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#so my options are to either stomach it and hear myself being called it even tho it makes me physically ill!
greatooglymooglyyy · 25 days
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Attitude Adjustment (Chris Sturniolo)
matt version?
contains: angst, bickering, relationship arguing, smut, softdom chris, hair pulling, fluff, kissing, protected sex, female receiving, 1.7k word count
a/n: based on this idea i had. sorry it took so long i couldn't figure out how to end it. i still kinda hate the ending but fuck it we ball.
“It’ll only be for like an hour and a half-”
“Chris-”
“Baby. We’re out of video-”
“So you basically invited me over to fucking abandon me here?” I ask, unable to hide the irritation I feel bubbling up. I sigh deeply, rolling out of Chris’ arms and grabbing my phone. Out of my peripheral vision, I watch him rub his hand over his face and sit up.
“Babe, we’ve been together all day. Just give me an hour." He gets out of bed and stretches before heading into his bathroom. I know I’m being a bit of a bitch to him but I can’t help it. Our schedules have been so crazy lately that every hour I get matters these days. Seems like I never get him to myself anymore and it’s starting to grate on my nerves.
Chris comes out of the bathroom and heads to his closet, stopping to scoop his favorite sweatpants off the floor. I roll my eyes and grab my Airpods, popping them in my ears and turning my music on full volume.
After a couple of minutes, Chris comes over and leans down to kiss me but I dodge it, not ready to stop being petty yet. He rolls his eyes and reaches to pull my headphones out. “Can we please not do this? This is my literal job.”
I kiss my teeth and Chris takes a deep breath and steps away. Nick calls his name from the top of the stairs and he yells back that he’s coming before grabbing his wallet.
“Alright. I love you, baby. We can talk about it when I get back.” He says over his shoulder as he reaches for his door handle.
“Whatever, Chris. Just leave me the fuck alone. I don’t even care anymore.” I snap. Chris pauses his movements and gives me a look that has me squirming. He walks over to the bed and squats down in front of me, the intensity of his eye contact making me lean back.
“Stop talking to me like you’re crazy, bro. Am I speaking to you like that?”
“No,” I mumble, crossing my arms and refusing to meet his eyes.
“Alright so watch your fucking mouth.”
I nod, struck silent, and he leans in to press a quick kiss on my temple before he stands, finally heading out the door.
I sit there for a minute staring at the wall contemplating my sanity. Because there’s no reason why that was the hottest Chris has ever been to me.
*******
It’s quite possible I’ve never been this bored in my life. I’ve started three different TV shows on Netflix, started doing handstands, and scrolled until my for you page started getting weird. I’m half lying on the bed, half hanging off, when I hear the boys come back. I spring up and turn off the light, throwing myself into bed and pretending to be asleep.
A few minutes later the door opens and Chris comes in, hesitating for a second when he sees it’s dark. I squeeze my eyes shut, listening to him move quietly through the room. When he gets in the bed, I feel him lean over me and run a knuckle over my cheek.
“You know you’re a terrible actress right?” He laughs, reaching over to pull me into his arms. I smack my lips and yank away, sticking to my plan of being a brat. He sighs, dropping his head back on his pillow.
“How do you still have an attitude after two whole hours?”
“Thought it was only going to be an hour and a half?” I mock, turning over on my stomach to face the wall.
“Okay.” Chris sits up and turns on his lamp before flipping me over to face him. I blink at him rapidly, startled by the sudden movement.
“This is what we’re not gonna do.” He says, gesturing between us. “Either talk to me or let it go. Those are your only two options.” His tone is harsh but with his thumb smoothing over my arm, it doesn’t feel as mean.
I sit up and face him, crossing my legs. “I just want a day or two where I don’t have to fight for your attention,” I say quietly. Chris nods slowly, tilting his head like he’s thinking.
“Okay.” He says, pulling me into his lap. “I hear you. I’ll try not to film on nights when you're here. At least until I can see you more.”
I look up at him and smile, placing a kiss on his collarbone. “Thank you.”
“That was easy, huh? Talking and shit like we’re adults-”
“Don’t ruin it,” I say, reaching up to pull his face down to mine.
I kiss the corner of his mouth and it pulls up in a lopsided smile. I keep going, kissing the other corner before both his top and bottom lip. His eyes trail my face, darkening as he waits for me to kiss him fully. But instead, I slip off his lap, rolling back to my side of the bed.
“What are you doing?” He asks with a frown, leaning so he’s hovering over me. I smile and wrap my arms around his neck.
“Just wanted to see how much you want to kiss me,” I say casually, tangling my fingers into his hair.
Chris leans down and presses his lips to mine roughly, pushing my head into the pillow and anchoring a hand on my hip. His other hand dips under my shirt, sliding higher as we deepen the kiss. He pulls away to start lining kisses down my neck, driving me crazy.
“I always want to kiss you. Even when you're really fucking annoying." He says as he slides down my body, stopping to place a kiss above my belly button. He runs his tongue back up the trail of my body before he stops to yank off my shirt and bra. The light from the lamp makes me a little shy and I reach to turn it off but Chris stops me. “Leave it on, I want to see you.”
He slides back up to kiss me again, sweeter this time and full of love. I smile against his lips and mumble low, “You’re such a softie.”
Chris breaks the kiss and raises his eyebrows, giving me a challenging smirk. “Oh yeah?” Before I can respond, he sits up and grabs my panties, ripping them off in one motion and tossing them over his shoulder.
“I always wanted to do that.” He says, sliding down to run his tongue over my hip.
“I’m going to kill you.” I breathe out as he moves closer to my core.
“I’ll buy you some more.”
“It better be Victor-” I cut off my complaining with a moan as he swirls his tongue over my clit. He pushes open my legs and leaves one hand running up and down my thigh gently.
I lace my fingers back into his hair and he looks up at me as he slides a finger inside of me. He picks up his pace, thrusting inside of me roughs and adding another finger while matching his tongue motions to his fingers.
I tighten my grip on his hair and moan out his name, squirming up until my head hits the headboard. Chris moves his arm to spread across my stomach and pins me in place, never pausing his movements.
I throw my head back and rock my hips up as I call out his name and tell him I’m close. He only stretches me out more, curling his finger up to hit the spot that always takes me out.
I turn my head and moan into the pillow as I ride out my orgasm, still calling out Chris’ name. He presses a final kiss to my clit and then pushes himself up my body. He kisses me hungrily before he leans over to his nightstand.
“Still got an attitude or what? Let me know.” He teases as he stands to take his clothes off and slip the condom on.
“Shut up, Chris,” I say, rubbing my hand over my eyes.
“Alright, so we’re still working on it. Got it.”
He flips me over onto my stomach and hops on the bed behind me, pulling me up until I’m arched where he wants me. I look over my shoulder at him as he lines himself up to enter me, his tip rubbing against my folds, and he meets my eyes as he pushes in.
He gives me barely any time to adjust before he’s hammering into me, both hands gripping my hips and pulling me to meet his thrusts. I grip the sheets, whimpering, but Chris doesn’t slow his strokes for a second.
“Wow, you’re quiet.” He says ruggedly. “Where’s all that fucking mouth you got?”
I open my mouth to talk shit back but he readjusts, pressing his hand into my back and pushing me into the mattress. Somehow he picks up his speed, digging deeper into me than I thought possible. I try to say his name but all that comes out is a series of unintelligible sounds and he laughs roughly.
I reach a hand back against his hip but he grabs it and pins it behind my back, using it as leverage to pull back and slam into me again. “You feel so fucking insane.”
The breathy candace of his voice makes me moan out louder and Chris gathers all my hair into one hand and uses it to pull me up against his chest. The new angle has me seeing stars and I throw my head back on his shoulder as he places sloppy kisses on my neck. He reaches down to rub his thumb over my clit and I buck against him, my body shuttering from the intensity.
I’m so close now and he can tell, gripping my face and tilting my head so he can meet my eyes. “Go ahead, baby. Give it to me.”
I do exactly as he says, maintaining eye contact, as I fall again. He throws his head back at the feeling, muttering a low, “fuck,” and moaning out my name as he comes.
He drops his head against my shoulder for a second, breathing heavily, before he pulls out slowly. I fall back onto the bed while he heads to the bathroom to clean up. I’m still lying motionless when Chris comes back out and sits on the edge of the bed. “Come on. Take a bath with me.”
I smile over at him and slide out the bed, following him into the bathroom. I sit on the counter as he runs the water and pours in my bubble soap.
He comes back over to me and stands in between my legs staring at me. “You didn’t say you loved me back when I left.”
“I just let you break my back. I think we’re good.” I say as I wrap my arms around his neck.
“Not the same.” He states matter of factly, leaning closer and brushing his lips against mine. I smile and then pull back, giving him a mock-serious face. “Christopher Sturniolo, I love you so much.”
He grins and kisses me again, deeper this time. “One more time?”
“I love you,” I whisper, chasing his lips but he pulls back.
“Again?”
“Alright, fuck off.”
He laughs and steps back so I can slide off the counter and head over to the tub. I get in after turning the water off and Chris follows, sliding in behind me.
I sigh contentedly, letting my head lay against his chest as he tells me about how filming went. I laugh at his stories and chime in softly, wondering how the hell I could ever be mad at a boy this sweet.
Well, at least until tomorrow.
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zethwritesss · 7 months
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‘good morning babe’; a morning with your girlfriend, ellie; a very fluffy drabble/fic thingy
warnings: cursing, FLUFF!!! (idk why this is there oh well), established relationship, cuddles, mention of nsfw content.
synopsis: ellie helps get you up in the morning (+ some cuddles)
a/n: dedicated to y’all who hate mornings, figured i’d write this because i’ve been thinking abt it non stop- also i hope that the audio helps this little fic come to life a bit more!! i’ve done the audio to be read alongside the fic, or it can be just as a stand alone thing. ALSO reader is gender neutral!!
word count: 0.8 k
you heard your curtains get thrown to the side, allowing the way-too-bright sunlight to stream into your room. you decided to shove your face into some pillows and groaned.
you felt a hand lightly rub circles on your back. it took a few seconds for your senses to kick in. and fully register what’s going on around you.
you were lying on your stomach, your girlfriend sat down on your bedside.
“good morning babe-”
“elsss- ‘s too earlyyy…” you groaned, voice raspy, barely understandable as you had shoved your face into some pillows.
“i know i know… i’m not a morning person either so i get it. you were up pretty late last night huh?” ellie said, still rubbing your back.
you nod your head in response. you were indeed up late last night, sometime in-between 3-4 am. you didn’t even register ellie coming into your room, opening your curtains and sitting at your bedside.
”mhm wannagobacktobeddd” you mumbled incomprehensibly.
“hmm? what on earth did you just say?” ellie chuckled at your statement. you groaned in frustration, it was too early for you to deal with ellie’s shenanigans.
“can i have twenty more minutes of my fucking beauty sleep?”
“oh! now that gets the point across. i say ten more minutes.” ellie said, hoping you’d take her offer of an extra ten more minutes of rest.
“ten? els it’s too early for your shit. ” you protest.
“ten.” ellie said remaining firm on her stance.
“twenty.”
“what about fifteen? and i’ll join you-”
‘thank fucking god finally a viable option’ you thought to yourself.
“fine.” you grumbled.
“then move over so i have some room.”
ellie chuckled.
“but- im soooo comfyyy-“
“babe.”
“ellieee.” you cooed, your were extremely comfy in your bed, buried in your sage coloured duvet.
“well i’m making room for myself since someone‘s too stubborn to do it themselves!”
ellie shoved you over a little bit and climbed into bed, lying on her side, making sure she was able to see her sleepy partner. you were now face to face with her.
“hi!” ellie said with a slight smile.
“hi!” you reply, making eye contact with your beloved els. her sparkling green eyes, and freckled face mesmerizing you.
“how was your sleep?” she asks you, as you feel her hand come up to stroke your cheek. your felt your cheeks turn warm in response to her gesture.
“was good, needed more though.”
“don’t stay up too late then…”
ellie had a point, your sleep schedule had been all over the place.
“ellieee i know you are noooo better than me…”
ellie looked down at your statement, ashamed that you called her out.
“okay okay… yeah i think we both need to sort our sleep schedules out…”
you nod in response. you loved mornings with your girlfriend, she made them a lot more tolerable than before. ellie did have a point though!
“anddd how was yours?” you ask her.
“mine was good, glad to hear yours was good too! soo what were you up to so late?” ellie asked you.
“i just couldn’t fall asleep, your sleep talking didn’t help me… it was almost sleep yelling!” you say, giggling to yourself as you remember what ellie said in her sleep.
“well, what was i sleep talking about?”
“it was something about a horse, i think you were riding it, you kept telling it to giddy up”
ellie chuckled in response to you telling her about her sleep talking shenanigans.
“i do remember dreaming about being a cowboy- that’s probably it! didn’t think i’d be sleep talking though!”
“on this topic of riding, when can i ride you?”
you smirked, you liked to mess around with ellie. it was fun making her flustered and speechless.
“i- i- wow- wasn’t expecting that one at 11:32 in the morning… maybe later tonight-” ellie said, biting her bottom lip as her face went bright red at your comment.
“yeehaw!” you exclaim with a smirk on your face.
“up you get now-“
“but… ellie it hasn’t-”
“nuh uh- no buts. come on babe…” ellie tutted, with a grin on her face.
“whatcha-” you ask, followed by a squeal as ellie hits you with a pillow. then she quickly hops out of the bed, in case you were to retaliate.
“OKAY- OKAY. I’M UP!” you exclaim, sitting up on your bed.
“there we go- okay so now that you’re up i’ll leave you be. if you’re ready in fifteen, breakfast is on me!” ellie teased, before heading out of your bedroom.
you used to hate mornings, they were slow and draining at times. but with ellie they’re much more manageable, minus ellie’s tactics with a pillow.
“ALSO I’LL GET YOU BACK FOR HITTING ME WITH A PILLOW” you yell at your girlfriend, whose light chuckles could be heard from down the hall.
taglist: @elliessknife @little-star-bun @no-nameno-face @anchoeritic @solaceocean @winfleurs
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jsprnt · 4 months
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Healing Hearts PT. 13 | Virgil van Dijk
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Would a fresh start bring you more than just a new job?
WC: 3.050
Summary: Y/N L/N is a very skilled and praised physiotherapist. A certain event pushing her for a fresh start, as a physiotherapist for Liverpool FC. One question always being in the back of her mind: Will she be able to let go of her past and allow herself to experience new things?
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I walk into the kitchen, my eyes shooting up to the clock on the wall. I felt like absolute shit, my outside clothes still uncomfortably clinging onto my body from the previous night, not to forget the full face of make up I was wearing- well whatever was left that wasn't smudged on my pillowcases.
I groan as I notice it is almost noon. From the text messages I was sent early this morning by Virgil, I knew that it was several hours before he'd be done with training and until he would be in Amsterdam. I couldn't wait to finally visit him in his apartment he owned there.
I squint due to the light emitting from the widows, at least it was fall now and the sun wouldn't be this bright for long. The dark clouds already alluding to a rainy and cold day.
I realize the house is empty, with no sound or sign of my parents still being at home. It was a Tuesday, so they must've already left for work.
Thankfully, the dining table was still full of food. My stomach grumbling at the thought of having some delicious food as I grab the leftovers I had to heat up, knowing I would devour my mom's cooking in a minute.
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I close my eyes and furrow my brows at the slight commotion in the front of the train. I loved and missed the Dutch transportation system, or at least it was better than other countries I had visited, but damn teenagers loved to be loud when coming back from school.
I grab the water bottle that was resting on my lap. Chugging it down, hoping it would relieve some of the pain in my head. The entire speech of "I'm never drinking again." running through my mind.
Why did we as humans love making promises to ourselves, then fall into the same cycle again? It would always baffle me over and over again.
I sigh to myself as I hear my station being announced through the train speakers, getting up and grabbing my mom's transportation card and checking out as the train stops. My medium-sized suitcase rolling behind me.
At first, I felt embarrassed of needing that many things for a couple of days at Virgil's place, but then I remembered that I was just a girl and if I needed something, I needed it.
I had thought of driving, but with this headache I didn't have the energy to, besides it wouldn't have been a hundred percent safe either.
I step out of the train, discarding the water bottle, and grabbing my phone to text Virgil for the exact address of his home. I stare at my screen for a moment as he types and-
I blink multiple times, wondering if I was hallucinating or genuinely seeing that address on my screen.
Did every man have to live in the same apartment complex? Was it really the only option the both of them had in the expensive ass city of Amsterdam? Both of them were practically swimming in money, but this was the place they both lived in?
I resist the urge to get back on the train again, walking in the same route I knew all too well. Hoping luck would be on my side today, or at least for a moment. The dark trees were slowly turning brown, the occasional leave crunching beneath my shoes.
The familiar building I called home once not even a couple years ago coming into my vision. No doubt there were some good memories attached to it, though this time being here they definitely left a bittersweet taste in my mouth.
I approach the front desk, thankfully the receptionist wasn't the same lady as in the past. That would have been quite the interaction if I would literally ask her for directions to another apartment. "Gold-digging-whore" it would not be a new insult thrown behind my back.
I look around me cautiously, the interior of the lobby was still the same. The marble and wood accents still very timeless looking, accentuating the contemporary design, taking me back to the time this entire place was way too intimidating and grand when I came here for the first time.
Sometimes I do wander how life would've been without my young naivety, but damn it was the reason I had gotten myself away from all that was negative in my life. Allowing me to form a much better and healthy work environment and new relationship. And I was grateful, immeasurably grateful.
I ask the receptionist for Virgil's place and how I would even get there, her eyebrows raising for a moment before she grabs the telephone to, what I assume, call up to him. The call is very short, and she walks away for a moment. She comes back with a key card in her hand, the biggest customer service smile on her face, as she hands me the key card.
"Is it your first name here miss?" She asks, handing the keycard to me.
"It is." I answer half lying, grabbing the card out of her hand, it looked way different than a year ago for some reason.
"Number fifty-three is the penthouse as you know, which requires you to use the elevator on the left." She points, the sickly sweet smile lingering on her lips.
Penthouse?
I felt my headache get worse, then a shooting pain through my temples.
Virgil was the penthouse owner Theo had always complained about? The one who barely lived there but still owned the most expensive place in the entire building? Theo had always complained he wanted to purchase the penthouse, but Virgil being the stubborn owner he was talking about? I don’t know if my ego should be boosted or if I should feel horrified.
I snap out of it quickly, hoping I didn't look crazy, redirecting my attention to the receptionist.
"Oh right, thank you." I say quickly, stepping away and walking towards the elevator, dragging my suitcase behind me.
The world is insanely small, practically mushed together at this point, and the fact that I could have a run in with Theo here was probably making it much worse.
I did everything to get away from him, even until recently deciding to never pick up anonymous calls again, to installing an expensive security system, but still, the universe managed to find a way for us to be in the same building, just like all those years ago was absolutely mind boggling.
I press the elevator button, hoping those numbers above wouldn't flash Theo's apartment level, fifty. 
Sighing in relief as the elevator arrives empty as I quickly get on it, pressing the close button repeatedly.
I scan the key card, pressing the fifty-third button. The fancy button lighting up, as I fold my arms and lean against the elevator wall. Practically sweating at the thought of ever running into Theo. I would say this was a mistake, coming back home was a disastrous mistake. Of course, I would run into him somehow and now I'm back at the place we used to live together, the universe hated me and the urge to hate it back was never this grand before.
I feel my headache get worse at the thoughts running through my mind, this would definitely take at least five years off of my lifespan.
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The elevator announcing the fifty-third level takes y/n out of her thoughts. The elevator doors swiftly opening to reveal a smiling Virgil, dressed in dark jeans and a very soft looking gray sweater.
She gasps at the sight of him, her negative thoughts melting away by a mere glimpse of his face.
She practically leaps forward, latching onto him, his warm hands coming up to steady her frame. Her suitcase nearly toppling over by how fast she'd let it go. Heat radiation off of his body, washing a warm feeling over her cold one, even when she was wearing a thick jacket.
"Hello, to you too." He mumbles, his hand coming to cradle the back of her head. His fingers playing with the fabric of the white scarf around her neck. He plants a tender kiss on her forehead as she hides her face into his chest, the dull ache in her forehead getting slightly worse. Her fingers digging into the soft fabric of his sweater.
"Missed you so much." she mutters, her muffled words barely being heard. She pulls away, taking his features in for a moment before wrapping her arms around his neck and bringing him into a longing kiss.
His lips are warm, his minty breath entangling with hers as their lips are pressed together. It felt like ages since they'd last seen each other, reality being only a couple of days. A breathless, deep groan leaving his throat as she presses her body further into him. Her fingers clawing at his arm, coming to squeeze his bicep with a tender touch.
Just like the days physically apart, the kiss feels like ages, only pulling away as y/n decides to. His lips automatically following hers to savor her taste longer. Though, he freezes at the sight of her scrunched brows and a hand on her temple, his eyes softening in concern. The breathlessness of their kiss shooting pain through her head.
"You still hangover from yesterday?" He asks, his hand coming to remove hers, instead softly massaging her temples himself.
"Yeah.." she groans, leaning into his touch with her eyes shut.
