#so much going on in this community. so much stuff beyond my control that i can’t filter away from myself

[utilitycaster]

Do you think part of the D20 journalistic bias comes from D20 being edited? It gives the appearance of much more effortless play and lets them control the pacing in a way unedited play like CR simply can't do. They get to (potentially) hide a lot of stuff people would jump on as flaws while CR has no choice but to let it all play out. I greatly prefer CR's approach, despite it biting them in the ass a bit through no fault of their own.

Answering these both together to group cause and my opinions, and I do want to note this is specifically about journalism/press coverage, not their respective fandoms even though there's obviously some overlap.

I think there's a couple things, but I do want to note this was actually prompted by Daggerheart, not Critical Role. The response from several prominent voices in the Actual Play journalism community, whom I will not name here but whom I do not respect intellectually, really was, within hours of the open beta (which as far as I know they didn't have early access to - more on that later) "um it could be better, I don't like xyz and also it's sooooooo important to have criticism" and again, it is important to have criticism, but also you act like D20 has never had a mediocre moment and that Kollok is brilliant, so.

This...got away from me a bit. I'd say I'm sorry but actually I adore writing thousands of words about actual play and it will happen again but I'm putting the detailed answer below a cut. The short answer is I think a lot of Actual Play journalists actually sort of fell into their jobs through being vaguely involved in nerd spaces and aren't actually equipped to talk intelligently about TTRPGs and actual play as a medium that should, at its best, be a perfect fusion of narrative and mechanics. So instead they're distracted by flashy edits and bright lights and cool noises and some abstract concept of "novelty" and write only about that. Also Critical Role is the 700 lb gorilla in the AP space (though not, actually, the TTRPG space) and doesn't give them early access and that's meaaaaaan. Indeed, for all I think a lot of their coverage of D20 and Worlds Beyond Number is obsessively fawning, I also think it's extremely surface level, frequently factually wrong, and fails to get at what's truly excellent about those shows either.

I think, honestly, the biggest one is that I don't actually think a lot of Actual Play journalists watch series in full. I was looking for Polygon coverage of Fantasy High Junior Year and they have one glowing article but it's more about Fantasy High as setting and institution and D20 "changing the game" (also more on this later) to the point of outright contradicting the pull quotes they used from interviewing Brennan Lee Mulligan (also more on this later). So I started looking through their coverage and actually, quite a number of their write-ups are based on only one episode, or half a season. Clearly, they haven't read the full open beta (nor have I, but I think their complaints about the character build process belie a profound misunderstanding of what TTRPGs are, also more on this later). So editing is certainly part of it because it's really easy to see cool special effects and sound design within one episode and shit out a hacky article about it, whereas actually getting to the substance - character relationships, cohesive narrative, storytelling - requires work that I do not think they're doing. And on the one hand I do kind of get it, because yeah, if journalism is your livelihood then you perhaps do not have the time to watch 4 hours of D&D a week for 2-3 years if you're only going to get one article every six months out of it. But I don't think the answer is "focus intently on Microsoft Powerpoint-esque scene transition tricks while ignoring that nothing occurring at the table is actually fun to watch." For more on this, see this post.

The second, which is very relevant to Daggerheart but also is actually a big gap in D20 and WBN coverage in my opinion, and which I put in the tags, is that I actually don't think a lot of journalists have a solid understanding of TTRPGs nor of most genres. And I think Critical Role has a particularly good understanding of both these things, actually, if one skewed towards collaborative storytelling that is not rules-light. I think one really big example is that one person within the space is mad at the Daggerheart questions for the character archetypes because what if your character doesn't fit these. I think this is dumb as shit. I actually think that a common criticism of D&D - that you can't play ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING - is not valid, or rather, it's a valid opinion to hold but if you want to play a character who doesn't fit into the available archetypes perhaps you need to find another game. We all inherently understand that Blades in the Dark characters will be members of a criminal organization in a relatively low-magic setting, correct? That you can't show up to BitD and play a lawful good wizard prince because that's not the story being told? Or like, how in Honey Heist, you are a bear and you are trying to get honey, and you cannot play a human child investigating the old abandoned house at the edge of town, but there's a cool game called Kids on Bikes that will let you do that? Great! Why is this suddenly so hard to understand in the realm of heroic fantasy, that you will fit into specific archetypes? Why do people's brains, if they have them to begin with, vanish suddenly? I know I just did a big old rant that included this within it but genuinely I think a lot of people are deeply ignorant of heroic fantasy, or don't like it, and either is fine, but then they get mad at the heroic fantasy game for having heroic fantasy archetypes when the answer is "maybe this will never make you happy because it's not for you." (Frankly, I think this is also why they love D20, because it doesn't really do straight-up heroic fantasy, and that's fine, but they do keep acting like doing a Game of Thrones pastiche is equivalent to the invention of the wheel.) Like...I remember in the Midst Q&A that Xen said they tend to not like playing typical D&D classes, but their solution was to, you know, create Midst instead of sitting around going "actually, because D&D doesn't support cyberpunk narrative and the character archetypes within very well it is an utter failure." (I could go on forever about how actually TTRPGs are not a showcase for your already extant OCs to prance around but that's a totally separate post).

Mechanics and story are inherently intertwined, is what I'm trying to get at (sorry I'm really tired and have a lot to do but I'm passionate about this answer, it will be rambly, she says like 3 pages in) and I really don't think most actual play journalists get this. At all. And I do think that CR, and Daggerheart, and the people working for it, and especially Spenser Starke, Rowan Hall, Matt Mercer, and Travis Willingham, get this more than almost anyone else in the field. I also think Brennan Lee Mulligan and Aabria Iyengar get this, and the thing is, for all the praise showered upon them, much of which I think is deserved and most of what I think is undeserved is not because they are lacking but because the person writing about them is an idiot crediting them for things they (Brennan and Aabria) would never claim to have invented, their mechanical prowess is rarely if ever written about well. Fantasy High Junior Year's downtime mechanics actually fill in a famous gap in D&D, namely, downtime, and provide an excellent marriage of story and mechanics in my opinion, and I haven't really seen any discussion, because that would require watching the part of the TTRPG show where they play the TTRPG, and knowing the vague word on the street about D&D criticism that isn't just "*nods sagely* capitalism is the BBEG."

And finally: related a bit to the edit but Critical Role used to not be able to provide any early access to press, because it was literally a live show, and I suspect they never broke the habit, and I think that is for the best. As discussed a lot of D20 coverage actually feels like they watched the press screener and then never returned to the show. And I do not know the politics about them, but given that several of these publications (notably Polygon, but some others) have been shitting on Critical Role for several years, and just generally given the way CR's leadership vs. how D20's leadership respond to fandom pressure, I suspect Critical Role does not give these journalists a ton of early or increased, if any. Honestly, why should you, if you're getting interviewed in Variety? And I think the journalists are mad, because they think they're special and should get treated as such.

I do want to wrap something up, and I want to thank @captainofthetidesbreath for talking a little about this in game design/ttrpgs and giving me the idea, but in story, you should be challenging your audience, expanding their horizons, and being new and interesting. In the actual playing of TTRPGs, especially a new one, it is vital to be inclusive and easy to understand and patient and provide points of reference. I really feel like many Actual Play journalists and some TTRPG ones as well have this equation flipped and are looking for challenging concepts that most people will never be able to get a group to be willing to play, and bells and whistles in production, but leave story as an afterthought. Critical Role designs games to actually be played and to be used specifically to tell good stories, and puts story before production, and I think that undercuts those journalists' whole deal.

#answered #Anonymous #long post #cr tag #anyway though i am going to go lie down and try to take a nap bc the daylight savings got me but good.

[commodorez]

What is the appeal of vintage computers to you? Is it the vintage video games or is it the programs? If so, what kind of programs do you like to run on them?

Fair warning, we're talking about a subject I've been passionate about for most of my life, so this will take a minute. The answer ties into how I discovered the hobby, so we'll start with a few highlights:

I played old video games starting when I was 9 or 10.

I became fascinated with older icons buried within Windows.

