#so i work for my mom and stepdad

[podcastwizard]

"you are sensationalizing and catastrophizing" i repeat into a bathroom mirror, gripping the sink and sobbing. somehow i do not feel better.

#I FORGOT TO THANK MY GRANDPARENTS FOR THE CARD THEY SENT ME #AND I FORGOT TO CASH THE CHECK SO THEY THOUGHT IT GOT LOST IN THE MAIL #I AM A TERRIBLE GRANDCHILD #ALSO MY WORK MIGHT BE DOING WAGE THEFT IM NOT SURE #AND MY MOM AND MY STEPDAD ARE SICK #AND I STILL HAVEN'T HAD BREAKFAST

[arvoze]

you can tell they're related to eachother based on their move mastery decisions

#pokemon #pokemon mystery dungeon #cacturne #nuzleaf #spidops #my art #keith #cass #luwel #butcher #cass is keiths mom btw. theyve never interacted before #they'll interact eventually but they remain pretty distant to eachother #like if anything. butcher talks to keith more than his own mom does #(hes like his stepdad basically i guess bc cass and butcher are A Thing) #not that cass is really much of a talker anyways. which. fuck dude keith isnt much of a talker either actually #(keith talks to his friends/family a lot but if youre a stranger he's usually very quiet #he'll be happy to talk about jobs/rescue work/etc but if u talk to him outside of that he's so different) #they'll meet eventually. idk exactly when. probably pre-calamity joining. inch trap gives team brambleweed a letter #not that keith wrote it or anything. he didnt. it was probably guildmaster rime if im honest

[coquelicoq]

my family being the poster child for divorce is interesting because on the one hand there are several people who child me considered just regular family members who are now no longer in my life in any capacity which was really destabilizing but on the other hand now as an adult the concept of relationships changing and ending is so normal to me and i feel like that's actually a really useful outlook to have. also, the fact that several of my relatives' current significant others annoy the crap out of me is more bearable because it's like, wellllll, just give them a few years and they'll be outta here. lol.

#my stepdad who is now divorced from my mom is still in my life and that's the most important one to me #because he is my parent and helped raise me. he called me just yesterday actually #i was worried when they got divorced that he would also fade out of my life but he's always considered me one of his kids just like #his two biological kids. and it helped when my heater broke last year and i had to go live with him for a month #he loved that haha #my mom's current boyfriend is soooo annoying but i'm making it work largely by ignoring him whenever it's not rude to do so #what i love about being in groups of people rather than one on one is there's always someone else to respond to whoever's talking #and i can just sit there and not make eye contact with anyone and not say anything. IDEAL #it occurred to me very recently that this might be seen as rude for some people? but my family is completely used to it so 👍 #my posts

[werebutch]

Guy who is annoying and weird. Chill outttttbruh

Seriously though I’m so tired of having to wait on everyone in my family there are days where I have to wait hours in the car doing nothing because I live too far from everything so I can’t go home or I never know when they’ll be done doing whatever so I can’t exactly do anything else. At school I have to wait for my sister for at least 2 hours and yes I can do homework but god. Still. And yes I do do other shit during that but there’s only so much I can do out. Then I have to go home, sometimes shop beforehand (which I usually do while waiting but still..), cook dinner, spend a sympathy hour or 2 with my dad or he’ll kill himself, THEN I have time to do my own stuff like clean up bunnies + room + do homework + fun stuff. That’s usually only 3 hours before I go to bed. It fluctuates obviously. I know I’m being really stupid bc I have it pretty good I have a real house where I don’t have to pay rent and shit but I’m still gonna complain a little. It was way worse last year when my other sister was in hs but my family literally can’t function without me doing this stuff. I have to keep track of all appointments and school stuff for them too. They keep me so busy that I can’t work. Like my dad will beg me not to work because if I do he will have to get off his ass. Cause I can’t possible do everything. When my summer job rolls around he calls me evil and selfish for working it but if I don’t I’m even more broke the rest of the year. But at least I’m not as busy since there’s no school. It’s just such stupid stuff right now I can’t wait until I save up to move out 😭 and I have to do all this shit while they’re all telling me that I make their life worse etc etc like wtaf ? Am I insane like am I just so spoiled that I’m making up problems for myself or are they real. Because I genuinely can’t tell. It used to be so much worse it’s insane that I’m still not happy LMAO. So I hate complaining about it on here but I also need to get it out SOMEWHERE. Ugh

