#so ive been trying to. care less yknow

[heyitslapis]

Walked out of work today bc long story short a guest decided that she was gonna lecture me/use me & my "abhorrent, disrespectful attitude" as an example of a lesson for one of her student & I decided that standing there & being belittled wasn't worth it

#i only gave her back the disrespect she was giving me. not even as bad as she was dishing either #granted i couldve kept my composure but also she was up at the desk for 45 minutes making a mountain out of a molehill #& among other things in her ''lecture'' she told me that if any of her students or employees acted the way i did they'd be dismissed & fire #she said ''post covid there are PLENTY of people who would be lucky & LOVE to have any work right now'' & i thought #yknow. i love my job. but i dont deserve this. this isnt worth it #so i turned to the food & beverage manager who was the only MOD & said ''actually i think i will go home'' #i called my AGM after i left & let her know the whole situation. even told her i understand if im fired or written up bc of this but its no #worth standing there & being lectured & having this lady lie to my face about things i said/did. i dont deserve to be treated like that #the woman really told me ''this couldve been a teachable moment for you'' LMAO lady i will let a LOT of shit slide #but i refuse to be the subject of your lesson & i certainly dont get paid enough to have anyone who isnt management lecture me #it just feels weird though. ive never walked out before. never spotainiously taken the night off. never had a situation like this before #it feels weird having left & it feels weird sitting in my bed trying to enjoy my night when my brain knows im supposed to be at work rn #oh well #my AMG said im definetly not fired & she'll talk to the lady in the morning. i couldnt care less if i was though. theres always other jobs #and to preface i even apologized to the woman both for my behavior & the disrespect. yet she still felt like making an example of me #what a week its been #emma rambles #emma vents #2023 tag

[zarovich]

so panicking over my health rn ^_^

#personal #gona talk about it in tags so ignore if or whatever #ever since i got covid ive been having this issue due to antibiotics + steroids. been bleeding when i go to the bathroom #it wasnt a lot at first so ididnt really care like ive had that happen before i have issues with my digestive system #but when i went just a bit ago there was quite alot. it wasnt just spotting basically and im kinda freaking the fuck out now #bc i def need to see a doctor but thats so scary and i dont have money and i also relapsed and the doctor will notice for sure :( #im trying my absolute hardest not to start sobing this is certainly not helping me be less wanting to die lol #mostly panicking bc so much is happening lately. tho obviously this is a bit scary since yknow... not supposed to bleed like this

[chisatowo]

Watching videos essays abt political stuff is fun except for the fact that it's abt real life and it's not fun

#rat rambles #^ just finished a video essay abt trans stuff and is having a Moment™ #Im ok just kinda emotional #and filled with rage abt everything ever but yknow when am I not #I rlyyy need to see if theres any lgbtq originisatons in my area #if theres one close enough maybe I could start vollenteering? idk #Im just anxious abt not being considered queer enough yknow the usual sorts dhndhdjhdjd #but honestly its more so abt my lesbianism since I have a very complicated relationship with ulit #like it makes me feel like if I bring up my acearo identity it makes my lesbianism less ~real~ somehow #like idk I wanna meet other queer ppl irl and I want more queer friends and I wanna be able to experiment with stuff #but idk why Im so scared abt the idea of having to explain myself #I know ppl probably wont care but ig Im just scared that if other queer ppl reject me then Ill have nowhere to go #or maybe itd go great and I could get a girlfriend like fuck man thats the problem xhdkgsksh #it could be the best thing thats ever happened to me but Im so anxious abt trying #Ive been so lonely and fuck man I dont trust myself to not let myself get trampled #sorry this got real personal real fast dhdkgdkdh again Im ok just emotional #now that I brought up the girlfriend thing tho I am going to be having gay thoughts while I shower so oops dhkdhkdh #idk Im still so unsure abt how I feel abt dating no romantic attraction asside like #again Ive never been able to experiment? and I also just dont know if theres anyone Id be willing to date in practice #like it might just be lonliness but it also could be me forming a stronger sense of self and better existing outside of relationships #and as such feeling more comfortable abt the idea of having more deep relationships with ppl even outside of dating and such #but again its all theoretical rn 😔 #anyways I need to shower bro its so late #rat vents

[golisopod-mutual]

uh oh not another text post from lindsey lol anyway my dad/step mom/step sisters etc had a christmas party last night that i was invited to but i had to work so i was just gonna show up late. and i didnt have a gift for the white elephant gift exchange but they waited for me to get there before doing gifts anyway even tho they could have done them in the 2 hours before i arrived (they knew I didnt have anything to put into the exchange) and one of my sisters had an extra gift that she gave me so I could have something for the exchange so I could participate. and afterwards my sisters messaged me and were like ‘oh im glad you could come!’ and ‘i loved seeing you, I always love seeing you!!’ and it made me really happy bc I don’t see them all that often so I don’t always feel all that close w them yknow. so the fact they were patient while I was at work and waited to do the gifts til I could be there and were so happy to have me there... it made me feel very welcome and like they really genuinely cared that i was around. everyone had to leave like an hour after I arrived bc it was 10 pm by then but even tho it was only an hour I had a good time and felt very loved. it was a good reminder that ppl love me and I dont just cease to exist to them as soon as im out of their sight.