Tried to play my first video game (War Eagles) again at age 11, learned about the hardware and software requirements being way different than anything I had available (a Pentium III-era Celeron running Windows ME)

I was given a Commodore 1541 by a family friend at age ~12.

Watched a documentary about the history of computers that filled in the gaps between vague mentions of ENIAC and punch cards, and DOS/Windows machines (age 13).

Read through OLD-COMPUTERS.COM for the entire summer immediately after that.

Got my first Commodore 64 at age 14.

I mostly fell into the hobby because I wanted to play old video games, but ended up not finding a ton of stuff that I really wanted to play. Instead, the process of using the machines, trying the operating system, appreciating the aesthetic, the functional design choices of the user experience became the greater experience. Oh, and fixing them.

Then I started installing operating systems on some DOS machines, or playing with odd peripherals, and customizing hardware to my needs. Oh, and programming! Mostly in BASIC on 8-bit hardware, but tinkering with what each computer could do is just so fascinating to me. I'm in control, and there isn't much of anything between what I write and the hardware carrying it out (especially on pre-Windows machines)! No obfuscation layers, run-times, .dlls, etc. Regardless of the system, BASIC is always a first choice for me. Nova, Ohio Scientific, Commodore, etc. I usually try to see what I can do with the available BASIC dialect and hardware. I also tend to find a game or two to try, especially modern homebrew Commodore games because that community is always creating something new. PC stuff I focus more on pre-made software of the era.

Just to name a few examples from a variety of systems: Tetris, terminal emulators, Command & Conquer titles, screen savers, War Eagles, Continuum, video capture software, Atomic Bomberman, demos, LEGO Island, Bejeweled clones, Commander Keen 1-3, lunar lander, Galaxian, sinewave displays, 2048, Pacman, mandelbrot sets, war dialers, paint -- I could keep going.

Changing gears, I find it funny how often elders outside of the vintage computing community would talk about the era I'm interested in (60s-early 90s). [spoken with Mr. Regular's old man voice]: "Well, computers used to be big as a room! And we used punch cards, and COBOL!" I didn't know what any of that meant, and when pressed for technical detail they couldn't tell you anything substantial. Nobody conveyed any specifics beyond "that's what we used!"

I noticed that gaps remained in how that history was presented to me, even when university-level computer science and history professors were engaged on the subject. I had to go find it on my own. History is written by the victors, yeah? When was the last time a mainstream documentary or period piece focused on someone other than an Apple or Microsoft employee? Well, in this case, you can sidestep all that and see it for yourself if you know where to look.

Experiencing the history first hand to really convey how computers got from point A to B all the way down to Z is enlightening. What's cool is that unlike so many other fields of history, it's near enough in time that we can engage with people who were there, or better yet, made it happen! Why do you think I like going to vintage computer festivals?

We can see the missteps, the dead-ends, the clunkiness, the forgotten gems and lost paradigms, hopefully with context of why it happened. For the things we can't find more information on, when or documentation and perspectives are limited, sometimes we have to resort to digital archeology, and reverse engineering practices to save data, fix machines, and learn how they work. The greater arc of computer history fascinates me, and I intend to learn about it by fixing and using the computers that exemplify it best, and sharing that passion with others who might enjoy it.

#commodorez #retrotech crew #computer history

[jonayariley]

My Thoughts on Homestuck^2

I say this as someone who has been fairly critical of the Epilogues and Homestuck^2 - I think that HS2 (or Homestuck: Beyond Canon as it's properly called now) has the potential to be something positive again. I was really excited for HS2 at first (after not super loving the direction the Epilogues went in) but got really burned out on it. But I'll say a few things on why I think this can work:

Greater transparency in terms of what's going on with it. I think that James Roach and crew are in a position to be really up-front about what's going on and what's to come, and I think they've done that. James has always struck me as being a pretty even-keeled guy, and having worked with him in the past on both Friendsim 2 stuff and when he presents at SAHCon, yeah - definitely a solid choice in terms of organization and being willing to communicate.

I think there's a lot of room to bring the plot around. I'll admit I wasn't a huge fan of everything that was happening in HS2 (weird pacing, focus on Vriska stuff, weird cucking plotline, out of character stuff) - but I really think there's a way to judo throw that shit around into something good. My take has always been "meat and candy are two divergent, slightly-unreal timelines and there's something else going on here" and some of what I saw in the last couple upd8s seems to confirm this. Personally I think that could work well, and the theme of collapsing reality in on itself could work. The fact that the new upd8 starts off with some stuff I thought they'd forgotten about bodes well.

Writing so far is good - feels balanced, good character writing. It feels Homestuck-y but also it feels like its own thing, which I think is a good thing. Also, solid choices for writers - seeing @floralmarsupial on the list alone has me very excited about what's to come!

Art is good too! Very nice balance of styles and some really solid panel work! Nice use of limited motion in classic Homestuck style combined with a good combination of Act 6 bean style and sprite style.

So far, reactions seem to be pretty positive. In the past, some people were profoundly NOT NORMAL about HS2 - going so far as to harass and attack the folks working on it. I can't express how profoundly not okay this is! So far, I see folks being pretty positive about it overall, and I think that's good. The folks who don't like it are not liking it in a normal, not-harassing-the-crew way, which is good.

I trust the team involved - I've worked with several of the people involved on my own projects (Chumi, Kim, James) and I have a tremendous amount of respect for the other folks involved. Like, this is a solid core to build a team around. Kim doing art direction is a good thing.

On a related note, hearing that this is a truly independent thing with creative control in the hands of the current team is a big thing. I have good reason to believe that this is 100% genuine, and that the direction "Homestuck community involvement" is going in is a positive one. It's a process, but it seems to be moving in a positive direction.

Good community involvement, less adversarial feeling - James has been reaching out to the community at large in a way that feels much more open than HS2 was doing before. HS2 got to the point where it felt like it had this contentious relationship with the fandom where it wasn't just challenging readers within the context of the text, but challenging them as readers and fans of the work (if that makes sense).

There seems to be a real commitment to doing this thing in a way that isn't exploiting the artists, writers, and other creatives involved. To working with people in a fair and open way and allowing them to guide the creative vision of the work. And tbh that's one of the most positive signs I've seen from this whole process.

Remains to be seen how things shake out in the long term - especially with stuff like the upd8-to-upd8 pacing (something I felt like was really broken in HS2) and how some of the more contentious aspects are handled.

But I feel hopeful about this, and I would absolutely not have said that two or three years ago. Like, ngl - the whole thing with Jade/Rose/Kanaya hit me hard enough to make a whole divergent post-canon AU

(read Negotiated Consent and its sequels Ways of Being and This Sudden State of Mind, btw - I'm still quite happy with them)

but I've had time to think on this a lot and time to become significantly more involved in well-known Homestuck stuff (specifically Friendsim 2 and co-directing Stuck at Home Con) and, like... idk I feel like the annoyance got replaced with a kind of "I really wish things could be better" bittersweet feeling, because at the end of the day this whole thing is important to me, and there's a lot of folks in this fandom who aren't shit-ass individuals who harass creators, and I think the relationship between author(s) and work can be something good and positive.

So yeah, I would describe myself as "cautiously optimistic" about this whole situation. Homestuck is a work with a lot of baggage - both textually and in terms of fandom/creation history. I don't think that can just be wiped away, but also I do believe it can move in a better direction, and there's clearly still a lot of folks who would like to see that happen.

And yeah, I guess in my heart I'm still one of those people too.

