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camels-pen · 3 months

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the difference between zosopp and sanuso (romantic OR platonic) is that Usopp is Zoro's specialest little guy and Zoro is someone Usopp hangs out with and looks up to and hides behind when things get scary, but Sanji and Usopp are best friends. They horse around, they beat each other up, they confide their worst fears trying to one up each other. Usopp hides behind Sanji sometimes, sure, but idk, Sanji's weaknesses are more obvious (bugs, fighting women, etc) so there are times when Usopp has to stand in front of Sanji too, yknow?

Like, how do I say this, all the crewmates are equal- Usopp and Zoro are equals- but with Sanji it feels like more... comradery? Zoro's a rock in a terrible storm- even rocks tend to get weathered and chipped and worn down, but they overall stay strong and steady. He has trouble being vulnerable and there are times when the burden he's placed on himself to keep the crew safe is crushing his chest. Usopp would help with that and be very understanding, but the point I'm trying to get with that is that those moments are few and far between. So I feel like Usopp, especially after Water 7, would take Zoro's lead on something like that, and keep most of his worries to himself or only talk about them sparingly unless they're really bad and/or he can't hide them.

Sanji is like a tree in a storm; he can be strong, yes, but it feels like he bends and sways with the storm, and has more obvious breaking points. He can relate more to Usopp's struggles rather than resorting to blunt honesty that might border on callous like Zoro. And while, with Zosopp, I tend to think of scenarios with Zoro being blunt like that as a good thing- because sometimes when you're spiraling, it's nice to have someone say exactly what's great about you and shoot down all your worries with straight facts that you can't argue with- I can also see this as being a bad thing. Anxiety can really twist up your brain sometimes, you know? And despite the words, the tone could still mess someone up if they're already feeling like a burden on others in some way.

With Sanuso it's a lot more understanding and thoughtful words. It's distractions and comfort food and patience- the kind reserved for Usopp- until Usopp talks about whatever's troubling him. Compared to Zosopp, it doesn't take as long for Usopp to open up, since he's done the same thing to Sanji at times and it's more familiar to him to talk and commiserate with Sanji about his worries and doubts and such. However, there are times stuff like this has absolutely no effect and Sanji will end up at a loss, no idea what to do or how to help over the course of several days with Usopp being quiet and keeping his distance, and he'll end up working himself up about it which will only serve to make Usopp feel worse and. yeah. bit of a vicious cycle with them.

So it's like. Usopp can be weak with both of them, but since I see Sanji as the type of guy who'd be more open with his worries (at least compared to Zoro), there's less of a need to 'perform' and be his best self around him. He's comfortable around Zoro, yes, but he is constantly wanting to show that he won't be a problem to him. On the other hand, while he's more open with Sanji, and Sanji with him, they tend to relate a bit too much with each other and they both have issues with causing trouble for others and being 'deserving of love' so failed attempts at consoling one hurts the other and creates an unpleasant cycle of misery and avoidance before some other crewmate (Zoro) tells them to quit being stupid and just fucking talk to each other.

#one piece #sanuso #zosopp #long post #nemotime #does this make sense or is this the ramblings of a person who's only got 3 hrs sleep #bc thats me. 3 hrs sleep. ugh #listen okay its like. zosopp has their own growing pains to get through yknow? zoro will eventually get the whole #'oh usopp isnt as open with me bc he wants to seem tough and is also kind of doing the same thing i do. thats bad for him'#and it'll be a whole thing about making a promise between the two of them to try and be more honest with their fears and seeking help #when they need it #the sanuso thing is like. i hope i didnt mean to make it seem like sanuso is 'better' or w/e bc its just a different thing #sanuso got their own problems to sort out. 1. Sanji's everything 2. boundaries on special treatment-#i'm not gonna go seriously into this but both relationships start out not the best and get better over time yknow #also i know usopp's afraid and freaking out a lot but for this post i meant his deeper fears and insecurities #not 'i've got can't-go-on-this-island disease' lmao #the tl;dr of this post is: Usopp is more closed off with Zosopp. Usopp and Sanji have similar issues that cause problems with Sanuso.#also the way i see these ships will probably change at some point. who knows #there was a post i saw recently that was like 'hey sanuso bc romance trio were already chill with each other so sanuso became chill with #each other in an 'alone together' type of way and also they have the same issues' and i thought 'wow so true bestie' and here we are #also. man. usopp taking on / copying the behaviours of his loved ones regardless of his age is just. my jam. in a positive or negative way #maybe i'll make a post about that explaining it more. maybe

