#so it’s like. good to know your spaces aren’t actually safe for everyone. LMAO. glad to know if young me would have found you somehow…

[nightswithkookmin]

chile i'm so glad i came across your blog, the amount of "i'm not going to assume they're dating" or "we can only draw certain conclusions but i can't say for sure" "we don't know their sexuality, BUT" type blogs i follow is getting kinda wack lmao. while i appreciate their perspective and nuanced takes i need to strike a balance. like let's get a lil delulu every once in a while. 💀

lol the im-not-a-shipper-but-call-jikook-boyfriends-every-other-post blogs are the funniest to me. the shipping hierarchy, so to speak is so weird. maybe just because im not a "shipping real people is bad" person i don't see the big deal. gonna get called delulu anyway, might as well go full out. they is gay/queer and they're fucking. i'm so sorry.

*also can we touch on the fact that shipping in this type of fandom (kpop) is kind of inevitable and unavoidable??! these boys are the other people we see them with day in and day out, interacting with each other and no one else. i feel like it's natural to ship when there's no other people around to break up everything, idk maybe someone can articulate this better than me. and people who are made to feel stupid for thinking that 2 members could actually be dating is so dumb. like is it really out of the realm of possibility that two people (jikook, cause all them other ships are....😬) who spent almost every waking minute together for like 8 years could fall in love. really?

/rant

It's the delulu hat for me

Lmho.

I guess for me being queer, I feel it's gaslighting for these people to be saying things like that. As silly as it is, it inadvertently deny and invalidate the existence and queerness of gay individuals and so I struggle with it.

This is the consequences of straight people in gay people business. They like defining gay parameters for us and it's like who asked you?? I feel people who say things like that are just plain ignorant or tone deaf or willfully homophobic.

I don't think everyone in BTS is gay but it makes me feel safe to see half the community assume them to be and celebrate them in that way. They are not cussing at them and threatening to leave the fandom or cancel them for this assumption and that is huge inspiration to me.

Those parts of the fandom are a safe space to be in as a queer army.

When people assume a person's queer sexuality they are simply admitting to themselves at the very least that LGBTQ EXISTS. This is important to me because I grew up in a community where LGBTQ didn't even exist in the collective consciousness of the people and EVERYONE IS AUTOMATICALLY ASSUMED TO BE STRAIGHT AND EXPECTED TO BE.

People read people's sexuality all the time and have done so since time immemorial and a lot of the time when they have had a sexuality read it's in the lines of straight, cis, rich, poor, superior or inferior. And that is a problem for some of us too because that discrepancy in the assumptions is as a result of homophobia and heteronormativity.

That whole don't assume a person's queer sexuality debacle sounds to me like a boujee way of denormalizing and preventing the normalization of queerness disguised under care, disguised under intelligence and disguised under wokeness. Especially when straightness is the default setting in this giant blue bulb.

We need to radicalize that. We need to change the cis straight default setting and if you are perpetuating this narrative you really aren't helping the situation. SIT DOWN.

I'm rarely assumed to be queer in certain circles and while that makes me feel comfortable within those circles it often times make it hard for me to admit my queerness openly in those circles too because I fear I will lose that comfort and respect and love and privileges that comes with being percieved straight in those spaces.

When I started my blog, I noticed some people assumed I was white and would use certain black descriptors as slurs when describing other people to me. I quickly had to switch the formal way in which I wrote to a much casual tone so my blackness would show through. Don't get it twisted. She black. She blackidy black black.

Then on the other hand, I was hesitant to let my queerness be known too because being black, I was marginalized as it is- you is black, or sound black💀 you know how it is- it's that intersectionality of oppression at play. Double double homicide.

When certain people realized I was black POC minority, their attitude towards me changed. I had those who didn't so much understand what black language is or perhaps wasn't used to being in black spaces and were uncomfortable with my blackness- these would take offense at me saying certain things in certain ways. Like chilee relax Karen, all I said was these motherfukkers gay as shit and they gay. Why you acting like I called them twinks or sommin. Right there, I'm cancelled for calling Jikook motherfuckers. They get sirens and everything😭😭😭😭😭😭

Same vein, I struggle destraightening myself or correcting people who assume I'm straight because I fear they will treat me differently if they knew I wasn't.

Straight privilege exists in the same way as white or even pretty privilege may exist and because these exist there's that automatic conception of queer, poc, ugly, fat disemfranschismet to run along side it.

People treat you differently based on how they perceive you. That's a fact. And for queer people, perceiving us as straight is the only way we get to be treated as human by the masses. And a lot of us embrace that- straight until proven gay am I right 🤣🤣🤣🤣

It's the duper's delight for me. Untill you catch me with a 5'8 melanin skinned silk pressed auntie on my left nipple good luck proving I'm gay.

It can be fun, I akekeke when some people around me are totally oblivious to the fact and even sometimes defend my straightness with their dying breath when nasty friends throw them shades or try to out me unprovoked.

A lot of us don't want to admit we are gay because we don't want to be disenfranchised.

I speak for myself when I say this.

But 'Don't assume someone's sexuality' is a double edged censorship used for and against queer people. It seemly offers protection on the surface of it for queer people but underneath it promotes heteronormativity and standardizes straightness and it is also used to promote closet culture, under the disguise of care and concern for the autonomy of queer people but that is a fallacy because our autonomy has never mattered to anyone since the dawn of homophobia.

And I don't know where this interpretation comes from. Why do people not want to assume queer people's sexuality but it's ok to assume straight people's???

It feels like a hijacked movement to me.

THIS IS THE ACCURATE MOVEMENT AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.

Don't assume all people are straight. It's ok to assume some people are queer because queer people exists too.

It is wrong however to assume queerness based on how a person talks, walks, dresses or even on their body type. That is stereotyping. And stereotyping is wrong.

When it comes to Jikook, Jimin is often stereotyped as gay more so than Jungkook because they have different body structures. Jungkook is stereotyped too solely because of the way his wrists hang, or based on moments he's femininity shines through.

But I don't think shippers stereotype Jikook in that way at all. I dont think shippers believe Jikook are dating eachother simply because Jungkook applied setting powder to his face that one time. They assume they are gay only because they believe those two to be dating eachother. That is not stereotyping. If those two were heterosexuals I don't think people will accuse their shippers of stereotyping.

It's one thing to assume Kai is gay because he looks skinny and dances well. It's another to assume he is gay because in a relationship with Gdragon. And if people can't tell the difference between the two, they should get some education and stop talking about things they know nothing about or only know because they stumbled across user69 on Twitter. They are not helping.

Untill people get offended when people assume others are straight, that rhetoric doesn't matter in its inequality. If you ask me, everyone is gay until proven straight.

Yet how many people will take offense at that?

Assuming people can be gay is not delulu.

It's ok to assume people can be gay. It's wrong to stereotype them as gay. If you can't assume they are gay, don't assume they are straight and don't assume at all. Run with this sis.

Wait, they don't ship Jikook but they call Jikook boyfriends???????👀👀👀👀👀

The fake woke syndrome will kill people in this fandom with these mentally confused thought crisis bunch💀💀💀💀

Jikook themselves are shippers💀

Smh

GOLDY

[nebucat]

i’m very empathetic. i know i am

i’m able to easily imagine another’s perspective and how i would feel if i were in their position, and if i don’t right away then i try my best to do so

the issue was that i could see their perspective, i could understand where they were coming from, but i knew their perspective was skewed by insecurities and that they were too wrapped up in it and stubborn to think critically or have faith in me.

i didn’t... want to validate those insecurities, or i guess i didn’t want to reinforce that sort of thinking. i wanted to help them out of it! but i guess i just... didn’t know how. i didn’t know how to reassure them besides explaining my perspective. i didn’t want to just dismiss how they were feeling! i payed far more attention than they realized. to the point that i immediately understood the problem and felt how they were feeling because i’ve been there before. in some ways, i still am. feeling replaceable or insecure. and i know thats just what it is. i know insecurity obscures our vision. and it made me uncomfortable because the fact i knew it wasn’t true. the accusations of ‘ignoring’ them or losing interest in our writings was not true. but i didn’t know how else to tell them that.

especially because i shrink so much under accusations. my knee-jerk reflex is to accept fault for something as a fawner. the number of times i rolled over for them didn’t help my mental state because i genuinely did let myself be convinced of the things they were telling me. that i ignore them. that i’m dismissive. that i’m inconsiderate. and i am trying to unlearn all of that shit that got ingrained in my head. and it didnt... help either? that they would guilt trip me when i did try to share my perspective, only reinforcing the insecurities.

it was never... enough. i was never enough. i could never make them happy and there was always something i was getting criticized for. no matter what i did, now matter how hard i tried, i was ALWAYS doing something wrong. and they would rub it in my face with their cruel, vindictive comments.

