Symphogear, EP. 6
Last Time on Grand Theft Auto:
Tsubasa recovers from the world’s gayest coma as Hibiki trains her mind while putting aside such silly concepts as “the love of my life” and “literally being with my girlfriend.” After cooling Miku’s paranoia with her brand new washboard abs, Genjuro prepares the team for a pizza run across the city to deliver a dangerously hot pizza pie named Durandal. Chaos emerges as the delivery is intercepted by a rival pizza gang, lead by the nefarious Gremlin known as Yukine Chris. But, before the pizza could be claimed, dedicated pizza deliverywoman Hibiki not only steals it back, but eats it, harnessing the power of the pizza and unleashing cheesy pasta based chaos around the location.
Ryoko is so into it that she taps into her superpowers and protects Hibiki after she passes out. The delivery is considered a failure, and no tip is given.
And so, the journey continues...
Meanwhile, in this weird, tricked out mansion...
Chris meditates on some water metaphors of her own.
“that pacman colored freak took only touching it to activate a cheap ass french sword that gave her weird demon powers and its taken me YEARS to use this dumb stripper outfit and the funny cane that goes with it, what the FUCK man, what even is my life”
“maybe... maybe honeybaked hams ARE that powerful...”
“NO! turkey is the superior meat! it’s healthier, lower in fat, and way more tasty! fuck you! i’ll get my goddamned revenge!”
Chris begins musing about Fine’s motivations to capture Hibiki; during these, we’re treated to some brief image flashbacks of Chris’s life.
Suddenly, those jokes about food are a lot less funny.
It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together as to why this young woman is helping a strange nudist dominatrix spread alien terror across the city of mumblednoises, Japan. She doesn’t really have many an option on the table. It’s either help the weird kinkster with her plans, or die.
Despite everything, she has a high opinion of Fine, for the same reasons someone might have a high opinion of a television show if it were the only show they were ever exposed to. She is deeply afraid of being alone again, because she has lived through such misery that the very thought of existing out in the cold again terrifies the shit out of her.
The Sun rises casually amidst Chris’s thoughts.
“ah shit. it just hit me. i literally have spent the entire night standing here instead of actually going the fuck to sleep. goddamnit.”
On such a devious metaphorical twist, Fine stands behind her as the Sun rises.
“yeah, jokes on you. i couldnt sleep for shit either. turns out, all nude, no blankets? in japan? real bad idea.”
“thats why i decided to GO GOTH, babey! whattaya think? do i give those witchy vibes, huh? real ‘black magic woman’ santana hours? feeling cute, gonna head out with the girls and summon satan in the woods kinda aesthetic looking shit? come on, be real with me. does this not look baller?”
“you look like morticia decided to go to the grocery store to buy some wonder bread, but other than that, its a step up from your usual pussy out attitude, so sure”
“you know i decided to get some brain cells on loan from Brain Cells R Us, and ive been thinking this solomon cane stuff is solomon lame. i dont need this dumb oversized harry potter cosplay prop to get shit done. also, murder is... sorta bad? im still trying to get the brain cell stuff down.”
“i can punch just as good as goody two shoes if not better.”
“lol go do it then champ, im gonna go cut down a forest of trees now”
And so, they both just kinda... stand there.
“QUACK, NEXT SCENE, QUACK”
Meanwhile, Tsubasa is rapidly trying to rehabilitate herself from her wounds like walking like a madman, her IV drip presumably filled with Taco Bell brand Doritos Locos Tacos super spicy nacho cheese. Taco Bell: Live Mas.
“im gonna clear every fucking taco bell in your goddamned memory, kanade”
“think outside the bun! wait, what? that was a taco bell slogan? ah fuck it, im dead. what nerd’s gonna try and correct me?”
“i would, kanade. i am that nerd.”
Tsubasa is hell bent to try and understand Kanade’s simple philosophy of helping others selflessly. Unfortunately, when Kanade died, she took all the brain cells between them in the process, so coming to this epiphany is a work in progress.
