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kireimarkeu · 3 years

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To You; l.dh

+another repost! did not make any changes to this work :) p.s this is one of my fav fics i have written :)

summary; bored in quarantine, your boyfriend decides to film himself telling you how much he loves you.

3k words

this was like… ½ edited LMFAO so there might,,, be mistakes…??? this was so tiring to make omfg, enjoy!! lol

also i mixed the name donghyuck and haechan bc i couldn’t choose one lmfao ok!!! bye gn enjoy!! :)))))))

warnings: there’s a word f*t in it

+Day 1 3:34PM

Haechan adjusted the camera, making sure he could be seen. Once he was sure the camera was reflecting him properly, he leaned back against his gaming chair.

“Um,” your boyfriend started, looking everywhere but the camera. “This is awkward,” he says, looking back at the camera.

“I started this, since we won’t be able to see each other for a month- because of quarantine,” he explains, “I honestly have no idea what I’m doing right now,” he laughs.

After a few minutes of pure silence, your boyfriend opened his mouth to continue speaking, “I just feel like— I never really show much love to you?”

There were times where your boyfriend would purposely avoid saying ‘I love you’ or avoid holding your hands whenever the both of you were outside. Honestly, you didn’t really mind, knowing Donghyuck was never the type to show affection.

“It’s hard,” he says truthfully, “The boys knows how much I love you, and it sucks that I don’t know how to show you— or tell you, that I love you.”

Haechan bit his lips nervously, “and, I think this video is- or will prove that I love you?”

He wasn’t sure if he was even making sense at this point.

Your boyfriend groaned, throwing his head back, covering his face with his hands. After a while, he looked back at the camera, “you know what, babe? Just watch the whole thing, okay?”

+Day 4 11:47PM

“Hi,” he smiles, letting out a huff, “this is kinda late, I spent the whole night playing games,” he says guiltily, playing with his fingers, looking away from the camera.

He knows that you didn’t like it when he would stay up until ungodly hours just to play games with his friends. You hated how he would put his health aside just to play games.

He brings his hands up to brush his wet hair.

“Uh,” he sighs out loud, pouting. “I feel bad for staying up late last night, so I’m going to spend the whole night with you today,” he laughs.

Another moment of silence pass.

“I don’t know what to say,” he whines.

He sat there in silence, staring at the ground, figuring out on what to say. Should he tell you about his day?

“Well, I woke up at 5PM today,” he tells you, “I ate dinner with my family— mom cooked chicken today!” he says happily, “Then, I went to call you for a bit because I missed you a little too much,” he pouts.

He scratched his head, “then I showered and now this-“ he says, pointing to the camera.

“Um, it has been 4 days and I miss you too much,” he says truthfully, “facetiming isn’t working, I think I’m going crazy,” he laughs.

+Day 5 7:38PM

He was talking halfway, talking about how much he admires you when his phone started ringing.

“Oh?” he turns around to grab his phone from his bed. A smile formed on his face when he saw you facetiming him.

He turned to the camera to show his screen, “Baby, you’re calling me,” he giggles before quickly answering to your facetime.

“Channie~” you whine cutely when your boyfriend answered your facetime, “what are you doing, hyuckie?”

Usually, your boyfriend would complain whenever you would speak in a cute voice, but he secretly likes it. He secretly likes being babied.

He looks at the camera that was recording the both of you.

“Nothing,” he lies, “why did you call me, loser?”

You huff, raising your arms so he could see you laying on the bed. “I’m bored, hyuckie~ entertain me~”

He leans back on his chair, “wanna play games with me?”

Your face beam at his words, “Okay! I’ll get my X-Box ready now.”

Your boyfriend was the one who bought for you the X-Box. Well, it was an old version, but you loved it, nonetheless. It wasn’t like you played daily— you only played with boyfriend.

“I’ll call you in 5, baby,” he tells you, already walking over to turn on the tv.

“Kay, bye-bye, love you, Hyuckie,” you say in a baby voice, bringing your phone closer to press your lips on the camera.

Donghyuck scrunched his nose in disgust, “yeah, yeah,” he says before ending the call.

He quickly grab the camera that was still recording, he moved the camera closer to press a kiss, “I love you too, y/n.”

+Day 7 3:01PM

“Do you remember when you gave me the teddy bear— Oh my gosh, I feel like a youtuber,” he cackles. He shook his head, focusing back to what he was saying.

“So, do you remember when you gave me the teddy bear?” he asks, “wait,” he says, standing up to grab the tiny teddy bear that was sitting on his bed.

You had bought him the bear during your 200th day with him. Donghyuck didn’t really give the reaction you wanted.

“Do you not like it?” you had asked him, disappointment laced in your voice. You didn’t dare look at him, upset with yourself that you had bought something that he didn’t like.

“No, no!” he quickly replied, wrapping an arm around your shoulder to pull you into his chest, the other holding the tiny bear. “I love it,” he says.

You knew it was a lie. He didn’t seem to like it.

“I love it,” he says, “I know I didn’t show like I did at that time, but I need it with me every time I go to bed.”

He scratches his head, regretting his actions that has had happened months ago.

“No one has ever bought me a bear before,” he explains, “and when you bought it for me, it just felt— I felt, I felt happy? I felt fulfilled? Do you know what I mean?”

“I really wanted to tell you that I loved your present, especially when you had bought me another present a few days later,”

‘it was to make up for the previous present’ was your reason.

It broke his heart when you said that while handing him a couple bracelet. He wanted to tell you how much he loved your gift, but it was so hard for him.

“I hated myself for not being able to tell you the truth, it’s hard—and it still is,” he sighs, “I hope by doing this, I can assure you that I love you..?”

+Day 10 9:34PM

He was in the middle of filming himself when his mother comes in.

“Donghyuck-ah, what are you doing? Do you want some fruits?” his mother asks, looking at his son, not noticing the camera perched on the dressing table.

Instead of answering his mother’s question, he grabs the camera to film his mother.

“Eomma, say hello to y/n,” Donghyuck says.

His mother raised her eyebrows in surprised, “hello my dear y/n~ how are you?”

Your boyfriend giggle from behind the camera, “tell her how much you miss her,”

“I think I miss you more than Donghyuck does,” she jokes. “What is this for, Donghyuck-ah?”

Haechan placed the camera back on the dressing table, turning to look at his mum.

“I’m making a video for y/n until quarantine is over,” he explains as his mother walks in, wrapping her arm around her son’s shoulder.

His mother’s heart warmed at his son’s words.

“You’re growing up way too fast, our Donghyuck~” she cooed, pulling your boyfriend’s cheeks as he whined in pain.

You would also pinch his cheeks almost every time the both of you are together. Whenever you had Donghyuck’s cheeks between your fingers, he would whine, pulling away from your grip.

“Eomma! I want strawberries!” he shouts after his mother left his room.

He turns his attention back to the camera, “Anyways—”

+Day 17 2:35AM

“I really like your eyes,” Haechan confesses dreamily, “your eyes are the colour of shit,” he jokes, “but they’re so shiny, baby,”

The first time he realizes he’s in love with your glimmering eyes was when he brought you out on a date to star gaze. You were staring at the sky, a smile plastered on your face, amazed at how beautiful the sky was.

When you noticed your boyfriend staring at you, you turned to face him. Your eyes captured his heart. How could someone have such bright eyes?

“Oh! And when you smile, you make my heart beat like crazy!” he chuckles.

The first thing that caught Hyuck’s eyes when he had a crush on you was your bright smile. He believes that was the main reason that he fell for you. How you would always have a beaming smile plastered on your face everywhere you go.

He thinks it’s adorable.

The small dimples that was on the side of your lips whenever you smile.

And your adorable little laugh he adores so much.

Or the little birthmark you had on the corner of your mouth.

After talking about you for a while, he let out a satisfied sigh, “I’m so whip for you, you know?”

After 17 days of making videos for you, it started becoming easier for him to show his love for you.

“Everything you do makes me go crazy, do you realise that?” he asks you, “do you realize that everything you do makes me happy? No, you don’t have to do anything, your presence makes me melt.”

He laughs at how he was flirting, “you’re probably laughing too,”

His laughter died down, letting out a tired sigh, “well, it’s late and I’m going to go to bed before you nag at me some more,”

He let out a yawn, “goodnight y/n, I love you so much, you don’t know how happy you make me,”

+Day 20 2:56PM

This time, it was different.

He was filming himself at McDonalds drive-thru.

“Guess who’s this for?” he asks the camera, his gaze on the road. “Yes, you.”

He turns to look at the camera for a second before paying attention on the road, “you didn’t ask me to get you anything but I wanted to get something for you,” he explains.

He was lying, this was just an excuse to see you, even for a second. Even if it’s 6 feet apart. Even if there was a glass between the both of you.

“I think you know the reason why I’m buying this for you,” he says, referring to the food. “To make you fat! You’re right, y/n,” he jokes.

That was also a lie. You tend to eat less whenever you’re stressed.

After he found out that you had a project, he knew how stress you would be, and decided to get food, making sure you eat healthily.

Your boyfriend would never fail to remind you how much he loves your body. No matter shape or size. He has always made sure you feel loved with who you are.

“I think you know the real reason why I’m coming over,” he adds. When he reaches a red light, he turns to look at the camera with a pout, “I can’t help it, I miss you too much, y/n,” he says in a baby voice.

He grimaces at his actions, shaking his head disapprovingly, “I am never doing that ever again.”

A few minutes later, he reached your house. He had texted you to that he was waiting for you outside.

It took you a while to come out, but when you did, you had one of his hoodies over your body.

He loves it when you wear his clothes, it makes him feel all giddy.

‘One day, I’m going to wear all of your clothes’ he would say whenever you steal his clothes.

You walked over to his car, “what the hell are you doing here, dummy,” you ask him, maintaining the distance.

He grabbed the bag of food from the passenger’s seat and passed it to you from the window of his car.

“Brought you food, you unappreciative bitch,” he tells you while you walk up to grab the food from him.

You open the bag to see your favourite food, “my favourite food, too?!” you squeal, “Haechan best boyfie~”

He rolls his eyes, “yeah, yeah, go and finish your project,”

You nodded, the smile not leaving your face.

“I’ll facetime you later?” he asks.

“At 11,” you confirmed.

He nods, signalling for you to go back in. You blow a kiss to your boyfriend before turning around to go back in.

He quickly fishes out his camera, filming you walking back in your house.

“Look at my baby all happy because I brought her food,” he says, “enjoy your food, pretty,”

+Day23 6:07PM

“Day 23,” he breathes out. “I didn’t expect it to go by so fast,” he blurts out.

He puffs his cheeks out, “I don’t want to stop making videos for you, but you would just make fun of me for being soft,”

He had started growing content on making videos for you every day.

“But at the same time, I can finally see you after a month, babe!” he says happily. “I can finally hold you in my arms, we can kiss until the world ends, we can also do it,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows.

Well, he can’t lie he did miss doing it with you.

He sighs, “anyway, when we can finally get together, we can watch movies, then come back to my place and we can cuddle!”

He missed that.

Personally, Donghyuck preferred going over to your place but you preferred going to his place because he had games and a huge bed, and it was just comfortable.

“Ahh,” he groan, “I miss you like crazy! I think I have to end this video early because I wanna facetime you right now,”

He grabs his phone on the table to call you.

“Okay, bye babe, I love you, I’m going to talk to you now!”

+Day 25 4:03AM

“Hi,” donghyuck greet the camera.

Anyone could realise he wasn’t in the best mood.

It took Donghyuck a while to start talking, “we had a fight earlier today,” he says, his voice lace with disappointment and… hurt?

You had texted him just an hour ago, ranting about your homework. When Donghyuck replied to you a minute later, you got angry at him because he was staying up again at ungodly hours.

He didn’t understand why you were so angry because you were awake at the same timing as he is.

“I’m going to give you space, because it’s what you need right now,” he says. “I hope you know I still love you no matter what,”

He bit his lip hesitantly, “I know you don’t like it when I stay up with the boys, but I don’t like you staying up to finish your work either, baby”

He closes his eyes shut for a moment, taking a deep breath. “I hope you don’t get too stressed over school, eat healthily, and make sure you rest from time to time, babygirl,”

He lets out another sigh before reaching for the camera, “I love you,”

+Day 28 7:36PM

Haechan purses his lips, staring at the camera, “today is a bad day,” he starts.

Today he had woke up a little earlier than normal after talking it out with you a few days ago. He decided to get up early and help his mom with cooking, which only resulted him in getting scolded by his mother for making a mess.

After that, he decided to play games with his friends, however despite playing for 5 hours straight, he didn’t get a single win.

Now, he has tried to contact you, but you have not replied to him. Probably busy with school.

He let out a huff, “take a break y/n,” he whines, “focus on me too~”

Letting out a pout he shakes his head, “kidding babe, get those A’s!”

“Well, now I don’t really have anything to do so I’m going to facetime you again, bye babe!”

+Day 30 10:18AM

“Hyuckie!” you call out, running to your boyfriend. When you reached him, you threw your arms around your boyfriend’s neck, making him stumble back a few steps as he grabs on your waist.

You hid your face in his neck, breathing in his scent. He smells so good.

“You’re not going to let go of me until I say so,” you mumble, tightening your grip around his neck.

He chuckles at you, “I won’t let go of you until you say so,”

Donghyuck was satisfied with having his arms wrapped around your waist, his face covered in your hair.

After a few moments of the both of you just holding each other, you finally pull away from your boyfriend.

“Y/n,” he says, making you hum.

“Wait,” you stop him, making him stare at you with wide eyes as he froze on the spot.

“Can you kiss me first?” you ask. His eyes soften at your request. Your fingers trace his bottom lips, “I miss your pretty lips.”

He smiles at your words and nodded. Pulling you closer by your waist, he pressed his lips against yours. Your hands rest on his chest while you both share a needy kiss.

After a few minutes, you pull away, breathless with crimson red cheeks.

Haechan raised his eyebrows as he resumed, “I made something for you,”

You gasped, “what is it?”

He fishes out a CD player. The CD held videos of him explaining how much he loves and appreciates you throughout the whole month.

He passes you the gift.

“Watch this at home?” he tells you.

You grab the CD from his grip, “okay? What is this all about?”

“Just promise me you’ll watch it at home?” he asks again, staring down at you.

“I will! I will!”

After making videos of himself for 29 days straight, Donghyuck have concluded that he was so utterly in love with you. He was so in love with you that he didn’t know how to express how much he adores you.

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aro-comics · 3 years

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Fashion Analysis (Part 2: Outside of Amatonormativity Alone)

[Note: This post is a part of a series analyzing self-expression, fashion, aromanticism, and how they interact with other parts of identity. For full context please read the whole thing!]

Outside of Amatonormativity Alone: Sexism, Homophobia (and/or Transphobia), Racism, Ableism, and Other Factors That can Impact Self Expression

My comic was originally meant to be a light hearted joke. I’d always been told I’d want to dress up one day, be pretty and feminine once I fell in love with a boy (BLEGH). I was so certain that I would never do that, and now … here we are. I put lots of effort into my appearance, present feminine, all in the hopes I’ll impress a very special someone - a potential employer at a networking event. I think there’s a certain irony to all of this, and I do find it funny that I managed to both be wrong and completely subvert amatonormative stereotypes!

But having the chance to think about the whole situation, I realize now that my changes in presentation reflect far more. The pressure I felt to dress differently are still influenced by fundamental forms of discrimination in society, and I would be remiss to not address these inherent factors that were tied with my experiences alongside my aromanticism. So in this section, I will briefly cover some of these factors and summarize how they can influence people’s self expression as a whole, before discussing my own experiences and how these factors all intersect.

Sexism

The pressure on women In This Society to uphold arbitrary norms is ever present and often harmful, and while I wish I had the time to discuss the impacts of every influence the patriarchy has on personal expression, to even try to cover a fraction of it would be impractical at best for this essay. Instead, since the original comic focuses on professionalism and presentation, this is what I will talk about here.

Beauty standards are a specific manifestation of sexism that have a deep impact on how people perceive women. It’s a complicated subject that’s also tied with factors like capitalism, white supremacy, classism, and more, but to summarize the main sentiment: Women are expected to be beautiful. Or at least, conform to the expectations of “feminine” “beauty” as ascribed by the culture at large.

They also tend to be considered exclusively as this idea that "women need to be beautiful to secure their romantic prospects, which subsequently determines their worth as human beings. The problematic implications of this sentiment have been called out time and time again (and rightfully so), however there is an often overlooked second problematic element to beauty standards, as stated in the quote below:

“Beauty standards are the individual qualifications women are expected to meet in order to embody the “feminine beauty ideal” and thus, succeed personally and professionally”

- Jessica DeFino. (Source 1)

… To succeed personally, and professionally.

The “Ugly Duckling Transformation” by Mina Le (Source 2) is a great video essay that covers the topic of conforming to beauty standards through the common “glow up” trope present in many (female focused) films from the early 2000s.

“In most of these movies, the [main character] is a nice person, but is bullied or ignored because of her looks.”

Mina Le, (timestamp 4:02-4:06)

Generally, by whatever plot device necessary, the ugly duckling will adopt a new “improved” presentation that includes makeup, a new haircut, and a new wardrobe. While it is not inherently problematic for a woman to be shown changing to embrace more feminine traits, there are a few problems with how the outcomes of these transformations are always depicted and what they imply. For starters, this transformation is shown to be the key that grants the protagonist her wishes and gives her confidence and better treatment by her peers. What this is essentially saying is that women are also expected to follow beauty standards to be treated well in general, not only in a romantic context, and deviation from these norms leads to the consequences of being ostracized.

The other problematic element of how these transformations are portrayed are the fact that generally the ONLY kind of change that is depicted in popular media is one in the more feminine direction. Shanspeare, another video essayist on YouTube, investigates this phenomenon in more detail in “the tomboy figure, gender expression, and the media that portrays them” (Source 4). In this video, Shaniya explains that “tomboy” characters are only ever portrayed as children - which doesn’t make any sense at face value, considering that there ARE plenty of masculine adult women in real life. But through the course of the video (and I would highly recommend giving it a watch! It is very good), it becomes evident that the “maturity” aspect of coming of age movies inherently tie the idea of growth with “learning” to become more feminine. Because of the prevalence of these storylines (as few mainstream plots will celebrate a woman becoming more masculine and embracing gender nonconformity) it becomes clear that femininity is fundamentally associated with maturity. It also implies that masculinity in women is not only not preferred, it is unacceptable to be considered mature. Both of these sentiments are ones that should be questioned, too.

Overall, I think it is clear that these physical presentation expectations, even if not as restrictive as historical dress codes for women have been, are still inherently sexist (not to mention harmful by also influencing people to have poor self image and subsequent mental health disorders). Nobody should have to dress in conformity with gender norms to be considered “acceptable”, not only desirable, which leads us to the second part of this section.

Homophobia (and/or Transphobia)

So what happens when women don’t adhere to social expectations of femininity? (Or in general, someone chooses to present in a way that challenges the gender binary and their AGAB, but for the sake of simplicity I will discuss it from my particular lens as a cis woman who is pansexual).

There are a lot of nuances, of course, to whether it’s right that straying from femininity as a woman (or someone assumed to be a woman) will automatically get read a certain way by society. But like it or not, right or not, if you look butch many people WILL see you as either gay, (or trans-masculine, which either way is not a cishet woman). This is tied to the fact that masculinity is something historically associated with being WLW (something we will discuss later).

This association of breaking gender norms in methods of dress with being perceived as a member of the LGBTQ+ community has an influence on how people may choose to express themselves, because LGBTQ+ discrimination is very real, and it can be very dangerous in many parts of the world.

I think it’s very easy to write off claims in particular that women are pressured into dressing femininely when it is safer to do so in your area; but I really want to remind everyone that not everyone has the luxury of presenting in a gender non-conforming way. This pressure to conform does exist in many parts of the world, and can be lethal when challenged.

And even if you’re not in an extremely anti-LGBTQ+ environment/places that are considered “progressive” (like Canada), there are still numerous microagressions/non-lethal forms of discrimination that are just as widespread. According to Statistics Canada in 2019:

Close to half (47%) of students at Canadian postsecondary institutions witnessed or experienced discrimination on the basis of gender, gender identity or sexual orientation (including actual or perceived gender, gender identity or sexual orientation).

(Source 3)

Fundamentally this additional pressure that exists when one chooses to deviate from gender norms is one that can not be ignored in the conversation when it comes to how people may choose to express themselves visually, and I believe the impacts that this factor has and how it interacts with the other factors discussed should be considered.

Neurodivergence (In general):

In general, beauty standards/expectations for how a “mature” adult should dress can often include clothing that creates sensory issues for many autistic people. A thread on the National Austistic Forum (Source 6) contains a discussion where different austistic people describe their struggles with formal dress codes and the discomfort of being forced to wear stiff/restrictive clothing, especially when these dress codes have no practical purpose for the work they perform. If you’re interested in learning more on this subject, the Autisticats also has a thread on how school dress codes specifically can be harmful to Autistic people (Source 7).

In addition to potentially dressing differently (which as we have already covered can be a point of contention in one’s perception and reception by society as a whole), neurodivergence is another layer of identity that tends to be infantilized. Eden from the Autsticats has detailed their experiences with this in source 5.

Both of these factors can provide a degree of influence on how people choose to express themselves and/or how they may be perceived by society, and are important facets of a diverse and thoughtful exploration of the ways self-expression can be impacted by identity.

Also, while on this topic, I just want to take a chance to highlight the fact that we should question what is considered “appropriate”, especially “professionally appropriate”, because the “traditional” definitions of these have historically been used to discriminate against minorities. Much of what gets defined as “unprofessional” or otherwise “inappropriate” has racist implications - as an example, there is a history of black hairstyles being subjected to discriminatory regulation. Other sources I have provided at the end of this document (8 and 9) list examples of these instances.

Racism (being Chinese, specifically in this case):

For this section, I won’t be going into much depth at all, because I actually have a more detailed comic on this subject lined up.

So basically, if you were not aware, East Asian (EA) people tend to be infantilized and viewed as more childish (Source 10). In particular, unless an EA woman is super outgoing and promiscuous (the “Asian Bad Girl” stereotype, see Source 10), IN MY OPINION AND EXPERIENCE it’s easy to be type casted as the other end of the spectrum: the quiet, boring nerd. On top of this too, I’ve had experiences with talking to other EA/SEA people - where they themselves would repeatedly tell me that “Asians are just less mature”, something about it being a “cultural thing” (Yeah … I don’t know either. Maybe it’s internalized racism?).

Either way, being so easily perceived as immature (considering everything discussed so far) is also tied to conformity to beauty standards and other factors such as sexism and homophobia, which I believe makes for a complex intersection of identity.

[Note from Author: For Part 3, click here!]

#NotAComic #Fashion #FashionAnalysis

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freudensteins-monster · 3 years

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Live From My Bedroom! It’s Darcy Lewis!

Based on a fic prompt I received forever ago and have been working on ever since.

Images used in the fake youtube screenshots were sourced almost entirely from Kat Dennings and RDJ's social media accounts.

Please note that this has been written in a very basic script/video transcript format. And has not been beta'd. Fingers crossed it's still easy to read. xoxox

Chapter One: Whatever Happened to Darcy Lewis?

[Title Card: A cheap animated explosion solely using colours from the Lisa Frank colour wheel with the text “LIVE FROM MY BEDROOM! IT’S DARCY LEWIS!” in the middle.]

[Video opens on a cheerful woman in her 30’s sitting in what looks like a teenager’s bedroom from the 90’s. The walls are covered in band/movie posters and the shelves are full of books, Barbies, and other toys from the era. The woman has long wavy brown hair and she is wearing a dark blue t-shirt with a Grumpy Bear symbol on it.]

Hello world! It’s Darcy Lewis here, cashing in on the childhood nostalgia train by launching my very own youtube channel. [winning smile] So… Whatever Happened to Darcy Lewis? This was a question posed to me by a random stranger after she had been staring at me for a solid five minutes as I stood in the tampon aisle of my local grocery store trying to make a decision.

[Cut scene]

[Text on screen: *Dramatic recreation]

[Darcy, dressed in basic t-shirt, staring at shelf of tampons]

[notices someone watching her]

[turns head]

Darcy dressed up like a yoga mom, caught staring: OMG. I am so sorry. It’s just that you look just like that kid from that tv show.

Darcy, dressed in a basic t-shirt, holding two boxes of tampons: [deadpan voice] I get that all the time.

Yoga Mom!Darcy: [deep in thought] Whatever happened to that girl anyway?

Darcy: [still holding up two boxes of tampons] I heard she moved to Florida to breed alligators.

Yoga Mom!Darcy: [shocked face] Really?!

Darcy: [still holding up two boxes of tampons] …No.

[End cut scene]

So, yeah, I am that kid from that tv show. In 1990, at the age of five, I was cast in the sitcom Live from Suburbia! If you don’t remember it you were probably watching Full House. That, or you’re just too young. It’ll be thirty years this month since Live from Suburbia! first aired, and come December I am going to be thirty-five years old.

[video goes black and white, zooms in on a distraught Darcy’s face]

[Psycho shower scene music plays]

[Darcy shakes herself out of it and video returns to normal]

So, yeah, I forgive you if you haven’t seen it.

[Text flashes on screen: HEY NETFLIX! PICK IT UP ALREADY!]

My parents have probably never even seen an episode they weren’t on set for either. They were never really keen on the idea of me becoming a child actor. They’re both college professors – they were prepared for, like, mathletes or debate club, not driving me to auditions and having me take classes with a tutor in a trailer parked outside a soundstage. [laughs] But I was super obsessed with Drew Barrymore in E.T. and when my mom explained that E.T. wasn’t real, and that Drew was an actress, I decided that was what I wanted to do. So when I heard people talking about auditions being held at a local shopping mall, and that they were looking for a “precocious” 5-6 year old girl, I kind of demanded that my parents let me go. That audition was for a cereal commercial – I didn’t get it, but the casting director liked me so when they were starting the casting process for Live from Suburbia! they asked me to audition for the role of Siouxsie.

[Text appears on screen: *NOT SUSIE. SIOUXSIE. LIKE SIOUXSIE AND THE BANSHEES. #endthedebate]

Live from Suburbia! was about a wannabe rock star from LA, played by a pre-famous, pre-infamous, Tony Stark, who had to put his dreams on hold and move to the suburbs when he becomes the sole guardian of his two kids; Siouxsie and Hendrix, played by a pre-teen Clint Barton. You might recognise him too; his most recent album just went platinum.