‘if only you payed more attention’

‘you don’t want to disappoint your cool new friends’

‘you’d rather disappoint me than them’

‘you want to stop being as important to each other? fine. i’ll start giving you as equal amount of attention as i do everyone else. you want me to give you reassurance for things i’m not even aware of? ok. i’ll start showering you in those meaningless compliments everyone else throws around in this rpc’ 

‘it’s hard to care about setting off your anxiety when you clearly don’t care about setting off mine’

and i... i wanted to move IN with this person. i wanted a relationship with them!!! i genuinely saw a future with them. because i thought they were changing. i thought they cared. i thought they loved me back.... i wanted to be with them so badly and yet this person was so cruel to me. i was so naive to believe that was what real love looked like.

i don’t even want to think about what could have happened if i stayed. if i continued down that path with them. if i actually did move in with them. i was already so isolated from everyone in our community with them. but i would have been even more isolated if i moved in with them and i would have had no way to escape. thinking about it makes me so nauseous and freaked out.

im so fucking glad i left. i’m so thankful for the friends who helped me get out before it was too late. that week before shit hit the fan, i was such a fucking wreck. i was starving myself because trying to eat made me throw up, having anxiety induced nightmares and was crying literally every single day multiple times, pacing up and down the street at night trying to talk myself down and reason with myself, sleeping all the time because i’d rather be unconscious than awake. i wanted to die. i really wanted to fucking die. it was like highschool all over again. and seeing them groom another person and treat them the same way they treated me when WE first met... seeing how much they praised that person and flattered them and gave them so much positive attention, yet knowing how abusive and neglectful they’d been to me...

i was convinced i was a broken person. i remember saying that to myself, “i’m broken. i’m so broken” as i cried and cried and cried. they didn’t make me feel loved or safe. they made me feel broken.

and thats what narcissistic abuse is. they’ll appeal to you with sweet talk and praise and attention, shower you in compliments and make you feel like the most special person in the world. and once they have their hooks in you, they’ll slowly break you down and groom you into tolerating the abuse. the guilt trips. the manipulation and gaslights. they’ll provoke you to get you to fight with them so they can pick apart everything you say and poke holes in you in order to garner control over you. they’ll humiliate and use hostile humor to tease you in public spaces in order to keep you off balance and install shame inside you.

they do this because they need their narcissistic supply. it doesnt matter if its positive validation or negative validation, they do this because theyre deeply insecure to the core and have to depend on external validation in order to feel anything. and because they’re living in their own delusional reality, they think this is NORMAL and OKAY and that they aren’t wrong for acting like this. a narcissist can never be wrong and will NEVER hold them self accountable for their actions without dragging others down with them.

even the last MESSAGE this person sent me just goes to show they literally are incapable of holding themself accountable for anything. they’ll only apologize to convince you to give them another chance. and thats what that note was--- an attempt to convince me otherwise. but their actions speak louder than the sweet talk and sob stories. and i knew this for certain when i confronted them after calling the police for the suicide baiting. they denied it was a manipulation tactic and had the gall to shame ME for getting worried about them! LMAO. “i’m sorry YOU felt that way” “i’m sorry YOU felt pressured”. not a single apology for literally trying to manipulate me. not a single apology for being the one to use their suicidal idealization to keep me tethered for so long. because narcissists can’t hold themself accountable and will find any reason not to.

i used to have narcissistic behaviors. sometimes i still catch myself falling into old toxic patterns. but i KNOW i’m not narcissistic. i have empathy, i AM considerate and kind, i TAKE accountability for my actions without using self deprecation or excuses, and nothing good and nice i tell people is fake or forced. i have so much love in my heart for people and i’m proud of myself for how far i’ve come and how hard i work to grow and better myself.

so i guess there is one thing i can thank them for. for getting me to fall in love and realize how much i truly have to give. i’m going to invest that love in the people who actually love and respect me, and respect my feelings. and continue working on myself for the benefit of my and those around me.

and who knows, maybe one day i’ll find someone as funny and charming who’ll treat me better. someone i can share as much of myself with as i did with them, who wont take me for granted. until then, i just want to learn to be content with myself.

#vent #abuse cw #suicide cw #entrophobia cw

[ibuproffie]

snr szn ~ advice for high school seniors

it’s not gonna be perfect, and that’s ok. high school movies tell us that senior year is this amazing time in your life where you have all these formative experiences that shape the course of your destiny or something, but in my experience this is not really the case. my senior year was somehow both excruciatingly slow and very fast, and it had ups and downs just like any other school year. so if your senior year isn’t a wonderful collection of instagrammable moments, don’t worry. everyone else is finding “senior season” a little underwhelming too, even the people who seem to be having the most fun. quite frankly, you shouldn’t want your senior year of high school to be the best year of your life. 

college apps are important, but you don’t have to kill yourself over them. i know, i can say this because i just finished them, but it’s so true. applying to college is a horrible, tedious process that i’m going to attempt to break down in another masterpost. i went to a high school where people were fucking obsessed with getting into college, and it was sort of horrifying to watch people self-destruct over the process. even i (and i consider myself a fairly private, non-competitive, even-keeled person) went a little nuts towards the end. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, there is no reason on god’s green earth to apply to twenty or more schools. it’s expensive (most application fees are 60+ USD), time-consuming, and stressful. the only reason i can even see why you might be doing this is if you qualify for a bunch of application fee waivers, but even then, it’s just stupid. most colleges make you write secondary essays in addition to the common or coalition app essay, and that doesn’t even factor in scholarship applications, interview prep, and keeping up with school on top of everything. the best thing you can do for yourself is pick around ten-ish schools that you’re actually serious about attending and skip the hassle. you will get into at least one college if you apply smart. trust me. the people i know who went ham with applications were miserable all the time (even the smartest ones) and most of them didn’t even get into their top choice schools. when you’re churning out 3+ essays every month, it follows that they’re not all gonna be winners. additionally, know that life will go on even if you don’t get into harvard. relax. you have an entire life ahead of you. even if it doesn’t work out exactly how you planned, good things take time, ya feel? 

you’re still valid even if you don’t participate in every “senior activity” possible. “but it’s your last pep rally!!” “you HAVE to go to prom!!” “let’s go to every football game this season!!”  no. just no. you’re really not gonna remember a lot of this stuff. if large crowds of ppl aren’t your thing, if you’re stressed or tired, if you don’t have the money (a lot of these “senior only” activities are EXPENSIVE expensive or at least they were at my school), or if you just have no interest in homecoming or whatever, IT’S FINE. you don’t have to justify this stuff to other people. i let ppl guilt trip me into doing a bunch of shit for our “last high school memories” or whatever and uhhh i didn’t always have a good time. for one thing, i’ve never had a shit ton of school spirit or whatever and two, being around crowds of ppl is pretty draining for me. the only “senior activity” i actually enjoyed was prom, but i knew ppl who skipped out on that and ya know what? i think they were ok. i never bought a yearbook. it’s fine. you should shape your senior year around what’s mentally/financially safe for you + and what you’re actually interested in, not what people expect you to do.

you don’t really have to do extracurricular activities this year, so don’t do anything you’re not truly passionate about. i stopped doing a lot of stuff like model un and science olympiad this year because i just wasn’t interested in them anymore. and i don’t regret it. to be blunt, you already have the lines on your resume filled by those activities if you’ve done them for a long time. so if you’re not feelin’ it, don’t waste your time. just do the things you wanna do. i did a lot of theater stuff last year and had a great time. it was super rewarding and i had a pretty good time with my castmates, and i was glad i had done that instead of more “academic” activities like scioly. 

it’s ok to be unsure about your plans for the future. for some reason, this is the year, every adult in your life is gonna be like, “wHaT’s Ur MaJoR???” and “wHaT jOb Do YoU wAnNa HaVe wHeN u GrOw uP??” as a result, you can start to feel a lot of pressure around having an answer prepared, and if you are on the fence about what you wanna do with your life, you can feel like other ppl have their shit together a lot more and that you’re aimless and stupid. trust me, you’re not, though. i personally think it’s unfair that we expect 18 y/os, who in many ways are still kids, to have their whole life planned out. a lot is still liable to change even after high school, and I think you’ll be remiss if you don’t allow your dreams and ambitions to change with it. if you’re truly unsure about your plans but you know you’re going to college, i’d recommend making sure none of the places you’re applying to are going to lock you down in a major when you set foot on campus. i have friends who are going to large universities who have already basically declared a major, which to me seems like an odd system. if 4-yr college isn’t in the cards for you for whatever reason, try taking a year off, getting a job, or community college. a lot of ppl i know look down on ccs, but to my knowledge, community college can be a great start to figuring out what you wanna do with your life. you have time. don’t rush it.

getting sick of your school friends is normal. it sounds mean, but in my experience, it’s true. i mean you’ve gone to school with these people for 4 or more years now, and you’ve changed a lot. and that doesn’t mean you don’t like them and wish them well, but there can be days where you’re like “omg pls stop talking to me rn!!” especially in that lull after application season. don’t be mean to anyone ofc, but realize that feeling exasperated with your peers is just part of the process, and you’re not a bad person for wanting a little bit of space. in my experience, unless the issue is w regards to toxicity or people being generally shitty, ppl will be able to connect w each other much more normally after school is over. 