"I'm sorry." She goes, thinking that she should've greeted him with more enthusiasm and love, and no depressive, sad, stupid headache.
"It's alright, no need apologize to me." He soothes, his other hand coming to the small of her back, running his hands down her back gently.
"Let's take this jacket off and get comfy, yeah? You must've been freezing outside." He beams, kissing her temple repeatedly, wanting to transfer some of the love he felt into her pretty head.
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"Here's some soup. It'll help before taking any medication." He whispers softly, removing the blanket off of his girlfriends face. The rain was clattering heavily on the windows outside, the dark clouds totally engulfing the surrounding view. She opens her eyes, blinking repeatedly before sitting up fully.
"Didn't have time to have groceries delivered, so I ordered some of the best and highest quality soup for my girl." He mutters, picking up a spoonful.
"You know I can feed myself right. I still have working arms and hands." She chuckles, trying to snatch the spoon out of his hands. He ignores her protest, urging her to take the mouthful of soup on the spoon.
"Wow- this is really nice- is this restaurant owned by another one of your beloved grandma's?" She teases, still aware of her pounding head but choosing to ignore the ache.
"Come on- no one cooks like grandma- except my own mother, obviously." He says, moving his spoon to grab another spoonful.
"Just give me the spoon already." She requests, the sass in her voice undeniable. He cocks an eyebrow, handing her the spoon without further ado.
"Okay- just wanted to take care of you miss independent." He teases back, watching her mix the soup.
"I'm fine- not incapable of drinking soup on my own. Just a headache I'll be fine after I take some medication." She retorts, humming to herself as the warm soup soothes her throat and warms her body temperature.
"Want some?"
He shakes his head, his hand adjusting some of the blanket.
"Besides, we haven't seen each other in days. I don't want this day to be ruined by you worrying about a silly headache." She says, sipping on the last bits of the soup.
"Babe-"
She cuts him off, grabbing the bottle of ibuprofen off of the table and shaking it.
"I'll take this and you'll tell me about you- things you wanted to tell me the past days or things that happened during training. Nothing about me- Deal?"
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"So you had an open training today? Were there a lot of people there?" She asks, her cheeks squished against his chest as she lays against him. His arm coming to cradle her back.
"Yeah, those kids were so cute and happy to see us, it was so sweet." Her replies, looking down at her, taking in the cozy atmosphere.
He had turned on the heater a little higher, the warm blanket now wrapped around the both of them as they both relished the feeling of the soft sofa against them. The clattering of raindrops creating a calming sound that almost put them both to sleep. The sun had set already, a conformation of the seasons changing already. The soft and low melody of a song by Brent Faiyaz coming out of the TV speakers.
"So what? You showed those kids how to tackle your teammates?" She laughs, the vibrations of it connecting with the thump of his heartbeat.
"Got show them how to do it best obviously." He retorts, a chuckle escaping his plump lips.
"Are you ready for the match against France. Though opponents, no?" She asks, sitting up and lifting her head to check his facial expression.
"We've trained a lot, it all comes down to performance now." He answers, sinking his eyes into the beauty of her face, a small smile on her lips as she nods.
"Any injuries? Are you feeling alright?" She asks, her eyebrows knotting, small wrinkles forming in between them. Being on leave never made her stop worrying about the teams injuries, always texting and calling the other physio's for updates and improvements of injured players.
"I'm alright, a hundred percent. I promise." He reassures, bringing her into his chest again, kissing the top of her ear. "Stop thinking about work or anything related to it. You're on leave, you've got to enjoy it baby." He mumbles, his deep voice vibrating against her ears.
"Tell me about you. How are your parents and friends hm?"
"They're fine, working and everything keeps them busy. My friends are just happy to see me. As you know, we had girls night yesterday." She chuckles, the flashback of her drunk friends popping into her mind.
"What did you girls do? Gossip?" He wonders, a smile tugging at his lips.
"How'd you know?" She gasps, her eyes widening.
"I've been around my mom and her friends. When that conversation opens, those doors never close up." He laughs. "What did you guys talk about? Me?" He says, cocky expression on his face.
She pulls away again, guilty expression on her face. "I told them about you, yeah.."
"That's good. Why so solemn? Do they hate me?" He asks.
"No! They're okay with us- they’re just teasing me. They think it's funny I- uhm moved to Liverpool to forget you know who. Then I met you." She explains, fidgeting with her newly done nails.
"That's fate love." He replies, running his thumb on her jawline. "They like me at least- what about your parents?"
Fate was either a bitch or it was the best thing that ever could happen to you.
Her eyes widen at the mention of her parents. They didn't know she had a new boyfriend, let alone who he was. She didn't know if her parents would be happy or lose their mind if she told them she was with someone else other than her 'useful' ex. She couldn't fully blame them if they got mad, she told them a bit of how their relationship went. Nothing about him making someone break into her apartment and the rest of the things he had done. Not how he treated her- which was definitely not how she should've been treated.
"Uh.." she trails off, the heat of embarrassment climbing up to her face. Virgil raises his brows, his thumb coming to a halt, letting his hand rest on her jaw, cupping her face.
"They don't know about us." She mumbles, avoiding eye contact and looking away.
"What?"
"They don't know about us." She repeats, a little louder. The temperature drops for a moment, his hand moving her head towards him again.
"y/n? Look at me." He says, his deep voice stern, though there is a soft edge to it.
She sighs, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment, then reluctantly making eye contact.
"You don't have to tell them. I understand, but you don't look- something is up. Am I right?"
She nods, taking her bottom lip in between her teeth, chewing nervously.
"They barely know about the things that happened in between me and- my ex. Not even what happened in my apartment." She breathes out.
"They still think we have a chance of getting back together. Since our parents are in the same industry- they thought, you know that they would merge their companies- umh later on." She explains, goosebumps covering her body. Nervously checking Virgil's face for a change of expression.
A sigh leaves his lips, pulling her into another hug. His arms wrapping around her shoulders.
"I'm sorry you can't be honest with your parents."
"No, don't apologize. It's my fault for not telling them everything."
"You know that they shouldn't have pushed you so far you're hiding important thing from them, right?"
She doesn't reply, basking into his body heat, her nose rubbing against the fabric of his sweater.
He sighs at her unwillingness to speak, deciding to change the topic.
"Let talk about something else- you're coming to the match on Friday, right?" He asks, hoping it would change her mood.
"Of course." She replies, fidgeting with the fabric of his sweater. "It's a very important one, you said I could invite my friends right?"
"Yeah of course, you ready to cheer me on with my shirt on, love?"
"I don't know- thought of wearing Frenkie's or Memphis' but since they're injured I guess your shirt is alright too." She teases, a smile tugging at her lips. The jealousy was evident on his face, and it was undeniably hot. His hands letting go of her, turning away from her.
"Alright- I'm just joking. I'll wear a number four- stop looking at me like that. It was a joke!"
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formulawrite · 2 years
Text
Sharing is caring PT. 1 // F. D.
Summary: Things get weird after an event 
Warning: None 
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My first formal event was doing better than i expected, as a the first female f2 driver in history being 2nd in the middle of the championship i got a lot of backlash online and around the paddock, from coworkers and crew. some of the boys are nice and i managed to make a few friends, so when the planner was deciding the sitting arrangement, of course i ended up sandwiched between Felipe and clement. we raced each other since we were 12, we had a close bond, and when i joined f2 they followed me everywhere. i love those two.
the evening was nice, the boys looked cute in that suit, specially Felipe my stomach turned weirdly when i saw him, ever since we met i had a small crush on him but that went away as quickly as it came. my job tonight was play nice and find sponsors for myself, my dress was modest enough to be taken seriously, yet open enough so i can move around easily. something i didn't think it through, Monaco at night is really cold if you have spaghetti straps and a leg slit on you dress. Felipe obviously noticed, he always does, makes him a little more special in my heart.
"are you cold?" "yeah, this dress was not meant for the Monaco night breeze" i responded still shivering "here take my jacket" "no you don't ha-"  i didn't even finished my sentence when i felt the warm material on my shoulders
 "thank you" 
“sharing is caring” he shrugged 
i smiled in relief, the material felt warm on my skin, and filled with his strong perfume, that made me shiver again but not from the cold what was wrong with me today?
The night went on with some lame jokes made by a few team principals, even lamer jokes from the boys and a lot of walking around to meet everyone i could. Holding my heels on my hands by the end of it i decided to call it a night and give Felipe his jacket back. He was at our table talking to Clem and some blonde girl. Something turned inside me, maybe my feet are too sore?
  "...sorry to interrupt i'm going back to the hotel, thank you for the jacket" i said in a tough tone and already sleeping the tux off of my shoulders 
"you don't have to give it back now, aren't you cold?" he said pushing the tux back on me 
"yes... so?" why did came out so bitchy?
"what are you going to freeze to death until you get to the hotel? you're already barefoot... you can give back to me later" he said with a sweet smile  
"i think we're staying a while more" Clem chimed in looking at the girl "we are on the same floor, you'll hear us coming back" giving me a weird smile
"it is pretty cold here" the girl pointed out looking at me 
"fine, i'll give take it to your room later" i say ignoring her, i'm tired and in pain i have the right to be a bitch just for one night
"...ok... i'll see you later then?" Felipe smiled happily at me, stupid smile, stupid hair, stupid brown eyes
"sure, bye" i don't even know if they listened i was already on my way to the door
The hotel was only two blocks from the party so i decided to walk back, they were right, it was cold, even with the jacket i was freezing. I got into my room i threw myself onto the bed so tired i started to drift to sleep. I was awoken by either a parade passing through the hallway or the party was officially over, i got up to opened the door, yep, second option. A lot of drunk people were getting into their rooms, mine was across from Mick Schumacher room, his girlfriend was singing an unidentified song and clinging onto him while he tried to get the door open, we exchanged a look and chuckle as she entered the room spinning and still singing. I walked to Felipe's room a down the hall hoping he was already back, i knocked once and heard footsteps rushing trough the small hallway inside, oh fuck me, the girl the boys were talking to opened the door with a wishful look on her that quickly turned into a disappointed one, my heart dropped to the floor looking at her at his door, in his room, no shoes, with the tv on, why do i care so much? 
"hi i'm-" she started but i cut her of mid sentence 
"i'm just here to return this have a nice night" almost throwing the jacket at her and storming off, i heard running behind me but i was already close to the elevators by then 
"wait it's not what it looks like" Felipe jumped in front of me making me stop walking
"I'm sorry to interrupt your date, i'll text next time" i tried to get past him but he held me by my shoulders 
"no no i wasn't doing anything i just- Clem is at the front desk" he said looking at me like he just solved a riddle 
"good for him?"
"no i- he lost his key card and had to get another from he front desk so he asked me to take her to my room so she wouldn't be alone in the hallway so she's in there waiting for him to get back i was just trying to make her comfortable while waiting for him that's all" he spat it all at once not even breathing between sentences 
"you don't have explain anything to me" it came out as a whisper, i started to get nervous, he was still holding onto my shoulders and he was close, way to close
"i know but i wanted to" he whispered back looking at my lips, yeah we were too close. he look into my eyes and closed the gap between us, the kiss was better than i imagined, i filled my hands with his soft hair when he pressed me against the wall next to the elevator and touched my tongue with his, he'll be the death of me, one of his hands firm on my waist while the other slipping inside the slit of my dress to grab my thigh and hook it around his waist, he'll definitely be the death of me, the kiss got more deep and urgent as his hand on my waist started to lift up my dress to my breasts. We heard the ding of the elevator and quickly separated, when the doors opened Clem got out playing with his new card, he stopped to look at Felipe and me back and forth
"well goodnight to both of you, having fun?" he said smirking, i looked everywhere but his face to hide my red burning one
"we... where... just talking" I couldn't help but chuckled, his hair was messed up, shirt fumbled, he was clearly hiding his bulge with hands and his lips were smudged by my red lipstick, Clem laughed too looking at him up and down
 "anyway i'll go pick up my girlfriend if you don't mind " he said still amused, girlfriend? 
"uhm ok sure she's yeah ok" his face almost matched the shade of the smudges 
"great, Have fun children" Clem left winking at me.
We didn't talked we just stayed there without speaking when it hit me, i just made out with my friend, a coworker, a rival kind of in a hallway with cameras for the world to see, i panicked
"i have to go" i scrambled wide eyed lifting my dress a bit 
"hold on" he tried to stop me but i was faster 
"sorry i'll see you tomorrow" i yelled back while running inside my own room and slamming the door behind me stupid, stupid, stupid i threw myself on the bed and screamed into my pillow, what was i thinking? clearly i wasn't or this wouldn't have happened. Not even a second later the card at the door took me back to reality, Maxine, my PR and roommate comes in running
"you have to go" Wait i just said that "like now"
 "why?" 
"i met this girl at the event and she is really hot and really into me BUT her roommate isn't much of an ally like you" she told me smiling desperately 
"you know i'm straight right?"
 "no?" 
"no? you’ve seen me kiss girls before"
"well i thought it was in a fun-straight-girl party-way-whatever, no offense, but i don't a threesome with you right now so can you please go?"
i sighed already getting up
"fine, but keep things in your bed, and if something happens in the bathtub please clean it before i use it" she gave a little scream and ran out of the room, before i even walk out the door, a tall redhead who gave me a sweet smile and a shy hi before being dragged inside
"I LOVE YOU" she screamed and waved before shutting the door 
"yeah yeah me too" waving back.
shit
i sat on the floor, i had nowhere to go,
well, i had one place i could go, no.
but sitting on this gross hotel floor is the better option? 
if i go there things will get very weird very fast. so the floor it is. 
but after that kiss i want things to get weird fast. 
i kept debating with myself before i even realized i was knocking on the door
"hey" 
"hi"
Note: This is my first fic i ever posted in my life so... there you go, i do have a part 2 unfinished where thing get a bit spicy 
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potato-frenzy · 9 months
Text
This fucking thing has been kicking around inside my head for weeks and writer's block has been such a bitch but suddenly I just went fuck this. Here have a quick thing of transfemme Leo.
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Leo kneels before Splinter feeling like her chest is about to explode, every possible iteration of the rehearsed speech she had been concocting flying out the window the moment her weight settles in the tatami. She's trembling and she knows he can tell, he always has seen straight through her in every way. Every way except this. It has taken her so long to accept that her master, her father, is fallible and can have blindspots. She hasn't even told her brothers yet and while she has some idea of how they'll react, Splinter is a complete unknown.
Subjects of the LGBT have been few and far between since they stepped out into the world. They always sort of settled into the traditional roles and identities that they'd been raised with, never questioning things like gender or sexuality. For a long time the only concept of gender they had was 'ninja' and 'kunoichi'. There wasn't really a third concept to reorient them beyond binary. And the only differentiation between the two they understood was that the four of them were ninja. Not kunoichi. These concepts began to expand as they grew and the concept of 'boy' and 'girl' came with the advent of what Splinter could roughly identify as puberty in his mutant children.
Splinter raised them with the traditions and values he grew up with and along with those came the fairly linear view of gender connecting to physical sex. His turtles had all been expected to be male and so he had raised them as sons and ninja.
While Leo knew she was physically the same as her brothers, it felt wrong somehow. Like her shell was too tight or she was too small or the behaviors she learned were instinctive for them just didn't fit either. She couldn't explain it until April explained the concept of transgender. Being born with a physical sex that didn't match your gender identity. She'd spent so long chewing on the concept and how it related to her situation. Part of her felt like it would be a betrayal to her family to choose this route, that she needed to be a son and a brother because that was her role. That's what she has been raised to be.
Part of her wishes she had never known that there was an option. The deep-seated feeling of 'not enough' and 'wrong' and 'need to be better' were easy enough to equate as struggling to be a leader. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized that some of it was feeling like the title 'brother' was an insult or being called 'son' was a betrayal. Hell, her name never sat right with her. Even though Splinter told them that they had picked their own names as tots, it made her stomach turn. Nothing fit and nothing felt right. The only ease she has felt was mulling her pronouns around in her head for the past couple weeks. 'She' just felt right.
But she very well knows that she can't keep this from her family, not like she tried with so many other things that she has time and time again been called out for. They deserve to know this part of her.
"What is the matter, Leonardo?"
The young turtle jolts, realizing that she has been sitting silent a little too long. She takes a deep breath as she raises her eyes to look at her sensei, her father. "I need to.....to tell you something....."
"Yes, my son?" His tone is soft, full of concern and fatherly affection. Ever patient, ever wise and good. It doesn't make it hurt less to hear him call her that.
"I.....for a long time.....I mean.....I didn't realize......Ugh, why is this hard?" Leo feels her face heat up in frustration as she struggles to get the words out. She huffs another breath and forces it out. "I've realized something about myself that could change the way you see me"
"Is that so?"
"Yes, master. You've always raised us to be a certain way, to be ninja and men of honor. To do good."
"Are you having doubts about these things?"
"No! They're all things I have upheld for so long and I wouldn't turn my back on that for the world."
"Then what is it that is different, my son?"
"I'm not your son!" It slips out before she can stop herself and she can feel the panicked tears filling her eyes in second as she looks at Splinter's stung expression. "I mean......fuck, what I mean is......I'm not 'a son'. I'm not......a man."
Splinter breathes out softly at those words, ears twitching quizzically. Clearly mulling that over. "So.....you are a young women then?"
Leo nods, trembling harder and fighting back the tears that are threatening to spill over. Hands paling as she grips her knees in an effort not to run.
Splinter eyes her for a long, horrible moment. "How long have you felt this way?"
"My whole life I think? I just never had the words to voice it. I thought I could make it go away by being the perfect ninja. That if I was good enough I wouldn't feel like something was wrong with me." Her voice is shaking so badly that she can barely get the words out but she just manages.
And then Splinter's expression softens in a way Leo hasn't seen very often. She barely noticed him moving closer to her until his knees are touching her and he places a hand on her shoulder. "You have been suffering in silence for so long, my daughter. I am sorry that I did not see you for who you truly were. Can you forgive me for failing you in this way?"
Leo's taken aback by that, shouldn't she be the one apologizing for not being what he needed her to be? Her hand closes around the rat mutant's wrist, searching for some sense of stability. "You have never failed me a day in my life, Master....but you don't mind? This isn't a betrayal of my role?"
"Leonardo, your role in this family is to lead your brothers and to be part of it. You choose the path that allows you to fulfil those roles in whatever capacity is most authentic to yourself. You are just as much a leader if you are a woman, your brothers are still your brothers even if you are now a sister."
Leo still flinches at the sound of that name but the rest of Splinter's words soothe the sting enough that she is smiling by the time he calls her a sister. "Thank you, Master."
Splinter embraces her briefly but tightly and it's more than she could ask for from him. A final affirmation that she's accepted and loved. "Now, do your brothers know?"
"Uhm, no. I wanted you to be the first in case they freak out and you can back me up." She twiddles with the tails of her mask nervously as she speaks. Feeling a little guilty about hiding things from them. She's still not sure how well it'll go.
"I see. Well, they will accept you either way. They are often times difficult but never doubt that they love you, Leonardo." She flinches again at the name but nods at his affirmation. He must notice this time because his eyes are scrutinizing for a long moment.
"You know, I've had many years to consider how I would handle your raising differently if you were not the same as you are." His tone is carefully conversational, but she can tell he's getting at something.
"Really? In what ways?"
"Mainly just questioning if I had taught you properly or if your personalities had been different. I had even considered what I might do if I had daughters instead of sons at one point." Leo can't help the weird swoop her stomach does knowing he had thought about it and that he would've always accepted her this way.
"If I had known you were a daughter, I certainly wouldn't have named you Leonardo." That affirmation makes her chest warm, a sudden manic curiosity taking hold of her.
"What would you have named me if you raised me as a girl?"
"I don't know what I would have called you back then, but seeing the strong, beautiful young woman you have become. I know exactly what i would call you now if you no longer wish to be Leonardo."
"And what's that?"
"Venus. I had initially named you for masters of my favorite period in art but I feel you deserve something stronger. A creation out of antiquity depicting a goddess of love and beauty but was also a strong warrior herself. I think it fitting for a young kunoichi."
The young turtle mulls the name over in her head for a few moments. Quietly murmuring to herself, smiling. "Hamato Venus. Venus Hamato. Venus. Huh, I think I like it. Thank you, Sensei."
Splinter nods approvingly, a gentle smile of his own on his face. After a moment he stands. "Come, Venus. We must tell your brothers the good news."
"Hai, Sensei."
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bookpanda13 · 1 year
Text
Dancing the worries away
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Part 2
Rose’s P.O.V.
His lips were soft and warm, just like I thought and he knew what he was doing. Both of his hands had rested on my waist at the start, but now they were moving up my back and then down towards my ass. Meanwhile he had licked my bottom lip asking for entrance. I opened my mouth in answer and let his tongue explore.
My hands were tangled in his hair, tugging on it. He let out a groan and cupped my backside, pushing our lower bodies together. It felt like I was being set on fire and basking in it. I had never felt like this before and I definitely didn’t want him to stop.
We caught our breaths for a few seconds. Dimitri was the first to lean back in, but he pressed his lips against my pulse point. At first they were butterfly kisses, but soon they turned into sucking and biting. It felt like pure bliss. He moved upwards and pressed a light kiss under my ear, before whispering: “You will be the death of me, Roza.”
