#so i'm not gonna do it again rn

[sunnymainecoonx]

They are so old

#they are so my grandparents #afterdeath #Geno sans #reaper sans #reaper x Geno #Geno x reaper #utmv #sans au #undertale au #sanscest #UwU #had to stop doing requests just bc I wanted to finish this #but I'll be busy again so....(hanging out with friend!!) #I'm gonna go outside!! and touch grass!! #tomorrow. I need sleep rn-

[mattodore]

somehow managed to make matthias look even more bitchy

#''river what happened to working on your werewolf oc? the one from yesterday?'' ……let's not discuss it i simply can't bear to talk about it #river dipping #matthias evanoff #echthroi #ts4 #ts4 edit #simblr #did not need to edit this but we'll never see him with this hair again so i figured. sure why not spend a little bit of time on this #this looks very similar to his hair from when he was a child..... he had swoopy bangs and a middle part back then #...............staring at him like this i kind of want to eat him #kjfgksjfg #the messier his hair is the more i'm like Oh? #like italicized /Oh?/ #….i have nothing else to say here like there was rlly no need for me to post this i just thought hm. he looks pretty <3 #i changed his jaw a bit and made his chin smaller… idk if it’s noticeable #theo is untouched (by the veronicas… classic) like i didn’t change his sim at all #…….can i be honest the reason why i abandoned ria’s sim is bc i realized fuck. i do NAWT have decent fem frame clothing #especially not for a butch lesbian sim like. why is everything a crop top…. #tbf tho. i’m not mad about getting to look at alessandria’s happy trail #.................deep sigh. but i'm gonna go back to it rn. #i think i'll just leave her outfits like they used to be for now even tho i don't really like what she's wearing

[crow-with-a-pencil]

I may have been consumed by the detective au brain rot

Found this song recently and was immediately possessed by the creative spark to make something with it, so here's the extremely rough result of using only a 6B pencil tool.

Hope u like :)

Song lyrics: "Rule #15 - Four Aces" by Fish in a Birdcage

Detective au by @starlightcloudbaby , fic is Sleuth Jesters by @naffeclipse

#there are some panels I'm much happier with than others #but I'm just gonna post before I obsess over it forever #too tired to water mark just DO NOT REPOST without permission #hey naff remember when I said I loved your fic? I'm saying it again #I don't have the time rn to do clean lineart so im trying to be more ok with posting rough pencil sketches #hopefully y'all like it #my ârt #fnaf daycare attendant #detective au #sleuth jesters fic #fish in a birdcage #I'm a little unsure about the style changes but whatever. post. #tw gun #tw blood #sleuth jesters #fnaf #fnaf y/n

[aro-culture-is]

hey all. it's been a while. life has been not... bad per se, but I certainly haven't had the energy to keep up with this blog in quite some time. I'm closing submissions for now, and gonna try to queue up the whole of what has previously been submitted.

i'll let you know at the end of all that if i'm gonna continue at all. if I decide to abandon this blog, I do intend to keep it up as a resource and will not delete it.

thank you all for a great time

--- mods, kee system

#blog maintenance #i'd say sorry but tbh. i'm just tired all the time now. i don't have energy. maybe i'll do more again if i feel better. #but rn we're just perpetually doing our best with a body that can barely hold on with daily tasks and even then... things get lost #there's currently 527 submissions in the inbox for this blog. unsure if there's any Ghosts (it happens. trust us.) #where the submission exists only sometimes / has otherwise glitched #but ultimately that's like. approximately 530 posts and even when we consider coming back to this blog that's just an overwhelming number #and you can't even backwards chrono the inbox on tumblr #so it's just... gonna be whatever we have the spoons for #thank you for the community <2

[shuploc]

If you do an Astarion painting I'm gonna evaporator /pos

Y'know what... It's kinda crazy, cuz I've literally been an Astarion stan since the beta, I'm collecting edits of him like it's pokemon cards too, but I just haven't talked about him on here at all lmao

I will definitely draw him, I guess I'm just gonna throw that out there; there might be a couple of pieces of him sprinkled in amongst everything else down the line. Thank you for the suggestion though, I've mentioned before how I feel pretty bad about drawing stuff from lots of fandoms at the same time, but idk, this time it does feel a little different ❤️

#he's just so perfect AND he's a vampire #I mean' whatever dude' I'm predictable' what can I say #I'm so so so so happy we got so many vampire characters this year and that I'm not the only one obsessed with them #crazy how I was literally bullied for liking them when I was younger #anyways-! #hey' actually' come here real quick: the rest has scrolled past this already' so let me tell you a secret #I'm literally working on a drawing of him rn LMAO #and he's so INSANELY hard to draw' I'm not having an easy time whatsoever' my goodness #no idea if I'm gonna post it' but I'm doing it! it's happening! 🙌 #thank you for the suggestion once again 🥰

[akashicpoint]

NO MORE HEROES Travis's speech during Death Metals fight.