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roseofcards90 · 5 months

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The fact that people were so willing to completely dismiss what happened in After Pain and Harrow after they saw It's Not My Fault and Deep Cover paint Mu and Kotoko in a worse light really shows that some people don't have literary comprehension 😭

#it's almost as if nuance is a thing and that their pain isn't mutually exclusive from their actions lmao #the fact that some people actually thought Mu was lying about what she went through??? 😭 no tf she didn't the whole point #is that she is both a perpetrator and a victim and her inno verdict in t1 validated her thinking #which is why in t2 she doesn't shy away from not acting completely innocent because she fully believes she didn't do anything wrong #that's why I also didn't understand why people were so quick to dismiss Kotoko's vigilantism and say it was a complete lie #because Harrow shows us that it never really was a lie but rather something that became more and more distorted over time #as well as something Kotoko uses to validate herself because of her self hatred which again Harrow already hinted at lmao #it only got worse in Milgram but the whole point is that Kotoko's ideals which were born out of strong feelings against the evils #of the world became distorted and more selfish over time #idk people just like to reduce them to completely bad people and it annoys tf out of me #deep cover spoilers #milgram #mu kusunoki #kotoko yuzuriha #my posts

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mokeonn · 1 month

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Before I go to sleep I leave you all with this piece of advice: sometimes you don't actually have to answer big political questions, sometimes you can just say "I am not smart enough to know that, I just know the small things I do to help." Like you can often times completely avoid making a fool of yourself if you just say you don't know.

#simon says #to explain here and not in a reblog:#sometimes when you try to explain big picture solutions you're gonna sound dumb #you might not have done enough research #you might not have a rebuttal to a counter argument #you might not be articulate enough to explain why you think this #sometimes you gotta take a step back and give the simple solution. the one man solution #you do what you can to fight against the problem #you talk to people to help spread awareness and how to fight the bad problem #and you vote and invite others to vote for bigger steps towards solving the problem #like you can talk about theory and how you believe we need to do a huge drastic thing to solve and issue #but people will disagree and argue til you're blue in the face #they'll poke and prod until you mess up or lose your temper and use it against you #and you'll feel dumb and they'll learn nothing #sometimes the best thing to do is step away from the big picture and just say 'idk what the solution is I just know the things I can do“#sometimes you gotta admit you're not a scientist/expert and you can't answer that #i used this while talking with my Dad tonight #he brought up our climate crisis and space travel as a possible solution #and I said I think that's just addressing the symptom and not the cause and we need to care for our Earth now #and he asked me what solutions I think would fix it #and knowing my incredibly smart Dad who is articulate and ready to throw rebuttles at a moments notice to play devils advocate #and my past experience in struggling in this topic with him before #i just told him I didn't know. all i knew is the little things I can and do do to help #and that hopefully by spreading the word and habits and encouraging others to vote for those bigger solutions I could help make a change #but all I really could do is the little things I have control over #and the topic became much less stressful about the little things we have control over #like planting native plants and recycling and adopting habits that are healthier to our planet #which was 100% more preferable to if I tried to give a big solution. because I would reveal i didn't have all the knowledge needed to argue #and my articulation would make me sound like a stupid kid who only thinks they know what's best #so yeah I basically suggest that if you dont wanna feel like shit after debating someone just step away from the big picture for a moment

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noecoded · 2 years

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portrait 💭

#oc #asmo #mine #convinced myself i was going to do work&commissions and then i said ok a little dorian gray cringe oc stuff as a treat as a breakand then i #got too involved and now i am sleepy foreve #guy tjat would habe a portrait painted that houses your horribly ugly anf corrupt soul so u can partyyyyy🎊🎉🎉🎉#<- asmo is that guy.#i think the corruption thing is SO real it reminds me of when asmo is an angel and hes like i just went to a party forthe first time .. and #i dont even know why its so bad … it was SOO much fun…i should be allowed to have fun!!! and then he became an actual demon. that was crazy #delete later maybe this might be too cringe and abnormal for the general public #i did thisin 1hr on 2 layers im not even going to think abt what perspective is sipposed to be i just ignored that shit #ok.enough from me time to sleep good bye

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simgerale · 1 month

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me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