No one had ever called me that and I could not believe how aroused it made me. I grabbed him by his hair and brought his lips back to mine. Kissing him was incredibly intoxicating and I started moving my hips against his, seeking friction. That resulted in earning another groan, him putting his thigh between my legs and pressing it against my aching center.
It was the friction I needed. From moving against his thigh, the ache in my center was being satisfied. Not nearly enough, but it was a starting point. We had stopped kissing and he had started planting more kisses on my neck, going lower towards my collarbone and my breasts. Different sensations causing the same end results: I experienced pleasure and craved more of it.
Dimitri had stopped with his ministrations to look at me. There was a primal and hungry look in his eyes that made me think he was feeling the same way I was. And I don’t think he wanted to wait either. I was starting to teeter towards that familiar edge of ecstasy and I needed to finish so badly. But I wouldn’t get it without asking nicely.
“Please.”
“What do you need, Roza?”
Him saying my name in that way made me even more desperate.
“I need to cum. Please.”
“Only because you asked so nicely.”
Dimitri removed his thigh between my legs, only to replace it by reaching his hand inside of my underwear and rubbing his thumb against my clit while thrusting one finger inside of me. I had to bite my lip to prevent myself from screaming.
“Do not hold back those sweet sounds from me. I want to hear the pleasure I’m giving you.”
Him talking to me like this made everything even more erotic, especially with his accent. I was getting closer and closer towards my climax, when one finger became two. The stretch added to the building heat in my lower stomach.
“Have you been this wet since you were grinding against me on the dance floor?”
I bit my lip and nodded slightly. It made him smirk, knowing what he has been doing to me since we started dancing. He was moving his fingers faster and with more pressure against a spot that made me see stars. I was so close when Dimitri bent down towards my ear.
“Cum for me, Roza.”
And just like that I shattered. Wave after wave of pleasure rolled over me as he kept moving his fingers, prolonging my orgasm. I rode out my high and pulled him down for a kiss. It was rough and primal and I was loving it. When we went apart, he removed his fingers from my entrance.
“How would you feel if I take you right here, right now?” He asked me and I wanted to tear off his clothes.
But we were in semi-public place which meant seeing him naked wasn’t an option.
“Go ahead, Comrade.”
His hands grabbed my thighs, lifting me up against the wall and wrapping my legs around his waist. My hands were focused on getting his belt out of the way and opening his pants. I could feel the bulge inside his briefs and moved my hand over it. I heard a growl coming out of his mouth which told me he wasn’t in the mood for teasing. I pulled him out of his underwear while he moved my underwear to the side.
Dimitri looked at me one last time to make sure this is what I wanted and then entered me in one thrust. It felt like heaven being this full, being split open by his length. We both gasped simultaneously while holding onto each other. Having sex has never felt like this before, but that didn’t matter right now. All that mattered was forgetting about reality by indulging in the other’s body.
His hips started to move, thrusting in and out. At first, the pace was kept slow and the thrusts were dragged out. But as the sensations increased, so did the pace and power of his thrusts. I was holding onto his shoulders as his hands gripped the backs of my thighs to hold me in this position.
I moved my hands towards his hips to get him to move faster. It resulted in Dimitri releasing one of thighs to grab both of my hands above my head.
“Either you stop trying to take control or you will keep these hands above your head until we are finished. Is that clear?” I nodded
“Will you be a good girl now?”
Weirdly, I wanted to obey him and have him praise me for it. I nodded and wrapped my hands around his neck. And then he increased the pace himself. I was trying to keep my moans quiet because I didn’t want anyone interrupting us. But Dimitri was making it difficult which is why I started kissing him again.
He didn’t seem to object since he moved his tongue alongside mine. Even with the faster pace, his thrusts were still powerful and I felt him against my most sensitive spot. I was coming closer to reaching my high and it made me clench around him. I noticed how he twitched inside of me because he was close too.
“Do I have your permission to cum, Sir?” I didn’t know where that came from, but it felt right.
Especially when he smirked and answered: “You do, Roza.”
He kept moving faster until I reached my peak. I almost screamed because of the intense orgasm I was experiencing. I clenched around him, arched my back, head thrown back against the wall while my fingers held onto his shoulders with a death grip.
After a few more thrusts, his pace was starting to get erratic and he came inside of me. I could feel his warm liquid spreading throughout my core and it felt unbelievable after the pleasure I had experienced mere minutes ago.
When we had both come down from our highs, our breathing under control, I touched my forehead to his. In the post-orgasmic bliss I kissed him. It was tender and soft. Dimitri pulled out after a few minutes and situated himself back into his pants before moving my underwear back into place. He gently put my feet on the ground and made sure to steady me since my legs felt like jello.
I got my phone out of my jacket and called a cab. I knew this is where we parted after a night of dancing and intimacy. He went back to his life as the Queen’s obedient soldier and I went back on the road.
He made sure the cab had arrived before he gave me one last kiss and grabbed my phone, saving his number and contact info.
“If you are ever in need of company, just call.”
“Careful, Comrade. I might actually take you up on that offer.”
“I’m counting on it, Roza.”
And with that he walked off into the night without turning back for one last glance. I got in the cab and gave the driver the address to Ivashkov’s apartment.
I hoped that one day our paths would cross again.
The End
A/N: This is part two of my one shot. I am not very experienced at writing explicit scenes like these, so I hope you still enjoy it.
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alfalcone · 10 months
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I’m so happy finding radical feminism and bottom line I’m here for any woman who wants to talk about the trauma of girlhood and womanhood but it actually hurts my chest when I see women coming in with makeup or I hear women go “yuck I could never not shave my legs” or i lose weight bc I’m sick and the first comment is “omg u wish i could lose weight like that.” besides the hidden insults at me it just breaks my heart… it makes me feel blackpilled. I’ll never let those thoughts consume my mind bc then nothing WILL ever change… but I wish I could just take every single woman and force her to live without men JUST so she could see how good life would be without men. I don’t hate these women obviously bc I was there once too but it’s just… very heart breaking. It’s like I can’t escape either… I was looking into women’s studies but even that’s been fucking destroyed. I feel like I’m going insane. Anyways I need to find a career path that will allow me to be around women and focus on women but it seems fucking impossible these days.
Anyways how eloquently you speak and the issues you raise awareness too give me hope even though it’s really hard for me so thank you ❤️
🫂 don't take the black pill.
i have spent many nights on my sofa crying about how hard it is to make change, how hostile people are, how futile it feels, all while my wife comforts me, and vice-versa. each time it's so tempting to just check the fuck out. but we always pull back, because, to me, the black pill is the final boss of the patriarchy. this tempting answer to the endless anxiety. but it's a lie, and it will only result in the one thing a person can't recover from: hopelessness, which is what kierkegaard called "the sickness unto death", the thing worse than death. and it really is that.
my advice is to not give into being a dogmatist, which ultimately leads you down a path toward taking the black pill ... if you try to perfectly ascribe to any doctrine that is overly prescriptive, as radial feminism can be, i think that leads to burnout. instead, i concern myself with material reality--what can i do, with the limited power i have, to better the lives of women and girls?
as my followers know, my wife and i are female separatists, and i center feminism in my professional work and personal life, but i also force myself to step away and make room for other things. i live in a way that feels fair to me, even if it isn't ideologically "pure". for example, i do wear makeup. i believe in God. i write fiction that deals in dark themes, because that's where i find my voice as a survivor. these are all things that many of our feminist foremothers and radical contemporaries decried, for good reason. but i, myself, have to take things in measures. i can't let politics control my life. i respect feminists who are hard-line, and i would hope they would afford me the same respect for my apostate ways, because the work is what should matter.
as for your career ... i know it's beyond tough out there, but there are so many options open to women-centered women and separatists. pursuing your ph.d is hard, it can be thankless, and academia is full of crazy people. but i still recommend it to young women, because teaching is a gift, writing is a gift, and tenure is a gift you understand the enormity of more with each passing year. if you're especially motivated to work long hours, get into law. if you have the stomach for it, consider social work. and, finally, you can also still find non-profits and other organizations that support women and girls. and they always need help, because the work never ends.
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mejomonster · 1 month
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My gastroparesis driving me up a wall. And by that i mean ive been barely eating for over a week now and my symptoms still arent improving and im really not havin a great time im exhausted my bodys in pain trying to get me to Rest but i gotta work full time and my abdomen absolutely hurts but painkillers slow digestion even More so ive been laying down on heatpad as much as possible and i really dont wanna go back to an All Liquid diet (but even if i did im at the nausea and vomiting point of a gastroparesis flare which means even liquid only im likely to throw up either way) and like. I just wanna comfort eat bread cause i feel miserable exhausted in pain and it would be a small joy. But bread is absolutely not something i can eat during a flare. I can only eat it when doing good if i take benedryl. Im so angry and tired and id like to sleep for days. And i gotta still Make myself eat chips and protein shakes even tho i got nausea cause my gi meds dont work unless i eat Something. Even if i got nausea and tons of pain wooh
Anyway im getting flack from family for being so tired the last week and i love em and all but its awful feeling guilty for not calling Enough when its like goddamn eating (something humans gotta do at least once a day) hurts phenomenally and i barely can but i obviously desire to like any human then i eat and Ouch my body didnt fucking like that and punished me for it and im so mad. I feel awful and yeah im mad i dont got energy to hide how much pain im in and chat false enthusiastically for 20 minutes after already doing it all thru work. I had 1 teaspoon of peanut butter today and my remaining options are soup broth (but it had beans cooked in it and my body cant take fiber today so idk if its worth the risk of any accidental beans) and salad (which is of course raw vegetables fiber very hard on stomach rn so i can probably just eat a handful size portion and hopefully ill chew enough its mush and my body will tolerate it). And a protein shake (but its got fiber and is made of chickpeas i think for the protein so idk if my body is tolerating it or not im just drinking it so i dont have no calories). I had chips yesterday but i think my body considered it too solid or large to digest idk cause im eveb worse today. I also had toast yesterday cause i was so angry and hungry and wanted comfort food. So of course that messed me up. Which means i should take more benedryl. But then i wont just be hungry and pain tired, ill also be drug tired. And im so sick of being miserablr all day at work just to pass out the second its over cause allergy meds knocked me out then ive lost all day. But without allergy meds i can eat hardly anything i like. I mean i cant eat rn but like. Right before this fuckjng flare and hopefully once its over. Im just sick of it. Im tired and when i go to therapy next week shell probs ask oh what do you do to stress relief and its like... i get it but are u fucking kidding me. Im knocked unconcious from benedryl. And tired anyway cayse no food, and pain nonstop from gi tract. So im barely doing anything. I cant really get outta bed cause i need the 4 sq feet heatpad or ill be in agony over my abdomen. Dont have tv in room so i can use phone i guess. So tired i can barely keep eyes open or think so im not writing reading or watching shows on phone. I can idk listen to a reaction or lets play since if i fall asleep and wake up i dont need to follow a plot. But like im not in a state to be going for a fucking walk (i wish! I wanna dance and walk but my abdomen and back feel awful and im so tired im dizzy when i stand) or hang out w friend, which im sure idk shed prefer to hear some productive ass activity like god im just trying to keep myself employed and out of the ER until the flare rights itself. Please
And i know jts not that bad. Ive been worse. I couldnt eat solid food for 6 months once. I was in the ER weekly it was so bad i blocked most of it outta memory. This is only a couple weeks. And i havent thrown up much! I was throwing up 5 times daily back then. And i have had chips and peanut butter! I recognizr thats nice, i got some solid food and held it down! I know my gastroparesis is EONS LESS severe than it was when it started.
Its just like. It still sucks barely eating for weeks and any eating hurting immensely and nonstop nausea for days and pain not lowering. Like a normal healthy person might snap from anger if they try to go 20 hours without eating, or crash and need to eat to keep going, or just be run down as fuck and justifiable if they barely do anything that day. But i go days like that and im expected to just appear fine and live life normally like im not worn down af and just desperate to not feel nausea and pain and i just really wanna eat again. Normally.
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2thdkae-isnt-real · 7 months
Text
All my 1st rough drafts of the PAIN2DAY Series.
Part 1! Thine's POV.
Introduction and explanation to these posts found below!
Rough drafts below the cut!
(Line break.)
Chapter 1: Before Hell
A quick uppercut to the jaw knocked me flat on my back. My father was not a nice man, but I needed to learn how to protect himself if for some reason I found myself without a weapon.
"Get up." my father commanded.
I slowly rose to my feet, wiping the blood from my mouth. I had bit my tongue earlier from a similar blow.
"Now try to block this." he said, throwing a right hook. Luckily I was able to throw up both my arms in time to stop the hit.
"Why do you always aim for my head?" I asked, feeling the pain in my head starting to flare up.
"Because that's what everyone else is going to be doing. I expect you to do better than them, better than me. If you want to live, you'll have to fight dirty. Don't be afraid to aim for the stomach or groin. Throat's not a bad option either." he said as he rubbed the side of his neck.
He never told me, but I knew he had suffered a bad injury to the side of his neck. The scar was enough to prove it.
"My head hurts again." I stated, knowing he wouldn't want to hear it.
"Then go take your meds. We're done today anyway. After that, go to sleep, kid. We've got to meet some people in the morning tomorrow." he said, walking towards the house. He never called me by my name, Thine. He always called me "kid". I hated it, but he did it to "make me tougher."
I followed him inside, heading towards my room. I didn't need my meds. They were going to keep me from talking to my friends. He didn't understand because he couldn't hear them, but they helped me make the right decisions. Sure, the headaches and mean people would go away if I took them, but without them I had people I could talk to.
We were running out of the pills anyway. Plus I can just sleep the headache away.
"That's what I'll do." I said to no one in particular. I changed into my pajama shorts, and flopped onto my bed, exhausted.
It didn't take long for me to fall asleep, and soon fell into a dream state. I was having an out-of-body experience, and could see myself holding some sort of short, wide sword. It looked like one of those claymores my father had, but it looked like it was made of brass or something. The tip of the sword had some kind of black substance emitting from it.
I also felt something watching me from the shadows around me, but I couldn't tell what it was. I swung the sword around a few times, the dark substance leaving trails in the air. The sword was heavy however, and after a few swings my arms felt sore.
The thing watching me from the shadows felt closer, but I couldn't tell what it was from or where it was. A few more swings of this short greatsword and I couldn't hold anymore, and dropped it.
As soon as I dropped it I felt a sharp pain in my back, and could tell it from whatever had been watching me. The sharp pain felt like a massive drill, and as soon as I recognized what it was it started turning.
The last thing I remember was screaming before I woke up.
"What was that?" one of my friends asked me.
"I'm not sure." I replied, realizing the feeling of being watched never went away. I got up and walked outside to see if it was my dad, but he was sound asleep on the couch, beer bottles all over the floor.
"Maybe I should just go back to bed."
— START: Note from Nina —
Okay, so i kinda hate this so much already.
Edgy middle schooler who romanticized mental health in middle school writes a story, of course one of the main characters has whatever my idea of schizophrenia was back then.
Thine is a character who needs to take medications to fight psychosis, he does not have auditory hallucinations, that is removed from canon. Olfactory (smell) hallucinations ARE canon.
Abusive dad who beats him? Canon. His dad "training" him? No longer canon.
The sword was originally a pencil inspired design (decent idea, heavily modified now). The sword had the very point with the black substance, now the dark substance is along the entire edge of the blade, all the way down to the hilt. It is basically just Cloud Strife's Buster Sword, but the blade is dual edged and made of gold.
This "chapter" would likely not exist, there would just be Thine trying to avoid his drunk, deadbeat father while something more interesting happened. The dream sequence IS CANON though.
— END: Note from Nina —
Chapter 2: Slum City
The next morning I had quickly gotten dressed and head out the front door. I wanted to wander around the city before my father's "visitors" arrived.
The city wasn't so much a city as it was a large town. The population was small due to it being in a flat, dusty location. It seemed like it was meant to be a suburb like area, but whoever was in charge liked to start projects, but not finish them. About a third of the small, one story houses were unfinished, and at least half of them were destroyed or vandalized during the first and second wars.
Actually, my father's visitors were from the opposing side of the second war. Earth flat out lost in the long run.
The first war was basically the various countries fighting amongst each other, and testing all of their many different types of weapons. From nuclear to chemical to just plain old strategic missiles.
The world was devastated, and most of the Earth had already been suffering, so that's when "The Administrators" came in. A violent species of alien that attacked our planet due to our actions "violating intergalactic laws."
At least, that's what my father tells me. I was born after both of the wars, and he had been born some time after the first.
As I walked around town, I heard dogs barking in the distance. I also got this weird feeling of dread and fear for no real reason at all. It couldn't have been the dogs, I heard them all the time, and the direction it was coming from was around one of my father's friend's house. He had dogs, so nothing to worry about, but I still couldn't shake the feeling.
I decided to go see what they were barking at, but before I started to move I heard what sounded like a gunshot from the same general direction. The barking stopped and my fear grew more, this time with more of an explanation behind it.
I started to run back towards home as I heard a full on gun fight go off behind me. About half way to my house from where I was before and the fear just kept growing until I was hyperventilating and out of breath.
What was wrong with me? What was happening back there?
Suddenly the gunshots all stopped and it grew quiet again. My fear subsiding, but now I had the feeling of being watched again, a similar feeling to my dream the previous night.
"Hello?" I choked out, still unable to fully catch my breath and calm down. Then I saw something move in the shadows from a nearby alleyway. I whipped my head around to see what it was, and what I saw surprised me.
It looked like a person, but they were abnormally short, and seemed to have some kind of helmet hiding their face. The helmet look almost as if it was all a black screen except for the face. The face had that jagged, jack-o-lantern looking mouth, and some large, circular eyes. The face was purple and seemed to be almost glowing. The creature was wearing some kind of cloak, with the hood up.
Suddenly my dread returned again as it looked at me. Frozen in fear, I was helpless to it. Then almost as if it realized this, its mouth turned to a jagged smile, making it even more terrifying. Some kind of shadow started to come from the creature's hands, forming into two solid black whips.
One of the whips jolted toward me like a bullet, making me flinch and close my eyes. When I opened them, the creature was gone.
I ran back home as fast as I could, wanting to leave the whole situation behind, and to get back to my father to tell him about what I saw. Hopefully he could help explain it.
When I got home, I quickly realized that I had spent a lot of time around that thing, and saw my father in the doorway, with a weird look on his face. He almost looked worried.
"There! He's right there! See? I told you he would be home soon!"
He was definitely worried. Not about my well being, of course, but because two armored patrolmen of The Administrators were here, and they always came once a week to make sure everyone was here. They thought they were doing us a favor by checking up on us once a week to make sure us "savage humans" weren't killing each other.
This was going to be a long day.
— START: Note from Nina —
It's... not too bad.
I'm surprised how little was in it though. These chapters get a lot longer the more i wrote, these are literally the first two things i've ever written for a long term project, let alone a project i had been thinking about for years... Yes, years... Although admittedly, OoaG, and its concepts, did not have that same amount of time to cook.
Ironically, nothing here ISN'T canon, just written in a way that makes me cringe so hard (progress???), and is way too short to say much about.
— END: Note from Nina —
Chapter 3: Thicker than Water (parts 1 & 2)
After the two Admins had finished their "Roll Call," they left, "wishing us the best."
"They know something you don't." one of my invisible friends said, "They're planning something."
Although I certainly didn't like the idea, I couldn't help but believe the voice. Why would they act as if nothing happened? Surely they heard the gunshots?
Either way the rest of the day was uneventful, but around dusk my father told me to get ready to go to the weekly bonfire at his friend's house on the far side of town.
Thankfully, it was on the side of town where we wouldn't have to be walking near where I was earlier today.
I put on a jacket because it usually got cold at night, and I knew we would be there awhile. My father grabbed a six-pack of beer and put a pack of cigarettes in his pocket, along with his big, clunky, metal lighter.
It was a "Bring Your Own Beer" party, as my dad liked to call it. He always smoked when he drank, which I heard wasn't a great idea from his friend's kid, but I didn't care, if that's the way he wanted to go, then so be it.
When we arrived at his friend's house, I still couldn't believe they had been lucky enough to be placed in such a house. The Administrators controlled everything, even which house you lived in, and these people got lucky.
It was still a little shaggy looking, but it was larger than most of the houses in all of Slum City. It had two stories and was probably one of the only finished houses. They even had a large backyard where they held the bonfire.
My father walked off to find a chair, while I went inside to see one of my few childhood friends, Malook. I found him in his room, reading a book as usual.
"Yes?" he inquired, briefly looking up from the pages.
"Can I ask you a question?" I said, realizing my mistake after it was too late.
"You just did." he smirked. I walked over to where he was sitting to look at the front of the small hardcover.
"Dark Magic again?" he looked up at me, folding the corner of the page, closing the book.
"Of course. I want to know why The Admins left so many books on this stuff behind, and I want to know why there are so many books on it." he stated.
"It's a waste of time." I responded.
"You might actually like it and find it useful some day. It was written by someone that goes by I.C." he said, tossing the book to me.