you will get senioritis to some degree, but you have to push through it. it must be great to be one of those people who literally never stops working. but for the vast majority of us, some kind of senioritis will slap us in the ass after applications are done. you will have no motivation to do coursework but! remember that coursework needs to be completed! to be completely honest, once you’ve been accepted to college, you really only need to maintain a C average to not get rescinded, and i knew plenty of people who screwed around more than i did and they didn’t get their admission rescinded. but like, you don’t want to be one of those people who somehow fails a class because you don’t “feel like” doing the homework. you need to graduate, you need to hold onto your scholarship, and you need to maintain your accepted status. quite honestly, you need to kick ur own ass and make yourself work, whether that’s by turning down invites to hang out, or putting your phone in a different room. also, don’t be that person who’s playing iphone games in every class. your teachers will think you’re an asshole, and that’s really not the move. 

you don’t have to take everyone’s advice. this is the year everyone wants to be an expert on adulting, whether that’s your peers or parents’ colleagues or school counselors. in the end, your are the only one who can decide what’s right for you based on your financial situation and what you are comfortable with. i’m not saying “don’t take anyone’s advice”, because i truly believe there are some people out there who have the means to help you succeed. but i think you should pick and choose because you’re about to be fed a deluge of information that may or may not be useful or relevant to what you want to do. for example, people told me that i was limiting myself by not applying to any ivy league schools or very many competitive universities, or that i should lie about my race on my application (!!) because of the bias against ppl of asian descent in college admissions (note: i actually wrote about my heritage in my common app essay so it wasn’t like it was some secret lmao), which were uhhh not helpful. do what feels right and don’t feel the need to humor ppl who don’t have your best interests at heart. 

don’t compare yourself with other ppl. it’s natural to be a little jealous of peers who snag acceptances to prestigious colleges on full-tuition scholarships or land dream jobs/gap-year programs right out of high school. it’s a bit of an ugly feeling, but i’m not gonna sit here and say i didn’t wish i was one of those people at a point. that’s disingenuous in the extreme. it’s ok to be disappointed if everything doesn’t all work out, but at a certain point you need to accept what’s happening to you and make the very damn best of it. wallowing in self-pity just because your classmates are succeeding is just stupid. also, recognize that everyone’s ability to achieve their post-hs goals is wildly different based on their own circumstances. if you are less financially able to pay for college, for example, your opportunities are more limited than someone with a six-figure college fund. it’s quite frankly naive to assume that everyone shares your experience. be happy for people who do well. be happy for people who are proud of themselves. don’t try to take other people down because you’re feeling bitter. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again-other people’s success is not your failure. 

take time to do some much needed self care. senior year can be hectic, and it’s important to disengage from stressful situations. take a walk. watch a movie with your friends. take a long shower. don’t think you have to be “productive” all the time. you won’t be, and that’s ok. 

#mine #studyblr #tips #advice #masterpost #high school #emmastudies #studylustre #heysprouht #heyaestudier #heyscholarly #gloomstudy #nihaonicole #studyhyphenblr #pridebulletjournal #adelinestudies #lookstudyblr #chrissiestudies #heysareena #academiix #succstudy #azrstudies #xiutingzainali #studyquill #elkstudies #quadrtics #grifstudies #tbhstudying

[the-bjd-community-confess]

DoA megapost (22 confessions)

Mod: So https://true-bjd-confessions.tumblr.com/post/189300138511/mod-due-to-excessive-offtopic-arguing-in-the

All you guys’ pending DoA confessions presented in no specific order, before we move into the hold, as announced above.

To be clear: I think this is a feature DoA should have yesterday. It’s completely inappropriate to force people to use deadnames and names which are related to traumatic life experiences, or be banned. 

However, *weary sigh, gesturing at the multiple 70+ reply confessions on this topic* people told me they were finding the rapidly escalating discussion to be upsetting and offputting, and that’s not my goal for this blog. ❤️

1.

I am exceptionally weary of all the DoA hate over the person who got banned over making a new account after not being allowed to change their user name. DoA isn’t the only doll forum out there. If you don’t like their rules, don’t join. I for one find their rules about on- and off-topic dolls to be unfair and arbitrary as hell, but in the end it comes down to their house, their rules. Move on.

~Anonymous

2.

Us: Sure would be nice to maybe be able to change your name on DOA.

Some of y’all: Are you asking for anarchy?? If we allow this, what’s next?? A reasonable review of outdated rules??? The rules are there for a reason!!1! The reason may be antiqued because technology has updated and changed since then, meaning there are better solutions available, but it’s still a reason so we DEFINITELY should NEVER change!! Change is too scary for me. :( You’re bullies who want to be special :((( Stop that :(

~Anonymous

3.

I love seeing people get so offended at anon saying “bigots”. How do you know it was about you ? Guilty conscience? DOA could allow name changes if they really wanted to. There are other hobbies where they forbid certain people from entering forums while still allowing name changes. It’s not hard if you really care.      

~Anonymous      

4.

Honestly the way people fall all over themselves to defend DoA against any sort of criticism (regardless of how you personally feel about the validity of said criticism, reader) makes me glad I never got into the community aspect of this hobby. It's just... stressful.          

~Anonymous  

5.

The transphobia in the comments on this blog in particular are so gross. Being a bigot makes your dolls instantly hideous. And no, I’m not saying everyone who is defending DOAs decision is transphobic. I’m talking about the one who thinks trans people transitioning is wrong and their friends. You’re gross and so are your dolls.

~Anonymous  

6.

scammers can & will get around DOA's no name change policy, it's really not that safe. also, DOA isn't the only website which allows the sale of high-value items.

~Anonymous  

7.

First it's "if you want name changes coded in DoA, offer to do it yourself!", then it's "why tf would DoA accept some rando to help code their site?" make up your goddamn mind, your argument is falling apart. 

Also when did this issue become "DoA vs trans people"? Like, I like DoA yet I also recognize it should be more accessible and updated for the modern userbase. I want it to become as good as it can be because I like the community and would hate to see it die out like so many other forum sites do. Yes, it has flaws- and believe me, the folks who get extremely upset about the idea of admitting that embarrass me- but I liked the format since I was new to the hobby. I just wish it was more inclusive!    

~Anonymous    

8.     

girlisav3rb: "this isn't about exclusion or leaving anyone out". Also girlisav3rb: "I'm just kicking your punk ass off [obvious metaphor for DoA]" yyyyiiiiikkkees      

~Anonymous    

9. 

The DOA username debate is really starting to feel like 4 people's personal beefs against each other. It isn't really about dolls and I wish it wasn't dominating all the confessions here. I don't really care about watching pomoaples, pupkinspce, aigisthewlve and tellmeifthursday make fools of themselves daily.        

~Anonymous      

10.

Say it louder for the people in the back: IF YOU INSIST ON NAME CHANGES FOR DOA, THEN VOLUNTEER YOUR CODING EXPERTISE. Don't know how to code and are just squawking about something you can't directly contribute towards? Then shut up or offer up money so the mods can hire a computer programmer to make the changes you're DEMANDING from a FREE service.        

~Anonymous

11.

God it's so painfully obvious to see how many of the people defending DoA on the grounds that name changes would destroy the integrity of the website have never ever worked on or even been part of a forum or really any website of any kind in their lives. Seriously arguing that "the database" would break if you changed a name like?? No??? Have you ever seen a server backend before? You can automate this shit, you know, keep a log of former names, just... it's not some big huge challenge??? 

~Anonymous 

12.           

I don't have a horse in the trans name change race but calling DoA one of the friendlies communities around is abject bullshit lmao. There's not a more elitist, paranoid, abusive community this side of comic books -- but that kind of goes for this hobby as a whole, let's be honest.           

~Anonymous     

13. 

THE RULES ARE IMPORTANT WE CAN't cHANGE THE RULES IT WILL LEAD TO CHAOS IF WE CHANGE ONE RULE WHERE WILL IT END THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!!!!!! In my town it used to be THE RULES that POC have to go to separate schools and use separate bathrooms, but sure, the rules are the most important thing, not the people. And before anyone says cOmPaRiNg DoLlS tO rAciSm, 1) shitting on trans people IS a form of prejudice you smoothbrains, and 2) my ass is POC and I call it like I see it. Check yourselves.            

~Anonymous   

14.   

I personally think DOA should just.. go away? It’s been around for years, most people use it as reference rather than a community anymore. Everything is on FaceBook and Instagram now, DOA is pretty much just a glorified Dolly Dictionary at this point. Besides, if they aren’t going to change an Incredibly simple, easy thing to change just to accommodate transitioning people, it’s not the best place to be.

~Anonymous  

15.