[images of Clint Barton rocking out on stages around the world flash on screen]

The show was axed in 1994 and I pretty much went back to the real world for a few years and went back to school full time. My parents were pretty insistent on that. Towards the end of middle school they let me get back in contact with my agent and I soon got a recurring role as mean girl Kaitlyn on the Disney Channel show Total Drama Teens. And later on when I was a senior in high school I played Void, the goth hacker-slash-tech support to a brooding vigilante in one of the last great straight-to-video action duds of the Blockbuster era.

[sudden dramatic close up]

But we don’t talk about that.

[zoom out]

After high school I went to Culver University and studied full time. My parents insisted I get a “real degree” so I ended up majoring in Political Science with a minor in Drama, instead of the other way around, and without the Political Science, like I wanted. After I graduated, despite my parents’ concerns, I moved to L.A. to try and become an actress full time. You might remember me from such unforgettable roles as the “kooky” comedic relief-slash-best friend in five different rom-coms from the mid-2000’s – four of which were called Jenny. I am not kidding.

[Images of her characters appear on screen: Jenny, Jenny, Jennie, Madison, and Jenny.]

I’ve also had bit parts on every Law & Order and CSI series there is, and had recurring roles as the “kooky” girlfriend in about three different sitcoms over the past five years.

[Darcy sighs]

[Text on screen: SIGHS IN TYPECAST]

Most recently I finished work on my first serious dramatic role in an indie movie called Bottled Lightning. It’s been entered in a few film festivals, I’ve gotten some good reviews for my performance, but as of last week it had still not secured a distribution deal. So, yeah… That one’s probably only going to be seen by a dozen film critics from three different film festivals and then sort of disappear into the unknown. [pouts] So here I am. Taking a break from the grind of auditioning. In my time capsule of a childhood bedroom. Housesitting for my parents while they’re drinking their way across Europe.

[Darcy sighs again]

[Text on screen: SIGHS IN UNREALISED POTENTIAL]

My parents suggested I just give up on the whole acting thing altogether, move closer to them, get a “real job”… So I created a youtube channel instead. [cheeky smile] I’ve got a few ideas for upcoming episodes. Next week I’m going to be doing a reaction video to the pilot episode of Live from Suburbia! It’s been a good twenty-five years since I’ve seen it, but I’ve got the entire series on VHS. …just got to figure out how to get that digital so I can insert it into one of these videos…

[pensive music]

[Text on screen: COME ON NETFLIX! HELP A GIRL OUT!]

And then maybe a reaction to the first episode of Full House, or a review of the best child actor performances... Maybe if these videos get some traction I might even be able to do some interviews with other child actors – what do you think? Let me know in the comments. And I’m sure you know the drill already: Like, Subscribe, and Share. Thanks for dropping by! I’ll see you next week!

[Darcy blows a kiss to camera, screen fades to black]

NEXT VIDEO: Live from Suburbia! Pilot Episode Reaction (feat. Fizzgig)

*** ** ***

Notes: NEXT VIDEO is not indicative of what the next chapter is about but done simply to imply that Darcy has a whole lot of other videos on her channel that I haven’t written. Also, I named her parent’s cat Fizzgig for the 80s/90s kid vibes.

Tagging everyone who commented on the original tumblr fic prompt in case you wanted to see the end result. @zephrbabe @evieplease @endlesscalendar @lynnestra44 @founderofshield @oldenoughtobeyourmama @typhoidmeri @phoenix-173 @suzieqsez @kiaraalexisklay @slytherinstarkravingmad

#live from my bedroom!#it's darcy lewis #darcy lewis #steve rogers #tony stark #darcy lewis x steve rogers #whatever happened to darcy lewis #child actors #child actor au #actor au #youtuber au #freudensteins-fics

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babyboy-bangtan · 4 years

Photo

By Chance Chapters 5-8

A misunderstanding gone viral puts you on BTS’s radar, which leads to a series of events that finally culminate with you meeting them for the first time.

✚ Pairing: Sub!BTS/Female Reader ✚ Word Count: 4.9K ✚ Rating: M ✚ Warnings: Reader mentions having been told to kill herself on the internet. ✚ A/N: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of my imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Read on AO3 / Chapters 1-4

Chapter 5: Hoseok, Taehyung & Namjoon

To no one's surprise, Jungkook is once again watching one of your movies after they had dinner. It's almost begun to feel like a routine; unless it's his turn to clean up, Jungkook just plops down and starts watching with his earphones on, and very often it's a movie he's already seen. He says it's because he doesn't want to go through your movies too fast, and this way he can enjoy them as much as possible.

"I don't think he has that many things left to watch of her." Namjoon says, looking over his shoulder at Jungkook sitting cross legged on the couch staring attentively at his phone with his earphones on, completely oblivious to the fact that he's their topic of conversation.

"He'll be upset once he's done." Hoseok adds, cleaning the table with a rag as Taehyung picks up up the takeout containers. "He has a crush."

"Well, she's very pretty." Taehyung comments absentmindedly, throwing the containers in the trash. Namjoon shares a look with Hoseok, both rising their eyebrows with a smile. "I saw one of her movies last year."

"I knew her only from the perfume commercials. She looked beautiful in them." Hoseok says, washing the rag on the sink. "I can't remember if it was Dior or Givenchy... I think it was Dior..." He whispers mostly to himself as Jin walks into the kitchen, freshly showered and dressed for bed already.

"Who do you know from the perfume commercials?" He asks, opening the fridge.

"[Y/N]." Hoseok replies casually as he washes his hands. "Jungkook is watching another one of her movies." He points to the couch where Jungkook has shifted positions, wrapping a blanket around himself that makes him look like a human tent. "Aww, so cute." Hoseok says, smiling at the youngest.

"Ah." Jin replies, grabbing a bottle and leaving without saying anything else.

"What's gotten into him?" Taehyung asks, staring at the place where Jin was a moment ago suspiciously.

"Who knows?" Namjoon replies, shrugging his shoulders.

Jin is known for having his moments, so he's pretty sure it’s not a big deal. It's likely he's a bit fed up with Jungkook's crush on you; he keeps bringing you up whenever he has a chance, and sharing little fun facts about you he's picked up from all the interviews he's watched. To Namjoon it's very cute, but he wouldn't be surprised if Jin is tired of it already— mainly because Jungkook's attention has been diverted almost entirely to you, and Jin doesn't particularly enjoy when that happens.

There's probably nothing to worry about, but just in case he'll wait a bit to see if this passes. And if it doesn't, Jin will have to open up about what he's feeling and talk to them, eventually.

Chapter 6: Yoongi

Even though he tries, Yoongi can't hold back a smile as he watches Jungkook get everything ready for his movie marathon. Yoongi can't remember which movies he's going to see, but he does remember you starred in the sequel of something and Jungkook never watched the first part, because you weren't it. But a couple days ago, he saw in an old interview that you said watching the first one was important to understand your character, so he decided to correct that and watch the first part once and for all. And then rewatch the second part, again.

He explained this situation to everyone in great detail.

"Hyung, do you want to watch with me?" Jungkook yells at him, still preparing his snacks and drinks on the table. Yoongi smiles at him but shakes his head.

"Another day. I have some work to do." He ruffles Jungkook's hair teasingly as he walks past him on his way to his room.

Most of the reason he refused is that he has to work, that wasn't a lie— but another reason is that Yoongi knows very well what Jungkook is like when he gets someone to watch one of your movies that he's already watched himself. If he hasn't watched it yet, there's no problem; he'll be laser-focused on the movie and most likely won't say a word until it's done. But if he has watched it already, he'll constantly tell whoever has joined him to pay attention when a scene he likes is coming, or he'll scold them if they're not being as attentive as he thinks they should be.

Yoongi likes to enjoy movies peacefully, so that particular environment isn't his favorite. He'll watch one of your movies with Jungkook when it's one he hasn't seen beforehand, which might take a little while to happen considering Jungkook has bulldozed through your entire filmography already.

As he closes the door to his room, he hears Jungkook calling for Jimin to join him, which Yoongi is sure he will do. Jimin seems to be the most likely to agree to watch any content related to you, so he's not worried about Jungkook being upset at him for refusing his request.

To tell the truth, Yoongi is still a bit perplexed about Jungkook's sudden fascination with you. After the thing where people thought you'd met them went viral, Jungkook watched one video of you and then another and then another, and soon enough he made his way through everything you've ever been in.

Now he's just rewatching all your movies, while he awaits the upcoming Netflix movie you recently finished shooting. A couple days ago, if he remembers correctly. Jungkook likes keep them all updated.

Jungkook insists you're sweet and kind and so beautiful and nice, and Yoongi simply can't tell him that what he has a crush on is just an idealized version of yourself, that he can't truly know you through videos and interviews. At least he can't tell him yet; because if this infatuation persists Yoongi will bring him back to reality. Jungkook knows very well what it's like to have people crush on you and decide you're perfect because you're only showing them your likeable side, and he has to understand that's what he's doing with you, too.

After hitting an annoying slump in his work, Yoongi spins around in his chair, feeling the stress starting to build up. He can hear the very faint sound of Jungkook watching his movie and after giving it a moment of thought, he pulls out his phone out of his pocket.

Youtube.

He quickly types “[Y/N] interview” and hits search.

He scrolls a little until one catches his eye, because it says it was uploaded just 8 hours ago. He wonders if Jungkook already watched it, which is very likely, but it’s also possible he didn’t because he tends to inform everyone when there’s a new interview you did for him to watch. He puts his earphones on and thinks "fuck it" because he wants to see for himself what Jungkook has been so obsessed with.

It's a 19 minutes long filmed radio interview, but Yoongi figures he only needs to listen to a couple minutes of it to get a feel of what you're about. If it starts out boring, he'll just skip until there’s something interesting. It's even possible that people in the comments have already put on the timestamps of the best moments, and he won't even have to do any work for himself.

“[Y/N], welcome! I’m so happy you could join us this morning.” The host says, and Yoongi quickly notices he has an amazing voice.

“Thank you.” You say politely, smiling. “I’m happy to be here.” “So, you have a new movie coming to Netflix soon—” Yoongi fast forwards a few minutes, because he does not need to know more about that movie than he already does. Jungkook is so excited about it, he’s shared every single detail there is to know about it with him and the others.

“—around 2014, right?” The hosts says, looking a bit more serious.

“Yeah, around the end of the year. It was my first big—” You make quotes with your fingers and roll your eyes, even though the people listening wouldn’t be able to see you. “—movie role and I got like 800 thousand new followers on Instagram in 2 days. At first it felt amazing, it really did, but when a lot of good comes your way, bad is bound to come as well.” You sigh, and Yoongi notices you suddenly look tired. He goes back around 1 minute, trying to find when you started talking about this. He wants to know where what you’re saying comes from.

“They do! You can see some videos of me on the official Instagram account for the movie.” You say with a smile.

“Because you’re not on social media anymore.” The host adds, like it’s a well-known fact. Jungkook has probably mentioned it before but Yoongi truly doesn't remember, so that caught him by surprise.

“Yup. Been clean for a few years now.” You joke, and all the people at the table laugh. Even Yoongi cracks a tiny smile.

“You’ve talked about this in the past, how you quit because it got too toxic. So, that was around 2014, right?” Someone else asks, and you nod.

Yoongi ponders for a second if he should fast forward what he’s already seen, but ultimately decides not to. It’s different to watch it now that he knows where the conversation is coming from. He patiently waits for you to say everything he’s already heard, paying more attention this time.

“There were a lot of negative comments at the time, was that it?” The host asks, and you raise your eyebrows, huffing.

“You could say that.” You say sarcastically. “A group of people were very, very angry when I was cast for my second movie. Since it was based on a book, they said I wasn’t what they had imagined and they made sure to let me know it.” You shake your head. “It was bad when I was cast, but when the first trailer came out it got worse. It was hard to deal with because I’d never gone through something similar before. I had only done one indie film and one episode of CSI. That was it. And all of a sudden I have comments on every single thing I post saying that my acting sucks and I should just quit. Some people even told me I should kill myself.” You pause for a second as the people around you shake their heads, visibly disappointed. “Those were the least, but it’s still jarring to see people wishing that on you.”

Yoongi gasps, pausing the video. For some reason he hadn’t considered something like that happening to you, at all. That’s not the kind of thing about you Jungkook shares; he shares your favorite things, stories you’ve told about your costars or meeting other famous people, but not this. He never shares anything negative like this. He wonders why, even though part of him thinks it’s because Jungkook doesn’t feel comfortable sharing something that feels this personal.

He takes a couple seconds before hitting play again.

“So one day I just said screw this, and decided to delete all my social media. I posted a goodbye letter to my fans first explaining the situation and left it up for like an hour before I deleted everything. The only way you’ll see me on social media is through promotional stuff or on some friends’ accounts.” Your tone shifts on this part; it becomes more cheerful, but Yoongi has been on your side of the story enough times to know you’re just deflecting, and this is something that still bothers you.

He gets it.

It bothers him, too.

“And then you won several awards for that role.” The host says with a laugh, successfully lightening the mood.

“Yep, I did.” You say, laughing as well.

The interview moves on to other topics, much more light-hearted than the previous one, but even though Yoongi ends up watching the entire video, that one thing manages to stick to his mind like a magnet. He feels a bit ashamed that he dismissed you, that he didn’t consider that you’re a celebrity too and your life is bound to be hard as well, even if the ways you deal with that status are different from the ways he and the others have to deal with their own. Jungkook always being so happy when he shares things about you made Yoongi make the mistake of thinking he had you figured out, but now he realizes he actually doesn’t really know anything about you.

He sighs, covering his face with his hands before moving them up and running them through his hair, messing it up completely.

As of right now, there's an new, annoying feeling at the pit of his stomach, an annoying feeling that makes Yoongi want to know more about you.

Thanks a lot, Jungkook.

Chapter 7: After

Timotheé is staring at you with a very cute smile on his face, which can only mean one thing.

He wants something.

"What now?" You ask, sighing.

“Can I have some of that, please?” He asks as you sip your coffee, resting his chin on your shoulder and hugging your waist while you eye him suspiciously. You know he’s tired, but it’s only been a few minutes since you were given the cups. How fast did he drink his?

“Where’s yours?” You ask, staring down at his empty hands.

“I finished it.” He grins. “Pleeease, I’m sleepy.” You roll your eyes and give him your cup, and he kisses your cheek in response before releasing you to take it from your hand.

“Thank you!”

“It’s not free!” You say immediately, watching him gulp down the rest of your drink. “You’ll have to get me another one later.” He nods, still drinking. “Did you sleep at all last night?”

“Not really.” He says, rolling his shoulders with a grimace. “I’m still jetlagged as fuck.”

“Come here.” You move him in front of you to start massaging his shoulders, and his knees go weak when you do. “Timmy! Work with me here, man. Try to stay up.” You joke, and he laughs.

“Sorry, sorry.” He apologizes, looking back at you for a second before bowing his head forward. “Thank you so— ah—much.”

“This feels like it’s turning erotic real fast.” You tease him, but you don’t stop rubbing his shoulders. You don’t see his face, but you’d bet anything he’s as red as a tomato. He gets shy immediately when you make that kind of comments, it’s adorable.

“Shut uhhh— up.” He laughs, smacking your side lightly with his hand, not turning around.

“I’m not the one moaning—”

“Guys, come on. It’s time to start. Let’s go.” Your publicist approaches you both, pointing at the direction you’re supposed to go to.

“Coming!” You say, giving Timotheé a couple pats on the back before pushing him forward. “Time to work, mister.” He groans in response, but walks ahead of you nonetheless.

Once you’re both seated and ready, the people behind the cameras start giving you instructions on what to do. It's not really hard to keep up, and since you've both watched previous interviews of this type you already know what you're in for.

“So I say my name, she says her name, and then it’s one word each and we finish together.” Timotheé asks for clarification one last time. The producers nod and you give them a thumbs up.

“And… go.”

“Hey, I’m Timotheé Chalamet.”

“And I’m [Y/N]. And this is the—”

“Wired—”

“Autocomplete—”

“Interview.” You both finish in unison.

Chapter 8: The Interview

Namjoon smiles fondly at Jungkook, who is sleepily eating his breakfast with his eyes half open and his hair sticking up everywhere. He'd spent the most part of the previous night sulking, because he has to wait until Sunday to be able to sit down to watch your new movie without interruptions. Thankfully, once they all promised to join him in a movie night he became excited once again. Seeing him sad makes everyone else immediately sad as well; he always does his best to cheer them up and make them laugh, so it’s their job to do the same for him whenever they can.

Jungkook’s phone vibrates and he casually looks at the screen, seeing that a new interview you did has been uploaded. He’s familiar with this type, it’s the one where people answer things based on Google searches. He grabs his phone and gets ready to start watching it, that is until he sees the thumbnail and chokes on his food.

“Jungkook! Are you okay?” Namjoon asks worriedly, leaving his mug on the table and walking up to him. Jungkook nods, drinking milk to unclog his throat.

“Look, Hyung.” He rasps, handing him his phone. Namjoon grabs it from his hand and it takes him a moment to process what he’s seeing.

It’s a video of you, that’s unsurprising.

[Y/N] & Timotheé Chalamet Answer the Web’s Most Searched Questions | WIRED

It’s not until he takes notice of the Google search bar on the thumbnail that he realizes what made Jungkook react like that.

Did [Y/N] Did [Y/N] get married Did [Y/N] work in Criminal Minds When did [Y/N] meet BTS

Apparently, Namjoon takes too long staring at the phone because Jungkook snatches it from his hands and immediately presses play.

“What happened?” Jimin asks, walking into the room already dressed.

“Jungkook lost it because [Y/N] talked about us in a new interview, apparently.” Namjoon responds, shrugging his shoulders. He can hear you introducing yourself in the video.

Jimin’s mouth forms an “o” shape and he places himself behind Jungkook to watch the video as well, resting his chin on his shoulder.

“What did she say?” He asks the youngest, noticing Timotheé is the one answering questions about himself right now.

“I haven’t gotten to that part yet.” Jungkook answers, trying with all his might to not fast forward the video until your part begins. It’s a 15 minutes long video, and something tells him they will have left that question for the final part.

The questions you answer about yourself are mostly things Jungkook already knows but you're elaborating on, or other new little details about your life.

He checks to see how much is left of the video during Timotheé’s turn, and it’s not much. He’s sure after this come the last Google searches for you, and his heart starts beating a little faster.

“Okay, did [Y/N]…” You say, grabbing the board and placing it over your lap. “Did [Y/N] go to college?” You say, ripping off the white paper.

“She did!” Timotheé responds first, seemingly excited.

“What are you guys doing?” Hoseok asks, entering the kitchen, but both Jungkook and Jimin shush him at the same time.

“That's true.” You say in the video. “NYU, baby! I majored in Film and Television. Okay, next one.”

“[Y/N] spoke about us in an interview.” Namjoon explains to him in a whisper, and Hoseok raises his eyebrows in surprise.

“Did [Y/N] get married?” You read, and Timotheé bursts out laughing next to you.“I honestly don’t know what possessed enough people to ask this so it is one of the most searched things but no, I did not get married.” The video cuts to the next question, and Jungkook’s nervousness increases by the second.

“Did [Y/N] work in Criminal Minds?” You say. “I did not. I did, however, work in another famous crime show you might have heard of called CSI. I played a girl who was into BDSM and got arrested for murdering her boyfriend. Spoiler alert: She didn't do it. But if you want to know who did, just watch the episode.”

“What?!” Timotheé exclaims, looking honestly shocked. “You were on CSI?” You stare at him, looking very offended.

“How do you not know this?! It was my first role ever!” You cry out.

“Do you know what my first role ever was?” Timotheé retorts, staring at you. You look away and stare at nothing for a couple seconds, and Jungkook can’t help but laugh at your reaction. He hears Jimin snickering as well.

“Let's move on to the next question.” You say, making Timotheé laugh again.

You pull the white paper covering it, and there it is.

“When did [Y/N] meet BTS?”

“You met BTS? What else do I not know about you?” Timotheé says before you can respond.

“Okay, here’s the thing. I did not meet BTS, but there is a whole story behind why people thought I did.”

“Please share it.” Timotheé urges you, crossing his arms with a smile.

“You know, this actually happened while we were filming.” You tell him, and his eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “So, what happened was that someone uploaded some of the extras of one of my movies to YouTube, and they just named the video [Y/N] BTS. They meant it like [Y/N] Behind the Scenes, but some people thought it meant it was a video of me with, you know, the group BTS and then someone made a joke about it and that tweet went viral. I remember we were getting our makeup done and my friend texted me, and she sent me like screenshots of this tweet with thousands of likes. I thought it was very funny that it was all a huge misunderstanding, honestly.”

For some reason, Jungkook hadn’t considered the fact that you could also know what had happened with the video. It’s like he assumed you might have heard about it, but he didn’t think you’d know the details about it or that you cared about it enough to know.

“So you haven’t met BTS?”

“Tragically, I haven’t.” You respond, and Jungkook gasps. Does that mean you’d like to meet them? “I wish I had, but alas, here we are.”

The video continues a little bit longer, but Jungkook is rooted to the spot even after it ends. When he finally looks up, he sees Namjoon and Hoseok trying to hold back smiles.

“Did she say…” He manages to croak out, throat dry.

“That she wants to meet you? Yeah.” Namjoon teases, sharing a look with Hoseok.

“She said she wants to meet all of us!” Jimin objects, standing up straight and looking slightly offended. “Not just Jungkook, she said BTS.” He emphasizes the last word, making it clear that he’s also included in the group of people you want to meet.

“Who wants to meet us?” Yoongi asks, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he enters the kitchen, with Taehyung and Jin right behind him.

“[Y/N]!” Jungkook exclaims, playing the video for the three of them, from the moment you start replying to the question about BTS.

“Well, I doubt we’ll meet her.” Yoongi says absent-mindedly once you’re done talking. Namjoon gives him a disbelieving look, and Yoongi quickly amends what he said. “For now, I mean. We have a lot of things to do here and we won’t be visiting America for a while. But I’m sure it’ll happen soon.” Jungkook smiles at him, but Yoongi knows he’s not as excited as he was a moment ago and he feels really guilty for taking that away from him.

“I’m gonna go take a shower.” Jin says suddenly, leaving the room.

“Is there something wrong with him?” Jungkook asks the rest, his shoulders falling down. “He acts weird when I show him stuff of her.”

“I have no clue.” Hoseok responds, while the others shrug their shoulders.

Except for Namjoon.

He confirmed that Jin's weird behavior appeared every single time Jungkook did so much as mention your name a couple weeks ago, and he's been waiting for him to come clean to them and tell them what's happening on his terms, but he can't give him more time. Jungkook already noticed and it seems like it has started making him upset, which will throw off their entire dynamic even more than Jin acting off already has been doing.

While the others eat their breakfast and Jungkook calls his mom to tell her that you mentioned him in an interview, Namjoon patiently waits for Jin to be done with his shower, so he can get him alone and finally confront him about what's been going on with him.

Once Jin enters his room, Namjoon follows right after, closing the door behind him.

"What's going on with you?" He asks in a low voice, walking up to Jin. "Why are you acting like this?"

"What are you talking about?" Jin asks, pretending to be confused. If it weren't for the fact that Namjoon knows him so well and that he knows for a fact that something is wrong, he wouldn't be able to tell that he's faking it.

"You have a problem with Jungkook liking [Y/N]. You're making it more and more obvious every day. It's making him upset." Namjoon gets straight to the point, because he has no idea how much time he has until someone comes in and interrupts them, and if that happens he knows Jin will get out of the conversation.

Jin is good at hiding his emotions, but not good enough to hide the flash of nervousness on his face when Namjoon says that.

"That's not—"

"I knew it." Namjoon interrupts him. "But why? We've never even met her, why don't you like her?"

"It's not that I don't like her—"

"Then what is it? Because it's obviously something, and that something is making Jungkook sad because you know how much he loves sharing what he likes with us. You have to tell us what's the problem because—"

"I used to masturbate to her!" Jin whisper-screams, his ears immediately turning red. In any other circumstances, Namjoon's current face would be hilarious, but right now it only serves as a reminder to Jin that he actually is as dirty and gross as he's been feeling all this time.

"You— I— When—" Namjoon stammers, completely at a loss for words.

Jin's shoulders fall and he sits down on his bed, holding his head on his hands.

"I know it's horrible, you don't have to tell me."

Namjoon scratches the back of his neck and walks up to the bed, sitting down next to Jin. He places a hand on his back and gives him a few pats, trying to comfort him as much as he can considering how shocked he currently is. Out of all the reasons he had imagined that were the cause of Jin's behavior, that he felt ashamed for jerking off to you was definitely not one of them.

"When did you... you know..." Namjoon pries, and Jin groans before burying his face between his knees. His ears are darker than Namjoon has ever seen them.

"Years ago. It was her CSI episode. I didn't even know she was a famous actress now."

Namjoon does the math quickly in his head, because if he remembers correctly what Jungkook said and what he managed to hear in the interview he was just watching, CSI was your first job, back in 2013.

That's a long time ago.

"Jin-Hyung..." He says, but all he gets in response is another embarrassed groan. "Okay, look at me." No movement. "Hyung, come on."

"I know it's gross." Jin says, lifting his head up and looking mortified. "And now Jungkook is obsessed with her and what if we actually do meet her one day?"

"Hyung... This happened years ago."

"And?"

"And we've all done stuff like that! I have! Everyone has!"

Before Jin can say anything, Yoongi enters the room, but he quickly closes the door behind him when he sees the state Jin is in.

"What's going on?" He asks, walking up to them and sitting on a chair. "Are you okay?"

"I can't say it again." Jin groans, burying his head on his hands once again. "You tell him." Namjoon sighs, but does as told.

"He used to jerk off to [Y/N]'s episode of CSI." Yoongi snorts, but quickly covers his mouth when Namjoon glares at him.

"I'm sorry. So that's what got you acting so weird? Jin-Hyung, come on. It's not that bad." Yoongi says, squeezing Jin's shoulder.

"You know it's only a matter of time before we meet her, right? What am I supposed to do then?" Jin says, looking at him with an embarrassed frown.

"Okay." Yoongi says, rolling his eyes. "I've met several people I used to masturbate to. It happens. I don't do it anymore, and that's fine. Besides, what makes you think she hasn't done it as well? She's famous and she's American. Everyone masturbates to American actors."

"I'm not sure you're helping." Namjoon says, shaking his head.

"Whatever. Pull yourself together, because you'll hurt Jungkook if you don't." Yoongi says, squeezing Jin's shoulder one last time before getting up and leaving the room.

"He's right, you know." Namjoon says once he's gone. "It's really not that bad, Hyung, I promise."