#homestuck #homestuck 2 #homestuck beyond canon #positive #james roach #post canon #upd8 #homestuck upd8

[exiledelle]

UNDERTALE YELLOW MERCILESS ROUTE SPOILERS

ive seen a couple people here and there be upset over how the route ends, but i want to give my two cents on why i actually really like it

(btw this is not at all me saying people HAVE to enjoy it, or arent allowed to dislike it, just sharing my own take on it)

if youve clicked the read more im going to assume youve played through the merciless route and seen its ending, or dont care about spoilers for it

otherwise what the heck are you doing here

but basically, what ive seen people get upset over a lot, is the fact that clover kills asgore and flowey instantly, takes the human souls, and then just waltzes out of the underground and beyond the players reach (which is my personal take on why resetting goes back to floweys control, and clover forgetting, instead of to when clover unlocks the save ability, is its not clover or flowey resetting, but us. the player IS a distinctly separate entity in ut/dr after all)

but honestly?? what else COULD have happened?? asgore couldnt handle frisk at level ONE. he didnt stand even a FRACTION of a chance against an lv 20 clover, who might i add, has a giant laser beam, a degree of soul magic not even frisk obtains. you COULD argue chara uses soul magic to "kill" our save file at the end of undertales merciless route though, i could see that, but still, clovers laser is a much more direct and obvious show of it. (and just to be safe, before anyone tries to say humans dont have magic, no, thats literally the entire premise of the setting is humans used magic to create the barrier, its just less present in humans than it is in monsters, who are made of the stuff)

and undertale yellows merciless route goes the route of deciding that undertales version already said everything there is to say on the meta aspects and the whole "you can so you need to" mindset, so instead it just calls it what it is: its a power trip. its mindless slaughter for the sake of getting stronger, whether its the player demanding a different ending (like deltarunes coldhearted route(im not calling it snowgrave, but this is entirely personal preference)), or again just wanting to see whatll happen. but either way its to feel strong.

and what happens at the end of that power trip? youve reached level 20. youve surpassed floweys control. you have as much power as you could ever hope to achieve. so, realistically:

whats stopping you from just killing asgore and leaving.

nothing. so you do.

and it leaves you wondering: was the power trip worth it. was the pain and suffering you caused worth it to get such a blatantly, not just non-canon, but ANTI-CANON ending? (EDIT: and i mean this in a positive way, its the same kind of self-reflection over your actions that undertale pulls, just communicated in a more indirect way)

and it being so anti-canon is part of why its such a haunting ending for me.

there really wasnt any other possible way for it to end. lv 20 itself and the way undertale and deltarune characterize that increase in power, in retrospect it feels obvious that it would be anti-canon in a prequel. monster souls are weaker than human souls, even at lv 1. so against a human whos lv 20, and who got there by constantly persisting and trying over and over to get past whatever obstacle is in front of them, and refuses to give up on their conquest, theres nothing anyone can do, and that alone rips the canon of undertale into shreds.

even SANS realizes theres nothing that can actually stop you, not even him, so the best he can hope for is that he puts up enough of a fight to make the player give up and/or reset, same reason his final attack is a turn that never ends.

and having to face that by helplessly watching clover blast an asgore-shaped hole in the story is TERRIFYING to me, in a way i really love the yellow team for doing. idk if its actually intentional or if im reading too much into it, but either way,

#undertale yellow #undertale yellow spoilers #elle rambles

[starlightshore]

Howdy! I've got a handful of questions after watching the trailer for Angel's Lullaby and reading the write-up on Gamejolt:

Do you plan on the game being fully voice acted? Or were the VAs there just for the trailer?

I'm asking this in good faith, out of curiosity: where did you get "prin" as the gender-neutral form of prince/princess? Did you create the word yourself or did you find it somewhere? (If the latter, where? I reckon it could be a valuable resource)

Do I understand correctly that all this means the game will have multiple endings? And, if it's not a spoiler, will that include the possibility of saving Monsters from being trapped under Mt. Ebott?

Thanks in advance for the answers! And I can't believe that this White Human society from hundreds of years ago has better trans rights than modern times (or at least it seems to).

But also if I'm being honest I don't like the word "prin", it sounds incomplete somehow. I have come up with the word "princep" (PRIN-sepp) in my own projects as a different gender-neutral form, but maybe the only reason it sounds better to me is because I created it. Okay have a nice 2024 bye

Happy New Year! sorry I haven't gotten around to responding, my b!

let me try answering in order:

No voice acting in the game. I just wanted to connect the voice-acted animation segments and the gameplay, otherwise, the gameplay would feel a lot more "stiff" or "static" in comparison. This is a VERY text-heavy game so voice acting is completely unfeasible.

just from searching around for gender-neutral terms for a royal child. i personally like prin because it's simple and to the point. I expect people to have different opinions and preferences but I'll go with what I like haha

very much a spoiler. I'm actually doing a massive rethink on the game but what has been planned was that you'd get 2 main routes of the game: pacifist-monster and no-mercy-human. Not sure if that'll stay the same or not. 3A. Yeah, Mythosa Island is a lot more progressive but it's in part to not alienate the game for modern audiences and to un-ground the story a bit. Real History is dark and fucked up. I can critique it, but I want to keep it to a "video game" atmosphere. So we're not going to address things like Slavery, Racism, and Transphobia in an Undertale game. I'm not a historical expert and a lot of the history has been "gamified" by it being an isolated island originally ruled by monsters. A lot of stuff can be chalked up to: "This is a small portion of the human race (who are originally poor) and they've lived peacefully with monsters for 100 years. Their ideals are not going to reflect medieval Europe accurately."

very much so. I want to do commentary on museums and how art can be stolen/destroyed for the sake of the enjoyment of those who go to museums. like, I'm sure there's some good to museums, it's good to preserve history and teach it to others and seeing up and close can make a difference. but it needs to be ethically sourced. like we could do both, come on. How much of this is subtext vs. text will depend on how the team and I handle the tone. Like, I do want to talk on darker/serious topics but I don't want it to be too straightforward and break the video game immersion. ALL art is communication and thus has something to say -i just need to control how it says what I want it to say.

But thank you so much for the kind asks! Happy 2024 and beyond!

#personal stuff #sams replies #angels lullaby #angel's lullaby

[ask-your-fav-spiderling]

happy 20th birthday to ME. uhmmmm big news

I'M RETIRING!!!!! 🗣️🗣️

as spiderling. for the foreseeable future. potentially forever!!

i've just been thinking, i started being spiderling when i was 13 fresh off the death of harry. that wasn't my fault, i didn't do anything to cause that other than like exist. it took me a really long time to figure that out though. but after that i decided i had to fix what i thought i'd done, i had these abilities that meant i had to use them, right?

so i went out and i helped tons of people and i'll never regret that, but i got myself hurt. a lot.

and then i met the cluster. which is another thing i'll always be thankful for. i absolutely love y'all, don't doubt this because of what i'm about to say. a lot of you were not the best role models for a 13 year old. this is just like a fact i'm NOT upset about it, i can easily recognize that we were all in uniquely weird and/or bad places, but also gang the first time most of us met was ALSO the first time i saw a dead body. but we all met and now you're my family and i know now that if i quit spider stuff entirely you'll still stick by me.

then mysterio happened. and listen there are things that occurred that stay between me, him, gd, and my therapist, beyond what y'all already know. but it fucked me up GOOD, and i still have a lot of problems discerning what around me is real or not.

then a WHOLE lot of other stuff happened and i got angrier and just. bad mentally. i never wanted to fight when i was angry, i still don't, i hate the lack of control and i hate acting like my dad. but i was spiderling i couldn't just not go out. because then the almighty vague "something bad" would happen. and so i'd go out and be reckless and get hurt worse and worse and i'd feel awful about it so OBVIOUSLY to make up for it i had to go out more.

OCD is not a logical disorder.

and things would get better for a bit, then worse, and the "betters" got less great and the "worses" got more extreme and it just get going and going until eventually i hit a point where i realized if i didn't quit i would probably get killed. but by now, patrol was a compulsion. i'd have full anxiety attacks if i didn't have my suit on me at all times. so quitting was much much harder than i thought it'd be.

but i hatched a plan last year, you love me and my plans, and took down my rouges in a way that i believe ensures they can't come back. all of them are big long stories that i WILL be telling but ideally later. and uh yeah. did it!

so i think, it's still hard to retire entirely. because there are good, great things about being spiderling, mostly the community and getting to help people in a way that really matters. so essentially, i'm on call. if there's a situation where you need extra hands and i feel capable of helping, i'll be there. but in 22701? zip, zilch, nada, i am done. i did my time.

i want to be there for fun things too! conventions, events, competitions, all that jazz.

but yeah, that's the spiel. happy 20th to meeeee can't wait until next year to see if i can get drunk

#everyone be nice to me about this decision or i will block you forever and ever /j

[thana-topsy]

I love your TES magic headcanons!! Do you have any thoughts about the Thuum? I'm curious about how 'bend will' would feel to the person it was being cast on. I imagine it depends a lot on the intent/mindset of the caster.

