#so much euphoria got me remembering this lmao

[onlyswan]

summary: in which you sacrifice your strawberries and eyelash wishes for the boy knocking at your door.

idol!jungkook x reader, strangers to friends (?) to lovers / fluff and a pinch of angst / word count: 5.5k

content/warnings: allusions to death and grief / jungkook is a cutie patootie and a blushing hopeless romantic mess / he wants to kiss oc so bad (me too bro) / oc is a sunshine <3 / they do chores and watch movies together :((( / in one scene he was worried oc would think of him as a perv lmao / they’re dorks and i love them / seokjin cameo hehehe

> in which masterlist!

note: to make up for the pain i may have caused and will cause <3 LOL. i hope you enjoy reading as much as i enjoyed writing :D as always reblogs and feedback are appreciated! come chat w me. ily 🌼

—

“it’s so cold,” you mutter through chattering teeth.

the grocery bags sit on the hardwood table with a thud— the careless bringer too hasty. you shove your icy hands in the deep pockets of your jacket, breathing in and out with a sense of relief.

you are not granted the mundane euphoria for much longer, however. the doorbell rings and you are padding across the floor against your will. the cold air hits your face before it enters your apartment.

however, the happy smile that greets you blankets your heart with a type of warmth that is difficult to describe.

if you had to guess who was behind the door, you wouldn’t say the boy you’ve been fiercely pining over for the past month, but it is certainly who you’d be hoping for regardless.

“good morning!”

“oh! wait there for a moment!”

jungkook stands motionless by your open front door as you disappear into your apartment. confusion accompanied by curiosity, he tries poking his head inside, but then decides that he shouldn’t.

upon your return, his face lights up again.

“here you go!”

he accepts the jar of honey faster than he could think.

“w-why are you-?”

you tilt your head, lips forming a small pout. “isn’t that what you’re here for?”

“uh, actually-” he awkwardly pauses, hand that carries the heavy paper bag behind him suddenly feeling weak. “i came here to give you something.”

your eyes animatedly expand in surprise of the size of it, not at all expecting to receive a gift from him today. you do know that he’s fresh from japan, as you converse on the phone almost everyday… why would he come here almost immediately? and didn’t he say they weren’t given the chance to roam the city because of their work schedule?

“i just grabbed things i thought you might like. i hope i got most of them right?” he explains with a nervous chuckle as you take a look inside.

a diverse array of snacks; a beautiful journal painted with cherry blossoms; a hello kitty plushie; stickers, muji pens…

“oh my god, jungkook… these are too much. you didn’t have to.”

oh, curse the hopeless fluttering of your heart.

“wow, gifting your merch- that’s real idol behavior for you.” you tease him, referring to the hooded jacket that has their group logo on its plastic packaging. “thank you!”

“no but it seriously warms you up! i have one too!”

“jungkook, why are you so cute?!”

“ah, shut up! i’m getting embarrassed!” he whines, blushing. “just look at them later after i leave, how about that?”

“let go! it’s mine!” you glare at him, hugging the paper bag to your chest to deny his advances on snatching it away. “are you not leaving? don’t you have work?”

“i told you— it’s my rest day.”

“you did?”

“while we were texting last night.”

“oh,” you blink. “i don’t remember reading that.”

“you? what are you doing today?”

you bite back the smile threatening to give away the thoughts running in your mind a thousand miles per hour. why does he want to know?

“nothing special. just chores the entire day.”

jungkook puts his hand inside the pocket of his coat, an attempt to appear casual as he offers you his valiant effort. “do you want some help? i’m good at doing chores.”

you stare at him, perplexed, as if he just said the most ridiculous sentence you’ve ever heard in your entire life.

“it’s your rest day and you want to do chores?”

“sure,” he grins playfully, not at all seeing how that could be wrong. “why not?”

“you know…” you pause— observing his expression, considering shutting your mouth, but that plan rarely ever works out. “you can just say that you want to spend time with me, right?”

your bluntness sends his heart racing. you’re a danger to his health.

he sinks his perfect teeth on his bottom lip, bringing his dimples into view. to be honest, you didn’t always have a thing about dimples. you didn’t consider them all that special. but why do they make him look cute and sexy at the same time?

his cheeks become tinted with a pale scarlet. you’re wearing that friendly beam again; he doesn’t know how to act. he never knows whether you are joking or not.

“well, now i know.”

—

jungkook sets down the jar of honey on the table as he settles in the living room, fascinated doe eyes darting around every inch of your place. it’s not his first time here, but somehow, it looks different each time. the two frames hanging above the sofa captures his attention all over again, colorful drawings against the plain white wall. gifted to you by your siblings, you said.

a tall castle with a happy family. a little boy slaying a dragon to protect a princess from its savage fire.

he is blissfully unaware of the knowledge that the drawings are the lone survivors of a school bus and a tragedy. you want it to stay that way. you want people to feel the opposite of the sadness you feel when you look at them. that is how you seek your peace.

“are you wearing toe socks?”

“huh?” he makes a sound of confusion, only processing your question upon seeing your gaze trained to his feet. “ah- toe socks- yes.”

“i’m only noticing them now. they look funny.” you scrunch your nose, chuckling.

“don’t laugh! they’re so comfortable!”

“really?” your eyes widen with genuine interest. “i should try them then.”

“yeah, you should!”

he whips his head around as he jokingly voices out an observation.

“but ____, your house kind of looks different today… it’s almost like it’s cleaner than the last time i was here.”

you bury your face in your hands with a high-pitched wine, hiding from him in humiliation. you did not plan on inviting someone over that night, and he had to watch you run around organizing and picking up things— the scattered books all over the table and the floor; the jackets that have created a big heap on the small couch; the jewelry box that ended up on the dining table for some reason.

he laughs in endearment, unable to take his eyes from you. even the way your hair bounces as you furiously shake your head is pretty. wait, does that sound weird?

“that’s right, it should look different! the first thing i did when winter break started was clean up my mess.”

“what’s the first chore on the list then?” he catches the grocery bags in the kitchen from his peripheral. “were you putting away your groceries?”

“you really want to do chores? you don’t want to watch a movie or something?”

“aigoo, it’s fine!” he waves off your reluctance. “stop worrying! i already said i’d help you.”

“but it’s embarrassing…”

it’s either jungkook is denying your advances or he is simply dense. but the fact that he showed up at your door unannounced on his day-off despite complaining about his exhaustion from their hectic work schedule, you want to lean towards the latter and believe that he is… as good at chores like he claims to be.

“you must like fruits a lot.” jungkook comments as he is squatted infront of your fridge, sheltering the freshly bought perishables one by one.

kimchi, lettuce, strawberries, tangerines, shine muscat, apples…

this is an entirely different world through your lens.

it feels strange to watch another person restock your fridge for you.

“they’re easy to eat and i’m lazy to cook.”

he chuckles as he looks back at you, who is sat on the dining table, airy and carefree as you snack on a bag of assorted chocolates from the paper bag he brought. almost all of the white chocolates are gone, he notes.

“not because they’re nutritious?”

“that’s the bonus!”

“what is this?”

“cranberry juice.”

“and this?”

“oyster sauce.”

you energetically hop off the table, an idea lighting up the bulb in your mind.

“i have another recipe for you. french toast with strawberries, then drizzle some of the honey. should i make it for you?”

“ah!” he gasps as if he is in pain, but the truth is his mouth is watering. he hasn’t eaten breakfast, and he wanted to eat more for dinner last night but sleep proved to be much more enticing than food. “that sounds so good! i’m starving!”

“stand up!” you begin pulling at the back of his sweater, forcing him to remove himself from the floor. “i’ll make it! just go relax in the living room, okay?”

“but you just said you’re lazy to cook.” he tilts back his head, meeting your gaze. “i’ll help you.”

“i’m not lazy when it becomes to being a host.”

you bend down with a sweet smile, merely inches away from him, and jungkook swears the earth has stopped spinning on its axis. your face is natural and bare, except for the sheen of lip balm across your lips— and dear heavens, having you this close, you are so breathtakingly beautiful.

“they’re playing christmas movies on channel 36.” you announce, giving him the bag of chocolates. “and the remote is… somewhere on the sofa… or maybe the floor.”

and as he gets practically kicked out of the kitchen, your hands roughly pushing his back, he daydreams of kissing you and tasting sugar on your lips.

—

the sweet, addicting smell of the french toast— strong hints of butter and cinnamon— invades every corner of your apartment. consequently, it also compels jungkook to break your rules and insert himself in the kitchen again.

“you never give up, do you?”

“i don’t,” he agrees, nodding eagerly. he has successfully stolen the task of washing the strawberries, and then slicing them after. he endures the freezing water rendering his hands numb. “it’s a known fact.”

“are you saying i should study harder?” you cross your arms, expression painted with faux vexation.

“yes! exactly!” he humors you, grinning of amusement. “what’s my favorite color?”

you sigh, looking at him from head to toe.

“anyone can guess that from a mile away, jungkook.”

“fuck, okay. that’s fair!”

the sound of his laughter reminds of you reasons to stay through the cycle of the seasons. you don’t understand why, but for some reason, it has finally begun to feel like christmas. the only comfort that comes along with the cruel winter that nips at your skin; the blanket over your heart that provides a type of warmth one can travel to seek but will never be able to find alone.

“what’s my height then?”

“aren’t you six feet?”

the silence that follows is an answer enough for you. the noise of the television emerges now that none of you is talking. he pretends to be too busy to speak, transferring the strawberries over to the chopping board.

“yes, you’re ri-”

“liar!” you point an accusatory finger at him.

and he winces, guilty as charged.

“you hesitated!”

“tsk, i should’ve said yes faster! i wanted to experience what it’s like to be tall!” he regretfully purses his lips, eyebrows knitted as if he just lost the lottery. “but haven’t you read it online? even my shoe size and weight are there.”