"I'll take a look." I put the small hardcover in my jacket pocket, knowing that I was probably just going to toss it in with next week's bonfire.
Then with a flash of light from the window, we knew the fire was lit.
"Yo, let's go." Malook said, walking out the door. I followed him down the stairs and outside where we joined our neighbors near the massive pile of logs and branches, burning bright from the gasoline that had been poured on it.
Tonight, I would truly relax for the first time in my life.
— part 2 —
I flopped down on one of the lawn chairs far away from the fire and most of the drunk people. I was exhausted from the sparring I had done with Malook. When it came to hand-to-hand combat, I was a lot better, but he was definitely the better shot with his rifle.
I had accidentally punched him a little too hard in the mouth and now his lip was bleeding a little. He sat down on the grass near the chair I was in.
"Who do you think is next?" he blurted out after a minute of silence. He had this obsession with death, he thought it was all a part of life, and that it wasn't that big of a deal. I don't think he's ever gone through grief in his life.
"I don't know, and I don't care." I said truthfully.
"Damn." he acted almost surprised. I knew he wasn't though, he probably approved to be honest.
My mother had died during child birth, and his mother was very ill. She never left her room but was hanging on to life like the rest of us.
Some disease had been spreading recently that attacked the brain, making the victim aggressive, and in serious cases violent. It drove people insane and there was no treatment that we knew of. It's not like we had the resources to research it anyway. His mother didn't have this disease thankfully, but I believe she had something similar to cancer.
Malook felt bad for her, from some of the conversations we've had, but I don't think he actually cares that much because she's had it for awhile and he never really connected with her much.
We watched the people around the fire dance and drink and party. While the people on the back porch smoked. Everyone was laughing and enjoying themselves. I was bored, but I knew there wasn't much else to do.
Without warning, the backdoor to the house swung open, slamming against the house.
"Honey, you shouldn't be up! What are you doing?"
Malook and I turned around and what we saw surprised us. It was his mother. She was covered in lumps and was limping towards the stairs, Malook's father quickly following behind her.
"Leave me alone." she said in a monotone voice. She stumbled down the stairs, got up, and suddenly took off running to the fire. Everyone stopped to look as she started screaming her head off, picking up the can of gasoline.
"Honey, stop!" Malook's father said, as she dumped the gasoline onto herself.
"Mom!" Malook yelled, getting up to chase after her. I got up and followed, knowing if nobody stopped her, she'd jump in the fire.
Some of the people around the fire looked on with surprised faces, while others went to grab her. Everyone who came near her she splashed with the gasoline.
Then she pushed the closest guy to the bonfire in, him catching on fire. He yelled in pain and ran off into the woods half of the people chasing him to hopefully put the fire out.
When Malook's father reached her, she didn't hesitate to punch him in the face, knocking him to the ground with some kind of strength that I couldn't imagine from someone who looked so sickly. When Malook himself reached her, she kneed him in the stomach. Him collapsing to the floor.
Before I could make it over she screamed again, ran and jumped into the massive fire. An ear-splitting scream escaped her throat as she burst into flames, the fire burning brighter with the new fuel.
"Get her out of there!" I yelled, pushing the standbys into action, but before they could do anything the bonfire exploded into a ball of flames. Burning wood, hot coals, and ash went everywhere. Knocking people away, burning them heavily. I was far enough away to not catch any of the blast, but one of the logs had landed on Malook, trapping him. I ran over to him and pushed it off.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." he said, tears welling down his face. Then he turned his head and his eyes widened. I looked over to see what could of happened now and what I saw filled me with a great amount of fear and dread.
It was the creature from before. It floated in the flames, it's face glowing a deep purple. The crooked smile still there. It held the corpse of Malook's mother in its hands by the hair and swung it at us. The body landing in front of us. She had been completely charred, and Malook kneeled in front of her.
"Mom? Mom!" he cried out, getting no response. I however couldn't keep my eyes off the monster, whips emerging from its hands. Gunshots broke out as the desperate people began to kill the creature. It just floated there however, staring at me, massive drill heads forming at the end of the tendrils.
With lightning fast speed it launched the drills into nearby people, the drills turning quickly, tearing apart their victims. I grabbed Malook's hand and started to run off towards the forest, not looking back. I was practically dragging him as he cried put for his mother.
"Let me go!" he yelled, trying to break free of my grip. I didn't say anything, I just continued to take him as far away as possible, running faster than I ever had before. Gunshots continuing in the distance.
Once we were far enough away I let go of him, giving a swift chop to the neck, knocking him out. I knew if I didn't do that, he'd just run back.
I was shaking from fear, and couldn't believe everything had gone wrong so fast.
What was I supposed to do? What was that thing and why was it doing all of this? It seemed like it wanted something from me, but what?
How could I fix this? Thoughts ran through my head like a runaway train. I decided the best way to deal with this is to focus on the problem at hand. It was dark, I was basically alone and had nothing to protect myself. I dragged Malook into some nearby bushes and decided to hide in them with him.
I needed to think of a plan, but nothing came to mind. I was stuck and scared. All I could do was wait until I calmed down and wait until it was morning, so I could see.
— START: Note from Nina —
Once again, cool idea, very meh execution.
Nothing is too far from canon, or really something i care to change. It's all decent, just needs more time to cook.
I'd probably extend the amount of time spent with Malook here, he is a VERY important character within Thine's long journey through development. Maybe they'd talk more, maybe they'd spar like i eluded to (i think?), and definitely more time enjoying time at the fire, this is a "Calm Before the Storm" AND "When shit hits the fan" chapter, we need more of that "Calm".
"Slum City" sounds so unnatural, better nickname for this place, please.
Make it more obvious. I never could have known how important Malook would be to Thine's story. I thought he was a throwaway character, now he's Thine's one, and only, crush. Malook isn't aware until much later, when it's too late to act on anything. Malook is Bi (men preferred), and Thine is gay (for Malook 😏).
— END: Note from Nina —
Chapter 4: Cursed Blade
When Malook regained consciousness, the only thing he really did was stay on the ground and cry. I could tell he was hurting, but I could also tell he knew there was nothing he could do. I decided to leave him while I tried to figure out what to do myself. Walking helped me think, so to give Malook space, I went off into the woods.
Where should I go from here? What could we do about that monster terrorizing us? Could we even do anything?
Without really realizing it, I found myself deep in the forest where the trees blocked out the moon. It was a little foggy and hard to see much, but what I did see scared me half to death.
It was just a silhouette in the fog, but it looked human enough to approach.
"Hello?" I called out as I moved closer.
"Hello?" the silhouette echoed in a strange enough voice to cause me to stop approaching. It was feminine, but sounded like it was filtered through something to make it sound slightly more robotic.
"Who's there?" she called out.
"Uh, Thine. Who are you?" I stuttered.
"Kiko" she replied, walking close enough so that I could see her. The voice made sense now, as I could see her wearing a mask of some sort. We were about the same height, but she was wearing some kind of black armor that looked pretty similar to The Administrators' but was small enough to fit her perfectly. Her hair was long and fairly messy. She looked pretty pale, which I found odd since most people had to spend their days outside to survive or entertain themselves. I also didn't recognize her voice.
"Where are you from?" I inquired, genuinely curious.
"That's none of your business," she said "What was going on back there?"
"What do you mean?" I asked. She shook her head.
"I mean all the loud noises I heard back where you came from." she said, seemingly getting angrier.
"We were attacked." I blurted out, realizing I probably shouldn't be telling this stranger anything.
"Who's 'we' exactly, and attacked by what?" she said, the annoyance in her voice becoming more obvious.
I simply stated "A monster," and looked behind me as I heard more footsteps approaching.
"Thine? Who are you talking to?" came Malook's voice. Kiko put a hand on her waist in annoyance, making me realize she had some kind of gun holster at her hip.
"Who might you be?" the stranger asked.
"Thine, who's this?" he asked me, ignoring her question. She pulled the gun out of the holster and pointed it at us.
"You two. Come with me." she ordered.
"Damn it." Malook said as he started walking in the direction Kiko was pointing. I followed close behind, knowing we couldn't do anything since she was armed and we weren't.
As we walked she inquired Malook's name again and he gave it begrudgingly. It seemed like forever until we finally reached this worn down shack. It looked like it had caught fire at some point. The windows were all broken too. The strangest thing about it was that there was smoke coming from the chimney.
"Open the door and go inside." she said. Malook just stood there with an angry look on his face, I could tell he didn't like being ordered around, but to avoid any more problems, I walked in front of him and opened the door. As we entered, we were both in shock at all of the papers, books and maps lying all over the place.
"Where are we?" I asked. She replied by ordering us to sit on a small ripped up couch near one of the broken windows. We obeyed and was surprised further as she removed her mask and holstered her weapon. She looked different than I had expected and actually looked rather pretty.
"Alright, so what the hell were you attacked by?" She said calmly, starting to look through drawers in a desk. I explained that we had been at a weekly gathering and that we were attacked by some kind of hooded, dark monster with some kind of screen-looking helmet that produced a glowing, jack-o-lantern looking face.
"What, this?" she asked, showing a drawing that looked like it was ripped from a page in a book. It was surreal to see that the drawing matched exactly what I had described, however it looked like it had been drawn with crayon.
"Yeah, that thing." I said, looking over at Malook who simply sat there staring off into space.
"Yeah that's an imp," she said plainly "but it's not just any imp, it's an imp that somehow gained a lot of power through dark magic."
"An imp?" I repeated. She simply folded up the drawing and handed it to me. I put it in my coat pocket, along with the book Malook had given me earlier.
"What's with the map?" Malook asked in a monotone voice.
"It's a map to the east, apparently there's a city there that doesn't have any laws in place from The Admins," she responded "supposedly there's a lot of interesting people out there." I looked at the map and it looked familiar, but I couldn't quite remember where I saw it. It's not like I really cared all that much anyway.
"So, why did you bring us here? To give us that drawing and some information on some city far away from here?" Malook asked angrily.
"No. Actually, I wasn't going to bring you here at all, I was just ordered to show Thine something." the stranger replied. It was strange how she said my name. It was like she had said or heard it before.
"Show him what?" Malook responded. Instead of answering him, she started digging through a closet in the corner of the room.
"Tell me," she suddenly said "do either of you even believe in dark magic and imps and all that?" Neither of us said anything as she pulled out a massive sheath with what was clearly a sword inside. The sheath had a few straps on it, and looked like it was supposed to go on someone's back. It also looked like it was made of some bronze colored metal. It had a bunch of scratches on it but otherwise looked fine.
"Why did you need to show me this?" I asked, my curiously growing as it seemed somehow familiar.
"Because it's yours." she replied holding it up so I could see five strange roller-like things on the opposite side of the straps. They looked like those casino slot machine roller things, but instead of sevens and fruits, they had letters. The rollers were inside the sheath so I could only see one or two letters at a time. Most of them were halfway on one letter, half on another.
"Wait, what? How is it mine?" I questioned in disbelief. She explained that the blade had been cursed by another "dark magic user" and that "the five letters shall reveal who the sword was made for."
"The only way to truly find out if it's yours, is for you to try and pull the sword from its sheath." she said. Without hesitation I got up and grabbed the sheath by its straps and carried it to the middle of the room.
"So if I try to pull the sword out, you'll leave us alone?" I asked, my biggest concern being that this person was armed and dangerous.
"Sure, but try to remember this sword is cursed, and may cause some kind of ailment." I looked at her suspiciously, then looked at Malook who was just staring back, almost like he was waiting for me to try it.
"Fine, I'll do it." I said, getting a bit nervous. I put the sheath between my feet, holding it up with my legs.
I looked at the handle, my arms poised to lift the massive thing, but stopped when a realization came to me.
"What happens if I can't lift it?"
"I tried it once, it hurt a lot, but nothing really happened." she shrugged.
I looked back down at the blade, pausing to try and figure out how I would lift the huge thing. It was as long as your average longsword, but it was really wide, and it seemed like it was made of some heavy material guessing by how much I had to struggle to keep it upright.
Then I decided to just grab it by the handle and pull.
As soon as I touched it, pain shot up from my hands to my shoulders, and I immediately got a headache before it started.
My vision went fuzzy and eventually blacked out. I could still feel myself standing, but I felt like I had passed out at the same time.
The pain in my arms intensified. I heard screaming. My headache turned to a migraine. Then the thoughts started.
The creature. The monster. The imp. It killed without remorse. Without feeling. It was dead. It was death. It lived to kill. To murder. To remove its victims of the living world.
I saw it kill people with its whips. With massive drills at the end. With buzzsaws. With knives.
It felt nothing. It only knew destruction. That's all it would ever know. It was the cause of every war. Every bomb dropped. Every missile launched. Every bullet shot.
I felt myself double over in pain, and the screams of its victims got louder.
I heard yelling. It was probably me. My friends. The ones who were always with me. Screaming. Yelling. Crying out in pain.
I fell into the darkness. The black. It watched me.
It was the source of every bad habit. Every bad decision. It was hate. It was every negative emotion it could ever be.
Blood was thicker than water, and this darkness. This endless abyss of power and hate, was thicker than blood.
And with that final thought. I became its greatest enemy.
I will defeat it. I kill which has killed. Murder what has murdered.
I will defeat the creature.
The monster.
The imp.
With that last feeling of resolve, the pain stopped, the headache went away, and the screaming stopped. With the relief of all the pressure of the world going away, I sleep.
— START: Note from Nina —
What the fuck. (derogatory)
How is this the chapter with bad enough pacing and and dialogue to finally make it IMPOSSIBLE to stay immersed at any level. I had forgotten this was 1st person POV, my least favorite POV style, until this chapter. That dream sequence was overdramatic nonsense.
As for canon, Kiko does not give her name, or reveal much, if anything, about her or her "mission" to Thine. It would be implied Malook knows.
The "Imp" would be referred to nothing other than as "the monster" or "the creature", and Thine's dream wouldn't reveal that it "caused every war" or that it "was the embodiment of hate" and/or "every negative emotion it could ever be", because it's not those things. He would "smell" the death and blood that surrounds this creature.
The dream would only end with his confusion at what was happening, not with some kind of determination and hero complex.
— END: Note from Nina —
Chapter 5: Last One Standing
As my eyes opened, I was greeted by a lit fireplace a few feet away. When I turned to see where I was, it didn't take long to recall the events of earlier. I saw Malook sitting on the cabin floor that Kiko had taken us to. Malook was drawing on a map, multiple open books surrounding him.
"Hey." I said, a lot calmer than I expected considering all of the events of today.
"About time." he replied, not taking his eyes off of his project.
"What are you doing?" I inquired, sitting up. He simply motioned for me to come look. I quickly crawled over to see what he was working on, and what I saw surprised me. It wasn't just some black and white map like I had expected, it actually had color and lines separating the colors. There was a drawn line with an arrow going from one of the southwestern sections to one of the northeastern ones.
"We're towards the bottom left. We need to head to the area I circled." he said, pointing to the circle he made at the end of the arrow.
"Where is that exactly?" I asked, thinking it was a few miles away and not wanting to walk that much.
"To put it simply, it's that city Kiko was talking about. It's in a pretty far away state." Malook stated.
"Wait what's a state? Where'd Kiko go?" I asked.
"A state is basically what divided large areas of land. They existed before the wars so that people could have different laws in different areas," he said "And Kiko left a little bit after you passed out. Oh yeah, that reminds me." He got up and tiptoed over all the books, towards something slightly shiny on the ground near the center of the room. I got up, following him to get a better view of what he wanted to show me.
"I didn't want to move it, figuring that since it was yours, I probably shouldn't touch it." He said, looking back, cracking a smile for the first time since before everything started happening.
"What do you mean? That thing isn't mine." I said as I reached his side, looking down at the sword halfway pulled out of its sheath.
"Its got your name on it." he said pointing at the little letters on the sheath. To my surprise, it actually did say my name on it. Before it was just random letters, but now it said it clear as day. Then I started to remember what I thought was a dream before. All of those racing thoughts I had. I could tell the sword was very powerful.
"It looks like it's made of gold." I thought out loud.
"Kiko said it was indestructible, and that it could kill that imp." Malook replied. I decided to grab the handle, and to my surprise, didn't feel any pain, only tingling in my shoulders. I slowly sheathed it, and strapped it to my back.
“So where exactly are we going, and how far is it?” I asked, not wanting to walk very far.
“We’re heading to that unnamed city Kiko mentioned, and don’t worry, we’ll take your dad’s truck for as far as we can drive.” he responded as he folded the map and put it in his pocket, grabbing a compass I hadn’t noticed before.
“Alright let’s go.”
— 🥀 —
After we got out of the forest, we arrived back at where the party had been. Nothing was left. There was no one around, and the fire had died down. I looked over at Malook and the sad look on his face said all there was to say. We quickly continued walking towards my house.
— 🥀 —
As we arrived at my house, the sun started to rise, and the fog began to go away. The warmth on my face was refreshing. We opened the truck’s door and threw in all the stuff in our pockets onto the seat. The compass, the map, the book I got from Malook, and the drawing I got from Kiko. We didn’t even have time to get into the truck before the silence broke.
Gunshots broke out off in the distance. We looked at each other, closed the door to the truck, and without saying a word, started to run in the direction of the fight.
As we ran, my shoulders began to tingle again and I felt a surge of strength and determination. When we stopped running to hide behind a van that had been knocked over on its side, we started to hear yelling and the gunshots were so loud, that the fight must have only been a few feet away.
“What do we do?” He whispered at me. I shrugged, not really having a plan.
“Do we fight back?” He mouthed silently. I nodded, and we both peaked around the van to see what was going on.
As we suspected, the monster was attacking another group of people, but I didn’t recognize any of the people. They actually looked like some kind of militia, all of them wearing some kind of body armor, but that wasn’t helping them much.
The creature was using its whips to stab people and it seemed to be going all the way through their bodies.
Then without warning a body was flung at the van, smacking into it hard and making us jump back into hiding. The gunshots seemed to be getting lesser and lesser as the monster killed more of the men.
“What now?” he asked, fear showing on his face. He clearly wanted to run, but I was done running. I was going to fight it even if it killed me.
I didn’t feel the dread or fear that I had before. Only determination, strength, and the will to fight.
As the last of the gunshots stopped, I made up my mind.
“Get out of here, I’ll be right behind you.” I said, loud enough for the imp to hear.
“I’m not leaving you.” He said, glaring at me.
“I said go!” I yelled, pushing him into action. He took off, stumbling a bit at first, but then started to gain speed.
He didn’t make it very far before the creature suddenly appeared in front of him. It floated just above him, smiling at him evilly. I got up, stumbling, not used to the heavy object on my back. I was just about to start running towards them when he cried out in pain.
One of its whips had pierced his stomach and back, lodging itself into the ground.
“Malook!” I yelled, running towards him as the whip was retracted back to the creature’s hand. He fell to the ground as I reached him, kneeling to look at the damage.
“I can’t move. I think it got my spine.” he said, coughing up blood soon after.
“You’re going to be oka-“
“No I’m not,” he interrupted “There’s no one around to help me.”
“Malook, no, don’t talk like that.” I said, tears running down my face. He shook his head.
“Just stick to the plan, Thine. Head to the city we talked about.” he said slowly growing more limp.
“No! I’m not going to let you die!” I yelled, focusing on nothing but him.
“Thine. Man. I love you and all, but you need to smile more.” he said laughing, followed by more coughing. The blood was pooling all over the ground. I grabbed his hand, feeling how much he was shaking.
“Malook! Come on! Get up!” I yelled trying to lift him.
“Ow! Will you knock that off?” he said, his voice getting hoarse. “Just promise me you’ll get to the city safe.” It finally began to sink in. Malook was dying, and he only cared about my safety.
“Malook, please...” I trailed off, not knowing what to say. He simply chuckled lightly.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you smile, man.” he said. How could he be so casual? Did he really not care what was happening to him? He poked his finger at one of the corners of my mouth and pushed it up.
“Smile. stupid.” he said, pushing harder. Without really willing it, I felt myself smile.
“There,” he said, coughing up more blood “Now promise me you’ll get to the city safely.”
“I promise.” I said, my smile dropping from my face. His coughing became more intense, and his bleeding was bad. He vomited. Then he closed his eyes.
“Thine. What a weird name...” he said before his head went limp.
“Malook? Malook!” I yelled, trying to shake him back to reality. I let go of his hand and it fell onto his wound. I expected something to happen, for him to jump, or to say “Ow,” but nothing happened.
Malook was dead. I couldn’t protect him anymore. I felt a rage start to build in me as the tears ran down my face. The tingling in my shoulders turned to pain. They ached. They wanted to avenge him.
I looked up to see the hooded monster walking off into the distance, and got up and started running.
“You bastard!” I yelled, unsheathing my blade, feeling stronger than ever before. It turned around, smiling at me, intensifying my anger. I dragged the sword behind me, leaving trails of some kind of black substance behind the tip of the blade. The creature’s whips emerging from its hands.
I swung the sword upwards and away from my body, giving it as much momentum as I could.
The imp’s whips being cut off as it tried to block the attack.
More tendrils came from its hands. It tried to stab me, but I blocked it with the sword, using it as a shield. I went for another swipe the sword slipping from my hands due to the fresh blood on them.