Even though years of repressed shame are hard to deal with and Jin will definitely need more time to fully process what he's been told, let alone accept it— something about having shared this with Yoongi and Namjoon makes the constant pressure he'd been feeling on his chest a lot lighter.

Maybe they are right, and maybe it's not that bad.

Jin can only hope that if— or when— they do meet you, that moment comes later rather than sooner.

Thank you for reading! Feel free to share your thoughts in any way you want!

#sub!bts #sub!idol #bts x reader #ot7 x reader #kim namjoon x reader #kim seokjin x reader #min yoongi x reader #jung hoseok x reader #park jimin x reader #kim taehyung x reader #jeon jungkook x reader #my work

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jtem · 3 years

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Better Call Saul Season-6 Predictions

#1. Lalo dies

The buzz online is that Lalo survives Better Call Saul and is still running around, unseen, in the Breaking Bad world.

Don’t believe it.

Most of this buzz seems to be emanating from the same source. I’ve watched more than one Youtube video speculating about Season-6, for example, which pretty much mirrored each other. We’re talking little or no difference in content from supposedly unrelated people! So that’s not a Buzz, that’s the studio setting expectations.

Anyhow, the buzz points back to an Episode in Breaking Bad, Season-2, where Walt & Jesse kidnap Saul in an attempt to pressure/scare him into not making any deals with the DEA no matter how beneficial they would be for his client. Anyhow, they succeed in scaring Saul, he thinks they’re drug cartel henchmen, and pleads for his life insisting “it wasn’t me” and “it was Ignacio.”

Ignacio is the Nacho character’s real name in Better Call Saul.

So the Buzz is claiming that the scene in Breaking Bad, WHICH TAKES PLACE AFTER SEASON-6 OF BETTER CALL SAUL, means that Lalo is still alive & walking around, and none of this makes sense.

“Family is everything.”

That’s a Salamanca family creed, heard in Breaking Bad & Better Call Saul both.

There were at least four Salamancas alive in the Breaking Bad universe at the time Saul Goodman was pleading for his life and none of those Salamancas were Lalo.

Hector. Not very active, post stroke, but not dead.

Hector’s two nephews (the psycho twins), later done in by Hank Schrader, but still very much alive at this point.

Hector’s son, who is eventually killed by Jesse in Season-4.

So we don’t need Lalo alive for Saul to fear retribution, we’ve got Salamancas enough for that, and... And... AND...

Lalo doesn’t kill Saul. If Lalo was alive and had reason to murder Saul, Saul would be dead.

But, again, Lalo isn’t in Breaking Bad. The last of the Salamancas dies in Season-4 of Breaking Bad and none of them are Lalo. Gus visits Hector in the nursing home, after poisoning the cartel’s leadership, taunting him with the fact that they’re all dead and the Salamanca name dies with him (Hector).

We watched all the Salamancas die. None of them were Lalo.

#2. Kim Wexler

Ever notice that Kim’s enemies are all men? She hates Howard. She hates Kevin at Messe Verde. The victims of her little play con games were men. She’s a loner, she doesn’t seem to have any friends except for Jimmy, and Jimmy appears less a man in her life than a surrogate mom. Which doesn’t make sense because she didn’t seem to get along with her mom too well. But we don’t really know much of that story so maybe Jimmy/Saul is that loving relationship she never had with her mom, maybe Jimmy/Saul is a place holder for the dad we never saw...

Kim’s mom was unreliable and pretty shady it seems. That implies Jimmy but who knows? Still I have to make a prediction so I’m saying that Jimmy is Kim’s way of trying to have an emotional relationship with her mom.

I don’t think we’ve seen “The Real Kim” in Season-5.

“Opposites Attract.” Kim is far more similar to Howard and Kevin than she is to Jimmy, which may explain her negative feelings towards them. She’s beating on herself? By beating on them she’s beating on herself?

Anyway, I think the journey for Kim comes full circle, and the Jimmy Experiment ends. I don’t think she dies, I think she walks. That, the love and attention from whatever parent she never got growing up she now gets from Jimmy has served it’s purpose. It fulfilled her needs. And, she realizes this. She doesn’t hate Jimmy, it’s an experience she had always wanted, and Jimmy is never going to stop loving her but their paths diverge in Season-6.

Would be a hoot if she winds up with Howard... Probably what I would have done with the story.

#3. Jimmy/Saul

At some point Jimmy fully transforms into the Saul Goodman character of Breaking Bad, and I’m guessing it’s the departure of Kim Wexler from his life that makes it happen.

Supposedly “Slipping Jimmy” had been trying to recast himself, and rebrand himself, from the beginning of the series, and he drew most if not all the inspiration from Kim Wexler. It was her rise from humble mailroom beginning to Power Attorney that prompted Jimmy to try the same. It was Kim, or Jimmy’s emotions for Kim, that drew him away from the path of Slipping Jimmy and towards that of Kim’s... and his brother’s.

Anyway, I see Kim as Jimmy’s anchor. He’s a moth drawn inexorably towards her flame. The moment that flame is gone there is nothing to oppose Slipping Jimmy, no reason to fight it, no incentive to try much less actually change.

So that’s how I see it: Kim walks and Saul Goodman snaps back hard into the Slipping Jimmy traits. He becomes the Saul Goodman of Breaking Bad.

#4. Nacho/Ignacio

I suspect that he dies. If I was writing for the show I would certainly write that in, his death, see if it stuck. I mean, he clearly has no future in the Better Call Saul universe as he doesn’t appear as Nacho/Ignacio.

Could he just run? Of course. That’s what he wants to do. He wants out of the drug cartel, he wants out of his life of crime, he wants to run and he could certainly do that. He could run. And that could be why the character is not in Breaking Bad. It could be. It could happen that way. Or he can die. I’m going to say he dies.

#5. Francesca

I don’t know. I really honestly don’t. She was an employee of Jimmy’s and Kim’s, they loved her, she was a great worker and then in Breaking Bad she seems like a mostly angry and corrupted person. On Breaking Bad she often comes across as somebody who is compromised and doesn’t like it, but she clearly is not lifting a finger to stop being compromised...

So I don’t get it.

Francesca returns to Saul Goodman sometime between Season-6 of Better Call Saul and Season-2 of Breaking Bad. I’m assuming we see her in Season-6. So, um, I guess that’s my prediction? We see Francesca again?

#6. They overlap

Better Call Saul is a prequel to Breaking Bad. It happens first. Right?

Not necessarily.

The two shows could run concurrently.

Saul Goodman doesn’t make his first appearance in Breaking Bad until Season-2, Episode-8. So that leaves the entire first year and just over half the second for a Better Call Saul/Breaking Bad crossover.

We’ll definitely see more Breaking Bad characters pop up in Season-6. The money is on Walter White making an appearance.

#10. The Breaking Bad Movie

So Breaking Bad ends and Walter White is dead, right? No. Wrong. All we saw was him collapse, presumably unconscious. But he could have been alive. People survive gunshot wounds all the time. So Walt is alive, in prison and the first act of the film is Walt’s stupendous breakout! We’re talking Mission Impossible & MacGyver all rolled into one! Walt engineers the most brilliant escape EVER, and then goes hunting for his $80 million that the Neo Nazis stole from him. He doesn’t know where it is but unlike everyone else on the planet he knows that it exists.

What do you think? Ground penetrating RADAR? Maybe inferred to search out changes in surface temperature, revealing hidden doors or tunnels?

AND THEN he needs to go after Gretchen & Elliot. Walt hated them, yes, but if you recall he dropped all of his money on them with instructions to gift it to his son, Walt Junior. Gretchen and Elliot agreed, of course, but after Walt’s capture they turn it all over to law enforcement, double crossing Walt. So Walt needs revenge on them, but he also needs a flight out of the country because he’s sick of trying to hide his cash, and he doesn’t want to go underground. No, Walt wants to retire someplace where he can live out his life as a free man, spend his money without care and Gretchen & Elliot just happen to own a private jet!

See how that works out?

Now, is Jesse involved in any of this? Jesse now knows that everything he was thinking about Walt was wrong, that Walt never double crossed him but he had double crossed Walt.

Jesse’s turning point -- against Walt -- when he was waiting to “The Vacuum Cleaner Repair Man” to help him to disappear, start a new life. Jesse seems to believe that he was being set up but in El Camino he spots the exact same mini van parked at the vacuum cleaner’s shop, so he knows that Walt was legitimately trying to help.

So, maybe now Jesse wants to help Walt. Or maybe law enforcement caught up to him and he just wants to escape and start a new life somewhere else, like Walt.

Is Saul Goodman in prison? How does Season-6 end? We know that in Season-5 he got made by a cab driver who seems intent on some sort of “Reward” i.e. blackmail. Maybe he puts Saul in prison. Or someone else recognizes him. Anything. So by the end of Season-6 Saul may be behind bars with Walt or even Walt & Jesse.

I think I’d rather see Walt reunited with his family on Gretchen & Elliot’s plane, instead of Saul. And the movie might need a sequel anyway, and Saul is as good a reason to have one as any, so there’s that...

#Better Call Saul #Breaking Bad #Predictions #TV Series #Fandom #Binge watching #Kim Wexler #Slipping Jimmy #Walter White #text post #Txt Post

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fabiolajyx · 4 years

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Does he not kinda deserve the hate though? He’s such an unnecessary jackass just because he’s jealous and he’s only jealous because he can’t be with the girl he wants because he already has a girlfriend who he’s basically just been emotionally cheating on ever since meeting Bess? Kinda gross don’t you think?

Q part 2: And that question about Ethan wasn’t a dig at your choice to enjoy him, I generally would like to have a discussion on why people do like him as I really just don’t understand at this point.

Question asked after episose 5. I'm so sorry it took me this long to answer...

So let's go, let's talk about Ethan.

First of all, what you are about to read is my opinion. If you don't agree, which is totally fine, we can politely debate. And second of all, it's kinda funny to me when you say "why people do like him" because I see NO LOVE for Ethan at all. He even gets hate each week on Twitter...

But anyway, first why do I love Ethan?

I think, liking/loving a fictional character is something very personal to everyone. Loving a fictional character is like loving someone in real life. We'll love some characters because we love their story, their personality, we can be attracted to them, we can see ourself in them and more... and this is what is happening for me with Ethan.

So, when we first met him, I instantly loved him and I'm going to be honest, guys with dark hair and british accent are one of my weaknesses, so when I heard him say "I'm Ethan", I was like "Oh, boy, I'm so screwed". But finding an actor attractive (Hello Sean Teale, nice to meet you!) is not enough for me to love his character. I loved how he interupted Bess, it was so cute to me but kind of rude, let's be honest. Then the way she talked to him and his reaction, again, I really liked it. We could see that he kinda knew that she was acting like that because she wanted privacy and because he just scared her a few seconds ago. She was annoyed by him. I mean, I would have reacted just like her, so I get it. Then when he told her that the song was beautiful and she said it was a piece of shit and he resplied "What do you know? You don't know anything", I was like "Okay, I love him!" I loved his repartee and I mean, she was just yelling at him and he found a way to be kind to her and give her a compliment on her music, I just loved it! After that, when she came to give him the extension cord, I loved the way he acted and talked to her. He was a little bit sassy and I think it was perfect! It was his turn to show her that he can be cold too. In all this conversation, his choice was to give her her space, even if Bess decided to sit next to him, which it's totally fine. But he respected her wish of privacy and for me, as a viewer who is discovering these two characters, it was enough to start loving him. I love the little of his story that we learned, him being raised by his grandfather. Also, like I said, we can love a character because we identify ourself to him and that's the case here. I love making YouTube videos so I see myself a little bit in Ethan when we see him doing some editing on his computer. Then the rest of their evening was perfect and let's be honest, them walking in the storage and playing scrabble was so cute!! Obviously, it was too good to be true, he had to have a girlfriend... You need to know that I have only watched maybe 30 secs of the trailer when it came out, so I didn't know that he had a girlfriend and honestly, I was heartbroken when we found out about Laila. His face when he saw Bess's reaction broke me and the fact that he really wanted to give her an explanation in episode 2 and went for it in episode 3, really proved me that he really is a good guy!

Okay, now I'm gonna stop going through all his scenes to explain why I love him and start talking about him, his relationship with Bess and with Laila, and why he doesn't deserve all the hate that he receives each week or every day since the show has started.

Honestly, I DON'T understand why people hate Ethan. He did nothing wrong. Being in a relationship with someone and starting having feelings for someone else, happens all the time... That hurts and sucks but that happens. Ethan is not the only one and he is a part of people who doesn't cheat on their partner. Not even emotionally. I strongly disagree with you on this because that's not what he did!

Why do I think that he didn't emotionally cheat on Laila?

So first, let's talk about what everyone is reproaching to Ethan; When he met Bess, he didn't tell her about Laila, yes. But you need to realize that she's a complete stranger to him when she sits next to him at his desk. What was he suppose to say? "Wow, wait a second. Okay, you sit next to me but I have a girlfriend." What now? We have to tell everything about us right away when we meet new people? So, I agree with him when he told Bess that it would have been weird to bring it up BUT I also know exactly, when he could have told her. When he showed her his grandfather and said "once we got here", he could and should have give more details on the "we". It was a mistake and he aknowledged it. He didn't lie to Bess, it was a simple omission to a stranger that he's just met. I'm not saying what he did was right but it is understandable. He is not an emotional cheater because he didn't hide Bess to Laila for a second! The first words that we hear Laila say are literally "Hello, Bess". She knew who Bess was when she met her, which means that Ethan told her about his meeting with her! I think what he felt that evening is no one's business. First, it must be very confussing to him and second, keeping our feelings to ourself is allowed and normal and not a crime. He didn't try anything with Bess. Not even once. I honestly LOVED when he said "I could walk 10 feet behind you" to Bess in episode 3. He was being respectful to Laila and I agree that it would have been creepy and weird since they were both going to the same place, so he kept walking with her. In episode 4 when Bess is not feeling okay, he sent her the video of their walk. Did you notice their previous texts? No, because there were no previous texts. It was the first. They never texted each other in an intimate way where he would have had to hide his phone from Laila, you know what I mean? And I really loved that Laila was there for the shooting day. That's honestly what I was expecting from Ethan and he didn't disappoint me. He had no reasons to lie to Laila or hide anything from her. So that's why Ethan is not emotinally cheating on Laila. The guy is just falling in love at the wrong time.

Episode 5 is the most important episode of their story. The fact that he was the one filming her, allowed us to be in his shoes and witness how he sees Bess and how hard he falls for her. And same thing with Bess by how she was looking at the camera. And his speech at the end!! He is torn! The situation is not easy or simple for him. Bess was expecting a kiss at this moment and honestly, I didn't really like her reaction when he took a step back saying that he couldn't do this to Laila. His reaction was the RIGHT one! And then we learn his history with Laila and everything makes even more sense! He is being respectful to Laila and their relationship. He needs Bess to understand his situation and he also needs her to understand that he's falling in love with her, that's why when he said "I thought that was love" is very important. He loves Laila, I have no doubts about it but his feelings for her are not as strong as he thought they were. They've know each other since they were 17 and that's very young. When he met Bess, he probably felt something that he has never felt before and we can't be mad at him for that. When he said to Bess that he wanted more and would end things with Laila, wasn't right towards Laila but like I said, the situation is not simple and he had be honest with his feelings on the moment.

I could talk about episodes 6, 7 and 8 but I don't have time right now, so if you have some questions, ask me. But just so you know, I'm on Ethan's side on these episodes. He did what he had to do and yes, it took time (only 2 weeks!!) but he did what he said he will. He kept his word so I see no reasons to be angry at him.

So yeah, that's why I believe that Ethan doesn't deserve the hate he receives but I'm used to like male characters who don't deserve hate. People just don't care about lost male characters. Why should we try to understand a guy? A male character has to be a good guy with no flaws OR a really bad guy, not in between, because that's when, he becomes the villain...

#Little Voice #LittleVoice #Ethan #Sean Teale #My opinion #It's all GOOD if you disagree #Ask

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rayraywrites · 4 years

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Title: Maybe things happen.

Chapter 3: Cooking Games (Day 2- Swap)

Characters: Miyuki Kazuya, Kuramochi Youichi, Sawamura Eijun (minor)

Relationship: Miyuki Kazuya x Kuramochi Youichi

Rating: General Audiences

Total Word Count: 2654

AO3

Event: @daiyarpwk2020

Clicking on another video he focussed in on the same face that he’d been gazing at for hours. He laughed softly at the same lame intro he’d been hearing in each video. The same dorky glasses and apron. He gulped silently at each intense look shot at the camera when concentration was required. His smile grew as each successful cook was greeted with a brilliant grin.

“Welcome back to home plate kitchen.” The man shot a smirk at the camera before continuing, “I’m your favourite catcher, Miyuki, here to share another recipe.”

Youichi barely focussed on the actual meal, simply watching the ease at which the man moved around his kitchen and the mastery of his art. He wasn’t a mess in the kitchen, but watching this chef easily switch between different styles and types of recipes each video and make successful food each time, it rankled a bit. Yet he was fascinated.

But what drew him even more was the moments of silliness that would pepper throughout the videos. When Miyuki would sometimes attempt to lift a hot pan off the stove without mitts and then whip his hand back. The incredulous look on the man’s face coupled with rapidly shoving his burning hand under cold water pulled raucous laughter out of his mouth. He especially enjoyed when Miyuki’s housemate, Sawamura, would appear in the frame to pull silly faces that wouldn’t be seen until editing. The captions insulting Sawamura were particularly amusing for him.

He had spent a couple days watching Miyuki’s videos, realistically he was binging them. It had been a lark, having seen a comment under one of his own videos about a week ago.

gamer_goose35: you know what would be great? thechefcatcher and Mochi making a video together! They have the same type of humour! Plus think of the video options!

Youichi had been curious, having not heard about “thechefcatcher” before, so he looked the other youtuber up. That led to days of listening to the same sarcastic laughter, the snarky side comments at every recipe, and gazing at the talented movements that attracted him first.

When he finally glanced at the clock on his laptop he saw that it was approaching three am. With a slightly hysterical laugh, Youichi closed the lid and placed it aside. He’d deal with his new strange obsession another time. Right now he needed to sleep. Tomorrow, well later that same day, he had plans to shoot two new videos. He needed the sleep. Getting under the covers, he tried to convince himself to fall asleep. But each time he closed his eyes, all he saw were Miyuki’s eyes blinking back at him. He spent much of the night tossing and turning, restlessly attempting to fall asleep.

Clicking on the email icon, Kazuya began deleting all the trash that filled his inbox. Switching between his calendar and an email from another cooking channel who reached out to him for a collab, he sent off a couple days that would fit his schedule. Switching to his social media, Kazuya sent out the usual morning tweet that his followers were expecting. Nabe had recommended that he start interacting more with his fans, and disagreeing with his manager was something Kazuya had quickly learnt wasn’t a smart decision.

@thechef_catcher: good morning. But also what constitutes a “good” morning. We’re all waking up much too early and having to go to work and slog our way through the day. So really...just morning. (6:37 AM)

There, that would keep Nabe off his back, for at least a couple days. Sliding off his bed, Kazuya winced slightly as his foot hit the ground a bit too hard. Waiting for the jarring feeling in his ankle to subside before trying to stand again, he glared down at the floor. Finally feeling up to standing up again, Kazuya moved towards his closet, changing into his usual jogging outfit. With it being the off season, he could usually find Sawamura hovering around the kitchen. Sure enough the pitcher was still there, ready for their morning run.

As normal, Kazuya put in earbuds, drowning out Sawamura’s inane chatter so early in the morning and stepped outside of their apartment. He had thrown in a small heating pad into his bag before leaving the house, in case his ankle started acting up again. Running their usual route, Kazuya let himself sink into the music and the monotonous sound of his feet pounding on the pavement. By the time they rounded back to the apartment Kazuya could feel the sweat running down his neck. With a shaky grin he nodded his head back at the street, telling Sawamura to keep going. Heading back inside, Kazuya went straight for a shower, changed into his outfit for the day, grabbed his computer and headed towards the kitchen.

Today’s video was going to be about Sanuki Udon. He had spent a couple weeks working with the local udon shop alongside the chefs to perfect his technique. He had already filmed his first failed attempts a while back, following recipes online. Setting the cameras up, he prepped the kitchen before picking up his phone. Texting Sawamura that he would be busy for the next hour or so, Kazuya got started. Slipping his branded apron over his head, he switched the camera on and began speaking.

“Ohayo everyone! Welcome back to home plate kitchen. Your friendly neighbourhood catcher is here!” He said the words with an awkward smile, hating that Sawamura had convinced him to start his videos with such a cheesy introduction. Even if it worked as his fans took to the puns and silly intro, he hated it, but he carried on.

Seven years ago Kazuya would never have considered that his days would be littered with recording himself cooking, editing videos, and becoming as unathletic and baseball oriented as he had. But another bad collision at home plate, and a shattered ankle had ended his career. Six months after he managed to walk on his ankle safely, he was still just sitting around his home and moping. It had been Sawamura’s suggestion to start the channel, something to do for fun while he figured out what to do with his career now. Kazuya had been uninterested at first, putting in very little effort and just cooking whatever came to mind. But the fact that people seemed to enjoy it and Sawamura kept crowing about how the channel kept growing made him start to give it a bit more attention. But even moreso, he started to enjoy it a bit more. There was something oddly enjoyable about just talking to a camera for a couple of hours and cooking food. And with Sawamura living with him, he wasn’t just cooking for himself.

It was kind of nice.

“Alright, with a completed dish, I think we’ve completed all nine innings, and it’s time for this video to wrap-up!” He placed the completed Sanuki udon onto the front of his counter. With the recording complete it was time for editing. Luckily with experience and time he’d managed to get better at editing. Moving back to his room with the camera SD cards he settled down at his desk. The video wouldn’t be released for another week or so, but Kazuya wanted to complete editing so that he’d have the rest of the day free. As he was fiddling with the font for the side text explaining each step he completed, he heard the extra chair in the room being dragged to sit beside him. Turning his head slightly he smirked at Sawamura who settled into the chair with a loud thump! Reaching over and ruffling the pitcher’s hair, he turned back to his computer.

“How was your run, Sawamura?”

“You missed out on the cutest dog Miyuki-senpai! It was adorable, with its tail wagging everywhere!”

He couldn’t help but laugh at how Sawamura sounded like he’d seen the cutest thing on the planet. “Ah, so you met your family member, how lovely!” The affronted look on Sawamura’s face was worth all the hits his shoulder received.

“Stupid Miyuki, you’re just sad you missed out on the dog.” Sawamura’s countenance suddenly brightened as another brilliant idea came, “this Sawamura will make sure to take a photo for next time!”

Smiling to himself, Kazuya couldn’t help the sigh that escaped his lips. Sawamura never ceased to amuse him, but even moreso, he was a bright light in his life. He was still the most eye-catching sunflower Kazuya had ever seen. And fully bloomed. “Sure...whatever you say Bakamura.”

“Idiot Miyuki....” Sawamura had switched to looking at his phone, muttering threats under his breath as he often did around Kazuya.

Out of the corner of his eye Kazuya watched as Sawamura continued scrolling on his phone, becoming comfortable in the chair. Giving his full focus back to his video, Kazuya ignored his desk partner for about thirty minutes until a loud shout made him almost jump. Turning and glaring at Sawamura, Kazuya waited impatiently for an explanation.

“Miyuki! Mochi uploaded another video! It’s a cooking video!” Sawamura’s voice was loud as ever, but laced with astonishment.

He felt the joy course through his body, excitement filling his veins at the news. Both of them had gotten hooked onto @gamermaimer’s videos a few years back. Sawamura enjoyed the commentary while Mochi played the game, but Kazuya had become enthralled with the gamer’s voice. There was something soothing about it, but he also felt something from the grainy sounds. And then, last year they’d received a face reveal, Kazuya had been floored. He hadn’t expected to find spiked green hair, eyeliner, and a lip piercing as attractive as he had.

“Give me ten minutes, I should be ready to watch.” He tried to nonchalantly speak, but he knew Sawamura was aware of his crush. The number of times Sawamura had recommended that he contact Mochi to collab was high, but every time he looked at the differences in their video styles, Kazuya hesitated. But cooking? Maybe there was a chance here. They sat down to watch the video.

“Hey maimers! Obviously this isn’t my usual set up, but I’ve been inspired. One of you folks recommended a channel for me to watch and maybe collab with.”

They both laughed when Mochi fumbled with his phone to read off the channel, but then froze when he said the name.

“Oh what was it...here we go! thechefcatcher! I’ve spent the past few days watching....”

Kazuya felt his breath catch in his throat, disbelief pouring out of him. But when he turned towards Sawamura, the same surprise was on the pitcher’s face.

What.

Youichi was nervous releasing the video. He had struggled through the cook, even if he had picked a fairly straightforward dish to make. Baking was not his forte though and the roof would probably always have that strange orange-coloured splotch on it from his first attempt. But embarrassing himself for a video was not a big deal, he’d done it before. It was the fact that he’d called out his new obsession, he’d mentioned the youtuber who’d been living in his dreams. The tweet he’d posted had Miyuki tagged and for a normally brash person, Youichi was feeling uneasy about that decision.

The notification that @thechef_catcher liked and retweeted his tweet gave him heart palpitations. Deciding to take the plunge, he DM-ed Miyuki.

@gamermaimer: hi

@thechef_catcher: hey

@gamermaimer: so...uh you watched my video...

@thechef_catcher: why else would I have rt your tweet?

He stared blankly at his phone. What was that? He laughed in spite of himself, hysterically.

@gamermaimer: yeah well. What did you think?

He meant about the offer of a collab at the end of the video. He meant the proposal of trying something new for both of them. What Miyuki responded with though?

@thechef_catcher: well you absolutely failed at every step so I’m amazed you managed to get any cake onto that table.

@thechef_catcher: Geez Mochi, it’s almost like you bought a replacement cake to pretend you succeeded.

Somehow he wasn’t surprised to see that Miyuki’s personality was as twisted as it was. But it took two to tango.

@gamermaimer: well, if I sucked so bad, maybe you ought to come fix me?

He waited and the reply took more time to arrive compared to the last but it still came. He anxiously tapped the message notification.

@thechef_catcher: perhaps I will.

He let out a sigh and his shoulders relaxed. Their conversation continued, figuring out dates and times that would work for both their schedules. They agreed that the first video would be with him in Miyuki’s kitchen. He asked if Sawamura would be there, and received a teasing response. So when Miyuki asked what video they would do for his channel, Youichi proffered the only realistic response.

@gamermaimer: well of course we have to play a video game.