#hi everyone #I’m going around hugging you all #okay now that we are gathered here today #i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best #i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time #and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol #but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine #literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything #I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake….#I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour #then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it #and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again #I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do #so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour.#I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday #y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts #I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story #I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my #own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing?#y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents #.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire #but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself #I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump #I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions #I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well #I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day.#but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it #I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing #I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!!#I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time

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anothermonikan · 2 months

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Ponee (It is half 3 in the morning)

#hey she didn't actually come out too bad!#I didn't show the last time I tried to draw Sunny but it didn't look great ehe ^^;#I think Ponies are gonna have to be a digital art only thing for now cause I had the select and drag so many elements of this #to make this look right sahsdhdshsdh #Yeah despite liking ponies since I've became a conscious thing I never drew them a bunch #and well. that's because I didn't start drawing properly until I was like. 11 years old. and I was super into something else then ehe ^^;#Sorry to get personal in the tags of an mlp art thing but I do think about how I always wanted to draw but like.#I was such a chronic perfectionist as a little little kid??? I HATED everything I tried to make XD #It makes me a little sad yknow? cause like. most kids don't give a shit they just draw whatever and it's beautiful and amazing #it makes me sad that I didn't allow myself to have that! I worked backwards IG lmao #little 6 year old hating everything she tried to make for not being perfect to me now where I love when my art is full of imperfections #that's the point of art!!! Have fun!!! It doesn't need to be perfect or even “good”!#because art is about expression yknow? and drawing stuff you like!#sorry this only took like an hour this should be on a more high-effort drawing sdhdhdshsd #Also um hi to the person who followed me for MLP G5 art?? I mostly post about puters and Ultrakill and Rain World here #But I do really love ponies I need to draw them more often XD #this is my whatever blog. I post whatever interests me here hehe #MLP #MLP G5 #Android Arts #Android.txt

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tubchunk · 6 months

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had an angsty idea :D

imagine eventually, as thr adrenaline calms down, the three teams realise they really need to just talk some stuff out and figure out wherr they all stand. so before EVERYONE gets together to talk (risking chaos cuz ppl arent on the same page), they decide that the three team leaders meet first, figure out some ground rules and touch base, before arranging when everyone can meet.

so imagine q!phil waiting at the meeting place, and q!etoiles eventually joining him, joking around as normal, but standing a bit away to seem intimidating (its a joke) so q!phil's guard is down and he's just chilling. and eventually, q!tubbo shows up, tired and dirty but trudging along. and immediately q!phil notices the distance at which he's standing from both of them. much further than he woukd've expected.

q!phil making a joke like "dont worry toby you can come closer, etoiles promised to play nice." and he sees q!tubbo slowly move. except not closer to him, but closer to q!etoiles, still keeping his distance, but now further from q!phil.

q!phil once again laughs, a weird feeling in his stomach. "what, you don't trust me mate?" he tries joking, but q!tubbo's silence tells him enough. he doesn't trust him.

only a couple days in purgatory, and q!tubbo no longer trusts one of the only people he ever did. and there's no telling whether its permanent or not.

#im just chatting mate #in all honesty this is so unlikely cuz cctubbo is physically incapable of holding doing the thing of acting like he doesnt trust someone #esp if its phil like he will run up excitedly to him all the time #BUT IMAGINE IF HE DIDNT #IMAGINE HE BECAME SO GUARDED THAT THE ONLY PEOPLE HE TRUSTS ARE HIS TEAM AND NO ONE ELSE #NOT EVEN THE PEOPLE WHO ARE HIS CLOSEST FRIENDS #i need qtubbo rp and lore so bad #need that lil guy to have soooo much trauma #qsmp #tubbo qsmp #qsmp philza #qsmp purgatory

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fitzrove · 2 days

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Bad dark joke but I feel like cultural representations of crown prince rudolf and the extreme overemphasis/influence of 1888-1889 in discussions of him are kind of like the internet meme thing with blobfish. Like that's his sad corpse you're parading around and showing to people,,,,,

#kdpaofksöfkfldlfl #for context: the common 'ugly fish' bl*bfish memes are not cute because they're dead animals whose tissues have exploded painfully. they #normally live deep underwater in a high pressure environment and look like more normal fish. but the gruesome corpse version became a meme #and is everywhere #i feel like crown prince rudolf is like that too #WITH THE CAVEAT that obviously we shouldnt hush hush mayerling because doing so would obviously sweep a lot of bad stuff under the rug #but the thing is... most mayerling media isnt interested in justice for mary or new perspectives anyway. its the same shit conservative news #wrote about in literal 1889........#and theres this wider tendency to assume that 1888 rudolf is the only one there is and extrapolate his erratic and violent behaviour from #that period to other eras WITHOUT CREDIBLE EVIDENCE. like its just assumed that mentally ill ppl are always crazy and dangerous #and also this essentialist assumption that because he was so destructive in 1888/89 he never did anything good in his life before that

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hyper-cryptic · 7 months

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(I DIDN'T FORGET A CAPTION... YOU DID!)