“what? why do people even need to know that…?” you exclaim, flabbergasted. “i mean- of course i’ve searched up your name, but it feels like cheating on a test. does that sound silly…? it’s just more fun learning about you from you.”

you briefly walk away to grab a bottle of water from the fridge, and jungkook is left at the counter with fondness blossoming in his chest, bleeding into the chopped strawberries staining his hands red.

he calls out your name.

“mhmm?” you hum in question, muffled by the water in your mouth.

“want to hear a fact about me?”

you wipe your lips with the back of your hand, eyes expanding with fueled interest. “what?”

“i’m actually very good in the kitchen.” he boasts his skills with the kitchen knife, quick and precise, the blade against the wood creating the satisfying click you usually only hear from cooking shows. “are you seeing this? huh…? what do you think?”

“so i’ve noticed. i want something new!”

at that, his shoulder sags in disappointment. to his demise, there goes another failed attempt at making you acknowledge that he is boyfriend material.

“what do you want to know? ask me questions.”

“what’s your ideal type?”

being in your presence for the past hour has gotten jungkook re-adjusted to your personality— straight-forward, bold, smart— so vivacious that it’s dizzying. you make him nervous and comfortable at the same time, and he doesn’t quite know how to explain it either. but you’re a breath of fresh air, the change that he has been anticipating to disrupt his routine.

“why do you want to know that?”

you shrug coyly, smiling like the troublesome vixen that you are. you rather enjoy the tension that has hung in the air. if you’ve learned something from the past: men are easy to get, not easy to keep. because they relish in the chase, getting strung along like this. so, shouldn’t you have your fun too? but even if jungkook’s intentions were pure, you can only imagine that seeing someone whose life revolves around their career is… the perfect recipe for disaster.

“i think who you like also says a lot about who you are as a person.”

“i like someone who is kind and funny…” he hums in thought, unconsciously slotting a piece of strawberry in between his lips. “and passionate about the things they love… mhmm, someone who can be honest with me.”

his words form a constellation named after you, unbeknownst to you, and he wants to say more but anticipating what comes next after you connect the dots makes his stomach twist. he doesn’t feel like an adult yet. he’s still just a young boy with a gorgeous crush and high ambitions that coalesce in his dreams.

“i like someone who has a really pretty smile, too.”

and he should probably stop staring, erase the dumb lovesick smile on his face. for fuck’s sake, it would be easier for him if you would just do the same. behind the sparkles of your eyes, there is something he’s been dying to decipher.

“okay, why are you looking at me like that?”

because you are so pretty, especially when you smile.

“nothing,” he replies innocently. “you? what’s your ideal type? who do you like?”

“i don’t know… no one has captured my heart yet. they’re not trying hard enough!”

every romance you’ve had so far has been a letdown.

“but i’m still looking. i’m young, and hot, and the universe is vast.”

“mhm, i see… that’s true, but maybe… you don’t want to be looking too far.” jungkook suggests.

you smirk. “so you agree that i’m hot?”

“you know. you don’t need me to say it.” he chuckles, shaking his head.

“but i want to hear you say it.”

“you’re very beautiful, ____.”

“but that’s not-”

“the food is ready! let’s eat it before it gets cold!”

he runs to the living room without waiting for you, and you seize the opportunity to squeal without a sound, punching the counter without actually punching— releasing the giddiness threatening to spill from the seams of your heart.

you don’t know if this is heading somewhere, nor do you expect it to, but where you are right now is a good place to be.

—

the movie playing on the screen has become more of a white noise to you, a family comedy far less fascinating compared to jungkook drizzling honey over strawberries and bread from a spoon. you wonder if he is aware how often he creates sound effects while he is doing something.

beside you, his body quakes with cackles during the scenes that an editor would definitely insert the classic sound of an audience’s collective laughter and holler. you stumble upon the understanding that his happiness lies in a myriad of things, and you would envy him for it if not for the fact that he is currently sharing that happiness with you. you laugh when he laughs, and being becomes a little less heavier at that moment.

another commercial break rudely interrupts and jungkook turns towards you. the two of you sit cross-legged, knees knocking against each other as you occupy nearly the entire sofa.

“hi!”

“hi.”

“what are your plans for the holidays?”

“my best friend’s family invited me to stay with them for christmas until the new year. it’s kind of been a tradition since…”

the end of your sentence hangs suspended in the air. you still can’t say it out loud.

jungkook knows they’re gone and you’re alone: only the plain and brutal truths.

the reminder that this is the third christmas you will not spend with your family; the thought that this would be the third christmas they would spend without you if the afterlife was real— they bring tears to your eyes at once, but you forcibly blink them away, shoving enthusiasm down your throat.

“how about you?” you take a bite from your toast, attempting to divert your thoughts to… anything else. “are you coming home?”

you hide so well behind a smile. it doesn’t occur to jungkook that his question rubbed salt on an open wound.

“i miss my mom but i can’t go home yet.” he pouts. “i have work on christmas day as usual. we’ve been preparing hard for it.”

“oh, that’s right! gayo daejeon?!”

he nods in confirmation.

the music festival has been an annual event for his group since they debuted, and he never feels the need to complain because not everyone is given this kind of opportunity. what’s extraordinary for most has become his ordinary, and what was once his ordinary like everybody else’s has simply become a thing of the past. nevertheless, he does not have regrets. he is living a good life, one that he believes is his fate. as long as he has a voice and it is being heard, then his existence has meaning.

“your family will surely watch you, so they’re still celebrating it with you in a way. making them proud is the best christmas gift you can give!”

and right now, in his life, you are the cherry on top. you were so cheerful and supportive about the final shows of their tour as well, raving about how amazing it is to perform three nights in a row at gocheok skydome.

“i’ll watch you too!”

he can’t help it— you’re driving him to be better at what he does. childishly, he wants show off and be the one to capture your heart.

“ah!” he groans. “that means i should work harder at practice tomorrow! i can’t mess up infront of you and my family!”

“why not me? you want to make me proud too?” you interrogate him jokingly.

“of course, it’s my job. it’s what i do best. i’ll make you see!”

“use me as motivation then. you can’t mess up, okay? you have to do well, jungkook! you better not make a mistake! my eyes will be focused on you only!”

his face is reminiscent of a deer caught in the headlights— the headlights being your wide, threatening eyes.

he releases a shaky sigh in dramatic fashion. “i don’t feel motivated, though? i’m getting pressured?”

you wheeze; the plate over your lap tilts along with its contents.

“this is tough love!”

jungkook nearly staggers to his feet. “…love?”

you roll your eyes, small corners of your lips still cheekily lifted. “was the french toast good?”

jungkook is interrupted before he can form a response.

“but if it tastes like shit, just lie to me!”

“what are you talking about?!”

oh my god, you’re too fucking good at making him laugh.

“you’re eating it too! you know it’s delicious!”

“maybe you got a bad batch!”

—

“i’m going to the laundry shop across the street. i’ll just be a minute.” you announce, hauling a laundry basket to the living room.

your strained grunts prompt jungkook to look up from his phone, and eventually to stand up with urgency and relieve you of your heavy, heavy burden.

“shit, how heavy is this?”

you’re not given a chance to protest as the basket is immediately stolen from your grasp; your lips part open but no words come out.

“i’ll come with you!”

“well, hopefully not more than twelve kilos.”

it’s definitely heavier than usual; mainly comprised of the thick and layered clothes you’ve been wearing to shield yourself from the unforgiving cold.

“let’s go.”

jungkook wraps his hand around your wrist, gently tugging. the butterflies in your stomach wakes up earlier than spring’s arrival.

“this thing is bigger than you.”

an extremely obvious exaggeration.

“i’ll be the one to carry it.“

—

jungkook wears a cap and a face mask underneath his hoodie, eyes barely even visible in his all-black getup for the public to see; and somehow you also find yourself with a scarf around your neck, pulled up over the bridge of your nose.

when the year 2017 rolled in, you predicted that more crazy, life-altering stuff would happen. it has been an on-going theme, a relentless domino effect that has brought you to your knees time and time again. but you never would’ve fucking imagined that this is how you would be wrapping it up. how the hell did you cross paths with a famous idol, and why is he carrying your laundry basket right now?

“wait here for a bit.” you bring both hands to the basket’s handles, coaxing him to let go. “i’ll just bring it inside.”

“are you only dropping it off? that’s expensive!”

“what?” you stare at him in bewilderment, not expecting him to utter such statement at all. “you’re talking like you’re not rich!”

“i’m not! and still,” jungkook becomes flustered underneath his disguise. “it’s good to be practical. anyway, we have a lot of time.”

“you sound more like a mom than my mom did.”

“shhh!” he shushes you, putting a finger over his face mask. “let’s just do your laundry ourselves.”

“why would you do laundry right now? you’re supposed to be resting in the first place!”

a tug of war ensues infront of the laundry shop. strangers doesn’t know better. you look like a married couple bickering over who should take responsibility of the chore.

“____, just let me, mhm? i’m a pro at doing laundry too! we’ll be done before you know it!”

“how are you good at everything? honestly, it sounds like a scam!”

“how dare you doubt me?” he gasps in offense. “i do my own laundry!”

“seriously?” you quirk an eyebrow.

“i’m serious!”

“i don’t think i believe you, though…”

“if you search online, you-” your voice echoes in his mind, and subsequently, jungkook cuts himself off.

‘it feels like cheating on a test. it’s more fun learning about you from you.’

“oh, nevermind. let’s go inside already. i’m freezing!”

“jungkook!” you whine, stomping your feet on the ground as you refuse to let go of the basket despite jungkook beginning to head inside.

“why?” he copies the childishness of your tone, and although you can’t see his face, the crinkles at the corners of his eyes tell you enough.

“we can’t…”

the adorable sight of you appearing to be so shy is foreign to him. he can’t help but to chuckle. “why not?”

your lips form a pout.

“my panties…”

you bring a finger to point at the basket.

“they’re in there too… i was only going to drop them off today because you came with me…”

“ah…” jungkook awkwardly freezes, unblinking. “wait, you’re right?”

why didn’t he think of that? he’s a fucking idiot. of fucking course. what if you take things the wrong way and you’re creeped out by him now?!