#growing up i was rly close w my youngest sister [youngest of my 3 step sisters but still older than me by a few years] #but we grew apart as we got older and she seemed to be closer w our other sisters than w me so i was left feeling kind of out of place yknow #and nowadays when im around everyone i feel kind of awkward and distant just bc we dont see each other often and im so shy and introverted #theres part of me that has always kind of felt like the odd one out yknow. im the youngest girl. my interests dont really overlap w theirs. #im the quietest of the 4 girls and the most reserved. and my 3 step sisters all have the same parents #so of the 4 girls im the odd one out just by having different parents and living in a different house growing up and stuff yknow #like ive always wondered do they see me differently than each other? do my sisters have 2 groups in their heads #group 1: real sisters and group 2: step sister [aka lindsey] #like does my youngest sister favor her 2 sisters who are blood related to her over me [her step sister] #its nice to be reminded they dont think of me differently and they want me included in family stuff and to them im just another sister yknow #thyere the only sisters i have lol to me theyre just. my sisters whom i love. so i would be very hurt if they thought of me differently #bc im a step sibling and not a directly related sibling #anyway ive been making an effort to stay in touch more often. theres a family group chat i never used to read but ive been trying #to do better. bc i know if i want my relationship w that side of my family to be better i have to put forth a little effort lol #i really do love them im just so introverted and shy and idk if i have anything to talk abt that theyd care abt yknow #my oldest sister is turning 31 this year i dont really have much in common with a 31 yr old engaged ex-military nurse #but im trying #i also have always felt like the ugly one of the group which is a major bummer and i feel like they still see me as a kid sometimes #or like they think less of me bc of my mental health struggles and the fact i still live at home and only work part time #im sure they dont but im insecure abt that stuff so im terrified ppl are judging me abt it lol

[tinyorangepotato]

.

#tiny talking #ed tw #<- i guess? idk just in case #is it meant to suck this much?like i am a person who gets very worried about mynown healing #i went to get the forst xrya for my ankle then not even 2 days later i wanted to go and get another becausei was worried i put it out #of place or whatever. like it turned out fine but i cried because i was worried it was fucked #and now with my wisdom teeth ive been super careful with eating. the forst 2 days all i had was apple sauce #i mean i had a lot. i ope ed a new one of the bigger containers yknow and i was the only one that had any #and it was gone yesterday. and i cant swallow solid things. i legot crush my aprins because of it #so i tried to eat some spagetti last night since my sotmach was killing me. and i had maybe like 10 noodles in total #and it took me like over an hour to eat those 10 because i was trying yo mash them witha fork and then take a small bit of the tiny pieces #and put it in my mouth and mash then against my front teeth and then force myself to swallow it so it qouldnt go to the sides of my mouth #and so at that point i only had like 48 oz or less of applesauce and 10 noodles in the last 3 days #which is not a lot. usually i skip most meals because im bot hungry but then i snack or make noodles at night #but i cant do thay because i cant chew and im worried so i take extra precautions #today i had some mashed potatoes at like 3pm and it was a carry out aide thing #so like a normal bowl full pretty much #and i didnt wven eat half over the course of 4(?) hours #i threw them away. my stoamch hurt a lot after eating them and they werent very good #and then i slept at like 9 becaus eive been very tired. maybe ebcause i havent had enough food or maybe the mwdicine is actually making me #drowsy (which they usually dont. like nyquill doesnt make me want to sleep) or maybe ebcause i have bene laying around doing nothing #either way. i woke up around like 12 and stomach hirt again. like felt like period cramps but a hit worse (at leats for me) #and i havent had my period sinc ei broke my ankle like i think nearly 2 motnhs ago #which is fucked but thats how its been for me. itll become fairly regualr then go away for a while #whichbisnt good but fuck it man. anywyas #yeah turns out my grandma got some bamanas which is excellent except that i had to force myself to eat some #i had one and i took me about an hour to eat it and it disnt fill me up. i mena it was one banana after barely eating the #past few days. so i gor another which took around another hour to eat but hey. at lwats i have had 2 bananas and a bit of potoes #anythings beyter than nothing. but my stomach still hurts. i wish i could just make noodles and chew them #but im far too worried that ill immediately mess up my stiches because it hsant even been 72 hours since surgery

[pansy-picnics]

How would the tangled kids react to Varian and Cassandra’s villain arc? Also I love your art 😊

AJDJDJDGG OKAY SO. this is SO fucking good but ive been putting it off for so long bc i wanted to draw something to go with it but i’ve just. never figured out what so inevitably i’m just gonna answer it on its own

this subject in particular is SO FUNNY for me to think about bc i think the kids’ reactions depend a lot on how their parents talk abt it and both of them handle it in COMPLETELY different ways. like uknighted dream is pretty open abt it (obviously they give the incredibly watered down kid-safe version) and they kinda use it as a learning experience? like in very vague terms.

its kinda just like

alina: oh why are you and mama cass fighting in your drawing :(

rapunzel: <:) well yknow how if you shake a bottle of soda, when you open it it explodes everywhere?? well sometimes when we bottle up our feelings and don’t do anything with them or talk to someone we trust, they end up getting all shaken up in there, and eventually theyll explode! mama cass and i used to have a lot of trouble talking about our feelings, and because of all those emotions that got bottled up and shaken around in there, we found it hard to properly communicate with each other at all. but then we realized how much we really cared about each other and how we really wanted to make things work, so we learned to be more honest about how we felt and how to communicate with one another without everything just ‘exploding’, so to speak. and thats why we always teach you how to manage your big emotions, does that make sense? :)

on the other hand VARIAN? literally could not care less. at least not with the ud kids. he still has one of his wanted posters that hugo grabbed as a “souvenir” on their trip, and the automaton he used to fight rapunzel? its still in the corner of his lab and he pulls it apart regularly for scrap metal.

ryder will be wandering around his lab when hes like 7 and hes like “uncle vari whats that”

varian: that’s an automaton buddy

ryder: did you make it?

varian: yeah

ryder: what’s it for

varian: well nothing now it’s just spare parts. but i actually made it a long time ago to fight your mom

ryder: which one

varian: both actually. and technically your dad. but mostly rapunzel

ryder: oh

ryder: did you win?

