#so now you have to suffer

[inkskinned]

something bad happened to you, and you died, and you came back wrong.

not wrong all the way. the little ways. you forget important dates, stopped going out with friends. it's harder to make you smile. you're apathetic towards things you used to love, afraid of places you used to go to cheer up. quieter. flinching. different.

you came back for love. you're still here for love. what pulled you back was a brightness so loud that even death couldn't outshout it. death heard the call and smiled at you and said okay. go home. somebody is waiting for you.

but you came back different. like lot's wife; you've turned into salt. you used to chirp through life in hops and skips; but now you lose skin just standing up. you have to move slower, skimming across this world without-touching-it. most things feel dull - until they're suddenly all-too-much. life, and being alive just rushes up and over you and you get hopelessly crushed.

you try to explain it to them: it is ugly, but this is what you are, now. the huge golden hoop of your halo now a little bronze ring. you are still watering your plants and wearing the same clothes. after all, you worked hard to come home. this life; so odd and off-color, now that you are wrong.

but they waited for you - it's just that they wanted the "you" that happened before this. the "you" that could sing in the show and hug people tight and look at a blade without breaking down to cry. the you with a smile in pictures. god, holyshit, it's like looking at a completely different person, isn't it. that other-you; the one they actually wanted.

you are the consolation prize. you are the body that forgot the ghost. you are the memory of the bad thing, and the death after; like you are wearing that memory as a banner. you are a fragment, an assembly. simulacrum. you don't make eye contact in mirrors, afraid the light will glance off and your true nature will flash back at you.

you hear them talk about it in their hushed, desperate whispers. sometimes they even admit it to your face; harsh and violent, acid thrown at christmas dinner. god, can you just fucking be normal again. you do not remember what normal is. you had to climb so far to get back here; you are far too exhausted. you want to open the glass door of your heart and show all the gears. can you help resolve whatever got messed up?

you try so, so hard. you came back for them. because you believed they would love you, even when you were so horribly broken. because you believed they would be patient. because you believed unconditional meant "without exception." you cannot do things the same way. you just get tired too quickly these days.

you want to put them on a couch and pour them the tea with hands that shake more than they remember. you want to line them up and draw them a map of where you have had to wander. you want to show every bruise in a backsplash; the little helpless ant of your soul carrying all that weight, over and over. you want to say: yes! it is different! but i did it for love!

you want to say: "i'm not the same, but i'm yours and i'm here. can that be enough?"

#this is very obviously about my battle with #ptsd #but i think it's also like a pretty apt metaphor for a lot of things like setting boundaries or going to therapy or choosing recovery #i was thinking about the 'comes back wrong' trope and i was like. oh no i have feelings about this bc i have mental illness #and once i stopped masking - i was WRONG. i was different #here's the good news: i am now INNUNDATED with love. fucking swimming in it. excelling at it. the people who stayed #learned my new self. my new different body and how i am different but i am trying. they have held me so tightly #and my life no longer feels quiet. it is not based in my suffering. it feels like i have been growing a tree in my chest #and now it is flowering. #it is so lovely to be surrounded by people who have said - oh! you cut off so many branches i was worried you weren't the same. but now... #... this is just a new you. and i love you. and i love that you're different and happy. #(but yeah also im nb so i was absolutely influenced by Trans things)

[allastoredeer]

Ya'll want to know the funniest shit?

I'm researching the era when Alastor was alive right now to get a better idea of both his character, the life he lived before Hell, and to hash out a backstory for him.

And so, apparently, Alastor lived through the Prohibition (which was basically the United States government illegalizing the manufacture, transportation, and sale of alcohol because they thought it was the cause of a lot of domestic violence and child abandonment).

Alastor canonically died in 1933.

Do you know how long the Prohibition lasted?

From 1920-1933.

ALASTOR LITERALLY DIED THE SAME YEAR ALCOHOL BECAME LEGAL AGAIN. CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW BITTER HE MUST'VE BEEN?

The Prohibition officially ended on December 5, 1933, and now my headcanon is that Alastor died December 6, 1933. Literally the day after he could legally drink all the booze he wanted.

I am learning a LOT about New Orleans and the era Alastor lived through (including the gay community in the city at the time) which has been a lot of fun, and I just wanted to share that tidbit because it is so fucking funny to me.