I hate seeming like I’m fishing for validation or sympathy bc I’m not I just need to talk somewhere.. I feel so crazy guilty having people tell me that I’m ok for thinking this. So don’t 😭😭 even if it’s really sweet. I appreciate it a lot but idk. It’s like okay well how would you know..you know. Like what if I’m unknowingly twisting my story to seem worse or something and I’m actually just spoiled and looking for smth to complain abt. Idk

#but also. cant save up to move out in a timely manner because again. I cant work. I hate this #sorry for the word vomit it’s so stupid I know I’m being goofy I’m just grrrrr #I have no consistent schedule. I have to be able to drive anywhere do anything on a dime. even for my mom and stepdad too #??!

[karda]

getting wisdom teeth out tomorrow i am so scared

#not even of the dentist. ive had so much work done on myteeth #so many root canals and teeth pulled #its just my first time having my own insurance #and im so scared its not going to work. or i did it wrong. or they'll change theit mind (insane) #and ill have to pay akl of it #my stepdad is paying the out of pocket cost but idk. i feel bad. im worried #jts ridiculous how much it costs #scared ill tell my mom some deeply personal shit

[theexorcistiii]

Just so everyone knows I started trying to drugs in the last two weeks & have completely failed to get high each time. Something might be wrong with me

#I’d been putting it off bc usually my brain has a really bad reaction to anything feeling weird or off in my body but I was like fuck it I’m #bored drugs sound found. let’s do it. plus my moms bf is a hippy w endless access to substances so I feel like I should take advantage of #that while I still live with him. so I tried some of his shroom chocolate while we were at the river. did not work. hit his weed vape when #we returned. did not work. hit his pipe several times. did not work. I’m immune I guess #except I HAVE technically gotten high one time my stepdad (diff guy it’s complicated) said he’d been taking gummies to help him sleep so he #let me try one it took me like an hour to fall asleep n then an hour after that I woke up knocked on my fucking ASS #could not move bc my body was too heavy & also I was vibrating & I couldn’t think bc my thoughts were too wiggly. didn’t like it #but that’s it. whatever I will never be cool I guess

[girlpetrarca]

unstoppable force (my sister who wants me to be an activist) vs immovable object (my need to be an ostrich with my head in the sand)

#I wasn't going to this public demonstration but my sister my mom & stepdad want to #so I'll go #I feel terrible because I should want to fight #I should want to care #because it's my fucking future #but I don't want to #I just hate it #I want to do my 10 hours work and let the others do their protesting #I know. believe me. I'm well aware of my hypocrisy #I just. really don't like these things because it feels like I'm loosing precious time #time I should spend working on my thesis #because I've lost enough time already #but then again I know that working on my thesis is just a fucking excuse for the fact that I'm lazy as shit #personal

[elliebartlets]

so much shit is going on with all sides of my family and I’m feeling very overwhelmed

#my grandfather is probably going to die within the year #and I walked in on my mom crying the other day about it #which made me sad and made it more real #cause it feels like it was a long time coming but also feels like it happened too fast #my great aunt has really bad problems with her hip and can’t get it replaced because she’s so old and had a stroke #so there’s a risk of putting her under anesthesia #and not only is she in so much pain and can barely move to eat or go to the bathroom #but she lives alone and her daughters who live near her won’t visit her!!! #she has a granddaughter who visits her the most but she’s also busy with work and her kid and stuff #I truly don’t know all the details but they’ve always been weird like the one daughter always accused her husband (her stepdad) of #“playing favorites” with the other daughter. and it’s like? get over yourself #I’d understand if my great aunt was a horrible mother or something but she doesn’t seem to be #plus she raised her granddaughter (one of her daughters kids) so the least that daughter could do is fucking visit her #idk I just feel so bad for her and hope she’s ok #plus there’s stuff going on with my brother which I’m not getting into on here #it’s just like all of this was slowly building up and it all crashed down at once #oh and my uncles mom died (not my grandmother or blood related to me at all) and my aunt will not go to the funeral cause my one uncles #sister is a total c u next Tuesday #like I met my uncles 2 sisters once 20+ years ago when I was in my aunts wedding #so I don’t remember them but everything I hear about them reminds me of the sopranos family #stereotypical new jersey Italian family that hates each other #like down to the siblings too. one sister who is insane and starts fights (Janice) and the other who is more “normal” who I don’t #hear about as much (baraba) #then you have my uncle who is very hot and cold like Tony soprano. plus possibly involved in the mafia or mob or something #I’m not overwhelmed by my uncles family/mom dying btw #it’s just some family drama that’s adding fuel to the fire of stuff happening #ANYWAY #breakdown/vent over! back to my assignments! #personal