varian: no it wasnt really that kind of fight. nobody won

ryder: oh that’s boring

ryder: can i try it

varian: absolutely not

when emery comes along though varian is like “okay we are Never addressing this again” bc em thinks varian is SO cool and varian actually cares So much about his newfound image. (very stupid of him for that to be his main priority obviously bc emery is like 4 and if she knew what he did she would probably just be like “okay. can i have apple juice”)

anyways yeah ilmari and the twins don’t really tell her anything either because they don’t really see it as anything worth telling her about, especially in comparison to way more important things like the fact that lance will sometimes sneak you dessert before dinner if you can convince eugene he has a gray hair without him catching on. so obviously emery grows up fairly unaware of anything varian has done but the defining factor is that shes constantly hearing about it out of context and is just left to struggle with that enigma.

like you know the experience of being like 14 years old at the family thanksgiving and you get to sit at the grown ups table for the first time and hear about all their weird beef and inside jokes and also hear your aunt mention out of context that hey your dad went to prison once bc that’s LITERALLY what the tangled kids experience in relation to their parents’ pasts. like the twins forgot about most of what varian told them by the time they grew up, they knew the watered down version of what happened with cass but they never knew the little details right. so they’ll just be hanging out playing checkers together while the adults are sitting across the room chatting over drinks and varian jokes “oh man its just like that one time cass kidnapped me” and all the kids immediately whip their heads around like “WHAT?”

this is ESPECIALLY true with emery who’s parents are notorious for having more insults for each other than pet names. em could just be reading by the fireplace late one night and var and hugo come out for a midnight snack and just start talking like

hugo: sometimes i think maybe objectively we should be evil again. like just for fun

varian: honestly. i took over the kingdom once i could do it again no problem

hugo: you’re probably actually strong enough to do it yourself now 🥺

varian: you want to kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid

emery: ….right so are we just gonna brush over the “again” part or did you guys forget i was here

varian also eventually realizes that by doing this he is replicating EXACTLY how quirin used to be secretive of his own past and how like one day varian just suddenly had to grapple with the knowledge that his dad who baked pies and fed the apple peels to his raccoon probably had a kill count. and obviously varian is absolutely distraught over this revelation

“HUGO HELP ME. I think im becoming my dad” “oh. well hey it happens to all of us it could be worse. besides your dad is hot so like i see it as a win win” “What” “what?”

i should probably also mention that ilmari knew about cass’s villain arc long before they even MET and ilmari actively tries to use this against her when they’re like 13. like “yeah well you cant tell ME what to do i’m gonna tell alina and ryder you tried to stab mom when you were in your 20s” (it doesn’t work btw)

#ask #pansy rambling again #tangled kids #alina #emery #ryder #ilmari #tangled the series #rapunzels tangled adventure #vat7k #varian and the 7 kingdoms #varian and the seven kingdoms #uknighted dream #varigo #tts headcanons #varian #vat7k hugo #hugo the human #eugene fitzherbert #tangled cassandra #princess rapunzel #lance strongbow #tangled asks

[athene-studies]

ok this blog has fallen out of use bc (a) im not a student at the moment [i miss it :(] (b) i have plenty of other aesthetic blogs so im not rlly posting aesthetics here anymore (c) ive begun to like. hate. things that have an Aura Of Instagram around them (its the capitalism) but the needs to do shit and fall in love with life (not to mention the obsessions with stationery and beverages) have NOT gone away so we're getting a revamp. the new goals of athene-studies.tumblr.com are, in rough order of priority:

live a life where i feel like a real person and not just a depressed pleasure machine floating from moment to bittersweet moment (all the other points are really subsets of this one)

take advantage of the parts of life that arent quite in my "comfort zone"— while i am disabled and do need the rest, I'd really like to have a LITTLE less trouble not taking the path of least resistance! another part of this is becoming okay with being weird or going against the grain around people.

take care of myself (for instance, try to go to bed at a reasonable time)

find a place where i can help— work toward a job i like. participate in community, on smaller and larger scales. is it too late to meet my neighbors?

get shit done (always the real purpose of the blog. yknow ive been tentatively diagnosed with adhd and we tried like 5 different meda and none of them helped at all with my executive functioning? fucked up)

continue to learn without the pressure of school. im talking discrete study paths with goals (independent courses, languages, learning hobbies), small lessons (reading more. oh my god), AND just sort of ambiently learning from life around me

see the beauty in the world around me (not higher on the list bc... well, for one thing, im already good at that, baby! also my main blog is already basically a hopepunk blog. ...and i have a proper hopepunk blog thats fallen out of use. um)

i will attempt to do things like share lists of goals in these categories! for now, though, its bedtime, and im gonna try to take a walk. the whole "8 degrees fahrenheit" thing might cut that short though. also hey i never posted on here abt how i did an internship at nasa during school it was awesome :D

#also im changing my pfp bc its been a million bajillion years since ive studied swahili #can you do sublists on tumblr? id like to do sublists. it would be fucked up if you couldnt. #im currently doing a custodial job! its fine except that im really not made for nonstop physical work. i think im gonna quit soon and try t #get into something involving spreadsheets. no screens would be good though! id like to like. fold paper for a living but most #mail office jobs are early in the morning which makes me wanna die... also all work also makes me feel that way......... hmmmmmmm #studyblr #actuallyautistic #actuallyadhd

[breadboylovin]

