung as far as they could into crass rude and uncaring ways #to try and assert their masculinity only to grow and realise that you can be a man and be more caring. #Did no one else have father issues. 1 800 come on now i know those are both shared experiences a lot of us have had LOL. #at the end of the day this show aired nearly 20 years ago and is finished. we're not getting more of it #so nothing is altered nor changed if pickles is canonically trans or not ok. its fine #i mean hell i dont even need canon confirmation hes trans to me and thats all i care abt #but i think if yr getting suuuuuper weird abt needing him not to be canonically trans you have some issues #and bio essentialist ideals of gender if you think only a cis man can act like he does #again. anyone can be like that. its not exclusive. him being trans would not change him in any way shape or form lol #AND ALSO GODDDUUUGH for once i love getting to see a guy pushing 50 whos depicted as trans #do you have any idea how dire and barren it is out here. we never get to see a trans guy older than 30 and whos not a pristine model #I WANT MORE OLD SHLUBBY SHITHEAD TRANS GUYS IN MEDIA

[casualhedonists]

DATING IS SO HARD WTF

#vent to follow in the tags lmao #like. what???? #people!!! chill the fuck out!! #i had some dude unmatch with me bc i didn’t respond to him YESTERDAY #and like it’s not that big of a deal we’d only just matched but like?? patience is a fucking virtue?? and i have a life? #he was all like come back :((( then two minutes later he was like ok sorry for bothering you bye and then LEFT #like. fine if you do that but the message?? what?? #anyway it came at a bad time bc. a bitch is already in crisis rn #cause i kinda feel like my irl friends hate me for some reason and i already feel bad that i’ve been so busy i’ve not been able to #talk to them that much #and i was supposed to go on a trip with my friend but that’s been postponed (not her fault or mine) #and my car still won’t start. we tried to jump it today and it didn’t do anything #anyway i’m like rapid cycling through major emotions and it’s like mimi chill the fuck out #and listening to way too much phoebe bridgers i know the end #also i’m in crisis bc i’ve made up with like. my oldest friend who used to have a crush on me and when i told him i preferred girls he like #stopped talking to me for a while #that was years ago and now we’re slowly becoming friends again but i feel so much guilt over it for no reason #and i get into avoidant episodes as a coping mechanism and like. i feel like im going into one atp #okay okay vent over im okay lmaoo #sorry folks hope your days going better than mine <3 #｡･:*˚:✧｡ mimi speaks!

[salsflore]

everyday i wake up and have to start a new boss challenge called dealing with my mother

#not a single speck of consideration for whether or not i'm busy or tired or sleeping #she doesn't even TRY. the text is too small? ok i'll make it bigger. but wait now she's lazy to read. doesn't even want to try to understan #we had this whole thing yesterday where she was raising her voice at me bc she didn't get that #basically free shipping if products r over $500. our Total (incl. delivery) was $488 and she wanted to add on but i told her no... delivery #is $70. and she wasnt getting me so she was raising her voice like holy shittt not everything has to result in you yelling!!!! #you wake me up when i'm sleeping just to help you. you disturb me when i'm studying omggg girl please.... #i remember her [ why does it say– what transaction? i didn't make any transaction ] the text was literally- #[ no current transaction history ] smth like that like MOTHER???????????? and i think she's been telling my sister i'm complaining abt it #should i die. 1 like i'll do it #power outage started so i'm going to stay in my room and nap until lunch fml #but i have to go out and help my mom with an app thing first bc ofc #she admits shes just not bothered to READ. when it comes to emails or ordering food or anything like ohvm mymgodog #and shes so short tempered fuckkk ?!? #AH. EDIT BC I REMEMBERED. when she got an email today.. her application was rejected #for smth smth. anyways it told her she could login to the website using her birth info. (e.g 1870....) and she was like #u typed something wrong bc why does it say 1870... LIKE MOTHER ITS AN EXAMPELREFKWKSABHAHHHHH #THE EXAMPLE DIDNT EVEN HAVE HER NAME?!?£ #💭 #cw rant #negative

[perenlop]

i get the frustration with so many villains now getting treatment like “oh they had a sucky childhood so actually you need to feel bad for them and not hold them accountable for their actions” but the counter of “this person was born evil and cant ever grow and its pathetic to assume that they can, also people cant be redeemed no matter what and this is fantastic writing actually” is so exhausting. 