“listen its a fucking miracle you are 1. alive and 2. able to have your blood run on the garbage melted plastic taco bell tries to dupe people into believing is cheese so why dont you just lie down and think of better franchises to eat from”
“no! you dont understand! taco bell is a franchise of the PEOPLE! their meals are cheap and filling and- and the chicken quesadillas are of good quality for their price! i promised kanade- my vow to the death. taco bell... ergh... now and forever... i-”
“wait. my gay senses are tingling.”
It’s Hibiki, probably running track with Miku.
“oh yeah... her... i should probably apologize to her. about trying to kill her. and then letting her almost be kidnapped. and just giving her a general hard time about something that wasn’t explained to her in the slightest for months. she’s a good bean.”
Tsubasa proceeds to never canonically apologize to Hibiki throughout the entirety of all 4 seasons of Symphogear.
Look at em run. See, it’s a metaphor, because they haven’t communicated yet and they’re running from their problems! But they’re running towards Tsubasa, who is part of the representative problem these two share! Clearly literary genius.
It’s like someone went halfway into writing an NTR plotline and went “maybe this isn’t a good idea to market our songs on.”
Hibiki is still thinking about her Hellshake Yano moment with Durandal. Mainly how she nearly killed someone with it. Hibiki is very starkly in the “killing is bad, and wrong” camp of morality, a trait currently unique to her that she’ll wind up teaching literally everyone else she meets one way or another.
Some could argue the L stands for Lydian, and they’re wrong. It stands for Lesbian.
“that was one hell of a run, hibiki! im pooped! why dont we go to the locker room and call it a day, have a nice shower and just get some dinn-”
“this is the last straw.
i clean your plates. i cook your food. we eat, shit, shower, and sleep in the same FUCKING area, and this is how you repay me? huh? you think being your wife is easy shit, hibiki? half the damn time you’re running off like clark kent having food poisoning and the other half ive gotta babysit you, the emotional equivalent of a preteen clown, to make sure your life doesn’t self destruct harder than Atlantis sinking into the ocean. im done! i am DONE. im reopening my tinder, im slamming my ass BACK into okcupid, and im gonna date some CUTE ACADEMY GIRLS that treat me BETTER than this ABSOLUTE BETRAYAL OF HEART AND IM NOT CRYING I SWEAR ITS JUST THE SWEAT IN MY EYES AND HIBIKI HOW COULD YOU-”
“oh yeah, sure! hey, lemme just do a few more laps, ive just been feeling judgmental about myself and my figure, you know? gotta push myself further...”
“o-oh yeah, sure. no worries, ill wait for you. love you too, hibiki...”
The girls bathe together, as good friends typically do.
“hey you ever notice the showers here have like, weird psuedo-luxurious minipools to bathe in? like, how rich is this school?”
“whoever made this place is either rich or a pervert. or both, probably!”
Miku remarks that Hibiki has changed since she’s entered Lydian, in a manner most unheterosexual.
“oh FUCK you really DO have washboard abs now! ohhh my god.”
“damn, those abs were heavenly. let’s get pancakes later.”
I won’t screenshot it but something to note is that they actually wear each other’s corresponding underwear colors (or even, if you want to examine more closely, each other’s underwear). Here’s an equivalent scene to give you the mental image.
This is the face of someone who knows what they want and already have it. Such is the power of Kohinata Miku.
Meanwhile, Genjuro comes back from the funeral of the guy the Americans filled violently and with impunity.
“yo that all black look looks baller. i should borrow that look... id look pretty gothy in it.”
“ryoko i sympathize with your sharp, fashionista eye but this was for a funeral, i was paying my respects to the dead. thats the usual dress code.”
“didnt know they updated that. i remember back in my day, we just went in white garments and chanted in latin!”
“shit was fire. literally. lots of funeral pyres.”
“lmao ryoko buddy your larping sessions arent actual history”
“hey dont shit on larping around me. i used to be a professional larper while i was majoring in acting. helped really sell my career when i had to pretend to slay the Dark Lord Jyarloen atop the mountain of skulls in Hargobor after my family was killed by the Dark Army. asshole.”