[the-kipsabian]

grieving

#i guess thats why i feel so gross rn #its just. gnawing on me. regrets. loneliness. im tired #thats probably why ive been so insistent on working on something at all times. i dont like being alone with my thoughts #and now that i have a moment of silence its just. so loud #getting constant updates doesnt help. seeing my parents fight about it doesnt help. seeing others grieving differently doesnt help #i dont. i dont know #i dont think im gonna come to terms with any of this any time soon #i wasnt that close with my grandpa the past few years since covid but he was always there when i grew up without a dad #he was always a good person when i was a child. as i was an adult a little less so but thats how it goes right? and old people are like tha #it doesnt help that my mom doesnt talk very kindly of him. she loved her dad but is also very mean about him #i dont know. its so difficult for me to grasp #i dont know what to do with grief. it hurts but both not enough and also an overwhelming amount #i just... #funerals next week. i dont wanna do this #night is an absolute mess on main #im just afraid of losing everything. my family has never been that big and now both of my grandparents are gone #and my stepdads family has never accepted me in really so its. i dont know where i belong #it just hurts. i know i have people around but it feels like everyones leaving #i dont want to be alone. i cant

[guzmapkmn-archive]

omg hiiiii im home btw!!! wahhh ty all for the nice comments on my art hehe <3<3 hugging you all <3

#cat.txt #my mom stepdad and brother came to visit me at work bc they were bored lol #my mom has a loud voice so i was in the middle of helping a customer and heard her ejhfghsfj #very startling

[raspberry-piee]

If you ask me to do dishes past 6pm I will genuinely think about killing myself and the entire tri state area

#I’ll do any other chore but I have one rule don’t ask me to do fucking dishes in the evening #I get so pissed off bout it because my mom and stepdad literally don’t do anything all day neither of them work so they just sit around the #house so it’s fucking stupid that they wait for me to do 6 peoples fucking dishes cause I’m a housekeeper but I’m also the only kid out of #the 4 of us that live at home that are expected to do any chores #it’s genuinely so fucking annoying and my mom sits there the entire time blaring her computer and I have sensory issues when it comes to my #hearing so if I ask her to turn it down she genuinely gets so upset with me she will literally ignore me for days then say I’m being mean #am I being dramatic yes. am I throwing a tantrum yes. but I do not give a fuck

[bludraws094]

btw

i might end up getting a job soon :3

theres one place that hires people my age thats within walking distance of my house (which is really important since i cant drive and dont trust myself enough to learn how (and also we only have two working cars and not enough money to buy another or fix the van) so i either have to be able to walk there, rely on my mom to drive me to and from work, or ride my scooter)

i havent applied yet bcus I Dont Know How, but my mom really wants me to, plus theres decent pay and benefits

#“if yall have two cars then you can use the other one right!” the other one belongs to my stepdad #and he is the only one who currently has a job (my mom cant work since she has to take care of both my sisters and my grandma) #“what about your moms car” she needs it to drive my sister to gymnastics #my grandma to doctors and hospitals #and all of us to stores and food banks and shit #so yea. not gonna be able to use any of them. even if i could drive. #the van is my grandmas but she cant drive anymore due to health conditions plus its completely fucked

[kh3finalmix]

helping my mom clean again but im not even mad because we're cleaning out the basement whether my stepdad likes it or not. unfortunately i havent seen my copy of house of leaves though 😖

#stuff #i think it got donated. #stepdad is at work so. my mom just decided to start doing it

[kittie1996]