#like... no one is born grinning maliciously with a knife out the womb. no one starts out that way #and anything thats ever tried to portray a character that way at birth has only ever been ironically funny #idk its annoying when people are like ''actually its more interesting that the character doesnt have a motive for killing people'' #like. coming off of bullet train rn but even ''this character otherwise has a perfect life but they accidentally killed and now theyre #fascinated with all the ways people can die'' is more interesting than ''idk thats just how they are *shrugs*'' #like yes someone can have the perfect upbringing and social life and still turn out to be sadistic but you can still work with that #as opposed to ''they were born evil thats just how they were always gonna be SORRY'' #like. idk go into that ''perfect social life and family''. what did that family value? what were the friends like? #what did that person experience outside of those things? what did they consume? #did their social standing actually breed some sort of entitlement to them? do they perhaps freak out if something doesnt go their way? #are they insecure deep down? does that drive them to it? are they a perfectionist? do they assume peoples feelings? #i remember reading this wc fancomic that explained why a character was evil and like her mom died #and the attention from her mothers death made her obsessed with being fawned over so she started medical abuse #and letting her patients die so that people would fawn over her the same way every time #and the op was like ''HEY before you yell at me shes NOT evil bc her mom died ok she was gonna turn out evil no matter what'' #like... no no go into the emotional vulnerability implied there. go into the morbid introduction to slow death at a young age #go into the potential desensitization go into that. youre already willing to make her multifauceted and with positive traits #why are you afraid of implying shes even SOMEWHAT sympathetic and just want to say she was gonna do that regardless #and i fault the atmosphere around this stuff most of all like we should never have implied that giving a villain a reason to be evil #was stupid woobifying bullshit that was out of touch with reality #echoed voice

[immamapletreekid]

instead of grinding for finals i lost hours to a one piece wiki spiral

#IT ALL STARTED...WITH CP9S INDEPENDENT REPORT #in the most predictable fashion. ive yet again fallen for the “dangerous murder bot villains are actually a found family and genuinely care #for one another“ #PLSSS THE WAY THEY ALL WORKED SO HARD TO EARN THE MONEY TO TREAT LUCCI #thinking so hard about how they are one collecfive unit. they move together they work travel live thrive together #giggled so hard at kaku giraffe slide #SOEAKING OF WHICH I JUST LEARNED KAKU IS THE YOUNGEST OUT OF CP9 #HE WAS 18 WHEN THEY PLANTED HIM AND THE OTHERS IN WATER 7 #im not ok im ripping my pillow to shreds punchjng the wall screaming shaking good GOD DJFJ #KALIFAS DAD WAS IN THE PREV GEN OF CP9????? SO SHES RRALLY BEEN THERE THROUGH IT ALL #thinking about lucci and jabra and blueno trio... #yes i originally was devastated to discover my favourite shipwrifjts were actually undercover government assassins but like #the found family.....maybe not found family but FORGED FAMILY THEY MADE IT WORK #i still think it's so silly that. kaku is the youngest but hes second ij terms od power and he speaks like an old man #in my ideal world cp9 brutally murders spandam and they live their best lives after doijg whatever #attention span for stats and cs??? nonexistent #but yea sure i can spend 2 hours memorizing the key detaisl from the wiki entries of all cp9 agents and making a chart and timeline #maybe this is a sign...that i need to fix this before it causes bigger issues #rambling about stuff #wait omg no last thought is how when all the cp9 members reunite after 5 years and firsg thing they do is immediately check their doriki #and jabras upset by how both lucci ajd kakus are higher than his now but then u think about how hes the oldest in their group #heck five years ago when they were sent off to water 7 those two were 23 and FUCKIJG 18 YEARS OLD #OF COURSE HES UPSET THESE TWO FUCKING KIDS ARE STRONGEE THAN HIM #who holds seniority over them. im actually devastated and extremely entertained #the last time u see the youngest of your group hes some 18 year old kid you could best in a spar. maybe even leave some words of wisdom for #then he goes and leanrs how to build ships for 5 years and comes back stronger than u #they are a family to me... HE COULD HAVE ABANDONED TJEM?!?! THEM ALL HAD THE CHOICE OF LEAVING THE OTHERS BEHIND TO SAVE THEMSELVES #BUT THEY DIDNT. HE STILL GAVE KALIFA HIS SHIRT AND CARRIED KAKU ON HIS BACK ALL THE WAY TO ST POPLAR #biting my hands hitting the wall scratchijg the floors screaming shakijg not normal about these guys #THE WAY JABRA HAS A PET CHICKEN TO COUJTER HATTORI