[transcribed: "This count... I feel as if I'm looking at my future self. Mega bucks, big ass house, fast cars... Dining in style with a world class chef and a trusty nutritionist counting every calorie. A team of hot yoga instructors to keep me in shape. Nurses to attend to my body... Maids and loyal servants at my beck and call. On the weekends, tanned babes knocking on my door every two hours. Every day full of excitement and luxury. That'd be the life. Everything in its right place. It's the perfect life. It's the life for winners. That'll be my life! I thirst for selflessness. Hypocrites lusting for their own desires get killed by young rookies like me. This is how it goes down. And for the old killers? They'll croak anyway. I guess you can call this a comedy. I realize there's really nothing here for me. But what else can I do but keep going? Maybe I should have been a little more careful before I jumped in. Gotta find the exit. Gotta find that exit to Paradise. But, I can't see it. Can't see anything. There's this sense of doom running down my spine, like it's... Like it's trying to suck the life out of me. I need to get rid of it before I bail. Something deeper... Deeper than my instincts is taunting me. Can't find the exit. Can't find the exit. Can't find the exit. Can't find the exit. Can't find the exit."]

#I love this speech #I could talk about this speech #but im sickly rn so i cant formulate my thoughts #Also love that the mansion was based off scarface. It fits the plot #also idk if this speech has been uploaded but...I'm gonna do it again since i cant find it as of now #audio #no more heroes #nmh #nmh1 #travis touchdown #v: no more heroes #grasshopper manufacture

[raiiny-bay]

new character page wip

#i edited the shit out of this code ngl #idk what i'm gonna put under the music section yet #the picture is just a place holder #i definitely like this layout better. not looking forward to having to do new pictures of everyone. again. #i'm also rewriting everyone's bios. again. bc i want them to reflect their current selves more #rn they're like a weird mix of their canon & post-canon selves & they just don't feel very. cohesive. ig #like. most of my edits take place in post-canon so i think their pages should match that? #they're not accurate to the versions of them that i share on here. that's what i mean #mm i just confused myself trying to think about it #ok. i'm gonna go have lunch & then i guess i'll write or something #i had something else i was gonna say but i forgot lol #rainyrambles

[gxlden-angels]

do you have any thoughts on the story of abraham and isaac? my parents talk about it and praise abraham for being willing to kill his son which..... scares me to say the least, and i'd love to hear your perspective as someone who seems more well-adjusted

Where I am now, it disgusts me more than anything. The interpretation of "I'm willing to sacrifice your life if I was told to" feels like the step before "I put you into this world and I can take you out of it." It's entitlement to a child, who is an independent individual, just because they are dependent on you for survival. I prefer the interpretation of understanding the actions you're taking and the reasons why (like how there's multiple religions that don't eat pork because it was so unsafe to eat at the time), especially if it's at someone else's expense.

Where I was in the thick of it all, it gave me morbid comfort that scares me now. I had fantasies of being a martyr for the church and the idea of being the next Isaac was just so appealing. Being a hand-selected sacrifice chosen by the Good Lord Himself? Sign me the fuck up, babey!

I think if I admitted that to my family, they'd be horrified.

It's another one of those stories or beliefs where I think the majority of christians just regurgitate what they've heard. It's a point of pride and devotion, but there's no personal reflection or cross-cultural awareness of it. Lean not unto your own understanding and whatnot. It's the potential that scares me the most, like the Quiverfull movement with the Duggars or Turpins. I'm sure there's stories now, but I can't remember them off the top of my head

(Also I will be telling my therapist someone on Tumblr called me "more well-adjusted" thank you anon)