It was only later, when he went to go follow Miyuki on twitter as well, that Youichi realized something. He shouted angrily, throwing his phone down onto the ground. Petulantly he whined to himself, “the idiot’s already following me.”

––

The day of filming was awkward. He arrived early, not by much, but early enough that it was obvious. He had already sent out the customary tweet announcing his “secret” plans for a video.

@gamermaimer: well sometimes you get lucky with your videos. Other times you meet a moron and make a stupid decision (10:34 AM)

Sawamura was there, hovering in the dining room. Fiddling with a camera setting even with Miyuki telling him to stop touching the camera every five seconds. Youichi blinked confusedly at both of them. They were fidgety and uncomfortable. Because of him?

“Hey! Hey idiots!” They both turned to him; Miyuki put down the pots he was randomly holding, Sawamura looked up from the camera. “What the hell is going on? Some explanation for your bizarre behaviour would be wonderful, please.” The last few words came out sarcastic, and he knew the look on his face matched his tone. For some reason being around both of them was easy. In the way most collabs never were; he felt at home with them. So he skipped past politeness and jumped straight into insults. “I realize that you’re both morons, but if we could at least get the video started?”

Miyuki seemingly calmed down at that, chuckling hesitantly even as he gazed at Sawamura with a lost look. But it was Sawamura seemingly snapping out of whatever funk he was in that finally set things normal. “Mochi!”

Youichi turned to face Sawamura expectantly, but the excitement seemed to have rapidly fizzled out before Sawamura exhaled deeply, you could see the air! He laughed to himself.

“Can I get a photo with you? I’ve...We’ve been watching you play for three years now!”

He hadn’t expected that. Glancing at Miyuki, Youichi was stunned to see the usually calm face turning bright red before the chef looked down at the counter. Throwing his head back, Youichi let himself laugh freely, ignoring the squawks from Sawamura. Wiping tears from the corner of his eyes, he laughed softly one more time before replying. “Sure. Sure. But only if I get an autograph from you,” he nodded at Sawamura and then softly, “and your phone number.” He stared at Miyuki, waiting for acknowledgement. Miyuki nodded stiffly, but his eyes had only shifted from the counter to glare at Sawamura.

“I don’t exactly have three years as a credential...but is 48 hours of no sleep from binging your channel good enough?” He laughed at the stunned look on Miyuki’s face. “So, what do you say....my friendly neighbourhood catcher?”

But rather than the huffy noise he expected, Miyuki still managed to surprise him. A smirk and, “well...I think you mean a maimer don’t you, Youichi?”

He grinned.

#daiya no ace #kuramiyu #kuramochi youichi #miyuki kazuya #daiyarpwk2020 #ace of diamond #diamond no ace #oneshot #ray ray writes #day 3

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loveylangdon · 5 years

Text

What’s Clickbait Again pt.6

Word count: 6k+

Overall Story Summary: You’re dating Shawn Mendes but was in a long term relationship with David Dobrik and met Shawn through a collab David was supposed to have with him. David is now collabing with Shawn finally and finds out you’re dating the pop sensation and doesn’t know what to do.

Authors Note: omg okay I'm sorry for my late posting I’m horrible I know, again this has just been floating in my head and it’s cool to have somewhere to put it. I originally planned 6 chapters so it doesn’t continue on forever but I could easily do the 7th chapter a kinda aftermath of everything if you guys wanted to thank y’all so much for being patient and understanding it means the world.

pt.1 - pt.2 - pt.3 - pt.4 - pt.5

*gif not mine credit to owner*

----

Shawns p.o.v.

Sipping on my morning coffee I sigh it’s been a crazy two weeks since the party and nothing had gotten any better. I can’t wait to take y/n back to Toronto and relax for a couple of weeks before tour hopefully everything gets better. She’s been blaming herself for everything that’s happened since then. My thoughts were broken when I hear Brian

“How was shooting with the Dolan twins?” Brian asked me walking into the kitchen

“It was something else we just went to a warehouse they had kinda like a fantasy factory” I chuckled drinking my coffee “y/n came along and was just scared for my safety the whole time so her and Con ended up leaving and going to get coffee” I shrugged chuckling

Her and Connor have been spending a lot of time together since the party fiasco.

“How’s she doing?” Brian asked concerned

I sighed, it’s been two weeks and y/n still hasn’t been herself she’s been waiting for Natalie to call her, “She’s doing better slowly she’s starting to get more like herself, I know her not talking to David and being able to explain is slowly killing her, if he would stop being a dick she could explain and it would be fine it’s not like she did anything wrong though”

Recalling how broken she was when she came home after the party, after setting Ilya and Dima up in the guest room keeping up a front for their sake, she climbed into bed with just a shirt on. makeup still on ready to call it a night with mascara stained cheeks. Remembering how I washed her face, going through her nighttime routine while she laid there as if she just went through a breakup all over again. At least while Ilya and Dima stayed here she was in hostess mode making sure they were okay and had everything before Natalie gave them their tickets home. It’s been a week since Dima and Ilya left and after they boarded their plane she was crying again.

It’s been two weeks since the party. She acts like David not talking to her is okay and him ignoring her text messages isn’t killing her but I know she’s dealing with a whole new heartbreak, disappointing someone she loved.

We’ve managed to get some of the video’s done for youtube all we had left was Josh Peck’s and David/Steveo’s video. Still not hearing about scheduling for Davids collaboration and Josh is on his first vacation with his new family we had to wait till he gets back to film with him.

“She didn’t do anything wrong?” Brian asked me with a raised eyebrow and sipped his coffee, my head immediately snapped to him instead of staring off into my thoughts like I previously was

“What is that suppose to mean Bri?” I say seriously, getting defensive it wasn’t y/n fault what happened at the party or about the breakup

“You are so blind, how would you feel if your ex saw me and told me they wanted to date a new guy and I told them to go for it? Or how about Aaliyah huh, what if your Ex-girlfriend saw Aaliyah and told her not to tell you about the new relationship they’re in?” He raised his eyebrows sipping his coffee looking at me expectedly

“I would be upset that Aaliyah would keep something like that from me but it’s not her thing to tell and as for you, I would hope you thought about what was best for both people before encouraging anything but overall the other person’s happiness is what matters the most. If my ex was happy with this new person what's the problem?” I look at him

I breathed out, if y/n asked Brian for relationship advice yeah I would be hurt but in the end it’s bigger than me, as for Aaliyah I would be glad she had someone she thought she could confide in regardless of our relationship status I would be happy they had a relationship stronger than just me.

“Shawn you’re way too nice and understanding. David sees it as a betrayal. His two best friends went behind his back and told the girl he loved to go be with someone else, that's breaking like 4 different bro codes”

I groan “screw bro code Brian if the person you love is searching for happiness elsewhere and rightfully so then you lost the right to call bro-code”

“How did they even break up, I mean I knew it was messy but you guys never really told us like-“

“Good Morning gentleman,” y/n says as she walks into the kitchen

My eyes immediately shoot to Brian telling him to silently shut up. As my heart rates kick up I can’t believe this angel is mine, as cheesy as that sounds she deserves the world and it has been hell for her the past two weeks and she’s still trying to put everyone first and make sure everyone's taken care of. It's like her superpower being too caring. I keep doing little things to make sure she knows I’m here for her but giving her space and letting her do things at her pace is killing me.

“Good morning princess” I smile so wide my cheeks hurt “How’d you sleep” I reach out my hand to her which thankfully she grabs and squeezes before turning to get a mug above the coffee pot in the cupboard.

Standing quickly I go to grab it before she gets on her tiptoes and tries to reach for it. Placing it on the counter in front of her she blushes and pink dusts her cheeks and down her neck. She’s only wearing an oversized shirt which in reality is just a vintage shirt of mine but she wears it better than I can any day.

She turns around and kisses right next to my mouth and grabs coffee

“Is your guys’ little nasty love fest over? Can I open my eyes now I think they’re burning” Brian says dramatically as he fans his eyes with his hands

Chuckling I go to throw a sponge at him while y/n actually reaches over to hit him upside the head. Going to sit next to Brian again y/n finishes making her coffee and walks over between my legs while my back is resting on the kitchen island.

Looking into her eyes I can tell the events of 2 weeks ago is still rough on her but she’s slowly getting the sparkle back in her eyes.

I go to nudge my nose against her’s while she’s just looking down into her coffee cup. Her eyes look up into mine “can I have a kiss?” I whisper scared if I say it any louder she’ll retreat back into the bedroom

It’s been two weeks since David found out his friends knew we were dating before she told him, hell she didn’t even tell him but it's not like she owed him an explanation. Not only do I know she’s blaming the party fiasco on herself but the fall through in scheduling with David to film a video, and the reason Davids not talking to Ilya and Dima.

She pulls me out of my thoughts with a kiss on the lips, startled at first I quickly melt into it, trying to convey feelings of reassurance to her that I know if I said out loud she wouldn’t let me finish my sentences.

She pulls away all too quickly and with another peck, on my lips, she goes back into the bedroom. Closing my eyes and sighing after realizing she closed the door behind her. We didn’t have plans today which means she’s going to be in bed for as long as she can feeling sorry for herself.

“Maybe you should talk to him?” Brian whispers

“To who?” I look at him

“David? See why he’s being a dick and not letting her explain. If what he did to her was so bad she didn’t want to talk to him and left, well she’s here and what she did was bad yah but not so bad for her to be like this for two weeks, all she wants is a chance to explain.” He shrugs

“Is that a good idea? I don’t want to cause more problems” bitting the inside of my cheek

“Bro your girl has been in bed painting a face on for everyone, coming home and being upset about everything he’s hurting her. Go find out what the fuck is taking him so long to call her like Natalie said he would. Whatever happened between them isn’t over-”

I shoot him a look “what do you mean it’s not over Brian we’ve been together for almost a year”

“Let me finish, yes they’re over but this whole new situation that’s being brought up needs closure, she left after too maybe they still need closure to move past this”

“What if she leaves me Bri what if she thinks what he did wasn’t as bad as she remembered and she doesn’t come back to me” putting my head in my hands my mind is reeling I can’t lose her but I can’t let David continue to treat her like anything less than what she deserves.

“She won’t leave you, you make her so happy Shawn she would be an idiot to throw it away for a Hollywood brat who lives in studio city” he smirks

“okay, fuck it” I nod my head more so to myself than to Brian, David isn’t going to continue to treat my girlfriend like shit for something she did as a favor to him. “Yah okay,” I say standing up and going to the bedroom.

Knocking on the door lightly peaking my head in the room I see she’s in a blanket cocoon with her coffee hugged into her chest. My heart about burst in my chest.

“Hey princess, I’m gonna run out for a bit and after I thought I could bring some snacks so we can have a movie day in bed and watch films, I can order take out for dinner so we don’t have to worry about it. What do you say?” I ask as I walk closer to the bed ready to scoop her cocooned body into my chest.

Sitting on the edge of the bed I reach over for her coffee and set it down on the bedside table and reach over and pull her covers closer to me and I hear her giggle. The sweetest sound my ears will ever hear. I feel myself grinning like an idiot finally having her close enough I pull her into my chest and go to pepper kisses all over her face.

“Okay okay okay prince, stop, stop” she squeals in-between giggles trying to move away but being restrained by her blanket cocoon which earns laughs from me and a pout on her face

“Oh princess don’t pout you’re too cute” I move to lay on top of her giving her a kiss in between each work “I am going out I’ll be back soon okay” finally placing a kiss on her forehead.

I use my hands on either side of her to push myself off of her, I feel her hand go to the back of my head and her hand in the nape of my neck tugging on my curls. I lower my body as if doing a pushup and rest my forehead against hers, knowing what she wants but it’s easier to tease. Open mouthed she’s looking at me with love and lust her eyes going from mine to my lips I feel her breathe against mine

“You want a kiss princess?” I whisper against her lips barely touching and I feel her hand tug on my curls letting out a groan I mutter “Words princess”

She hums as she pushed my lips against hers in a kiss. She can make me melt in the softest ways ever. Pulling away she groans “Princess I have to go, I’ll be back soon okay?”

She struggles to get out of her cocoon and I can’t help but laugh her hair is a mess she’s bare-faced and wiggling and pulling on the blankets, it's too cute to watch.

She groans and huffs finally giving up “How long will you be gone?”

“three hours tops, I promise” I lean over to place a kiss on her cheek but she turns her head and it lands on her lips.

Pulling away she’s laughing at me, I feel my face heat up not expecting it

“you’re too cute my prince, how did I get so lucky” she gazes at me lovingly

“I’m the lucky one princess, lucky that you let me love on you, and keep you in my pocket for when I need you the most” I smirk as she goes to wiggle her arm out of her blanket to hit me

“I am not THAT small rockstar, I may fit in your suitcase but I don’t fit in your pocket” she jokingly glares at me as I go into the closet to pull on a clean shirt

“Sorry honey I don’t make the rules, if you fit in my arms you fit in my pocket” I shrug as I’m walking out of the closet to kiss her forehead before I leave.

Leaning down to place a final kiss on her forehead “If you need help getting out of your cocoon just shout for Bri he’s in the living room, okay?” I kiss her forehead softly before pulling her blanket tighter around her making it harder for her to get out, I quickly walk out of the room and hear her yelling my name. Laughing making my way to the front door I call out “sorry princess text me what snacks you want”

I shoot a wink to Bri “I’ll be back soon” giving him a wave I make my way to my car and set off to studio city.

————

Pulling up to Davids house this seems like a dumb idea, Never being one for confrontation I hear my phone go off a text from y/n and I'm smiling like an idiot

Hey prince, drive safely and come home soon love you.

Smiling down at my phone I reread the message from y/n. Noticing Davids gate open and a couple of cars in the drive I quickly lock my phone and find a place to park.

Putting the car in park getting out and make my way up the drive. Automatically seeing the small blonde Carly and the tall girl who I think’s name is Erin and David filming by his Ferrari in the garage I roll my eyes. Carly notices me first and clears her throat towards David, and offers me a small wave. David looks up and rolls his eyes.

“Hey we need to talk” I stand up straighter directing it at David

“No, we don’t, I’m busy you can leave” he squints up at me and points to an area he wants Carly and Erin to stand turning his back to me I try again

“No actually” I move to stand closer to Carly “I can’t, I have a girl who just had to say goodbye to two of her best friends, who’s been in bed for a week and then spent another week making everyone else around her feel better but blaming herself for something she did to protect someone she loved who completely broke her and she wanted to save him from the pain he caused her. how is that fair? If I would’ve known doing this youtube collaboration would’ve been such a big deal I wouldn’t have taken it, or the one with you at least”

“Someone, she loved?” He scoffs “What do you want me to say? Fuck you won congratulations.” David sneers back

“She wants to talk to you if you just let her explain-“ he cuts me off

“No she wants to make herself feel better, do you think it’s a coincidence that literally weeks after you two met through me might I add you guys end up together? She wants to talk because she can’t be the villain in her story-“

“David” Carly shouts at him

“What Carly its true, don't you think its weird that I fuck up one time and she doesn’t let me explain myself, lets me live with the guilt of it for months comes back with a new boyfriend and the one time she fucks up she wants to make it better immediately so its not on her conscious when she didn’t even give me the chance to explain it” his voice cracks and he’s getting frustrated

“This is nowhere near the same thing and you know it, she didn’t leave you for me and you know that” my jaw clenches

“Are you sure because it sure looks like it or is it because she just lied and can’t live with it or-“

“David stop” Erin tries sending me a soft look

“She went behind my back and got with someone else before even telling me she was back in the country” he shouts as Natalie comes out of the house

“Oh, Shawn hey I didn’t know you guys were filming today?” She smiled towards me as David shoots her a look

“We’re not he’s leaving” David directs towards me

“If you seriously think I’m leaving without you giving her the common decency to let her explain herself you’ve lost it, man, just let her explain what happened with Dima and Ilya she’s not the one at fault here they’re her friends too”

“explain herself? Are you delusional SHE LIED to me where’s my common decency” David shouts

“I think you lost that right when you slept with the one person she was scared of the most” I retort back and automatically regret it. I hear the girls gasping around me all pointing looks at David and I feel him shrink all confidence lost.

“Dave you cheated on her?” Carly is the first to break the silence “You cheated on y/n? with who, when ?” Her eyes get big and I can see her putting together the pieces as Natalie and Erin look just as lost

“The night before y/n left you were at Liza’s Dave when did, oh my god” Carly puts her hands over her mouth backing away from him

Erin follows suit but looking more hurt “You cheated on y/n with Liza? Are you fucking kidding me, David? How stupid are you?” She looks at him and he shrinks

“It was an accident and it meant nothing-“ he tried to explain quickly to the girls

Carly shakes her head “No David you told us you guys have been fighting and that’s why she left, you didn’t mention anything about cheating” she looks at him hurt

Suddenly I feel out of place all I wanted was a chance for y/n to explain herself. He looks at me and if looks could kill I would be dead 100%

“I-fuck yes okay I slept with Liza but it meant nothing and I haven’t even talked to her since” he looks at the girls trying to convince them tugging on his hair

“Dave is that why Liza was sneaking out of the house the week after y/n left” Nat looks up at him and I see him cringe

That is new information, he was sleeping with Liza the entire time y/n was gone and he accused her of cheating.

“An accident HA what did she accidentally slip on your dick, I can’t believe you right now” Erin glares at him and I look to Natalie for help which she nods her head to

“David, I think you aren’t one to let y/n not explain herself, she’s waited two weeks and I promised you would call her so she can explain her side, maybe you guys should talk to clear the air get everything over with so we can move on” Natalie tries but is cut off by Erin

“Ha, you’ll be lucky if she picks up her phone, after everything she did for you David that’s how you repay her” Erin scoffs at him and turns to me and my eyes automatically widen. “Ya know she’s lucky she found a guy like you Shawn honestly I’ve never seen her so happy, Thank you for letting us know what actually happened between the two. He never gave us the honor of mentioning the truth.” Erin looks at David and walks down the driveway “Don’t call us until you apologize to her David, and whatever you get from it you deserve.”

I turn to watch Erin walk down the driveway when I notice Jeff’s car parked in the driveway and y/n in the front seat with Brian in the back. David notices it too and I quickly rush over to the passenger side opening the door for y/n

“Princess,” I start and she puts her hand on my cheek

“Stop, I asked Brian where you were going and he let it slip, you really can’t tell him anything” she chuckles and I look up to see Jeff get out of the car with Brian. Jeff’s walking up to David who is trying to convince Carly and Erin not to leave. I don’t know how much y/n heard but it can’t be any better.

——-

y/n p.o.v.

Pulling up to the driveway everyone was so in the moment they didn’t realize Jeff’s car pull up

Stepping out of the car with Shawn’s help was easy. This was not going to be easy and I was going to have a serious conversation with Shawn later. Giving him a kiss on the cheek I walk towards David who’s too engrossed in his conversation with the girls.

Carly notices me first and whispers my name but loud enough for David’s eyes to shoot towards me he’s about to open his mouth but I speak before he can

“We need to talk now” I look at David giving him a stern look so he knows I’m serious. I push past him and into the house making my way to the podcast room. I look anything but presentable I’m in Shawns oversized youth hoodie and a pair of white Adidas’ luckily this house is always cold and having something of Shawns calms my nerves.

Noticing Todd and Some Instagram models on the couch who glare at me I ignore them and walk straight into the podcast room hearing people following me

“Dave what the fuck is happening” I distinctly hear Todd ask as I close the door to the podcast room behind me luckily no ones in here so I just wait for David.

David walks in and closes the door behind him rubbing the back of his neck I know he’s nervous and won’t speak first because he doesn’t know what I heard. I clear my throat

“So you slept with Liza after I left,” I ask

“Can I explain before you accuse me of things?” He asks squinting his eyes at me

“So what you said outside in front of Carly, Erin and Shawn was just bullshit to make yourself feel better?” I fire at him

he looks at the floor “I-I did sleep with Liza after you left” he doesn’t make eye-contact

“Why are you hiding it, Dave? We broke up you were free to do whatever you wanted, more like whoever you wanted” I Sigh and rub my face with my sweater paws Shawns sweater being too big on me

He smiles softly “remember when you went through my closet and would only wear my sweaters for weeks? you refused to put on pants and wore it with the biker shorts you and Natalie got sent and I had to have Natalie order merch just for you because you kept stealing my sweaters” he chuckled noticing the youth hoodie

“That Instagram model on the couch did you sleep with her too?” I ask him making him look at me “She looks like she wants to kill me like I took her trophy”

He looks at the closed door and closes his eyes sighing “I slept with Liza, Stass, and Kelsey yes.” He looks at me

“So the girl Zane has been pinning after you’ve slept with her?” I look at him with disgust “And of course Zane doesn’t know right because why would he” I stand up

David flinches as I get up

“Dave what’s going on, what happened, I can’t deal with this I’ve been racking my head for what I did wrong? I don’t know what was worse me finding out you slept with Liza from Liza or that you weren’t even going to tell me until I confronted you about it, or now you making me feel like shit for keeping something from you to find out you slept with Liza the second I was out of the picture” I look at him lost wrapping my arms around my torso

“y/n please believe me when I tell you I never wanted to hurt you” his eyes are getting red “I love you so much it” he stops to tug on his hair “I went to Lizas that night to tell her I was going to propose to you”

My breath catches in my throat and I can feel the burning sensation in my eyes. “So let me get this straight” I pause to wipe at my nose “You went to tell your ex-girlfriend you were going to propose to me and somehow that got miscommunicated to let’s have sex?” You raise your voice at him

“I went to tell her it’s over between us” he takes a step closer to me and I take a step back

“That it was finally over? David oh my god we were dating for 3 and a half years” you shout “Where you screwing her behind my back” I look at him and he doesn’t answer he just bites his lip “Oh my god David oh my god” tears start falling “I trusted you, I was there for you” I back myself into a wall with my hands over my face as my breathing quickens relationship with him was built on lies. How could I have been so stupid

“No No, I didn’t sleep with her throughout our relationship” he fires at me quickly walking closer to me “The one time before you left that night is the only night I slept with her, please believe me”

“How can I” I glare at him

He flinches “Let me finish” he’s standing in front of me moving my hands from in front of me and holding them in his “I went to tell Liza that we were over, when me and her broke up she said she always wanted to get back together eventually, eventually never came and it wasn’t going to because I saw you in a new light and wanted to spend forever with you. I went to tell her our friendship couldn’t continue either because I didn’t want to do that to you and that when we had the wedding she wouldn’t be invited” he squeezes my hands

David wanted to marry me, went to tell his best friend it was done but slept with her instead. I look down at my hands being squeezed. I push at his chest “Don’t touch me” I look at him and see hurt flash across his eyes.

“You went to tell Liza you were going to propose and slept with her, you cheated on me, David. You did the one thing I was most afraid of in our relationship and you made it into a reality, how were you even thinking about her if you wanted to marry me? How would you think I could say yes to you if you were still thinking about your ex before you’re going to propose to me” I look at him and I see a tear roll down his cheek

“I'm sorry” his voice cracks and he’s crying wiping away at his cheeks “y/n I love you and we can fix this please please just don’t go away again. I had a moment of weakness it was more of one last time and right after I regretted it because it didn't feel like what we had, it wasn't you. Do you know what it was like to not know where you were I almost hired a private investigator to track you down, knowing I couldn’t leave the country why would you do that to me” he asks

Knowing this is how David got what he wanted, he would flip stories on you to make it about you. Mastermind David Dobrik was trying to get you to feel sorry for him. I stayed silent.

Standing up straighter “Don’t do that to me” I glare at him “Do not turn this around on me, ask your questions, ask me whatever you have to so we can get out of here, I’m tired David I just want to know why I wasn’t enough your moment of weakness was my living hell.”

“You were always more than enough, I wasn’t even close enough to be deserving of your love. Every morning I would thank whoever put you in my life and every time we went out to shoot with someone I was so scared you were going to realize that I didn’t deserve you that I wasn’t enough for you. Being surrounded by all these people I knew you would realize you didn’t deserve me and move onto someone like Shawn” he rubs his nose starring at you with such intensity he knew

“I didn’t cheat on you with Shawn” I fire at him

“Maybe not physically but you did.” He fires at me “did you sleep with Shawn before we broke up?” He accuses me

“No I didn’t cheat on you with Shawn, I could never hurt you, even now, I can't hurt you. I can’t bear to hear anyone say anything negative about you David. Do you know how deep your claws are dug into me.” I shout at him and I hear my voice crack and I cringe “Every time someone who finds out we use to date talks about how stupid or what a psychopath you are and “their happy someone like me got away from it” I can't stop myself from defending you. Do you know how hard it was to move on from you, every time Shawn even tried to get close to me all I thought about was how you would react which is complete bullshit because you obviously had no problem going back to Liza as soon as I walked out the door and all the other people thirsty for your blue fucking checkmark. I was so scared to let myself fall for Shawn because I was scared what your fans would say, what you would think.” I take a breathe and look at the ceiling trying to stop the tears that were threatening to spill “I am with Shawn now, yes I told Ilya, Dima, and your sisters and they promised to keep it a secret for me. I had no one to talk to. After the break up you kept everything David everything. I had nothing and no one so yes I left the country for you to make it easier so you didn’t have to think about what if’s or what could have been. In London, I ran into Shawn and things clicked that was the first time I smiled since I left and it was a month after, he watched me cry over you while you were fucking someone else in the bed we picked together. How fucked is that?” I look at him and he goes to open his mouth “I’m not finished, I'm with Shawn now, and I’m happy truly happy. With him I know I don’t have to worry about my heart shattering into so many pieces I cant piece it back together without help, I don’t have to worry about ex-girlfriends wanting him back or him spending time with girls who want him and him giving in. I didn’t tell you because I was worried about your well being and for that I’m sorry. I'm sorry I thought I ever meant something to you because obviously, you didn’t care, Ilya and Dima found me pretty easily, I was back in the states for a month before you even found out and I still didn’t hear anything from you.” Wiping my tears I look at him, he’s defeated because he knows everything I said was true. “You not only broke my heart but you didn’t even have the decency to tell your “friends” what you did to make me leave, you painted me out to be the villain when all I did was make it easier for you because my mistake was loving you to hard.”