[fazcinatingblog]

Wait since when does James wear a glove

#James aish #beautiful boy #Carlton were mean to you Jimmy #i want to say he's copying Nat but no it was an elbow sleeve that Nat wore #nat drives James' car and finds a glove in the glove compartment and thinks he's having an affair with Travis Cloke #'jim when did you join Collingwood?' #'oh ah would've been around 2016' *nat does the maths* 'so you knew Travis cloke!' #'um yeah Nat everyone knows Travis Cloke he's---' 'a well respected member of the gay community?????' #nat starts fuming and worries he's losing his boyfriend to Travis cloke #'what does that big oaf have that i don't????' nat fumes #james comes home and there's several horses and donkeys in the kitchen #'nat??? did you leave the back door open again?' James calls out warily looking at the animals in his kitchen #nat comes running in to the kitchen 'oh i forgot to stir the soup' and #'babe there's donkeys in here' James says slowly and Nat flashes a grin 'yeah aren't they great we're having pumpkin soup your favourite' #'i haven't had pumpkin soup since Brisbane days when i was depressed eating cup a soups-- wait did you find my pocket profile from 2014???' #nat blushes and quickly throws a tea towels over his scrapbook of James Aish mementos #James starts leading the donkeys out of the kitchen and Nat's like 'wait Jim i thought you were into this thing' #'no definitely not' James retorts and takes the animals outside #he comes back and Nat's like 'babe i can't pack mark between three opponents any more I'm sorry' #James blinking confusedly 'i don't want you to do that you might get hurt' #'but...' nat says frowning 'what is it about Travis that you're into I've been racking my brain all day---' #'Travis?????' James said 'you mean coyler that tea drinking weasel who---' #Nat quickly pushes his cup of jasmine tea across the bench #'no babe i love you and your tea drinking i didn't mean it's just that Colyer-- he microwaves his tea' #'oh okay' Nat said 'yeah totally ok now back to Travis Cloke' #'Travis Cloke?????' james cries 'i haven't thought about him since i found that guernsey in your wardrobe signed by David---' #'i grew up a tigs fan Jim' #'oh phew i thought you were cheating on me with David' #'is that why you tried to grow a moustache that week?'

[ambreiiigns]

ok i watched the first 4 episodes of jjk s2 i think i've had enough for today. i think that's enough for today i don't think we're watching more. honestly

#i wanted to maybe even FINISH s2 TODAY bc carlotta comes over in a bit and when she leaves in a week or so i have to #start studying again so i wanted to get jjk out of the way by then #but. i think we're fine. actually #oh nay #i cried! i cried a little bit i did. ok #i'm gonna be like those harry potter girlies who are obsessed w the parents and their Era that's what this is looking like. good lird #you have. no idea. #i saw. nanami as a teen. goodbye . #IRRELEVANT! fucking extremely evil of them to make shoko's haircut be the same as nobara. like ok i get it. GOD i get IT GOD #THE PARALLELS. I'M SEEING THEM. DO YOU THINK GOJO HAD A BREAKDOWN INTERNALLY THE FIRST TIME HE SAW YUJI MEGUMI AND NOBARA TOGETHER #CAUSE I DID!!!!! I WOULD!!!!! #and i am making this official. i will forgive geto for everything he's ever done and ever will do after seeing this #i wasn't even mad at him but now i'll EXCUSE AND DEFEND HIM TOO. HE'S RIGHT I DON'T CARE

