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#so instead.. have my space juice persona
ceriseheaven · 10 months
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up until yesterday i never reported asks because i know that enough reports and that person's blog could get suspended and i just thought that it would be rude to get someone's blog deleted just because they were mean to me so instead i just deleted mean asks no matter how hurtful they were and sometimes i posted the ones i found funny or creative. however, after the things i received last night, i started to report the truly awful ones because these people don't deserve to have any sort of a platform.
just because you're hiding behind the comfort and safety of anonymity, that doesn't mean there can't be consequences to your actions or in this case, your words.
some people are so stuck in their chronically online persona that they've forgotten they're human and that the people they're speaking to are also human. take a break, get out more, breathe some fresh air, touch some grass, drink some of your favourite juice, eat a popsicle, pet an animal, listen to the album you loved at 13, go to therapy!! ground yourself and find some peace so you'll stop being a piece of shit to strangers who you wouldn't even dare look at if you met in real life, where your persona doesn't exist.
my blog will continue to be a mess of random topics and it will continue to be a place for civil conversation and communication. it will continue to be a safe space for me and for those who deserve it. i'm not going to allow anyone to ruin this for us.
also, i deleted that post because i'm not ready to talk about it yet, i don't think i'll ever be and also because i know people will spin things and take them out of context so they'd fit into their own narrative and be used against me in one way or another and i just can't have that happen with something that sensitive to me. maybe one day but not today.
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sushiwt · 1 year
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website update log #7 (April 14th, 2023)
Note: all changes in the site are documented in github now :D
the only reason i havent actually worked on /index is because i cant think of any ideas of what it should actually look like..
my creative juices arent spewing out of my brain and into the site, so i gotta look for inspiration.
and what better site to look for inspiration than... neocities!
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i know that i wont be using this site anymore for site hosting, but i realized that there are so much creative websites in neocities that are just out in the wild so i decided, why not use those sites for my struggling brain to figure out what my website index is supposed to look like :shrug:
when i was browsing the site for a bit, i came across this site called NOT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION by sugarforbrains...
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besides the colorful artstyle that i love so much, it made me contemplate some things about this site and mine.
well first, ive seen that same chatbox (the box on the right with the text “WEB SITE DO NOT EAT”) a couple of times now, and im thinking if i should add one as well, but like, there wont be activity for a while since only like 3 people know about this blog and website aghaha
second, im seriously thinking if i should replace the top navbar with a sidebar, as it appears here, since there has been a problem i havent been documenting as much...
...and it was centering the damn top navbar.
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ok now that im actually looking at this it doesnt really look like its a problem since no one is going to use the site at 6400x3200 but it still makes me angry.
but even if i wanted to change the top navbar, thats not what im in neocities in the first place.
i wanted to find inspiration for replacing the “hello” textbox youre seeing now, but now im just getting pissed at something i already finished creating, which was the top navbar!!!
now, back to finding inspiration.
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im not a fan of the grid lookin look, because of how inconsistent it looks, but ill think about it!!
oh btw if you have time, please visit the site!! it looks so visually stimulating its great!!! here
now, onto more exploration!
i found some sites by neoratz and keyzklubhouse (neo's HEAVENWURLD ଘ(ˊ_ˋ) and Key's Klubhouse) that piqued my interest ‘cause of one thing.. can you guess what it is?
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if it wasnt obvious enough, its the characters on the side of the boxes!!! I wanted this thing to be the first thing you see when you enter the site! it felt good that i was actually making progress on this for once, but then i realized that...
i already did this already!!!
on my old site!!!
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its the old me on the old site, on the side of the menu screen! what im planning to do here is that instead of giving one half of the home screen to the image and another half for the text box (which is shown here) im going to make it so that the box is going to be centered, and the character is going to be layered in a way where its still beside the textbox, but its layered!!
this is a visual representation of what i am talking about:
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actually, ill throw another character while im at it:
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probably add one more here just to fill some space:
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ok this should be enough characters:
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now that the overall concept of the first thing you see when you enter the site is finished, i was going to figure out what i wanted to show when yall scroll on the site, but then something just hit me.
i need a way to show the characters. how do i do that.
im actually planning to show one of my characters, slooshi (the icon of the website and my internet persona in general) but how do i present it to you??
this can go two ways. i can either 3d model the character, or draw it. the catch is that they both have to be pixel art as to match the theme of my site...
i could totally go for 3d modelling, with a more low poly 3d look, kinda like the style of pico-cad by Johan Peitz:
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but i want to step outside my comfort zone, which brings me to my second choice, drawing.
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its not like i forgot how to draw people, its just way harder now since i havent drawn actual people in a while. ive been focusing more on 3d modelling, game development, and school that i havent really been practicing on my drawing skills more, which sucks but its what happens...
ill think more about it, but for now i finally figured out what im going to do with the site! (atleast the first part of it...)
- sushiwt <3
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weixint · 1 year
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talking about jan
2023 began a month ago but and i subsequently fell back into my reading, fanfiction and webtoon phase. it’s been like that since 2020, slurping up as much content as i can. i’ve started a new job, a stone’s throw away from home and university is (hopefully) going fairly well.
webtoon reading was one of the many hobbies that stuck when i first discovered its ability to mitigate my anxiety back in early 2021. the hobby gradually made its way into my nightly ‘quiet’ time routine for 5-6 months before i started a different hobby.
but!! for the past few weeks, i mustered the courage to clear my gallery and download ‘webtoon’. i caught up with so many manhwas, mostly new but some were manhwas from back in 2021 that i used to enjoy!!! my favourites would be:
manhwas/manhua/manga:
salad days (kuaikan) - a ballerino and a boxer met at the children’s palace (if you like that childhood friends to lovers trope)
jinx (lezhin) - most importantly, if a manhwa is from lezhin, it’s much likely a BL (and toxic) main character is a professional mma boxer
pearl boy (lezhin) - i really liked this but i only stopped because the main character, dooshik, looked like someone i previously dated 💀 edit: HE LOOKED DIFFERENT AFTER THE AUTHOR WENT ON HIATUS HENCE THE CONTINUATION (spoilers: main character is a gangster so there’s a lot of fighting and violence)
omniscient reader (webtoon) - apparently a very popular manhwa
the boxer (webtoon) - this is such a shonen themed manhwa but i like it!!!
hectopascal (webtoon) - street fighter main character and rich tycoon main character on a revenge partnership
homesick (webtoon) - my latest obsession after Eleceed and Jungle Juice! saving the chapters so i don’t have to wait months for an update
she’s hopeless (webtoon) - high school romcom
the guide to capturing a black lotus (kuaikan) - i like this because it’s such a typical isekai manhua but the art style is so dreamy (like most chinese manhua actually)
games, books, shows, updates:
playstation games: elden ring
recent purchase: hogwarts legacy (pre-order)
switch games: ace attorney trilogy; stardew valley
recent purchase: persona 5 royal
books: jellicoe road; carrie soto is back
currently reading: hp goblet of fire; lockwood & co the screaming staircase
shows: ginny & georgia; the office s1 & 2
anime: chainsaw man; record of ragnarok
btw i no longer have a physical planner so i will be updating this space instead to save the trees 🌳
xoxo gossip girl
ps: i created a pinterest board filled w joo jaekyung’s pictures from jinx it’s called ‘red flag society’ where seungho from painter of the night and jiwon from BJ alex can mingle and talk about how to treat their partners like a puddle of pig’s piss (pearl boy’s dooshik is actually kinda nice and possessed a tinge of kindness so he isn’t required to attend this gathering)
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bubblyhoney · 3 years
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three times you interrupt george
warnings: none! my first fic with no language are you proud of me ;)
tags: georgenotfound x gn!reader
words: 1355
A/N: pretty much every fic i’ve posted has been written a minimum of an hour before i post it— my b. anyways george is soft and he makes me soft enjoy
requests/inbox status: open
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The first time you barge in on George’s stream is about four months into your relationship. He is starting to get comfortable being his online persona around you, and suggests rather than get on your train at 1 am, you stay over. “Like a sleepover?” you ask and watch his cheeks start glowing pink.
Yes, exactly like a sleepover.
The sound of the bedroom door opening makes him pick up his water bottle and immediately turn off his camera and microphone, indistinguishable from the unannounced bathroom breaks he usually takes. Turning towards you slightly in his chair, an amused expression grows on his face. You’re barely awake, hovering in his doorway with a crinkled t-shirt and basketball shorts pulled on haphazardly in the dark on your way out of the bedroom. (You don’t sleep in pants. That’s for heathens.)
“Water,” you croak, arms stiff at your side and blinking wildly in the fluorescent lighting of his flat. He tries to hide his smirk and pads over to you, passing you his water bottle with a huff of a laugh. His hand drops to yours, grabbing and rubbing his thumb into your blanket-creased skin. You’re cold.
“I have extra blankets in the cupboard.” He doesn’t let go of your hand. You nod robotically, draining the nearingly lukewarm water through that straw and— he can almost see life return to your face. When you hand the empty bottle back to him, you’re licking your lips and squinting like you’re having a staring contest with the sun.
“I’m gonna go back to bed.” Your voice is thick with sleep, nasally like it always is in the morning. You lift to scratch a hand at your stomach and lean your head forward, bowing to George at an awkward angle. In a second he knows what you’re doing and grants you one (1) forehead kiss before you’re trundling off to the bedroom on legs that function like stilts.
“Sorry guys,” he sighs heavily when he’s back in his chair. “Took a minute long nap and I feel so refreshed.”
The second instance of interruption comes on a day when he’s too entranced in some bizarre Minecraft challenge (with his camera off, for focus reasons) to notice you.
You walk up the stairs, hand on the railing, and expect to find your boyfriend zonked out on the couch with six pillows behind his head and an eye mask. Instead, he’s at his desk, eye bags a lovely shade of violet, with rimrod posture, clicking furiously at his mouse. He’s silent when you pass him to drop your things off in the kitchen. Silent the whole time you go to the bathroom, and silent the whole time you’re making breakfast.
The distance between his flat and your own isn’t monumental, but it is enough to make you exhausted on the train ride over. (It doesn't take much, truthfully.) That’s why you book the tickets hilariously early in the morning and have a perfectly-timed nap. Still, you wake up from it ravenous. And George has a horrible habit of ordering take-away for every meal, so you grab a couple ingredients for breakfast at the mart you pass every couple of days you’re here.
Today it’s omelets and bruschetta toast. George jokes you’re related to Gordon Ramsey distantly for the amount of posh foods you cook; you say you just have taste. Half a dozen eggs, a few veggies, a bulb of garlic, and a loaf of bread is barely £15 at the mart down the road. The rest of the ingredients lie barely touched in his cabinets. You work quickly and have two plates filled with warm and delicious smelling food in the period it takes him to die one more time in Minecraft.
Wobbling two plates and a glass of orange juice on one arm, you approach the backside of his desk on careful and slow feet. When you set his plate and drink down next to him he catches you by the wrist and brings your forearm to his mouth, pressing a kiss there and looking up at you with those brown eyes.
“Thank you,” he mumbles against the sweetness of your skin and presses two more kisses to your wrist. He pulls away and takes a large sip from the orange juice before spam-clicking the shift button at a familiar green character. You leave his station with a smile, feeling warm.
“Y/N!” he calls, leaning back in his chair with a hand on his stomach. “C’mere. Please.”
“Bossy,” you mutter, but get up from your place on the couch and trot over to him with a huff.
“Tell Sapnap what you put in the omelet,” is all he says before passing you his headset and snaking an arm around your waist. You stumble towards him but manage to get the headphones on before Sapnap starts spewing about a breakfast burrito he ate last week that had jalapeños and onions in it. One thing you never thought you’d get to discuss with the man was your culinary prowess, but it seems today is the day of surprises— George helps you bake a batch of salted caramel brownies after finishing up work, too.
He doesn’t even catch anything on fire.
The third time you catch George working is right at the end of a Gang Beasts stream with Karl, Tina, and Corpse. He’s just finishing his last wave goodbye and ending the stream when you shudder through his front door with a small bag in your hand.
“Good news,” you announce through a grin. “My GNF candle came in.”
“Your what?” He laughs, closing the browser with a click and sleeping his monitor. You dig the item out and place it ceremoniously on the glass of his desk. His jaw drops.
“Isn’t that cool?” You ask excitedly, nearly bouncing on your feet.
“Oh my God.” He picks up the squat candle, lifting it to his nose to catch a sniff. Hm. Pine. “I wish I smelled like that.”
You just shrug and take it from him, darting into the kitchen to produce a lighter and light the wick quickly. You take a deep inhale when the flame sparks and stills.
“Yeah, that smells nothing like you. You smell more…” You trail off, lips pursed and eyebrows drawn in thought.
“Manly?” He quirks an eyebrow at you. You ponder that and just take another smell.
“More sweet. Much sweeter.”
“That’s cute,” he admits, getting up and disappearing into his bedroom.
“Are you gonna take a nap?” You set the candle down onto the countertop, making your way into his room like you own it. He’s at his closet, tugging off his sweatshirt.
“Yeah,” he answers, muffled by fabric, and finally gets the collar of the hoodie past his neck. “Care to join?” The hoodie goes into his laundry basket and he tugs the covers of his bed back, flashing you a look. You nod, flinging your shoes off and into the emptiness of his closet before crawling into the center of his bed and flopping down halfway onto him. He makes an unsatisfied noise and shuffles onto his stomach. Giggling, you roll into a sitting position and get yourself under the covers.
“Warm in here,” you mutter and get situated. His accompanying pillow is soft on your cheek when you twist onto your stomach and shove an arm underneath it. He just hums in agreement and stares at you. “Hold on.” You plant an elbow on the space between you two and manage to press a firm kiss on his cheek. Okay, perhaps two. If it’s three then George is colorblind.
“Thanks. I guess.”
“Anytime, darling,” is all you say before your eyes are closing and you’re breathing a sigh that deflates your chest.
A hand grapples up your arm, scrambling for your own. You just smile to yourself and offer your palm to him. He takes it wordlessly and squeezes twice before letting your tangle of fingers drop to the sheets.
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A/N: ask or send me some stuff!! requests, rants, anything. :D let me know what you think in the comments!
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strandedcrow · 3 years
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thoughts on the glass animals album dreamland? (info dump welcome)
YES hi hello thank you
I talked like,, a lot so I’m sparing y'all with a cut
The album itself is just so well organized and executed it’s insane. The entire album just captures the feeling of taking a nostalgic trip through your own life and the way that it ends up forgotten in a way, sickly sweet and vague, subdued, and so easy to get completely lost in. And part of what makes it so well done is the pure authenticity it’s completely drenched in. The album itself didn’t exist until quarantine hit, they had been taking a break after a band member was injured and had to recover, and that isolation had that same impact on them as it did on most of us, and the result was this extremely genuine album embodying nostalgia itself.
As a band they’ve always done such an incredible job of maintaining a theme throughout their album that is consistent without becoming repetitive. The song Dreamland does such a perfect job of pulling you into the album, easing you into a subdued album, fuzzy around the edges but clear once you can hone in on the details, on what’s being said, perfectly reflective of the theme it’s introducing you to. While it’s doing that it’s also providing a smooth shift from the last song on the album before it, HTBAHB. Agnes leaves that album off on such an extremely a somber, desperate, and lost note, which Dreamland picks up, just as lost in itself, taking off so beautifully from Agnes’ “You’re gone but you’re on my mind, I’m lost but I don’t know why,” and getting into the why. But it does so by warning you first, “You see in kodachrome, you see in pink and gold.” This album is distorted, it’s not right, the colors are wrong and everything is sweeter than it should be. At the same time, it sets up for the songs to follow, like “That worst thing you said” for It’s All So Incredibly Loud and “You were ten years old, holding hands in the classroom, he had a gun on the first day of high school” for Space Ghost Coast to Coast.It’s those vague, unconnected memories that you haven't quite grasped onto yet in full, but you know you’re going to get lost in them once you do. You’re stepping back from the overload of information and action today to visit who you used to be and what made you who you are now.
Right after it, Tangerine does something that Life Itself did for HTBAHB, it smoothened the general sound’s transition between albums. Just as Life Itself, with its beat similar to the album before its own could have fit into ZABA with no issue, Tangerine could have been on HTBAHB without disrupting the album. The “retro” vibe, the themes revolving around both the nostalgia of Dreamland and those of past relationships deteriorating because of missed opportunities and growing apart fits so well into both albums, it’s such a great transition from the past album to the current. The “I’m begging, hands knees please, tangerine” is also a common expression used (often as a double entendre) by them, again like in Life Itself, with its chorus being “Come back down to my knees, gotta get back, gotta get free, come back down to my knees, lean back now, lean back and breathe,” which just sets up for a really smooth callback to previous songs and album. Something else that Tangerine establishes is something that’s been a running theme with Glass Animals since ZABA: fruit. There is a lot of fruit here. It used to be a running joke that Glass Animals wasn’t actually a band, but a cryptic pineapple worshipping cult (no amount of music made will fool me, this is definitely a pineapple cult). This album uses fruit to remind you of the sugary sweetness of nostalgia, but there’s more history and, well, fan specific nostalgia that goes with that metaphor, too.
Hot Sugar is similar to a later song, Waterfalls Coming Out Your mouth, in that it’s about someone who is so cool that they aren’t actually cool. The person isn’t genuine, the idea of them isn’t actually them, but this was someone that you still want to be anyways, because who wouldn’t want to be that cool? The song doesn’t have much deeper meaning underlying it compared to some other’s because that depth doesn’t exist here, with this person. You know they’re “faking it,” but it doesn’t really matter beyond deciding if you actually like them or if you just want to be them, and the answer is the latter. This song is also similar to another, later song, Tokyo Drifting, introducing the listener to this person that he wants to be like, referencing “Hot rubber on the tar,” and setting the stage for the later song to tell you more about what he wanted to be like. Also, once again, through a mention of watermelon, fruit continues to be a recurring theme in the earlier tracks on this album, when the trip through nostalgic memories is still more sweet than bitter.