The sword stabbed into the ground a few feet away, but that didn’t stop me from trying to punch it. It grabbed my arm with both of its whips, and flung me off into the ground near my sword, knocking the wind out of me. I looked up to see it slowly fading away into the shadows.
I slowly rose to my feet but it was already gone. There was nothing left. No one. Everyone was dead. Even Malook.
I walked back to where his body was and found nothing except a puddle of blood. I couldn’t even bury his body. He was just gone.
I fell to my knees in defeat, all of my strength gone.
There was no hope. I was alone now.
I had made a promise, and I would keep it. For now I just needed to grieve.
I would never hear his voice again. Never hang out with him again.
I really was alone. I got up, and started off for my house.
I had a promise to keep.
— END: Thine's Story in P2D: Prologue —
I thought the later ones would be longer. Maybe I'm thinking of the next two characters?
This last part is a mess, so i'm just going to try my best.
Thine and Malook make a pact to escape to this unnamed city: CANON.
The sword has Thine's name on it: CANON.
The two run towards the fight: NOT CANON.
NEW CANON: They try to escape in the truck, and are attacked by the monster.
Malook is killed: CANON. How he's killed doesn't matter.
Thine attacks the monster and doesn't do much besides cut some of its tentacles/whips: CANON.
Malook's corpse mysteriously disappears: CANON.
Thine honors his promise to head towards this unnamed city near the east coast of what was formerly the US: CANON.
Wow this really IS just a backstory kinda deal.
I was actually surprised how short these chapters were individually, but i really need to give myself some credit. These were literal baby steps! I had never written creatively before (except for that one time in English class 💀).
Thine's story took up Chapters 1-6 of OoaG (17 total), the next two characters will be lumped together, because Vaatu only gets 3 chapters, they're spread throughout Badminina's story, who was much more developed as a character. Which is insane to think about considering Baatu was THE main protag until Badminina came along, then later Thine.
For all my Thine-lovers out there, i'm sorry to say it will be quite awhile before we see things from a POV focused around him again, he WILL be important to both P2D: BoaG main story AND we will see a POV focused around him again (i say focused because i am NOT doing 1st-person ever again.)
Post Two will hopefully come out eventually! I will (hopefully) link it here at the end, and definitely will in the Introduction/Masterpost. It will focus on Badminina, with some Vaatu, and i'll discuss ALL of the original plans for BoaG that will never come to be, due to much more interesting stories to tell being discovered.
Link to Masterpost, here.
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lynnaquinn · 11 months
Text
My Thoughts on the current emergency
Woke up this morning to see a long list of posts about mutual aid scammers. These always make my stomach drop because I'm always scared my intentions are misread. Especially right now, with our current need. (I guess this is going to be a full thread, buckle in.) We are raising for a move, one that is a serious emergency as if we sign the new lease, we won't have any way to afford things such as food as both me and my wife are disabled. My mom offered my wife and I a place to live, we just have to figure out the how Originally the plan was to have my uncle with a U-Haul come down, but as my uncle and I are the only two without a weight limit and both of us suffer from chronic pain issues (part of why I'm disabled,) this is far from a viable option, so we started to call around to movers Here is the thing, our lease ends at the beginning of July, this is a huge time for moving and companies up there rates at this point of time...but luckily we found one that reduced cost because of my wife and my disabilities. We will be going into a situation that is actually sustainable though, a light at the end of a tunnel of stress, financial horror, and the nightmare of being disabled in a late stage capitalistic society. But unfortunately all things cost. So I've been verbal about what's been going on (as per usual) and how we saw a huge uptick in people moving from our complex. Lot's of people can't afford the new lease that is required of us. How this looks to us is that we either starve or face homelessness unless we go through with the move; this doesn't even include the fact of the safety risks on us where we are currently living (long story, I explain it all the time in my streams.)As the deadline creeps closer and closer, fear and anxiety has destroyed my sleep...I was fortunate last night and actually got 4-5 hours...the past few nights have been 3 hours non-consecutive sleep...this whole thing is flaring up my insomnia. All I can do is think of the future, when we get there, make up rewards for myself that I probably will never get just to keep me from falling into a deep pit of despair. All this accumulated from being in survival mode for a few years now...I feel it in my body...it aches, I can't concentrate on anything except the move, I'm scatter brained to a level that even I'm not used to...but this emergency HAS to be funded...I'm not going to starve or be homeless again.... So I try and push myself harder and harder...seeing the impossibility of this task while still needing to figure out basic costs...I'm not blind to the sheer size of this task, the sheer amount that is needed...it's almost an eldritch horror to me 4 hours of sleep to wake up in a panic, where my brain is just telling me to stream more, I haven't even broken enough for the U-Haul...how could I afford the option that actually takes our disabilities into consideration... Nothing boxed yet because I am frozen in fear....because I face an existential horror that is the no win situation. Only thing keeping me moving is that light at the end...the fake rewards I tell myself, the narrative that everything will be better...It keeps me moving to that goal while inside it feels like I'm slowly turning to stone; my pain and my cognitive issues becoming so bad that I am having troubles even standing upright...but I must push forward...I hear myself when I say the total...mention the $4k, mention how I need to raise the down payment early on, mention the still need for basic necessities that a fix income hasn't allowed us all the while seeing a scammer breaking people's trust while our emergency exists I'm so scared with everything...this situation is consuming me more than anyone can know just by talking to me... it's horrifying, like I've peered into the abyss and the ancient evil that is capitalism blinked...how can I keep on moving forward? But in the end, I have to, I have no option. I can get my wife and I out of this hell, out of the constant state of no real proteins only starches, out of having to choose veggies for one day or pasta/ramen for a week, out of constantly looking over our shoulders... All it took was our landlord demanding us the impossible, demanding us to gather blood from the stone. Giving us the impossible task or forcing us to face a herculean task of raising what we have to in two months time...But I look, realize that this will be the chance for my wife and I to get back onto hormones, to put out the content we want, to actually eat balanced meals instead of noodles or frozen burritos and bologna... To be able to budget because the difference between payout and SSI won't be pennies in our account. A chance to be able to focus on something other than the next meal...So I hold out hope...but I'm frozen with fear...paralyzed at the giant before me...scared of what will happen if I fail...realizing that failure means a depth I've never fallen into...I can't fail...I need to get through this.. But every morning...fear grips me as I scroll...seeing everyone who needs help...seeing a sea of voices...then seeing people who are using this to hurt others. The shadow of it all is oppressive. I can't breath due to fear. I can't even stand straight up...We need to raise this money, we need to make it to my mom's house...we need to survive. This move will save us.3 years of hell almost over...soon we can breath, all we have to do is slay a giant. How can we even succeed?6am and I'm awake and typing this...my inner thoughts waxed poetic about a fucked situation. But everything will be better once we get there, our quest errant finished. A life where we can do the things because I want to, not because we need to...where we can eat..If you want to help and can, my PayPal is [email protected] and my CashApp is $lynnaquinn We need to use my CashApp and not Naz' because of her disability...just to be safe. It's a lot of money, but I think we can persevere over this giant, we can slay this horror. (copied/pasted from my Tweet this morning.)
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jocielynn-blog · 11 months
Text
My feelings on my current emergency.
Woke up this morning to see a long list of posts about mutual aid scammers. These always make my stomach drop because I'm always scared my intentions are misread. Especially right now, with our current need. (I guess this is going to be a full thread, buckle in.) We are raising for a move, one that is a serious emergency as if we sign the new lease, we won't have any way to afford things such as food as both me and my wife are disabled. My mom offered my wife and I a place to live, we just have to figure out the how Originally the plan was to have my uncle with a U-Haul come down, but as my uncle and I are the only two without a weight limit and both of us suffer from chronic pain issues (part of why I'm disabled,) this is far from a viable option, so we started to call around to movers Here is the thing, our lease ends at the beginning of July, this is a huge time for moving and companies up there rates at this point of time...but luckily we found one that reduced cost because of my wife and my disabilities. We will be going into a situation that is actually sustainable though, a light at the end of a tunnel of stress, financial horror, and the nightmare of being disabled in a late stage capitalistic society. But unfortunately all things cost. So I've been verbal about what's been going on (as per usual) and how we saw a huge uptick in people moving from our complex. Lot's of people can't afford the new lease that is required of us. How this looks to us is that we either starve or face homelessness unless we go through with the move; this doesn't even include the fact of the safety risks on us where we are currently living (long story, I explain it all the time in my streams.)As the deadline creeps closer and closer, fear and anxiety has destroyed my sleep...I was fortunate last night and actually got 4-5 hours...the past few nights have been 3 hours non-consecutive sleep...this whole thing is flaring up my insomnia. All I can do is think of the future, when we get there, make up rewards for myself that I probably will never get just to keep me from falling into a deep pit of despair. All this accumulated from being in survival mode for a few years now...I feel it in my body...it aches, I can't concentrate on anything except the move, I'm scatter brained to a level that even I'm not used to...but this emergency HAS to be funded...I'm not going to starve or be homeless again.... So I try and push myself harder and harder...seeing the impossibility of this task while still needing to figure out basic costs...I'm not blind to the sheer size of this task, the sheer amount that is needed...it's almost an eldritch horror to me 4 hours of sleep to wake up in a panic, where my brain is just telling me to stream more, I haven't even broken enough for the U-Haul...how could I afford the option that actually takes our disabilities into consideration... Nothing boxed yet because I am frozen in fear....because I face an existential horror that is the no win situation. Only thing keeping me moving is that light at the end...the fake rewards I tell myself, the narrative that everything will be better...It keeps me moving to that goal while inside it feels like I'm slowly turning to stone; my pain and my cognitive issues becoming so bad that I am having troubles even standing upright...but I must push forward...I hear myself when I say the total...mention the $4k, mention how I need to raise the down payment early on, mention the still need for basic necessities that a fix income hasn't allowed us all the while seeing a scammer breaking people's trust while our emergency exists I'm so scared with everything...this situation is consuming me more than anyone can know just by talking to me... it's horrifying, like I've peered into the abyss and the ancient evil that is capitalism blinked...how can I keep on moving forward? But in the end, I have to, I have no option. I can get my wife and I out of this hell, out of the constant state of no real proteins only starches, out of having to choose veggies for one day or pasta/ramen for a week, out of constantly looking over our shoulders... All it took was our landlord demanding us the impossible, demanding us to gather blood from the stone. Giving us the impossible task or forcing us to face a herculean task of raising what we have to in two months time...But I look, realize that this will be the chance for my wife and I to get back onto hormones, to put out the content we want, to actually eat balanced meals instead of noodles or frozen burritos and bologna... To be able to budget because the difference between payout and SSI won't be pennies in our account. A chance to be able to focus on something other than the next meal...So I hold out hope...but I'm frozen with fear...paralyzed at the giant before me...scared of what will happen if I fail...realizing that failure means a depth I've never fallen into...I can't fail...I need to get through this.. But every morning...fear grips me as I scroll...seeing everyone who needs help...seeing a sea of voices...then seeing people who are using this to hurt others. The shadow of it all is oppressive. I can't breath due to fear. I can't even stand straight up...We need to raise this money, we need to make it to my mom's house...we need to survive. This move will save us.3 years of hell almost over...soon we can breath, all we have to do is slay a giant. How can we even succeed?6am and I'm awake and typing this...my inner thoughts waxed poetic about a fucked situation. But everything will be better once we get there, our quest errant finished. A life where we can do the things because I want to, not because we need to...where we can eat..If you want to help and can, my PayPal is [email protected] and my CashApp is $lynnaquinn We need to use my CashApp and not Naz' because of her disability...just to be safe. It's a lot of money, but I think we can persevere over this giant, we can slay this horror. (copied/pasted from my Tweet this morning.)
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wishingyouback · 3 years
Text
memories and secrets; h. jisung
Tumblr media
warning(s): none
(not proofread either, so apologies if there are any mistakes)
"on a scale of one to ten, rate your first kiss."
it's funny to you that you're sat in the middle of your best friend's living room, with people you aren't close to but know well enough to list off their favourite colours, but you find it even more ironic that you're in the same room with someone you once used to hate with all your heart, and now don't.
"my first kiss?"
"come on, don't be shy y/n!" felix, your roommate, nudges your elbow. if you didn't love your freckled faced friend, you would've glared at him already but even if you did so, it would have no impact.
"don't pressure her 'lix, maybe she doesn't know what it is since she's never had one."
the voice from across the room makes you send daggers straight at him, but all he does is smile mockingly, even making the extra effort to wave his fingers at you.
kim seungmin was the person you used to hate.
used to, because now you find him more tolerable.
"last i checked hyunjin was asking me," you smile sarcastically. "not you."
"ouch," jisung walks back into the living room with your soda in one hand. "nice one."
"thank you," the grin jisung gives you makes your stomach do flips but you brush it off by tucking your hair behind your ear. it was the adrenaline kicking in, or maybe the sugar from your lemonade (felix was always generous).
"okay okay --" a girl you recognise from your class speaks up. her hair is bright red tonight, different from the vibrant colour she wore a day before. "come on, rate it."
you bite down the temptation to comment on her eagerness and think to yourself.
"a nine," you shrug.
"a nine?!" hyunjin seems the most surprised out of everyone, leaning forward as if he had heard you wrong. you laugh at the blond and shake your head.
"why're you so surprised!" you laugh.
jisung, who's sat next to you looks with an eyebrow raised, the feeling of his arm laying on the sofa you're leaning on doesn't go unnoticed. it makes your cheeks heat up a thousand times more, making you feel thankful that your long hair could cover it.
"are you sure you're talking about him or yourself?" he's teasing you, but the thought of him implying that you were a good kisser doesn't fly over your head. "or her, whatever your preference is."
this makes you look at him, "i'd be laughing if i talked about myself," you reply to his first comment, "it was a guy, but yeah he was a good kisser."
"wow looks like there'll be some competition." hyunjin hollers.
"i beg your pardon?" you chuckle, "the guy's a year older than me i doubt he even remembers it."
"okay so that doesn't count then," seungmin shrugs. you jerk your head back in annoyance.
"come again? who made you in charge of the rules?"
"let's spice things up," hyunjin smirks. upon hearing this, you immediately turn to glare at seungmin who feigns obliviousness.
"oh dear god," felix says beside you and you can't help but agree.
"y/n, pick one of these lovely boys to be your second, first kiss."
"my what-- second first kiss?"
"are you up for it, though?" felix, being the ever so thoughtful angel he is, checks in with you with concern. it makes your heart warm up at the gesture.
"don't worry lix, i'll be alright." you reassure, "i just don't get why that's an option."
you must've missed something because the moment you turn back to look at hyunjin his wide eyes return to their normal size and he looks like he's trying to come up with something on the spot.
too obvious.
"hyunjin," you laugh. "you good?"
"me? what- pfft, yeah! great, dandy -- seungmin could you help me carry more beer in the kitchen?" before said boy can reply, hes being pulled up by the collar and dragged into the hallway leading to the kitchen.
the others seem to follow suit, muttering up different excuses as they walk outt of te room and coincidentally, felix so happens to get a phone call from his friend back home.
"you need anything?"
"no i'm good, go ahead" you smile up at him as he pecks the top of your head and walks out of the room.
he doesn't go far, standing in the middle of the hallway that connects the living room to the dining room, but his back is facing you.
you're greeted with comforting silence as the others mingle around the house, doing god knows what. you weren't oblivious, hyunjin was obviously planning something but you were too content with sitting on the floor that you seemed to forget the person sitting on your other side.
"don't fall asleep on me now,"
jisung's raspy voice pulls you out of your thoughts, making you chuckle.
"sorry, forgot you were here for a minute."
he pouts, "ow." he places a hand on his heart in exaggeration, making you roll your eyes.
"stop that," you laugh. jisung and you have been friends for as long as you can remember, but as you grew up the two of naturally drifted apart, until college came around and you found yourself hanging out with him in between classes and even on some occasions, calling him on his breaks at work.
"so," he turns his body to face you, an arm still hanging on the sofa behind you as you look up at him. to strangers, the two of you would've looked like a couple who were enjoying the little moments together, but you weren't.
you were just two close friends, sitting in an empty living room of your friend's apartment, with the music playing softly in the background as you talked.
"so," you repeat.
the grin on his face could be described as nothing more than attractive.
extremely, attractive.
maybe it was the dim lighting behind you two.
"who's the lucky guy who got to kiss you?"
the wording of his question sends butterflies straight to your stomach, but this was jisung, you were talking to. it was natural to feel this way around him -- you think.
his question makes you stifle a laugh, "you actually wanna know?"
he looks at you as if you've asked the worlds dumbest question. "y/n, come on. i know the guys you know, i'd like to be let in on this little secret."
"it's not little," you softly laugh. "it was just a kiss with someone."
"way to narrow it down," he teases. "does felix know who it is?"
"what, no he doesn't." you turn to check if he's by the living room and he is, still on his phone. "i've never told anyone about it." you shrug.
"so i'd be the first person you'd tell?" he smirked.
"not like this you won't," you joke. after a second, you lay your head back so it's resting on his bicep.
you purse your lips to one side, contemplating the amount of hints you'd give him to make him guess.
"i thought you would've known," you start off. "i'm pretty sure it happened during senior year of high school."
his eyes widen comically, "come on, don't tease me like this." he whines.
"i'm not! i'll drop hints, okay?" he looks at you as if you're serious. "that's the most you'll get. i don't wanna explain it in full detail."
he whistles lowly, "details, alright. shoot,"
"you're pretty close to him,"
"okay," he thinks to himself. "senior year, right?"
"yep." you pop the 'p.' "narrowed it down?" there were only a handful of people jisung and you hung out with, so it wouldn't be too hard.
"okay," the way he furrows his eyebrows tells you enough about how hard he's thinking. "yeah, i have."
"i'll just give you three hints, okay?"
"this'll be easy to guess," he chuckles.
"we used to walk home together."
when the arm behind you moves, you turn to it, only to see it's jisung's fingers tapping against the sofa to count down the hints you're giving.
cute.
"ooh, i think i know who it is."
you chuckle, "good." you ponder the next question, "he used to wear this shirt all the time and i think you told him it was ugly."
at this, jisung jerks his head back. "now why would i tell someone their shirt is ugly?"
you shrug, "i don't know, i said it but you agreed to it at the time."
"sure," he sits up properly. "last hint?"
"we went to homecoming together too,"
you wait for jisung to think through his options first, cancelling out the ones he had ready in his head until he suddenly tilts his head down to look at you. somehow the way he's holding your gaze makes you feel ten times smaller but at the same time, it makes your heart beat quicker than it does when you're running.
"really?"
you take a second, out of hesitation, to reply but then you nod your head as you bite your lip.
"and it happened during homecoming?"
you nod your head again.
the atmosphere around you feels thick and it suddenly becomes ten times hotter, but you think that's because hyunjin switched off the air-conditioning after he walked out of the room, leaving you and jisung to sit here with no cool air.
if there was any way to describe how you feel right now, it would be worried, embarrassed and maybe even upset for telling him, because right now, he hasn't given any reaction which isn't like him at all -- not even in the slightest.
"did i say something wrong?" his eyes are scanning your face, as if trying to find out if you're lying or not but when they return to look into your eyes, he finally breaks out into a smile.
"you didn't," he breathes out and it makes you release a breath too, not even realising you were holding it. "so he really you kissed at homecoming?"
you hum.
"alright," he turns his body to face you completely, "would you do it again?"
his question makes you feel taken aback, but despite the surprise on your face you slowly nod your head.
"i guess so," you furrow you're eyebrows, "i would."
"wow," he goes back to his carefree attitude and jokingly pokes your sides. "rated him a nine and even said you'd kiss him again. you sure you're not being kind?"
you scoff, "my first kiss could've gone way worse okay? i'm just glad he doesn't remember it."
"how do you know that?" he raises an eyebrow.
"i just do," you laugh. "if he remembered it i'm sure it'd be pretty awkward right now."
"y/n,"
"yeah?"
"stop talking."
and before you could even register what was happening, the han jisung was gliding his hand up your chin, letting it rest on your jawline as he cupped it so gently that it felt almost comforting to lean into his palm as his plump lips landed directly on your lightly glossed lips.
this was without a doubt, a huge turn from the conversation you were previously having, but you find yourself kissing him back, moving your hand up to hold his wrist as his arm that's behind you, moves to wrap around your shoulder. you don't know how long it's been since you last kissed jisung, in fact, you weren't even sure if your first kiss with him was even at homecoming, you just knew it was at a dance, but the one thing you remembered, despite the long years spent apart, was that jisung was a good kisser, and nothing had changed since then.
"trust me sweetheart, i'd never forget a kiss like that."
the blush is now evident on your cheeks, and jisung coos at how adorable you look under the dim lighting the two of you are sat in as he tucks away your baby hairs behind your ear.
"how was this one?"
"hm," you grin playfully as his thumb caresses your jaw. "an eight."
"only?" you nod your head, making him sigh. "guess my skills haven't improved have they?"
"it's alright," you shrug and play with the hem of his shirt, "you're already my second first kiss so i won't forget you so easily." your comment makes him want to hide his head in the nape of your neck but instead he pushes his tongue against his cheek.