I mean about the whole rules is rules is rules thing about doa: the thing is, some rules are there for a reason and obviously do need to be respected whether you agree with them or not, like don’t block fire exits, murder is bad, etc. but some rules eventually become outdated and need to be changed to keep up with society, and that doesn’t make the people pointing out that they need to be changed evil or entitled or spoiled. Imagine if we all still had to drive 10 mph everywhere because when someone pointed out that car technology had improved since 1915 and the speed limit should be increased accordingly everyone had just shouted them down with “BUT TEH RUUULLLEESS!!!” You’d be pretty interested in getting some of this “special treatment” yourself so you could get to work on time, huh?

~Anonymous  

16.

Honestly the easiest solution would be let people change their names only once and have it trackable.. as a trans dude its NOT that deep.     

~Anonymous        

17.

I notice that the unrelenting attacks on DoA are now even using the same phraseology along with the name-calling and implications of sinister motives. These are textbook bullying tactics. Next is the boycott, except that most of these people already say they don’t use the forum because they are just too “21st Century” for it.

Luckily this is just a confession board and no matter how many folks you manage to rile up here, it’s not going to affect DoA. Now, this is why I love DoA–you can’t go on their own site and spew this nonsense. They have Rules. They are Strict. They attempt to avoid drama, especially off-topic drama, and they don’t allow meanness, vulgarity or obscenity. If you’re looking for a pleasant, safe space, it’s your best bet.

~Anonymous

18.

Easy to lay bigotry, laziness, stupidity and worse on DoA mods for not just accepting tales of trauma and pasts to erase.  But the internet has always been full of lies by people trying to get their own way or escape consequences. Not just pro scammers. People who cry things like illness, trauma, disaster, family or pet problems over and over to get sympathy for demands or as all-purpose excuses. Recast ownership lies. People who never got a no before, and don't like being turned down no-how.

~Anonymous

19.

I just realized that no one understands the people saying DOA can allow name changes are the people who have actually modded forums before, most forums unless they’re running a totally outdated system use user id numbers that are linked to display names, which can be changed, and you can write a simple string of simple-baby-code to show old display names on a profile, to explain it in simple terms.   

~Anonymous                    

20.

Honestly I think that the anti-name change people are mostly just shilling for DoA because they can't believe that their precious forum with its volunteer mods could be anything but flawless. Or something like that, given how indignantly these people have *always* reacted to confessions criticizing DoA, even before the trans controversy was a thing. There have definitely been some obvious transphobes as well though, whose bile is really more suited to conservative FB pages or something. Go away!          

~Anonymous

21.   

the DOA mods can obviously change people's usernames because it's 2019 and basically every other site in existence can do it. they might have to change the site slightly to accomplish this. maybe there are reasons for them to choose not to do that, but let's stop pretending it's some technological impossibility.

~Anonymous

22.

How about this: Implement a system on DoA that indentifies users by a unique code and allow users to have a changeable display name. Changing the display name could become a paid feature to pay for the technical changes. Think of a system like discord has. It's a win-win situation. Thoughts?            

~Anonymous

#BJD #ABJD #TrueBJDConfessionz #BJD Confessions #DoA #Just let people change their damn usernames

[neuxue]

(Part the 1st)Now that you are in the Chapter 50-52 bubble, I wanted to share something. I've messaged you before about how your continuous comparisons of Rand and Egwene's arcs helped/caused me to see the depth and complexity of their relationship, and the way in which Egwene acts as Rand's counterweight in the series, providing the a balance to the Dragon Reborn in a series that is, at its heart, about how vitally important balance between forces is (at least within a strict binary system).

(Part the 2nd) In light of that I wanted to add that I had previously been a little dubious of your theory that Lew’s Theron’s voice in Rand’s head was actually a defensive construct and not necessarily Rand’s madness. It just felt like the writing was so clear that LTT’s voice was legit, and maybe it is on some level. But I was recently rereading earlier sections as part of another read along (it covers 1-2 chapters a week and is in the TSR, who will finish first? :P lmao). But I noticedin the lead-up to the battle outside of Cairhein against the Shaido, there are SEVERAL instances of Rand just suddenly *having* memories or knowledge from LTT… and at this stage there was no voice at all. The voice doesn’t appear until AFTER Rand nearly runs himself to exhaustion in that battle. And it’s presented so faux casually (as in, it’s a big deal and it’s pointed out, but within the context of us seeing the beginning of Rand experiencing the Taint. Much like the Joker’sline in The Dark Knight about people being ok as long as events are following “The Plan” even if The Plan is horrific. We are expecting to see Rand loosing it, so we don’t really over analyze it when it happens) if I had not been primed by reading your analysis from that perspective, I probably would have just KEPT reading and not noticed, so once again; thank you for this blog and for adding ever more depth and meat to this series for me!

Yeah, I do talk about this one a lot. I’m glad it works for you!

And in my defence, it’s because most of the time I’m trying to work out what’s going on, as new information comes in and things change. Because it’s definitely taken me a while to figure out what’s happening – and I could very well be wrong! This is one where I think there’s a whole lot of space for different reader interpretations, depending on what makes sense to you (and, honestly, on what feels more satisfying to you; I often feel like explanations of a character’s internal landscape or mentality or psychology work better when they’re left a bit open to interpretation).

Your description of it as a “theory that Lews Therin’s voice in Rand’s head was actually a defensive construct and not necessarily Rand’s madness. It just felt like the writing was so clear that LTT’s voice was legit, and maybe it is on some level” is interesting because I never really thought of it in those terms; this is partly no doubt because I’ve been trying to work it out as the story unfolds, but also because I think the very nature of the whole…situation in Rand’s head also changes as time goes on. But I suppose you’re right; that is sort of where I’ve eventually ended up.

That is to say, yes, I think at this point in time, what is portrayed as Lews Therin’s voice is not an accurate representation of Lews Therin Telamon as he was in life, and is more something Rand has – inadvertently and more or less subconsciously – created, as a way of dealing with something that probably absolutely no one is actually equipped to deal with.

But I think initially it was much closer to a manifestation of Lews Therin’s actual personality and thoughts, as they might have been if he were there to experience what Rand does. And in between then and now, we see a transition.

It’s something I definitely want to focus on more closely in a reread, because again, my own understanding and interpretation of what’s going on has changed so much as the story progresses, so I think it’ll be different looking at it from the perspective of having seen the whole thing.

That said, I see it as progressing something like this:

We start with not even a voice, but just occasional things Rand seems to know, or remember, or be able to do, that he has no business knowing in this lifetime. It’s like that barrier between lifetimes has been thinned and torn, and then things start to slip through. It’s hardly even noticeable at first.

Until it is, and we move into the beginning of an identity crisis, with Rand occasionally responding to Lews Therin’s name and not his own, or not even realising when he’s saying something that comes from Lews Therin’s lifetime/memories rather than his present one. Because he has all this extra stuff in his head, and right now it’s not compartmentalised at all, so he starts to get a bit lost in it, or inundated by it, and he doesn’t have a way of anchoring himself against it (because what is himself?)

Then it starts to become not just memories and thoughts, but an actual voice. Initially, like I said, I do think this is probably very close to how Lews Therin himself would have sounded; lines like ‘I would burn the world and use my soul for tinder to hear her laugh again’ certainly seem like something that would come from Lews Therin Telamon. But that’s part of the same extended scene where we get ‘for a moment, he could not remember his name’. This is the barrier actually starting to dissolve in places, and Rand is no longer ignorant of what’s happening but is terrified by it (and as a reader, I was as well! I’m a proponent of reunification now, but at the time? Yeah, watching your protagonist forget his own name seemed like a sign that All Is Not Well), and – crucially – has no real coping mechanisms for it yet.

That is, I think, where we start to see a transition from a clear distinction between Lews Therin Telamon and Rand al'Thor (perhaps ironically, as I think a lot of what happens next is because Rand’s afraid of losing himself). Rand asserts his own identity in TFoH (it’s a major part of the climactic battle, even), and in doing so he more consciously sets up this distinction between himself and Lews Therin.

Despite that, though, the barrier between lifetimes is eroding (this, I think, is the taint madness…I personally headcanon this as being the same for all saidin users, but people react to it differently and it manifests differently in each of them), so more of Lews Therin’s memories and knowledge and even personality are there, accessible, in Rand’s head.

So I read it as Rand…creating his own barrier, in place of the one that’s falling apart, in order to hold on to what he defines as himself. It’s a self-vs-other kind of divide he sets up…but this time he’s the one defining it, which means we see it manifest a little differently than the one the Pattern put there for good reason.

From about…oh, Lord of Chaos onwards, we get what I see as a gradual transition from Rand al'Thor 100% on one side of that barrier and Lews Therin Telamon 100% on the other side to…a barrier being there, but a mixing on either side of elements from each…personality? Lifetime?

