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#so it's like ur tricking urself into thinking u enjoy THIS THING YOU ABSOLUTELY *DO* ACTUALLY ENJOY DAMMIT
little-seed · 3 years
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drawing out a rough concept to see if the finished art will give the look you’re going for, to figure out how best to execute your idea is... good. it’s good to Follow The Process of art with brainstorming, thumbnails, blah blah blah
but it has the same effect on my brain of bullet-pointing a story. like. i’ve done all this work. i have a good idea of where things are headed (barring any surprises/sparks of inspiration) and how it will all work out if everything goes as planned. so do i really need to put in the effort to actually Make The Thing???
#yes the answer is yes i want to make the thing i am going to make the thing bc i *want* to make the thing#but the feelgood brain chemical dispenser's like ''well u used it all. u have ur answer move on to something else if u want more''#so then it feels like trying to entice a child who says they love being outside to do like. yard chores.#make a game make a game out of it make a game out of eeeevvverything games and contests and adventures and stories#it takes so much work to 1) be engaged; but also??? 2) TO BE ENGAGING. TOWARD YOURSELF.#ahhhhhhhhhhhh#brain hacks: exercise before sitting down to do stuff you *genuinely want to do* but can't seem to do--brain already has feelgood chemicals#so it's like ur tricking urself into thinking u enjoy THIS THING YOU ABSOLUTELY *DO* ACTUALLY ENJOY DAMMIT#hack number two is caffeine/sugar but that's not very healthy in the long run. especially if ur body doesn't handle them well.#hmm? i guess exercise can be abused too huh. so it's all about moderation??? and. variety????? yeah?#rn it's not so much that im struggling to find ways to make things work it's more i just wanna complain about the fact that#i have to find ways to make things work instead of things just working. ugh. effort??? i have to exert effort???? gross.#people talk about self-discipline like it's sitting down and Just Doing It#but in my experience when Just Doing It has never?? been feasible in the way it might be for an NT brain (idk im guessing it is for them)#self-discipline is more about having the discipline to sit with yourself and troubleshoot and regulate#so even if you're on the path of preparation for Just Doing The Thing.. bc it's a *meandering* path and *can be* an intensive process#on the outside it might just look like goofing off.#like a bunch of unnecessary steps where you're just making things harder for yourself when in fact ur doin the opposite!!#and then hoo boy if u *internalize* that shit?? and u yourself start thinkin ur just goofing off? eugh. why.#why is it like this.#(okay rant over!! time to eat some food!)#oh a tangent i won't get into: how it's all related to energy levels and how having low spoons can make it seem like normal things#take up *more* spoons than typical bc there are all these background/midground processes going on constantly eating up energy#that ppl who don't struggle with this kinda stuff don't even have to rly THINK about in their very straightforward lives.#HHHHHHHHH#ok that's it all good.#ok sandwich time im craving MUSTARD
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