Right after we get introduced to this idea of who he wanted to be, we move onto what became of someone he knew closely, shared a lot with, and very suddenly lost touch with through Space Ghost Coast to Coast. The music itself is reminiscent of the music he listened to at the time. This song, being a telling of something that actually happened, is so authentic and raw in how it ends up, all still told through the layer of confusion, hurt, and again, that sweetness of nostalgia, with “You look bizarre in the apricot” establishing a deceptively sweet but confused tone over something heavy through yet another fruit metaphor. This song also manages to hit on other songs from the album when he tries to delve into why his friend did what he did, “Were you bored of gender norms,” matching with Dreamland’s “Go ask your questions like “What makes a man?”,” “… of being alone,” matching Heat Waves’ “I don’t wanna be alone, you know it hurts me too,” and “… no mama home, a bad divorce” matching pretty much the entirety of Domestic Bliss. Like Hot Sugar, this song sets up for Tokyo Drifting, with his idea of who he wants to be but isn’t, with “Remember when you stole mom’s old Geo Metro, you wore her old bathrobe, too small to see the road.” There’s also more blatant references being made to both past shooters (Black cap back with a trench coat, ay) and the arguments afterwards of what motivated them (Playing too much of that GTA, playing too much of that Dr. Dre). While he still wants to understand his old friend, and what happened for him to change so abruptly and dangerously, he does not want anything to do with him anymore. It’s a song about a loss of innocence and the understanding that sometimes you just won’t understand why someone does something. It’s just a complete banger in general.
Which then takes us to Tokyo Drifting, which absolutely slaps. The song itself revolves around what he wanted to be like, singing from a new persona rather than his own (Cane Suga from HTBAHB was done through the same persona). It breaks the pattern of referencing to fruit, instead focusing on drugs and alcohol, dropping the sickly sweet lens of nostalgia for something more fitting of the song’s specific theme. Don’t worry, though, dragonfruit was used extremely heavily in this songs promotion as a single, so the fruit is still there, just not directly, and that lack of directly referring to a fruit in the song itself fits with the way that the song breaks from nostalgia of things that have happened and people he knew into something that was never real. There is no rose colored glasses needed for something that never even happened. I don’t have much else to say on it, it just goes hard, this was my most listened to song two years in a row lmao.
Melon and the Coconut is just sheer Glass Animals. It’s weird, it’s fun, and it sounds great. It cleanly splits the album in half, splitting the POV’s straight down the middle while making a reference to its own position in the album, “Sometimes B-sides are the best songs.” Needless to say, there are some super subtle references to fruit in Melon and the Coconut, the song about two fruit.
Then, the second half of the album kicks off with Your Love (Deja Vu), a song extremely similar in theme to previous songs about missed timing, like ZABA’s Pools and HTBAHB’s Pork Soda. Instead of fruit, “juice” is mentioned in this song. It takes the turn from thinking about people you were friends with, what you wanted to be like, to people that you were with, and things that just didn’t work out.
And then there’s Waterfalls Coming Out Your Mouth. It’s such a clean parallel to looking back on things with nostalgia and seeing them through the fake sweetness that time brings, with this song being about the rose colored glasses that were present in the moment, the time when you start getting to know someone but you aren’t actually getting to know them, you’re getting to know this other, more impressive version of them instead, and they get the exact same experience of you on their own end. He’s letting this other person have their own version of him while he has his own version of them in his head, and he knows their version of him is wrong, so he also knows whatever he thinks of them is going to be wrong, too. He knows them, but at the same time he doesn’t. He’s realizing here, that this person, like the Hot Sugar person, is too cool, and they aren’t real, it’s all just talk, and it’s all fake like the “chemical warfare, red lips and television eyewear, raspberry soda hair, in the pool with a blow up gummy bear.” It’s sweet, sure, but it’s also fake. “Chat shit but where’s the real you? Never seen The Price Is Right, I’m a liar been on that shit since ’99. You make me look like a clown, clap clap, you’re a clever clever cookie now” has no right go that hard, and yet it Does.
Then, abruptly, we get to It’s All So Incredibly Loud. The song itself is subdued, it’s that point in your trip through your own memories where you remember why things went wrong. You get shaken from your train of thought and lose your place in it, because you aren’t there anymore, you’re here and you can’t go back, you can’t fix anything, all that’s left for you to do now is mourn the wrongs and accept them, even though its painful. This is remembering what Dreamland meant by “That worst thing you said,” the realization that you have to break someone else’s heart, and how much that hurts.
((home movie: rockets)) is the longest home movie audio in the album, and creates a smooth transition back into childhood, journeying back through a sound similar to that of their first album, ZABA, on the way there for the album to transition into Domestic Bliss. This time, with someone else entirely’s perspective falling back onto knees, but this time under an entirely different tone, “Fight for me. We can leave I’m begging, please, on my on my knees.” These two songs back to back continue the downward spiral that too much nostalgia can leave you falling into, the wrongs, the regrets, this trip down memory lane has lasted too long, now.
Which drops us off at Heat Waves, which returns back to his own perspective after Domestic Bliss focused on a friend of his. It fits the bittersweet feeling in nostalgia, the understanding and acceptance that you can’t go back, you just have to keep going forward and separate instead for everyone’s sake, a followup less to the tangent in thought that is Domestic Bliss, and more to It’s All So Incredibly Loud. It also wraps up those previous album’s songs, Pools and Pork Soda in a way, bringing a sense of closure to the nostalgic feelings, as well as to the entire album.
And finally Helium, the bookend opposite to Dreamland. This song flawlessly embodies that feeling of when you realize you’ve just been sitting and staring at a photo album for an hour now, and you finally take a look around you, feeling the air conditioning on your skin, hearing the sounds of the world around you, snapping back out of your train of thought and into real life again. Things didn’t work the way that you used to think they would, but that’s a good thing. It is such a perfect ending to the nostalgic journey that is this entire album. Fading back into the melody that started this journey of sickly sweet memories of people you looked up to, when you learned for the first time that people can change and you might not ever understand why, ideas of who you once wanted to be, finding something light that you can laugh about, realizing how similar so many things in your life have been to each other, the realization that the people you used to look up to might not have actually been that impressive the whole time, your regrets, times you wish you could have done more, and the understanding that sometimes you shouldn’t have done so much.
I love this album so much man
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axlsangel · 4 years
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A Favor
Axl Rose x Reader
Concept: You work as Axl’s PA during the Use Your Illusion Era, but to Axl, you could be of more use.
Warning: 3,000 Words of S M U T
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(*ovaries have left chat*)
You watch as the supermodel twirls her hair, tilting her head almost enough to snap her neck as she listens to Axl. It didn’t take a genius to recognize that she wasn’t much into his rambling as she was into making him believe she cared, but you had no room to speak. Instead, you were busy sorting out Axl’s suitcase for him before you all headed onto a plane back to North America for the next leg of the tour.
Needless to say, your arms were beginning to hurt from having to fold so many clothes since Axl had a habit of crumpling them and squeezing them together to make it all fit inside. Now and then, you snickered at the graphics, or just some of the outfit choices in general, like a shirt that read ‘Nobody Knows I’m a Lesbian’. You even blushed as you came across a personal favorite, his Marlboro t-shirt he’d worn during their concert in Indiana. You examined the fabric for a moment, recalling how he had paired it with a light pink bandana, thinking him to be utterly gorgeous throughout the show where he’d offered compassion to his fans and nailed every note with ease.
“Should I wear that one for our next show?” Axl’s voice erupted you from your thoughts, urging you to look up. By now, Stephanie had left the room, plausibly to catch her flight back to New York, where she was staying.
“You don’t have to,” you murmured, looking through some of his options. “This black fishnet can work wonders.”
Axl snorted, giving you a playful eye roll as he sat back down on the hotel sofa. You can tell he was instantly sucked back into his thoughts just by the way he appeared— the familiar hunch of his shoulders, his pursed lips, and the way his knee began to bob relentlessly.
“Is there anything I can do for you, Boss?” You murmured, sensing his tension pivoting around the room. You’d been warned many times before taking up the job that Axl was hard to deal with, not only as a friend, but just his mere presence could be tiring. Though you continue to stick beside him, mainly because you fear him having to deal with losing another person in his life.
Axl looks up at you, scrutinizing you in a way that felt unfamiliar. The chartreuse in his eyes had darkened, a mysterious grey seeming to swivel around his dilated pupils.
“Do you think she loves me?” He asks abruptly, his voice lacking of any tone you could decipher as a specific emotion.
“Stephanie?” You think for a moment, regarding whether it’d be wrongful to tell him of your exact thoughts. But Axl was never not honest with you, and he deserved the same respect in return. “Frankly, I-I don’t...”
Axl nods, but he remains peering at you.
“C’mere, Y/N,” he orders, but you remain stagnant. If you came any closer, you would be hovering over him, perhaps too close to his lap, especially in a place as intimate as the couch where borders could easily be broken.
“Axl, I—”
“Just c’mere,” he says, this time in a sharper manner, and you reluctantly oblige, stepping forward. Right before him, looking down at him, you can catch the aroma of nicotine and a hint of cologne emanating off of him. You thought of all the times you were able to recognize his scent, even in a subtle moments such as when he walked past you to get to the stage or to his dressing room. But now, you two were this close, and all you wanted was to feel closer to him. He was a mystery you wished to unravel, to lose yourself in the twists and turns that make up his complex persona. But he was somebody else’s.
“Can you do me a favor, dear?” He cocks his head at you, and you almost fall breathless as you discern the look in his eyes to be of lust.
“Anything,” you exhale, almost too quickly and confidently for your own liking, but he only smirks in approval.
“Kneel down right there, on the floor.”
You frown as you look at the spaces on the couch beside him, though after working for him for a good extent of time, you’ve acquired a fair idea of how picky and demanding he could be. Therefore, you knelt down just as he’d asked, looking up at him sheepishly. You watch as his fingers graze across his own belt, beginning to undo it as you recognize your own look of desire lingering in the reflections on his rings.
“Slide this off for me,” he tells you as he pushes his pants down to his thighs, and you quickly pull them down further, tossing them aside. Looking up at him, you can already see the bulge almost bigger than the height of your face. “Again,” he continues, this time with his briefs, prompting you to pull them down, stopping as you watch his cock spring free from the garment. You can hardly tear your gaze off of it, feeling almost intimidated seeing him in a position like that right before you. His legs spread slightly, his cock almost to his stomach, white droplets of precum already beading off the reddened tip. And of course, the way he looked at you, as though a treasure placed right before him.
It was unfaithful of him, and of you regarding that you were just his assistant. But your pussy was already beginning to throb in your underwear as you never longed for a more desirable sight.
“Suck me off, Y/N,” he gives his next demand.
You lean closer, resting your hands on his knees, taking a moment to register the abrupt turn of events as you look up at him. “Are y-you sure?”
“Of course, I need this, I need you to do this...” His hand reaches to caress your cheek, and you almost lose yourself in the reassuring smile he gives you, a flash of sweetness in a moment of sensuality.
Without wasting another second, you salivate your mouth, gliding your tongue from the base to the tip of his long cock. Instantly, he relaxes into the back of the couch, inspecting you as you get a feel for him. Your tongue travels every vein before you wrap your lips around the head, looking up at him as you swirl your tongue around it.
“Fuck...” he exhales, and his voice is already rasped and deepened with an appetite, one of which you devote yourself to salvaging. His fingers thread through your hair as you bring your lips down further, hollowing your cheeks to allow room for his girth to push through. His hips rise from the cushion, descending and ascending again and again as he pushes your head down further. You don’t realize how far you’ve taken him until you feel his cock hitting the back of your throat. His hand had moved down to your neck, his thumb brushing along your chin in a slow and lazy manner as he released a deep moan.
You bobbed your head, caressing his balls in a more conscious manner regarding the tenderness there, though keeping your actions around his cock swift and sensual.
“Such a good girl,” he murmurs, his voice laced with seduction as you come back up, allowing the saliva that was starting to choke you spill out over his cock. He smirked as he smeared your own drool over your cheek with his thumb, slapping your face lightly before pushing you back down on his cock. You gag around him, though he continues to hold you there, bucking his hips over and over and fucking your mouth ruthlessly.
He brings you back up, giving you a moment to cough and gather back your strength. He pulls his shirt off, tossing it aside before his hands fall to his sides as he sinks back further into the couch. “Take your clothes off.”
You don’t hesitate, instantly denuding before him. As you unclasp your bra, you look up at him, eyeing the lustful anticipation in his eyes and allowing the bra to fall, your nipples hardening with the brisk flush of the air conditioner hitting them.
“Come up here, beauty,” he murmurs, even though you haven’t taken your thong off. You climb onto his lap, looking at him shyly as he wraps an arm around your waist, his other hand stroking your breasts tenderly. A lilting mewl escapes your lips as you lean back a bit, allowing him to almost cradle you as his fingers flick against the sensitive flesh. You shiver as you watch him lean closer, his tongue circling one of your areoles before flattening against your nipple.
“Axl,” you whisper, closing your eyes as you relax into the feeling, growing even more wet as he begins to nip and suck at different m places along your breasts, leaving reddened splotches that you were certain would progress into hickeys in only a matter of time. Your hand reaches to wrap around his cock, lazily stroking his erection as his lips travel your body.
“You’re so beautiful, Y/N,” he mumbles against you. You open your eyes as he rests you down on the cushion, watching him adjust himself between your legs, feeling almost too seen in such a vulnerable position. Though the way he adorns your body with soft hands and agile lips, you feel desired for the first time in the longest while.
His index fingers hook along the remaining skimpy fabric between you and him, and you lift your hips, allowing him to pull them down to your knees. You blush as he leans down, so close to your pussy that he could inhale the arousal riveting off of you.
“Such a pretty little pussy,” he comments, pressing a kiss to your clit, his eyes meeting yours. “S’all mine tonight...”
“A-Are you going to fuck me?” You inquire shyly, feeling your juices glazing your inner thighs, needing him more than ever.
“I’m gonna take my time with you,” he says, giving you a cute wink as he kisses along your pussy again. You witness your own wetness glistening off his lips, leaning your head back and sighing with a mix of contentment and desire. You wouldn’t mind Axl making love to you all night, especially if it was all you could have him for.
He takes his time rubbing his lips against your pussy, his fingers now and then dragging across your folds, spreading your wetness. He minds it as though a cat playing with a mouse, getting a feel for which places brought goosebumps to your skin whenever he touched them, and simply just admiring seeing something so perfect before him. You instinctively spread your legs further as you feel his sharp tongue flick against your clit, sliding beneath it and running down your folds with as much dexterity as his own finger could do.
“A-Axl,” you whimper as you feel yourself throbbing for him, needing him to move quicker or you’d just combust.
“Patience,” he hisses, looking up at you hastily before reverting his attention back to his little game. You sit up to grasp a better view of him, lacing your fingers into his hair and propping your leg on his shoulder. He leaves kisses along your inner thighs before spreading your folds again, his tongue flicking harshly against your opening, lapping up the juices dripping out of you. “So fuckin’ wet for me...”
“Shit!” You moan loudly as he shoves the tip of his tongue inside of you without hesitation, drawing back before doing it again, his teeth grazing over your folds as he pushes his tongue deeper and deeper.
You couldn’t begin to decipher if he treated Stephanie this good, if he even cared to eat her out with as much passion as he was with you, thrusting his tongue in and out and slobbering over your tight pussy. And it wasn’t as though you cared either. If he needed you, then it was enough to show that she couldn’t even begin to chip away at the layers of satisfaction he vied for.
You let him know how good he was making you feel, gripping his hair a bit tighter and letting out pornographic moans, ones of which so passionate and raw that he almost lost himself in how perfect you sounded.
“You taste so good, darlin’,” he murmurs, sending vibrations right up your pussy. You shudder as you scoot up to the arm of the couch, pulling him back up to you, wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing your lips against his own, kissing him with all the desire pent up inside of you since the moment you first ever saw him.
He wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you back onto his lap as his tongue rolls around your own, allowing you to taste your own sweetness.
“P-Please, I need you inside of me,” you whisper rashly as you pull away, rubbing yourself against his length, your folds spreading along him as you sway your hips.
“Such a needy little thing...” He smirks as his hands hold either side of your waist, his rings grazing into your skin as he lifts you, bringing you carefully back down on his cock. A mix of pain and pleasure courses through you as you feel your walls tearing to make room for his girth.
“Fuck,” you gasp as he brings you down all the way, his cock buried inside of you now. You rest your hands on his shoulders, taking a moment to gather yourself as he trails kisses along your jaw and neck.
“My pretty little gal,” he whispers, fondly snaking his arms around your waist, holding you against his chest as you subtly circle your hips.
“I-I’m not yours,” you reply, your voice just above a whisper as you nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck. “She is.” You can feel him tense up, though he doesn’t loosen the embrace he holds you in.
“I’m gonna figure this out,” he reassures, his nose brushing against your cheek as you speaks to you closely, every word right in your ear as they belong to you only.
You lift your hips, beginning to ride him as your thighs straddled either side of his waist. He adjusts again, holding you close with one arm as he rested a hand on the cushion, making it easier for him to maintain balance as he bucked his hips up into your tight hole. You moved with him, rolling your hips into his, circling them, lifting them, dropping them— doing anything to continue expelling the deep grouses and moans from his lips.
He sounded so perfect; like everything you’ve ever wanted.
You yelp as you feel his thrusts getting sharper and stronger, eventually being shoved back against the cushions as he clambers on top of you. Your legs spread further for him, and you could care less for the pain in your inner thighs as he hammered himself into you.
In a moment like this, you’re able to get a better look at him. You watch as sweat glistens off his chest and abs, his hair darkening with the perspiration that’d soaked it, and his eyes hooded with carnality. You feel yourself getting closer, wishing to hang onto the moment. His hands move from your hips and up into his own hair, stilling himself and allowing you to writhe yourself against him, slowly enough to examine the way his big cock disappeared into your pussy.
Axl smirked as he looked down at you, adoring you and your actions. “Take your time, baby,” he murmurs. “I’m getting close, too.”
You blush as you pull away completely, seeing his tip already bubbling with his cum, letting him enter you again, almost instinctively recognizing the warmth inside of you to be of his own essence.
“Axl...” you whimper, feeling closer as he twitches inside of you.
“Cum around me, baby,” he tells you, his final order as he lowers himself on top of you, kissing your lips hungrily.
And you don’t hesitate, instantly feeling warmth contriving in your lower stomach, your pussy throbbing harder than ever as your walls close in on him. It doesn’t take long before you feel his own cum spilling into you, his body weakly collapsing on top of you.
You two remain there for another hour or so, your legs wrapped around his waist, his cheek pressed against your chest as he listens to your heartbeat. You’ve never been in such an intimate moment, and never did you anticipate having him even wish to stay clinging to you after all that’d just gone down.
“Was it love, or was it just sex, Axl?” You whisper, your fingers brushing through his strawberry hair. He smiles against your chest, perhaps because your heartbeat has quickened significantly, or was he just that infatuated?
“It was everything to me, love.”
“And what about her?” You frown as you remember Stephanie, feeling a bit of shame broiling in your stomach.
“She doesn’t matter, Y/N,” Axl tells you, looking up at you. “She can’t matter compared to you.”