“fuck, sorry. i’m sorry. i wasn’t- um, i swear i wasn’t trying to…”

his tongue becomes tied, struggling to search for the words that won’t make him sound like a damn pervert.

yeah, way to go, jungkook. you’re not the fucking boyfriend yet and you’re ruining your chances.

“did i make you uncomfortable? i’m sorry. it probably looked li-”

“hey, breathe, calm down. it’s alright, jungkook.”

you giggle in amusement, placing a hand over his chest— his heart. it’s meant to ease him, but the knowledge that you’re feeling his racing heartbeat only causes it to further intensify. he swallows the lump in his throat, dumbfounded by the turn of events. he wants the ground to swallow him whole, but he also wants to stay in this moment a little while longer.

“it’s alright. i’ll go bring this inside then i’ll treat you to lunch at the restaurant over there! don’t run away from me, okay?”

—

“the yukgaejang looks good.” you utter absentmindedly, admiring the spicy beef soup with plentiful vegetables from afar. “i’m jealous of you.”

the other tables are already having a feast while you and jungkook are waiting for your take-out to be prepared.

“then you should’ve ordered it too.” jungkook scolds you lightheartedly. “should i go?”

“no! i’m not good with spicy food. spice makes me cry.”

he smiles softly. once again, you complete the picture from his eyes. “what is there to frown so sadly about?”

“i feel like i’m missing out.” you complain, the pout on your face almost permanent. “spicy food is like one of the trademarks of korea, you know? but i can’t handle it!”

“so cute…” jungkook has decided to give in to his impulses, it seems— the evidence is him pinching your cheek for the very first time, and with the discovery of its delightsome softness, it will definitely not be the last.

“oh, oh, oh! an eyelash!”

his doe eyes glisten with pure wonder and excitement, and the air in your lungs becomes suspended when his hand moves to tenderly cup the side of your face. as he is absorbed in capturing the tiny eyelash that has fallen and glued itself on your cheek, your mind reels with the size of his hand, the sensation of his innocent touch against your neck.

“aaand-” jungkook takes your hand, passing on the eyelash to your index finger. “there you go. make a wish!”

your eyes flicker down, and none of you speaks for a moment or two.

a wish…?

what does one wish for when they have given up on wishing for miracles?

“did you do it?”

you peek at jungkook, nodding. at last, you blow the eyelash away, outside the window, where it becomes one with the snowflakes that came from the same sky where wishes are supposedly granted.

“what did you wish for?”

“i’ll tell you when it comes true.”

—

jungkook eats so well— you feel full just by watching him eat. so when he asked you, eyebrows knitted and legs bouncing, if he could have more rice, you were left with no choice but to plug in the rice cooker for the second time today. you cooked only enough for two meals today: brunch and dinner for one. you’re more than happy to have given him the dinner portion. you like that your apartment is providing warmth for another soul, despite the old times that it housed ones that ended up haunting you.

“are there any more chores to do? while we wait for the rice?”

you gaze switches from him to the living room.

the boy who was knocking at your door is now vacuuming your floors.

you sit on the couch with your legs hugged to your chest, chin propped on your knees. an unexplainable feeling swims in your chest, but your heart calls to welcome it. not to be delusional, but technically, isn’t this a marriage proposal?

it falls on dear ears— the infuriating sound of the cheap vacuum cleaner your landlord lended you and never came back for. underneath it is jungkook’s mellifluous voice, humming and singing, and it’s all you can hear.

the only use you knew of honey is the magic it does with tea for a sore throat. when you learned about his demanding occupation, he is all you can think of in relation to the elixir. since then, you’ve been taking the god awful amount of honey your pesky neighbor provides without any complaints.

this is nice… this is good. you are glad that you opened the door.

—

after a hearty and satisfying meal, you and jungkook retired to your previous spots infront of the television screen. more of the snacks he bought for you ended up being shared. near your stacks of books are colorful food wrappers and half-empty glasses of water. two mediocre yet entertaining movies later, you tell jungkook that you should pick up your laundry before the shop closes in an hour. however, after he has excused himself to the bathroom, he is greeted by the sight of you peacefully asleep on the sofa.

once more, a new side of you is laid bare, and his affection grows. he doesn’t know when he can admire your face this close again without melting from your stare.

heedful of disturbing your much deserved rest, he carefully places a pillow beneath your head, and he pulls down the blanket you’re wrapped in to cover your cold feet.

with one last stolen glimpse, he grabs your key and receipt from the bowl and leaves.

—

“is it time for you to leave?” you delicately rub at your eyes that are still half-closed; voice quiet, barely there.

you were awoken by the front door opening and closing, but nothing has quite registered to your fuzzy brain yet, except for the coat that you neatly kept and is already re-worn by its owner.

and he knows you’re most probably just sleepy, but the way you’re gazing at him as if you’re sad to see him go makes his heart clench.

“no, i picked up your laundry.” he enlightens you, consciously speaking with refined tenderness, as to preserve the serenity that has enveloped the atmosphere. “i can stay until eight. is that okay?”

you release a weary sigh, nodding. “of course… and you’re such a nice friend, thank you.”

he plops down on the sofa, filling the jungkook-shaped space beside you.

tired… you’re so tired… despite the given privilege to finally sleep to your heart’s content, you’re still so tired. your forehead lands softly on his shoulder, and unbeknownst to you due to your stupor, jungkook’s breath hitches— the polar opposite of the steady rise and fall of your chest. you make him swoon. he deliberately ignores the fact that you just called him a friend.

you peer down at the floor, past the curtain of your disheveled hair, slowly blinking. those ridiculous toe socks… you giggle in secret.

“jungkook?”

“yes?”

“are you cold?”

“freezing.”

you lift your head and he knows— you have to be playing games with his heart, bringing the temptation to kiss you so painfully close. “do you want some tea?”

—

the performance has commenced but the passionate screams of the audience still rings in jungkook’s ears as he runs backstage, chased by the staff attempting to wipe the sweat he is practically bathing in. he squeezes one eye shut as beads of sweat threaten to enter it. his chest heaves with exhaustion and his heart pumps with overwhelming adrenaline. most of the time, this job doesn’t feel real. he feels high. this is the textbook definition of a dream.

“where’s my phone? please? does anyone have it?” he yells in the midst of the chaos and clamor as he completely strips off his in-ears.

a hand reaches towards him with the device, and his expression of gratitude gets lost somewhere among the repetitive reminders of the remaining time before they should have returned to their designated seats.

he allows the hair and make-up stylists to do their jobs, him as their doll in need of a retouch. on the other hand, he impatiently waits for his phone to power on.

the tapping of jungkook’s foot ceases, and from his glowing reflection on the vanity mirror, the clueless people surrounding him witnesses love strike.

guess my eyelash wish worked like a charm. your performances went really well

and you looked so cool on stage ☺️

merry christmas jungkook ❤️

“jungkook-ah, what are you smiling at?!”

seokjin cackles. jungkook didn’t even notice him roll his chair so close. he then decides to play dumb to tease their youngest one.

“wow, who is this ____ you’re texting?”

“hyung!” jungkook panics, hissing underneath his breath. “lower your voice!”

“ouch!” seokjin yells, rubbing his arm that was hit as a punishment.

he allows a moment of silence.

his expression goes blank and he avenges himself.

“ah!” jungkook gasps as the slap on his thigh resonates, forced to be ripped away from overthinking a text message. “hyung! you better start running!”

Draft: i know it’s late.. but can i see you later?|

—

taglist in the reblogs! send an ask/dm if you want to be added (or removed) :D

—

#jungkook #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook drabble #jungkook scenario #jungkook imagine #jungkook one shot #jungkook fic #jungkook fanfic #jungkook au #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #bts fluff #bts reaction #jungkook smut

[emmyrosee]

this is an actual thing that happened to me and my poor friend like, an hour ago lmao

——

It’s been raining for three weeks straight.

On the list of things that make Katsuki angry, rain is high, high up on that list, above most people and most things. Rain feels useless to Katsuki, does nothing but make things wet and gross, and he’ll never forgive the rain for drowning his plants as a kid.

Rain makes him a certain degree of agitated.

You, on the other hand?

“Baby, look! It’s raining!” You beam.

You like it. Freak.

The forecast had no called for rain, nor had his phone given any warnings, but as he paid the bill for lunch, seemingly as soon as the waiter took his card, the rain poured to godlike fury.

Phenomenal.

There’s nothing he loves more on his one Saturday off a month than sprinting through monsoon season in worn down sneakers and your feet padding behind him. There’s nothing he finds more euphoria in than opening the passenger side door for you and feeling the squish of a puddle in his shoe.

And he absolutely, completely, totally understands how on the gods’ decaying, rotten earth, why you enjoy this so much.

At this point, all Katsuki wanted to do was go home, curl up in a ball with you close by and nap all the frustration and cold rain away for the next few hours-

“LOOK OUT!” You scream, and instantly, Katsuki slams on his brakes, nearly flinging you both out the window. His face paled in panic before coming back in a complete anger.

“What the fuck was that!”

“Look!” You whimper, pointing out past the windshield with a worried pout. He squints as best as he can past the pouring rain, to no avail. You groan next to him and quickly leap out of the car to chase whatever you seem to see, making him snarl a firm ‘GET BACK HERE,’ through his teeth. You put your hands on your knees as you look down at the pavement, and he looks around for a oncoming car that you seem to ignore remembering that you’re in the middle of the goddamned road.

“Are you fucking insane?!” He snaps, opening his own car door and getting out to chase you. “You’re going to get sick, and I’m not going to take care of you.”

You pout up at him before fixing your gaze back down at the road, “you were gonna hit him.”

“Hit who?”

“The turtle,” you whine, fixing the hood of Katsuki’s sweater on your head to keep the rain off your face. With a furrowed brow, Katsuki does finally look down to see a small turtle settled in the road, blinking its slimy eyes softly as if half exasperated as Katsuki is.