#My therapist has called me 'surprisingly well-adjusted' before #He has since retracted that title and given it back multiple times #I don't know if you relate more to the 'Scared of my parents for praising that' or the 'Scared that I was okay with that' part #maybe both #either way the cycle ends here with you #No more bible quips and quotes that harm you and others. You find your own understanding and eventually it feels nice #It doesn't at first I will admit that. At first it feels like you're gonna go to Hell Right Here Right Now #But eventually you learn to trust yourself. It's a slow process. I've been in therapy for a good 6-7 years now #But one day you wake up and notice life feels more authentic. You feel like your values matter (and they actually do!) #And again it's slow. It's in bits and piece and back and forth. My worst habit is switching something from religious to moral #I highly recommend this type of therapy called ACT it's a CBT subtype #I'm usually not a fan of cbt so u know it helps if I recommend a subtype of it #CBT shit is so cheap I got a workbook from the library #this isnt relevant to the post but #my cat is trying to steal my burger king rn #it gets better (I have a cat) but progress isn't linear (eating burger king) #ex christian #religious trauma #anon tag

[rui-drawsbox]

Comm for @ CitrusCynical! Part one bc I'm working on a few more ♪

#talking about work. first i didn't do much outside sending a lineart today bc *turumrumrum* i got a pc! #yayy! clapclapclap! #still gonna use the laptop to draw since the cpu only has one hdmi entrance and i can't connect the tablet #buuuut i have a piNK KEYBOARD. literally my dream come true #i might be able to play genshin again♪ i might be able to download bg3 in my own pc♪ #I'll be able to use a paint textured brush bigger than 100 pixels♪ #he hehehe hehe #the wifi connection sucks tho. we'll have to connect it with a wire i think #downloading steam at turtle pace lol #rui draw smth #art commisions #commission #oc #original character #im so happy i was literally at the edge all day lsndmsmdm #I'll upload a photo in my twt probably. i wanna show off my pink keyboard pink mouse and pink cat-themed mousepad #I'm also! reclaiming to Clipstudio support for my product key bc i bought it in like 2020 and we lost the email with the code #i have a pirated version but it's old. and i also have enough money rn to buy the newest version but my mom tells me to get my own again #ñeñeñe

[cinnamon-phrog]

I feel too sick to sleep right now, everything's' too cold or too hot and I can't even breathe without thinking I'm gonna throw up

#it's because i've been drinking diluted juice #i swear the shit they put in that makes me delirious with fever #ughhhh so sick wish a nice big strong mechanoid could help me rn :( real shame #gonna drink water till the middle of the night. there goes my plans for a better nights' sleep :< #i do genuinely feel awful and i have been feeling so for a while and it's all my own doing. not eating healthy. stressing out and barely- #-sleeping. i have stretch marks from losing weight and circles under my eyes. everything's fuzzy. i keep forgetting basic things. #i'm worried about my future. i'm too disabled to function with a job but not disabled 'enough' just because i can speak 'clearly' #i've got no irl friends or family to fall back on. i can only travel so far and i get meltdowns far easier now #months ago i was treated like a pet. now i'm an adult before i ever got to be a child. #i want to be held. be loved without even having to say a word to each other. not even by an f//o but by someone who'll be willing to love m #but all i am now is sick and hungry and hot and cold and tired and awake. #i can't imagine how much worse it is for other people though. i've seen awful images and they're not even a taste of how terrible it is #i worry i won't be able to afford food in the future. or have a stable flat or apartment. that social services will let me down again #this year was meant to be a break but i'm constantly worrying about the time i become 18. my autism and lack of any social life- #will impact me and i'll be fucked over easier than ever. and that happens often #college brought me panic attacks where i'd physically harm myself till i got migraines in front of people and they didn't bat an eye #i could be kicking and screaming and begging for help but they'll just ignore me or infantilise me

[synthshenanigans]

How dare he release a banger cover of one of my favorite songs ever at 4am where I cant yell, I hate him so much why

#im laughing so insanely rn i love this so much #i am actually losing my mind but like in the best way possible #also he's speaking/singing Japanese again & bros still p good it since haiku #don't have an official translation & im gettin it from discord but its a more worded version of “hurt people. hurt people” basically #i don't wanna fully state it cos i do not know the language & someone who's smarter than me can do that #but still cool to know #anyways I'm exploding now goodbye #hey hey did i ever mention i love saxophones #cos guess what i love saxophones #these songs are gonna have a LOTTA saxophone in it #also the screaming tho?????? fuckin losing my mind rn dude #my Spotify will never recover from this #chonny jash #moss post

[unorcadox]

i'm gonna be real i have been struggling to edit recently and i can't tell if i'm just finally hitting burnout after 3 fucking years or if i'm just too busy to settle into the groove. hoping it's the latter