Also, what do you think was the deal with the mind control thing that Miraak had going on in Solstheim?

I live for well written TES worldbuilding/lore, the official stuff we're given simply isn't enough. :)

Wow! This ask got SO buried and I totally meant to answer it sooner! My apologies. I got caught up in the thinky thinks over my own headcanons on the Thu'um and then my brain wandered off into the great wild unknown.

As with all TES lore meta, I really enjoy approaching it from an in-world view as opposed from an omniscient, definitive "this is the way it is" view. So I'm going to use this as a writing prompt and allows some of my Dragonborns to answer with their opinions:

---

Aerik: "Well, I'm not sure if it's because I've got Nord blood or because I grew up in Skyrim, but the Thu'um is as much a part of my culture as poetry and song. It's another form of expression, albeit a bit more expressive and, uh, explosive than just belting out The Age of Aggression. Though I guess it depends on the tavern you're in... Anyways, it's just another form of language at the end of the day. Sure, it was a language that was never meant to be used by mortals. But, as history will attest, us mortals love to stick our noses into places they don't belong. We not only learned the Thu'um, but learned how to create our own Shouts never before used by dragons. How great is that? "But as far as Bend Will goes, I've only ever used it on dragons. But I have been robbed of my own free will before, and it's not an experience I'm looking to repeat. Not even on other people. I'll keep my opinions of Miraak to myself for the time being, but desperate men do desperate things. And when those men have a tremendous amount of unchecked power, those 'things' can end up hurting a lot of people."

Elanwe: "All language is a form of creation! The Thu'um is no different. There was a time that we spoke spells out loud in order to cast them, before we refined and reshaped the way we commune with our connections to Magnus. To speak is to create. The Thu'um presents this concept in a very literal form. "I have yet to encounter a Shout that can bend the Will of others, though I have no doubt that it exists. I would hesitate to use it, unless absolutely necessary. Dark magic, that. To control the mind of another. I imagine it would feel like being a prisoner in your own body. Perhaps a bit like when your arm goes numb from sleeping on it. Only walking and talking. Brr... unsettling."

[This Dragonborn wishes to remain anonymous, as they have yet to be revealed]: Well, hmm. I'll be honest, I haven't been able to do much research into the Thu'um yet. And Nordic customs are a bit... beyond me. But I can describe what it feels like, I suppose. When I encounter new words. It's like remembering something you forgot, but you don't remember when you learned it. Like a very, very distant memory. Maybe I'm explaining this terribly. It's like you know you know the word, and you have this deep understanding of what it means. Without ever having learned it. Wow, this makes no sense. I'm so sorry. I'm... gonna go."

#topsy's asks #oc: aerik #oc: elanwe #mystery dragonborn #skyrim #tesblr #q

[goldensunset]

you wanted me to talk about ooparts from twewy. ok. this song is an absolute hot mess and it’s one of my absolute FAVORITES. but specifically only the version that plays when you fight konishi in final remix (‘ooparts -give me a chance’) the original is. eh. but the difference between them is not the thing that matters to me anyway so i guess i like the original too

first and foremost. i have gone through the process of color-highlighting the lyrics (screenshotted from the wiki) to point out which song each line comes from to visually represent just how much this massive word mashup borrows stuff. i also just straight up put the names of the songs next to some of them but i couldn’t fit them all or else this would be a mess lol. please enjoy

🍎red: ‘hybrid’ (both english and japanese)

🍊orange: ‘detonation’

⭐️yellow: ‘game over’

🍃green: ‘owari-hajimari’ (japanese)

💎light blue: ‘someday’ (both english and japanese)

🫐dark blue: ‘satisfy’

☂️purple: ‘twister’ (both english and japanese)

🌸pink: ‘make or break’

•‘surely there was a better way to convey this information’ no there wasn’t

•most of this information is on the wiki page but i’ll have you know i discovered most of these connections by myself anyway long before i ever even checked the trivia section. also there are a few that i caught that the wiki didn’t. not to flex or anything. but y’know what credit really isn’t important anyway it’s really all about sharing information within a community so. peace and love

•there is a bit of a liberty taken with ‘you’re getting out of control’ bc the line in game over is just ‘you’re out of control’ but i still think it counts as a connection

so basically i think this song is really cool and amazing not just bc the music goes really hard at about one minute in (but only specifically in the one where you fight konishi, at least in final remix) but mostly because it represents a few of my favorite things about twewy. the whole ‘melody/vibe over lyrics’ thing twewy has going on where it says hey who cares if these lyrics are in any way comprehensible; what matters is that it’s a lot of fun to sing

but beyond that? ooparts also does the thing that twister is known for but even better. aka word salad lyrics that may not have any innate meaning in the words themselves, but they matter BECAUSE they’re word salad. apparently the intention behind twister’s nonsense lyrics is to represent all the different clashing ideas in shibuya. it’s diverse and noisy and weird and it all comes together into something fun. ooparts does the same except its lyrics aren’t even random words; they’re from other songs in this game. including twister itself!

to me it really feels like a turning point in the game when you fight konishi, the final week’s game master, the last actual valid legal boss within the framework of the game, and you have this crazy wild song playing that, through its lyrics, serves to remind you of everything else you’ve encountered in your insane journey. it’s a culmination of all your struggles and you’re here to see it all through

and the call-and-response lyrics back and forth between the two vocalists are soooo fun! it feels like teamwork: the song. like truly this is the moment of revenge and triumph for neku and beat. they’ve made it this far and nothing can stop them now. they’re not afraid of konishi they’re hyped up to defeat her. and konishi is such a great villain with a really tricky and unique boss fight so it feels super satisfying to finally get the better of her! it’s not about fear it’s about fun! and when the beat switches on the chorus to something so much brighter and smoother… feels like that moment in the battle where you break through one of her gimmicks and you can see clearly now

in conclusion: i love the weird telephone beep song with the strangest lyrics known to man

#say what you will about solo/final remix but their music choices are better. like the way they assign certain songs to certain characters #they do it a lot better than the og i’m sorry #the world ends with you #twewy #subaseka tag #mine: twewy #mitsuki konishi #neku sakuraba #daisukenojo bito #yes i’m tagging the characters i mentioned too #long post

[rttnpnkpmpkn]

💗🌷🌼 ✨This is the you are amazing award. Send it to ten bloggers you think are wonderful or just take a moment to bask in your own awesomeness! ✨ 🌼🌷💗

Aww thank you! Sorry that this ask took so long, mostly because I had to really sit down and meditate on how I want to answer this, especially when it comes to naming the wonderful people who helped made my online experience worth staying for ^^ I can't really pinpoint just a few people because it's pretty unfair to the others who come and go my way and had a part in my character development lolol.

I want to thank my online friends who we've made it through thick and thin whenever something catches on fire. (Y'all know who you are 💖). I had serious anxiety and trust issues, and I still continue working on it but my friends helped provide the breakthrough I needed to get to where I am today. They're my pillar whether they realized it or not and I hope I don't do them much disservice in the future *sweat*. Thank you for all the laughs and everything you do! I know my interactions come off as lukewarm (I'm very introverted, so my battery is busted as hell) compared to how you chat with others, but it's been an enjoyable experience from my POV regardless. Y'all get a huge boop from me!

I'm also sorry that it didn't work out with those in which we left on unamicable terms, they do also have a part in building more to my worldview and life lessons learned after all this. Life is short to hold grudges and stress, so I will wish that they too meet their peace along the way, even in separate rooms. I also have my moments where my handling and problem-solving skills need work, and I can only move forward and improve on the next with my communication skills. I really can't blame others for having a negative view on me because I know I could've handled things better. The answer just had to come later after that point 😓. Take care and may time be kinder to y'all.