“y/n please-“ he chokes out

“I’m done dave, I’m exhausted and I can’t do this anymore. clearly, whatever heartbroken act you had going on you should put it into an acting career because everyone's right you did it to yourself, I don’t know how I was so blind.” I shake my head going to stand up

“No y/n stop please can we finish talking” he tries

“David for what,” I say exasperated “So you can accuse me of cheating on you when we both know who did what here. David, you cheated on me and shattered my heart into so many pieces It took me a good half a year to put it back together not only me but I needed someone else to help me find the pieces to help me find me again. Not only that but you made me out to be someone who I'm not, someone who is capable of breaking you when all you did was do it to yourself.” I sigh and go to the door leaving him on the couch with his head in his hands

“Goodbye David I hope you find someone who loves you for the amazing guy I know you can be”

Opening the door I see Shawn biting his nails staring at the door I just opened intently while Brian stands next to him. The house has cleared out or they're hiding by the second door in the hall. Either way, you couldn't wait to get out of this house.

Shawns eye’s snap to you as he makes his way over, holding your face in both his hands staring into your eyes intently “Princess” looking into his eyes you know he’s sorry and regretful, leaning into his palm you close your eyes

“Prince I love you more than anything in this world you know that” I open my eyes and smile at him seeing his stupid smile break across his face

----

authors note: thank yall for giving me a platform to execute this idea I've had. I only planned to write 6 parts but I can put together a 7th. thank you guys for being patient and caring. Its been a while but I can’t believe its finally here. Tell me what you think in the comments Xx thank you guys for everything.

#shawn mendes x reader #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes x you #david dobrik angst #david dobrik imagine #david dobrik x reader #david dobrik x you #David dobrik x Shawn mendes x you #davids vlogs #natalie mariduena #jeff wittek

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sinofwriting · 5 years

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Top Ten - Colson Baker

Words: 1,682

Top Ten Machine Gun Kelly and Y/N Moments

By Elias Smith

It’s official, our favorite unproblematic couple is going to be together for two years fairly soon. We don't know the exact date, but they did mention last August that they had been seeing each other for over a year. Now, there is a lot of moments to sift through to pick the best, neither are shy to share photos and videos of the other to give us all the content we crave. So, here are my top ten best Machine Gun Y/N (How do they still not have a ship name???) moments. Tell me if I missed one in the comments below! (All videos, interviews, and photos will be linked at the end of the article)

10. Creep by Radiohead

Surprise, surprise, this just had to be on the list. When Machine Gun Kelly embarked on the first part of his Hotel Diablo tour in the US, at every concert he performed the chilling song Creep, that is known for being banned from radio stations. During the fifth concert of the tour, he told fans on stage that Creep had made it into the set list, because it was the first song that the couple had listened to together (weird, but cute!).

9. Creep but with a twist!

I know, I just mentioned Creep, but we can’t forget the June 25th show in Seattle, Washington, when he was in the middle of the song, Y/N came out and surprised both the audience and him! It was comical seeing the videos of him looking surprised to see his girlfriend who was supposed to be in Italy for an undisclosed project.

8. Confirmed

How could we talk about their relationship and not mention when Machine Gun Kelly confirmed the relationship? We all suspected something was going on in with the numerous spotted appearances in late 2017 and early 2018, despite the release of the song Break Up, just a few months prior, from MGK. When the musician did his second interview with Hot Ones, Sean Evans asked the question we all had, what's going on between you and actress Y/N? We expected him to act similarly to how he did when questioned about Amber Rose in the first hot ones episode he did. Cooly, despite having just had a wing with hot sauce over half a million scovilles in his mouth, he said, “I would say we’re just chilling, but I’m not about to be a fucking liar. We’re together, have been for a while now.” He then looked at the camera and winked, saying next. “Sorry, babe. Had to tell ‘em.”

7. The Bath Live

If you don't know what I mean by the bath live, that’s okay, but also where have you been? In July of 2018, Y/N decided to do an instagram live, while not unusual for the actress, she did it in the most surprising of places. When you clicked on the live you were greeted by Y/N from the shoulders up as she relaxed in the bath. Having just got done traveling, she decided to show her ritual for what she does when she returns to the states. Fifteen minutes after the live started, Machine Gun Kelly, entered the bathroom. Having not seen his girlfriend for over a month and respecting that she had promised to be live for another twenty minutes, he stripped down and only after she covered the camera, joined her in the bath. When the camera was uncovered, we were greeted with the same view of Y/N, only for him to be sitting behind her. The next twenty minutes of the live were spent with the couple in the bath, as he would splash her sometimes when she was thinking for too long over an answer. And joining in on answering some questions. We also for the first time got to see the couple kiss each other.

6. Shinedown

Let’s go back to August of 2017, we didn’t know that they we’re seeing each other much less that Y/N and Machine Gun Kelly knew each other. When Shinedown announced their summer tour, they had one stop in California. And with that concert, it marked the couples first public appearance together. Fans had spotted the two, and took many photos and videos of the two. Since, the two didn’t really touch each other, no one thought too much of it. I only bring this up, because Y/N told MTV, seven months ago, that the concert was their first actual date, despite having already entered a relationship.

5. The Dirt Set

Everyone knows about The Dirt, the Motley Crue biopic where Machine Gun Kelly starred as Tommy Lee. During the filming of that movie, Y/N got to come on set and meet Tommy Lee himself, who was also on set during the time. Having already seen what the actor looked like in the whole get up, Tommy filmed Y/N’s reaction to seeing her boyfriend with no tattoos and in clothes from the 80’s. The reaction was priceless. When he came out of his trailer, you could see her jaw drop as she took her boyfriend. And the words that came out of her mouth were even better, “I might of been a Mars girl, but this…” she trailed off, her words having made both of them laugh. She in the same video told Tommy that, Motley Crue was her first concert, while Machine Gun Kelly struggled with staying on the make up departments good side or saying fuck it and hug his girlfriend. He hugged and kissed her, afterwards he looked at the camera and said, “Make up will kill me for this, but I missed her.”

4. 26th Birthday

When Y/N celebrated her 26th birthday last year, many photos and videos were posted. But, the sweetest of all was one from Y/N, herself, saying thank you for all the birthday wishes. She posted a photo, with a cake in front of her, and when you slide to see what came after, your greeted by a video of Machine Gun Kelly and his daughter, Casie, bringing her breakfast in bed. The two of them both kissing her on the cheek, before the videos ends.

3. Kisses The Short Film

When Y/N announced that she had a short film coming out that would be available to watch on YouTube in the beginning of this year, fans freaked out. She and I quote, called the film stupid and that it wasn’t much but something she had been thinking about doing. The tiny film opens to black, with her doing a voiceover, that goes throughout the seven minute short film. In the film, when the black fades out, we see Machine Gun Kelly and Y/N laying in bed together, backs to each other. As the camera moves to show us their whole bodies, we see that despite not looking at each other, the two are holding hands. I could describe frame by frame what happens in this short film, that’s just how much I love it, but to summarize. The rest of the film shows the couple acting together in at times a very distant manner, to abusive on both sides, to passionate, to kind. It seems to show every kind of romantic relationship there is. You may wonder why I included this on the list, but honestly I had to just because of the passionate moments you do get to see in the film and also how Y/N sounds as she narrates what’s happening in a poetic way.

2. Persephone

Everyone has an opinion on who had the better diss track between Machine Gun Kelly and Eminem. And many can admit that Eminem crossed a line he shouldn’t of when performing the song Killshot for the first time. He had a girl that looked very similar to Y/N on stage with him, and throughout the whole song he proceed to keep the girl close at his side. And when the song ended, he said into the microphone, “We all know that Y/N’s thinking of me and not you.” Referencing a picture she had posted earlier that day of herself with the caption, thinking of you. Machine Gun Kelly didn’t hesitate at his concert the next day, to perform Rap Devil twice, all while looking more pissed off then anyone has ever seen him. His band also seemed just as pissed off, no one having smiles on their faces as the song played out. Y/N herself sent out a tweet with the middle finger emoji. A week later however, when the couple reunited, the rapper/actor posted a picture of his face resting on her stomach, her hip the main focus of the picture, where a new tattooed laid, that said Persephone. The caption read, “it can take a lot to get Hades, but mention Persephone and your done.”

1. Red Carpet

And number one on my list has to be their first red carpet together. They were stuck to each other sides the entire time, even for the interviews that Y/N had, Machine Gun Kelly was right by her, arm wrapped around her waist. The best part was the interview she gave us, where we included the rapper and turned it into a little game of who know the other better. At first he didn’t want to play, considering we just decided to do this and there was no reward, but when Y/N told him that if he won, he would get a kiss, explaining that because of her lipstick she had told him while getting ready they couldn’t kiss until after the event, he immediately agreed. Unsurprisingly, due to the incentive of getting to kiss his girlfriend, he won. And proceeded to give her a kiss in front of the camera that made my coworker James who was interviewing them, blush!

There’s my top ten moments. Do you think I missed one? If so, tell me!

#mgk imagine #machine gun kelly imagine #colson baker imagine #mgk x reader #machine gun kelly x reader #colson baker x reader

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amphtaminedreams · 4 years

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Film Tier Ranking 2019: A Bad Year for Bird Films

Hi to anyone reading,

I’ve finally put it together: my 2019 film tier ranking! I know tier rankings are a bit 6 months ago but seeing British crisps sorted into god, good, mid and shit tier all over Twitter, the format really resonated with me and I was like I MUST USE THIS AT SOME POINT! And I guess since there probably isn’t much of an audience for crisp tier rankings on Tumblr, it makes more sense for me to do it with films instead, especially as doing a 2019 year in film review was something I previously claimed I would do; here’s to 2020 and following through on my proposals.

I think 2019 in general was an okay year for film, with the end of the year definitely outselling the beginning. One thing to bear in mind is that a lot of films that I would’ve been able to see in 2019, I.E Little Women and Parasite, didn’t come out until 2020 in the UK so they won’t make it onto this year’s list. It’s not a snub by any means. I more fall in line with the Elsie Fisher Film Awards school of thought than the Oscars, which have yet again disregarded several incredible performances this year: Florence Pugh in Midsommar, Taron Egerton in Rocketman, Lupita Nyongo in Us, and of course, Greta Gerwig’s direction of Little Women. I’m sure there are many more but those are the first few that come to mind. Oh to be in 2017 when nominations made fractionally more sense.

This list also includes films that weren’t necessarily released this year, but that I just got around to watching; there were a couple of disappointments but also a lot of films I can’t believe it took me this long to finally watch and have definitely made their way into my favourites. My goal for this year is to get through even more of the films on my verrrry long Letterboxd watchlist, and more specifically, watch said films without going on my phone, which is a really bad habit of mine. I find it hard to sit still! Let me live!

I also want to try and put aside my prejudices about visual quality and watch more pre-2000s movies this year; it’s really bad but I never managed to get more than half an hour into Psycho, of all films, solely because I couldn’t deal with the black and white. In 2020, I am going to stop being a whiney Gen Z/cusp millenial-er and give older films the chance they deserve.

So, without further ado, here is my film tier ranking of everything I watched in 2019! If you make it til the end and have any thoughts or disagreements, let me know. I love to hear other’s opinions and get new perspectives on things and am totally open to any criticism. Happy reading:-)

God Tier

Knives Out (Rian Johnson, 2019)

Knives Out. What a film.

I feel like I waited forever to see this at the cinema. They must have started showing trailers for it in, like, August, and I had to wait til mid-November to see it. How are you gonna just dangle a film with Toni Colette and Lakeith Stanfield in my face and then make me wait 3 months? Totally unethical.

But that being said, when it finally came around and I did see it, as much as I love Toni and Lakeith, there was one stand out and it wasn’t either of them: ANA DE ARMAS. I have to admit I’d never heard of her before but she acted the shit out of a role I feel I’d ordinarily find irritating and gimmicky. Daniel Craig, whose character seemed annoying as fuck in the trailer, was actually surprisingly funny.

Stylistically, it was a very cool film and I liked the subtle commentary on class that was running throughout. Also, I thought the ending was very clever. My issue with a lot of whodunnits is that they just pick someone who doesn’t make sense for shock factor *cough, Bobby Beale in Eastenders, cough* but the shocks here were more in the details.

Hustlers (Lorene Scafaria, 2019)

There wasn’t one single moment of Hustlers I didn’t enjoy and it’s quite amazing that there wasn’t one single point in this film about strippers that I felt gratuitously sexualised women. THAT is why you fund female directors. It made the whole thing look like a calculated art form, which I think the unsexy amongst us can all agree that it is. Constance Wu was a fantastic lead, J-Lo was kind of robbed for a supporting actress nom, and Keke Palmer and Lili Reinhart were hilarious too.

Midsommar (Ari Aster, 2019)

Midsommar was such an experience that it took me a good few days afterwards to decide whether I actually liked it. I saw it the day it came out because I loved Hereditary so much and I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. I kind of had an idea of the way it was going to go, we could all kind of guess evil cult was the route that was being taken from the trailer, but I just didn’t realise quite how weird it’d get.

The gore was great, the visuals were stunning and the character arcs were surprising and for that reason, I think this is another game changer for horror from Ari Aster. I didn’t love it like I loved Hereditary but it continues to play on my mind and 7 months later I still can’t resist a good “Things you Missed in Hereditary” or “Hereditary Themes Explained” Youtube video essay. That’s how you know a film fucked with you and that’s the ultimate goal of going into a horror for me. Put that on my headstone after I inevitably get myself into some mortally dangerous conflict because I want to “get fucked with” a little bit.

Booksmart (Olivia Wilde, 2019)

So here’s the thing with Booksmart: I was getting progressively more and more drunk throughout it so I might be a little biased when I say I loved it. That being said, worth revere seems to be a commonly held opinion so I’ll stick to my guns. Plus, movies like this, which just focus on girls living their lives, are few and far between. Why have we had to wait THIS long for the female Superbad?

IDK. But Kaitlyn Dever, Beanie Feldstein and Billie Lourd proved it’s definitely a genre worth investing in so hopefully we see more lighthearted female-led coming of age comedies. One Ladybird per year isn’t enough for me.

The Favourite (Yorgos Lanthimos, 2018)

I included The Favourite in my 50 Films You’ve Got to Watch that I made earlier this year so I don’t have all that much to say about it that I haven’t said already. To summarise, it’s an instant classic: the cinematography, the cast, the lines, it’s all perfection.

Suspiria (Luca Guadagnino, 2018)

I also included Suspiria in my 50 Films You’ve Got to Watch list so sorry if I’m repeating myself, but I adored everything about it. If I had to sum it up in one sentence I’d say divine feminine energy, but inverted. Plus ballet. That dancing scene in the mirrored room will probably never leave my mind (if you’ve watched it, trust me, you’ll know the one I'm talking about), and if there were awards given out for creepy montages in horror, this would win all of them. It still blows my mind that Tilda Swinton played 3 characters in this film; 2 of them are so distinctly different, if anyone put two and two together without prior knowledge of this fact then I’ll blow my own head up too. This is why I got so mad when there was all that discussion around her being the new female Doctor Who and there were people asking who she was. How can you not know who Tilda fucking Swinton is!? She’s a legend!

Sorry, is the wannabe film snob in me showing?

Annihilation (Alex Garland, 2018)

Though I initially watched it because it’s branded as a horror, Annihilation ended up being a surprisingly introspective take on human nature and our self-destructive tendencies. Nothing really went the way I expected it to, even though I was constantly trying to guess that trajectory from beginning to end.

Visually, Annihilation is magnificent. Like, it’s tense, and where exactly the plot is going is shrouded in mystery, but most importantly, it’s super fucking pretty. Sure, the only thing that was mildly horrifying was the *SPOILER* end result of that bear scene but I didn’t mind too much because there was always that edge-of-your-seat possibility something like that would happen again.

Also I realised that Gina Roduriguez is really hot in this! I would just say in general but that video of her saying the n-word kind of took away shot at real world magnetism. WHY SUCH A SHITTY APOLOGY VIDEO!? WHY?!

Assassination Nation (Sam Levinson, 2018)

So I didn’t clock until I was looking up directors that Sam Levinson, Euphoria director, also directed this, and suddenly everything makes sense in the world. They both have that dreamlike, exaggerated feel that perfectly captures the emotional rollercoaster that is being a teenager, only in Assassination Nation obviously the threats are a bit more...tangible. As in its actually other people trying to kill our protagonists this time round, not just angst.

Not gonna lie, it’s not a patch on Euphoria because that show is probably the best thing I watched all year, but I did thoroughly enjoy it, even if I did feel the social commentary, despite how in your face it was, got a bit lost in translation at times. I think it’s the kind of film that, once again, would’ve felt more genuine coming from a female director, however that’s not to take away from how witty, modern, and completely relevant it still is as we move into 2020.

Sorry To Bother You (Boots Riley, 2018)

Right. WHAT THE FUCK!?

Why don’t more people talk about this film? Like it has Tessa Thompson and the world’s best earrings! Lakeith Stanfield getting more than 10 cumulative minutes of screen time! Armie Hammer being that bitch we all knew he was irl (probably)! Scathing critiques of late stage capitalism! It’s insane, in the absolute best way.

SPOILERS AHEAD: I had a mini paragraph written about the last hour of the film and the descent into pure unadulterated chaos, and how it’s like, the internet’s best kept secret, because ordinarily you lot can’t keep your mouths shut about a film or TV’s shows most crucial reveals for more than 5 minutes and THEN...My FBI agent must be feeling real cheeky because THIS tweet pops up on my Twitter timeline.

Fuck this shit, I’m out. Onto the next film. MI5 stop peeping my drafts.

Eighth Grade (Bo Burnham, 2018)

I don’t want to repeat what I said about Eighth Grade in my 50 Films you Should Watch list but Elsie Fisher’s performance in this is why I wish the Oscars also had some kind of rising star award category à la the BAFTAs. Honestly, every 13/14 year old should watch this; it’s a reminder that although feeling like an outsider is by its nature quite isolating, it’s prolific enough that a 29 year old man, 10 years out of “high school”, gets it.

American Animals (Bart Layton, 2018)

My sister and I absolutely loved this film so you can image our disappointment when we turned round to our parents at the end and our enthusiasm wasn’t matched...as in, I’m pretty sure they were both asleep for a lot of it. WHICH I DON’T GET. Because to me, there wasn’t a dull moment. American Animals is what happens when a group of university age boys with the finesse of the American Vandal Turd Burglar try and apply that to an Evil Genius stye heist, part Netflix, talking head abundant documentary, part live-action film. Splicing a stylistic reenactment with interview footage of the men who really attempted to commit the crime elevated what I probably would have put in the Good Tier™ to the God Tier™; seeing the guy Evan Peters is playing alongside Evan Peters playing him, now only the remnants of the arrogance we see in the reenactment left behind, sharply reminds you of the fall from grace these boys deservedly went through. Plus Barry Keoghan from The Killing of a Sacred Deer is in it, proving that unsettlingly stiff is NOT in fact his natural state.

Gerald’s Game (Mike Flanagan, 2017)

I wish there was a shorthand way to say I wrote about this in my 50 Films You Should Watch list so I’m gonna keep it short but here we are! This was great! If The Haunting of Hill House isn’t proof enough, Gerald’s Game (not to take away any credit from Stephen King) is a reminder that Mike Flanagan is the king of subtle, niggling sensation in your stomach that something is about to go very wrong horror. I hear he and Ari Aster have a timeshare situation going on with the crown.

The Ritual (David Bruckner, 2017)

Okay, so this is the film that made me realise we should all be very scared of forests. Nope, all the documentaries into the Aokigahara Forest weren’t enough, apparently. I subjected myself to this too, as if my unfit, cold-blooded, bug-fearing, scared of the dark ass doesn’t already have enough concerns about my survival odds in the great outdoors.

Really though, setting aside, this film maintains the sense of dread throughout and keeps you guessing what’s going on until the very end. Much like The Descent, the group dynamic and characters are realistic enough that it adds to the believability of a scenario I, in principle, know would never happen to the extent that I might keep away from vast, wooded spaces for a while just in case.

Dumbo (Tim Burton, 2019)

If film Twitter came across this post and saw I’d placed Dumbo in a higher tier than If Beale Street Could Talk I can only imagine the outrage. And sure, the latter is probably a much higher quality film. But sometimes a movie, for reasons you can’t quite put your finger on, gets you right in the sweet spot, and Dumbo did that for me. Maybe it was that the CGI elephant reminded me of my cat (I know, leave me alone), maybe I was emotional that day, I don’t know, all I know is that I cried like 5 times and was smiling for the rest of it-to be fair, the exploitation of animals for our entertainment is something that is still very much going on and that was something that was playing on my mind a lot whilst I was watching it. IRL Dumbos should be free too. Dumbo rights.

The VVitch (Robert Eggers, 2016)

This film taught me that there’s nothing wrong with joining a coven of young witches and getting naked and levitating around a fire. And that’s an important life lesson. Plus it gave us the quote “wouldst thou like to live deliciously?”, which is not only so perfectly creepy and simultaneously empowering that I had to get it tattooed but also, created ASMR. I just made that last bit up obviously but Black Philip getting his own ASMR Youtube channel?

The Descent (Neil Marshall, 2006)

For me, much like The Ritual, The Descent is a perfect horror film: it’s got the ghouls but the situation the characters find themselves in is also terrifying by its own merit. The reason The Descent made it onto my 50 Films list and the Ritual didn’t is because, let’s be honest, it’s 2020 and you can get mobile signal in most places. You could probably at least make a 999 call if you got lost in a forest. If you DID get stuck in an underground cave and it collapsed in on itself, you’d be pretty fucked; the idea of it makes me shudder and I will never set foot in an underground tunnel at any point in my life for any amount of money EVER after seeing this. Also, the women in this are great and the creatures in this are genuinely quite terrifying, especially the first time you see them.

Chicago (Rob Marshall, 2003)

Ah, Chicago, the last film on the God Tier™, proving that this list is in no particular order. Because WHAT A FIM. WHY DON’T PEOPLE TALK ABOUT THIS MORE?! Like don’t get me wrong, I know it deservedly won Best Picture in 2003 but I’m talking about right now! I mean, fucking Titanic is still out here getting referenced left, right and centre and yet Chicago gets paid dust! Can you tell I’m mad and that I think Titanic is hugely overrated?! Is that maybe coming across?!

ALL the songs are bops, Catherine Zeta-Jones is hot (I saw someone on Letterboxd say that Catherine Zeta-Jones in this film was their bisexual awakening and honestly, if I hadn’t already known I was a raging bisexual, same, because I FELT things in that All That Jazz opening) and Cell Block Tango is the revenge fantasy anthem I never knew I needed. Smart, tongue in cheek, beautifully shot and makes men look like little bitches which is probably why my dad hated it but what did I expect.

Good Tier

Zombieland: Double Tap (Ruben Fleischer, 2019)

Onto the first film of the good tier, Zombieland: Double Tap definitely exceeded my expectations. I was super worried about the prospect of a sequel as I love the first one so much and assumed it would be crap. Obviously, it doesn’t match up to the original because the original WAS so original, but it was still a fun, easy, witty ride. And I was SO glad they didn’t *SPOILERS AHEAD* kill off Tallahassee at the end because I really thought that was coming and it seemed so predictable and unnecessary. Highlight was the introduction of the lookalikes at Graceland.

Judy (Rupert Goold, 2019)

So, this is the first of two consecutive rants I’m about to go on about Oscar nominations and people’s reactions online. Prepare yourself.

I’ll start with the underlying message: just because you think something else deserves the praise more, doesn’t mean the film/album/*insert whatever artistic medium you wish here* that IS getting the praise is shit.

Like people are angry that Lupita Nyongo wasn’t nominated for best actress for her performance in Us which is COMPLETELY valid as she carried that film on her back. In the same vein, people are also angry that more women of colour haven’t been nominated for best actress. Also valid; I’ve yet to see The Farewell but I’ve heard great things about Akwafina’s performance and I love her so even though I haven’t seen it, I’m gonna take the general consensus that she should’ve been nominated too. The Oscars definitely has a problem with recognising the work of POC. BUT, because of this, people are angry that Renee Zellweger has been nominated for her performance in Judy, saying that it’s typical “Oscar bait”. I agree, it is typical Oscar bait. However, a lot of the people saying this will in the same breath say (or tweet rather) that they haven’t actually SEEN Judy.

How can you possibly say that Renee Zellweger doesn’t deserve any of the praise she’s getting when you haven’t even seen the film? Don’t get me wrong, the film itself is good but not outstanding (hence its place in this tier), but you can see Renee genuinely put her heart and soul into this film; it was powerful, and it was sympathetic but it was also nuanced and subtle where they could’ve just capitalised on all the sensationalised stories of the actions of a woman clearly deeply suffering in her final years and had it be full of shouting and screaming. The Wizard of Oz has always kind of felt like home to me because of the childhood nostalgia factor and so I’ve always been interested in Judy and I think Renee captured her heart and her spirit in a way she would be deeply honoured by. Maybe the film itself doesn’t deserve the acclaim it’s getting but I think Zellweger definitely deserves the nom and I think most people who’ve actually seen it wouldn’t contest that.

Joker (Todd Philipps, 2019)

Okay so second rant. I’m sorry. I have a lot of feelings. Most of them aimed at the annoying tendency of internet users, Film Twitter™ and Letterboxd users I’m looking at you in particular, to be wildly exaggerative.

There just seems to be no nuance online. It’s not just yeah, I didn’t like the film personally and the message could be perceived in a certain way by certain individuals, it’s I HATE THIS FILM AND IT’S DANGEROUS AND THE DIRECTOR FUCKING SUCKS. I noticed this trend when La La Land came out (which if I had watched last year would certainly be in God tier for me). It’s like, if a film initially receives a lot of praise and buzz, there’s almost this wave of compensatory vehement criticism in response that’s usually disproportionate to how controversial the film actually is. People didn’t like that Joker was popular because they didn’t like Joker so suddenly it’s the worst film ever and the possibility of it getting any critical acclaim is wrong. I even saw people berating Todd Philipps for channelling Martin Scorsese as he’s the only person to ever be influenced and take direction from one of the most dominant figures in film of the 20th and 21st century. I mean, what’s wrong with that?! If it was any other director, it’d be called homage. But because everything has to be seen through this malicious lens, its copying.

I think one of the few very valid criticisms about Joker was that it further perpetuates the idea that psychotic people are dangerous, and I can totally see where they’re coming from. At the same time, we have to accept that whilst the majority of people who are psychotic aren’t a danger to anyone apart from themselves, most “dangerous” people don’t just become dangerous because they thought, fuck it, why not? A lot of people in the prison system ARE suffering with some kind of mental illness. The character’s psychosis doesn’t make him dangerous, it’s his underlying resentment and sense of entitlement that grows throughout the film that makes him dangerous, and I think a lot of people seem to miss this point. They say that the way the film ends implies Philipps is justifying the actions of the films protagonist. However, we KNOW the Joker is an unreliable narrator, he’s one of pop culture’s most infamous villains and that being said, both in film and in the real world, few villains see themselves as the villain. Joker is about why HE thinks he’s justified in doing what he does, not why he IS justified in doing what he does because he’s not, and that’s pretty clear from the moment he shoots someone in the head on live TV. Honestly, I think there’s a bit of wilful misinterpretation going on because people don’t like that film

I liked Joker. It was gritty, it was interesting, and sufficiently dark. I didn’t think it was the best film of the year but I understand why it got the praise it did. Obviously, it’s okay that people disagree and DON’T like it. But can we please get a bit more well-acquainted with the middle ground?

