Symphogear, EP. 6
Last Time on Grand Theft Auto:
Tsubasa recovers from the world’s gayest coma as Hibiki trains her mind while putting aside such silly concepts as “the love of my life” and “literally being with my girlfriend.” After cooling Miku’s paranoia with her brand new washboard abs, Genjuro prepares the team for a pizza run across the city to deliver a dangerously hot pizza pie named Durandal. Chaos emerges as the delivery is intercepted by a rival pizza gang, lead by the nefarious Gremlin known as Yukine Chris. But, before the pizza could be claimed, dedicated pizza deliverywoman Hibiki not only steals it back, but eats it, harnessing the power of the pizza and unleashing cheesy pasta based chaos around the location.
Ryoko is so into it that she taps into her superpowers and protects Hibiki after she passes out. The delivery is considered a failure, and no tip is given.
And so, the journey continues...
Meanwhile, in this weird, tricked out mansion...
Chris meditates on some water metaphors of her own.
“that pacman colored freak took only touching it to activate a cheap ass french sword that gave her weird demon powers and its taken me YEARS to use this dumb stripper outfit and the funny cane that goes with it, what the FUCK man, what even is my life”
“maybe... maybe honeybaked hams ARE that powerful...”
“NO! turkey is the superior meat! it’s healthier, lower in fat, and way more tasty! fuck you! i’ll get my goddamned revenge!”
Chris begins musing about Fine’s motivations to capture Hibiki; during these, we’re treated to some brief image flashbacks of Chris’s life.
Suddenly, those jokes about food are a lot less funny.
It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together as to why this young woman is helping a strange nudist dominatrix spread alien terror across the city of mumblednoises, Japan. She doesn’t really have many an option on the table. It’s either help the weird kinkster with her plans, or die.
Despite everything, she has a high opinion of Fine, for the same reasons someone might have a high opinion of a television show if it were the only show they were ever exposed to. She is deeply afraid of being alone again, because she has lived through such misery that the very thought of existing out in the cold again terrifies the shit out of her.
The Sun rises casually amidst Chris’s thoughts.
“ah shit. it just hit me. i literally have spent the entire night standing here instead of actually going the fuck to sleep. goddamnit.”
On such a devious metaphorical twist, Fine stands behind her as the Sun rises.
“yeah, jokes on you. i couldnt sleep for shit either. turns out, all nude, no blankets? in japan? real bad idea.”
“thats why i decided to GO GOTH, babey! whattaya think? do i give those witchy vibes, huh? real ‘black magic woman’ santana hours? feeling cute, gonna head out with the girls and summon satan in the woods kinda aesthetic looking shit? come on, be real with me. does this not look baller?”
“you look like morticia decided to go to the grocery store to buy some wonder bread, but other than that, its a step up from your usual pussy out attitude, so sure”
“you know i decided to get some brain cells on loan from Brain Cells R Us, and ive been thinking this solomon cane stuff is solomon lame. i dont need this dumb oversized harry potter cosplay prop to get shit done. also, murder is... sorta bad? im still trying to get the brain cell stuff down.”
“i can punch just as good as goody two shoes if not better.”
“lol go do it then champ, im gonna go cut down a forest of trees now”
And so, they both just kinda... stand there.
“QUACK, NEXT SCENE, QUACK”
Meanwhile, Tsubasa is rapidly trying to rehabilitate herself from her wounds like walking like a madman, her IV drip presumably filled with Taco Bell brand Doritos Locos Tacos super spicy nacho cheese. Taco Bell: Live Mas.
“im gonna clear every fucking taco bell in your goddamned memory, kanade”
“think outside the bun! wait, what? that was a taco bell slogan? ah fuck it, im dead. what nerd’s gonna try and correct me?”
“i would, kanade. i am that nerd.”
Tsubasa is hell bent to try and understand Kanade’s simple philosophy of helping others selflessly. Unfortunately, when Kanade died, she took all the brain cells between them in the process, so coming to this epiphany is a work in progress.