Because Rand starts using the voice as a tool, as something he can point to and say ‘that is a madman; I am sane’, or as a source of knowledge, or as a touchstone of sorts, or as someone to bounce ideas off of, or – I think – something he can contrast himself with. Like a mirror he can look into, not to see what he is but to see what he is not (what he refuses to be).

And it’s this last one that’s crucial, because this is what I think causes a lot of the shift in the first place. Rand knows he is Lews Therin Telamon reborn. Rand knows what Lews Therin Telamon did. And above almost anything else, Rand is terrified of doing the same. So we see him deliberately setting anything that falls under ‘not myself’ or 'madness’ or 'killing everyone you love’ in contrast with himself; he uses it as a way to set some of those thresholds (that he later crosses), to set himself up as distinct from all the things he refuses to be. He needs to see them as separate entities in order to hold to a) his identity, b) his sanity, and c) his hope of…not a second chance, exactly, but of not repeating Lews Therin’s fate. His autonomy, I suppose.

But then we start to see that shift, as well, because now it’s no longer the actual barrier between lifetimes that seems to exist (and for good fucking reason) in everyone, if this is a world in which everyone is someone reborn but no one remembers their past lives; but is instead a replacement barrier. A barrier Rand has made for himself, in order to keep his identity and sanity and autonomy safe.

Because ultimately here’s the thing: Rand and Lews Therin aren’t separate, really. Rand is Lews Therin reborn, so it’s the same…person? Soul? Entity? Whatever you want to call it, but with two distinct lifetimes and thus sets of experiences. It’s just that the files have been corrupted and there’s this weird bleedthrough, so the separation isn’t working the way it should, and everything we see next is Rand trying to, essentially, figure out from this mess of two lifetimes who he is (and who he wants to be). Does that mean shutting one entire lifetime away? But what if some of it is useful? Maybe some of who he is now is anathema to him, given what he has to do, so maybe it’s better if that gets shut away. Maybe he should take some of that old knowledge, maybe he should recombine some things (maybe he should learn from his past, both successes and mistakes, so that he can take this as a true second chance). But to go from zero to just accepting the whole thing is uh…unrealistic at best, so instead we see Rand struggling with it, and the situation evolving as a result of that.

And yes, I think a lot of this comes from how everything is presented in the story, and how it unfolds, and how we’re primed to interpret it. It’s one of my favourite aspects of Rand’s character and arc, honestly, and is definitely something I intend to spend some more time on during a reread or post-series.

#I feel like Rand's mental state is one giant YMMV really #but this is what makes sense to me #agree or disagree; I'm glad it was thought-provoking! #and one day I'll make a more coherent/comprehensive post on my take #but for now we'll just work with what we have... #asks #tgriff82 #wheel of time #rand al'thor #lews therin telamon

[average-taurus]

There is a website called Smallworlds.com and I’ve played that game since I was 10 years old. Underage, I know, but everyone was underage when I started lmao. I remember finding the game on a MySpace widget, and ever since I fell in love!  But.. The other day, I found out that they are closing down on April 8th due to money issues. I cannot tell you how devastated I am. That game was my entire childhood. I met someone extremely important to me on that website, and we’ve been good friends since 2009.  I can understand why SW failed, though. It’s a virtual world and the demand for virtual worlds have declined for awhile now. Club Penguin just shut down awhile ago, though I didn’t play that game, its still sad that virtual worlds aren’t as popular anymore. SW mainly was just a chatting website. You could decorate spaces with  your friends, make art/sculptures, chat with people in public spaces, create missions (basically interactive stories) and lots more. But there really wasn’t much to do outside of that and that’s why I think the game ended up failing.

In 2015 I believe, they made account sharing impossible. A lot of people quit the game due to that, and since the player count has dwindled significantly. Actually, I did share an account with my friend and after that she never played the game again. I also feel as though they made getting gold too easy. While I appreciate that SW tried to keep VIP and non-VIP as equal as they could, I still think earning gold should have been limited because then more people would have spent actual money on the game. I personally got hundred of thousands of gold just from doing surveys and earning gold for free. I wouldn’t have had that much if it was limited, therefore I would have probably bought more gold from the store.  It’s also really annoying IMO that they opened a donation pool last month, but never told us exactly what would happen if they didn’t reach the goal. According to a lot of people, the duration for the donation pool wasn’t met, like they ended it sooner than they said they would. They also did not provide good packages - if they offered a cool package, like a VIP package, they would have gotten more money from the donation pool because people like to have rare items. I personally did not donate - heh.. I forgot, like a week after seeing it bc I needed money - but I would have felt more inclined to buy something if they offered better rewards for doing so. I can see why SW wouldn’t offer items in the packages though, in fear of having to close down the website and taking those items away from people.  Despite SW shutting down - and part of me still just hopes they’ll sell the fkn game to another company - I’m glad that I got to be there for the 9 years that I have. I’ve met some amazing people and was taught a lot of amazing lessons. I have a LOT of memories on SW, and I hope that I won’t forget them. Smallworlds honestly is super important in my life. I feel like it helped me grow when I was younger. It gave me things to do and friends to chat with. It opened my eyes to different cultures around me and it opened my eyes to the differences humans have. I was exposed to that at a young age, and ever since I feel that SW has impacted me in a good way since 2009. But SW will always be different than the rest of them - it’s simply the most unique virtual world anyone could have created. Absolutely nothing can one up Smallworlds. SW has the best graphics and more to do than a lot of virtual worlds. It really breaks my heart knowing that the place that was my safe haven - the place I’ve known my entire life - is shutting down and once the timer is up, I will never be able to go to those places again.  Although I have stopped playing as much as I did, obviously since I got older, SW was still the one thing I could go to when I was having a bad time. It sounds dumb, but being in my little house I decorated on there is really comforting, even if nobody else is there.  Deep in my heart, I hope there is something we can do to save the game. But also, I know that nothing will be changed. I’m grateful for all that SW has done for me - it’s just hard to say goodbye to something that has been so significant in your life.  I plan to go through all of my space, all of my missions, and record it and take screen shots. I don’t want to forget the amazing things I’ve done in the game. I want to take pictures with the girl - Kaylee - I’ve been friends with for so long due to this website. I guess the only thing I can do now, is spend the little time I have left on the game and appreciate it for what it’s worth. 

#text #personal #smallworlds #sw #dan smallworlds #virtual game #virtual world

[verdigrisprowl]

Mar 17 Bevel’s Movie Stream - end of season 1 of Star Trek Discovery

Prowl now has exactly zero tolerance for the presence of Tyler on screen, at all, in any context.

Even though their plan at the end worked, he objects to it because it carried too great a risk of making everything worse.