28 :3

28: A description of the person I dislike the most

omg this question is JUICY. strap in yall im telling you guys the tale of the insane girl i liked in freshman year of high school whose antics landed me in therapy for like the past 4 years

under the cut cus idk how long this will get. also this is from this ask meme

okay so we met online thru the bts fandom. she lived 2 hours away from me and we had a 2 year age difference (i was 15 she was 17)

the first ?!!?!? thing about her was that she was writing like INSANE bts porn fanfic (and i mean insane like. everything she published had at least one ao3 content warning on it) despite being underage. i learned about this in like april 2018 but i was too head over heels for her to care. in june 2018 we finally met irl and went to a science museum and she told me about some of the insane shit she was writing IN THE FOOD COURT while i was trying to eat a shitty subway sandwich. like wow

anyway summer passes and we have a bunch of relationship drama. im not getting into it too much (ive talked enough about it in therapy LOL) but we didnt date, it was an unrequited love thing where she kinda just exploited me for validation cus she was super depressed. anyway at some point we start talking less but she sends me her tumblr discourse blog. and then in september 2018 i found out she blocked me from it so i checked why and SHE HAD TURNED INTO A FULL-ON TERF while pretending she was still cool with our basically all-trans friend group. so naturally i show everyone else and we kick her out of all our gcs. at some point after that she also detransitions (she was a trans guy before which was why i liked her. cus im gay)

so i dont talk to her at all after that because why would i. technically i sent her an apology for something that id fucked up on but that wasnt like... a normal friend conversation yknow. and i assumed that she had figured out that she fucked my whole shit up and i wanted nothing to do with her. but APPARENTLY NOT because in august 2019 i woke up one day with several messages from her on twitter where she was like "omg this new hurricane made me think of you (we both live in florida and this was when hurricane dorian hit us) ^___^ how have you been?? im doing so good im in [MY SISTER'S COLLEGE] for biology and having a great time"

needless to say i was flabbergasted. im pretty sure i had literally woken up from a nightmare ABOUT HER that day and now i had to deal with shaking with anxiety so bad that i could barely talk to my mom over breakfast. i initially tried to be nice and be like "haha wow i havent heard from you in a long time... ummmm if you see me on your campus while im visiting my sister please dont talk to me". but then i went to therapy that night and left mad as hell so the next day i told her off and was basically like "i want nothing to do with you and if you talk to me again ill throw rocks at you". and that was the last time i talked to her

last i heard about her online she had been run off of insane bts porn twitter for being a terf. then she started writing insane porn about figure skaters and got run off of THAT twitter circle too. i hope she never knows peace again god bless

#kenniffle #ask #please enjoy this storytime. im glad enough time has passed that i find most of this funny #i used to be so so wary when i was visiting my sister bc i wasnt sure what id do if i saw this girl again. but now im normal :-)

[diarygirls]

do u have any suggestions on how to . meet people? ive never been approached by anyone/never even gone on a date but im 22 and so lonely and scared of dating apps:(( any suggestions on how i can Put Myself Out There

<3 sending love & a sympathetic ear because i was in a similar situation myself in my early 20s and it felt so lonely even though from talking to others i know it’s actually not so unusual. sometimes i feel like the prevalence of dating apps has made dating this activity that’s entirely separate from the rest of your life / your social circle and it’s actually reduced the amount of casual dating we do in early adulthood. hmm anyway some suggestions:

for making friends in general: in my experience the easiest way to make friends is to pick an interest or activity + regularly show up where people do it. work or university are two obvious examples but there’s also rec sports leagues, online meetup groups for hobbies, trivia or open mic nights at local bars, bouldering/climbing gym or another specialized sports studio, martial arts studio, group art class, knitting circles, book clubs, volunteering … all good ways to expand your social circle + also valuable in themselves! it can feel intimidating to do things solo but people are pretty receptive to chatting especially if they’re also by themselves or maybe just 2 or 3 people. additionally bumble has a BFF mode that’s specifically for platonic connections & i have a very wonderful friend who i met from there so it might be worth a try.

and all of these ^^ situations (except bumble BFF) are good ways to meet people to date too! the only thing is for some reason in my experience, you rarely meet people to date when that’s your only goal from the interaction. like, i’ve been in social situations (outside of like bars/clubs where it’s the norm) where you can just tell that someone is only looking at new people as potential romantic interests or hookups and it just puts more pressure on every interaction. so like get out and do things and meet people, allow yourself to be open to them, if they’re cute + available feel free to flirt but don’t discount the interaction if it doesn’t turn romantic yknow?

oh also tell your friends you want to start dating! you might not want to date your close friends but they probably know someone who knows someone who you’d like to date. i’ve even been on a blind date that a friend set up for me and while it didn’t go anywhere it was still nice + less nerve-wracking than app dates because we at least had a common interest and a single shared connection. tbh in my experience NO ONE will support your dating adventures as much as your friends who have been happily partnered and in love for years, because they want everyone else to be in love, and they need the gossip.

finally ik you said you’re scared of dating apps but they’re not all bad! i think dating apps can be a good option for adults not in a university setting esp if you just want to meet a lot of people with low stakes. i think a lot of people (myself included) considering meeting someone on an app as less “real” than a cute meeting irl but the reality is a lot of single people you meet irl will also be on apps. i had a thing w this guy from an app and we ran into each a year later at a party and realized we had mutual friends and it was this nice realization like oh we would’ve met anyway. and i know a lot of people who are in relationships that started on apps! do what you’re comfy with of course but they’re always an option.

and of course goes without saying that there is so much love and romance to be had in life without a partner, that you can find so much joy and care and growth through friends family passions etc, that timelines are not real and that all experiences will come in time but you’ve probably heard that a lot, i know i did and do. but saying it again in case u need to hear it 🤍

hope some of these ideas resonate w u - ik it’s been a couple months since you asked so maybe it’ll just help someone else in a similar situation. good luck! <3

finally i know you said scared of dating apps but they’re actually not all bad and i think for adults who aren’t in university it’s a great way to just kind of dip your foot in the dating pool. plus i think a lot of us (me included) tend to romanticize irl meetings when the reality is a lot of people you’d meet in a cute way irl will also be on dating apps, i had a thing w someone from an app and a year later we ran into each other at a party and realized we had mutual friends and it was a nice reminder like ok well we would’ve met anyway, just on a later timeline. i know lots of people who are in relationships that started on them too. dating apps are also real life!!!

maybe some these ideas will resonate with you, ik it’s been a couple months since you sent it so maybe it’ll just help someone else in a similar situation. good luck out there 💗

#sorry again for taking so long to answer this! #i try to be more responsive with these types of questions #but ironically had a sort-of-breakup the day i got this ask & did not feel up to love life chitchat until recently #wishing u luck! 🤞🏽🤍 #answers

[boilompiz]

Dragon oc rambles part 1 - Krovin!!!