#not edits #i don't rly wanna actively advertise it yet but i take edit commissions for commercial use and i have one rn and i have just been like #staring at the muse for the entire week and it took until tonight to actually find something that i liked and felt fitting #i sent it off for review so i hope they like it -- and if they see this i'm sorry again for the delayed response LMAO #i wanna take more commissions but i need to finish some like infrastructure-level stuff before i can do that #so like for rn i don't suggest asking. i do take requests for non-commercial uses tho like if anyone wants a specific edit #i need to grind out the backlog of requests cuz like they're at least concepts i can work with right. i'm gonna do that later today i thin

[mattodore]

found out while putting together matthias's oc page that his name has the exact same etymology and meaning as theo's name...

i’m sure this is information matthias is very normal about…

#theo is in fact a gift from god so jot that down ! #river dipping #i've been throwing myself into oc stuff bc i'm not doing hot mentally which is... tbh when i do my best writing 😭 #none of this is new tho i wrote the bios and 'at a glance' intros months and months ago when i first made an oc page #which is why i do plan on rewriting them but for now i'm leaving them like this... so i guess the echthroi page is done? #obviously echthroi has more characters than this but i haven't taken new screenshots of everyone yet... #i put the gray cas bg back in my game a few days ago only to completely forget i wanted to take new headshots for the oc page 😭 #like these are just placeholders... i want the backgrounds to match the oc page. oh... or maybe i could just do transparent pics? #i think i remember vyx made a post abt how to do that... will look into that when i open the game again. rn i'm at my keyboard 🧑‍💻 #like i am writing new things! started a google doc for theo yesterday and have been writing on it here and there since then #i've already cried in there... lmaooo. i like oc pages for sure but i think a huge google doc is what i really need to keep track of things #i drop so much lore in tags on here and it's like! river write that down somewhere else or you'll lose it 😭 #like i fr have never actually written down any of the info i've shared on here. i've just had all this oc knowledge stored in my brain. #so i went through and copied over a tonnn of tags and posts i've made into google docs but i just know i'm missing things i've probably #said in the tags of their core tagged posts... 🧍 if my blog didn't have so many posts i'd have an easier time going through it but 🤷 #and on top of that i've been making a bunch of posts about theo and matthias on my main acc. which is like 🧍 well great now there's more #i'm gonna lose track of...... i fr have gottt to get into the habit of actually putting things down in theo's google doc!!! #i'm just trying to figure out the best way to format it all but i've downloaded a few templates that i've been messing with. #...anyway. if it isn't obvious i'm trying to get back to posting on here. i'm opening my inbox now with the intent to just. #sit here in my inbox until i can get myself to reply. lads... avpd is actually so torturous i'm not kidding. #i feel like i'm dying trying to get myself to interact with people sometimes even despite how badly i want!!!! to interact!!! #theo and me and our avoidant trauma responses holding hands and skipping around together

[keeps-ache]

i'm on some sort of kick lol

#art #my art #artists on tumblr #digital art #oc #listen i think this broke me a little bit Lmaohfv #i started laughing like a maniac and i just noticed i am. so jittery when i exported this rn hfshhd #this has taken me!!! i think like. 3 days #where did tuesday go ?? hello ??? tuesday?? where are you ? #which is frankly ridiculous even by my standards lmao #i Will be rerunning this at least 3 times. holy hells i needs to. stare into the abyss for a little while hvsh #it may look kind of simple but do not be fooled. not even i know how much effort went into this anymore Hfbvshf #my Back hurts there's something going on with my throat i think i magicked a headache away?? my hands are no longer working and my brain? #let's not even talk about it lol #staring into your eyesballs. now what if i designed more robots Hvhsfh #i did enjoy it! did it probably fry every system i need ot function? ye. but i'm gonna do it again anyway ehehgh #//aokay i'm going to. go. #byyye tooldes :3 :D

[felix-lupin]

I hate going to the dentist or the doctor's or whatever because every single time they're like

"And how often do you brush your teeth?"

And I'm really really bad at forming habits. Absolute garbage at it. It's really hard for me to start doing something and then maintain it as routine, and that's if I even REMEMBER to do it. IF I even remember, I still need to scrounge up the motivation to do it. I've never in my life been able to maintain a routine of brushing my teeth twice a fucking day, but there's been a few times where, with enough effort, I've been able to maintain a routine of once a day.

So I look at them, and I'm like, "I brush my teeth about once a day," and I'm proud of myself, a little, because I know it was really hard for me to get there, and once a day is better than nothing, right?