It: Chapter Two (Andres Muschietti, 2019)

Okay, essays over. Back to regular scheduled programming of less impassioned reviews. Though I will say I deserved better than my Letterboxd comment of “so you can just fucking roast Pennwyise to death?” getting absolutely 0 traction. One day my grand total of 5 followers, one of which is my sister, will recognise my brilliance (lol).

It’s hard to say how much I really liked this as I think my perspective of how much I did enjoy it is warped by how much I disliked the first one. Child actors really aren’t my thing and the only cast members I warmed to in the first one were Finn Wolfhard and Jack Dylan Grazer whereas the cast here were a lot more likeable, imo. Bill Hader, Jessica Chastain and James Ransone were all great, with the only let down being James Mcavoy; I love him, don’t get me wrong, but I just think he was really miscast in this role.

Another thing I enjoyed a lot more about this instalment was that due to the more episodic/anthology-like/Creepshow-esque structure with each character conquering different monsters from their past individually, the narrative felt like it had a lot more direction, and it didn’t drag as much despite it having a significantly longer runtime. I haven’t read the Stephen King novels and I don’t know much of the pacing issues are down to them so this is me coming at it from a screenwriting angle but it felt as if the climax of the first film just kept going on and on. Every time I thought it had finished there’d be another confrontation between the kids and Pennywise whereas Chapter 2 seemed to have a more definitive third act and I appreciated that.

Rocketman (Dexter Fletcher, 2019)

So, here’s one where I WILL agree with the general online consensus: if Rami Malek got nominated for playing Freddie Mercury last year and Renee got nominated for playing Judy Garland, why the fuck didn’t Taron Egerton get one for playing Elton John? Why didn’t Rocketman itself get a nomination when Judy did? Though I personally preferred Judy because I’m more interested in her story, technically and narratively Rocketman is the better film in my opinion. This was so cleverly edited and sequenced and told with such a brutal honesty on Elton John’s part (it was co-produced by his husband David Furnish and he was heavily involved in everything from the set to the script), that I can only come to the conclusion that the obligatory biopic nomination only comes when the focus of said biopic is no longer with us as a kind of honorary thing. Whilst something like Bohemian Rhapsody was much more of an easy watch (which just goes to show how glossed over Freddie Mercury’s life was in the film), the way the story was told, by the time we got to I’m Still Standing that happy ending felt so earned.

Aladdin (Guy Ritchie, 2019)

You can hate all you want, Prince Ali and Never Had a Friend Like Me are fucking bops and somehow they were even better in this incarnation of the film. I was initially hesitant about Will Smith being cast but rather than trying to impersonate Robin Williams he went his own route and it really worked. He was the highlight of the film. It was undeniably visually stunning too. Madonna’s ex did good.

Us (Jordan Peele, 2019)

Ah, I feel so conflicted when it comes to Us. Like, there were some really strong points and it’s definitely a good standalone horror movie. It’s just you can’t help but compare it to Get Out, and with that unsatisfactory exposition dump ending, I left feeling so disappointed. It seemed to me that Jordan Peele got in a bit over his head here with trying to tie such a vague social metaphor and the actual in-universe plot together, and so ended up leaving both a bit half-baked. He tried to OutPeele himself and for me, it didn’t work.

The doppelgängers were so scary as this ambiguous, vaguely threatening presence that if you are gonna give us a full blown, sit down explanation of why they exist it needs to be really bloody good. And this explanation didn’t make much sense. For example, *SPOILERS AHEAD* I imagine that the tethered just not being able to walk up the escalator into the “real world” was supposed to be some kind of metaphor for social mobility but it’s not fleshed out enough to work. In our world, there are REASONS why the idea of social mobility is flawed. In the film, it’s just like gee, if they chose to just walk up the escalator and go on this murderous rampage now, why couldn't they have decided to do it years ago back before they all lost their fucking minds? Why were they just copying the originals for all those years? HOW did they know what they were doing? See, the metaphor as I understand it is supposed to be that we depend on the oppression of others like us in order to maintain our social status, but not only is this kind of too general a statement to try and use a feature length film to make, I don’t really understand how this dynamic works within the narrative of the film. Technically, there's nothing to stop the tethered and the originals co-existing apart from the tethered deciding not to walk up the fucking escalator. We’re not talking a bourgeoisie-proletariat relationship here. The explanation of it all just being a “government project gone wrong” was too vague seeing as the plot working seemed prior to this to hinge onto something vaguely supernatural and the eventual plan of the doppelgängers seemingly had no purpose or application to the real world like the climax of Get Out did. It just left me feeling kind of like...why? Why did this all happen? When the ending and the twist was that predictable (the old Pretty Little Liars finale style twin switcheroo was blatantly obvious from the mother’s “it’s like she’s a different person” line near the beginning, let’s be real), I was expecting some final revelation that flipped my expectation on its head or at least felt helped things click into place. Instead, it seemed a bit hamfisted and like I was supposed to feel things were deeper and more significant than they actually were.

All that being said, I appreciate that if anyone other than the writer of Get Out had come out with this movie, I probably wouldn’t have these issues. Us was funny, it was fresh, and the concept of doppelgängers is something I’m so glad to see brought back into our modern pop culture database. The people are right, Lupita was incredible in this and it is a travesty that she didn’t get nominated. My sister, who was so creeped out by her vocal performance that she had her fingers in her ears every time Red spoke, still won’t let me attempt an impression of it. And that Fuck the Police sequence? Iconic.

On the Basis of Sex (Mimi Leder, 2019)

I apologise in advance for the shittiest “review” I’ll ever write, but honestly I can’t remember all too much about this film other than it being good. Ruth Bader Ginsburg, I’m sorry. You’re a cool lady.

If Beale Street Could Talk (Barry Jenkins, 2019)

EURGH, THIS WAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL FIM. The score, the shots, the rawness. I imagine it’s devastatingly real. Like, *SPOILERS AHEAD* you think there’s going to be a happy ending but there’s not. It should be disappointing but it’s an honest choice. And side note: fuck those annoying middle aged white ladies in the seats behind me and my friend who lost their shit and started giggling every time the N-word was used, JFC. I hate living in a Tory stronghold.

Cam (Daniel Goldhaber, 2018)

So, as I said, I’m a fan of the whole doppelgänger thing. It freaks me out. The point in this film where the protagonist is approaching her bedroom door whilst she watches HERSELF livestreaming from inside that same bedroom had my heart in my mouth wondering what she was going to encounter on the other side. And you see, the ending of this was a lot more ambiguous than the ending of Us, so I should’ve had less questions. Whilst I’ve seen other people saying it WAS unsatisfactory and that they felt like we were owed more of an explanation, I liked the simplicity of the answer we got and the wiggle room it leaves for our own interpretation. The way I see it, given that we were told by the fan the protagonist meets with in the motel room that *SPOILERS AHEAD* it was a case of some kind of software copying these women’s likenesses to steal their viewers and thus their profits, is that Cam is a kind of a commentary on the capitalist exploitation of women’s bodies and the demand for (and desensitisation towards) sexually violent content; we don't necessarily need to know who is behind the virtual cloning, which is terrifyingly believable given how realistic some of the deepfakes I’ve seen are, because it doesn’t matter. We're basically told money is the motive and we know the kind of lengths some people will go, and someone DID go to in Cam, to in order to make a shitload of money and that’s as true in real life as it is scary. On the other hand, if you want to believe there’s a more supernatural presence behind the events of the film, there’s enough left to the imagination that you can go down that route too. Some films are better left un-exposition dumped and this is the proof. My one criticism, is that, like many films, it would be even better if directed by a woman; I’ve seen people say that its portrayal of online sex work isn’t entirely accurate and though I can’t say with certainty that women working in this industry weren’t consulted in the first place, I imagine a female director would not only be more likely to listen to their concerns but could translate the confusion and fear that comes with being expected to makes oneself sexually desirable to get ahead in the world but then shamed and used for doing so even more viscerally. A few tweaks and it’d be God Tier.

Colette (Wash Westmoreland, 2019)

The costumes, sets, and Keira were so, so stunning. Also it was just an inspiring, beautiful story. The navigation of womanhood, so called “deviant” sexuality and self-expression against the backdrop of early 20th century Paris with a load of Edwardian era tailoring thrown in, it’s everything I could possibly want and more; 10/10 moodboard content.

The Boy (William Brent Bell, 2016)

I can’t believe this film was made in 2016, and it almost makes me move it down to mid tier based on the fact that a lot of the allowances I made for cheese factor I made on the assumption it came out earlier in the decade. BUT, that being said, I was creeped out for a good portion of this film. Most horrors I watch and I’m probably a bit too chilled (a head comes off or some witchy ass ghost screams into the camera and my only thought is some kind of judgement of the SFX), and yet I felt like watching this behind my hands. I don’t know what it is about dolls and puppets, Chucky was my childhood fear even though I never actually watched the film, but something about the uncanny valley of it all makes me just spend the whole time they’re on screen silently praying they don’t start moving or talking. So in a way, given the resolution of the film *SPOILERS AHEAD*, the premise of The Boy was actually a lot scarier to me than the reveal of what was really going on. Someone hiding in my walls? NBD. That demons are real and that they live inside creepy old dolls? Terrifying. Why does everybody I debate this with disagree!? You can't call the police on a demon! At least with a human being you can stick them with the pointy ending of something! Regardless, I enjoyed the journey and trying to work out how things would end and if there IS anybody secretly living inside my house right now, even if you are a supposedly dead murderous family member (last time I checked I didn’t have any of those so I should be all good), kindly vacate. Thanks.

Oprhan (Jaume Collet-Serra, 2009)

So the fact that this film is based on a real life case makes this all the more terrifying. It was a bit campy and tacky at times but the shot of *SPOILERS AHEAD* Esther taking off her makeup in the mirror and revealing her true age will always be iconic. Plus I love Vera Farmiga, even though I did struggle to see her as anyone other than Norma Bates.

First Reformed (Paul Schrader, 2018)

A hauntingly beautiful film with a lot of room for interpretation. There were so many gorgeous shots and so much subtext, this is proper 10/10 media studies essay material.

The Invitation (Karyn Kusama, 2015)

I would say the concept and implications of this film, which don’t fully hit you til the final shots, are a lot better than the film itself. It feels very realistic though and is definitely tense.

As Above, So Below (John Erick Dowdle, 2014)

I was so stoned when I watched this that a lot of the allegory and Dante’s inferno references went straight over my head, and it just seemed absolutely balls to the wall wild. I couldn’t buy that the characters would just KEEP GOING either when things began to get terrifying, like people in horror films really out here making the most nonsensical decisions and it drives me mad. But anyway, it was definitely entertaining and there’s a lot more to it in terms of plot and mythology than most similar quality horrors and I appreciate that

Climax (Gaspar Noe, 2018)

Climax is an interesting one that I think I’ll have to watch again to judge how much I truly like it. As with Us, I know it’s a good film, but I think my expectations of what it was going to be left me slightly disappointed. See, when I read about the premise I assumed that the horror was going to come from seeing the perspective of the characters on said acid trip and that leaves so much room for any kind of terrifying visuals you want whether that be something based in realism or fucked up creatures of the imagination. Buuuuut, it wasn’t that at all; at no point does Climax take place from the first person perspective of any of the characters. Similar to Darren Aronofsky’s Mother, the horror comes from not being able to do anything but watch as everyone starts losing their minds and the situation gets increasingly more dire. It’s pure stress; the acting is so unnervingly good that you really do feel like you’re watching some unintentionally horrific incident take place. That’s not a bad thing-I like it when films make me feel something intense, whether that emotion be positive or negative. It was just a different viewing experience to the one I had precipitated.

Mid Tier

Nativity (Debbie Isitt, 2009)

I find Mr.Poppy hilarious. Does that make me a child? Probably. I’m not really one for Christmas movies but this one’s alright.

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (André Øvredal, 2019)

I get that it’s based off a book so it’s not exactly like the “monsters” were a secret in the first place, but for those of us who didn’t read the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark books as a kid, my main beef with this film was that they basically revealed all of said monsters in the trailer. Like how It: Chapter 2 spoiled the scene with Beverly in the old lady’s apartment but with EVERY. SINGLE. CREATURE. The only one that wasn’t was the “jangly man” and the only takeaway I have from him is the “jangly in the streets, but is he jangly in the sheets?” Letterboxd comment I read afterwards. Like the creature designs are the selling point of this film and by showing us them all before we’ve even seen it, any anticipation that would’ve built up from their reveal was kind of gone. Plus, it definitely felt like the writers were trying to ride on the hype train of “It” when they wrote this-only they made it even more childish. I mean, I know it was classed as PG-13 in the US which is maybe part of the reason it was so tame but the Woman in Black was a 12 when it was released here and it could be the bias of my 13 year old brain but I remember that being terrifying to watch in the cinema.

Also, I found it weird how *SPOILERS AHEAD* a couple of the main characters died and there didn’t really seem to be any consequences? Idk, maybe that’s because I found them all a bit one dimensional but I’ve seen others make the same criticism so I don’t think so.

Don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t a BAD film. It just wasn’t super good.

Charlie’s Angels (Elizabeth Banks, 2019)

I’ve never seen the 2000s Charlie’s Angels so I really don’t have anything to compare to, but I don’t think this was THAT bad. I was fairly entertained throughout and I enjoyed Naomi Scott and Kristen Stewart’s characters. My main issue was the unnecessary inclusion of Noah Centineo, and that weird ass montage at the beginning of stock video shots of girls just...doing miscellaneous things. Why, Elizabeth Banks, why!?

Toy Story 4 (Josh Cooley, 2019)

In some ways, I see why Toy Story 4 was narratively necessary: co-dependency had been a running theme throughout and we needed to see Woody (I feel stupid saying this considering he’s a fucking toy but allow it) realise that he can exist independently of Andy, and that there’s more to life than pleasing somebody else. The way Toy Story 4 ended felt like a satisfying conclusion to his character arc, and as well as the animation being top tier, Forky was a hilarious addition to the cast. However, I don’t think it carried the emotional weight of the 3rd Toy Story, which I think people had accepted as the last instalment and had used to say goodbye to the franchise, and therefore the sceptic in me thinks that the obvious purpose of this addition was a cash grab. I don’t doubt that a lot of people worked incredibly hard on it-I’m just saying that the propelling force behind the film probably wasn’t “the people need to see Woody’s character growth” and that was quite apparent throughout.

Doctor Sleep (Mike Flanagan, 2019)

There were some really beautiful scenes in Doctor Sleep; the astral projection sequences in particular were magnificent and I loved Rebecca Ferguson as the villain. Stylistically, though I didn’t find out he was the director until I was writing this up, you can definitely tell it’s Mike Flanagan, and like I’ve said, he does horror very tastefully. Unfortunately, I just wasn’t all that interested in the premise and I wasn’t hugely invested in grown up Danny Torrance either. The execution was great and the return to the Overlook was brilliant, of course, but the story just wasn’t for me and nothing much sticks out as being a particularly intriguing plot point.

Mary Queen of Scots (Josie Rourke, 2019)

What to say about Mary Queen of Scots other than...yeah, it was alright. I mean, I really should’ve liked it more than I did, because these specific events were part of the Edexcel A-Level history curriculum (Can I get some Rebellion and Disorder Under the Tudors students representation up in here!?) and I usually love seeing history translated onto screen, plus it centred around Margot Robbie and Saoirse Ronan. It was just very...meh. I feel like there’s so much more complex a story here than was told. Both women were undoubtedly a lot more complicated than this film made them out to be and I think to reduce Mary Queen of Scots to a Mary Sue-ish heroine was a disappointing choice. Plus, if we’re gonna talk historical accuracy (which all the racists came out of their caves to discuss at the time), Mary and Elizabeth never actually met; I’m sure there was a more creative way to explore their dynamic than by forcing an interaction that never actually happened.

Apostle (Gareth Evans, 2018)

There were elements of this film I really liked; the mythology behind the cult, I.E what the townsfolk actually worshipped when you stripped away all the secrecy was pretty interesting. However, I felt it depended too much on atmosphere and not enough on plot, and I didn’t warm to any of the characters.

Searching (Aneesh Chaganty, 2018)

It’s difficult because technically, Searching is obviously an ingenious film. My issue is the way it ended, which was imo, super anti-climatic, and honestly pretty predictable in that it seemed like the writers just went out of their way *SPOILERS AHEAD* to make the culprit the person viewers would’ve ruled out by default for shock value, and then work out WHY that person was the culprit from there. I was expecting something a lot darker to be behind the protagonist’s daughter’s disappearance-irl, these situations usually are-and so maybe it’s just me being a bit of a sadist but I was disappointed by how things resolved themselves.

Deliver Us from Evil (Scott Derrickson, 2014)

So, this isn’t boring. It’s interesting to have a horror navigated through the lens of something as procedural as a police investigation. But ultimately, the acting isn’t great, there’s very few scary moments, and it’s a little cheesy. As horrors go, it’s pretty shallow-it is what it says on the tin.

Dumplin’ (Anne Fletcher, 2018)

I watched this right at the beginning of the year and I can’t remember all too much about it, but I remember not hating it? See, looking at the cast, Odeya Rush and Dove Cameron are both in it which would suggest I’d come away hating MYSELF instead but yeah...I got nothing.

Lights Out (David F.Sandberg, 2016)

The concept is very scary, the execution not so much, and the actual storyline is a little cheesy. I found myself just being like OH MY GOD, IT’S BELLA’S DAD FROM TWILIGHT! And then *SPOILERS AHEAD* getting mad that they did Charlie Swan dirty like that by killing him off in the first 10/15 minutes.

The Goldfinch (John Crowley, 2019)

So I LOVED the book of The Goldfinch. I read it after the Secret History and even though most people seem to prefer the latter, the former hit me right in the sweet spot. The length was almost one of my favourite things about it; I felt by the end that I came to know the character so well he felt like someone I knew in real life. When I heard Ansel Elgort was cast as Theo, I was really happy; I’m not necessarily a huge fan of him as an actor, I've only ever seen him in shitty teen-y dramas which I forced myself to like at the time E.G. The Fault in Our Stars and Divergent, but he looks kind of exactly how I pictured Theo looking. Almost like an Evanna Lynch as Luna Lovegood situation. And then honestly, the actual film came around, and I found myself much preferring the young Theo sections. I get that Theo is quite a muted character and I hate to properly slate anyone’s performance, but Ansel as him felt a bit flat. The casting in general was pretty whack; I love Nicole Kidman but she didn’t feel right as Mrs.Barbour and it seemed that they added a lot to her character to the detriment of Hobie’s character who was a much bigger part of Theo’s life in the book. Also, can we talk about Finn Wolfhard as Boris? I’m sorry, but that accent was godawful. Really bad. Boris’ accent was always supposed to be kind of ambiguous but this was just butchered Russian. Another gripe that my friend and I, who also read the book, had with the Vegas section of the film (which was otherwise probably the best part) was that they never properly explored the complexity of Boris and Theo’s relationship. Obviously I’m not saying that I want 2 minors to shoot a sex scene but it could have been referenced when they reunite as adults because the kiss on the head when they part in Vegas seemed misleadingly platonic. It was heavily implied in the book that there was some kind of love that went beyond friendship between the two and I didn’t get that in the film at all.

Ultimately, when you try and adapt a book as long as the Goldfinch, you’re always going to have some pacing issues and people complaining that things were left out or that X or Y character didn’t have enough screen time. But in ways, I think the fault here was trying to stay TOO faithful in the limited time available. They definitely could have focussed less on certain relationships and more on others, and when it comes down to it, I think we lost a lot of the grittiness of the original book for the sake of pretty visuals.

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (Quentin Tarantino, 2019)

Don’t get me wrong, this would 100% be in shit tier if it wasn’t for the last hour or so of the film and all the Manson lore which is so disappointing because I love Tarantino films and I love that era. As for the first couple of hours, I loved the vibe and I love Margot Robbie, and I think it was very respectful towards the Tate family (if anything radiated through the screen more than anything else it was Sharon Tate’s sweetness), but I just wasn’t that invested in Leo or Brad’s characters-it all just felt a bit pointless. I really like Brad Pitt and even that couldn’t really save it for me. Maybe if you took away the remaining 2 hours and 20 minutes of Leo DiCaprio making vague allusions to his own career to a girl only slightly younger than the combined age of all girlfriends past I’d enjoy it more but then I don’t think there’d be much footage left. I guess we should just be grateful that Tarantino managed to refrain from unnecessarily sprinkling the N-word into every other line of his script this time, right?

Also.

SO. MANY. FEET.

But then again, this did result in Brad publicly mocking Tarantino’s foot fetish during his speech at the SAG awards so...I’ll allow it. Sometimes kink shaming is okay. Especially when it’s this guy:

Isn’t it Romantic (Todd Strauss-Schulson, 2019)

I guess as romantic comedies go it wasn’t AWFUL because it was self-aware but still just not my cup of tea and it didn’t really make me laugh. Plus, I feel like it did just follow the plot of a conventional rom-com in the end so...what was it all for, you know?

Green Room (Jeremy Saulnier, 2016)

I think my disappointment with this film was a case of too high expectations. It wasn’t as gory as I hoped, in fact, there was very little on screen gore at all. I was just expecting something very messed up and I didn’t get that. But then again we did get Maeby from Arrested Development singing a fuck Nazis song so I guess that was a nice surprise?

Shit Tier

Birdbox (Susanne Bier, 2018)

First the disappointment of the Goldfinch, and now Birdbox (although they were chronologically the other way round but for the sake of this review, let’s just ignore that). It really is a bad year for bird films.

It’s weird because when this first came out I remember everyone hyping it up and making memes about it and stuff and then I actually watched it and dear god, it was boring. Honestly, who paid you lot to pretend you cared enough about it enough to make content? And where can I get in on this action?

I mean it didn’t start off terribly but then they killed off SARAH FUCKING PAULSON and somehow managed to make SANDRA FUCKING BULLOCK unlikeable. How does one do that? The mind baffles.

Pet Sematary (Kevin Kolsch & Dennis Widmyer, 2019)

The kid acting was bad, the leads were meh and there wasn’t one creepy moment. This should be SO MUCH MORE hard hitting than it actually was given the subject matter and it just fell completely flat. I will say, though, *SPOILERS AHEAD* that the ending was appropriately doom and gloom and even though I’ve seen lots of others say they hate it it was probably the only thing I actually liked.

The Lion King (Jon Favreau, 2019)

Seth Rogen and Billie Eichner were the only good things about this which is sad because I fucking love Donald Glover and I was so excited when he was cast as Simba. Like, it was pretty but empty and unnecessary and I’m not one of these people who think CGI remakes always have to be this way-I loved Dumbo and I liked the live-action Jungle Book too! I just think the people who made this cared too much about good CGI and realism and less about heart. There was no personality whatsoever and it’s such a waste when you think about the fact that they had Donald and Beyonce on board.

Red Sparrow (Francis Lawrence, 2018)

Eurgh, I hated this. I think Jennifer Lawrence is stunning and I usually love her films but every shot of her in this felt so male-gaze oriented, even the ones which were sexually violent, which I found to be completely unnecessary in the first place. At times it felt almost torture-porn-y which was not what I expected at all seeing as the marketing made it seem like some kind of female empowerment movie.

It Comes at Night (Trey Edward Shults, 2017)

I literally can’t remember fucking anything from this film. Clearly there is a very, very fine line between atmospheric and boring.

Warm Bodies (Jonathan Levine, 2013)

Maybe it’s because I watched this about 6 years too late and the whole human-girl-falls-in-love-with-supernatural-creature hype train has long since left the station but I couldn’t even finish it. Cutesy necrophilia ain’t for me, sorry Nicholas Hoult. Still love ya. You’ll always be Tony Stonem to me xoxo

Million Dollar Baby (Clint Eastwood, 2005)

I’m pretty sure this movie won a lot of awards so I’m sure this is a very unpopular opinion but the way this film ended was so...depressing. SO depressing. Did it have to be THAT depressing? The Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode outsold.

This is the range Oscar winning actress Hilary Swank wishes she had.

Would You Rather (David Guy Levy, 2013)

Started off well but became cheesy and predictable as it went on. The acting wasn’t great either plus there was another unnecessary attempted rape scene here too.

Christmas with the Kranks (Joe Roth, 2004)

So I watched this movie in the run up to Christmas because my best friend and her mum were referencing it like it was this cult classic (which I guess for some reason it is?) and I’m sorry to her and her mum but what the hell is this shit?! It’s not even so bad it’s good. It’s just bad.

The plot, the characters, EVERYTHING, it’s ridiculous on every level. I wasn’t into it enough to suspend my disbelief that anyone’s neighbours would actually care THAT much that they weren’t celebrating Christmas. Go on your damn cruise, take me with you whilst you're at it, ease my seasonal depression! I wouldn’t mind so much if it was funny or if the protagonists were likeable but it wasn’t and they’re not. Nobody’s actions made any sense. It didn’t put me in the Christmas spirit at all it just made me angry that Jamie Lee Curtis’ agent made her do this shit. She’s a scream queen goddess and she deserves better.

ANYWAY.

I’m now realising that I should have started on shit tier and worked my way up to god tier because now this post has ended on the rather sour note of me getting worked up over Christmas with the Kranks, lol. As always, these are just my opinions and I love to hear other people’s; when it comes to something like this, it’s all a matter of preference and there really isn’t a right or wrong answer, so I’m open to discussion!

With the Oscars less than a week away now I rushed a little to get this out on time, so apologies in advance if anything doesn’t make any sense or there’s any typos, I will look back over it at some point over the next couple of days to check.

But if you read to the end thank you! And stay tuned for my overview of Paris Haute Couture Week S/S 2020 if that’s something you’re interested in as that will most likely be next post!

Lauren x

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nadiestar · 4 years

Text

Can't Say No, Another Love and The Best Day Of My Life: Chapter 3/7

6 years. I am still coping. I am still working through it.

On my way I get one more hug, one more lesson, one more music video, one more discussion, one more story and one more joke.

And well, another goodbye.

In memory of my brother.