[oatbugs]

i feel like i have rly strict boundaries w ppl eating my food but i feel like i shouldn't but i like . recovered from an ED and i hate having my food messed w / having less food than i thought but i feel like i shouldn't care/just get over it

#like imagine u rly care for smn but their house is kind of far so whenever u go there u stay for a few days #but they have nothing in their pantry to actually make a meal w except like. eggs and bread or smth #and they dont cook for u . but u cook for them all the time when they come over #and you are aware that due to this issue of like . never having food at their house they are often hungry #note : the food thing is less financial strain and more energy/they dont have the willpower to like. buy stuff to cook w ig ? but they also #dont order takeout so they just eat like. bread. and peanut butter. and eggs. #but anyway so ur like ok im gonna bring my own food this time so u do. they know abt ur ed thing. and u tell them youre hungry when #ur at their place so you brought this food for yourself. u are aware eggs and bread cut it for them and they feel full #but u are low on energy a lot bc ur not actually having a nutritionally balanced meal etc etc. anyway so as soon as u get ur food out they #start eating...ur food. and ur like . ok 😃 . like they dont rly ask they just grab a fork and they start eating #and ur like its fine theyre hungry they can have it . but u brought enough food for like a few days and now u have enough for like #1.5 days maybe. so u tell them..i feel like i miscommunicated but the food was...for me...sorry...but u feel HORRIBLE and guilty abt it #and then theyre like ok . and then they keep having ur food #and ur like #ok #:D anyway u made an extra bowl of the food and froze it for urself for when u get back home #bc u suspect u wouldnt have energy to cook . but u end up inviting them and they come along. and on the way #ur like i understand u were hungry but i made the food for myself so next time ig i can make 2 ppls worth of food so i wont have to like #worry abt skipping meals n stuff so much when im over at ur place . and theyre like. ok #and then u get homr. and then #they ask for that last bowl of the same food that u made for uself . and ur like 🫠 okkkk #obviously u give it to them but its like . oh my goddd pls just let me eat my own food i am HUNGRY TOO #and i made it for myself !!!! #but i dont want to be selfish and i rly rly dont want anyone to be hungry bc ik what it feels like and i hate HATE seeing ppl i love be #hungry but it feels like over this week theyve crossed this boundary like 3 times but its like #what if i fuck stuff up by telling them. theyre literally at ur place too w lots of ingredients u could have just made smth for them but #they chose that specific meal u made for urself for after u got back which is the same meal u made like 4 bowls of for when u were at their #place and its like . AUGHHSHDHDH