Today Bevel 7:20 pm *enjoy refreshments and all the lounging space you like, fun straws included* Tarantulas 7:20 pm (( is the audio skippy for anyone else? Bevel 7:21 pm ((Ah, good, I was wondering if it was my audio issues ((If it's still skippy on this song, I'll refresh some ((Ok, lemme refresh and see if that helps Tarantulas 7:22 pm (( kk! Bevel 7:23 pm ((my laptop has an audio glitch so I never know if audio issues are on my end or not Bevel 7:37 pm ((gonna start at 45 after if that's good for everyone? ItsyBitsySpyers 7:37 pm ((i assume this is fuzzytime cause fancy dance also?)) Prowl 7:38 pm ((works for me)) Tarantulas 7:38 pm (( dangit it's still skippy for me ItsyBitsySpyers 7:38 pm ((it's slightly twitchy audio here but still okay i think)) Ratchet 7:39 pm [[ what the heck the entire time i've been here it hasn't shown any messages ]] ItsyBitsySpyers 7:39 pm *Soundwave slides in like you do. Nobody seems to be here aside from Bevel, so he'll dance a few steps into the room.* *She already knows he does.* Ratchet 7:39 pm [[ did mine at least go through ]] ItsyBitsySpyers 7:39 pm ((i see them now)) Ratchet 7:39 pm [[ about ratchet bringing snacks? ]] Bevel 7:39 pm ((is it being skippy for anyone else but Hex? I'm honestly getting my normal audio glitch far as I can tell ItsyBitsySpyers 7:40 pm ((i didn't see the snax)) Ratchet 7:40 pm [[ fuq u rabbit k i'll rewrite as soon as i've scooped dinner into a bowl ]] Bevel 7:40 pm ((Oh, Fabu your messages went to private chat with me instead of the group chat Ratchet 7:41 pm [[ raBBIT whY ]] Bevel 7:41 pm ((because it hates happiness Ratchet 7:42 pm *pops in and heads for the snack table, if indeed there is one* Bevel 7:42 pm ((ok, last song and then I'll start Ratchet 7:42 pm *for the first time in quite a while Ratchet has BROUGHT snacks. not a lot, but one for each bot he has come to expect will be here. yes, soundwave and co. included. prowl's is naturally in liquid form.* Bevel 7:44 pm *claps for Soundwave's short dancing before anyone else arrives* ItsyBitsySpyers 7:44 pm *Soundwave freezes where he is and assumes a more composed figure. He prods the snacks meant for him and his curiously.* Prowl 7:44 pm *appears; surveys room; takes seat next to ratchet* Bevel 7:45 pm ((ok i forgot the opening to the song was like three minutes lol gonna start if everyone's ready Ratchet 7:45 pm *they're all the same, except for Prowl's. and Ratchet is taking the one for him and MOVING AWAY from the snack table* Bevel 7:45 pm Thanks, Ratchet! *she's gonna vault over her chair to get to the table quickly because why the frag not* ItsyBitsySpyers 7:46 pm *Well, he'll take their portion and MOVE AWAY to his own spot as well. With a polite* [[...Thank you.]] Ratchet 7:46 pm *he's trying a thing, but that's TOO close to Soundwave.* Don't mention it. Hey, Prowl. Prowl 7:47 pm Hello. Tarantulas 7:47 pm *time for tarantulas to show up just in time for the actual eps* Bevel 7:47 pm *best timing Tara* ItsyBitsySpyers 7:48 pm [[Ah, yes... the mirror timeline. We are in for a night, aren't we.]] Prowl 7:48 pm *hi tarantulas prowl is going to sort of stare at you and will you to come over.* Bevel 7:48 pm I hope so. I want to find out what happens with Lorca. ItsyBitsySpyers 7:48 pm *Settles into his seat and rests a few coils of his feelers over himself. Part warmth preservation, part protective blanket.* Ratchet 7:49 pm [[ i just got the best ask ]] [[ i'm laughing ]] Tarantulas 7:49 pm *oh, no need to will him to come over, he's already on his way, prowl* Ratchet 7:50 pm *Ratchet is going to will Tarantulas to sit on the other side of Prowl, please* ItsyBitsySpyers 7:50 pm ((what's the ask)) Prowl 7:51 pm *is lap an acceptable compromise* Ratchet 7:51 pm *no that's specifically what Ratchet is willing Tarantulas to not do. other side, other side, other side.* ItsyBitsySpyers 7:51 pm [[...The one who died handling the tardigrade.]] [[He wonders how much worse she will be here.]] Prowl 7:52 pm She's still alive. Perhaps she has some healthy self-preservation abilities. Ratchet 7:52 pm [[ "You know, Jazz answers as Iacon Central Headquarters often enough I'm half waiting for mechs to start calling his private comm thinking they have the number for the actual central headquarters." ]] ItsyBitsySpyers 7:52 pm ((LMAO)) Bevel 7:52 pm ((lol Prowl 7:52 pm ((omg)) Tarantulas 7:54 pm *sadly for prowl, tarantulas is gonna settle in at prowl's side unless suggested otherwise* Prowl 7:55 pm *well, good enough. he'll quietly weave an arm around Tarantulas's elbow.* ItsyBitsySpyers 7:57 pm [[Easily.]] *Mutter.* Prowl 7:58 pm ... Keep this footage out of Decepticon hands. Bevel 7:58 pm ...which Decepticons? ItsyBitsySpyers 7:59 pm [[He has shared none of it.]] Prowl 7:59 pm All Decepticons, obviously. ItsyBitsySpyers 7:59 pm *Looks at Bevel. What did you do.* Bevel 7:59 pm Even the negative polarity ones? *nothing, she's just wondering specifics* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:00 pm [[Even them. If they were captured and interrogated by Ra-- by the enemy, the information would become available to someone we already know would use it.]] Prowl 8:00 pm The terminology "negative polarity" is poor because it sets up a false dichotomy along a single axis while ignoring all the other axes upon which two universes might be "opposite" to each other. Bevel 8:02 pm The only other word I have heard used was shattered. Prowl 8:02 pm As have I. Also flawed for the same reasons. It's "broken" in comparison to an artificially-established list of criteria via which a universe is defined as "unbroken." From the perspective of a Decepticon in a "shattered" universe, OUR universes are the "shattered" ones in which Decepticons have morally drifted astray. Bevel 8:03 pm Oh oh! How about emberverse? Since they have embers instead of sparks. Prowl 8:03 pm Better, we'll go with that. Bevel 8:03 pm *yay* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:03 pm *Quietly adjusts his language banks.* Prowl 8:04 pm Anyway—them too, because possessing an ember isn't necessarily going to ensure they possess the correct moral code. Bevel 8:04 pm I will keep these records safe. Soundwave can help. Prowl 8:04 pm A single network, that one person is capable of destroying completely by ACCIDENT, links a large number of universes, and much organic life is dependent upon it. Ratchet 8:05 pm Sounds like exactly the kind of thing Megatron'd love. Prowl 8:05 pm He said that "life as they know it"—in other words, organic life—will die if the system dies. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:05 pm [[It is.]] Bevel 8:05 pm That would be awful. Prowl 8:06 pm It does. Organic life's weak spot. Destroy it and mecha rule the universe—every universe. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:07 pm [[...He hopes the Stamets we know understands his alternate's work well enough to save them without him.]] Prowl 8:08 pm It wouldn't be on the top of every Decepticons' priority lists, but enough. Bevel 8:08 pm ...This guy sounds like Megatron but less angry. Tarantulas 8:08 pm I think it depends more on how clever Stamets is in the first place. He should be able to figure it out on his own. Tarantulas 8:10 pm * !!! organic life signs made undetectable* Tarantulas 8:11 pm *he wonders if stamets gave her that tech. tara might have a small crush on the man now* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:11 pm *Only now?* Tarantulas 8:11 pm *hush you* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:12 pm *....Has trouble imagining himself doing the same thing in the Michael human's shoes.* *She is a brave fleshling.* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:17 pm *Leans forward.* Prowl 8:17 pm *same* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:18 pm [[The coordinates should still be in the captain's chair. That is where he modified them.]] Prowl 8:18 pm ... A good act. She made it more believable by not acting like she was totally on board with him. She used her real reluctance and distrust to make it MORE believable that she was joining him. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:19 pm *Nodding.* Prowl 8:19 pm *in prowl's opinion that's some damn high level acting there. level 10 spy work.* *it's probably more like level 6 spy work, which is why it's a good thing prowl isn't an agent himself.* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:20 pm *Uncomfortable shift. This is a trap. Lorca is going to take them all out despite his promise to Michael.* Bevel 8:20 pm *Bevel was impressed either way* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:21 pm *OH* Ratchet 8:21 pm It's not her Georgiou, but it's nice to see 'em together again. Prowl 8:22 pm In a twisted way, yes. Bevel 8:22 pm *watching the hand-to-hand avidly* Tarantulas 8:22 pm *hums in agreement* Ratchet 8:22 pm [[ that's a high kick prowl would be proud of ]] Prowl 8:22 pm Of course, she is a tyrant. And we've no evidence she's any less brutal a tyrant than Lorca would have been. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:25 pm *Plating shudder.* [[That did not look pleasant.]] [[But there is an obvious problem with this 'victory'.]] *Motions to Philippa's comment.* Prowl 8:25 pm What? The fact that she's going to die anyway? ItsyBitsySpyers 8:26 pm [[Yes. That is, a problem for her. Personally, he would be glad to see it. One moment of mercy cannot guarantee more.]] [[...And that was damned stupid.]] Prowl 8:26 pm It was. Bevel 8:26 pm Oh. Oh no. Tarantulas 8:27 pm *bouncing in his seat a little* Bevel 8:27 pm She should not have done that. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:27 pm [[-Throw her back.-]] Prowl 8:27 pm Because it went so well the last time someone with the goals, skills, and aspirations of an emperor entered their universe with the rank of a captain. Ratchet 8:27 pm *sighs and leans forward to put face in hands* She really did that. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:28 pm *PERK. Look... look at how beautiful...* Tarantulas 8:29 pm *isn't it tho* Prowl 8:29 pm What's she going to do with her?! Release her in the wild? Keep her in a cage and comb her fur sometimes? ItsyBitsySpyers 8:30 pm *Shakes himself a little. What he wouldn't do to travel that, just once...* [[They can do nothing except keep her a permanent prisoner. It would be better she were dead.]] [[NINE MONTHS?]] [[...Nine months facing the Klingons without their warping ability...]] Bevel 8:32 pm Oh no. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:32 pm *Primus below.* Bevel 8:32 pm Oh no they lost. Prowl 8:32 pm But have they any legal right to lock her up? She's committed no crime against Starfleet. By their own laws they have no just reason to keep her locked up. Therefore, they're either legally obligated to set a dangerous warlord free, or morally obligated to violate their own laws and wrongfully imprison what is, technically, an innocent person. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:33 pm [[Surely the various threats against the Michael human's person...?]] Prowl 8:34 pm She thought that she was speaking t-- ItsyBitsySpyers 8:34 pm *Oh, this is going to be a rough one, isn't it.* Prowl 8:34 pm *DAMN those needle fingers.* *give him a moment.* ... She thought she was speaking to a traitor who had attempted a coup against her. She was within her legal rights to punish said traitor accordingly. She ceased her attempts when Michael's true identity was revealed. Tarantulas 8:35 pm *processes for a moment, then wraps an extra arm or two around prowl. can't help himself* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:35 pm [[...That will not help his perception of her, will it.]] Prowl 8:36 pm *... why arms?* Tarantulas 8:36 pm *nnno reason* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:37 pm [[And he supposes that is true. Perhaps they will get lucky and she will pick a fight with someone capable of ending it.]] Ratchet 8:37 pm *shifts aside a little* Prowl 8:37 pm *looks at ratchet. ... looks at tarantulas. hm.* Ratchet 8:37 pm *... scoots a little to put legs back in contact with Prowl's* Prowl 8:37 pm *... looks at feet.* *oh, prowl's not going to like this scene. please no more tyler scenes.* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:38 pm [[...She is willing to use Saru for insight, and yet she will not return the favor.]] Prowl 8:39 pm She's under no obligation to face that. The "favor" he asks for is high. *dammit they're having a tyler scene even though she left. he'd got his hopes up when michael left.* Bevel 8:39 pm Especially after he tried to kill her. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:41 pm [[She -ate one of his brethren-. It might help restore his opinion of her.]] Prowl 8:41 pm Not knowingly or willingly. She can make it up to him another way. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:42 pm *Soft vent. He can see he's outnumbered on this.*