I very much want to thank you and every random peep who took their time to comment and like my works! I cannot reply tp all of them because sometimes my energy be too drained to catch up with them all but it really makes me smile reading them! I'm taking notes from y'all~ xD

There are a whole lot of reasons but I'm making stuff to have something to look forward to. So many disappointments in life and circumstances beyond control, I was thinking," it doesn't matter if it's gonna be lost to time, if nobody is making this SHIZZ happen NOW, I'll do it myself!! (though that's too overconfident of myself since I lack the skills to do it justice lol) ." So even if it's been a waste of time in hindsight, it won't feel that way *during* it lol. I didn't realize then it would have resonate and be enjoyed by fellows on the same boat. Even if the campfire is small, the quality of company is better than the quantity. Though the only benefits to offer are inside jokes if you've been there heheh...

TLDR: It's been quite a journey to get to where I am. I have many people to thank for helping me learn, and thanks for being what I want to see in a community. Be well and have a nice one! 🥰🙏

#pumpkin thoughts #ask a pumpkin 🎃 #not art

[luxgalador]

Ma'am, If I may, what led you to coming to terms with your identity? Was there a process that made you think, "maybe I'm not what I was born with?" No matter how your respond, I thank you for the mega cool vibes and consistent dream of memes, cat pics, and explanations of why furry stuff is super cool

I never had a lightbulb moment. And I also am not a "I always knew" type of girl. My unravelling and actualizing has been and continues to be a gradual process of following what feels good and asking myself questions about why it feels good.

In hindsight, I can say "oh yeah that makes a lot more sense" now that I've realized some major things, of course. But I never felt "I'm not what I was born with." It was more a "maybe I could be this? Let's follow this."

One thing I did always know is that I felt different than most other people. I figured that one out pretty early. The way I interacted with the world just didn't seem to align with how many folks did. And my problem is that I never connected with, knew, or was even aware that the way I felt was something that others felt too.

Realistically I didn't really have an original thought about my own identity until I was 19 years old and finding myself in substance abuse rehabilitation. It was only when faced with the real possibility of my own death that my Self™ began to emerge. She started slowly taking control. Because I needed it. Because without me, actually me, driving the car of my life, I was going to fucking die.

My queerness first emerged in a dream when I was 20. I don't remember the dream, but I remember waking up in a panic. I'd grown up aware of queer people, but fed through my well-meaning cishet mom who's only exposure to queerness was through the blood-stained lens of the AIDS crisis. "It's such a hard life" was a phrase I'd heard so often in regards to gay people. It wasn't outwardly hateful, but it felt like an "other" existence that wasn't preferable to "normal" society. My only awareness of trans people was through punchlines and stereotypes. Despite having always wanted to be a girl if given the choice, I didn't understand that there actually was a choice and I could be what I wanted.

I started making videos more earnestly and engaging with the YouTube community. I became pretty successful in that world. I also became a student. Fueled by curiosity and a compulsion to understand the world to keep myself going, I learned. I listened. I asked questions. I was YouTube's It Bi Boy™ but something remained missing.

I hadn't spoken the words yet, but I started growing my hair out. I'd seen a lot of sapphics with short curly bob hairdos that I wanted to emulate. I wanted to look feminine. As I was aging into my mid-20s, I started looking like a man and I hated it. I didn't understand what that meant beyond "I don't want to look like a man." That evolved into, okay well maybe I'm not a man.

The rest of my 20s, that's the crux of my identity. It wasn't an affirmative identity, but rather a reductive one. The only thing I knew is what I wasn't. I wasn't a man. I thought this was enough. Deep in me I wanted to be a woman, but I still didn't realize that I could be. That I already was.

I did more makeup daily before HRT. I got dolled up every single day to go to work. My heart would soar if someone "mistook" me for a woman. That's how I wanted to be perceived. But I was stuck in "not a man" identity for a while.

I read an article in 2019 about HRT regimens that were low-dose. I'd never considered hormones before this. But I knew immediately this is what I wanted. It felt like a level that I was "allowed" to have. I still felt like I wasn't allowed to be a woman. That I wasn't trans enough to embrace it. I made an appointment within a week.

Pandemic happened, in many ways my life froze. But I kept changing. After 6 months on the low-dose I said "fuck it" and went to a full dose. I grew tits. I felt so much better. Relieved. Like I was course correcting. It was good, but still not good enough.

I had to move to Florida due to financial issues in late 2021. I had roommates again including my sister. It was the first time I was around people regularly after so much had changed in my body. It was a few months later that I realized that I was basically living my life as a woman just without affirming that reality to myself. So 2.5 years into HRT I finally did it. I owned that. I she/they'd for like 2 weeks then realized I didn't want they. I didn't want neutrality. I wanted to be and was her. In this moment I also connected the dots that my sexuality was not bi, despite years in that community and many, many videos made by me on the subject. Bisexuality, in hindsight, was an identity that allowed me access to loving women queerly before I knew I was a woman myself.

So here I am, at 30, about 10 years after that first dream. I'm a woman. I'm a lesbian. I'm living with the love of my life in Chicago. And in many ways, it feels like I'm just getting started. Thanks for reading.

#word vomit #trans #queer #lesbian #lgbtq #transfeminine

[z-coil]

ur so cute didn’t know you were queer you will find new love and dating in your 20’s is weird and painful lmao i have met so many women who are emotionally unavailable after it also seems they convince me differently and we go out on dates, spend a lot of time together and like do very intimate stuff (sex???). im very communicative and upfront and tell ppl emotional availability is a baseline for me, even with casual stuff, even with friendships just everyone i let into my life i treat with a standard of care and respect and love and want the same in return. i enjoy romance and sweetness and identified as greysexual for a bit. i still have been one night stood lmfao. i blame it sometimes on hook up culture and heteronormativity. hooking up doesn’t mean there doesn’t need to be emotional baselines or after care, but since i guess straight people set standards people just are used to being treated like trash and also treating others like that in result. i have literally been rejected for being to “kind” or “caring” after banging someone. i wish you the best i was heart broken a year ago by someone who i was seeing routinely and intimate with who blindsided me with the emotionally unavailable thing and still feel sad. but eventually after i let myself process and feel sad, i feel normal again…it has taken a lot of realizing it’s nothing wrong with me but applying logic. thinking of compatibility and not in extremes and thinking things like “maybe not the right time”. there’s nothing wrong about you, you seem well rounded and like a catch

i really appreciate this, thank you.. i only realized i am a lesbian in the last year and am still 20 years old, which makes this loss feel a bit more painful considering it’s my first involvement with a girl, but it is tru i have so much more life ahead of me .. ❤️ I’m lucky that i still get to have this girl in my life as a close friend I think she’s a lovely person just going through a hard time right now, beyond her control

#thinking lately about how valuable it is to hear from seasoned queer people abt their experiences #as someone who has only recently come to terms with myself #it’s a nice reminder #so thank you

[sapphos-darlings]

Are you a radfem? You've reblogged from radfems before and share a lot of detrans stuff, I like your blog but I don't feel really welcome and safe with stuff like that

Hi! We're two people running this blog, and no, this is not a radfem blog, this is a wlw/female positivity blog, run by two people who fall under these two categories ourselves.

Detransitioning also isn't automatically a political statement, please do not label it as such; when we started this blog, I was still living as a transgender man whose history and present still heavily tied me to the wlw community. However, HRT was making me very sick and not actually masculinising my body, and ultimately it was both better for my physical and mental health to first go off HRT, and when living as a man didn't get any easier through that, detransition. Most detransitioned people aren't detransitioning because of an agenda, and furthermore, while plenty remain allied to the LGBT community, most are still part of it - myself, as a bisexual gender non-conforming person who has no intentions of ever entering a heterosexual relationship, for example, and a person who does not feel that I am any more cisgender now than I have ever been. Others detransition from a binary gender identity to a nonbinary one, ceasing transition but remaining somewhere inbetween socially and where they feel themselves to align internally. Many of us, like myself, still regard ourselves under the wider transgender community: for myself, because I am not and have not and will not be cisgender, even if I am socially presenting as my assigned sex. People who know me more know that my experience with gender goes much beyond simplistic labels and assigning any beyond the factual "detrans female/woman" to what all of the above means is very difficult, but it's a private matter to me, like most things concerning deeply personal aspects of my life.