First | Previous | Next

Chapter 3: One More Music Video

I knock at the door. It feels like the better choice to be careful with this side and not just burst into his room and make him panic and probably causing him to make me panic as well. Just sounds like a very stupid idea to me.

So, I wait for a moment. I knock again. I wait. I knock. I think of turning away as I hear a muffled: “Who’s it?”

I take a deep breath and answer: “Miriam. I was at Logan’s yesterday and at Patton’s the day before. Can I come in?”

I hear shuffling and a few seconds later the door is opened. Behind the door sill stands Virgil, who eyes me eerily and I put on a brave smile. Somehow this talk intimidates me more than the others.

“Can I come in?” I ask again as Virgil doesn’t move.

Immediately the anxious side shuffles to the left and gives me the space to enter. I see the headphones lying on the coffee table next to the couch and a sketching pad next to it. Almost instantly after I have spotted it, Virgil moved into my line of view and crosses his arms in front of his chest.

“What do you want?”

His tone is defensive and I try to be understanding. The topic must rattle him. The prospect of someone who has gone through such an experience and now comes to him for a talk, possibly advice even, seems terrifying.

“Talk about music. Actually. Or what it does for me”, I say and see Virgil’s eyes go wide.

“And you come to me with that? Not to Princey?” he asks confused and I shrug curtly.

“I have some other stuff I want to talk about with him. Writing and such. It’s a big thing for me. Music on the other hand is mainly something I listen to; I did use to sing a bit but lord that’s no longer something I could present in front of people.”

Virgil furrows his eyebrow and sighs. With a short wave he shoos me to the couch and we sit down. His room feels colder than the other two. The noises are also a little unsettling. Not creepy, just a little bit more creaking of floorboards than necessary.

“K, so how do you want to start?” Virgil probes and I take a deep breath.

“I think I came into this fandom because of a song of yours, actually. “The Things We Used To Share”. I’ve listened to that one in the beginning of May on repeat and – Then I googled Thomas and I remembered a blog on Tumblr I follow, which always posted stuff about you guys and – well I thought “Why not?”. I started watching Sanders Sides and it kind of gave me a new perspective on – I don’t know, on many things actually.”

“It did? How?” Virgil asks surprised.

“Yeah. Like the first time I saw Joan in a video and everybody using they/them pronouns for them, the same with Talyn, and both presenting the way they did, it just made me so happy. It’s cool seeing non-binary people who don’t look androgynous still getting recognized as non-binary. Makes me feel better with my own identity and presentation. Or the first video with you actually. The things that were explained to help with anxiety, I remember them and I’ve used them since. Not always with success but it’s a work in progress, am I right?”

Virgil shrugs visibly flustered and I grin. I guess getting praised for your work even gets the most emo side in the world a little railed up.

“Thanks, I guess”, he says behind a fake cough. “But back to music. I mean besides Thomas’s stuff you must listen to other stuff as well, right?”

“Yeah! Sure. The second I’m out of my home I almost always wear headphones, since I’m often in busses or trains. It also makes shopping a lot easier. I’m a lot less anxious that way. I don’t really have a favourite genre, I just like when it somehow speaks to me, you know? And I usually don’t really know the singers or the band members that well, I just listen to the music. Actually, I’m kinda glad when I remember the title and the interpret at all.”

I laugh a little embarrassed but Virgil doesn’t seem to mind it. If anything, he looks quite entertained.

“Tough I do have a soft spot for certain interprets. Some German and a few Swiss ones, like Silbermond, Roger Cicero and Patent Ochsner, but also a lot of English-singing musicians. I think, my all time favourite and also the start for how I really got into the whole thing is … Coldplay. Imagine Dragons…”

I stop and look from my knees up to Virgil. He frowns and I see a suspicion creep in his eyes.

“They were the bands your brother listened to?”

His tone is cautious but no longer filled with the underlining tone of dread. He knows I’m not out to hurt him.

“Yeah. Viva la Vida has a fricking awesome Minecraft cover. It was probably one of the first music videos he showed me. And he loved to show them to me. I don’t remember many of them. Some which stuck are “Payphone” and “Radioactive”. He had a wild music taste. Avicii and American Authors, and “This is War” by 20 seconds to the Mars on repeat for an hour every night before he went to sleep. And then sometimes some classical music as well. It was diverse and it was cool. And in a way this love of his gives me the opportunity to connect with him. Listening to his songs and enjoying them like he did. It’s a nice way without having to go all the way down to memory town.”

He shifts on his seat and takes a deep breath.

“Must be hard to nod be able to share them with him anymore.”

I nod.

“He loved Star Wars too. He never got to see the new films and judge them for himself. He’ll never find out about the end of Fairy Tail and One Piece. We started them together and theorized about it. And he’ll never get to see the end. He’ll never listen to the new albums from the musicians he loved and the new ones that come up. There is so much enthusiasm and love that can never be given. So much I can’t share with him anymore.”

“Yeah… Not being able to share that stuff with people who aren’t here with one anymore… sucks hard. Very hard.”

I think of the break up Thomas must have gone through. Longing was never the same but for fuck’s sake it was always a bitch.

“I also… I also can’t share myself with him anymore. To him I’m still his sister. I never got to tell him that I’m non-binary. Or ace and aro. I can’t show him my friends and I also can’t bring my new friends to meet him. They never get a chance of knowing him and to a point also knowing me, because he – he used to be in every part of my life. He was the one I actually felt comfortable to talk about anything and now – It’s gone…”

Virgil is still for a moment. He scratches the back of his head and stands up. I watch him walk into the kitchen and get a jug of water and two glasses. Silently, he puts them down on the table and fills them. Awkwardly, he hands me one and I gratefully take a drink. I feel better.

“Thank you. I got a little dramatic there”, I say and hear him huff.

“Happens to the best of us. Also, I think I’ve seen a lot more dramatic people in my life.”

He smirks and I’m suspect that he thinks of a certain Prince but say nothing. In thought I put my right hand on my left upper arm and smile.

“You know, actually he isn’t all gone.”

Virgil looks at me expectantly. I pull up the left sleeve of my t-shirt and show him my tattoo.

“See here? In the middle of the twelve-sided die? That’s a combination of the astrological signs of Taurus and Pisces. For me and him. The die for destiny or luck, I’m not sure I believe in either but I can’t deny them neither, so it’s there. And around it the feather of a peacock. In some circles the peacock is associated with the phoenix. Rise of the Ashes and all of that. Something that never dies and like that I can carry him with me. Nobody can ever take that away from me again.”

Virgil gives me a crooked grin. He looks at it and nods in acknowledgement before he asks me about why astrology signs and I start to tell him all the weird knowledge I have about astrology.

And as I sit there and talk, I realize that in a weird way I never have to experience any music video, any manga, anything at all on my own ever. Because I am carrying my brother with me at all times and if I’m lucky he’s listening.

So, let me pull up YouTube and play one more music video.

#Suicide #suicide awarness #cw: suicide #tw suicide #sanders sides #patton sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #janus sanders #roman sanders #remus sanders #Lukas❤

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whatisahyunjin · 5 years

Text

Perfect; bc

pairing: reader × Bang Chan

genre: fluff

warnings: being acquainted with Ed Sheeran’s song ‘Perfect’ is recommended

a/n: it’s been a while because i have been busy with studies but i hope you enjoy this! request imagines in ask box! (also, thank you for 200 followers i love y'all)

masterlist

You and Chan have been dating for four years and you have been asking him to cover Ed Sheeran’s Perfect with his group ever since it came out. You have been pleading him to do it for two years but he would just sing two verses for you and leave it at that.

Not that he hated the song but it just wasn’t his genre. He never considered making a full cover of it because it would be a trouble for the boys and something about “it doesn’t fit their concept”.

But Chan had a good idea about how much you liked it ever since you two first confessed that you loved each other.

It was a typical summer afternoon from two years before and both of you were watching a movie while cuddling on the couch. Remains of popcorn and soda laid on the table in front of you. Once the movie ended with a dramatic scene, you sat up and stretched your arms, trying to get rid of the drowsiness that was building up in you. Chan smiled at your actions and pulled you back down on his chest.

“You wanna go take a nap?” he whispered in your ear. You just shook your head and wrapped your arms around his waist.

“Let’s watch something else then,” he started scrolling through YouTube videos on the television.

After a few seconds, he frantically stopped on a music video and exclaimed,“ hey look it’s our song!” he exclaimed, almost throwing you off the couch in the process.

You chuckled, “Calm down Jesus.”

“You don’t look excited,” he pouted at you.

“I’ve heard it a hundred times I don’t feel anything anymore,” you sat properly on his lap and yawned.

“Fair enough,” he sighed, a genuine, proud smile playing on his lips as he watched his own music video. It was nice seeing him like that, his eyes sparkling at the sight of his beloved group.

The song ended and the first beat of the next auto played song had you off your butt.

‘I found a love…’

Chan looked up at you confused while you just motioned him to get up. He stood up and you put his arms around your waist and yours around his neck. You smiled up at him as he realized what song it was.

“Aish..,” his cheeks turned red as he swayed to the rhythm with you his arms.

“You know that I love this song,” you giggled and pulled him a little closer.

Chan rolled his eyes and kissed you on the nose.

A few giggles and kisses later the song was nearing its end and the both of you were slow dancing with a comfortable silence between you.

“I don’t deserve this, you look perfect, tonight,” he sang the last lyric and at that moment you swear you fell hard and fast. You sure loved him for the two years you had been dating but never once had you felt the way you were feeling right now.

The words escaped your mouth before you could stop them.

“I love you”

Chan looked taken aback for a second because you two had never said that each other before.

But he was quick to respond with an ”I love you too, so damn much”

He kissed all over your face before placing his lips on yours and that moment was euphoric. He tasted like oranges because of the soda he had been drinking and you couldn’t get enough of him. Your hands held his face and his held your waist pulling you closer if that was even possible.

That was until you were suddenly interrupted by Gangnam style playing on the television. Way to go.

Back to the present, Chan had been planning something and you were completely unaware of it. Actually, there had been a little fight between you two the week before because he had taken out his work pressure on you when you had again asked him to cover a few songs including Perfect.

“I already have a lot of stuff on my hands right now so it would be nice if you shut up about your stupid song for a while,” he had said.

Obviously, he didn’t mean it but it hurt you a lot. He tried to apologize as soon as the words left his mouth but you had already run to your bedroom and locked the door.

But you two had made up since then, with you explaining how he barely came home early these days and that you listened to the song because it reminded you of him. It resulted in you being awake until he returned from practice despite being tired from your own work and making him dinner every day even though he told you not to.

So Chan began planning the little idea that was in his mind.

You were in your office, working when you got a call from your boyfriend.

“Hey love, we’re filming something tonight at the riverside, do you wanna maybe come and watch? The boys haven’t seen you in a while” he asked you, his voice clearly suggesting that he was nervous.

“Yeah sure, I’ll be there by 6,” you smiled at the thought of meeting them.

“Okay see ya, I love you”

“I love you too”

The cool evening saw you by the riverside with the boys who looked like they were preparing for a performance video.

“Long time no see!” Minho greeted you first and guided you to one of the chairs behind the camera.

“Noona!” Jeongin, basically your and Chan’s son, grinned and waved at you from where he was sitting as he couldn’t get up because of the big baby Hyunjin in his lap.

You chuckled and waved back and greeted the other members as well. You looked around and saw something weird. The only people present there were the boys.

You felt surprised as to why there were no managers, photographers, makeup artists present there. They were filming a video after all.

“What are you guys filming?” you asked Chan, who was busy finding something in his bag.

He was startled and gave you a nervous laugh,“ you’ll see”

“(name) can you turn on the camera please?” Changbin smiled at you from his seat in between the other eight chairs. So they are just gonna sit and sing a song? What kind of video is this?

In confusion, you turned your attention to the camera and pressed the record button. Looking up again, you saw that Chan was seated in the middle with four boys on either side of him.

The music started and you immediately recognized the song. Tears welled in your eyes for no apparent reason other than the fact that it was your favourite song.

“Baby, I’m dancing in the dark, with you between my arms,

Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favourite song,

When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath,

But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight”

The boys began singing the verses one by one. Jisung sang the first chorus part while Woojin did the next. What was that sh*t about not fitting the concept? Everyone was singing beautifully here.

All of them gave you a small smile during their parts instead of looking at the camera.

You found yourself grinning from ear to ear while swaying to the beat. Your eyes shone and your heart skipped a beat as their pretty voices filled your ears. You couldn’t believe that after months of whining, your boyfriend had at last accepted your request.

While the others were singing, Chan just sat there with his head down, his forehead wrinkled. You frowned at the sight but continued enjoying the moment.

When song neared its end, all the boys got up and walked away from you except Chan, who finally held his mic near his lips and approached you. His eyes met yours and you held your breath as he came to a stop a meter away from you.

“Now I know I have met an angel in person and she looks perfect, I don’t deserve this, you look perfect tonight,” he sang the last lyrics of the song but the background music continued to play.

Chan got down on one knee with a box in his palm and your hand flew over your mouth as you took a step back.

“(full name) we’ve been together for four years now and I swear I still fall in love with you all over again every time I see you. I met you in college and honestly, if it weren’t for that weird freshman party, all this would never have happened. I loved how you waited after lectures to teach me physics but sorry to say, I didn’t understand anything because I kept staring at your face. In the third year when I felt everything slipping away from my hands, you were always there for me and listened to me rant about how music was what I loved and not all the chemistry stuff they taught us. But the chemistry between us grew over the months and it was the happiest feeling in the world when your lips finally touched mine. This life I have now is all thanks to you. Thank you for tolerating my mood swings and absences, thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. We’ve been together for four years now and I would like to make it forever. (full name) will you marry me?”

Chan opened the box and gave you a small smile. You just stood there dumbstruck with wide, teary eyes.

“(name)?” his voice brought you back to reality and you threw your arms around his neck, careful not to knock over the ring.

“Yes yes yes yes oh my god Chan I love you so much,” you sobbed into his shirt, lightly gripping his soft hair.

Chan chuckled and sat down on the grass with you straddling his lap, your face still buried in his neck.

“Y'all this is a public place,” Hyunjin’s voice called out but he was smacked on the head by Seungmin as the boys made their way over to you two, clapping their hands and smiling widely.

A smiling Chan made you look at him and put the ring on your finger. He kissed the ring lightly before bringing his lips to yours. Everything was perfect.

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btswishes · 5 years

Text

BTS Reactions: Them falling in love with you again after waking up from surgery with temporary amnesia caused by the medicine.

A/N: That vid was super cute!!!

Requested by: Anonymous

Request: “ hii, I watched a video of a men that was with amnesia and fell in love for his wife still in the hospital and it was sooooo cute af and I thought if you could make a reaction of the boys falling in love for their gf after an amnesia??? thank youu💖 “

Jin:

You kept holding his hand trying to clam him down, after his voice was getting louder and more hyper after each minute. Finally his face turned towards you. He said as loud as ever “Nice to meet you!But do you know who I am madam!?” he swung his arm in the most ungraceful was possible. You shook his hand and smiled. Before anything could leave your lips he yelled

“MR WORLDWIDE HANDSOME AT YOUR SERVICE!” you giggled “I know, I have been dating you for 4 years now stupid.” Jin stopped talking and his eyebrows shot up to the sky “Me? You been dating me for like...” he tried to count to four on his wobbly fingers, showing you 5 of them. You gently reached out and tucked in his thumb “4 baby, not yet 5.” “Oh wow,wowwwww, you pretty, like wowww.Do they call you worldwide gorgeous? CUS THEY SHOULDDD!”he was becoming too loud so the nurses decided to give him some medicine.That didn’t stop him from swinging his arms around the place” Hey hey nurseeeeeee nurseeeee! Bring me some of your finesttttt water for my LOVELY GIRLFRIEND here!”

Min Yoongi/Suga/Agust D:

Yoongi was one special patient, he wasn’t loud, he didn’t yell, he just kept looking in one spot on the wall and sitting there like he was figuring out the meaning of life.

You leaned towards him and your head popped in front of him. “You ok honey?” After his eyes were focused on you, you sat back down and waited for him to say something. Low key you wanted it to be funny, so when he snapped out of it you could tell Yoongi.So far nothing was happening.

All of a sudden he turned onto his side and leaned his head onto his body, flashing you a smirk. “So, you come here often?” you wanted to burst out laughing, but tried to act serious to see how far he was going to take this “I am here with my boyfriend.” “Oh really?Ditch that bitch and come hang out with a real man sweetie.” you placed your hands onto your lips whispering “Yoongi!”he shouldn’t be cussing at a hospital, yet you were kinda hiding your smile behind your palms too. “I will tell you a little secret,come closer.”so you did “I am one of the rappers in BTS. Min Yoongi.”you sat back down looking as amazed as you could act “Oh really? But I can’t ditch my boyfriend because that is you.Want me to ditch BTS’s rapper?” he pointed at himself and you nodded. A couple of minutes silence followed before he smirked “You know, I told you your boyfriend is the coolest dude sweetie.”

Jung Hoseok/J-hope:

Hoseok was laughing so much when they brought him in the recovery room with you. The moment he saw you sitting there, he stopped laughing and waved shyly. You waved back and he started giggling and hiding under his covers. From time to time he would peek from under them and hide again. “Miss...?”he asked shyly “Yes?” “By chance are you single?” “No, I am not.” “Oh....” all of a sudden he let go of the blanket and looked down a bit sad. He wasn’t moving or reacting, so you thought it was from the medicine. A couple of minutes later you heard sniffing and low and behold he was crying.

Worried you jumped off your chair and pulled out some tissues “Why are you crying? Are you feeling ok?” he sniffed “It hurts.” this made you very worried, but before you were about to call the nurse, he pointed towards his heart. “It hurts here.” “Why does it hurt there Hobbi?” “Cus, cus *snif snif* you are sooo pretty and and I wanted to take you out, but you have a boyfriend and you dont like me.” cupping his cheeks, you kissed his cute nose “Honey, angel you are my boyfriend. No one else is as important to me as you are. I don’t like you, I love you.” “Really?” you nodded. Lets just say he told everyone that walked in ,that you are his gf, one very proud baby over here.

Kim Namjoon/RM:

Jooni was one hilarious mess. He was saying so many random facts, that most of the people could swear he was some kind of professor or teacher. He was looking all over the place, telling anyone and everyone stuff they probably didn’t want to know about, but with the medicine he took before the surgery it was understandable. “Nams, honey don’t be so loud people can hear you outside.” he looked at you and pulled out his glasses, placing them gently onto his face.

“You are quite correct my lady.” “Thank you.” you were surprised he listened to you so fast “Where are my manners. My name is Kim Namjoon, rapper of the well known group of musicians BTS.I am sure that you might have heard of us at some point with your, might I say, very lovely ears.” you were shocked by that sentence “Honey are you ok?” “Judging by the matching rings and the lovely names you are calling me, we are a couple. So tell me my love how does wine and a nice restaurant sound to you? Just the two of us ,enjoying your beauty?” he was trying to act like a detective and gentleman at the same time “Is there anything I can say that will stop you from doing that?” ”Not at all. I now shall proceed to explain the details of our meeting.” which he did.

Park Jimin:

Jimin was one of a kind when things like this happened. You were waiting to film him, but he took longer than expected and sadly your battery died, so you had to pull out a power bank. The doors soon opened and the nurses brought in your boyfriend, as drugged out from the medicine as he can be. You tried to turn your phone on but it wasn’t working. “Hey nurse nurse!” he called out and the woman stepped back in again “I think I am in the wrong room. I don’t know this girl.” for a moment your heart felt heavy “Jimin! How could you say that!” “Miss, you are sooo pretty I am sure that if I knew you I would have already asked you to date me.”

Your eyes were the widest they have ever been. The shock, followed you laughing out so loud that you made the boy jump “It’s true, but you already asked me out 4 years ago and I said yes.” “So, if I asked you to marry me...would you still say yes?” “PARK JIMIN! I don’t want talk like that when you are still high from your surgery!” “I went to surgery ?” he started poking his leg “Oh wow I don’t feel anything.” the nurse told you to just let him poke his knee, better than having him talking about such stuff right now.

Kim Taehyung/V:

Taehyung was awfully flirty with you. He couldn’t speak much since the doctor was still in the room. But this guy was winking at you, flashing smiles and random smirks. You found it extremely funny. Each time you giggled under your nose, it fueled him to continue with his childish teasing.

The doctor walked out and you decided to break the silence ”Anything you want to tell me? Or you going to continue winking.” “Oh sorry about that. You were too pretty to look away. I wasn’t winking actually, I was trying to take a mental picture of you to remember, but I don’t think it will do your beauty justice.” he looked towards you and closed both his eyes making a clicking sound “There now I have at least 20 pics of you. Under what folder do you want me to put them? I have 6 names in my head, you chose one you like.” “Let’s hear them.” “ Would, You, Go, Out, With, Me.” “I have a better name Already, Am.” he looked shocked at you, that face didn’t change till the medicine weared off. The boy couldn’t believe that he was dating someone so pretty.

Jungkook:

When the nurse left Jungkook with you he was so shocked. His mouth was wide open and his finger slowly lifting off the bed pointing at you. You were a bit surprised but waiting to see what gold he has in store for you.

Youtube made you believe that everyone coming out of surgery says stupid things. 1 minute passed than 2, 3, 5 he wasn’t saying a word. “Um...everything ok with you?” “You are an angel?!” this would have made you spill your drink on the wall, floor anywhere if you had one .

“What?!” “Yeah....you are so pretty.....such a pretty angel.” “Jungkook I am flattered, but I am not an angel honey.” “Oh..” he looked a bit disappointing ,yet calmed down. It wasn’t even a second before he swung his head back towards you “I know what you are doing.” he smirked “You are not supposed to tell any human that you are here. Don’t worry I will keep it a secret. So...how did you get in here?” you pointed at the door, answering him completely normally. “Oh cool cool. So how does this all work? Does heaven send the most beautiful angels to Earth?” he was jumping a lot so you were worried about his IV

“Honey, don’t move so much you just had surgery.” “Surgery ?Oh I know! You must be my guardian angel. Waaaa so pretty.” “No, babe I am your girlfriend.” you tucked him in, since Jungkook was obviously slowly falling asleep “No wayyyyy. I am dating a pretty angel...such as.....yourself.....no,,,way....” he was out cold in a matter of seconds. Hands down you could bet that all the boys would kill to see a vid of Kookie like this.

sorry for this gif XD XD scroll down for the better one

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theseadagiodays · 4 years

Text

May 4, 2020

This is Not a Performance

Irving H Bolano’s incredible repurposed newspaper fashion for the Met Gala Challenge on Twitter #HFMetGala2020

May the Fourth be With You as you reach the next chapter of this current sci-fi drama we seem to be living through. As the saying goes, reality can be stranger than fiction. But it just happens to be a many red-eyed virus rather than an evil, black-masked father that we’re fighting as we all walk around like Storm Troopers.

There are so many aspects of our lives, during Covid, which make it feel like we are actors in a make-believe story. First of all, we’ve all become movie stars, with our faces, homes, and even pets showcased on our own silver screens. As isolated as we are, our private lives now play out in the public sphere more than ever - no paparazzi required. For some, this invasion of privacy is unwelcomed. But for many people, it satisfies a secret longing to share themselves with a wider audience. After all, deep down, everyone wants to be seen and heard (I guess, me included, since I have this blog, after all). It’s why TikTok and YouTube and Facebook have become multi-billion dollar companies so quickly. And now, while this pandemic is a harsh daily reminder of the impermanence of all things, it makes sense that these digital missives are an attempt to seek immortality, in some strange way.

As someone whose work responds to human’s need to have a voice, I truly get why this is the case. And I love that this time has turned housewives into opera stars, and health care workers into hip hop dancers, and housepets into circus performers. But, at the same time, I have become very aware of the masks that we wear, even inside our homes, to portray a certain self to the world that may stray quite far from our authentic selves. The expression “dance like no one is watching” acknowledges the fact that we all tend to perform when we have an audience, and perhaps we’re only truly ourselves when we don’t. I understand that the way we “perform” ourselves online gives each of us a chance to reinvent the fictions we want our stories to have. So, while I surely take some guilty pleasure from intimate glimpses into strangers’ lives, I also do so with a certain skepticism about the veracity of what I’m seeing.

This became particularly true for me when I received a recent link from my friend and amazing singer/songwriter, Dominique Fricot. Capitalizing on this current trend of oversharing, he cleverly asked his fans to film their morning routines for the music video of his new song, Wake Up, by his duo, Flora Falls. Dom’s warm tenor voice blended with his partner’s breathy tones feel just like a lazy morning in bed. But I’ll leave it up to you to decide just how accurate these portrayals of people’s idyllic daytime rituals actually are.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EbsqXou5FeY

May 5, 2020

Homeschool Heroes

About twenty years ago, I was invited to adjudicate a youth music competition in the Yukon. Travelling to one of the northernmost inhabited spots on earth, I imagined that my greatest surprise might have been a polar bear or Northern Lights sighting. But it turned out to be something entirely different. Among the 25,000 residents of the thriving metropolis of Whitehorse exists a treasure trove of talent. I could not believe the incredibly honed skills and nuanced expression with which these 11-18 year-olds played. Wondering why, I developed a theory that I now call SLoW: Sheltered Living Wonder. When long, dark days, cold climates or pandemics force people indoors, they tend to spend inordinate amounts of time on creative endeavors and skill development. In other words, they slow down and take time for wonder.

This theory has surely applied during these past few months of sheltering in place. One of the most remarkable examples has been the inventiveness that many of my friends have brought to their first attempts with homeschooling. So, I wanted to give a few shout outs to some of these Homeschool Heroes and the highly imaginative projects they’ve done with their kids.

Stunning Easter Eggs made from natural materials and dye, by my friend Jane Cox and her kids (Botany lesson)

Candy Covid virus, made by Amelia, my friend Jen Sanke’s daughter, as she learned about the virus’ proteins (Biology lesson)

But perhaps the prize for most complex homeschool project has to go to my architect friend, Bryn Davidson, who upon returning from Australia, in late March, had to fully quarantine for 2-weeks. So, with his 5-year old son Bei as helper, this Physics lesson allowed him to enjoy home delivery beer while in isolation. Just brilliant!

https://youtu.be/FF9-2dWoUtc

May 6, 2020

Living in livestream

So today, 5 million British Columbian’s awaited our “sentence” with baited breath, as word spread that our provincial prime minister would deliver the Re-Open BC plan at 3 pm. I have to admit, it felt a bit like when you were “grounded” as an adolescent and then your parents returned certain privileges to you. Of course, I’m well aware that our province has already been far more licentious than many places around the globe. We’ve been fortunate to maintain reasonably low numbers of infection (just over 2,000), with counts as low as 8 new cases per day, at this point. So, while our provincial parks closed, our beaches never did. While we were encouraged, within a reasonable range of home, to be active outdoors, we were not restricted to walks only within the 100 metre radius of our house, as my Israeli friends were. And while we could still shop at gardening and furniture stores, to make sheltering at home more enjoyable, New Zealanders had nothing but grocery stores and pharmacies open, for two months.