"and also," you look up at him, finding the closeness of his face to yours slightly intimidating, "that shirt wasn't ugly."
you're unable to stop the giggle that's leaving your lips, and jisung has to fight back the urge to kiss you again.
"it was to me."
"i'm sure it was, i'm sure."
———
a/n: written also on a whim because i couldn't sleep. i don't think this was one of my 'best' works, but still i've been meaning to write a han imagine so im quite content with it ^^
like always, if you've read this far; thank you so much, i hope you enjoyed it x
you are loved, always
and ily, always
829 notes · View notes
scarlettriot · 3 years
Text
Stood Up
You (Y/N) get stood up from a date and Kaminari decides to do something about it.
Pairing: Kaminari/F!Reader
Contains: Fluff, Flirty Denki, Established BakuSquad Friendship
Warnings: 18+ Below the cut, Minors DNI! Swearing, Electro-Stim, Overstimulation, use of pet names (cuddle bug & cutie), oral (F receiving), consensual recording
A/N: Well, here we are with the third in my Stood Up series. There is also Bakugo & Kirishima if you're interested. This one took me way too long and it's also my first time writing Kaminari at length. I hope you all like it :)
Word Count Starting Below: 2,461
You slipped your foot into the silver heels you had picked out. Something a little fancier since this was a first date after all and you wanted to make a lasting impression. Not only that but this was your first first date in a while. Being a Pro Hero made life busy and dating difficult.
Practically the entire day leading up to this very moment revolved around you either getting ready or babbling with excitement to your closest friends.
An alert chimed on your phone with a text from your date, a smile sliding onto your face expecting to read some message about how they were on their way and that they'd see you soon, but that wasn't what you were met with.
Instead, it was a screenshot of your Instagram page, multiple of them actually, all of you and the ridiculous photos you took with your friends but mostly with one Denki Kaminari. The most recent of which was from a tea shop he met you at just earlier that day so you could show him the shoes for your date.
The message below was simple and more than enough to leave a sour taste in your mouth, this isn't what I want to see when I'm supposed to be taking you out tonight. What, one date a day isn't enough? Why are you even dating? Does your blonde boyfriend know?
You giggled at what they were implying, quick to explain how these were all your friends, they had been since high school! They are people you spent what little free time you had with. Especially Denki, your best friend since you were 15!
That joy you felt started dissipating within the next few messages. You hadn't even had a first date and they were already jealous, and that was something you didn't have room for in your life. So, you slipped the heels off your feet and put them directly back in the box to return when you had the time. Tight black jeans and fitted top were exchanged with a hoodie and sweats although your makeup and hair stayed done, you didn't have the energy to undo your hard work.
Instead, you slid back into your computer chair, your headset snuggly back on your ears and before you notified everyone you were back online, you took a moment listening to the chatter of your friends.
"Shitty Hair! Fuckin' pay attention!"
"Yeah, man! We're getting slaughtered over here!"
"Less yelling at Kiri! More shooty shooty!"
"All of you are hopeless..."
Eijiro chuckled out an apology that was accompanied by a lighter giggle also coming from his mic. "Think this is gonna be my last round for a bit, guys."
"You're so fuckin' whipped." Bakugo scoffed, before screaming profanities.
"Is it whipped if I'm the one who's wanting to get her into bed though?"
You clicked your mic back on then. "Hey, remember last week when Kats forgot his push to talk so we all heard him getting head and we party whipped because someone couldn't focus?"
"You better shut the hell up right fucking now!"
Everyone else roared with laughter. "Yeah! At least I have the decency to mute myself!"
"Hey, wait a sec, why are you online, Y/N!" Denki noted, "You should have already left!"
You screenshot your messages to the group chat because it was far easier than just explaining the ordeal.
"Cute shoes." Eijiro and Kyoka commented at the same time.
There was a lull as their game ended and the messages were read.
"Ya don't need 'em if they're gonna have their head so far up their ass like this."
"I agree." Hanta chimed in. "They're not worth your time."
"Still, sorry they turned out to be a shit." You could hear the frown on Kyoka's face, "I know how excited you were."
"Right, you doin' okay, Y/N? I can stick around and we can all shoot some things!"
"Thanks, Kiri but I'll be just fine! Go spend time with your girl!"
One by one, everyone signed off. You pulled up Spotify and Stardew Valley, something of a comfort for you to get lost in for the rest of the night.
Less than an hour later, you noticed your phone lighting up with your best friend's familiar smiling face. "What's up, Denki?"
"Open your door! I have my hands full and don't wanna put everything down to get my key!"
You sprang from your desk and rushed to your door. Sure enough, on the other side was Denki with bags in both hands and his phone tucked between his ear and shoulder. You grabbed it and a bag before he had a chance to drop anything like the klutz he was. "What's with all this?"
"I feel bad."
"Why? You didn't stand me up?"
He fiddled with the edge of a paper bag. "Yeah, but, we both read those messages and no one said anything but they didn't just call our group out, they called us out.
"Denks, it doesn't matter to me-"
"But, it does to me! You were so excited about this and I got in the way, unknowingly but, still! So, I gotta make it up to you now!"
He pulled out take-out boxes from your favorite restaurant. Two bottles of your favorite wine. Your top three favorite movies and video games, and a board game you both had been meaning to try. "I mean, if they think I'm your boyfriend I kinda gotta live up to the hype, right?"
You really wanted to insist that none of this was necessary. That just because some person that neither of you really knew that well, assumed something about your relationship that didn't mean he had to blame himself for it.
But, you had to admit, this was really sweet. It shouldn't have come as a surprise to you that he knew everything you liked but it was nice. Instead of sitting across from a stranger, making awkward small talk, and trying to learn about one another, you were barefoot in your kitchen, laughing with your best friend while he plated dinner and you poured the wine.
Formalities were out the window. Both you and Denki were eating dinner in your living room, laughing and drinking just as you'd done a million times before. You snapped a photo of the delicious food on paper plates, toasting good times with your cheap wine, ready to post them to your Instagram.
"Gonna make them more jealous..."
"I think they made it pretty clear they don't want to see me so why should I care?"
He shrugged. "I just thought they might, you know, come to their senses that they obviously lost."
"I don't really care either way." You wandered back into your kitchen, putting away the leftovers, "They can forget I exist or they can stalk my page like a creep. If someones' gonna try and tell me I can't be friends with my friends or just not listen to me, then I don't want them in my life. No matter how good-looking they are."
Denki watched you from the sofa, a bit of a lopsided grin on his face that had butterflies taking flight in your stomach. "What?" Laughing to hide the bit of a crush you always had on the man. It was unavoidable you told yourself. His personality was infectious and had 15 year old you head over heels.
He pushed back bright blonde hair back off his forehead and just shook his head. "Nothin'. Uh, what's next? Video game, board game, or movie?"
You peaked on the counter at the options. "Well, we probably should have checked this but the board game needs at least four people to play... guess we'll have to save that for our next game night. Is a movie okay?"
Of course, it was.
You brought over the DVD with a refill of wine and he pulled a blanket down off the back of your sofa.
It really didn't take long, just fifteen minutes or so, and you were curled up into Denki's side. You'd make grabby hands for your wine glass and he'd pass it over with that damn grin again.
And not long after that, he'd pulled out his phone, angling it to take a picture of the two of you. "What are you doing?" You could see him on his own Instagram, tagging you, with the caption, Check out my cute cuddle bug.
"I thought you didn't want to make them more jealous."
"I decided I don't care either. You're mine tonight, their loss. And since you're mine tonight, I get bragging rights." He snapped another quick picture of you rolling your eyes at him, and then he kept snapping them.
"Denki! Why!"
"Because you're cute, cuddle bug! I like having all the pictures of you that I can!"
Even as you tackled him back down on the sofa, pinning him below you, he still managed a photo. "Bet if I post this one, they'll really get the wrong idea."
You could have moved. You were the one on top of him and you had his arms above his head. You had the power here and yet you just lingered above him.
"Y/N? Not that I'm one to complain about having a beautiful person such as yourself pinning me down, like, it's kinda hot, but..." Looking down into half-lidded golden eyes, you wondered why you had to become best friends with such a damn flirt! "Are you gonna take advantage of this situation we're in or are we just gonna keep dancing around this for another decade or so?"
You couldn't have heard him right? No... no this was your brain playing tricks on you because he certainly hadn't had that much wine tonight. You sat upright on his lap. "Another decade then, Y/N?"
"You- ha- you should stop that, Denki."
He leaned up, moving his arms around you, "Gimme a good reason to and I will."
You didn't have one. And not just because you've been in love with him for ten years but also because he was your best friend. The only reason to not go through with it was the possibility of losing your friendship if something bad were to happen but, you really didn't think anything would.
Denki might have been a serial flirt but he was surprisingly loyal in all the relationships he'd been in, not that there had been all that many serious ones.
"I'm not hearing anything." He teased, his face getting closer to yours. You could count each and every one of the faint freckles that littered the balls of his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. "But, I promise, if you tell me no, I'll stop, won't push this any further."
This whole thing seemed like a frickin' whirlwind, happening faster than your brain could really process the situation but you didn't want it to stop either. You wanted to take it further, didn't want to say no.
Which was why you coiled your arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. There was that small little buzz of electricity that tickled your lips when he'd kiss your nose or cheeks that was now playing on his lips, on his tongue when you welcomed him in.
He leaned back again, pulling you with him until you were both a pile of needy hands and breathy pleas. Everywhere his hands roamed you felt that faint trail of shock against your skin, making the little hairs on your body stand on end.
Clothes were shed, tossed haphazardly around your living room, both of you pausing to laugh when Denki managed to land your hoodie over a lamp. His attention was drawn back to you quickly though, still perched on top of him but now he had your chest on full display since you'd forgone a bra when your date canceled.
Electrifying tongue twirled around your nipples, sensitive normally, now it felt like you knew what it was like when he fried his damn brain. He was eager, relentless even, pulling and sucking, another hand giving your other breast a similar treatment. He had you so focused that you let out a broken moan when slender fingers found their way into your panties.
"Fuckin' hell, Denki."
The bastard winked up at you, nipple still between his lips and before you could retort, he sent another small jolt through you.
You were blatantly grinding down on his hand, reaching behind you, you found him completely solid, barely being contained in the tight black boxers he wore. You had enough sense to tug them down and wrap your hand around him making his teeth sink into your soft flesh, whining when you stroked him.
"Y/N..." He whimpered, his hand momentarily distracted from his ministrations gave you enough time to shift in his lap to scoot forward putting his cock in front of you. In one swift motion, you had his length between your slick. "Oh fuck, cutie!" Golden eyes were squeezed shut while you moved along him, feeling that pleasant curve he had, you could only imagine what it was gonna be like to have him inside you.
"You're being a little tease, ma-makes me wanna do all sorts of things to y-you."
He was kissing your neck, your chest, shoulders, and arms, anywhere on you that he could reach. His hips bucking up into you, just trying to hit that perfect angle.
Strength and agility were something most overlooked when it came to Denki Kaminari but when the man wanted something bad enough, he found a way to get it.
He had your ass rising up in the air with a harsh thrust of his hips and a small squeak from you, giving him exactly enough time to scoot down on the sofa so you were sat atop his face. If you complained, he didn't hear you. Denki already had your thighs around his head and his tongue devouring you completely.
Little shockwaves rocked you while you cried out his name, hands fisting blonde locks just trying to stay upright.
One orgasm from you apparently wasn't enough, neither was two but on the third, Denki finally relented, allowing your heartrate to come back down and your gasping breaths to come in more steadily.
You slid back down his body, his erection now smack against your ass. His hair was recked, face completely flush but he had the biggest grin on his face that you'd ever seen.
Denki kissed both your cheeks, "You are so amazing, cutie!" Kissed your lips, "You taste better than anything I've ever had!" And one more on the tip of your nose. "Doin' okay?"
You nodded, starting to really gather yourself again, and by this point, you really just wanted one thing.
"I wanna... Denks... can I take care of you now?"
"Sure, cutie! How do you want me?" The wiggling eyebrows had you rolling your eyes and pushing him on his back again.
It took little effort for you to position yourself above his cock, and with how slick you were, his bright pink head slipped right inside. He held your hands while you scrunched up your face, sliding all the way down him until he was completely sheathed within.
The curve was immaculate. Hitting in just the right way that had you moaning with just a couple thrusts from him. Before long, you were eagerly bouncing on his cock. Riding him hard so he filled you up each and every time.
You barely registered him reaching for the coffee table, his phone now in his hands. "What're you doin'?" You practically slurred, slowing only slightly. He tapped the camera lens with a wicked grin. "Seriously?"
"We could make 'em really jealous now..."
Somewhere in your brain, you knew your date wouldn't give two shits, in fact, this probably would have only validated their thoughts about your's and Denki's relationship but with his cock stuffed so deeply into you, kissing your cervix in the most beautiful way, you really didn't give a damn.
You and Denki put on the best possible show you could think of. You were overstimulated, sore, and completely elated! He balanced the phone against the wine bottle so neither of you had to try to hold it.
This way he could play with your breasts or squeeze your thighs while you dug half-moons into his chest. Shocked with the playful zaps he sent right to your core.
Your makeup you'd didn't feel like taking off now ran down your cheeks with tears. Your hair was a mess thanks to him pulling at it.
Denki had you howling through another two orgasms, telling you how perfect you were, how nice you felt squeezing him so tightly, your nails felt so good against his skin.
It was only when you collapsed against his chest did he hoist your hips up so he could ram into you, pulling out just at the last second with a strangled cry of your name.
He wiggled himself free, grabbing a towel from your bathroom and cleaning you both up before stopping the recording.
"You're, hey you're gonna send that to me right?" You asked when he handed back your hoodie off the lamp.
He dropped a kiss on your lips, plopping down beside you on the sofa again and you noticed your email already up and the video uploading. "Obviously, we share all our videos and photos. Why would this be different?"
926 notes · View notes
forever-rogue · 3 years
Note
hellooo An idea crossed my mind and i cannot stop thinking about your great mind making it possible what abou din djarin and reader having a fight. Mando is very protective. He basically shows than reader cannot keep themselve safe. That bothers reader and they run away. Mando tries not to worry, but finally he is running through the rain at the night begging for pardon. Very angst and happy ending
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AN | I am apparently back in my Din feels because this...made me soft 🥺
Warnings | None
Pairing | Din x GN!Reader
Masterlist | Din, Main
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
When Din woke up, it wasn’t because he was startled out of slumber by the little one, or an intruder - no. This was a much more pleasant way to wake up - to the smell of something delicious cooking. He rubbed his bleary eyes, almost as if making sure he was actually awake or just having a very realistic dream. Upon slowly sitting up and letting his feet hit the padded floor of the small bedroom, he discovered that it was all very much real.
A groan escaped his lips as he stretched and reached for a shirt to throw on before making his way down the kitchen. Despite having revealed his face to you, it seemed almost more intimate to reveal the rest of his body to you. Opening the door, half-expecting to see his green son, he was surprised to find nothing, but he did hear you in the kitchen.
Slowly shuffling his way down the hallway, a smile tugged on the corners of his mouth. You were so absorbed in what you were doing that you didn’t seem to hear him. He watched you for a moment, noticing that you had Grogu sitting at your feet, playing with one of his favorite little toys. You were cooking something, he wasn’t quite sure what it was, but it smelled delicious; he hadn’t even realized you’d have anything at the small refuge that could make something so delicious.
After a few moments, Grogu caught Din’s eye and cooed excitedly before slowly clambering over to him.
“What’s wrong?” you looked down at him, but he was quickly out of your sight, causing you to turn around and find Din watching you with a glimmer of amusement in his dark eyes, “oh! I didn’t even hear you - how long have you been up?”
“Not long,” he leaned down and scooped Grogu up in his arms before gently clutching him to his chest in a tender hug, "you've been busy...I didn't even know we had anything to make something that smells so...good."
"That's because we didn't," you admitted with a small sheepish little grin, "I got up early and went to the market to get stuff for all of our favorites!"
"You...what?!" his eyes widened in surprise as your blood froze in your veins. He definitely ….did not sound happy, "you went to the market by yourself?"
"Yes - but it was only for a little while this morning. All I did was get some food, I swear," you grew nervous as he took a step closer, "everything was fine! There’s no need to worry.”
“Did anyone follow you back?” he asked, trying to calm the seemingly millions of racing thoughts that suddenly sprung up. Din could tell that you were scared at his sudden shift in demeanor, but he was just so worried.
“No?” it was a small whimper that left your lips, “I don’t think so...why would someone follow me?”
“See, that’s what I mean-” he stopped himself, pinching the bridge of his nose as he sighed deeply. He wasn’t angry at you...it was just the worry and fear of not keeping you safe, “there are bad people hiding out in every corner of the galaxy. Even here, where it seems we’re safe for now. You can’t just trust people...if something had happened to you...I don’t know what I would do.”
“I just talked to the vendors, that’s all, I swear,” tears pricked at the back of your eyes as you backed up against the counter, “I can handle myself, at least for something so simple!”
“That’s just it, you can’t!” he’d never raised his voice like that against you and it was enough to just break you. A few tears rolled down your cheeks as you held back any comments, instead staring at the floor in silence, “it’s nothing against you. It’s just…”
“It’s fine,” you managed to choke out as you pushed past him to head back to your room. You didn’t even bother to turn off the stove or anything in your rush to get out. Din didn’t find it in himself to say anything as he watched you walk away. He hated himself in that moment for how he acted and had made you feel. He really did just want to keep you safe, that was his only intent, and yet he’d managed to even screw that up.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
You dabbed at your eyes as you finished loading up your small pack. It was the dead of the night and you were desperately hoping that Din and Grogu were fast asleep so you could make a quiet exit.
You didn’t really want to leave, and you didn’t want to let go of either of them, but if Din really didn’t think you were capable of handling yourself for even such a menial task, then did he trust you at all? This was a dangerous life, and you’d known that from the very first day that you’d met Din. But here you were, still at his side. Maybe he’d never wanted you here anyway…maybe he was just being polite. Either way, from here on out, he wasn’t going to have to deal with you any longer. It felt heavy in your heart, but right now it seemed like the right decision.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
The door creaked slightly as you shut it, and for a moment your heart almost stopped, sure that the bounty hunter would have heard it. After a few beats of silence when no sounds had met your ears, you decided that you were in the clear and headed out in the dark wood. It was a beautiful refuge during the day, but in the dead of night, it sent a shiver down your spine.
A few drops of rain left onto your face as you hugged, lugging your pack higher on your back. If you kept going through the night, by the morning you’d be at the transit depo and could make your way from this planet and away from your boys.
You turned around and cast a forlorn look back at the small house that had served as a home for a few months now. You'd come here for a much break from the hustle of real life; you'd never thought it would lead to this.
Deciding it was best to go, you'd let a long sigh before turning on your heel and walking away, listening to the soft crunch of gravel under your feet.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
Din woke up with a start, waking up in the middle of an odd dream. His chest rose and fell rapidly as he tried to steady breathing, wiping the sweat from his brow. He couldn’t place it exactly, but something was off. He hastily pushed back the blankets as he scrambled out of the bed and over to the small makeshift crib where Grogu was. The little one was sleeping soundly as he snoozed away, undisturbed by anything.
Huffing lightly, he opened the door to his room and walked down the hallway, pausing in front of your door. It was shut completely - a sure sign that something was up; you’d normally always kept it open just a crack. With his hand poised on the door handle, he paused to listen for any sounds, but when he didn’t hear anything, he slowly opened the door, whispering your name.
He looked around the room, his heart dropping into stomach as he realized that you were gone. Instinct kicked in and he ran out of the room and back to his, hastily reaching for any clothes he could find. Din didn’t even bother to make sure anything looked good, but finished with his boots and a blaster, grabbing Grogu gently and placing him in his bag. The child made a few sounds of discontent as he was suddenly woken up, but he too immediately sensed that something was wrong.
“Sorry,” he patted the top of little fuzzy head before throwing open the door and practically running out. By now, it was raining completely and he cursed him for not bringing an umbrella; but in reality it was the least of his concerns. He was able to quickly spot one of your boot prints in mud, and found your path from there. If he had nothing else going for him, at least he still had well honed skills as a hunter, “let’s go. We don’t have any time to lose.”
Grogu just made a worried little sound in response.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
It felt like you had been walking for hours and you left no nearer your destination than when you had started. But you had to keep walking - turning back wasn’t an option anymore. You heard something in the distance behind you, causing you to freeze in fear. Swallowing thickly, you decided to carry on without looking behind you.
But after a few beats, you kept hearing the same sounds and...was that your name? The hairs on your arm stood on end as you were positive that someone was calling your name. Your heart left like it was going to burst out of your chest as you stopped and slowly turned around.
An explosion of butterflies rumbled through your tummy as you spotted Din coming out of the wood, drenched as you were by the rain. An unreadable expression was on his face as he rushed toward you, Grogu poking his head out of the pouch and grinning when he realized it was. Your stomach flipped a little at the sight of your two favorite people as they came towards you. You raised your hand in a small wave, but rooted your feet on the ground.
“I found you...you’re safe,” he was breathless as he stopped in front of you, a small, hesitant smile tugging on his features, “I woke up and you were gone…”
“Yeah,” you managed to choke out as you shrugged lightly, “I figured...it might be better this way, I dunno. You said I couldn’t even handle myself, so I figured it’d be easier if I just took myself out of the equation.”