He sighs in exhaustion, “you made me get out of my car, in the pouring rain, bordering fucking hail, to look at a snapping turtle?” His hands smack his face and scrub it in frustration, “this can’t be my life. There no way.”

“Can we save him?” You ask quietly, clearly very upset by the idea of this little creature being squashed.

“How do you- what- NO!” He snaps, mercilessly. You whimper softly before falling to your knees, water squishing under the bones. He’s got to admit, you do look very sad, but it’s 45 degrees outside and holy crap he’s gonna freeze out here and it’s your fault.

He hears you sigh from under his hoodie, and you reach out to touch the small turtle, only retracting your hand when it lurches out to snap at you.

“See? Why do you want to save this little shit?”

You scoff, “he’s just scared, it’s not his fault.”

“Yeah, snap at you again and I’ll give him something to be scared about.”

This, you give him a small laugh at, and he does sobsr up slightly. Your head turns up to look at him, rain hitting your face and lip still in a small pout. “Please, help me save him, Katsuki?”

Fucking god.

He growls softly, “how do you want me to save him? He’s a snapping turtle, can’t just lift his ass up.” You gnaw softly at your lip before looking back at the small turtle now receding into its shell in fright.

Then, you brighten, “just go home and get a shovel!”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not fucking going home, digging a shovel out of the garage, coming back and moving a turtle six feet to the other side of the road. You’re insane- he’ll be fucking fine, babe, let’s just go home.”

“I don’t want to leave him,” you say softly. “I’ll stay here, and if he moves, I’ll call you and walk home-“

“Are you fucking high? I’m not leaving you here, dumbass.”

Looking back up at him, you give him a cocky shrug, “guess you’re picking up the turtle with your hands.”

He could throttle you. Right here, in the middle of the road, right now.

With his patience running thin, and clothes soaked and heavy, he snarls softly before stomping back to the car, whipping out a small blanket he usually keeps for you when you fall asleep. He wraps it in his hands before stepping back over to you and the turtle, scooping the small reptile in his hands and grumbling as he walks it over to the sidewalk, placing blanket and all on the concrete. The turtle squirms and writhes, but once it’s placed on the sidewalk, it quickly scuttles into the mud and grass and far from the road. In the background, you’re cheering and clapping your wet hands, and he’s choosing to ignore you.

He grits his teeth and turns to you, “car. Now.”

“What about the blanket-“

“Car. Now.”

You’re still smiling as you round back to the passenger side of the car, and he hates knowing that you know he’s not completely mad, more talk than anything else.

Little rat.

He get into the driver side of the car and blasts the heat in a meek attempt to get warm, his temples pounding and heart more than ready to just get the hell home.

But his thoughts come to a halt when your arms toss around his shoulders over the center console and kiss all along his neck and cheek and temple.

“My hero,” you coo, pecking softly. “Saving everyone and everything for me. You’re the best ever. My handsome and brave hero.”

“Sit down,” he grumbles, trying to fight the warmth in his face. You ignore him, continuing to hum out praises and loving words as he drives you both home, knowing full well that you both know he’s weak to your pleas and requests and it’s going to be far from the last time he does something like this for you.

Freak.

#literally blocked him from coming home he was not happy lmfao #but I save a turtle he’ll get over it 😡 #bakugou katsuki #bakugou katsuki fluff #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou katsuki x gn!reader #bakugou katsuki x reader fluff #bakugou katsuki imagine #bakugou katsuki bnha #bakugou #bakugou fluff #bakugou x reader #bakugou x reader fluff #bakugou x gn!reader #bakugou imagine #bakugou bnha #bnha #bnha fluff #bnha imagine #bnha x reader #bnha x gender neutral reader #bnha x gn!reader #bnha x reader fluff #bnha x y/n #bnha x yn #bnha x you

[kamikazegyaru]

the discourse around 'the idol' is really facinating to me (it's also completely rancid and braindead of course) because while people are screaming about it as if it's some unprecedented misogyny almost every single review (sometimes even headlines) of it i've seen reeks of such exhausting type of internalized misogyny itself like they're projecting here, the call is coming from inside the house. people have such a weird negative fixation on lily's body, her tits and nipples and female sexuality in general (that they ofc accuse the show of having) it's literally all they talk about (were they fighting off hard ons in the theatre like what's going on). because you know god forbid a woman shows some nipples (i go around topless around my house all the time when it's really hot like a guy, unnecessary nudity i guess?), the fact that this is still considered 'nudity', free the nipple truly failed us. what else do they talk about? oh yeah, she's masturbating in it (horror!), there's a photo with cum on her face (outrage like this is lily's real actual photo) and some kinky consensual relationship with abel's character. this is all i can remember, such misogyny.

why do people infantilize women and treat them like little children with no mind of their own that can't consent to anything because this is really where this stems from. when you look at some of the conversations it's like the actress is being exploited literally whenever she shows boobs on screen by the big bad male director who is taking advantage of her by asking her consent lmao. obviously the controversy did what it did, but i don't think i've ever seen such a demented and intense reaction towards any other director (and i think that hit piece rolling stone published was a byproduct of that because a lot of people have been having one-sided personal beef with him for a while now, which incudes the press btw because of 'malcolm and marie' lmao). and it probably comes down to the fact that he attracted a massive and incredibly intense puritan zoomer audience and attention with 'euphoria' because i will bet my life that 'the idol' will be much less vulgar and objectifying than stuff like 'game of thrones' or 'the sopranos' or 'wolf of wall street'. but that stuff is fine because it's targeted at male audience and every female "character" that gets sexualized (and also in those examples, outside of GOT, almost every female is just an extension of a male character) in it is just some fucking furniture in the background whose function is to look pretty, get fucked, sometimes beaten and disposed of. so that's fine, but a show that is targeted at primarily female audience that displays female sexuality without inhibition told from a perspective of a female character is not fine because them broads are retarded easily exploited victims and we need to protect them.

#the idol #the idol hbo #the weeknd #abel tesfaye #lily rose depp #lily-rose depp #sam levinson #jennie ruby jane #suzanna son #rachel sennott #troye sivan #jennie kim #blackpink jennie #euphoria #euphoria hbo

[sophies-junkyard]

Seeing the new PJO content has me thinking way too hard about growing up. Its crazy because it’s like…. I think that chapter of my life is over? Which is a BIZARRE feeling. It’s all pretty stupid to write out but I’m drinking coffee and staring out the window and don’t have class for another 6 hours so lemme scribble some thoughts.

I read the Percy Jackson books when I was the same age as the characters, and so whenever I look back on those stories I sort of… remember them as peers? I remember how much I related to them and looked up to them. It was the first story that ever told me my ADHD could be a gift, and that it made me just like my heroes. It was so, SO important to me. I JOINED TUMBLR for the PJO fandom! I made camp t-shirts and painted necklace beads! I learned to draw because the fanart inspired me. Those books were such an escape for a lonely kid. The characters grew up right alongside me, and eventually got older than me. So when I picture our trio I still picture people… more competent than me? People I would aspire to be. But seeing that trailer and remembering like… holy fuck they were kids. I was a kid. This is a faithful adaptation because they were TWELVE… where did the time go?

It’s just strange because if you scroll back through my tumblr you’ll find a kid who camped out for the release of HOH. Who saved her allowance for a year to get an autographed copy of the Blood of Olympus. Whose eyes would glaze over in euphoria at the idea of my favorite thing in the world coming to screen. At the idea of a new BOOK!! And from Percy’s perspective?? That girl would’ve exploded. This was HER blog! Push a few buttons and you’ll find her!

So how odd is it that… it’s simply not for me anymore. When I saw that the book was set in Percy’s senior year of high school, I had a tiny flash of disappointment. Obviously I can’t relate to an 18 year old, and I felt myself frowning. “Why isn’t Percy for ME anymore?” I wondered. And I immediately felt silly. The answer is because… I don’t need that world anymore.

They’re not making this show for me. They’re bringing it back for the next generation of kids who need those role models and those stories. When I watched the trailer I thought “oh that’s cool” instead of “oh my god I can’t wait!!” Because it just doesn’t make my brain light up like it used to. I’m never going to relate to it like I once did. Ever. And that’s okay because I’m not that kid anymore! Insane.

It’s not like the series doesn’t mean anything to me anymore. There’s a copy of The Lightning Thief on the bookshelf directly across from me. Its smooshed between The Secret History and a level 4000 Spanish textbook. It’s yellowed with age and shredded around the corners. The first sentence has been underlined repeatedly in smudgy mechanical pencil. There are about a thousand folded pages and the back cover is missing. I don’t remember the last time I opened it, but it’s moved with me for years now and I have no intention of letting it go.

Those stories and that fandom shaped me into the person I am today. I wanted to be brave like Percy and smart like Annabeth. I believed it was possible because I saw myself in them, and it turned out to be true. So while it’s sad to know those days are behind me, I’m so SO glad that other kids will get to have that experience. I hope these stories live on for decades to come.

I don’t really know what the point of writing this was. I think I just wanted to have these thoughts written out somewhere. A sort of acceptance that time goes on and things change, ya know? And to clarify: this is NOT meant to discourage ANYBODY from watching the new series or reading the new book. People should absolutely go back to the things that bring them joy, should discover new worlds to escape to, etc. live your life baby! Hell, I’ll probably end up liking everything PJO related that floats across my dash. Nostalgia is a powerful thing. If you read this entire post I hope you have a great day lmao.

#percy jackson #PJO #the lightning thief #rick riordan #annabeth chase #this is my life #heroes of olympus #riordanverse #the chalice of the gods #this one’s for the homies who are feeling a bit old #feel free to ​let me know if y’all feel the same or if you’ve got a different perspective on all this! #adhd

[fareehaandspaniards]

Hey Faree! I don't remember if you answer this before but how and when did you discover & play Bloodborne for the first time?