“haha yeah, larping, thats cool yeah, i do that
i...
i larp.”
“oh yeah? you wanna join my larping session sometime then? we’re gonna do an ancient babylon plot thats inspired by some anime, itll be fun”
“.....................................im super into realism.”
“i know im dressed for a funeral but id like to not part ways with my dignity yet. besides, we’ve got serious shit to talk about. basically, we’re on the verge of getting shitcanned.”
As it turns out, the death of this politician removed the last obstacle of opposition to maintain the 2nd Division, as the average criticism against the 2nd Division is “why are we funding this mystery division when we don’t know what they do”. Of course, the sensible idea for an organization that defeats the Noise is to declassify it, given people of different jobs and positions have physically seen the Symphogear in action, but you know. “Oh no, the other governments will come after us” stick gets shaken.
“im in a union. i know my rights. you’re not taking my acting job here away from me.”
“im not going back to be a preschool teacher. its been ten year. the bites on my ankles still havent healed...”
“yeah man, shit sucks ass. i cant fund my adoption habits if im fired.”
Look at these cinematic parallels. Symphogear truly is a franchise made by someone living in 3030.
“worst part is the new minister is super into america. he’s a... westaboo.”
“a westaboo?”
“westaboo?”
“did he just unironically say westaboo”
“he said westaboo. oh my god. this is the hell timeline.”
“i mean people kept calling me that for worshipping all these fighting flicks so i guess it fit? i dont see the problem here”
Meanwhile, in Lydian Academy...
“so it hit me, right? we’re ALL girls. and we ALL sing. now, humor me a moment. what if... what if we’ve all been recruited to potentially be superheroes... through our singing? like, there’s no coincidence that all this shit happens around us, right? and a famous singer LIVES here? i saw the black cars outside! weird shit is happening here- im not even gonna eat the all you can eat bar anymore!”
“kathy there is literally no such thing as superheroes who sing. this place is more likely to be a organ harvesting op than whatever madness you’re saying”
“what? you need me, a singing superhero, to go stop a problem happening underneath the school, a location meant to recruit young women into potentially becoming fellow crime fighting singers?”
“yeah im too busy poppin’ caps in asses so go kick ass in my place”
“sure!”
“.....................................who ya talkin to, hibiki?”
“the boss! gotta go do a thing again...”
“hibiki, i dont like the fact that capitalism is tearing us apart.”
“you’ve gotta join me in the revolution, hibiki. you. me. luxury automated gay space communism. aint it the dream? share my vision, hibiki. its glorious.”
“n... no...? no gay space communism today? well, what about tomorrow? or the next day? or... maybe the next day? baby steps, you say? but, direction action, hibiki! we’ve gotta strike now!”
“it’s okay hibiki. when i take over the world and destroy all first world government leaders, and unite the globe in my encompassing reign and love... ill make sure to spare you, and be my bride to be.”
“thanks miku. im just not ready yet for the globe to burn in an unending ball of fire as the continents fuse into a new utopia composed of our combined wills. also, ive really gotta go, its genuinely an emergency.”
“for the cause!”
“yes hibiki... for the cause...”
Admittedly, you can see the stages of grief Miku goes through when she sees Hibiki say she can’t join her for pancakes. It’s sad. This side story sucks.
Meanwhile, as it turns out, the problem Hibiki needed to resolve was checking on Tsubasa to see if she hadn’t dissolved into Taco Bell brand hot n’ spicy Tabasco sauce.
“god, cant believe taco bell was closed. now i gotta deliver these lame ass flowers”
“cant wait to get threatened again. wonder what she’ll say. ‘hibiki, i should have killed you when i had the chance.’ or ‘you’re so goddamned weak. i could break your spine with my fingernail’, or some other stuff about metaphors. oh, my stops here”
“HEY BITCH WHATS GOOD-”
“HOLY SHIT”
“you are already”
“dead.”