“But you’re with her—”
“I’m gonna end it,” he interrupts hastily. “I don’t want to miss feeling like I matter because I chose to spend time with someone who could care less about me.”
You sigh as you look at him, your thumb brushing against the height of his cheekbone. “You do matter.”
He smiles as he rises up, kissing your lips softly. “And thanks to you, it’s not some facade. It’s a reality.”
477 notes · View notes
faakeid · 3 years
Note
fab nygmobblepot moments that remind you of kd uwu
OMGGGG AHDAHDUIADHAD
I want to use this moment to be sorry to everyone that follows me but keeps seeing my blog full of Nygmobs/Smaylor instead of kaisoo. I usually don’t get attached to otps like this and it happened in an unexpected way for me. But it’s here and I need to compensate for all the years I didn’t watch Gotham and had no idea about Nygmobs spamming everyone and making my heart warm.
But in general, nygmobblepot isn’t a vision of ideal relationship. Both Edward and Oswald (their surnames Cobblepot and Nygma were the ones who originated this name) are stupid and do stupid shit to each other during most of the series. So, a lot of moments related with the actors counterpart (Robin is the actor who plays Oswald and Cory who plays Ed) reminds me of kaisoo more. But a warning here! Although they have a HUGE chemistry on and off screen, they’re mostly friends. Robin is married for almost ten years so it doesn’t mean their closeness is romantic or sexual. But still, some details remind me of kd.
Similarities with nygmobs:
Height difference: it applies to Smaylor as well because it’s their height but it’s really visible in the series. Cory is a bit taller than JI I think and Robin is like 1.65 but KS is not that taller (I can’t believe he’s 1.73 at all, sorry). But, again, this factor is evident during the series and in some moments and it’s cute.
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(the way he moves his feet to reach Ed’s head ;_;)
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(when they hug, Oswald barely reaches his shoulders [their hugs are the equivalent to kisses in Gotham])
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the closest gif I could find where we can see kd’s height difference without me stealing other people’s gifs.
Penguin reference? That’s pretty obvious. Of course I didn’t start shipping nygmobs because one of them is small and has the Penguin nickname but it made so much easier for me to read some of their fics with kd as characters because they fit the profile so much! And also, I believe KD would totally fit the “murder husbands” couple if someone did a fanfic where they just kill everyone. The closest I remember of a fanfic with this criteria is Juice Pouche where Kyungsoo is a vampire and he protects Jongin and Jongin is kind of badass as well. But the kd fandom needs more fics like this. There’s also “(Before the night is over) come see me” where KS is also a vampire and JI a young werewolf but it focuses more on their relationship than a murder husbands idea Gotham shows so well. 
How they met: Gotham’s history has a lot of differences if you compare with other universes, so keep that in mind. In Gotham, Ed works with GCPD but doesn’t feel like himself with the good side. Oswald is the character that spices things up and is a rage of death and destruction and manipulation. But Oswald is infatuated with Jim Gordon (so isn’t the first time it’s implied Penguin is gay) but he goes to the police department to see him. Ed sees him and wants to talk to him no matter the cost. And he does that... And things don’t end that friendly for him because Oswald thinks he’s a weirdo and asks him to fuck off, basically. It reminded me of kd’s first meeting where KS was the one admiring JI all along but JI get frightned. But, during their second meeting, they bond and become friends. For Nygmobs it takes more time for their second meeting but they end up developing and being in good terms :’)
Their personas, sort of: Ed is the tall one, younger and logic. Oswald is the oldest, smaller and that thinks with his heart. I love how JI could show the more logic side of himself during the last few years and, again, while reading Nygmobs fics using kd names, it was easy to fit the profile for me (that was during the time I wasn’t too deep into nygmobs and I didn’t knok them that well. KS looks cold and deatached and that’s why many people got impressed when he said, during Knowing Bros that he would choose love over friendship. He doesn’t play the part but, considering all the context, it fits him pretty well and reading this description of Oswald made me so familiar because it fits KD well. Ofc I don’t know their private lives and whatever but it’s just the impression I had as a viewer and random person;
Drama issue: when I say drama here, it’s related with how people percieve the two OTPs and how different people visualize LGBT relationship in media. Nygmobblepot had a lot of drama involved because they’re the fucking Riddler and Penguin, two of the most famous Batman villains. People saw them in different sorts of media before and others idolize those characters because of videogames and comics. So, when Oswald mentioned expressedly that he was in love with Edward, it caused an uproar in the fandom. People accused the producers and Robin of messing with the comic canon because the fucking Penguin became gay??? Robin was outspoken about the homophobia behind those statements since he’s a gay man himself but yeah, the drama existed. Part of the people invovled with the series rooted for Nygmobblepot, including some writers and the actors (Cory was the one with ambiguous messages about the nature of their relationship but it’s not even close what happened with other series like Supergirl, Supernatural and Sherlock). But it was aired by FOX, a right wing channel and, as you may imagine, they didn’t become canon per se. Actually, after Oswald said he was in love with Ed and planned on confessing to him, the writers presented a clone of Ed’s ex girlfriend with no explanation and purpose, only to separate them for most part of the series future. After that, some people seemed to have FORGOTTEN Oswald was once in love with Edward, rationalizing many things that are hard to explain with a “bro explanation”, they had a scene where the characters would have evolved even more but it was CUTTED and CHANGED and execs added the sentence “we’re brothers” to make EXPLICIT that Nygmobblepot’s relationship wouldn’t be interpreted as a romance at the end of the series (but, honestly, the actors went for the romance path anyway, the deleted scenes and the final episode can’t convince me otherwise).
What’s related with KD, may you ask? I think you’re familiar with all the drama KD faced since 2016 and how many stuff exploded during that time. How many parts are involved into creating a certain image and shifting it to be appealing and “friendly” is similar with what happens with idols. It’s no secret now about many scandals of bullying and other issues that are considered problematic and how they need to be pushed under the rug for companies so idols can make money and be profitable. Especially for male idols, it’s important that they are viewed as desirable and an object of the fans affections. That’s why he needs to be handsome and kind and look like a person that doesn’t exist. If an idol is openly gay, this person isn’t viewed by the major public with the same interest because they can’t fit the fantasy. That’s why scandals involving idols being gay need to be forgotten and deleted from people’s minds, otherwise that celebrity is ostracized. Although we tend to see the Ocident as “progressive”, there’s similar things happening in that industry. If a celebrity is openly LGBT, they don’t receive certain roles or opportunities because of it. There’s still a huge stigma that needs to be broken and we, as a society, are so far way from it. But recognizing those differences exist it’s a step forward.
Similarities with Smaylor
For me, one of the reasons Nygmobblepot works so well is because of the actors. They portrait a good chemistry because of their friendship off screen and some non verbal signs they display around each other are amazing. Those are things that remind me more of KD as we see them in a lot of moments. So, I wanted space to show those comparisons below:
Mutual admiration: it’s something both Smaylor and KD display a LOT and is extrememly outspoken. I really love watching their old interviews because the affection and admiration is so genuine it makes me drawn to them despite not being romantically involved.
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(full gifset)
(there are more moments than these but I don’t want to steal gifs and there’s not much on the gif research and that sucks. Same with KD’s).
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Stares and touches: Robin was the responsible for the deep stares and Cory for the random touches. There’s so many gifs of it that is hilarious. It’s like JI divided himself in two cells because we know he’s more known for both >.<
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(Cory was touching Robin all the way during this interview rip)
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(the gifset!!!)
You’re pretty moment: Robin, like KS, is the one that mentions about Cory/JI’s physical attributes. They have a moment pretty similar and, for KD its famous among shippers:
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(gif link)
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(actually, Robin called Cory dashingly handsome but its okay)
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Cory lost it
There’s another series of gifsets with Robin calling Cory handsome LMAOO
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:))))
Synchronization: for specialists in body language, it’s a factor that shows two people are close. That’s because of the mirror neurons we have that makes us copy movements, actions or words that someone we have empathy/we are close with do or say. Both kd and smaylor do this and it’s really soft.
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(one of the classics)
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(classic 2)
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whole gifset (i love this interview so much)
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(gif)
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The fact the actors came up with their OTP names: people tend to forget that KD’s real otp name (according with Jongin) is dika. Cory also came up with Nygmobblepot name and Smaylor too <3
So, meanwhile Nygmobs has thropies that work a lot with KD AUs, Smaylor has healthy dynamics seen in public appearances KD made. Like I said above, there’s a huge polemic about shipping Smaylor romantically because Robin is married. On social media, is visible he loves his husband and it’s pretty cute to see. Cory himself mentioned that their relationship was sort of a platonic friendship (whatever that means) but it’s really genuine in terms of affections and display of admiration, something KD has as well.
Probably someone will question that it may changed the way I see KD or if now I ship them as bros. Nothing about that changed. With KD, although there are some similar details, there are internal AND external factors that made me support them in a romantic perspective in the first place. And it didn’t change. 
But both of them (Nygmobs too) make me feel that I’m testimoning something genuine, which is really hard in both kpop and media universes. In one side, we have a LOT of fanservice. And, in the other, it’s mostly a work interaction with lots of queerbating. Yes, Gotham has queerbating aspects in it but it’s not full of queerbating, if it makes sense. The message the actors and some writers wanted to convey are there and really display a romantic direction with character evolution and growth. And, considering the way media is nowadays, it’s nice to see.
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fanficmemes · 3 years
Note
Dear CB,
I am happy to hear you appreciated my last letter.
Your words are always kind and warm my soul in these dreadful days of deadlines and indecisive weather still not sure if the first blossom of summer is here or if the ice will return in our homes. It also made me rest easier in my bed to learn you are now better, after the sickly days subsequent to the medicine administration.
You are now free of the burden of the heavy cloud of sickness still cover our cities, and it make me happy.
You told me you would have liked to receive the recipe of the pie i told you about last time, so i will write it down in a paper to put in the same envelope of this one. I already excuse my persona for the verbosity i will submit you, but the power of synthesis is not something the sky gifted me.
Hope my letter will find you in good health and sweet mood,
With love,
Soupy.
Dear Soup, I'm writing this with the greatest of joys after receiving your recipe. It sounds heavenly, and am quite excited to enjoy it to the fullest.
Just as you say my words warmed you, so did your words keep me through those pale and cool spring days. I reread your most kind letter while in my illness, it helped greatly with recovery, I assure you.
If it's alright with you, I shall attach the recipe underneath my goodbyes, as I tend to lose things with great ease and it would pain me to lose such a gem as this. And never worry that chatter while baking would ever bother me, I find it quite lovely.
I hope this letter will find you far across the waters between us, and that it will bring a smile to your face and joy to your heart.
All love,
CB
Lemon pie recipe.
This doses are for a 22 cm diameter mold.
It is but a simple recipe, not so different from every other lemon pie you can probably find everywhere, but is the pie we always eat in my family, since sour lemons is something everyone of my affections love the taste. You can picture how much it make me silly laugh when i think about how my taste for the citrus extend also to my leisure reading times, but there are things we cannot tell properly in public, and i confide in the secrecy of our reading club.
The structure is the classic one, composed by a crust, a lemon cream and a sweet meringue.
For the base i am biased in using shortcrust, that better adapt to the type of cream and is quite easy to prepare, surely more than complex french pastry. Is of course understandable is a lack of time and desire to cook made you go instead for a modern storebought puff pastry.
For the crust you will need:
250g of all purpose flour
125 g of butter
1 egg
100 g of powdered sugar (also normal crystal sugar is good, it you prefer a more rough feeling)
A bit of lemon zest for taste.
Cut the butter and mix it with the flour, crumbling it till it reach a sable consistency. Add then the sugar, the egg and the lemon zest, and work with your hands till is smooth and workable. Is better to not strain it too much, or the gluten would form and instead of a crispy crust we would find ourself with an hard chewy bread. Let it rest in the fridge for at least an half hour. When rested, and remember to rest also yourself, work it in a flat disc or your preferred thickness and put it in an already buttered and floured mold. Cover with cooking paper and chickpeas to not let it rise in the oven.
The recipe would ask to cook it at a static 170 C° for 15 minutes, but experience always teach ovens are what of most similar exist in this world of hell work, so judge your oven history and control every couple of minutes so not to burn it to a crisp.
For the cream you will need:
5 to 8 lemons (and if your taste require it more)
3 eggs
150 g of flour and potato starch (usually i make half and half, but it can function even with all flour or all starch. All starch is advised if you will want to put the pie in the oven later to roast the meringue, since all flour will liquify the cream at strong temperature)
Sugar to taste
Separate the whites from the yolks. The yolks can be put in a pot, while the whites are to be put in another bowl to use for the meringue later.
Add the zest of all your lemons to the yolks (if you can find not treated lemon, if not this passage will be sadly skipped). Juice your lemons and add water till you reach 1 liter of liquid. Mix your lemon zested yolks, flour and starch and liquid, bit by bit, to have a smooth cream. Add sugar to taste, i personally add only two spoon, but i know the sour taste is not to everyone taste. Put the pot on low fire and mix till the cream become heavy and smooth and dense. Put it in the pastry shell. You can wait for the cream to cool a little, but be attentive at not waiting too much or it will solidify.
For the meringue you will need:
The whites of the cream eggs
200 g of sugar
I strongly prefer Italian meringue, being it faster to make and being myself in a strong enmity with the frenchs. Also, for a real french meringue it would be needed to whisk the whites with sugar and cook them for 12 hours at low temperatures. I know the latest kitchen programs make it seem like something faisable in a short time, and i will always resent them for this, but what they are serving in real is just raw meringue made with raw eggs, and for how much the raw eggs part can be solved with pasteurized whites, it would make for a more expensive ingredient.
For an Italian meringue, you have to put in a small pot 200g of sugar and a bit of water, just enough to wet it. It then have to be cooked till it make a boiling syrup. Be attentive at not making caramel instead, that would risk ruining the eggs. While the syrup simmer, start whisking the whites. When they start to be whipped add, while still whisking, the hot syrup. The boiling syrup will cook the eggs and give a nice shiny finish at the meringue, while the whisking will assure the sugar is distributed heavenly and the whites continue to whip.
When they are whipped enough to not fall out of the bowl if turned, distribuite the meringue over the pie.
If you like a golden finish it is possible to put in in the oven for some minutes, to toast the meringue, or pass it with a blowtorch.
My verbosity could make seem the recipe long and complex, but i can assure is quite easy to make, even in absence of big space. I do not live in a big estate like the ones of the nobles we are sometimes invited for a ball, as my preparing myself the sweet cakes instead of giving the order to a cook probably already made clear, and last time i prepared it i did it in a chopping board above my sink, and it come out quite good.
Hope you will find it as delicious as i find It myself.
With love,
Soupy
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jostepherjoestar · 3 years
Note
After seeing tha La Squadra ask with the yakuza games I was wondering how the group would react if the yakuza La Squadra member had a few of their old yakuza friends visit Italy and their the characters from the yakuza games (let’s just say it’s in the same universe)
🐉 Former Yakuza La Squadra member gets a visit from Kiryu & Majima🐉 (multiple asks in one) (2,1k)
sfw // gn reader (reader is the former yakuza member)
After discovering Majima and Kiryu shared a mutual friend that had moved to Italy and joined a gang there, they were curious to know how they were faring, deciding on a whim to pay them a visit. Their old pal had left quite the impression on the two men back when they were part of the yakuza.
Set in an AU where the Yakuza in-game happenings and JJBA events take place in the same universe, the game does not exist, it’s just real life for the characters and La Squadra’s newest recruit that used to be in the Yakuza happened to be friends with Kiryu and Majima back in the day.
(Btw my interpretation of Majima when he’s alone with Kiryu is that he mostly drops his act and since he’s in a new country he is a little more timid towards strangers, don’t get me wrong, he will still start shit but maybe not as quick.)
It was a bright and sunny day, the sweet spring wind still holding some winter chill as it blew through your hair. You were sat on the bench across from the safe house, arms spread wide on the backrest, cigarette dangling on your lips while you basked in the warmth of sunshine. You quite enjoyed sitting like this, making it an uninviting scene for passersby or your teammates, not wanting anyone near you so you could relax in peace. Of course still on guard, never truly letting it down, there’s enough people out there that have a bone to pick with Passione, especially your division. You took another long drag of the cigarette, the overwhelming smoke entering your lungs like ashy clouds. But as you heard some rustling you reached over to grab the smoking bud and pressed it into the ground with your foot. There was something suspicious going on, you felt like you were being watched. You casually peered through half closed eyes at the building in front of you, no one had been staring through the windows. No, it felt like it came from a different direction. Lazily you stood up, stretching your core, twisting your middle from side to side while letting your arms get some movement, readying your body for possible combat. As you turned, you saw a trashcan wiggle in your peripheral. The movements looked very unusual, was there a cat stuck in it? But the can was placed so precisely on the corner of an alley, someone could easily be standing right around the bend to surprise-attack you. Picking up a rock and throwing it right at the middle of the can, even making an indent, you felt a bit idiotic for doing it. But still there was no further movement or sound. You were still curious so you without much thinking you crept closer. If it was an animal in need you’d feel bad to have left it to suffer.
As you stepped nearer, now in front of the dented can, having full vision of the alley you were met with someone you didn’t suspect in the slightest. “Kiryu-san?” You questioned, face frozen in shock. “Wh-what are you doing here? Am I dreaming?” you asked while rubbing your eyes, maybe if you rubbed them hard enough you’d wake up. The large man’s furrowed eyebrows softened as he was met with your familiar form. A small smile formed on his lips but he stayed quiet for some reason, opting to kick the trashcan in front of him instead. It burst open, the lid sent flying further into the alley as you both ducked for cover. “What the fuck Kiryu-chan?! I told you I got this!” Majima’s figure popped out, the snakeskin jacket crumpled from what looked like sitting in the confined space for far too long. You couldn’t believe your eyes, you’re sure your mouth was hanging open with eyes wider than a deer in headlights, like your brain had crashed and burned. “Ya went and ruined the surprise Kiryu-chan! And ya went and broke Oushi-chan as well.” The one eyed man gestured angrily while complaining, he’d planned out the perfect way to surprise you: to shock and fight you. But the only thing that snapped you out of your stupor was that stupid nickname, Oushi-chan. He basically called you a bull, giving you the nickname after you’d stormed angrily down the stairs of the Tojo Clan head office after a particularly frustrating meeting and nearly threw Majima down the stairs as you raced on by. “Stop calling me that! And what in the name of all that is sacred are you doing in Italy?” You hushed your yells as to not alert the entire neighbourhood of their arrival, helping the older man out of the trashcan. “We’d thought it was nice to come and visit you, see what you’ve been up to.” Kiryu calmly explained. “And calling was too expensive? You guys really scared the shit out of me!” Still filled with disbelief at their sudden appearance, but glad to see those familiar faces again. You did miss them too, the short time you shared with them still being remembered fondly. “Glad to see ya haven’t changed, ya did get an Italian accent though.” Majima playfully jabbed as he slung his arm around your shoulders. “Oh you’re one to talk about accents old man.” You prodded back as you pushed his arm off in annoyance, not taking any of the man’s teasing that easily. “Before you ask how we found you, I’ll explain.” Kiryu’s voice was still as deep as you remembered, telling you how they knew you were in Naples and even knew of Passione, it was just a matter of time until someone pointed you out (after some mild intimidation). Not that it was hard to spot you among the Italian men in your team. Hard for these two to talk, back in Tokyo you’d spot that grey suit and angry scowl from a mile away. And let’s not even pretend that Majima’s no-shirt-tacky-jacket-leather-pants look was any less eye catching. You huffed out a laugh, the shock of seeing these two finally wearing off as they started asking questions about how you’ve been and how work is. Happily chatting on the bench you were previously lounging on.