“listen its a fucking miracle you are 1. alive and 2. able to have your blood run on the garbage melted plastic taco bell tries to dupe people into believing is cheese so why dont you just lie down and think of better franchises to eat from”
“no! you dont understand! taco bell is a franchise of the PEOPLE! their meals are cheap and filling and- and the chicken quesadillas are of good quality for their price! i promised kanade- my vow to the death. taco bell... ergh... now and forever... i-”
“wait. my gay senses are tingling.”
It’s Hibiki, probably running track with Miku.
“oh yeah... her... i should probably apologize to her. about trying to kill her. and then letting her almost be kidnapped. and just giving her a general hard time about something that wasn’t explained to her in the slightest for months. she’s a good bean.”
Tsubasa proceeds to never canonically apologize to Hibiki throughout the entirety of all 4 seasons of Symphogear.
Look at em run. See, it’s a metaphor, because they haven’t communicated yet and they’re running from their problems! But they’re running towards Tsubasa, who is part of the representative problem these two share! Clearly literary genius.
It’s like someone went halfway into writing an NTR plotline and went “maybe this isn’t a good idea to market our songs on.”
Hibiki is still thinking about her Hellshake Yano moment with Durandal. Mainly how she nearly killed someone with it. Hibiki is very starkly in the “killing is bad, and wrong” camp of morality, a trait currently unique to her that she’ll wind up teaching literally everyone else she meets one way or another.
Some could argue the L stands for Lydian, and they’re wrong. It stands for Lesbian.
“that was one hell of a run, hibiki! im pooped! why dont we go to the locker room and call it a day, have a nice shower and just get some dinn-”
“this is the last straw.
i clean your plates. i cook your food. we eat, shit, shower, and sleep in the same FUCKING area, and this is how you repay me? huh? you think being your wife is easy shit, hibiki? half the damn time you’re running off like clark kent having food poisoning and the other half ive gotta babysit you, the emotional equivalent of a preteen clown, to make sure your life doesn’t self destruct harder than Atlantis sinking into the ocean. im done! i am DONE. im reopening my tinder, im slamming my ass BACK into okcupid, and im gonna date some CUTE ACADEMY GIRLS that treat me BETTER than this ABSOLUTE BETRAYAL OF HEART AND IM NOT CRYING I SWEAR ITS JUST THE SWEAT IN MY EYES AND HIBIKI HOW COULD YOU-”
“oh yeah, sure! hey, lemme just do a few more laps, ive just been feeling judgmental about myself and my figure, you know? gotta push myself further...”
“o-oh yeah, sure. no worries, ill wait for you. love you too, hibiki...”
The girls bathe together, as good friends typically do.
“hey you ever notice the showers here have like, weird psuedo-luxurious minipools to bathe in? like, how rich is this school?”
“whoever made this place is either rich or a pervert. or both, probably!”
Miku remarks that Hibiki has changed since she’s entered Lydian, in a manner most unheterosexual.
“oh FUCK you really DO have washboard abs now! ohhh my god.”
“damn, those abs were heavenly. let’s get pancakes later.”
I won’t screenshot it but something to note is that they actually wear each other’s corresponding underwear colors (or even, if you want to examine more closely, each other’s underwear). Here’s an equivalent scene to give you the mental image.
This is the face of someone who knows what they want and already have it. Such is the power of Kohinata Miku.
Meanwhile, Genjuro comes back from the funeral of the guy the Americans filled violently and with impunity.
“yo that all black look looks baller. i should borrow that look... id look pretty gothy in it.”
“ryoko i sympathize with your sharp, fashionista eye but this was for a funeral, i was paying my respects to the dead. thats the usual dress code.”
“didnt know they updated that. i remember back in my day, we just went in white garments and chanted in latin!”
“shit was fire. literally. lots of funeral pyres.”
“lmao ryoko buddy your larping sessions arent actual history”
“hey dont shit on larping around me. i used to be a professional larper while i was majoring in acting. helped really sell my career when i had to pretend to slay the Dark Lord Jyarloen atop the mountain of skulls in Hargobor after my family was killed by the Dark Army. asshole.”
“haha yeah, larping, thats cool yeah, i do that
“oh yeah? you wanna join my larping session sometime then? we’re gonna do an ancient babylon plot thats inspired by some anime, itll be fun”
“.....................................im super into realism.”