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23, i want to die
so today is march 11th 2022. on this day 23 years ago i was born. idk, i dont understand why i am the way i am right now. i want to just pass away, holy shit im actually tearing up typing lmao. like literally nothing is wrong and yet everything is wrong.
i think ive lost everyone, like i dont know like i cant think of a single person i could ever tell my troubles to anymore, i dont feel like theres a safe space that exists. like the thing is, its like sure i could say to someone, oh i have no safe space, and they would obviously say, well this is a safe space. but thats like the expected response, they cant exactly tell you to fuck off after you’ve basically just emotionally blackmailed them into saynig it, idk, like every person i just wish i was more desrired/loved, not like in an actual romantic or sexual sense, but just i wish people would actually like me for me. instead it feels as though everyone is just conveniently trying to pretend that they enjoy my company my garbage boring personality and just try and get along with me since im already there. but like all of this is like i could never tell anyone any of this because, well, whoever id tell would probably be under that umbrella group. i wonder if i could just go outside find a random person and just tell them everything, just tell them how hated by life i feel like, and how much i wish there was an off switch, or a reset or something, just not this. but i am afraid ofc of death, most people fear death, it takes great courage to take your own life and im a coward, ive never done anything in my life that could be seen as brave or good or anything, idk i just want to cry everything away, i just want to scream i just want to be free of all of this. why is it so hard. when it isnt. why is it so painful when it shouldnt be, why do i want to die, when i also want nothing more thant o live more than anyone else. doesnt even make sense what im typing does it?, i feel like im going to be one of those people who develop a neurological disorder like schizo or dementia or something and itll be like these ramblings except ill actually say them out loud.
Lately i just dont feel like at all loved, by anyone or anything, i just cant seem to find the ability to like be at all optimistic. like in my life i never had many friends right, but i was fine with that but i had like closer friends who i really appreciated. but now i feel like everyones just a stranger, i feel as though nobody actually wants me there to exist in the same spaces i dont know why, theres literally nothing anyone that anybody could say to like convince me out of it as well, even if theres literally no evidence for why i feel the way i do, i dont even know, am i even being truthful, perhaps im lying to myself right now. i just sometimes look at friends hanging out and think, i cant bother these people, i cant do anything, i cant say anything, these people wouldnt want me to ruin the atmosphere with my presence, i am just so sick of myself, why am i the way i am. im not funny really, if i am its just shock edgy humor that gets old, im not particularly pleasant to look at, id even go as far as to say bordering just above ugly, like i dont think im literally the ugliest thing but i know that out of 10 im like a fuckin 4 or something, like i wear clothes to cover myself because i dont like the way i look most of the time. im not smart, be it academically or socially. i have no motivation to do anything in life, i have no reasons for people wanting to hang out with me, i dont know why someone would want to talk to me unless they dont have a better choice/they literally have nothing else.
im slightly scared im going to harm myself again, but also slightly excited? its an interesting dichotomy. i wish this feeling that im doing everything for attention would go away too, cause i think its true, on some level im lying to myself i think that oh i dont want attention, but idk if literally everyone changed and suddenly life got brighter with everyone actually wanting my presence than i. no yea its definitely attention, im attention starved or attention insecure? but i could never say anything, internalising these emotions is the only like right thing to do, externalising them onto other people and even worse projecting my worst views of people onto others is toxic and just garbage, i wNAT TOAT OASDIDE I WANT TO DIE I WNT TO DIE POEKASE LET IT END FUCJK THIS SHIT EXISTENCE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HTAE H0 ATE I HTAE I HATE H THAET I HATE HIANHTEHTHATHETHAEHHATEHAHAETHAEHTHATEHAETHTHNIGSAPINJSNPIJFSNIVF-OINFSA-OINAGSOIJ-GSAÓÍSGVBFWCGDCRGS DARCSGFDebfEQGX LKfdeq rxngr2
NOBODY LOVES YOU, NOBODY LIKES YOU NOBODY WANTS TO TOLERATE YOUR EXISTENCE WHY DO YOU EXIST, YOU EXIST LITERALLY FOR 0 YOU RETARDED FUCK KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS SKYYSK YSYS KYSKYSKYSKKYKYSKYKSKYSKYSKYSKKYSKYSKSYKSYKSKYSKYSKKYKSYKSYKSYKSYKJ PNAFSDÓVKBFGSAM GR
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Hey there! I've been following u for a bit and I know you live in aus, and I'm moving to Sydney for school in about two weeks. Do you have any advice for living there? I've never been so tbh im a bit !!!