He pop'd in my brain and some demon took over my body to draw him n' other sillies from this au. :3

#one day i will design jill as well because she is actually. very important to the lore of this au LMFAOO #i just don't have any designer juice left in my body #resident evil #las plagas au #he is NOT controlled by las plagas it just had a very bad side effect on him because he couldn't remove it as fast as Ashley.#their plaga had a variation of the g-virus in it on the go basically. so it started to affect his wolf n human form #reminder that zombies in this AU are actually Just vampires!#Ashley also has permanent chompers n pointy ears but she doesn't look dead like Vex does #he looks dead because he was put through 2-3 years of testing and experimenting instead of trying to actually...help his side effects #they thought he was a lost cause since he had became so aggressive in his wolf form and had said he could not remember very well what he #was doing while in his wolf form. he also. mauled someone but yknow. normal ppl things #turns out one of the side effects was and IS just extreme hunger aka his metabolism go faaaaasstt and he needs to eat every like 5 mins #yeah he does have kind of regen as well. not As Fast or good as Sherry's but it's defo noticeable that he has regen.#it also leaves a lot of scars #aka its a vampire thing. in mine it's not really blood they're after but it does make them stronger. they're just eternally hungry #anyways Vex has huge beef with Simmons because under his call for him to get experimented on but they don't know until re5 times?#everyone in this au is out for Simmons LMFAOOOA #uh ... um #haheheooo rambled a bit here :3 #leon s kennedy #claire redfield #chris redfield #sherry birkin #and a secret fifth person lets see if yall know who that is #my art

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everykonan · 6 months

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ch. 436

#konan #and nagato #man i.....just have to post the entire panel #because it gets me in a way you can't understand #this is the first time we see nagato as an adult and he is looking Bad. like real bad #look at him. the exposed ribs. the cheekbones. the thin frail arms #but of course look at the Fucking machine #i love that design man it rocks. it's sturdy and menacing and it is DEFINITELY a walker given the way it has leg-like things on the sides #and i also love the chakra receptors on his back. like it gives him some kind of unholy halo or wings do you get me.#nagato is to me the perfect image of the “man who became god” phenomenon #and now on to konan which is the cherry on top of this pic #it's the way she's touching the side of the machine in an affectionate way. konan loves nagato. she loves him a lot. he is her only friend.#and he is the only reason why she even bother staying in akatsuki!! i have no doubt that she is some kind of caregiver to him #given his frail health and that is personally a very important thing to me the mod.#there is so much love behind that simple gesture. this is one of my favorite panels Ever.#there is a sentence that more or less goes like “god is your best friend”#konan doesn't sees nagato as a god like the ame citizens do. she sees her friend.#ok im done

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cinnamon-phrog · 2 months

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A mutual reblogged a pr*ship post and their dni is now neutral. Unfallowed. Bolcked.

#see if i joke i don't CHOKE. on my tears. because this just keeps happening #i'm so scared to interact with mutuals for this exact reason #most i've made have either left me. became toxic over minor differences or become a degenerate.#which is sad because i really enjoyed this friend and all those friends before they or i cut ties #but this kind of shit is unforgivable to me. i've had bad experiences with a friend turning out to be a pr*shipper #everyone flocked to me to fix their traumas but i had talked to that person often. it hurt a lot. they harassed people who harassed them #i was only 15. and i was threatened but what the hell is a sheltered kid SUPPOSED to do back. i wasn't taught shit #people in their fucking 20's were trauma dumping to me in dms and sadly still go to me when they catch wind of this person-#'i need support' you need to get offline. please. just block and ignore. i'm tired.#i should not have had to be babysitting adults and older teens when i didn't know what half those words were at the time.#months ago i did something stupid when i was at my limit and mirrored the pettiness i saw. i was told i would drive someone to suicide.#over saying the person was a bit mean and bringing up some posts i thought they made #i did apologise when i got it wrong. but got threatened with the person possibly killing themselves in my inbox.#this person and the pr*ship person were famously at eachothers' throats #i do not stand by the pr*ship persons' actions. their opinions on the other person were honestly right though. the only thing i agree with.#once again i complain about proshits and gatekeeps. the two are almost as bad as eachother to me #or at least two awful sides that have affected me and my ability to make friends online.#so that's what this remined me of.