Welp it’s about to be my birthday in like two days so it’s probably about time I post this next ramble DBFJFJ sorry again that this took forever ive been grinding on Pokémon Violet/j

Anyways Krovin

Strange Homosexual man‼️🇺🇸

a helper around the refugee camp area ig! He helps with food stuff mostly but occasionally helps with like medical stuff n all that jazz,, when he’s not doing that he’s just kinda helping individuals with whatever they may need

YET this man refuses to care for himself in the slightest like sir please sleep for more than 3 hours☹️‼️

He constantly busies himself by helping around the camp however he can when he can because,, well I mean people are losing their homes and families and it’s just a BAD TIME.

So if he can help people and make it so life is SLIGHTLY less shitty then he’s doing good,, and he’ll feel selfish and awful if he stops take care about himself for even a minute

He gets it from his childhood 😁😁 yeah I know an OC with a troubling childhood !! Who coulda seen this coming!

Basically his mother had lost her first son before having Krovin which was already bad enough,, and then her husband went and died after getting caught up in a fight during this one dragon civil war typa conflict,, as you can imagine her mental state kinda went down the drain <33

She wouldn’t leave her bed,, she wouldn’t eat, she kinda just let herself rot away in her room for like several weeks,, eventually Krovin decided to try and take care of her FOR her, so starting when he was around 13-14 all the way up until he was like 26 maybe, he’d make food, he’d make sure she bathed, he’d try to help with her all mental issues and grief and all that jazz

He even started helping around town for some extra money ‼️🔥🔥💰💰🗣 yknow to buy more food and stuff,,

No matter what Krovin did though his mom just couldn’t seem to get better,, mentally at least. Even after years and years of him trying to help her she couldn’t move on

So yeah not a good time for Krovin

Eventually his mother died from a sickness plus her age in her sleep,, which Krovin ended up blaming himself for

Did he not try hard enough? Should he have done more? Maybe he should’ve gotten more money to afford medicine ,, maybe he should’ve BEEN A BETTER SON 🗣🗣🗣🗣 sorry I love that song/j

But yeah all of that is kinda why Krovin refuses to take time to properly care for himself,, he had this mindset that if he didn’t give the whole world for someone he cares for, they’d leave, disappear, say byebye or something like that!!!!!! He’s a lil messed up!!! Traumatized man☹️☹️

Anyways when the whole unicorn takeover thing happened he volunteered to help around and stuff, he hit the jackpot with this one/J

This is when he met Norva. She’d frequently turn up with them dragon refugees and occasionally visit from time to time,, checking in on everyone n all. Krovin liked that she was strong and brave, but was also real damn upset that such a young gal had to go through this situation with everyone else,, and she actually reminded him of when he cared for his mom and that like, REALLY upset him

So during one of her visits he’d approached her and they got to talking and soon became besties ‼️‼️

As I said Krovin admired her strength and bravery, and she appreciated his help around camp,, so yeah they became pretty close. Fatherless gang!!!!/J

And that’s all I have to say about Krovin for now sorry this was such a long ramble OUGH he’s just really neat to me,, dad figure man!!!! Who doesn’t love those dad figures am I right

Anyways next ramble will be forrrrr Treya! Hopefully his ramble will come out quicker this time RDHFGCU

#dragons #dragon oc #oc #oc story #oc rambling #saviors of vanriah #krovin #he’s so messed up ^_^ #punches him <3/j #Norva replacement dad/j #don’t worry he learns to care for himself eventually #if you were even worried about that! #his backstory was actually kinda inspired by The Old Sugarman Place from Bojack Horseman #blehg anyways bye !!!!4)3&:&:! I’m tired of typing

[echthr0s]

Top 10 favorite albums (or whichever ones you've been enjoying the most)

it was only this year that it occurred to me to start keeping lists of our favourite things because our memory is like swiss fucking cheese (as previously discussed lol) so this is gonna be a bit haphazard and I'm definitely gonna wake up at 02:00 in a cold sweat like "FUCK I FORGOT [x]" but. 🎵 these are the breeeeaks! 🎵 anyway.

i. DARK SIDE OF THE MOON | pink floyd hated PF as a kid listening to rock radio, their dreamy sound bored the fuck out of me, but now that I'm a stoner PF makes way more sense that's not relevant to DSotM though, I just love this album because it's about madness and entropy and death and also has the best middle track and outro track ever invented standout track: Eclipse

ii. BETWEEN THE HEART AND THE SYNAPSE | the receiving end of sirens post-hardcore concept album with copious use of harmonies and haunting lyrics. this band was a flash in the pan that left scorch marks on my entire existence standout track: Epilogue

iii. THIS GODLESS ENDEAVOR | nevermore my introduction to Nevermore that still remains my favourite work by them. what a fucking band. Warrel Dane's vocals are insane. it's just good idk what to say standout track: Sentient 6