#guys i just #its so funny #can you imagine Alastor gets the news #everything is awesome #the next day he's planning to go out drinking and have a good time #but first he needs to get rid of this body #it shouldn't take too long #just a few hours #and THEN this motherfucking hunter decides to ignore hunting laws and mistakes him for a deer #when he wakes up he's in Hell #I can just imagine the realization setting in #he's SO bitter and angry about it #he was about to get shit-faced and have a fun time at a party #and now he's suffering eternal punishment #he couldn't even get a proper drink first #it was just a fun tidit #ALSO #the gay community in New Orleans at the time is so fascinating #they literally entire communities and neighborhoods #and a lot of it was from mixed race people #and we know Alastor is mixed race #AH I have so so many thoughts #hazbin hotel #alastor #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #the radio demon #hazbin hotel fanart #alastor hazbin hotel #alastor the radio demon

[willowser]

thinking about you laying in bed with bakugou and lightly tracing the messy edges of the scar in the middle of his chest, hardly able to comprehend how deep that wound runs. it had already been there for years by the time you'd met him, but sometimes you see it and are unable to swallow the fact that—at one time—you were alive and he wasn't.

very quietly, you say, "it's crazy to think how easily i could have missed you,"

because it's not every day you meet and fall in love with a man that's died and come back. if fate is destined and soulmates are real, you imagine the two separate paths of your lives traveling parallel, in sync—and his breaking away for one horrible moment, torn from you before you even knew it.

bakugou is half-asleep, you know, but he shifts until his chin is lightly nudging your forehead, and speaks into your hair. "nah," he murmurs, voice thick and slow and slurred. "would'a found you eventually."

and somehow, you can't find it in your heart to doubt him.

#just #imagine meeting a man and loving him and knowing that he'd died and come back #like fully DIED #not almost not kind of but dead done-zo #that's just so insane #how easily you could have never known him #could have never known him the way you do now #waaaahhh #not to diminish his pain and suffering and death and resurrection and trauma and only acknowledge it for a romantic scenario #but you very easily might have never known bakugou katsuki #and that is not lost on you #✿ willow writes #✿ thoughts: bakugou #✿ theme: domestic bakugou

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

which group do you find the most absolutely delightful at bringing the lolz together??

#this poll brought to you by: i was watching wwdits last night and thinking 'DAMN this ensemble is magical' #i have also been thinking that a lot in my b99 rewatch #so now: FIGHT! #dollsome does polls #(everybody i know being influenza-ridden including future me has got me crazy for polls these past few days) #(nothing briefly saves you from reality better than a tumblr poll!) #i think my answer is wwdits but choosing between wwdits and new girl brought me suffering #and also these are all my favorite and that's why i listed them

[whenthewallfell]

Peeta was always endgame no matter how you slice it. Obviously there's the narrative choice, already gone into that, but from a character perspective too.

I mean there's the whole 'gale winds are loud, devastating, and quick to pass' and 'pita (bread) is considered the cornerstone that helped create humanity' thing, there's war vs peace, wrath vs mercy, self vs many, etc etc.

One of them brings destruction (gale is defined by what he kills, be it rabbits or sisters, and the systems he wants to bring down) and the other, creation (peeta is defined by the things he makes - speeches, bread, art).

One of them will end the world, the other will rebuild it from the ashes. Obviously Gale is needed - you can't make omelettes without breaking eggs after all- but he was never a sustainable, long term option.

WHICH THEN BRINGS ME BACK OH SO NICELY to how love IS a central theme of the series, because there HAS to be a 'so after'.

#the hunger games #everlark #peeta mellark #gale hawthorne #katniss everdeen #i have a lot of pent up feelings about these characters #and had no one to talk to about them when i first read the books #so now you all get to suffer my brain vomits <3 #rambles

[shares-a-vest]

Eddie leans down, dipping Steve just so. Steve goes limp in his arms, as a new-found steel strength holds him effortlessly.

His other hand moves to Steve's neck and his boyfriend lolls his head to the side, eyes fluttering shut. Steve parts his plush, kiss-stained lips and lets out a faint sigh.

Eddie squeezes ever so gently and runs his index finger over the two moles on the left side of Steve's neck. He presses his fingertip to each of them, digging in just enough that when he moves away, a pale ring forms around each one.

He leans down further, baring his teeth as he draws closer.

Steve's heart skips with excitement. His breath quickens.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb," Eddie whispers against the warmth radiating from Steve's skin.

Steve's eyes snap open and his lip curls up in disgust.

"Huh?"

"I'm sorry," Eddie recoils, leaning back just as Steve pushes himself up to a standing position.

He tsks, detaching from him completely. Steve folds his arms with a huff.

"You promised you wouldn't keep saying stupid vampire shit."

#sparkly vampire eddie #this is the tag i'm using for this nonsense #bc now i have twilight-steddie brainrot #i'm forcing everyone to read this so you can suffer as well 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #vampire!eddie #steddie ficlet #lilys ficlets

[rocketbirdie]

curling stone carapaceon!

#evade extender won't save you now! #god. can you imagine like 6 of the small monster versions of these hurdling towards your ankles. #yeowch! #also all of his hitzones are resistant to severing and ranged weapons. #and hammers bounce if they don't have purple sharpness bc i said so. #learn the hunting horn or else suffer the consequences. #crab :) #monster hunter #monhun #mh #my art <3

[alien-bluez]

Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High?