“i know im dressed for a funeral but id like to not part ways with my dignity yet. besides, we’ve got serious shit to talk about. basically, we’re on the verge of getting shitcanned.”
As it turns out, the death of this politician removed the last obstacle of opposition to maintain the 2nd Division, as the average criticism against the 2nd Division is “why are we funding this mystery division when we don’t know what they do”. Of course, the sensible idea for an organization that defeats the Noise is to declassify it, given people of different jobs and positions have physically seen the Symphogear in action, but you know. “Oh no, the other governments will come after us” stick gets shaken.
“im in a union. i know my rights. you’re not taking my acting job here away from me.”
“im not going back to be a preschool teacher. its been ten year. the bites on my ankles still havent healed...”
“yeah man, shit sucks ass. i cant fund my adoption habits if im fired.”
Look at these cinematic parallels. Symphogear truly is a franchise made by someone living in 3030.
“worst part is the new minister is super into america. he’s a... westaboo.”
“did he just unironically say westaboo”
“he said westaboo. oh my god. this is the hell timeline.”
“i mean people kept calling me that for worshipping all these fighting flicks so i guess it fit? i dont see the problem here”
Meanwhile, in Lydian Academy...
“so it hit me, right? we’re ALL girls. and we ALL sing. now, humor me a moment. what if... what if we’ve all been recruited to potentially be superheroes... through our singing? like, there’s no coincidence that all this shit happens around us, right? and a famous singer LIVES here? i saw the black cars outside! weird shit is happening here- im not even gonna eat the all you can eat bar anymore!”
“kathy there is literally no such thing as superheroes who sing. this place is more likely to be a organ harvesting op than whatever madness you’re saying”
“what? you need me, a singing superhero, to go stop a problem happening underneath the school, a location meant to recruit young women into potentially becoming fellow crime fighting singers?”
“yeah im too busy poppin’ caps in asses so go kick ass in my place”
“.....................................who ya talkin to, hibiki?”
“the boss! gotta go do a thing again...”
“hibiki, i dont like the fact that capitalism is tearing us apart.”
“you’ve gotta join me in the revolution, hibiki. you. me. luxury automated gay space communism. aint it the dream? share my vision, hibiki. its glorious.”
“n... no...? no gay space communism today? well, what about tomorrow? or the next day? or... maybe the next day? baby steps, you say? but, direction action, hibiki! we’ve gotta strike now!”
“it’s okay hibiki. when i take over the world and destroy all first world government leaders, and unite the globe in my encompassing reign and love... ill make sure to spare you, and be my bride to be.”
“thanks miku. im just not ready yet for the globe to burn in an unending ball of fire as the continents fuse into a new utopia composed of our combined wills. also, ive really gotta go, its genuinely an emergency.”
“for the cause!”
“yes hibiki... for the cause...”
Admittedly, you can see the stages of grief Miku goes through when she sees Hibiki say she can’t join her for pancakes. It’s sad. This side story sucks.
Meanwhile, as it turns out, the problem Hibiki needed to resolve was checking on Tsubasa to see if she hadn’t dissolved into Taco Bell brand hot n’ spicy Tabasco sauce.
“god, cant believe taco bell was closed. now i gotta deliver these lame ass flowers”
“cant wait to get threatened again. wonder what she’ll say. ‘hibiki, i should have killed you when i had the chance.’ or ‘you’re so goddamned weak. i could break your spine with my fingernail’, or some other stuff about metaphors. oh, my stops here”
“HEY BITCH WHATS GOOD-”
“you are already”
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god i hate the way hope county looks. like i Dont because its pretty but also it just Doesnt look.. like an actual County? theres no like residential area. like theres Houses but like not enough for everyone thats There. kyrat is kinda like this too but at least it has like.. cities. i dnt mind walking irl. i think its rlly nice and relaxing n its like. a shame my town doesnt have like.. more sidewalks bc the roads here are like all on hills?? so you cant walk beside the road. and like at the bottom of the hills are like either woods or parking lots full of people. we Do have a really long walking trail tho theyve been working on it for like years it like.. loops thru the whole city.