As per the blogs we reblog from - to be completely honest, we don't vet them, and have no intention of doing so in the future, as upsetting as this might be to hear for people who may feel unsafe coming across posts from users they're uncomfortable with. Most of our posts come from the tags and as long as they're not inflammatory and upsetting in themselves, we have no reason to be skulking through the sources or cultivating a blocklist of blogs we overall don't agree with. So there's going to be all kinds of ideologies, bad takes, drama, horrible people behind the urls. I quite honestly wouldn't know if I reblogged a tradfem post from a deep-end Catholic, anti-gay user/source (such as a quote) if the post itself somehow innocently floated into the wlw tag and was talking about cottagecore romance or some equally benign subject. The reason for this is simply that vetting each and every blog we scroll past would make running this blog extremely draining and require such specific hard rules to be established between the two of us posting here about what is a "good" blog to be reblogging from and what is a "bad" blog - there isn't one blog out there that we both 100% agree with, or find non-controversial, and we quite simply do not have the required energy to be putting into something like that.

You, however, as someone who scrolls through our blog, are more than welcome to block and blacklist urls and blogs that you see reblogged here. You control your exposure, you control whose thoughts you feel comfortable engaging with. This is absolutely, 100% fine to be doing. You never need to agree with anything we post, or with any user or post that we reblog here. We're posting here mostly for ourselves, what we relate to, in the hopes that someone out there relates to it as well. That's... really about as deep as it goes.

In order to help curate your experience, beyond Tumblr's own blacklist and block functions, for desktop users I highly recommend installing New XKit (Chrome/Firefox) and/or Tumblr Savior (Chrome/Firefox), which will make it much more reliable to vanish users and posts from your curated feed.

Hope this clears things up!

#ask #mod sade

[specialagentlokitty]

Mr Evershed x Student!reader - nothing wrong with it

Hellooo, i wanted to ask if you could maybe write a student!reader x Mr Evershed where the student came out as a lesbian to her parents and they reacted badly and Evershed comforts her? - Anon💜

TW: toxic/homophobic parents

Why you chose to tell them before school was beyond you, you could’ve done it after, or on the weekend or at pretty much any time aside from before school.

But you chose before school, and now you were sat on the curb trying to wipe your tears and calm yourself down but nothing was working.

Sniffling a little, you buried your head in your arms.

“Did you not hear the bell ring?”

You sniffled a little, lifting your head you wiped your eyes with your sleeve and looked before you.

“Go away.”

“I can’t do that I’m afraid (Y/N), want to come inside for a chat?” Mr Evershed asked.

You shook you head and turned to look away from him.

He walked over and dropped himself on the curb next to you.

“Alright, we’ll take out here. What’s going on?”

“Go away. I don’t to talk.”

“Well, the fact that your sat here, crying, and not coming inside tells me maybe you need to talk.”

You sighed, sniffling a little bit and shook your head at him.

“No point. You can’t change nothing.”

“I can help though, what’s going on?”

You looked at him, and you sighed.

He never led you astray so far, whenever you needed help or advice he always gave it to you.

“I’m a lesbian…”

“Is that why you’re crying?”

“Kind off..”

He furrowed his brows a looked at you in confusion.

“My parents said.. they said it was disgusting.. and wrong.. and foul… and so much other stuff.” You whispered.

Mr Evershed took a small breath.

“Tell me what happened.” He said softly.

You nodded and began to tell him how you had been working your way up to tell them, and then telling them this morning.

How they reacted, all the things they said and what they called you.

When you finished you had tears running down your face again and you were trying so hard to wipe them away.

“They said there’s something wrong with me…”

You turned to look at him.

“Is there something wrong with me sir…?”

He reached out, placing a hand on your shoulder he shook his head.

“No. No of course there isn’t. There isn’t a single thing wrong with you.”

“Even though I like girls?”

“That doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you (Y/N). We can’t control who we love, or which gender we’re attracted too. That’s out of our control, and no one else can tell you it’s wrong to love women, or men.”

You sniffled.

“It isn’t wrong?”

“No, no of course not.”

You took a deep breath.

“They said I’m gross..”

“You’re not gross, you’re not wrong, you’re not unnatural. You’re you. And here, we encourage you to be yourself.”

“Maybe they’re right…”

Mr Everhsed got up, and he crouched down in front of you, shaking his head.

“They’re not right. People have loved the same gender for years it’s always been a thing. And as long as you’re safe and happy that’s all that matters.”

My Evershed reached into his pocket and he pulled something out and handed it over to you.

You looked at the little pride badge and looked up at him confused.

“I was getting them ready for pride month, maybe you want to help me? I could use someone who’s a part of the community to help with everything.”

“Really?”

“Yeah of course. I know pretty much nothing about this.” He laughed.

You laughed a little and wiped the tears, taking the badge you put it on your tie and stood up to follow the teacher inside

#ackley bridge #Ackley bridge x reader #Ackley bridge x you #Ackley bridge imagine #mr evershed #mr evershed x reader #mr evershed x you #mr evershed imagine

[blowflyfag]

Hi these are my Kane headcannons I wrote a bit a while back. My history of Kane is a bit different than the cannon stuff since the cannon stuff is kinda cringe fail. Also. Only gonna talk about masked Kane. But! Reality is mine to do what I want so here’s my Kane headcannons. I’m more than happy to go in depth on more stuff! Or explain why I think this.

Kane Headcannons

He wore masks even as a kid, it’s a sensory thing.

He grew up in a single parent house, it was both the funeral home and their home, with a mourge in the basement. They lived in a very small town in Death Valley, but they what they lacked in people the area made up with supernatural occurrences

I think he can see ghosts, with how connected his family was the supernatural it’s only natural he can see ghosts.

Kane liked dancing around with his mom as a little Kid. She often would play stuff on the radio while she worked or while cooking or when even just sitting around. Kane liked these moments… standing near her and swaying and humming along.

Kane keeps his hair long cause it reminds him of his mother, he does a lot of things because they remind him of her. He keeps his hair long, looks to deep into his undamaged eye. He listens to music she liked. He just wants to feel close to her. He’s a fuckin Mama’s boy

Kane is mostly burned and scared on his right side, it’s more prominent on his right arm and neck. His right eye is damaged from the fire.

Freckles!!! Kane has a lot of freckles when he gets in the sun. They’re a bit faint since he covers up but if he does loose some of the covering his freckles will really pop out

Bros Autistic guys.

Kane is mostly non verbal. He’d rather communicate with his body language or sign his thoughts. He only speaks if he really must.

He has such a soft spot for animals and kids it’s insane.

When he was younger him and taker found a clutch of snake eggs under their porch. Their mother No whwre in sight so they begged and pleaded for their mom to let them take care of them.

It ended up being a trip to the vets to make sure the eggs were properly taken care of. And a few weeks later their first pet.

It was a corn snake Kane and Taker named Amber.

Amber stayed in Taker's room. Though Mom would let them take Amber out so she could slither around in the living room while they watched movies.

Speaking of Taker’s room. It’s decked out with zombie movie posters. As well as other posters for horor movies and rock/metal bands. There’s Aldo a purple lava lamp. The typical angsty older brother room

Tumbleweed forts! He would beg Taker to play outside with him so the two would make forts and sit in them. Pretending to be bandits hiding out from the law.

He has a fascination with fire. Even though it is the thing that burned him, scared him, traumatized him beyond belief. The sight of someone lighting a cigarette near him brings his eyes instantly to the flame. Watching it flicker and wave with light and warmth. A controllable flame is a huge comfort.