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liquidstar · 29 days

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a friend who'd wait :)

#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol #finn's ocs #finn's art #i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me #and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun #i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past #he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it #he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned #which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them #they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore #but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird #and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place #though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library #and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together #since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door #eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement #barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate #but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd #he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself #but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov #sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3 #but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh

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happyk44 · 7 months

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"I'm not leaving you behind! It is my duty," he hissed. "I swore myself-"

"Your swore yourself because you had no choice, Percy." Her eyes were endless dark, devoid of feeling, of life. "You had a price to pay for your mother's life and this was your only offer." Her thin fingers cup his face through the bars. "You didn't choose to be my protector." She gave a weak laugh that made his stomach plummet to the floor. "You're not even my guard yet, not really."

Like a phantom, her touch slid down his cheek. He caught her wrist before her fingertip stopped gracing his skin. He could feel the rounded edge of her fingernail poke against him. Silence held fraught between them.

"Bianca-"

"Percy," she cut in, voice so sharp it cut him to the core. "I want you to survive. You're free. Take advantage of that, and go. Now."

"I can't go back without you," he said, quickly. She didn't fight his hold, but still his grip tightened. As though the harder he held her, the more she would stop protesting her escape. "You are-"

"Dead." Her lips thinned. "I'm dead, Percy. I was dead the moment they got their hands on me and I will be dead before either one of us even makes it beyond these walls, but you-" Her voice cracked, eyes watering.

He shook his head. Blood pounded in his ears. He didn't want to hear what she was going to say, wanted her to stop, wanted it all to stop. Just for a moment.

But it didn't, and neither did she. With a deep breath, she carried on, "You can make it. You can live. But only if you leave without me, so go."

His lungs burned. She inhaled so deeply, spoke so forcefully, and it made him hold the air in his chest until he couldn't take it anymore. If he didn't breathe, maybe she would. But his chest ached. Self-loathing wedged itself like a rock in his throat as he let go. The sound of his own breath was like nail on chalkboard.

"Percy," she whispered. He shook his head and leaned in closer. Although tears hadn't yet fallen, her eyes were still wet. They glistened like the night sky. Her forehead pressed against the bars.

He looked away. The brick wall to his left was growing a fair bit of moss in the corner. "What's our star again?"

She laughed. It was a watery thing that choked him where he stood. Memories of standing the long grass, moonlight shining off the river, while she read her books beside him. Every so often, she'd look up at the night sky and search for the brightest star that month. She'd tell the stories behind the constellations. Or at least the stories from her kingdom. Any time she told a story, a fantastical myth, she'd follow up that her brother knew more - Nico, the quiet prince with a voracious appetite for legends and monsters.

Then, if she could spot the brightest star that month and if she recalled, she'd tell him what it meant for the people born that month. At least, in their hemisphere anyway. The stars were different elsewhere. Sometimes she'd crack open the newspaper, the stark image of her father, and read aloud the horoscopes.

He still remembered the incredulous sound she made when he told her they shared the same birthday. She'd dragged him to the library to refresh her memory on their star. Then argued furiously that he did not share the same traits as her.

It was a silly thing. She didn't believe it. He didn't either. But it was the first time they hadn't played the stiff act of royal princess and her knight-in-training. Not Percy holding his tongue and following strictly one step behind. Not Bianca doing her best to pretend he wasn't her shadow.

Awkward civility and stiffness carried thick between them from the moment Percy had been casted into his role. But that night, with the sound of yelling and laughter still echoing in their ears, they made an agreement. They didn't have to be the best of friends, but they sure could be casual with each other. After all, they were going to be stuck with each other for the rest of their lives.

At least... they were supposed to be.

Slowly each finger detached one by one until all that was left was his palm pressed against her wrist. Then that fell away too. Still he couldn't bare to turn his head and face her.

"Leo," she said. "The lion. Strength, pride, loyalty, confidence."