“So… what’s the nature of yer squad exactly? I mean ya look meaner than before, if that was even an option.” The one eyed man jested in a hushed voice, sure that it was a sensitive topic. “Well I like to think we’re the cleanup crew, bringing a bit more harmony to this field of work.” Ignoring his comment about your looks, sure that they helped you in this line of business. “That’s one way to phrase it.” Kiryu huffed out a chuckle, leaning his hands on his knees as he looked at you with a sympathetic smile. He admired your fervour, it was one of the reasons he was so fond of you. After hearing how you stood up against Majima and he didn’t slice you to bits, he was impressed at how you persuaded Majima to settle it through a game of hanafuda. The stoic man knew you liked to be alone, being used to it himself or rather preferring it somewhat over putting his loved ones in danger. He actually asked you to join his family if he ever became patriarch of his own one, he put a lot of trust in you.
After some more catching up you decided that perhaps you should show them around the house and introduce them to your teammates. Knowing how much they loved hearing your stories about your time in the yakuza, they’d surely appreciate to meet your old pals. You stepped in with the two men in tow, stopping in the entry way to hand your friends some slippers, it was a habit you never let go since moving here and you’d even convinced the rest of your house mates to go along with it. “Hey guys, I have some friends I’d like you to meet! Please don’t be weird!” You yelled loudly enough for the entire house to hear, even your capo on the top floor would be able to. Formaggio, Prosciutto and Pesci sauntered out of the living room, looking quite bored before noticing your two friends. Now they seemed interested. “So who’s the eye-patch guy and mister giant?” Formaggio joked as he elbowed Prosciutto who tutted his colleague for touching his suit. “Well these two gentlemen are my friends from Japan… from the yakuza…” it was so awkward to add that they were also involved in such things. You were pretty sure Kiryu was nearing his end run with the organisation anyway. “Oh and they do not understand a single word you’re saying, I’ll translate and yes I will filter out your jokes Formaggio.” You said in a serious tone. The two men behind you stood awkwardly awaiting any signal from you, Majima eyeing your teammates up and down, trying to get a good impression of them. Pesci seemed scared by the men but trying his best not to show it, only shaking a little. Majima thought him a perfect target to tease, holding himself back from his usual persona. “Prosciutto. Pesci. Formaggio.” Your blond colleague introduced them curtly, hands still in his pockets. Kiryu understood the introductions and gave a little nod, Majima followed with a grunt. “This is Majima-san and Kiryu-san.” The mingling of Italian and Japanese still being something you were trying to get used to, only having been able to speak Italian since you arrived. You led the men into the sitting room, the three colleagues retreating back to their card game while you and the other two sat down on the couches. Your colleagues weren’t really that interested it seemed or maybe just unsure of them for now. As you excused yourself to get some drinks for your guests, you were a little worried to leave them by themselves, you knew they could handle themselves physically, but it was more the communication part that you were worried about. You returned with a couple of glasses filled with juice as you saw Melone had slinked inside the living room, gently placing himself on the one seater next to the couch. “So who are these guys?” He asked curiously while leering, perhaps making Kiryu blush a little since Melone kept staring at him. You quickly introduced them to him and shushed him out of your seat, instead he sat on the armrests of the chair. Majima sat up a little, not really liking the looks of the purple haired one. “Is he always like that?” he asked, being a little weirded out. “Yes, yes he is.” You replied with a sigh as your teammate kept staring with a grin on his face, happy to just quietly observe.
You nearly sprung out of your chair when Risotto entered the doorway, feeling like you’d overstepped by bringing in your friends. Majima cocked an eyebrow at your behaviour, not knowing what superior could make you act like that. That was until he turned around as well. “Risotto I-, excuse me for bringing them in but they came all the way from Japan to check up on me.” You pleaded in a hurry as your capo took in the people in the room. “Don’t worry.” He said while giving a nod to the guests while taking them in, having a bit of a stare off with Majima or more like Majima didn’t want to lose eye contact. He felt an innate need to fight Risotto, not because he wanted to hurt him, he just wanted to see what the large man was made off. Risotto reminded Majima of his dear friend next to him. “I’ll be going back to work but please treat their guests nicely.” Risotto aimed his comment at the other men in the room, seeing them not really interact with the guests just yet. You sunk back down in your chair and sighed in relief. “He’s got ya whipped Oushi-chan.” Majima joked as he saw your cheeks get a little flushed.
Slowly but surely with lots of hard work the men actually started talking (with your help translating), Kiryu was still a bit demure but you didn’t expect him to be otherwise, respecting his usual style. After a while Prosciutto even invited them to play a round of cards, all sat around the table while he dealt them. A simple game of blackjack. You actually quite enjoyed the intermingling of your past and present, happy to know there were still people looking out for you back home. Not even sure if you were still allowed to call it home, having perhaps found a new one.
And yes Melone did ask to fight Majima, who quickly agreed since he thought the lithe man was weird and needed some readjusting. Of course Majima won, you sternly asked Melone not to use his stand. The whole thing was quite amusing actually, even Kiryu seemed to enjoy it.
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wickedgamesoyaoya · 4 years
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A warm breeze swept against the foliage littered across the playground, creating what one might consider abstract art. Mothers beckoned for their children to return home, fearful that if they remained out any longer, they would fall prey to the creatures of the night. Their source of security – the large orb in the sky was beginning to descend, and soon its friend would claim its place. The truth was you disliked the rays of heat that emanated from above, rather you were waiting for the familiar darkness to slowly devour the space around you.
Earlier, after the ordeal with Kuroo, the air within your apartment had become tainted. With your lungs objecting to complete their assigned task, you found yourself wandering outside, abandoning the prep-work that was scattered across your desk. A few pitiful glances were cast in your direction as you passed by those unaware of the pain that had plagued you. The world would never understand someone like you – someone who loved dearly and refused to show vulnerability.
The liquid that once clung to your lashes had now dried, perhaps the glances would stop if you took a moment to remove the smudged makeup below your eyelids. But your lack of motivation had ruled out the option. For now, all you could do was silently watch the colours drain from the sky.  
“Y/n…?”
If there was someone you absolutely did not want to run into… it was Sakusa Kiyoomi.
The MSBY outside hitter had fatefully chosen the longer route home to clear his own thoughts. Earlier Atsumu had almost initiated a fight with the unwelcomed guest who unfortunately happened to be Bokuto’s high school friend. It required both Akaashi and Osamu’s aid to contain the setter. Although, the owner of Onigiri Miya had slipped a threat under his breath before he left, Sakusa had only caught the end – ‘stay away from her’. Her meaning y/n.
It did not occur to him that there was a chance he would run into you on his way home, particularly because you had been avoiding him since your last encounter. He had been respecting your wishes up until this point. Had you not appeared completely devastated, he may have continued down the pathway, continuing to respect your space. But alas, that was not the case.
It was déjà vu, truly. The night the bastard had broken your heart, you wore a similar expression. Even then, he had yearned to comfort you, yet then you did not know who he was – would you accept the aid of a stranger? Now, your relationship was complicated, but would it really be so strange if he wrapped his arms around you?
“Oh. Hi.” The greeting was accompanied by a strained smile, one that pained you to maintain for more than a few seconds.
“Do you mind if I join you?” His eyes flickered to the unoccupied space beside you, it was ironic how you ended up at the same bench from that night.
“You might want to think that through, it’s just as dirty as before. Maybe even more.” A humorless laugh had erupted from within you, however, it was short-lived.
“I’ll take my chances,” The black haired-male’s features did not contort once his weight was transferred to the metal structure, although if it did, you would not have known due to the mask concealing the majority of his face. “I won’t ask if you are okay, if you were thinking that. It is clear you are not.”
“Oh, how kind of you.” The sarcasm rolled off your tongue naturally as you dipped your head, your gaze settling on the keys you had been fiddling with unconsciously. “I bet you think I’m incredibly gross right now, right? Tears are just human waste, hm.” Instead of allowing a gap for him to respond, you shot your head back abruptly, warm liquid beginning to blur your vision. “Well guess what. I don’t care. Osamu thinks I have an adorable crying face, snot and all.” The declaration had prompted a single tear to begin its short journey across your flushed skin.
“I wouldn’t disagree with that.” Had you been paying any attention you would have noticed the distance between you and the male had been eliminated.
At first you had to question if you were dreaming or perhaps hallucinating. But no. It was real. Sakusa, the one fearful of germs, had lightly brushed his fingers against your cheek to discard the liquid that manifested your pain. The confusion that had animated in your irises had prompted him to tisk.
“Don’t act like I’m some monster.” The hurt in his voice was laced with irritation, not towards you, but towards himself for creating that persona in the first place.
“Then hold me.” The plea was disguised as a command, you knew it was selfish – but your desire to be held had conquered any competing emotions.
“Okay.” Complying with your order, Sakusa adjusted his position slightly, then slipped an arm around your middle, forcing your frame to face his before leading your head to find support against his shoulder. Instinctively, your own arms wrapped around him as you buried your face against the crook of his neck. The scent attached to his skin was the combination of an intoxicating fragrance and an unrecognizable shampoo. You hated how badly you wanted his scent burned into your memory. What you really hated though was how perfect his grip around you felt. Maybe being selfish wasn’t too bad?
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It was never meant to be easy - selfish 
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softsalome · 3 years
Text
Dinner.
Repost from my old account, @/softperfuma.
2$ USD = 1.64€ = 5 UNY (United Republic of Nations Yuan)
The first time Mako didn’t show up for dinner should’ve been the red flag that finally caught Wu’s eye. They’d known each other for a few years, but in the past few months they had a silent agreement that brought them closer: some obscure foreign drama that they both loved and had no one else to talk to about. So every Friday night, like clockwork, Mako would pull up to the gates of Wu’s apartment complex with takeout in the passenger seat and the gate code quickly scribbled on his palm. Until it had gone on for so long, that he didn’t need to write it down anymore.
But despite all the Fridays Mako spent in Wu’s house, all the hours of dissecting the episode and picking up noodles that had spilled on the floor, something was stirring between the lines of their friendship. Something that Wu had been afraid to acknowledge, ignoring the growing wound in the hopes that it wouldn’t get worse, wouldn’t hurt him in the end.
But for him, hope wasn’t enough.
So there he was, sitting alone in his living room with his fingers tightly wrapped around his phone, trying to remember the last time his apartment felt so empty. He kept locking and unlocking the little block in his hand, hoping that the screen would eventually light up with a reply to the text he sent hours ago.
‘hey do you still wanna watch the show w me tonight?’
‘mako are u ok? u haven’t been answering me lately’
‘if u wanna talk im here ok?’
All read. All unanswered.
Wu finally abandoned his hopes and opened an app to order dinner. He decided that if he was going to be miserable, he should at least be full. Within the hour, he was pulling apart chopsticks and picking at chow mein, wondering why he was dumb enough to fall for a straight guy.
He’d been only flipping through his movie list for a few minutes before the doorbell rang again. Rising with groan and a scowl, he made his way to the door, dragging his feet the whole way. He unlocked his phone as he opened the door, hoping the lack of eye contact with the delivery boy would make him feel a little less on edge.
“Look man, I know 75Y isn’t the best tip, but I really don’t have any more cash on me right now-”
“Wu?”
One word. His own name, at that. But it was enough to make Wu feel like the air had been knocked out of his lungs. It only took a moment for him to meet those amber eyes with his own before he silently wished he was facing a grumpy delivery boy instead. He choked out a response, trying his damndest to hide his discomfort behind whatever bravado he had left.
“Mako! There you are! I was- I’m- I’m glad you were able to make it tonight!”
Mako slowly shrunk at his laughter, the plastic bag in his hands rustling as he moved.
“And-and you brought food! That’s so great because I was so hungry I was just about to hunt the turtleducks in the pond out front-”
“You don’t have to lie to make me feel better, Wu,” Mako sighed, running his hands through his hair. “I could smell the chow mein from the elevator.”
Wu swallowed hard at being caught, as if any more lies he might’ve told were trapped and sent back down his throat. He looked at his phone again, thinking the moment might pass sooner if he was looking at the clock. Then Mako spoke, the tips of his shoes sneaking into Wu’s line of sight.
“Can I- can I come in? Is that okay?”
Wu’s head snapped up as he swung his front door backwards, stumbling into the doorknob as he made space for Mako to walk in.
“Of course, of course! I can’t just leave one of my best bros stranded in the hallway, can I?”
Mako quickly passed the threshold of the door, stepping out of his shoes before walking deeper into the apartment. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you did.” Wu gasped at that, hand to his chest as he exaggerated his response.
“Mako! How could you think I’d do such a thing! What little faith ye have!” To further spoil the moment with his antics, Wu spun his way to the couch, sinking into it as he raised the back of his hand to his forehead.
“To think so lowly of me… I don’t think my heart can bear the pain!” Eyes closed, he couldn’t see the small smile on Mako’s face, but he wound up hearing it. A small laugh left his lips as he made his way to the living room, the glass table fogging as he set his food atop it.
“Would you mind bearing the pain a little less horizontally? I kind of wanna sit on the couch.” Wu laughed as a first answer, his hand still on his forehead. “Well you’ve bailed so many times, maybe you should sit on the floor.”
The silence quickly filled the room, and Wu sat up fast as he realized what he’d done. “Mako, I didn’t mean-”
“No, it’s okay. I deserve it.”
“No you don’t!” Wu shot back, challenging him with his eyes. Wu moved away from him then, making space on the couch for him as he continued to hold his gaze, daring him to let another drop of self-deprecation slip. Mako slowly sat beside him, his eyes moving towards the television. It took a moment before either of them spoke again.
“I’m really sorry I bailed, man… twice. I’m sorry I bailed twice. I should’ve told you I couldn’t come, that wasn’t okay.” Wu clapped him on the back, pulling his hand back fast as if he’d been shocked.
“That’s okay buddy! I half forgive you.” Mako bit back a smile, turning to look at Wu. For a moment, Wu pretended as if Mako was looking at him the way he always wanted him to look at him. But only for a moment. His eyes shimmered, molten in the lamplight. “Half?”
“Duh! I half forgive you now and then I’ll forgive you the other half once we watch the latest episode!” He punctuated his flawless logic by digging through Mako’s takeout bag, grabbing one of the small containers he saw peeking at him earlier. “Is this-”
“Sticky rice. With mango. And I’m really sorry, again.”
“Dude, seriously, it’s fine. Do you…. do you want to talk about it?”
Mako swallowed the bite of pad thai on his tongue, passing the remote to Wu without looking at him. “I don’t think I want to. Sorry.”
Wu bit off a piece of mango before answering, hoping the juice wouldn’t stain his shirt. “That’s okay! We can definitely not talk about it, I am so cool with that. We can just watch the show and not talk about it at all.”
Mako cleared his throat after he swallowed another bite. “I might be a little lost, just to let you know. I haven’t watched the last two episodes-” Wu cut him off, quickly flipping through the shows to look for the one they shared.
“Oh yeah, neither have I.”
“What?”
Wu glanced over his shoulder, confused at his reply. “What do you mean, ‘What’? I wasn’t gonna watch it without you.” He laughed as he looked back at the TV screen, finally find what he was looking for. “You ready for me to play it or do you need to get something else?” Wu could feel Mako’s weight shift beside him, and he turned to see Mako settling deep into the cushion.
“No. I’m fine.”
Wu quickly turned to the TV and hit play, hoping Mako couldn’t see how his eyes widened, how he almost opened his mouth to answer. Because yes, yes he was.
They agreed to watch the past episodes back to back before discussing it and moving on to the latest one., and Wu was more than grateful for the time to process both the show and the boundless energy thrumming just beneath his skin.
It was annoying and frustrating and scary how good Mako smelt, how good he looked, and how even though he completely ignored him and didn’t show up for two weeks, Wu couldn’t even fathom being angry with him. At this point, he was only mad on principle. But in truth? He just wished that they would gravitate towards each other like they did three weeks ago, when their legs were touching, and then their arms, and then Wu woke up on Mako’s shoulder, jostled awake by Mako’s strained voice telling him that he needed to go home.
But as much as Wu wished for it, the reality was more along the lines of pausing to look for blankets, spilling sticky rice on his shirt, and rewinding scenes because he was too busy thinking about how he had a crush on someone who would never return his feelings. He hoped he could tuck it all within the folds of his persona: bright Wu, happy Wu, the dramatic and dopey and forgetful ex-prince that couldn’t be bothered to suck on a spoon that wasn’t sterling silver. But he was a fool to think that Mako wouldn’t be able to see right through him.
“Wu, you doing alright? You seem a little distracted.”
Wu sat up straighter, tugging the blankets closer to him as if they’d protect him. “No, I’m fine! Great actually. Just a lot on my mind, that’s all. But not like, in a bad way. Just a lot.”
“Do you- do you want me to go-”
“No!” Wu cut him off, driving the point home by grabbing his shoulder and looking him dead in the eye. “It’s fine, you’re fine, we can talk about it and then watch the last episode.”
Mako’s eyes widened, and Wu drew back, worried that he did something wrong, said something wrong. Mako kept looking at him, as if he was waiting for Wu to say something. So he did.
“That camera angle from the first episode was so crazy right? It looked like someone was watching him through the window, but the realtor said the house has been empty for years-” “Um. Wu?”
And then came the worry. It wrapped its vines around Wu’s heart and tightened, hard enough to make him feel like the beating would be dragged down into his stomach. Mako’s tone, his lack of eye contact, the fiddling with his hands. Something was wrong. The kind of wrong that Wu knew would leave him crying into his pillow for days.