#tw sh #i went to the store nearby my moms and im pretty familiar with the cashiers that work on the weekend #i had to tell him a creep was following me and my sisters once and he was super cool about it #anyways #i went out in like a tank top for the first time in years today :3 #it’s hot as balls ive been in that store at closing hours in pajamas before. hes literally seen me at my worst #and ive seen the kind of people that come in here like i get anxious so i tell myself ‘theyve seen worse today’ #but ig not today KAJZJAUAJ #idk maybe he just didnt expect it from me but he like very blunty asked me what happened to me and /$^€.\!]* #i wanted to die i wanted to shrink and turn myself inside out #im all healed so i forget and like i just try to get on with my life #also he’s well acquaintanced with my stepdad so i hope i dont hear about it from my family <3

[savage-rhi]

Daily Highlights #17 (4-2-23)

3 Things That Made Me Happy

Some friends of mine in the VO community helped me find low budget noise canceling material.

Seeing a mutual post their work online again after being on a hiatus.

Talking with people here and there about different subjects. 

3 Productive Activities I Performed

Submitted my art program proposal to work

Began decluttering my apartment

Finished cleaning and redecorating my room

3 Self Care Activities I Accomplished

Gave myself a bath with some bougie ass treatment (candles, incense, flowers, etc.)

Allowed myself to sit with my negative feelings for an hour, then mentally told said feelings “time’s up, I’ll see you at our next appointment”. 

Took periodic rests as soon as flares started and stopped 

3 Emotions I felt Today

Concern 

Frustration 

Melancholy 

Overall Day

4/10 Jeff Goldblum’s

#dailyhighlights #mental health journaling #struggling a lot with beating myself up today #work threw another wrench into things #the flares today have been making walking difficult #ill get up for five maybe ten minutes #then need to sit down or ill fall over cause it hurts so bad #ive been wanting to write for myself cause i got a lot of ideas i want to play with #can see it all in my mind but my head is overwhelmed #mom and stepdad got into a car crash too #been waiting to hear how they're holding up #the snow has returned #its been a rough day #trying to get to the good #and trying not to get mad at myself because i can't function

[elibeeline]

Its 'i woke up too early and fell back asleep and had a crazy dream' day 🙃

#two dreams actually! i was still too tired after the first one #where i had moved into a block of flats? in which i had one of my managers share a kitchen with? #and in the magical world of dream land i had a drive thru window #and i dreamt i was working bc i do that too much and then an angry customer comes up and says something angrily #like he's stood in front of this car at the window and i get scared and turn for my mom (because the family all moved into this flat) #and when i do over to her thjs guy at the dining table (dont know who or why he was there) and he grabs my wrist and presses a knife to it #nothing happens injury wise because apparently im more worried about the guy at the window and i just shrug this guy off #and the dream ends when the guy at the window pulls out a gun and starts shooting but i wake up before anyone can get hurt :) #and the second dream! was about a scarecrow #i feel like its an actual movie bc that what the dream told me it was? like we were on the island where they shot the movie #and the scarecrow was still in the water #so we're on this boat ride (one of those touristy ones with a slide) and im hanging on for dear life bc wtf the scarecrow is in the water #and my stepdad had told me there's this really scary scene where he reveals his like. hollow face behind the mask/hood thing #and one fun detail that didn't end up being important is that he's meant to be scared of carved pumpkins? #like there's a border around the island keeping him in the water #and this is a fun detail because my brain only included it bc in between the dreams i checked my notifications #and someone was looking for a pokemon called a pumpkaboo for the next gym and it stuck in my brain bc idk what that was #so ah yes halloween pumpkins and scarecrows in February. thanks brain #but yeah after the boat ride the island floods and allows the scarecrow to come on land #(which was p smart kudos to u scary brain) #and we're all declared as missing bc idk we werent meant to leave the boat place or something when the flood came #and then brain finds all the action boring and skips straight to both my dad and stepdad bringing us back to the flat to mom #where i assume we probably live happily ever after but idk that flat was creepy and felt very unsafe #i do like that brain thought it was necessary to include it in both dreams rather than. yknow. the house we actually live in. #but if anyone wants to analyse those you're more than welcome too hehe ive always found that interesting