i feel like jason breaks over half the guns he uses. and the ones he doesnt break he just like Throws at people once they run out of ammo like he cannot be assed. to take care of a gun, ever, in his life. hes just not that kind of person. and yeah like ammo is Everywhere.. in Every home. i can. Kind of ignore the gun thing but at the same time i ts like.. a huge stretch. like they have these guns apparently and only j uses them?? and they cost like thousands but j gets them Free? and theyre like brought in for pirate/privateer use but they still just use aks.. and the shop has the guns. are pirates trading in their special guns for like chips??? why dont they Use em. also yeah js phone is in a perpetual state of being 2 minutes from death.
i Like.. the art on it. for the skill animals. i like that you get like a dot for each relic you find like its got Charm.. its just too many little thing it doesnt look good as a whole. and yeah like j himself. he couldnt come up w anything. like not even a goofy idea just "uhhhhhh" and yeah. yeah. adolf wolfli. thats exactly how vaas should paint like.. if he had more time. hed cover a wall with that sort of Long Big, even, intricate art. but he moves around too much doing work. like his murals just look like.. something he just did really fast like an overblown doodle.
i watch a lot of comedy shows. and ill keep em running all day. bc i dnt have to focus as much and i wont have to find something new to watch on like yt until the series is over. but movies i either watch just str8 up garbage or i watch smthn serious. also yeah like th e reason i havent watched iasip is bc of how i watch tv shows and like i Kno thats its like.. more serious. like i tried to watch an ep of iasip like the first ep the same way i watch other shows and i retained nothing it was like i didnt even see it.
yeah same like i had a flip phone when i was younger that had like. 20 minutes on it and i got it when my parents took me to stay in atlanta for a couple days while we did a lil art project w one of my dads friends. and it was meant to be like only for special occasions but i used it to text..................... i sent like 10 texts then my minutes were gonehfjh. . i dnt dislike social media but youve really got to balance it.. like ive had social anxiety for like years and i really cant speak up for shit but ive been online for years making friends and shit this way and like. none of it helped me like Actually talk to people like i had a job for One Year and im already like way more comfortable actually talking to people like............ idk balance is key. but you dont even like Need social media like unless you run a business and even then it doesnt have to be for U.
the first two fallout games.. covered a really large span honestly. like the entirety of the west coastline and relatively deep into the country. then 3 came out and its just like a slice of virginia.. and like its meant to be. bigger than it is. but they had technical limitations. and i Wish. like Now that they could like... make a mix of fo classic and modern like be like. dragon age inq like its got a decent few places you can go and theyre pretty expansive. and you dont even have to go to like. any other like plane like its all on earth so you could have more like places to go... but i dont think bethesda is going to try to do anything lmao like they dont even wanna impliment shit thats like. Important. and have Always been important to fallout. they dont even want to write dialogue anymore its so fucked.
yeah. like they pushed it too far hes just. unreal. hes a charicature. like i only feel sorry so far as this happening to Real People is awful. and like yeah like sam is like... like hes got motives hes got personality hes got chemistry w j. like he Works really well. hes Helpful and hes coming from a position of like.. knowing more than j and you can just trust him. hes Rounded out hes complete. hes got an impact on J.
as far as j knos hes listed out everything his mom needs to kno.. the Bare minimum. j like wouldnt kno what to say to his mom until like 5 years later after Slowly talking abt it w vaas. bc like he Doesnt think he just does what he wants and he decides on things w like a coin toss of like how much effort vs how fun itll be for Him. and like thank god citra didnt spend more than a total of an hr around j bc like........... shed want to kill him lmao like she could boss dennis around easy but js gonna hit her w that "i dont wanna do that tho :/" once and shes gonna reconsider.