“Uh… yeah? What’s up Mako, my good man?”
Mako’s hands clasped together tightly as he stared at them, as if they held answers he desperately needed. “I don’t think…I don’t think I want to be friends with you.”
And that was all it took. Just a few moments, a short pause, before Wu burst into tears. Mako leapt to his side, holding him close as he tried to talk him down.
“Wait no, I didn’t mean it like that, Wu, please!” But Wu was too far gone to hear him, crying so hard he couldn’t see through his tears.
“Is it because I’m gay?!” he wailed as his tears began to stain Mako’s shirt. Mako pulled his head away from him, trying to meet his eyes and failing miserably.
“No, that’s not it at all! Wu please-”
“Is it because I’m an earthbender?”
“Wu, I’m literally mixed, please-”
“I just don’t-I just don’t understand, I’m sorry-”
“Wu, please just listen!”
Wu was finally reduced to quiet whimpers and sniffles, his tears still obscuring his vision. He wanted to wipe his tears away but that meant moving from Mako’s arms, and as painful as it felt, he wanted to relish what he thought would be his last time there. A few seconds passed like that, in silence, as Wu looked through blurry tears and felt Mako’s labored breathing. It came to an end as Mako moved him out of his arms, bringing his hands to Wu’s face as his thumbs wiped away his tears.
“I said that wrong, I- I didn’t mean it like that.” Wu started to tear up again, and Mako was worried that his fingers wouldn’t be able to keep up.
“Then what- what did you even mean? Mako, why would you even say that?”
Wu tried to look at Mako until he realized how close they were. He started to pull away until Mako’s hands flexed and warmed against his cheeks, keeping his face in place as he mumbled something under his breath. Wu leaned a little closer, his vision finally clearing as he searched Mako’s face.
“What did you say? I didn’t hear you…”
Mako took in a deep breath before meeting Wu’s eyes.
“I wanna be with you, not your friend. I wanna be….I wanna be…” Mako trailed off, his eyes falling to Wu’s lips. “Can I-”
“Please,” Wu whispered, nodding as he leaned in to meet Mako halfway.
It took Wu a moment to realize that the salt he tasted between kisses were his own tears, streaming down his cheeks as he leaned deeper into Mako’s arms and silently begged to meet his lips again. After what felt like forever, Wu finally pulled away, sucking on Mako’s lip one last time on his way out. When Mako moaned, Wu giggled in response, giving a peck on the cheek before speaking again.
“Does this mean we can watch the last episode?”
Mako’s laugh rang through the apartment, so loud that it bounced off the walls and begged Wu’s to join in. His head fell back and tears gathered at the corners of his eyes before he managed to catch his breath and nestle close to Wu once again.
“Sure we can. But… is it okay if I kiss you again?”
Wu’s mouth fell into a lazy smile as he looked back at the TV. They’d barely started the end credits.
“Why are you so eager for more kisses?��� He was so sure of himself, so confident in his retort. And it all came crashing down once he felt Mako’s lips graze the shell of his ear, whispering soft as if what he was saying was a secret.
“I can’t help it. You taste like mangoes.” Wu whipped his head to look at Mako, their noses grazing at the sudden motion. They sat there, breaths mingling, hearts beating, until Mako said the words he was holding onto.
“I’m really sorry I made you cry, Wu.”
“I forgive you. One and a half times… and I’m sorry for thinking you were straight.”
Mako grinned, lacing his fingers through Wu’s as he met his forehead with his own. “It’s alright. It happens. But… one and a half?”
“Why of course,” Wu jokingly huffed, grabbing the fallen blanket and laying it over the both of their legs. “I forgave you for making me cry but I also promised you one half forgiveness from earlier. It’s just the proper math.” Mako shook his head as he gazed at Wu, who realized that the look on his face was the exact one that he had wanted all along.
“Of course. Proper math.”
Gazing at each other, watching Mako’s eyes flicker to Wu’s lips ever so often, the ex-prince got around to asking the question that had burrowed its way through his head from the moment their lips met.
“Mako, what do you want from this? From me?” Mako leaned closer, Wu’s voice too soft for him to catch sitting deep in the couch cushion. He grasped Wu’s hand a little more firmly, rubbing his thumb across his knuckles as he spoke.
“I want to date you. Be your boyfriend. I like kissing you… is that what you want? Do you… wanna try that?” Wu brought Mako’s hand up to his lips, kissing his knuckles before answering.
“Yeah. I wanna try that.”
Mako smiled so hard and Wu felt like he could run to the moon and back if it meant he could always bring such joy into Mako’s life. He smiled back, but it fell fast as Mako leaned forward to grab the remote.
“Mako, what are you doing?” The firebender looked back at him, confusion marring his face as he slowly leaned back into the couch once more.
“I’m playing the last episode. Don’t you wanna watch it?”
Wu looked down at their hands. Still joined, still warm. He kept looking at them, as if they left his sight, if he looked away for just a moment, they might disappear.
“I do, I just,” he looked up at Mako through his lashes then, “I just thought you wanted to taste some more mango.”
The sound of the remote hitting the floor filled Wu’s lungs with laughter, but before he could begin to tease Mako, the mans’ lips were already on his own, kissing hard and biting soft and warming him in ways only a firebender could.
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soundofseventeen · 4 years
Text
Cupid’s Chokehold (Kwon Soonyoung)
Hi, I’m excited for this one!!!! I haven’t written anything this good for Hoshi since 7 Things, so here we are!!! I hope y’all like it!!!!!
Inspo: Cupid’s Chokehold
Word count: 6910
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Relationship fourteen: met at an amusement park where he hit on the person operating a ride; ended over Soonyoung being 10 minutes late to a date. Time together: Three days short of a four month relationship.
*
Relationship fifteen: met at one of the shopping malls when he was ordering a juice at the food court; ended over Soonyoung racing to keep you company when your date stood you up at a coffee shop. Time together: 24 days.
*
Relationship sixteen:
“Guys, guys, guys, meet my girlfriend!”
In the split second that you looked up from the Superstar Pledis game, you lost your momentum, missed one of the notes, and lost any hope that you could beat the high score challenge, so you just hoped that Soonyoung’s latest fling would be worth losing this. Okay you were exaggerating a little but in your defense you needed all the RP points to help upgrade one of your better cards. You let yourself fail the game and looked up again with a smile on your face. 
“Hi!” Mingyu said brightly, beating you to the punchline and pushing your legs off his lap to stand up and introduce himself better. He took one of her hands in both of his and shook it eagerly. “Nice to meet you.”
“Pleasure’s all mine.” 
You noted that while a little awkward, she didn’t look terrible. (Not that you were judging, but a lot of Soonyoung’s….past loves weren’t always the nicest.You’re looking at relationships three, six and seven here.) 
“You must be Y/N. Soonie talks about you all the time.” 
Soonie.
It took all your self control to not wrinkle your nose in disdain. Literally, every one of his exes called him that, so naturally you hated it. Okay not hated, but it made you wonder if the nickname held some kind of curse because not one relationship succeeded.
“The one and only.” You did however, squint your eyes at her, not recognizing her. “I’m sorry I don’t think we met.”
“I’m Aiko. I work at the vet where Soonie occasionally brings his dog in.”
Ah, no wonder he’s been bugging Seungcheol about his newest love and taking Kkooma out. You opted to stay quiet and not bust your best friend. Yet. He would eventually bust himself. But you had to admit that you were impressed with how often he changed parts of his persona...at least when you didn’t have to scold him how it wasn’t necessary and that the right person would adore him the way he was. 
But, you still had to give her the credit where it was due. “Awww. Which is your favorite pet that’s been by?”
“Definitely the bunnies. We have some clients that own a rabbit farm so we see them a lot.”
“I love bunnies!” Your lips formed a pout, almost crying at the state of fluffy tails and funky teeth biting into the vegetables clouded your thoughts. You snuck a peek at Soonyoung who had hesitantly pulled a thumbs up sign and you gave him the smallest of nods which was the biggest sign for Soonyoung to start smiling widely and that little crack in your heart to split open again.
They didn’t stay much longer; Soonyoung literally just ran to his room to change clothes and grab his charger so no one really had the chance to talk to Aika other than the basics to avoid the awkward silence.
*
You had long ago stopped crying over Soonyoung seeing past you and going for another person but that didn’t mean the pain lessened. (thank you relationship number four.) You were always “my bestest friend in the entire world” or “my platonic soulmate who knows me better than anyone”, never more and you hated it. You just wanted to one day be someone he saw in a different light or at least find one who was like you. Maybe that would hurt less. 
But maybe you were just happy that you didn’t lose sleep over him like you used to or wept into the armrest of your couch watching reruns of the shows you binged watched together.There was some normalcy back in your life but the pain still somehow managed to hit you as hard as it did the first time Soonyoung brought someone around you. 
“No, you dumbass! She’s right there!” You angrily flicked your hand at your phone screen in front of you. Okay, maybe you figured that if you experienced this in real life (as you had many, many times) you realized that even if the person Hoshi ended up with someone who was exactly like you, it’d be a blow to your heart and you weren’t sure how you’d react to that.
“No, don’t go with her...don’t you dare take another….okay, fine ignore me. But don’t come crying to me when you fuck it up.” You really needed to stop watching these movies. Yes, you always knew how it ended, but that didn’t mean your anger wasn’t real. And you just kinda highkey wished it’d happen to you.
“Please stop yelling at your phone and get out of this car before I forcibly take it from you,” Soonyoung threatened.
“You were the one who wanted to come with me to wash my clothes so you’re doing everything at my pace and I swear if you break-”
“Slow down baby...you’re goin’ too fast baby!”
You smacked him. “Listen, if you don’t want all of South Korea to know you’re here, keep your voice down.” 
He clicked a finger gun in your direction and slid out the driver’s side. “Gotcha. But seriously speaking, are you sure that you don’t mind that I invited Aika to hang out with us later?”
“I mean, I have to get to know her eventually, right?” You smiled a little at him. It had been a couple days since the initial introduction but you didn’t know anything else besides the obvious, and her lack of social media posts didn’t help. (You may have stalked her a little.) You finally unbuckled your seatbelt and slid your phone back into your pocket to bring two carts for your dirty laundry.
If it had been up to you, you would’ve come to the laundromat by yourself just have some time for yourself. Being around Seventeen nearly 24/7 took a lot of energy from you, but not in a bad way; you just liked having peace and quiet sometimes. But Soonyoung took it upon himself to use one of his only days off to accompany you and spend the morning with you. He even went as far as bringing breakfast to wake you up. 
He helped you with the detergent and softeners and other essentials because you would’ve been mortified at the thought of him taking your dirty clothes. You werent sure why but you didnt like the thought of him touching anything. He whistled some Shinee song as he walked inside, already knowing which spot you liked. But before you could actually start loading the washing machines, you needed to reload your card because this particular laundromat didn’t use coins anymore. 
You could feel your phone calling out to you to resume your watching and you were tempted to but you needed to do all this first. You took your money out the wallet and topped up the balance and once the washing machines were ready to go, you sat down at one of the tables, your finger itching to hit the play button and proceeded to ignore the rest of the world. 
You weren’t sure how much time had passed but you were vaguely aware of Soonyoung disappearing for a moment and returning with the bag of breakfast, sliding a disposable tray to you and setting down a carton of juice. Then he quietly brought out a notebook and doodled on it. Your favorite thing about Soonyoung? He knew when you didn’t wanna be bothered, so he often found ways to entertain himself. Sometimes he watched his own thing; sometimes he read one of Wonwoo’s recommendations; and sometimes he worked on choreo. When it got too silent for his liking, he FaceTimed Chan so he could see exactly what he was working with and any adjustments that could be made. 
“Tell the future of kpop I said hey,” you said absently, taking one of the pre-sliced waffles and biting into it. The plot in front of you had progressed drastically, and you weren’t sure if you wanted to stop watching or keep it going because every move and every word hurt your heart. 
“You tell him! Okay Dino, it looks good, but now try the spin counter clockwise. I wanna see how that looks.”
You stopped watching long enough to put it away and focus on Soonyoung as he went into choreographer mode. Though he was sitting, you watched the way his hands moved and if you stood up, you knew’d be seeing them trying to mirror each other’s actions.
“Hyung, what if we did this-” you could hear Chan’s heavy breathing with the way some nonexistent tempo increased and the way his sneakers squeaked on the floor. “-instead of..” More squeaking and you were pretty sure he had thrown himself on the floor. “This? And if we circle around I’m thinking maybe Mingyu hyung, it could work.”
Soonyoung clapped, bobbing...or probably counting in his head, most likely picturing whatever he saw Dino doing, and smiled brightly. “I like it! If we can saturate the movement a little more-” more hand movements and a couple of foot stomps, “- I think we can get him to pull it off.” He stood up, made sure he wasn’t disturbing anyone else and mimicked the younger boy’s action.
You nodded along, breaking out into your own smile at watching him. Your heart ached for him, but you knew you had to content yourself with how you were. You couldn’t risk losing him.
*
“I’m telling you Y/N, I think she could be the one,” Soonyoung sighed dreamily. 
“So you’re telling me that because this woman makes you pancakes any time you visit her in the morning, she’s made for you?” you stared off into space, making a confused face as to how in the world that could add up. “You don’t even like breakfast foods.”
“But when she makes them...oh my god. I even told my mom about her.”
You didn’t have it in you to tell him that not only did his mom video call you and shake her head at the proclamation, but she also expressed her worry about him jumping into a new relationship every time he came home with a broken heart and how one day, he wouldn’t be able to go back to himself. You understood her; since Seventeen’s debut, he had been in 15 different relationships, more than all the boys put together, none of which lasted longer than eight months. (Needless to say, you kept track.)
“You believe me, right?”
“Eat your ice cream Soonie.”
“You know it doesn’t even sound cute when you say it.” He wrinkled his nose at you. “Just for that, you’re paying for our dessert.” He pulled out his wallet and slid it out to you. “Go.”
You pulled out his credit card, frowning a little.
“What?”
“Nothing...it’s just don’t you keep a picture of Aiko in here?”
“Nah, I’m new school.”
“Didn’t you steal one of the boys’ phones the other day to complain to the phone company that yours stopped working?”
“Hey, it wasn’t my fault that I forgot that it was still updating. Shut up.”
You threw your head back and laughed before going to pay the nice lady for some of the best homemade treats you ever tasted. You patted Soonyoung’s head fondly, resisting the urge to wrap your arms around his neck and just hugging him for being so funny. Good thing too, because when the little bell dinged announcing a new arrival, the Japanese beauty came in and Soonyoung was up so fast, he nearly dropped the chair. He spoke animatedly, doing some kind of handshake you knew was only for them and then pointed to you, which you waved politely and pushed her your way.
“Always hyperactive, isn’t he?” she laughed when she joined you. “I told him I just had lunch but he swears the muffins are the best here. What do you think?”
“They’re good if you have a sweet tooth, but I personally like the cookies.”
“I’ll have whatever you like then,” Aiko smiled at you. “I’m sorry if I’m awkward by the way. I’m nervous.”
“About? Hi, I’ll take some of those too, and then we’ll be ready to pay.”
“Soonie talks about you like you put the stars in the sky so I’m a little scared to say the wrong thing.” Not the first time you heard that, but you heard it with relationship number 10 (you think.)
“Honestly, just treat him right, and we’ll be okay.” She didn’t have to know how unlucky Soonyoung was...the cheaters, the manipulators, the insecure ones who swore you were stealing him away, the ones who wanted him for his fame and/or fortune and even a couple who only used him to get to you. Every single one ended up with him at your house in the middle of the night and the cheap takeout place that delivered at any hour seemed to be his only cure. Most of the time he didn’t go home and called the leader to say he wouldn’t be going to work the next day. Some days, he used the time to go to the beach or out of town, but sometimes he liked staying in and watching movies...both of which included you.
“Okay.” She received the bag of sweets from the old lady and skipped back to her boyfriend who placed his hand on her hair and kissed it and then gave you two thumbs up. That was your cue to leave, despite him insisting you stay but you really needed to put your laundry away before you decided to leave it by your entrance until it was time to wash again. (Or so you reasoned with yourself to not interrupt them.) Aiko seemed to be the best one for Soonyoung so far, and while it still killed you to see him with someone else, at least she was nice about things. You slipped out, noticed only by your best friend who looked betrayed at you leaving but you texted him your excuse. 
It did, however, surprise you when you opened your front door and you cried all over again, the bitter tears stinging for feeling like a bad person for not wanting it to go as well as it was.
*
“Special delivery!” you cried out to the boys at Pledis in their practice room a month later. “I’ve got some things for my favorite boys.” Comeback season always proved to be more strenuous than the last and you hated how little you saw of them. In their earlier days, you would’ve seen at least one of them roaming Seoul, but alas.
“You’re a lifesaver!” Hansol took one of the plastic bags from you and dug through it, frowning when that one didn’t hold what he was looking for.
“I never said these were for you. I was talking about Nu’est.” (Dongho had taken your treats to his group mates though, but they didn’t need to know that.) However, you handed him the correct bag and he pulled out a small bag of M&Ms, yelling triumphantly and they took turns searching for their requested items.
“Where’s Tiger Brain?” you asked, looking around. He had originally asked you to bring him another pair of sweats because he had ripped them. Again. They currently hung over your arm while you picked the lint off of them.
“Recording studio.” Jihoon opened his can of Coke and somehow managed to drink the whole thing in a single chug. Impressive if not concerning.
“Why?” You counted 12 heads, three different times. No one else was missing. 
“Aiko’s here and she looks pissed.” Junhui then stuffed his face with the lunch you brought for him, in case he had said too much.
“I haven’t done anything!” Your reflexive defense whenever things had gotten rocky for the lovebird in paradise. Always true, but no one ever seemed to believe you until they had seen that you did indeed mind your business. This time was no different.
“We never said you did. Chill.”
“Do I need to go in and clarify something?”
“That might make it worse.” Minghao looked around to see if anyone would hear them. “When she asked for him, it was because she wanted to talk to him about his dog...or rather Cheol’s dog.”
So she found out. “It isn’t something to be mad over.” You had known people who did that, but no one ever had to stop working in the middle of the day over it. 
“When i went to ask him for the notebook with the new dance, she was telling him about the phone call he had with you.”
“Which one?” Now you could feel the annoyance tingling at your fingertips. You always called him and he you, none of which were ever important. The most recent one being him calling you at 2:33 last night (er this morning) when he asked if he should dye his hair red or green or maybe yellow….to which you yelled at him for waking you up. But how did she know about that one? For one moment you wondered if she found a way to bug your phone...it happened in relationship number five. Creepy and unsettling and the paranoia still hadn’t left you.