I’d say Kane is Bisexual with a male lean. He’s very inexperienced when it comes to love. Often he finds himself confused with why his heart beats faster around someone he likes. Tilting his head to the side as he watches from afar. The most romance he knows of is watching late night black and white movies from when he was kept hidden in the basement.

A lot of what he knows is from television actually. Most of the time in the cellar hed just watch tv and learn, infomercials, animal documentaries, old cowboy movies. all “boring to most kids” but to kane it was an escape.

At first Kane fucking despised Taker so much with Paul Bearer’s manipulation. (For my reality Paul Bearer is the one who caused the fire) for years his anger festered and bubbled beneath his skin. Originally Taker went missing before the fire. And Kane learning that he became a wrestler, (not knowing Taker was under Paul Bearer’s control) was even more livid at him, for leaving his mother behind, for leaving him behind, for leaving everything behind. He truly hated Taker in those days, of course he’s come around but he struggles sometimes…

Kane has meltdowns very easily, it doesn’t take a lot to set him off. That’s what happens when he curls up and rocks. He’s trying to calm himself down the only way he knows how.

He really likes big cats, tigers, panthers, leopards. He thinks they’re the coolest animals.

So the Katie Vick stuff doesn’t happen in my reality, however Katie Vick is a real person, she was Kane’s childhood friend growing up. They were both kinda weirdo outcasts so they stuck together. They would mess around with ouija boards and try to find supernatural stuff that they shouldn’t have been messing with.

#Kane #wwf #world wrestling federation #eris headcanons #? #idk #I’ve had these sitting for a while and thought I’d share them #I might add more? idk. #I’m writing a bigger story about Kane’s childhood and stuff…

[goatandwatch]

Hey, its me Again.

I’m back here to deliver another actual post, here not Twitter because here it can be longer.

Thinking more on the GameDev thoughts today, I’ve been thinking of making my dream game for years so most of this stuff has already been planned for a while but I figure I’ll give a brief restatement of the general idea of the game.

The Game Concept & Idea's I've Previously Thought Up:

So I love PokéPark so I want to make a game that's like PokéPark but the protagonist is a cute kind friendly character who communicates with the player, akin to OneShot, you meet the protag and become general friends, but you help out the protagonist so much over the span of the game that by the end the protag character cherishes you so much they’d be willing to take a bullet for you. I dunno maybe like a Yandere trope sorta(??) but that's too far, no "romanticness" to it or not as mentally unstable, just that the sweet adorable angel protag gets so dedicated to you that he’d be willing to do anything for you by the end of the game, mainly just that he’s innocent to the extent that the protagonist and player dynamic go beyond just like best friend as to “I would die for you” from the protags perspective of the player.

Its like PokéPark, so its a 3d segmented open world game that progressively unlocks more areas as you continue through the plot, helping more NPC's and doing good deeds, having fun controlling and cooperating with the protagonist.

I previously thought it’d be cool to add some kinda mouse control in a 3d space, like you can press a button and it’ll remove your control over the protagonist, like he’d go into a sitting animation until you retake control, the camera view wouldn’t change though as you’re still in the third person camera behind him. From there if you’re not controlling him, you can press the button again to retoggle control over him again, or (the reason the feature exists) you can hover your mouse over the screen and click and drag items with special indicators or colors on them.

As an example of this:

If February (yes I’m just calling the protagonist February now after my OC) is under a ledge, but you see a several boxes with a sparkle design on them on-top of the ledge above him, you can position him where you can see the boxes but he’s out of the way, so then you can pause control over February, hover your mouse over the boxes, and move it in four cardinal directions, likely off the ledge, in order to build a staircase for February to walk up after you resume control of him, thus allowing him to get on-top of the ledge. And that's the concept, its a tool used for puzzles, and also possibly to interact with the characters or February. Think like the pointer from Wii games with Super Mario Galaxy for pushing and pulling or shooting Starbits, or the on-screen gyro sensor in captain toad treasure tracker on the switch. I guess a glorified Wii U touch-screen but in-game with a pointer, and if the game gets ported to consoles then a button that does the thing and then your control just gets placed in the center of the screen for you to use the sticks in order to move and press a to interact with the mouse, I hope you get the idea.

That's all past ideas that I’ve already thought up.

But today I thought of maybe 2 more aspects I’d like to throw into this hypothetical PokéPark successor dream game:

First off, I really enjoyed playing through “SUPERHOT: MIND CONTROL DELETE”, a sequel or DLC to Superhot, it did something really interesting where it kept the level format with different maps every level, but the interesting part is that most if not all levels had no invisible walls. That's the idea here. In PokéPark there are many invisible walls that keep you from falling off the beating path, but the idea is I design a normal playground area/level like in PokéPark, with loading zones so you can go to each area if you interact with the loading zones, but otherwise if you try to run out past the bushes or trees in the distance that you’d think would have invisible walls to keep the player on the path, there are no invisible walls.

The protagonist, February (again it’ll probably not be February but a new protag I’ll design, I’m just using him as a reference) will downright acknowledge either at the beginning of the game or through later text that he and the other NPC’s know that they’re in a game, but try to play it off as if they’re sentient creatures, not that they have predetermined text boxes and stuff, so February knows. Anyway back to the invisible wall idea, there will be a invisible wall on the outskirts of every map but it’ll have no collision, and will purely be a check to show if the player is going outside the map, if the player does, it’ll trigger some flavor text from February, where for the first time you realize you can go out of bounds February will talk a little about something along the lines of “Oh yea. The game developers designed the Park to have boundaries so we couldn’t walk out of bounds, but never actually eventually put thous boundaries in place. So you’re fine to roam outside the level as far as you’d like until you eventually hit the Skybox Floor. I know it might seem odd that there's nothing underneath, but it’s okay when the Park is designed to be a paradise. Also, don’t worry about falling and hitting that Skybox Floor, if you do stray too far it’ll just put you right back up on the ground.”

I figure this first explanation can be more of a “Pause the game and February comes up from the bottom of the screen to give you the dialogue looking directly at you.” thing since its more long-winded, but every subsequent time you pass through the no collision invisible wall check (flavor text check) it’ll be a "Hat in Time"-esque dialogue box that’ll just play as you continue to move, Hat in Time has dialogue boxes that as you continue to platform around display dialogue, with flavor text from February like “Going off the beating path again huh?” and “Nice to always explore outside the intended area, its interesting.” and such, just to recognize that the player is doing so. Though it’ll have a cool-down of every 3 minutes or so, so that going in and out of the check doesn’t just spam the screen.

Other than that, with the idea of no invisible walls, maybe the first area will have invisible walls or something just to give the player the illusion that there usually are invisible walls, but eventually in the next areas they might accidentally walk back into the trees where the visual design is trying to tell them they can’t be, and realize “Oh wow I can actually just run out as far as I’d like.” for the rest of the game. That and I don’t want it to be so they accidentally stumble close to the flavor text check, get the info dump cut-scene about it from February (as explained above), and don’t have the player make the realization that “Oh I just walked outside the boundaries, I can really do that?”, that’d be bad, the point is that they have to consciously be trying to do so. That's the point.

Also this should be obvious by this point, but if I’m going to allow them to go out of bounds then (nearly) every surface should have collision. So:

The far off grass behind the trees in the forest.

Likely the low poly or flat trees off in the distance.

Any hills or landscape in general in the background that the player can see on the main path from a distance, it has to be walk-able.

The player will be able to run onto or into them like they’re floors or walls, not fall through the ground, like no-clipping out of a valve game past the chain fence in TF2 on 2Fort, where the ground has collision despite it's out of bounds. Or! you can go to the PokéPark VRChat maps I found previously and go see if there isn’t invisible walls on that, if I recall correctly. That should be a good demonstration.

So, that's one, the invisible walls thing stated above.