Ooooh, it's quite a story! ("What a story, Mark")

Until this summer, I had only heard about Bloodborne, seen art and sometimes read stuff, but since the console is a very expensive thing, I didn’t even think about having one. Although, remembering now, I always came across BB somewhere on the internet, and I quietly envied the owners of the PlayStation 4. Especially Gehrman and Maria fascinated me... I started shipping them back then, only relying on wiki info about them xd

Around last year, my husband and I plunged into Fromsoftware games, starting with DS 3 and beating Elden Ring 3 times (all with perfectly cleared map, seriously, we visited ALL places in game we could find). And then unexpectedly one of our friends lent us a console for a while - the opportunity arose to get acquainted with a very interesting game. Finally Bloodborne was so close!

First playthrough was tough, we were excited, confused, searching for lore (in-game notes were quite a something what I couldn't understand - I thought back then "I feel a good story, but still don't understand what is going on). I was screaming from excitement on a Micolash boss fight (Cut-scene was amazing, his voice and everything ooooof) while my husband tried to break the gamepad out of indignation xD Right before Orphan of Kos (Only Orphan, Gehrman and Moon Presence left to finish the game) the console showed a bug and deleted all the saves... And the characters. Well, that's all. I was shocked, because I loved my Guillermo with all my soul, I even wrote first fanfic about him and Micolash... And time came for the console had to be given back to friend.

The game became so dear that we took all the money and ran out in the evening to buy a console. We decided that it was better to eat instant noodles than live without BB (a family of gamers is a disaster). We got the console through resale (a little cheaper), so the instant noodles were served with mayonnaise! xd

There was euphoria. I recreated Guillermo 6 times, trying to replicate his face looking at the photo I made (Gehrman moment lmao) Q_Q I succeeded, it was my lovely good hunter again, and I even took a photo of all the settings of his appearance to not to lose him again. According to my old tradition, his class was Waste of Skin, but that's another story 😏

Then we went to earn platinum, and I got down to Chalice dungeons, which I had sworn not to go into before, because after Elden Ring I was already sick of dungeons. But the desire for platinum and then the desperation to find the Ring of Betrothal (we're playing offline, so no glyphs) made me beat Queen Yharnam, and go to a few more dungeons after that! (Everything for Micolash yeah) Local Amygdala was a challenge, and Guillermo died more than 80 times (not a single boss was that hard in BB I swear. Only Midir in DS3 made me suffer like that, he took 130 attemtps, making me cry), but surprisingly there was no anger or depression, although Laurence after 5th attempt made me flame up of anger xD

Bloodborne has sunk into my heart so much that I put it on a par with FF9 - the game of my childhood and probably my life.

It’s also funny that long time ago (maybe a few years) I have found a cool art on Pinterest and it depicted a character who immediately caught my attention. I just couldn’t understand what means the cage on his head and what fandom he is from. Pinterest didn’t help to identify who it was - it gave only errors and closed the page with art, leaving me without any explanations. So I met Micolash long before the game, and... Majestic™ captivated me even then xD

#ask #I'd put here actually another screenshot #but no Wi-Fi at the moment so I am sharing only what I have on my phone... #my hunter #my stuff #bloodborne #thanks fantomette for the ask #<3 #i was screaming taking a photo of Guillermo with Ring #I spent more than a week to find it

[starlighthan]

[13:39] lee felix

contains: angst, fluff, summer lovers trope, gender-neutral!reader’s pov

warning: none

word count: 0.6k words

note: hello i am back with a badly written and very cliche drabble :’D i listened to one direction’s summer love and i went straight to google docs to write something lmao and this is the baby... kinda embarrassing at some point but i’m still going to post this HAHA

another note: this is originally a skz ship drabble that i posted somewhere else, but i thought it’d fit in a different pairing... so here you go, a drabble with a gn!reader :DD

tag list: @plutominho​ @hwangsify​

© starlighthan - all rights reserved. please do not copy, translate, modify, repost, or claim as yours.

You were mine.

You and I danced under the bright sun, flawlessly moving around with the grass softly pointing at our feet. It was an understatement to say that it was one of the best moments I had with you. 

The comfort of your hands around my body was something I always craved, and I didn’t believe it was the last time I’d feel it. Your head on my shoulder was something I got used to from your nightly visits to my home. You always fell into a peaceful slumber on that same spot—you with me in the middle of the night felt like home.

The smell of sweet fruit surrounding your neck matches your personality: sweet, smooth, and gentle. I got used to associating every addicting seasonal fruit with you because of it. It was a curse to say that I’d be missing you way more than usual every time I’d see my family bring home fruits from the market.

The shining smile you always gave me resembled the sun above us. It gave me energy, waking me up from sleepiness and falling for the now-visible world’s charms, including you. Your happiness became my source of glee, and I will never doubt that you’re a living angel apparent to every single being with the mission of making this world a better place. You made my home a better place, and you became my home.

How unfortunate the thought of my head about losing you interrupted my stream of contentment. I always had a fun time feeling the satisfaction of being with you. I’m afraid that feeling wouldn’t be the same once you step into your parents’ car and move away, uncertain when you are coming back into my arms.

Cherishing this moment right now is both a painful and enjoyable process. I get to have you around me, surrounding me with your love. I get to think about you and question the possible ending of our relationship.

The question is, would there be an ending? I hope not.

“I’ll miss you very much,” you mumble against my skin, bringing goosebumps around my body. “I hope you’ll remember everything we had this summer.”

I bring my hand to your soft hair, gently caressing them. “Do you think I’d forget about this? I think this will be in my mind for the rest of my life.”

In the middle of a sunny day, I feel like storms are slowly coming with this conversation of ours. Everything has come to an end, and I slowly feel my heart falling into crumbles. 

“I’ll always remember this, Felix. I’ll always remember you.”

We may have no idea when fate will pull our strings and bring us back together, but I somehow have faith that that will happen someday in our life. Even if desperation and longing crash into me, I know this wouldn’t be the last one we’ll face each other. 

“I don’t know if this will be the last time we’ll see each other, but I hope you know I loved you,” he pulls his head back, standing straight from his feet, arms still encircled around me.

“And I will always love you, got that?”

Numerous summers may pass, and that illuminating glow of love will never die. Grey and ambiguous skies are hindrances to this summer love, but they will never stop us from this special connection we made for several months.

Summer will always be alive. Winter, autumn, or fall can come across, but those will never replace that unmatched euphoria of being in love with this warm, freckled boy in the humid air. 

You’ll be fine. We had it all, and we’ll have it all someday.

“Of course, I’m everlastingly yours.”

And you always will be mine.

#kflixnet #koffeenet #stayhavennet #k-radio! #straykidsland #wkcnet #Hiraya-M #felix x reader #felix angst #felix fluff #stray kids x reader #stray kids x gender neutral reader #skz #stray kids #skz fluff #skz angst #skz x reader #felix imagines #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #stray kids fluff #stray kids angst #r.writes

[dionysianchub]

Hey man this isn't specifically a kink question, but I finally got my T consult scheduled! I'll be doing it at the end of the month. You got any tips for a guy starting T? Roughly what to expect at the first visit? And the all important trans gainer dude question: how good are the T munchies bc I have heard of this existing and I. HOPE. for this

Well first of all, congratulations!! How exciting for you. 💜 I know the trans journey is a personal one and not everyone wants to go the hrt route, but for me it was so affirming just *having* it; being able to go through the weekly ritual of taking my injections (my "boy juice" as I call it) and knowing I'm actively doing something that would help me achieve some of the physical goals I wanted for myself. It was life-changing for me.

Off the top of my head, here are some things you will probably want to be ready for:

You will be a *sweaty* boy. I remember hearing this and thinking "I have always ran warm and am constantly overheated. How much worse can it really get?" Worse, as it turns out. Idk if you're a warm weather lover, and if you are, you might notind. I'm a winter person and I'd say my cozy zone dropped from 70 to like 65. I would recommend arming yourself with some products to help with sweat and chafing (which you might already have, being a gainer) and just prepare for summers to get a little warmer once your hormones hit the target levels. I have found that lighter moisture wicking fabrics are a bit of a lifesaver these days for keeping me cool outdoors.

Acne. Again, one I've always struggled with anyways, but never body acne like I have now. It took about a year to really become an issue but I have several acne prescriptions now for my back and chest. Benzoyl peroxide and salicylic acid products are easy things you can get over the counter as both ointments and body wash type products from places like target and Amazon, and I highly recommend them.

Changes will take time. I remember feeling like nothing was happening the first 6 months of treatment, but this is because that was the initial micro-dose phase my doctor had me on. Once I was cleared to take full doses each week changes came pretty steadily.

Your patience will be rewarded, and you will find euphoria in the little things. I'm about a year and a half into my full doses (coming on two years since I started) and my facial hair has gone from the wolverine mutton chops I had last year to the beard you see now, and it's still coming in. My voice has dropped substantially, which I didn't fully realize until I tried to sing one of my favorite songs and my voice cracked. I've gone from a soprano to more of a baritone. My fat has shifted from my legs to my gut (a nice bonus for a gainer!). Even my hairline has changed into a more masc appearance (more angular and less rounded like is typical in afab people) - which freaked me out at first, I thought I was losing my hair when I first noticed the change 😂 Everyone's body is different but these are the most common changes you can expect with long term T treatment. And every little change has made me feel more and more like what I feel inside. I hope you find that too!

As far as T munchies go, I am probably the worst person to ask because I have always had a massive appetite 😅 But I doubt the whole thing about teen boys eating a ton is without merit, and this is in essence a second puberty lmao.

For real though, I hope you find the same self actualization I did and I wish you the best in your journey! 💜 If you have any other questions about any of this or just need to talk to someone, my DMs are open to you!