((though i myself agree with her not going in)) [[...Did the Fire Wolf's rebels find a way into the timel--]] *Helm tilt. What is this? Are these survivors?* Prowl 8:43 pm ... Oh. They're checking f— ... for— for more Voqs. Bevel 8:45 pm I am glad the admiral is ok. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:45 pm *They MUST be desperate. A Vulcan just used his mental abilities without asking permission first. That is nigh unthinkable.* Prowl 8:46 pm *YES. IT IS, INDEED, RATHER SHAKING.* Prowl 8:47 pm *oh, good, mass slaughter of civilians, Prowl can handle this.* Bevel 8:47 pm *she'd rather go back to the mind melding ;v;* Ratchet 8:48 pm *okay nevermind the spider arms, Ratchet is shifting back over to lean on Prowl* Tarantulas 8:48 pm *tara won't bother him, rest assured* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:49 pm *...Suddenly can't hear, doesn't know what they're talking about, doing bizarre things to resurrect loved ones, who does that.* *Certainly not rational mechs like him, no.* [[It was not you. You live only because you were rescued in a moment of mistaken compassion.]] Prowl 8:51 pm She said, more or less, "One is alive, one is dead, BUT I will let you determine who is stronger." The "but" implies that she believes the answer will be the reverse of what the first half of the sentence would imply. I think she called herself the weak one. Bevel 8:52 pm Punch him. Prowl 8:53 pm Despite the fact that it wasn't really him, I think a punch wouldn't be unjustified. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:53 pm [[It would be understandable, at least.]] Bevel 8:53 pm ...that might have been just as good but I still would have punched him. Prowl 8:53 pm Understandable. Yes. That's a better word. Ratchet 8:53 pm Tilly's so good. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:54 pm ((tilly is my whole world)) Bevel 8:54 pm ((Tilly is everything <3 Prowl 8:54 pm Big change from Miss "We Have Assigned Seating." Tarantulas 8:54 pm (( truth. but hhh. i'm not feeling well irl, i might have to go nap ItsyBitsySpyers 8:54 pm ((aaaaaaa noooo ;; but feeling good is important, if you have to nap you have to nap *pet pet* )) Prowl 8:54 pm ((:c *hugs*)) Bevel 8:54 pm ((*pets* Hope you feel better soon. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:55 pm ((we can catch you up some time)) Tarantulas 8:55 pm (( assume tarantulas had to leave for an emergency i guess ;;; ItsyBitsySpyers 8:55 pm ((FIRE IN THE LAB)) Bevel 8:55 pm ((something exploded *sucks in air through her teeth* Nooooo. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:57 pm [[He wonders if the Earthlings know yet.]] [[...Or if they have been taken over.]] Prowl 8:58 pm *... he already misses the arms.* Prowl 9:01 pm Because the last time she asked a parent figure how to beat the Klingons, it went so well. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:01 pm *Huff* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:03 pm ((*giggles for ooc reasons*)) ItsyBitsySpyers 9:04 pm ((half expected prowl to be over there like "oh hey hitting every single military installation on a planet at once, i've done that")) Ratchet 9:05 pm [[ i was thinking that []] [[ it's just like the happy fic ]] ItsyBitsySpyers 9:05 pm ((ye)) Prowl 9:05 pm ((i was doing duolingo lmao)) ItsyBitsySpyers 9:06 pm [[...They're going to plant more?]] *Fascinated. Which quickly drops away.* [[Why is he there. He should not be there.]] Prowl 9:06 pm (("i'm a better parent than you")) ItsyBitsySpyers 9:07 pm *This cannot end well.* Bevel 9:07 pm ... Prowl 9:07 pm Hm. She suggested hitting the military installations. She meant destroying the entire planet. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:08 pm [[Of course she did.]] Prowl 9:08 pm I HAD wondered why she didn't say that in the first place. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:10 pm *...No.* Ratchet 9:10 pm [[ i'm still 100% over the "love" thing ]] ItsyBitsySpyers 9:10 pm [[She waited for one who would agree.]] Prowl 9:12 pm ... She is under NO obligation to be his salvation. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:14 pm *Oooh?* *What fabulous little devices.* ((rabbit why are you eating my messages)) Prowl 9:15 pm *honestly, deep down, just wants to keep Tyler off the screen as much as possible.* ((look! it spat them back out)) Bevel 9:15 pm ((gj rabbit ItsyBitsySpyers 9:16 pm [[...That is amazing. He did not know organic - plants? Could grow so rapidly.]] Bevel 9:16 pm Whoa that is fast. Prowl 9:17 pm He isn't gone! He's still in your head! You've said so yourself! ItsyBitsySpyers 9:18 pm [[She cannot do this because you TRIED TO KILL HER.]] Prowl 9:19 pm Who is HE to accuse her of being unfair! He DID try to kill her! And—AS SHE SAID—he lied to her—in a way that endangered her life and killed a doctor! His love for her doesn't change what he did and what he is, and it doesn't obligate her to help him. She does not owe him that. Not a bit. Bevel 9:20 pm *frowns at Tyler* Ratchet 9:20 pm Why does it have to be her, anyway. He's got friends. Prowl 9:20 pm The fact that he has decided he needs her in his life doesn't mean she should give up a part of her own life for him. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:21 pm *Recording her words so hard.* Ratchet 9:21 pm [[ anyway i hate that they were ever involved i hated their whole subplot ]] ItsyBitsySpyers 9:21 pm ((i'm glad they had her leave tho)) Prowl 9:22 pm He said it himself. The other crewmates have been kinder to him than her. So he can turn to THEM for emotional support. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:23 pm [[.........No.]] [[They aren't this naive...]] Prowl 9:24 pm They were JUST IN the other universe! Bevel 9:25 pm ((okay, it's early enough we can end the season if y'all want Prowl 9:25 pm ((i wanna)) ItsyBitsySpyers 9:25 pm ((YES PLZ)) Ratchet 9:25 pm [[ yeh ]] Bevel 9:25 pm ((aight let's do this ItsyBitsySpyers 9:25 pm *Curls his fingers into his knees. Is this an alternate timeline from the one he knows? He's heard of a splinter where Vulcan is destroyed. It's got to be possible.* Ratchet 9:26 pm [[ i gotta run to the bathroom real quick first tho pls ]] Bevel 9:26 pm ((go for it Prowl 9:26 pm ((*runs too*)) Ratchet 9:28 pm [[ ty ]] [[ also i think i've mentioned but i appreciate that you leave the captions on ]] Bevel 9:29 pm This is the last file I could find from this part of their timeline. I will keep looking but I can show other stuff I have found. ((I need them myself but I'm always happy to accommodate, they're so useful ((Cro and Puff ran off as well so we've got a moment to enjoy CBS' beautiful logo ItsyBitsySpyers 9:31 pm ((i use the captions too tbh. leave them on for our tv at home all the time)) Prowl 9:31 pm ((okay back)) Bevel 9:31 pm ((also also, Disco got nominated for 5 Saturn Awards \o/ Ratchet 9:31 pm [[ i have captions on for youtube and netflix, always ]] ItsyBitsySpyers 9:32 pm ((just a sec, waiting on soup to microwave)) Bevel 9:32 pm ((same, ok we ready? ((ok still waiting ItsyBitsySpyers 9:32 pm ((the only time i don't use captions on movie nights is if i have to find it like on youtube or something and it doesn't have them... but tbh that's why we started renting things off amazon)) Prowl 9:33 pm ((i usually don't leave captions on because when i do i automatically focus on reading them, even if i can understand the dialogue perfectly, instead of actually looking at what's happening on screen)) Ratchet 9:33 pm [[ i usually can't understand he dialogue perfectly, i just don't process it ]] Prowl 9:34 pm ((and then get distracted/irked by captioner or timing errors)) Bevel 9:34 pm ((Same, I've got auditory processing issues bad Ratchet 9:34 pm [[ i'm usually done reading captions well before they're done speaking and can focus on the visual ]] Prowl 9:34 pm ((i focus on them THROUGH the speaking EVEN THOUGH i've already read them because my brain doesn't know how to stop looking when there are words to look at)) Bevel 9:35 pm ((Hopefully Disco's timing hasn't been too off for you, Puff ItsyBitsySpyers 9:35 pm ((aaaaah i'm sorry ;; i hope it doesn't make mondays too rough but ye auditory processing problems here too ;; ))