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#just turning over the idea of executive functioning issues in my head part by part. impulse control. im extremely tightly controlled. im the #best at control. the only times im impulsive is when someone asks me something and my brain doesn't work well in the moment so i tend to b #like fuck it: says something that might fuck me over later bc im like whatever itll prob b fine lol. but mostly not an issue. emotional #control. i dont lash out at ppl except myself i guess. ill sometimes have freak out meltdowns bc i get so frustrated with myself plus mood #weirdness. so not great. flexible thinking. im pretty rigid. if plans randomly change theres like a 1 in 3 chance ill freak out and start #crying and it takes me a long time to adjust to the idea that i have to chsnge something. and things tend to have to b a certain way #not for any reason in particular. thats just how it has to b. i have to eat the same foods. operate at the same times. do thr same things. #thats just how it is. and i find it difficult in social situations to adapt to the flow of convention bc its like but we're talking abt thi #now but something just interrupted and we aren't going abck to that thing. i dont make it other ppls problem but its uncomfortable for me. #working memory. my memory is pretty fucked. self monitoring. im good at that. too good. im pathologically self reflective. planning & #prioritizing. i can plan but i cant prioritize for shit. i will spiral for hours doing nothing bc i can't decide what comes 1st. #task initation. im good at torturing myself into getting things done but i anxiously avoid a lot of things but once i start its like: im in #this mode now. no i cant fucking stop i need this to b done. i need to sit here and finish it otherwise i wont come back to it. i cant do #moderation its all or nothing. all school and nothing outside of that. cant send mail. cant clean sink. i see it and kno i need to do it an #then i just walk away from the disaster area. organization. is ok. it looks a disaster but i only exist in like 3 places so i dont lose #things often but i dont remember where i put things once i put them down i have to deduce where i would have put it. does that paint the #picture of executive functioning issues or rigid and restrictive compulsive behavior paired with self destructive impulses leading to #absolute mental exhaustion which is y things arent getting done? could b either or both. idk my ability to do things 95% of the way and wal #away leaving a mess that ill never come back to strikes me more as the former but what do i #still its worth considering bc i do have an amazing to control myself in a way that's completely out of my control. maybr my start/stop #switch is just fucked idk. slow down and reorient says my counselor u never stop to rest. shes right but also im a grad student stopping #would mean death u gotta keep swimming and doing more than u should. thats how it is #but im so tired and i only get more and more tired. so somethings gotta give eventually #unrelated #i forgot focus. my focus is good sometimes and sometimes my brain is moving too fast and i cant focus at all. its static #but focus is not a thing i cna control

[titansarmy]

and if i say canon adjacent, ivy inspired jasonxnico fic. i can’t stop you putting roots in my dreamland.

#I WISH TO KNOW THE FATAL FLAW THAT MAKES LONG TO BE MAGINIFICENTLY CURSED is SOOOOO jason coded tbh #anyways. look away if you're immediately put away by the infidelity trope bc i will brush over it #i'm thinking. jason is dead and nico one day just NEEDS to talk/see jason for whatever reason #and he goes to the underworld looking for him and he finds him #and he doesn't propose taking him out because jason wouldn't want that #but they talk #and then nico leaves and then he comes back and then it becomes like a thing #and they start getting closer and closer and the line between the living and the dead is already so blurred for nico but now with jason in #the mix they're basically invisible #and jason is also in a position where he's like?? nico is NOT spending his days with the LIVING because of ME! but then he doesn't want him #to go. eternally sscrficial jason grace letting himself be selfish for once but being in constant struggle because of this #and nico is also like. i want him back i can take him back but i won't do that i respects choices. #and anyways along all of this they're slowly falling in love/realising there was something there that went unaddressed #and there's this lingering sadness surrounding it because if they had just had time maybe maybe MAYBE they would have realised #OHHH its angsty #and i said it borders the infidelity trope because will is just there. 🕴 #and technically nico is happy with will. he's ok. but he can't stop jason putting roots in his dreamland. #and because if i would write this (i won't) i would make jasonico as maybe at least crossing into emotional affair territory :) #idk what the conclusion would be? who you think is more insane? would jason accept going back or would nico need to force himself to let go? #bc by not doing so he's also keeping jason from rebirth and/or moving on. which not fair either. #tbh i think the main arc should be jason wanting to live. HE goes to hades to APPEAL for his release. nico is just the support. also a bit #of nepotism i guess take hades' son to appeal to hades :) #THERE'S SO MANY TYPOS HERE OMFG and nothing makes sense #let me get my thoughts straight and i'll type it nicely jesus fucking christ

[strawberrybabydog]

it's nice to see you back babydog!! slow blink. i hope you're managing alright these days -angelkitty

slow blinking at u

this morning my biocat made me follow him into the living room, sat away from my mom's christmas tree but was staring at it & then me. i was so confused what he wanted, but the only thing i could think to do was turn the lights on & as soon as i did he trotted behind the tree and started playing with me

he woke me up. to ask me to turn on the lights on the tree. he is so cute and smart i cant believe he did this LOL. i just thought u might want to know this :0]