I have sensed the gratitude my fellow Vancouverites have felt about these privileges. But that does not mean that we aren’t still anxious to return to other aspects of living which we’ve missed. When lockdown began, ominously on the Ides of March (the 15th), I’d harboured a secret hope that certain restrictions might be lifted on my birthday (exactly two months later). And it turns out that Phase Two of the BC ReOpen plan will commence on May 19th, just 4 days later than I’d hoped. What I most look forward to experiencing again are small gatherings with friends, (we’ll soon be allowed to socialize in public with up to 10 people); meals inside certain restaurants and pubs (those that are able to function within WorkPlace BC’s safety regulations); visits to registered massage therapists; and hugs with select people, (”using one’s own ‘risk assessment’.”)

But in the long-range plan, the harsh reality for artists has been laid out, as Phase Four (which includes resuming large-venue concerts, conventions, and international travel) can not occur until either a vaccine has been developed, an effective treatment plan is widely available, or herd immunity is achieved. And this is not estimated to occur until mid-2021 or later. So, the prospects are still bleak for symphony orchestras, opera and dance companies, artists who perform in crowded bars, or musicians who travel for arena shows and festivals. This likely means that in order to satisfy audiences’ need to access live performance, and for artists to continue to share their creativity, livestream formats will still have to persist for some time. Therefore, I thought I’d share a few regular weekly livestream arts events here, both from Vancouver, LA & NY.

Canadian National Live Art Champion, Dmitri Sirenko, who we featured at our non-profit’s annual benefit on February 20th, 2020

Every Monday Night at 7 pm PST (Vancouver) Poetry Slam: https://www.facebook.com/Vancouverpoetryslam/

Every Thursday at 5 pm PST (LA): LIVE Art Battles - Watch painters do their magic in just 20 minutes: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWJoWGVwzGtk99nTOCib9vg

Every Thursday at 8 pm EST (NY): Spotlight on Plays - famous actors perform readings of theatre pieces, online: https://www.broadwaysbestshows.com/post/the-best-of-series/

May 7, 2020

Collateral Blessings

So many thoughtful writers are adding to the discourse, as we all strive to make meaning from what can feel like a senseliess time. I have so appreciated the abundance with which people are sharing these missives, right now. Every day, bursts of inspiration or flickers of insight come my way, thru texts, emails and Facebook. Like adventurers, traveling together thru the dark of night, we shine light on guideposts, anywhere we can find them, as we collectively quench each other’s thirst for wisdom.

One of the most profound writings I‘ve recently discovered came from a stranger’s blog. In The Examined Family, Courtney Martin, without ever diminishing the gravity of the havoc that this virus has wreaked, writes about some of the assets that have also come out of this time. New friendships with neighbors. A long-neglected puzzle completed with her kids. The time to draw and truly notice an artichoke in her back garden. My good friend Juan calls these collateral blessings. This reference to the accidental gifts that this cruel virus has given us, is a beautiful twist on “collateral damage”, a term coined to explain accidental friendly-fire deaths during the Gulf War. Commenting on the anticipatory nostalgia that she projects she will feel about certain things, once this time has passed, Courtney writes:

“I instantly feel overwhelmed at the prospect of schedules and stuff. I don’t want to go back to our former accumulation or frenetic pace. I don’t want to stop texting (my neighbor) my little triumphs. I don’t want to forget about the artichokes in the garden. I don’t ever want to forget this happened--the grief and the beauty of it. I’m not even sure that will be possible, but if it were, I wouldn’t want it. I don’t want to vote like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to eat like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to consume like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to schedule like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to mother or daughter or befriend or neighbor like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to sit inside this little life, noticing and appreciating and breathing, like it didn’t happen. There is unnecessary suffering all around me, and inside of me, too, but there is also necessary meaning. May we hold on to that.”

You can read her full entry here: https://courtney.substack.com/p/unnecessary-suffering-and-necessary?token=eyJ1c2VyX2lkIjo3OTg0NDcyLCJwb3N0X2lkIjozNzU1NDMsIl8iOiJCTnk2VyIsImlhdCI6MTU4NzA1MjgyMCwiZXhwIjoxNTg3MDU2NDIwLCJpc3MiOiJwdWItMjA5MjIiLCJzdWIiOiJwb3N0LXJlYWN0aW9uIn0.puI9NMne-783ypInpvTkJ96T237WcrTo2ItDhqlkMiY

May 8, 2020

Nostalgia

I’m rarely one prone to nostalgia. My childhood photo albums are in storage. I have no family heirlooms displayed in my home. My tendency is to revel in the present or dream about the future. But this pandemic has strangely turned me into a sentimental fool. Perhaps this return to simpler times, where we seldom shop, where we wander mostly by foot, or where we get to know our neighbors better, makes us long for the past in certain ways.

For me, I’ve honored this by resurrecting my daily teenage Twizzler habit - a candy I’ve rarely eaten since then, but that now feels so satisfying during my Netflix & Chill evenings (while watching films almost as old like Groundhog Day & Anchorman).

I’m also listening a lot to Old School Hip Hop, where the explative-free rhymes of the 90’s feel so strangely innocent. It’s refreshing to listen to these musicians spit verses that merely celebrate the joys of dance and rap, rather than ranting about gun violence and other societal ills. Run DMC It’s Tricky (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-O5IHVhWj0) and Beastie Boys Body Movin’ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvRBUw_Ls2o) happen to be personal favorites.

Last month, I was tickled by an old memory while planting a lilac bush in my backyard. I suddenly remembered a story about my college boyfriend, whom I hadn’t thought of in 30 years. Our relationship started a bit secretively, so as not to hurt his ex’s feelings. So, one May afternoon, we snuck away to a distant park that was hosting a Lilac Festival. Unfortunately, our ruse was quickly spoiled when a candid photo of our picnic under the purple blooms was plastered all over the front page of the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle the next morning.

Another sweet memory returned in culinary form. Every Tuesday, for 7 years, my mother selflessly drove me an hour from home and back, for my flute lesson. And to break up the long drive, we regularly stopped at Bickford’s Pancake House for my favorite adolescent treat: breakfast for dinner. Their specialty was the Dutch Baby Apple. And I finally made my first homemade attempt at this deceptively easy delicacy, last Tuesday.

This has also been a time to return to bedtime stories (some I’ve read to friends’ kids, and others for adults to hear.) The Great Realisation by British performance artist, Tom Foolery, has been making the social media rounds. But in case you missed this touching tale that looks back on this time as if the tale is being told in a not-so-distant future, it’s a wistful story about some aspects of modern life that we may never long for in the future:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nw5KQMXDiM4

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holdyourbreathuntilyouseelight · 5 years

Text

The Bodyguard - Chapter 7

Summary: Magnus is a dancing popstar sensation whose popularity continues to climb. Alec, an ex-Secret Service agent, is hired on as a professional bodyguard in charge of Mr. Bane’s personal security by insistence of Magnus’ manager. Despite their initial differences, Magnus finds himself falling for Alec the more time they spend getting to know each other and relies on him for more than physical security as his safety gets threatened. Loosely based on the 1992 film The Bodyguard.

Rating: M

Genre: AU, Everyone is Human AU, Celebrity!Magnus, Bodyguard!Alec, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Fluff, Friendship, Romance, Eventual Smut, Mutual Pining

Author: holdyourbreathuntilyouseelight

A/N:You all are so kind and lovely - thank you so much for sticking with me and this story! I adore each of you and appreciate your support more than I can say. We are almost at the 'official' Malec, my friends! Hang in there!

Click here to read on AO3.

Previous chapters on tumblr: Prologue // Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 // Chapter 5 // Chapter 6

Alec thought it was strange that, for all the anxious texts he got overnight from both of his siblings, they weren't so responsive once he got back to them.

He knew they lived busy lives, like any young adult trying to make it in the world, but he tried not to feel slighted that they weren't as eager to talk to him now that the drama had passed.

He probably wouldn't have noticed so much, if he wasn't holed up alone in his room trying to entertain himself. He didn't want to invade Magnus' time with Catarina, as he knew, if anyone, she would be the one he opened up to about his trauma the night before. They hadn't seen each other since before the tour started, and Alec knew himself how tough being away from family could be.

Still, crappy hotel TV could only amuse him for so long.

A rapid knock sounded on the door and Alec heaved himself out of his bed to go tell off yet another member of Magnus' team.

"I think that's for you." Magnus called from his spot on the couch, him and Cat having relocated to the main living space.

Alec's face screwed up in confusion. Who the hell would be asking for him specifically? And how would Magnus know?

Shaking his head, figuring he wouldn't know until he answered, he opened the door.

His jaw dropped at the sight before him.

"Surprise!" Izzy squealed, throwing her arms around his neck.

He squeezed her back on reflex, barely registering the motion as he stared in shock at the two people before him.

"Hey, man. Nice perks you get these days, huh?" Jace teased, pulling him into a hug once Izzy released him.

"What… how… what are you guys doing here?" Alec finally managed to ask, releasing Jace to look back and forth between them for answers.

"The 'how' would be my doing." Magnus' teasing voice came, and the siblings all turned to look at him as he made his way over to the trio. "After chatting with your sister so much lately, and the fact that we had a planned few days off between dates, I figured you could use some family time. And I had to meet the famous Isabelle."

Izzy went over and hugged him just as tightly as she had hugged her brother. "It's amazing to meet you, Magnus. Thank you for doing this."

"My pleasure." he promised, moving to greet Jace.

Alec was shaking his head in disbelief. "Magnus. You didn't have to do this."

Magnus moved to his side. "Alexander, I rarely do things I don't want to do." he said, patting his chest affectionately while smiling up at him.

Alec couldn't help but return it warmly, his heart swelling in appreciation and a little something else.

"And they're only here for 24 hours… so let's go make them count, shall we?" Magnus headed back towards the living area. "Cat? You coming?"

Jace turned to Alec and mouthed 'Alexander?'.

Alec pointedly ignored him.

Magnus took the group to an intimate restaurant with an extensive bar where they all shared a booth.

They ordered drinks and appetizers to share and fell into easy conversation.

Magnus and Izzy were chatting animatedly about the outfit she was sporting, to no one's surprise. Catarina excused herself to the ladies' room after the food was cleared away, so Jace took the distractions as an opportunity to turn to Alec, a sly smirk forming on his face.

"Don't start." Alec said before he could even open his mouth, and Jace laughed.

"Don't start what, Alexander?" Jace teased.

Alec rolled his eyes. "Trust me, I tried to convince him otherwise, but the argument got old. The more I corrected him, the more he did it, so I finally gave up."

"Fair enough. How did your talk about last night go?"

"Well, we really didn't delve into too much. Ended up doing other stuff."

"Other stuff?" Jace said, eyebrows in his hairline, and Alec glanced at Magnus and Izzy, who were entirely unaware there was anyone else at the table.

"Not that. Get your mind out of the gutter. We just watched ridiculous YouTube videos and talked about lighter stuff." Alec explained.

Jace let his eyes flicker over to Magnus before settling back on his brother. "So, are you planning on telling him you're in love with him?"

"Jace!" Alec hissed, kicking him under the table, eyes wild as he checked to make sure the other two hadn't overheard even though they were speaking quietly and the other two were very clearly invested in discussion about Izzy's accessories.

"What? It's a valid question. I'm your best friend and brother, Alec. I know you. I see the way you look at him."

"Look, it's not… Just, drop it, please?"

Before Jace could argue, Catarina returned to the table.

She took a long drink from her glass and grimaced. "Ugh. Anyone else's drink weak as hell?"

"Now, Catarina, we don't want to get sloppy this early in the night, do we?" Magnus said, finally pulling himself out of his conversation with Izzy.

"Speak for yourself." she replied with a grin.

He chuckled. "Our drunken adventures are always something to remember… or not remember."

"I'm up for hearing about the ones you do remember." Jace interjected, taking a swig of his beer.

"I second that." Izzy said.

"Don't you two go getting ideas." Alec groaned. "I am too old to be your chaperone anymore."

"You literally get paid to be a chaperone for a living!" Jace teased.

"Touché." he grumbled in return. "Does that mean you two will finally pay me for my services?"

"Not if it means I have to give you up. I'm not very good at sharing." Magnus said, locking eyes with Alec as he smirked slyly.

Alec chewed his tongue, trying to contain the smile threatening to cover his face. He didn't want to give Magnus the satisfaction of seeing his amusement.

"I'm sure there's enough of me to go around."

"Oh I don't doubt it. You certainly appear sizeable to me."

Alec rubbed his forehead. "Magnus…"

"Don't worry, Alec. I'm used to him." Catarina said supportively, patting his hand.

"Well these two aren't." Alec said, jerking his head to indicate his siblings.

Magnus laughed. "I'll admit – I'm an acquired taste."

"Alec seems to like the taste of you just fine." Izzy piped up with a devilish grin, and Alec nearly slammed his head on the table.

"Isabelle."

"You should've known getting the two of them together would be dangerous." Jace added helpfully.

"But oh so much fun for us." Magnus teased, clinking his glass with Izzy's as Alec silently begged the floor to swallow him whole.

Magnus managed to convince Catarina to go dance with him by the stereo system, despite no one else getting up or there being an actual designated dance floor. It was an attest to Magnus' power of persuasion that she followed his lead and danced alongside him.

Alec was happy to see him enjoying himself with his best friend, but the immediate mischievous look in his sister's big eyes made him regret their departure.

"So Alec…"

Alec sighed. "Not you too, Iz."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "I should be automatically given a pass to tease when you kept it under wraps that you had feelings for him. I asked you before if you did and you said no!"

"No, you asked me if there was anything going on and I said no, because there wasn't. Isn't." he corrected quickly.

"But you want there to be?" Jace prodded.

"I… Look, he's my client. No matter what I feel, I can't go there. Plus he's a famous celebrity – I doubt he wants to slum it with me."

"Alec."

"No, I mean it. He can have anybody he wants. People throw themselves at his feet on a regular basis. He has much better options, trust me. We may be becoming friends but he's not going to see me that way."

Izzy reached across the table to squeeze his hand. "Alec, I think he already does. He talks to me about you all the time, and I don't think it's just because you're common ground between us. You don't see the way he looks at you when you're not paying attention."

"You're seeing things."

Before the pair of siblings could continue trying to convince his denial away, the other two came back over.

Magnus slid into the seat next to Alec. "I just ordered a double round of shots, so get ready. Time to make some new memories."

"What happened to not wanting to get sloppy?" Jace asked amusedly.

"I have to catch the red eye tonight and I don't want to be anywhere near sober for that. I hate flying. I wish I could teleport." Catarina said.

"Our flight isn't until morning but I'm good with sleeping a hangover off on the plane." Izzy said, accepting the shot glass from the tray as the server came around.

"Alec, don't be shy." Magnus said, passing him one when he didn't immediately reach for the drink.

Alec took it from him and knocked back the liquid in one gulp. It didn't burn like he expected it to – it was actually quite smooth.

"I love a man who swallows." Magnus flirted without missing a beat.

Alec flushed, wishing it was warmer in the restaurant so he could blame it on that, while Magnus laughed and rubbed his back comfortingly.

"I'd say I'm only teasing, but, to be fair, it was a true statement. But I do promise I'm not trying to embarrass you." Magnus told him quietly.

Alec unconsciously leaned into his touch, and Magnus left his hand rubbing circles at the bottom of his spine.

"If it wasn't you, it'd be Izzy. I'm fine." he promised.

"Good. Are you having a good time?" Magnus asked while the others got lost in their own conversation about terrible flight stories.

"Definitely. What about you? After everything last night—"

Magnus put a hand up to stop him. "It's just what I need. A positive distraction. The timing couldn't have been more perfect. I had planned this with Izzy weeks ago, knowing this would be a proper day off after the benefit was done, but I hadn't had any clue then that last night would turn out the way it did."

"And you kept your plans from me all that time?"

Magnus smiled smugly, obviously pleased with himself for his power of secret keeping. "Well, I figured I owed you. About time I did something for you."

"Magnus, you do not owe me for doing my job. I'm only doing what I was hired to do." Alec reminded him.

"You know you've gone above and beyond for me, especially the last few days alone. I know I put up a fuss at first, but I do feel much safer knowing I have you."

Alec smiled, reaching over to squeeze Magnus' hand. "I was so reluctant to take this job in the beginning but now, well, there's nowhere I'd rather be."

Magnus' brilliant returning smile made his stomach flip.

Magnus looked away for a moment to grab another two shots off the table, and he passed one to Alec.

"To overcoming adversities?" Alec prompted, holding his glass out.

Magnus clinked his against it. "To us." he corrected before tossing it back.

Alec could barely contain a smile as he followed suit and swallowed the drink in full.

Magnus' eyes scanned the room and widened in excitement.

"Alexander. Fancy a game of pool?"

Alec glanced at his siblings but they were engrossed in Catarina's retelling of ridiculous horror stories from the ER, so he felt they wouldn't be missed.

"Let's do it."

Magnus led the way, passing Alec a pool cue then racking up the balls in the center of the table.

"Do you want to break?"

Alec chalked up the end of his cue.

"Nah, you go ahead."

Magnus clacked the balls together with a good level of strength, sending them apart in various directions.

He lined up his cue and knocked two solids into holes before getting one just shy of a corner pocket. He nodded to Alec to indicate it was his turn.

Alec stepped up to the table and proceeded to pocket four balls in succession without batting an eye.

Magnus' jaw dropped. "Alec, are you hustling me?"

Alec grinned, shrugging innocently.

Jace walked by at that point, heading to the bar for a refill, and snickered at the incredulous look on Magnus' face.

"I see Alec failed to mention he used to make money playing pool."

"Oddly, yes." Magnus said, shooting daggers at Alec while he laughed and lined up another shot.

Jace chuckled. "A way of making extra cash in college. He's always been good at angles and precision. He probably never told you he's a national champion at archery. Started in boarding school. Got first in every competition then took it further until he was winning trophies left and right."

"Okay, Jace, that's enough of a history lesson." Alec told him.

Jace grinned at him. "Gotta share my brotherly pride with anyone who will listen."

Alec shoved him playfully on his way, grinning at him in return, before turning back to their game.

Magnus sunk two more balls during his turn and grumbled when he missed the third.

"You're good, you know. Not as good as me but…" Alec said teasingly, knowing full well how competitive Magnus was.

Sure enough, he took the bait immediately.

"If you're so talented, why don't you come over here and show me how it's done?" Magnus asked, fire in his eyes.

Alec swallowed and came around to his side of the table. He was competitive too—he wasn't going to back down from a direct challenge.

"Line up your shot. Try to think ahead of what exact path you want the ball to follow, keeping in mind that where the second set of balls hit together should be equal in strength to if you were hitting it with your cue alone." Alec told him, his voice huskier than he planned.

Magnus seemed to notice, if the darkening of his eyes was any indicator.

Alec moved behind him, draping his body over his in order to mirror Magnus' position. He placed a hand on Magnus' hip and his other arm slid to cover his up to his wrist. He adjusted the angle of his arm slightly, slipping back to change the cue's position, and pressed his front flat against Magnus' back in order to see his line of sight to the best of his ability.

"Now. Not too hard. You want to pull back but pour your strength into the jab at the end, not the full motion." Alec instructed, breath hitting the back of his ear as he whispered. He imitated the motion, always stopping right before the cue made contact, and it forced him to press even closer to see the stretched position through.

Magnus shivered in his hold, and Alec tried not to feel triumphant.

He finally moved Magnus' cue with him, cracking the ball against the stick with measured strength and it bounced off one and then another, both rolling into their designated holes.

"Perfect." Alec murmured, finally releasing him and stepping back.

Magnus turned to look at him, licking his lips. "You're a good teacher."

Alec noted his voice was lower too.

His eyes watched Magnus' tongue's movement, wishing it was his own getting to explore the softness.

"We should… we should get back to the others." Alec finally said, knowing if they didn't get themselves around witnesses soon, he was going to do something stupid like pin Magnus to the table and kiss the breath from his mouth.

"Good idea." Magnus said, his playful gaze indicating he knew exactly where Alec's mind went.

Alec followed him back to the table, hoping his indecent thoughts were at least hidden from their company.

The rest of the night went well, ending much later than Alec had originally anticipated.

He was definitely the soberest of the four as they walked through downtown LA. Catarina had to leave earlier than the rest to catch her flight, and all of them had been sad to see her go.

Naturally, Magnus was the drunkest even when Catarina was in the running, so Alec had his arm around his waist to keep him walking in as straight of a line as an attached duo could move.

"Alexander, will you carry me like you did the other night? I'm so tired." Magnus whined.

Alec pointedly ignored his siblings' gazes as he scooped Magnus up bridal-style without a word.

Magnus immediately clung to him, snuggling into his chest. "You smell so good."

Alec could hear Jace and Izzy giggling to themselves a few paces back, and he knew from many years of experience that it was at his expense. He wasn't helping dispute their delusions about Magnus' feelings for him by having the drunk man in his arms in such a traditionally romantic way.

"Boys, I have an idea. Rather than waste money on an extra room when we get back to the hotel… you two have a double bedroom in your suite, right? There's no reason we can't all take advantage of the beautiful suite you have."

"But Iz, how would we divide up the beds? All three of us can't fit in one." Jace asked in painfully fake curiosity, and if Magnus wasn't super drunk, Alec knew he would've been able to read the extremely poor acting on his brother's part for pretending like that thought had just occurred to him.

"Well, I figure you and I can share… and Alec and Magnus! After all, the closer Alec is to Magnus, the better. For safety." Izzy said mischievously.

Alec glared at her over his shoulder.

"Sounds perfect to me." Magnus mumbled. "I like sleeping in your arms."

Alec felt his skin redden for the second time that night, and he tried not to panic at how Magnus would know that. Was the reason he was instinctively searching for Magnus in bed that morning because they somehow ended up spooning? Did his heart rule his body when he was sleeping?

He was grateful that Magnus spoke softly enough that the other two hadn't overheard that last bit.

Once they got to the hotel, Alec shifted Magnus in his arms to hit the elevator button.

"Is he asleep?" Jace asked amusedly.

Alec looked down and saw that Magnus' eyes were closed and his chest was rising and falling in even breaths.

A tender smile slipped out without him meaning to.

"So it seems. He's never this quiet otherwise."

Izzy was smiling knowingly at him when he looked up, and he rolled his eyes at her in response. He was not going to bite at her teasing for her satisfaction.

They got back to their hotel suite and separated so Jace and Izzy could grab their luggage from the living room and Alec could place Magnus on the bed.

He came back out to make sure the other two didn't need anything further.

"Smart – taking the bigger bed. You might need that extra space." Izzy teased, ruffling Alec's hair before slipping into the bedroom that usually would be Alec's. "Jace, I know I signed up for this, but you better have cut your toenails this time!"

"Hey! You better keep your kicks to yourself or you're sleeping on the floor!" Jace argued back.

He chanced a glance at Alec and then moved to close the door until it was just about shut.

"Hey. If this is too much, I can sleep on the couch and you can share with Izzy."

Alec forced a smile. "Thanks, Jace. It's all right. We're just going to sleep."

"All right. You know where I am if you change your mind." Jace said, clapping him on the shoulder before heading into his assigned room.

Alec slipped into the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. Seeing Magnus' makeup wipes, he sighed and gathered what he needed before returning to his now-shared room with Magnus.

Magnus was still sleeping, hugging a pillow to his chest now, and Alec felt bad waking him. But he knew that Magnus would regret not taking his makeup off in the morning.

He nudged Magnus gently, pulling the pillow away, and Magnus grumbled.

"I'm sleepy." he pouted.

"I know. But I need to get your makeup off. Can you just tilt your face up for me? Please?"

Magnus acquiesced, blinking up at him, eyebrows furrowing. Alec got to work wiping away the colours, Magnus closing his eyes so he could take off his eyeliner and shadow. Thankfully, it only took a couple minutes and then he was clean.

"I know you're tired, but do you want to go to the bathroom or anything before sleeping?"

"Mm… maybe."

Alec chuckled. "All right. Come on. Let's go."

He guided Magnus to the bathroom, arm wound around his waist, and left him to do his thing. The bathroom was en-suite so if Magnus needed him, all he had to do was shout.

Alec undressed until he was in just his boxers and a t-shirt and he jumped in surprise when he turned around to find Magnus standing there staring at him.

"You're so hot."

Alec's usual porcelain skin flushed a bright red once again, and he cursed his reactive blood vessels.

"Uh, are-are you ready for bed?"

"Mm, yeah. Just gotta change."

"Okay, should I—"

Before he could finish his sentence, Magnus had started unbuttoning his pants and kicked them off his legs. He tried to undo his dress shirt but the buttons were too numerous and complicated for his uncoordinated fingers so Alec crossed the room to help him.

Magnus' eyes never left Alec's deft fingers as they unlooped the buttons from their fabric prisons.

Once unbuttoned, Alec pushed the fabric off of his shoulders and let it drop to the floor.

He had to swallow. Magnus was currently wearing very little clothing and was standing very close to him.

Magnus reached up to stroke a hand down Alec's chest, watching its movement. "Thank you for your help, Alexander."

Alec nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He took Magnus' wandering hand and led him to bed, helping him climb under the covers on his side before moving to his own and climbing in.

Magnus immediately scooted over and cuddled up to his side, tucking his head into Alec's shoulder and throwing a leg over Alec's thigh to slip between his.

"Uh, what are you… is this comfortable for you?" Alec asked instead.

Magnus sighed happily, nuzzling his cheek against Alec's pec. "Very. This okay?"

"Uh, yeah, yes. All good."

Alec felt Magnus' smile against his skin, and his hand automatically moved to stroke through his hair. He expected to be met with a lot of product but it was actually quite soft and flitted through his fingers easily.

Magnus fell back to sleep quickly, but Alec lay awake, wondering if he wasn't wrong to hope his siblings were right about the two of them. Because one thing was for sure—Alec was falling hard and fast for Magnus Bane.

* * * * *

Continue to Chapter 8

#malec #malec au #magnus bane #alec lightwood #shadowhunters #shadowhunters fic #malec fic #the bodyguard fic #apparently I'm obsessed with italics this chapter idk

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