+ more under the cut!

check out this fic inspired by this piece above! It's very very good.

#dndads #dungeons and daddies #dungeons and daddies fanart #dndads fanart #dndads season 1 #lark oak #nick close #nark #got so nark pilled these past two? weeks and liked this sketch to make it a full piece #them boys smoking in some dirty ass bathroom they disgust me #i love them so much tho fuck i hate em #anyways i have sm more sketches i wanna draw out eventually #i miss them #also check out this fic that someone wrote based on this piece #absolutely gutted me so now you all must read and suffer #the nark brainworms #theyre so fucked up

[endlesspaint]

DRAW YOUR FAVORITE AUS (but only John Dory) CHALLENGE!

Brotherhood AU by @0ketlyn-s & @tea0w0stache

World Tour AU by @year2000electronics

Not the Only One AU by @ryssbelle

Blast to The Past AU by @that-cool-guy

Im Still Here AU by @blade-that-was-broken

For This You Were Born AU by @blade-that-was-broken

Had fun coloring this but it took foreveeeeeerrrrrr because of school. As you can see from the "Im Still Here" AU, John Dory is just a tombstone 💀. It's because I made this before it was revealed that John Dory wasn't dead. I legit thought he was seriously dead so I did what I do best and use humor to cope LMAO.

(also-- Brotherhood!JD and NotTheOnlyOne! JD having the same pose makes me go 🧍🏻‍♂️So to cope, Imma just delude myself that this is the universal John Dory pose LMAOO)

#These are my favorite AUS #obviously I have more. I just couldn't fit them all #(maybe in a future drawing-- but for now ill settle for this) #I really wanted to add Brozone Diner AU but I wanted everyone to be Trolls-- so here I am. suffering from my pickiness 🥲 #yee #hope you guys like it #dreamworks trolls #trolls #john dory #trolls band together #trolls 3 #trolls au #trolls john dory #john dory au #john dory trolls #trolls world tour #trolls dreamworks #my brain is mush right now so Idk if im talking sense #i just forgot to @ one of the creators and now im mortified #I knew I was forgetting something--

[mrkgrl]

Can I still tag it with TW movie--- or uh... TW movie The Aftermath, maybe. I have so many more of these doodles/comics.

#teen wolf #sterek #eternalsterek #stiles stilinski #derek hale #konpyuutart #teen wolf movie #??? srsly I can't keep using this tag #I will tag it with uh... #can I just call it teen wolf movie - the aftermath as mentioned above orz #but if I keep tagging it with the movie then strangers will check the tags and be like #oh so the movie was about a love triangle including Sterek+Jeep #and I kinda want that #I need to format them differently from now on because of image limit #oh yeah I have the Jeep Bundle pretty much ready but if you haven't noticef I'm suffering from such bad anxiety #it makes posting (art) almost impossible #that's why I barely post art even though I have so much to post hahs #Idk if it will ever get better again I'm losing hope

[koszmarnybudyn]

I won't let myself get devoured

Or a Normally Oak-swallows-garcia angst post about grief and anger.

#dndads #dungeons and daddies #my art #normal oak #dndads spoilers #dndads s2 #yes i know he ended up looking like one Jonathan jims i know #the wolfs are doodly on purpose and have meaning and definitly arent just like that cause i dont like drawing animals #his shirt has tiny purple eyes which are very faint btw #someone once said in some tags i saw that they enjoy older norm looking like lark and i internalized that stuff #also him looking slightly like jesus is also on purpose i do love me some religious imagery #i have been overcome with angsty thouths lately about my faves so now you gotta suffer :⁠-⁠| #my commissions are open btw if you guys wanna support me

[brother-emperors]

The great general remained, and then saw a wonderful vision clearly shown him by the very God of the universe himself. In it he seemed to see the divine Meletius, chief of the church of the Antiochenes, investing him with an imperial robe, and covering his head with an imperial crown. The morning after the night in which he had seen the vision he told it to one of his intimate friends, who pointed out that the dream was plain and had nothing obscure or ambiguous about it.

Theodoret Ecclesiastical History 5.6

wahoo! Theodosius! so a repeating phrase in the gospel of Luke is 'do not be afraid,' but specifically: I'm most immediately referencing the annunciation of the shepherds (Luke 2:10) because I used this illustration for the last panel since it. sort of. connects to Valens, Theodosius' predecessor, who went from commoner to king at the will of his older brother. HOWEVER. because of that transformation. I cannot escape the 'do not be afraid' just a chapter before (Luke 1:30) that Gabriel gives to Mary because ascension to the imperial throne is an ugly, violent, and violating transformation. and. well.

Gabriel’s Entrance and Biblical Violence in Luke’s Annunciation Narrative, Michael Pope

also in general. prophetic dreams and visions. horrifying. it never goes well for anyone.