“I shouldn’t have said what I did,” he admittedly without pausing for even a moment, “I didn’t mean how it came out, and I’m sorry. I do think you can handle yourself and whatever you need, I can teach you. I feel like bantha fodder for what I said. I’m sorry.”
“‘s okay,” you whispered softly, “I was just thinking that maybe...maybe this is better for you. If it was just you and the kid. That way you don’t have to worry about me.”
“I want to worry about you,” he promised, causing you to look at him with eyes, a nervous expression on your face, “I...want to keep you safe. Here, with us.”
“Y-you do?” you met his eyes, finding them just as nervous as he tried to gauge your response.
“Yeah,” he laughed nervously, trying not to completely spill his heart onto his sleeve then and there. No - that could be saved for later, somewhere much warmer and dryer, “I shouldn’t have just reacted the way I did. And even if you don’t forgive me, I am truly sorry. I just had to tell you.”
“I forgive you,” a shy smile met his as you took his outstretched hand in yours, “I shouldn’t have reacted so dramatically either. I could have saved both of us from getting this wet...I...thank you for coming back for me.”
“I always will,” he squeezed your hand gently, “I promise.”
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
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demonslayedher · 3 years
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How Does Eating Humans Work?
Hello, Gotou here. We’re shamelessly borrowing from the format of a KnY Fanbook #2 comic to launch an investigation into demon metabolism and development by crossing the Sanzu River again to interview demons in the underworld. While we’ll be using canon materials as a base, the analysis and conjecture herein is personal, so we ask for your understanding. Also, please note that consuming any food in the underworld will make you unable to return, and we cannot promise your safety even though the interview subjects are dead, so please come along at your own risk.
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Some of the questions we’d like to answer are, why do demons need to eat humans? How much do they need to eat to survive? Are there factors that influence how eating humans makes them stronger? If they don’t want to kill humans, what are their other options? We’ve rounded up some special guests below the cut (hidden for length and grossness), everyone from the lowly Temple Demon to the lovely Tamayo, to see what their actions in canon might tell us.
First, a review of what canon tells us, mostly as summarized in Fanbook #2: 1. With one exception named Yushirou, all demons were created by Kibutsuji Muzan, for his own purposes. They all have some amount of his blood, and can be divided into four classes depending on how powerful they are. From top to bottom, the Upper Moons, the Lower Moons, demons with special abilities, and other demons without any special characteristics. 2. Demons may be stronger depending on how much of Kibutsuji Muzan’s blood they have. Most beings’ cannot handle a large amount of his blood, and it will rupture the cells and that being will die, but there are demons who adapt well to it. 3. Typically, sunlight is the only way to kill a demon, by either bathing them in sunlight or cutting of their head with a Nichirin blade. However, there are powerful demons for whom chopping off their head does not work, and if it’s strong enough, demons can also be killed by wisteria poison.
4. Demons eat human blood and flesh. The more they eat, the stronger they become, and the faster their regenerative abilities become. Some humans have “Marechi,” a rare blood type, which is especially nutritious to demons, and eating one Marechi is the equivalent of eating several humans.
That’s an interesting thing we’d like to come back to, especially since we’re looking for quantitative information about how demons gain nutrition (though I have my doubts we'll get enough for statistical analysis). As an interesting note, Fanbook #2 also tells us that if demons try to consume the same edibles humans do, they’ll vomit it back up.
I’m told that Miss Tamayo drinks tea, though. That’ll be an interesting question for later. In my notes, it seems she’s also explained to Tanjirou back in Chapter 15 that demons will normally go berserk if they go a long time without consuming any blood or flesh. Berserk is one thing, but I wonder if they can starve to death? We’ll see if these canon clues will lead us to anything. We’ll begin now in an interview format. Hopefully this will go smoothly, but I’ve got a feeling it won’t. First up, we’ve the Temple Demon.
Temple: Who were you calling ‘lowly’ just now? Up there, above the cut?
Gotou: That was in a literal sense, not having Blood Techniques means you’re in the bottom common tier of demons.
Temple: Argh. Fine. What do you want to know?
Gotou: In Chapter 2, you were spotted with three human victims. However, it seems you left their bodies mostly intact and only ate small parts instead of consuming one full human at a time. Could you comment on this?
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Temple: I’d have gotten to more later if that whelp with the strong legs didn’t interrupt me! Who’s got time to eat entire humans anyway? I went for the easy stuff first.
Gotou: I see. It appears you might had focused on key organs, like the heart and the liver. Would you say these are especially nutritionally dense?
Temple: I guess. If I’m going to eat humans, I’m going to start with what’s worth bothering to digest. Blood’s easier on the stomach, so that’s what I was busy with on the lady there.
Gotou: Then it takes effort to digest? Hmm. Let’s come back to this later. How many humans would you say you consumed, including these three?
Temple: Not a lot… I tried to get a variety so I could get stronger faster, but…
Gotou: I’ll put down a guess as ten or less. Let’s move on to someone who has a sharper memory for numbers. One of our longer-lived guests at Mt. Fujikasane for 47 years, the Hand Demon. While most of the demons on the mountain had only eaten two or three humans, you’ve eaten a whole 50 of the children who headed into the Final Selection, didn’t you?
Hand: Yes, that’s right. It was hard at first since I wasn’t very strong, and the demons usually all went crazy there eating each other, just like that one brat who got away in Chapter 7 said. If you could manage to kill any of the kids, you had the other demons to fight off to even get a piece to yourself. That was enough to get me by, and stronger, little by little. Your body learns to make your meals last, and make the most of what you can get. I usually only had a bite of one child a year, can you imagine how horrible that was? Most demons who survive usually figure out some way to develop and survive better, and once my cells found something that worked for me, I kept doing it. I got really good at snatching away prey from other demons, and soon enough I was a bigger threat than any of them. None of them could, you might say, lay a hand on me.
Gotou: That’s an interesting point about self-development. A demon named Nezuko was spent two years doing that in her sleep.
Hand: She must have had a big meal before that!
Gotou: Well, anyway. It seems that in near starving conditions, your metabolism made the most of what you had, leading to the most efficient use of whatever food was available to you.
Hand: That’s right, I got really good at it. Wasn’t always pretty, but I made it work. I got to a point where I could go two years without eating and still keep my wits about me while the other demons were going mad. But I chose to eat. I liked to keep my appetite for specific children.
Gotou: That smile is not reassuring. Some humans taste better than others, I guess?
Hand: That’s for sure. This one kid tasted awful, like rust and man sweat! I still don’t have that disgusting taste out of my mouth! But he was one of my more satisfying meals, so I ate more of him.
Gotou: Then why would you… nevermind, I don’t like that smile, no further questions. While I had hoped to keep these interviews focused on quantities of humans consumed, it does seem personal taste is worth asking about. I had tried to invite a Swamp Demon from Chapter 11, but it kept arguing with itself and it felt like I’d be wasting my time. The one definite thing I learned was that this demon is picky, with a distinct preference for 16-year-old girls. Based on the number of trinkets he kept, it seems he had consumed at least seventeen of them, including several in one town. Sheesh, that’s sort of a rough mission to send a first-timer on. I’ve got a more cooperative guest here to discuss her tastes, a Snake Demon who, according to Chapter 188, has a special taste for baby flesh.
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Snake: Thank you for having me here. It’s good to be appreciated again.
Gotou: Did you only eat babies?
Snake: Goodness, no. Babies are delicious, but they aren’t very nutritious. And their skulls certainly aren’t that big, the ones I lounged around with were from the people whom I killed and stole from. But you know the nice thing about baby skulls? They’re still soft. They take a long time to digest, but I can swallow them whole.
Gotou: Like… like a snake, then. Sorry, I’m a little ill hearing that. Let’s back up, were all those skulls the remains of adults you ate, then?
Snake: Meh, I ate some of them of better-looking ones, but most of them I only killed. I could usually kill a lot more at a time than I could bother eating, my killing record was fifty women all at once.
Gotou: And you didn’t find that wasteful?
Snake: Wasteful? Not at all. I wasn’t exactly in dire straits, I lived a more luxurious life than most demons do. That meant I could afford to wait for a truly delicious meal, like how you humans might leave something in a slow-cooker to enjoy the perfect combination of doneness and tenderness, plated in the most appetizing of ways.
Gotou: I guess demons and humans are similar in that regard.
Snake: I’m so glad you can relate! Then you understand the frustration of a meal you’ve be preparing for years opening up the slow-cooker and running away right when they were just about done.
Gotou: I have never had that experience.
Snake: I’ll get you, my pretty. And your little snake, too.
Gotou: I think we might have gotten a little off-topic here. It does seem digesting humans comes with some difficulty. I’d like to invite the Drum Demon in next. Your name is Kyougai, I hear?
Kyougai: !!
Gotou: Kyogai, right?
Kyougai: You’ve heard of me! You know my name!
Gotou: I happened to, yes.
Kyougai: What have you heard???
Gotou: That you were kicked out of the Lower Moons for being unable to consume enough humans.
Kyougai: Oh. ……..yeah, that’s me.
Gotou: I thought demons go berserk if they go a long time without consuming humans. Wouldn’t that make an inability to consume them problematic?
Kyougai: It wasn’t that I couldn’t eat them! Like I said in Chapter 24, I had to in order to sustain myself, just like any other demon. But, at some point, I couldn’t eat as much as I used to. That happens to humans too, doesn’t it? When you just can’t stomach anymore?
Gotou: You mean like when you’ve overeaten? In a human’s case that feeling may go away within a few hours.
Kyougai: Sort of like that, but you know, humans reach a time when nothing is appetizing or the thought of eating makes them feel sick, right? Isn’t that the human condition?
Gotou: …uh… maybe if they have a medical condition? Or anxiety? Do demons get anxiety? Or eating disorders?
Kyougai: I… I don’t know. I just wasn’t good enough.
Gotou: I think it’s plenty good if you stopped eating humans. Though to have developed Blood Techniques and been a Lower Moon in the first place, you must had eaten a great number of them.
Kyougai: You think I’m great?
Gotou: What?
Kyougai: No, sorry, I was getting ahead of myself. It’s true, I used to be able to eat as many as the other Lower Moons always consumed. Our stomachs were stronger, you might say. Demons got strong by eating humans, and then the more you did that the better you usually got at it, so the strong ones would eat more and more and keep getting stronger and stronger. At least, that’s how it usually worked. I’ve seen other demons below me reached that point too, where they feel the drive to eat, but then they have trouble digesting it for a long time, so they don’t wind up eating that many people.
Gotou: Then it would make sense to eat the most nutritionally dense parts first.
Kyougai: Or a Marechi.
Gotou: Yes, or a Marechi.
Kyougai: It was a great idea, wasn’t it?
Gotou: I cannot condone any consumption of humans as a good idea.
Kyougai: I knew it. I’m nothing. Go ahead, stomp all over everything I ever tried to accomplish.
Gotou: I think I’m going to move on to my next interviewee now. It looks like we’ve got… oh, would you look at this? Lower Moon One. Enmu, I believe.
Enmu: You can believe whatever you want. I’m happy to help.
Gotou: I don’t need any help, thanks. I’m curious, since you were one of the stronger demons out there, it seems you had a stronger capacity for consuming humans.
Enmu: I did, I was always careful and paced myself so the Demon Slayers wouldn’t notice me. I took my time. I liked to enjoy e-e-e-a-c-h one.
Gotou: Then you had tastes too? Like babies, or 16-year-old girls?
Enmu: I could season any human to my liking. They’re all very easy to prepare.
Gotou: I’m still trying to get quantitative data. Can you tell me at least a rough estimate of how many humans you consumed?
Enmu: I told this more precisely to that boy with the earrings back in Chapter 59, and I can tell you this too. At my best, I could had eaten over two-hundred people at once if I took my time.
Gotou: OH MY GAW----sorry, I dropped my pen. Two hundred, at once?
Enmu: Yes. If I had just. Had. A little. More. Time.
Gotou: Clearly there is a huge difference between what common demons are capable of and what the Twelve Moons are capable of.
Daki: Psh, those were all any random common people. That’s nothing to brag about.
Gotou: Excuse me, and you are?
Daki: Daki, Upper Moon Six. You want something really impressive, you talk to the Upper Moons.
Gotou: I’m sorry, I don’t see you on my list.
Daki: What! Your list is stupid. Look me in the eyes, I’m Upper Moon Six!
Gotou: Very well, then. What can you tell me about your diet, Miss Upper Moon Six?
Daki: That’s more like it. It’s true that digestion takes a while, and takes some effort. Even though we Upper Moons may have eaten hundreds of people in our lifetimes, it’s not as if we gorge ourselves. The clever ones among us save prey for later to eat when we feel ready for it.
Gotou: Food storage? How do you keep them fresh?
Daki: You leave them still alive, numbskull. Nobody wants to eat something cold, that’s gross.
Gotou: I see, so that’s why demons prefer to go after new kills instead of saving what they’ve already managed to kill. That also might explain why the demons on Mt. Fujikasane wouldn’t had eaten many humans, if they found long dead ones in edible.
Daki: You want to know the real secret to eating humans? You can eat what you find tastes good, sure. But to get stronger, you eat strong people. Like your Corp members, the ones besides chumps like you? Using all that Breath makes their muscles really lean and potent, it’s like they come offering themselves as protein bars for us.
Gotou: You make them sound like a fad diet…
Daki: The real secret is eating Pillars. Besides Marechi, they’re the strongest meals out there. Guess how many I’ve eaten?
Gotou: I don’t have the data to make an educated guess.
Daki: Then get educated! Look back at Chapter 88! I’ve eaten seven Pillars, and my brother has eaten fifteen!
Gotou: Your brother? Who is he, then, Upper Moon Five?
Daki: What? Ew. Gross. Gross! No way, ew!
Gotou: Hmm… eating Pillars, huh? Well, I can think of one Pillar who was…
Douma: Me too!
Gotou: Speak of the devil.
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Douma: Actually, we Upper Moons can! And he's not Satan, that's not how this works. But I guess Muzan-sama’s curse doesn’t effect us now. Ask me anything you want!
Gotou: That Chapter 143 reference was such a rude entrance. I understand that Pillars are particularly nutritious—
Douma: Oh, please don’t misunderstand! I don’t even eat all the Pillars I’ve encountered. There was the one Flower Pillar who got away from me, but some of the boy pillars I just leave around. What’s really the key to consistent nutritional intake is women! It’s really unhealthy for a demon not to get enough women in their diet, that’s why even if you’re only looking for Marechi or Pillars, your metabolism is going to get thrown out of whack with sudden big meals. You grow a stronger metabolism with consistency, I believe!
Gotou: If I could stop you there, I had an image from Chapter 142 I preferred to focus on for this case study. I see you keep a wide collection of skulls, from victims whom I assume you ate.
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Douma: Yes, they all stayed together inside me for eternity, but the room looked lonely without décor.
Gotou: It seems other demons usually go for nutritionally dense organs like hearts or livers, or easy to digest parts of the body, perhaps just blood sometimes. Eating the entire victim, bones and all, doesn’t seem to be the norm.
Douma: Bones are organs too, you know! That’s where blood is made, at its freshest. They do take more practice in learning to digest, and I had to find a way around not having to chew them, but the bone marrow is very, very good for you, so I make sure to consume it frequently. It may take more time and it causes some of my followers to panic more while they wait, though, that’s a bit of a downside. Oh, and I guess bones can make good storage for some sneaky poison. Even fingernails and hair follicles, who’d have thought?
Gotou: I don’t think hair would have much nutritional value in the first place. In all my years, I can never recall seeing a victim with their hair eaten.
Douma: Tsk, tsk! Clearly you haven’t done much metabolism research in advance. I was really impressed by how well Shinobu-chan understood how my digestion would work. Eating hair can do amazing things! Isn’t that right, Genya-kun?
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Genya: ?????????
Gotou: Genya-kun!?
Genya: What am I doing here?
Gotou: I don’t think you’re supposed to be here. Isn’t there, you know, another side? The other direction?
Genya: What are you doing here? Did you die?
Gotou: I’m here doing research on demon metabolism and how they get stronger by consuming flesh.
Douma: What can you tell us about what up with having your friend feed you hair you found on the floor in Chapters 170-171, Genya-kun?
Genya: I’m not a demon!! Why the hell are you asking me?
Douma: ‘Hell’! Haha, good one!
Gotou: How do you even know about that? You were dead almost a full volume before that. And Genya’s different, he’s not a case study in how demons consuming humans works!
Douma: Are you certain?
Gotou: I hear the term get thrown around a lot that he’s ‘half-demon’, but—
Genya: I’m not a demon!!!
Gotou: --how would that even work? That would imply that one of his parents had to be a demon, and that—
Genya: What did you say about my mother!?!
Gotou: What? Nothing—
Genya: You say that to my face! You just trying saying something about my mother to my face! My mother never actually ate any flesh, you got that? She doesn’t deserve any of this!
Gotou: Genya, calm down, what—
Douma: I see we’re learning nothing about hair at all. Maybe Kokushibou-dono would provide better commentary on that?
Genya: Mom? Mo-o-o-o-m? Are you down here somewhere?
Gotou: And there he goes… wait, did you say Kokushibou? Upper Moon One? Oh no—he—he didn’t want me bothering him, he did not agree to another interview—
Douma: He-e-e-e-e-y, Kokushibou-dono! How did that work with Genya-kun eating your hair? Hair can be nutritious, right?
Kokushibou: You would gain… nothing… from consuming human hair… it’s not… flesh… you wasted your energy digesting it…
Douma: Aww, cutting it off them would had been sad, though.
Kokushibou: Demon hair… like demon weapons… is made… from our unique cells. It’s not dead… like human locks. Because that boy ate my live cells… it affected him…
Gotou: Yes, because he had a very, very unique metabolism, analyzed separately in this post. To be perfectly clear, Genya is completely human with cells that could temporarily transform, and he never consumed human flesh.
Kokushibou: He… vexes me…
Gotou: Um… while I’ve got you here, you’re one of the longest lived demons, clocking in at over three, maybe four centuries. Do you have any estimate of how many humans you’ve consumed?
Kokushibou: ……I see in… Chapter 100… that you are 23 years old?
Gotou: That is correct.
Kokushibou: Do you bother… remembering how many meals… you’ve had in a mere 23 years?
Gotou: I’m very sorry to have bothered you.
Douma: Kokushibou-dono’s ancient compared to the rest of us! But if I tried, I could probably recall. Let’s see. One, two, three, four…
Gotou: Is that? Your finger in your brain? Oh—ohhh—that is disgusting---I really don’t need to know numbers that badly, please stop. Is there maybe just some average you can give me for the Upper Moons instead? Like how many you’d eat in a month?
Douma: I wish I could, but a certain someone was an annoying outlier and didn’t like to eat so many humans. He made me worry all the time about his health.
Gotou: Really? Who might that be?
Douma: Hello-o-o-o-o-? Akaza-dono? Yoohoo! He spends all his time with his wife now and never answers when I call, it makes me so sad. Akaza-dono did eat humans, plenty of strong ones, but any time he wasn’t under orders from Muzan he liked to spend his time training instead of eating. Fanbook #1 says he did that way more than eating!
Gotou: Training? What sort of training?
Douma: Similar things to what your Corp members did, I imagine. Doing squats, throwing punches, things like that.
Gotou: Then demon muscles had similar function to human muscles, and could be strengthened through hard work? That’s surprising.
Douma: I know, right? I’ll let you in on a secret, I don’t think it was the physically repetition that did anything. I think it was his willpower getting honed and shaping his muscles.
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Douma: I had to focus when I acquired new skills too, like breaking down poisons. A lot of sad, lowly demons, like that Hand Demon fellow? They focus as hard as they can in their desperation, or focus on some strong emotion or attachment or whatever, and they grow and develop because of it. Sometimes all their weak bodies can manage is an ugly mutation, but that’s proof enough of how much focus they had.
Gotou: That sheds a lot of light on Nezuko, actually.
Douma: Shed “light” on Nezuko-chan, hahaha! Sunlight! You humans are all so witty!
Gotou: Speaking of willpower, I’ve got one more interview I need to get to down here. Of all the demons I have records of, only Nezuko went her whole time as a demon without consuming any human flesh, although she did go through moments of berserk cravings for it. It’s possible that other demons were killed before they could consume anything, but typically they will consume flesh as soon as possible, which is why its common for their family and close relations to be among the first ones killed. Tomioka-san even mentioned in Chapter 1 that these close relations are especially nutritious.
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Gotou: A demon about as old as Kokushibou, if not older, is a special case of her own. She was one of the only demons we know of to have escaped Kibutsuji’s curse and acted in dependently of him, including having created a demon of her own after two hundred years of trying. Most notably to our purposes, she trained herself to subsist on small amounts of blood, after having survived on corpses and wild animals for a time, according to the extensive Taisho Secrets at the end of Volume 21.
Tamayo: I explained this in more detail to Tanjirou-san in Chapter 15, but I went on to purchase blood from poor people, and extracted it in ways that wouldn’t be harmful to them. The one demon I created, Yushirou, could subsist on even less. I gained enough self-control that I could treat injured humans without feeling tempted into a berserk state.