A stabbed orange toy on new year's day passed through his mind. "Sacrifice."

It was quiet for a beat. Then, "Yes." His heart hammered so fast he could feel it in his throat. "The lion represents sacrifice."

What was he supposed to say? He wanted to run, to turn the lock with the key he stole, take her and run. Run far and fast. But deep inside, he knew she was right. He could get by undetected. No one cared about a child knight, not even yet passed his training. He could blend in and slip out. Even if he got caught, they wouldn't nearly put in as much effort to get him back as they would if she were with him.

She was right.

She was already dead.

He swallowed thickly and met her eyes again. The night sky glistened back at him and he thought of constellations and warm handshakes and kind agreements and silly arguments. Breath caught in his throat. "I'll miss you," he whispered, voice hoarse.

Her lips twitched. "I'll miss you too." She blinked, and one tear slid down her cheek. He tracked the wet trace it left behind until it welled up at the bottom of her chin and dripped to the floor. "Will you do me a favour?"

"You're my princess," he said. "I would do anything for you."

It was a weak smile she gave before she spoke. The sight of it crushed him. "Tell my family I love them." Her breath escaped from her shakily. She pushed back her hair. A classic move to hide the nerves that drove her hands to tremble ever so slightly. "And take care of Nico. Please."

"I will," he promised.

Her smile strengthened ever so slightly. But the tears fell fast now, one right after the other. Her face tilted away at the first streak. He immediately turned his line of sight back to the brick wall. Weakness, sadness, grief - she hated being seen with any of them. He always respected it. Look away until she was done. Don't speak, don't ask her anything, don't help her. Just look away and stay silent unless she calls out.

So, even as his mind's eye was trapped in the wet track of tears on her skin, the hitched sound of her breath holding in a cry, he turned and headed back for the dungeon's door. The doorknob twisted in his hand. The door cracked open.

"Percy."

He held stiff. "Yes?"

"Don't forget the bracelet."

Heat burned at the back of his head. In his pocket, the bracelet felt heavier than the weight of the world. When he had first arrived, she gave it to him. When he refused to take it, insistent that she could deliver it to Nico herself, she shoved it into his pocket herself. Like a ghostly stain, his thigh still tingled with the forceful and firm press of her hand. He was sure it always would.

"I won't."

"Stay safe," she said, a princess in a dungeon ready and waiting to die.

His heart shattered. Still, he kept his head held high. "I will."

Then, without another word, he left the girl he had spent the last three years training to protect. He was meant to die for her. It was the role he had accepted the night he and his friends had stormed the castle and pleaded for help with his dying mother. He didn't argue. He didn't plead. Without hesitation, he swore his life away for hers. Without hesitation, he swore his last breath would be hers.

Yet she was the one embracing the eternal coldness to come. She was the one breathing weakly so he could breathe strong. She was trading away her life for his. She was the lion, giving a mighty roar before the dawn of a new year. She was the sacrifice, held down by chains with a glistening sharp blade raised above her head.

But he wasn't the one lowering it upon her neck. No, he was the cold breath of winter. The first drop of snow. The wilting grass. He was the barren wasteland that drove her out into the open. He was the starving masses desperate to live. He didn't have to drop the blade. He didn't have to use his own hands to spill her blood across the ground. His survival was her end. And that made him her killer anyway.

#bianca di angelo #percy jackson #had this thought that was basically what if percy was bianca's bodyguard and became obsessed with protecting nico after she died #and this this happened #happy talks pjo #my writing #my fanfic #the lion leo constellation thing was spur of the moment so the whole sacrifice concept after was made up as i was going along #but anyway the thing i made up for it in this AU or whatever is that in hades' kingdom the start of the year begins with winter #so in the before times winter would come and the people would struggle but they'd be okay but one day the winter was awful #the food stores were ruined and the winter farms were weakened so people began to go hungry as they rationed the food #but the winter was so bad it also drove out the animals in the forest including a pack of lions which the people killed for meat to survive #so every new year as a tradition a lion is sacrificed as like a promise of survival and prosperity and health and whatever #a real lion is sacrificed publicly by the royal family. other people will sacrifice a placeholder like a lion toy or a painting of a lion #idk what they do with the lion after - maybe the royal family eats it or households do a lottery to get a portion of its meat delivered #could i not have just made up a separate new thing for percy's birthday month? yeah. but that would've required more effort and i'm so tire #fuuuck is it really 10pm? shit i need to eat

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