[mushroom-for-art]

Height tracking lore stuff

Axel - 9'6"~ - due to his unstable genetics from having human genes forcefully spliced into his mew genes a lot of his genetic formation information got screwed resulting in his current mewtwo appearance for one taller humanoid-ish and such unfortunately in the mess of his genes trying to stabilise from the new information and damages the gene for growth in all areas height bone growth muscle growth ect got left on, and by the time Axel even remembered/figured out how to manipulate his own genetic coding to turn those genes off and stabilise himself he was already massively tall and he absolutely hates it. He wishes he was 6 foot odd, the tall hurts both in memory of his past self and also oh god being this tall is suffering, especially when you've got metal armor screwed into your bones causing probably bone fractures and splintering as you grow and the metal fixings don't. Having a horrible time, he's gonna maim me just stupid big mewtwo who wishes he wasn't stupid big

Prototype - 8'8" - it's just a nice number to me fam lmao and also with the slight damages to his dna from being a clone of axel he loses some height and his genes were probably fixed during development to cap his height before he entered the suffering giant height range

Scribe - 7' - due to the Smeargle genes his height got cut otherwise he would've been a similar height to his brother, he is very embarrassed and angry that he's shorter than some of the later generation mewtwo

Dusty - 8' - as an adult he's only a few inches of his papa! Prototype would be so proud of him, not many clever thoughts here just liked him being the same height as Imp

May - 5'4" - #sorry, no height for u it's too iconic your short ass is too iconic May and canonically you are literally stunted because of the tainted with synergy mega stone implanted in development you're physically and power wise stunted I'm afraid assigned runt of genetic litter

Darkness - 7'6" - height restored, this girl has been hassling me for AGES for extra height when she realised 6'9" is probably not actually that big for a mewtwo, like way back since March I think? She realised she was not the big mean bitch she thought she was and she wasn't having it XD so she finally successfully bullied me into giving her extra height and she's quite happy knowing even with Mays souped up Mega evo that adds 2 foot she's still taller than her sister normally

Matt: 6'2" - he came into my office and also bullied me into giving him height, pointing out rightfully that Mays stunted height isn't genetic but was purely environmental soooo he still has the potential to be tol and also lore wise he wasn't immediately terminated for his missing limbs as he was going to be spare parts but if he was only 5'9" his organs would probably be smaller than a normal twos and this kinda shitty spares so he gets height and it also provided him with gender euphoria but in exchange he is losing a kidney reduced to one slightly bigger than average one and losing some eyesight benefits because nope you need more issues from genetic degregation and hes losing his implanted mega stone he's getting a mega stone accessory later in exchange. He tries to get pushed to 6'4" but after being told I'd make him only 6' he shut up

Imp: 8' - big girl!!!! When she first comes out she's fully developed mentally and her body is fully developed organs reproductive system ect but she was intentionally kept in a more cramped tube and kept on strict nutrition which means when she first emerged she was only about 6'3 still rather big but kept smaller easy to handle than say Prototype or Scribe, after she escaping and getting to eat as much as she wanted and not being hungry and having actual space to exist her more prominent fossil mew genes went 'hello!!' and her growing hormones reactivated to let her become her full potential in height and body so she's probably a bit stockier as well that her first image having gained them muscles too

AI: 7'5" - unlike her parents AI is intentionally given access to foods to grow big and strong as an adult (as a teen she's likely about 6'7") with the intent of having her body incubate larger stronger mewtwo offspring that could be transferred to growing tanks or raised, the theory being bigger body bigger womb and growing space and while technically true with Imp having the size and capability to potentially produce a large egg (due to having more other pokemon genes) and MIA likely able to produce a large baby if she desired one AI will obviously be removed from there before they can use her

MIA: 7'9" - being out on the battle fields a lot MIA had room to keep growing and would scavenge food whenever she could devouring down berries and even other pokemon meaning she grew much like her mother had despite the facility trying to restrict her. Also MIA may have been made using Axels dna as well as Imps explaining the coloration change from creams to more purples and the persistence of tall genetics despite them being restricted, this also potentially explains the then jump from purples and pinks to Blue with AI as Axel is a holder of blue gene tho this is usually as a stripe something in Imp/MIAs genes likely had blue stripe gene turned on all the way making it blue fill, this makes MIA Axels daughter as well as Imps.

Important note: Imp and Axel share no genetic relation from their mew donors or human gene donors, though later they may refer to each other as Cousins which will then become siblings as Imp longs for familial connection with anyone like her and Axel can see she needs that and isn't gonna be a "well actually," jerk to her about it. He sees no harm in saying they're family even if by all means they're not. When they find out about MIAs existence and shared genetic relation to them both neither of them see it as weird cause they know there's no relation, despite the hatred of his kin Axel is probably a bit more open to acting as father with MIA (until he realises she doesn't want that in which cause he quickly steps off). So don't be weird about it alright

#My rambles #My lore #Height records #And useless more rambling #Why they so big? Cause I can #I stopped caring XD #Big bitches upon yee #I also just love them all being giants #Makes them more scary and dangerous I think #And then there's May #Oh tiny ex sona my beloved

[clotpolesonly]

15 questions, 15 mutuals tagged by @tinylilemrys!!! <3

were you named after anyone?

nope, just the most popular girls name in the country at the time #lame #basicbitch #therewere4ofusinmykindergartenclass

when was the last time you cried?

week before last, during the entire fucking DEBACLE of our housing struggles, i think i was in tears more in the span of those 2-3 weeks than in the entire last year

do you have kids?

absolutely no interest in doing that

do you use sarcasm a lot?

me??? nooooooo of COURSE noooooot

what's the first thing you notice about people?

hair maybe? idk, i don't take note

what's your eye color?

i have finally accepted them as grey and not really pale green but i'm grumpy about it

scary movies or happy endings?

depends on my mood but i guess happy endings

any special talents?

singing/harmonizing, juggling, i can make that loud whistle with my hands, and i can (normal) whistle and hum at the same time so it sounds like an alien spaceship

where were you born?

unfortunately, florida

what are your hobbies?

more singing lol, writing, reading, tumbling, occasional giffing (trying to get photoshop back 😭), some knitting, some light instrument playing when i remember that i do that, lots of musical theater when i have the availability

have any pets?

not anymore. grew up with cats and a dog, had a rat for a while.

what sports do you play/have you played?

i played soccer once in PE in elementary school and i kicked the ball out of bounds and two girls yelled at me until i cried and my mom (the assistant PE coach) had to intervene. so no i don't really do sports lmao. i took dance classes for 15 years though, if those count.

how tall are you?

5'8"

favorite subject in school?

i was a chorus girlie, go figure lol

dream job?

what organ do i have to sell to get to be a backup singer (the answer might be none, actually, just sing at the wedding of the daughter of a family friend whose brother is a professional studio musician in atlanta and was all excited about us and our harmonies and made noise about using us on his next album and we didn't hear anything for a while but mom saw him at a funeral last week and he was like "oh i've got plans for y'all!!!" so that may still be a go at some point 👀)

not gonna lie, i do not keep track of who my mutuals are, much less remember their urls aldkfgh, so if we're not mutuals and i tag you, uuhhh my b?? hope it's cool 😂 also i can't count

so i'm tagginggggg: @halebaccari @adamprrishcycle @seavoice @midnightisquiet @destinyandcoins @dollopheadedmerlin @poetry-protest-pornography @the-raven-euphoria

[dreamii-yume]

Yume, college got me on chokehold and I didn't realize time just went on zoom (⁠￣⁠ヘ⁠￣⁠;⁠)

Literally got me excited when you released the chapters! (Rip Kei, you shall be missed) I noticed you change her name into something feminine lol

I'm pretty bad at remembering names, so I hope I get used to them soon lol. And are the characters similar to their counterparts? (I mean like their appearance, I would love to see them jdjeidish prob might draw/reimagine them if I have time (⁠-⁠_⁠-⁠;⁠)⁠・⁠・⁠・)

Also the family drama?! Like damn, Neru is a gossip bitch lol shameless for bringing up that topic

And also, Rin?! He was like so strong almost breaking Neru's arm thooo, considering Neru is physically fit, so I imagine just how strong Rin is (⁠⌐⁠■⁠-⁠■⁠) damn hot big bro (and neru couldn't take his arm back lmao)

I'm a bit confused of Neru, if he's a friend to Rei or he's just built different 💀 (he's like a sly fox) curious how he managed to get that family drama, cuz I can't imagine anything at all lmao

Rin too, he was like "so what if I fucked my sister? Watchu gon do?" Didn't even tried to deny it or anything. "Not like we're blood related so it's fine. Plus it's none of yo business" then proceeds to almost break his arm lmao (yeah, I'm biased to the big brother trope \⁠(⁠ϋ⁠)⁠/⁠♩)

What I'm more excited is the teacher! ヾ⁠(⁠ ͝⁠°⁠ ͜⁠ʖ͡⁠°⁠)⁠ノ⁠♪ like the gentle exterior and "kind sensei" he gives off just give me REALLY sadistic vibes (I mean I'm pretty sure they're all gonna be a sadist) also you changed the scene where the teacher gave CPR to Rei(?) (⁠ ⁠ꈨຶ⁠ ⁠˙̫̮⁠ ⁠ꈨຶ⁠ ⁠) Rip sensei's lips

Kaede taking Rei's virginity thoo, (I honestly thought Rin was the first to hit tho, but I guess not (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`); ) it'd be nice if Kaede kissed Rei too but I guess no lovey dovey kisses here (want it to be like nasty kisses tho)

-euphoria anon (lol dunno how to feel about being know as that HAHAHA)

It’s okay Euphoria Anon~ (Lmao, you’re stuck with name now 🤓) You go get on your IRL grind ✨👏 No need to prioritize this fic lol But thank you for taking time in your schedule to read ♥︎

I tend to delete my mistakes because I couldn’t handle the second-hand embarrassment, and to think that there’s people like you who remembers them ☠️ It makes me want to jump into a ditch 😭 I’m sorry you have to re-organize your past knowledge about this fic, I’ll try to do better this time🧎‍♀️

I included character profiles because I know it would be difficult for readers to remember my character’s name if I introduced them at the same time, but I hope that could help you 🥹 and YES. I based the characters on the actual characters of the game!! I even gave my characters the game characters’ official surnames so it would be much more obvious to people that this fic is fanfiction lol You’re free to draw them whenever you can! ♥︎ I’d really appreciate that~