yeah like the only people i feel ok w them calling j a baby is like People i Kno. bc w other people its like uwu precious angel can do no wrong and its likeashfasl it FEELS like an exageration but people really do say that shit!! word for word!! jason rly is the middle ground of homer simpson and spongebob just with like a knife. and god yeah like nothing abt vaas screams that hes Fit like.. you KNO he doesnt work out. he cant be assed. all his muscle he gets from just like.. the various work he does. around the camps. and even then he just gets pirates to do it while he watches and like yeah eats snacks and shit. vaas doesnt lift weights he doesnt even Have weights. hes probably Never lifted weights. and like fanon wants vaas to be this like supre masculine dude when hes like........ hes just not... and they only want that so he can be the yaoi top to j like ! what ! even if you dont think vaas is like 5'6-5'8 hes still just like.. not that kind of person. hes not even big in the game like muscular wise. hes a Drug addict that looks like he gets 1 hr of sleep every like 5 days. like please just think abt him as he actually is instead of how ur horny brain wants him to act. and ill admit im like Defensive on that shit in fics but its like. . . i Dont want for the characters to be Wrong when i Read them. and in fanfics where its important its like.. you can see it all thru the fic.
also god same. like theres certain things i really wish i could like... ignore. in canons. bc theres people that can just take smthn and totally ignore canon and like i Kinda Wish that was me. but also not like............ at a certain point ur just making ur own thing without. like. actually Making ur own thing. and that i like... hate. like i put more thought into j and fc3 than i like Need To but im not like... . rewriting the game. and if there was a bckstory i wouldnt wanna rewrite it.. and lik e if i was gonna want to rewrite a whole game but keep the chars then i just like.. wouldnt.. think abt it like if im that upset over a story then its outta my mind.
a nd like.. like i can like. just the chars. and not care much for the story its like a fine line between like.. like i can only imagine that rewriting the story means the whole thing is like Offensively bad to you. is infinite warfare the one that goes into space and has like.. worm-like aliens
yea hope county is more like. a town-themed theme park than an actual place Where Humans Live. all the infrastructure is abandoned, too, the only cars around belong to either the cult or to You. like how is everyone getting supplies? how are the supermarkets stocked? what about schools? where are the children? theres 1 water plant and its only there for plot reasons. what about electricity. what about trash, who picks up all the trash? they really should just have taken a real town and condensed everything down like gta5 did. like i buy los santos + surroundings as a real place. hope county feels so phony. like when you tell people to design an entire town it really starts to show how little most people know about how civilization and infrastructure work. they really underestimate how much labor and how many people it takes to keep an average american town running. that couldve been so interesting, it couldve actually been edens gates downfall, being unable to take control of the infrastructure, or not having enough laborers to keep the farms running, etc. like they couldve made a Point there. but they didnt
kyrat i kinda buy bc its isolated. mountain communities really do get all their supplies from the valley below and dont have their own factories n such, and im ready to accept that theres stuff going on behind the scenes. also im very biased and ill forgive 4 for all the flaws that i cant see past in 5 bc im just so Angry at 5 in general
yea hes incredibly wasteful. he doesnt know what things cost. he never learned to treasure or preserve anything, bc he always figured he could just buy more. hes definitely thrown away clothes before bc he didnt feel like doing laundry. and i cant even really blame him bc hes never punished for that behavior. bc yea apparently guns + literally infinite ammo are just readily available at any time. so like, its not like hes ever encouraged to frugal. he does just fine. so hes not even really doing anything wrong. which is almost more infuriating
its absurd how much stronger you are than every single other person on the island, like youre carrying an entire armory, that you dont need. you could finish the entire game w/ one handgun if you play it careful, just by virtue of being the main character in an fps. like its comical
i literally (figuratively.) lose sleep over this like did he only just buy a new phone? how long has he had it? who brings a phone when they go skydiving? where did he keep it? also i wanna see the 200 blurry photos he took of like. lizards that vaas no doubt had to scroll past
he makes different kinds of art depending on his state of mind. imo at least part of his drug use is him self-medicating for adhd, and when he can actually focus he either 1. messes w/ technology, like, all the tvs? or 2. makes detailed intricate art that he keeps in like a locked box. most of the time though he just feels like moving, or like doing nothing, depending on what drugs hes on. (sidenote here, thats another thing i really hate about the fandom, people writing about drug use who clearly have no experience w/ it, and apparently cant even be bothered to read a wikipedia article. like if you dont get it just leave that part out of your writing altogether.) he can get very quiet and introverted and lose time while drawing, and hes never shown anyone that side of himself before, maybe not even citra. if theres anything hes self-conscious about, its his art. the murals i see more as like, a way of making himself at home. his room is like my favorite place in the entire game, its probably the only location they got (almost) entirely right (9/10 not enough wind chimes). its so comfy but it could have more personality still
i binge-watched all of iasip once like two years ago? over the course of a couple days. and i really only remember a couple of moments? but yea. its too touching and sincere to have on in the background like the simpsons or most youtubers, but its too stupid and loud and definitely too funny to take seriously in either a fandomy/shippy kind of way or an Appreciating Great Art way. so. idk. i just cant get into it the same way other people can. idk. its a weird show
christ ive been on social media for more than half of my life now like. ive had social media for longer than i Havent. god i dont like that thought at all
the only 2 video game maps i really like other than fc3 are gta5 and horizon zero dawn. i dont even know why. like what i like about gta5 is just the variety and how close it is to reality, like how theres irl landmarks to recognize, but i couldnt say what it is that hzd does right in my opinion that other games dont. i talk a lot about video games for someone who doesnt know jack shit about them but like. yea i really dont know. i wouldnt wanna be tasked w/ designing an open world.