iv. MABOOL: THE STORY OF THE THREE SONS OF SEVEN | orphaned land here we start getting into albums I don't listen to from beginning to end often bc there are individual songs that I don't really care for BUT it's such a cohesive and beautiful story when you do listen to it from beginning to end that I still do it sometimes anyway. this is a concept album about Noah and the Ark by an Israeli metal band. like. come on. what more do you WANT from LIFE standout track: The Storm Still Rages Inside

v. REQUIEM FOR A DREAM OST | Clint Mansell + Kronos Quartet I am rabid for both Mansell and the Kronos Quartet. I would die for them. honourable mention to The Fountain OST here which not only is my favourite movie but it has the one song in existence that makes me say "if I were a song I would be this song" standout track: listen idk it's just two leitmotifs the entire time, a lot of them are the same tune with different spices added

vi. STRANGER FRUIT | zeal & ardor who are my favourite band so it's kinda funny it took me this long to bring them up but YKNOW "satanic negro spirituals and btw, make it metal" is a genre that is 100% tailored to me personally (their later albums are less Specific vibes-wise which is a shame but yknow what... the shit still slaps so I'm not too mad) standout track: You Ain't Coming Back

vii. BEETHOVEN'S LAST NIGHT | trans-siberian orchestra they don't just make metal Christmas music! standout track: Mephistopheles' Return

viii. GARDEN WINDOW | o'brother vibes. pure vibes. idek how else to explain this band but. whew standout track: Poison! ix. THE DOOMSTAR REQUIEM | dethklok (metalocalypse) Metalocalypse's rock opera has some of the catchiest metal songs I've ever heard. also. it's a rock opera. likeeee come ONNN *gesticulating madly* standout track: *impales self on spikes instead of trying to choose*

x. NYMPHETAMINE | cradle of filth you already know 🤘🏿 standout track: Absinthe With Faust

#watch tumblr break the fuck out of my formatting like usual #if it comes out lookin funny just wait five minutes i'll fix it #edit: ok fixed lol #MUSICCCCC *chews drywall* #audiophilia

[lesbianrobin]

do you have any tips for writing eddie? youre really good at keeping them all in character for fics! ive never written a fic for the st characters before, and id like to, but havent fully gotten a grasp on how to write all of them yet

aaa thank you!! honestly, i'm not super confident in how i write eddie yet, but i've been practicing with him a lot lately and starting to get more of a grasp on him. so yknow i'm no expert but i'll share the things i try to keep in mind with him :)

i say this for just about every character people ask me about, but with eddie i think it's like a million times as important as usual: remember his physicality. i think it can be really easy to just like. forget to have your characters move because you're focusing on dialogue or plot or whatever. and with eddie i think his physical movements are very essential to him!! he's a really active character. for example in the cafeteria scene or the woods scene with chrissy, he's almost constantly moving, sometimes intentionally to elicit a reaction (like climbing on the table or dramatically throwing himself to the ground) but other times seemingly just because he doesn't want to sit still (for example he idly punches a tree while he's talking in the woods scene).

he tends to be pretty physically affectionate with dustin and he often leans into steve's personal space. he doesn't seem uncomfortable or awkward when he and robin are thrown against each other by the earthquakes in the upside down. so generally i think eddie is pretty comfortable with physical contact, at least among people he likes/trusts, and he likes to be close to his friends.

with dialogue i feel a bit less confident, but that's largely because eddie speaks quite differently depending on the scenario. he's always varying between performing and being sincere, and i don't think it's just like. a switch he turns on and off. it's a scale yknow? so like. sometimes he does this whole regal thing and other times he's more plain about it. but i think regardless he usually approaches things with a sense of humor and positivity, even if he's also a bit cynical or pessimistic. this is just my own personal opinion/interpretation of his behavior, but i think eddie's kind of naturally flirty and he has fun making people just a bit uncomfortable, though he doesn't try to make anyone feel seriously uncomfortable and, as seen with chrissy, will make the effort to try and make somebody laugh if he thinks they need it.

i think that eddie is well aware of how much the world sucks, and while he isn't holding out hope for sweeping change, he tries to make the best of things wherever he can. he's a little reckless and a bit of a dick, but he's also nerdy, incredibly passionate about the things he cares about, a little dorky, brave, and kind. he's intelligent but he struggles a lot in school. he's the kind of guy who sees two awkward freshmen in the cafeteria and decides to befriend them because they look like they need it. he's the kind of guy who fails his senior year twice and just keeps on trying. eddie can kind of be a mess of contradictions at first glance, and i honestly think the best way to figure out how to write him (besides of course rewatching the show) is just to practice!! the more i write eddie the more confident i feel in him and the more i feel like i get a sense of his voice.

so anyway i guess that's all i got??? i hope this helps at least a little bit. good luck and i hope u have fun writing!!!

#asks #em talks #eddie munson #stranger things

[skadream]

happy ummm 8th month on t? (9th if i were actually on t continuously but i ran out for a month that one time) i used to do monthly t updates on tiktok but i dont rlly feel like doing that rn so i'll yap about it here (its actually wild how little stuff i have about my transition on my tumblr generally speaking? as if this isnt the website that transed my gender in the first place)

it really is hard to notice such gradual changes from month to month, especially if its just me lookin at myself, compared to seeing a doctor in person which, i am getting rx'd T thru telehealth currently as my nearest planned parenthood or even a neighboring one does not actually do gender affirming care which is. insane and whack. esp when i do live in a pretty populated county maybe second or third to nyc and albany area. and i have to call in to a pp THREE HOURS BY CAR from me. but like, its been working for now ok!

mentally and emotionally ive been very up and down overall but i think thats largely due to my medication changes rather than hormones. ALTHOUGH. when i ran out for a month in november and my period came back... dude it was so horrible like genuinely the worst period of my life. its one of those things where i didnt realize just how dysphoric something could make me feel until i had a taste of being able to alleviate said dysphoria. so mentally speaking testosterone is probably pulling the mental train even more than the wellbutrin lol. and im trying not to account too much for circumstance/environment cuz like OBVIOUSLY if things were going smoothly for me there a lot of my emotional issues would be at least somewhat relieved, but im working with what i got.