“I guess she saw you the other day shopping for groceries-”
“You know, sometimes my stomach likes to remind me that I need to be fed. Just a crazy thought.”
Minghao pointed at you dramatically. “This is my story time, peasant.” He waited for you to close your mouth again. “Now, I don’t know what the gist was but apparently you saw her and said something about going to the beach with him.”
Classic word twisting...relationships one through now apparently. “Yeah, we were thinking that after this comeback that we wanted to take everyone out because, you know, you all work hard and don’t take any breaks.” Originally, it had been just for you two, then Seungcheol and Jihoon had cut into the conversation, wanting Soonyoung’s opinion for something they wrote, and from there, Soonyoung said something about a leader line getaway with you, and then Wonwoo’s voice sounded and before you knew it, bam...beach day with OT13. You had a run in with her around that time and you talked about it, but she didn’t seem bothered by it. But you had felt sick now about it, so you smiled and handed the sweats over to one of the boys and decided to go home before you got caught here. On your way out, you picked up a few wrappers that they managed to throw on the floor and went to throw them away when you saw a stack of burned pancakes inside.
“Aiko brings him breakfast some mornings but when she’s in a bad mood, she burns them,” Joshua said quietly dumping his own trash in there. “It’s been happening a lot.”
You said nothing. The one thing about Soonyoung’s relationships you didn’t keep track of? How many of them felt threatened by you near the end. You had lost count.
*
The time on your phone displayed 12:46 am when someone knocked on your door and Soonyoung’s I’m outside text followed shortly after. You sighed a deep sigh, one that came from your tired soul because you knew this was coming and you could feel the beginning of end. The end being your patience hollowing before you expressed how tired you were of his stupidity and possibly ruined your friendship. 
“Let’s go out tomorrow,” he said as his greeting. “I feel like we haven’t done anything together lately.”
“Comeback season, remember?” You wanted to shake your head at him, noticing the way he was wired up and in the way you wanted see him
“But that’s not really an excuse to ditch you. My treat.” He smiled at you hopefully, pleading for you to say yes so you nodded. 
You picked up your phone, ready to place an order on the familiar app. “Are you hungry?”
“Yes! I thought you’d never ask!”
In the middle of his kimchi soup dinner, he spilled everything, not even looking at you as he told you everything you missed. You didn’t bring up being at Pledis or seeing the spoiled food, and you could tell he was grateful.
“Hey Y/N?”
“What?”
“Is there something wrong with me?”
You wanted to joke about the infinite number of things just to make him smile, but in his vulnerable state, you couldn’t, just because you knew how he’d take it to heart. (You’ve learned from that mistake.) You just shook your head. “You’re human.” He nodded slowly, trying to enjoy his dinner, but slurping but slurping the noodles so slowly. You sighed. 
Relationship ended over: Jealousy and insecurity. Time together: two months, two weeks.
*
Relationship seventeen: Soonyoung accompanied Jeonghan to get a car fixed and flirted with the secretary; ended over the secretary accusing Jeonghan of trying to scam the company when you somehow got involved saying you had saved some receipts; time together: 43 days.
*
Relationship eighteen: attempted to rekindle something with your neighbor across the street; ended over the neighbor being engaged; time together: 0 days
*
Relationship nineteen: befriended a tourist and offered himself to show off the sites and best places to visit. (No mention of you, but details); ended when the tourist had to go back home but the pair promised to remain friends; time together 20 days
*
Relationship twenty:
“You’re in my seat.”
You looked up at the stranger confused, the fluorescents of Pledis lights blinding you momentarily. “I’m sorry, I always sit here. I’m waiting for my friends to get here-” You blinked, trying to adjust to the lighting.
“Bongcha, you’re here!” Though the voice was very familiar, you were very confused when Soonyoung dashed by you and ran to the stranger….Bongcha, you assumed her name was, and hugged her. “It’s so good to see you!” he turned to you. “Hey you! I wasn’t expecting to see you today!” He made this grand hand gesture to the person he was talking to, not even wondering why you were here this early. “This is Bongcha! She’s my girlfriend. Bongcha, this is the spectacular, marvelous, beautiful, wonderful, talented, amazing-”
“Are you gonna get to the point soon or are you just gonna waste your breath?” Mini tour season, you guessed? He was only ever this hyped up whenever someone told him they were going to sing their hearts out.
“Y/N,” he finished. “My best friend in the whole entire world that I adore to bits even when I’m treated like this.”
Bongcha nodded at you once she looked you over, but didn’t say much else. “I was waiting to see if you’re done with rehearsals so we can go have dinner.”
Okay, she wasn’t gonna acknowledge your presence, which you were fine with. You weren’t here to see her, or even Soonyoung, really. But dinner already? It was still somewhere between the breakfast/lunch area. Whatever though. “Do you know if Seokmin is done with whatever you’re doing?” you asked him instead.
His mouth formed an ‘o’. “You’re finally gonna take my advice and one of my friends? I like it.”
“Gross, no. He wanted to know if he could tag along with me to the eye doctor and I said I’d meet him here.”
“But you didn’t ask me?” He looked hurt, despite the fact his girlfriend was there, clinging to his arm, ready to pull away when she heard enough.
“Our appointments are literally back to back. You’re not missing much. I’ll see you later though?”
“Okay, yeah...ye-whoa. I’ll see you later then. You’re really strong Bongcha.”
As it turned out...you needed a stronger pair of glasses, but so did Seokmin so it wasn’t a complete loss. He treated you (after looking offended at the thought of you paying your meal) to a McDonald’s lunch, raving about the time he and Wonwoo accidentally broke one of the soda machines during their predebut days and then dove into a different topic how they were hitting the road again soon just to blow off some steam and he was excited but he was gonna miss you, because he always felt like he saw you the least, so you offered to go shopping for some friendship bracelets so he wouldn’t be alone and the big baby really broke out into his big grin at the thought and ushered you out the door before you request dessert. If only your heart could want Seokmin the way it wanted Soonyoung.
Bongcha, huh?
*
Seventeen being gone meant that you could catch up (and even get ahead in some cases) on everything you neglected during your free time. Sometimes you wondered how you still had a job because of how easily you dropped it for them, but some mysteries didn’t need to be solved. 
You stocked up on groceries and snacks, and even bought yourself new bedsheets to change the theme in your room, nearly deciding to redecorate the entire place with a sudden burst of inspiration. You nulled the idea when you realized just how much effort it’d actually take, but you did compromise on silverware….and maybe even plates but nothing too crazy. 
You managed to spy Bongcha at the post office once, but she deliberately looked away before you could wave, and normally you’d be hurt about it, but there was no way that whatever she had with Soonyoung could last. You could attest to all the rude ones but it wasn’t worth telling Soonyoung about it. It’s not that he wouldn’t believe you, but he’d confront her, and then take you both somewhere to “work out your differences” and he wouldn’t leave you alone until you swore you were friends now. No thank you.
Most of the time when he called you, he let you in on the details of the small tour like who messed up the lyrics (he was looking at Seungcheol here), or how Seungkwan deciding to play marco polo in the pool and accidentally scared one of the kids when Jun pulled his leg underwater. You loved their antics and sometimes you wished you could take them up on the offer and go on tour with them at least once, but you needed your space from them. And before you knew it, they were finally done and they’d be back.
“Y/N, it could be her. I can feel it.”
Even in your sleepy haze, you could hear the ridiculousness at how he sounded. You paused the FaceTime call, clock letting you know it was 3:17 am and Seventeen was just getting home from the home country tour but he wanted to stop by her house first to surprise her. He had been giving you shit about always going to the first and last concerts but never more unless you had the money for it, but nonetheless letting you know the basics that happened, but now he was letting you know that he was serious about Bongcha. “Oh god.”
“I mean it. Like I talked to my dad about her and I wanna take her to home so she can meet them once we can go on vacation. You should hear the way she says my name.”
“Oh Soonie, you’re so cute. Oh Soonie, you’re the best. Oh Soonie…” you actually had to stop yourself from gagging. That nickname would be the death of you. 
“You know, it’s still not cute when you say it. I don’t know why, but I don’t like it. So just for that, you’re buying me lunch when I-” The phone clattered to the floor and you woke up finally at being dropped.
“Hosh?” Nothing. “Soonyoung?” And then you saw a brief flash of light, and then you could see the denim and you lost vision so you could assume Soonyoung threw you in his pants….or shorts….whatever. 
“What is this?!” You could finally hear him. “Who the fuck is this?!”
Oh shit….that was gonna be awkward. “Soonyoung?” Not like he could hear you but still worth a shot. “Hey, are you okay?” A deeper, unfamiliar voice spoke up, probably answering his question but still sounding muffled. You pressed the speaker as close to your ear as possible, straining to hear anything. “Soonyoung, don’t do anything stupid.” You could hear his deep breaths.
“I...you...and this...you’re joking right? This...it hasn’t been happening right?”  The way he struggled to keep his composure broke you and you just wished you could find the humor in how he spoke, so bright and so happy, the denial. “It has? Okay, well...have a nice life. Just delete my number. And you...I could so kick your ass right now. No, don’t get up.” 
“SOONYOUNG!” you yelled when you heard something break and a door slam. 
“Change of plans Y/N, I’m coming over.” He offered no other explanation and hung up on you.
*
“Is there something wrong with me?” The question you always hated to answer and with every heartbreak just made you wanna lock in his house somewhere and not leave until he didn’t have a rebound. He’s had cheating girlfriends before, but this was the first time he saw it with his own eyes, and it was different in a sense. 
Nonetheless, you were honest. “It wasn’t your fault, you know. Some people can’t stay committed.” You wanted to reach over and take his hand in yours, seep out all his pain and carry it with you, but you stayed put. He stared at his bowl of soup, not even bothering to eat it. Your own food remained untouched too, no doubt more cold than warm already. 
Soonyoung finally put his face in his hands. “What’s wrong with me Y/N? Why can’t I ever find someone who stays?”
“Do you ever think that maybe you jump into a relationship too fast without even thinking?” 
“No...I always make sure I’m over someone.”
“Twenty relationships since debut isn’t normal Soonyoung.” He raised his head to look at you, tears ready to spill out in case you said something to push him over the edge, but didn’t say anything, listening, waiting. “I think that maybe after your breakup, you come to me and then you’re here with me, and then a couple days later, it’s like you bounce back and repeat the cycle.”
“Where the hell did you get 20?” he asked, but didn’t let you explain yourself. “Where did I meet 20 people that have somehow made me their boyfriend?” 
“It’s just that...every time someone new comes into your life….you just go so into...and I don’t know...you swear they’ve become some part of your life and you look so happy….I don’t know. Twenty.”
“Do you really think that of me? Do you really think that I’m like that?”
“Soonyoung, it’s almost four in the morning; you literally came to me because your ex-girlfriend is cheating on you. You have done this every single time in the past. You just called Cheol to let him know you’re not going in tomorrow because you’re staying here. I’m sorry, but did you even ask?” you realized he never did; he just assumed you’d let him every time and you have. “Later this week, you’re gonna on your own doing who knows what because it’s all too much for you and you’re gonna meet someone. You’re gonna get to them, tell me about it and then it goes wrong.”
“It’s not 20. Hell, it’s not even 10. Am I that desperate to fill a void in my heart? But even if it was, why the hell are you counting who comes into my life?”
“Because I care! I hate seeing you like this. I can’t stand you-” 
“Okay, I’m gone.” He stood up abruptly. “I won’t come back next time.” He pulled out his wallet, took out a few bills and tossed them on the couch. “Here. I’m so sorry I ruined dinner, but I hope this makes up for it.”
“Where are you going? Take your money; I don’t want it.”
“I’m going to my dorm because apparently no one cares how I feel when I’m there. Good night.”
Relationship twenty (not twenty?): ended over a cheater; time together: three months; additional comments: thank you Bongcha for this fight. You just lost your best friend.
*
Much like Soonyoung’s relationships, you counted the days since Soonyoung stopped speaking to you. It’s been 87 days. Your texts and calls went unanswered and the boys pretty much made excuses about Soonyoung not being able to come to the phone when you called them. It didn’t matter; it was fine. You loved being ignored anyways. You didn’t need him; that's why you had your kdramas to get you through the heartache. At least things could work out in a fictional universe. 
Still you cursed yourself for ending up at Pledis and signing in at the front because apparently your pride wasn’t gonna let you have this. You waved to Hyerin who was discussing a possible collab with Beomju, but neither saw you, so  you went on your way to find anyone of the 13 boys who could help you. Your first stop was the recording section with Jihoon playing producer and Jeonghan behind the mic. Joshua was in the corner showing Seokmin how to play the song he liked and Seungkwan occasionally sang the lyrics to “I HATE YOU”  but everyone stopped everything when you opened the door. Although sudden, none of them seemed surprised to see you, but annoyed at being interrupted. 
“Where’s Soonyoung? I need to talk to him. Please don’t tell me he isn’t here.” Your voice sounded tired, and if you heard any type of rejection, you were sure to cry.
“Practice room,” Jihoon said at last, lips pursed, ready to tell you more but thought against it. “It’s a unit day practice so he’s probably showing them a new routine.” He turned his attention back to Jeonghan. “Sorry Hyung. Take it from the top please.”
Seokmin flashed you a quick thumbs up before handing the guitar to Joshua and you just hoped he’d be there. You ran into Vernon on your way over, showing you some parts of the latest rap, and you just accepted the bad omen. Because really, what could be worse than him saying “goodbye”? At least he treated you as if it wasn’t the last time he was gonna see you, but you weren’t sure if that was a good thing and then he disappeared into the room with the vocal unit practiced.
You took a deep breath when you arrived, preparing for the worst, and you knocked gently. You waited a few seconds then you opened the door and were immediately greeted with loud music. Chan and Minghao were stretching on the floor, laughing at some joke and Junhui wiped the sweat from his face. They weren’t surprised to see you either, but now you wanted to know who spilled that you were here because it hadn’t even been five minutes, according to your phone, but man it felt longer than that. The three wordlessly pointed to the furthest corner where Soonyoung chugged a bottle of water in record time.
“Hyung?” Chan called out and he reflexively turned around. “You have a visitor.”
He nodded and the boys dispersed pretty quickly, leaving only the awkward silence, tension and more distance between you than you would’ve liked. You took his sweet time coming to you, making you more nervous by the second. He normally ran up to you as if you had been gone for years and he couldn’t wait to be at arm’s length. You just wanted him to return to normal, or even just run you out of his life already. You couldn’t handle this anymore. By the time he reached you, you wanted him to stay faraway from you. Your hands clammed up and the fight or flight response kicked.
“It hasn’t been 20 relationships,” he said quietly. “It hasn’t even been half, probably half of those at most.” he kicked at the floor. “God why would you even think that? Why couldn’t you ever think I missed you after a long day?”
“You were never at my door unless you wanted to forget someone.”
“Do you think it‘s easy to forget you? Did you ever think that there wasn’t anyone else I wanted to be with, relationship or not? Finding you in everyone was exhausting. Okay, maybe a few of them did get past the whole, ‘maybe-I-can-get-over-Y/N’ phase, but, it’s hard.”
“No, don’t do that.” you shook your head, not quite believing what you were hearing.
“You’re my best friend Y/N. I hate everything we’ve come to because I can’t think straight. Okay yeah, maybe every time something finishes, I think that maybe I can tell you, but then you’re here next to me, and I don’t wanna fuck it up. Did you know I had a dream one time where you had fallen in love with me but i didn’t notice because I was flirting with someone named Minseo and when you finally told me, i was already with her, but you told me in a letter and I told you to get out of my life?”
“Soonyoung, who would be stupid enough to do that? Of all things someone can do.” And then you smacked him. “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner? Do you know much we could’ve avoided. I’ve kept track of all of them...everyone that hurt you, everyone you hurt, mutual fallouts, it’s all there. Why did you wait until all this happened?” You could feel yourself falling to the floor in relief.
“What do you mean why did I wait this long? I want to stay in your life even if you don’t feel that way about me.” He joined you on the floor. “I’m sorry for walking away the other night. But please tell me about shit like this because I can tell you how many girlfriends I’ve had. But that was my bad too…” he rambled off.
“I’m sorry for accusing you,” you stared at his shoes, your shoes. He wanted his shoe to nudge yours; you could see it; you wanted him to do it too. “You’re not exactly easy to forget either. I guess I forget that you’re a big part of my life and not having you around,” you took a deep breath, “it hurts. But I want you to be happy with your life choices and who you end up with, even if it isn’t with me.”
Soonyoung nodded, not really quite sure what to do with the information. He stayed quiet though, sliding closer to you until your shoulders were touching and he finally bumped his shoe with yours. He stared at his reflection, then yours, focusing on the way you stared at your feet bumping into each other. “Hey Y/N?” 
You looked up at him shyly, and you could swear you heard his heartbeat picking up. “Yeah?” He caressed your cheek gingerly and tilted your chin up to meet his maze and pressed a soft kiss to your lips
*
“Are you still there?”
You waited a few seconds before you answered, a smile making its way across your face. “Yeah.”
 “Okay, good. What are you doing right now?”
“Eww, I think I liked it better when you guys weren’t dating.” Wonwoo. “At least you spared us these conversations.”
“Nothing since the last time you asked. I’m in the living room right now. Are you coming over today?”
“If you want me to. How’s Tigger?” You could hear him say something to Wonwoo and the other person there, most likely asking him about some color schemes.
“Down for his nap. I guess the shot tired him out, but I can at least get more things done.” 
“Yeah, we adopted a cat and we named him Tigger; we got him earlier this week and we just took him to the vet this morning. Yeah, we’re painting the bathroom tomorrow. How much is the total?”
“Damn, move in already. You guys are gross. Wait, is that...Y/N guess what?!”
“What?” You jumped at being acknowledged suddenly. “I don’t need to go take him my credit card, do I?”
“No.”
The warm fuzzy feeling crept up into your insides. Somehow it had all come together after his years of heartache. His parents had been thrilled when they found out when you got together, and it seemed that the boys breathed collective sighs of relief at seeing you two, but nothing compared to what Wonwoo said next.
“He has a picture of you in his wallet and he carries it with him everywhere.”
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bronanlynch · 3 years
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bi-ish weekly update
time sure passes huh. meant to do one last week but I wrote like 5000 words on Wednesday instead, and I’m not really sure what happened yesterday but maybe Thursday is my new day for these
listening: two for the price of one this week since I’m excited about both of them. first of all, obviously, is the Sangfielle theme by Jack de Quidt because it’s time for a new season of Friends at the Table. I love their description of this season’s music
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the other thing I’ve been listening to is the new album from one of my fave bands, You’re Welcome from A Day to Remember. this is by far not the most musically interesting or complex song on the album but it is about, as far as I can tell, a bad breakup with a vampire and I love it for that just on principle, but also it’s fun! a fun pop punk-esque bop about breaking up with a vampire!