I guess I wanted to add more personality to my characters, because I didn’t just want them to knock-offs of the actual game’s characters lol That would explain why there’s some scenes that I added, and some scenes that I deleted because it’s too much—For example, the CPR scene ☠️ God, I hated that scene, it felt like I wanted to slip in something there for the teacher because he doesn’t have much scenes to prove himself as a worthy interest, but it felt so out of place?? I hate how you remember it too 😭 I don’t even remember posting that?? I thought it was forever a draft lmao

I really immersed myself into the characters sometimes, and try to maneuver my way into thinking like the characters. Obviously, if your stepsister is there, things will be awkward and if you’re a gossip bitch like Neru, you’d want to keep talking as much as possible lol Just for the drama~

Kaede was always been the first choice in my mind ☠️ I could not imagine how the game or plot will function further if it wasn’t Kaede lol

Anyway, I really appreciate your service as always!! 🧎‍♀️ I love receiving questions, and feedbacks of my fic because I can see what I’m doing right and what I’m doing wrong lol

#euphoria #talk with yume

[cheesecake-the-chicken]

what are some things that give u species euphoria ? :)

thank you so much for asking!! so far i’d say

🪽 vocals!! im very lucky to know some voice things from choir so mimicking my theriotype’s voice isn’t too difficult! (I HOPE TO DROP A TUTORIAL SOON) it’s not exactly perfect but when im able to get it right the euphoria is unmatched :’>

🪽hopping around like a birdy, especially walking down the street! also running with my arms at my sides to feel like im flying, im already pretty “eccentric” (because of being nd and my theriotype traits) so i’ve kind of accepted that people will think im weird LOL

🪽TREE CLIMBING, and perching in general! it may be more of a trauma-related thing but i’ve always LOVED being high-up and “perching” in corners, which is why ive almost always had the top bunk bed lmao

🪽dancing!!! for years whenever i saw a video of a bird dancing i would feel so Seen, and i remember that time i unknowingly got species dysphoria when i saw a video of a cockatoo dancing with a person and wanting desperately to dance more like the cockatoo, not the person 😭 but dancing helps me feel so much more like a bird :>

🪽CUDDLES. i absolutely LOVE having my crest petted, yesterday i got head scritches and was on cloud nine 😭 i’ve also been wanting to “preen” my crest and when i’ve tried it it was really fun :]

🪽using my teeth to open things! i get a phantom beak sometimes but outside of it this really helps me feel like i have one. i’ve also been wanting to use my feet to move things more

🪽 my irl friends!! one of them is robotkin and jackalhearted iirc and it introduced me to therianism in the first place :7 when i told my friends they really weren’t surprised, it had been a long running joke that i was basically a bird in a human body LMAO 😭 but they’ve been super kind and validating which i’m really grateful for

thank you so much again for asking!! :”7

[evansbby]

How did you get the idea for POYT did you read something and get inspirations from it?

I love the story and how you portray everyone ,you really paint a great visual of everything with your writing

It’s literally one of my comfort reads as weird as that sounds I just l love it to much and I’m curious on how it came about

I’m so sorry for the long ask

❤️❤️❤️

I actually don’t remember too clearly! It was about a year ago, and I definitely remember that I wanted to explore a male character who was super toxic. I was also super into a/b/o at the time and read like allll the Steve Rogers a/b/o fics that were around at the time, which is how I got a lot of my a/b/o knowledge. And I do believe I wanted to write a college au too!! Just bc it would feel a bit more relatable to write something that I know a bit about since I was in college at the time I wrote poyt.

But the actual rough concept of poyt 1 came from, I believe, two different asks I got! If you go back to poyt 1, you can see that I’ve linked the ask and the discussion that led to the fic! I tweaked and changed a few things but yeah! I remember a lot of Steve’s dialogue in part 1 was inspired by actual real life things fuckboys have said to me and my friends.

And then, as the fic developed and we went into part 2 and 3, and Steve’s character was expanded and made more dimensional and multi-faceted, I remember taking inspiration from Nate from Euphoria since he was the most intriguing character on TV for me at the time. Like when Steve dresses omega up in his choice of clothes, it was inspired by how Nate did that for Cassie (although I hated Nate x Cassie as a couple lmao).

AND THEN part 4!Steve was very inspired by Bart Foxworth from this book called Seeds of Yesterday. Actually, a lot of my writing is unknowingly inspired by VC Andrews’ writing as I grew up reading and rereading her books, and her male characters were some of the most infuriatingly toxic men ever written! And tbh it’s fun writing men like that, seeing how far you can take it and IF they can ever have a redemption (redemption as far as dark fics go that is).

#thank you for this question I really enjoyed answering it! #smile1318 #poyt ask #poyt

[millepara]

waccha primagi episode 28 spoilers (yes. yes. yes. yes. ye)

Matsuri’s dad Michihito is magic?! or at least he has a magic stone? omg if he’s magic then Matsuri should be able to use magic at some point, like I’ve been kind of hoping since the beginning, and like it kind of seemed like they might be hinting at in the first couple of eps... wow I hope so

AH cut to him in magic clothes in the magic world!! oh my god ok so he is magic and he’s never around bc he’s in. the magic world. oh wow ok ok

“every time I look at this accessory, ...”

subtitle: “it sparkles with magi” (implying that Matsuri knows and has always known it’s a magical item. despite Myamu being the first to tell her about all that. esp with the “your dad” line from Myamu after this making it sound like she knows her dad is magical..)

actually what she said: “I feel stronger” (as in she remembers her bond with her family and it gives her strength, a totally non-magical phenomenon that we in the real world can experience. not to mention that she’s talking about herself (I) and not the brooch (it))

also on the subject of subs I think it’s very funny that they felt the need to change manamana to treasured partner or w/e and yet they leave magi as magi. wow I am in a mood today aren’t I

:o ! this is much earlier than I thought they would introduce the concept of magic users as idols!! I was thinking that’s season 2 territory but here we are

AHH they unshadowed Ryuume!! she’s so pretty. and her bodice really is just like Myam’s.

there is 0 hint of Myamu being put on stage in this op though. I wonder if maybe they just talk about it and it never actually happens in this season.

Bad End: the My Precious One in the ep title is Touma and Huyiui talking about Matsuri and Myamu respectively and not each other :( pretty sure that is what it is though

just did a spit take at the thought of Matsuri following Hina around the track staring straight at her with that :D!!!! expression the whole time

oh, I thought Michihito’s logo was slightly different from the Omega corp logo, but it’s the same as this fancy one on either side of the screen. guess they have different versions of it. interesting that he’s apparently a member of both the magic world and Omega, or has been at different points possibly

6 elements!! we know three, and two of the remaining ones are the same symbol flipped, which I’m sure would be a good hint if I had any ideas about it. air and.. wind....? ;;; the last heart one is different from the Smile Element symbol, btw, so Smile might be just an arcade-only gimmick or a secret later-season reveal.

ah! so Euphoria is a goddess. maybe the Captain Planet to all of these elements?

wtf the ep isn’t even halfway over

I recognize this flower-and-column stage, it’s the same one Karen Aikatsu used in her solo songs. wow the pieces are all coming together

Hugheyi, if Omega wanted you instead of Myamu, couldn’t they have just said so. you are always over there after all

‘money can be exchanged for goods and services’ - Chimumu

if Matsuri’s next song doesn’t have her doing acrobatics I swear

so this is the first time a magic user’s been on stage, I was wondering.

canon spelling of Hughie (and Toma).... fine I will stop misspelling it now haha

ah, they even get a unit name. Truth. it’s whatever

LIPSTICK! EYESHADOW! HANDHOLDING! this primagi’s got it all

isn’t this just the bit before Kanon and Keke did Tiny Stars

WOW Toma really got a makeover too. red hair huh... not a fan but I like the rest of his look

the moment of truth (hrrgkh pun unintentional kill me)... will this look decent or will we have to relive the spider-limbed dance of WiTH

I am going to be laughing for the next 100 years at Hughie’s wolf howl

LMAO WHAT IS THIS SLOW CROTCH GESTURE. chilling

a cyclone... king of prism reference (<- person who’s only seen kinpri before)

ooh! interesting how Hughie is both performing and acting as the manamana before the illusion, def a hint as to how a magic user might go on stage solo

this illusion is cute. it’s vague enough that I can pretend they’re talking about each other for sure lol

not a bad song! not that I believe primagi could make a bad song anyway. the models weren’t upsetting either and overall it looked good. tbh most of my excitement was used on plot stuff so that I have little left now but even though I’m not screaming I really am delighted and amazed that we got a boy performance 1) this soon and 2) this plot-relevant. also last but definitely not least 3) this gay thank you primagi

the first primagistas to be visibly out of breath in cgi. is it bc it’s supposed to be sexy or w/e

so this is how everyone gets the duo bug! more of that next week + more Miruki misfortune... yes. yes, good. I wonder if she’s going to get a brand dress or a unit dress first--wait, no, her brand dress is in the game currently, it’s gotta be that one. wow, maybe next week even? hope so!

#this is So long so i didnt bother rereading for typos or like sentences i started and forgot to finish at all. sorry in advance

[lunapwrites]

Tropes tropes tropes!!!!

I'm gonna go for some classics that I have no idea your take on! A/B/O, sex pollen, our own bring black back, soulmate marks, hanahaki, aaaaand mmmm body swap!

HOO BOY that's a list lmao. I want to preface this with "there is very little that I straight up won't read."

A/B/O: this is a hard D for me (haha) and it's because I've discovered that I have some major squicks around mechanics in even garden variety smut, so if the word "knot" is spoken I'm probably running in the opposite direction. I'm down for the heat cycles (no don't ask me how that works I don't ask myself why I just vibe) but while I'm here for the breeding kink I'm often shaky on mpreg (not a hard no just a HMM.) With all of that said, this DOES still tend to tick a lot of D/s dynamics that I enjoy reading, so long as it's handled in a healthy and consensual way.