((soup got)) Prowl 9:36 pm ((it's been awful. the words linger on the screen long after the dialogue is over until someone says something new, and whenever klingons say something it's covered up by captions that say "[speaking in klingon]" like THANKS, NOW MOVE)) Bevel 9:36 pm ((ok gonna start now Prowl 9:36 pm ((LIKE THAT!!)) ItsyBitsySpyers 9:36 pm ((CASE IN POINT)) ((i hate that too don't worry)) ((ACTUALLY when the text appears on the bottom the captions should temporarily move to the top of the screen... that's how it's supposed to be)) ((idk why they don't do it like that)) Prowl 9:37 pm ((USUALLY captions i see do that. that would fix it.)) Bevel 9:37 pm ((i really wish they would do that yeah Prowl 9:37 pm ((i have like, mild auditory processing problems. when i watch something on my own i usually turn off the captions, watch until i don't process something they said, mutter in annoyance, rewind ten seconds, turn on captions, watch until i realize that idk what's happening on screen because i'm reading the captions instead, mutter in annoyance, turn them off, rinse, repeat)) ItsyBitsySpyers 9:37 pm ((and if there are items on top and bottom then they just stay on the bottom)) ((oof)) Bevel 9:38 pm ((i just... keep watching and don't understand what's happening ItsyBitsySpyers 9:39 pm *Soundwave folds his hands and settles into them. This is already going poorly.* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:41 pm [[She will get herself terminated in her sleep.]] Prowl 9:42 pm I don't think the emperor will wait until she's asleep. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:42 pm [[You're probably right.]] *HUFF* Ratchet 9:43 pm [[ i love georgiou's accent ]] Bevel 9:44 pm ((Michelle Yeoh is such a gift Prowl 9:46 pm *every scene with him is unpleasant.* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:47 pm *Soundwave pings Prowl.*

[[You recall Odo and Quark being trapped on the mountain and discussions of the Orion Syndicate?]] [[They speak of them.]] Prowl 9:49 pm I recall. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:49 pm [[And the Lorca human had an entire room of weapons. He is sure they have plenty to trade.]] Ratchet 9:49 pm [[ :c tilly's curls are beautiful ]] Bevel 9:50 pm ((i love her hair so much ItsyBitsySpyers 9:51 pm ((who even eats ceti eels)) ((what person said "i'll take this mind-controlling worm bug thing and EAT IT")) Bevel 9:54 pm ((Trill~ Prowl 9:54 pm *heavy frown. Prowl does not like this place. not at all.* *it has bead curtains.* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:54 pm [[...Really. On a mission and this is where she decides to be?]] ((oh my god prowl)) Prowl 9:55 pm Do you know many better places to find influential people with poor impulse control than a sex club? ((SUBTITLES)) Bevel 9:56 pm ((I'm gonna skip back and remove them for a second ItsyBitsySpyers 9:56 pm ((can you rewind and uncover)) [[...Comment withdrawn. You are, of course, right.]] Bevel 9:58 pm ((maybe they'll be less annoying if they're smaller Prowl 9:58 pm ... See. He still has the same person underneath. Bevel 9:58 pm Oooo. *leans forward* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:59 pm *...What kind of art was that? He wants one.*

[[Their memories, at least.]] Prowl 9:59 pm A person IS their memories. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:59 pm [[You won't find an argument here. He meant a separate set from Tyler's.]] Bevel 9:59 pm So he is both Ash and Voq now? ItsyBitsySpyers 10:01 pm [[Mm.]] Bevel 10:02 pm *excited about these tattoos* Prowl 10:04 pm ((i like that she waited until after she'd got laid to interrogate them.)) Bevel 10:04 pm ((Tilly you're so perfect ItsyBitsySpyers 10:04 pm [[He knew it.]] [[How did they NOT see this coming?]] Prowl 10:05 pm They knew something was happening. They didn't know what or how soon. They probably thought they could see it coming before it happened and head it off. ... I suppose they DID see it coming before it happened. Narrowly. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:10 pm [[...Ahhh.]] Bevel 10:10 pm They are giving it to L'rell? Prowl 10:10 pm Tyler, I expect. Mm. Could be wrong. Prowl 10:13 pm ... I'm not sure giving her the power to reunify Klingon is the best strategic decision. Bevel 10:14 pm But it was a peaceful one. Prowl 10:14 pm There are many peaceful strategies that don't involve giving her the power to reunify the army that's steadily slaughtering their people. Ratchet 10:15 pm They're competing to see who can kill the most now, though. United, they'll be more predictable. Prowl 10:15 pm And more efficient. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:16 pm [[It does prove that the Federation does not wish them to crumble and perish.]] Prowl 10:17 pm They could have proven that by finding some Klingon pacifist to hand the weapon to. Prowl 10:18 pm ... Hm. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:18 pm [[He doubts they would command the respect necessary to convince the others they would follow through with it.]] Prowl 10:18 pm They're fortunate she called for peace. In prison, she was very much against it. They wouldn't need to "convince the others they would follow through with it"—the POINT is, the Federation could prove to the Klingons that they don't want them to crumble and perish by giving the bomb to someone THEY KNOW will never detonate it. Bevel 10:20 pm ((Sarek gets 1 parent point. He's now at -99 Prowl 10:20 pm ((eyyyy, down to double digits! way to go sarek.)) Bevel 10:20 pm *memorizes this* Bevel 10:24 pm ((look at my pizza cutter ships i love them Prowl 10:24 pm ((of course the USS enterprise is hailing for help)) ((they're in trouble every 12 minutes)) Bevel 10:24 pm ((lol ItsyBitsySpyers 10:25 pm *Can see what Prowl is getting at, but is certain they could not have found such a person in so short a time, and does not know that it would work when so much revolves around a willingness to do battle. He would like to see what happened in a timeline where that WAS the case. Make some decisions with more data.* Ratchet 10:25 pm [[ wow that season went all over the map and then some ]] Bevel 10:25 pm ((I really hope this means next season we get to see Number One ahhhhh ItsyBitsySpyers 10:25 pm ((i think part of it was that they changed people in charge like partway through the season? but also they didn't know if they were gonna have a second so GO ALL OUT)) [[A pleasing enough tale, though he is concerned about the free-roaming Terran.]] [[For now, he should return home. There is much to do.]] ItsyBitsySpyers 10:28 pm ((like DANCIN time to write that up)) Bevel 10:28 pm If I find more files I will let you know. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:28 pm ((well, greeting the lady sparklight anyway)) Prowl 10:28 pm *turns to Ratchet* I will see you... the next time we have one of these, I suppose. Ratchet 10:28 pm [[ prowl pls "in between blue and magenta" ]] Prowl 10:28 pm ((there are six colors, okay)) ItsyBitsySpyers 10:28 pm [[Thank you. He appreciates the additions to his records. It is surprisingly difficult to acquire this data at times.]] Prowl 10:29 pm ((red, yellow, green, cyan, blue, and magenta)) ItsyBitsySpyers 10:29 pm [[Something about so much of it being classified.]] *Quiet huffing.* Prowl 10:29 pm Pff. I can't imagine what kind of encryption these files were initially kept under. Ratchet 10:29 pm Mhmm. I'll see ya. Prowl 10:30 pm ... I can go outside, now. We should—visit. Sometime. Bevel 10:30 pm *yes ignore how encrypted these files were >_>* I want to see the mushroom planet. Ratchet 10:31 pm You mentioned something about that. I wasn't sure--but yes. The Ark's always open to you. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:31 pm [[It tends to be quite powerful, for organic security. He finds appealing to the right people works wonders, though.]]

*And on THAT note... a small bow to Bevel, a nod to Ratchet and Prowl with a ping for the latter, and he'll get on his way.* Bevel 10:32 pm *waves to Soundwave* ((nope weak she changed the pronouns Prowl 10:34 pm *a farewell ping to Soundwave and to Ratchet, and he disappears as well.* Bevel 10:37 pm ((Lemme know when you've got the log, Puff Prowl 10:38 pm ((got it!)) Bevel 10:39 pm ((ok!

#chat