Other than that I thought playing on the idea of the game developers and out of bounds stuff knowing the game is self-aware that its a game, my second thought today was: “What if I put a character in the game who was a real person in the real world but loved the game so much they uploaded their consciousness to it, and its not just like a random person or a fan but a developer of the game that was so passionate and caring that they willingly uploaded themselves into the game before release”. So every NPC in the game is a fictional character who pretend they have sentience and enjoy living inside the game, but one NPC is an actual developer, in his model and text name and all, he uploaded himself into the game. This developer NPC I figure could be just a self-insert for myself or something if I wanted to do that, or I could make it an actual character in the game’s lore, regardless they’d have to show up in the list of names in the credits of the game at the end of the game.

Anyway, this developer NPC would maybe first be found directly on the main linear story path where he interacts with the protagonist, and all the other NPC’s and protagonist include him in the dialogue as well. I could do a route where they don’t acknowledge him as he’s not directly written into the code, but the idea is is that the NPC’s in the game are sentient and have feelings as well, like February, the protagonist. After you first interact with this developer NPC (who I’ll just refer to as myself from now on), he’ll show up exclusively on out of bounds areas of the map.

He’s the only NPC to actually walk out of bounds, and that gives more incentive to explore out of bounds to find secrets or just to see the level slowly fade in less detail as you get further out.

But also, there’ll be a check for how many times each you load into an area, so if you load into the area for the first time, first time ever seeing that area, it’ll track that, as that number goes up to 5 or 10, you’ll see changes that specifically myself as the developer NPC will make, as because he’s uploaded his consciousness into the game, he also likes to tinker around and maybe build himself a little hut out of bounds, as that counter I previously mentioned goes up, you’ll see him slowly build stuff each time the level is reloaded. He’ll take apart pieces of the environment, like twigs or plank board’s lying around and use them to build a little shelter, and it’ll look out of place since it’s out of bounds, the ground it sits on will be a low quality texture meanwhile the individual pieces that make up the shelter will have higher quality textures because hypothetically the storytelling is that he took a tarp or board from the main area and carried it out of bounds to build his little shelter, and that's often where you’ll find him out of bounds, making cool stuff for you and himself to enjoy.

He’ll also offer more in-depth game-play tips besides the tutorial stuff you’ll be taught on the linear path, this is where if, for example, I were to implement a racing mini-game, there’s be a controls screen that’d tell you how to drive forward in the race, but my developer character would give you the tip that you can hold a button to activate a boost, and that button prompt doesn’t show up on the controls in the tutorial for the minigame, you only find it out by reading the text of this NPC, or experimenting and finding it out for yourself. Its like if the combo’s in fighting games at the arcade were exclusive moves people had to figure out themselves and pass by word of mouth, instead of those combo’s being listed out on a menu if you paused the game.

The developer NPC would tell you these as flavor text, tips about the game that you’d only know either from learning it from him, or by experimenting and getting lucky. Almost like the developers left in some cheaty button combinations or whatever to give them a way to easily destroy the competition in harder mini-games later in the game for example, Dev routes in a Mario Maker Level or something. It’d be fun for him to tell the player tips like that, stuff only the developer would know.

To wrap up this long post and end my thoughts.

The previous stuff I said regarding the developer I don’t think I emphasized the best, but hopefully you get the picture.

I like the idea of the player being able to just naturally walk out of the intended design path of the level, going past walls to the out of bounds areas, and then also finding the developer NPC back there just hanging around enjoying his time spent in the paradise he helped create, giving some exclusive tips to you if you talk to him.

That sums it up really with those new thoughts that inspired me to write this all down, so hopefully I might be able to develop a game like this someday, but that's a lot of work and free-time I don’t have.

I don’t want people reading this and stealing and using my idea, I hope that doesn’t happen, but I figured these were fun concepts regardless that if I don’t ever get to develop the game I want that at least I got those ideas out there for people to enjoy some way or another. I hope this hasn’t been completely rambling and you can imagine and visualize my vision in your head and think “wow that does sound interesting and fun to interact with!”

If you managed to read this all, I guess even if you skimmed it, then I genuinely thank you a lot, I know it probably could’ve been shortened, but oh well.

Have a great day regardless, I thank you a lot for reading.

And to the person who just scrolled from the top immediately to the bottom without reading, darn it, come on guy, give a chance to hear me out...

#actual post #text #post #gamedev #thoughts #february #feb

[akpaleyreblogs]

As a person who engages with gender primarily as a set of social roles that get constructed in cultures for reasons, I am very interested in RPing in fantasy settings that imagine restrictive gendered social roles but like. Not the way my culture does it. Different ways. Ways that also make it costly to disobey norms, but the norms are different.

The problem is that I run D&D for an all nonbinary group of people and don't want to impose a fun tax. And I play D&D with a group of people who is much less interested in this idea than I am as far as I can tell. And saying "hey I want to explore gender the way I relate to gender in a game, and the way I relate to gender is inherently about people telling you what they want you to be for reasons that might have made sense in aggregate or for the people in power but are restrictive and uncomfortable for the individuals they don't successfully mould into fitting them" is like. That's a really big ask! It's a huge imposition for players who aren't all in on the gender as culture that we explore and fit with or friction against. It's a big ask for a game master to develop an interesting discriminatory cultural schema and set of expectations and apply it to you in interesting ways.

It's just. One of the most interesting base things to worldbuild about for me. It's fascinating as a structural set of mechanisms and thinking about it when constructing societies and characters is interesting and I wish it weren't so... awkward to try to do something with it when you're the only person interested in engaging with that? How does your society construct gender, what are its reproductive norms, how does it decide who to claim is aberrant, how does it treat them, and what does that say about its values? How you generate people is one of the most core questions a society needs to answer. Demography matters. The pressures that exist depending on the reproductive needs of a pre-industrial society? They matter! How does your culture meet them? How does it enforce them? How does that turn into social roles that go far beyond what they originally needed to do?

I have made an active choice in developing Kaijja's homeland that most people have kids. Having kids makes you more credible. the imagery of pregnancy is culturally powerful. The deep history of that culture comes out of (my admittedly limited knowledge of) common interactions between adoption of agricultural resource hoarding behavior and gender relations, and there's all sorts of other stuff built on top. One of the few pieces of worldbuilding I did for their land empire neighbors was a stricter and dramatically more patriarchal than the setting in general set of gender norms. It's unlikely to come up in the campaign, but writing a bit of her ex-husband's relationship with culture as a... let's call it second generation immigrant, though it's more complicated than that, is in part about navigation of finding the things he wanted and didn't want about different communication and gender and family construction norms between the two cultures. I have had explicit conversations with my DM about what transgender people mean culturally in these cultures.

Roleplaying any of the expectations that come out of that is excruciatingly awkward. Because I realized the moment that one of the other PCs was nonbinary that their player did not sign up for my nonsense, and making a thing of the gender of her character without her having consented ahead of time was not a kind thing to do or a good idea. I got a little ways into that, decided it was uncomfortable and a horrible idea, and stopped. Sometimes we make character choices based on our own boundaries, and should.

Which is just to say that like. Even when given maximal control over things and only really doing stuff in my own domain, this is not something I really get to explore without really broad buy-in because no one not buying in will do gender norms to me, and I don't want to do them to anyone who's not bought in as either a PC or a GM.

But I am very interested in exploring what different gender norms and societal reproductive needs do to the people living under and in them. And I am interested in doing it through roleplay because running RPGs is my main writing medium and because feeling what it is like to be part of and subject to systems is interesting. But oh boy do I not have any idea how to have a useful conversation about that or find a group of people who are similarly interested in the kind of weird sociological approach to that that I'm interested in. I think in general I assume people are less interested in engaging with oppressive social systems in RPGs than I am. It's probably true. I don't KNOW it's true, but probably. I've read the literature about the fun tax. Most people I know are pretty queer. So I assume. I mean like, I should probably ask, I know my sibling is queer but also interested in gender as culture as a setting element. It happens. But it's a tremendously awkward ask to make if the answer is no.

So instead I'm writing a page long ramble and posting it on the internet where maybe someone or maybe no one will read it. Maybe I'm just talking. Maybe the people who exist on here will tell me if they have feelings one way or another without me having to directly ask. Maybe this is an expression of anxiety. Who am I kidding, this is definitely an expression of anxiety. But maybe that's all it is.