physically, since starting t in july i have lost weight. at first i was very scared it was my medication, and i think a part of it was at least a little, like two of my meds can cause some weight loss, but i am no longer losing weight in a concerning way but just yknow the regular amount of daily fluctuation. so i do think a lot of my weight loss was due to hormones just shifting around my fat and all that, or something idk lol. everyones so diff with hormones, i know some trans guys gain weight on t and not necessarily from muscle training, i know girls on e who have lost weight without any changes to diet or exercise, it really depends so as always, this is just my experience etc etc

i do have more facial hair but its still quite patchy, i think i might start filling in my stache tho. with my shitty goatee, its not my fav so i shave it off when im not just sitting inside all day, but also idk it makes my chin feel less. round. or smth. i do always think of my one friend telling me ill look like the lead singer of a nü metal band and honestly maybe i should start giving that energy more anyway! embrace goatee lifestyle!

oh yeah my voice dropped in like the first two months and has gotten deeper since, and on timtom i talked a lot about wanting to maintain the vocal range i had pre-t? i dont think thats fully possible like i think the highest notes i used to reach are just inaccessible to me, but i think if i did some like vocal singing warmups i can get back up to reach those higher notes. in retrospect the way ive sung my whole life has actually prob been destructive on my voice, partly from lack of proper training and partly intentionally trying to sound deeper and more gravelly, but now that i can access deeper sounds more naturally i really do wanna work on singing in a better way where i can reach some of those notes.

overall yea im liking whats happening so far, i do wish it was happening faster but i understand that some people dont get the progress ive gotten for like, YEARS, and new progressions will be happening to me for years after today. if you think about "real" puberty, it is a gradual shift its not like you suddenly grow a chest as soon as you Bleed or whatever its different for literally every person and since im the only one in my family that i know of who has done this, im kind of a guinea pig. but like im okay with that! anyway yeah really recommrnd testosterone if u want it i like it :)

[ankhisms]

various ramblings trying to type thoughts ive been having

sometimes i get the feeling that people think less of me or negatively about me due to my different brain issues like not processing and understanding things etc etc and i dont know if thats my anxiety/extremely low self esteem self worth/paranoia combined with a history of people mistreating me or if thats actually happening yknow i really dont want to assume that people dislike me ive been trying to break that pattern of thinking within myself which again comes from a life time of abuse and of people very openly disliking me so my brain goes well its always been the default that people dislike us and are angry with us. its like i know i have brain processing issues but i wish that wouldnt make people like me less or think less of me. instead of telling me that im not actually stupid id like for someone to tell me that even if i am stupid they still care about me and will have compassion for me and my mistakes. ive been thinking about something a mutual said i genuinely cant remember who said it memory issues flaring up so hi if it was you but it was like. online theres this phenomena where even peoples tiny little slip ups and in the bigger picture not that big of a deal mistakes can be documented and held against them for an eternity and that for a long time theres been a certain cultivation of behavior of like. idk what the word is i dont think hyper vigilance is the right term but the kind of mentality where if you make even one mistake you have that held over your head for years. and im realizing that i really grew up with that kind of mentality surrounding me online (and similar mentalities irl) and i think that really fed into and formed a lot of different issues i have. there was a post i rbed maybe earlier this week about not thinking that youre one slip up from your friends abandoning you and i really want to get myself to believe that but the problem is that thats genuinely happened before or thats been threatened to happen before with me and so again my brain goes well it could happen again everyone you know and love could suddenly cut you off out of nowhere with no warning or everyone you know and love is secretly talking about how awful you are. and i get scared that im somehow doing things wrong without knowing that im doing things wrong or hurting people without realizing im hurting them and lately i keep just being hit with the feeling that everything i do is wrong and that im making people angry or upset with me even when im literally not doing anything and it sucks and i wish i knew an easy way to get out of it. ive mentioned this before but when it comes to my issues like this one thing is like. i dont want people to think that im so fragile and scared that ill shatter if they come to me and talk to me saying hey rey this thing you did upset me/hurt me etc i dont want people to think that ill fall apart if im told about a mistake ive made or that ive done something wrong i want people to be able to come to me and talk with me and i always want to be able to grow and admit when im wrong and i dont want to hurt people. and then ive been thinking about how even though i have lovely friends who i cherish and appreciate and love so much i still feel so lonely and seperated from everyone who i know and love and i feel like im on the other side of a glass wall and that no one can reach me and i want to get closer to people but it always feels like i cant. but i dont want to doubt my friends love for me i dont want to doubt that i have a place in peoples lives. but its really hard. anyway its almost midnight i should sleep thanks if you read this

[okthatsgreat]

🌼💎??

WAHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! im gonna use naomi for this one just because i reckon she's got some interesting answers ..... >:)

ALSO I WILL BE DISCUSSING SUICIDE HERE BRIEFLY BC ITS NAOMI AND ITS GOTTA COME UP IN A CONVO ABOUT DEATH SO BE WARNED!!

OC ASK GAME!!