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reading: since last time when I talked about many romance novels I was reading, I mostly just read more romance novels because sometimes that is all the brain can handle. shout out to KJ Charles for writing a historical romance with a nonbinary main characters, you really do love to see it. I appreciate that she puts trans characters in her books, and I hope that someday she writes one with a trans man as a main character, because that truly would be a book targeted directly at me.
I’ve also been reading the Kate Kane, Paranormal Investigator series by Alexis Hall (author of Affair of the Mysterious Letter, a weird fantasy queer Sherlock Holmes retelling that absolutely fucking slaps, highly recommend).
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this is his author bio from the Kate Kane books, which really just sets the tone and also. what a fucking life goal
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anyway. series starts with Iron & Velvet which is currently on sale, which is why I bought it, and it also fucking slaps. I’m like halfway through the last book right now but they have all been good and fun. Kate is like. archetypal disaster p.i. but done in an interesting way (i.e. the narrative actually addresses the depression and the alcoholism in a way that I personally really appreciated), and also pretty much every woman in the ~supernatural community she encounters is an ex or someone she will flirt/hook up with at some point, which is an accurate representation of every irl queer space I’ve ever been part of. she dates a vampire for a while. hot morally questionable vampire lady. the vampire power structure names positions after tarot cards it’s very fun and sexy and tailored specifically toward my interests. also she lives in the same part of London as my ex-girlfriend so it’s. fun to recognize place names and be like. oh I went there on a date once huh
watching: started watching Turn A Gundam because a twitter friend recommended it as being fun and also very different then any other Gundam series and they were right on both counts. the premise of it is ‘what if a bunch of people went to live on the moon and some people stayed on earth, the moon people got real into super advanced technology and the earth people are larping the 19th century, and now the moon people want to come back’ so there’s a fun mix of visual styles. would love to see serious analytical writing on this show by someone more versed in discussing indigeneity/colonialism than me though because there are things that I’m a little bit hmmm at but I don’t know enough to be able to explain why or know if that’s the right response to have
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don’t know what’s up with the dude on the left’s sunglasses but my friend has promised me the fashion choices only get weirder
I know about the ‘wow cool robots’ meme but some of the mech designs are very cool and visually distinct both from each other and from the standard blocky humanoid shape that lots of mechs are, so that’s fun to see. and they’re all different sizes too, which for me at least makes it easier to get a sense of the scale of the conflict/threat. when they’re all the same size it’s easy for me to forget they’re like 40 feet tall but when some of them are 40 feet and some of them are like 10 feet it’s a lot easier to be like. oh. oh shit. these are big and destructive and scary as hell
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there are mini versions of this big mech that are like. the size of one of its feet
also there’s some fun stuff about how the way society relates to a mech and what a mech is used for can change over time, which is part of what is maybe inspiring me to get back into trying to write games, because between Turn A and the fic I was writing about Integrity Friendsatthetable I was like. hey what if a hack of The Ground Itself by Everest Pipkin, a game about a place changing over time, except instead of a place it’s a mech
playing: finished Knife of Dunwall finally! please clap! I was kinda half-expecting not to keep to low chaos in the last mission because there are so many overseers but I did it! I did do a bunch of accidentally getting into fights, killing a bunch of people, and then reloading an earlier save so I could go back and not kill those people but it’s fine. anyway. fun game, fun level once I got the hang of it, and I do feel like I accomplished something a lil bit difficult so that’s a nice feeling. definitely harder than the main game. also, very sad about Billie and gay for Delilah. she shows up just to threaten you and then disappears again, and I think that’s pretty hot of her. also love the narrative parallels of having the choice to spare Billie and then the game ending with Corvo about to decide whether to spare Daud or not. I just think that’s neat
making: made some Thai green curry last week from this recipe, which was tasty and not too hard to make, but has just enough specialty ingredients to make it a lil bit too expensive to make too often. our grocery store only ever has lemongrass when we’re looking for things that look kinda like lemongrass but aren’t, and didn’t have any when we need it so we just used extra lemongrass paste and lime juice for the lemongrass, and for the kaffir lime leaves, which we were also supposed to substitute with lemongrass but. it’s fine it was still tasty
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writing: a lot somehow, although it’s been over two weeks since last time I did one of these so I guess that makes sense. I wrote a couple of things for 15 Days of Friends at the Table, including Broun, Milli, and Thisbe cottagecore roommates, Clem and Gucci bickering/flirting, and an extended dream sequence that makes me very sad about Integrity (I’m very proud of the last one, I know it has a very small target audience because Sokrates/Integrity is very much a rarepair in an already small fandom, there are 6 works in the tag, 4 of them are by me, 2 of them are by the same other person, and one of those is a gift for me so. it’s mostly just me, but I think I wrote something pretty good)
also meant to write more for Persona 5 Girls Week, although so far I’ve only written one thing, a quick fluff fic which for once requires very little knowledge of the source material. meant to write something for today’s prompt but instead I had two job interviews and then cooked dinner for my household so that probably will not happen and I will probably watch more Gundam instead
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piracytheorist · 4 years
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Manny Calavera: Suave and Debonair
Having just finished watching a video essay on the “Nice Guy” trope in fiction, my mind, interestingly enough, jumped to Manny Calavera, whom the promotional work for described as “Suave and Debonair and Dead”. 
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Now I say “interestingly”, because Manny isn’t a ”Nice Guy”, but he doesn’t fit the trope of genuine, good-hearted and supportive boyfriend that the video concludes on either. Sure he is that, genuinely, with his love interest, but it’s not his defining trait. He’s Suave and Debonair.
It’s not a persona he builds until he finds love and his defences drop and the genuinely good-hearted hopeless romantic bursts out - as much as I love that trope myself, heh. He truly is confident and elegant and flirty, and he is also supportive and respectful. And above all, he’s not creepy.
There’s a plethora of characters, most commonly male, playing on the “suave” trope but they just end up looking creepy, selfish, self-centered and arrogant. There’s a whole lot that can be said about what that says about their male writers, but let’s focus back on Manny, and what possible romantic interactions there are for him in the game. And frankly, there are a lot.
The whole style of the game is one that accomondates openly flirtatious characters, enough for the protagonist to be one. The setting, the feeling, the interactions, the other characters, but also the limits. Also bouncing off a video I made where I tried to “pick up” every single character, with various results and meanings of the term... Manny has strict limits he adheres to, not because the “rules” say so, but because he feels it.
First lady you can pick up, through dialogue, is Eva. She brushes you off, but on her own, through other dialogue options, can say she loves Manny, to which he replies, “You’re all I really need, Belleza”. Now considering where the dynamic goes and where Manny moves on to, you can safely assume they’re on a mutual state, where they respect each other but kinda sorta are not a couple. Like, don’t take my word fully on this, I’m not a relationship expert, but you can definitely see they’re on the same page. 
And before we go on to Meche, a significant detail; work issues. If you try to pick up Meche while they’re still in his office, Manny says “I don’t like to get involved with the customers that way”. His own words: “I don’t like”. Not a “shouldn’t”, “better not”, or whatever. Outright, clear, “I don’t like using flirt in a professional space.” Second, after he’s fired, if you try to pick up Eva, he says, “Well, I guess I could, now that we’re not working together anymore.” But he doesn’t actually sound like he was waiting for them to not be co-workers to hit on her. It’s more like a flirty joke between, again, two people who are on the same page. Third, Lupe. Direct reaction: “Not my employees.“ And if I may add, with a bit of “Are you serious?” tone on it.
Three separate cases, where he’s in three separate places - equal to equal, salesman to customer, employer to employee - and all have clear limits as to how far his flirting will go, or if it will even begin in the first place. So there’s a definite feeling of respect and knowing where your limits lay.
Now beyond that, the most we see of his suave nature is in his interactions during Year 2, most notably with Carla. The beginning dialogue between the two is one where Carla, on her own, suggests Manny stay until her shift’s over.
And considering they’ve already known each other for some time, the implication is loud and clear.
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Manny leans on her desk towards her, and she leans forward on her chair towards him. The Puzzle Document, aka the first official “draft” of the story, has Manny suggest Carla (who is described as aloof) take a break by offering some booze. The end product instead has Carla being suggestive from her first interaction we see her having with Manny, but still following the rules - until Manny finds a loophole, in which case Carla is all too happy to strip-search him.
Which kind of blows up in his face, considering he, uhm, used the circumstances to get that damn metal detector. Still, the next possible interaction is to ask Carla if she’s still mad at him, which she confirms, and he respectfully backs off. He acts suave with the “Forgiven me yet?” but he doesn’t demand she does or have a fit over her being angry.
Next, there’s Lola. Manny advises her to stay away from Maximino, the “gambling racketeer”, and Lola says “Like you?”. Manny says “Oh, that hurts, baby.” Again, he neither takes full offense nor does he play it fully as a joke. Still, he respects her enough to not use what happens to her as an excuse to be violent. When he punches Nick, he says Nick deserved it anyway - and I like that Lola isn’t fridged only for Manny to have a moment of being a badass *cough*toxic masculinity*cough*. And even two years later, if you visit the lighthouse, you find that Manny still thinks of her and misses her.
Finally, Meche. With Celso and Bruno, Manny immediately jumps from “Mr. Flores” and “Mr. Martinez” to first-name basis. Meche is his first client that he keeps to last-name basis until she herself asks to be called with her nickname, even. But the real juice comes in Year 3, when, feeling confused and betrayed, he implies Meche is in a relationship with Domino. And frankly... we as an audience at that point can see where the dynamic between Manny and Meche is going to, so Manny’s behaviour can sound very selfish, but what Manny knows is that he tried to jump aboard the Lambada to warn Meche about Domino or help her escape him and instead got kicked out by her. He is crass but he has the right to feel confused. 
However, Manny openly apologizes to her for how he acted, without becoming a welcoming mat either. He gives her his trust (and his gun), he saves her from Domino’s vault and the island, he opens up about his feelings, but he stands his ground and stays true to his character. Because his slip-ups weren’t because of strikes to his confidence or his masculinity, but on his own ego itself - and it’s on that part that he grew.
Being suave is not a defense mechanism for Manny and it doesn’t express itself in an unhealthy, creepy way, so it’s not a character trait he has any need to grow out of or learn better from. He’s truly, positively debonair in a way many male characters wish they were, and overall I feel that’s worth mentioning.
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winterune · 4 years
Text
Dance with Me
A Persona 5 Fanfiction
Something I wrote for @shuannweek Day 5 prompts: Dance/Partners
Word count: 4212
A/N: A historical fantasy AU where Ann is the daughter of famous tailors and Ren is the son of a prominent government figure. 
Also available on AO3.
~*~*~*~*~
What was she doing here?
Ann stifled a yawn and plastered a smile on her face at the person she was talking to—the son of some important government figure. He had the same smile on his face all throughout their lengthy, pointless conversation. All he had talked about were his father’s position, his family’s prominence, his achievements. Not that Ann cared about any of those. He was tall, broad-shouldered, and handsome. The kind of guy that would be the talk of the town and the sole subject of affection of many of the noble young ladies in the kingdom.
Business. That was what her father had said. These social events were the same as business. Meet the right people, make the right connections. “And mind your manners, Ann,” he had said before he sent her off.
Music played in the background and couples were dancing to it at the center of the huge room. Ann had been invited to a ball held by one of her peers for her birthday, Erika. They weren’t close. Not at all. In fact, Ann was probably among the people she had blacklisted. But their families were business acquaintances, and even smug Erika had to get down her high horse because this was as much of a business to her as this was to Ann.
“What’s wrong, Ann?”
The question brought her mind back to the present and like an automatic switch, Ann looked at her partner with a smile and said, “Oh, nothing. What was it you were saying?”
Partner. Ann almost winced at herself for referring to him as her partner. He wasn’t. He was only someone she met at the party, who had gotten up to her the moment she stepped foot in that golden ballroom and asked her to dance. She had indulged him in it—her father’s words kept repeating in her head: mind your manners—and had thought that that would be it, but it had  been over half an hour and still he wouldn’t let her go out of his sight.
Ann hoped her smile wasn’t strained. And this boy—she had even forgotten what his name was—didn’t even seem interested in her as a person.
Business, she had to remind herself. People were doing business here. Either they were trying to sell themselves and their families, or they were trying to grovel. Fake flatteries.
Light spilled from the crystalline chandelier hanging from high above and the countless lamps on the walls all around. It reflected off the marble floors and brass handles on the doors and ceiling-to-floor windows, painting the room in a golden hue. On one end was the door leading to the hallway outside, and on the other was a set of stairs spreading wide at the bottom like a lady’s skirt. A mansion fit for the kings and queens, indeed.
Ann found her eyes straying to the side of the room, where a buffet table stood with all sorts of dishes ranging from chicken dipped in honey, steak with various flavored sauce, creamy pasta, grilled seafood, and a variety kind of salad, juice, and desert.
Mind your manners.
Not that she could eat a lot, what’s with her dress being too tight and she couldn’t even breathe properly.
“Your mind seems to stray quite frequently tonight,” the boy before her said again
“Hm?” Internally shaking herself, she looked up at him with that automatic smile. The music ended, and the couples bowed or curtsied to one another before dispersing in a rustle of clothes.
“Do I bore you?”
Her height was one of the things she prided herself on, and with her high heels, she was easily one of the taller girls present. But still, the top of her head only reached the boy’s cheek. Brown hair framed his face, his eyes a deep shade of ebony. Ann could see how the girls would fall head over heels in love with him.
But now there was a hint of a frown in his eternally charming face and a red warning flashed in her mind.
“Of course not—”
Before she could finish her sentence, however, an elderly man appeared on his side. He looked to be a personal attendant and he murmured the boy’s name quietly. Haruhiko. Right, that was the name she had forgotten. She couldn’t make out what he was saying, but, after a moment or so, Haruhiko frowned, and he turned to her with dejection in his eyes.
“Forgive me, my Lady, I have something I must attend to,” he said.
Ann sighed internally. She had braced herself for something worse, only to stiffen again when he suddenly took her hand and brought her fingers to his lips. A gentle brush that probably should have sent butterflies fluttering in her stomach, but no. No! Ann tried not to jerk her hand back as she gave him a tight-lipped smile. “I hope we will meet again before the night ends.”
Ann nodded stiffly. “I hope we will.”
That winning smile again. She could almost hear the girls around her sigh.
Haruhiko let go of her hand, then with a bow, he turned on his heels and followed his attendant through the throng of finely dressed people in bowtie and suits or dresses and evening gowns.
Ann let out a relieved sigh. Finally, she was free.
She looked around and wondered where she should go when her stomach rumbled, asking for food. She hadn’t had dinner. Her eyes found the buffet table again and those honey-dipped chicken made her mouth water.
As she was heading toward it, however, she could feel the glaring daggers thrown her way. Girls—their animosity as clear as daylight at how much of Haruhiko’s time Ann had monopolized. As though it had been her conscious choice to waste half an hour listening to a narcissist talking about himself.
God, she wanted to get out of here! 
Music had begun to play again and couples had taken the center space to a different waltz.
Maybe she should leave. No one would notice. No one would mind. Right?
She had reached the buffet and instead of filling her plate with chicken and pasta, she moved over to the dessert section and was stacking cake after cake before she caught herself and realized she’d taken too much.
“I saw that,” a voice, quiet and soft, murmured in her ear. Ann jumped in surprise and turned around in instinct, an excuse or another ready in her lips, only to find a snicker on a familiar face—Ren, dressed in a black jacket over a white shirt and bow tie, his deep grey eyes were laughing behind his black-rimmed glasses, his hair still looked unruly even in a social event such as this.
“Ren!” she hissed.
The smirk only grew wider. “I hope we’ll meet again before the night ends,” he copied Haruhiko’s words and brought Ann’s free hand to his lips, only to stop short and grin. “How’s that for an imitation?”
She should have expected to find him here. He came from another important family in the kingdom, one that would never have escaped Erika’s family’s radar. But Ren was not a party-person, and he hadn’t said anything about attending the ball, even though Ann had complained to him countless times how her parents were practically forcing her to go. Her surprise in seeing him, topped with this unexpected gesture of almost kissing her hand, was enough to make her mind go blank, but instead of a repulsion, Ann felt her stomach knotting and her heartbeat growing unnaturally faster, thudding hard against her ribcage. 
It took her a while to realize that Ren was teasing her. She pulled her hand back and looked away, trying to ignore the heat rising in her cheeks.
“You don’t sound like him at all,” she said, and cursed herself for sounding so shaky. She needed...she needed to take a deep breath and calm her heart.
But Ren peered into her eyes and the sudden proximity to his face made her take a step back. “Are you blushing?”
“Of course not.”
A pause, a flicker of emotion passing through his eyes, so quick to disappear before Ann had the chance to register it. He leaned back on his heels. “Were you still too enraptured by Haruhiko’s beauty to form a coherence thought, then?”
“Wha—?” Ann balked. She looked up at him and couldn’t even begin to understand if she wanted to laugh or to scowl. The idea was too stupid, too incredulous that she didn’t know what to say. “Enraptured? Me?” She couldn’t help the scoff.
Ren plucked a strawberry from the cakes on her plate and plopped it into his mouth. Ann frowned at him. “Well, that’s all right then,” he said.
“What do you mean?”
Ren shrugged.
“You’re not making any sense, Ren.” Ren went to pick a cherry from her plate, and she slapped his hand away. “Go grab your own cake!” He grinned at her. Ann looked away and sliced her chocolate cake with a fork and brought it to her mouth. “Anyway, eavesdropping is not very gentlemanly.”
Ren laughed. “I wouldn’t call that eavesdropping when half the floor had their eyes on you,” he said.
She glanced at him at that, wondering if there was any meaning hidden behind it, but she shook her head, because that was preposterous. There was no way Ren would see her like that. 
“I guess,” she began, “every mother with a daughter wants him for a son-in-law.” Social standing and reputation—she never understood why these two mattered so much. “I don’t like him, though,” she muttered, scooping more cake into her mouth.
Another pause, before Ren asked, “Why?”
“All he talked about was himself, as if that’s all that mattered in the world.”
“Well, he is the Prime Minister’s son,” Ren offered. Ann scoffed. “And the most eligible bachelor in the kingdom.”
She looked sideways at him. “What are you trying to say?”
“I don’t know,” he said, “maybe, how that kind of person was captivated by you the entire night?”