⭐ places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app / tip jar!

#komiks tag #late roman empire tag #listen. you cant escape the absolute clusterfuck of bullshit that's going on with christian doctrine by this century #you might as well go ham or whatever. fucking. justinian and theodora were out there inventing my least favorite #divine justification for roman imperialism and its bad enough i have to suffer through it in renaissance literature discussions #UGH. anyway. might as well have fun with it while we still can. #thankfully i have no intention on going any farther than theodosius. so i can #ANYWAY #If you want to play 5-D chess I’ve also done something funky with theodosius’ gender by associating his future emperor status #with a birth narrative but that’s about as far as I’ve gone with that particular thought because there is a cassius #situation parallel I need to untangle right fucking now

[gallusgalluss]

nonsense scribbles

#the words unscrambled say ''Your purpose. what is it anyway? For what reason have you come here?' (with a comma instead of a period ofc)' #wanted to play around with scribbles n stuff #art #drey draws #accidentally made the canvas size of this Too Fucking Big so i now have to suffer the consequences #the consequences being that i had to resize it so the image quality is slightly worse than usual

[haunted-xander]

Using my god given ability as an artist to emotionally hurt as many people as I can

#everyone has to suffer with me HAHA #i originally wanted to cloud end with 'we are... but who are you?' bc it was supposed to be a flashback dream #before it was revealed that cloud was subconciously imitating and projecting himself onto zack #but i couldnt figure out how to compose it without having an additional page of just that #so i just left it as is #so now whether or not cloud consciously remembers zack at this point is up to you! #zack fair #cloud strife #tifa & yuffie are here too but not enough to warrant a tag #final fantasy #final fantasy 7 #final fantasy vii #ff7 #ffvii #art #my art #xanders art #digital art #fan art

[uncanny-tranny]

So often, twink death is framed as a bad thing. However, the "twink death" for trans men* is frankly one of the most healing things you will bear witness to (pun intended).

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #nonbinary #honestly i hated being called a twink pre-t because so many people treated me like... lesser for it? #like... 'i think you are effeminate (and less of a man)... but i /guess/ you're still a man🙄! hope that helps' is how it sounded to me #and so often it seems like 'twink death' is just... fear of aging in a world that hates the realoties of the human body #i have compassion for the fear of aging however it will pretty much always be harmful to the person experiencing it... #...in that they too will age. no matter what you do to prevent aging it will still happen... #...i don't think fear is the fault of the individual - it's a systemic issue. however i think it's needless suffering... #...you certainly do not have to /like/ aging and it can truly suck at times. i just want people to think about why they fear it y'know? #anyway that's what i think motivates this apprehensive attitude about people and how they change and whatnot #though my twink death isn't me becoming a bear (in the future who knows but for now not so much)

[drawnfamiliarfaces]

I was looking at your Halloween posts of the HoM and a thought occurred. Is Ben's extreme fear of ghosts/spirits and stuff related to his experiences with Ghostfreak/Zs'skayr?

And how did such fears affect his initial meeting with Danny?

Yes it is related! Original Ben10 run always gave me an impression that beside Vilgax, Ghostfreak/Zs'skayr left probably one of the most lasting impressions on 10-year-old Ben. After all, imagine you are 10 and you can tranform into aliens, but one of them almost takes over you and nearly kills your family member. Like??? I would be having an existential and identity crisis, not to mention the nightmares about not being able to control your own body and hurting your loved ones???

And sure, he defeated Zs'skayr multiple times, but I like to think that his fear of being controlled/taken over by Zs'skayr (or anyone) left one of the deeper scars on his psyche (amongst like a bajillion of others).

So, yes, that fear and trauma did affect his first meeting with Danny >;) very badly.

Their first encounter was full of misunderstandings and miscommunications all around (sort of like what we see happen between Rex and Ben in Heroes United but even worse) AND it didn't help that Ben was... let's just say, not in the greatest state of mind at that time and Danny didn't have the most rational and calm reactions to the situations either. Both had their own valid reasons, but it's still wasn't very good, lol.

There are also two very important extra circumstances surrounding their meeting that contributed to their reactions, that I dont want to spoil, because it would be more fun to try and tell in a story. xD

And there hopefully will be one, because Danny&Ben first meeting is one of the flashbacks that I had a lot of ideas for AND is important to the AU.

#que? #hom au q&a #hom au #danny phantom #ben tennyson #you have no idea how happy this ask made me when i first saw it #cause i made the 'ben afraid of ghosts' mentions twice and wondered if anyone noticed >;3 #i literally cackled when i finally got the ask because it made me >;))))) #makes it more awkward now that i took so long to answer. eeeeeeee sorrrrryyyyyyyy <;D #i say im excited about trying to tell about their meeting but i am also suffering about HOW to tell it #why is plot building so hard? D;>