(Having to actually parse all of that out in my head was enlightening lmao)

Sex pollen: hmmmmm gonna put that on a hard D as well, since it's like fuck or die (which I do like) but if you took out all the angst of duress and instead made people unable to consent. That said, that's based solely on concept, as I've not actually encountered much if any.

Bring Back Black: a solid A! I hate the fact that he died in canon and I love seeing all the different ways that people come up with to put him back where he belongs, ranging from a handwave "look he just came back, we don't think about the how okay" to some absolutely unhinged shit, ESPECIALLY if this is Remus going off the deep end and clawing at the laws of magic and nature out of sheer desperation. I am, because I'm slut for angst, ESPECIALLY interested in failed attempts and/or unforeseen catastrophic consequences. 👀👀

Soulmate marks: I'd put this at a B-; I like it, but as a whole the stories in this genre tend to get pretty samey. I'm mostly interested in weird takes on it. There are a few that I read where the first words your soulmate spoke to you appear on your skin, and one had Sirius working at Starbucks so Remus was just. Going to every Starbucks he could find lmao. And the other where I think it was Sirius ended up letting out a huge rant over some spilled coffee and the fact that his words were "fuck you" or something like that, whereas Remus had that entire rant on his back lmao. I'm so bad with remembering titles tho, so if anyone has those, I enjoyed them.

Hanahaki: I'd put this at a C. I have SO LITTLE experience with this trope, but it's got great angst potential especially if one of the pair refuses to tell the other that they're in love with them, and the other doesn't know until after they've died. Bonus points if it was actually unrequited but the person still needs to live with the guilt of knowing that even if they'd known beforehand, the result would have been the same. That said, like the soulmate trope it does usually end up fairly cookie cutter as far as I've seen: A thinks their love for B is unrequited, circumstances force a confession from B -- surprise! It's been requited this whole time, A is just a dumbass. Disease cured, cue happily ever after. Okay in small doses, but meh.

Body swap: B! I love shenanigans. I especially love exploring sensations of dysphoria and euphoria using this trope. Often I find it tends to just get used as an excuse to ogle/touch potential love interests without their knowledge or consent though which can be... Not great imo. But if handled well, is quite fun.

Thanks for the ask!

#tropes #ask games #responses #hp

[jayflrt]

HELLO MY NAME IS NANA i opened this ask box to write a LIVE COMMENTARY of me reading strawberry lemonade! here goes nothing

omg SEX DRIVE OF BONOBOS i freaking CACKLED like why is his reference SO SPECIFIC

sunghoon collecting praying mantises is so freaking random and hilarious WHAT

not heeseung just CALMLY OFFERING A SOLUTION wow king

"he was looking like you like you were crazy for refusing" EXACTLY LIKE HOW DOES ONE REFUSE A JAY PARK

HEESEUNG GETTING CONFUSED TOO AHSDHASDHA

"staring at his lips because you were a whore" I DID NOT READ THIS TO GET CALLED OUT

"You sound like a Euphoria character" I DON'T EVEN WATCH EUPHORIA WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY

"you're the star actress here" BYE ACT FOOL ACT FOOL

the louder, bolder is gonna be an inside joke BET

"for real this time" JAY SHUT UP

ughh this was so good? i love the backstory and the build up it kinda reminds me of Easy A where Olive helped a guy by pretending to have sex with him lmao the obnoxious yelling and moaning was theater-quality.

ANYWAY your writing is incredible and as part of the en- writer community (yeah i just made that up) I decided to leave asks for writers after I read their fic to know that they are appreciated. Looking forward to more of your work! by the way I also post my writing on my blog and there are mainly for Heeseung and Jay. stop by sometime!

(cont.) Hiiiii! I was wondering if you got my really long ask filled with reactions to strawberry lemonade??? If you did not I will riot at tumblr because I took time writing it but if you did but haven't answered that's ok! And if you did answer I didn't get a notif TUMBLR EXPLAIN

omg it’s so nice to meet you nana !! 🥰💖 i remember your comment!!! i’m not sure if you’re new to my blog but welcome anyways and LIKE THIS MADE ME SO HAPPY THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO DO THIS 🥹 ALSO OMG IM SORRY I DID GET THE ASK I JUST TOOK A WHILE TO GET TO IT BC MY ASK BOX PILED UP 🤧 i am very very glad that tumblr did Not eat it otherwise i would be sending an unfriendly message to them >;((

HAHAH LOWKEY THE NATURE DOCUMENTARY PART WAS SELF INSPIRED(??) my friend even pointed it out when she read the fic and was like “isn’t this u” LMAODJFJ and pls i don’t know what possessed me to make sunghoon a praying mantis collector but i think what’s worse is that he never made an appearance in the fic so he couldn’t even defend or redeem himself <3 justice 4 sunghoon 🤧 HAHHA HEESEUNG WAS JUST TIRED HE WANTED THEM TO STFU but he ended up being wingman of the year !! 🤩 NOO THE WHORE LINE I AM ESCORTING MYSELF TO HELL FOR THAT also the euphoria joke ,, i literally stole that from my own smau 😭 but the smau isn’t out yet ….. so when it’s out i’m gonna be technically stealing it from myself Again 🤨

omg I LITERALLY WATCHED EASY A A FEW MONTHS AGO I DIDNT EVEN MAKE THE CONNECTION but omg you��re so right i remember that scene 😭😭 it was so funny HHAHA even tho the guy was actually putting in effort 😤 jay was giving NOTHING

but thank you so much love that means the world !! 🥰💗 and that’s amazing that you’re doing that! leaving authors feedback or commentary is something that’s so so special and lets them know that they’re making an impact with their stories ♡ thank you for sending such a sweet message and i hope you’re having a wonderful day/night 🌷🌷

#💌 : love notes #forjongseong #fic: strawberry lemonade #💘💞💗💖💘💝💕💖💗

[brahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

im gonna do this cause i see it everywhere and never have but idrk if people care so im just gonna do as much as i want all at once for fun

1 sw 172 hw 205 cw 173 lw 140

2 im 5'5 and a half technically and i wish i was just 5'5 or like a little bit shorter i hate being bigger than other people and i feel like its more ""excusable"" if im shorter? i grew up being the tall kid and hated it so i feel a lot better about it now since everyones grown

3 not posting thinsp0 cause i dont wanna get t3rmd or be too triggering

4 my greatest fears about weight loss are dying, getting forced into recovery again or institutionalized and just generally my mom finding out

5 the real reason i wanna lose weight is definitely mostly for other people i got over a lot of insecurity when i recovered but fatphobias a bitch and people treated me sm worse constantly than when i was at my lw

6 i dont binge probably bc most of the time theres not a lot of food in the house and ive just never gotten into the habit of it

7 i dont think my parents know? my mom might but if she does she thinks im just exercising again and doing it healthy style

8 i dont really have a workout routine im still trying to get back into working out but i do go on 20 minute runs like 3ish times a week and ive been doing small pinterest cardio workouts like burpees mountain climbers and other basics

9 people have made comments since 2nd grade lol thats a big part of why im back here

10 the hardest thing ive given up during weight loss was happiness honestly. it sounds cheesy but eds literally take over your brain food was the only thing on my mind and recovering was like euphoria with this giant weight (lol) lifted.

11 @lxllx3d is my fav thinsp blog cause i dress alternative and the owner seems cool and has good opinions

12 too many hard boiled eggs my cholesterols crazy and i have bagels pretty often as my main meal

13 lmao

14 my ugw is 120 and losertown says ill reach it sometime this summer or august

15 im not vegan or vegetarian but im hindu so i dont eat cow and feel bad about pigs being smart so i dont eat pig i try to eat as much chicken as i can cause protein is very important for not dying w a restrictive ed

16 i first decided to lose weight when i was 9 i would do these workout apps with my also fucked up friend. i saw a nutritionist (fuck you lady) when i was 11 and she told me to start counting calories on myfitnesspal (fuck you lady fr never tell a child to do that)

17 im an0rexic

18 sunflower seeds and pie are probably my biggest weaknesses (which is usually fine for sunflower seeds except like sodium)

19 the last time i ate fast food was probably like a month or two ago i had like fries and i live across the street from a fosters freeze (its like a dairy queen)

20 i dont really do diets i just set cal goals based on what i think i need/can handle

21 i wear like a us medium in tops and a large in bottoms depending on the store obvs

22 i already said but my lw was 140 and i gained bc i recovered (like professionally like i had a dr and psychiatrist and nutritionist(she sucked))

23 media probably definitely played a role in me thinking being fat was bad or just being aware of it in general but i think it was mostly subconscious

24 pro ana and pro mia are pretty dumb terms to me bc almost nobodys actually promoting it to other people or thinks its good we just want community i usually just say ana community or mia or ed

25 i have purged i cant remember the first time but i do remember one time i was hanging out with my friends at my house and we had rootbeer floats and i took a shower a purged it when they were in the other room which was super lame

26 im most excited to just feel lighter and have people notice again

27 idk how i deal with being around food sometimes i eat it sometimes i dont sometimes i give it to other people

28 a thigh gap would be nice bc chafing in the summer hurts so bad but i dont think its realistic for my body type and cause i still wanna be relatively curvy i def want more of a gap then now though

29 i think my definition of beauty is pretty abstract i find most things beautiful and a lot of it for people depends on actions and personality and little things they do i think beauty is ever evolving and cant really be defined

30 10 facts about me!! im an artist(bunch of different things but a lot of portrait paintings), im a smoker (both), im an ambivert but i act like an extrovert, i like kids, im german and have a really cool last name, im passionate about politics and social justice, im really passionate about the environment (i represent my school in this district wide youth environment thing and im taking ap environmental science), im very bisexual, i love riot grrrl music and subculture stuff, im a theater kid :|

#tw ed numbers #@n@ thoughts #@n@ diary #an0rec1a #anatumblr #light as a 🪶 #ed numbers