hey! wow dude thats awesome congrats and good luck w the move!!! hm, well of i dont know the specifics of your situation, and i still live at home so im afraid i dont have much by way of detailed advice but-
i reckon on the whole, if you’ve lived in an urban space esp in the west you’ll have a good grasp on how life goes here, although sydney is a fair bit smaller than most major cities i think.
two of the main things which might need some ‘getting used to’ are probably culture and prices. the first one is pretty easy, itll just take some time perhaps to get used to vernacular and all, but fortunately sydney is pretty chill, v safe and on the whole friendly so in that regard youll be fine! again depending on where youre from holidays will be a funny experience, esp christmas like not to be That Stereotype but put on ur santa hat and turn the bbq on. also, bit off topic but i swear ads here are getting so nonsensical i can barely tell what product is being sold.the prices thing- now i dont know where youre from, but i know most places are Way cheaper than sydney, so depending on your financial situation (aka are you getting a stipend, working, etc) i think its wise to set up a good budget and keep your money sorted, not just for stuff like rent (if you arent staying in student housing) and groceries etc, but also for going out bc food and drink and generally entertaining yourself are expensive af in this town bud, sorry about it. this also makes the nightlife here a bit of a damper bc ur out ur tryna have fun u go to the bar and bam its $17 for a cocktail so u settle for a $8 glass of cider instead and spill half of it before ur at ur table. (protip: if ur looking for cheap drinks go to Star Bar, do not go to Scary Canary bc they have garbage drinks im tellin u right now)
i’m trying to think of more advice but im coming up blank sorry!! just a few tips maybe? if u like movies please im beg dont waste ya $$ at event or hoyts cinemas, if you can, go to the Newtown Dendy Cinema, get a membership there, the tickets are cheaper anyways but with a membership you get a discounted ticket price on mondays, and a student discount on wednesdays, plus they often show some of the more independent films that the big cinema chains wont (e.g im pretty sure they were the only chain showing moonlight here...can u believe??)
also, if you didnt already know about it, download the TripAdvisor app onto your phone, the icon is a little orange train thingy, idk if this is just an aussie thing or everywhere has it and im being embarrassing but its a public transport timetabling app which is great for giving you realtime ETAs on your trains and buses and all. i suppose it functions like google maps on the public transport setting but its easier and cleaner in setup. if youre staying in the city public transport is alright, you can probably walk most places, or take a bus, but buses are sometimes late bc of innercity traffic, and because of detours due to this dumbass light rail they are building. if youre going to be staying in the suburbs, and particularly if you’ll need to catch buses to and from rather than trains, its a really great habit to form to keep on top of those times and when you have to leave/be home by bc obv buses usually come every 20-30 mins so esp if youre out at night missing one could be a bit sucky. that being said though, ive always found it quite safe and reassuring to wait at a city bus stop in the late hours, just try and find one close to a landmark so ya not just chillin on a random street at 1AM ofc.
oh! last thing, weather- not sure what the climate is like for you, sydney’s a bit weird in the summer, and i have to say, this year has been hotter than most. it did just lowkey flood yesterday though, so what do i know. esp if youre coming from somewhere cool just try and be aware of stuff like hydrating and eating on time and all those basic things to avoid ??? heatstroke or something ?? idk man sorry im pretty used to this bs by now lmao. sunscreen when u go out my guy it is a Must if youre prone to burning, just in case. i went to the beach 2 weeks ago on a rainy day and still got a bad tan so...just a tip.
final thing- if someone wants to take u to bondi in the summertime tell them u aint falling for it, and demand they take u to a real, good, not-sardine-packed nightmare
sorry this is probably unnecessarily long and i know i dont really say anything specific but if you have any more particular questions feel free to shoot em at me and ill try my best to answer them!!
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