#b4 u wake me up to make me follow YOU into the living room ...... iam also turning on the lights for u #asks #angelkitty #heavy stuff next >> just wanted the main post 2 be light hearted cuz i dont wanna focus it a lot :0] #truthfully i am the worst ive ever been #i relive my trauma worse and worse every day. been over a month now #for the first time in my life i have been able to come out of psychosis #but when im in it im also starting to accept my persecutory delusions as a positive truth instead of a very scary one #my brain downloaded some new mental illnesses about it so thats cool #yeah basically. i am doing terrible. i am not hanging on in more honesty #but eehee funny internet doggy is ok. truth but do not worry #because of this a lot of good things are happening to me too its just very rare that i can enjoy those moments #but i still have moments i guess

[pepprs]

the renovation starts tmrrw (LOL) and i woke up from a dream abt it crying. awesome

#today is our last day having a deck and i genuinely feel sick to my stomach over it. ik it’s just a piece of wood and it’s falling apart but #omg like… o ur house is about to not be our house anymore. like the deck is where me and my siblings played w our best friends it’s where i #paced back and forth to get fresh air so many times ater losing my shit during lockdown and it’s literally about to be gone…. forever? ok!!! #and then the kitchen is going to go and im going to lose it genuinely. like this house is shitty and rotting and falling apart and its great #that we are getting a renovation finally but jesus christ i have lived here all my life and yeah i hate the kitchen but it’s home and you’re #just gonna tear it down and make jt 3x bigger like it’s nothing??? ok 😂😂😂😂😂😂 #purrs #literally im getting war flashbacks to losing the van which was never gonna drive again but it was my SPACE for all of lockdown and #it got fucking junked after being my sanctuary (as unpleasant as it was) for like 2 years not to mention OUR CAR that we did everything in a #and now we have my grandparents car and there isn’t a backseat so i don’t get room to breathe when they drive. and also my grandparents #house has officially been demolished to make way for a fucking mansion and the near total renovation of my high school is almost done which #means the classroom where i became a human being is gone and the office is going to get destroyed too when that renovation happens and we’ll #have to go make a home somewhere else. i know this kind of thing happens but it makes me want to start screaming. like yeah these #renovations will make life better for everyone (except the fucking mansion it’s bc my grandparents died and the developers are selfish and #cruel lol!!!!!) but the way so many of the spaces that have been important to me keep ending up getting destroyed after im done w them. it’s #comforting in a way bc it’s like oh no one else gets to have it be important but also no that ISNT comforting i want those spaces to keep #being sacred i want them to mean something to other people and i want to be able to go back and soak in the memories again. and everyone is #mad at me for freaking out the renovation but it’s like ok you come into our living space you destroy core parts of my childhood and also #create a situation where we literally can’t like eat or cook anything in the house for months like idk what we’re gonna do bc we don’t go #anywhere bc of covid except work for me and school for my brother so. idk. this whole thing SUCKS. i can’t believe it’s starting tomorrow #and i can’t believe the deck is about to be gone. pain and suffering and pain and suffering and pain and suffering.

[truthundressing]

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#whats even more gross is ppl celebrating his coming out under that tweet like no ????? #he didnt get to make that choice ?????? he was pushed to the point of being forced out literally fuck off with ur 'we won' comments #the ignorance is astounding how to u ppl like exist without having any understanding or empathy for other ppl... #i dont want to rehash old arguments but we've been in this position over and over again and things aren't moving forward at all!!!! #like i dont fucking care if straight ppl play gay roles #gay ppl only started taking an issue with it bc trans ppl spoke up abt trans actors not having equal opportunities to roles and decided #somehow its comparable to being gay like ??? #aside from that the bigger picture here is no real person can queerbait and no one is any less valid for being closeted <3 #if ur closeted rn whether thats to everyobe in ur life or just a few im giving u the biggest smooch and cuddle <3 #i love u so much <33 #this has made me so angry god ok enough now otherwise I'll just stew on it all evening