🌼 - how old are they? (or approximate age range)

depends on the context!!!!! during her killing game she is either 16 or 17, as this is season 50 and i imagine team dr has just gone "Yknow What. What ever" about killing off a bunch of minors lmaoooooo. haven't yet decided if i see her as one of the younger contestants or one of the olders ones like ryobe ............. both have tragic implications ............ and also i dont know if im being swayed towards making her older just because shes the tallest girl there LMAO

in the askdr50 universe she is either 18-20!! timeline is sort of foggy, but its been a few years since her game has ended and they are currently on season 53 :] i imagine team dr has to be given enough time for pre-production/a bit to actually run the game/post-production media hell, but alsooooooo they are very quick to keep producing more seasons. so the amount of time between naomis killing game and her currently fluctuates hgdfksg

💎 - do you ever see yourself killing off the oc?

teehee teehee soooo first things first naomi is a danganronpa character which means the threat of death is literally always around the corner even AFTER her fucking game LMFAO. but what is super important about naomi in the context of her universe is that she is SURVIVOR.... like even before her game. naomi has always been somebody that survives and is terrified of dying. and quite honestly it is a fate worse than death a lot of the time. like she doesnt GET to die

something i love examining with post-game dr characters in this "everything is a reality show and team dr are corporate dirtbags" au is the idea that they actually for real will not let you die--- i know i touched on it extremely briefly in lgowab with junko. like that girl had tried to take herself out on multiple occasions but danganronpa would frequently nurse her back to health only to go Hey Btw you Can Not die while you are contracted with us and we will Ruin every single living thing you might possibly feel connected to if you try that shit again. you are a commodity first and foremost and we could care less about your mental health we just need you alive so we can keep commercialising you. and also if we have another suicide scandal that could TANK us. so you can not kill yourself ok <3 for us <3

ive got zero doubt in my mind they did that same shit with naomi as well lol. this is a girl whose entire life has been rooted in survival and frankly not much else, who now DOES NOT GET to die and has to live on with the fact that her survival has caused her and many others irreparable pain and damage. death is a luxury she WILL NOT be afforded. awesome sauce!

THANK YOUUUUUUUUUU <33

#ask game #ask lee #stims-4-breakfast #TEEHEE <3 #oc: naomi

[0xo]

oh exciting update as of sunday!!! ive had four tshots now, not exactly in a month, but it's like a month's worth of doses so i'll say one month on t. some nice small things i've noticed & thoughts on my goals and presentation

- singing voice is different, speaking voice isn't, but specifically when singing i feel more strain in my mix/head voice when aiming higher and more ease in lower registers. i haven't Lost any range but i do feel the difference in trying to hit my highs

- slightly darker hair on my upper lip (used to be basically invisible) and more hair growing on my torso and thighs (had v little thigh hair before, like it's there but paler and sparse)

- a little but more breakout prone but seems under control, mostly just on my shoulders which has always been where that happens for me

- oh you know.

- definitely more sweaty, i do feel the need to take a body shower every day to avoid being gross. also sleeping in shirts instead of topless to not get my bed gross.

- however, my hair seems to need washed less often - very surprising considering two years ago it used to look very dirty by the end of the day (i have been working on reducing washes for a good year but this has seen a drastic jump from like every-other-day washes *if* i used dry shampoo, to looking fine on the second day and maybe needing dry shampoo on day three but being fine for day four after that. extremely nice to only wash my hair once or twice a calendar week)

- slight change in hair texture as well, a little thicker and the color has gotten a bit darker? i had mousy-brown hair when i was a child, dyed the shit out of it from age five onwards, and noticed it getting much darker around four years ago. i bleached my hair right before starting and the regrowth is a biiit darker than it was before and definitely a bit different in texture

- feeling more grounded in my body

i don't plan to stay on t very long, just to get a few little changes i'm interested in - mostly related to singing voice and uhhh downstairs (which im already accomplishing!) but not long enough to really truly grow facial hair (don't want it at all, but im fine with shaving a lil stache) or change my speaking voice.

or at least not change my voice enough to preclude me from the pitched-up feminine inflection i use with strangers; i use that for safety, people receive me better with it, it's how i prefer to interface with unfamiliar people. if my truly comfortable voice gets deeper, i'm very fine with that, i would even Like that.

but i'm highly aware that being perceived as a cis woman is much safer for me where i am, and i would prefer that even after top surgery i could be mistaken for a very flat-chested woman if i needed to be. and that kind of depends on my ability to keep speaking the way i do to be polite to strangers.

i would like my own kind of androgyny that's not really dependent on how others see me. more to change my body for myself than anyone else, right? i want a deeper singing voice for my own enjoyment, but i don't really care what my "home" speaking voice is like, that could stay as it is. it's deep enough to be comfortable for me, i enjoy it, my loved ones hear it as perfectly me. a flat chest is for my comfort, not so others see me as a man. i just don't want tits ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ not my preferred accessory for my skirts, yknow? and i'd like button-ups to fit nicer, or to go bare-chested at the beach if i want to. also THE BACK PAIN of carrying these things is ridiculous, just truly and fully ridiculous. i don't know how generations of my family have done it, because all of us who have breasted have breasted QUITE BOOBILY

i do not love being misgendered, but to be perceived as a woman is familiar to me and i know how to work with that. i don't know how to work with being seen by strangers as a man. i am not attached enough to the idea of Being either to really actually want to """fully""" transition to being seen as a man, if that makes sense. i'm okay if other people don't get it, i just want the autonomy to look how i want!

i don't think there's a reliable way to be just Perceived As Genderless, so i can settle with being confusing or being seen as a weird but nice lesbian. i am one!!! i am honestly very very feminine, i'm fine with people seeing that, i just want to be feminine with a flat chest and a voice that i can choose to drop. i'm also masculine and i want to be able to lean into that in a more comfortable body. like, wear well-fitted suits if i want, play with looking more manly if i want, be topless on beaches if i want. to just get dressed in ANYTHING without fighting with my chest.

anyways im so happy to be on t for a little while <3333 lesbian as a gender is sooooo real and soooo fun im kissing all the nonbinary transmasc lesbians <3333 also kissing all the nonbinary transfemme lesbians <3333 we are so cool for being nonbinary and lesbians!!!!!!!