But they look at me, and every time they're like, "Well, you really should be brushing your teeth twice a day." And any amount of pride I might've had is gone, washed away and drowned out by shame, instead, because even my best isn't good enough. Even when I've managed to get something, they look at me and they're like "You should do more."

And they'll lecture me on it, tell me that once a day isn't enough. They'll tell me to at least try to brush my teeth twice a day, not once, and they'll present it like it's such a reasonable request. Like, this is the bare minimum, this isn't hard to do, it's easy, you should at least try to do it.

And because the shame is too much, and I don't want to look like I'm not trying, because I AM, I'm trying my best, and I don't want to say no because then it'll look like I'm just lazy, not willing to put in the effort. So I'll say okay, and I'll agree. And when I go home, I brush my teeth and maybe I'll brush my teeth twice a day for two or three days, and then I'll miss it. It's too emotionally/slash mentally draining to keep up the habit, or I didn't have the time, or some other reason, but I'll miss it.

And then, instead of being able to go back to brushing my teeth once a day, keeping that small, basic thing so that I have at least some upkeep on my teeth, I feel so much shame and dejection, I feel like such a useless failure, that I just.. Stop. I stop doing even that basic upkeep. I don't brush my teeth for fucking months, until it gets bad enough that they start to hurt and even then I'm like, why should I even try to get back into the habit? It's not worth it. It's not enough. It'll never be enough.

My best will never be enough for those people. I'll brush my teeth once a day, and they'll say, well, it should really be twice a day, as if I don't already know. I'll clean a small portion of my room, organize my desk or take out the trash or clean the closet, and they'll say, well, you should really clean the whole thing. I'll walk for twenty or thirty minutes while my legs hurt nearly the whole time, and then it gets bad enough I have to sit down, and they'll say, well, you really shouldn't sit here or you're wasting time or come on, it's not even that long, you should be able to walk for this long. or you're being dramatic, just believe in yourself!

I'm tired of it. I'm tired of my needs being dismissed, my best efforts being dismissed as not good enough when it's so hard for me to do that much. I hate it, and I hate how even though I know that I'm trying my goddamn best I can't fully erase the shame, not truly. It sits in the back of my brain like a parasite, eating away at my motivation to do things, to try my best. Consuming it until the shame just crushes and paralyzes me, and then I can't get myself to do anything like that at all, can't even try to put in the bare minimum, let alone my best. Because my best isn't good enough, will never be good enough, and it'll never get rid of the shame.

#felix's posts #felixlupin.txt #vent post #ok to reblog #ableism #autism #adhd #neurodivergent #executive dysfunction #We're not even gonna get into the physical stuff that makes it hard to perform tasks rn #Shame is awful and it is not a productive emotion the ONLY thing shame does #is make you HATE yourself and discourage you from ever trying again #FUCK shame. #fuck ableism #this post is brought to you by #the dentist appointment i had today mixed with my past experiences ive had with dentists</3 #I'm trying so hard not to care #and to keep doing these things and taking care of myself #but its so fucking hard when everyone tells you it isnt enough. #its so hard to be your own biggest cheerleader. to keep trying to encourage yourself #and ignore the people that tell you that you aren't enough. #Its so hard to be an optimist. To constantly try to look on the bright side and be proud of your efforts #Its so fucking hard to love yourself. I'm trying but it's so fucking hard

[lab-gr0wn-lambs]

I know I said Carol can do whatever the hell she wants, but the way she keeps saying "you should hate me. please don't hate me" instead of just "sorry" and more importantly "are you ok?" is driving me nuts

#like I get it. you *are* sorry. but you sound so selfish rn babygirl #actually I'm not even conviced you *are* sorry about doin Lydia like that. #keep being a reckless madwoman. I love it. but if you're gonna get all remorseful then do it right #and the way she's only hanging out with Ezekiel now that Daryl's not talking to her? #dude deserves so much better #she didn't even ask what his neck lump thing *was*. they just sad-fucked and then she pissed off #and Daryl- #imagine you get your best friend's other best friend trapped in a cave. possibly killed. and you grab him and go 'call me a naughty girl' #now is not the fucking time Carol #wrong response. try again. #didn't even say nothin to Kelly or Yumiko #feels like you only care because Daryl's mad at you #and like you wouldn't even care about Connie or Magna if it wasn't directly your fault #anyways #twd liveblog #the walking dead