Gotou: I was just talking to Douma about willpower making demons capable of accomplishing new physical developments. Was that how you were able to gain this state? I heard you even enjoy a cup of tea now and then.
Tamayo: Yes, I’ve taken a liking to it. I’d offer you some if not for this, you know, being hell. It’s nothing like the hell I went through when first resisting consuming humans, though. My demon body refused to take anything but fresh human flesh at first, but in the hardest moments, I always remembered a kind demon hunter who said he believed in me and my desire to defeat Kibutsuji Muzan. I believe Nezuko may have summoned her strength to resist the call of her demon cells in a similar way; she knew she had her brother there to rely on. Once she mastered something as remarkable as resisting the need for human flesh, it gave her the freedom to prioritize other developments.
Gotou: You spent centuries researching demon cells, especially how demons may break down and metabolize poisons.
Tamayo: I had not studied the metabolism of poisons until working with Shinobu-san. The medicine we concocted for Kibutsuji was only possible thanks to her work, and I couldn’t had worked with many of those wisteria-based substances on my own. I feel I was only there to fill in the gaps of her brilliant understanding.
Gotou: You’re very humble. I would pass along my thanks and compliments to Shinobu-sama too, but I’m pretty sure she’s not down here. On that note, did Genya-kun go back home?
Tamayo: He did after a nice reunion with his mother just now, it was very sweet. Shizu-san and I get along well, after all, we both carry similar guilt.
Gotou: Wait, was his mother a demon? That means Wind-sama’s mother was too? Wait?? What??
Tamayo: The worst hell I went through, or that any demon has gone through, is to realize what you’ve eaten after the hunger-driven madness clears. Being similar to your own cells, they’re easy on a volatile new anatomy to break down and digest. That’s why many demons may have driven themselves to forget everything all over again, or to twist their personalities to justify the horror, saying that because they ate the hearts of their loved ones and because demon flesh can live forever, then they never truly killed them. The truth always remained untwisted for me, and to this day, it torments me more than anything in this underworld can try.
Gotou: …
Tamayo: You should wake up now, Gotou. You’ve been through a lot; the nightmares must be taxing on your health. Please remember to eat well.
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Part Six. Movies and Speedruns
warnings: swearing, many memes word count: 3.8k (not including pictures) (wow okay ash pop off!) 
behind the screen (irl!dream x f!reader) series masterlist ultimate masterlist
A/N: LETS ALL JUST AGREE TO NOT LOOK AT THE DATES ON TWEETS AND STUFF BC SOME CHAPTERS ARE SO SCUFFED WITH DATES!!!! JUST KNOW THIS STORY STARTS MID NOVEMBER!!!!!!!! (in a world where covid doesn’t exist btw)
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Unknowingly and unintentionally, Y/n let out a big sigh as she poured a glass of water.
"What's wrong, Y/n?" Naomi asked gently, coming up behind her and hugging her tightly.
"Peter."
Naomi hummed, a sign that she was waiting for Y/n to lead the conversation so she could follow because if it were up to Naomi, she would immediately start trash-talking Peter and she wasn't sure if that was the vibe right now or not.
Y/n shook her head in disbelief as she jumped up to sit on the counter. "He got so mad when he found out I slept over at Karl's."
"I'm sorry, Y/n. I wish you would just cut him off completely."
"I don't know. I know I should but... part of me wonders if he could ever go back to how he was when I met him. I would probably date that guy again but not who he turned out to be."
Naomi looked horrified. "No. You sound like you're considering hearing him out. No, is that a joke? He's a bad person."
"I'm not," Y/n reassured. "I'm just thinking hypothetically. Probably because I miss having someone..."
"Y/n, you have a ton of thirsty people in your mentions. If you really want someone that bad, just scroll through, land on one and I bet they're a million times better than that sack of burned potatoes."
Y/n rolled her eyes but smiled lightly. "Most of those are jokes."
"Not all of them," she teased.
"I know you're going to tell me anyway so just say it. Who specifically do you think isn't joking?"
"Dream," Naomi sang.
"Okay, crazy." Y/n reached over, staying seated on the counter as she grabbed a bowl from a cabinet on her left. She then leaned all the way right, reaching as far as she could, but couldn't quite grab a cereal box from the top of the refrigerator.
Naomi rolled her eyes as she helped, handing Y/n the box. She even went the extra step to get Y/n a spoon and the milk because she was that nice. "I'm not joking. Neither is he. Karl and I have talked about it and we both agree."
Y/n paused at her friend's words, her hand hovering over the milk that Naomi held out for her. "You guys gossip about my love life?"
Naomi set the milk next to Y/n, tired of holding it out for her. "Of course? Like we don't do that about Karl? Or you and him about me?"
She couldn't argue there.
"Karl says there's a different vibe from Dream when you join calls and I believe it. I mean, I've seen it during streams myself so I can only imagine how much more obviously in love with you he is during private calls.
"That 'vibe' is Karl's delusional mind creating things. He's too scared to talk to cameragirl so he's projecting onto Dream and I."
"Yeah, okay," Naomi agreed sarcastically.
Y/n huffed. "Besides, he's in Florida. I'm in North Carolina, in case you weren't aware."
"So you're saying if you lived in the same state, you'd date him?"
"I didn't say that." She honestly had never thought of it. Sure she liked hanging out with Dream and her stomach got butterflies when he talked directly to her and he made her smile harder than anyone ever had and he—
And she didn't like him like that. She had only officially met the guy like a week and a half ago and she didn't know what he looked like. There was no way you could catch feelings for someone without seeing them.
Naomi's expression fell again. "Distance doesn't matter, anyway."
"I swear if you say something about George I will slap you," she threatened through a smile and Naomi gave her an innocent grin back.
"If you're lonely, get on Tinder, not Peter. Or get on Dream. I have no qualms with that."
"Peter isn't even an option, Naomi." Y/n sighed, ignoring the comment about Dream.  "Also," she swallowed the last of her cereal and set the bowl down with a clank. "I'm gonna tell Peter I don't want to be friends anymore. Dream and George can be added to the list of Peter haters."
"You talked to them about it?"
She nodded. "You know how I have little gossip sessions with George? Well, Dream was there too this time."
"Well, of course Dream would hate Peter. We've established that he likes you."
"No, no, you and Karl delusionally hypothesized that."
Naomi tapped the counter methodically, a sign Y/n knew to signal that she was thinking hard. "Somehow, one day, I'll prove he does."
"Good luck."
"Wanna watch a movie?"
"Yes," Y/n perked up. "Go pick something, I'll get blankets."
She went to her room, grabbing her favorite cuddling blankets. She started leaving her room when she heard a ding on her open desktop, signaling that she had a call incoming from Discord. Cool timing.
"I'll be just a second, Naomi!" she called across the house before dropping the blankets on her bed and sliding her headset on, answering the call from Dream. "Hi, Dream!" She sat on her chair and tucked her knees to her chest.
"Hi," he greeted sweetly. "How are you doing today?"
"Much better than when we last talked. How are you?"
"Great now that I'm talking to you," he said smoothly. Y/n rolled her eyes but smiled anyway. "Are you busy?"
"Unfortunately, yes. My roommate and I are about to watch a movie."
"Ooh, what movie?"
"Not sure yet. Any suggestions?"
"Dark Knight. Unless you wanted me to say, like, Tangled or something."
"Yeah, girls' night is exclusively princess movies. Do you know nothing?"
"Apparently," he said with a laugh.
"What's up?"
"Oh, well, I was just gonna see if you wanted to be on call later with me, George, and Sapnap while I stream speedruns, but you're hanging out with your roommate so nevermind."
"Oh," Y/n deflated. "That sounds fun."
"I can push it back if you want to be part of it. If not, that's fine. I just thought it would be cool."
"No, no, no I really do want to, but I don't want you to have to push it back. When were you planning on starting?"
"In about an hour."
"I'll just join later if you're still playing. If that's okay that I come late."
"No. You have to be on time or not at all," he joked. "Of course that's fine," he assured. "And if I'm not playing anymore, you can still join... we usually talk for forever after we play games and it's fun. I would, er, we would love for you to hang out with us."
Y/n couldn't help the large smile on her face from staying even after they hung up and she walked back into the living room with her pile of blankets. She couldn't help it even when Naomi pointed it out and asked why she was so happy.
"Oh, uh, I've been invited to join Dream and them later for a stream."
"That vague answer doesn't warrant the shit-eating grin you have."
Y/n shrugged and cuddled more into her blankets. "What movie did you pick?"
*****
As the end credits rolled across the screen, Y/n yawned and looked over to Naomi in the dark. She was out like a light. Y/n stood up and made sure Naomi was covered in the blanket and she had a pillow. She crept back to her room and slid her headphones on, pulling up Discord where she saw the three boys' names still in a voice call.
She pulled up Twitch on her second monitor and looked for Dream's stream. It was already about an hour in. She clicked on it and her headphones echoed with the sound of George and Sapnap laughing like they said the funniest thing in the world.
"Shut up," Dream muttered. "Guys, what were the coords for the portal? Seriously, come on."
"Nobody tell him," George joked.
"George!"
"Where's Bugsyyyy?" Sapnap whined. "I want her to make fun of you with us."
"Half the stuff we're making fun of him for is about his big fat crush on her so..."
"George!" Dream yelled again. "No, it's not!"
Y/n smiled as she heard that, knowing it was a joke but laughing at the way Dream laughed at the accusation. She knew it wasn't serious or else they wouldn't talk about it on stream. George and Sapnap teased a lot, but certainly, they wouldn't out someone's crush in front of a hundred thousand viewers live.
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"Oh!" Sapnap spoke out loud as George laughed loudly, both reading the text at the same time. "Speaking of..."
Dream waited for either of the two boys to elaborate but neither of them offered one. "What happened?"
"Bugsy texted us," George said off-handedly, typing a response to her. "She's coming in a second."
"Oh."
"What do you mean 'oh'?" Sapnap laughed.
"You guys have a groupchat?"
"Aw, jealous?" George asked.
Y/n joined at that moment, the first sentence coming from her Discord instead of Twitch being from Sapnap saying, "Would it make you more jealous to know our group name is Bugsy's Boys?"
"No, Sapnap, that's the one with Karl," George corrected. "The one with just you, me, and her is Bugsy's Boyfriends."
"WhAT?"
"I still don't approve of that, by the way," Y/n commented.
"Bugsy!!" Sapnap giggled happily. "You're finally here!"
"BUGSY!" George cheered.
"Hi guys!" Y/n laughed at the enthusiasm she was greeted with. "Hi, Dream!"
There was a few seconds of silence before, "Dream!!" George yelled right before the death screen appeared on the Twitch tab still opened on Y/n's right screen. "You idiot, what are you doing?! Why did you throw that run??"
She covered her mouth with the hoodie collar and laughed. "Off to a great start, bud."
"NO!" Dream yelled, knocking something, or somethings, off his desk. "Noooo! I didn't throw it, George, I FELL! Oh, that was going to be such a good run."
"What happened? How did you miss that huge ravine?" George asked while laughing. "It was literally right in the open. You didn't even try to use your water bucket."
"I-I was... I was distracted."
"By what? The completely open field with nothing blocking your vision?" Sapnap criticized with a laugh as well.
Y/n giggled to herself before letting her eyes trail to his chat, which was filled with the same accusations and guesses.
user5: BUGSY!
user2: DISTRACTED BY BUGSYS VOICE
user4: imagine saying hi so cutely that you make a man fall into a ravine
user1: are they dumb? obviously bugsy saying hi made his brain short-circut
user6: guys stop it wasn't bc she said hi. it was the g i g g l e
user3: DISTRACTED BY BUGSY!!!!
user8: HI BUGSY
user10: how to kill a man: hire bugsy to giggle and say hi directly to him
Y/n immediately blushed and covered her face again. She really had a habit of hiding even when no one could see her.
"Oh my gosh," Dream groaned, leaving the world and starting a new one. "Oh. My. Gosh. That's so annoying. I was doing so good."
"Oh," Sapnap laughed. "I understand now."
"What? What did I miss?" George asked.
"Just read chat," Sapnap explained. "They have the answer. Dream, your chat is so smart. Thanks for solving the mystery, chat!"
"No, they aren't ri— that isn't true!" Dream defended. "Chat, shut up."
"You sure?" Y/n asked teasingly, watching as his character paused when she started talking. Was she really making him this flustered just by talking? Surely not. He was just playing into the joke. He continued playing without saying anything, which made George and Sapnap laugh more.
The subject eventually changed and the atmosphere quickly became more relaxed and chill. Tonight was not a feral night like George had texted in all caps.
"Hey George," Y/n started, biting on her hoodie string with a smile because she knew Naomi would hear this when she watched the VOD the next day. "My roommate says hello."
"Oh my gosh," he muttered, making her laugh. "Let it go."
"Wow, I guess that's one way to treat your fans..."
"Fine," he sighed. "Tell her I say hello."
"Well, not if you don't mean it," Y/n teased.
"Yeah, George, you sound so unenthusiastic?" Sapnap asked.
"He's just flustered," Dream commented. "It's okay George, you can have feelings."
"Dream, you fell into a ravine because Bugsy said hi."
"Oh, come on! That's not—I just— I missed the jump! That's it!"
"I'm not flustered or unenthusiastic, I'm just tired, okay?" George explained, ignoring Dream, a yawn spilling out of him to prove it.
Y/n smiled. "Well, you could always let me give her your number if you really want..."
"No. If she had Discord you could give her that but not my phone number."
"Wait, really?" Y/n gasped. "Seriously?"
George laughed lightly. "Yeah, sure, why not?"
"YES! Okay, a huge win for the girls. Well, a huge loss for the fangirls but a huge win for the girls of this apartment."
"Oh my gosh," he muttered and she could practically see him rubbing his face in embarrassment.
"I'll send you her hashtag when she makes one so you know who to add back."
"She's going to make an account just to talk to George?" Sapnap giggled.
"Yes, dude!" Y/n defended. "She at least wants to be his friend, let her shoot her shot!"
Dream ended the steam soon after, not being able to focus enough to beat the end on any of his runs. He had streamed for just under two hours so he seemed to be getting tired as well. George went to bed soon after and after 20 minutes of talking with Sapnap and Dream, Sapnap mysteriously disappeared.
Y/n was about to leave as well, not wanting Dream to feel obligated to stay on the call with her when he spoke up.
"Does Naomi actually like George?"
"Yeah, she does."
"Then I want him to accept her love."
Y/n laughed. "How is he with long-distance relationships?"
"Well, he and I do just fine..." Dream joked. "Oh, not what you meant. I don't know, you guys are the ones that talk about each other's love lives apparently."
"You're still bitter about that?"
"Yes!"
"Suck it up," she laughed. "Naomi would do probably anything to date him so I doubt distance is a problem for her."
"George's sleep schedule is completely messed up, so the time difference wouldn't matter too much. And when he comes to America they can meet in person."
"Wait, he's coming to America?" Y/n gasped happily. "When?"
"There's no set date, but yeah eventually. He'll probably just come to Florida but we've all talked about having a huge meetup with a lot of our friends."
"Oh... cool..."
"Bug? You know you'd be invited to that, right?"
"Oh, really?" she smiled.
"Of course. You're part of the group now."
"Sick," she muttered to herself, but he heard.
"Bug, you're one of my favorite people, do you know that?"
She blushed. "Really?"
"Really."
"You barely know me, Dream."
"Yeah, well, I know enough to know that I'm sorta attached to you."
"Attached to me? In what way?"
He suddenly sounded nervous as if his brain caught up with what his mouth was saying. "I don't know, nevermind."
"No, Dream, what do you mean?" her voice was soft and understanding and it made him feel safe.
"I just... I don't know. I care about you a lot. We met only, what, like a week or two ago, and I already worry about you a lot. Playing games doesn't feel the same anymore unless you're playing with us."
"To be fair, we have been tweeting at each other for much longer than a week or two."
"Yeah, that's true. But it's not the same as actually talking to you."
She smiled shyly. "I care about you a lot too, Clay." His name sounded strange as if it suddenly made everything much more serious. "Sorry, that just kinda slipped. I won't call you Clay if you don't want me to—"
"No, it's okay, it, uh, I like hearing you... say it. But, uh, you can call me whatever you want."
She smiled widely at the nervousness in his voice and the hard pounding of her heart. "I've heard from multiple people that you never stop talking about me."
He laughed timidly. "Maybe. Do you talk about me?"
"Ask Karl," she giggled. "My guess is yes." Her stomach felt tingly and her hands shook lightly. Why did she feel like this all of a sudden? It was late, she reasoned. That, or it was because Naomi had planted the seed of curiosity in her mind. Did Dream like her? No... right?
"I'm sorry if my chat was making you uncomfortable at the beginning when I died..."
"Don't worry, I wasn't uncomfortable."
"It was true, by the way," he paused, "what they were saying. Just... in case you were wondering."
Y/n couldn't wipe the smile off her face, which was growing painful at this point. "What, my voice makes your brain short-circut? That was one comment I saw."
Dream laughed. "More like your entire presence, but... yeah I guess so."
How is someone supposed to respond to something like that? The sweetness in his voice almost made her sick but in a good way.
And just like when he named her Minecraft flower something sweet knowing that no one would see it, why was he still playing up the joke when no one was around?
Not knowing what to say, she decided to let him in on a little secret. "If it matters, you're one of my favorite people too."
"It does."
There was a deathly moment of tense silence as if both of them were screaming to say something but neither did.
"Basically, if we do have a meet-up, I'll sue you if you don't come."
Y/n laughed. "My pockets are empty, sir, so... good luck."
He laughed and it was music to her ears.
"Are you not nervous to show everyone your face? Like, if or when we do all get together."
"Not really. Especially not if it's just to our friends. Are you?"
"Yeah," she admitted.
"Why?"
She sighed. "I'm sure people have me painted in a specific way in their heads and I've seen fanart of me that is way different and way more attractive than I am. I just don't want to let anyone down by not living up to their expectations."
"Bug," Dream said softly, "you couldn't let anyone down."
"You don't know that."
"You can't disappoint real friends or real fans with the way you look."
"To be clear, Dream," she laughed nervously, afraid she would sound conceited, "I don't think I'm ugly. I like the way I look. I'm happy with me. But that doesn't mean I can't still let people down."
"Different than expected doesn't mean disappointing."
His words smacked her in the gut. He was right. Reality and imagination are very different. Neither has to be better or worse than the other. She could look the complete opposite of how someone expects but that doesn't mean they will be either disappointed OR pleased. And why does it matter anyway? If she likes how she looks, who cares what other people think?
"It's also scary to think of getting recognized in public," she admitted. "Being recognized from the start is one thing because it starts off slowly with only a few people knowing your face but if the first time people see your face is when you have millions of fans, the recognition would be overwhelming."
"That's true. I don't think I would mind that much, though."
"Of course not, you're you."
"What does that mean?"
"You like the spotlight."
"I guess. Not all the time."
"Well, what about you?" she asked. "Are you afraid of people knowing what you look like?"
"No. I want to do a face reveal soon but I don't know how I would do it. I want to do it at some kind of event or something but I don't know."
"I need to schedule around when you do it because you'll break the internet. Give us content creators a warning so we can prepare to not get viewers for a week."
Dream laughed. "Oh come on."
"Twitter would just be full of the same picture of you in every single tweet."
"It won't be that big of a deal."
"Something tells me your millions and millions of subs say otherwise."
"Whatever," he said. "As if you wouldn't break the internet too."
"Maybe for a day or two. But you'd break everything for weeks."
"Sure." There was a long pause before Dream softly said, "Karl's lucky."
"How so?"
He didn't speak for a moment, almost like he wasn't prepared for that question because he didn't mean to be heard. "I wish I could know you the way he does."
"You could. He and I knew each other in person first so it's different. You and I could get there eventually."
"You think so?"
"I know so. I trust you a scary amount for someone I met weeks ago."
"I didn't mean to sound like I'm trying to pressure you into showing me your face or telling me your name. I didn't mean like he gets to know what you look like and I don't. I meant, like, I wish we could hang out in person because I prefer that over talking in Discord."
"I get it, Clay. I feel the same way," Y/n said softly. There were a few moments of silence before she spoke again.
"Oh, gosh, it's already four."
Y/n's head snapped to look at her clock, which read 3:57am. "Already?" she whispered. "Dang."
As if acknowledging the time changed the atmosphere, it suddenly felt like 4am. Her back ached from her shifting in her chair so much over the last few hours, never being able to find a good position. The house was eerily quiet and all she heard was the low hum of the heater. The house felt stale, not used to its occupants being so alert and awake at that hour.
"I should probably go to bed..."
"Yeah, me too," Dream agreed. His voice sounded tired. "Thanks for joining us, it was really fun with you."
"Thanks for inviting me. Sorry I made you die. Hopefully you'll still let me back again."
"You're always invited to barge into my streams. Actually."
Y/n giggled again and mentally slapped herself for sounding like a little kid. "Well, you too. You can interrupt my streams anytime."
"I'll hold you to that."
"Goodnight, Clay."
"Goodnight, Bug."
**********
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