Ann frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
But Ren only shrugged and didn’t give any more comments. She watched his eyes stray over to the dancing couples on the floor and Ann didn’t understand why but a strange heaviness lodged itself in her chest. A sort of heaviness that made it hard to breathe. Ann gritted her teeth and set her jaws as she finished her dessert in angry bites and filled her plate with more pudding and cake.
Ren noticed it and snickered. “You’ll get sick eating that much sugar,” he said. She wolfed them down without listening to him. “Slow down or you’ll get indigestion.” Let her get indigestion. Maybe then this heaviness would go away.
An attendant passed by them with a tray full of glasses filled with translucent yellow cocktail and Ren swiped a couple of them. “Here,” he said, offering one to her.
She looked at it, then at his face, and even though she was still upset, the smile he had was so soft, so warm, that her heart couldn’t help but make a little skip. 
Smooth. This boy was too smooth. A mundane, normal gesture he had done countless times. He was her friend. They had known each other for years and she had always felt safe around him. Yet lately, every time she saw that easy smile and the crinkle in his eyes, her stomach would do a little flip-flop and she didn’t know what to do with herself. 
Ann gulped down the cake and cream in her mouth and accepted the drink from him. “Thanks,” she murmured.
As she brought the glass to her lips, she noticed him cocking his head from the corner of her eyes. “You’ve got something there,” he said, before his fingers moved and she felt its warmth against her skin, gently swiping at a stray cream from the corner of her mouth.
Ann’s hands stilled, her heart beating a mile a minute. Heat spread up her neck, her face, and ears. However, Ren only wiped his fingers on a napkin he found on the buffet table, as though he had done nothing out of the ordinary. He noticed her stare and Ann immediately looked away.
“I—I—” Ann cursed herself internally at the stutter. She cleared her throat. “I’m going to get some air.”
It wasn’t an invitation. Not in the least. In fact, she wanted to get away from him for a while. But Ren followed close behind her, easily catching up to take his place by her side.
“What are you doing?”
“It doesn’t bode well for a lady to be seen by herself.”
Ann scoffed. “Since when have you seen me as a lady?”
Again, that small sweet smile that made it impossible for her to look at him.
Ren didn’t seem like it, but he was still popular. Walking through the throng of people, she could still feel the furtive glances thrown at her—not as hostile as before, but still making her feel uncomfortable. She could just imagine how many girls would line up to get him to dance with them. 
And yet here he was, walking beside her. After monopolizing Haruhiko’s time, now she was monopolizing Ren’s time—the two most eligible bachelors in the kingdom. And Ann had to ask why she couldn’t make any friends. 
When they reached the open glass doors, the cool night air hit her face and brushed against the back of her neck beneath her updo hair. Finally, Ann felt like she could breathe. The door led to a wide veranda, with curving flights of stairs on both sides that led down to a flower garden below. It was lit by a myriad of little lights on the ground, like small stars amidst the bright yellows, reds, and whites. Far at the heart of the garden was a fountain; the sound of water trickling soothed her senses.
Ann leaned against the marble railings and looked up to the sky. Stars littered the vast inky blackness. A crescent moon hung in its lonesome, shining down upon them. Ann took a deep breath of the fresh night air. Her mind was finally at ease. She was free. 
Ren rested his elbows on the railing beside her. Taking a sip of his cocktail, he murmured, “Did you pick your own dress for tonight?”
Ann nodded, with a sip of her own drink. It was an off-the-shoulder ivory gown, with beautiful, intricate embroideries on the bodies and small little white jewels inlaid on the skirt. Courtesy of her mother.
“Good taste,” Ren said.
She glanced at him. Was he being sarcastic? Or was he being genuine? Usually, her mother would dictate how she should dress to events such as this, and Ren knew that. But knowing her mother, she would have forced Ann to wear something that would have made a statement—here was the daughter of the most sought-out tailors in the kingdom. Had she gone through with her mother’s wishes, Ann had no doubt she would have inspired Erika’s wrath. There was nothing that girl hated more than seeing someone outshine her. Ann wasn’t exaggerating when she thought it could have negatively impacted the relationship between their families.
“Thanks,” she said. “Though, Mom still had a say in it.” 
Ren chuckled. “Of course.” He raised his glass at her. “Considerate enough of you to think of birthday girl’s feelings.”
Ann frowned at the sarcasm in his tone. “You don’t sound happy with that.”
“Hey, you’re still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met but sometimes, I’d like to see a frown on Erika’s face when her perfect little world crumbles all around her just because you stole her show.”
She was tempted to laugh, because yes, Ann would love to see that too, given how mean Erika could be, but her mind had caught on the nonchalant way he called her beautiful and it made her stomach knot again. Her face threatened to break into a smile.
“Oh, but then again, you did monopolize Haruhiko for half an hour,” Ren went on. “That surely would have ruffled her feathers.”
The smile Ann had tried so hard to hide immediately turned to a frown. Haruhiko again, she thought. She had never met him before this night and yet for some reason, Ren wouldn’t let go of the fact that yes, she did spend some time with him because there was no way she could have refused when someone with a social standing such as him had asked her to dance.
“Why didn’t you come earlier then?” she asked, but her voice was too quiet for him to hear. She glared at him, only to find him drinking from his glass, looking straight at the fountain in the garden, not noticing her at all. Did she matter so little to him? Did thirty minutes of interaction really meant more than the years they had spent together?
“What about you though?” she asked, her voice clipped. That caught his attention.
“What?”
“Shouldn’t you also be forming connections with some important people?”
“What are you talking about?”
Ann’s frown deepened and she looked away, taking a huge gulp of her cocktail. “I mean, that’s probably why you’re here, right?” she said. “Your father probably sent you here to make connections with some important people. You wouldn’t have gone to such a party otherwise.” Because that was true. The only reason Ren was here was probably because his father had forced him to come. Not only once had she seen him being reprimanded by his father for not being more “social”. But, maybe that’s why she felt comfortable around him. Two people who felt out of place in a society that demanded a good standing and good connections.
“What’s gotten you so angry all of a sudden?”
“I’m not angry!” she snapped.
Ren tilted his head to the side, his eyes boring into the side of her head.
Stop it, Ann, her mind seemed to say. Stop it before you say anything you regret.
But she couldn’t stop. Her mouth had gotten a mind of its own.
“I mean, who am I? I’m a nobody. The only good thing I have are parents who make clothes for a living. But you? You’re the son of a minister with a good standing. Shouldn’t you be seeking out some important connections instead of spending time with me? Shouldn’t you be talking with Erika instead?”
The silence that followed her outburst was deafening, filled with tension so thick that it was almost suffocating. It was a moment or two later, when her chest was heaving and she was glaring into the far-off distance, that pain from her nails digging into her palms brought her back to her senses and she realized she hadn’t entirely meant everything that she had said. She almost turned to him, but an inherent fear of what she would find on his face rooted her to the spot.
Light spilled out from inside the ballroom where music still played and couples still danced. The chatters and laughter and giggles sounded so distant when all she could hear was the beating of her heart against her eardrums. She eyed the shadow to her right, Ren’s shadow, and waited for it to leave—for his footsteps to fall and his warmth to fade. But it never did, and instead, came his voice, quiet in the night, carried by the wind.
“You’re important to me, though.”
That made her pause. Did she hear right? Were her ears playing tricks on her again? She didn’t dare look to meet his eyes.
“Look at me, Ann.” She wouldn’t. She didn’t want to. But Ren was touching the crook of her elbow and, softly, he said it again. “Look at me.”
She turned on her heels but kept her eyes trained on the ground. She could feel his stare and she wondered what kind of expression he had on his face.
“Ann—” She jerked at his voice. A pause before he said again, quietly, “Do you wanna go somewhere?”
“What?” The question had taken her off guard that she instinctively looked up at his face, and what she saw wasn’t indignation or hurt. He wore a mischievous grin, the ones she would see every time he came to see her at the park.
He nodded toward the stairs behind him. “Come on,” he said. “Let’s leave this place.”
Ann looked at those stairs. It would lead them down to the garden, and also around the mansion to the gate at the front. They would be able to leave without anyone noticing and asking questions.
Ren was holding out his hand, waiting for her to take it. An invitation. She could refuse him. She could go back. Her parents wouldn’t want her to leave so early anyway. But then she saw the smile in his eyes, and she couldn’t look away.
Ann left her glass at the veranda as she took Ren’s hand and followed him out.
***
They took her carriage and went to the park by the river. It was quiet and deserted at this time of night. The air was so still, occasionally broken by the sounds of crickets in the thickets. Neither of them had spoken since they left Erika’s mansion, lost in their own thoughts, but Ren had kept his hand on hers, holding it tight with no intention of letting go.
She followed him silently, their footsteps matching in rhythm as they walked down the pavement between the trees and the grass, their path lit by the streetlights on either side. In the silence, she spoke:
“Sorry I shouldn’t have said what I said.”
“No,” Ren began, his voice too quiet, too hoarse. He cleared his throat. “No, I’m sorry. I guess I went too far with my teasing.”
“Yes, you did.”
His only reply was a quiet derisive laugh. Ren tightened his hold on her hand. “Sorry, I was being petty.”
“Petty?”
She looked up at him at the same moment he glanced down at her. The unexpected meeting of their eyes, added with the proximity of their bodies, the warmth from their linked hands, and the memory of what had led to this sudden moonlit stroll made the heat go into her head and Ann instinctively looked away.
Ren chuckled under his breath. “It honestly perplexes me how you fail to see how I have always felt about you.”
Her ears pricked at that.
“Have you never wondered the reason why I stay by your side?” he went on. “Or why I’d hold your hand in mine?” He opened his palm, only to interlace his fingers with hers. She looked at it—at this new, intimate gesture that was enough to send her pulse racing.
“I’ve always wondered,” she said. “Have always wanted to know. I’ve written countless what-if scenarios in my head, but I never dared to dream.” She looked at him, and found him already staring back, and it made her want to smile. “Maybe I didn’t want to believe what I saw.”
They finally stopped and Ann recognized the place Ren had brought her to. The corridor of trees opened up to a massive clearing with a lit-up fountain at the center. Silver and gold, with the statue of a woman pouring water from a jar. There had been a festival all those years ago, with food stalls and music and dances. It was here where a boy with black unruly hair and smoky grey eyes came up to her and asked her to dance.
“It upset me when I saw someone you don’t even know kissed your hand like it was no big deal, when it took me seven years to even gather the courage to ask you for a stroll.” He brought their linked hands to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to the back of her hand.
It felt different—different from the time Haruhiko had kissed her hand. Whereas she had felt repulsed when Haruhiko’s lips had caressed her skin, Ann couldn’t even begin to describe what she was feeling now. The soft bangs that fell over his eyes, the face that had always looked so precious, and when he looked up, that sweet, sweet smile that always made her heart clench tight and soar at the same time. And the way he looked at her. It was that glimmer of emotion she had seen earlier, the ones she had seen countless times before that he always hid before she could make any sense of them.
It made her feel like she was the most precious thing in the world to him.
“Will you dance with me?” he asked.
She could hear it, then, the distant melody, the ghost of music from her far-off memory. It played in her mind and before she knew it, they were humming the same tune.
They smiled at each other and laughed under their breaths. He drew her close, his arm around her waist, as he pulled at her hand and led her into a dance. 
~ END ~
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princecharmingtobe · 4 years
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Rai tries to explain the furry fandom for non-furries for the 24963569356586th time because I have no life~
I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir posting this here, I just still often see people in the general internet being confused about or flat out wrong about what furries are and why we like the things we like. So here I go again, taking my frustrations out by making a long-winded tumblr post about it. But hey, if you’re confused by furries or know someone who is, maybe this will help idfk
Just be warned I am an ADHD motherfucker and there will be about 10x more words than necessary.
To start, What Are Furries?
Furries are simply self-identified fans of anthropomorphic animal characters.That is, a character that is an animal, but with many human characteristics. This can include speaking human language, human-like facial expressions, walking upright in a human-like way, wearing clothes, etc. Examples of anthropomorphic (or anthro for short) characters include Bugs Bunny, Mickey Mouse, Sonic the Hedgehog, Disney’s animated Robin Hood, Zootopia, and Beastars. All things in which the “animal” characters behave and express themselves like humans. Even movies like The Lion King and Balto have what would be considered “antho” characters, due to their capacity for human thought, speech, and facial expressions, though they would be in a subcategory often referred to as “feral” or sometimes “non-morphic” in which the character still moves and behaves largely like an animal.
So to reiterate, a furry is simply a self-proclaimed fan of anthro animal characters. 
Why Anthro Animals?
I mean the obvious answer is, because it’s fun. It can be really fun and get one’s creative juices flowing trying to figure out how to blend human and animal characteristics. It’s an animal that moves and acts like a human. In what ways is it like a person, and what ways is it still an animal? Popular media like Zootopia and Beastars address that question as major plot points and worldbuilding elements. But it can also be fun to think about just when creating your own characters. And aside from just figuring out how to blend characteristics, the animal aspects of a character can offer more options of expression. Ears can perk up, droop, or fold back, tails can wag, lash, or tuck between legs, growling, hissing, etc. People often use expressions comparing human behavior and emotions to animals. You ever find yourself so happy or exited you think “If I was a dog my tail would be wagging!”
And aside from being an interesting concept to think about, sometimes it’s just aesthetically pleasing.
What is a “fursona”?
Fursona is short for “furry persona”. A BIG BIG part of the fandom is original characters. If you look at a furry art website you might see some art of Judy Hops, Legoshi, Sonic, etc. But mostly you’ll see original characters. They tend to be the main focus of the fandom. Because all the things mentioned above are fun to play with, and the fandom is big on creativity and self-expression. And what good is self-expression if you don’t use it to express... yourself?  A fursona is an anthro animal representation of oneself. Basically “Me, but an [animal].” These can be an accurate representation of oneself (example: someone who is short and meek and skittish might make a mouse fursona) or a more idealized version of who you want to be (example: same short meek skittish person might instead make a lion fursona because they wish they could be more confident, strong, and outgoing). Some people even make multiple fursonas to represent different aspects of themselves (Think Thomas Sanders’ “Sanders Sides” but with fur). In the fandom, your fursona is also often how you represent yourself to others. In real life there are aspects of your appearance you can’t control, or that can be very hard to control. Your height, weight, bone structure, etc. But online as a furry, you can look like anything you want. This is also a very attractive concept to trans folk and queer people in general, which may explain why there’s such a high percentage of queer furries compared to the general population.
What is a Fursuit and Why do People Wear Them?
A fursuit is simply a costume made to look like a furry character. it is pretty much no different from cosplaying comic, anime, or video game characters, except that most of the time fursuits are of original characters instead of pre-existing ones. People wear them for fun and self-expression, just like any other costume. They differ from mascot suits in that they tend to be of higher quality, and more form-fitting and expressive. Fake furries are usually pretty easy to spot on TV because they usually end up in cheap Easter bunny costumes. 
While “fursuiters” are often the “face” of the fandom to outsiders, most furries don’t actually own a fursuit. They are expensive, cumbersome, take work to maintain, and don’t always play nice with certain health conditions and phobias. I personally am apprehensive about getting one because I worry I’ll have difficulty breathing, and I easily overheat. Others simply don’t see the appeal of dressing up. 
Do Furries Think They Are Animals?
Generally speaking: No. People often mix up furries with a subset of otherkin known as Therians. Otherkin are people who believe themselves to be in some way non-human, usually spiritually or mentally a non-human creature. Therians in particular believe themselves to be in some way a non-human animal.  Furries are on the other hand, as I said, just fans of anthro characters. While there are likely furries who are also therians, most are not. 
People who approach furry conventions to yell “You know you’re not really an animal!” at the fursuiters is about the equivalent of going to an anime convention and shouting “You know you’re not really Naruto!” at the cosplayers. 
Is Being a Furry a Big Part of a Person’s Life?
It varies, just like any other fandom. Take anime for example. Some people just watch it and maybe talk to their friends about it and that’s it. Others might go online to view fanart and read fanfic, even go to conventions. And some people fill every aspect of their life that they can with it, filling their home with merch, getting tattoos, even building careers like being a youtuber around it. The same goes for furries. For some people it never goes beyond consuming media and art, while for others it plays a big part in their day to day life.
Is it a Sex Thing? (VERY ADULT AND SENSITIVE CONTENT BELOW THIS POINT)
I won’t beat around the bush here. There IS a sexual side to the fandom, just like any other fandom. Any anime, comic, video game, TV show, book, there is a sexual side to its fandom. Furries are no different. Just like it’s easy to find anime porn, it’s easy to find furry porn. People be making porn, idk what to tell you.
“Isn’t that zoophilia?”
Some people seem to feel that way about it, but no, not really. The thing that differentiates furry porn from watching two dogs hump at the park is that the characters are anthro. They think and express themselves like people, and fans relate to them as they would with human characters.
This
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is in no way the same as this
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“Do people have sex in fursuits?”
Generally, no, for various reasons. 1. They are expensive and take work to maintain and keep clean, and you don’t want to get various fluids on them. 2. They can be cumbersome and get really hot and stuffy, not ideal. 3. They just aren’t made for it. They don’t usually offer access to ones’ genitals, and thus having sex in them would be rather difficult.
There ARE some people who will get suits specially made for having sex in, with holes in all the necessary places, but you’re not likely to see those out in public. Generally if you see someone walking around in public in a fursuit, you can rest assured it’s probably not been used for sex. 
“Ugh but that’s weird!”
I mean, people dress up and roleplay characters during sex all the time. Is dressing up as Krystal the Fox all that different from dressing up as Harley Quinn? And anyway, what does it matter to you what consenting adults get up to in the privacy of their own bedroom? Maybe don’t think too hard about other peoples’ sex lives.
And despite the availability of furry porn, it is not all there is to the fandom, and not everyone participates in that part of it. Heck, there are a lot of minors in the fandom, I was a tween when I was introduced to it, and the only times I was exposed to porn was when haters would “raid” our forums and spam it at us while calling US perverts, all the while being told “Hey, there are kids here!” But no we’re totally the sex-crazed perverts here right?
“I’ve Heard About Furries Who Are Bad People”
Yeah, you probably have. It’s a big fandom and inevitably some of the people in it will do bad things. Again, it’s the same for every fandom. You take any percentage of the human population, you’re going to get a few bad ones. Actual zoophiles, pedophiles, rapists, abusers. If they exist in the general population they’re going to exist in the fandom. But generally when their actions are brought to light they are driven out of our spaces, as with most fandom spaces. No group is perfect and without its bad eggs, but most of us work to keep our spaces safe.
In the end, people looking at a group from the outside tend to only see the loudest, weirdest, most outrageous members, and assume that’s what the whole group is.
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