whenever i think of fo1 & 2 i get them all mixed up with i have no mouth and i must scream. they have a very similar vibe to me. about equally depressing also
i dont even wanna imagine what dudebro gamers have thought or said about some of the shit in fc3 in private (or even on twitter) like.. i lose a year off my life every time i hear a straight person talk anyway but like. this game in particular? like the text itself is bad enough. just sssssshut up
yea hes eventually gonna grow to understand, but only bc vaas pointed it out to him. and by then itll really be too late.
what does citra evn like want w/ him. anything he could do for you to be helpful is undercut by how unpredictable and simply annoying he is. id rather just have a bunch of regular normal underlings that dont have any sorta special skills but also arent gonna give me any migraines. theres just no way hes worth it
itll never cease to amaze me how fandom will turn literally anybody into a precious uwu cinnamon roll, i mean people on this site literally say that shit about actual real life serial killers, so like...... yea............. im no sociologist and i dont know what exactly it is about fandom that makes ants nest in your brain. but god do i hate it
vaas is definitely a manlet. i dont care how tall he is in absolute numbers, he has Short energy and thats that. he looks pretty much exactly like michael mando in my head, except smaller, and less healthy. and a bit more tan. oh also his eyes are brown. not yellow not golden not amber not honey, just brown. theyre completely normal. ok. theres litcherally nothing wrong w/ having normal eyes. Why can we as a society not move past the eyes thing. its so lame. just let people have brown eyes. its fine. Oh and another thing i hate is when people write about how perfect his teeth are like............ at that point its really just starting to sound like a weird joke. if youre willing to bend canon that far why are you even calling it fanfiction anymore. like i dont get it. What are you doing. why are you like this. if you dont like vaas being an ill-functioning drug addict who makes terrible decisions, just make an oc. and dont even get me STARTED on all these tropes about Smell. if your version of him showers, changes his clothes, cleans his fingernails, brushes his teeth more than twice a week? just make a fucking oc. ofc im biased bc i have awful taste in men and Disgusting And Angry is exactly my type. like i cant empathize w/ people who somehow find him attractive but are still put off by the thought of him having shitty hygiene, or being completely useless most hours of the day due to drugs, or his breath probably smelling like asahi and curry. but like. if youre not into that just write about someone else? like what do you even want. why are you here
i kinda get using an open world game as a basis for your ocs/your original story, at least for a while, but doesnt that get stifling? like if you really cant find anything you like 100% of, just write your own thing. writing is like free. just do it, you dont have to be good at it. if i actually started to rewrite fc3 id just end up getting frustrated like half a page in bc theres just so much to change that id have to make it its own thing, and like. its so much easier to just write my own story w/ my own characters thatre only vaguely related to the media that inspired me. idk its just weird to me that theres people out there who are creative but they only ever write fanfiction and dont have ocs like i dont know who id even BE without ocs
yea infinite warfare is the space one. its bad. its redeemed by a couple of extremely Tender moments between the 6'3 main character and his robot “friend” but other than that its probably the most boring piece of media ever made
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